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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23956321">Crimson Regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadddoves/pseuds/deadddoves'>deadddoves</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Toujours Pur [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(from the past - not something new), (honestly you should see the amount of highlights my kindle books have I am trying SO HARD), Angst, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Codependency, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Drug Addiction, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Extramarital Affairs, F/F, F/M, Femslash, First Dates, Grief/Mourning, Het, House-Elf Abuse (Harry Potter), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Original Character(s), Polyamory, Post-Prison, Romance, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/F/F, Threesome - F/F/M, Throuple, Toujours Pur Universe, Unhealthy Relationships, blame the series discord server for that one lmao, no longer tagging for specific kinks as there are wayyyy to many lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>420,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23956321</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadddoves/pseuds/deadddoves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifteen days, fifteen months, fifteen years, it didn’t matter how long she and Bellatrix went without being in each other’s arms, as they would always know where they fit when they returned.</p><p>And that had to be worth everything Narcissa was leaving behind. It just <i>had</i> to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC), Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Narcissa Black Malfoy/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC), Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Voldemort (Unrequited), Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson (Mentioned), Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC), Narcissa Black Malfoy/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Toujours Pur [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/264505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713/gifts">BellaRei713</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Beta:</b> <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713">BellaRei713</a><br/><b>Sequel To:</b> "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631097/chapters/10559796">Kuebiko</a>" which is the sequel to “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/4028710/chapters/9058381">Amphierotic Bloodlines</a>”. This is the third and final book in the series.<br/><b>Dedicated To:</b> My amazing wife, Aly. I met her because of “Bloodlines”, we dated throughout “Kuebiko”, and now 8 years later we’re married. Crazy what writing an incest trilogy for nearly a decade will get you, right? Lmao. I love you, babe, even though you’re mad I’m writing this instead of my original novel.<br/><b>A/N:</b> Please be advised that in the beginning of this novel Bellatrix is scarcely seen, considering she’s currently in Azkaban. This trilogy has always focused on Narcissa’s life though, and thus will continue to do so. I will try to get through the years she doesn’t see Bella fairly quickly, but I can’t time skip too much as there are quite a few important bits we need to touch on. Please have patience, lol. I promise the wait will be worth it! Also, please don’t try to read this without first reading its predecessor(s). While you could probably skip Bloodlines if you really wanted to, you cannot skip Kuebiko if you want most of this to make any sense, lol. Updates will be every Wednesday, and yes I can guarantee a steady update rate because I already have over 100k of this written (and no, it’s nowhere close to finished— these books are always dumb long, lol). As always you can find me on <a href="https://deadddoves.tumblr.com/">my tumblr</a> if you have any questions, or if you'd like to chat with me and other fans about the series you can join the toujours pur series discord (please comment for an invite link!) which has been surprisingly very active? haha. It's been a lot of fun, so please join us!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>I.</strong>
</p><p>Centuries ago, in the time of many Gods, it was said that humans were born with four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. These humans were imbued with great strength and incredible will, which threatened the Gods above them. As punishment for humanity's arrogance and their pride, the humans were split in two, doomed to live a partial life as they wandered the earth in despair, searching for their other half.</p><p>Narcissa Malfoy, however, never needed to search for hers.</p><p>Her sister, Bellatrix, had been born four years before her. She had always been in her life; since the moment Narcissa took her very first breath, Bellatrix had loved her, protected her, and completed her in a way that no one else ever could. Even her husband Lucius, who Narcissa had once loved <em>dearly</em>, could not hold a candle to what she felt for Bellatrix.</p><p>Although perhaps, in the end, that had been the problem.</p><p>Long blonde hair billowed around a mask of despair as Narcissa looked upon the wreckage of her life. She stood where it had all begun, the ashes of the past still present on the land she could not bring herself to sell. The bundle in her arms was clutched tightly to her chest, but it felt wrong. Everything felt wrong though. Most days, Narcissa did not feel real; she felt as though she were merely a character in another's story, only present when the other was there.</p><p>But she wasn't there. Not anymore.</p><p>Bellatrix was gone, locked in a cage of her own making as she proudly proclaimed her support for a dead man instead of staying with Narcissa, instead of <em>lying</em> for her. Bellatrix deserved what she got and she deserved to be alone, yet without her Narcissa felt as though she could hardly breathe as she choked on the truth of her sister's loyalty.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"You could have saved yourself, but your pride has always been greater than your love for me, hasn't it? You'd rather die in there, under the pretense of loyalty to him, than be with me. You made your choice, didn't you?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Cissy, don't…"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Bellatrix's voice seemed to whisper through the wind, and the trees shuddered beneath the weight of their desperation.</p><p>"She used to love me above all others, you know," Narcissa breathed, looking at the remnants of her childhood home. Her grip tightened on the bundle in her arms and she continued, "Before <em>him,</em> before she found her purpose and turned it into an obsession. She saved me from this place when I was very young, saved me from a violence I will make certain you never know. She saved me from many things, your aunt. Myself, included. Without her, I would not be here. <em>You</em> would not be here, and it devastates me that you will grow to not remember her, when she is all I have ever known."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>Cissy, you can't leave me to rot in there!"</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>"Why? You've left me to rot out here."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Narcissa felt as though she had been hollowed out and she tried desperately to fill that void with her son, with the only thing she had left. Her husband could barely stand to be in the same room as her anymore and it was terrible, as once their relationship had been something beautiful. It had been something honest and intense and <em>real,</em> but the second Narcissa knew how it felt to be without her other half, everything between her and Lucius had fallen apart. She now understood the despair of living half of a life, and the implosion it caused within her soul had rippled outward and shattered what was left of the life she had worked so hard to build.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"…You're ashamed of it."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"No. I just can't bear to break your heart any more than I already have."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>She shouldn't have told him. But she had thought he had known — he <em>did</em> know, but to Lucius, knowing the truth of her relationship with Bellatrix and knowing the <em>extent</em> of it were two very, very different things. Narcissa had shattered him, despite trying so desperately to make him understand that her love for him was incomparable to her love for Bellatrix, as she loved them both very differently. But differently was not <em>equally</em> and that, in the end, was what had destroyed them.</p><p>"I'm sorry our family fell to pieces before you ever had a chance to know the love it once held, Draco."</p><p>What a shit mother she turned out to be. All her life, all Narcissa had wanted was children, and yet she aborted her first, handed her second over to be murdered, and her third, her precious, perfect little boy, would now grow up in a bitter, broken household, just like every other pureblooded family that Narcissa had vowed not to become.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>I need to choose myself now."</em></p>
</blockquote><p>Was that what she was doing? Why did she choose this? Narcissa had never chosen herself before in her life, had never been on her <em>own</em> before, and it hurt, it <em>hurts…</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>I don't wanna be punished again, Bella. It hurts!"</em></p>
</blockquote><p>Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath, forcing herself to turn away from her childhood home. Despite the horror her past held, in the end, there was a part of her that longed for the simplicity of being beaten, of starving herself into some deluded idea of perfection, because it had been easier than this. Whatever this was, she didn't want it anymore. It didn't feel real, it <em>wasn't</em> real, it wasn't…</p><p>"—Cissa!"</p><p>Cass? No, perhaps just the wind, because she hadn't known her best friend when she lived in this place, so how could the woman manifest in the ashes of her past? But it was not the wind, and there was a hand on her arm as Narcissa was coaxed to turn towards a reality she was not ready to face. Her friend's expression was etched in concern, her hazel eyes searching Narcissa's as the sun streaked brilliant shades of red though her auburn hair. For a moment, Narcissa wondered if her own detachment from reality expanded toward others, for if she was merely a puppet in her sister's play, then what were the rest of them, but props in the world's most miserable production?</p><p>"What're ya doin' just standin' there holding your coat? S'Bloody freezin'!"</p><p>Her…?</p><p>Narcissa looked down at the bundle in her arms. Her coat, not her son. No, her son was nearly two now, wasn't he? He wouldn't have been small enough to cradle to her chest. He could walk now; could <em>run</em> for a small distance before falling on his bum because he was a bit behind developmentally in that regard, but he loved it, and so Draco did not care how heavy his backside hit the floor, so long as he felt the freedom it provided him first. He was beautiful, her little boy. He was so beautiful…</p><p>"Cissa?"</p><p>"I don't think I'm okay."</p><p>"No," Cassandra agreed softly, her hand slipping into her friend's. It was warm. Comforting. "You aren't." She smiled softly at her. "But I always knew you were a bit mental, yeah? S'all the same to me. Come on, put on your coat before your nips fall straight off your tits. Be a bit depressin' for me, that; considering."</p><p>Narcissa's gaze fell between them as Cassandra helped her into her emerald pea coat. A sudden tightness enveloped her chest, but it wasn't unpleasant. She could remember her friend's lips on her own, remember words spoken that she could no longer take back. Narcissa had fallen into her because it seemed easier than facing Bellatrix's trial, and the reality that she would never see the woman she loved again. And it was, it <em>was</em> easier. It was a simple way for Narcissa to feel wanted while she was suffering beneath the despair of being left behind.</p><p>Cassandra took her silence to mean more than it did. "You don't gotta say it, Cissa. I know."</p><p>Because they always did this, didn't they? They would kiss, decide it was a mistake, and then back off. Over and over, time and time again. They had never moved past that, but perhaps that was merely because Narcissa always had others to comfort her in such a way.</p><p>Not anymore though.</p><p>"You don't know anything."</p><p>The words by themselves sounded harsh, but the tone was gentle, almost apologetic for what she knew she was eventually going to put the other woman through. But not now. Not today. Narcissa's gaze shifted towards her friend's expression again, and her lips upturned in a lifeless smile. She wanted Cassandra to know that she appreciated her presence, but she no longer knew how to feel anything properly. "How did you find me?"</p><p>"Came visitin' an' Lucius told me you've been off your rocker ever since the mental one went away. Said you brought Draco here once in the middle of the night which freaked him right out, an' I figured it was a good place to start lookin'."</p><p>Oh, so Draco had been here once. Not now though. Everything blurred together, and Narcissa wondered if time was even a real construct, or something fed to them to keep them moving forward.</p><p>"This is where you grew up, yeah?"</p><p>Narcissa nodded.</p><p>"Tell me about it."</p><p>A strangled laugh fell from Narcissa's throat and it felt strange, as it had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel amusement, bitter or otherwise. "Don't placate me, Cass. I know I've lost it. Just tell me to go home and be done with it; tell me what Lucius does, that I should be locked up, that I shouldn't see my son while I'm like this because it's going to damage him. I know I've fucked up. I know I <em>am</em> fucked up."</p><p>"You are," Cassandra agreed, never one to water down the truth. "An' maybe you should be away from the tyke for a bit; get your head on straight an' all that, cause I reckon you're useless to him the way you are now. But ya don't gotta be locked up, Cissa. You ain't that far gone."</p><p>"I'm not?"</p><p>"No." Cassandra said it so plainly that Narcissa did not know how to argue. "I can bring you to the Leaky Cauldron, if ya want. Reckon it'll be easier acceptin' that she's gone if you aren't surrounded by things that remind you of her, yeah?"</p><p>Narcissa nodded. On paper, it sounded like a decent plan. Lucius would surely be ecstatic about it as well, considering he would no longer have to deal with her. He had made it plain that he was through being Bellatrix's emotional janitor, and that he would not follow Narcissa around and pick up the pieces that Bellatrix had shattered with her abandonment. And, true to his word, he had not. It had been two months, and his bitterness only seeded deeper into his soul as it hollowed him out and robbed him of his light. He was angry now, he was growing <em>mean,</em> and it broke Narcissa's heart as she knew she had no one to blame for the change but herself.</p><p>"You takin' your meds?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Cassandra peered at her as her fingers gently brushed the hair that hung in front of her friend's eyes. "They workin'?"</p><p>"What do you think?" Narcissa resigned with a sigh. They were supposed to manage her Borderline Personality Disorder, a diagnosis she was given after she had kept her promise of a child to the Dark Lord, and completely unraveled afterward. Her Aquila, her precious little girl, sacrificed to keep her sister whole. What a waste that turned out to be. Her daughter's death, <em>their</em> daughter's death, in the end meant nothing at all, as Bellatrix had forsaken her second chance at life for the memory of a dead man.</p><p>A silent tear rolled down the pink patches of the blonde's cheeks, and Cassandra sighed softly as she gently wiped it away. "Take a little more then," she suggested. "Just don't go overboard, yeah? Least until you see your Healer again."</p><p>Narcissa didn't even know if she had another appointment with her Healer. She didn't even know what day it was anymore, let alone how to follow through with her responsibilities. But she nodded anyway, and Cassandra gave her a gentle smile.</p><p>"Come on," she encouraged. "I'll help ya pack. Stay with you tonight, even, if ya want. Do the girly sleepover thing, yeah? Braid your bloody hair; the whole lot of it. Stupid, I know, but maybe it'll keep your mind off it. Make things less shit, even for a minute."</p><p>Narcissa returned her smile, despite the light gesture feeling unbearably heavy. "I would like that."</p><p>The two women disapparated, leaving behind the remnants of Narcissa's past in order to help her move forward. When they appeared in the foyer of the Malfoy manner, Draco immediately came running into the room before his little legs couldn't hold him anymore and he fell. The kid took it in stride though as he got right back up, a muffin squished in his fist as he held it up to her in offering. "Mummy! For you, Mummy!"</p><p>Narcissa wanted to cry at how sweet the gesture was. She gently smiled at her son before she bent down to take the offering, yet just before she could, Draco shoved the muffin into his mouth and started giggling like mad at his unkind little game. Narcissa sighed softly and straightened up, wishing she could lecture Lucius at the terrible things he had been teaching their son, but knowing she had no place to. It wasn't as though she had been a proper parent lately either.</p><p>"Where's your father, darling?" Narcissa asked instead, and Draco pointed to the parlor before holding out this hand for her to take as he chewed on his prize. Narcissa half expected Draco to take it away from her the moment she went to hold it, but thankfully he did not, and he led his mother into the room where Lucius sat with his morning tea.</p><p>"Oh, good. You're not dead," Lucius deadpanned as he glanced at his wife over the Daily Prophet before averting his attention back to the paper. Narcissa felt her friend come up behind her, a comforting hand being placed on the small of her back.</p><p>"No thanks to you. You're a miserable sack lately, Lucius Malfoy. Get your shit together; ya got a wife that needs you 'an you're barely payin' her any mind."</p><p>"I have a <em>son </em>that needs me," Lucius corrected as Draco untangled himself from his mother and crossed the room to climb into his father's lap. Lucius weaved a protective hand through Draco's hair, gently pulling him against his chest. "Narcissa has made it quite plain that she preferred to be Bellatrix's responsibility. It's not my bloody fault the woman's not here to clean up the mess she made, but I will not be made to do it in her stead. It's bad enough I have to be both a father and a mother to Draco now while she fucks off and does God knows what— cries, carves her sister's name into herself before fucking herself bloody, who knows. The woman needs to be locked up; I'm through dealing with this. Her infatuation with her sister is sick and I'm not going to have that around my son."</p><p>"Lucius, <em>enough,"</em> Narcissa pleaded, horrified by the things he was saying. She never— she had cried, certainly, but she wouldn't do something like… but he <em>knew</em> that, he was just being awful, and he was trying to embarrass her, as she had embarrassed him. Admitting she slept with Bellatrix had emasculated him quite terribly, and it was obvious that was not something he was going to get over quickly.</p><p>"No, I'm serious," he told her, his expression stony as he looked at her over the edge of the Prophet. "You have six months to get your shit together, Narcissa, or I'm divorcing you. I don't care about the bloody shame anymore; nothing can be worse than the shame you've brought our family by being an incestuous slag. The only reason I'm giving you a <em>chance</em> is because of Draco, otherwise I would have thrown you out by now and left you to rot in the streets."</p><p>"<em>Stop,"</em> Narcissa demanded, her throat closing. "Not in front of company—"</p><p>"Cassandra's loyal to you," Lucius shrugged off, no longer caring who shared in his misery. "She won't betray you by spilling your dirty little secret, but even if she did? It wouldn't be like you didn't deserve it." He glanced at Cassandra, then snorted. "See? She doesn't even look surprised. Everyone knew you fucked her, you whore."</p><p>"Don't call her a fuckin' whore!" Cassandra shouted just as Narcissa sobbed, "Stop talking about me like that in front of our son!"</p><p>"Draco won't remember this," Lucius rationalized, uncaring. "Thankfully, he'll never know of your indiscretions, although whether that's due to you getting your shit together or disappearing from his life remains to be seen."</p><p>"You will pry Draco from my cold, dead fingers," Narcissa raged, her devastation falling away in wake of her protective anger. She wasn't even embarrassed by Cassandra knowing the truth of her, but perhaps only because there were more important things to care about at that moment. "I'll leave, alright? For a while, I'll leave. I'll get over it, I'll get over… <em>her,</em> if I can, but when I come back we will <em>fucking</em> be a family again, do you hear me? I will not have Draco brought up in a broken home, and I will <em>not</em> have you spreading my business around any longer because if it reaches the wrong person and circles back around to Draco once he's old enough to understand what it means, I will have your fucking <em>bollocks.</em> I refuse to embarrass him like that."</p><p>"At least you recognize that you're an embarrassment."</p><p>Narcissa colored, her chest heaving in upset.</p><p>"Dobby!" Lucius yelled, and their house elf appeared with a pop next to him. "Get my wife's things. She's leaving."</p><p>"Dobby would be pleased to, Master. A trip! What fun that will be for Mistress, oh yes."</p><p>Lucius furiously kicked the elf and Draco squealed in delight, apparently finding something <em>fun</em> about the abuse her husband dealt their lessers. Narcissa felt sick. "She's not going on <em>vacation,</em> you stupid creature. I'm kicking her out, now shut up and do as your told!"</p><p><em>Kicking her out.</em> Not that Narcissa had offered to leave, or was <em>planning</em> to leave at Cassandra's insistence. It mattered very little though, and Narcissa's shoulders sagged in defeat as she ultimately ran away from the only life she had ever wanted. It didn't feel real until she was sitting on the bed in the room she had rented from the Leaky Cauldron, and Cassandra was gently tracing circles on the back of her hand as she allowed Narcissa a moment to process the abrupt upheaval of her life.</p><p>Her bags were scattered around the room, some of her clothes spilling out of them after she had tried in vain to find a handkerchief, only to have to resort to toilet paper to wipe her tears because she couldn't bear the feeling of them being on her skin anymore. It was crumpled in a ball on the floor now, forgotten just as her tears were. Narcissa couldn't cry anymore. She was far too numb to.</p><p>"Why are you still here?" she whispered after a moment, needing to know why Cassandra didn't run from her, even after everything.</p><p>"Because ya need me."</p><p>"I should disgust you."</p><p>"You don't." Narcissa pursed her lips and looked at her friend, her face still blotchy and reddened from her sorrow. Cassandra shrugged lightly before squeezing her hand. "I'm not <em>dumb,</em> Cissa. An' I'm not gonna say it's not fuckin' weird cause it is, but when ya told me you fucked a chick before, she was the first person I thought of. She's the only other woman you're ever 'round, besides me. She was possessive, you were <em>ob</em>sessive. Ya never acted much like sisters, so maybe that's why it doesn't seem as gross as it should, y'know? I mean, outside of the fact that she was a right nightmare, an' I dunno who'd wanna fuck that—"</p><p>Narcissa's jaw set in offense, but she said nothing. As beautiful as Bellatrix's exterior was, her personality left a lot to be desired for most people. It was only she who had ever seen the beauty of her sister's soul, so she could hardly fault others for never noticing it was there.</p><p>"—You've always been fucked up though, so who cares? I still like ya anyway. You're still my best mate, no matter who you let lick your cunt. 'Sides, your arsehole of a husband wasn't real discreet about it when he came to pick ya up for the trial, so it's not like I was blindsided by it."</p><p>No, he certainly hadn't been, had he?</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Yes, well, I also once believed you knew how to conduct yourself properly around family, and yet we all know how that turned out."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Stop it—"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I thought you weren't ashamed of it. Not going to tell your best friend? You finally told me, after all. I'd figure I'd be the last person you'd want to know, so go on; surely it's not that big of a deal if she knows."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>And in the end, Lucius had been right: apparently, it wasn't a big deal at all. Cassandra did not look at her differently, did not pull away from her because she viewed her as something dirty and unnatural. A part of Narcissa wondered why the other woman so readily accepted her, flaws and all, but perhaps it was already obvious why. When Cassandra was very young, she looked up to Narcissa; she thought she was perfect and she wanted to be just like her, but the more Narcissa unraveled, the more she fell from her pedestal. Narcissa was no longer something untouchable to her, and it seemed touching her was something Cassandra had wanted to do for a long time.</p><p>Besides, she had always been a bit weird. For a long time Cassandra's only friend was her <em>mother </em>and she had always found the strangest things fascinating. It was why Narcissa wasn't surprised by her friend's curiosity when later that night, after they had unpacked Narcissa's things and had a bit of wine, Cassandra placed her chin on her friend's shoulder and asked much too casually, "She make you call her mistress or somethin'? Seems the type; all caught up in power trips, wearin' boots with a spiked heel she makes you lick an' shit."</p><p>"<em>What?"</em> Narcissa asked, absolutely taken aback by the woman's bluntness. She expected the questions to come at some point, yes, but not something that <em>graphic.</em> Although honestly, with Cassandra, she should have known better; the woman had never been one to water anything down, and she was always rather crass.</p><p>Narcissa turned away from the paper she had been scanning after she saw the headline ('DEATH EATER NAMES ACCOMPLICES' - Karkaroff, saving his own skin as he threw Rookwood to the slaughter), and looked at her friend in surprise. "I am— I am <em>not</em> answering that."</p><p>"So yes, then."</p><p>"No! Well— <em>no." </em>Cassandra kept looking at her disbelievingly though as she sat back on her heels, and Narcissa's cheeks flared. "Sometimes," she admitted, before she realized she very much could <em>not</em> do this. "Please don't pry. This is hard for me."</p><p>"Cissa, I'm your best mate— an' frankly it's a bit like watchin' a train wreck. It's fucked up, but ya can't stop wanting to look. You gotta give me something."</p><p>"No, I absolutely do <em>not." </em>Narcissa pursed her lips, hating how embarrassed she felt by all of this. Cassandra barely <em>cared</em> she was related to the woman she had been fucking for the better part of her life, and yet all Narcissa could do was obsess over how disgusting she felt as her secrets were laid bare to the world. She loved Bellatrix, but no one was ever meant to know just how much, and now that Cassandra <em>did,</em> Narcissa did not know how to handle it. "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my relationship with Bellatrix a train wreck. You have no idea what we had."</p><p>"So tell me."</p><p>Narcissa was silent for a long time. "She was my entire world," she finally admitted, but would not look at her while doing so. "I loved her more than I loved myself. I would have died for her. Before Draco, I mean. He was born and my priorities… shifted, but I still loved Bella more intensely than anyone else. She saved me in more ways than I could ever begin to explain to you, and I gave her my heart, my <em>life</em> in return. I was hers. More than my husband's, even more than my son's in many ways. It wasn't healthy and I knew that, but it didn't matter. I could not fathom a life without her, and now…"</p><p>Narcissa trailed off, her esophagus closing as tears sprung to the back of her eyes. Cassandra watched her for a few moments before she gently asked, "You visit her yet?" Narcissa shook her head, quickly wiping away the tear that fell down her cheek. "Why not?"</p><p>"Because I'm punishing her," Narcissa admitted in a small voice. "She left me, she chose <em>him</em> over <em>me, </em>and she deserves to feel the same abandonment she inflicted upon me. I told myself I had to stay away from her for my own sake, in order to move on and have some semblance of peace, but the truth is I'm angry with her. I'm angry, and I want her to hurt as I hurt, because this isn't <em>fair."</em></p><p>Narcissa's voice hitched in the back of her throat, a fire of despair igniting in the pit of her stomach. "She was supposed to <em>be</em> here— she <em>promised</em> me she would never leave me, and she's gone. She's just <em>gone</em> and I don't know how to be alone, I don't know how to take care of myself and she promised, she <em>promised…!"</em></p><p>"Hey, stop," Cassandra hushed her, wrapping her friend in her embrace. "You aren't alone, an' I can take care of ya. S'what friends are for, innit?"</p><p>But that was a more frightening prospect than being alone, and Narcissa pulled away from her. "No, please— I destroy everything I touch, and I can't… I can't destroy you too, Cass, I <em>can't…"</em></p><p>Cassandra's hand clasped around her arm, stilling her movements. She gave her a resigned smile. "Think you've known for a long time now that I wouldn't mind bein' destroyed by you, Cissa."</p><p>Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath.</p><p>"You were like a doll I once had, y'know?" Cassandra told her softly. "When I was young. She was this beautiful, porcelain thing that kept gettin' knocked off its perch from people bein' careless, or sometimes purposely cruel. I would always put her back together again though; even when her jagged edges cut me, I kept fitting the pieces together cause she fascinated me. Even broken, she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, an' I didn't understand why. S'the same with you. So I don't care if you cut me, Cissa; even when you're shattered, you're still the most beautiful, fascinatin' woman I've ever seen."</p><p>The blonde's chest constricted at those words, the emotion they elicited conflicting quite terribly with her misery. Narcissa's lashes fell to her cheeks and her head slumped forward in defeat to rest gently against Cassandra's. The two women sat across from one another on the bed in silence before, finally, Narcissa spoke. "I've already fucked you up, haven't I?"</p><p>"Yeah," Cassandra admitted softly. She had told Narcissa that she didn't want to be a quick fix to her problems, but then words were exchanged and a heavy make out session was had and now, suddenly, Cassandra was looking at her like maybe she was something she could want after all.</p><p>"I'm not askin' for anything," Cassandra clarified. "Be a bit shit of me anyway, takin' advantage of ya when you're all fucked up. I'm not tellin' you this stuff so I can shag ya, Cissa; know we will eventually anyway—" Narcissa gently snorted, and Cassandra smirked, but continued seriously, "I just want ya to know you're not alone; that you can be in a shit place right now an' I won't leave just cause it's ugly. Mourn the loss of the mental one, yeah? Fix your shit an' get your family back together. I'm not goin' anywhere."</p><p>And in the end, that was what mattered most to the woman who had been abandoned by everyone she had ever loved; a promise of permanence. It was enough to get Narcissa caught up in the feeling of being put first again, and as the weeks turned into months she began to realize that she was only happy when Cassandra was around, because the woman distracted her from the pain that was the rest of her life.</p><p>Because it was; the rest of her life <em>was painful.</em> Narcissa slept alone every single night now, crying herself to sleep as she missed her sister, her husband, her <em>son</em>. She was taking far too much of her medication in some desperate attempt to not feel anything anymore, and the realization that she was running out and would have a difficult time explaining that to her Healer outside of merely 'misplacing' it — which she could probably only use as an excuse one time before it became suspicious — made Narcissa seek out other ways to get the intensity of the high without the same quantity.</p><p>She felt like a hypocrite, as nearly a decade ago she had lectured Bellatrix about her addictive personality and the horrible decisions she made as her sister drank her anti-psychotic potions like water, yet Narcissa was now cleaning powder from around her nose and wondering how exactly she had fallen this far as she looked in the mirror and saw someone she no longer recognized staring back at her.</p><p>Cassandra recognized her though; she <em>saw</em> her, the good and the bad and everything in between, and as they lay side by side on her bed in the Leaky Cauldron, Narcissa put her head on her friend's chest and contemplated doing something that would in no way be fair to her friend, but could possibly start to make her feel whole again.</p><p>Because she <em>couldn't</em> be alone. Quite frankly, Narcissa's entire sense of self-worth was caught up in being wanted by someone, and no amount of medication was going to fix that. It didn't have to be romantic, and she doubted it would be for Cassandra either as she did still love her husband very much and was happy with him, but Narcissa needed a sense of closeness that, if she could not get with emotional intimacy, she was perfectly content with getting sexually.</p><p>But before Narcissa could attempt some half-cocked attempt at seduction, her friend spoke.</p><p>"Ya hear Ludo Bagman got arrested last night?"</p><p>Narcissa looked up at her in surprise, turning around so she was lying on her stomach in order to properly face her. "The <em>Quidditch</em> player? Why?"</p><p>"They think he's a supporter of the Dark Lord," Cassandra snorted, amused. "Apparently the git passed some info to Rookwood."</p><p>"Unwittingly, probably. I had heard he was rather thick-headed."</p><p>"Mm," Cassandra agreed, before glancing down at her again. Her hand gently weaved in Narcissa's long locks, and the blonde pursed her lips, enjoying the feeling. "You heard about Severus though, yeah?"</p><p>"That he was cleared? Yeah. I'm sure<em> Lucius</em> is happy about it; they've always been annoyingly close." Narcissa's expression darkened, and Cassandra's fingers delicately dusted over the lines in her face as though she wished to erase them. "Not that I'm privy to Lucius' feelings on anything anymore though, so who knows."</p><p>"Ya know why?"</p><p>The blonde's brow knit. "Why he was cleared?"</p><p>Cassandra nodded, and Narcissa shook her head. The papers didn't specify.</p><p>"He turned spy against us."</p><p>"Wait, <em>what?" </em>Narcissa asked as she hoisted herself into a seated position, her face masked in disbelief.</p><p>"Well, that's what he convinced them of anyway," Cassandra specified, and Narcissa relaxed, but only a little. "He convinced Dumbledore he was on their side or somethin'. I don't know. Peter told me, but he isn't entirely convinced that it's a lie. Your husband vouches for him though, but I dunno. Just… watch out for him when you get back, yeah? Don't let Lucius get too close."</p><p>Narcissa sighed heavily. "If you honestly think Lucius is going to listen to a single word that I say, you're more thick-headed than Bagman."</p><p>Cassandra shot her a sympathetic look, but said nothing to contradict her. She knew that Lucius was not going to forgive his wife's indiscretions that easily, if ever at all. Finally, Cassandra asked a question that had no doubt been burning in her mind for quite some time. "How'd he find out? Y'know, 'bout the whole affair."</p><p>Narcissa's gaze hit the duvet. She felt so incredibly foolish. "I… told him." Cassandra looked at her like she must have lost her damn mind and honestly, she felt like she had. "I thought he <em>knew,"</em> Narcissa stressed, needing her to understand. "And he <em>did,</em> he even gave permission for us to do 'whatever it was that we do with one another' so long as he never knew the details, and on some level he already knew I was in love with her, but… I don't know. I <em>knew</em> myself, and I knew I wasn't going to take Bella's prison sentence well and I just… I needed him to understand <em>why.</em> I needed him to understand and to take care of Draco for me while I tried to deal with all of this, and I didn't think that knowing I've slept with her would matter so much after all of that, but… but it did."</p><p>But then Narcissa realized in that moment that that wasn't it at all, and she revised, "No, it was that I lied to him." Her voice wavered with self-hatred, and Narcissa's heart clenched painfully in her chest. "God, I lied to him for <em>years.</em> If I had just started sleeping with her when he gave us his weird, nonspecific permission, perhaps it would have been okay, but it hadn't started then. It started so much earlier than that, it started before <em>him </em>even, and I think… I think that's why he hates me so much now. I've lied to him about too much, and he doesn't trust me anymore. I don't blame him, honestly. I wouldn't trust me either. All my secrets may begin and end with Bellatrix, but there were so many more than just that fact that I was fucking her, and Lucius unfortunately knows the lot of them."</p><p>"Like what?" Cassandra asked curiously, and while a part of Narcissa was actually beginning to feel a lot less embarrassed and, truthfully, a little relieved that she could talk about this as she had held so much inside of her for so long, she also felt like her friend viewed her life as some kind of twisted soap opera that she was fascinated by.</p><p>"Like things that no longer matter now, as they're in the past," Narcissa shut down and Cassandra looked disappointed, but thankfully did not push. Narcissa was feeling a bit exposed though, so her instinct was to turn things around as she completely changed the subject.</p><p>"Your husband know you want to fuck me?"</p><p>Cassandra laughed. "I get it; ya don't wanna talk about it. I'll keep it buttoned, yeah?"</p><p>"No, I'm serious," Narcissa asked, because that was also something that had been weighing on <em>her</em> mind for a while now. "You told me once that he gave you permission to kiss another woman, but sex would be… a bit more than that."</p><p>"He never specified <em>where </em>I could kiss her."</p><p>"<em>Cass."</em></p><p>"No, I haven't bloody told him," she admitted, her tone suddenly defensive. "If I tell him, he tells Lucius. That somethin' you want?"</p><p>"Don't turn this around on me. I just… if it ever happens, I don't want it to ruin your marriage. I've already ruined my own, I was partially to blame about ruining my sister's even though that was still mostly her own doing, and I just… I can't keep destroying everything I touch, Cass. And what's worse is that I only want to fuck you for my own selfish reasons, and I know it isn't fair to you. I'm just going to take from you; you won't get anything in return."</p><p>"What're you a pillow princess or somethin'?" Cassandra asked, rightfully horrified by the scenario because that no doubt wouldn't be much fun for her.</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. "I meant emotionally."</p><p>"I'm not lookin' for ya to fall in love with me, Cissa. An' I'm not gonna fall in love with you, so if that's what you're wantin' to take from me emotionally…"</p><p>"No, I— I just," Narcissa stammered, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed and embarrassed. "I just want…"</p><p>"Narcissa," Cassandra encouraged softly, grasping for the other woman's hand and pulling her a little closer to her on the bed. Her eyes searched hers. "Just tell me, yeah? Tell me, an' I'll probably fuckin' do it, so long as ya do somethin' for me in return."</p><p>That was fair, but Narcissa hated having to voice her desires out loud, as she knew they sounded foolish, even a little childish. It was the truth though, every ridiculous last bit of it.</p><p>"I want— I <em>need…</em> to be adored," Narcissa admitted, her cheeks flaring red. "I know it's <em>stupid, </em>but my entire life I've thrived on other's desire for me — my sister's, my husband's — and I… I feel like half a person without it, honestly. I don't even know who I am if I can't see myself in the eyes of another."</p><p>"You already <em>are</em> adored, ya hopeless knob," Cassandra responded with a soft laugh, reaching out to gently brush the hair from her friend's eyes. Her fingertips dusted across the curvature of Narcissa's jaw, and the blonde inhaled a sharp breath at the feeling. "S'that really all?"</p><p>Narcissa nodded, and Cassandra bit softly on her bottom lip.</p><p>"Ya know what I want?" Cassandra's gaze fell from Narcissa's eyes to her lips and she admitted, "I want to be able to look between my thighs an' see the most beautiful woman in the whole world; the woman I used to think was untouchable, out of my bloody league an' all that. I want to look down an' see her fuck me with her mouth; I wanna tug on her hair and come against her face an' maybe then I'll know for one <em>bloody</em> second that if someone like her wants me, then I'm not… then I'm not second class after all."</p><p>Narcissa's heart broke at those words, and she reached up to cover the hand that was gently placed against her cheek. "I'm sorry my sister said those things to you. You're not second class, Cassandra."</p><p>Cassandra looked a little embarrassed at the admission, and Narcissa sympathized. She wasn't exactly comfortable with hers either, but they also needed to know what was expected out of this arrangement if they were going to have it. "Wasn't just her. Was everyone, really. Doesn't matter; was dumb to say…"</p><p>"Stop," Narcissa softly pleaded, curling her fingers around the woman's hand as she removed it from her cheek and brought it to her lips. "If that's what you need, then I'll let you sit astride my bloody face for as long as it takes to make you stop feeling as though you're less than me, because you're not, Cass. You're <em>not."</em></p><p>The other woman was still embarrassed, so Narcissa wasn't surprised when she focused on the sexual part of it instead of the emotional one. "Ya promise?" she asked, tongue in cheek as she smirked. Narcissa bit her bottom lip, excitement beginning to brew in the pit of her stomach. It had been so long since she had been with someone new, and it was… exhilarating, honestly; the anticipation felt very different than it had with Bellatrix or Lucius, and the pit of Narcissa's stomach twisted hot with desire as she began to chart unknown territory.</p><p>"Oh, I can do <em>far</em> more than promise," Narcissa told her before she placed her hand on Cassandra's chest, roughly pushing her down until the woman's back was against the duvet. Narcissa was hovered over her, her blonde hair spilling across one side of her neck as the tips dusted Cassandra's breasts. The younger woman exhaled, her pupils dilating.</p><p>"Don't move."</p><p>Narcissa slid off the bed so that she was standing beside her friend, her hands coming beneath her breasts to untie the knot that held her casual wrap dress together. She undressed herself slowly, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she got off on the look in Cassandra's eyes. The more clothes she removed, the shallower the other woman's breathing got, and when she finally stood there bare to Cassandra's gaze, the younger woman looked as though it was taking great restraint to keep herself still.</p><p>"Is it everything you imagined?" Narcissa asked softly, and although the words themselves could be construed as cocky, they were actually presented as curious; even a little self-conscious. After two children — no, two <em>births, </em>one child — and her ever-fluctuating weight as she struggled with her on-again, off-again eating disorder, Narcissa's body wasn't exactly at its finest. Still, she tried to remember that it had been enough for Bellatrix, for Lucius even, before he hated the very sight of her; hopefully it was enough for Cassandra as well.</p><p>It was.</p><p>"Fuckin' <em>more </em>than," Cassandra breathed, looking at her as though a part of her was in disbelief that this was even real. Narcissa's stomach fluttered in her abdomen, and Cassandra held out her hand. "Come 'ere."</p><p>Narcissa took it.</p><p>"I meant it when I asked you not to move," she reminded her as she climbed on top of her friend. Her pale skin was already flushed with desire, her nipples tightening beneath Cassandra's hungry gaze. "It'll be worth it, I promise."</p><p>"Oh yeah?"</p><p>"Mm," Narcissa murmured softly as she looked down at the other woman, her fingers beginning to gently toy with Cassandra's clothing before she started to remove each article from her friend's body, allowing her fingertips to map every new bit of exposed skin. Cassandra shuddered beneath her touch, her skin prickling as goosebumps began to wash across her form. "Because if what you need is to feel powerful, Cass, you should really know something about me." Cassandra helped her remove the last of her dress, and Narcissa placed a gentle kiss against the swell of the woman's freckled breast before she looked up at her, her eyes wide and expression yielding as she gave herself over to the other woman completely. "I can be <em>terribly</em> submissive."</p><p>Cassandra groaned, and Narcissa's tongue traced the swell of her breast. "So tell me what you want," she requested softly, her fingers helping Cassandra slide her knickers down her thighs. They left wet streaks across her skin, and Narcissa couldn't help herself as she shifted downward to clean them off with her tongue. Cassandra fisted her hands in her own hair, her legs falling open as her chest heaved in arousal. She was… fucking <em>gorgeous,</em> and Narcissa was just as much in awe of her body as it seemed Cassandra was of hers.</p><p>"I'll do anything you ask of me," Narcissa promised with heated breath, knowing exactly what her words were doing to the woman in her bed as she looked up at Cassandra between her thighs. The woman looked like she might very well implode if Narcissa didn't start fucking her, and the blonde <em>reveled</em> in it. Despite her accommodating nature, it was Narcissa who was in control of this encounter because it was <em>she</em> who had the experience, who knew exactly what to do when another woman was in her bed.</p><p>"Do what you want with me," Narcissa begged, her fingers running though the small coarse patch of hair above the other woman's mound before she slid them downward, tracing the curvature of the other woman's labia. Cassandra was soaked already. <em>"</em>I want to be used by you so fucking badly, Cass, please…"</p><p>"Fuckin'… <em>hell, </em>Cissa," Cassandra swore, rendered pretty much incompetent just from that, as it was far more than she had been expecting. "Just…" But she could barely even speak, so she just reached out and tangled her fingers in Narcissa's hair, pulling her head to where she needed it to go. "Shit," she panted as she felt Narcissa trace a tantalizing line up her dripping center. "Fuck <em>me, </em>you're good."</p><p>Narcissa smirked, gently nipping at the inside of the other woman's thigh. "I haven't even begun yet," she promised before she turned back to her task, and made slow, drawn-out work of coaxing her friend towards something that would no doubt turn out to be terrible for them both. But right then, in that moment, Narcissa didn't hurt. She didn't feel like half a person, like a shell that had been hollowed out and discarded because the best part of her was gone, and that was the only thing that mattered.</p><p>Narcissa wouldn't let Cassandra come until she had experienced more from her though, and after a performance with her mouth that left the woman gasping and wet, Narcissa slid her fingers inside of her and kissed her with a passion she had only ever reserved for two others. "I can be anything you want," Narcissa promised breathlessly, her own breasts heaving with arousal as she ground herself against Cassandra's thigh. "Just have me, just— <em>want</em> me, please…"</p><p>"I do," Cassandra panted, her hand coming up to be placed against a flushed cheek. Her thumb dusked Narcissa's bottom lip, and the blonde groaned out her own pleasure as she furiously fucked herself against her friend's body.</p><p>"More than just this once."</p><p>"As many fuckin' times as you'll have me," Cassandra promised, her words coming out broken when Narcissa twisted her fingers inside of her. Beads of sweat littered her brow, her baby hairs sticking to her forehead. She was flushed, she was beautiful, and Narcissa couldn't stop staring at her. "I'll be your secret now, Cissa, an' I'm not goin' anywhere…"</p><p>Narcissa's lips found hers at those words and she left her with a fierce kiss of gratitude before she finalized the inevitable destruction of both of their lives, and pushed Cassandra over the edge. Because it couldn't end well, and they both knew that, and yet they threw away their friendship for something so terribly fleeting and fragile because it felt better than anything else in that moment.</p><p>Narcissa wished she knew then what she was condemning Cassandra to, but as they lay next to one another hours later, sweating and shaking and spent, the only thing that Narcissa could think was that she wasn't alone anymore, and for her crumbling mental health and self-worth, that ended up making all the difference in the world.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>II.</strong>
</p><p>Narcissa had thought sleeping with Cassandra would heal the hole her sister had left in her heart, but in truth it only left her feeling guilty and confused. It had given her what she had needed at the time, but after Cassandra had returned home to her husband, her son, and the normal life that Narcissa herself had been robbed of, the blonde was left alone again in her room in the Leaky Cauldron, feeling as though she had just betrayed the woman she was in love with.</p><p>Bellatrix had been <em>terribly</em> jealous of her relationship with Cassandra, and time and time again Narcissa had assured her that there was nothing going on until, finally, Bellatrix had believed her. But it was when the accusations stopped that Narcissa had begun toying with the idea of letting Cassandra have her after all, and now, finally, after years of back-and-forth, Narcissa had sealed the deal and allowed their relationship to morph into something different, something she could not take back; something she had <em>thought</em>, after all these years, she had wanted.</p><p>No, she couldn't lie to herself like that. It <em>was </em>something that Narcissa wanted; that she still wanted, despite how much she hated herself for it.</p><p>Bellatrix was supposed to be the exception to the rule; the only woman she could ever be with in that way, but as it turned out, she wasn't so special after all. It wasn't that she was replaceable because she <em>wasn't, </em>she could never be, but being with Cassandra in that way made Narcissa forget about her for one, short moment, and while that did wonders for her sanity, it ended up breaking her heart in unimaginable ways.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm <em>sorry,"</em> Narcissa sobbed in the mirror, seeing her sister in her own eyes as she furiously crushed her anti-psychotics against the surface of the sink. The powder went everywhere, it stuck to the side of her hand and ended up beneath her nose after she had tried to numb herself from the guilt. The pain in her skull after she had inhaled the substance was temporary, and as euphoria washed through Narcissa's body she lay crumpled on the bathroom floor, allowing the feeling to take her away so she wouldn't have to recognize what a horrible person she was anymore.</p><p>But Narcissa could not be high every moment of every day, despite her desire to be. She had already seen her Healer earlier than she should have last month, and she knew there would be questions if she kept needing refills earlier than they were due. It was why she took to drinking, but she went overboard on that as well and after vomiting her sorrow into the toilet one night, Narcissa realized that she had less than three months left of Lucius' looming divorce countdown, and she couldn't keep doing this.</p><p>She needed to start dealing with her guilt, with her sorrow. She needed to look the cause of it in the eye and deal with it instead of running, and that was why it only took six months after Bellatrix's imprisonment that Narcissa finally broke her word, and went to visit her.</p><p>Azkaban was a cold, lonely place. Narcissa wrapped the hood of her cloak over her head as soon as she apparated onto the island, not wishing anyone to recognize her before she reached the prison's entrance. As more and more of the Dark Lord's supporters were being arrested, reporters from the Prophet seemed to be surrounding the place as they tried to get exclusives from the guards. Narcissa doubted they were actually allowed inside, but she was certain that even if they were they would choose to hover outside, as once you walked through the doors it was as though the life was draining from your very soul.</p><p>A reporter shouted at her just as she entered the prison, but Narcissa ignored him and slipped inside, hoping her face had been obscured enough. Although her family's reputation was already in tatters and it wouldn't be unheard of to visit a family member that had been incarcerated, Narcissa did <em>not</em> want it getting back to Lucius that she had visited Bellatrix. She knew he would not condone it.</p><p>"I'm here to visit my sister. Bellatrix Lestrange."</p><p>The guard looked at her like he wasn't even certain that she was real. Narcissa could feel the effect of the dementors, yet they thankfully did not reside near the entranceway. The guard, however, looked as though he had been weighed down by the atmosphere he chose to work in for whatever ungodly reason — the pay, she assumed. No one would have chosen such a job otherwise. Although the dementors were the primary guards of Azkaban, there were still a handful of Ministry-employed wizards who pushed the papers, and not one of them was a pleasant person.</p><p>"Name?"</p><p>"Narcissa Malfoy."</p><p>She hoped Lucius never checked up on Bellatrix's visitor log, but she couldn't very well lie either. This was still a government building, no matter how gruesome. The guard didn't even have to look at his log to know who her sister was and what crime had caused Bellatrix to reside behind bars.</p><p>"A lifer," he responded, sounding disgusted by Narcissa's desire to visit such a person. "Visitation rights for our high-security prisoners are limited to one hour every thirty days. That's <em>thirty</em>, Miss; not twenty nine, not 'I have a sack of galleons in my purse because I'm pureblooded and entitled, let me see my murderous, Dark Lord-supporting loved one early'. <em>Thirty. </em>We do not bargain, nor take bribes. You will be escorted by a dementor and <em>no,</em> that is not negotiable either. Please present your wand; you will see it returned after your visit has concluded."</p><p>Narcissa's lips set into a firm line at his attitude, but did as requested and placed her wand on the counter. She hated that his grubby little hands had to touch it, but she tried to disregard it and look at the bigger picture. Her stomach was in knots and bile was burning the back of her esophagus as she tried desperately not to vomit from her nerves. She was <em>scared</em> to see her, honestly. It had been so very long, and Narcissa didn't know what kind of state her sister would be in, or if Bellatrix would even be happy to see her.</p><p>Somehow, she very much doubted it. Narcissa had abandoned her, and it wouldn't matter that she had eventually returned to her; just the fact that she had run from her in the first place would be enough to incite her sister's rage and devastation, and the thought crippled Narcissa.</p><p>This time, she wasn't brought to that tiny cell that constituted as Azkaban's visiting area. Apparently that was only reserved for those awaiting trial, or low-security prisoners. Bellatrix, as one of the worst offenders, was not allowed to leave her cell for any reason at all, and so for the first time Narcissa was led through the entirety of the prison, seeing first-hand how terrible it truly was.</p><p>The dementor that escorted her through the dank, dimly lit hallways did not speak, although Narcissa wasn't certain it even could. She knew very little about the creatures, but they must have had <em>some</em> form of communication in order to strike an accord with the Ministry. It was those insignificant musings that Narcissa tried desperately to focus on though, because being this close to a dementor was causing her to drown in her own self-hatred and guilt, and she kept picturing the very worst moments of her life as she realized that most, if not all of them, were of her own making.</p><p>They finally got to the very top of the tower, and a maddening laugh echoed through the hallway as they passed another cell. The shadow of a man pressed himself against the bars. "I was wondering when I'd see you. Finally come to visit your cunt of a sister?"</p><p>"—Sirius?"</p><p>It had been many years since she had seen her cousin, but when she finally lay eyes on him, he was not what she had pictured. Narcissa had just assumed the picture of him in the Daily Prophet made him look insane because he was furious he was being blamed for a massacre that Narcissa was certain he did not commit, but he certainly did not look <em>well</em> now either. Still, despite his appearance, Sirius did seem oddly calm, and considering most of this place was filled with sounds of screaming and crying, it unnerved Narcissa to see him so put-together.</p><p>But before she could answer him, the dementor swooped closer to Sirius and wrapped its long, bony fingers around his arm. He immediately went pale and slumped to the ground and when the dementor let him go and turned, Narcissa backed away. The message was clear: she was only here to visit one, and Sirius was not that person. As the dementor swooped past her to lead Narcissa further down the hallway, she heard Sirius laugh again from the floor of his cell.</p><p>"She'll die in here, Narcissa, and she'll deserve it."</p><p>Narcissa quickened her pace as she pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders. Tears were on her cheeks now, but she couldn't be concerned with that as further down the prison she heard her sister scream.</p><p>Narcissa's stomach lodged itself in her throat.</p><p>It wasn't a scream of terror thankfully, but it certainly was one of fury. "Don't say her name! <em>Don't say her name!"</em></p><p>"Shut <em>up,</em> you mad bimbo! He actually fucking said it, it wasn't in your head—"</p><p>Rodolphus. God, they were packed into this area like sardines, weren't they? Sirius was much further down, but their voices carried in the small space. Death Eaters lined the walls in their tiny cells, and while it looked like Bellatrix had at least a little privacy around the corner of the main strip, she was obviously very close to her husband's cell, which Narcissa was sure she was <em>not</em> happy about.</p><p>All the ruckus was causing everyone's eyes to be on her, the damned getting shaken out of their depressed stupor as their curiosity allowed them the brief will to live. Narcissa could see the boy who had gotten arrested with them, Barty Crouch Jr, stand in his cell as he came over to the bars. His stare was unnerving, and Narcissa was glad to turn the corner to get to the end where Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and his brother Rabastan had been imprisoned in their own tiny cells. Bellatrix was at the end, the two brothers on either side of her, although facing one another. Bellatrix's cell unfortunately faced Barty's down the other end, and although it was still a fair bit away, Narcissa could still feel his eyes on her. She did not like how it felt.</p><p>Bellatrix <em>raged</em> when she saw her.</p><p>"<em>You."</em></p><p>Narcissa was fairly certain she had forgotten how to breathe. Although the dementor had left her side to patrol up and down the hallway during her brief visit, warmth never flooded back to Narcissa's body. Instead, she suddenly felt so much colder as her sister sucked her soul from her body with one singular word.</p><p>Bellatrix looked murderous, but the expression faded as soon as it appeared and she slammed her hands against the bars, looking as rattled as the iron. "Get out of my head— get <em>out…"</em></p><p>"She's real."</p><p>Not Rodolphus this time, but his brother. Rabastan was looking at her like he wouldn't believe he was actually seeing another person, if not for the unlikeliness that they were all sharing the same delusion.</p><p>"Bella…" Narcissa breathed sadly, her tone pleading as she begged for forgiveness that she knew she did not deserve. Her sister looked <em>horrible; </em>she was dirty, her hair was matted, and her eyes looked hollow and lifeless. Bellatrix had warned her that she would go mad without Narcissa to ground her, and that looked to be something deeply rooted in truth. Bellatrix did<em> not </em>look okay. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…!"</p><p>Narcissa fell to her knees, her head hung in shame and regret as tears poured from her eyes. She could hear her sister inhale a sharp breath as, finally, it seemed she had joined them in reality.</p><p>"Cissy."</p><p>Her voice was cold, and Narcissa sobbed harder.</p><p>"Cissy, get the fuck up."</p><p>Narcissa did not know what else to do other than what she was told, and she unsteadily pushed herself back on her feet. Bellatrix's breathing had labored in anticipation, her eyes alight with a sense of life that had been lost to her not moment's prior. Narcissa felt even more horrible at the sight; if just the mere presence of her did that to Bellatrix, how could she have denied her sanity for so long? How could she have left her to rot in this place that was robbing the light from her eyes, the warmth from her soul?</p><p>"Come here, my love."</p><p>She beckoned her softly, but her words still sounded unkind; almost as though they were an accusation. Narcissa did as instructed, and when she got to the bars that separated them, she felt Bellatrix's hand against her cheek. She expected a slap, or for Bellatrix to go for her throat, but neither of those things happened. Instead, Bellatrix's fingers slipped behind her head, curling in her hair before she brought Narcissa's face toward hers to crush their lips through the bars in a bruising kiss.</p><p>"What the fuck?"</p><p>"Oh, it's so much worse than just that, brother. But, perhaps my dear wife will allot us some entertainment with her toy; we're all in this shit hole together, after all… Go on, Bella. Fuck her for us. It's been awhile since I've had a good wank."</p><p>Narcissa colored in shame and tried to pull away, half-wondering how Rodolphus could speak so plainly about their relationship. With Bellatrix in prison and unable to do magic, did her curses weaken so much that he was no longer under the Unbreakable Vow? Narcissa didn't know how Azkaban worked, but in truth it mattered very little. Everyone in this place was doomed, and Narcissa knew their secret would never leave this place; it would die in there, just like the rest of them. Just like<em> her.</em></p><p>Narcissa felt sick.</p><p>Bellatrix wasn't even listening to her husband though and suddenly her hand was back on her sister's cheek. Her fingers curled, and Bellatrix raked her jagged, uncut nails down the blonde's cheek so deeply that they left marks upon Narcissa's skin.</p><p>"You <em>left</em> me!" Bellatrix raged as Narcissa stepped away from her, holding her bleeding face as she sobbed. She knew she deserved that, but after the kiss she had hoped her sister's loneliness outweighed her anger. Such a foolish wish, and Narcissa should have known better.</p><p>The man in the corner right cell sighed heavily. "Of course you have to be a cunt. Damn shame…"</p><p>"Shut <em>up,</em> Rodolphus! I'll reach though these bars and wank your cock right from your fucking body if you sexualize my sister again. She's not here to be your bloody porn."</p><p>Rodolphus grumbled something inaudible, and slunk back into the shadows.</p><p>Bellatrix peered at Narcissa through the bars then, her eyes narrowing as she taunted, "No… she's here because she feels <em>guilty,</em> doesn't she? You finally finished throwing your little hissy fit and realized you were being a selfish cow; is <em>that</em> is, Cissy? Thought you could come here and absolve yourself of your guilt so that maybe you could go back to your normal life, go back to pretending I don't <em>bloody</em> exist while you get to play happy family? Well <em>fuck</em> you—"</p><p>"What <em>family</em> do you think I have left, Bella?!" Narcissa shouted, her guilt laying waste to her anger, her sorrow. "You're in prison, Lucius won't let me see my son… it's been <em>months</em>— I live in the bloody Leaky Cauldron right now, you fucking bitch— I told you, I <em>told</em> you what would happen to me if you left, but you did it anyway! <em>You're</em> the selfish one, you're the one who—!"</p><p>"What the fuck do you mean, you're living at the Leaky Cauldron?" Bellatrix interrupted, at least having the decency to look like she might actually give a fuck after all. She suddenly looked terrified. "<em>What did I bloody tell you the first time you came here? </em>Why didn't you go back to him, beg for his forgiveness? For<em> fuck's </em>sake, Cissy; what the hell is wrong with you?! You can't be left alone; you're fucking mental!"</p><p>"I'm <em>not</em> alone— Cassandra's been attending to me."</p><p>The words were out of her mouth before Narcissa had realized she had said them, and she suddenly felt a little ill as her betrayal seeded itself in the pit of her stomach. Thankfully, Bellatrix did not notice her change in behavior.</p><p>"That witless wonder would never be able to handle your true breakdowns. Go back to your fucking <em>husband, </em>Cissy!"</p><p>"I <em>can't,"</em> Narcissa stressed, needing Bellatrix to realize the severity of what was happening in her life. "I need to get better first or else he's going to divorce me over this and I cannot— I can't fucking get better because of <em>you!</em> I can't get over the loss, I can't forget you, I can't forgive you… <em>I can't move on. </em>You've fucking ruined me, Bella, you've <em>ruined </em>me…"</p><p>"Shit," Bellatrix hissed, her brow creasing in distress as she looked at the woman she was supposed to protect, supposed to love. "Come here," she pleaded, no longer looking angry with her. In the end, Bellatrix's care for her sister's wellbeing had always outweighed everything else. "Cissy, come. I'm sorry about your face. I won't hurt you again, I promise."</p><p>Narcissa exhaled another sob, but returned to her sister's side. Bellatrix clasped her hand in hers, guiding her to sit down next to her on the floor so they could tangle into one another as much as the rusted bars would allow. Narcissa rested her head against them, and her sister leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead.</p><p>"I'm sorry, my love," she breathed. "I'm sorry I left you."</p><p>Another hot tear fell down the curvature of Narcissa's cheek and she wheezed, feeling as though her heart was being squeezed in her chest. A sudden coldness enveloped her then and she looked up to see the dementor. It did not discourage her from being so close to Bellatrix, but it did not leave again to patrol either. It felt as though it were feeding from her, and Narcissa sobbed harder as she realized she wasn't as hollow as she had thought, and that she had so much left to lose.</p><p>"Don't let it consume you, Cissy. It's just an animal; it'll leave if you stop giving it what it wants."</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"It can take your happiness, it can feed off your guilt, but it can't take your love. I used to think it was a crackpot theory born from fools and poets, but turns out it's fucking true, of all the sodding laughs… love <em>is </em>more powerful than anything else, or at least more powerful than dementors; and our love for one another, Cissy? Is the most powerful fucking thing either of us have ever felt."</p><p>That was true. Their love for one another transcended so many boundaries that they should have never crossed, and yet Narcissa would never have had it any other way.</p><p>"Close your eyes," Bellatrix instructed softly, gently weaving her hands through her sister's hair. "Breathe. Think of me. Do you remember when we went to Paris for your birthday? The <em>second</em> time," Bellatrix was quick to remind her, as the first time had been horrible. "After I got you from the hospital. You had gained your weight back, and you looked absolutely beautiful. And I showed you how much I loved you then, didn't I? I showed you just how thankful I was that you had chosen to get better. I made love to you atop that bloody bed of rose petals you wanted, do you remember?"</p><p>Narcissa nodded, her breathing evening out as her tears began to subside. That was one of the most beautiful days she had ever had with her sister. Bellatrix had been perfect, everything had been <em>perfect, </em>and Narcissa tried desperately not to think of the fact that they would never have something like that again.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I'll burn the world before I burn you, my love… every single time."</em>
  </p>
  <p><em>"Fuck. Say that again," Bellatrix had begged her as she grasped for her, her palms warming the sides of Narcissa's face as her nails pierced her cheeks. </em>"<em>Fucking call me that again…"</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>"My love…" Narcissa had breathed without hesitation, the words being exhaled across soft flesh as her lips found her sister's lips, her cheek, the underside of her jaw. Bellatrix had begun to shudder beneath her, and Narcissa smiled. "My soul, my everything</em>
    <em>…"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>The freeze that the blonde had been feeling deep in her chest had begun to fade as the fierce heat of her sister's love filled her once more. Narcissa exhaled and opened her eyes; the dementor had gone.</p><p>"This is why I need you here, Cissy. You're the only one I've ever loved," Bellatrix told her sadly, and the weight of her distress could be felt by the woman in her arms. "I can't survive in here without you. Please don't— please don't leave me again." Bellatrix's voice had cracked, and Narcissa's heart ached. It wasn't like her sister to show such weakness, and that proved how truly terrible things were for her.</p><p>"I won't," she exhaled in a resigned breath, because Narcissa had already known deep in her heart that she would never be able to be apart from her for so long again. Even if it hurt, even if it was terrible… this was all they had left, and Narcissa could not leave her. They were bound together, Bellatrix and her; for better or for worse, and it did not matter where they ended up, as they would always find themselves tangled up in the one thing that made the rest of the world fall away.</p><p>After she had left the prison, Narcissa had wanted to tell Cassandra that they couldn't continue what would have been their briefly-lived affair; that she had been wrong, and that she didn't want to ruin her friend's life, even though the entire reason Narcissa wanted to end it revolved around the fact that she was seeing Bellatrix again, and she felt <em>guilty.</em></p><p>In the end though, as with most things in Narcissa's life, her guilt did not outweigh her fear of being alone. Until she had Lucius back — <em>if </em>she ever got Lucius back — she needed someone, and that someone was Cassandra. Seeing Bellatrix for an hour once a month was not enough, even though Narcissa desperately wished it had been.</p><p>Cassandra <em>doted</em> on her though. For the brief visits that they shared (because the other woman was still a wife, she was still a <em>mother, </em>and she could not leave her family as often as Narcissa would have liked)<em>, </em>Cassandra acted as though Narcissa was her entire world, and the blonde ate it up like the emotionally starved husk that she was.</p><p>"Ya ready to go back yet?" Cassandra asked her one day as they lay naked next to one another in Narcissa's bed. She was gently tracing the life line down Narcissa's palm, looking as though she wished to memorize the details of Narcissa's skin; no doubt because she realized that when Narcissa returned to her home, continuing their affair would become exponentially more difficult. "Your time's almost up."</p><p>Three weeks left, but Narcissa knew she could not wait until the last moment either. She needed to come back home of her own accord, and not because she had reached the end of her mandated isolation and hoped for the best.</p><p>"I think so." Narcissa buried her nose in Cassandra's hair, breathing her in. "I think being able to see Bella has helped a lot, even though I had honestly thought it would make everything harder. But I guess I don't have to mourn the loss of her if she's still in my life, no matter how briefly. It's cold comfort, but at least it's something."</p><p>Because she had told her, of <em>course</em> she had told her. Thankfully, despite their changed relationship, Cassandra was not jealous. She understood — she had always understood and accepted Narcissa, no matter what she did, no matter how fucked up she got. Perhaps it was because they were just that good of friends, or maybe it was just because the more mental Narcissa got, the more Cassandra found her oddly fascinating, but it didn't matter.</p><p>Cassandra was taking care of her, just as she promised she would, and in return, Narcissa gave the other woman absolutely anything that she wanted. In the end, that was how she justified it in her mind — she wasn't betraying Bellatrix if she merely had an accord with a friend in order to keep her sanity intact. After all, Bellatrix wanted her sane; she wanted her happy and she wanted her safe, and having Cassandra in her life in this way was doing just that.</p><p>Not that she would <em>ever</em> tell Bellatrix that though. Justifiable or not, she couldn't bear to break her sister's heart in that way.</p><p>"I just… I know Lucius isn't going to like that I've been seeing her," Narcissa sighed, feeling torn. "I don't want to lie to him anymore, but I can't just leave her in there. I won't. They don't even take <em>care</em> of her in there, Cass. The last time I was there I had to beg for a bucket of soapy water and a sponge so I could attempt to help her <em>bathe</em> through the bloody bars. It's horrible. They treat them like animals in there. Barely any human contact, fed once a day. Before I washed Bellatrix all the guards did was throw fucking water on them once in a while, because they hate being in the top of the tower; that's where most of the dementors reside."</p><p>Narcissa's voice had tightened in upset and Cassandra looked up at her, her brow creasing in upset before she gently placed her lips beneath the other woman's jaw. "Ya know there's nothin' you can do," Cassandra reminded her regrettably. "They're the world's most hated. Askin' for more humane conditions won't do a lick o' good. Nobody cares, Cissa."</p><p>"<em>I</em> care," Narcissa whispered, her heart tightening in her chest.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>Cassandra pursed her lips and she shifted, propping herself up on one elbow so that she could properly look down at the woman next to her. The morning sun shone brightly through the window above the bed, igniting the fire red in her hair and making her freckles dance across her skin beneath the shifting light as a cloud passed overhead. Narcissa gently reached out, allowing her fingertips to brush across the expanse of her naturally decorated skin.</p><p>"Distract me," she requested, deciding she'd very much like to trace lines between the other woman's freckles with her tongue.</p><p>"No," Cassandra denied, and Narcissa's lips turned down into a frown. That was the first time her friend had said no to her since they began this arrangement, and she found she didn't care for it. "I need to know you're okay. I can't have you goin' back to Lucius only for him to say you're not any better an' throw ya out. You haven't been drinkin' anymore, yeah?"</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. "No. I told you I'd stopped the last time you asked, okay? I wouldn't lie to you."</p><p>"You literally lie to everyone, Cissa; don't pretend I'm special."</p><p>Wow, okay. That was… much more direct than Narcissa really needed right then. She turned away from Cassandra in upset, and the redhead sighed as she placed a gentle hand on her friend's arm.</p><p>"An' that was <em>me</em> not lyin' to <em>you,</em> because I never will a day in my fuckin' life, whether you like my truth or not. Don't get all huffy just because I stopped kissing your arse for three bloody seconds. I'll get back to it, I promise, but this is important, yeah? Look at me."</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, unmoving.</p><p>"Cissa, don't be a brat. You're twenty fuckin' seven years old."</p><p>Narcissa turned around then, her expression cloudy. This was beginning to get a lot less fun, but her irritation lessened significantly once she saw the expression on her friend's face. Cassandra looked <em>deeply</em> concerned about her well-being, and with a relenting sigh Narcissa stopped getting defensive about it, and told the truth.</p><p>"It's been a week. I'm trying."</p><p>"Good. An' your meds?"</p><p>"I'm taking them, I swear."</p><p>Sometimes a little more than she should, but Narcissa had tried to cut down on <em>that</em> too. She knew she couldn't return to her son as an addict. She was already so many other terrible things.</p><p>"I won't let Lucius kick me out," Narcissa promised her, reaching out to tangle their fingers together. But then she rolled her eyes, a little bitter as an intrusive thought took over, and she assumed the worst. "Don't worry, you won't have to take care of me for much longer."</p><p>"Shut up, you know I love takin' care of ya. I just don't want ya blowin' your money on this hole, an' I don't have any room for you in my bloody house."</p><p>Narcissa snorted and Cassandra shrugged, her expression growing a little darker.</p><p>"'Sides, probably be a bit shit of me if I had a live-in mistress. I don't want to be <em>that</em> terrible of a wife."</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips and looked up at her. "You feel guilty then," she gathered, although she knew on some level that Cassandra would have to. She loved her husband very much — although God only knew <em>why, </em>as the man looked as though homosapiens hadn't evolved from apes properly<em> — </em>and unlike Narcissa, she wasn't very well-versed in lying.</p><p>"A little," Cassandra admitted. "Mostly cause I like havin' a secret. It's exciting. I like hidin' away in here with you, Cissa, an' I like that my husband don't know that every time I see you I haven't left without havin' your cunt in my mouth first. An' that's shitty, yeah? That makes me a bad person. That's why I feel guilty, 'cause I shouldn't like it so much. I'm supposed to love him."</p><p>"You <em>do</em> love him. Sleeping with me doesn't change that."</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a sigh as she pushed her long hair out of her eyes. "How did you do it?" she asked her finally, looking down at the woman next to her. Cassandra shifted then, coming to rest on her side once more as she lay down next to her friend. "How did you fuck 'em both? How did you <em>love</em> 'em both for so long, without feelin' like absolute shite about it?"</p><p>Narcissa pulled the covers around them, cocooning them in the duvet. "Please don't tell me you're asking because you're starting to have real feelings for me."</p><p>Cassandra snorted. "You wish." She shifted closer to her, the heat of her naked body warming Narcissa as the blonde slid her arms around her friend's waist. "No. I dunno. I just wanna know, 'cause maybe then I won't feel like such an arse if you tell me I'm not the only one that enjoys sneakin' around an' bein' a shit person."</p><p>"I mean. I didn't <em>enjoy</em> it," Narcissa answered, and Cassandra frowned. "Cass, I was fucking my <em>sister. </em>Sneaking around wasn't <em>fun, </em>it was bloody terrifying. You have no idea how many times we were close to being discovered, or <em>were</em> discovered and had to fix it. Bellatrix tortured people to keep our secret. She <em>killed</em> people. So no, I didn't enjoy it, but I also didn't hate it enough to stop either."</p><p>"Besides, we haven't even been close to being caught yet," Narcissa rationalized, her fingertips tracing the dip in the other woman's hip. "You'll realize how bloody hard all this really is when we are. And we will be, Cass. Believe me. Nothing ever goes right in my fucking life, so someone is bound to find out eventually, and I'm sure my world will begin to crumble down around me again, because that is just how my life goes. But again, I don't… I don't hate it enough to stop."</p><p>Cassandra's eyes searched hers, her response barely more than a whisper as she spoke her own truth. "…Me either." Narcissa exhaled a small breath and leaned in, pressing her lips against the other woman's for a soft kiss. She tasted of raspberries and vanilla.</p><p>"Nothing will ever be equal," Narcissa breathed regrettably as they parted. "I thought it could be, but I was lying to myself. I had always valued Bella over Lucius, and although I feel terribly about that, not accepting the truth did more harm than good. When you have an affair you need to choose your priority, and it shouldn't be me, Cass, because truthfully you will never be mine."</p><p>"I know that," Cassandra responded softly. "I know you'll always be messed up in the head cause of her. I'm not tryin' to compete with Bellatrix, Cissa. I just wanted to know why somethin' this stupid an' reckless feels so soddin' good. I shouldn't want to risk my marriage cause of you."</p><p>"And I shouldn't want to risk breaking my sister's heart should she ever find out about you, risk my <em>marriage</em> if Lucius finds out I'm shagging yet <em>another</em> woman behind his back, and yet here we are. Sometimes, people just do stupid things if they feel good enough." Narcissa smiled softly at her, gently tracing the curvature of her friend's face as she pushed some of the hair from Cassandra's eyes. "You make me feel good, Cass. I'm happy when I'm with you. Is that not enough?"</p><p>"Anything you've given me has always been enough, Cissa."</p><p>Narcissa smiled at her as her heart warmed. Their lips found one another's once more, and Narcissa shifted beneath the covers to allow her legs to fall apart once she felt Cassandra's hand slide down her abdomen. The other woman gently toyed with her pubic hair for a moment while they gave one another a slow, languid kiss, yet her hand did not fall farther south.</p><p>"…I have a really bad idea," Cassandra finally said, the words being breathed against the blonde's lips once they parted.</p><p>Narcissa was breathless. "I<em> love</em> bad ideas."</p><p>"I know you do, ya fuckin' disaster." Her tone was affectionate though, and Cassandra's eyes searched hers. "Ya wanna be able to see your sister without your husband knowin', yeah? An' he wants you to get better, an' going back to a Soul Mender would further that."</p><p>"Cass, I <em>don't</em> want to go back to—"</p><p>"Lemme finish."</p><p>Narcissa stayed quiet, but mostly because Cassandra had pulled on her pubic hair when she demanded that, and it got the blonde exponentially wetter. She kind of liked this side of her friend, and it was certainly something she could get used to.</p><p>"I know they don't help ya. You have too many bloody secrets ya can't tell 'em, an' that's fine. I'm just— I could make appointments under your name, yeah? Once a month, when you go an' visit your sister. I'll go, pretend to be you so if Lucius ever checks, they say you've been goin'."</p><p>Narcissa expression softened. She reached out, gently placing her palm on her friend's cheek. "…You would do that for me?"</p><p>"Yeah… 'course I would," Cassandra responded, as though there was never any other option. Her hand finally slipped downward then and Narcissa hissed as the woman's fingers got lost between her folds. She closed her eyes, gently resting her forehead against Cassandra's.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Ya know why."</p><p>Cassandra pressed gently against her clit, and Narcissa gasped. She looked into her friend's eyes, running her thumb across her bottom lip. "I'm yours," she breathlessly told her, assuming that was what Cassandra wanted to hear. "Whatever you want in return, you know that. No limits; not for a favor of that magnitude."</p><p>Cassandra smirked. "You just<em> really </em>wanna do some kinky shit with me, don't ya?" Narcissa blushed a furious crimson, not expecting to be called out like that. Cassandra chuckled, but the other woman couldn't focus too much on her embarrassment as the redhead's fingers slipped inside of her then, and she shifted her weight so that she was on top of her. Narcissa groaned, sliding her fingers through Cassandra's long hair.</p><p>"I didn't… just mean sexually," Narcissa struggled to tell her as her breath caught in the back of her throat. "I just… want to please you. I want you to know— <em>fuck,</em> oh my god…" Narcissa ground out as Cassandra twisted her fingers inside of her, making Narcissa's lips part and her cheeks flush. "—You're appreciated," she finished breathlessly. "I appreciate you, Cass. I appreciate… <em>this."</em></p><p>"I know ya do," Cassandra breathed, slowly coaxing an orgasm from her friend. Narcissa grasped for her, her breasts heaving. "But you don't gotta lay the mat down for me, yeah? You don't gotta <em>be</em> the mat. You don't gotta pay me in submissive sexual favors to keep me around, Cissa. I'm not goin' anywhere. You're still my friend over anythin' else; even if ya stopping fuckin' me, I wouldn't leave."</p><p>"I'm <em>never</em> going to stop fucking you," Narcissa breathed passionately, looking up at the woman above her with wide eyes. She spread her legs further and slid her arms around Cassandra's waist, pulling her flush against her. "Never, never…"</p><p>It was so like Narcissa to get caught up, and they both knew it. Being that dramatic about her declarations was just in her nature, but that didn't mean that she didn't mean her words. In that moment, Narcissa couldn't imagine ever stopping, but perhaps that was only because she didn't know what her future would hold. At the moment, the only concern Narcissa had was that her husband would find out, as a week later Narcissa was walking into her home, feeling infinitely better than she had months prior.</p><p>"Mummy!" Draco exclaimed once she had apparated into the foyer with a small pop. He ran to her with his arms outstretched and Narcissa scooped him up into her arms, holding him close as tears sprung to the back of her eyes. It had been so very long since she had seen him.</p><p>"I'm sorry I was gone for so long, my little dragon," Narcissa whispered as she placed her mouth against the side of her son's head to gently kiss him, her lips getting tickled by wisps of blonde hair. "Mummy is never leaving you again. Never ever. I promise."</p><p>"…You're home."</p><p>Narcissa looked up at her husband in the threshold. He looked as though he didn't know what to make of her, and Narcissa didn't blame him. "I'm home," she confirmed softly. Her brow knit, her heart clenching painfully in her chest as she stared at the man she still desperately loved, despite it all. "…Is that okay?"</p><p>Lucius pursed his lips and looked at her, his expression still filled with so much apprehension and mistrust. "I guess we'll soon find out."</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. III.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Because I am <i>stupid</i> far ahead right now, and only getting more so (I average writing 3-4 chapters a week right now, lmao. Yay quarantine), the update rate of this fic has changed to twice a week. So you can expect a new chapter every <span class="u">Wednesday</span> and <span class="u">Saturday</span> for the foreseeable future, or at least until things start opening back up and I get my damn restaurant job back. I just figured that being 20 chapters ahead of what I’ve posted is… well, kind of ridiculous. Lol. </p><p>Also, in case any of you are interested, my abundance of stupid feelings about this fic series has caused me to start making edits and stuff on Tumblr, so if you’d like to see what I imagine the characters to look like - because I do not picture them as their movie actors, and ofc Cassandra is an OC - <a href="https://cissatrix.tumblr.com/tagged/cr%20edit">you can find them under the tag “CR Edit” on my blog</a>. Btw I am open to suggestions for an older Lucius (~40yrs) I need a better FC for him lmao please hit me up with suggestions.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>III.</strong>
</p><p>Although Narcissa had returned home, things were not back to normal. Lucius still barely spoke to her outside of the times he had to acknowledge her to be ‘polite’ in front of their son. When Narcissa had asked him why he had allowed her to return if he didn’t want to be a family again, Lucius had simply told her that forcing Draco to grow up in a broken home wasn’t fair to him, and he wasn’t going to do that to his son so long as Narcissa was not a risk to his well-being. Narcissa was <em>grievously </em>offended by that implication, but Lucius harshly reminded her that when she was unwell she did dangerous and reckless things like bringing a <em>child</em> to a ruined home in the middle of the bloody night, and Narcissa fell silent, as she knew he was right.</p><p>Lucius kept an annoyingly close watch on her for a while despite his desire to not be around her. They no longer shared a bedroom, but he was still outside of her door every morning as he rapped on it and told her to get up and take her meds. The house had been devoid of alcohol ever since she had returned, no doubt because of the performance she had put on last Christmas. He even escorted her to her ‘Soul Mender appointments’, which had been bloody hard to get around. Thankfully, Lucius had always left her in the lobby and she met up with Cassandra, gave her a kiss on the cheek in gratitude, and stole away to see her sister who was locked in a tower.</p><p>Bellatrix wasn’t doing well, and what was worse was the woman knew it. Narcissa had seen a significant change in just the one year that Bellatrix had been locked up, and so it didn’t surprise her when one day Bellatrix told her softly, “…It’s crumbling, Cissy. The wall the Dark Lord put up in my mind; I think it’s… this <em>place—</em> it’s tearing it down, fucking me up. I’m going mad again.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed sadly, because it kept taking her longer and longer to snap Bellatrix out of her delusions when she arrived. The dementors were destroying her, and although Narcissa knew it would still be many years until Bellatrix would succumb to the madness completely, it still broke Narcissa’s heart to know it was coming, as it rendered the sacrifice she had made to keep her sister whole useless, and ‘useless’ was the very last thing Narcissa wanted to label their daughter’s death.</p><p>“I’ll be here,” she promised her, grasping onto her sister’s hands through the wrought-iron bars. “Until the very end, I’ll be here.”</p><p>Unfortunately, the reality that could be sooner rather than later slapped Narcissa in the face when she heard that Barty Crouch Jr had died in prison. As he had been healthy and young, and had never even shown signs of illness any time she had visited her sister, it had given Narcissa a nasty shock, and she shook and cried when she saw her again, begging Bellatrix not to leave her. While Narcissa had been able to find some sense of stability as she handled the difficulties in her life with a delicate balance of sneaking away to see her sister, fucking another woman, hyper-focusing on her son, and continuing to abuse her medication whenever things got particularly dark, Narcissa knew she didn’t stand a chance of being able to handle Bellatrix’s death should it soon come to pass.</p><p>“Cissy, stop—” Bellatrix coaxed, wiping the tears from her sister’s eyes. Her eyes clouded over, her expression darkening. “That little wank didn’t fucking <em>die,</em> trust me…”</p><p>“What… what do you mean?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Bellatrix murmured, her eyes shifting to the cage that once held the man in question. “But something doesn’t feel right. He dies right after his parents finally come to visit him? It’s too coincidental, especially given who his father is.”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes went wide. “You think he escaped?” No one had ever escaped Azkaban before, and while a part of her heart surged as it meant there was the possibility that one day she and Bellatrix could be together again, the rational part of her deflated because, even if he had escaped with the help of his parents, his father had power, had influence. Narcissa had neither of those things.</p><p>“I don’t know. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but a part of me fucking wishes he did, because I know he would find Him again. He wouldn’t <em>rest</em> until he found our Lord for us,” Bellatrix breathed in excitement, getting caught in another delusion that broke Narcissa’s heart, as she couldn’t bear hearing her sister continue to speak about Voldemort like he was some sort of savior. Look at what his influence had done, look at where she <em>was.</em></p><p>“The wank’s <em>dead,</em> Bellatrix— he was weak; you heard him blubbering near the end of his life, don’t fool yourself…”</p><p>“—Shut up, you miserable sack. Nobody asked you.”</p><p>Narcissa’s lips turned down into a frown, but she didn’t have the heart to take away her sister’s hope. If believing that the Dark Lord would save her from this place allowed her to live another day, then she needed to let her believe it. Narcissa wouldn’t be able to bear the consequences otherwise.</p><p>“Come on, get undressed,” Narcissa gently coaxed, needing to change the subject. “I need to bathe you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do this every month, Cissy.”</p><p>“I wish I could do it <em>more</em> than just once a month,” Narcissa told her strongly, still horrified by what the Ministry considered to be acceptable conditions for their inmates. She was glad the guards allowed her to do this, although she was certain it was only because it was one less thing <em>they</em> had to do.</p><p>“I wish you could too,” Rodolphus chuckled from the shadows, but the sisters ignored him. They couldn’t very well stop him from getting off on it, and Bellatrix screaming at him and threatening to tear off his bollocks didn’t seem to do any good, so now they just tried to ignore him, and pretend that he didn’t exist at all.</p><p>“I wish you’d bloody <em>stop,”</em> Rabastan intervened, immensely uncomfortable with how close the two sisters were. Rodolphus would laugh at his brother and call him a fucking prude whenever he made his little comments, because who gave a shit what was proper to get off to anymore when they were spending the rest of their lives behind bars? Still, it was bloody irritating because ever since Rodolphus found out about them, he had made no secret of how much their relationship disgusted him, yet now he had the nerve to find it arousing? Narcissa hated him, honestly, but she certainly was not the only one as her sister’s eyes darkened in fury at the constant stream of comments that came from the brothers’ mouths.</p><p>“Both of you shut the fuck up. If you ruin what little time I have with my sister I will make certain you regret it.”</p><p>Rodolphus laughed. “<em>How?</em> Just get undressed, Bellatrix; you’re so much more appealing when your tits are out and your mouth is closed.”</p><p>“Ignore him,” Narcissa encouraged, shooting the man a dirty look before she turned back toward her sister. “Come on, we don’t have a lot of time, and I don’t want to leave you like this for another month. I still have your hair to untangle and your nails to file.”</p><p>Honestly, doing general maintenance on her sister usually took up the entire hour she had, but that was okay. She <em>wanted</em> to do these things; it made her feel useful, it made her feel like she was<em> doing</em> something for Bellatrix, instead of just waiting for her to wither away and die.</p><p>Bellatrix peeled off what constituted in that place as clothing, although it was closer to a sack than anything else. Thankfully she did seem to have gotten another one though, as it wasn’t as dirty as the last time Narcissa saw her. Did they only give them something new to wear once a year though? God, she hated this place, she <em>hated</em> it…</p><p>“Give me your arm,” Narcissa instructed before plunging the sponge into the soapy bucket of water she had next to her and then running it over her sister’s dirty skin. Truthfully, she knew she could just hand Bellatrix the sponge and have her to do it herself, but her sister was… she was <em>her</em> responsibility. Narcissa wanted to take care of her, because it was the only thing she could do now. Besides, Bellatrix seemed to find getting washed calming, and she laid her head against the bars and closed her eyes as she allowed Narcissa to clean her.</p><p>For a long time, the only sounds in the area were the sloshing of water and whatever the hell <em>Rodolphus</em> was doing to himself in his cell that Narcissa made certain she did not bear witness to. As it was rather routine at this point though she blocked it out, focusing instead on cleaning Bellatrix where she needed it the most; her pits, her—</p><p>Bellatrix groaned softly and suddenly snatched her wrist in her hand, keeping Narcissa still against her nether regions. She opened her eyes then and Narcissa inhaled a sharp breath, paling. She <em>knew</em> that look,  but it was one she hadn’t seen in a very long time.</p><p>
  <em>No, no, no, not yet…</em>
</p><p>“Mmm. Tell me, lover… how long have I been in here?”</p><p>Even Bellatrix’s <em>voice</em> had changed, and it reminded Narcissa so strongly of the past that it made her feel violently ill. How did this happen? Bellatrix had had her moments in there, yes, but she had never seen a full ‘switch’ happen. Was it because she had washed her a little too firmly down there? Sex and violence were always awful triggers for Bellatrix, but as this wasn’t the first time she had washed her, Narcissa hadn’t been expecting it.</p><p>Perhaps it had only been a matter of time though.</p><p>Narcissa did not speak when addressed however, and Bellatrix’s nails pierced the skin of the blonde’s wrist as she demanded, “Answer me!”</p><p>Narcissa hissed in pain, and she could hear Rodolphus moving around in his cage to the right of her. Apparently, this had just gotten interesting for him, and now he was pressed up against the bars so he could better bear witness to whatever disaster was about to happen. His cock was still out though and Narcissa had made the mistake of looking toward him when she heard him move. After exhaling a sound of disgust, she turned back toward her sister and quickly answered her question, hoping to get that image out of her mind.</p><p>“—One year, two months, and twelve days.”</p><p>Not that she had been counting.</p><p>“Bella, stop it. That hurts— let me <em>go.” </em>Narcissa tried to pull away, but Bellatrix did not loosen her grip. If anything, it tightened, so Narcissa tried to plead instead of demand. “Please, I understand what just happened, okay? I know it’s been a long time and this must be disorienting for you; I’ll fix it, my love, I promise, just… just let me go…”</p><p>“Oh, you’ll fucking <em>fix it,</em> alright,” Bellatrix growled, growing angry for reasons Narcissa did not understand. “One year, Cissy. One <em>year,</em> and that prat of a husband of yours still isn’t stuffing your mouth full with his cock, is he? No, you’re alone— you <em>should </em>be alone, but you aren’t, are you? You don’t know <em>how</em> to be alone because you’re fucking useless, because you feel like <em>nothing</em> unless someone has your cunt in their mouth and is worshiping the bloody ground you walk on, so who the fuck have you been giving yourself to, Cissy? Who the <em>fuck</em> is touching what’s mine? <em>Tell me!”</em></p><p>“Nobody— Bella, stop it!” Narcissa lied, her heart getting lodged in her throat. God, it had been so long that she barely remembered how to deal with her sister when she was like this. It also didn’t help that she was close to a full-blown panic attack at Bellatrix’s accusations, because a part of her was convinced that she knew she was lying to her.</p><p>Rodolphus laughed from his cage. “Well, this just got <em>infinitely </em>more interesting,” he drawled, his gaze flickering between the two women who were still bound together by Bellatrix’s bruising grip.</p><p>“—Fucked up; the lot of you.”</p><p>Bellatrix didn’t acknowledge the two brothers though; to her, the only person in the world was her sister, and her sudden paranoia had taken her over completely, causing a shift in her that she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. “<em>Why haven’t you wanted to fuck me then? </em>I should be all you have left, I should <em>fucking</em> be—<em>”</em></p><p><em>“</em>Because you’re in <em>prison!</em> Because there are bars between us, because we have a <em>fucking</em> audience, and I couldn’t bear the thought of showing others the most intimate part of our relationship, alright? For fuck’s sake, Bella; I don’t have bloody time to deal with you like this— we have one hour a month and <em>this</em> is how you’re choosing to spend it?” Narcissa raged, holding on to her anger as she knew it masked her fear. “<em>Get your fucking head on straight, you mental bitch, and maybe if you’re lucky I’ll actually come back to this hell hole to see you again!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix’s chest heaved as she looked at her, but she had faltered, and that was enough. Narcissa grasped for her with her free hand, her palm warming her sister’s cheek as she coaxed her to look at her. “Come on, stop it. You’ve been free from this for so long, and you <em>aren’t </em>broken yet. I can tell— this isn’t the extent of it, and you know it. You used to be so much worse. <em>Look</em> at me, Bella. Breathe. I’m right here; I’m yours, and no one else's. Always.”</p><p>It was as though a light had been extinguished from Bellatrix’s eyes. The fire inside of them had faded, and with it a silent tear fell down the brunette’s cheek. Bellatrix’s grip relaxed and she let her go, but Narcissa did not step away. Instead she grasped for her, pulling her sister in for a deep kiss that she sobbed in the middle of, because she was a horrible, <em>awful</em> person who deserved her sister’s wrath, who deserved the pain<em>…</em></p><p>At least Bellatrix’s brief bout of madness had been mild compared to what she used to go through, and at least she didn’t need sex or violence to drive it away. Not yet. This was how it started though, when she was younger; Bellatrix getting <em>angry</em> and not having an outlet for it. But this was more than anger— this was devastation; this was Bellatrix believing that Narcissa had found another to replace her, and because the worst part was that it was partly true, Narcissa no longer cared who was watching, and she gave her sister what she needed.</p><p>She wanted Bellatrix to know that she was loved, that she was <em>wanted,</em> even when she was suffering, even when she wasn’t beautiful and filled with life. She didn’t want her to feel forgotten.</p><p>“Shh, come here,” Narcissa breathed, encouraging her sister to fit her entire body against the bars. They pressed uncomfortably into Bellatrix’s breasts but the woman made no sound of complaint, and Narcissa leaned in and pressed her lips against her sister’s cheek as she breathed out her apology, her own eyes leaking tears of guilt, shame, and sorrow. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my love. I was being selfish; I’ll take care of you, I promise…”</p><p>The world fell away then, and Narcissa no longer cared what went on around them. All that mattered in that moment was Bellatrix; the tragic, broken woman that Narcissa loved so very dearly, and yet selfishly needed to betray so that she could feel whole while Bellatrix was left in pieces.</p><p>“I’ll always take care of you, Bella,” Narcissa whispered, her words only for her as she ran her hand over her sister’s unruly patch of curls. She used to be so clean, so sculpted. Not anymore though — not ever again. Narcissa slid her fingers through the woman’s folds, and Bellatrix groaned, her eyes closing as she allowed her sister to take her far away from this place. “Forever. You know that… right? You are my priority, <em>you’re </em>who I value above all others, the only one I ever want in my life…”</p><p>“—Promise me.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s words were rough, tightened in the back of her throat and Narcissa, who had ample practice lying to someone she loved since she was fifteen years old, answered automatically with a passionate, convincing, “I <em>promise,” </em>as she traced her sister’s jaw, her lips with her free hand. It made Narcissa feel sick, and yet it wasn’t enough to betray her lie as she pressed her fingers firmly against her sister’s clit, coaxing a gasp from the woman beneath her hand.</p><p>“Shit, Cissy—”</p><p>There were noises Narcissa knew all too well then, and as Bellatrix wrapped one of her legs around the bars in order to give her a better angle, Narcissa slipped her fingers inside of her and demanded, “Louder. Make me hear only you, Bella. I need— I need it to be just us, please…”</p><p>Because if Rodolphus’ fucking wanking ruined this for them, if Rabastan and his ‘nobody wants to see that disgusting shit!’ nonsense took Narcissa out of this moment that they were sharing, she honestly wasn’t sure what she would do. If <em>this</em> was the only thing they were able to do for the rest of their lives, then Narcissa didn’t want it to be a horrible experience. She didn’t want it tainted, she didn’t want it ruined. Not by them. Not by anyone.</p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a shuddered gasp as she reached for her, her fingers fisting in her sister’s clothing as Narcissa twisted her fingers deep within her; pulling out her sister’s pleasure easily, for this was the one thing she knew how to do better than anything else. “Ciss— <em>Fuck, </em>I’ve missed you; I’ve fucking <em>missed </em>you…<em>”</em> Bellatrix exhaled around her moans, and they were louder, thankfully. Or perhaps <em>un</em>thankfully, as despite Narcissa’s desire to block out the world around them, she had forgotten their little corner of the prison wasn’t exactly soundproofed, and noises in there carried. The sounds of their lovemaking had roused the other prisoners from their depressed and dying stupor, and the jeering that followed came in a variety of ways — from encouragement to damnation, because nearly everyone in that prison block knew who she was, and that she and Bellatrix were related.</p><p>Narcissa wanted to die.</p><p>It didn’t matter that none of those people would ever leave the prison alive; Narcissa knew her embarrassment would be temporary anyway, as she regarded most of the people in there as little more than animals waiting for the slaughter. No, what bothered her was that now the most special, the most private part of her relationship with Bellatrix was on display for anyone willing to listen, and it made Narcissa ill because it felt like it cheapened it. Making love to her sister was supposed to be for Bellatrix and for no one else, and Narcissa hated that <em>this </em>was the only option she had now.</p><p>Was it better than nothing at all though? It had to be. Narcissa couldn’t bear to make her sister feel abandoned and unwanted, as sex had always been the only thing Bellatrix’s limited emotional capacity understood as love. Narcissa couldn’t <em>bear</em> to be the cause of the other woman’s paranoia and heartbreak as she assumed (correctly) that her sister was sleeping with another, and so if it saved Bellatrix from devastation then Narcissa knew she’d fuck her a thousand times with the world listening, because how she felt about it paled in comparison to how <em>Bellatrix </em>would feel without it.</p><p>“Ignore them,” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, grasping for her sister’s face as she careened closer to the bars that separated them. “Look at me, Cissy; I know— <em>fuck,</em> I know… I know that this isn’t what you want for us, but—” Her breathing was labored, her skin was flushed as Narcissa was desperate to keep herself in the moment they shared without the wretched influence from the world around them, “but thank you for giving it to me anyway…”</p><p>Narcissa closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from rolling down her cheek, but to no avail. “I love you, Bella,” she breathed in sorrow, wishing this wasn’t how their lives ended up. “And I’m <em>sorry…”</em></p><p>Bellatrix didn’t ask for what; perhaps she believed the apology was merely Narcissa’s guilt over her own freedom, her own life, when Bellatrix had nothing. Perhaps she believed it was just because Narcissa shared in her sorrow that this was the best they were ever going to have now, but it didn’t matter as Narcissa pulled a screaming, trembling orgasm from her lover’s lips that for one, short moment overshadowed her own guilt for what she was doing behind her sister’s back.</p><p>Bellatrix was right though — she <em>was</em> useless on her own, she <em>did</em> feel like nothing unless someone was worshiping the ground she walked on. That was why she needed Cassandra, and why, despite how terribly guilty she felt every time she looked her sister in the eyes, she did not end the affair.</p><p>And so life went on.</p><p>Narcissa continued to lie to her husband and visited her sister every month. She continued being what Bellatrix needed to survive that place, no matter what that entailed. Narcissa had become numb to the rest of the prison anyway, and even Sirius’ awful comments as she entered and exited the facility no longer bore weight, although she did originally have a hard time with the fact that he had also heard the truth of her and Bellatrix’s relationship. Now, however, Narcissa barely cared, and why should she? Sirius would die in there like the rest of them and even if he did not, why should she care what a filthy mudblood lover thought of her? He was nothing. All of them were <em>nothing</em> save her sister, whom Narcissa could not stop from falling apart despite her desperate efforts.</p><p>Bellatrix’s sanity was waning. Her episodes were becoming more frequent, but the worst times were when there wasn’t any noticeable ‘switch’ like there had been when they were children, and it seemed that just the place itself was slowly killing her. People without preexisting conditions were known to go mental in there, and for Bellatrix it was worse. Narcissa tried to ground her in reality during her visits, but the sad part was that one hour every month was just not enough to do so. It was beginning to take a toll on Narcissa, and she was returning from her visits emotionally shredded as she forced herself to bear witness to the slow death of the love of her life.</p><p>She was certain Lucius knew what she had been doing at this point as it had been so long, but he never said anything. Perhaps he just no longer cared, as her visits with Bellatrix were not negatively impacting their son. Narcissa doted on Draco and had eventually taken up the role of his primary caregiver despite Lucius still not being able to find work due to their horrible reputation. He still went out to ‘look’ for employment opportunities nearly every day now, even though Narcissa was not stupid, and knew he was using that time to visit his lover, whoever she was. At first, she had been horribly jealous, but in truth their relationship had soured to the point of no return, and it wasn’t as though without him she was left alone. She still had Cassandra, and so she allowed Lucius to have his affair in peace so long as he allowed hers, because she was certain he knew at this point that she was sleeping with someone else as well.</p><p>In the end, despite everything they had gone through and the love that they once shared, it seemed their relationship had become mere formality after all, just like every other pureblooded marriage. Perhaps Narcissa had been foolish to believe she could escape that fate, as it seemed unhappiness was the only thing destined for their kind.</p><p>“Mum! <em>Mummy!”</em></p><p>Draco banged heavily against the bathroom door, startling Narcissa so badly that she almost spilled the remnants of her anti-psychotics onto the floor. She swore, thankful she had locked the door; this was not something Draco needed to bear witness to, but it was the only thing that got her through the day anymore. No one had noticed either, as it was her new normal; watching Bellatrix slowly die in prison was wearing her down both physically and emotionally, and this was the only way she could get ‘up’ again, which she needed to be for her son. Narcissa refused to fall into a pit of despair again as it could cause her to neglect him, and that was not an option. Draco was her entire world.</p><p>“I’ll be out in a moment, my darling. Do you need something?”</p><p>Narcissa scooped up some of the powder with her nail and placed it beneath her nostril, inhaling it quickly and quietly. As it was so routine by now she barely even flinched, and she made quick work of pushing the rest of it into her locket as her son spoke to her through the door.</p><p>“What’s Azka… Azkana-ban?”</p><p>Narcissa paled. Draco was only six years old, and he should <em>not</em> be asking that question yet. “Why do you want to know that, you silly goose?” Narcissa asked with a forced laugh, trying to downplay it as she quickly shut her locket and clasped it around her neck, feeling the brief rush of euphoria run its course through her body before it settled, and she began to feel a bit more normal.</p><p>“Gregory said that’s where Auntie Bella is.”</p><p>Oh, she was going to <em>murder</em> Cassandra.</p><p>Narcissa coaxed herself to breathe as she washed her hands, trying to prepare herself for a conversation she didn’t think she needed to have for at least a couple more years. When she opened the door she saw her son on the other side looking torn between being confused and accusatory, his little face scrunched up as he pointed at her.</p><p>“<em>You</em> told me she was sick and that’s why she never sends me presents.”</p><p>“It’s pronounced ‘Azkaban’, darling,” Narcissa corrected him automatically, as Draco still struggled with pronouncing some words correctly and it was instinctual for her to help him. She crouched down to get on his level, wanting him to feel an equal part in the conversation. “And your aunt<em> is </em>very sick, but yes, Azkaban is where she lives right now.”</p><p>The corner of Draco’s lips turned down into a frown. “Gregory says it’s a bad place for bad people. Is Auntie Bella bad?”</p><p>“Oh, my darling boy, of <em>course</em> not,” Narcissa assured him, running her hands over his arms in comfort. Even if most people would consider Bellatrix a bad person, Narcissa would never allow her <em>son</em> to think something like that. “Sometimes… sometimes good people make bad decisions, and sometimes those bad decisions make them have to go away for a while. But whether she’s here with us or not, your Aunt Bella will always be an important part of our family, and that’s why I wanted you to know who she was. That’s why I’ve always told you stories about her, even though I know you both may never meet.”</p><p> Narcissa gently brushed the hair from her son’s eyes, her palm resting briefly against his cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where she lived, but I wanted to wait until you were a little older. Azkaban is not a nice place, and not something little boys need to talk about. I’m going to speak to Gregory’s mother, and neither of you will talk about it again, do you understand me?”</p><p>It wasn’t even an hour later before Lucius came home from wherever the hell he went most days, and Narcissa asked him to watch Draco for a moment before she stormed over to the fireplace. She violently threw a handful of floo powder into the flames before sticking her head in them. “Cassandra! Get over here— <em>now!”</em></p><p>She waited.</p><p>Within a couple minutes Cassandra was stepping thorough her fireplace with her son, dusting herself off with her hands. Narcissa’s expression darkened when she saw that Gregory had accompanied her, but perhaps her husband wasn’t home and she couldn’t very well leave the child alone.</p><p>“Draco’s outside with Mr. Malfoy,” Narcissa told the boy, tight-lipped. “Run along and play.”</p><p>“What is it?” Cassandra asked once her son had left, concern etching between her brow as she stepped toward her. “What’s happened? S’the Ministry doin’ raids again?”</p><p>Even though it had been four and a half years since the fall of the Dark Lord, the Ministry was still out for blood when it came to his supporters. Lucius wasn’t getting harassed quite as much as he used to, but other families who had never even been questioned before — like Cassandra’s — were suddenly being looked at a little more closely because nobody wanted to allow a Death Eater to slip through the cracks. Narcissa had heard a rumor that even<em> mudbloods</em> were being looked at, which was bloody laughable, but whatever kept the Ministry off their doorstep.</p><p>“Your <em>son</em> told Draco that his aunt is in Azkaban— how the <em>fuck</em> did he know that, Cass?”</p><p>Cassandra’s face masked in apology. “…Bollocks. He musta heard me an’ Peter talkin’.” Her brow creased and she tried to reach for her hand to ask for forgiveness. “I’m real sorry, Cissa.”</p><p>“You’re <em>sorry?” </em>Narcissa repeated incredulously, ripping her hand from her grasp. She didn’t want to be touched right now. “Bellatrix’s imprisonment was not something I wanted to tell Draco about until he was much older— how the hell could you have been so <em>careless? </em>I swear to God, you never have any fucking sense, do you?!”</p><p>“Oi, the only<em> sodding</em> reason he heard us talkin’ was because Peter found out I was goin’ to those stupid Soul Mender appointments for <em>you,</em> you ungrateful git!” Cassandra exclaimed loudly, which Narcissa responded to with a frantic “—Shh!” in case Lucius had come in from outside. Even if he did know what she had been doing these last few years, catching her red-handed in a lie would lead to a fight that she didn’t have the effort for today.</p><p>“Don’t you bloody shush me— S’been fuckin’ years I’ve been doin’ this shit for you an’ Peter thought I was havin’ a sodding <em>affair, </em>sneakin’ off every sodding month<em>—</em>”</p><p>Narcissa snorted sardonically.</p><p>“Shut up. S’Not funny. I thought tellin’ him about your visits with the mental one was the lesser o’ two evils; told ‘im you’re real bad off without her an’ that Lucius wasn’t lettin’ ya go so I had to help, but now he’s fuckin’ shoutin’ at me tellin’ me I always bloody cater to you and what am I, ‘<em>fuckin’ you or something?’, </em>so excuse me if I don’t ruddy care about your son knowin’ the truth right now; he was gonna find out sooner or later anyway. Get over it.”</p><p>A part of Narcissa wanted to shout at her, to tell her to fuck right off because Draco’s well-being was more important to her than Cassandra’s marriage, but Cassandra wasn’t Bellatrix. She wasn’t Lucius. She was not tied to her in a permanent way despite their affair spanning years now, and if Narcissa was too cruel to her she was afraid the other woman would leave, and that was not something Narcissa could handle. Not yet. Not today.</p><p>The blonde set her jaw, her stomach tying in knots as she tried to respond in a way that someone sane and rational would. “Do you… want to take a step back?”</p><p>That was absolutely the last thing she wanted, but she didn’t want Cassandra to get caught either. She would certainly leave her then, because just as Narcissa had encouraged all those years ago, her <em>husband</em> was Cassandra’s main priority — not her.</p><p>And that was something Narcissa was really starting to hate.</p><p>“No, I want you to sodding appreciate the shit I’m riskin’ for you, you fuckin’ arsehole. Do you think this is <em>fun</em> for me?”</p><p>Narcissa cracked a smirk, trying to break the tension. “Remember when you thought it would be?”</p><p>Cassandra’s expression set. “Cissa, you’re not funny. He thinks I’m fuckin’ you. I <em>am</em> fuckin’ you. What am I s’posed to do?”</p><p>“Be <em>quiet</em> for one — my husband is still home,” Narcissa hissed, grasping her friend’s hand before pulling her out of the parlor and into the kitchen, where they had at least a bit more privacy. There were a lot less entrances, at the very least, and it was further from the backyard.</p><p>Once they had found themselves some semblance of privacy, Narcissa slipped her arms around her waist and pulled Cassandra towards her until the two women were flush against the wine closet around the corner of the kitchen. “I’m <em>sorry,”</em> Narcissa breathed, nuzzling her face into the redhead’s neck. “I know this hasn’t been very worth it lately with Lucius always home or us always having to watch the kids every time we’re together. I <em>do</em> appreciate what you’re risking for me, Cass, believe me. You know I need you right now. You’re the only<em> bloody </em>thing that keeps me sane most days…”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a resigned breath, looking so incredibly tired all of a sudden. “Don’t know how, considering we never get time together anymore. Not the <em>good</em> kind anyway.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips. “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I mean, perhaps I could convince Lucius to allow me to be more open about our affair if I allow <em>him</em> to be with his, and that way we could at least be together properly when you’re here, at the very least, but I don’t know how to keep him from telling your husband about us. They’re friends, and I’m sure Lucius would be far too sensitive to the fact that you’re fucking a woman behind your husband’s back, because he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of that betrayal all too well.”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a heavy sigh and shook her head. “I know. Don’t matter. I know there’s nothin’ you can do, Cissa. I just hate this. I fuckin’ hate not bein’ with ya. I’ve <em>missed</em> you…” She gently placed her palm on her friend’s face and Narcissa covered it with her own.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too,” she breathed regrettably, her eyes searching the other woman’s before she leaned in and gave Cassandra a soft kiss. It wasn’t enough, but it was something, and after the two women parted, Cassandra gently leaned her forehead against Narcissa’s. The blonde’s eyes closed, and Narcissa enjoyed the feeling of the other woman’s light breath against her skin.</p><p>“I’ll fix it,” Cassandra finally said. “S’Always me that has to anyway, yeah? Dunno why I even ask.”</p><p>Narcissa opened her eyes, her stomach lurching. “Cass…”</p><p>“S’Fine, I didn’t mean it like—I dunno, maybe I did, but I know ya got a lot on your plate,” Cassandra rationalized, although still sounded so terribly exhausted by it. “I know everything’s been shit for you, with Bellatrix goin’ even more mental in that place. Know it’s hard, an’ I don’t wanna make things harder for you. I’ll just swallow Peter’s cock every bloody day for a month, an’ I’m sure he’ll forget all about it. Lemme owl Urs— maybe she can start watchin’ the kids for us every now an’ then, an’ I can have ya over when Peter’s at work.”</p><p>Narcissa’s lip upturned. She did <em>not</em> like Ursula Crabbe, but for some reason Cassandra still insisted on being friends with her. Cassandra noted her look though, and her expression darkened. “Ya need to stop with that, Cissa, cause if I start askin’ favors of her then you’re gonna have to suck it up an’ be nice. End of the day either ya want to find a way be with me or you don’t; make up your mind, ‘cause I ain’t about to try to find another solution. This is the one you got, so maybe try bein’ the one who makes a bloody sacrifice for once instead of expectin’ me to.”</p><p>“Cass— Cassie, stop,” Narcissa pleaded. She grasped for her hands, distress etching between her brow. “I didn’t say I wasn’t willing to do whatever I needed to, I just don’t like her; that’s all. I told you before I’d do anything, that you could have whatever you wanted from me; I meant that.”</p><p>“No, Cissa. You <em>said</em> that. Ya didn’t mean it.”</p><p>Narcissa’s chest tightened, not liking the direction this conversation was going. “Cass, please, I’m <em>sorry.</em> I’ll go outside and tell Lucius right now that we’re together if you want, I’ll find a way to keep him quiet about it so we can fuck all over this bloody house, I don’t <em>care,</em> just please don’t—” Upset began to form in lines across her face, and Narcissa’s expression crumpled. Her eyes watered, and Cassandra sighed in exasperation as she wiped the tear that immediately fell from her friend’s eye.</p><p>“Jesus, why’re you like this? Always so sodding dramatic. I’m not sayin’ I’m gonna leave you, Cissa, for fuck’s sake. Calm down. I’m just bloody irritated right now; I feel like I’m always the one doing shit for <em>you</em> an’ not the other way ‘round. <em>I </em>gotta be the one to waste an’ hour outta my life every month so you can see your mental sister in prison. <em>I </em>gotta be the one to try to keep our relationship hidden, <em>I’m</em> the one who needs to find a better way for us to be together… like what the fuck are ya actually bringing to the table here, Cissa? Cause outside of that delicious cunt of yours, I ain’t really seein’ much.”</p><p>Narcissa didn’t know what to say to that. It was <em>mean — </em>sort of, mean and flattering at the same time really<em> — </em>but it was also horribly true. More tears just leaked from her eyes, but Cassandra had never reacted to her tears the way Bellatrix or Lucius did. She didn’t coddle her. “Don’t just stand there an’ cry at me, Cissa; you ain’t a child. Just fuckin’ <em>show</em> me, yeah?”</p><p>“I…” Narcissa tried, feeling helpless and lost as she realized she didn’t really have much to give after all. “I-I’m sorry,” she apologized miserably, because everyone had always just catered to her, hadn’t they? Did she even know <em>how</em> to be a proper lover? Sure, she had made sacrifices for Bellatrix at least, but they were the life-altering, end-all-be-all kind of sacrifices; Narcissa had never made normal ones for their relationship. She never had to.</p><p>“I’ll make an effort,” she promised, hoping that was all that Cassandra wanted, as it was the only solution Narcissa could come up with. She just hoped that it was enough. “Okay? <em>I’ll</em> owl Ursula, invite her to tea or something, so that when we ask her to watch the boys for a bit she doesn’t just think she’s being used for childcare. Okay? Is that what you want?” Narcissa knew she sounded desperate, and her voice was strained as she looked so terribly lost, her eyes searching the other woman’s.</p><p>Cassandra merely sighed. “It’s a start,” she told her, and Narcissa felt so terribly small as she realized that despite being married, despite having a relationship with her sister for what seemed like her entire life, she might not actually know how to be a good lover after all.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. IV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>IV.</strong>
</p><p>“Bloody fuckin’… <em>fuck,</em> Cissa, oh my God…!”</p><p>This did, admittedly, make Narcissa feel a little better. Perhaps she wasn’t the greatest friend, or the world’s best girlfriend, and if you ask Lucius then she <em>certainly</em> had never been a proper wife, but this? This she knew how to do. And in the end, this was the only thing Narcissa had been intending on giving Cassandra anyway, but perhaps it was a bit stupid to think that sex would be the only effort she’d have to expend in a relationship.</p><p>Cassandra wasn’t her <em>girlfriend </em>though<em>,</em> not really, not like Bellatrix had been, but even that label sounded ridiculous because they were so much more than that. She and Cassandra <em>had</em> been sleeping together for quite a while now, and lines were understandable beginning to blur. Narcissa didn’t want Cassandra to feel like she was the only one putting effort into having this relationship though, and so she did exactly as the other woman had asked and played nice with Ursula Crabbe so that the woman could watch their children for a couple hours a week, and <em>they</em> could finally be together in the way they wanted.</p><p>Cassandra’s words that doing something like that was merely “a start” haunted her though, and Narcissa’s desperation to please the other woman now saw the room covered in flowers while an enchanted phallus was strapped to Narcissa’s groin, because that had always been Cassandra’s favorite thing and Narcissa wanted — she <em>needed</em> to prove that she was trying, because quite frankly she did not know what she would do without this relationship to keep her sane. Her entire sense of self-<em>worth</em> was tied up in this.</p><p>Cassandra was on her stomach on the bed that she shared with her husband, her back arched as Narcissa gently held her throat with the arm that was wrapped around her. Narcissa had never really been one to top — although mostly because topping was one of the only things that made Lucius feel like a man, and it was something that furthered her sister’s possessive nature as Bellatrix used her body as though she owned it — but Narcissa found she actually rather enjoyed being the one in control while she was with Cassandra. Not that there wasn’t something <em>delicious</em> in being held down and violated in any way her lover(s) saw fit, but this was… this was just as good, if not even better.</p><p>The other woman was completely at her mercy, her legs helplessly spread beneath the blonde’s form as Narcissa thrust the phallus deep inside her from behind. Cassandra was clawing at the bed, her breathing labored and her chest flushing as she panted and swore and begged Narcissa to fuck her harder. The blonde’s teeth latched onto the other woman’s neck and Cassandra exhaled a guttural moan, her insides clenching around the enchanted phallus in a way that shot sparks through Narcissa’s core as it rewarded her with pleasure of her own.</p><p>“Fucking <em>scream</em> for me, lover,” Narcissa breathlessly demanded, only half-realizing that she was beginning to channel her sister, as when Bellatrix fucked her this way she had always come undone in the most delicious of ways and she missed that, she missed<em> her</em>— Narcissa slapped Cassandra’s arse before she grasped it firmly, refusing to let herself think of Bellatrix as she dug her fingers in and fucked her harder, making the woman beneath her practically sob in pleasure as she inadvertently played a part in Narcissa’s unconscious replication of her past.</p><p>“Please— <em>please,</em> Cissa…! Make me come, make me yours—!”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> mine,” Narcissa growled, her hand fisting in the redhead’s long hair before she wrapped it around her fist, wrenched Cassandra’s head back, and fucked her into the bloody <em>ground. “Say it!” </em>she demanded loudly, getting off on the power she had as she absolutely ruined the woman beneath her.</p><p>“I’m yours, I’m yours! Cissa— Fuck,<em> fuck…! </em>Oh my God!” Cassandra sobbed in pleasure before she exploded, her orgasm causing a ripple effect that allowed the enchantment around the phallus to give Narcissa what she desperately needed as her mind went gloriously blank and her own thighs quaked with her achievement.</p><p>Cassandra collapsed against the sheets and Narcissa fell on top of her, out of breath. She lay there for a long moment before she placed her lips against the back of the other woman’s shoulder, tasting salt and sin. Her breathing was still uneven as Narcissa reached down to unclasp the phallus from around her hips, throwing the harness to the floor. She continued to kiss Cassandra’s back then, the only sound in the room their labored breathing as Narcissa’s hand fell between the other woman’s thighs.</p><p>Cassandra hissed, still terribly sensitive from the furious fuck she had just received. But Narcissa was gentle with her as she coaxed her to roll over, wanting her to face her. Their lips connected as Narcissa continued to run her fingers over the woman’s sensitive flesh, always so terribly fascinated by the way Cassandra’s clit would engorge when she was aroused. Her body was so different than Bellatrix’s, different than Narcissa’s own, and the blonde reveled in the change as she slid the sensitive flesh between her middle and forefinger, causing the woman beneath her to tremble and whimper.</p><p>“Cissa…” Cassandra breathed as she looked at the woman atop her in a way that made Narcissa’s insides twist. Cassandra was absolutely soaked and Narcissa spread her arousal all over her heated flesh as she gently began to bring her to another orgasm because it had been so terribly long since they were able to do this, and she desperately did not want to stop.</p><p>“Shh,” Narcissa breathed before she kissed her again, beginning to make small circles against the other woman’s clit. Cassandra moaned into her mouth, her brow etching in pleasure as she grasped for her, pulling her closer. Narcissa’s hair was sticking to her neck and Cassandra had to wipe it a few times before she broke the kiss and moved her head to wrap her lips around the blonde’s clavicle.</p><p>“Is this what you wanted?” Narcissa asked softly as she continued to gently stimulate her, causing Cassandra’s breathing to labor once more. “I know… I know it’s just <em>sex</em>, but…”</p><p>“Fuckin’ <em>stop,” </em>Cassandra panted before she careened upward, capturing the blonde’s lips in another long kiss. “I’m sorry— I’m sorry I said that shit, was just mad. Frustrated. I knew— <em>fuck,</em> I knew what I was gettin’ into when I climbed into your bed, Cissa. I know it’s your world, an’ the rest of us are just livin’ in it. Wasn’t tryin’ to… to make ya feel like what you’re givin’ me ain’t enough. It is.”</p><p>“It wasn’t,” Narcissa disagreed breathlessly as she pressed harder against her center, prompting a deep moan from the woman beneath her. Narcissa’s lips quirked upward, “But that’s what all the flowers are for.”</p><p>Cassandra laughed, the sound mixed with her moans as she dug her nails into her lover’s back. “Looks like a bloody funeral in here—”</p><p>“Hey, I was <em>trying—”</em></p><p>“Shut up. I know,” Cassandra breathed before she kissed her again, sweeping her tongue into the blonde’s mouth to steal the rest of her words. When they parted, Cassandra delicately placed her hand on Narcissa’s cheek, her breath tickling her lips as she begged softly, “Just fuck me, yeah? Just… just fuck me…”</p><p>And so Narcissa did. They fell into each other quite a few times until they were finally spent, lying next to one another on the bed. Narcissa’s blonde hair was splayed out around her like a halo, Cassandra’s cheek resting against her breast as she looked around the room.</p><p>“I do appreciate it,” she finally told her, voice hoarse from all the screaming she had done during their long bout of lovemaking. “The flowers, I mean. S’a right shame I’m gonna have to get rid of ‘em, but Peter’d have questions.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa sighed as she gently weaved her hand through her lover’s hair. Her nose scrunched though, feeling a little self-conscious. “They’re not stupid though? Like, you’re not just placating me because I apparently have no idea what I’m doing?”</p><p>Cassandra snorted. “Believe me, Cissa; you <em>definitely</em> know what the fuck you’re doin’.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “No, I meant with… with the other stuff.” Suddenly she was faltering, so terribly unsure of both herself and the fact that she even <em>wanted</em> to have this conversation, but the words had slipped out regardless. Cassandra shifted in her arms, looking up at her.</p><p>“What other stuff are ya talkin’ about exactly?” The way the question was posed Narcissa was fairly certain that Cassandra knew <em>exactly</em> what she was talking about, but in that moment, the blonde couldn’t figure out whether her reaction was meant to be good or bad.</p><p>Narcissa suddenly felt like she might vomit and she pushed herself to a seated position, forcing the other woman off of her. “No, I’m sorry, I can’t—I can’t have this conversation.”</p><p>“<em>You’re</em> the one who brought it up,” Cassandra reminded her, but Narcissa had suddenly become terribly pale as she scrambled off the bed and began gathering up her clothes. “Cissa— Narcissa, stop!”</p><p>Cassandra had chased after her, clasping onto the other woman’s wrist to stop her frantic movements. Narcissa was fairly certain she was about to have a panic attack. “I’m still <em>fucking </em>her, Cass!” she blurted out, because she needed Cassandra to know how disastrously screwed up she was. In a way, it was like her emotional shield. “In <em>prison,</em> in front of her fucking husband and her brother-in-law, the whole <em>bloody</em> cell block knows and it makes me feel disgusting but I need to— I need to make her feel loved and wanted because if I don’t then she’ll know, she’ll know that I’m betraying her, that I’m—!”</p><p>But she was crying again, because that was the only way Narcissa knew how to express her devastation and her guilt as she got a little too close to something that made her situation with Bellatrix feel so much worse. Cassandra’s expression was not <em>understanding</em> by any means, but it at least wasn’t filled with horror at the revelation.</p><p>“You really don’t got an ounce of self-respect when it comes to her, huh? That’s… well, that’s honestly pretty fuckin’ foul, Cissa, but I also can’t say I’m surprised.”</p><p>Narcissa only sobbed harder, her knees nearly buckling beneath her weight as she sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. She knew she was disgusting— she knew she was desperate and pathetic and absolutely mental when it came to Bellatrix and how she felt about her, but doing something like <em>that</em> certainly solidified it. Cassandra looked at her for a long time before she exhaled a long sigh and sat beside her, placing her hand on her friend’s knee.</p><p>“You’ve always been fucked up, an’ I won’t lie— it’s somethin’ I’ve found real sexy ‘bout you, ‘cause maybe I’m a little fucked up too. Disaster women make me super fuckin’ wet, but things’re changin’ and seein’ you this zonked over another woman is fuckin’ me up a little, to be honest. I still don’t care that she’s your sister, ‘cause honestly the incest thing is wicked hot—”</p><p>Narcissa stared at her, jaw slacking. She didn’t know Cassandra thought <em>that.</em> Although perhaps she had been stupid to not infer it anyway, as who else would condone such a relationship, other than those who got off on it?</p><p>“But there’s a difference between somethin’ healthy, an’ what you an’ Bellatrix have,” Cassandra bluntly told her, the truth twisting into Narcissa’s gut like a knife. “Regardless of it bein’ consensual, it’s still toxic as hell, an’ I can’t keep watchin’ it tear you apart, Cissa. I won’t.”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. Those words held a sense of finality that Narcissa really didn’t like. “Cass, please—<em> please</em> don’t do this. I’ll stop, I swear I’ll—”</p><p>“You lie as easy as breathin’, don’t ya?” Cassandra chastised and Narcissa fell silent, as it had absolutely been a lie. “I like you, Cissa— I more than like ya, if I’m bein’ honest, an’ I know you feel the same way otherwise you wouldn’t have started a conversation like that. But the fact that you can’t finish it says somethin’. Ya need to get outta the past; Bellatrix is gone, an’ she ain’t ever comin’ back. I know you feel guilty movin’ forward while she’s standin’ still, but she did this to herself.  If she had loved you as much as she claimed to, she wouldn’t have ever left. She woulda did what Lucius did, she woulda lied an’ said she was coerced, but she stood proudly an’ admitted everythin’ as she allowed them to take her away with a part of your soul still attached to her.”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she was being shred to ribbons. She knew every word was true, as she had screamed the very same thing to Bellatrix when she had first gone away, but it hurt so much more when it was said out loud by a third party. “Please, please stop—”</p><p>“No, ya need to hear this, Cissa. An’ I’m not tellin’ you this so I can have ya, I’m not tryin’ to emotionally blackmail you into not seein’ her again, because somethin’ like that needs to be your choice. I’m not leavin’ ya, okay, so stop bloody cryin’, yeah? Look at me,” Cassandra encouraged, gently touching the other woman’s tear-stained face so that Narcissa’s gaze would meet her own. “I just don’t— you <em>can’t</em> talk to me about her anymore, an’ I’m not doin’ you anymore favors when it comes to her. Okay? An’ we… we need to go back to this bein’ just about sex, yeah? Friends with benefits or whatever, no ‘other stuff’ that we were gettin’ closer to doin’ ‘cause I’m not gonna emotionally tie myself to you, Cissa. I already know you’d break my heart, an’ I’m not gonna let you. You don’t fuckin’ deserve to have that part of me anyway.”</p><p>For this not being a breakup, it still certainly felt like one. Narcissa sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she realized she might have just lost something she hadn’t even realized that she had. God, why did she have to be so <em>stupid? </em>Why did she have to be so fucking damaged, so fucking codependent on another that it destroyed anything else that came near? Her marriage was massacred beyond repair, and the closest friendship she had ever had was now tainted because of Narcissa’s selfish desire to have more than she deserved.</p><p>She didn’t <em>want </em>to just fuck Cassandra though; she wanted it to mean something, she wanted something behind it because it made her feel like she was still worth something despite knowing deep down that she was just damaged goods that her sister had left behind in tatters, and just as she finished that thought Narcissa deflated, because she suddenly realized why Cassandra knew she had to emotionally distance herself.</p><p>“Because I’m selfish,” Narcissa breathed sadly, looking at her hands that were lifeless in her lap. “Because I want <em>you</em> to want <em>me</em>, and not just because I want you — full stop.”</p><p>Cassandra looked deeply hurt by that, but she also did not look surprised. “I’m not gonna be some cheap emotional replacement for the nutter— I’ll let you use my body, Cissa, because frankly I’ve always been a bit pathetic when it comes to you an’ I’ll own that mistake if I need to, but I’m not gonna let you use my heart. I deserve better than that.”</p><p>“You do,” Narcissa agreed softly, still unable to look Cassandra in the eyes. She felt so deeply ashamed of herself. She sighed heavily, her fingernails scratching small patterns against her thighs.</p><p>“Ever since I was little, everything I did was for Bellatrix,” Narcissa tried to explain, knowing she owed Cassandra an explanation, at the very least. “Everything I am is so deeply woven into my sister’s very existence that I’ve never known who I am separate from her. All of my firsts were with her, you know. My first kiss, my first love, my first sexual experience. She let Lucius break my hymen, but that was about it. I think she only did it because it made her feel less like she was ‘violating my innocence’, or whatever. She hated herself for lusting after me, but I pushed and I fucked her all up because her wanting me like that made me feel good.”</p><p>Narcissa laughed bitterly, hollowly. “Everything’s <em>always</em> been about me, even with her. I <em>loved</em> that I broke her, that I pushed her so far that she finally snapped, and got herself completely caught up in me despite trying so hard to push me away. When Bellatrix was young she used to believe our lust for one another was sick; morally wrong, and probably a little pedophilic — on her part, at least. It was never any of those things to me though. I knew it wasn’t <em>normal</em>, because I’m not an idiot, but it never disgusted me. It disgusted her though. She disgusted <em>herself,</em> until I made her so obsessed with me that she no longer cared for anything else other than pleasing me. I had won, but I hadn’t realized the cost. I didn’t realize I had fucked myself up just as much as I had her until it was far too late.”</p><p>“I <em>don’t</em> want to do the same to you,” Narcissa told her, her throat tightening around her vocal cords as she finally looked at the woman next to her. “Because it’s a pattern — look at what I did to Lucius. He was such a…” Narcissa’s voice unexpectedly hitched, and her words broke in her throat. She had thought she had made peace with her separation from him, but perhaps she wasn’t as okay with it as she thought she was. “He was such a <em>beautiful</em> fucking man, Cass. I don’t just mean how he looked, but who he <em>was. </em>He loved me, he was devoted to me, and I fucking broke him. He’s barely even recognizable to me anymore. He’s… he’s angry <em>all</em> the time, he beats on our bloody house elf even though we both know he should be hitting me because I’m the one who deserves it—”</p><p>“Cissa…”</p><p>But Narcissa didn’t want pity. She knew she did not deserve it. “My <em>point</em> is that I break everything I touch, and I need to stop,” she told her, voice wavering as she began to see what she needed to do; even if it hurt, even if it broke her further, because maybe it might make her stronger once she finally picked up the pieces of her life. “I need to stop equating my self-worth with what I can emotionally take from others, because you’re right, I <em>do</em> like you, Cass. Like more than just a friend that I sleep with, but that’s not good for me right now, and it’s <em>certainly</em> not good for you considering all I want to do right now is suck everything from you until I leave you as hollow and lifeless as I’ve left everyone else. So I think… I think that maybe…”</p><p>But Narcissa was having a hard time saying it, with <em>finalizing</em> it. Cassandra looked upset as well as this wasn’t something she wanted either, despite knowing that she needed to take a step back herself. But she kept quiet, knowing that Narcissa had to be the one to say the words.</p><p>“I think I need to be alone for a little while,” Narcissa sobbed regrettably, furiously wiping the tears from her cheeks as she did the one thing she was terrified others would do to her for so long. “I don’t… I don’t even know who I <em>am</em> unless I see myself through the eyes of someone who adores me, and that’s fucked up, isn’t it? It’s so, <em>so</em> fucked up…”</p><p>Narcissa cried some more, the weight of her decision weighing heavy on her heart, because she knew that doing this meant so much more than just leaving Cassandra, and she didn’t know how she was going to say goodbye to the woman who held the other half of her soul. She didn’t even know if she <em>could.</em></p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”</p><p>Cassandra swallowed, wiping away the remnants of her own loss off her cheeks. But she understood, she had always understood Narcissa and, in the end, she just wanted her to get better, even if that meant that they would no longer share a bed.</p><p>“Go find out who you are, Cissa,” she encouraged softly, her own voice tight with emotion as she reached over and held tightly to her friend’s hand. “An’ I’ll still be here when you do, if that’s… if I’m somethin’ ya still want.”</p><p>Narcissa couldn’t promise her that it would be, and so she said nothing at all and instead squeezed the other woman’s hand in gratitude, taking her first step to starting her life as someone different, someone she desperately needed to become.</p><p>“I need your help.”</p><p>It was a day later and Narcissa was looking at her husband, who was sitting in the parlor reading the morning paper. He did not say anything mean back to her even though she was <em>certain </em>that the last thing Lucius wanted was to do her any favors, which was probably why he chose to say nothing at all. He did, at the very least, glance up at her, but that was the best that she got.</p><p> Draco was still asleep as the boy tended to get a very late start in the mornings, and while Narcissa had been trying to get him on a better schedule she allowed it this time, as she needed to speak with her husband and this wasn’t a conversation that little boys needed to hear.</p><p>Narcissa swallowed, hating how terribly nervous she felt. But she needed to do this, and being honest was the first step in doing that. “I’m going to be honest with you about a lot of things right now, and you’re not going to like a single one of them,” she warned him. “But please, let me finish before you speak.”</p><p>Lucius’ eyes narrowed but he at least put down the paper, giving his wife his full attention. He looked like he was steeling himself for the worst, and Narcissa did not blame him. Her secrets always tended to be rather devastating.</p><p>“I haven’t been seeing a Soul Mender,” Narcissa began, already feeling nauseous but forcing herself to speak through it. “Instead, Cassandra has been going to my appointments as me so that I could see Bellatrix in prison without you knowing about it.”</p><p>Lucius did not look <em>surprised</em> by any means, but he did not look happy about it either. He stayed quiet though, allowing her to finish, although his knuckles had gone a bit white as he gripped the Daily Prophet tightly in his hand.</p><p>“Azkaban is… it’s killing her, Lucius,” Narcissa told him, her throat beginning to tighten with emotion. “The wall the Dark Lord put in her mind is crumbling and she’s going mad again. Watching it is fucking <em>destroying</em> me, but I feel like I can’t just leave her in there to die because of everything she’s done for me, because I’m all she has left, and because the guilt I’ve felt about fucking Cassandra behind her back, behind <em>both </em>of your backs, has been shredding me to pieces.”</p><p>Okay, <em>that</em> seemed to surprise Lucius; Narcissa was sure that he knew she had been sleeping with someone else, but it seemed he hadn’t thought she’d be so stupid as to fuck up the only real friendship she’d ever had. “<em>Cassandra?</em> Jesus fucking Christ, Narcissa—”</p><p>“Do <em>not</em> tell her husband,” Narcissa begged, not wishing to ruin her friend’s life. “Please, do not destroy their marriage. Casandra and I are no longer sleeping together, and it would just be needless. Do not hurt them just because you want to hurt me, Lucius. Please.”</p><p>Lucius looked <em>livid,</em> but he didn’t refute her request. “So, what? You’ve lost your sister, you’ve lost your girlfriend, so you think finally being honest with <em>me</em> is going to fix our marriage so you don’t end up alone? I’ll pass, but thank you for your bloody last-resort consideration, I guess; although I suppose as a <em>man</em> I would be a last resort for you, wouldn’t I?”</p><p>Oh, great, he was back on the ‘Narcissa is a secret lesbian’ thing. Whatever. She wasn’t going to explain to him how bisexuality worked again, and that the fact that she has had multiple female lovers now didn’t make her desire for the male sex lessen.</p><p>“<em>No,</em> I’m not fucking telling you this to— look, I <em>know</em> you have someone else, alright? I’m not here to get you back, because I know I don’t deserve you. <em>She</em> probably doesn’t either, but it’s not…” The brief wave of jealousy nearly suffocated her, but Narcissa suppressed it. “It’s none of my business. I need you as a husband right now, Lucius, not as a lover. We <em>are </em>still married, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Unfortunately,” Lucius muttered beneath his breath, and while that hurt, Narcissa knew that she deserved it, and so she stayed quiet. Lucius sighed heavily, shifting his position in his arm chair as she looked up at her. “What do you need?”</p><p>And suddenly, Narcissa felt violently ill all over again because if she said this, if she made this real, then there was no going back. If she ever wanted a hope of having a normal life though, a life where she was happy and sane and was no longer suffocated by the loss of the greatest love of her life, then she needed to do this; she needed to be <em>strong</em> enough to do this. There was no other way, even though Narcissa knew it was going to fuck her up for a long time before she eventually began to heal.</p><p>“…I need you to help me say goodbye to Bellatrix.”</p><p>Lucius sat straight up, his eyes widening. “What?” he asked, believing he had misheard her, because Narcissa’s entire world revolved around her sister, for better or for worse; the problem was that it had certainly been for <em>worse</em> lately, and Narcissa knew that if she trapped herself in this misery for the rest of her life, then she would end up just as dead inside as Bellatrix was.</p><p>Narcissa could barely breathe. “Please don’t— please don’t make me say it again,” she begged him, and Lucius immediately rose from his seat, seeing the pain and devastation in his wife’s eyes and knowing that this wasn’t a trick, that this wasn’t some ploy or manipulation, but the soul-shredding reality that Narcissa was facing right now.</p><p>And so he wrapped her in his arms.</p><p>Narcissa broke <em>down,</em> the weight of it making her knees buckle from beneath her as she clutched her husband and sobbed, the added aspect of his support making Narcissa terribly emotional. It didn’t feel vindictive either; it didn’t feel like Lucius was finally giving a shit about her just so he could bask in Bellatrix’s defeat, but that deep down he still cared for her, and knew she wouldn’t be able to do this alone. And so even though things between them were still not great, even though Lucius still hated the truth about his wife and her sister’s relationship, he stood by her side when they both arrived at Azkaban almost two weeks later.</p><p>“She is going to <em>hate</em> this,” Lucius warned in a low tone as the guard at the front desk confiscated their wands for the duration of their visit.</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa told him, her heart in her throat as she held tight to her husband’s arm, fairly certain that if she let go her legs would collapse beneath her. “That’s why you need to be here.”</p><p>She also knew that if he <em>wasn’t,</em> then she would break her word. She would take one look at Bellatrix and realize that she couldn’t do this, and she would be trapped in a cycle that was slowly killing her. She <em>needed </em>Lucius to make sure that this was the end, and she needed him to see what she was leaving behind, because she was not going to be okay after this.</p><p>Narcissa had also expressed her desire to finally be alone relationship-wise, and forewarned him that doing this would no doubt cause her to latch on to him in desperation, because she didn’t know <em>how</em> to be alone. She had begged him to not take her back, no matter what she said, no matter what she did, and bringing him here so he could finally be aware of the worst parts of her furthered that, because in this place, she had no secrets. Not anymore. Lucius would rightfully be disgusted with her once he realized how far she had fallen, and while Narcissa was so terribly afraid of how that would look and how that would <em>feel,</em> she needed it. If she didn’t have anyone left who loved her, maybe she could finally learn to love herself. Maybe she could finally heal.</p><p>Thankfully when they passed by Sirius’ cell, the man said nothing. Lucius didn’t know who Sirius was anyway, outside of the fact that he was Narcissa’s cousin and what he was accused of doing, but they had never properly met. Sirius just stared at them from the darkness, his curiosity outweighing his vile hatred as he watched his cousin and her husband be led through the high-security area by a dementor. Narcissa felt cold and empty, but this time she was sure that it was due to her own emotions and not the fact that a dementor was near.</p><p>Her relief was short-lasting though as prisoners jeered at her while she walked down the long hallway, her cheeks burning in shame as some said terrible things like “The whore’s back!” and “Come to fuck your lover again, Princess?” as they cackled and taunted her. Lucius’ expression masked into horror and rage and the grip on Narcissa’s arm became bruising as he spun her around to face him before they had gotten to Bellatrix’s cell.</p><p>“What the fuck have you been <em>doing?” </em>he shouted, and Narcissa couldn’t say anything in her defense as tears leaked from her eyes. She knew this was embarrassing him just as much as it was her and she felt horrible for that, but she needed him to look at her this way, because then maybe he would never entertain the thought of touching her again.</p><p>“Hey Malfoy, come to give us a show? Your wife’s been pretty good at it, although down this end we never get to see anything good. If you fuck her, do it over here; when I break out of this hell hole I’ll toss you a few coins for the pleasure.” He laughed, and Lucius looked as though he was ready to murder someone — quite possibly her. The grip on Narcissa’s arm was so tight that the blonde knew she would have angry bruises for days, and she whimpered in pain, yet said nothing.</p><p>She knew she deserved it.</p><p>Down the far end of the prison, Narcissa could hear her sister scream in rage. Bellatrix knew she had come, and she knew she was not alone. Narcissa paled and nearly fell over, fairly certain she had forgotten how to breathe.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Mulciber. I hope you enjoyed the show while it lasted, because this fucking ends now,” Lucius growled before he let go of his wife’s arm and shoved her towards Bellatrix’s cell. “Say your goodbyes, you bloody slag. I can’t believe I let you bring me here. I can’t believe you’d fucking do this to our family name.”</p><p>“I did nothing to our family name, they’re all as good as dead,” Narcissa reminded him in a shaky voice, still unable to move forward. After Lucius had shoved her, she had stopped walking. Bellatrix was screaming at her for her to ‘get the fuck over here’ as she slammed heavily against the bars. “Don’t pretend you didn’t see this coming; you know how I am with her. I can’t deny her anything. I <em>need </em>you right now, Lucius. Stand by me, please. I can’t fucking— I can’t fucking <em>do </em>this without you. Your pride is <em>not</em> worth our family — it’s just not.”</p><p>Lucius was practically shaking in rage, but he also knew that Narcissa was right. In the end, Draco was what mattered, and he would never grow up in a normal, functional family unless Narcissa was able to walk away from this, and she couldn’t do that without help.</p><p>“Just fucking go,” he finally ground out, and at least this time was a bit gentler with his push to move her forward. Narcissa was trembling from head to toe but she finally continued on, getting closer and closer to the end of the line. It felt a bit like walking to the gallows.</p><p>When Narcissa turned the corner, her breath left her. Bellatrix was pressed against the bars, her hair in disarray and a maddening look in her eyes as she stared down what would soon be the source of her misery. “Choose your next words carefully, lover,” Bellatrix warned her, having already heard their intentions for being there, “or when I get out of here I’ll cut out your fucking heart and eat it in front of you.”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she was going to pass out, and she backed into her husband who, despite everything, instinctively wrapped an arm around her middle. Bellatrix’s eyes darkened as she looked at him, and Rodolphus laughed openly at the rage on his wife’s face.</p><p>“She chose,” Rodolphus taunted her. “She finally chose, and it wasn’t you, you mad wench.”</p><p>“She chose herself,” Lucius corrected in a terse voice. “Not me. I don’t want her anyway.”</p><p>That put even more cracks in Narcissa’s soul, but she had been expecting it. It was what she had wanted, after all. No… not what she wanted, but what she needed. She swallowed hard, still unable to speak.</p><p>“She didn’t choose herself, she doesn’t know <em>how</em> to choose herself! Tsk, tsk, you filthy little <em>liar,</em> Cissy…” Bellatrix drawled, her chest heaving in anger. “Tell me, does your dear <em>husband</em> know who you’ve been fucking behind my back? Does <em>he</em> know who you’ll run to now that he’s left you, once you leave <em>me? </em>Because we both know that you are no more than a bloody <em>leech</em>, Narcissa; and if you aren’t sucking us dry then I have to wonder who has the privilege of getting emotionally drained by you.”</p><p>Narcissa noticeably tensed, but Lucius wasn't stupid, and knew Cassandra did not deserve what Bellatrix would do to her if by any small miracle she ever <em>did</em> escape this place. Besides, she wasn’t sleeping with her anymore. She was about to be alone, completely and utterly, and Narcissa was beginning to feel rather hollow.</p><p>“You claim you love her and then spew this vile filth at her,” Lucius snapped. “And you wonder why she wants to leave you to rot in here. You’re <em>fucked,</em> Bellatrix.”</p><p>Bellatrix laughed. It was such a hollow, maddening sound, and Narcissa hated it because she wasn’t snapping out of it; she wasn’t going to be normal for even the last moments of their relationship. She hated it, she <em>hated</em> her…</p><p>“She won’t <em>leave</em> me,” Bellatrix goaded furiously. “Not really. Sure, she’ll tell you she’s never going to come back here, she’ll tell me <em>goodbye</em> and think she actually means it, but she doesn’t. She’s had my cunt in her mouth since she was thirteen years old — she can’t <em>breathe</em> without it, without <em>me. </em>The first time I fucked her it was barely consensual and yet she kept crawling back for more. You don’t know the first <em>thing</em> about our relationship, you irritating little flea, and you never will. She is <em>mine,</em> she will always be mine, and believe me when I tell you that if I thought for one <em>second </em>that she would actually leave me I would make damn sure that she could <em>never</em> be anyone else’s.”</p><p>Lucius looked horrified. Narcissa did not. She knew Bellatrix, and she knew that even like <em>this </em>she would never hurt her, not really. This was her shield; this was her trying to protect herself from the heartbreak she knew she was about to experience, but Narcissa hated her for that, because this version of her sister wasn’t even letting her <em>feel</em> properly, and that devastated her.</p><p>“Then <em>do it</em>,” Narcissa hissed venomously as she pushed herself off of Lucius and stalked over to her. Narcissa grabbed her sister’s hand from between the bars and put it on her throat, coaxing her to squeeze. “Kill me, Bella! Make sure no one else touches me, make sure I’ll never be anyone’s but yours. <em>Do it!”</em></p><p>“<em>Narcissa!”</em> Lucius cried as he tried to pull his wife away from her sister, but Narcissa held onto the bars, not allowing him to pull her to safety. She had a point to make, and she was <em>damn</em> well going to make it.</p><p>Bellatrix’s chest was heaving as she tightened the grip around Narcissa’s throat. “<em>She</em> might let you kill her, but I’ll kill you first, Cissy,” she warned, and yet she hadn’t crushed her windpipe yet, she hadn’t delivered on her promise and her inability to follow through seemed to be tearing Bellatrix apart, because she screamed in rage and bashed her free hand against the bars.</p><p>A furious tear fell down Narcissa’s cheek as she stared at the woman she had hoped to never see again. “I <em>hate</em> you,” she seethed in a whisper. “You want to disassociate? <em>Fine.</em> I fucking <em>hate </em>you for taking the woman I love away from me. I hate you for making my daughter’s death worthless. I hate you for stealing the last few moments I have with my sister from me, because I want her— I want <em>her!” </em>Narcissa shouted, falling apart herself as she shoved Bellatrix’s hand from her throat easily and then beat on her before the other woman finally stumbled away, and all Narcissa had left was the bars between them as she hit them until her hands became reddened and raw.</p><p><em>“Give her back! </em>I want my sister back! No—get off of me, <em>get off of me! </em>Bella, Bella, come back…!” Narcissa cried desperately as she tried to get Lucius off of her. “I need you, please, <em>please come back…!”</em> She had fallen to the ground in her devastation, the force of her sobs wracking her body as she realized that if this didn’t make Bellatrix, <em>her </em>Bellatrix come back to her, then nothing would.</p><p>It truly was over.</p><p>Lucius had finally managed to get her to her feet, but Narcissa still slumped against him as she looked at the woman behind bars who stared back at her, a vacant expression on her face as the last of her humanity slid down her cheek. “She’s not coming back, Narcissa,” Bellatrix told her, and her voice was different; detached and lifeless as she voiced the last selfless thing she would ever say as the sane part of her won the battle yet lost the war, and Bellatrix finally let her go.</p><p>“And she says goodbye.”</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. V.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Starting now, every Harry Potter book gets it’s own chapter (outside of GoF, which gets two cause it’s fucking <i>long</i>, and OOTP, which has one chapter dedicated to the first half, but slows down substantially after Bellatrix escapes from prison)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>V.</strong>
</p>
<p>It took a very long time until Narcissa was okay.</p>
<p>She had been in the midst of the five stages of grief ever since Bellatrix had been taken away, but had been stuck somewhere between denial and anger for a very long time. With Bellatrix out of the picture Narcissa had moved on to bargaining, which was a disaster in and of itself as Narcissa begged and pleaded with Lucius to first let her visit again, then to help her break Bellatrix out, and finally, because she was also detoxing from her emotional dependency on others at the very same time, for Lucius to fuck her and make her forget that Bellatrix ever existed.</p>
<p>Not a single one of those things happened.</p>
<p>And so the depression set in. Between the adjustments to her medication however, and the therapy Lucius actually <em>accompanied</em> her to this time so she wouldn’t just fuck off and make her entire life worse, this phase lasted shorter than Narcissa would have thought. It was still over a year until Narcissa began to heal though, and then yet another before she started feeling somewhat normal again, but she eventually moved on to acceptance and was able to see a future without Bellatrix in it.</p>
<p>It still hurt, of course. Narcissa knew that it would always hurt, but she had accepted that that was something she would always have to live with. The sole reminder Narcissa had allowed herself to keep was the scar on her palm that matched her sister’s, despite Lucius’ insistence that she heal it. She couldn’t just wash Bellatrix from her that easily though, and when Draco was seven years old he finally asked her what it was and when Narcissa had told him that it was her heart he just laughed at her, thinking that she was either being silly or just testing him on his pre-Hogwarts studies as he told her no, her heart was in her chest.</p>
<p>She and Lucius eventually learned to coexist in a relatively peaceful manner though as they put their sole focus on their son. They were sleeping in the same bed again, although only because Draco had asked them once why they didn’t, and after Narcissa had given him some ridiculous excuse that Lucius snored quite terribly, the two parents realized that Draco would soon grow up and realize things weren’t as amicable between them as they wanted him to believe, and so Narcissa moved back into the master bedroom.</p>
<p>They still weren’t intimate. Well, not <em>really.</em> A couple years after Narcissa had finally walked away from her sister there were two drunken nights and another when they were both sober, but it wasn’t the same. It was more that they were both sexually frustrated and fucking each other was an easy solution, but there was no real passion there. Narcissa still loved him, of course; a part of her would always love Lucius as he was the father of her child, but that love played no role in their interactions anymore, sexual or otherwise.</p>
<p>Lucius’ mistress was out of the picture fairly early as the man had to put most of his effort into fixing his wife’s mental state, and ever since there seemed to just be the occasional tawdry fling or whores who were gone as soon as they arrived. Narcissa could relate.</p>
<p>For a long time she had to learn to be on her own and that was probably one of the hardest things she had ever had to do, but in the end Narcissa knew she had come out better for it. She no longer felt worthless without someone to dote on her as she realized she could be just as happy with doting upon another, and that person was her son. Sexually though, going ages without being properly touched outside of her own hand had driven Narcissa a little bit insane as she had always had someone to take care of her needs, but eventually she stopped equating love with sex, and only had it every once in awhile when the urge arrived.</p>
<p>She had taken a leaf out of Bellatrix and Lucius’ book and would sometimes order herself a whore if she really needed it, but most of the time she was okay with merely masturbating, despite a part of her still missing the intimacy involved in making love. When she had first forced herself to go cold turkey though and Lucius had turned her down she had broken down and begged Cassandra to come back to her, but the woman could still see that she wasn’t okay, and she refused her as well. Narcissa had called her a <em>slew</em> of colorful names while she was embarrassed by yet another rejection, and it took quite a long while until Narcissa was able to put her pride aside and apologize to her friend for the things she had said to her.</p>
<p>Cassandra had fallen back into her husband anyway, and Narcissa was certain it was due mostly in part to the other woman’s guilt about allowing herself to have feelings for another, no matter how brief. Narcissa missed her, she wouldn’t deny that, and had even entertained the idea of trying to win her back after her mental health had stabilized, but her new outlook on life made her realize what a terrible person that would make her if she did. She didn’t want to tear a family apart; she had fucked up her own enough as it was.</p>
<p>And so Narcissa was alone. She was alone, but she was okay.</p>
<p>Lucius was a stern father. Narcissa hadn’t realize how much like Abraxas he was until Draco was older and Lucius began his attempt to mold him into the man he wanted him to become. Narcissa did not always like it, as she believed Draco was still too young to be scolded for crying or be forced to lead instead of follow, but in the end she allowed it to happen because she knew it was out of love. <em>That</em> was what separated Lucius from his own father, as he cared very deeply for Draco and not just for what the boy could achieve for him. Still, Narcissa had a sneaking suspicion that he could sometimes be hard on Draco for the sole reason that he didn’t want the child to end up like <em>him.</em> He wanted Draco to have better standards for himself and a firm grip on reality so in the end he wouldn’t be swept up in the whims of another that could lead him down a path of hatred and self-pity.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Lucius’ own rage had seemed to wane as their relationship became more amicable. He still beat the house elf on occasion, but Narcissa knew it had just become habit at this point and she left it alone, as equating it with her own childhood beatings was doing nothing to help her mental state. In the end though, Lucius did begin to recognize how much it bothered her, and instead ordered the elf to hurt itself, as he now believed that was the only way that Dobby would ‘learn’.</p>
<p>It didn’t matter.</p>
<p>In the spring of 1990, Cornelius Fudge became Minister of Magic. He was an old friend of Lucius’ from when he had worked in the Ministry and thankfully they had kept in touch all those years. Despite the nasty rumors surrounding the Malfoy name, Fudge still liked to keep himself in good standing with the ‘higher class’ of wizarding kind — mainly purebloods who came from old money. Lucius had donated quite a lot to his campaign of course, and in the end was rewarded with a position as one of the school governors of Hogwarts. Lucius finally having a job, having something to <em>do</em> had at least kicked him out of his depression that had lasted about as long as Narcissa’s, and finally things in their family were relatively normal.</p>
<p>Narcissa still held one secret, but it was one she no longer believed to be much of an issue, as she considered it ‘manageable’. The one thing Lucius had never known about was her growing addiction to abusing her medication, and when she finally walked away from Bellatrix it got much, much worse. She hid it well, but when the time came where Narcissa no longer needed to numb herself to the pain of her life she found she could not stop, as her withdrawal symptoms ended up being both painful and sickening. So she continued, in secret, to manage her addiction on her own, because nobody really cared to look close enough at her life anyway.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she was a cliché, but at least she was no longer a miserable one, and that was what truly mattered to her now. She had loved, she had lost, and she had grown. Even throughout her depression she didn’t revert back to old habits like starving herself, and Narcissa was proud of herself for that. She truly was a different woman now, and Narcissa vowed to never go back to the broken husk that she had lived as for so long, because despite not having the perfect life she had always wanted, what she had now was certainly close enough. In the end Narcissa had realized that the ideal she had chased for so long, the perfection she had sacrificed everything to strive for, had never even existed in the first place, and that was okay.</p>
<p>“Father! Father, did you see?!” Draco practically shouted as he ran into the dining room the summer before his first year of Hogwarts. He was clutching a news clipping from <em>Quality Quidditch Supplies</em> before he practically slammed it on the dining room table in front of his father. “It’s <em>true!</em> They’re releasing a new racing broomstick at the end of the month — fastest one yet! You’ll get it for me, won’t you?”</p>
<p>“Darling, we<em> just</em> purchased a Comet Two Sixty for your birthday,” Narcissa patiently reminded him as she sipped her tea. It had only been a month ago; surely he couldn’t be over it that quickly? She knew they spoiled him, but purchasing yet another expensive item so shortly after the last would be pushing it. “Perhaps you should ride that one for a little while before we replace it.”</p>
<p>“But Mother, this is the <em>Nimbus 2000,”</em> Draco stressed, as though that actually meant something to her. Narcissa did not keep up with sports, not like her husband and son did. “All of the professional teams are going to have them, and Goyle told me <em>his</em> mother is going to buy one for him before we go to school and I can’t be the only one who doesn’t have one, I’ll look <em>poor!</em>”</p>
<p><em>Goyle.</em> Narcissa sighed heavily. When Draco was around nine years old he started to refer to his friends by their surname, which she knew was influenced by his father. Lucius still did the same to his friends, and with the heavy emphasis they put on blood purity and the surnames attached to it, perhaps it was only natural. Still, a part of Narcissa knew that Draco did it because it gave him a sense of authority as he bossed them around. He certainly was his father’s son in that regard.</p>
<p>Lucius shot her a look though at the insistence that Draco’s friend was going to get one, but Narcissa gently shook her head. There was no way that Cassandra would make a purchase that large for an eleven year old; Gregory was no doubt just trying to make himself look important in front of his friend, and so there was no need to make sure that Draco had that broom first.</p>
<p>“Don’t be ridiculous, darling. Everyone knows we are not <em>poor.”</em></p>
<p>“But <em>Mum—”</em></p>
<p>“Stop <em>whining,</em> Draco,” Lucius scolded, finally putting down his morning paper. “If you wish to have a new broom, then I will buy you one when you make the Slytherin team.”</p>
<p>Because there was no doubt in either of his parents’ mind that that was where Draco would end up, although Narcissa had, admittedly, been trying to steel herself for the worst, as a few years ago she had heard through the grapevine that Andromeda’s daughter had ended up in <em>Hufflepuff</em> of all the Houses. The girl’s — no, she was a woman now, wasn’t she? Nymphadora must have graduated this year — father was a Hufflepuff though, but Narcissa had just assumed the Slytherin gene would win out as it was vastly superior. It was a bit of a nasty shock for her to find out that wasn’t the case. Narcissa didn’t think she would ever be able to bear the shame should Hufflepuff be her son’s fate, but she tried not to think that way, as there wasn’t anywhere else that Draco could end up, with both of his parents having been in Slytherin before him, right?</p>
<p>Draco noticeably deflated at Lucius’ words. He had always accepted finality better from his father than from his mother. “But First Years <em>never</em> make the House teams,” he grumbled as he sat heavily in his seat, folding his arms into himself in a huff.</p>
<p>“Then be the first,” Lucius encouraged him, although it sounded more like a demand than anything else. “Surely you’ve been practicing enough? I know you have this ridiculous desire to become a Beater, but you will never have the build. If you focus your efforts into becoming a Seeker then it’ll be an absolute crime if they do not choose you, mark my words. Play to your strengths and stop wasting your time on frivolous dreams, you’ll only end up disappointed.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips as she watched her son sink even further into his chair. She hated when Lucius shut him down like that, but she knew he was only trying to keep Draco realistic. Lucius believed being harsh but honest with him was the best approach and sometimes it was, but other times it hurt her heart to see her son so dejected.</p>
<p>“Eat your pancakes, my little dragon,” Narcissa encouraged, trying to get him to focus on other things. “I had Dobby put chocolate chips in them, just as you like.”</p>
<p>Draco’s face only continued to sour. “Stop calling me ‘little’, Mother. I’m eleven! Crabbe heard you calling me that one day and laughed at me so I had to punch him in the nose—”</p>
<p>“<em>Draco!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, aghast.</p>
<p>“Just stop embarrassing me!” Draco shouted, his upset spiraling as he acted as though absolutely everyone was out to get him. He was his <em>mother’s </em>son in that regard though. And, in a terrible mirror of Narcissa’s dramatics when she was his age, Draco fled from the table in a fit of rage and barricaded himself in his room.</p>
<p>Lucius side-eyed her. “He <em>has</em> asked you stop calling him that multiple times now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt horrible. She hadn’t meant to upset him. “I can’t help it, I know he’s almost school-aged but he’ll always be my little boy. I think perhaps I’m having a hard time letting that go. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes off to Hogwarts, Lucius. This house is going to feel so empty without him…”</p>
<p>She had put down her fork dejectedly, and her husband gently covered her hand with his own. “You’ll finally have time for yourself,” Lucius reminded her, but that didn’t make Narcissa feel any better. “You’ve been hyper-focusing on him for so long; it’ll probably be good for <em>both</em> of you if you take a step back. You have to let him grow up, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>“Focusing on him is what has kept me <em>sane,</em> Lucius.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been sane for years,” Lucius responded, not letting her use that as an excuse. “Stop using our son as a crutch. Get a hobby. Throw some parties. Fuck one of the neighbors, I don’t care. Just stop smothering our son, because he’ll never grow into the man we want him to become if you force him to become emotionally dependent on you, or have you forgotten how well that worked out when your sister did that to <em>you?”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach wrenched into tight knots at the mention of Bellatrix. “I’ve asked you not to bring her up,” she reminded him in a strained tone, pulling her hand away from his. “For any reason. I shouldn’t have to ask you twice.”</p>
<p>“I was merely making a point.”</p>
<p>“Well it was a shit one. I know I coddle him and that the nickname is probably the least of your concerns in that regard, but the level of emotional dependency that Draco has with me is not even <em>comparable</em> to how completely Bellatrix consumed me. It took me a very long time to even learn how to separate myself from her and see myself as an individual, and if you honestly think I’ve fucked Draco up that badly then you’re living in a delusion and perhaps it’s <em>you</em> who should get help.”</p>
<p>Lucius sighed heavily. “I wasn’t trying to infer that you’ve fucked Draco up, Narcissa. I shouldn’t have mentioned Bellatrix— it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s anger dissipated. They were at least in a healthy enough place now that they could actually end their disagreements with apologies, and Narcissa was now sane enough that she didn’t push the argument just so she could get wrapped up in the drama and drown in her own self-pity.</p>
<p>Things had changed.</p>
<p>On July 31st of that year, Narcissa and Lucius took their son to Diagon Alley to shop for school supplies. Draco was insistent that he was a grown boy and could do things on his own, and so while he got his robes fitted at <em>Madam Malkin's</em> Lucius went to purchase his books and Narcissa browsed for wands. She couldn’t purchase one without Draco first trying it out of course, but she was certain that his wand would have a unicorn hair core like her own, and so she asked Ollivander to put a few aside that Draco could try once he was finished getting his robes hemmed.</p>
<p>As much as she knew Draco would want a dragon heartstring core like his father (like <em>Bellatrix</em>— no, he did not remember her, but Narcissa couldn’t stop thinking about her sister sometimes), Narcissa knew who Draco truly was inside, and at his core he was very much his mother’s son. A unicorn hair would do him perfectly — she was sure of it.</p>
<p>When Narcissa exited the shop, she saw Cassandra outside of the Leaky Cauldron looking incredibly flustered. Narcissa’s brow knit and she approached her friend. “Cass? Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Cissa! I didn’t even— ‘ello,” she politely greeted, but her smile didn’t meet her eyes and she was looking past Narcissa like she expected to see something incredibly distressing. “You ‘ere to shop for Draco? Gregory has been terribly excited, although honestly if I hear one more thing about that <em>bloody</em> broom I may just fuckin’ lose it.”</p>
<p>“Draco’s been on that as well,” Narcissa sympathized. Her lips quirked in amusement. “Apparently Gregory told him that he was getting one before he heads off to school.”</p>
<p>Cassandra burst out laughing. “Kids, I swear— what in the seven hells is an eleven year old gonna do with a standardized racing broom? Waste of bloody money, I’m tellin’ ya.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” Narcissa agreed, but then she followed her friend’s gaze and the concerned look on her face. “Did you <em>lose</em> him or something?”</p>
<p>“Hm? What?”</p>
<p>“Your <em>son,</em> Cassandra.”</p>
<p>“Oh! No, course not. He didn’t want his Mummy holding his hand while he shopped cause he’s a big boy now, innhe?”</p>
<p>Narcissa could relate. She was pretty sure Draco’s exact words were ‘I’m going to look pathetic if I shop with my <em>mother!’</em> which felt… not great, honestly, as Lucius was also with him but apparently <em>that</em> was okay, but Narcissa resolved to give him some space. Perhaps next year he’d realize how ridiculous that was, as so many other children still shopped with their parents— mother included.</p>
<p> “I’ve been abandoned, per usual,” Cassandra continued, her tone a bit darker. “Told ‘im to meet me here when he’s done though, so I’m just… waitin’.”</p>
<p>“Where’s Peter?”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s face clouded over so quickly that Narcissa was actually startled by it. She had <em>never</em> seen her friend look that way whenever her husband was mentioned. “Said ‘e saw Lucius in the bookshop. Went to say <em>hi.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa blinked. “And that makes you angry because…?”</p>
<p>“Because I know he’s not hangin’ out with Lucius!” Cassandra burst out, getting a little bit too much attention from those that passed by. “Gregory ran off with Vincent; that fuckin’ tart is <em>here—”</em></p>
<p>“Shh!” Narcissa demanded as she grasped Cassandra’s elbow, leading her down one of the side streets so they could have more privacy. She looked at the woman incredulously, “What is the <em>problem? </em>I thought you and Ursula were friends — that <em>is</em> who you’re speaking of, I assume?” Because Narcissa didn’t know what other woman Vincent Crabbe would be here with other than his mother.</p>
<p>Cassandra looked like she wanted to rip something apart. She was practically shaking in rage. “That <em>cunt</em> is fuckin’ my husband, Cissa.”</p>
<p>“—I’m sorry, <em>what?” </em> </p>
<p>Firstly, she didn’t know who on earth would ever want to fuck Peter Goyle outside of Cassandra and her questionable taste (present company excluded, of course, because Cassandra’s interest in <em>her</em> had never been questionable, obviously), as he looked a bit like a caveman. Secondly, Ursula Crabbe was not a pretty looking woman either. Although she did suppose that if you put those two things <em>together</em> it made sense, but the fact that the man was cheating on Cassandra — who was easily one of the most beautiful women Narcissa had ever seen — with something that looked like <em>that</em> was… well, rather unfathomable, honestly.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m fuckin’ sure; saw them all over each other when we were supposed to be watchin’ the boys last week; y’know, when you were at therapy and Lucius was at work? Bloody walked right in the damn kitchen and saw them actin’ weird, all hurrying to fix themselves an’ shit. Gave me some bullshit excuse ‘bout takin’ so long cause they were tryin’ to find some wine, but we have a bloody<em> wine cellar</em>, Cissa, an’ they were no where near it.”</p>
<p>Oh, Narcissa was more than aware. She remembered fooling around with Cassandra in said wine cellar long before they even started sleeping with one another.</p>
<p>“Can I be honest with you?”</p>
<p>Cassandra glowered, already knowing she wasn’t going to like what Narcissa was going to say. She wouldn’t meet her gaze, choosing instead to briefly look past her, no doubt trying to catch sight of her cheating spouse. “If you’re not a cunt about it, sure.”</p>
<p>Narcissa sighed softly, but let that go. She understood that Cassandra was upset. “I <em>am</em> sorry to hear that he’s doing that to you, Cass, I really am. I know this is hurting you, but honestly? You don’t exactly have the moral high ground here. You cheated on him first.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, a long <em>fuckin’</em> time ago, Cissa! An’ he doesn’t even <em>know</em> ‘bout me an’ you, so it’s not like he’s doin’ this just to get back at me.”</p>
<p>“It would make a difference if he did?”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked like she was about four seconds from punching a wall. “Stop it. Stop being rational, Cissa, it’s bloody irritating, not to mention a little unsettling. Fuck. I need a drink,” Cassandra swore, utterly fed up with how the tables had turned in her life. She started back toward the Leaky Cauldron before she stopped and turned, glancing over her shoulder at her friend. “You comin’? Cause if I get knackered enough I might wanna get back at ‘im by havin’ you sit on my face. Been awhile since I’ve had a cunt in my mouth anyway; kinda miss it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tempting,”</em> Narcissa responded sardonically as she straightened her coat. “But as flattering as being fucked out of revenge is, I’ll have to pass. Although, Lucius did tell me I should get a hobby while Draco is away at Hogwarts; if you’re not interested in fixing your marriage, I may be open to distracting myself with you again.”</p>
<p>Cassandra rolled her eyes. “You <em>may</em> be open to it, huh? What a proposition that is.”</p>
<p>“What, as opposed to your crude invitation to sit on your face?”</p>
<p>“—<em>Goodbye,</em> Narcissa.”</p>
<p>Alright, so, maybe right then had been the wrong time to offer such an arrangement — Narcissa could see that now. Cassandra was raw and she was angry and because of that it was probably a horrible idea to do something so reckless, but the truth was that Narcissa missed having a regular lover. Sex was always so much better when it was with someone you gave a shit about, and she still very much gave a shit about Cassandra.</p>
<p>Still, it wasn’t the right time.</p>
<p>Draco was sorted into Slytherin, much to Narcissa’s relief. She missed him terribly though and made a point to write him every week, sending him pounds of sweets with every letter. Draco hardly ever wrote back, as he was no doubt too ‘cool’ now to converse with his mother via owl post, but it was okay, as just letting him know that she was thinking about him was enough.</p>
<p>Being stuck at home now however was, admittedly, rather dull. Before Draco, Narcissa had always had Bellatrix to keep her company when her husband went off to work, but now she was all alone. Narcissa tried to distract herself by getting back into the socialite scene now that enough time had passed that their family name no longer resided in the mud, but planning parties wasn’t as exciting anymore without Walburga as a rival, who had passed on a few years earlier. Narcissa was still <em>bloody</em> furious that the old coot hadn't figured out a way to not automatically have Grimmauld Place pass to fucking <em>Sirius</em> of all the goddamn people in the family, but then again with how much Walburga hated her, she doubted she would have left her the house either.</p>
<p>It probably would have gone to<em> Bellatrix</em> just to spite her, as Walburga knew the woman was in prison and wouldn’t be able to legally pass it to Narcissa while in there, as all her rights  — personal, property, or otherwise — had been suspended. Although, in the end, it seemed Walburga had still achieved those ends with <em>Sirius</em> being in prison as well, but it wasn’t like he would have given the house to Narcissa even if he wasn’t, so it made little difference.</p>
<p>It just bothered her though, that something that had been in the Black family for years would go to someone so undeserving. She was the <em>only</em> one left who did not bring shame to the family name (although, perhaps that was debatable depending on who you spoke to, but at least she wasn’t a mudblood lover, in prison, or <em>both</em>), and she deserved that fucking house. It wasn’t <em>fair.</em></p>
<p>She probably sounded greedy though, as with Bellatrix in prison their parent’s estate (or rather, the ashes it had become, but there was still a fair bit of land attached at least) and her sister and husband’s house had passed to Narcissa. Bellatrix and Rodolphus had drawn up the paperwork ages back ‘just in case’, and although at the time she had had a massive breakdown over it because she didn’t like the thought of her sister preparing for the worst, now Narcissa was grateful for it. Although she could not bear to step foot in the house herself anymore as it held too many memories, she would have been able to handle another family living in there even less.</p>
<p>Perhaps she could give it to Draco when he graduated. He could make new memories there, and maybe in time it would hurt less.</p>
<p>“—Because ‘Famous Harry Potter’ can do whatever he bloody wants. Stupid. Just because he’s got an ugly scar on his forehead he gets to play for his House team. It’s not <em>fair,</em> Father! Can’t you do something?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s knees buckled beneath her so quickly and unexpectedly that she had to hold onto the kitchen counter to hold herself up. Her son was returning for Christmas and Lucius had met him at the train station, but now her husband looked a bit ashen as he realized who was in their son’s year. Their gaze connected, silently agreeing to do something about this. They could not have a <em>Malfoy </em>dislike the ‘savior’ of wizarding kind— people would start to wonder why, and they could not have the Ministry looking at them again.</p>
<p>How could Narcissa have been so stupid as to not remember that Harry Potter was her son’s age? She should have better prepared Draco for this; told him to try to make friends, at the very least. It would have made their family look much, much better, and that was something they still needed.</p>
<p>“What exactly do you expect me to do, Draco? The boy is <em>revered</em> among our kind, of course he will be allotted special privileges,” Lucius said in a tone of disgust, which wasn’t really helping matters, but considering that the boy was the cause of the downfall of their lives and the lives of those they loved, it was only natural.</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like a terrible person for hating a child, but she truly did <em>hate</em> the very thought of him. Because of Harry Potter, she had lost so many things in her life, and had finally known what true devastation felt like as she was forced to say goodbye to the other half of her soul, and start her life anew.</p>
<p>But Draco did not know that. He knew very little about their involvement in the great Wizarding War, save the fact that Lucius had been ‘Imperiused’ by the Dark Lord, as they knew what they had fed the world as the ‘truth’ would get back to their son eventually. Bellatrix’s involvement in the war was a little more difficult to water down though, with her bloody picture being used as an example of the horrors Death Eaters were capable of as the Daily Prophet liked to remind the public every single goddamn year on the anniversary of the Dark Lord’s defeat.</p>
<p>That was <em>not</em> a fun conversation to have with her son, because knowing his aunt was in Azkaban and knowing what <em>for </em>were two very, very different things and, God, the <em>look</em> on Draco’s face when he found out Bellatrix had murdered people, that she had tortured others into insanity, broke Narcissa’s heart, because he looked terrified of the very thought of her, and absolutely <em>horrified</em> that he was related to such a person.</p>
<p>“How can you<em> love</em> someone like that?” he had asked her, and Narcissa had answered simply with, “Because, darling, your aunt was so, <em>so</em> much more than just the sum of her mistakes.”</p>
<p>Not that it mattered, considering Draco would never meet her and, God willing, would never know just how involved their family was in the Dark Lord’s cause. He knew they agreed with him on the stance of blood purity and that Lucius had been hoodwinked into serving him, but that was about the extent of it, and that was <em>exactly</em> how it was going to stay.</p>
<p>“Darling, perhaps it would be pertinent for you to make friends with the Potter boy instead of being so… <em>antagonistic,” </em>Narcissa carefully suggested, sliding her son a plate of cookies from across the island counter. Draco took one, munching on it miserably. <em>“</em>After what happened with your father and the Ministry, you can understand where your dislike of him could reflect badly on us, can’t you?”</p>
<p>“But I <em>did</em> try!” he exclaimed, his mouth full of food. “I’m not stupid, you know; but he’d rather be friends with trash like the <em>Weasleys </em>instead of me. He called me ‘the wrong sort’, Mum! Like I’m some sort of bloody <em>commoner!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa gasped in horror, gathering her son up in her arms. Draco was practically squished beneath her arm though and he choked a little in his attempt to breathe. “That <em>awful </em>little child, you are most certainly not the ‘wrong sort’, Draco; don’t you dare listen to him. Did you hear that, Lucius? Did you hear what he called our <em>son?</em> You need to do something.”</p>
<p>Lucius shot her a look like she had gone mental. “As I’ve <em>plainly</em> stated before, there is nothing I can do. Draco, do the family a favor and just stay away from the Potter child if you do not like him. Narcissa, stop <em>coddling, </em>for Christ’s sake.”</p>
<p>Narcissa let go of her son who immediately started trying to smooth out his hair, looking torn between being irritated by the show of emotion but grateful for the support of his mother. “Mother, I want more cookies,” he demanded, apparently choosing food as his way to deal with his disappointments in life.</p>
<p>“Of course, my love, have the lot,” Narcissa encouraged, because she’d rather him be fat than starve himself, if she had to choose between the two coping methods. Lucius exhaled an exasperated breath of air but Narcissa just shot him a look to not say a word, because if Draco needed some comfort then she was <em>damn</em> well going to give it to him, ‘coddling’ or not.</p>
<p>Months later, Narcissa was waving a letter from Hogwarts in Lucius’ face and shrieking. “Detention! <em>Detention! </em>Lucius, did you see this?!” It was standard to alert the family whenever a detention was issued, but Narcissa hadn’t expected to have one of these letters so soon. Draco was just a <em>First </em>Year<em>. </em>Lucius, however, did not look nearly as concerned as his wife did and merely cocked an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“For?” he questioned, like that made all the difference in the world.</p>
<p>“Wandering the school grounds at night! Of all the— Hogwarts can be <em>dangerous,</em> Lucius; he’s only a little boy!”</p>
<p>“He’s a young man, and I’m sure he was merely curious,” Lucius defended, causing Narcissa’s chest to puff out in repressed irritation. “Better he get out his rebellious streak now, when those things hardly matter. If he is still pulling these kinds of stunts as a third year I will speak with him, as I would not want these childish whims to ruin his chance of making Prefect, but right now allow the boy some space, Narcissa. If it makes you feel any better, I have had Severus looking out for him while he is there; he is Draco’s Head of House, and I’m sure that he will make certain that he is well taken care of.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wasn’t Severus Snape’s biggest fan as she found the man untrustworthy — <em>especially</em> after what Cassandra had warned her about nearly a decade ago — but she also held some residual respect for him, as he had at least tried to help her after the loss of her daughter. Still, knowing Draco was at least being looked after while he was at Hogwarts did help her let go a little, and she did not send the Howler that she had planned to.</p>
<p>The end of the year came, and Draco’s grades were… not great. Lucius went off on him about how he was going to amount to nothing if he didn’t apply himself, and Draco had shouted back that it was hard to concentrate on finals when ‘You-Know-Who was living on the back of [his] teacher’s head!’</p>
<p>Narcissa <em>actually</em> collapsed this time, although thankfully there had been a chair behind her. It was her medication though, she knew it was; spending the better part of the last ten years high had broken down quite a lot of things in her body, and along with her increasingly questionable memory as she kept forgetting where she put things or sometimes what day it was, her muscles had taken a serious tole as she began to feel incredibly weak all the time. One nasty shock and, suddenly, down she went. It was awful.</p>
<p>“Look at what you just did to your mother, you nasty little liar!” Lucius snapped, although Narcissa could recognize the fear behind his anger as Lucius snatched his son by the ear. They had heard what had happened at Hogwarts of course, everyone had, but as far as the general public was aware, it was merely Professor Quirrell who, as an old supporter of the Dark Lord, was acting of his own volition as he tried to take vengeance into his own hands against the boy who had brought his master to ruin.</p>
<p>The problem was, Quirrell was <em>not</em> an old supporter of the Dark Lord. Lucius had no idea who he was; he was not a Death Eater, nor was he one of Voldemort’s great supporters in the war. He was new, which pointed to something <em>terrible</em> that neither of them could bear the thought of, as it bore the chance of collapsing their world down around them.</p>
<p>So they denied it. It was just easier. In the end, just because <em>they</em> couldn’t think of any other reason why a new supporter of the Dark Lord’s would just come out of the woodwork like that, didn’t mean that the reason did not exist.</p>
<p>“Father, I’m not— OW! I’m not <em>lying, </em>that’s what everyone’s been saying! It’s all over school!”</p>
<p>“Lucius, let him go!” Narcissa cried after she had steadied herself in the chair. While Lucius’ treatment of Draco never got as rough as Abraxas had gotten with him, Narcissa could not bear seeing her husband laying a hand on him, no matter how mild. Her own childhood had damaged her quite terribly in that way, and she had vowed to never let Draco know the horror of abuse.</p>
<p>Lucius did as instructed though, letting him go with a furious growl. Draco whimpered, rubbing his ear as he backed away from his father. “I thought I had taught you better than to spread ridiculous gossip; you are a <em>Malfoy</em>, not some hag at the hairdressers. Go to your room!”</p>
<p>“But Father—!”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I said now, Draco!”</em>
</p>
<p>Draco paled, turned, and scurried away to safety. Lucius looked as though all the color had drained from his face as well though, and Narcissa knew she probably looked the same as she stared at her husband in horror and disbelief.</p>
<p>“Tell me he won’t come back, Lucius. <em>Tell me he won’t come back.”</em></p>
<p>“He won’t come back,” Lucius assured her, but his words didn’t sound like truth and bile began to rise up in the back of Narcissa’s throat as she realized everything she had worked so hard to rebuild might come crumbling back down around her.</p>
<p>And that was a truth that neither of them were ready to face. Not today. Not yet.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. VI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>VI.</strong>
</p><p>An arm was wrapped around her chest while a cock filled her from behind, the furious movements of her husband making her breasts bounce with each angry thrust. He was frustrated, he was scared; Lucius felt utterly trapped at the moment, and fucking someone had always made him feel powerful, so Narcissa was not surprised that this was his first coping mechanism. In truth though, she did not mind; while Lucius wasn’t really high up on her list of sexual partners anymore, just as she no longer topped his, she still <em>enjoyed</em> sleeping with him on occasion. It had been quite a while since they had done this though and Narcissa’s breath left her, her hand gripping the vanity as she watched her husband’s expression in the mirror, seeing the determination in his eyes.</p><p>“God, Lucius— yes, <em>fucking destroy me!”</em> she cried, enjoying the rough sex because it reminded her of a past she still missed, despite all of her efforts to change. In the end though, Narcissa was still a slave to repetition, but as it was not something she indulged in often she allowed herself this moment of weakness and got entirely caught up in the feeling of being selfishly used by another, because being that submissive had always gotten Narcissa so goddamn wet. Her words caused the man to place his hand over his wife’s mouth though, and Lucius placed his lips near her ear as he shushed her.</p><p>“Draco will hear you, you loud fucking woman—”</p><p>Narcissa whimpered helplessly against his palm before he bent her over further, his thrusts becoming more powerful as he practically used her as a tool for his own masturbation. Narcissa loved it though as it gave her an odd sense of freedom as she gave herself entirely over to another, and when Lucius came he pulled out of her and spilled his seed all over her back before he stepped away from her, panting and sweating and spent.</p><p>As fun as that was though, Narcissa had to strip off the dress that he had ruined before she turned, completely nude and told him, “I hope you don’t actually think you’re going to get away with not returning the favor,” because yes, she would allow him to use her if he needed to, but she wasn’t going to walk away with nothing either.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah— just shut up,” Lucius grumbled before he practically threw her on the bed, buried his head between her thighs, and made her come against his face as she clawed helplessly at the top of his head, recognizing that he had gotten much better at that, but also knowing he would never be as good as a woman in that regard.</p><p>Still, it gave her an orgasm, and that was enough.</p><p>After Narcissa had stepped from the shower, she found Lucius sitting on the bed with a diary in his hands. He had a miserable expression on his face and Narcissa’s stomach dropped, recognizing what it was. She had been there when he had brought it home, after all. “What the <em>bloody</em> hell is that doing in our house, Lucius? You told me you had gotten rid of it!”</p><p>“I lied,” he said simply, and Narcissa’s chest hollowed while her eyes flashed at the sheer <em>audacity</em> Lucius had, being so goddamn blasé about something that they both knew was dangerous. What if Draco had found it? What a reckless, <em>stupid </em>thing to do… “Considering that seems to be your specialty, I assume you don’t need me to explain the concept to you?”</p><p>“Don’t turn this around on me. You <em>promised </em>you would get rid of it— what if the Ministry had found it when they raided our house? You’re playing with fire, Lucius, and for what? He’s gone! He’s—!”</p><p>“The Ministry has come to our house four times over the last decade, Narcissa, and never once have they found our secret chamber under the drawing room floor,” Lucius interrupted sharply. “Do not concern yourself with it. Besides, I believe it pertinent to get rid of it now, considering…” he couldn’t even say it. Narcissa did not want to hear it. “<em>Considering.”</em></p><p>Narcissa’s breathing shallowed. She had known the rumor of the Dark Lord had put Lucius on edge, and she knew that was why he needed to feel powerful for one, short moment by fucking her like that. Lucius was bloody terrified of what might happen should Voldemort return, considering he had lied to save his own skin, and pretended that he had only done the Dark Lord’s bidding while under the effects of the Imperius Curse. Narcissa was equally as terrified for him, as she doubted it would be an insult forgotten.</p><p>She swallowed hard, coming to sit next to her husband on the bed. Narcissa placed a comforting hand on his knee, despite knowing her support was not enough, and that it did not help. “What are you going to do?” she asked him softly, because she knew he had a plan, but she also knew whatever it was unsettled him.</p><p>Lucius exhaled a long breath. “I need to make sure that this diary finds its way back to Hogwarts.”</p><p>“Why?” Narcissa asked, not understanding. Last she had heard, Lucius did not know what it was or what it did, only that it was filled with dark magic. Although, he had lied about getting rid of the thing, so perhaps he had lied about his naivety as well. “You are <em>not </em>going to use Draco to do it—”</p><p>“I would <em>never</em> use Draco. I will not have him caught up in this; he’s only a boy.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, looking at the diary in her husband’s hands. It looked so… common. “Lucius… tell me what that is,” she requested, needing to know what he was going to do in case it ever came back to them. “Tell me— tell me what you need to do.”</p><p>“You won’t like it.”</p><p>“I’ve never liked anything you’ve done under his orders, yet I’ve always stood by you anyway,” Narcissa reminded him softly. Even if they weren’t the people they once were when this war had begun all those years ago, even if they weren’t in love and happy and <em>foolish</em> like they once had been, Lucius was still her husband, and Narcissa knew she would stand at his side through anything.</p><p>“I don’t know how it works,” Lucius admitted, turning the thing over in his hands. “I never lied about that. What I do know though, is that it will open the Chamber of Secrets.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a scoff. “The Chamber is a rumor—”</p><p>“It’s not,” Lucius interrupted, catching his wife’s gaze. She could see the truth in his eyes, and her stomach dropped. “The Dark Lord opened it when he was at school, but it was covered up. The monster inside killed a mudblood— a girl, but her death nearly shut the school down and so the Dark Lord wished to finish the job after he had graduated, but he never had the chance.” He looked back down at the object in his hands. “I was supposed to wait for his order to make this move of course, but then he disappeared. If he comes back— Narcissa, I <em>need</em> to look as though I am still loyal. It may be the only thing that keeps me alive.”</p><p>And that, in the end, was the crux of it; Lucius needed to cover his bases should the worst happen, and while Narcissa understood that, the reality that entailed caused her throat to constrict as she realized the magnitude of such a move, of how much devastation it would cause.</p><p>“A girl, she…” But Narcissa couldn’t even say it. She choked up. “Lucius, if you do this— they’re just <em>children. </em>Our <em>son</em> is at that school!”</p><p>“The monster will only take those who are impure; Draco will be perfectly safe,” Lucius rationalized, like that made up for the fact that many kids might die because of his actions. Adults— they were one thing. Narcissa had never liked that her husband was a murderer, but she had come to terms with it. But <em>children…</em></p><p>“Lucius, you <em>can’t—”</em></p><p>“I am doing this for our <em>family, </em>Narcissa— end of discussion!” Lucius bellowed, causing Narcissa to pull away from him. She hated when he got like this, but she also knew that this was his decision, as it was <em>his</em> neck on the line. “I am going to do this, and you are going to keep your mouth shut about it. If all goes well, I’ve fulfilled one of the Dark Lord’s wishes while also getting a dangerous item out of our house— that’s all that matters. Perhaps it will even get rid of the meddlesome Potter boy if we’re lucky, and then <em>we’ll </em>be the ones revered by those who actually matter.”</p><p>Narcissa rose from the bed, upset choking in her throat. She could not speak to him right now; she could hardly even look at him. She understood though, of <em>course</em> she understood why Lucius needed to do this, but that didn’t mean that it sat well with her. All those children…</p><p>Narcissa crossed the room, just needing to get away from him for a minute, but after she had wrenched the bathroom door open in order hang her towel back up, their house elf came tumbling into the room. Narcissa’s eyes widened as usually she barely saw Dobby; it was good at keeping to the shadows, especially around Lucius. The man immediately stood, anger in his eyes as his gaze settled on the creature whose presence had interrupted them.</p><p>“What the hell is this? <em>Spying,</em> were you?”</p><p>“Dobby would never spy on Master!” the elf quickly squeaked out, but he knew what was coming as Lucius grabbed him by one of his over-sized ears. He cried out in pain, wiggling beneath his grasp. “Dobby was washing the doorway when Mistress opened—”</p><p>“Don’t<em> lie</em> to me, you filthy little creature!” Lucius shouted, practically throwing it across the room. Dobby landed in a heap on the floor and Narcissa flinched, causing her husband to exhale an exasperated sigh as he knew he had to be more mindful of his behavior around Narcissa due to her trauma. He growled. “I have to get ready for work— go do the ironing, and iron those disgusting little hands of yours while you’re at it. Narcissa is <em>not</em> to see you do it, but believe me when I tell you I will be checking. I want to see <em>blisters; </em>it’s the least you deserve for your audacity.” He shook his head, a look of disgust on his face. “Spying on your betters, never heard of a such a fucking thing in my life… should have just wrung your bloody neck a long time ago…”</p><p>The elf was trembling. “Yes— yes, Master, Dobby deserves punishment, Dobby is very sorry…” He disappeared with a crack, and Narcissa shot her husband a furious look.</p><p>“Having him hurt himself doesn’t make it better for me, you know. I still cannot stand to see you be so cruel. That is <em>not </em>the man I married.”</p><p>“No, that wasn’t the man you <em>thought</em> you married,” Lucius harshly corrected her. “Just as I thought the woman that<em> I </em>married didn’t bend over for her bloody sister. I guess we were both wrong.”</p><p>Narcissa’s cheeks tinged. “I told you to stop bringing her up—!”</p><p>“I’ll bring up anything I damn well please in <em>my</em> house, Narcissa!”</p><p>Things fell apart again. They hadn’t actually fought in so long that Narcissa had forgotten how routine it used to be, but Lucius was terrified and expressing that through anger as he was just as emotionally stunted as the rest of them, and Narcissa refused to be a doormat for his pain. Honestly, she much preferred when he fucked her to deal with his overwhelming emotions, but she was used to things not working out in her favor by now anyway, so it was of no matter. Besides, it wasn’t as though rage and unhappiness were new to her either.</p><p>Lucius was getting <em>reckless</em> as he unraveled though, and when he got back from bringing their son to Diagon Alley with a black eye, Narcissa fucking <em>lost</em> it.</p><p>“Fighting— in the middle of a— like filthy <em>Muggles— </em>Never— in my <em>life—”</em></p><p>Narcissa was shaking in rage, her knuckles having gone white as she pierced her palms with her nails. Draco had come home laughing like mad, apparently finding the fact that his father had beat up some pathetic wizard in a bookshop <em>amusing. </em>He began to recount the story to his mother as though she would be pleased as well, but now it seemed Draco was very much regretting that as he watched Narcissa look like she was about three seconds from ripping off his father’s head and using it as a Quaffle. Narcissa understood that Lucius was having a hard time, but this was just <em>beyond…</em></p><p>“Mother, it wasn’t his fault; the Muggle-lover attacked—!”</p><p><em>“When I want your input, Draco, I will ask for it!” </em>Narcissa shouted, and as Draco had never really been shouted at before by his mother, he looked noticeably wounded. He slunk back behind Lucius, using him as a shield. “This is between me and your father. Go upstairs to your room. <em>Now, I said!”</em></p><p>Draco scurried off, and Lucius at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself. Still, he tried to rationalize it with, “That… <em>disgusting</em> excuse for a wizard attacked <em>me</em>, Narcissa; did you honestly expect me not to defend myself?”</p><p>“I expected you to be a good influence for our <em>son!”</em> Narcissa screamed, gesturing wildly toward the second floor, where no doubt Draco was at the top of the stairs listening. He was starting to get far too curious for his own good, but that was something Narcissa would have to deal with later. “But no, instead you get into a fight— using your <em>fists</em> of all things— do you own a wand or not?! I can’t even bear it— in <em>public— </em>the <em>shame</em> you have brought this family, Lucius…”</p><p>“Oh, are we going to talk about <em>shame, </em>Narcissa?” Lucius fought back, refusing to be treated as though <em>he</em> was the sole problem in this family. “When you forced me to walk through a prison block, hearing <em>jeers</em> about my whore of a wife—!”</p><p><em>“Stop!” </em>Narcissa exclaimed, quickly placing her hand over her husband’s mouth, her chest tightening in anxiety. Her words came out as a strangled whisper. “Stop it, I think he’s listening—”</p><p>Lucius’ eyes clouded over before he ripped himself away from Narcissa. He stalked over to the bottom of the stairs, seeing his son sitting at the very top. Lucius’ cane smacked loudly against the last step, startling Draco so badly it looked as though his soul had exited his body. “Your mother said <em>Get. To. Your. Room!”</em> he bellowed, and Draco looked like he might have actually wet himself in fear before he scrambled away.</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes were filled with embarrassed tears. “If he <em>heard</em> you—”</p><p>Lucius scoffed as he strode back into the drawing room, shutting the sliding doors before casting Muffliato. Narcissa furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks, still staring at her husband like she couldn’t believe he had just done that. Even if Draco never knew the extent of it, he would always wonder what she had done to deserve to be called a whore by his father.</p><p>This was a side of them that she had never wanted him to know about.</p><p>“I am <em>tired</em> of this high-and-mighty attitude you’ve adopted, Narcissa, as though you weren’t ever the <em>sole </em>fucking cause of misery in this family,” Lucius spat, turning to face her. Narcissa’s chest heaved in upset, her eyes burning brightly in anger. “But you can hold your head up high and look down at the rest of the world all you want; you can act proper and put together and everything else you want to solidify your bullshit, but it will <em>never</em> change who you are at your core, and who you would still be if <em>she</em> were here.”</p><p>Narcissa’s breathing shallowed at the mention of Bellatrix, but she did not shrink away from his accusation. Lucius just wanted to be cruel because that was the shield he had chosen to hide his emotions behind, and she would not rise to his bait. She <em>wouldn’t. </em></p><p> “You have <em>no</em> idea who I am anymore, Lucius. You haven’t bloody cared to,” Narcissa reminded him. “You think bringing up Bellatrix hurts me in some way because I’ve asked you not to, but it doesn’t. I made my choice to walk away from her and I do not regret it; separating myself from her gave me my life back, gave me my <em>son</em> back. I only ask you not to bring her up because I need to move forward, and she is not in my future.”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes searched his, upset pulling at the corners of her lips. “I have no idea who I would be if she were still here,” she admitted, at least giving that much to him. It was the truth, after all. “But I have enough faith in myself to believe that I would have still allowed myself to get better for my son, and I <em>know</em> if Bellatrix hadn’t gone mad, she would have supported the woman I’ve become now, because when I thrive, Lucius? <em>That</em> is when I am most beautiful to her. I only wish I could say the same about my husband, but it seems you’d rather drag me down in your misery than allow me to help you out of yours, and that breaks my fucking heart.”</p><p>Lucius looked taken aback by her words, apparently assuming that what he had said would have sparked a fight that would last for ages, but Narcissa couldn’t do that anymore. She didn’t have the <em>effort</em> for that anymore. Too much of her life had been wrapped up in pain and drama and to be quite frank, Narcissa didn’t even know if her body could take that kind of stress anymore. She had damaged it so badly with what she had been doing and if her muscles were weakening, Narcissa did not want to know what her drug abuse had done to her heart.</p><p>“Be honest with how you feel, Lucius, for <em>once…” </em>Narcissa begged him, not wanting to be trapped in a cycle of hatred and bitterness with him anymore. “Please, we can’t go backwards. We <em>can’t. </em>And fighting like that, in public no less… it isn’t <em>you, </em>it isn’t—<em>”</em></p><p>All of a sudden, Lucius looked so incredibly defeated. His shoulders had sagged, his eyes had fallen downcast. Narcissa gently touched his arm, and that was all it took. Something in Lucius broke and a tear fell from his eye, and Narcissa, knowing exactly how he was going to react to his own ‘weakness’ did not allow him to do so as she wrapped him up in her arms, holding him close despite his desire to pull away and pull himself together.</p><p>“Draco can’t see you,” she assured him, knowing the last thing Lucius would ever want is to look weak in front of his son. “It’s okay. I know you’re scared. I’m… I’m scared too.” Her fingers curled in her husband’s hair as she buried her face in his neck. “You’re doing everything you can now. If the Dark Lord does come back, he will recognize that. It’ll be okay. You are not the only one who lied to be spared prison time, but you <em>are</em> the only one who continued to carry out his plans while he disappeared. <em>It will be okay.</em>”</p><p>It had been a long time since Narcissa had seen her husband cry, but the instinct to comfort him felt more maternal than anything else. Perhaps that was due to being used to wiping Draco’s tears, or maybe it was just because she no longer knew how to comfort him like a lover. In the end though, it did not matter.</p><p>“They’re just kids,” Narcissa rationalized in a whisper, running her fingers through his long hair as she held him close to her. “Kids make up wild stories. And I’m sure that awful Potter boy just wanted more fame, so there isn’t a reason to panic yet. You’ve covered your bases now, and <em>it will be okay.”</em></p><p>“You better hope so,” Lucius rasped, his arms still around his wife. He wouldn’t look at her though, wouldn’t let her see the sorrow on his face. He could use her for comfort, but still did not trust her with his weaknesses. “Because if he comes back, he won’t be the only one. And no matter how much you love your sister, Narcissa, I don’t think you’re ready to find out exactly who you’d be now in her presence.”</p><p>He was right.</p><p>Once, the thought of Bellatrix coming home would have filled her with joy, but the possibility now only consumed her with dread, as she knew the version of her sister that would return to her was not the one she loved and missed so desperately. Instead, it would be one who would no doubt be very <em>angry</em> that Narcissa had left her to rot in there, and she did not want that version around her son. Narcissa knew she was safe from Bellatrix no matter how mental she got, but she could not say for certain that that privilege had extended to her son, and <em>that</em> was what scared her.</p><p>But that was a concern for another day. Today, the Dark Lord had not returned. Today, Narcissa’s biggest problem was the ridiculous <em>fucking</em> amount of money Lucius had just spent in order to buy their son’s happiness as he purchased Draco’s way onto the Slytherin Quidditch team.</p><p>“How much gold was it, exactly?”</p><p>Narcissa pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to quell the headache centering in the middle of her eyes. She lay on Cassandra’s couch, a glass of wine in one hand as she tried to sort through her anger before she went home and tore Lucius a new arsehole, as that had put a <em>huge</em> dent in their finances, and it wasn’t as though he was making the big bucks as a school governor. There was absolutely no way they would get that money back, and while they were very well off, their money was not<em> endless.</em></p><p>“How much was it? We could have bought a second <em>house</em> with the money he just blew, that’s how much it fucking was.”</p><p>Cassandra hissed, bringing her own glass of wine to her lips as she looked at her friend. “That’s… you gonna kill ‘im?”</p><p>“I’m debating on it.”</p><p>Perhaps she could get the money back with his life-insurance policy.</p><p>She knew Lucius had just done it out of guilt though. He had put the Dark Lord’s plan in motion (through the Weasley girl, apparently — two birds with one stone, Lucius had called it, hoping to stop her father’s Muggle Protection Act from coming to fruition, although perhaps the enchanted car stunt the man pulled might just do that anyway), and was no doubt about to ruin Draco’s second year at Hogwarts because of it. What’s more was that he felt <em>horrible</em> for taking his anger out on him about quite a great many things lately, and when he realized he had scared Draco so badly that the boy had been shaking and crying in his room after Lucius had shouted at him when he found him spying on the stairs, he could not bear the thought of becoming the man that his father had been.</p><p>“I’m a horrible father,” Lucius had wallowed miserably, and Narcissa did not disagree. Instead, she just told him, “Then be better,” and apparently <em>this</em> was the solution Lucius had come up with. It was overkill, that was for sure, but Draco’s excited letter home when he told him he had made the Slytherin Quidditch team seemed to have absolved some of Lucius’ guilt, and he had smiled.</p><p>And with them both happy, how could Narcissa complain?</p><p>God, she just wished it wasn’t so much <em>sodding</em> money…</p><p>“I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Narcissa resolved, pushing herself into a seated position as she placed her glass of wine down on the coffee table. She needed to out of sight, out of mind it for a little while, and then maybe she could come up with a way to get the money back without having to resort to selling her sister’s house, which she would <em>not</em> do. “Distract me.”</p><p>Cassandra smirked, but it was a little bitter. She leaned back in her chair. “I keep tryin’, Cissa, but you keep tellin’ me no.”</p><p>Okay, that wasn’t— that was not <em>entirely</em> true. Yes, Cassandra had tried to come on to her a few times since they had met in Diagon Alley the summer before their sons’ first year at school, as their children still spent a fair bit of time together which meant they did as well, but they weren’t… her advances weren’t <em>genuine.</em> Cassandra was still angry with her husband, but then she’d debate on fixing things with him before she ultimately became angry <em>again</em> and quite frankly, Narcissa didn’t want to be wrapped up in that drama. She had more than enough of her share of love triangles, and did not wish to be party to another.</p><p>But just because she was saying no <em>now,</em> did not mean that she wouldn’t say yes should all the bullshit finally stop.</p><p>“How’s the husband?” Narcissa asked pointedly, and Cassandra scoffed.</p><p>“Y’know, you’re real choosy for someone who constantly subjected others to bein’ second best. You made us love <em>you,</em> when all you loved was her, an’ now you think you’re too good to be the dirty secret in an affair?”</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut. Cassandra had never… she had never implied that it was something like that for her. “You— you what?” Narcissa asked, her breath having left her as she sat up a little straighter. But Cassandra was upset, and probably a little (a lot) drunk by now, and she shook her head and got up out of her seat.</p><p>“Nevermind. I don’t know why I bloody bother.”</p><p>It had been like this a lot lately. For years there had been this tension between them that Narcissa thought she had started when she went off on Cassandra for rejecting her when she was desperate and depressed, but that she had assumed went away once she had finally apologized. But it didn’t. They would be civil, they would act like friends, but then suddenly Cassandra would be angry with her and Narcissa hadn’t understood why, but maybe she was beginning to now, and she immediately got up to chase after her friend.</p><p>“Cass— Cassandra, wait, please.”</p><p>“No. I’m not sayin’ it again. Feed your ego some other way, Cissa.”</p><p>“I don’t— this isn’t about me,” Narcissa assured her, because she didn’t need to suck everyone dry anymore, she didn’t need someone’s love to feel as though she were worth something, but that also didn’t mean that she didn’t want to know if someone did, or if they <em>had.</em></p><p>“—I know, and that’s what <em>fuckin’ </em>bothers me!” Cassandra suddenly shouted as she rounded on her, forcing Narcissa to stop following or else she would have slammed right into her. “I <em>hate</em> who you are now— I hate that you don’t bloody need me anymore, I hate that I thought I was doin’ the right thing by turnin’ ya down and maybe I was, but I thought… I thought you’d get better an’ come back. I thought I could let you go and you’d come back but you <em>didn’t— </em>you don’t bloody want me, Cissa, you haven’t fuckin’ missed me, an’ I hate that I’m still hung up on you after years— it’s been sodding <em>years…!”</em></p><p>“Shh, please…” Narcissa begged, getting choked up as she watched the woman before her completely fall apart. She gently placed her lips over Cassandra’s, kissing her to try to stop her tears. She cupped her face, wishing she hadn’t ruined yet another person that she cared about. “Of <em>course</em> I missed you, of course I— but you don’t <em>understand, </em>Cass. I might be better, but I’m still not… I’m still not <em>okay…” </em></p><p>Because Cassandra had no idea that she had to snort a line before she came over there to stop her hands from shaking, to stop her head from feeling like it was being torn apart. She thought she was so put together now, but the truth was that she was very far from it, and Narcissa was afraid if she let someone in that they would finally see, and that was why she had kept her at arm’s length. She wanted to sleep with her again, but Narcissa wanted it to be detached— like the times she shared with Lucius. But it wouldn’t<em> be </em>detached, and a part of Narcissa knew that, and that was the reason she was making excuses not to do it while internally blaming Cassandra’s rocky relationship with her husband for it.</p><p>“I don’t want you to know who I am now,” Narcissa breathed miserably, her eyes closing as she rested her forehead against the other woman’s. “I don’t want my secrets to cause anyone more misery. Not anymore. It’s why I’ve been running and I’m— I’m <em>sorry.</em> I don’t think I’m too good to be your dirty secret. A part of me wants to be so desperately, because I know you could make me happy. But I’m afraid to be happy, because I don’t trust myself. What if, after everything, I fall back into the same habits I had worked so hard to rid myself of? I was <em>addicted </em>to the feeling of being loved and it destroyed everyone around me. What if I haven’t really changed at all, and another taste of that causes me to become that woman again? I don’t want to be her, Cass. I <em>can’t</em> be her anymore; all she did was drown as she pulled everyone else down with her.”</p><p>Cassandra pulled away from her, furiously wiping the tears from her freckled cheeks. “How can you still think that shit, when you’ve come so bloody far?” she asked, as though Narcissa was stupid for even entertaining the thought. “God, I just fuckin’… I <em>look</em> at you, Cissa, an’ all I can see now is your strength. S’why I feel so sodding horrible for wishin’ you were weak, cause when you were you needed me. Now I’m the selfish one, now I’m the one who wants to use you to feel better about my crumbling fuckin’ life, but you were never as obsessed with me as I was with you, so I’m left with nothing, an’ I hate it… I <em>hate</em> it…”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a shuddered breath, her watery gaze catching the blonde’s. “I loved ya, Cissa. I wasn’t <em>in</em> love, but I loved ya enough to let you use me, an’ now I just wished you loved me enough to return the favor, because I’m fuckin’… I’m <em>not</em> okay, an’ I’m the one who needs ya now.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart broke, and so did her resolve. “Okay, okay… shh,” she breathed, gathering the other woman up in her arms, because she knew exactly how she felt. She knew how broken Cassandra was, she knew how unloved and alone she must feel as the woman lost her own soulmate for reasons she still didn’t understand, and at the end of the day… Narcissa owed her. Cassandra had been there for her when she had needed someone, and the least she could do was return the favor.</p><p>“I do,” she breathed into her hair, her fingers curling in a mess of auburn. “I do love you enough.  I won’t run anymore, I promise. I’m here, I’m here…”</p><p>And so began the second leg of their affair. Narcissa didn’t realize how much she missed sleeping with someone who gave a shit until she was doing it again, but this time she resolved that it would be different, and that was why she decided to give her husband the courtesy of a heads up. She might be Cassandra’s dirty secret, but she didn’t want her to be <em>hers,</em> and she didn’t want the drama it would no doubt cause if she started doing things behind Lucius’ back for the umpteenth time.</p><p>“I’m sleeping with Cassandra again.”</p><p>Lucius looked up from the mail, but only briefly. “Congratulations?” he responded, like he didn’t know why she was even letting him know. He looked more irritated by the interruption than by the news.</p><p>“You don’t care?”</p><p>Narcissa knew they held no romantic feelings for one another anymore, but she also wanted to make sure that there wouldn’t be any needless jealousy, especially because after their huge fight the day of the Diagon Alley trip, Lucius had started to feel guilty about how horrible he had been to her. Narcissa knew she wasn’t the perfect wife, but she also knew that she didn’t deserve that kind of ire when she had been trying very hard to comfort Lucius and stand by his side, just as a proper wife should. Lucius finally recognized what an arse he had been though, and after many apologies he had begun to do little things here and there to please her.  Narcissa had had to tell him to stop <em>buying</em> her shit though because he had already spent a small fortune on Draco’s future as a Quidditch player, and they didn’t need to dig themselves into a financial hole at the moment, but she did appreciate the efforts, at any rate.</p><p>Things between them had gotten much, much better. They were even, dare Narcissa say it, <em>friendly</em> with one another, which was better than the amicable truce they had before. Lucius was beginning to actually <em>appreciate</em> her, and that was making all the difference in the world.</p><p>“Well I suppose that depends,” Lucius said, humoring her question despite obviously thinking it was a needless one. “Are you going to stop sleeping with <em>me?”</em></p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “We barely even—”</p><p>“Yes or no, Narcissa.”</p><p>“No, of course not,” she told him, because she hadn’t promised Cassandra loyalty like that, and she doubted the woman was even expecting it. Besides, she still enjoyed sleeping with her husband from time to time; it made their marriage feel a bit more normal.</p><p>“Then no, I don’t care.” Lucius sorted through the mail for a moment before he finally paused, looking back up at her. “Thank you, though… for the courtesy. I will give you the same if I decide to take a regular lover— that <em>is</em> why you’re telling me, I assume?”</p><p>“Yes,” Narcissa admitted, but felt infinitely better for his gratitude, and his assurance that he would allot her the same privilege, as she did not wish to be blindsided either. “And I know you’re friends with her husband, but please—”</p><p>Lucius waved that off. “I’m not getting involved that drama, so your secret’s safe. Goyle’s been sleeping with Crabbe’s wife anyway; Crabbe knows and has already tried cursing him, except he’s a fucking oaf and it ended up backfiring— it’s been a bloody mess. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. Honestly, I’m surprised you <em>do.”</em></p><p>“I don’t,” Narcissa admitted as she sat across from him at the island counter, sighing heavily. “But Cassandra needs me right now, and I owe her this. Besides, there are certain… <em>added</em> benefits that I do rather enjoy.”</p><p>Lucius side-eyed her. “Dyke,” he responded, but the word held no bite. Narcissa smirked, grasping the cup of coffee that she had just noticed was on the counter in front of her. Dobby’s doing no doubt; it had gotten better at attending to them without ever being seen.</p><p>“Speaking of the drama though, you <em>must</em> know the reason Peter decided to jeopardize his relationship with Cassandra for that fucking hag— it just doesn’t make any sense to me,” Narcissa idly gossiped, sipping her coffee as she looked at her husband. His eyes were scanning the Daily Prophet.</p><p>“Crabbe’s wife is just a jealous plonker,” Lucius told her, albeit a little distractedly. “She wants everything everyone else has, and Goyle’s a fucking idiot so all it takes for him is one look at a set of tits and his cock’s thinking for him. It’s pathetic, but I’m not surprised. She tried to seduce me once, you know.”</p><p>Narcissa burst out laughing. She didn’t have to ask to know how that went; even when Lucius was angry with her, he still had <em>standards.</em></p><p>“Exactly,” Lucius responded, chuckling. “I feel bad for Cassandra though, I do. She might<em> sound</em> like a classless slag but she’s bloody gorgeous, and she could have had so much better than him.”</p><p>Wasn’t <em>that </em>the truth.</p><p>“Well,” Narcissa responded lightly, reaching out to grab a biscuit. She shrugged, popping it into her mouth. “Now she <em>does</em> have someone better, so sod him,” she finished with her mouth full, and Lucius rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Yes, you’re quite the catch. Your fucking baggage could sink a <em>ship,</em> Narcissa.” Narcissa narrowed her eyes at that, although she knew he wasn’t wrong. “Ah, here— I’ve finally found it, look.” Lucius pushed the Daily Prophet towards his wife, pointing at the heading of an article that read ‘INQUIRY AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC’ — an article detailing the inquiry into Arthur Weasley and his blasted flying car, with heavy mention of Lucius calling for Mr. Weasley’s resignation.</p><p>“You’re quite proud of yourself, aren’t you?”</p><p>This feud felt childish to Narcissa, and absolutely not worth Lucius’ time, but perhaps he just needed a hobby. Besides, the man’s Muggle Protection Act <em>was</em> rather ridiculous, and maybe it would be better if Lucius could get the law scrapped before it went into effect. Like the Wizarding Community didn’t have better things to focus on, <em>honestly.</em></p><p>Lucius ignored his wife’s sarcasm. “I’m going to send it to Draco, I’m sure <em>he</em> will appreciate it,” he told her as he took out his wand, magically cutting the clipping from the paper.</p><p>“You’ve been writing to him?”</p><p>Lucius never wrote to their son. He usually left that up to Narcissa.</p><p>The man hesitated for a few long moments, unable to look his wife in the eyes. “He’s… been writing to me.” And at first Narcissa did not understand why that would make him hesitant, but then it hit her and her hand went to her mouth in horror.</p><p>“…It’s been opened.”</p><p>Lucius said nothing, but his silence was confirmation enough.</p><p>“It’s been opened, and you didn’t <em>tell </em>me?” Narcissa exclaimed, furious with him. God, it had been a few months— Narcissa had been hoping… God, she had been <em>hoping. </em>There hadn’t been any news though, which meant the school has been covering it up; it made Narcissa trust that damned headmaster even <em>less, </em>and her lips pursed into a thin line. She looked rather pale.</p><p>“No one has died yet,” Lucius told her, as though that should be his saving grace right about then. “Merely Petrified, although I’ll admit I’m at a loss as to why—”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled hard through her nose. “If <em>Draco </em>knows you have something to do this with this…”</p><p>“Of course he doesn’t, Narcissa; he only writes to me about it because I’m knowledgeable and can give him the answers his school is failing to. He’s a brave boy, Narcissa, and he isn’t scared; merely curious. Don’t worry.”</p><p>“Of course he isn’t scared— his blood is probably the purest in that whole bloody school,” Narcissa shot back. Being both a Black and a Malfoy practically made the child royalty, after all. “But that doesn’t mean I like the thought of him in there with that monster any more. God, I wish you hadn’t done it… I wish you hadn’t—”</p><p>“I didn’t have a <em>choice,</em> Narcissa!”</p><p>“I know that!” Narcissa shouted, more angry with the world than with him. “I <em>know</em> that, and you and Draco may not be scared, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not as well. I could not bear it if anything happened to him, Lucius; he’s my only child, my baby boy…”</p><p>Narcissa wanted to pull him out of school, but Draco threw a fit when she had suggested it and Lucius assured her that everything would be fine, and so Draco stayed. The months wore on, and more students became Petrified by the monster within the Chamber, yet the culprit had still not been caught. Narcissa had worked herself up into a frenzy about it as she just wanted it to be <em>over,</em> but then the Ministry decided to perform more random raids and <em>their</em> house was one of the first on the list, and Narcissa found she could handle life even less.</p><p>“I think you should see a Healer.”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine,”</em> Narcissa insisted, her face clammy and pale as she tried to move past her husband to get to the bathroom, to <em>fix</em> herself. Her hands were shaking, and Lucius looked at her like she must have lost her mind if she truly believed that.</p><p>“Narcissa, <em>look at you.”</em></p><p>“It’s perimenopause,” she dismissed before she brushed past him, slamming the bathroom door behind her. Narcissa clicked the lock shut before she unclasped the locket around her neck, and she could hear her husband’s bewildered voice on the other side of the door.</p><p>“You’re only thirty-eight!”</p><p>“It’s early onset— please leave me alone while I’m in the bathroom, Lucius!”</p><p>Narcissa knew Lucius was worried about her, but he was so wrapped up in the Chamber and calling for Dumbledore’s suspension that he never bothered to look closer at her ailments. Narcissa was okay with that; she preferred her secrets to stay that way, but she also had someone else that was starting to pay a bit more attention to her as well, and Narcissa found herself making more excuses over the last couple months than she had over the many years that she hid her addiction.</p><p>“You sick?” Cassandra asked her as they lied side by side in bed together. The other woman pressed the back of her hand to the blonde’s forehead, her lips turning down into a frown. “You don’t look good, Cissa.”</p><p>Narcissa gently took her lover’s hand in her own, pulling it away from her head as she dismissed, “I’m just— I’m worried about Draco, that’s all. Why they haven’t fired that<em> incompetent</em> Headmaster and shut down that school yet…”</p><p>And that ended up being enough to distract Cassandra, who had some very strong feelings on the matter herself. Eventually, Lucius’ efforts bore fruit and he was able to get the signatures he needed to get Dumbledore pulled from Hogwarts. Narcissa had her doubts that he had managed that without some well-placed threats or bribes, as Dumbledore had always been annoyingly popular, but how he did it did not matter so long as it had been done.</p><p>But then a student was taken into the Chamber, rescued, and the culprit was named. Lucius had headed over to the school, no doubt to gloat about how a <em>Weasley</em> was to blame for what had happened, only for him to return to the manor looking beaten down, defeated, and alone.</p><p>“What happened?” Narcissa asked, concern etching into the lines of her face. Lucius looked like someone had thrown him down a flight of stairs. “Where’s Dobby?”</p><p>Because Lucius had taken the elf with him on his errand, yet had returned alone. The man only swore though, throwing the object in his hand into the middle of the foyer in a fit of rage. The book hit the floor with a loud thump, the ink-stained pages falling open despite the huge hole in the center of it, and Narcissa paled, knowing exactly what it was, and what it meant it if were given back to Lucius.</p><p>Someone <em>knew.</em></p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. VII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>VII.</strong>
</p>
<p>Lucius was sacked from his job as school governor. <em>Apparently</em> many of them bore issue with Lucius threatening their families in order to get Dumbledore suspended as Headmaster. Narcissa didn’t approve of her husband’s methods, but she knew he had his heart in the right place. Dumbledore <em>was</em> rather incompetent for allowing the Chamber monster to run around unchecked nearly the entire school year, but then again Narcissa also had not liked him ever since he took over as Headmaster the year Andromeda ran away, as it made her parents unable to pull her sister from school, and Narcissa ended up taking the brunt of their beatings as they released their frustration and rage on her frail and starved fourteen year old body.</p>
<p>She knew, logically, that it was not Dumbledore’s fault as he had no idea what went on in their home, but some things just stuck with Narcissa whether she liked it or not, and her childhood trauma was one of them.</p>
<p>And thus she did not like him, plain and simple. Narcissa did not care if it was logical; it was what it was.</p>
<p>Not that it mattered.</p>
<p>Dumbledore had been reinstated, had practically (and rightfully) accused Lucius of being the one who brought the Dark Lord’s diary into Hogwarts, and now Narcissa was left with her paranoia as she was convinced the Ministry was going to be on her doorstep any day now to take away her husband.</p>
<p>Narcissa was outside her manor with Cassandra as they sipped some wine and watched their boys play with Vincent, who had been allowed over should he not bring his mother with him. They used to all take tea together whenever the three boys played, but seeing as Cassandra would probably rip the woman’s head from her body should she lay eyes on her, Narcissa thought it best if Ursula did not join them.</p>
<p>She didn’t like her anyway though.</p>
<p>Besides, it was nice being able to spend time with Cassandra, although they did need to start being a little bit more mindful of their interactions now that they were sleeping together again and the boys were… well, not <em>young</em> anymore. If they weren’t, one or all of them were bound to notice.</p>
<p>They were both day drinking though and the boys were busy flying around on their broomsticks in the back yard, enjoying the nice weather they were having during summer vacation. Cassandra was lounging on the Malfoy patio in a pastel green sun dress, and Narcissa was having a hell of a time in her slightly inebriated state not staring at her legs. Cassandra of course had noticed, and had begun amusing herself by stretching exaggeratedly before she turned to her lover, a small smirk playing at the edges of her lips.</p>
<p>“Y’know, I could give the boys a galleon each an’ tell ‘em to go load up on sweets at the shop down the road so we can go upstairs.”</p>
<p>“We wouldn’t even make it upstairs,” Narcissa bluntly responded, and Cassandra laughed. She seemed so much lighter now; happier. Although it had only been a few months since they had decided to rekindle their relationship, Cassandra’s entire demeanor had changed. She was still angry at her husband, sure, and she was even <em>angrier</em> at Ursula, but when they were together Cassandra usually forgot about all that, and she became the woman Narcissa had missed so terribly, because she had always been a ray of sunshine for her even in the darkest of times.</p>
<p>“Ahh!” Vincent screeched as Draco had knocked him off his broom, cackling. The boy tumbled into a small, overgrown garden near the east end of the yard, and Narcissa immediately stiffened.</p>
<p>“Oi, Malfoy—!” the boy called out once he had gotten to his feet, realizing what he had landed in. “You know you gotta gravestone over here?”</p>
<p>Narcissa dropped her wine glass.</p>
<p>“—Shit,” Cassandra swore as she immediately got up, all thought of teasing the other woman forgotten, because she knew <em>exactly </em>what that gravestone was. “I got it— s’okay…” Cassandra quickly cleaned up the broken glass on the patio with her wand as they had yet to acquire another house elf, and both women could hear the boys talk out in the yard.</p>
<p>“The one with no name on it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think that was a dog my parents had— Mother!” Draco called over to Narcissa, who had gone ashen. Draco, as he was a good distance away, did not notice. “Mum, that’s a dog you and Father had, right?”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like she had exited her body. “Yes,” she told him automatically, although her voice was strained and now her son was looking at her rather funny. “Just a dog. Excuse me, boys; I think the summer heat is getting to me…”</p>
<p>Narcissa walked into the house as if in a dream, but she could hear Cassandra follow her before the woman turned back and sternly told the three boys, “If I see any one o’ those brooms off this property I’ll make sure Mr. Malfoy has your hides when ‘e gets home, you boys understand me?” Because that wouldn’t have been the first time they had tried, and the last time they had wandered off they had gotten dangerously close to Muggle territory, which would have been disastrous if they had been seen.</p>
<p>There was a chorus of “<em>Alright</em>, Mum,” and “Yes, Mrs. Goyle,” although not a single one of them sounded happy about it.</p>
<p>When the sliding glass door closed behind Cassandra, she looked at the woman across from her sympathetically. Narcissa was just staring straight ahead of her, momentarily trapped in her own memories. “Ya never told him,” Cassandra deduced softly, although sounded a little surprised by that. But what was she supposed to tell him? Nothing about Aquila’s conception nor her brief life was something a young boy needed to know; it was filled with horror from beginning to end.</p>
<p> Did Draco deserve to know he briefly had a sister? Probably. But did Narcissa want to have that conversation with him? Definitely not. She could not bear to see the look on his face if he ever knew what she had done, and so she buried it, believing Draco would be much happier if he was ignorant to most of the truth of their household.</p>
<p>“I will <em>not </em>tell my son that I traded his sibling’s life for my sister’s sanity, Cassandra,” Narcissa told her, her hands beginning to shake as she grabbed another wine glass from the cabinet. “Bellatrix isn’t even <em>here </em>anymore. She’s not here and she’s not even sane now, and it all… it wasn’t worth it. Our daughter’s life wasn’t even <em>fucking</em> worth it, and I will not have my son know my deepest shame.”</p>
<p>Narcissa tried to pour herself another glass of wine but her shaking hands made that a difficult task, and when the neck of the bottle hit the side of the glass it tipped over, shattering.</p>
<p>“Cissa! Just— stop, okay? For fuck’s sake, you’re gonna end up hurtin’ yourself.”</p>
<p>Cassandra cleaned up yet another one of the woman’s messes before she gently placed her hands on her lover’s arms, trying to calm her down. “I’m not judgin’ ya, Cissa; you have a right to tell ‘im what you want, I just—” But then she stopped, no doubt having gone over what the woman had said just moment’s prior. <em>Her</em> son, yet <em>our </em>daughter after she had mentioned her sister, and Cassandra’s mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>She had never known that part.</p>
<p>“Wait— you didn’t… that’s not bloody <em>possible,</em> innit?” Cassandra asked, absolutely flabbergasted. But then she seemed to reevaluate that, and came to the wrong conclusion as she tried to make sense of something that never would. “Well, I mean— guess ya coulda transferred her eggs an’ put ‘em in you, but then was Lucius still the father? Why didn’t you— I can’t believe ya never told me!”</p>
<p>“You can’t believe I never told you I had my sister’s baby?” Narcissa countered, equally as flabbergasted as she turned in her lover’s arms, finally facing her. She was still shaking, but it was no longer crippling. Still, Narcissa wrung her hands together in anxiety as she revealed another secret to the woman who had already thought she knew them all. “Listen to that sentence again, and then maybe it’ll click for you.”</p>
<p>But Cassandra didn’t get it.</p>
<p>“S’Not weird or anything, Cissa; people surrogate all the time—”</p>
<p>“I didn’t surrogate for her,” Narcissa interrupted, and Cassandra’s brow knit in confusion. “<em>She</em> impregnated me. She used blood magic; this foul, archaic magic that called for a life to be sacrificed for the creation of another— so I got pregnant by my bloody<em> sister, </em>next to a goddamn dead <em>body,</em> just so I could deliver on my promise to the Dark Lord without having to rob Lucius of anything, as it hadn’t been his price to pay. I had to have my baby ripped from my arms and hauled off to die just <em>minutes</em> after she was born for something I believed would be permanent yet wasn’t, and that, Cass, is something my son <em>never</em> needs to know, because what he’ll wonder next is if I would have done the same thing should he have been born first, and I don’t think either of us are ready for that answer.”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a long breath, looking at her like she couldn’t fathom how Narcissa survived her past or even the memory of who she used to be. It was a lot; it was more than a lot, and Narcissa often wondered how or why she didn’t kill herself when she was younger, because she certainly had enough reasons to.</p>
<p>“I dunno what to even say to that.”</p>
<p>“Then don’t say anything at all,” Narcissa begged, because she could no longer bear this conversation. She needed to forget, she needed to move on. “It no longer matters anyhow.” Narcissa tangled her hands in the other woman’s hair, pulling her close enough so that their foreheads lightly touched as she closed her eyes. She could feel Cassandra’s breath on her skin and that was what Narcissa chose to focus on as the woman gently placed her lips against her cheek, her jaw, in a silent gesture of comfort.</p>
<p>It was Narcissa who turned it into something more.</p>
<p>Her tongue slipped into Cassandra’s mouth, her hands fisted at the base of the woman’s neck, and Narcissa kissed her in order to forget everything that was terrible in her life. It was easy to just fall into her, but perhaps that was part of the problem as Narcissa looked for comfort in all the wrong places again. Sex and affection had been one of her earliest coping mechanisms, and it seemed that despite all that she had grown, all that she had learned, she still found herself falling back into the same reckless habits.</p>
<p>And it certainly was <em>reckless.</em></p>
<p>“Mother! <em>Mum!</em> Mrs. Goyle—”</p>
<p>The patio door was slammed open as Draco barreled through it, the abrupt sound causing the two women to jump apart. Draco skidded to a halt in front of them, an expression on his face that Narcissa did <em>not</em> like. Oh God, had he seen? Or had he just seen them jump apart, and was merely suspicious as to why? Either way, Narcissa didn’t like it. This was not a conversation she had wanted to have with her son— <em>especially</em> not when he was this young. If he was an adult, perhaps he could understand, but a <em>child</em><em>…</em></p>
<p>“What is it, darling?” Narcissa asked, her voice a little strained as she tried to act normally. Draco looked a little like a werewolf confronted with the moon; going rigid before this monster of rage burst from him, but the screaming fit Narcissa had expected didn’t come. Instead, Draco just set his jaw and looked at Cassandra.</p>
<p>“Goyle’s got his head stuck in the fence.”</p>
<p>“What, <em>again?</em><em>”</em> Cassandra burst out, immediately looking exasperated. Narcissa didn’t even have time to get hung up on the ridiculous ‘again’ part of that sentence as she stared at her son, who would not look at her. Her stomach sank.</p>
<p>“Draco. <em>Draco,</em> my love, I need to speak with—” But Draco ignored her, fleeing from the house to help Cassandra get his friend’s head unstuck.</p>
<p>Draco’s silent treatment went on for four very long days. Every time Narcissa tried to speak with him he’d find an excuse to leave, or would loudly make a point to talk to his father instead, who had noticed what was going on but when was told, responded with a flippant, “Your affair, your problem,” as he left Narcissa to clean up her own mess. It was almost as though he knew this would happen sooner or later, and Narcissa had <em>wished</em> he had clued her in from the start, because she had been under the impression that they would be able to lie about the state of their relationship to their son until he was at <em>least</em> seventeen.</p>
<p>Still, Narcissa understood her husband’s stance. She understood, yet hated it all the same. In the end though, Narcissa knew she would have said the same damn thing to Lucius had it been he who got caught, so she sucked it up and tried to find a way to delicately break to her son that she wasn’t as straight nor as monogamous as the boy had no doubt assumed she was.</p>
<p>“I’ve had Bitzy make you cookies for breakfast, my darling, would you care for some?” Narcissa tried to bribe him, sliding a plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies that their new house elf had baked towards her son. Draco didn’t even look at them.</p>
<p>“<em>Father,</em> I’d like some pumpkin juice for breakfast.”</p>
<p>Lucius didn’t even look up from his morning paper. “Well then you know where the refrigerator is, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Draco scowled. His <em>mother</em> would have gotten him pumpkin juice, she would have gotten him anything he wanted, but he didn’t want to talk to her. Upset crossed Narcissa’s face as this began to cut her deeply, but before she could say anything the Wizarding Radio in their house clicked on, signifying an emergency broadcast.</p>
<p>
  <em>“—The first breakout of Azkaban. Black is considered armed and dangerous—”</em>
</p>
<p>“What the bloody…?” Lucius tried, but Narcissa had gone a bit pale and smacked his arm as she furiously shushed him, because it couldn’t— it couldn’t be <em>possible</em><em>…</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“—Sirius Black, madman and devoted follower of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, was not found in his cell during this morning’s rounds. Black was convicted of killing one wizard and twelve Muggles in one of the deadliest mass murders we’ve seen this century. We urge you to stay in your homes—”</em>
</p>
<p>“Black?” Draco asked with a snooty attitude, knowing the surname but not the man, as Narcissa had never told him of Sirius or Regulus. One brother she did not care for, and the other had met an end that Narcissa did not wish to speak of with a young boy. He scoffed. “Of course another one of <em>her</em> lot would be a murderer—”</p>
<p>Lucius slammed his cane down so hard on the counter top that Draco nearly fell off his seat. “’<em>Her lot</em><em>’?” </em>he repeated furiously, quelling Narcissa’s sudden urge to cry at how <em>hateful</em> her son had said that, as she was immensely grateful for Lucius’ support. It hurt though, not just because of his generalization, but because she knew it was born from what he knew about Bellatrix. “Do you think that’s any way to talk about your mother, boy?!”</p>
<p>Draco looked scared of his father, but he was also growing up and with it, growing a backbone. He furiously pointed at his mother then, upset crossing his face. “You wouldn’t be defending her if you knew what I knew!”</p>
<p>“No?” Lucius questioned with a brow raise. The radio continued to drone on in the background about Sirius, but the family’s attention had momentarily shifted. “Draco, do you honestly believe there isn’t a <em>thing</em> that goes on in this house that I do not know about?”</p>
<p>Narcissa stayed pointedly silent on that, considering there were things that went on this house for <em>years </em>that he did not know about, but as he was defending her at the moment, Narcissa merely placed her hands on her husband’s arms as she stood behind him.</p>
<p>“I did not want to get in the middle as this is your mother’s business, but I will <em>not </em>sit here and listen to you disrespect her like that just because you walked in on her kissing another woman and are too childish to try to understand <em>why.</em><em>”</em></p>
<p>Draco looked as though he had been slapped. He had obviously not expected Lucius to know what she had been doing with Cassandra, nor for his anger at her betrayal of their family to be called childish. He had thought he had ridden in on the high horse; that he was defending his family’s honor by calling out his mother for her extramarital affair, but now that Draco realized that he didn’t have a leg to stand on he looked rather off-balance.</p>
<p>“Apologize to your mother,” Lucius directed, gently placing his hand over his wife’s in an act of solidarity. “Now.”</p>
<p>Draco looked furious and embarrassed, but he did as was told and mumbled, “…Sorry, <em>Mother,</em><em>”</em> as he glared at the plate of cookies in front of her, still unable to make eye contact.</p>
<p>“Draco… I know that you’re angry, but I can explain if you’re willing to hear me,” Narcissa softly tried, her stomach twisting into knots as she tried desperately to figure out how to word something like this to her son. But Draco didn’t want to listen; he wanted to view his mother as the enemy, and now that his father was defending her he began to hate him too as his teenage rebellious streak began to kick into full gear and he said something so terribly, terribly stupid.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to explain, I already know! You’re a big fat lesbian, and Father’s too weak to control you so he just <em>let</em><em>’s </em>you be one—” Draco began furiously as he got up from his chair to storm off again, but he didn’t get very far. Lucius hooked the serpent’s head part of his cane into his son’s collar so fast that Narcissa hadn’t even seen him <em>move,</em> and he furiously pulled the boy back down into his chair, nearly strangling him in the process.</p>
<p>“—Lucius!”</p>
<p>“One more comment like that and I’ll snap that bloody broom you love so much into kindling,” Lucius threatened. Draco gulped, rubbing his throat where his robes had nearly taken his head off. He suddenly looked much paler.</p>
<p>“Draco, <em>please,</em><em>”</em> Narcissa begged, not wanting this animosity to continue. She hated seeing her son so hurt by this. “I love your father, and despite what you may think, we are still a family. My relationship with Mrs. Goyle does not change that— but there are just some things that your father cannot give me, so in return for his understanding I allow him to… get what he needs from <em>others,</em> should he so choose.”</p>
<p>Draco immediately looked horrified, finally realizing this was a sex thing. “—Gross!”</p>
<p>God, this was why she didn’t want to have this conversation with a <em>child.</em> “Gross or not, that is the reality of it,” Narcissa told him, albeit a little apologetically. “I’m sorry if that shatters your sensitive disposition. Pureblood marriages are… a bit different than other people’s, Draco, and while I knew you would learn that one day, I had hoped it wouldn’t be until much later.” Much, <em>much</em> later, as she and Lucius had already decided they would not expect him to get married at such a young age. Sod tradition; they wanted Draco to have a choice. “It’s important for you to know though that neither of us are cheating on the other; what we have is merely an unorthodox arrangement.”</p>
<p>Draco glowered, his eyes downcast. He looked like he had something to say but he didn’t know how, and Narcissa’s brow creased sympathetically as she encouraged, “It’s okay, darling. Please tell us what you’re thinking.”</p>
<p>He looked almost on the verge of tears, but he still looked so terribly angry. “Goyle already knows his father is fucking Crabbe’s butt-ugly mother—”</p>
<p>Narcissa had never heard him use the ‘F’ word before and was mildly horrified by it before she remembered that she had been speaking like that at his age as well, and kept herself silent. Lucius, however, snapped angrily with, “<em>Language!</em><em>”</em> but Draco did not apologize, nor did he look at either of them as he finished.</p>
<p>“—And now <em>my</em> mother is… is doing whatever with <em>his</em> mother and— ughh, why can’t we just be <em>normal?!</em><em>”</em> he shouted, finally looking furiously at them both. “We’re supposed to be <em>better</em> than everyone else; <em>you </em>said you were, but you’re both liars, aren’t you? Our stupid family is just as screwed up as everyone else’s and I hate it! My mother’s a <em>lesbian—</em><em>”</em></p>
<p>“I’m not— I’m not a lesbian, darling,” Narcissa tried to explain, not wanting him to have incorrect assumptions. “If you need a label for what I am in order to understand it, I’m bisexual, which means—”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know what bisexual means, Mother!”</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa kept her mouth shut, and Draco’s tirade continued.</p>
<p>“It’s just stupid; all of this is <em>stupid! </em>I have a mental aunt who’s <em>prison</em>, now <em>another</em> insane family member has broken out of Azkaban and I don’t— <em>I don</em><em>’t want to be in this family anymore!” </em>Draco shouted, his chest heaving. “I don’t want to be a Malfoy, I don’t want to be a Black— you’re all a bunch of bloody nutters, and I hate that we’re supposed to be <em>proud</em> of that!”</p>
<p>He ran then, and Narcissa desperately wished to go after him but Lucius gently clasped her wrist in his hand, stilling her movements. He looked angry whereas Narcissa looked devastated, but Lucius at least knew Draco needed space from them as much as they currently needed space from <em>him, </em>because Draco was no longer the only one upset by this conversation.</p>
<p>“Leave it,” he told her tersely. “He’s a teenager, of course he’s going to be a melodramatic arsehole. He’ll get over it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wished she could be so certain.</p>
<p>It took until the day before Draco left for Hogwarts for him to speak to either of them again. Narcissa was finishing up his packing before she saw him in the corner of her eye. He was standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at her.</p>
<p>“Do you need something, darling?”</p>
<p>Draco’s nose wrinkled in distaste as he clearly was not over the brutal reality that his family was not as picture-perfect as he preferred, but he sat down on his bed in a huff and informed her, “I have questions.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa finished folding one of his robes before she straightened up. She supposed she owed him a better explanation than what she had attempted to give him the first time when he was angry. “Alright. Well, Mrs. Goyle and I—”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not about that!”</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa put her hand up in surrender. “You don’t have to shout; I just thought that was what you would have questions about. Obviously I was mistaken.” Draco’s lips pursed into a thin line, and Narcissa went back to her folding. “I assume you have told your little friend though? It’s alright, I do not expect you to keep my secrets. That is not your job.”</p>
<p>Cassandra said Gregory hadn’t said anything to her, but Narcissa assumed that was merely because he did not want to confront her. Surprisingly, however, that seemed to not be the case.</p>
<p>“I didn’t tell Goyle.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s brow rose, intrigued by her son’s hesitancy. She had assumed he would be ranting to his friends about her for ages.</p>
<p>“He’s already upset about his father,” Draco responded softly. “I don’t wanna tell him his Mum’s doing the same thing. He’s got about two braincells and they’re already caught up in other shit; think I’d break him if I told him about what I saw.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s… very mature of you, darling.” An awful way to speak about one’s best friend, sure, but mature nonetheless.</p>
<p>“Plus, I… I don’t want people to know that you’re…” Draco trailed off, looking miserable and guilty, as he knew his next words would hurt her. He picked at his bedsheets. “It’s embarrassing.”</p>
<p>And yes, his words did sting, but it wasn’t as though Narcissa hadn’t been expecting it. The pureblooded community wasn't exactly open in regards to alternative sexualities, after all, and if people were to know then Draco would no doubt be bullied in school over it.</p>
<p>“I understand.”</p>
<p>Draco pursed his lips before picking up his legs and folding them underneath himself as he sat crisscross on his bed. “I want to know about Sirius Black,” he finally told her. Narcissa exhaled a long breath. She knew there would be questions; Sirius was all over the news, the wizarding community was terrified, and Draco didn’t want to go to school knowing less than everyone else when it was <em>his</em> family.</p>
<p>“Of course, darling. What would you like to know?”</p>
<p>“How are we related to him?” Draco asked, peering up at her. “He’s a Black so he’s your…?”</p>
<p>“Cousin,” Narcissa answered as she began to roll up his socks and pack them neatly side by side. “My father and his mother were siblings. Sirius was four years younger than me. He and my estranged sister Andromeda used to get on quite well, but as I was close to Bellatrix and she and Sirius did not like one another, he did not take to me. I didn’t mind though, I preferred his younger brother Regulus. He has… unfortunately passed on now, which saddens me greatly because I think you two would have gotten along.”</p>
<p>“How did he die?” Draco softly inquired, and Narcissa pursed her lips. She knew she should not have mentioned Regulus, but she also believed that if Draco was old enough to ask, then perhaps he might be old enough to know the whole story.</p>
<p>Draco obviously believed the same.</p>
<p>“Mother, I’m <em>thirteen,</em><em>”</em> he reminded her, his voice stronger as he tried to act like the grown boy he believed he was. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>“If you’re sure you’re ready, then I will tell you whatever you want to know,” Narcissa relented, having known this day would come for awhile now. “You are part of this family, and you deserve to know the truth if you want to hear it.” Narcissa placed another sock roll delicately in his trunk before exhaling a long breath, looking melancholy. “Regulus was killed by the Dark Lord.”</p>
<p>“…Why?” Draco asked, his voice small. Narcissa shot her son a small, comforting smile.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Bella told me he betrayed him, but that’s the extent of my knowledge.”</p>
<p>“So he was… a Death Eater then? Like she was, my aunt?”</p>
<p>“For a time.”</p>
<p>Draco picked at his bedsheets. “Was Sirius?”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa told him with a disbelieving laugh, as Bellatrix would have had something to say about it if he was. The whole idea was ridiculous honestly, and yet Sirius was somehow public enemy number one. Narcissa knew she had something to do with that as she had lied about Sirius’s stance on blood purity and a whole lot of other things just so she could see her sister before her trial, but she never said anything about the murders he was accused of— that was his own doing.</p>
<p> “At least, as far as I know,” she reevaluated. “I don’t know what happened with Sirius, Draco; not for certain. The belief is that he betrayed the Potters by telling the Dark Lord where they were being kept; they were hidden, you see, with the Fidelius Charm. Sirius was their Secret Keeper. As the story goes, their friend confronted him about his betrayal and Sirius killed him along with a bunch of Muggles.”</p>
<p>“But you don’t think he did it,” Draco deduced, picking up on her choice of words. Narcissa sighed softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>“I don’t claim to know anything, but what I can tell you is that the man the Ministry is saying Sirius is, is not the boy that I knew. He was a Gryffindor — which his mother had called her deepest shame, and you know how that lot can be… he had mudbloods and half-breeds as friends, but people change. He could have very well gone over to the Dark Lord’s side. I do not know, as I no longer knew him.”</p>
<p>Draco was silent for a long time and Narcissa mirrored his choice, giving her son time to process all that he had been told. Finally, Draco simply responded with, “…Okay,” and that was that. Perhaps she did baby him, but it was hard not to when he was her only child. Draco handled the knowledge about some of the darker parts of his family well though, and in the end Narcissa was glad that she had told him. He was growing up, and while Narcissa was still not ready for him to know some of the worst parts about their family, like his father really being a Death Eater, or the fact that both of his parents had murdered people, it was a step forward.</p>
<p>However, recognizing that Draco was growing into a young man and <em>treating</em> him like one were two very different things, so when the news came from Hogwarts that her beautiful little boy had been hurt by some horrible creature during what was <em>supposed</em> to be a safe class, Narcissa lost her goddamn mind.</p>
<p>“You need to do something! His poor little arm—what if he never plays Quidditch again? <em>Lucius!</em><em>”</em> Narcissa snapped, infuriated that he wasn’t as upset as she was about this. Draco had sent her a letter detailing the horrific attack and Narcissa had clutched at her chest, hardly able to believe nothing was being done at the school about this.</p>
<p>“He’s playing it up,” Lucius told her in a bored tone as he poured himself a glass of scotch. “He’s finally realized what an arse he’s been to you and instead of <em>apologizing</em> he’s manipulating you into coddling him again so he can have Mummy’s love without having to work for it. Besides, you and I both know he probably deserved it; you know how he’s been lately with that smart-arse mouth of his — it was a <em>hippogriff, </em>Narcissa.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care if it was a fluffy little niffler— that thing hurt my baby boy and I want <em>justice,</em> Lucius! You will go to the school governors, you will go to the <em>Ministry—</em> I don’t care! And get him that blasted broom he’s been wanting while you’re at it; perhaps it will cheer him up a bit.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her like she had to be joking. “You nearly lost your damn mind last year when I bought his entire team Nimbus 2001s, but now you want me to buy him a <em>Firebolt? </em>You have absolutely no idea how much that costs, do you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>care!</em><em>” </em></p>
<p>Narcissa wanted Draco happy, because maybe a part of her still felt guilty for what she had put him through emotionally. It was a lot for a boy to know that his mother wasn’t… that she wasn’t <em>normal. </em>Narcissa hated embarrassing him and she wished to buy his affections because quite frankly, that was the only way the Malfoy family knew how to fix things.</p>
<p>“You <em>will </em>care when I have to sell your sister’s house to bloody afford it, now sit <em>down,</em><em>” </em>Lucius demanded, growing overwhelmed by all her shouting and pointing and flailing as she tried to make her point. Lucius took a long sip of his drink, his expression indicating he had desperately needed it. After the glass had clinked back down on the counter, he told her, “I’ll go to the damned governors if you want, but you need to stop making this easy for Draco. He’s being a little snot and if you continue to allow this sort of behavior he’ll never grow into the man either of us want him to be.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew that he was probably right, but she had grown up in an abusive, unloving household, and so she compensated for that by being rather overbearing with Draco. To Narcissa, too much love was better than no love at all, and so she didn’t <em>care</em> that Lucius was losing his patience with how she was treating him, as she would always be the mother that Draco needed no matter how old he was.</p>
<p>Lucius did complain to the school governors, and his complaint was then taken to the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures. It wasn’t difficult to convince the committee that justice for their little boy must be served, and after a brief trial in which the oaf of a gamekeeper blubbered all over the place as he tried to convince everyone that the horrific monster was <em>harmless, </em>the hippogriff was sentenced to death.</p>
<p>“Macnair is going to take care of the execution. He was particularly brutal when he served the Dark Lord, so I’m sure you’ll get what you desire,” Lucius told her, and Narcissa had smiled at him in gratitude, glad that he had followed through with what she had asked him to do. Her lips found his cheek as she clutched his arm, but then he turned his head to look at her and Narcissa ended up tangling her fingers in his hair as she brought him in for a passionate kiss that eventually led to her being on her knees with his cock in her mouth, because that was the best way she knew how to show her appreciation for what he had done.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Lucius asked her after they had fucked all over the house, having one of the most passionate lovemaking sessions they had had in, God, <em>years.</em> Narcissa was staring up at the ceiling with her head on her husband’s chest, sprawled out on the large couch in their parlor when Lucius had looked down and noticed that she didn’t really seem to be ‘there’ anymore.</p>
<p>“Bella.”</p>
<p>The name came out of her mouth without thought, and Lucius stiffened beneath her. “You know, it’s been twelve bloody years since that bitch got arrested,<em> eight</em> since either of us have even laid eyes on her, and that still managed to fuck me up for a second as though no bloody time had passed at all.”</p>
<p>“No, I didn’t— shit, I’m sorry,” Narcissa exclaimed, immediately sitting up so she could turn and look apologetically at her husband. “I didn’t mean because of the sex— <em>God,</em> Lucius, I’m so sorry, I honestly wasn’t thinking… I was just wondering how Sirius managed to escape, and why…”</p>
<p>“Why she hasn’t?”</p>
<p>Lucius, thankfully, did not get angry at her for bringing up her sister, especially since Narcissa seemed genuinely apologetic about the way it came out. It had stung for a moment but it seemed that moment had passed; they were different people now, they had a different relationship, and eventually their painful reality had become their painful past and it was easier to look at it objectively, even if sometimes it could hurt for a brief moment before that time came.</p>
<p>“Would you even want her to escape if she could?”</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know how to answer that so she chose not to at all, chuckling softly as she pushed the hair from her eyes. “God, she must be so <em>pissed</em> that he managed to do it before her… She couldn’t even bear coming in second place when we used to play games together as children, and this is so much worse. <em>He</em><em>’s</em> being called the Dark Lord’s deadliest supporter, when she had always worked so hard for that honor. It’s all so… it’s all so fucked up, honestly.”</p>
<p>“—I’ll take your avoidance of the question as answer enough,” Lucius responded knowingly, and Narcissa’s throat tightened in guilt as she looked at her husband.</p>
<p>“What do you want me to say?” she asked him softly. “Do you just want me to say it so you can finally ‘win’? No, I don’t want her to escape, Lucius, because what would come back to me would be nothing more than the shell of the woman I fell in love with. I cannot fucking <em>bear</em> that heartbreak; it’s far worse than never seeing her again at all. I prefer loving the memory of her, it hurts less that way.”</p>
<p>Lucius gently sighed. “I’m no longer in love with you, Narcissa; I don’t need to ‘win’ anymore,” he reminded her, and although Narcissa knew that, it didn’t mean that the confirmation of it didn’t sting. She was no longer in love with him either, but that didn’t mean that she sometimes didn’t mourn the loss of what they once had. “I was just curious… that’s all.”</p>
<p>And she understood why; even though it had been years, Lucius was still concerned about her mental health when it came to her infatuation with Bellatrix, and now that their son had grown, so had his desire to know for certain that her priorities had shifted.</p>
<p>They had.</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at him sadly, reaching out to gently push the hair from his eyes. “Do you miss it?” she asked softly, wondering if she was the only one. “What we used to have?”</p>
<p>“Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll ever be able to get it back,” Lucius gently reminded her, because too many things had happened, too much time had passed. “<em>This</em> is what we are now, and although it took me years, I think I’ve finally come to terms with it. It’s enough for me, Narcissa. I hope it’s enough for you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa smiled at him, her hand finding his as she squeezed it tightly. “Yes,” she breathed, honestly happy with how her life had turned out. It may not have been the fairytale she had wanted, but in the end, she realized that was actually okay. Fairytales weren’t real anyway, but this… this was.</p>
<p> “It’s enough for me.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC</strong>
  <strong>…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. VIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>VIII.</strong>
</p>
<p>The hippogriff escaped, and so had her cousin.</p>
<p>Narcissa was <em>furious,</em> although far more about the creature than about Sirius, as he had never been much of a concern for her. The entire wizarding community was on edge about his miraculous escape from the dementors though, but as the last sighting of him had been far away from England, eventually everyone relaxed and life went on. For a brief time Narcissa had been concerned about his escape for the sole reason that while he was in prison Sirius had found out about her true relationship with Bellatrix, but Lucius had reminded her that because he was an escaped convict it wasn’t as though he was able to spread that information around and ruin her. “Besides,” he had said, “He grew up with you both. If anything, he no doubt believes that she was abusing you and that it messed with your head, which wouldn’t be that far off from the truth anyhow.”</p>
<p>Narcissa had been <em>deeply</em> offended by that and yelled at him for quite a while about how her relationship with Bellatrix had been consensual, but Lucius shut that down by reminding her that thirteen year olds are not able to consent to adults no matter what she bloody thought, and Narcissa had spent quite a long while reflecting on that and hating herself for even entertaining the thought that she had been abused by Bellatrix, when she had always considered their beginning to be a non-factor despite her sister’s horrified realization over a decade ago that she had raped her.</p>
<p>To Narcissa, the fact that Bellatrix had felt terrible about it negated how horrible it really was, even though logically she knew that it did not. It was even worse now that her son was of the same age that she had been, and she could not look at him and imagine him doing the things that she had done at that age. He seemed far too young, which no doubt meant that she had been as well.</p>
<p>The truth of it broke her heart.</p>
<p>Draco being a teenager now did come with concerns about what he was doing while at Hogwarts however, as he had just turned fourteen a week ago and that was the age Narcissa had begun being sexually active with Lucius, became pregnant, and was forced to have an abortion. All of those things seemed terrible now that she looked at her baby boy and couldn’t fathom the idea of him being so grown up in that way, but Cassandra had overheard him talking with her son about a girl named Pansy, and so Lucius decided to take matters into his own hands as he tossed a package of condoms on the breakfast table one day. Draco went about sixty different shades of red.</p>
<p>“If you get her pregnant, I’ll have your head, boy.”</p>
<p>Poor Draco, who had just been trying to eat his pancakes in peace, nearly choked on them. “Wha— <em>who?</em> Father! I’m not— <em>Mum!” </em>he shouted desperately, getting Narcissa’s attention from the other room. When she entered the dining room and saw the package on the table, she let out an undignified squawk of protest.</p>
<p>“<em>Lucius! </em>He’s only a boy!”</p>
<p>“I will not have history repeat itself,” Lucius argued, unwavering. “We’ve had enough bloody traumatic things happen in this family. Who is this Pansy girl, anyway? What is her surname?”</p>
<p>“Mother, make him stop! I’m not even— she’s just some <em>girl.</em>”</p>
<p>“Surname,” Lucius repeated before Narcissa had a chance to do as her son requested, and have the questions stop. Lucius at least needed to know that his son had standards. “Now.”</p>
<p>“Parkinson! But I’m not— <em>Mum!”</em></p>
<p>“Alright, that’s enough, Lucius,” Narcissa interjected, coming to rest beside her husband as she placed a gentle hand on his arm. “You’ve gotten your message across, and the girl’s family is one of the sacred twenty-eight so there should be no issue if he decides to date her. <em>However,” </em>Narcissa continued, and this time looked at her son. She hated that she had to do this, but Lucius had a point; it wasn’t as though they were innocent at his age, and although she could not fathom Draco being that grown up yet, it did not mean that he wasn’t. “You will start carrying these around, in case the time ever <em>does</em> come. We just want you to be safe, darling. There are a lot more risks associated with sexual activity other than pregnancy you know—”</p>
<p>“Stop, <em>stop!” </em>Draco begged, looking thoroughly embarrassed and very angry because of it. “I don’t want my… my <em>swinger</em> parents telling me about sex, alright? I already know all the normal stuff, and you guys are just… you’re <em>gross!</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked perplexed. “What on earth is a ‘swinger’?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, you guys are so <em>old. </em>You’re old and you think you’re not and its so bloody <em>embarrassing</em>,” Draco moaned, hating every second of his life. “I don’t need the sex talk, alright? I’ve learned it all in school, just leave me alone!”</p>
<p>“From who, your little friends?” Narcissa asked, exhaling a disbelieving scoff. “Draco, I hardly think teenage boys are knowledgeable in that area. I know this isn’t an ideal situation for you, but we’re only doing this because we care.”</p>
<p>“Mum, I will literally let you keep all of my pocket money until I’m seventeen if you just fucking <em>stop.”</em></p>
<p>Lucius had given up on trying to keep Draco from swearing unless it was directly at them in a disrespectful manner, so he did not reprimand him. Instead, he said, “If you allow your mother to take that deal you’re going to be very disappointed when we go to the Quidditch World Cup in a month and you don’t have any money to buy anything, so I’d reconsider if I were you.”</p>
<p>Draco froze, his eyes widening. “Wait— Father, are you serious?”</p>
<p>The Quidditch World Cup was held every four years, and the last one they were unable to go to because Lucius had finally gotten a job after many, many years of being out of work, and did not wish to take the time off. Draco had thrown a <em>fit</em> but, in the end, forgot about it as he was showered with presents for weeks on end, taking the loss because he had gained in other ways. Four years before <em>that</em> however Narcissa had deemed Draco still too young to go despite Lucius’ desire to bring him, so this would be Draco’s first experience with something that huge. Suddenly, he didn’t look embarrassed and angry anymore — he looked excited.</p>
<p>“After my<em> generous</em> contribution to St. Mungo’s last month, we are to attend as the guests of the Minister of Magic himself. We will have the best seats in the entire stadium— something I’m sure you’ll enjoy <em>bragging </em>about for the weeks to come,” Lucius told him, knowing exactly how his son was. He never really liked how Draco boasted as he told him that it made him come off desperate for attention, but even that embarrassing comment didn’t make Draco stop and Lucius had since tried to quell his irritation, hoping that he would eventually grow out of it.</p>
<p>“So if you’d like to keep your pocket money for that, you will allow us to educate you so that you don’t come home riddled with genital warts or the father of some bastard child,” Lucius finished, which popped Draco’s bubble as soon as it had inflated. “I will give you the choice of having me or your mother do it however, so that you don’t throw another fit and feel bombarded.”</p>
<p>Draco still felt bombarded, and he <em>still</em> threw a fit, but in the end had chosen Lucius, as apparently he was the less embarrassing option of the two of them.</p>
<p>“Did you tell him that you can still contract STDs through anal?” Narcissa asked her husband, needing to know that he had done a proper job of educating her little man. She still hated the thought of him doing such a thing, but she also needed him to be prepared for when he became sexually active. “And to be an attentive lover? Women need orgasms too, Lucius. I don’t want his future wife to hate him because he doesn’t take care of her.”</p>
<p>Lucius merely shot her a vexing glance. “This is exactly why he wanted <em>me</em> to talk to him. But yes, I told him being a selfish prick in bed won’t allow him to give repeat performances but <em>no,</em> I did not speak to my son about <em>anal sex, </em>Narcissa, because he is not gay.”</p>
<p>“First of all, how dare you presume <em>what</em> he is, and second—”</p>
<p><em>“You</em> just assumed he’d have a wife!”</p>
<p>“Well of course he’ll have a <em>wife—</em> Bellatrix was gay and had a husband, didn’t she? Whom she did, on occasion, sleep with, much to her disappointment. Regardless, anal sex is not just for gay <em>men,</em> Lucius,” Narcissa reminded him, utterly exasperated by his narrow-mindedness. “My God, I knew I shouldn’t have let you do this. I should go speak with him—”</p>
<p>“You absolutely will <em>not,” </em>Lucius ordered, grabbing her hand so that she couldn’t march off and embarrass their son further. “I don’t even see why you’re on a tirade about it when it’s not like it’s common. <em>We</em> never even—” But then Lucius stopped, realizing that he was hardly the only person that Narcissa had ever fucked in her life, and he suddenly knew <em>exactly </em>who could have talked her into something like that.</p>
<p>“Oh that is just fucking<em> sick.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s cheeks were beat red. She hadn’t really thought he’d jump to any real conclusion about it because she <em>thought </em>it was just important that Draco be fully educated when it came to sex, but apparently she hadn’t thought this entirely through. “You’re only angry because I never let <em>you</em> do it,” Narcissa accused, thoroughly embarrassed by the look she was being given and so chose to turn this around on him. “Because letting my sister fuck me in whatever way she saw fit is hardly <em>news.”</em></p>
<p>“You know, just when I thought you couldn't horrify me anymore, you say shit like that. I know this is our new normal, Narcissa, but no one is going to take the bloody news that you let your psychotic sister do you in the arse <em>casually.</em>”</p>
<p>Alright, he had a point. “Perhaps, but you’re still jealous,” she accused, because she <em>needed</em> him to be the bad guy here. It made her feel less like a freak.</p>
<p>“I’m most definitely not, however I will take your little admission as permission the next time I have you bent over, if <em>that’s</em> why you’re trying to rile me up with this whole ‘jealousy’ tirade.”</p>
<p><em>Oh.</em> Narcissa certainly was not doing that consciously, but now that he had said it the base of her abdomen ignited and she bit down on her lower lip. Lucius looked bitterly amused. “You’re a mess,” he accused, and he wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>Fortunately (or, if Narcissa was being honest with herself, <em>un</em>fortunately), Lucius never delivered on his promise. He did, however, go back to Draco at Narcissa’s insistence so he could finish their son’s education, and Narcissa could hear Draco screaming at him about he’s ‘not gay’ and how ‘that’s fucking gross’ from two stories down. Lucius did not come out of that conversation looking happy, but Narcissa was glad that he had done it anyway.</p>
<p>It was <em>one</em> awkward milestone out of the way, at least.</p>
<p>The Quidditch World Cup finally rolled around, and Draco could hardly contain his excitement. His little friends were going as well, although neither the Goyle’s nor the Crabbe’s had as good of seats as their family did. They set their tents up near one another though, Lucius going all out with an extravagant confection of striped silk which made their tent looked like a miniature palace, complete with several live peacocks tethered at the entrance.</p>
<p>Honestly, if Narcissa didn’t know better she would have thought him a gay man; his dramatic tastes in decorations were <em>wrought </em>with homoerotic subtones, but she kept herself quiet, knowing Lucius would have taken offense to that if she were to say it out loud.</p>
<p>“—Of course, we don’t <em>need</em> the thousand galleon prize money, but I’d enter for the glory of it, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>“Draco!” Lucius snapped, overhearing his son talk to his friends about something he was supposed to keep to himself. He turned away from his task of delegating how to properly hang drapes to the house elf, who looked completely overwhelmed with how specific Lucius could be, especially because it knew what would happen if it didn’t please him. “What part of ‘tell no one’ was not clear to you?”</p>
<p>“Bitzy, go put the kettle on,” Narcissa instructed the house elf in order to save it from her husband, as they really did not need another servant beat into being disloyal. Narcissa still had no idea what had happened to the last one, and it unnerved her that there was a free elf out there that knew quite a lot of their family’s secrets.</p>
<p>Draco looked at his father like he could not comprehend why he was getting chastised. “It’s just <em>Crabbe and Goyle.”</em> Narcissa could not tell by his tone whether that meant Draco thought they were trustworthy enough to keep the secret, or too stupid to spread it.</p>
<p>Somehow she knew it was the latter though.</p>
<p>Lucius’ friendship with Cornelius Fudge had allotted him certain privileges, such as the seats they were going to be sitting in for the match and information about the secret event that was being held at Hogwarts this year. Apparently though, Lucius had failed to mention to his son that only those who were seventeen years old were allowed to enter, because Draco was practically swooning with the idea of being able to bring home that prize. Narcissa thought it was sweet, albeit a bit misguided considering his marks were about par with her own while she was in school, and that wasn’t <em>good</em> by any means. Still, Narcissa couldn’t bear to burst his bubble, and Lucius was apparently too busy decorating to set the record straight or continue lecturing, and so Draco and his friends continued on in hushed whispers.</p>
<p>Narcissa would have liked to spend some time with Cassandra before the match, but she was currently too busy arguing with her husband about who would get the largest bedroom in the tent (”I don’t bloody care if you’re too fat for the guest bed— why don’t you just go sleep with your little <em>friend</em> if ya don’t like it,” which was followed by a furious point at <em>Narcissa</em> as Peter spat, “Why don’t you go sleep with <em>yours?”</em> which, unfortunately, interested Ursula far too much, although <em>her</em> husband told her to keep her, “fat nose out of other people’s business,” which was finally followed up by a furious demand from Lucius that they all “shut the fuck up” because they were in public, although the entire camp grounds were so loud that Narcissa doubted anyone was paying them any mind).</p>
<p>All three of their children were glaring at them like they couldn’t stand the lot of them, and Narcissa could not blame them one bit.</p>
<p>They were going to need a <em>lot</em> of alcohol to get through this night.</p>
<p>It had been a very long time since the three families had spent time together as a unit. While Lucius was friends with both of the men, he apparently had been spending time with them separately ever since Crabbe tried to curse Goyle for sleeping with his wife and it backfired. She and Cassandra used to take tea with Ursula years ago (although Narcissa hated every second of it), but ever since Cassandra found out what was going on behind her back, <em>that</em> ended as well. The three boys were thick as thieves though, which made interaction inevitable, and all of them begged and begged to be able to tent together for this event, and eventually all of their parents caved.</p>
<p>That might have been a terrible decision though.</p>
<p>Narcissa found she desperately needed to get away from it all so she went on a walk through the grounds, seeing the wide variety of wizards who came from all around the world to witness the big event. Narcissa couldn’t give a damn about Quidditch, but it was nice to get out of the house and be a part of something this huge. She passed all sorts of tents that showed their support for whatever teams they were rooting for, finding some of the over the top decorations distasteful but also knowing she had no room to judge because of how <em>Lucius </em>was in that regard.</p>
<p>And then she saw her.</p>
<p>For a second, Narcissa thought she was hallucinating because she thought it was Bellatrix. Narcissa had forgotten how alike they looked, but it had been one of the great upsets of her childhood as Narcissa had always hated how different she looked from both of her sisters. Andromeda’s hair was a shade or two lighter though and was wavy where Bellatrix’s was curly, and while they looked very similar as children it actually startled Narcissa to see that Andromeda had grown to look nearly identical to Bellatrix — at least as far as her facial features were concerned. She was softer where Bellatrix was harsh though, but that might have just been down to their expressions, and for the first time in a long time Narcissa had another intrusive thought that maybe she wasn’t really a Black after all, but a product of an affair that her mother had.</p>
<p>Not that it mattered anymore though if she was a Rosier bastard or a Black— she had married a Malfoy, and that was how Narcissa identified now.</p>
<p>Andromeda was alone outside of her tent, completely unaware that her past had come back to haunt her as she enchanted the leprechaun statues she had placed outside to wiggle and dance. The tent was modest, just a smidgen above the shabby ones some of the <em>lesser</em> wizarding families had, and Narcissa couldn’t help herself as she wrinkled her nose in distaste.</p>
<p>“And here I thought you’d have put the money you blackmailed out of me to use— clearly, I was mistaken.”</p>
<p>Andromeda froze.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest was weighed down with upset as she breathed heavily through her nose. She hadn’t realized how hurt she still was by Andromeda until she was confronted by her presence, and when her sister rose and turned around to face her, Narcissa pursed her lips into a tight line.</p>
<p>“I <em>did</em> put your blood money toward something useful— My daughter is training as an Auror now, so thank you for that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa <em>had</em> heard Auror training was rather expensive as it involved more schooling outside of Hogwarts, and while that was a completely fucking rational and responsible thing for Andromeda to do, Narcissa still hated her for it. She hated her for blackmailing her in the first place, she hated her for running away, she hated that she wasn’t part of her <em>family </em>anymore because Narcissa felt like she had nothing left from her past, and she hated that most of all.</p>
<p>“I’d say you’re looking well, Narcissa, but in truth it looks like a big enough gust of wind would knock you right over.”</p>
<p>That wasn’t untrue. Narcissa’s drug abuse had her thinning quite terribly, but as the people in her lives always had other things to concern themselves with, it had gone unnoticed. Narcissa hated that Andromeda could see she was unwell just from a glance so she straightened her spine in order to better look down on her, as she had always been the tallest of the three sisters.</p>
<p>“Your concern is touching, Andy, but I assure you I’m perfectly fine.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure you’re just <em>thriving</em> now that you’re on your own,” Andromeda responded, and Narcissa couldn’t for the life of her recognize if that was sarcasm or not. It made her feel a little off balance and she stiffened in defense. Andromeda’s gaze took in Narcissa’s frail form then and asked, “Are you still visiting her? Is<em> that</em> why you look like you’re getting bled dry?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen Bella in nine years.”</p>
<p>“She’s been in prison for thirteen,” Andromeda countered, and Narcissa just stared at her. Andromeda exhaled an exhausted chuckle as she pushed the hair back from her eyes. “Not that you’re going to want to hear this, but I’m actually proud of you for walking away. I never thought you would. She fucked you up so <em>thoroughly,</em> didn’t she?”</p>
<p>Narcissa could feel the back of her eyes sting with tears, but she held them back with great effort. “Yes,” she admitted softly, as she could no longer deny that. “But I did the same to her in return, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t victimize me. Believe me, I do not deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure you don’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that you were only a child when she did that to you, Narcissa,” Andromeda responded, and Narcissa hated that people kept reminding her of that as though it made any real difference. Fine, her sister had statutorily raped her when she was younger, which Andromeda had unfortunately walked in on once— that didn’t change the fact that she had consented to sex with her hundreds of other times as an adult. She had made her own bed and had lied in it a thousand times, and Narcissa would never fault Bellatrix for giving her what she had begged for over and over.</p>
<p>Andromeda looked at her then, her expression changing into one that almost looked like concern, or perhaps even genuine care. “I’m sorry it took me a long time to look at your relationship with Bellatrix objectively,” she told her, and Narcissa <em>hated</em> the tone of her voice. “And I’m sorry I was too selfish and angry to save you from her. I should have.”</p>
<p>Narcissa took a step back from her, looking horrified. “I don’t want your <em>pity,</em> Andromeda,” she spat. It felt absolutely vile, given everything that had happened. “And I’d appreciate if you kept your mouth shut— your lack of specifics doesn’t change how easy it would be to infer the truth should anyone be listening. Although, I suppose it wouldn’t matter much if they were— you aren’t exactly camping with your own kind are you? This place reeks of mudbloods and half breeds, and they aren’t exactly high on my list of things to be concerned about.”</p>
<p>Andromeda’s expression darkened and she laughed bitterly. “And here I was hoping you might have changed now that she didn’t have her claws in you. I’m sorry to see I was wrong, and I’m even more sorry that your son has to grow up with such a racist elitist of a mother.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest swelled in upset. “Don’t you dare speak about my son— you have no idea who Draco is and frankly I am glad for it. I wouldn’t want him hanging around <em>your</em> kind anyhow.”</p>
<p>“My kind? And what kind is that, exactly? <em>Decent</em> people?”</p>
<p>“…Mum?”</p>
<p>The two sisters stopped arguing to see a young woman with pink hair emerge from the tent. Narcissa had never seen her niece before and she froze, not really knowing what to do or say. Nymphadora just looked at her suspiciously though before coming to her mother’s side. “Who’s this?” she asked in a defensive tone, and Andromeda just shot Narcissa a scathing look that signified yet another parting that would last them years.</p>
<p>“<em>Nobody,</em> honey. Let’s go inside…”</p>
<p>Narcissa was shaking by the time she returned to their tent and she immediately barricaded herself in the bathroom in order to fix it the only way she knew how. No one noticed. Lucius was too busy trying to get Crabbe and Goyle to stop shouting at one another, and Cassandra was watching the children as they made bets about who would win the Quidditch match. Narcissa thought they were a bit too young to be gambling but left it alone, seeing as she had other matters she needed to attend to.</p>
<p>She felt better when the match finally began.</p>
<p>“—Ah, and here’s Lucius!” Cornelius Fudge greeted warmly as the three family members were edging their way to their seats in the Top Box.</p>
<p>He had been conversing with some foreign looking man and Mr. Weasley, who was surrounded by more goddamn children than should even be legal to <em>have.</em> Although not all of them were ginger and Narcissa’s eyes immediately narrowed as she noticed the dark-haired child with glasses, who was undoubtedly the ‘famous Harry Potter’ that Draco liked to endlessly complain about. Next to them was a girl with bushy hair and rather large front teeth and Narcissa stiffened, realizing she must be the mudblood girl who had viciously <em>slapped</em> her son last year. Draco had been furious about it for ages, although mostly because Lucius had told him that he should be ashamed of himself for ever allowing filth like that to lay a hand on him.</p>
<p>Were they really expected to watch the match with <em>these</em> people? Narcissa didn’t understand how the Weasley’s could ever afford such a thing, but perhaps they were guests of another who shared the box. Still, it made Narcissa wonder who on earth would ever willingly mingle with such a disgrace to wizarding-kind, as she had <em>thought</em> the people who would occupy this box would have standards.</p>
<p>“Ah, Fudge,” said Lucius, holding out his hand as he reached the Minister of Magic. “How are you? I don’t think you’ve met my wife, Narcissa? Or our son, Draco?”</p>
<p>Draco immediately straightened up, looking very self-important, and Narcissa gently placed a hand on her son’s arm as she smiled at the Minister politely.</p>
<p>“How do you do, how do you do?” said Fudge as he smiled and bowed to Narcissa. He was very polite, and Narcissa could see why Lucius liked him. Fudge actually looked at Lucius as though he respected him, which was a rarity these days, unfortunately; especially after that nasty business during Draco’s second year that had gotten Lucius sacked from his job as school governor.</p>
<p>Fudge turned, gesturing at the foreigner. “And allow me to introduce you to Mr. Oblansk— Obalonsk— Mr.— Well, he’s the Bulgarian Minister of Magic, and he can’t understand a word I’m saying anyway, so nevermind. And let’s see who else— you know Arthur Weasley, I daresay?”</p>
<p><em>Unfortunately. </em>Narcissa looked down at Mr. Weasley like she couldn’t stand the stench of him. She still could not believe that the man had the audacity to <em>attack </em>her husband in a book shop two years ago, and seeing him now only brought up bad memories, as Lucius hadn’t been in the best place then mentally.</p>
<p>“Good lord, Arthur,” Lucius said softly. “What did you have to sell to get seats in the Top Box? Surely your house wouldn’t have fetched this much?” Draco snickered and Narcissa’s lips quirked in cruel amusement, enjoying the way the man went as red as his hair. Served him right, trying to commune with his betters.</p>
<p>Fudge, thankfully, wasn’t listening to a word that was just said and went on, “Lucius has just given a very generous contribution to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, Arthur. He’s here as my guest.”</p>
<p>“How— how nice,” said Mr. Weasley with a very strained smile. His expression however, indicated quite the opposite. Thankfully that was the end of their interaction though, and the Malfoy family found their seats quickly and tried to enjoy the game despite the company they were now being forced to keep.</p>
<p>Narcissa barely paid attention to the game. The most interesting part of it were the veela, but that almost became embarrassing because apparently their charms did not just affect straight men, but <em>anyone</em> who was interested in women. Lucius had met veela when he had worked at the Ministry years ago and thankfully was not affected by them like someone who had never been exposed, and it was his clenched hand on her thigh that caused Narcissa to not do anything stupid or embarrassing. Draco, however, had started flexing his nonexistent muscles and shouting, and since Lucius had been too busy trying to keep his wife from looking like a desperate lesbian he did not stop him. When the veela finally departed, Draco had gone so red that the tips of his ears looked as though they were on fire, and Narcissa tried to comfort him by telling him that he certainly was not the only one in the crowd to act foolishly. In truth, most everyone had.</p>
<p>Ireland won despite the Bulgarian Seeker catching the snitch, and the partying began.</p>
<p>Lucius realized the way to keep his friends from killing each other was, surprisingly, getting completely fucking hammered as they communed in Goyle’s tent, talking about the ‘good old days’. They had met up with others who used to run in the same circles as them, and their little drinking group became a bigger ordeal that Narcissa knew she was not invited to. Not that she wanted to be. In truth she was enjoying her peaceful solitude as she poured herself a glass of wine in the small kitchenette of their tent. She could hear the partying going on outside and she knew Draco was at least having fun, as he had met up with some other Slytherins and asked her if he could run off for a bit, and Narcissa had allowed it so long as he was careful and promised to be back in a few hours. She doubted much could happen surrounded by so many wizards anyway.</p>
<p>Narcissa nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt someone behind her, but immediately relaxed as she recognized the chuckle when the intruder pushed her hair to the side and kissed her neck. “Cass, we’ve already been caught once…” Narcissa warned, but was having trouble thinking straight once the woman licked a long line from the base of her neck to her ear. Narcissa shuddered, feeling bloody <em>weak </em>once Cassandra tightly fisted her hair in her hand. The blonde’s breath left her as her head was wrenched back, and Narcissa already knew she was going to let the woman do whatever she wanted to her, because compliance in that regard was just in her nature.</p>
<p>“I sealed your tent behind me,” Cassandra breathed, her free hand already working on undressing her. “The men are drinkin’, Urs is too busy tryin’ ta spy on ‘em to give a lick about us, an’ the boys are out havin’ a good time. We’re alone.” Narcissa just stood there as Cassandra undressed her, her breathing beginning to labor as she was taken without so much as a question. Honestly though, it turned Narcissa on; Cassandra knew she had free reign to do what she wished anyhow, but Narcissa still wanted her to know that she <em>did </em>consent so when the woman pulled her dress down to her waist she grasped the woman’s hand, placing it on one of her breasts.</p>
<p>If Cassandra had sealed the tent, then there wasn’t the possibility of anyone bursting in on them, so who cares if they fucked right there? Besides, it was too loud outside for anyone to hear what they were doing, and everyone they knew were otherwise occupied.</p>
<p>“Then do what you want with me,” Narcissa begged softly, and Cassandra did not have to be told twice. She had Narcissa bent over the kitchenette counter very shortly as she ate her from behind, causing the blonde to flush in need once the other woman had slapped her arse in a very demanding manner.</p>
<p>“Wider— this is a shit position an’ I want more of you. Spread yourself for me, Cissa.”</p>
<p>Narcissa hoisted one of her legs up onto the counter before reaching back to do as she was told, giving Cassandra better access to her clit. When the woman’s tongue found just the right spot her knees nearly buckled though and Narcissa was forced to hold onto the counter tighter with her one free hand. “Oh— <em>fuck,</em> Cass…” she groaned, feeling herself begin to drip down her thighs before the other woman greedily lapped up every drop with her tongue.</p>
<p>As much as Narcissa had enjoyed the give and take in their relationship, she had been very happy to find that recently it seemed as though Cassandra needed to use her body to feel powerful, and she began to take control. Not that Narcissa did not enjoy being on the other end of things from time to time, but <em>this</em> was where she belonged, and quite honestly she reveled in it. She had always gotten off much better when she was taken by others in whatever way they saw fit.</p>
<p>There was a loud bang outside but Narcissa ignored it, assuming it was just the Irish fans getting a bit too rowdy. Besides, Cassandra had just put her fingers inside of her and now Narcissa was begging her to fuck her raw, and literally nothing outside of that mattered as Cassandra went to work fulfilling that wish as she absolutely bloody destroyed her.</p>
<p>There was another loud bang though that sounded a bit like an explosion, and the yelling outside was getting louder. “What the bloody hell is goin’ on?” Cassandra swore, getting ripped from the moment they both were trying to get caught up in. Narcissa’s chest was heaving and she was about to tell Cassandra that it didn’t matter as she had been <em>so </em>goddamn close, but then they both began to hear screaming that sounded terrified rather than joyous, and the two women scrambled to get their clothes back on before hurrying out of the tent in a panic.</p>
<p>They burst out to see people fleeing and flames licking the skyline in the distance. Narcissa’s heart dropped in fear. “Ursula!” she cried, seeing the other woman standing outside of her tent. She didn’t look scared though— she looked <em>pissed.</em></p>
<p>The woman turned to face the two that had just come out of their tent with flushed cheeks, their hair and clothing in a bit of disarray, and she quirked an eyebrow at them. “Peter knows what you both are doing, you know,” Ursula told them. Behind her, more people screamed and they could hear drunken laugher in the distance.</p>
<p>“Great for fuckin’ him— where the hell are our bloody <em>children?”</em> Cassandra shouted, just as infuriatingly perplexed as Narcissa was that the woman didn’t seem that concerned about what was happening. She looked <em>irritated</em>, sure, but that was about the extent of it. “What the fuck is going on?”</p>
<p>“Take a guess, dear,” Ursula responded dryly, nodding at the empty tent that used to hold her husband and his friends.</p>
<p>And that’s when Narcissa saw them in the distance; the robed figures, laughing and jeering as they used Levicorpus on a Muggle family, and she knew <em>exactly</em> what was going on. Her chest swelled in anger. “Those drunken <em>idiots… </em>wait until I get hold of him<em>—</em>  I can’t even<em>—</em> at such a <em>massive</em> public event…” Narcissa heaved furiously, but had to pull herself out of her anger for a moment to focus on what was important. “Cass, we need to find the children. I don’t want them around this.”</p>
<p>“Agreed— Urs, stop <em>glowerin’</em> an’ help us find your bleedin’ son. For fuck’s sake, like you don’t even care… they could get <em>hurt.”</em></p>
<p>The three women ended up splitting up in order to find their children, and Narcissa tried to ignore the seething anger that had settled in the center of her chest as she scoured the woods near the campsite looking for her son. She could hear her husband and his friends’ laughter as they continued to light more things on fire and have a grand ol’ time, and honestly, Narcissa was debating on cutting his bloody dick off. This was just <em>beyond…</em></p>
<p>But then she saw some bright blonde hair through the trees and Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, relief flooding through her. “Draco!”</p>
<p>The boy looked her way after hearing his name, but he did not move. It seemed he had been talking to a group of children but they had moved on, leaving Draco to lean against the tree with his arms crossed over his chest and a sour look on his face. Narcissa ran to him.</p>
<p>“Draco! Oh, thank heavens you’re alright—”</p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t I be?” he countered flatly, but Narcissa was too busy conjuring her patronus so that she could send a message to Cassandra that she had found her son, and that she was taking him home. The wispy, silvery fox bounded off through the trees and Draco rolled his eyes in irritation.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to <em>run,</em> Mother—” But Narcissa would not let him finish as she firmly took her son’s hand in her own and disapparated. They appeared in their manor, and Narcissa began fussing over him immediately.</p>
<p>“Oh, my poor boy— you must have been so <em>scared.”</em></p>
<p><em>“Why?” </em>Draco countered hotly, pulling away from Narcissa’s touch. He looked her dead in the eyes then, saying something that made Narcissa’s stomach drop. “Father wouldn’t hurt me.”</p>
<p>Narcissa clutched at her chest, upset crinkling the corners of her eyes as she found she was unable to keep herself upright, and slumped into the nearest chair. Draco just stood there, his hands on his hips, staring at her. “How long have you known?” she asked him softly, knowing that she could not lie to him. Not anymore.</p>
<p>“A while. I’m not <em>stupid,</em> you know. Half of my bloody family is in Azkaban for supporting him, and I knew Father had been accused. Besides, you all call him ‘The Dark Lord’. Everyone <em>else</em> calls him ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out why.”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at him sadly. He looked so grown up suddenly, and it broke her heart. “I’m sorry. It was supposed to be in the past, but your father is— being a fucking <em>idiot,” </em>she seethed, and Draco actually looked surprised by her words, as she had tried to keep herself from swearing in front of him. “What a terrible influence he is for you. I’m so sorry, my love. I’m sorry you had to witness something that pathetic and selfish. That is not the kind of father I wished for him to be.”</p>
<p>Draco just shrugged half-heartedly. He clearly did not wish to say anything bad about his father, so instead he said, “I don’t care. He’s just having a bit of fun; it’s fine.”</p>
<p>“It is <em>not,”</em> Narcissa stressed, not wanting Draco to grow up thinking <em>he</em> could do such reckless, foolish things. “Your father got drunk and did something terribly stupid tonight; something that could get him caught and thrown into <em>prison</em> if they catch him— do you understand that? It is <em>not</em> something to aspire to.”</p>
<p>Draco rolled his eyes, defensive on his father’s behalf because despite how badly they clashed heads sometimes, Narcissa knew that Draco wanted to be just like him. “Whatever. You’re only saying that ‘cause they never took you. Right? You were never one of them. That’s why you’re here; that’s why you ran.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a slow breath through her nose as she stared at her son. “I did not run because I was scared of them, Draco; I grew <em>up</em> with them. They were my reality for most of my life. I <em>ran</em> because I wanted you as far away from them — from <em>this — </em>as possible,” she explained, not enjoying the way he kept defending his father. “But I wouldn’t stand there and be so presumptuous if I were you, because the Dark Lord <em>did</em> try to recruit me. I was Bellatrix’s sister, after all; his most ruthless Death Eater, and he hoped I’d be just like her. He sat across from me, just as I am to you, when I was near the very same age that you are now. Tell me, Draco, do <em>you</em> feel confident enough to fight in a war? Just as you are, right now? Do you feel skilled enough, do you feel <em>ready?</em>”</p>
<p>Draco noticeably faltered and he said nothing. He was starting to look a little ashamed of himself.</p>
<p>“When the Dark Lord wants something from you, you cannot say no,” Narcissa told him, not to scare him, but to make him <em>realize</em> that what Lucius was caught up in wasn’t just some drunken fun at some Muggles’ expenses. It had been horrific. It had been <em>dangerous. </em>“But he saw that I did not want his Mark, so he asked me for something else, and despite the great pain that it inflicted upon me, I gave it to him. I played my part in that war and to this very day, the memory of my contribution haunts me, because it ended up not even being worth it.”</p>
<p>Draco didn’t look so sure of himself anymore. He suddenly looked very wary, and finally Narcissa was getting the reaction out of him that she wanted. “…What did he ask for?” Draco asked softly, curiously, but Narcissa was not ready for that conversation, and so she simply told him:</p>
<p>“That is a conversation for another day. Go to your room, ‘less you wish to be here when I rip your father’s bollocks from his fucking body, because that will be the very same fate that awaits you if I <em>ever</em> hear you did something so utterly stupid, do you understand me?”</p>
<p>Draco did not have to be told twice.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. IX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>IX.</strong>
</p>
<p>When Narcissa was younger, she could not fathom how her mother had had enough rage inside of her to forgo her wand and beat her with her fists. When Lucius had gotten into a fight with Arthur Weasley two years ago she found herself having the same thought, as surely <em>nothing</em> could make someone so angry that they would resort to fighting like a filthy Muggle. She understood the occasional slap here and there, as sometimes people (Bellatrix, mostly) deserved such a thing, but Narcissa had never <em>attacked</em> anyone before.</p>
<p>Not until tonight.</p>
<p>Lucius had finally returned from the World Cup, apparating right in the middle of their foyer looking ashen and shaken, and Narcissa fucking <em>lost</em> it. She practically launched herself at him, screaming in fury as she hit him with her fists and then her open palms, her nails scratching their way down his cheek.</p>
<p>“You stupid— <em>horrible</em> man! Our son <em>idolizes</em> you and this— foolish, <em>reckless</em> behavior, I should kill you! You put our <em>family</em> at risk, and for what?! Some stupid laughs— you selfish, piece of… of absolute <em>garbage! </em>Draco knows! He knows what you are now—<em> I should kill you!”</em></p>
<p>Lucius had apparently been too caught up in his own bullshit to have foreseen this kind of attack coming from his wife so he was ill equipped to handle it, getting caught off guard by Narcissa quite nearly and literally scratching his eyes out. He finally grabbed her wrists though, overpowering her easily as she was so very frail nowadays.</p>
<p>“Narcissa! <em>Narcissa—</em> stop, listen to me!”</p>
<p>Lucius sounded terrified and it struck Narcissa to the bone as she stopped fighting, her chest heaving in upset. She had tear-stains on her cheeks. Lucius’ own face was streaked with blood from where Narcissa had scratched him, but Lucius didn’t even acknowledge it. He couldn’t do anything other than look at his wife desperately and Narcissa felt the fight leave her, as she knew what would come next would be so devastating that her strength would fail her anyway.</p>
<p>“Something… something happened.”</p>
<p>Lucius had the same look on his face as he did when he had heard the rumor that the Dark Lord had returned and briefly shared Quirrell’s body. The same fear when he realized he needed to open the Chamber to still appear loyal, but then the last two years had held no news of him, and they had relaxed. Now, however, Narcissa felt as though she was going to fall down, so it was probably a good thing that her husband was holding so tight to her.</p>
<p>“The Mark… in the sky, Narcissa— <em>we didn’t cast it.</em>”</p>
<p>“What mark?” Narcissa asked, as she hadn’t seen one before she left. It did not take long after the question left her lips that Narcissa knew though, as Lucius’ expression left little to interpretation. Narcissa paled. “His… <em>his</em> Mark?”</p>
<p>Lucius nodded, his face still so horribly ashen, and Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. “He’s not… he’s <em>not</em> back— Lucius!” Because no matter how angry she was with him, Narcissa was terrified that should Voldemort return, that he would not hesitate to kill her husband for his lies, for his betrayal. She could not bear to lose him, she just <em>couldn’t. </em>She had already lost so much because of that man, and she could not stand to lose anymore.</p>
<p>It was supposed to be over, it was supposed to be<em> over…</em></p>
<p>“No,” Lucius agreed, however his voice was terribly strained. “But not one of us who escaped punishment for our crimes would have cast that Mark. What we did tonight was— stupid, yes… reckless and— but it was only supposed to be a bit of fun. We were <em>drunk,</em> but that… someone very <em>loyal</em> cast that, Narcissa, and it wasn’t any of us.”</p>
<p>“We took one look at the sky and fucking— we all scattered,” Lucius recounted, his voice shaking. Narcissa’s grip on him tightened. “I’m afraid it’s an omen. I’m afraid the rumors are true, and he’s really not dead at all— he’s just out there… frail and weakened, but very… very much able to come back, should he acquire the right help. Help… that could come from whoever conjured the Mark, because that was <em>prideful,</em> Narcissa, and the rest of us… we’re ashamed and afraid. We boast loyalty in the shadows, but flee when the light is turned upon us, and he will… he will <em>kill</em> us for that…”</p>
<p>Narcissa did not care anymore what Lucius had done. She grasped for him, holding her husband tightly in her arms. She was shaking and she closed her eyes as she buried her face in his neck, wishing she could wake up from this nightmare. It had been thirteen years; thirteen years of peace, of comfort, but no longer. Narcissa still did not want to believe it, but the signs over the last few years were getting too great to ignore, and she no longer knew what to do.</p>
<p>They clutched one another in bed that night. Narcissa lay on Lucius’ chest as tears pooled in the crook of her nose before spilling over, staining his night shirt. Her husband’s hand was in her hair as he gently ran his fingers through her long tresses, trying to comfort her despite his own fear nearly suffocating him. Neither of them spoke for a long time.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Lucius finally rasped, and Narcissa shut her eyes tightly, trying to fight back another devastating wave of emotion. “You were right— I did put our family at risk tonight. There’s no excuse for what I did.”</p>
<p>“No, there’s not,” Narcissa breathed sadly, reaching up to wipe another tear from her cheek. “Your <em>son,</em> Lucius… he knows the truth now, yet was making excuses for you. It breaks my heart. He idolizes you so much that he cannot accept that you’ve made mistakes, and I’m afraid that if he doesn’t then he will be doomed to repeat them, and I <em>can’t—</em>”</p>
<p>“I know,” Lucius softly interrupted, at least sounding ashamed of himself. “I’ll speak with him.”</p>
<p>“What will you say?”</p>
<p>Lucius exhaled a long breath as he stared up at the ceiling. “That sometimes, the ends don’t justify the means. I know I’ve made my bed and should he return I’ll be forced to climb in it once more, but I will not have my son lying next to me.”</p>
<p>Lucius turned on his side to face his wife then, giving her a sad smile as he pushed the hair from her eyes. “He is a perfect mixture of you and I, Narcissa, and because of that I know he does not have the stomach for it. I will try to make him realize that. He can be prideful of his heritage all he likes and support the ideals that I must fight for if the Dark Lord returns, but he will not have a wand at my side. I don’t think I could bear it if I had to watch him make the same mistakes I did.”</p>
<p>“Lie to me,” Narcissa begged softly as she reached out to gently cup her husband’s cheek. Her eyes were watery, her breathing still uneven. “Tell me everything will be alright, Lucius. Tell me our family will be okay.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be okay,” he told her in a whisper, and Narcissa chose to believe him before she closed the distance between them and left a soft and desperate kiss upon his lips. She needed comfort right then, and it seemed Lucius did as well as he returned the kiss in kind, his fingers bunching up her nightgown as he slid it up her thighs.</p>
<p>They didn’t have to be <em>in</em> love to make love.</p>
<p>And that was what it had ended up being, as it had been gentle and passionate and desperate. It was just easy for them, in the end, to fall into one another in that way, because that way neither felt as though they were alone. Despite their relationship no longer being romantic they were still very much a unit; they knew that they would always be so much stronger together than they were apart, and that was why they clung to one another as they tried not to think about what was to come.</p>
<p>“Mother, why did you pack my <em>dress robes?” </em>Draco asked as he went through his luggage the night before he would be setting off for Hogwarts. He always had to inspect his mother’s packing job, although usually had no complaints outside of the fact that he didn’t have enough sweets, which was always followed by Narcissa’s promise to owl him some right when he got there.</p>
<p>“The Triwizard Tournament, darling,” Narcissa reminded him as she stuck her head into his room, seeing Draco looking at the garment warily. They were the best money could buy though, so despite it not being entirely to his tastes, Narcissa knew he would look very handsome. Oh, she wished she could be there to see him. “There will be a Yule Ball on Christmas. Perhaps you could invite that nice Pansy girl to go with you.”</p>
<p>“How do you know she’s <em>nice;</em> you’ve never met her.”</p>
<p>“She’s a Pureblood who doesn’t come from a family that’s been inbred too much; nice is a relative term, considering your options are fairly limited nowadays. She’s even very distantly related, which is a miracle,” Narcissa told him, honestly surprised that he found an interest in someone <em>that</em> far back in their family tree. He apparently wasn’t his mother’s son in that regard, at least. “Even<em> Cassandra</em> is my third cousin, which I hadn’t realized until I was looking at our family tree the other day— we share a great great grandmother, although by the look on your face I gather this is of little interest to you.”</p>
<p>“Well-spotted, Mother.” Draco rolled his eyes and repacked his dress robes in his trunk. “Although thank you for becoming a Pureblood stereotype— like we didn’t need to be even more screwed up.”</p>
<p>And he was right; she absolutely <em>was</em> a Pureblood stereotype in that regard, but not for the incestuous relationship that he thought. So instead, Narcissa looked at him exasperatedly. “Third cousins are hardly related; I would absolutely marry you off to a third cousin if I had to, as there would be no chance of genetic abnormalities. Be thankful I’m not like <em>my</em> mother— if I hadn’t married your father, she was going to force me to marry my <em>first</em> cousin.”</p>
<p>Draco wrinkled his nose. “Sirius?”</p>
<p>“Regulus. Andromeda was going to be forced to marry Sirius. I don’t know what they would have done with Bellatrix if Rodolphus hadn’t proposed, although when she refused to marry him they beat her and locked her in her room for the entire summer with barely any food and absolutely no human interaction, which I’m sure was the starting point of her madness.”</p>
<p>Draco was starting to look a little uncomfortable by the retelling of their family history, and Narcissa shot her son a pointed look. “You are <em>lucky—</em> don’t you ever forget that. If you had grown up when Lucius and I had, you would be expected to be engaged to someone within the next couple of years. You would be married off the moment you finished your schooling. We are giving you a choice, Draco— do not squander it or take it for granted.”</p>
<p>Draco seemed to reflect on that for a moment, but Narcissa knew he still didn’t realize how easy he had it. He was getting to enjoy his childhood, while she and Lucius were forced to grow up far too fast. Fourteen-year-olds should be hanging out with their friends and having fun, not having sex and planning the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>“How old were you and Father when you got engaged?” Draco asked, although it seemed like morbid curiosity than actual interest. Perhaps he just wanted to know if she was merely being dramatic about things having changed so much though.</p>
<p>“I was your age, and your father is a year older than I am.”</p>
<p>Draco’s eyes widened. “<em>My </em>age?” he asked, like he couldn’t believe that someone his age could get <em>engaged. </em></p>
<p>“Yes, <em>your </em>age. Granted, your father and I were supposed to wait until I was fifteen, as in those days that was the proper age to ask someone for their hand in marriage. I had to tie myself to him early however so that when my parents died I would not go into my Aunt Walburga’s care — that was Sirius and Regulus’ mother. She was a horrible woman, just as bad as my mother was. As Lucius’ property though, he was able to grant his permission for me to stay with my sister until him and I were able to purchase a house together; <em>this</em> house, in fact. Your grandfather was <em>not</em> pleased, but Lucius did not waver, and that may have very well saved my life. I will always love him for that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s lips turned up into a small, comforting smile. “I know you don’t understand your father and I’s relationship, Draco, but you need to understand that we were very young when we had to make the decision to spend the rest of our lives together. Most Pureblooded couples our age grow to resent each other for this reason as they realize they are no longer compatible or have decided they want something more, but Lucius and I make it work. That’s what matters.”</p>
<p>Draco was silent. He clearly was uncomfortable with the knowledge he held about how his family worked, but he was beginning to be accepting of it at least.</p>
<p>“We’re just trying to keep you from being forced into a direction too early in life,” Narcissa gently told him. “That is why I had your father speak to you about his involvement with the Death Eaters. He was also around your age when he decided to make that decision, and although we both supported the Dark Lord’s cause as it sounded very sound and logical on paper, it turned into something very horrific, and by the time we realized that, it was too late. We will stand by our decisions though, for better or for worse; we are merely making sure that you aren’t forced to do the same. Be proud of your father, Draco; support him, but for the love of God, do <em>not</em> become him.”</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know if she made a difference with her talk with her son, but she hoped so as she sent him off to what would hopefully be a great and exciting year for him at school. And perhaps if things had gone according to plan it would have been, but then Potter’s name came out of the Goblet of Fire and Draco’s letters home were filled with unhappy rants about the child and how he had proudly made ‘POTTER STINKS’ badges for him and all his little friends to wear, as he didn’t see how deeply concerning it was that the boy was chosen in the first place.</p>
<p>Lucius was subconsciously rubbing his left forearm more often than not now, but Narcissa did not say anything about it as they were trying to ignore the inevitable. Cassandra, however, did not get the memo.</p>
<p>“Yours gettin’ visible too?”</p>
<p>The two women were on the couch in the parlor and were idly making conversation about much lighter subjects than that of the Dark Lord. The second Cassandra mentioned it though Narcissa wished they were still talking about the Triwizard Tournament and how excited their sons were that the Quidditch player Krum was there, or about how she had written a lengthy complaint to the school governors about the Auror’s placement in the school after the bastard had turned her son into a bloody <em>ferret</em> as a punishment. Instead the other woman’s hands had stilled in her hair (Cassandra had always liked playing with it, and as Narcissa found it subtly erotic she reveled in the gentle feeling) as the redhead looked at Narcissa’s husband who had walked into the room practically rubbing his arm raw.</p>
<p>Lucius stopped dead in his tracks and Narcissa held her breath.</p>
<p>“Peter’s is like… a dull red. Fuckin’ havin’ a bloody panic attack over it, an’ I don’t blame ‘im. Been kinda thinkin’ of runnin’, but with that thing on his arm I know we won’t get very far.”</p>
<p>Well, that was true. It was the only reason Narcissa knew that wasn’t an option for their family either. Well, unless they left their husbands, which neither of them wished to do as despite everything, they still cared very much for them.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>visible?” </em>Narcissa asked her husband, horrified that he didn’t tell her. The Dark Lord had made sure that they weren’t able to be seen by others unless they chose to, but if it was getting visible without Lucius purposely doing anything then that was… that was <em>bad.</em></p>
<p>“…Yes,” Lucius admitted tersely, and Narcissa’s stomach sank. “Barely, but it burns; like this dull ache I can’t get rid of.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s hand went to her mouth, staring at her husband in horror. Why hadn’t he <em>said</em> anything?</p>
<p>Cassandra, who was now situated behind her once Narcissa had turned to face her husband, leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the back of her head, her fingers gently curling into the hair at the base of her neck. “It’ll be alright, Cissa,” she breathed, trying to make her ignore the horror they all feared was coming. Narcissa had half a mind to snap at her and demand that she not lie to her, but she knew it would be hypocritical as she had begged Lucius to lie to her not too long ago.</p>
<p>The worst part about all of this though was the fact that Narcissa could not bear to think about what all of this meant for her and Bellatrix, as the desire to have her back conflicted quite terribly with every rational and logical thought inside of her that screamed <em>stay away! </em>It ached, everything just fucking <em>ached </em>and Narcissa didn’t know how to process how she felt anymore.</p>
<p>Living in denial was just easier in the end, and so when Cassandra wrapped an arm around her middle, Narcissa placed her hand over her lover’s, thankful for the comfort, as it was something that distracted her from what she feared was inevitable.</p>
<p>“Oh, that reminds me,” Lucius mentioned once he saw the display of affection between the two women. He was clearly eager to change the subject and thankfully, despite having never really seen them act like anything more than friends in front of him, he barely even batted an eyelash at the display. “Now that it’s happened more than once, I wanted to let you know that I’ve been sleeping with Alecto Carrow. I don’t know there will be a third as it certainly isn’t anything <em>romantic—</em> but I wanted to give you the courtesy of knowing that it’s been happening just in case anything more ever comes from it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, but it wasn’t because she was feeling jealous. Alecto was pretty in that way where she could be beautiful if only she cared enough to try, but she honestly had <em>nothing </em>on her, and last Narcissa had spoken to her, the woman’s personality had left quite a lot to be desired. So no, she wasn’t trying to stifle something ridiculous like jealousy by pursing her lips; Narcissa was actually just trying to keep herself from laughing just as Cassandra snorted into her hair, practically burying her face in Narcissa’s neck.</p>
<p>“What?” Lucius asked as he sat in the large armchair across from them, immensely confused by the reaction he was getting. But Narcissa couldn’t say it, she just <em>couldn’t…</em> so thankfully, Cassandra did instead.</p>
<p>“Ya gotta <em>type</em>, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at Cassandra like she was being ridiculous. “What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? Alecto and Narcissa look nothing alike,” he defended after he had picked up the paper, propping one of his legs up over the other as he opened it, attempting to casually dismiss them both.</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t help herself. She had tried to keep it in, but she couldn’t anymore because it was just so damn <em>funny.</em> “I mean, you <em>have</em> heard the rumors? Come on, Lucius.”</p>
<p>Lucius’ expression darkened, as of <em>course</em> he had heard them, and Narcissa couldn’t keep it in any longer— she snorted into her hand before she buried her face into the couch cushions, trying to stop herself from laughing so openly. She failed miserably.</p>
<p>“She is <em>not</em> fucking her twin!”</p>
<p>“Right, just as <em>Narcissa</em> wasn’t fucking Bellatrix, even though that rumor used to spread around once upon a time, yeah?” Cassandra countered, and Lucius looked at them furiously before he slammed the paper down on his lap.</p>
<p><em>“Neither</em> of you are funny— it’s a stupid rumor only born from the fact that they’re both unmarried. Alecto told me that she and her brother never took partners because they were fully dedicated to the Dark Lord’s cause and knew it would be a distraction, which she wouldn’t be wrong about.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, so dedicated that she’s out here with the rest of us bloody terrified he’s gonna come back,” Cassandra pointed out, and Lucius’ jaw set miserably. Narcissa realized it was no doubt that shared fear that caused them to fall into bed together, and she could hardly blame him for that considering they also used sex in order to make things feel less tragic.</p>
<p>“Alright, Cass, leave him alone,” Narcissa gently instructed; it <em>was</em> funny, but she didn’t want to push it too far and actually upset him, as they were in a good place right now. She leaned back against her lover then as she looked at her husband with a teasing tongue between her incisors. “I’ll confess myself disappointed though; if he had wanted to fuck someone else I would have hoped he’d ask for my recommendation.”</p>
<p>Lucius made a big showing of dismissing her as he glanced over the Daily Prophet. “Bellatrix is in prison, and I’d sooner choke on a toad.”</p>
<p>“Look who’s the funny one now.”</p>
<p>Lucius actually cracked a smirk, yet tried to hide it behind the newspaper. Cassandra, however, realized who she was talking about and got a little offended. “The fuck, Cissa; you tryin’ to pass me off now?”</p>
<p>“What? No, of course not,” Narcissa assured her, as that had not been her intention at all. Truth be told, now that she was sleeping with both of them semi-regularly, she had begun to have some very vivid fantasies that she knew might be outside the realm of possibility considering the messy history between their families, but she wanted to at least try. Besides, it would be a welcome distraction from the awful sense of foreboding that had covered their community like a dark cloud.</p>
<p>So that’s why when Narcissa spoke, she made certain her words could not be misinterpreted. She wanted her intentions obvious so that maybe, <em>maybe</em> they could all enjoy a brief moment of ignoring reality together.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I should have been clearer: I’ve decided I would enjoy fucking the both of you simultaneously. Would that be something either of you are interested in?”</p>
<p>Cassandra froze, apparently unsure how she was supposed to react to such a proposition. Lucius allowed the corner of his newspaper to fold over so he could eye them from the other side of it. He looked both intrigued and wary.</p>
<p>“This isn’t some kind of trick,” Narcissa assured them. She wasn’t trying to play some kind of fucked up game— this was something she was immensely, <em>immensely </em>interested in doing. Once upon a time she had wished to have both Bellatrix and Lucius at the same time (although mainly because they both had worshiped her back then, and Narcissa needed to be fed a steady diet of undivided attention and affection in order to survive), but that was a pipe dream for a number of different reasons. This, however, seemed more feasible. “And I know both of you think the other is attractive— you’ve each said so on a couple different occasions.”</p>
<p>Now it was Cassandra and Lucius’ turn to glance at one another. Still, it was too much to ask. Cassandra pulled away from her a little and Lucius sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“I already have Goyle shouting at me because now it’s apparently <em>my</em> fault that I couldn’t control my wife from making <em>his</em> ‘gay’; if we did what you’re asking, it would only make things worse. So, while I am tempted, and although it fucking <em>pains</em> me to say this right now, I’m going to have to pass.”</p>
<p>Narcissa deflated.</p>
<p>“Lucius is right,” Cassandra agreed, although sounded a little loathed to do so herself. “Not that I wouldn’t want to jump on that, ‘cause I fuckin’ would— but everything’s shit right now. I wish me an’ Peter were in the place you guys are; bein’ okay with each other’s affairs an’ all, but we just aren’t. I sodding <em>hate</em> Ursula, and he hates <em>you…”</em></p>
<p>“Why does he hate<em> me?”</em> Narcissa asked as she turned to look at the woman behind her, aghast. She hadn’t done anything to him! Well, besides fuck his wife.</p>
<p>“He thinks she’s in love with you,” Lucius answered for Cassandra, who was quick to amend with:</p>
<p>“I’m <em>not.”</em></p>
<p>“I know you aren’t, so why the hell does he think that?”</p>
<p>Cassandra sighed heavily. “I dunno, probably ‘cause I’ve been bloody obsessed with you since I was thirteen. Whatever. It’s a different kind of affection an’ he’s a right idiot for not seein’ that,” she said, gently leaning her temple against the back of Narcissa’s head as she slipped her arm around her torso again. “I dunno, I just wish it wasn’t shit. I miss bein’ happy with him, Cissa. I know I said he didn’t know about us back then, but now I think he kinda did, an’ that’s why he didn’t say no when Urs came on to him. I think he’s fuckin’ her to spite me, an’ it’s worse ‘cause I know I deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Are you fucking Narcissa to spite <em>him?”</em> Lucius interjected, apparently deciding since he was in the room he was going to have opinions about the conversation.</p>
<p>“No! Cissa and me is a totally separate—”</p>
<p>But that had apparently been Lucius’ point. “So why couldn’t his relationship with Ursula be separate from his relationship with you? Listen, I’ll be the first to say I don’t <em>get</em> it, because frankly I’ve seen trolls prettier than that woman, but it isn’t as though Goyle is the cream of the crop either, and <em>you </em>found him attractive.”</p>
<p>“Peter is a very handsome man! Cissa, tell him!”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips and shot the other woman an apologetic look, because she could <em>not</em> back her up in that regard. Cassandra exhaled a furious breath. “Just ‘cause <em>your</em> man looks like a sodding Adonis— high bloody standards, fuckin’ ridiculous…” she muttered and, well, at least Lucius looked flattered.</p>
<p>“Don’t give me that, I never hid how I felt about you marrying him soley <em>because</em> of how he looks. But I grew up and realized that was <em>rude</em> and so I stopped making comments. I respect your choice, Cassandra, but that doesn’t mean I’ve ever agreed with your tastes.”</p>
<p>Cassandra stayed defiantly silent.</p>
<p>“I think the point Lucius was trying to make was that you shouldn’t make assumptions about his affair if you’re getting upset that he’s making assumptions about yours,” Narcissa tried, placing a comforting hand on the woman’s thigh. “Maybe— and stop me if this seems too ridiculous of a suggestion— you should actually <em>talk</em> to one another.”</p>
<p>“S’that what you guys did?” Cassandra asked, her voice suddenly so much smaller. She idolized Narcissa for most of her life, and it seemed like she now idolized her marriage, as it seemed so much more amicable than her own.</p>
<p>“Us? <em>No,” </em>Lucius responded with a disbelieving laugh. “No, we didn’t talk. We weren’t honest with one another. Instead she had an affair with her bloody <em>sister</em> behind my back for… what was it— twelve, thirteen years? It absolutely destroyed us, I nearly divorced her, Narcissa teetered on the brink of suicide for a while, but then eventually we agreed our son was more important than anything else and we tried to fake being a loving family for him. It took a long time for us to find ourselves in this odd sort of amicable friendship that we now have, and it involved falling out of love with one another so that everything stopped hurting so terribly. You want our advice? Don’t do what we did. We aren’t anything to aspire to, Cassandra, fucking believe me on that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew that was true, but it did sting a little to hear it out loud. She squeezed her friend’s leg. “Just be honest with him,” she encouraged. “Because maybe… if I had been honest with Lucius from the start, maybe things might have turned out differently.”</p>
<p>“I mean, if you had told me you were involved in an incestuous relationship with the woman I hated my entire childhood I wouldn’t have bloody married you, for one.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Fine, but Cassandra’s situation is <em>very different</em> from ours, Lucius. Besides, you don’t seem to care too much about it now; joking about it and what have you.”</p>
<p>“I’ve just become numb to the horror of it, Narcissa, I still do not <em>condone</em> it,” Lucius reminded her. “Your relationship with Bellatrix fucked you up, although I will admit that her being your sister surprisingly had very little to do with that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa hated that he had a point. She hated it so much, in fact, that she decided to ignore him as she turned back to the woman next to her. “Just talk to him,” she encouraged Cassandra. “I think it might work out better than you expect.”</p>
<p>And it did. Well, to an extent.</p>
<p>Peter admitted that he felt like he made a mistake sleeping with Ursula the first time, but then when he assumed that Cassandra really <em>was</em> sleeping with Narcissa just as he had apparently feared for quite a while, he continued with the affair and purposely wasn’t discreet about it just because he wanted to hurt her.  He was so terribly insecure about Cassandra’s relationship with Narcissa and it took quite a long time for Cassandra to convince him that she would never put Narcissa over him or their family. She admitted to having the affair many years ago, but also told him that they had stopped until she realized that <em>he</em> was being unfaithful, and then she begged for Narcissa to fix the emotional mess that he had left behind.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the conversation Cassandra had with her husband caused her to ask for some space from <em>their</em> relationship. “It won’t be forever,” she promised as Narcissa’s heart had sank in her chest. “Just till me an’ Peter get back to a better place, an’ he can be okay with us. I just… I gotta show ‘im that he comes first. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Narcissa understood, but that didn’t mean she had to like it any less. She moped around the house for a while and Lucius even told her that he was sorry and sounded like he meant it, and life went on. She heard Draco had taken that girl Pansy to the Yule Ball after all, but no matter how much Narcissa pried he would not admit to her being his girlfriend, or that anything other than friendship was between them. He often made a point to change the subject in their letters to other things (their Care of Magical Creatures teacher was outed to be a half-giant, all of the interviews he’d done in Rita Skeeter’s articles, how it wasn’t <em>fair</em> that Potter came in second place for the second task when he had actually come in last, the like), and he almost always asked for more sweets, with Narcissa happily obliging. She missed him terribly, especially since he had stayed at Hogwarts during Christmas, but in the end she knew it was probably best that he wasn’t home anyway, as things were only getting worse.</p>
<p>Lucius’ Mark was getting darker and with it, he was growing paler. They had been trying to ignore the inevitable for so long, but all of them knew what was happening. Lucius had said that Potter being chosen as another Triwizard champion felt far too coincidental for it to be anything other than <em>his</em> work, or at least someone’s work done on his behalf, and that many of the other former Death Eaters agreed. None of them understood yet how the boy winning would bring the Dark Lord’s power back, but they dreaded it all the same. Not because they no longer supported Voldemort or his ideals, but because they feared the repercussions of abandoning him during his time of need.</p>
<p>That was why on June 24th, the day of the third task and the end of the competition, Lucius sat side by side with his wife as they clutched one another’s hand. Neither of them could move.</p>
<p>“It’ll be okay,” Narcissa breathed, although perhaps was saying that more for herself than him. Her husband’s grip was so tight that her fingertips were turning white, but she could barely feel them. “Even if he comes back— he’ll need support. Many abandoned him. He wouldn’t dare kill what little allies he had left, right? He’ll need you, Lucius; he’ll need all of you.”</p>
<p>Lucius could not speak. It looked as though he was suffocating as the base of his neck turned a bit purple.</p>
<p>“And maybe Potter winning the competition is only the first part of his plan— the task started at six, didn’t it? It’s been… well, I suppose not as long as I’d hoped,” Narcissa mindlessly babbled, needing to talk so that she wouldn’t end up vomiting. She felt lightheaded. “Maybe he didn’t even win, Lucius, maybe—”</p>
<p>But Lucius suddenly hissed in pain as he clutched his forearm, and Narcissa’s life flashed in front of her eyes. Lucius frantically pulled the sleeve of his robe up as though he would be unable to believe it unless he saw it with his own eyes, but there it was: the Dark Mark, as black as night, moving on his arm as his Lord beckoned him to his side. Lucius looked like he was going to pass out, but he did what he needed to do because he knew if he did not, it could end up being so much worse.</p>
<p>Narcissa sobbed uncontrollably as he cupped the back of her head with a shaky hand and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back,” he promised, as though he could even <em>promise</em> such a thing, and he disapparated in a puff of inky black smoke that Narcissa hadn’t seen in a very long time.</p>
<p>It was hours until he returned. Hours that Narcissa thought he was <em>dead</em> and screamed and cried and panicked until she was in a near catatonic state. He wrapped her in his arms the second he had arrived home, looking a little disheveled but thankfully not hurt. Narcissa clutched him as she sobbed, having realized while he was away that everything, <em>everything</em> was about to change; not just for Lucius, not just for herself, but for Draco as well. Narcissa had wanted so badly to keep her son away from all of this, but perhaps she had been foolish to think that it was over. This had never been something they could just walk away from; this was something they were going to die supporting, and that realization absolutely crippled her.</p>
<p>The Dark Lord had forgiven those who did not search for him, but Lucius was certain that it was only due to the reasons Narcissa had theorized. He had very few allies left, and he needed them. Of course those who did not return would pay with their lives; Lucius had said Karkaroff had fled, and Severus did not return to his Master’s side either, which Narcissa was not surprised by, but it seemed to devastate Lucius, who had always counted the man as one of his closest friends.</p>
<p>Lucius recounted what had happened to her in a dead voice, but Narcissa was barely listening. She could only think of one thing now that it had happened, and so she had to interrupt him to ask in a broken voice, “What— what about Bella?” Because she knew now, deep in her heart, that her sister had been right all along: that should the Dark Lord ever rise again then he <em>would</em> come for her, and when Lucius’ apologetic and devastated gaze met hers, Narcissa didn’t need him to answer, for she already knew.</p>
<p>“Well,” Narcissa breathed, her eyes going out of focus for a moment before she felt as though she had actually exited her body, and that nothing around her was real anymore. Bellatrix was coming back, she was going to have her <em>sister</em> back, and Narcissa had no idea how to feel about that as she slipped into this maddened state that had her acting as though she knew how to do nothing else but play hostess for the woman she had abandoned nearly a decade years ago. “Perhaps I should go make up the guest room then.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. X.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>X.</strong>
</p>
<p>Narcissa did not know how to feel.</p>
<p>When she was younger, when Bellatrix first was arrested and brought to Azkaban, all Narcissa could do was pray that her sister would escape somehow. She wanted Bellatrix to be back in her arms so desperately that she would have done anything to have it, but now, fourteen years later, things had changed. <em>She</em> had changed. Narcissa was no longer the affection-starved disaster that survived off of bleeding everyone else around her dry, or so she hoped.</p>
<p>Because the fact of the matter was, Bellatrix had always been <em>different.</em> How Narcissa felt about her had always been so very different from how she felt about anyone else, and Narcissa was afraid that should the woman come back to her, that she would instantly revert to who she used to be because she had never known how to be anything else in Bellatrix’s presence. Narcissa had always known it was unhealthy, but after separating herself from Bellatrix she could actually see <em>why</em> now, and it made her wonder if she had enough strength in her to fix what had been broken between them for a very long time now.</p>
<p>What would a healthy relationship with her sister even <em>look</em> like? Narcissa didn’t know. Probably not sleeping with her for one, but Narcissa knew herself better than that— for better or for worse, her and Bellatrix’s relationship would <em>always</em> be romantic, and trying to change that now would only be a fool’s errand. Besides, after fourteen years in prison and ten without any visitors, Bellatrix would be terribly touch starved when she returned, and no matter how angry she was with Narcissa for walking away, her desire to be close to her would always outweigh that.</p>
<p>Still, that didn’t mean that Narcissa was going to just lie down and be whatever Bellatrix needed, <em>especially</em> if she was awful to her, which she very well might be when she returned because Narcissa doubted that even a little bit of her sanity was intact anymore. No, she needed to establish boundaries and <em>rules</em> and whatever other bloody restrictions she found she needed to put on a mental woman to keep her under control. Already the thought exhausted Narcissa.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was her responsibility though, and although the realization that her sister might soon return originally rattled her quite terribly, Narcissa had pushed that aside and ignored whatever emotions she might have in order to do what she needed to do. Perhaps it was madness, but it was as though everything else inside of her had just melted away as she ran on autopilot, finding that she just needed to <em>do</em> something, as it made Narcissa feel like she had at least a little bit more control over the situation.</p>
<p>“What the bloody hell are you doing down there?” Lucius asked, noticing that the secret chamber beneath their drawing room floor had been opened. He bent down and peered into the small room that was currently being cleaned out by his wife.</p>
<p>“Do something with all this clutter, won’t you? It’s taking up too much space,” Narcissa requested, motioning to the pile of Dark objects that Lucius had been hiding down there. She had her hair swept back from her face and tied at the nape of her neck, but she had been facing Lucius so he didn’t notice what she had done right away.</p>
<p>“Narcissa, that ‘<em>clutter’</em> is what this bleeding room is for—” he began, but then his wife had turned around to use her wand to deal with some of the dust, and he nearly choked on his breath as he was confronted with a drastic change he had not been expecting. “You cut your <em>hair!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s hair, which had once very nearly reached her waist, was now just below her shoulders. “Hm? Oh, yes. Well, it was bothering me, and I thought it was time for a change.”</p>
<p>That was a lie. It was a rash, impulsive decision brought on by her last high when she had barricaded herself in the bathroom and desperately tried to convince herself that she was a different person than she used to be. This way, she <em>looked</em> different at least. It was a start.</p>
<p>Lucius looked deeply concerned. They had been married for twenty-two years now, and not <em>once</em> had Narcissa ever had the desire to cut her hair. She had been convinced (although mostly due to her mother’s wretched influence) that it was a part of her status symbol. Therefore, the abrupt removal of nearly forty centimeters of it was a very obvious indication that something was not right with his wife.</p>
<p> “Narcissa, can you please come up here? Please.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled an impatient breath. Did he not see how much she still needed to do to make this room ready? “I really am terribly busy, Lucius—”</p>
<p><em>“Narcissa.</em> Please. It’ll only be for a moment.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was utterly exasperated but did as she was asked and climbed out from the secret chamber. Lucius was looking at her like he wasn’t entirely sure who she was at the moment, and Narcissa could relate. She did not feel like herself. She stared at her husband, who gently reached out and undid her hair tie so that her hair would fall around her face.</p>
<p>“You look beautiful,” he told her in a soft voice, which made Narcissa wonder why on <em>earth</em> he was looking at her that way then.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispered, suddenly a little self-conscious as she touched the ends of her hair. She felt strange, but it was something that she needed. She was just so desperate to be someone other than the woman she had been when Bellatrix went away, and this seemed like such a simple solution that, in the end, she found rarely made any difference at all.</p>
<p>Narcissa still felt so utterly lost.</p>
<p>“What are you <em>doing?”</em> he asked then, but the question was posed as something much bigger than the obvious. Still, Narcissa focused on the small things because she didn’t know how to answer the broader inquiry.</p>
<p>“<em>Cleaning, </em>obviously—”</p>
<p>“We have a house elf for that— why are you cleaning down <em>there? </em>You never cared how that chamber looked before now.”</p>
<p>“Well that was before we were going to have a guest who will have escaped from <em>prison—</em> if the Ministry comes looking, I need a place to put her, Lucius!” Narcissa exclaimed hotly, as she had been thinking about it quite a lot, and she knew Bellatrix would need a place to hide. Down there seemed to be the only logical solution, seeing as how the Ministry had never found that chamber before in all of the raids they had done on their house.</p>
<p>“We are<em> not</em> hiding your mental sister in this bloody house!” Lucius shouted, as though he truly believed that was an option.</p>
<p>“Do you actually think we’ll have a <em>choice?”</em> Narcissa countered furiously. “Because you’re an idiot if you don’t think the first <em>bloody</em> place she’ll go when she gets out of there is wherever I am. I am her world, Lucius— <em>me! </em>Whether she’s angry with me or not, she <em>will</em> come, and I need… I need to be ready. I need all of us to be ready!”</p>
<p>Lucius’ breathing shallowed and he looked both frightened and furious by the prospect. Still, he knew she wasn’t wrong. At least, about the fact that she would come; she was wrong about something else though, which he reminded her in a heated voice, “No, <em>you’re</em> an idiot if you actually think you’re the first person she’s going to find when she gets out.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach wrenched in her gut. She knew he wasn’t wrong either. “Fine. Then this will be the second place she will go,” she revised, wishing she didn’t sound so terribly gutted by that. He was right though; the first person Bellatrix would find would be Voldemort, but that did not mean that she would stay with him. Bellatrix always had a terrible time controlling her impulses. “Either way, she will be here eventually, and you and I both know that.”</p>
<p>Lucius did not argue that fact. Instead, he tried to reason with, “It’ll be a while— the Dark Lord needs to convince the Dementors to align with us, and then it’ll be a matter of the right timing. She is not going to be here <em>tomorrow.”</em></p>
<p>“Well that doesn’t mean I should slack on my responsibilities, Lucius. I cannot have her hiding down there in filth— she would have just gotten out of somewhere like that. She deserves to have something nice.”</p>
<p>“Oh, does she?” Lucius countered furiously. “Does she really <em>deserve</em> that? For fuck’s sake, Narcissa, I had thought you had changed but here you are— she’s not even <em>here </em>yet and you’re already ready to bend the fuck over for your sister so you can cater to her every whim. She is<em> not </em>your responsibility!”</p>
<p>“Who <em>else</em> will take care of her?!” Narcissa shouted, her throat closing with emotion. She felt trapped. “Who else will make sure that she gets the care that she needs? She’s not going to come out of there <em>well,</em> Lucius, and I need to make sure she isn’t dangerous to our family, to our <em>son.</em> She’ll need to heal, and you know I will be the only one able to help her do that. I’ve already— the medication, the potions she used to take when she was younger? I found a medicinal book that details how to make them, but I’m rubbish at potions so I’ll need you to take it to—”</p>
<p>Lucius laughed bitterly. “You actually believe she’ll take those again? You truly are living in your own little world, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“I have to <em>try!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed desperately. She could not bear the thought of Bellatrix coming home permanently changed for the worse. She needed— she <em>needed</em> Bellatrix to have moments of lucidity or she was going to lose her own mind. Having Bellatrix with her again, but not having the version that she loved so desperately would kill her, and Narcissa knew it. “I can make her do whatever I like so long as I offer her something she’ll believe to be worth it.”</p>
<p>“Such as?”</p>
<p>“<em>Me,</em> Lucius!” Narcissa exclaimed, as though that should have been obvious. “She’ll want <em>me.”</em></p>
<p>“She already has you,” Lucius snapped back. “It’s been ten fucking years since you’ve laid eyes on her and yet look at you! Look at what you’re doing, at just the mere <em>thought</em> of her returning. It’s been three days and your entire bloody world has already gone back to revolving around her. Bellatrix has always owned you, Narcissa, and it won’t take her long to realize that. I doubt you could even hold out very long before you’re lapping at her cunt again—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s hand connected with his cheek, and Lucius fell furiously silent.</p>
<p>“I am <em>different</em> now,” Narcissa seethed in upset, tears stinging the back of her eyes. “I am <em>better;</em> don’t you <em>dare—” </em>A tear fell down her cheek then, and she furiously wiped it away. “Just do as I ask,” Narcissa requested, “and take the recipe to Severus.”</p>
<p>“You want me to—<em> Severus?”</em></p>
<p>Severus had returned to the Dark Lord’s side a few hours after he had called his servants with the Dark Mark, but considering the fact that the man was still alive, it meant that despite Severus’ tardiness he had been able to convince Voldemort of his loyalty and, like the rest of them, had been forgiven. Lucius had been glad for it (”I knew he would never betray us— he was merely making sure he kept his post at Hogwarts as a spy; the Dark Lord was grateful… fourteen years of information…”) but Narcissa was still wary of the whole ordeal. In the end though it mattered very little, as she needed something and if Severus was where she could get it, then she was going to damn well make sure that she did.</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>Severus. </em>You’re good with potions, Lucius, but he’s far better. Please. Ask if he’s able to make improvements; he’s always been brilliant in that area and last time they gave Bella awful headaches whenever she got close to madness again. I can’t have that happen again. I cannot have her taking more to try to rid of herself of the pain; I cannot deal with her addiction on top of—” <em>My own. </em>“…Everything else.”</p>
<p>Lucius did <em>not </em>look happy about this, but his wife took his hands in hers imploringly. “Please, Lucius. Bellatrix is dangerous, but you know this way she will be less so. We need to think about Draco. I know you hate how I’m acting right now, I know you think I’ve regressed but I <em>haven’t.</em> For better or for worse, you and I both know that Bellatrix is my responsibility, and I will not shy away from that just because I know it’s going to be difficult. I cannot run from this.”</p>
<p>“Properly preparing for her arrival is the only thing that’s keeping me <em>sane</em> right now, but I still have so much left to do,” Narcissa continued, looking completely overwhelmed as she began to list the duties she now had to undertake. “I need to finish this room, I have to get her some new clothes to wear— she’ll no doubt be far too skinny for her old wardrobe. The <em>maintenance</em> I’m going to have to do for her physically will no doubt be extensive— the dental work alone is going to be a nightmare although I know magic can fix most anything these days. But before all that I need to talk to our son, I need to warn Cassandra and make sure that <em>she</em> warns her husband, because too many people— too many people fucking<em> know </em>now, about us, and that’s dangerous for Cassandra— please, Lucius, just do this one thing for me. Please. I’m already so overwhelmed.”</p>
<p>Lucius didn’t promise that he would, but Narcissa knew that his lack of refusal meant that he would oblige her, and she was grateful for that. “What are you going to tell Draco?” he asked instead. Their son would be returning from Hogwarts the next day, and it gave Narcissa such terrible anxiety. She hoped that when Bellatrix arrived Draco would not be there as Narcissa knew she would need ample time and space to calm her sister down, but only time would tell.</p>
<p>“The truth, more or less,” Narcissa responded in a resigned tone. What else could she do? She needed Draco to be prepared. “The ‘less’ part being our romantic and sexual involvement, obviously. I will not scar him like that.”</p>
<p>“You better make <em>damn</em> certain that, mental or not, Bellatrix keeps the sick things she’s done with you to herself,” Lucius demanded, as now that most people knew it could easily make Bellatrix no longer care who she spilled that secret to. It wasn’t a risk to Narcissa’s marriage anymore, and the Dark Lord already knew. There was a very big chance that Bellatrix simply would not care about hiding it anymore. “You fucking tell her that. If Draco finds out—”</p>
<p>“He won’t. I can control my sister, Lucius.”</p>
<p>Or, at least Narcissa hoped. She <em>usually</em> could, but it had been such a very, very long time…</p>
<p>It was mid-summer by the time Narcissa actually said anything to her son though, as she did not wish to frighten Draco prematurely. The family was having breakfast together, Narcissa and Lucius at the dining room table and Draco sitting on the counter through the kitchen threshold, a bagel in one hand and the Daily Prophet in another. Lucius had been updating Narcissa in a low tone about how that oaf of a gamekeeper Hagrid had been spotted traveling near the mountains with that other unnaturally large woman, and how the Dark Lord had assumed they were there on Dumbledore’s orders to recruit the giants. “He’s sent Macnair and Amycus as representatives on our behalf— although the giants allied with us last time so I’m certain we won’t have a problem regardless of whatever <em>half-breed</em> Dumbledore sends.”</p>
<p>“Listen to this! ‘A tale worthy of Harry Potter’— this is hilarious, they’re having a go at him every other article!”</p>
<p>Narcissa did not acknowledge her son though as she stared at her husband meaningfully. “And the dementors?”</p>
<p>“They rarely leave Azkaban which is making it… rather difficult to communicate, at the moment. It is a priority though; the Dark Lord wants them back as quickly as he can. He calls <em>them</em> his most faithful…”</p>
<p>“Bella will be so pleased,” Narcissa responded flatly as she took a sip of her tea. Behind her, she could hear Draco jump off the counter.</p>
<p>“You guys don’t have to <em>whisper</em> when you talk about what’s going on now, you know,” Draco told them, sounding very self-important as he sat down at the table across from them. “I want to know what’s happening too. I’m fifteen; I should know what my family is doing.”</p>
<p>“We just don’t want to scare you, darling—”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>scared,</em> Mother. The Dark Lord is going to make life better for the Purebloods, isn’t he? I support him. I’d even fight for him if—”</p>
<p>“<em>No,”</em> both Narcissa and Lucius interrupted simultaneously, and Draco deflated in irritation. He folded his arms in front of his chest, pouting.</p>
<p>“You guys always baby me.”</p>
<p>“We’re <em>protecting</em> you,” Narcissa corrected. Draco rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“There is something regarding the Dark Lord’s return that your <em>mother</em> would like to speak to you about though,” Lucius told him, sending a pointed look at his wife. Narcissa pursed her lips; did she have to do this now? If Bellatrix was no closer to coming home yet, she would rather speak to Draco right before he was about to leave for school. She wanted him to feel safe.</p>
<p>“What does <em>Mum </em>know about anything?” Draco asked in a snooty tone, apparently still irritated that he had been told he could not do something. <em>“</em>She’s not a Death Eater.”</p>
<p>“No, but I am related to one.”</p>
<p>Draco’s gaze found hers and he squirmed a little in his seat, suddenly looking a little unsure of himself. “…Aunt Bella?” He sounded a little like he was hoping she was related to <em>another</em> Death Eater, and although that stung a little Narcissa was not surprised by it; Draco did, after all, know what she was in prison for. Something like that would frighten anyone.</p>
<p>“Mm,” Narcissa confirmed in a murmur, wrapping her hands around her tea cup as she looked at her son. “The Dark Lord plans to liberate her from prison soon, but there are a few things you need to be made aware of before she comes here.”</p>
<p>“<em>Here?”</em> Draco practically squeaked. “Why? I mean— she can’t hide<em> here;</em> the Ministry will find her…”</p>
<p>“The Ministry has yet to find many things we’ve hidden in this house, and while I’ll agree it’s not <em>ideal,</em> we have very little choice on the matter because <em>I</em> am here, and your aunt… she will go to the ends of the earth to be where I am,” Narcissa admitted softly. Draco just stared at her. “I am the only person she cares about in this world save the Dark Lord and she can be… rather <em>intense</em> when it comes to that care. Bella feels things very strongly, and her relationship with me is borderline obsessive. This can make her very unpleasant to others she feels are taking up too much of my attention, especially when she’s unwell, which I’m sure she will be when she arrives.”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix does not like others having a relationship with your mother,” Lucius explained to him. “That includes me, and considering she barely tolerated you when you were younger, I am sure it will include you as well.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that! Bella loved Draco in her own way when she was here; she got him that stuffed unicorn he slept with until he was ten.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t—<em> Mother!” </em>Draco protested, turning a bright scarlet. “I did <em>not</em> sleep with it for that long, stop lying! It just— it must have fallen into my bed from the shelf or something…”</p>
<p> Every night? Sure. Narcissa let it go though, not wishing to embarrass him further.</p>
<p>“Regardless, he needs to be prepared for the fact that Bellatrix may not care for him,” Lucius responded, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath, hating that he had a point. She knew her sister, and Draco… Draco would probably irritate her, honestly. His personality and hers really did not seem compatible. “And she can be… rather frightening to someone who is ill prepared to deal with her.”</p>
<p>Understatement.</p>
<p>“Darling, I know— I know Bellatrix can be scary. I will not sit here and make excuses for the horrible things she has done; you’re old enough now to know that those things were not mistakes she made, but rather crimes that she very much enjoyed committing,” Narcissa told him, not wishing to lie to her son about who Bellatrix really was now that he was old enough to handle the truth. “She is… <em>fanatical </em>when it comes to her devotion to the Dark Lord. She will do anything for him and she will not regret it. She’s been sitting proudly in Azkaban for the last fourteen years because her loyalty to him was more important than her freedom. <em>That</em> is the kind of person that she is, and that is why I’m going to ask you to give her a wide berth when you inevitably come home from school to find her here.”</p>
<p>Draco did <em>not</em> look happy with the prospect that he might soon be sharing his house with a mad woman, but before he could comment Narcissa continued, needing to get everything out at once. “I also need to ask a favor of you.”</p>
<p>Draco suddenly looked perplexed, losing his train of thought. “What?”</p>
<p>“I know I said it’s not your job to keep my secrets and therefore I feel… <em>terribly</em> that I am asking you to do this, but you cannot, under <em>any</em> circumstances, reveal to Bellatrix that I have been sharing a bed with Cassandra,” Narcissa begged, feeling her throat tighten in emotion. “She tolerates your father because he is my husband and she has to, but she will murder your friend’s mother without a second thought if she is made aware of my relationship with her. <em>Please.”</em></p>
<p>Draco looked very uneasy. “You mean, she’d really—”</p>
<p>“Kill her? <em>Yes,”</em> Narcissa told him strongly, needing him to be aware that this wasn’t an exaggeration or a joke. “This is <em>serious,</em> Draco. She is not right in the head when it comes to my romantic life. And if she finds out I had a relationship with a woman it will be <em>worse</em> because— because she’s very homophobic.”</p>
<p>Lucius shot her an exasperated look at the results of her ‘quick thinking’, but Narcissa hadn’t known what else to say. She just hoped the stupid lie wouldn’t come back to bite her, as Bellatrix hadn’t been bothering to hide just how much of a huge lesbian she was from the family for a long time. Perhaps if she just told her to tone it down around Draco though…</p>
<p>“Please, Draco. Promise me.”</p>
<p>Draco nodded slowly, silently, and that was one thing out of the way. He went off to school not much later — as a Slytherin Prefect no less — and Narcissa was so, so proud of him. She was still concerned with how involved he wished to be in the upcoming war though; especially after it was he who had spotted Sirius Black in his Animagus form at the train station (he had overheard Lucius telling Narcissa what Wormtail had revealed to him; although ‘overhead’ might be generous— Draco seemed keen to spy as of late, as he hated being out of the loop) and pointed it out to his father, who praised him for his keen eye and assistance, as no doubt the Dark Lord would be very interested to hear that the man was escorting <em>Harry Potter</em> to the train station.</p>
<p>Harry Potter had recently been attacked by dementors as well, which had baffled Lucius at first because he knew the Dark Lord had yet to convene with them, which meant that he had not been the one to send them. Eventually it seemed to be clear that the <em>Ministry</em> wished to silence Potter permanently, but yet again the boy walked away unscathed, as Lucius had witnessed himself after Potter’s hearing.</p>
<p>Lucius had been sent to the Ministry for a different reason though, but his attempt at Imperiusing someone in order to get someone inside the Department of Mysteries had failed miserably, as the man in question, Sturgis Podmore, was caught and thrown into Azkaban. Thankfully the Dark Lord wasn’t angry with him, but the plan apparently needed to be fine-tuned because Voldemort was set on hearing the Prophecy made about him so very long ago. Avery convinced him that if they used an actual Department of Mysteries employee that it would work, but Lucius’ second attempt at Imperiusing someone landed the man in St. Mungo’s, convinced he was a teapot.</p>
<p>Nothing was going according to plan, and the Dark Lord was starting to grow angry.</p>
<p>Lucius was starting to look worn down again and Narcissa hated it. She hated that history was repeating itself, and she hated that she could do nothing to stop it. The only sanity she had right now was the fact that the Ministry was so set on not believing that Voldemort returned that life was, for the most part, able to carry on as normal.</p>
<p>“Did you warn Peter?” Narcissa asked her friend once she had stepped from the flames of their fireplace. Cassandra dusted off her robes, her hands smoothing down the curvature of her body. Narcissa stared. God, she just couldn’t help it, and a part of her hated herself for that because of all of <em>this.</em></p>
<p>“Yeah,” Cassandra responded flatly, yet did not look pleased as she flipped her hair over her shoulder, running her fingers through it to get the tangles out. “He says he’ll shut up about it, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t— don’t say it like that,” Narcissa begged, feeling awful. “This isn’t something I <em>want,</em> but you know how Bella is…”</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid of that mental plonker; we’ve been best mates for nearly twenty-five bloody years, Cissa, she can suck my left fuckin’ tit—”</p>
<p>“Cass, <em>please,”</em> Narcissa pleaded, grasping the woman’s hands in her own. “Your need to stand up to her as always unnerved me, but before… before we were just friends. I had to convince her that I <em>wasn’t</em> sleeping with you when I was sixteen by being under the effects of Veritaserum. That was the <em>only</em> way she would believe me, okay? She’s always been terrified of how I could feel about you—”</p>
<p>“What the fuck?” Cassandra exhaled as she wrenched her hands away from her, looking at her aghast. “You never told me that! That’s— that’s bloody <em>mental.”</em></p>
<p>“Maybe it is, but it got her to stop pushing the issue. I didn’t… I didn’t know then that things would change, but now they have and if she finds out we’ve slept together, that we’ve been sleeping together off and on for the last fourteen goddamn years while she was in <em>prison</em>, she’s going to— God, I <em>can’t </em>watch her hurt you, Cass, why don’t you understand that?! And believe me when I tell you she will make me fucking watch, especially in her current mental state. She will make sure that I know that it’s <em>my</em> fault.”</p>
<p>Cassandra at least looked a little unnerved now, but she still looked more angry than anything else. “This is bullshit, Cissa! Do you even <em>hear</em> yourself when you talk about her? How can you want her back, after all of that? She’s fucked up— she’s gonna fuck <em>you</em> up again, an’ it’s like you’ve just accepted it! Just tell ‘er to kick sodding rocks an’ live the life ya wanna live, for fuck’s sake—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes were beginning to fill with frustrated, hopeless tears. “You know I can’t do that. It’s not that <em>simple…”</em></p>
<p>“<em>Why?”</em></p>
<p><em>“You very well know why!” </em>Narcissa shouted, wishing she didn’t feel so terribly weak when she said that. “I don’t know how to stop loving her, to stop<em> needing</em> her— I <em>tried,</em> alright? I tried to let her go, but she’s etched into my soul and I’m <em>sorry</em> because I know that makes me an awful person, but the logical part of me that wishes she’d never return is getting fucking <em>suffocated</em> by the desire to be consumed by her again because despite all I’ve grown, despite how far I’ve come, I’ve still felt like half a person without her by my side, and I want that half<em> back,</em> Cass. I want her<em> back…</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa hadn’t allowed herself to say that, to even really <em>think</em> it before now, and the crushing weight of that realization made her break down in sobs because she was supposed to be better now, wasn’t she? She had tried to convince herself that she was torn, but she really wasn’t— she just knew that she should be because she could see how unhealthy her relationship with Bellatrix was now, but at the end of the day Narcissa was an addict just like her sister, and she had no idea how to stop craving what had always hurt her so badly.</p>
<p>Cassandra was staring at her, upset creased in the lines of her face, and Narcissa couldn’t bear to look her in the eye. “That’s not love, Cissa,” she told her unwaveringly, but that was not something Narcissa was ready to face and so she turned away from her. “That’s codependency, and it’s <em>bullshit</em> because you’ve been without her for so long. You’ve survived <em>this</em> long, so don’t pretend like ya can’t now just cause she’s comin’ back. Don’t be pathetic.”</p>
<p>“Oh, what do<em> you</em> care?” Narcissa shot back though her furious tears. “You left me, you went back to your husband, so don’t stand here and act as though this has any bloody bearing on <em>your</em> life…”</p>
<p>“It does, ‘cause me payin’ attention to Peter was only supposed to be <em>temporary!”</em> Cassandra shouted back at her, her upset deepening as angry tears sprung to the back of her eyes. “I was always gonna come back, you fuckin’ knob, an’ now that <em>cunt</em> is gonna rob me of you — of the proper, healthy, <em>sane</em> you — and I can’t fuckin’ stand it! I can’t <em>stand</em> you, Cissa; why don’t you ever change?!”</p>
<p>“I <em>have!”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Then prove it!”</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa felt so angry, so <em>helpless</em>, and a frustrated sound ripped past her lips before she pushed Cassandra against the parlor wall. Part of her wanted to hit her because she hated having awful truths being thrown in her face like that, but Cassandra wasn’t Bellatrix; they couldn’t just rip each other apart and still be okay, so Narcissa did the only other thing she could think to do to just <em>shut her up </em>and kissed her, the gesture furious and bruising.</p>
<p>Cassandra immediately fisted her hand in her hair, finding that even with it shorter it was easy to pull and so she did, wrenching Narcissa’s lips from her own before she fastened her mouth around the blonde’s neck and sucked so hard that she made a mark. “Fucking me isn’t gonna prove it,” she breathed heavily against her skin after Narcissa had exhaled a desperate moan, just wanting the woman to take control of her because she hated that she no longer had control of her own life.</p>
<p>“Maybe not, but I’m not letting you leave like this,” Narcissa panted, her head still firmly held in place by the other woman’s hand as she looked at her longingly. “You can’t leave me right now, Cass— please. This might be the last time…”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a furious breath, but it sounded more frustrated than angry. “You always get what you bloody want, don’t you?” she accused. “You’re so fuckin’ spoiled an’ I hate it…” But she wasn’t pushing her away, instead she had let Narcissa’s hair go to place a hand on her shoulder, encouraging her on her knees. “I’m so sick of you, I’m so—”</p>
<p>But Narcissa had already pushed up her robes, wrapping her mouth around the woman’s dampening knickers. Cassandra banged her head against the wall in defeat and closed her eyes, her hand coming to rest atop her head as Narcissa slid her undergarments down her thighs. “I wish I didn’t care so bloody much,” she whispered, sounding as though she hated herself for it, and Narcissa’s stomached tightened in guilty knots as she tried to make it better the only way she knew how, and wrapped her lips around the other woman’s clit.</p>
<p>Narcissa made a big showing of going down on her as she looked up at her with wide eyes, licking a long line up her center as Cassandra shivered and panted beneath her. Narcissa knew this wasn’t fair to Cassandra and she hated that, but what else was she supposed to do? She had to keep her safe, and for that to happen she couldn’t have Bellatrix know about them. They were really over this time and it broke Narcissa’s heart more than she would like to admit, as she had found an odd sense of solace within Cassandra. Perhaps it had never been love like how she had once loved Lucius, or how she loved Bellatrix, but it was <em>something,</em> and that something was what Narcissa knew she was going to miss very much once this was all over.</p>
<p>“Shit— Narcissa, we have a <em>bedroom.”</em></p>
<p>Oh, right. Lucius was still home.</p>
<p>Narcissa pulled away from her lover who swore and pushed her dress back down in an attempt to cover herself, but Narcissa did not feel embarrassed. In fact, she felt strangely liberated by it. She also did not feel like herself anymore, to be honest; she felt a bit like she had disconnected from her body, as being inside of it was far too much for her once she had started breaking down about Bellatrix. Everyone was accusing her of reverting back to who she was and while she was wavering, yes, she had <em>not</em> broken yet. She was goddamn stronger than that, and fuck them both for thinking that she wasn’t. Fuck them both…</p>
<p>Fuck them both.</p>
<p>If they wanted to think she was the person she used to be then <em>fine,</em> she could be that person. That person was very selfish and very spoiled and what she wanted from her lovers she always got, so fine. <em>Fine. </em>She was too goddamn devastated and lost to care about the repercussions anyway, because she knew everything was going to change very soon, and she couldn’t accept that despite how much she loved Bellatrix, it might not be for the better after all.</p>
<p>Narcissa rose to her feet, but did not apologize or take Cassandra elsewhere. Instead she strode up to her husband, ran her fingers through his hair, and pulled him into a deep kiss so he could know exactly how Cassandra tasted on her tongue. He groaned instinctively and Cassandra actually <em>flushed </em>when they had broken the kiss and Lucius made eye contact with her, which Narcissa had never thought she’d ever see the woman do in her lifetime. She had always been so goddamn brazen when it came to sex, but perhaps Lucius was just different; perhaps it was just the residual crush on the unattainable man left over from her teenage years.</p>
<p><em>Good. </em>Narcissa hoped she fancied him a bit; perhaps they could take care of one another while she was so wrapped up in Bellatrix. She owed them both that, at least.</p>
<p>“What the hell are you doing?” Lucius asked her once he could get his train of thought back, even though Narcissa thought <em>that</em> was fairly obvious. She stepped away from him then, a lingering smirk on her lips before she began to undo her dress.</p>
<p>“Cissa—”</p>
<p>The dress pooled on the floor in front of them, and Narcissa’s gaze flicked back and forth between her two lovers as she began removing her undergarments. Lucius was going a bit purple from the amount of self-control he was trying to exert, and Cassandra was nearly wearing a hole in her bottom lip as she stared at Narcissa’s now nude form with the most conflicted look on her face.</p>
<p> “We have so many secrets to keep,” Narcissa reminded them in an enticing whisper, backing up a few steps. “…What’s one more?”</p>
<p>Narcissa turned then to grab her clothes off the ground, making certain that she bent over far enough so they could see <em>exactly </em>what they’d be missing if they refused, and Lucius broke first.</p>
<p>“Fuck it,” he ground out, his dick already straining against his robes at the thought. “Everything’s a sodding mess anyway, I don’t care anymore.”</p>
<p>Narcissa smiled and held out her hand, allowing Lucius to take it before she pulled him to her. She looked back at Cassandra, who still looked rather frozen on the spot. “Please, Cass,” she breathed, running her hand down the front of her husband’s robes to wrap it around his cock, wanting to show her how big it was. “This isn’t just about me. I want to watch him fuck you. I want to see the look on your face as his cock slides deep inside of you; I want you to <em>beg </em>me to let him make you come…”</p>
<p>Well, that did something for <em>Lucius</em> at least. He apparently thought this was going to be the Narcissa show as well, with both of them just taking care of <em>her, </em>but strangely, that wasn’t what Narcissa wanted at all. She wanted them both, yes, but this was also her weird way of apologizing to them for the hell she was no doubt about to put them through soon. Whatever this was becoming, it might have been born from a selfish need, but it didn’t seem to be staying that way.</p>
<p>“Jesus fucking Christ— you’re actually going to let me fuck her?” But then Lucius realized how that sounded and he backtracked apologetically as he looked at Cassandra, “If you want, I mean. You can just fuck Narcissa if that’s what you’re comfortable with— I didn’t mean to make it sound like you were something she owned that I was borrowing.”</p>
<p>Cassandra immediately looked horrified because that just made it much harder to say no, and she was <em>trying</em>. “Ugh, <em>and</em> he’s considerate? What the <em>fuck,</em> Cissa; just throw the whole bloody package in my face why don’t ya. Sodding <em>ridiculous.</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa chuckled, holding tighter to her husband. “Come on, Cass. I promise your husband will never know. If this is our last time… let’s make it memorable.” She held out her hand imploringly, and Cassandra only stared at it for about four long seconds before she finally exhaled an exasperated breath and strode toward her.</p>
<p>“Fuckin’ <em>spoiled…</em>” she muttered, but she didn’t take her hand. Instead Cassandra strode right past her to get to the stairs and Narcissa giggled at the look of irritation on her face, as it was very obviously mixed with desire. “Come on; if I’m gonna get bloody plowed it’s gonna damn well be on a mattress.”</p>
<p>It did not take long for the three of them to make it to the bedroom that Narcissa and Lucius shared (although not for very long, as they both knew it would cause a lot less drama when Bellatrix arrived if they did not. It was why it felt like a last time with <em>Lucius</em> too, and she wanted— she just wanted to make it good for them). “Kiss her,” Narcissa instructed breathlessly as she began to disrobe the other woman, and although Lucius hesitated for a second, it was not for long.</p>
<p>Narcissa watched them as their tongues slid into each other’s mouths, and while there was a slight twist in her gut Narcissa found it wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, she was sort of enjoying it, which probably meant she really was losing her mind over Bellatrix’s inevitable return, but Narcissa didn’t care anymore. She wanted this so very badly.</p>
<p>“Isn’t she beautiful?” Narcissa whispered to her husband after she had stripped Cassandra bare, her fingertips dancing down the other woman’s freckled breasts. Her nipples were tight and Narcissa rolled them between her fingers, prompting a groan that was exhaled against her husband’s bottom lip.</p>
<p>They broke the kiss though and Lucius leaned in to kiss her briefly before he muttered, “You’re mad, woman,” yet Narcissa could only smile deviously before she gently pushed him away, told him to get undressed, and then grasped Cassandra’s head, sharing a deep kiss with her as well.</p>
<p>“Get on the bed,” Narcissa instructed to the redhead, gently trailing her fingertips down the other woman’s jaw. Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip and did as she was told, lying on her back about halfway down the large bed. Narcissa crawled over to her, her gaze purposeful as she spread the other woman’s legs. “If you want him, I’ll get you ready… but we both need to hear your consent.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s breathing had shallowed significantly, her chest heaving as she looked at the woman between her thighs and the man who stood behind her. “…Ya won’t get mad?” she asked, needing to be sure.</p>
<p>Narcissa chuckled softly as she came further up her body, allowing her hand to find its way between the other woman’s thighs. She was soaked already and honestly probably didn’t need anymore foreplay in order for this to be enjoyable, but Narcissa still desperately wanted to touch her. “Honestly, the only <em>fucking</em> thing I can think about right now is straddling your face while my husband fucks you, Cass,” she breathed, sliding her fingers through her folds before she allowed them to find their way inside of the other woman. Cassandra’s breath caught in the back of her throat, and Narcissa could feel Lucius get on the bed behind her. “I don’t know why, and maybe I really am going mad, but I want to see that so badly that if I don’t I’ll be <em>terribly</em> disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint me, do you?”</p>
<p>“No,” Cassandra breathed. Her cheeks were flushed and she was practically dripping as Narcissa kissed her, corkscrewing her fingers inside of her so that she could swallow the moan that followed.</p>
<p>“You want him to fuck you, right?” she prompted as she broke the kiss, the words being whispered against the other woman’s lips.</p>
<p>“Yes…” Cassandra panted as Narcissa’s fingers slid out of her, her wet hand streaking the redhead’s abdomen. “Fuck, please— please, Cissa, let him fuck me…”</p>
<p>And oh, Narcissa got <em>off</em> on how powerful that made her feel. Cassandra knew it too, as she was more than aware that she didn’t have to <em>beg</em> at this point, but she seemed to understand the role that Narcissa wished to play and gave it to her without question. It was one thing Narcissa was going to miss about her, honestly. Cassandra always had an uncanny way of reading people sexually, and tailoring herself to the desires of others so she could be anyone’s bloody fantasy.</p>
<p>“Anything for you, beautiful,” she told her breathlessly as she gently ran her thumb across Cassandra’s bottom lip. She looked absolutely <em>wanton</em> and Narcissa ate it up before she got off of her and turned to her husband, bringing Lucius in for another lasting kiss as she reached down and began to stroke him, making sure that he was hard enough.</p>
<p>“Make her feel how you make me feel,” Narcissa begged him after they broke the kiss. “I want her screaming your name, Lucius… will you do that for me?”</p>
<p>Lucius looked torn between being turned on, impressed, but also a little wary because he <em>knew</em> his wife, and she was laying this on too thick to not have an ulterior motive. “What is your endgame here, exactly?” he asked her, but he was also breathless and hard and desperate to stick his dick in his wife’s lover, so it wasn’t like Narcissa had a difficult time controlling him.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you when it’s over,” she promised, her fingers dragging along his cheek before she looked him in the eyes and told him, “Now do it before I change my mind. I could always kick you out and just fuck Cassandra, you know…”</p>
<p>Lucius smirked. “Don’t play games, Narcissa. We all know you’re fucking <em>desperate</em> for this right now,” he accused in a soft voice, his own hand falling between his wife’s thighs. When he pulled his hand back it was absolutely covered in Narcissa’s arousal, and his smirk grew wider as he brought it to the blonde’s lips. “Deny it,” he dared, but Narcissa would not and instead slipped them into her mouth, cleaning them off while Cassandra grabbed her thigh, trying to encourage her to sit astride her face.</p>
<p>Narcissa moved to where she needed to be, keeping her legs on either side of Cassandra’s head as she faced down her body, watching her husband reach over to grab a condom from the bedside table. She was breathless with anticipation as she watched him slide it over his shaft and she instructed Cassandra with, “—Wait. Not until he’s inside of you,” when the other woman had tried to wrap her mouth around the apex of her thighs.</p>
<p>“Then tell him to fuckin’ hurry up ‘cause you’re practically drippin’ in my mouth and it’s drivin’ me bloody <em>mental.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa and Lucius shared a smirk while Narcissa placated her with, “<em>Patience…” </em>as she reached back, gently weaving her fingers through the other woman’s hair while Lucius positioned himself at her entrance. Narcissa held her breath as she watched Lucius drag the head of his cock over Cassandra’s clit. The woman beneath them both squirmed in anticipation, and Narcissa’s grip got tighter in Cassandra’s hair.</p>
<p>“Do it,” she breathed as she caught her husband’s eyes, her own alight with desire as Lucius continued to hold her gaze, gripping Cassandra’s hips while he slowly slid inside of her. Narcissa felt like she was about to combust. The groan of pleasure from beneath her coupled with Lucius’ unwavering gaze made Narcissa’s chest flush and her nipples harden and she begged, “Fuck me— Cass, fuck me now<em>—”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra did not need to be told twice.</p>
<p>She took Narcissa entirely in her mouth, causing the woman atop her to pitch forward a little as she gasped in pleasure, placing her hand over her husband’s where he was gripping Cassandra’s hip. She felt like she was high but she hadn’t taken another dosage for a couple hours now, and Narcissa watched as though transfixed as her husband fucked another woman. She was still half-expecting to feel a pang of jealousy at any moment, as when she was younger she was so <em>awfully</em> territorial, and maybe it was a testament to how much she had grown, or how truly mad she was becoming, but in a strange way it gave her comfort that two people she cared so much about could share something like this with one another.</p>
<p>Narcissa reached down with her free hand to slide her fingers over Cassandra’s clit as her husband pushed inside of her again, this time with a little more vigor as he began to build up a rhythm. “Shit— Cissa,” Cassandra panted as she momentarily pulled away from the apex of her thighs. “If ya do that I’m gonna come too quick—”</p>
<p>“No, you won’t,” Narcissa told her, because she knew <em>exactly</em> how Cassandra looked and felt just as she was about to come, and she wasn’t going to let her get there that fast. “Not until I let you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra swore at her as the blonde put a little more pressure on her aching center, and when Lucius pushed into her again she made the most <em>delicious</em> fucking sounds that Narcissa realized she wanted to keep hearing them, and Cassandra certainly couldn’t do that with her mouth full. So Narcissa moved off of her, coming to rest on the other woman’s side as she reached down and placed her hand back where it belonged.</p>
<p>“What… about you?” Cassandra panted, and Narcissa realized that she was still unable to look at Lucius; she would just stare at her, as though a part of her was afraid that Narcissa would get angry or jealous if she acknowledged who was inside of her.</p>
<p>“What about me?” Narcissa asked simply before she kissed her, trying to make Cassandra feel a little more comfortable before she gently pinched the base of the redhead’s chin, turning her face forward as she breathlessly demanded, “Look at him.”</p>
<p>“Narcissa…” But it was Lucius this time, as he knew something was very off about this. But Narcissa didn’t want them to ask questions— not yet.</p>
<p>“No, please— this is what I want,” Narcissa begged, settling on her back next to Cassandra as she began to slide her hand through her own slick heat. “You both can fuck me after just— let me watch. Let me enjoy this.”</p>
<p>Lucius was looking at her like he could not, for the life of him, understand his wife’s train of thought, and Cassandra looked fairly similar. If they were just going to keep <em>staring </em>at her though then she was going to give them something to look at as Narcissa brought her fingers to her lips, sliding them entirely in her mouth before bringing them back down and spreading herself for them.</p>
<p>“I’m waiting.”</p>
<p>“Jesus fucking— why are you <em>like</em> this,” Lucius ground out, but he also grabbed Cassandra’s hips more firmly before he nearly slammed himself back inside of her, causing the redhead to fist her hands in the sheets as she cried out in pleasure. “You make… absolutely… no… bloody… <em>sense…!” </em>Each word was accented with another firm thrust as Cassandra’s breasts bounced and her lips parted.</p>
<p>“Fuck, fuck— <em>Lucius</em>,” Cassandra panted, but her hand reached out for Narcissa’s instead and she grabbed tight to her, not allowing her to not be a part of this no matter what she bloody wanted. That was fine though— Cassandra was on her left side anyway and she was right-handed, so Narcissa took to rubbing firm circles against her clit while she watched them fall into one another.</p>
<p>“Kiss her—”</p>
<p>Lucius had apparently given up on trying to make any sense of Narcissa’s motivations and just did as he was told now, leaning down to sweep his tongue into the other woman’s mouth. Cassandra grasped for him with her free hand, thankfully beginning to get caught up in the feeling as she allowed him to fuck her raw. She was gasping against his lips as her fingers fisted in his long hair, begging him to fuck her harder, and Narcissa honestly loved every second of it.</p>
<p>“God, you both are so fucking beautiful—” Narcissa panted, feeling herself getting closer. She honestly wouldn’t be surprised if after she was done there was a huge puddle beneath her on the bed, because this was surprisingly doing quite a lot for her. “Don’t stop— don’t stop, Lucius, make her come!”</p>
<p>“She like you?” he asked breathlessly once he had pulled away from the kiss to look at his wife, and Narcissa nodded, nearly coming herself from the anticipation. Lucius reached down then and played Cassandra just as expertly as he had always played Narcissa, rubbing her clit in just the right way that Cassandra arched her back and screamed, her hand shooting upwards to slam heavily against the headboard as she came. Lucius fell shortly afterward with a loud grunt, and Narcissa made sure that she wasn’t far behind as she rubbed out one of the most intense orgasms she had ever given herself.</p>
<p>All three of them lay there for a moment, sweating and out of breath.</p>
<p>Once Lucius had untangled himself from Cassandra he came to rest of the other side of his wife, laying flat on his back as he stared up at the ceiling. “Endgame,” he requested, needing to know. “Now. Cause that was <em>barely</em> a threesome, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>Narcissa bit her bottom lip softly, glancing between her two lovers. “I just wanted to know that you both would be taken care of once Bella returns,” she admitted. Narcissa felt a bit guilty for manipulating them into fucking one another, but her heart had been in the right place. “…Now I do.”</p>
<p>Lucius sat straight up, looking at Narcissa like he couldn’t believe those words had actually left her lips. “—<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>“Cissa, what the— you want me to replace you with your<em> husband? </em>Have you lost your bloomin’ mind? I still got a husband of my own, ya know; one who will bloody kill Lucius and I both if we end up havin’ a real affair! Fucking <em>Christ— </em>I knew there was something fucked off about this…!”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying you have to,” Narcissa told them as she climbed out of bed. She knew neither of them were going to be in much of a mood to continue after dropping this kind of bomb on them, but that was okay. For the first time in her life, Narcissa cared more for other’s feelings than her own. She just wanted them to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. “I’m just saying you have my permission if you want to.”</p>
<p>Both of them just stared at her, completely flabbergasted.</p>
<p>“Me being with Bella again is going to fuck both of you up and I’m— I’m <em>so</em> sorry about that. I really, really am,” Narcissa told them, getting a little choked up with emotion as she looked between them both. “Find solace in one another. Please. I care about you both far too much to see you miserable, and I think you could make each other happy. Just… think about it.”</p>
<p>And with that, another thing off her list was checked off.</p>
<p>Maybe all of this really was mental, but Narcissa couldn’t bear not preparing everyone around her for what was going to happen, and making sure they found comfort where they needed it. She had never cared before to think of others when she and Bellatrix tornadoed through everyone’s fucking lives, and she needed to this time. It was important that there be no collateral damage in the wake of their passionate madness, because it was one thing to fuck up each other, but quite another to do it to others.</p>
<p>It was nearly Christmas when they got an unexpected visitor.</p>
<p>Narcissa had instructed Draco to stay at Hogwarts as she still was unsure when Azkaban would be broken open, and so the house felt emptier than usual as she padded through the kitchen to get another glass of wine. When she walked in the room though she gave a shout of surprise, seeing that she was not alone.</p>
<p>“…<em>Kreacher?” </em></p>
<p>There, in her kitchen, stood the house elf that Regulus had loved so much. Narcissa never really understood why as the thing had always been kind of miserable, but she respected her cousin’s memory too much to just throw it out the door even though it nearly gave her a heart attack from popping in uninvited.</p>
<p>“Master Regulus liked Mistress Narcissa very much, oh yes… Kreacher was told to get out, and so out he went…”</p>
<p>The house elf seemed a little more… <em>off</em> than usual, but Narcissa supposed that was to be expected if it had been still serving the House of Black without proper owners, as Walburga had died nearly a decade ago. But then she realized what it had said, and Narcissa’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“Kreacher… <em>who</em> told you to get out?”</p>
<p>“Master does not like Kreacher— he consorts with mudbloods and half-breeds, befouling the house of my Mistress, oh how she would weep if she knew…”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut. “<em>Sirius?” </em>she asked, hardly able to believe it. “Kreacher, you know where Sirius is?”</p>
<p>Kreacher was more muttering to itself than speaking with her, but it was enough. “With the half-blood he adores so much, Godfather he calls him— the scar on his head burns and he cries because he thinks he hurt the blood-traitor…”</p>
<p>Mr. Weasley. Narcissa had heard from Lucius that he was at St. Mungo’s now because of the attack from Nagini, but why did Potter think he was to blame? No— it didn’t matter why; this was huge regardless. The Dark Lord was still irritated by Lucius’ failures when it came to retrieving the Prophecy, but if Sirius was with Harry Potter and Kreacher could tell them where they were…</p>
<p>Of course, nothing was that simple.</p>
<p>It did not take long to realize that despite knowing that they were in Walburga’s old house that they could not be reached, as they had employed a Secret Keeper. It made the house unplottable and Narcissa was furious after she had tried to apparate there, only to end up outside staring between numbers eleven and thirteen Grimmauld place, finding nothing in between.</p>
<p>Still, it was a start, and Lucius was considered useful again for the information they got from Kreacher. </p>
<p>Lucius had thankfully also cleaned up his mess with the last Imperius Curse that went wrong, and after sending Broderick Bode a cutting of Devil’s Snare while he was in the hospital the plant strangled him, killing him instantly. As morbid as it was, things were starting to look up, which of course meant everything was about to come crashing down.</p>
<p>On a cold afternoon in January, just a few days past the fifteen year mark of Bellatrix’s imprisonment, Lucius came back from his meeting with the Dark Lord, and from the look in his eyes Narcissa did not have to ask what had happened, for she already knew. “When?” she asked softly, her heart beginning to pound in her chest as she braced herself for the inevitable.</p>
<p>“Tonight.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, accepting the reality she was about to face. She grasped her husband’s hands in hers and leaned in, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “You should not be here,” she told him, as she knew things would go much smoother if she were alone.</p>
<p>Lucius thankfully agreed.</p>
<p>Narcissa wasn’t sure where he went, but it mattered very little. Night fell and Narcissa waited, oddly calmer than she thought she would be as she gently sipped on her glass of merlot. The analog clock in the parlor ticked loudly as Narcissa sat in her favorite chair, staring out at the snow falling gently outside her window.</p>
<p>And then she heard it. A small pop; so small that should Narcissa have not been expecting it, she knew she would not have noticed it.</p>
<p>“…Hello, Cissy.”</p>
<p>The voice came from behind her, and despite the greeting not sounding <em>pleasant</em> by any means, Narcissa found herself gently smiling as she took another slow sip of her wine before breathing out her acknowledgment in return.</p>
<p>“Hello, my love.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. XI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally Bella is here and we are slowing TF down. Rushing through the last fifteen years killed me, RIP.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XI.</strong>
</p><p>“I’ve been expecting you.”</p><p>Narcissa gently placed her glass down on the end table before she rose from her seat, turning around to face the woman in her parlor. Both sisters froze when they were able to fully lay eyes on one another, realizing that the last decade had changed them both significantly. Bellatrix was— well, dirty, frankly. She was dirty but she was also so terribly thin; her face was gaunt, the age lines that had formed around her eyes and the corners of her mouth looking more significant due to the sallowness of her skin. Her hair was matted, her beautiful curls having been reduced to this awful tangle that Narcissa knew was going to take her <em>ages</em> to sort out.</p><p>But Narcissa was not the only one looking as though she did not recognize who stood in front of her. Bellatrix took a step toward her then, her head cocking to the side as she assessed her. “You look <em>old, </em>Cissy…”</p><p>Once upon a time that would have horrified Narcissa. Her pursuit of beauty and perfection had left her broken and rather mental, and it seemed her sister had been expecting her to still be that shallow person, as when the comment left Narcissa unperturbed Bellatrix looked a bit off-kilter.</p><p>“And you look very unwell. Come, I will draw you a bath—”</p><p>But she did not get very far. Bellatrix snatched her arm just as she walked by, wrenching the blonde close to her. Her grip was bruising and awfully painful, but Narcissa set her jaw and just looked at her as though she had been expecting more than that, because frankly she <em>had.</em> It seemed she had jostled Bellatrix though, and before the woman exploded she apparently felt the need to figure out just who she was dealing with now, as this was <em>not</em> the Narcissa who left her behind all those years ago.</p><p>“What the fuck did you do to your hair?”</p><p>Narcissa stared at her, unblinking. “I’m assuming your time in Azkaban didn’t cause you to forget that <em>cutting</em> it is still a relatively normal thing for one to do?”</p><p>“Not for you,” Bellatrix countered, her eyes drinking in her sister’s form before something clicked in her mind and she started cackling. “No, <em>no…</em> not for you; never for you. You did this for <em>me, </em>didn’t you? Oh, Cissy, I’m flattered really but honestly— I fucking hate it.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s breath was… not great, and standing this close to her wasn’t very pleasant, so Narcissa was thankful that she had a relatively good reason to wrench herself out of her sister’s grasp. She didn’t want her to think that she was frightened of her because she <em>wasn’t,</em> but she also wasn’t going to stand there and listen to her unfounded taunts either.</p><p>“You can throw a fit over my hair all you want; I’m not going to regrow it. You remember what Mother did to me? You remember, Bella… don’t you? I was nine and I cut my hair for the first time, and what did she do?” Narcissa asked, appealing to her sister’s conscience as it seemed like the best route to take at the moment. She just hoped it was still in there, somewhere. “<em>What did she do?”</em></p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a furious shout as though she hated being forced to <em>feel</em> something. Her eyes darted back and forth for a moment before she snapped her teeth at her, growling in warning. “Keep your ugly fucking hair then,” she said as she backed away from her, and Narcissa exhaled a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, because she still cared. Bellatrix still <em>cared.</em></p><p>Honestly, Narcissa was so relieved she almost cried.</p><p>She kept herself composed though, knowing that if she showed weakness in front of her sister right now that she would eat her alive. Everything was still so awfully fragile, and Narcissa was surprised she hadn’t been choked out yet. Bellatrix, for how angry she sounded when she had greeted her, now seemed like she didn’t know what to do when Narcissa wasn’t cowering in the corner or begging for her forgiveness.</p><p>“You’re dirty, Bella. I know you’re angry with me, but it can wait. I’ve known you were coming for a long time now, and I have everything I need to take care of you; please, just let me.”</p><p>“<em>Let me take care of you,”</em> Bellatrix openly mocked, her brow etched in fury. “You’ve always been so fucking pathetic, haven’t you? Groveling at my feet ever since you were a child— forty <em>fucking </em>years old, aren’t you, and nothing’s sodding changed. I should slice you open and save us both the misery.”</p><p>Narcissa did not rise to her bait though. Instead she just smiled softly. “You know how old I am?” she asked, as she didn’t think Bellatrix would have had much awareness of time.</p><p>“I can still <em>fucking </em>do math, can’t I?” Bellatrix shot back, but she was defensive and Narcissa knew why. The Dark Lord may have told her how much time had passed and what day it was, but Narcissa’s age wouldn’t have clicked with her unless she had taken the time to think about it, which meant she gave more of a shit than she wanted to let on.</p><p>“My son is fifteen now,” Narcissa told her, solidifying the passage of time. Bellatrix still looked very out of sorts. “He looks just like his father.”</p><p>“How disappointing for us both, then.” Bellatrix was walking around the room as she stared at everything, no doubt trying to recognize all the things that had changed since she had last been there. She looked very disoriented and Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. She wished Bellatrix would just trust her enough to let her take care of her, even if it was for a moment.</p><p>Bellatrix flicked a candle off the mantle, letting it clatter to the floor. “And where <em>is</em> dear, dear Lucius? Dead, I hope. It would save me the trouble.”</p><p>“He’s out,” Narcissa responded, letting Bellatrix’s words pass without comment. She stood her ground, yet allowed her gaze to follow her sister as she did very minor destruction to her house. At this point, Narcissa wondered if she just wanted to be <em>irritating</em> rather than terrifying, seeing as the latter did not seem to work. “I thought it would be better if we were alone.”</p><p>“Why? He knows you fuck me now— we could do it in front of him. The look of sheer <em>horror</em> on his face would get me off better than you could, at any rate. You’re not very <em>good,</em> Cissy— Perhaps the last fifteen years has made you less selfish in bed, although I doubt it. You always were so fucking lazy.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. Bellatrix continued to flick things off her mantle one by one, and only once did it make Narcissa flinch, as she had <em>liked</em> that figurine. “You’re lucky if I let you touch me <em>after </em>I’ve fixed the mess you’ve made of yourself— but as of now, you aren’t coming near me.”</p><p>And that, finally, was what snapped something inside of her sister. Bellatrix howled in rage, striding up to her in three steps before she took Narcissa by the throat and slammed her against the wall. “I would be <em>lucky?!</em> You would be lucky if I <em>ever—</em> ten fucking years I waited for you, Cissy, <em>and you never came back!”</em></p><p>Narcissa choked, her fingernails digging into her sister’s hand as she tried to force her to let her go. “Bella—” she gurgled, her face turning purple as Bellatrix cut off her air. At least now this felt a bit more normal, but Narcissa was starting to feel lightheaded, and Bellatrix seemed to realize that she couldn’t handle the amount of asphyxiation she used to so she let her go with a furious yell, allowing Narcissa to crumple to the floor.</p><p>“You are broken,” she spat furiously as she stared down at her sister’s body. “Weak and— something’s <em>wrong,</em> isn’t it… but what, I wonder?” Her eyes trailed over her, taking in Narcissa’s form. “You’re thin,” she realized. “Too thin. You’re not eating.”</p><p>“No—” Narcissa gasped as she rubbed her throat. “That’s not… it.”</p><p>“<em>Tell me!”</em></p><p><em>“Figure it out yourself,”</em> Narcissa snapped, not going to make things easy for her. Besides, she didn’t want Bellatrix knowing how dependent she had become, how far into her addiction she had fallen. Bellatrix growled, frustrated by her lack of answers.</p><p>“You’re <em>wrong,”</em> she accused as Narcissa slowly got to her feet. Bellatrix looked terribly unnerved again, and she was scratching at her arms. “You are not who left me behind! <em>What have you done to my sister?!”</em></p><p>“What have you done to <em>mine?” </em>Narcissa countered furiously, staring at a mere shadow of the woman she fell in love with. Bellatrix’s eyes searched hers, and they both shared equal expressions of loss.</p><p>“I don’t like you like this,” Bellatrix said finally. Her voice sounded smaller now, almost childlike, and it broke Narcissa’s heart. Part of her wished she could regret who she had become just so she could give her sister some kind of comfort, but she knew that she never would.</p><p>“Good. I don’t like you like this either.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked upset, but it seemed like she didn’t know what to do with that emotion anymore. Finally, she looked down at herself, picking at the tattered rags around her form and noted, “I’m dirty.” She scratched at herself again, dirt caking beneath her nails.</p><p>“Well-spotted.”</p><p>Bellatrix grunted, but did not voice what she wanted. It was okay though, as Narcissa already knew. “Come with me,” she told her, and this time Bellatrix allowed her to pass as she led her upstairs to her master bathroom.</p><p>She already had a few outfits for her sister laid out on her bed, and as they passed them Bellatrix looked at them as though she mistrusted their intentions. Her eyes were darting around the room, taking in the array of women’s decorations and products, most of which were now laid out for use by Bellatrix. “Lucius does not sleep here,” she noted, however did not sound as happy about that as Narcissa thought she would. In fact she sounded rather perplexed by it.</p><p>“No. He does not.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because we are no longer lovers,” Narcissa told her simply before she opened the door to the master bathroom, beckoning her inside. “Come. Get undressed.”</p><p>“Oh, you’d <em>love</em> that, wouldn’t you, Cissy? Can’t wait to get your hands on me again— I don’t blame you. Without Lucius lapping at your cunt, you must be so fucking desperate. It’s going to taste <em>delicious.</em>”</p><p>Narcissa just stared at her, unblinking. Bellatrix was trying to get a rise out of her again, but it seemed her sister’s words no longer bothered her. Besides, her relationship with Lucius was something she had come to terms with long ago, and she had rather enjoyed who they had become with one another. It didn’t hurt. In fact, it made Narcissa feel a little exasperated.</p><p>“You know what I’m desperate for? You to smell like an actual human being,” she told her sister flatly before taking out her wand, waving it until the tub filled with water. “Get in. We have a lot to do.”</p><p>Bellatrix was getting frustrated by Narcissa’s lack of emotional response to her, and it was that which caused her to attempt some misguided attempt at seduction as she stared at her, slowly undressing herself. She ran her hands over her breasts, which had grown smaller by how much weight she lost. Every inch of her was caked in dirt and grime though, and when Bellatrix snaked her tongue out before smirking at her, Narcissa’s brows got lost in her hairline.</p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a furious shout, slamming her fist into Narcissa’s bathroom wall and completely destroying the plaster. Narcissa had been expecting that she would have to do some remodeling in the wake of her sister’s fury though, so she did not reprimand her. She knew this was a difficult adjustment for her.</p><p>“<em>You don’t find me attractive anymore!”</em></p><p>“Like this?” Narcissa countered, her hand indicating the mess her sister currently was. “Of course not. You wouldn’t be attracted to me either if I looked and smelled like I slept in a sewer for a decade. Now let me wash you, Bella, and perhaps we can find out together if my body still aches for you <em>after </em>you actually look like yourself again.”</p><p>Bellatrix still looked furious, but she got in the tub in a huff, the water splashing over the sides. “It will,” she decided, and Narcissa smiled at her softly as she handed her the sponge. She already knew the truth, because she knew herself. She knew <em>them.</em></p><p>“Oh, I know it will.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked up at her then, looking vulnerable for the first time, and honestly Narcissa ached to kiss her but the awareness of exactly how foul Bellatrix’s mouth was stopped her. “Here,” she offered, reaching out to grab something off of the bathroom counter. “Chew these— it’ll help your teeth, although depending on the level of damage it may take up to a week until they’re actually back to normal. They’re the best money could buy; I spared no expense for you. I’ll have you looking and feeling like yourself soon, I promise.”</p><p>Bellatrix took the magical supplements, popping them in her mouth. When she chewed though she curled up her lip. “These taste foul.”</p><p>“Honestly, that just may be the taste of your own mouth at this point.”</p><p>Bellatrix shot her a bratty look but continued to chew. The smell of her breath was instantly better, and Narcissa could see that some of the damage was starting to dissipate. Still, it wasn’t anywhere near complete, and Narcissa told her, “You will chew one of these every morning before breakfast and perhaps with some luck I’ll be able to stand to kiss you in a couple days.”</p><p>“—A couple of bloody <em>days?” </em>Not that Bellatrix wanted to kiss her though, of course not. <em>She would be so lucky—</em> sure. Whatever Bellatrix wanted to pretend, but Narcissa knew better.</p><p>“Yes, a couple days. If you want me to want you, Bella, and you <em>do— </em>you’ll need decent hygiene. Have patience. You know as well as I that it’ll be well worth it if you do. Now wash yourself; it’s going to take me forever to figure out this hair of yours, even with magic.”</p><p>The two sisters fell silent, although Bellatrix’s seemed more like a pouty, furious one than the comfortable one that Narcissa had wished for. It didn’t matter though. Narcissa got her array of hair products out from underneath the sink and went to work on detangling her sister’s hair. The magical products she used at least allowed her to do so with very little damage, but even the best detanglers she got weren’t meant for use on this kind of mess, and so it took a very long time for Narcissa to get her sister looking somewhat normal.</p><p>She watched Bellatrix clean herself, noting how slow and meticulous she was, as if she was trying desperately to concentrate on it. Every now and then though she would stop as though she were listening to something before her eyes would dart around, or she would scratch herself or make some sort of frustrated sound. But then she would go right back to her task, making sure every layer of dirt from her body was scrubbed clean.</p><p>Narcissa had to constantly freshen the water with a wave of her wand as it became dingy and dark rather quickly, but by the fourth time it was starting to run mostly clear. Bellatrix had finished with her body and was now doing her nails, which Narcissa was thankful for; they weren’t just dirty, but long and jagged and frankly would have felt terrible should they have ever made their way inside of her.</p><p>Narcissa was fascinated by her sister though, which probably wasn’t <em>healthy</em> by any means, but there it was. She had expected this raving lunatic to come home from prison as she knew how intense Bellatrix was during her bouts of madness when she was younger, but she wasn’t like that at all. She wasn’t sane — that much was <em>abundantly</em> obvious — but it was like a low-grade madness, a tick that she couldn’t get rid of. Narcissa wondered if this would have been how Bellatrix turned out if the Dark Lord had never mended her mind all those years ago— if the madness bursting to get out would settle once it had finally made residence inside of her head, and it would just become a part of her rather than a mask she was being forced to wear.</p><p>But then again, it could have just been the effects of the Dementors. Bellatrix’s madness had always been so full of fire and <em>life,</em> and that was exactly what the Dementors robbed people of. Either way though, Narcissa was glad she was like this, as it made her easier to handle. It also allowed her ample time to figure out how to present the suggestion that Bellatrix start taking her potions again, as Narcissa knew right now would not be the time to do so. Everything was still so incredibly raw.</p><p>“I missed you,” Narcissa breathed once she was about a third of the way through her sister’s hair, finally beginning to see the woman she loved beneath the terrible effects of Azkaban. Bellatrix exhaled a furious sound though as she roughly snatched Narcissa’s left wrist in her hand, wrenching her hand towards her face as though she wished to prove that it was a lie. She couldn’t though, the scar on Narcissa’s palm still ever present as Bellatrix stared at her, no doubt wondering if she was hallucinating.</p><p>“You thought I’d get rid of it.”</p><p>Bellatrix said nothing, keeping Narcissa’s wrist firmly in her right hand while her left opened up to view the matching scar that she shared. There was silence between them for a long time before Bellatrix finally spoke, still staring at the promise they had made to one another seventeen years ago.</p><p>“You never came back.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, the guilt in the pit of her stomach brewing hot and all-consuming. “No,” she whispered. “I did not.”</p><p>“<em>Why?”</em></p><p>Narcissa just looked at her sadly, the weight of the last decade laying heavy on her soul. “You know why,” she told her, voice gentle. “I think I would have killed myself if I allowed myself to continue to be devastated by your choices. I couldn’t watch you die in there. I had a son to think about. I was unraveling, Bella. I was broken. I needed to heal, and I couldn’t do that while looking at everything I lost through iron bars.”</p><p>Bellatrix let her go as though she had been burned by her touch. “So you <em>forgot</em> about me,” she accused, and Narcissa opened her palm back up to make her sister face the truth.</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>But Bellatrix was getting lost again, her head tilting to the side as she stared at the grout between the tiles that lined the bathroom walls. Her eyes were a little out of focus. “Ripped out a part of me— you <em>selfish</em> cunt, there’s a hole there now, but do you see it? I can see yours— but it’s the wrong size. What have you lost, I wonder? <em>Traitorous</em> bitch, I’ll see you dead—”</p><p>“Shh, Bella, stop,” Narcissa breathed, cupping her sister’s face in her hands as she forced her to look at reality. Bellatrix might have been talking to her, but she was more snapping at the wall than anything else, and her threats seemed more like the rantings of a mad woman than anything she should be frightened of. Bellatrix’s gaze caught hers and her eyes slid back into focus as Narcissa delicately ran her fingers down her jaw. “Perhaps you cannot judge the size of it because you no longer know how big a part of me you truly were, but what I lost was <em>you,</em> Bella. Nothing else.”</p><p>That was a lie. Once, Narcissa had only lost Bellatrix, but now with her sister’s return she had lost so much more. She couldn’t tell her that though, she couldn’t let her know that she now had holes the size of two others inside of her, as she knew Bellatrix would destroy them both for their audacity to be a part of what she deemed to be hers.</p><p>Bellatrix pulled away from her then, looking down at her body as though she did not recognize it. “I’m smaller,” she noted in distaste, as though she only just realized.</p><p>“That too. I suppose I could fit two of you now where one used to reside. I got you some liquid meals though— the ones you forced me to take when I was deep in my anorexia? They should have you gaining weight quickly.”</p><p>Bellatrix ran her hands over her body, her fingers gently tracing each individual rib. “This was what you wanted to look like,” she reminded her, and Narcissa’s throat closed because she wasn’t wrong. Bellatrix snapped her head up to look at her, her eyes alight again with a passion that had been lost to her just moments prior. “Tell me, Cissy, do I look <em>beautiful</em> to you yet? Do I look perfect? Is this what you still want to look like, fucking thinning away yourself— <em>tell me!”</em></p><p>She grabbed her then, nearly pulling Narcissa into the water with her. The arms of her robes got soaked as the blonde desperately tried to keep herself from falling in completely, and the locket she held close to her chest fell from its confines, dangling in front of her sister’s eyes. “What is <em>this?”</em> she mused, snatching it in her hand before ripping the chain clear from Narcissa’s neck. She had never worn jewelry like that before, so its presence was something new that Bellatrix felt the need to investigate.</p><p>“Bella— don’t!”</p><p>“Oh, <em>real </em>fear now… I can <em>smell</em> it,” Bellatrix seethed, holding the locket away from her sister’s reach. Narcissa’s eyes were wide, her breathing shallowing as she realized she was foolish for thinking she could ever hide anything from the one person who knew her better than anyone. It had been a decade since they had seen one another, yet Bellatrix had always been able to strip her defenses away to see the broken woman who lied beneath. This had been embarrassingly quick though, and tears sprung to the blonde’s eyes as she begged her not to do this.</p><p>“Please. I’ll be honest with you later, but don’t do this now; you only just got home—”</p><p>“Don’t do <em>what</em> now?” Bellatrix countered, her eyes darting to the locket in her hand. “What is this, Cissy? Why does it frighten you so?”</p><p>Narcissa already felt like she was on the verge of falling apart, and it was <em>terrible </em>as she thought she could handle anything Bellatrix threw at her. “Nothing— it’s just a picture of my son, I just thought you’d be angry if you realized it wasn’t you in there… Give it back, Bella. Please.”</p><p>Bellatrix laughed, holding tighter to her prize. “You’re still such a filthy little liar, but it’s comforting, Cissy— means you aren’t as different as you make yourself out to be. Now, are you going to tell me the truth, or am I going to find out for myself?”</p><p>Narcissa desperately tried to grab for the locket but she lost her balance, falling into the large tub with her sister, her clothes becoming absolutely soaked as she sputtered and tried to sit up. Bellatrix cackled as she pried open the locket. “Guess we’re gonna do this the hard way, lover.”</p><p>But when it was pried apart Bellatrix froze as she saw the contents inside. Narcissa paled, watching the rage contort on her sister’s face before she forcefully threw the locket at her, its contents spilling everywhere before the water consumed them, causing Narcissa to shout as she desperately tried to save whatever she could. It was useless.</p><p><em>“What the fuck is this?!” </em>Bellatrix shouted, practically attacking her. Narcissa screamed as Bellatrix’s hands wrapped around her arms, pushing her under the water. “Are you trying to kill yourself?! I’ll kill you— <em>I’ll kill you first!”</em></p><p>She let Narcissa go just enough for her to desperately gasp for air as her head came above water level. Bellatrix looked angry, but it was more than that— it was devastation as she realized Narcissa was more similar to her than she had thought. “What are you doing to yourself? What the <em>fuck</em> are you doing to yourself— <em>you said you left me to get better!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix shoved her under the water again, and Narcissa’s lungs burned as she tried to fight her off, frantically clawing at her sister’s skin. “Liar! <em>Liar!” </em>Bellatrix continued to scream at her as she forced Narcissa to walk a dangerous line between life and death. There were tears on her sister’s cheeks now but Narcissa doubted Bellatrix had even realized she was crying, and when Bellatrix finally pulled her up to allow her to breathe Narcissa was choking not just on the water, but on her own sorrow.</p><p>“Bella, stop, please— please I’m <em>sorry,</em>” Narcissa sobbed, feeling so terribly ashamed of herself. Two hours it took; she had been able to hide this secret from everyone else for fifteen years, yet Bellatrix had ripped it from her within the blink of an eye. Narcissa didn’t know whether to be devastated by that, or thankful as it meant nothing had changed between them. She grasped for her though, begging her forgiveness, but Bellatrix pushed her away.</p><p>“If this is— that <em>Muggle</em> shit…” she began furiously, thinking the powder was something it wasn’t, and Narcissa shook her head before she covered her face and sobbed.</p><p>“It’s… my medication… Please, Bella, I’m <em>sorry—</em>”</p><p>“Oh, you’re fucking <em>sorry?”</em> Bellatrix repeated incredulously. She laughed openly. “Did you hear that? She’s <em>sorry.” </em>Narcissa did not know who she was speaking to, but perhaps it was better that way. “Called <em>me</em> an addict— forced <em>me</em> to get better, to not be <em>weak</em> and now she— oh, this is <em>rich,</em> Cissy. I can’t wait to watch you shake and vomit as I force this filthy habit from you like you did me… how long as it been, huh? How <em>long</em> has it been since you’ve been nothing more than a fucking slave?”</p><p>Narcissa would not answer her. She was trembling already, terrified of what Bellatrix was going to force her to do because she did not think her body could handle it. Bellatrix could see through her as though every wall Narcissa had ever put up was transparent and she peered at her, tilting her head to the side as she assessed her behavior.</p><p>“Since I’ve been gone?” she queried softly, and Narcissa wouldn’t confirm it, but her lack of denial said more than anything else and another furious shout ripped past Bellatrix’s lips as she launched herself at her again, trying to throttle her for her absolute stupidity.</p><p>“No, Bella— stop! Please, I don’t think my heart can take it!” Narcissa cried, legitimately worried about how her body felt right now. There was a pain in her chest that was not emotional, and she felt so terribly weak. “I mean physically— <em>stop! </em>Please, you’ll kill me!”</p><p>“I’ll kill you… I’ll <em>kill</em> you?” Bellatrix panted, but had stopped trying to hurt her. She just held her against the side of the tub, looking at Narcissa like she couldn’t believe what she had come back to. “I’ll kill you,” she realized, letting go of her. “I don’t want to kill you, Cissy,” she breathed sadly, and Narcissa choked back another sob as she realized how truly bad off she really was, how bad off they <em>both</em> were.</p><p>“I know, so please… please stop. I’ve done so much damage to my body already; I can’t take anymore.”</p><p>Another tear slipped down Bellatrix’s cheek as she stared at her for a very long time. “You told me you left me to get <em>better,”</em> she seethed. “You lied.” Narcissa did not contradict her, as despite how much she had changed and how much better she was mentally and emotionally, she was still crippled by her failures. Bellatrix looked immensely betrayed by this information though, and so Narcissa was not surprised when she tried to banish her. “Get the fuck out.”</p><p>“Bella, I still need to finish your hair—” Narcissa tried, tear stains on her cheeks as she tried to reach for her, but her sister slapped her hand away.</p><p>“I’m not an invalid, I can do it myself. Get the <em>fuck</em> out, Cissy; I don’t want to look at you anymore— your fucking aging face, barely recognizable as you snort it full of drugs. I don’t even know who you are anymore. Your hair’s gone, you have fucking wrinkles— you know that shit ages you, don’t you? You’d probably still be pretty if you weren’t such a sodding coward; what a waste of space you turned out to be.”</p><p>Narcissa could handle a lot, she had been able to withstand most of Bellatrix’s insults before as the other woman had tried to get a rise out of her, but she had already been cracked down the middle and Bellatrix’s words seeped inside of her like poison, and so Narcissa wept as she climbed from the tub. She didn’t even have it within her to argue or to explain to her how deeply her words cut her, but she knew Bellatrix wouldn’t feel terribly even if she had, as cutting her had been the point.</p><p>If she had been better, then perhaps Bellatrix could have eventually understood why she walked away. But now she knew that Narcissa wasn’t as put together as she wanted to appear, and that absolutely crippled Bellatrix because that meant that Narcissa hadn’t walked away from her to get <em>better,</em> but for another reason entirely.</p><p>She did not let Narcissa sleep with her that night. Bellatrix kicked her out of her <em>own</em> bedroom, and the blonde was forced to sleep in Lucius’ room as she clutched tight to his pillow and cried, wishing that he was there.</p><p>He returned in the morning.</p><p>Before he did though, Bellatrix was making her life absolute hell as she held her sister’s medication in her hand, having found it while Narcissa was asleep. The blonde was shaking, her skin becoming clammy as she started to sweat. “Bella, this isn’t funny— I need it. I’ll get very sick if I don’t.” Already her stomach felt like it was in knots.</p><p>“Vomit then. See if I care.”</p><p>“Bella, detoxing like this is <em>dangerous!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed furiously, trying to grab the bottle from her sister’s hand. Bellatrix held tight to it though, her expression set in a furious glare. She looked better today though; cleaner and healthier. Narcissa wished she felt the same. “If you want me to stop it has to be gradual— Bellatrix, I’m serious! You said you don’t want to kill me <em>but this could fucking kill me;</em> it’s been fifteen years!””</p><p>That, at least, seemed to click with the other woman. She threw the bottle at her then, causing it to open as her pills scattered across the floor. Narcissa dropped to her hands and knees, frantically trying to pick them all up with trembling fingers. Bellatrix exhaled a sound of disgust.</p><p>“Look at you. Pathetic. If I didn’t think your appendix would burst I’d fucking kick you like the animal you are.”</p><p>“And you <em>wonder</em> why people think you’re abusive toward me,” Narcissa muttered furiously as she placed all the pills back in their container. “I’m not going to be your punching bag anymore, Bella,” she snarled as she rose to her feet. “I am forty <em>fucking</em> years old, and I’ve had enough. Be a cunt all you want, I can handle your words and I know I deserve at least half of them, but if you lay a hand or a foot or <em>anything </em>on me again, I will not <em>hesitate </em>to cut you out of my life. I’ve done it once already, after all. So please, I beg of you,<em> test me.</em>”</p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a disbelieving laugh, but her wary expression contradicted it. “You wouldn’t— you <em>missed</em> me…”</p><p>“I missed the woman I fell in love with, and <em>you,”</em> Narcissa snapped, looking at her sister as though she disgusted her, “are a pale imitation of her. Go take your dental supplement, your teeth still look disgusting. And there’s a liquid meal for you downstairs along with a proper breakfast, which you will eat the entirety of because the last thing I want is a skeleton living in my goddamn house; I’d pretend its triggering, but in truth it’s just gross.”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted. “Oh, <em>living</em> here, am I?”</p><p>“Don’t pretend like you have anywhere else to go,” Narcissa shot back. “The Dark Lord doesn’t have time to baby sit you; not like I do. Although, I suppose you could end up wherever Rodolphus went— I’m sure you’re just <em>dying</em> to spend more time with him.”</p><p>Bellatrix expression darkened. “Fuck that wank— I hope he drowned.”</p><p>“You don’t know where he’s staying?”</p><p>“You think I care? Hilarious.”</p><p>Well, no, she didn’t actually think that. Still, Narcissa would have thought Bellatrix would at least be curious as to where everyone else went. There were nine of them in total who escaped from Azkaban, and there was no way the Dark Lord was going to allow that many house guests. Narcissa knew that was why Bellatrix was here though; if Voldemort had allowed her to room with him, she no doubt would have. She hated her a little bit for that.</p><p>Bellatrix narrowed her eyes though, looking at her sister as though she was trying to dissect her. “Where is my room?”</p><p>“With me, you idiot, although I’m honestly reevaluating that considering you kicked me out last night.”</p><p>Bellatrix did not comment. Instead, she continued with her string of questions. “What if the Ministry comes?”</p><p>“They <em>will</em> come— no doubt this afternoon unless they’re completely dimwitted, which also wouldn’t surprise me, considering the way they’ve been acting about the Dark Lord’s return— and you will be hidden in the chamber I have made very nice and homey for you, because one, they have never found it and two, I’m not an arsehole that makes you hide in a dirty hole,” Narcissa snapped back. She put her hands on her hips then, wishing she felt as strong as she was trying to appear, but honestly she felt like she was seconds away from vomiting. “Do you have any more questions, or can you shut the fuck up now and do as you’re told? I have things to take care of.”</p><p>“Ohh, Mummy’s <em>not</em> very nice then…” Bellatrix cackled, practically dancing with glee. A fierce anger twisted in Narcissa’s gut.</p><p>“I wouldn’t have to act like your mother if you hadn’t chosen to go mad; if you hadn’t <em>left</em> me fifteen fucking years ago—”</p><p>Bellatrix stopped, suddenly looking murderous. “—<em>I </em>left <em>you?!”</em></p><p>“Yes, you left me you awful, <em>awful </em>woman— you chose him and you left me, now get the<em> fuck </em>downstairs and do as you’re told! I am sick of you— I am sick to death of you already and it’s only been twelve bloody hours!” Narcissa screeched before she fled into her bathroom, slamming and barricading the door behind her. She flattered herself against it and closed her eyes as she tried to breathe, as she tried to calm down, as she knew she shouldn’t get herself this worked up.</p><p>Thankfully, Bellatrix followed her direction, which left Narcissa in peace to fix herself. Or, so she thought. She had no sooner crushed up the pills on the counter in the bathroom sink before she heard screaming downstairs— a <em>man’s </em>scream.</p><p>“—No!” Narcissa cried in horror as she wrenched open the bathroom door, nearly flying out of her room and down the stairs to find her sister and husband in the foyer. Lucius was on the ground, curled up in pain as he shook and gasped and howled.</p><p>Bellatrix looked <em>furious.</em> She had her wand pointed at Lucius as she tortured him, and apparently she hadn’t wasted any time in doing so considering he was only steps away from the front door. “I told you to take care of her! I fucking <em>warned</em> you what would happen if you didn’t, you useless, <em>helpless</em> little flea— <em>Crucio!”</em></p><p>“Bella, <em>stop!” </em>Narcissa begged, grabbing her sister’s wand hand to wrench it away from Lucius. Her husband gasped as he could finally stop screaming and was able to breathe. He was twitching now, although he did at least look like he was coming round. “Stop it, it’s not his fault! I am not his responsibility!”</p><p>“He is your husband, of <em>course</em> you’re his fucking responsibility, Cissy! He was supposed to take care of you, I <em>trusted—” </em>But those words just made it worse, as it apparently made Bellatrix feel very foolish and she <em>hated</em> feeling that way. “I’ll kill him— <em>I’ll fucking kill him!”</em></p><p>
  <em>“No!”</em>
</p><p>“What… the <em>fuck</em> is going on?” Lucius gasped, at least having enough sense to grab for his wand before doing anything else. He was very good at shield charms, although only when prepared. “Jesus fucking— hello to you too, Bellatrix; glad you sodding stopped by…”</p><p>“What’s going on? What the fuck is <em>going on?” </em>Bellatrix practically shrieked, and Narcissa thought she was going to attack him again, but instead she just grabbed on to <em>her </em>robes and started pulling her back towards the stairs. “I’ll show you what’s fucking <em>going on</em>— come with me.”</p><p>“Bella, stop, let me go!”</p><p>But Bellatrix wasn’t listening to her, and Narcissa was far too weak to fight her unless she wanted to stop using her feet all together to make them both tumble down the stairs— that might end up killing her though. Lucius was behind them, apparently needing to know why he got <em>attacked</em> the second he stepped through the door. Bellatrix pulled her into her bedroom, practically throwing her into the bathroom where her crushed up medication lay strewn out across the counter. Narcissa began to sob, feeling humiliated.</p><p>“What— what the <em>hell</em> is that?” Lucius asked, his expression washing with horror at what he was bearing witness to. Narcissa felt like she was crumbling.</p><p>“Go on,” Bellatrix taunted her, blocking her from fleeing. “I know you need to do it— you still look like fucking shit. Do it. <em>Do it! </em>You want to fuck yourself up, then you do it in front of us! I hope it shames you, I hope you feel <em>weak </em>because you fucking are, you are!”</p><p>“Bella, stop it, please…”</p><p>
  <em>“Do it!”</em>
</p><p>Narcissa exhaled another sob, but she couldn’t stay like this either. She was starting to feel terribly ill and she was trembling, so she turned her back toward them as she scooped what she could up with her nail, quickly inhaling it through her nose. Her cheeks burned in shame, in regret, and a part of her wished she would die.</p><p>“Oh my God…” Lucius breathed, finally realizing why his wife didn’t look very well— and it was not perimenopause.</p><p>“Two hours it took me to find out! <em>Two!”</em> Bellatrix shouted, rounding on him now. She was shaking with rage. “You had fifteen years, you useless fucking sack— you and who else? Who else claims they care about her, yet let her do this for so long? Where is your pathetic son, I should kill him too—”</p><p>“Draco’s at <em>school,</em> Bella, stop— he’s just a child, how could he have known…?” Narcissa tried, but the high was washing over her and she had to stop and lean against something so she could close her eyes.</p><p>“Fifteen years old is not a <em>child,</em> you blubbering addict— he’s probably getting his dick sucked regularly, he’ll know about drugs too. He just doesn’t <em>care,</em> just like Lucius, just like…” But she stopped, wracking her brain about who else might have known, but failed to. “Is that foul-mouthed cunt still in your life? I’ve always wanted to torture her, let’s have her over for tea…”</p><p>“You are not going <em>near</em> Cassandra!” Narcissa shouted, but perhaps too forcefully. Bellatrix’s eyes flashed.</p><p>“Ohh, <em>touchy, </em>are we? If I find out it’s because she’s licked your cunt I’ll cut out her tongue—”</p><p>“Stop!” Lucius bellowed, having heard enough of this. “Bellatrix—” But he stopped, not knowing what to say as he looked from her to his wife, looking completely flabbergasted at how blind he had been for so long. “…I’m sorry,” he finally murmured, looking so terribly guilty all of a sudden. It made Narcissa’s insides twist, not wanting him to feel like it was his fault. This was her mess, <em>her</em> addiction.</p><p>“Oh, <em>you’re</em> sorry, <em>she’s</em> sorry— you’re all fucking sorry,” Bellatrix ranted, pacing back and forth as she waved her hands around. She did not look well and her eyes were going out of focus again. “No, I said <em>shut up!”</em> she bellowed, even though no one had said anything. Her hand went to her head and she scratched at her scalp. “What to do, what to do… <em>Don’t you move!</em>”</p><p>Narcissa stopped, no longer trying to flee the bathroom now that she had been caught. She just hated how trapped she felt, how ashamed she was, and she wanted to run away from them both.</p><p>“I can’t— I can’t do this,” Bellatrix muttered, although mostly to herself as she started pacing again. “It’s too much… too much— <em>you,”</em> she growled, pointing at Lucius now, although only after she swatted at an invisibly fly. “You need to fix her. My head, it’s not— just fucking <em>fix</em> what you fucked up, will you? You useless, <em>pathetic…”</em></p><p>“I will.”</p><p>Bellatrix stopped, not expecting him to agree to what she had demanded, especially after insulting him. Lucius looked <em>deeply </em>ashamed though, and it was apparent that he blamed himself for this. Narcissa’s heart broke as she watched him come to terms with a reality he hadn’t wanted to face.</p><p>“Fifteen years…” he breathed in horror, looking at his wife like he didn’t know who she was anymore. “Jesus <em>Christ, </em>Narcissa.”</p><p>The blonde’s cheeks burned in shame. “I’m managing it—”</p><p>“You’re— you’re fucking <em>managing</em> it?” Lucius shot back incredulously. “You spent the better half of the last nine months preparing for <em>her</em> to get here— fixing the chamber beneath the floorboards, getting all of the essentials you would need, preparing our son, me— <em>everybody else,” </em>he thankfully caught himself before he could say Cassandra’s name, “and you didn’t think for one goddamn second to try to fix yourself along the way?! Do you honestly think this is something Bellatrix can <em>handle</em> right now?”</p><p> Narcissa gaped at him, but he wasn’t the only one. Bellatrix held up her hand. “I think I’m hearing shit again— ah, wait.”</p><p>“I’m not saying it because I give a shit about <em>you,</em> you mad plonker— do you think I like that you’re here?” Lucius shot back, no doubt wishing she wasn’t a part of this conversation, a part of their <em>life</em>. It was twenty years ago all over again. “Do you think I fucking <em>like</em> that you’re upheaving a life I had actually grown to realize wasn’t so bloody bad after all? Your presence has fucked everything up once again, but Narcissa can’t get you out from under her skin and so I’m forced to tolerate it. I had to move out of my bloody room so <em>you</em> can move in it—”</p><p>“Wait, <em>what?”</em></p><p>“Lucius, for fuck’s sake—” This was exactly the kind of thing she did not want Bellatrix to know. Why was everything falling apart? It’s been twelve bloody hours! Can not <em>one</em> of them keep a secret anymore? Narcissa knew it had been a while, but <em>damn.</em></p><p>“All I’m fucking saying is that if she was so goddamn concerned about <em>you,</em> then she should have actually thought about what you could and couldn’t handle coming back to, and her being a bloody <em>drug addict </em>was not one of them!” he shouted, although now he was yelling at Narcissa instead of Bellatrix. Narcissa clutched her chest and fell back against the threshold of the door, looking wounded.  She did not contradict him though; she knew he was right. She should have known better, she should have <em>tried…</em></p><p>“He was sleeping with you? You told me you weren’t lovers anymore— tsk, the <em>lies</em> you feed me, Cissy; someone should really tie that tongue of yours permanently.”</p><p>“We’re not <em>in </em>love anymore but we recently began to sleep with one another again, alright?” Narcissa furiously revealed, shooting a blameful look at her husband. “And we had to share a room, even when we hated one another; we wanted Draco to feel as though his family wasn’t a fucking mess, but apparently that was a wasted effort. <em>You’re</em> here now, and I know you’ll certainly prove that we are for us.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked overwhelmed again though and quickly backed away from them both. “No… no this is wrong,” she told them, not liking what she was hearing. “You were the fucking <em>fairytale, </em>weren’t you— not in love, what a <em>joke.</em> And you… just letting me move into your bed, into your <em>room;</em> do you want to watch me fuck her as well? Rolling over like a little bitch, who <em>are</em> you people…”</p><p>Narcissa watched her, heart aching. She knew this was a lot for Bellatrix; she had spent the last fifteen years standing still while everyone else moved forward.</p><p>“I learned a long time ago that I couldn’t stop her from doing anything when it came to you,” Lucius told her honestly, although there was some sadness behind his words. “Narcissa is free to do as she likes. I know she’s going to fall into bed with you eventually; I’m not disillusioned to that fact, but I do have the choice to stay far away from it this time. I enjoyed being able to sleep with my wife again, but it’s not something I need, nor is it something I’ll fight for. I can find others. I <em>have</em> found others. So if you want her, Bellatrix? Take her. It was always you in the end anyway.”</p><p>Narcissa had thought she was finished getting her heart broken by Lucius, but as it turned out there was more pain waiting for her near the end of their very long tunnel. She knew she didn’t have the right to ask him to fight for her, and Narcissa knew she did not want the drama that would accompany that if he ever decided to, but it still hurt for him to just… toss her aside like that. Narcissa said nothing though, just watching her sister shake her head and mutter.</p><p>“This is wrong, this is wrong…”</p><p>And maybe she had a point. Maybe this <em>was</em> all wrong, but it was who they were now, and no matter how much Bellatrix might wish to, there was just no erasing the last fifteen years of their lives.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. XII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XII.</strong>
</p>
<p>The Ministry came and went, although a full day later than they had actually expected them.</p>
<p>It was more of a formality than an actual search of the premises, with Fudge apologizing to Lucius for the disruption (”Lucius, my good man— nasty business, the breakout, nasty business indeed… don’t mean to be a bother, but procedure, you know, to look at the family— we’ll be out of your hair in a moment, wanted to come along personally to assure no insult was meant…”). The Aurors that accompanied Fudge did <em>not</em> look pleased by the Minister’s desire to hurry the search along so that they didn’t upset some of his biggest donators, and they ended up leaving before barely scratching the surface of things. Narcissa was thankful, as she wasn’t entirely certain how long Bellatrix could stand being in that chamber, as apparently small spaces were no longer something she could handle well.</p>
<p>“I can’t breathe—”</p>
<p>“You can breathe, you <em>can— Bella,” </em>Narcissa had to hush her, having climbed down into the chamber herself in order to calm her sister. She placed her hands on the sides of Bellatrix’s face, coaxing the woman to face her. “Come on, look at me, watch me breathe— see? See, just follow what I’m doing, there we go… It won’t be for long, I promise, and I’ll come get you as soon as they’ve left. Just sit here if you need to, alright? Close your eyes. Sleep if you can. I’ll be back to get you the second it’s safe.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked absolutely panic-stricken at being locked up somewhere again and it broke Narcissa heart that she had to force something like on her, but she didn’t have any other choice. When the Ministry finally left, Narcissa did not waste any time releasing her sister from the chamber, who clambered out of there as though her life depended on the speed in which she could do so.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Narcissa asked, concern etching into her brow as she knelt down to try to help her sister to her feet. Bellatrix slapped her hand away though, pushing herself up on her own.</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>fucking</em> doing that again.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine, you don’t have to— they’re gone now, okay? They’re gone. You’re safe,” Narcissa assured her, but Lucius shot her a look from where he was leaning against the threshold of the door, his arms crossed over his chest.</p>
<p>“They’ll be back,” he assured the sisters. “Fudge can’t hold them off from preforming a full raid for very long. His influence <em>and</em> mine will only go so far— so yes, you will be doing that again, no doubt for much longer next time.”</p>
<p>“I am <em>not—” </em>Bellatrix growled, pushing the hair back from her eyes as it seemed it being in her peripheral was endlessly bothering her, as she had kept swatting at it. It was completely detangled and shiny now, however still a little mismanaged; no doubt due to Bellatrix not caring as much as she used to about how it looked. “Find somewhere else to hide me.”</p>
<p>“Where?” Narcissa asked, exasperated. She knew that wasn’t fun for Bellatrix, but surely she could handle it if it meant keeping her out of Azkaban.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, perhaps up your nose? Nobody saw <em>that</em> for fifteen fucking years—”</p>
<p>“Enough,” Lucius barked, and Bellatrix practically hissed as she swiveled her head toward him. “I apologized, promised I would deal with it; enough with the comments. Narcissa, I meant to speak with you before the Ministry arrived, but I spoke with your prescribing Healer this morning and he is now aware of what you’ve been doing— you are now to take your medication in potion form and no I don’t <em>bloody</em> care how bad it tastes, you’re not getting pills anymore. Your Soul Mender appointments have now been increased from once a month to once a week—”</p>
<p>“You’re still seeing a bloody <em>therapist?”</em> Bellatrix interrupted, flabbergasted. It had been a routine of Narcissa’s for a long time now though, as it was more to consistently manage her BPD rather than trying to deal with whatever current issue she had in her life. Now though, apparently, she had <em>plenty </em>of issues to speak about, even without mentioning her sister’s returned presence in her life, which she knew she could not do— at least explicitly.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not look at Bellatrix though, nor did she comment. Her insides were twisting as she stared at her husband, realizing the life she had known for so long — despite it not being healthy, despite it not being <em>okay — </em>was about to be ripped out from underneath her.</p>
<p>“I have also enrolled you in a detox program which you will leave for in—” He checked his watch. “Two hours.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nearly choked on her breath. “<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>But Lucius just continued to speak, pushing on with the plan. “Your Healer said it will only be for five days, after which you will be required to attend an Outpatient program for the remainder of your addiction treatment. Do you have any questions?”</p>
<p>Narcissa could feel herself going pale. This wasn’t what she wanted— this wasn’t what she wanted at <em>all. </em>“I can’t <em>leave,</em> Lucius; I need to look after Bella!” she protested. It had only been two days, and Bellatrix was <em>not</em> ready to be left on her own yet.</p>
<p>“In case it failed your notice, I also live here,” Lucius responded, indicating… what? That <em>he</em> was going to look after her sister? They’d both kill one another within the week!</p>
<p>“I don’t need a bloody <em>babysitter—”</em></p>
<p><em>“That’s</em> what you’re concerned about?” Narcissa asked her, her voice strained and desperate as she at least tried to get her sister on her side. “Bella, you just— you just got <em>back, </em>we haven’t seen one another in ten years; we can’t be apart! Not yet, not—”</p>
<p>Not when everything had been so terrible. Two days, and most of it was filled with Bellatrix being <em>angry</em> with her; for her addiction, for leaving her, for <em>lying</em> to her about doing it so she could get better. Bellatrix allowed her to sleep in the same bed with her last night, but told her not to fucking touch her until Narcissa didn’t give her a choice and eventually wrapped her in her arms. She was right about her sister being touch-starved though, so as soon as she was enveloped Bellatrix buried her face in her neck and all of the tension, all of the weight of the last fifteen years of her imprisonment was released from her body, and she wouldn’t allow Narcissa to let her go.</p>
<p>She did, however, tell her not to speak, as she didn’t “want to hear [her] fucking voice”.</p>
<p>Two days, and Narcissa already felt like she was spiraling. She had done so <em>well</em> when Bellatrix returned, she was standing her ground and dealing with her with very minor emotional and physical damage, but a part of Narcissa had expected Bellatrix to come back ravenous for her. She expected her to want her so desperately and in turn Narcissa had expected to deny her until she got her hygiene relatively back on track before she ultimately succumbed to her, because <em>obviously</em> she would have.</p>
<p>But Bellatrix didn’t want her right now. She hadn’t tried to kiss her, hadn’t tried to fuck her. She was <em>furious</em> with her for coming back to a mess she could not handle, and it was causing Narcissa to regress as she practically begged her sister to pay attention to her, to need her, to love her.</p>
<p>Bellatrix just laughed though. Openly, loudly, and very much at Narcissa’s expense. “Bet you didn’t think <em>this </em>was how things were going to work out, did you, lover?” she taunted as she pushed Narcissa away from her. “Changed, you say; yeah, you’ve changed— you’ve become fucking embarrassing, Cissy. You try to stand tall but in the end you’re still clinging to me; tell me, does it kill you that I’m not doing the same? I’m the one who should be begging, after all; fifteen years alone. But it’s you— you who begs, who has always fucking begged for even a <em>scrap</em> of my attention…”</p>
<p>God, why was she <em>like</em> this? This was one thing Narcissa had always hated about her sister’s madness; whatever she felt she always turned it into anger, which then became unbearable cruelty. She couldn’t be sad, she couldn’t feel overwhelmed or lost. She was just angry. She was angry <em>all the goddamn time</em>, and while Narcissa was this raw she couldn’t handle her being this horrible to her, because despite knowing that Bellatrix didn’t truly mean half of the things she said to her, they still cut her. They still cut her so very deeply.</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, stop being a cunt,” Lucius demanded as he watched his wife recoil as upset etched into the lines of her face. “You’re only trying to break her so <em>you</em> don’t have to be the one who begs, and <em>that</em> is what’s embarrassing. Literally everyone in this goddamn room knows how dependent you are on Narcissa, so let’s skip this, shall we? I’m tired of watching your merry-go-round of knives slice my wife to bloody ribbons. She doesn’t need this right now.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened in rage, but Lucius wasn’t finished.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she fucked up; yeah she has <em>been</em> fucking up for a while now, but her being an addict isn’t the entirety of who she is, and frankly you reducing her to her mistakes is pissing me the <em>fuck</em> off because she has changed, actually,” Lucius continued, advancing on his sister-in-law. “She’s changed for the goddamn better, and if you selfishly make her regress just because you’re too bloody terrified of her being stronger than you, then you no longer have a place to stay— go find someone else to tolerate your abuse, Bellatrix, because I’m not going to allow Narcissa to do it anymore.”</p>
<p>“You can’t kick me out,” Bellatrix countered, laughing maniacally at his audacity. “You don’t <em>get</em> it, do you? Stupid, insignificant man… so long as <em>she</em> wants me, I stay, and she will want me no matter what I do, no matter what I <em>say,</em> because I am a part of her whether she likes it or not. Me and her… we’re bound by more than just <em>blood—</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a yelp of pain as Bellatrix grabbed her wrist, digging her fingernails in so far that that they became sticky. She let her go fairly quickly though, holding up her bloody hand for Lucius to view, who looked <em>infuriated</em> that Bellatrix was causing even more damage when he had specifically demanded that she stop.</p>
<p>“It’s more than <em>this,</em> and yet even this is more than you’re bound to her by, isn’t it?” she cruelly reminded him. “Barely fucking caring— trying to desperately make up for not noticing… But it doesn’t matter. <em>You </em>never mattered. I wanted to die in Azkaban, you know— I know you wish I had. But I screamed and I begged because everything was dark and hollow and lifeless, but they wouldn’t let me, you see— because as it turns out, you can’t take half a soul. You can’t just take half and leave the other to rot and so I waited for my other half to come back, but she didn’t, she <em>didn’t…!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s insides twisted in her gut. Bellatrix was ranting now, pacing as her hands tangled in her hair, her nails scratching her head like she was trying to dig the memories from them before she stopped, pointed at Lucius, and then <em>laughed.</em></p>
<p>“You think I’m being <em>cruel?</em> You don’t even know what cruel is!” she exclaimed, sounding almost jubilant about that. “Cruel would be if I died, if I had left her with half a soul and a rotting husk. You <em>idiot, </em>I do this for her— because <em>this</em> is the only way she’ll get better! If I cut her down she always comes crawling back, begging my forgiveness and promising to do anything so long as I just love her again. <em>Please, Bella, please…” </em>She mocked, causing tears to well up in her sister’s eyes. “But I know what I’m doing, you see— I know how to play her just right, because she <em>is</em> me and I am her, and we do the same things to each other over and over. So she knows; Cissy knows I’ll love her again, that I’ll touch her and fuck her and whisper all those romantic declarations she practically wets herself over— when she’s not actively killing herself, because <em>those</em> are my bloody terms.”</p>
<p>“So you see, I’m not <em>cruel,</em> Lucius,” she finished dramatically, practically <em>bowing</em> to him as she completed her performance. “I’m just efficient at emotional blackmail.”</p>
<p>Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath at that. This was… this was <em>calculated?</em> Narcissa had thought Bellatrix being mad wouldn’t allow for that kind of forethought, but she had apparently been very, <em>very</em> wrong. What was worse was that Narcissa was just standing there <em>allowing</em> this to happen; she was playing right into her sister’s hands, allowing her to get under her skin and bother her so that she would turn back into the woman she was fifteen—no, even just <em>ten</em> years ago. Why couldn’t she stand up for herself? She had changed, hadn’t she? So why, <em>why…</em></p>
<p>“Are you quite finished?” Lucius responded, trying to sound bored by her, but his irritation was written all over his face. “Wonderful performance, really, <em>bravo…</em> but believing you’ll get results from your shitty actions doesn’t justify the fact that you’re an emotionally abusive cunt, so find some other way to help Narcissa get better. Might I suggest some actual support? Maybe try not having a toxic fucking relationship for once, at the very least.”</p>
<p>“Toxic? <em>Toxic?!</em> We love each other, you spineless little sod, and our love is not fucking<em> toxic—!”</em> Bellatrix began to rage, but Narcissa interrupted her in a small voice, her arms wrapped around her midsection as she looked at her sister.</p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix whipped around to face her, and Narcissa took a shuddered inhale of breath before she revealed the truth to her in an apologetic tone. “And that’s— that’s why I left you, Bella. That’s why I never came back.”</p>
<p>The look on Bellatrix’s face <em>cut </em>her, but Narcissa knew she had to continue. Her sister deserved the truth, and Narcissa had to be strong enough to say the words, because maybe if she heard them out loud then she’d finally realize that she couldn’t keep doing this to herself. She slipped a bit with Bellatrix’s arrival, but she would… she would <em>not</em> fall. She had to be better than that.</p>
<p>“And I’m not… I’m not <em>blaming</em> you, even if Lucius is, so please don’t— because I know it was never just <em>you,” </em>Narcissa assured her. <em>“</em>I know it’s my fault too; I was so… you were right, you know— about me being an emotional leech? You were right. I was destroying everyone around me and I needed to stop, I needed to be <em>alone</em> for a while… and I couldn’t do that if I didn’t leave you behind completely, because I knew even if I asked for some space you’d suck me right back in, and I’d never have a chance of getting better.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened, but her expression was far more upset than angry. “But you <em>didn’t</em> get better, did you? Fucking <em>liar—</em>”</p>
<p>“I did though,” Narcissa told her, her voice becoming stronger now. She straightened her spine, needing the height to make her feel more put together, because she couldn’t keep doing this. “I’m sorry if you can’t see it, but I don’t need your validation anyway. I want you back in my life, Bella, but not at the cost of myself. You need to respect that, or Lucius is right— you’ll have to leave. I’m just… I’m too <em>old</em> for this. I’m too fucking old, and you are too.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked as though she had struck her, and Narcissa could see her husband smile out of the corner of her eye. “No, this is wrong— this is <em>wrong,”</em> Bellatrix started again, as though she didn’t actually believe what was happening in front of her was real, as it didn’t align with the world she had left behind. Bellatrix was stuck in a time that no longer existed, and Narcissa began to realize that every time the woman was faced with the reality that things had changed, she started to unravel again. She couldn’t accept it, although probably because she didn’t know where she fit in the picture anymore.</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t either, honestly.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was losing it again, her nails scratching her arms as though she felt trapped in her own skin. “I need to go, I need to sleep; it’s better when I sleep. You’re normal there, looking at me like I’m your world. Not like this. This isn’t right, I need to— go.”</p>
<p>Narcissa watched her sister leave with a heavy heart, her hand clutching her robes just above her breast. “I keep forgetting. She has moments of lucidity, such bloody <em>clarity</em> and then…” Narcissa trailed off sadly. “It makes it so much worse.” She shook her head and looked down at the floor. “Maybe we’re being too hard on her…”</p>
<p>“We’re <em>not.</em> Stop making excuses for her.”</p>
<p>“Lucius, she’s trapped in the past; can’t you see that?” Narcissa sighed. “She feels invalidated by the present. She needs it to be fifteen years ago because she can’t handle not knowing how she fits in my life now; she can’t handle not knowing who I <em>am</em> now, because she used to be the one who knew me better than most.”</p>
<p>“She still does,” Lucius said quietly, unable to meet her gaze. He sounded so terribly self-loathing. “Two hours, she said it took her. She looked at you, even though she hadn’t seen you for ten years, and she just <em>knew. </em>I looked at you nearly every day for a decade and a half and what did I see? Whatever you fed me. <em>Perimenopause… </em>Jesus. I didn’t even <em>notice</em> until recently. <em>She </em>feels invalidated? I feel invalidated. By <em>her. </em>She was right; she always was the one who loved you more.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at those words. “Lucius, you need to stop blaming yourself,” she tried, crossing the distance between them to take her husband’s hands in her own. “We were not okay for a very long time. There was so much anger and bitterness there and that was never your fault either, but my own. My obsession with her killed the most beautiful part of our relationship, and I will <em>always</em> regret that. We may have found a way to love one another again without being <em>in</em> love, but it’s not the same. It’s broken, fractured, and it’s hard to see things clearly when there are cracks obscuring your view. What matters is that when you saw, you cared. You <em>tried.</em> And although I’m fucking terrified of leaving, of going through something like this because I honestly don’t know if I can handle it, I know why you’re making me do it, and when this is all said and done I know I’ll appreciate you more for it.”</p>
<p>Lucius exhaled a long breath, looking at his wife sadly before he untangled their hands, brought his palm to her cheek, and kissed her softly on the lips. Narcissa closed her eyes and when they broke Lucius gently leaned his forehead against hers, the warmth of his palm falling down to cup her neck.</p>
<p>“I wish she wasn’t here,” he breathed regrettably, “because I think with the way things had been going we could have repaired those cracks eventually, but now… now we’ll never know.”</p>
<p>A tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek. “Please don’t say that,” she begged, not wanting to know that her choice to commit herself to Bellatrix was causing her to lose more than she already had. “Please. I already regret having to leave behind so much as it is…”</p>
<p>But Lucius did not apologize, he did not take his words back. He left Narcissa with them while she went into detox, causing her more turmoil as she trembled and cried and vomited out all of her terrible choices. A few times, she felt like she was going to die. The Healers did whatever they could to make detoxing from her meds less dangerous, but it was still one of the most awful experiences Narcissa had ever gone through. It took three days until she stopped retching, and another before she could even fall asleep, as how awful she felt had left Narcissa with terrible insomnia which made her mood swings and anxiety worse.</p>
<p>On the fifth day she was feeling much better though, and on the morning of the sixth she was ready to be released. The Healers gave her all of the information she needed about her Outpatient program, which included regular monitoring of the levels of her medication in her body. If she failed two drugs tests in a row then she would go right back to detox, and the whole process would start all over again, except this time, she would be forced into Inpatient. That was the last thing Narcissa wanted as it would separate her from those she loved even longer, and so she resolved to try. She had to.</p>
<p>The last thing she wanted was Draco coming home from school to this mess; he was already coming home to enough of one as it was.</p>
<p>When Narcissa checked out she expected to be greeted by her husband, but instead someone else was waiting for her. Narcissa exited the ward in St. Mungo’s and was greeted by Cassandra, who was looking at her as though the very sight of her was the most devastating thing she had ever bore witness to. Narcissa’s cheeks burned in shame and she could not meet her eyes.</p>
<p>“…Lucius told you,” she surmised softly once she had approached her. Narcissa folded her arms into herself, staring at the ground.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> shoulda been the one to fuckin’ tell me.”</p>
<p>“Nobody parades their failures around, Cass— that’s not how addiction works,” Narcissa responded softly. She looked around the atrium of the hospital, hating that it was filled with people. She felt a bit like she was on display, and although she knew it was probably just paranoia, she felt like people were staring at her. “Can we leave before you yell at me? I’m assuming the reason you’re here instead of my husband is because he wanted you to be able to spend some time with me without my… <em>guest</em> knowing. Let’s not waste it here. Please.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s jaw was set but she nodded, looping her arm into her friend’s as she led her from the hospital. As they left though, Narcissa noticed something strange about many of the people around her. “Why does everyone have a copy of <em>The Quibbler?</em> Isn’t that some trash magazine filled with fabricated junk?”</p>
<p>“Trust me, you don’t wanna bloody know,” Cassandra responded miserably before she apparated them to the Leaky Cauldron, not stopping at the front desk. Apparently, she already had a room.</p>
<p>“We’re not going to your house?”</p>
<p>“Peter’s home.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>Apparently, whatever Cassandra had to say to her could not be overheard by her husband, which Narcissa was thankful for as the very last thing she wanted was more people knowing how far she had fallen. Cassandra led Narcissa up to the room she had rented for the day, closing the door behind them. Narcissa did not turn around, did not look at her. She was far too ashamed. But then Narcissa heard a sound behind her and she had to face her, as she realized Cassandra was crying.</p>
<p>“You’re such a <em>fuckin’ </em>idiot, do y’know that?” Cassandra seethed, her eyes burning as tears fell down her cheeks. She looked as though she wanted to be angry with her, but didn’t know how to make that outweigh her fear of what could have happened to Narcissa if she hadn’t been caught by her sister. “You coulda killed yourself, Cissa! Why do ya always have to fit some tragic princess narrative, for <em>fuck’s</em> sake—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s esophagus tightened. Her <em>tragic princess narrative</em>… what an unexpectedly apt way to describe the direction her life always went in. Did she do this to herself purposely? Is this what she <em>wanted?</em></p>
<p>No. It wasn’t. Not anymore. Maybe once she had craved attention in whatever form it came in, but Narcissa didn’t want this. She didn’t want to make others <em>feel</em> like this. Her choices shouldn’t devastate others that badly, and Narcissa felt horrible that they had.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed miserably. “I hadn’t meant to let it go that far, but I couldn’t stop without getting ill. By the end, I wasn’t using it to escape from anything, but a way to function normally. I was <em>ashamed,</em> Cass; I couldn’t tell you, or him, or anyone—”</p>
<p>“Yet you told <em>her?”</em> Cassandra exclaimed, her voice breaking in her throat as she furiously waved her hand behind her to indicate Bellatrix.</p>
<p>“What? <em>No,”</em> Narcissa responded, her brow knitting. “Lucius didn’t tell you?”</p>
<p>“He told me that <em>she</em> told ‘im—!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, because she took one bloody look and me and just fucking— she <em>knew.</em> I didn’t tell her, Cass, I never wanted her to know either! But Bellatrix has always known how to turn me inside out, and she’s far too observant when it comes to me because I’m the only thing she sees most days.”</p>
<p>Well, outside of <em>him,</em> but Narcissa wasn’t going to acknowledge that.</p>
<p>“You and Lucius have lives outside of me,” Narcissa reminded her softly, gently sitting on the edge of the bed as she idly picked at the scar on her palm. “That’s why you never saw, and that’s… that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“That’s <em>okay?”</em> Cassandra repeated incredulously. She still had tear-stains on her cheeks, but she had stopped crying. “No, it’s not <em>fuckin’ </em>okay, Cissa! You’re my best mate, you were practically my bloody <em>girlfriend</em> an’ I had no sodding idea. That makes me feel like <em>shit,</em> an’ I should feel like shit. I can’t believe I was so wrapped up in my own goddamn bullshit to see what you were doin’…”</p>
<p>“Cass, come on— your husband was having an affair and it was messing you up, you’re still a <em>mother</em> and had to tend to your son… it’s normal that some things will fall through the cracks.”</p>
<p>Cassandra just looked at her sadly. “But it shouldn’t have been you, Cissa,” she breathed, sounding just as self-loathing as Lucius had. “Someone you love shouldn’t ever slip away from ya like that, but I let you anyway. I’m real sorry.”</p>
<p>Narcissa just gave her a comforting smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes that were still filled with so much sadness. So instead she reached out for her, and Cassandra took her hand before allowing Narcissa to pull her on the bed next to her. The blonde leaned her head on her shoulder, her hands grasping tight to Cassandra’s.</p>
<p>“I missed you,” she told her instead of commenting on the whole mess, because what else was there to say? Both her and Lucius weren’t going to stop blaming themselves, and the more they did it the more Narcissa wondered if maybe they <em>should</em> have seen. Maybe they should have cared…</p>
<p>No, that wasn’t fair to them. This was her problem, and she needed to shoulder the blame alone.</p>
<p>“S’only been a week, Cissa. We used to go months when we were in our twenties.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t as attached to you as I am now when I was in my twenties,” Narcissa revealed softly, squeezing the woman’s hand in her own. Cassandra said nothing, but she did turn her head to kiss Narcissa gently on her crown. Narcissa smiled sadly.</p>
<p>“Tell me how Lucius is holding up. You guys are… talking?” She said <em>talking </em>in a very specific way that both of them knew didn’t mean talking at all, and Cassandra rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m not fuckin’ him, Cissa, despite your weird masochistic fetish. He just thought I should know what’s goin’ on, cause he knew you probably wouldn’t tell me on your own.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing, as she knew that was true. She didn’t want Cassandra to know how bad off she had been, as she felt so utterly terrible as it was. She wanted at least <em>one</em> person that she cared about to not look at her like she had failed, or like they had failed <em>her,</em> but of course that would never happen. She always broke everything she touched.</p>
<p>“How are things at the house? Did he… did he say anything?”</p>
<p>“What, about the mental one?” Cassandra asked, and Narcissa nodded. She felt awful bringing up Bellatrix when she was with her, but she also needed to know that her sister was alright. “They haven’t killed each other yet, if that’s what ya mean. Guess he tries to make her do the stuff ya asked him to do, an’ she tells him to fuck off but she does it anyway ‘cause she knows you want her to. Think she’s gettin’ better, but I dunno. Haven’t seen her. Don’t really want to, ‘cause I’ve honestly never hated someone more in my goddamn life.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to see her either,” Narcissa responded softly, although her insides twisted at her friend’s hatred of Bellatrix. She knew it wasn’t unfounded, but it still hurt. “She tortured Lucius because she blamed him for not seeing what was going on with me— I’m afraid she’ll do the same to you.”</p>
<p>“Fuck her, she can bloody <em>try—”</em></p>
<p><em>“Cass,” </em>Narcissa stressed, feeling a fresh wave of fear bubble up inside of her. “Please. I know you want to stand your ground, I know you want to prove you still deserve a place in my life because you’re my best friend and you’ve been by my side when Bellatrix couldn’t be, but don’t do anything reckless. I’ll still see you, I promise. I just… don’t want her to know.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, ‘cause secrets have always worked out real well for ya, huh?” Cassandra responded bitterly, and she wasn’t wrong. Narcissa knew it would no doubt end up blowing up in her face, but what other choice did she have, other than cutting Cassandra from her life completely? And she couldn’t… she couldn’t <em>do </em>that. That would devastate her in ways Narcissa knew she would never be able to move past.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was selfish though, but it was hard to let it go when Cassandra felt the same way that she did. Narcissa couldn’t help herself when they parted, and she brought the other woman into a deep kiss that left tears on the blonde’s cheeks because she hated that she couldn’t have everything she wanted. She could barely juggle two lovers when she was younger though, and adding a third who’s life would be at risk if she began sleeping with her again would make everything so much worse, and Narcissa loved Cassandra too much to do that to her. She couldn’t bear losing her, and so the blonde walked away from her the same way she walked away from her husband; with a heavy heart, hating that she had to choose, but knowing that in the end it was the safest option for all of them.</p>
<p>For now, she just had to focus on Bellatrix.</p>
<p>“How is she?” Narcissa asked her husband. He had come to get her so that Bellatrix believed he was merely picking her up from the hospital, and Narcissa felt she needed to be prepared for whatever was waiting for her at home as she clutched to her husband’s arm, holding her body close to his.</p>
<p>“Better than when you left.”</p>
<p>“That’s not exactly a high bar, Lucius,” Narcissa reminded him as they stepped from the Leaky Cauldron. Her voice was low so as not to be overhead by people she <em>still</em> thought were staring at her, but it had to be all in her head, right? “Give me specifics.”</p>
<p>“Not here,” he told her, and maybe she wasn’t paranoid after all, because Lucius looked rather unnerved by being in public. She didn’t get to ask why though, as that was followed by her stomach wrenching in her gut once Lucius took the lead and apparated them back to their manor, albeit just outside. He knew Narcissa needed more of an update before she walked in and saw what would greet her.</p>
<p>“Specifically? She still yells at me quite a lot, but also at people who aren’t there,” Lucius told her once they stood outside of their house. He looked warily at the door, at what lay on the other side of it. “She still hasn’t accepted how much time has passed. She’s gained a decent amount of weight though; those liquid meals have been helping her a lot. I don’t know— her teeth don’t look like they’re rotting out of her mouth anymore, and her skin doesn’t seem quite as yellowy. She <em>looks</em> healthier, but her mind is— still not great, and please do <em>not</em> tell her I told you this because I don’t want to be fucking attacked for knowing her weaknesses, but I passed by your bedroom last night and I heard her crying for you. She… doesn’t really do well without you, does she?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. No, she hadn’t expected that Bellatrix <em>would</em> do well without her for nearly a week, but she hadn’t begged her to stay either. Bellatrix seemed to realize, despite how badly she needed her, that her sister needed to get better. She still put her first, regardless of everything else, and Narcissa couldn’t help but love her for that. Bellatrix might be a cunt towards her sometimes, but she was a sacrificial one at least.</p>
<p>“How has she been… with him?” A part of her didn’t want to know, but Narcissa also realized she had to get a full picture of how Bellatrix was doing, and that picture unfortunately included Voldemort.</p>
<p>“The Dark Lord? Oh she <em>fawns</em> over him, always eager to do whatever he wants because she considers him her savior now for liberating her from that place, but he’s making her keep a low profile for the moment. She’s not happy with it, but she does as she’s told. He promised her he will have something important for her to do soon, but for now she’s just waiting. She has to. We <em>all</em> have to, after that fucking article was published.”</p>
<p>A sinking feeling made camp in Narcissa’s gut. “What article?” she asked, but a part of her already knew— seeing everyone reading <em>The Quibbler,</em> which wasn’t exactly quality content, meant there had finally been something of interest in there.</p>
<p>“Potter did an interview,” Lucius told her through grounded teeth. “Named everyone in that graveyard. Myself included.”</p>
<p>Narcissa suddenly felt like she was going to be sick.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>fine,</em>” Lucius assured her, grasping onto his wife’s forearms to steady her. “The Ministry thinks Potter’s an attention-seeking nutter, so they haven’t come calling again, and it isn’t as though <em>The Quibbler</em> is known for its facts. Fudge assured me personally that he knows the accusations are unfounded, so we don’t have to be concerned there. People are still reading it though, still wondering.”</p>
<p>It was the <em>still wondering</em> part that made Narcissa’s insides twist with fear, but she tried to look at the bigger picture. If the Ministry didn’t believe it, then they were okay. <em>They were okay.</em></p>
<p>“Come on,” Lucius encouraged her, putting a gentle hand on the small of his wife’s back. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure your sister is wearing a hole into my bloody carpet with her incessant pacing by now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, her heart thumping in her chest as she walked up to her front door. She was <em>desperate</em> to see her sister, but she was also afraid of being brokenhearted again by Bellatrix’s angry and horrible behavior. She understood things were hard for her, but Narcissa could only take so much. She hoped their time apart had given Bellatrix ample time to calm down though, to stop feeling so betrayed by her; Narcissa also prayed that Bellatrix could see that her coming back to an addict wasn’t meant to hurt her either. It was just something that had become so ingrained in Narcissa’s life that it was hard to get rid of. Even now, even after she was completely detoxed and didn’t <em>need</em> it, Narcissa still ached for that familiar burn through her nose, and she hated herself for that.</p>
<p>When Narcissa opened the door she immediately saw her sister who, as Lucius had predicted, was madly pacing back and forth in the foyer, her fingernails digging into her palm out of anxiety. She stopped though when she heard the door open, and when Bellatrix turned toward her Narcissa felt her breath leave her at the sight.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked… she looked like <em>herself.</em> She very nearly looked like the woman Narcissa remembered before she went away, besides the age lines in her face and the fact that Bellatrix no longer seemed to care much about how her hair looked anymore. It was still a bit all over the place — half on her head and half down around her shoulders as though she wasn’t even sure what to do with anymore — and while Bellatrix was still <em>thin,</em> she wasn’t skeletal anymore. Her face was fuller, but her was skin still a bit off-color— Bellatrix’s paleness was more from not having seen the light of day for over a decade rather than looking like a sickness now though, but in the end none of that even mattered to Narcissa, as she stared at the woman before her and realized that, even after fifteen years, her sister was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.</p>
<p>Bellatrix suddenly looked like she did not know what to do, and to be honest, neither did Narcissa. The two women just stared at each other, but an overwhelming emotion was beginning to overtake Narcissa as tears pooled in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Can I hug you?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be daft. “What the fuck kinda question is that? Of course you can bloody—” But Bellatrix couldn’t even finish her sentence before Narcissa had practically launched herself at her, crossing the space between them in only three steps before she threw her arms around her sister’s neck and held her close, the tears flowing more freely now, as for a second it felt like nothing had changed.</p>
<p>“I’m going to be— elsewhere,” Lucius told them both, no doubt not wanting to bear witness to wherever this reunion led. Honestly, Narcissa barely heard him; all she could feel was her sister, and it wrapped the blonde entirely in a feeling she found she missed more than anything else.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s arms were around her waist, her face buried in Narcissa’s neck. “Are you better now?” she asked in a small voice, and Narcissa nodded even though she knew this was only the beginning. Still, she wanted to assure Bellatrix, and assure <em>herself</em> along with her, that she wasn’t going to fall prey to addiction again. She had enough to worry about in her life without that, so she had to get better. She <em>had</em> to, because there wasn’t any other choice.</p>
<p>“Are you?” Narcissa breathed as she pulled away to look at her, gently placing her palm on her sister’s cheek. Bellatrix looked a little sad.</p>
<p>“No,” she told her, and another tear rolled down Narcissa’s cheek at her sister’s truth. Even in her arms, Bellatrix still seemed so incredibly tense— like she was waiting for something to jump out at her at any moment. “I’m fatter,” Bellatrix reevaluated after seeing the devastated look on her sister’s face, and Narcissa exhaled a small laugh.</p>
<p>“That’s a start.”</p>
<p>“Cissy—” Bellatrix began, as though the word had burst its way out of her. She looked unsure of herself then, but gently leaned her forehead against the blonde’s as she screwed her eyes up tight. “I did it wrong,” she admitted, her voice cracking under the strain. “It’s not the same, and I didn’t help. I think I made it worse. Did I make it worse?”</p>
<p>“A little,” Narcissa admitted softly, as how Bellatrix had been treating her <em>had</em> made her feel much worse. Her lips pursed sympathetically though as she pushed the hair out of her sister’s eyes. “It’s okay,” she breathed. “I know this has been hard for you. Everything’s changed, <em>I’ve</em> changed, but that doesn’t— that doesn’t mean that I can’t fit you in my life, Bella. You have the other half of my soul, remember?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix nodded, and it seemed she was finally able to feel another emotion other than anger as her brow creased and she looked at Narcissa in a way that the blonde hadn’t see in many years. “I want to kiss you, Cissy,” she breathed, and her restraint was honestly impressive, seeing as she didn’t have much in the way of impulse control lately. It seemed Bellatrix felt terrible about how she had been treating her though, as her expression was a clear indication that she was wondering if she even deserved to. “I don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t care; I’ve missed you too much to care anymore— Everything’s shit, my head is on fucking backwards, and I need you, I need you…”</p>
<p>“Shh,” Narcissa gently hushed her, dusting her thumb across the contour of her sister’s cheek. “You have me, Bella… you’ve always had me,” she whispered, and that was all the invitation that Bellatrix needed.</p>
<p>Her lips covered Narcissa’s, and the blonde threw her arms around the other woman’s neck as she closed her eyes, feeling more tears slip from between her lids as it reminded her so strongly of the past. Bellatrix still kissed the same, although perhaps it was stupid to think she would not. She still grasped onto her like she owned everything that she was, and Narcissa felt herself sink into the feeling as she had so many times before because it was routine at this point. Fifteen days, fifteen months, fifteen years, it didn’t matter how long they went without being in each other’s arms, as they would always know where they fit when they returned.</p>
<p>And that had to be worth everything Narcissa was leaving behind. It just <em>had</em> to be.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. XIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XIII.</strong>
</p>
<p>It wasn’t Bellatrix who turned their kiss into something more, but Narcissa. She had practically started undressing her sister in the bloody foyer before she remembered where they <em>were </em>and took Bellatrix’s hand in hers before she apparated them both up to their bedroom. Perhaps it was ridiculous that the second her sister decided to stop being an absolute arsehole to her that Narcissa gave her exactly what she wanted, but maybe she had been foolish to believe she would ever do anything but. Bellatrix was all she had now, she was the person she had given up everything for, and Narcissa wasn’t going to pretend that this wasn’t what she had been aching for the moment her sister returned to her.</p>
<p>“Jesus, Cissy— desperate much?” Bellatrix exhaled in a throaty chuckle, but it was teasing instead of mean, and Narcissa just bit down on her lower lip as she pushed her sister’s dress off her shoulders and down to her waist. She had, at least, bothered to kick the door closed behind them, but now that Lucius was aware of their relationship Narcissa hadn’t bothered to use Muffliato, and it seemed Bellatrix did not think to either.</p>
<p>“Shut up. I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me for so long— for you to look at me like you love me again… Bella, <em>Bella</em>— tell me you love me…”  Narcissa begged, her chest heaving with desire as she finally had the woman she loved back in her arms. Her mental state may not have been the same as when she left, she may have aged and her appearance may have been slightly marred by her stint in Azkaban, but it was Bellatrix— <em>her </em>Bellatrix, and tears were welling up in Narcissa’s eyes again. “I <em>missed</em> you, I—”</p>
<p>“I fucking <em>love</em> you, Narcissa— stop <em>blubbering,</em> you know I hate fucking you when you’re crying. Come here…” Bellatrix took her sister’s face in her hands, her thumbs running across her cheeks to wipe away the tears as she kissed her again. Narcissa sobbed against her lips.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Bella… I should have never left you…” she breathed in sorrow once they had parted, feeling her sister beginning to undress her as well— although nowhere near as gently as Narcissa had rid her of her clothing. Not that it mattered though; Bellatrix could destroy everything she owned so long as Narcissa was allowed back in her arms again.</p>
<p>Was she regressing again, or was this merely her baseline? Narcissa didn’t know anymore. It didn’t matter; she could be stronger later if she needed to, but right now she felt so terribly guilty for everything she had put her sister through. Bellatrix shouldn’t have had to come home to her being a mess, they shouldn’t have had to be separated for five whole days just after her return, but Narcissa had screwed up, and the reality that she might be the problem after all felt rather devastating.</p>
<p>“Fuck off, you’re not sorry about it,” Bellatrix told her, but her words held no bite. They just sounded frustrated, and she practically pushed Narcissa backwards onto the bed before she climbed on top of her. “You say you’ve changed— then be <em>changed, </em>Cissy… it fucks me up worse when things are like how they used to be for about three goddamn seconds before everything’s unrecognizable again. Stop messing with my head; it’s already fucked off enough.”</p>
<p>Narcissa inhaled a shaky breath, but she knew her sister was not wrong. She was <em>regretful</em> about having to leave Bellatrix, but she definitely had needed to leave her, and pretending she shouldn’t have just because she was upset with her other shitty life choices was just cruel. It was a habit though, to just feed Bellatrix whatever she wanted to hear, and so Narcissa resolved to make it up to her another way as she used the fact that Bellatrix still saw her as a pillow queen to her advantage, and easily switched their positions.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked more amused than surprised. “You think you’re going to top?”</p>
<p>“You think I can’t?” Narcissa countered with a raised brow, and Bellatrix snorted. Narcissa just rolled her eyes though, her hand falling between their bodies as she slid it through her sister’s soaked curls. “Just let me take care of you. I know I used to be terribly selfish in bed, but you’re the one who’s been gone, Bella— you’re the one who needs to be loved now, so let me… just let me take care of you for a second, please? I just want to make you feel good…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix hissed softly as Narcissa briefly dipped her fingers inside of her before spreading her arousal over her sister’s clit. “So you still need me to power bottom then?” she softly cackled, taking Narcissa’s desire to please her as submissive behavior. Bellatrix’s nipples were hardening, her chest flushed in desire. “At least some things never change.”</p>
<p>But they had, and Narcissa wasted no time fully <em>grabbing</em> Bellatrix between the apex of her thighs as she hovered over her, expression set. “I <em>need</em> for you to shut up and just enjoy this, you absolute arse. Not everything is about who has the power. Now will you be quiet? I don’t need your running commentary while I make love to you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix just smirked, but it had been proceeded by a desperate gasp as she seemed to very much enjoy practically being manhandled by her sister. “A little rough for making love, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“God, I hate you so much…” Narcissa muttered, but that seemed to only please Bellatrix, who’s lips had spread into a shit-eating grin as her sister entered her with two fingers.</p>
<p>“See? Now this— ah, fuck, Cissy— <em>this</em> feels normal…” Bellatrix panted, and Narcissa decided it was better not to argue. Whatever she wanted, after all. Perhaps she had been stupid thinking she could have something <em>soft</em> with her sister, as it seemed like the only time they ever really made love was when Bellatrix had something to prove to her, and right now it was more Narcissa who wished to make a point.</p>
<p>Which was fine, really, as in the end she really didn’t care how she was intimate with Bellatrix, so long as she was. Still, her sister always had a way of getting under her skin and Narcissa was, admittedly, a bit irritated with her. It was a familiar feeling though— her desire being mixed with frustration, as Bellatrix certainly was a <em>frustrating</em> person, and it was due to that sense of normalcy that Narcissa allowed it to consume her, and corkscrewed her fingers inside of the other woman.</p>
<p>“Are you going to make me stuff that mouth of yours so you stop using it?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s chest was heaving already, her legs spread to allow Narcissa ample room to work. “Mmm… don’t threaten <em>me</em> with a good time, lover,” she taunted, her fingers dancing across her own abdomen, her breasts, while a slow smirk curled the edges of her lips. “Sit on my face and I promise I’ll shut up.”</p>
<p>“I <em>meant </em>with a gag.”</p>
<p>“Less fun. We’re going to do it my way.”</p>
<p>Narcissa yelped in surprise as suddenly Bellatrix sat up, nearly pushing her off of her. For being much thinner, Bellatrix was still surprisingly strong and Narcissa was likened to a rag doll as she was placed exactly how her sister wanted her: astride her face, facing down her body. Bellatrix wasted no time taking Narcissa entirely into her mouth, causing the blonde to shudder as her memories of the past began to align with her present.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>fuck— </em>you bitch…” Narcissa moaned as she reached back to briefly fist her hand in her sister’s hair. “I wanted… fuck, it doesn’t matter what I wanted, just keep— shit, <em>shit…” </em>And that was about as far as Narcissa’s self-control went, as she leaned down and gave her sister exactly what she wanted by putting them in this position, and wrapped her mouth around the apex of Bellatrix’s thighs.</p>
<p>Bellatrix groaned low in her throat, the feeling vibrating through Narcissa’s core. “There’s a good girl,” she breathed after she had taken a brief pause from her work. She gently bit the inside of Narcissa’s thigh, causing the woman atop her to squirm. “Trying to take the lead was cute, Cissy, but you know you’ve always liked it better when I just do what I want with you…”</p>
<p>Okay, <em>fuck</em> her, but also that was slightly true, so whatever. Narcissa was, honestly, <em>far</em> too horny to care at this point. “<em>Fine,”</em> she gasped, having to pull her mouth away from her sister momentarily as Bellatrix went back to a full out assault on her clitoris. “Oh my God— do what you want with me then… oh, <em>fuck—”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix had slapped her arse before roughly spreading her cheeks, her nails digging into her soft flesh. “I’m yours,” Narcissa panted, giving up on being anything other than the desperate mess that Bellatrix wished her to be, because who bloody <em>cared</em> anymore. “I’m yours— Bella, Bella, fuck me…!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s fingers slipped inside of her. Narcissa’s mouth found its home between her sister’s thighs once more, although with the way Bellatrix was thrusting and twisting her fingers within her, it was hard for Narcissa to reciprocate the pleasure she was receiving. Eventually Narcissa ended up giving up on using her mouth, as she was far too busy exhaling expletives and begging Bellatrix to fucking destroy her. Her hand replaced her lips and tongue, and Narcissa quickly had her sister swearing just as much as she was as she rubbed tight circles against her sensitive flesh.</p>
<p>And, alright, sixty-nining wasn’t exactly the romantic experience Narcissa had hoped for when she had first apparated her sister upstairs, but it didn’t matter. Bellatrix hadn’t stopped to listen to things that weren’t there, she didn’t twitch or yell or scratch at herself the entire time they had been up there, and for a second everything felt normal again. It felt like how it was before, which of course meant that everything would come crashing down.</p>
<p>After Bellatrix had made her come and she had taken a few breaths in order to recuperate, Narcissa had climbed on top of her sister in order to finish the job she had started. But Bellatrix was being mouthy again and to make her stop Narcissa grabbed her face in her hand, her fingers tight to her jaw as she told her very seriously that if she wanted to come then she needed play nice and be a good girl and then perhaps, <em>perhaps</em> Narcissa would consider allowing her the privilege of being fucked by her, and suddenly Bellatrix’s eyes changed.</p>
<p>It was like, for a second, she didn’t even recognize who was on top of her, and Bellatrix swiped at her with her nails before she pushed Narcissa off of her, practically scrambling back against the pillows as she stared at her, chest heaving. Narcissa hissed as the other woman drew blood on her arm, but she was more concerned than angry.</p>
<p>“Bella! Bella, it’s alright—”</p>
<p>“That was your tongue, but not your words,” Bellatrix told her, but at least she looked like she recognized her again as she stared at Narcissa as though she expected to see something different. “Not to me. Never to me. <em>Who do you say those things to?”</em></p>
<p>“What? <em>Nobody,”</em> Narcissa responded, and she recognized what she had done wrong now; Bellatrix was used to her being subservient in bed, and her attempt at dominance was more convincing than it had been fifteen years ago. Bellatrix was wrong though; she had never said those words before to anyone else, although probably because the only person she topped was Cassandra and the woman never had to be reprimanded. “I just— you kept making fun of me, thinking I couldn’t top, I was just… I wanted to prove you wrong. I’m sorry if I scared you. It’s me, Bella, I promise.”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>scared,”</em> Bellatrix spat as though the very thought was vile, and Narcissa held her hands up in light surrender. “You just weren’t <em>you, </em>and it fucking— I don’t know, startled me for a second. You already look so fucking different; that stupid hair and the crinkles around your eyes. Stop changing, Cissy, stop it—” She shook her head, her fingers digging into her scalp before she turned away from her. “I’m fine,” Bellatrix insisted, even though Narcissa knew she was not. She looked as though she was trying to stop listening to something, as now one of her hands was clapped over her ear.</p>
<p>“I can’t erase time, Bella,” Narcissa told her softly. “I’m sorry if I don’t look the same to you anymore, but this is who I am now.”</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em> that, don’t you think I know that?” Bellatrix snapped, and her fingers got caught in her curls as she tried to untangle her hand from her hair. She pulled and Narcissa winced, as she was fairly certain her sister just pulled some of it <em>out. </em>“It feels like a lie though, because you’ve <em>always </em>lied, haven’t you? You <em>breathe</em> and out comes another lie. There was someone, wasn’t there? Not Lucius— he wouldn’t bend over for you like that. You wouldn’t want him to either…”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt a bit like she was suffocating, but her sister was right; she always lied, and lying was what she was <em>good</em> at. Most of the time, anyway. “Bella, come on, you’re just being paranoid,” she hushed her. “I was just trying to prove something stupid, but now I deeply regret it. I didn’t want to ruin this for you, I’m sorry. I can be submissive, if you want. I can be whatever you need me to be.”</p>
<p>“No— doesn’t matter,” Bellatrix dismissed, pushing her off of the bed to get to her feet. Narcissa’s heart sank in her chest.</p>
<p>“I didn’t even get to finish you…”</p>
<p>“I’ll rub one out in the shower. I just— it feels like crawling, everywhere,” Bellatrix told her, and she was back to nearly making herself bleed as her nails raked against her skin. “You’re lying, I can feel it— the words are dancing across my skin as they taunt me, but because I’m a <em>fucking</em> nutter now I sound stupid, and that means you don’t have to listen. But I know, and I’ll find out— Keep your lies well-hidden if you value them, Cissy, because I promise you, if I find out I’ll make them stop one way or another.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like she was going to be sick. She knew, logically, that it was just her sister’s paranoia, but she was so dead-on to the truth that Narcissa was starting to wonder if she had learned how to do Legilimency without another’s awareness that it was being done to them. But that was stupid, because for one Bellatrix had been without magic for fifteen years so how could she have learned that, and for two, Narcissa had been so well-trained in Occlumency when she was younger — by <em>her</em> no less — that her mind was likened to a fortress. It was something Narcissa had continued to practice even while Bellatrix was gone, as her privacy was extremely important to her considering how many secrets she had. So there was no way, no <em>way</em> that Bellatrix knew.</p>
<p>Except, it still felt like she knew.</p>
<p>Bellatrix had stalked off into the shower, slamming the door behind her, and Narcissa dejectedly picked up her clothes from off the floor before redressing herself. Was this going to be how things were now? Were their only brief moments of happiness going to be surrounded by endless anger and heartbreak? This wasn’t what Narcissa wanted, but this was what she had chosen, and now she didn’t know what to do.</p>
<p>Narcissa padded back down the stairs before entering the drawing room, seeing her husband sitting on the couch as he shuffled through the mail. He glanced up, taking in his wife’s expression. “You look disappointed,” he noted dryly. “What, did she have another episode before she could finish you? This is why you shouldn’t fuck crazy people, Narcissa, but I suppose that was a memo you ignored a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“Can you just— not? Please,” Narcissa begged as she flopped next to him on the couch, her elbow finding the back of it while her hand fisted in her hair. “God, I just wanted it to be the <em>same,”</em> she exhaled, both frustrated and devastated. “And I know, if I can convince her to take the potions then maybe things would be better, but I don’t even know how to bring it up because if she’s angry she’s not going to take the suggestion well, and she’s <em>always</em> angry now. I got her to not hate me for a good half hour this time, but of course it blew up again.”</p>
<p>“What happened?” Lucius asked, but he instantly looked like he regretting asking that question the second it was out of his mouth, and Narcissa’s answer was the reason why.</p>
<p>“I tried to top her and now she’s convinced I’m cheating on her, or <em>have</em> cheated on her, because I’m usually… <em>well,”</em> Narcissa looked at him pointedly, as Lucius already knew. “With her, anyway. Although with you too, mostly. Ugh, I can’t talk about this with you—”</p>
<p>“I sincerely beg of you not to. I might be more understanding of it now, but the thought of you two doing… <em>that,</em> frankly turns my stomach.”</p>
<p>Narcissa side-eyed him. “That’s just because you don’t like her.”</p>
<p>“It really,<em> really</em> isn’t.”</p>
<p>And, alright, fine. She supposed it might be a bit <em>unsettling </em>for him for other reasons as well, but Narcissa still stood by the fact that she knew it grossed Lucius out more because it was <em>Bellatrix, </em>and he would rather gouge out his own eyes than ever picture her naked, let alone think about how she fucks his wife.</p>
<p>Although speaking of the former, Lucius’ worst nightmare came true as suddenly with a loud pop Bellatrix was in front of them, naked and dripping as though she had just apparated right out of the shower. “No— it won’t stop, you need to <em>tell me, </em>you need to—!”</p>
<p>“<em>Bella!” </em>Narcissa cried, horrified as she quickly got up and grabbed the throw off the couch, desperately trying to put it around her sister’s body.</p>
<p>“Jesus <em>fucking</em> Christ—” Lucius immediately covered his eyes, but Bellatrix was still ranting as though she didn’t even realize how incredibly <em>not okay</em> it was for her to do something like this.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t feel right, you don’t <em>feel</em> right; what did you do, <em>what did you do?!”</em></p>
<p>“Bella! Bellatrix,<em> stop!”</em> Narcissa begged, the words choking up her throat because her sister was lost in her own mind again. She at least managed to get the throw around her sister’s body, but she had to hold on to it tightly herself as it didn’t seem like Bellatrix cared that she was naked and wet in the middle of their bloody house. “You’re spiraling! I’m sorry I lied about my addiction, I know that broke your trust, but that’s the only thing I’ve lied about; I promise! Please, you need to stop this!”</p>
<p>“This is fucking ridiculous,” Lucius exclaimed furiously. “You need to <em>do </em>something about her, because I will not have my son come back to this kind of shit!”</p>
<p>Narcissa was on the verge of tears again. She felt so useless. “I’m <em>trying!”</em></p>
<p>“Clearly not hard enough!” Lucius shouted before he turned to Bellatrix and demanded, “<em>You.</em> What the fuck is your problem now? Spit it out.”</p>
<p>“<em>I don’t know who she is anymore!”</em> Bellatrix shouted, looking completely overwhelmed and unhinged. “She wasn’t there for ten years and now she’s <em>different,</em> I don’t know what she did to become like this — all confident and demanding, like she knows what she wants when she never bloody used to — Something changed, someone <em>changed</em> her, she doesn’t even fuck like she used to, so who was in your bed, Cissy? Who did this to you—?!”</p>
<p><em>“Me,</em> you daft minger; you want to know who she’s been fucking while you were gone? Me. Just fucking <em>me,</em>” Lucius lied for her, and Narcissa exhaled a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “And considering she’s my wife, I think I had a right to that, so fuck off with your possessive bullshit. Of course she’s different than she was ten years ago— look at yourself. I would have called you a mess back then, but right now you’re a fucking disaster. We all change, Bellatrix, that’s how time <em>works. </em>You’re just all fucked up now and don’t know your head from your arse so you’re seeing stuff that’s not there, and frankly I’m tired of it. Get your shit together or get the fuck out of my house. It’s been a week and already I’m bloody <em>exhausted.</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s breasts were heaving as she stared at Lucius as though trying to process what he just said. “You,” she repeated, as though she needed the clarification. But it seemed she actually didn’t need it as suddenly she burst out laughing, the sound furious and disbelieving. “<em>You,”</em> she repeated. “Bullshit. Oh, she fucked you, I’m sure, but your prick is too small to let a <em>woman</em> dominate you, isn’t it? Unless you want to tell me that you bent over for her, let her strap one on and fuck you up the arse like the little <em>bitch</em> that you are? Because that— oh, <em>that</em> I would have loved to see…”</p>
<p>Lucius, to his credit, did not flinch at that. In fact, he merely quirked an eyebrow at her, and then said something that made Narcissa’s eyes bug out of her skull. “I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to answer that question, but I will start doing so in vivid detail if you keep pushing it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix immediately looked horrified, and it seemed that horror had actually snapped her out of the episode she was having. “What the fuck— what the fuck I’m <em>picturing</em> it; ugh, what the hell kind of kinky <em>bullshit</em> are you two into? Jesus— that’s fucking foul.”</p>
<p>Guess she wouldn’t have loved to have seen it after all.</p>
<p>Narcissa could barely believe he had just done that though. <em>Implying</em> something like that was… well, first of all it was something she knew Lucius would never enjoy having done to him, and she also knew that even the implication probably made him feel like he was being stripped of his manhood, and yet he just… he just sat there and <em>lied</em> for her. Or, perhaps he just lied for Cassandra’s sake, as the more Bellatrix pried, the closer she would inevitably get to the truth. Either way, Lucius had just thrown away his dignity to protect others, and Narcissa couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>She owed him at least twelve separate blowjobs for that, although how she was supposed to <em>deliver</em> on that promise, Narcissa still didn’t know. Bellatrix was even<em> less </em>happy about her sex life with Lucius now, as suddenly it disgusted her more than normal.</p>
<p>“Says the woman who enjoyed doing my <em>wife</em> up the arse. People in glass houses, Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix blinked, apparently not expecting that comeback before she rounded on Narcissa. “How do you— how the fuck does he know <em>that?”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa shot her a guilty look. “It… came up.”</p>
<p>“How does <em>that</em> just ‘come up’? Ugh, please don’t tell me he’s becoming like Rodolphus and is getting <em>off</em> on the thought of us being together now. If I was in any way a part of your warped sex life, I’ll throw myself off a fucking cliff.”</p>
<p>“No! God, it doesn’t matter— but can you <em>stop</em> now, please? I’m sorry I tried to take control in bed, it’ll never happen again, just let it <em>go.”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix set her jaw, but she had noticeably calmed down. Now that her paranoia had been proven wrong, or at least proven <em>right</em> but in a way she hadn’t been expecting, she seemed even more miserable. Bellatrix always hated feeling stupid, after all. That’s why Narcissa wasn’t surprised when she abruptly parted with a crass, “If you try to do me in the arse I’ll fucking kill you,” before she disapparated with a loud pop, no doubt to finish her shower.</p>
<p>Narcissa would have rolled her eyes at that, but frankly her attention was elsewhere. She stared at her husband, a disbelieving look on her face. “Why did you…?”</p>
<p>“Because if you can’t fix your shitty life choices, then someone else is going to have to make sure there isn’t any collateral damage,” Lucius snapped, causing Narcissa’s gaze to hit the ground. Lucius exhaled a frustrated sigh before he got up, shutting the sliding doors of the drawing room before casting Muffliato, just in case.</p>
<p>“Lucius, I’m sorry—”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to hear your apologies,” he told her firmly, and Narcissa fell silent. “You <em>owe</em> me, Narcissa, because you know as well as I that Bellatrix is not going to let me live that shit down. So, this is what I want in return— are you listening?”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded mutely. She felt thoroughly chastised already and her husband had barely begun.</p>
<p>“You know the spell I just cast? Fucking <em>use</em> that the next time you fuck that zonked cunt, because you’re still bloody loud. Just because I know, doesn’t mean I want to hear you,” Lucius began, and Narcissa flushed in embarrassment. She hadn’t realized he could hear them from downstairs. “Second, you need to get her to take those potions— I don’t care <em>how</em> you do it, just get it done. You have three days, otherwise she is no longer welcome in this house. I’m through with the bullshit, Narcissa. I didn’t sign up for this.”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at him helplessly, needing him to understand that this was a delicate thing that needed to be approached just right, but Lucius didn’t want to hear it. He continued, “Lastly, the next time she’s called in by the Dark Lord and I am not, I will be doing <em>you</em> in the arse for making me have to pretend that I like being your ‘bitch’, so I suggest you prepare yourself for that.”</p>
<p>A slow smirk crossed Narcissa’s face then as she bit down on her bottom lip. “You promise?” she breathed, excitement crossing her features at the prospect. He had threatened to once before after all, but never delivered.</p>
<p>Lucius looked exasperated. “You know, it really ruins the punishment if you’re going to <em>enjoy</em> it.”</p>
<p>“If I didn’t enjoy it you’d be sexually extorting me, which my sister would murder you for if she ever found out— besides, I already planned on giving you sexual favors for this, although I will admit this sounds <em>far</em> more enjoyable than the twelve blowjobs I was planning,” Narcissa informed him, a lingering smirk still upon her lips.</p>
<p>Lucius’ brow rose. “<em>Twelve? </em>Hold on, let’s go back to that—”</p>
<p>“Sorry, you already picked your poison,” Narcissa teased, grasping gently onto his robes before she brought him into a soft kiss. “I’ll make it worth it though, I promise,” she breathed against his lips before she suddenly realized what she was <em>doing</em> and let him go, stepping back.</p>
<p>“Shit— I can’t. I can’t,” she told him, her demeanor instantly changing as she realized that she wasn’t being fair to someone. Her brow creased in regret. “I’m so sorry, Lucius— I’ll owe you, I swear, there will be no expiration date on this, but I just… I can’t right now. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her like she had to be joking. “That bitch doesn’t <em>own</em> you, Narcissa—”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa said quietly. “The <em>other</em> her.”</p>
<p>“…Oh.”</p>
<p>“I can’t have you back in my bed like that when I have to deny her right now. This was why I wanted you guys to—” But Narcissa didn’t finish, and merely sighed as she pushed the hair back from her eyes. “Cass was… I know we never <em>called</em> it that, not really, but she was practically my girlfriend for a little while. And when she needed space from me so she could focus on her marriage it broke my heart. I wanted her back. I <em>still—” </em>But Narcissa wouldn’t finish that sentence, as it seemed fruitless.</p>
<p>“I need to learn that I can’t have everything I want,” Narcissa told him softly. “I tried to have you and Bellatrix at the same time and I shattered our relationship to pieces. If I try to keep her too, something bad will happen. I know it. I need to stop being so selfish. I have to choose.”</p>
<p>Lucius exhaled a long breath, looking irritated. “And of course you’re going to choose<em> her.”</em></p>
<p>“Not because she’s the best option for me,” Narcissa admitted softly, although it pained her to do so, as she hated equating her relationship with her sister to something less desirable. “Right now,<em> especially </em>now, this is far from healthy and I know that. You and I might be the ones married, Lucius, but I still vowed to love my sister in sickness and in health, and this is her sickness. I cannot abandon her just because it’s difficult. <em>Bellatrix </em>is the one who needs me right now, and that is why she is my priority. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew Lucius did not like it, but what could she do? It wasn’t as though she didn’t miss being in her husband’s bed, but she had made her choice and she needed to stick with it. Bellatrix needed constant care right now, and Narcissa knew she would feel selfish if she prioritized her own needs over those of her sister. Bellatrix had done so much for her throughout their lives — she had done everything in her power to protect her, she had even <em>killed</em> for her on multiple occasions — and while that wasn’t something Narcissa was prepared to do herself, she knew it was her turn to step up. If her undivided attention was all Bellatrix needed, then how terrible of a person would Narcissa have to be if she didn’t give that to her? It wasn’t as though it was a horribly difficult sacrifice, after all.</p>
<p>The next day was Narcissa’s appointment with her Soul Mender. Greta Haywood was an older half-blood witch who Narcissa had been having regular monthly appointments with for the last nine years. At first she had been <em>terribly</em> against having a Soul Mender who was not pureblood, but in the end Narcissa realized that the last thing she wanted was for a pureblood to know her secrets, as the community was fairly tight-knit. Greta was one of those witches that would have been pureblood if not for the unfortunate blemish of one of her grandparents being a Muggle, and having been a Slytherin herself her personality was at least something Narcissa was used to. She also did not reprimand Narcissa for her pureblood ideals, but that also might be because of her need to stay neutral due to her occupation.</p>
<p>Despite her age, which made her a good twenty years Narcissa’s senior, Greta was also fairly relaxed and progressive, and did not bat an eyelash at the fact that she had had multiple relationships with women over the years. Progressiveness, of course, only went so far, and Narcissa had never mentioned that one of her romantic relationships had been with her sister— as far as Greta knew, her “ex” was named Estella (because if Narcissa was going to give Bellatrix a fake name then it had to be one to do with the stars) and instead of telling her that she went to prison, Narcissa told her that she had been locked in a St. Mungo’s ward for many years due to her mental illness.</p>
<p>It was the closest she could get to the truth without allowing Greta to put the pieces together.</p>
<p>“So,” Greta began once Narcissa had sat down. She looked over her notes, no doubt which she had gotten passed along to her from both the detox program and her prescribing Healer. “Snorting your meds— bold choice, considering I’m sure that felt like shit. I’ve always been told snorting pills doesn’t exactly feel <em>pleasant,</em> but to each their own, I suppose. Any reason why you kept this to yourself for so long?”</p>
<p>Greta was a straight-shooter in every sense of the term, which had unnerved Narcissa at the beginning. She was used to it now though, perhaps even a little thankful for it. She found it cut out quite a lot of the bullshit, and Greta never had <em>any</em> problem calling Narcissa on hers.</p>
<p>“Take a guess,” Narcissa responded flatly, feeling ashamed all over again. She had tried to prepare herself for this as she knew there was no way her Soul Mender <em>wouldn’t</em> mention it, but it still didn’t feel good regardless.</p>
<p>Greta glanced at her over her horn-rimmed glasses. “Yes, well, you<em> do</em> look rather mortified by it— and rightly so. Drug addiction can be an awfully shameful secret to keep. Still, I am not here to lecture you. I am, however, curious on how you managed to hide it for so long, and why that method seemed to fail you recently.”</p>
<p>“I know what you’re thinking, and I didn’t unconsciously self-sabotage. Believe me, I know I needed help, but I wasn’t anywhere close to asking for it yet.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>Narcissa sighed softly, picking at the scar on her palm. “Estella is back in my life,” she reluctantly told her, as she really didn’t want to make this about <em>Bellatrix, </em>but her sister had been the one to find out, after all.</p>
<p>“Oh? You’ve begun visiting her again then? I had thought you had determined it was detrimental to your mental health to stay away.”</p>
<p>“No, she—” Narcissa started, only pausing momentarily to figure out her story. “Keeping someone in St. Mungo’s long term is expensive and her family was running out of money. She’s been… well, she’s out now. It was her— she was the one who realized what I had been doing. Even though she’s fucking <em>raving,</em> she could still take one bloody look at me and see something was wrong. I don’t know why I’m surprised though; she has always known me better than most.”</p>
<p>“You sound unhappy about that,” Greta noted, and Narcissa sunk deeper into her chair. She didn’t <em>want</em> to sound unhappy…</p>
<p>“No. I’ve always… it was a comfort, for a long time. But I had forgotten how it feels to be looked at and practically stripped raw, and I guess it feels… <em>invasive</em> now,” Narcissa admitted, although instantly hated herself for it. She hated making anything to do with Bellatrix sound unpleasant, but Narcissa also respected her time here and did not wish to waste it by lying about her own feelings. “I never considered myself to be my own entity until after Estella went away, but I’ve now had over a decade of practice of being on my own, and I’ve begun to value my privacy. I don’t <em>want</em> someone to look at me and know who I am completely, because I still feel like I don’t even know who I am yet.”</p>
<p> “And what’s worse,” Narcissa continued before her Soul Mender could speak, as she felt like she needed to get it all out, “is that in my pursuit of trying to sort out who I am now without any outside influence, I completely shut everyone else out and now a part of me is <em>blaming </em>them for not seeing what Estella did so easily, even though I know that’s not fair either because it was me who worked so hard to keep them both at arm’s length in the first place.”</p>
<p>“Your husband and Cassandra?” Greta clarified, and Narcissa nodded. She had spoken of them both often, after all. “You think their inability to see that you needed help means that they do not care about you as much as your ex does, I take it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know— maybe? Yeah, a little. Probably more than a little— God, not that it even matters anyway; I can’t be with either of them now that Estella’s back. She’s taking up the majority of my focus. Her… her family won’t take care of her, so that responsibility now lies on my shoulders. I don’t mind, but…”</p>
<p>“But you mind,” Greta cut in, not allowing Narcissa to bullshit her.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s gaze fell to the carpet. She felt like an awful sister, like an awful <em>lover.</em> Why was this so hard on her? Was she truly so self-serving that she couldn’t sacrifice something like this for the woman she claimed to love more than all others? She knew she was a Slytherin for a reason, but still. If <em>Bellatrix </em>could make sacrifices for her, then why couldn’t Narcissa do the same?</p>
<p>“I feel selfish,” the blonde revealed softly, tears welling up in her eyes. “But it’s been…<em> hard. </em>Seeing her like this is breaking my heart, and all I want is the woman I fell in love with back, but I’m terrified she no longer exists. My husband <em>hates</em> that she’s staying with us, but he understands how important this is to me. I can’t just throw her to the wolves and have her fend for herself. She’s been separated from society for a long time, and I don’t think she’d know how to survive out there anymore. As it is, she’s having such a terrible time accepting that everyone else has continued to move forward for over a decade while she stood still.”</p>
<p>“That’s common,” Greta told her, and although Narcissa knew that it was, and could logically could see <em>why</em> Bellatrix was having such a hard time, it didn’t make dealing with it any easier. “And I know you would like me to have some magic answer for you, Narcissa, but truly the only solution to such a large adjustment is time. You need to have patience. Giving her a routine will help, as she no doubt had one when she was in the hospital. Have her wake up at regular times, make certain she takes her medicine—”</p>
<p>“She’s not taking anything.” And that, in the end, was another large problem that Narcissa did not know how to handle.</p>
<p>Greta’s eyebrows rose. “What was her diagnosis again?”</p>
<p>Narcissa flushed, embarrassed on her sister’s behalf. “Perussi Obscurum Disorder.”</p>
<p>“Ah, yes— unfortunately that’s becoming more common amongst purebloods these days, with their fanatic desire to keep the bloodline clean from outsiders. It can be managed with medication however, therefore I doubt she wasn’t advised to continue with her regime when she left.”</p>
<p>“She was, and I <em>have</em> her medication at home, but she doesn’t want to—” Narcissa tried, before sighing heavily. “She used to be addicted to it. Whether I like it or not, we are more alike than different in many regards, and unfortunately that is one of them. I’m afraid she doesn’t think that she’s strong enough to not go overboard again, and what kind of <em>leg</em> do I have to stand on here— pushing something on her that I know she had a problem with? And honestly I don’t know if <em>I</em> have the strength to try to monitor her addiction when I have my own to worry about.”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, you need to stop weighing yourself down with responsibilities that are not yours,” Greta told her seriously. “Anyone discharged from St. Mungo’s for any kind of mental illness will have a prescribing Healer. She no doubt has a Soul Mender of her own as well. Just encourage her to go to her appointments, and…”</p>
<p>But Narcissa tuned the rest of Greta’s words out. This was why lying about this wasn’t great, as it led to ‘solutions’ like this that weren’t a valid option. Bellatrix didn’t have a Healer, and she certainly would never go to a Soul Mender even if she could, which she couldn’t <em>anyway </em>considering she was a wanted criminal.  Narcissa left her appointment feeling just as lost as she had when she arrived there, and she didn’t know what to do, as Lucius’ three-day time limit was looming nearer.</p>
<p>How was she going to approach this? Narcissa still didn’t know, but resolved to do so by tomorrow. In the end, she knew she still had to <em>try,</em> and Narcissa hoped that her efforts would bear fruit, as she could not stand the thought of Bellatrix leaving her.</p>
<p>But then again, she could not bear the thought of her staying like <em>this </em>while she was with her either, as Narcissa was tired.</p>
<p>She was so very, <em>very</em> tired.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. XIV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As ridiculous as this might be, there is now a Discord server for this series, lmao. A few of my readers wanted a place to flail over Cassandra mainly so they created a server, but then it just morphed into this… idk, bigger thing for the entire series, that has about a grand total of eight people in it right now, lmao, but if you guys want to talk about the series with me + other readers please comment for an invite link and join us! If for nothing else then join for these stupid ass custom emojis I made:</p><p>  </p><p>I know this is the kind of quality shit y'all want in your lives, lmao.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>XIV.</strong>
</p><p>“Why are you staring at me?”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, pulling the covers up around her shoulders as she cocooned herself inside of them. Her sister lay next to her, but on her back; she was staring at the ceiling. She did that a lot lately, and Narcissa wondered if it was just a habit left over from Azkaban, as she did not have much else to look at there either. “I’m not staring,” the blonde denied, and Bellatrix snorted.</p><p>“Cissy, I might be fucking bat shit but I still have eyes.”</p><p>“It’s dark, how can you even tell?” It was the middle of the night after all, but neither sister had been able to fall asleep. To be frank, Bellatrix wasn’t the best person to share a bed with— she twitched, she sometimes shouted, and more than once Narcissa had been hit in the face. She seemed to have calmed down now, but it was this eerie calm that Narcissa did not like either, as it usually led to her disassociating. That was a fun twist that Narcissa had not expected, but perhaps she was foolish for not realizing that her sister’s psychosis was multi-layered. For now though, in this one, short moment, everything seemed normal.</p><p>Narcissa knew that would not last though.</p><p>“I spent fifteen years in the dark,” Bellatrix told her flatly, continuing to stare up at the ceiling. She was just an outline to Narcissa, but apparently she was something more to Bellatrix. She had <em>always</em> been something more to Bellatrix. “I adapted.”</p><p>She said it so casually that it broke Narcissa’s heart. “Bella?” she asked softly, her brow creasing as she lay on her side. She reached out for her, but Bellatrix immediately rolled her shoulder away from her touch. Narcissa recoiled her hand, hurt by the rejection. Yet she still tried anyhow, because she could not bear this distance between them. Physical, emotional— it hurt just the same. “Will you look at me?”</p><p>“Why? So you can look back at me with pity and self-loathing again? Pass.”</p><p>“How would you like me to look at you then? How can I get you to stop pushing me away?” Narcissa asked, her voice catching in her throat. “You make me feel— you make me feel like a little girl again, Bellatrix, and I <em>hate</em> it. Why do you always make me beg for your attention?” But Bellatrix did not look like she was listening to her. Narcissa still couldn’t see her very well, but it looked as though her sister’s eyes might have slid out of focus again as she continued to stare at the ceiling. “Bella. Bella!”</p><p>“Shh— Jesus, Cissy, you’re gonna give me a fucking migraine, stop <em>shouting.”</em></p><p>Narcissa stared at her, confused about what just happened. “Did you even listen to a single word I said? What just happened? Bella— Bellatrix, for <em>Christ’s</em> sake, look at me.” Bellatrix made a big stink about turning to face her, but she did it at least, her arms folded in front of her chest.</p><p>“<em>What?”</em></p><p>“Just— hold still,” Narcissa instructed before getting her wand off the bedside table. She pointed it toward her sister’s face. “<em>Lumos.” </em>The tip of her wand ignited in a bright white light, but thankfully her sister’s pupils contracted normally.</p><p>Bellatrix immediately pulled away from her. “For <em>fuck’s</em> sake, Cissy—”</p><p><em>“Nox.</em> I just wanted to check, I’m sorry. Do you remember what I said to you? Before I was shouting,” Narcissa questioned, putting her wand back down on the table. Sometimes she had this irrational fear that something more was going on inside her sister’s head; like she was deteriorating, falling apart from the inside out. In all honesty, Narcissa was afraid she might die from it if she didn’t get it back under control. Not much was known about Bellatrix’s disorder as it was extremely rare, and not having many answers left Narcissa with quite a lot of anxiety surrounding it.</p><p>She wished she could just go back to the Dark Lord, beg for him to repair the wall in her sister’s mind again, but the truth was that Narcissa knew it would not be free, and she did not have it within her to lose another child. What if he wanted <em>Draco </em>next time? She was very nearly past her child-bearing years, after all, and even if she could produce one with minimal complications, she couldn’t, she <em>couldn’t…</em></p><p>“Something about looking at me with pity and self-loathing.”</p><p>“No, that’s what <em>you</em> said.”</p><p>Bellatrix said nothing for a long time, just staring at her. Narcissa knew she did not remember, or perhaps she had never heard her in the first place. “Is it always like this at night?” Narcissa asked softly. She had noticed last night as well that her sister kept fading in and out. “Is it from being in the dark again? Does it disorient you?”</p><p>Bellatrix continued to stay silent, but her expression was enough of an answer. Narcissa immediately sat up and grabbed her wand, and with a single wave the lights were back on in the room.</p><p>“Cissy, you need to sleep—”</p><p>“I can sleep with the lights on,” Narcissa told her, shutting down her protests. She replaced her wand back on the bedside table before laying back down and holding her arms out in invitation. “Come here.”</p><p>Bellatrix hesitated. She no doubt felt that if she needed comfort then it made her weak, but that’s what broke Narcissa’s heart even more, as she felt her sister no longer trusted her with her weaknesses. Everything between them felt so fractured, and what was worse was that Narcissa had no idea how to begin to repair it.</p><p>“Bella, do not make me ask you twice. This is for me, alright? Not for you. <em>I</em> need your comfort.”</p><p>Bellatrix moved, albeit rather begrudgingly. She no doubt knew that was a load of bullshit, but thankfully she did not call her on it. Instead she laid her head on her sister’s chest with an arm wrapped around her middle, and Narcissa gently combed her fingers through Bellatrix’s unruly curls. Her chest felt heavy, no doubt from the weight of her heart, of her sorrow.</p><p>“…Why don’t you trust me anymore?”</p><p>The words were barely more than a whisper, and they broke in the back of Narcissa’s throat. She hadn’t meant to say them, she hadn’t meant to make things worse by talking about something heavy, but the words had fallen from her lips regardless. And truthfully, Narcissa had expected Bellatrix to ignore the question, or deflect it, which was why she was so surprised when Bellatrix actually spoke.</p><p>“Because you realized your life was better without me in it, and now you wish I’d just go away.”</p><p>“What?” Narcissa gasped, horrified that was what Bellatrix really thought. Yes, her life had been simpler when Bellatrix wasn’t around, but she had missed her terribly, and although things had been difficult lately, that didn’t mean she wanted Bellatrix to leave. How could she ever? “Bella, no—”</p><p>“Don’t— don’t <em>lie,</em> to me, I hate it when you lie…” Bellatrix was squirming again, and Narcissa held tighter to her. She wasn’t going to just let her run away. “But you’ve always lied, haven’t you? I remember it, but it feels different this time. Why does everything feel <em>wrong </em>between us, Cissy? Where are you, where are you? Why haven’t you come back to me yet…?”</p><p>Narcissa began to cry as she held on to her sister, who’s voice was cracking in her throat. Narcissa felt wetness on her chest and it broke her heart to realize Bellatrix was crying also. “Please, Bella, I’m right here, I’m right here…”</p><p>“It’s wrong,” Bellatrix breathed in sorrow, her hand fisting in her sister’s nightgown. She had stopped squirming, but she just lay there, her head on her chest as she stared at the far wall. “You don’t love me like you used to. I can see it when you look at me; you wish I wasn’t here, and <em>my </em>Cissy would never wish something like that. She loved me, and you’ve killed her; you’ve <em>killed</em> the woman I love…!”</p><p>“Bella, stop, please— you’re breaking my heart,” Narcissa wept, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she held on to her sister like she was afraid if she let her go then she’d never see her again. “This has been— it’s <em>hard,</em> trying to figure out where this version of you fits into my life, but I would <em>never</em> want you to leave. I know things feel wrong— they feel wrong for me too. I thought maybe if we just started sleeping together again that things would go back to the way they were, but they’re <em>not</em> and I don’t… I don’t know what to do. I want to fix it but I’m afraid… I’m afraid you won’t like my solution, and if you <em>don’t…” </em></p><p>Narcissa’s voice choked up in her throat, knowing this was a shit time to bring it up, but she didn’t know what to do anymore. She was desperate to keep her. “I don’t want you to leave, Bella, but Lucius can’t handle this. I promised him I’d fix it, but I’ve realized I have nothing to offer you in return. You don’t want me because you don’t trust me, and giving you my heart and my body was the only thing of worth I had, but it’s not worth anything at all, is it? Maybe I was arrogant for thinking it was a fair trade in the first place; I’m a forty year old drug addict, my tits are starting to sag and I probably have a fucking heart condition— why do I still think I’m some sort of prize? What a bloody joke…”</p><p>“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bellatrix asked, suddenly realizing that she was not the one spiraling anymore. It at least seemed to give her some sort of clarity that she did not have before, and she moved her head to look up at her sister, her brow creasing in question as tears clung to her eyelashes.</p><p>“Do you think that we had a beautiful romance when we were younger because we were beautiful people?” Narcissa asked her softly, now caught up in her own emotional bullshit. It had a been a very long time, but sometimes she still got stuck. “I mean outside— inside we both were rotting, corrupting everyone else around us who got too close. But we were pretty, weren’t we? I wish I could have seen it then; perhaps I wouldn’t have starved my self-esteem away. Things are easier though, when you’re beautiful. We could just look at one another and get so caught up, but now…”</p><p>Bellatrix, of course, jumped to the wrong conclusion. “Are you saying I’ve gotten fucking ugly?”</p><p>“What? <em>No—”</em></p><p>“Are you saying<em> you’re</em> ugly then? Because we’ve been down this road before, Narcissa, and neither of us like where it leads,” Bellatrix warned her, but this wasn’t some slippery slope toward another bout of anorexia; Narcissa was just feeling overwhelmed and confused, and she didn’t know how to fix what had been broken between them. “Stop worrying about your tits; they already started sagging after you quit breastfeeding the brat and they aren’t much worse now. And your hair is… it’s <em>fine</em>, I guess. I know I’ve been shit about it, but it’s pretty; I just don’t like that you look different. And I was just being an arse when I mentioned your wrinkles before, they’re actually not that bad. Better than mine, anyway. I think being so thin is making them worse.”</p><p>Narcissa looked at her sister sadly before she reached out, gently cupping Bellatrix’s cheek in her palm. “I think you look beautiful,” she breathed honestly, and although she knew Bellatrix would not admit it, she seemed a little relieved to hear those words.</p><p>Her hand was in her hair then though, and Bellatrix was beginning to look so terribly frustrated. “Then what the fuck are you on about? Because you’re fucking— it’s been <em>forever</em> and you’re still the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, yet you’re acting like everything’s fucked off now because we’re in our forties. Last I checked, that didn’t mean that we’re <em>dead.”</em></p><p>“You don’t feel like you’re dead?” Narcissa asked softly, and Bellatrix fell silent, looking away from her. She began scratching at her arm again but the blonde reached out and held her hand, stopping her erratic tic.</p><p>“You know, for a long time after you left, I felt like I was dead,” she quietly revealed, and Bellatrix finally looked at her. “I didn’t know how to live without you, and it took me a long time to realize that despite what I believed, that I actually could. But that doesn’t mean that I want to. I want things back the way they were too, Bella. It’s not just you. You’re not the only one who felt like they’ve lost something despite it being right in front of you.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked at her sadly. “I see you, but I don’t recognize you, Cissy. I want you to come back, but I don’t know where you went.”</p><p>“Just because I don’t need to suck you dry anymore doesn’t mean I don’t need or want what you can give me, Bella,” Narcissa said quietly, her eyes searching the other woman’s. “And it doesn’t mean that I’m not here. But I think I’m afraid of becoming what I used to be, and that’s why I’ve been so distant. I tried, you know? I tried to fall into it again with you, when we were in bed together yesterday morning, but I think you know as well as I that it was disingenuous. I’m terrified of letting myself get so caught up in someone again, and so there’s this… I don’t know, a <em>wall</em> there, I suppose.”</p><p>“It’s not just with you; I’ve shut Lucius out too,” Narcissa continued, not wishing for Bellatrix to believe she was only like this with her. “And when I walked away from you I walked away from having any kind of relationship with anyone for a long time. I spent quite a few years completely alone, and then even when I… even when I <em>tried</em> again, I couldn’t let it become anything truly romantic because I didn’t trust myself not to destroy anyone I touch.”</p><p>“You’ve <em>already</em> destroyed Lucius, yet he always comes back, Narcissa. The man’s a bloody masochist; I don’t know why I was so goddamn surprised that he bends the fuck over for you like that. He had done it figuratively long before that anyway.”</p><p>Narcissa chose not to comment on that. Instead she took a long breath, and tried to give her sister a sliver of truth so she no longer kept wondering if her paranoid fear was correct. “No, I don’t mean with Lucius. He hated me for a long time, Bella— a <em>very </em>long time. I had tried with someone else.”</p><p>Bellatrix pushed herself into a seated position, fury etched into her brow as she stared down at the woman next to her as though she had betrayed her. “<em>Who?”</em></p><p>“Does it matter?” Narcissa countered, knowing that she was <em>never</em> going to answer that question. “It was a long time ago, and it didn’t work out. I think in some fucked up way I was trying to replace you, but you know as well as I that I could never.”</p><p>“So a <em>woman</em> then,” Bellatrix spat, as though the very idea was foul, which was utterly ridiculous seeing as Bellatrix wanted nothing <em>but</em> women. Perhaps she had held a different standard for her sister though, as apparently her being bisexual was only supposed to give her two options: her and Lucius. Narcissa shot her a disbelieving look.</p><p>“Yes, a <em>woman,</em> but considering you had slept with many other women during the course of our relationship, I don’t want to hear it, Bella. Gwendolyn, your multitude of whores… You’ve been gone for fifteen <em>years</em>— did you honestly expect me to be alone the whole time?”</p><p>“You had <em>Lucius—!”</em></p><p>“Lucius hated me, Bella! He may not now, but it took us a very long time to get to where we are today. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a grown woman and that means I have certain needs— my husband despised me, you were in prison, did you really expect me to be alone? Don’t be selfish.”</p><p>Bellatrix still looked <em>furious,</em> but she stayed silent.</p><p>“It no longer matters anyway. It was a long time ago, and she’s not in my life anymore,” Narcissa lied. “I went back to fucking Lucius once I realized he would have me again, and it was easier to be with him because there wasn’t a chance that he’d fall in love with me again after all that I had done to him. He was a safe option.”</p><p>Bellatrix was furiously picking at the scar on her palm as though she wished to tear it from her body. Narcissa quickly grabbed her hand with her own though, allowing the promise they etched into their skin all those years ago to touch. “Stop,” she demanded softly. “You will always be the great love of my life, Bellatrix. I could fuck a thousand women over a thousand lifetimes and nothing will ever come close to how I feel about you.”</p><p>“But you <em>don’t,”</em> Bellatrix heaved, quickly growing upset again. She looked like a trapped animal again, but Narcissa wouldn’t let her pull away. Bellatrix fought against her, but her efforts were futile because Narcissa wouldn’t let her run, wouldn’t let her get caught up in another bout of madness. Not anymore. “You <em>don’t</em> feel that way about me anymore, Cissy; you said it yourself! You’ve fucking blocked it, you’ve blocked <em>me.”</em></p><p>“You really don’t give yourself enough credit if you don’t think you could easily crumble any wall I’ve ever built,” Narcissa responded, looking down at their clasped hands. Bellatrix had rolled her head as though she was trying to shake a terrible feeling from her body, and she pulled again. Narcissa did not let go. She needed Bellatrix to hear this. “And maybe it’s not fair of me to ask you to tear it down, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do it myself. I’m scared of hurting you again. We got too caught up in one another, Bella, and it wasn’t good for either of us. We need something healthy, we need something <em>sane,</em> but I don’t know what that even looks like.”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted bitterly, but at least had stopped trying to pull her hand away from her sister’s. Her chest was still heaving though, as though she had been exerting a lot of energy to keep herself in this moment instead of spiraling again. “You’re fucked off if you think I can do anything <em>sane</em> anymore.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, finally finding her opening. “But would you, if you could?” she asked softly. “If you could have clarity again, if you could find a sense of <em>normalcy</em> again… would you?”</p><p>Bellatrix had sensed her tone and she froze, looking down at her warily. “What exactly are you asking, Cissy?”</p><p>Narcissa took a deep breath, knowing she needed to just <em>do</em> it. “I have a couple months worth of your medication in our potions cupboard downstairs.”</p><p>Bellatrix <em>did</em> pull away from her this time, but Narcissa had let her. She knew she wasn’t going to take this well, and she knew she would need space to vent. “Now <em>you’re</em> the one who’s lost their sodding mind—”</p><p>“Bella…”</p><p>“No! What, are you already tired of being the only fucking <em>addict</em> in this house, is that it?” Bellatrix snapped as she shoved herself off of the bed, beginning to pace. “Can’t handle being the only one messed up, so you have to drag me down with you? <em>Fuck</em> you, Narcissa— you say you want us to be healthy and sane but that shit fucked me up,<em> it fucked me up!”</em></p><p>“Shh— it’s two in the bloody morning, stop <em>yelling,”</em> Narcissa pleaded, but also knew that it was probably pointless to even ask, and so she grabbed her wand, silencing the room from the outside. If Bellatrix woke up Lucius then she knew she’d never hear the end of it. “Bella, come on; do you honestly think I would suggest it if I didn’t think you could handle it? And the potions, they’re not— they’re not the same. Severus, he made improvements and—”</p><p>“You think I trust <em>Snape?</em> That’s a fucking laugh— that slimy sod crawled back to Him after being under Dumbledore’s thumb for that long? It doesn’t feel right. He’s a <em>snake,</em> he’s a—”</p><p>“The Dark Lord trusts him, doesn’t he?”</p><p>Bellatrix fell silent, not having a rebuttal for that. She still looked furious though and she had continued to madly pace back and forth, her nails clawing up her arms as she began to feel overwhelmed again. “Says she wants me better, yet tries to poison me— Is she tired of drowning alone? Perhaps we can just die together then, it’s better than the alternative—”</p><p> Bellatrix was ranting, caught up in her own mind again, and Narcissa climbed off the bed to join her in the middle of the floor. “Bella?” she asked softly, not wanting to startle her when she was like this. “Bella, I don’t want us to die together. I want us to get <em>better</em> together. Do you understand that?”</p><p>Bellatrix wasn’t listening to her though. “She agreed when we were finally done with this wretched earth we would leave it <em>my </em>way, but this isn’t my way—”</p><p>Narcissa creased her brow, not realizing what Bellatrix was talking about until it hit her: they had made a suicide pact once. It was so very long ago, Narcissa was barely into her twenties then, and it was yet another one of their overly dramatic declarations toward one another that again, were neither healthy nor sane. This was exactly what she was talking about.</p><p>“Alright. I’m just going to sit here until you’re done, and then we can talk… okay?”</p><p>It took a while for Bellatrix to get unstuck. Narcissa had sat on the edge of the bed and patiently waited, as she knew there was no use talking to her sister when she was like this. It was hard though, to say nothing and to not stop her while she was screaming and ranting while nearly destroying Narcissa’s bureau.</p><p>The blonde tried to distract herself though, finding an old Daily Prophet that she had been meaning to cut an article from and frame. Anytime Lucius did an interview now she did that, as it seemed to make him feel self-important, which he needed after losing yet another job. This one was about Dolores Umbridge’s appointment as Hogwarts High Inquisitor a few months ago, and how Lucius felt more comfortable about Draco being in school now that he knew that Dumbledore was being subjected to ‘fair and objective evaluation.’ Narcissa had met the woman once and did not care for her honestly, but Lucius knew her fairly well due to his friendship with Fudge. Besides, Draco had written to them recently and said she favored the Slytherin students quite heavily, so Narcissa knew she had no room to complain. So long as her son was happy, that was all that mattered.</p><p>Finally, Bellatrix seemed to calm down. She stared at her sister who was still on the bed with the paper in her hand. Bellatrix ripped it from her easily, throwing it to the ground. “<em>Pay attention to me!” </em>she demanded, with the maturity level equivalent of a young child.</p><p>Narcissa merely quirked an eyebrow in response. “I wasn’t going to waste my breath speaking when I knew you could not hear me, Bellatrix. Are you ready to talk now?”</p><p>Bellatrix glared at her, and Narcissa supposed that was enough of an answer.</p><p>“As I was saying, Severus has improved the potions—” Bellatrix exhaled a disbelieving snort, but otherwise stayed silent. “He assured me that should you still find yourself having bouts of madness while taking it that you will not get those awful headaches anymore, although he does not think you should have to worry about that anyway. He actually went on quite a long rant about how manufacturers always release sub par products because they’re cheaper to produce— but I’ve made certain to purchase everything that he needs to continue making these for you, Bella; the good, <em>expensive</em> kind that actually work. Please, just try it. You know as well as I that the only reason you lost control with them before was because you didn’t want the headaches, nor did you ever want to feel like you were going mad again. Severus assures me that neither of those things will happen now. You’ll be <em>okay.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix chewed on the inside of her cheek, but the fact that she didn’t start shouting again made the outcome look much more positive. “Will you love me again if I’m normal?” she asked finally, and those words felt as though they had split Narcissa’s heart in half.</p><p>“I have <em>always</em> loved you,” Narcissa responded sincerely. “But do I think it would make things easier? Do I think that our relationship would improve? Of course. We don’t recognize one another anymore, Bella, and I think that breaks both of our hearts. I want the woman I love back, so if you do this for me, then… then I’ll try to give you <em>yours</em> back in return. I’ll be who you remember, I’ll—”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Narcissa looked up at her, unsure which part she was saying no to.</p><p>“You don’t like who you were,” Bellatrix told her softly, still putting her sister first, even after all this time. “I don’t want to force you to be someone you don’t like, Cissy.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart swelled with gratitude, but she still felt as though this arrangement was one-sided. “I can regrow my hair…” It would take nothing more than a wave of her wand, after all.</p><p>“Do I look like Mother to you?” Bellatrix snapped, offended. “I won’t make you do that either. Your entire self-worth used to be caught up in your perfect hair, in your perfect appearance; that shit was sick. It’s just bloody <em>hair.</em>”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she was running out of options. “Then what do you want from me?”</p><p>But it seemed Bellatrix did not know either. She stared at her for a long time before she crossed the distance between them, cupping the base of Narcissa’s skull as she pulled her into a lingering kiss. The blonde’s eyes fell closed and when they parted she exhaled a small breath, her heart hammering in her chest, because she could <em>feel</em> that. She could recognize that.</p><p>“One week,” Bellatrix conceded, her hand still firmly on the back of the other woman’s neck. Her words were breathed against Narcissa’s lips, and the blonde parted them automatically in response. “For <em>you,</em> Cissy, I’ll try it for a week, but if it’s shit…”</p><p>“Do it for yourself,” Narcissa pleaded before she reached up, dusking her thumb across her sister’s bottom lip before she gently closed her mouth around it. The kiss was brief, but Narcissa did not pull very far away as she searched her lover’s eyes and softly said, “We need to start valuing ourselves, Bella; we can’t keep spending our lives doing things only for each other. It’s dramatic; it’s… it’s not <em>healthy.</em>”</p><p>“We share the same blood and yet I make you gasp, I make you drip, I make you <em>plead…”</em> Bellatrix began and, oh— so they were doing that then. Her sister had gently pushed her backwards to lay on the bed as she climbed over her body, her mane of curls falling to the left of her neck. “You’re my youngest sibling, Narcissa— I remember bottle feeding you when Mum decided she didn’t give a shit anymore, I remember crawling into bed with you when you had nightmares of the monsters under your bed. I remember the first time your lips touched mine, the first time I wrapped my mouth around that sweet cunt of yours and made you sob in pleasure— <em>Healthy?</em> Narcissa, my love, my dearest little sister… we will never be <em>anything </em>of the sort.”</p><p>Any sane person, any <em>rational</em> and level-headed human being would have been horrified by those words; Narcissa knew that. Instead, the sick woman inside of her groaned in desire as she reached for Bellatrix, pulling her down into a deep kiss as she tangled her hands in her sister’s hair. Despite how terrible it probably was that they were like this, that their <em>relationship</em> was like this, there was still a part of Narcissa that ached to be corrupted all over again by Bellatrix. Perhaps everything hadn’t started in the best of ways, but Narcissa knew she would do it all over again if she had the choice, because she couldn’t fathom a world where she was anything other than Bellatrix’s.</p><p>It was absolutely sick, and Narcissa could recognize that now, yes, but did that change anything? Of course it didn’t, because quite frankly, Narcissa no longer cared. She could look at Bellatrix and see both her sister and a lover, and the internalized shame she used to have over it seemed to have significantly dimmed as the years stretched on. With age came the freedom of just not giving a shit about a lot of things anymore, and as Bellatrix’s hand found its way beneath her nightgown Narcissa wasted no time spreading her legs for her as she waited to be taken, her lips parted and chest heaving.</p><p>Bellatrix was right— they would never be healthy. Incest in any form would never be <em>healthy,</em> but sane? Sane they could be. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday they could build each other up instead of pulling one another down, and <em>that</em> would be enough to make this insanity worth it. It had to be.</p><p>Bellatrix’s gaze caught hers, and a slow, genuine smile curled the corners of her lips at the expression that greeted her. “I see you now,” she realized, and Narcissa exhaled a relieved breath, her own lips reflecting the smile back to her.</p><p>“Yeah…?” she asked breathlessly, feeling her sister’s hand cover her soft mound. She wasn’t wearing any underwear and a part of Narcissa thought Bellatrix would have some sort of comment about that, but it seemed the woman could do nothing else but stare at her sister while her middle finger gently dipped into her opening, causing Narcissa to exhale a hard breath.</p><p>“Do you see me?”</p><p>“I <em>feel </em>you,” Narcissa panted, as when Bellatrix was greeted with an abundance of wetness she skipped the foreplay and slid right inside of her with two fingers. She still did not take her eyes off of her, and Bellatrix’s next words were accented by curling her digits inside her to make her point.</p><p>“Yeah, <em>well.”</em></p><p>“No,” Narcissa gasped, her cheeks flushing in arousal as she reached out, grasping her sister’s free hand in her own. She brought it to her chest, keeping it there as she held Bellatrix’s gaze. “In here,” she clarified breathlessly. “I feel you in <em>here </em>again, Bella…”</p><p>And this, <em>this</em> was what she wanted. This was what Narcissa had wanted so badly the first time they had fallen into bed together when Bellatrix had returned, but she had been trying to force it and it came out all wrong. A part of Narcissa hated herself for not waiting for this, for not waiting for something that felt real and intense as Bellatrix held her gaze and began slowly coaxing the pleasure from her body, but her desperation for things to be okay again between them had overridden her good sense. She hadn’t given them a chance to talk, to express how they felt and what they wanted, and that had been a mistake. They needed to be honest with one another, they needed to <em>trust</em> one another, and finally they seemed to be doing both, and it was making all the difference in the world.</p><p>“I don’t want anything from you, Narcissa,” Bellatrix breathed as she curled her fingers, causing the woman beneath her to shudder as her fingers held tight to her sister’s forearm. “Not everything has to be a trade, because that’s shit, isn’t it? I’ll take the potions simply because you asked me to. Because I don’t want to feel—” But she stopped then, her neck rolling before she closed her eyes tightly as though trying to block something out.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Narcissa whispered, reaching out to gently place her palm on her sister’s face. “It’s okay, you can take a moment if you need. I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>“<em>Fuck.</em> It’s like… it’s like a ringing, but it sounds like voices and…” Bellatrix tried to explain, but her words failed her as she focused her energy on trying to move past it. She shuddered and Narcissa curled her fingers in response, gently raking her nails down her sister’s arms. Bellatrix noticeably relaxed.</p><p>“Your skin was crawling again?”</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>Bellatrix still hadn’t moved though, hadn’t opened her eyes. “I used to think it was the dementors,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I had been there for so long that I became so in tune with them and could hear them taunt us as they drained what was left our lives. But it’s not them, is it? Because they’re not here, and I still hear them.”</p><p>“What do they say to you?” Narcissa asked softly, continuing to gently rake her nails up and down her sister’s arms as that seemed to be helping. Bellatrix still had her fingers inside of her but she had stilled them as she tried desperately not to ruin the moment they had both wanted so badly.</p><p>“It’s… like a radio in the background. I don’t— sometimes there’s clarity, but most of the time I can’t…” Bellatrix trailed off, still unable to open her eyes. “I feel like I’m suffocating in my own skin,” she admitted. “Sometimes, I can’t handle being inside of myself. I want to claw my soul out, I want to just <em>breathe…”</em></p><p>“And you can breathe better when you explode outward,” Narcissa answered for her, realizing that was why Bellatrix was always so quick to anger. She felt as though she needed to expel everything inside of herself to give her space to breathe in her own skin. “Explode, if you need to then. Feel <em>better, </em>Bella, please. I won’t judge you…”</p><p>“No,” Bellatrix ground out. “I’m not fucking this up. I wanted this to be… Just— give me a minute.”</p><p>Narcissa did as she asked. She watched her sister fight with the demons in her mind for what seemed like forever until, finally, her expression relaxed. There was sweat on her brow and Bellatrix exhaled a breath Narcissa did not realize she had been holding, and when her sister looked at her, Narcissa smiled softly at her as she wiped the perspiration from her skin.</p><p>“I am <em>so</em> proud of you, my love…”</p><p>Bellatrix pushed inside of her in response, and Narcissa’s breath caught in her throat as she held her gaze. “Again,” Bellatrix demanded, and Narcissa did not have to ask what she was requesting, as she already knew, and repeated the same words she said to her so very long ago.</p><p>“My <em>love,”</em> Narcissa breathed, meaning every word. She looked into her sister’s eyes, into a deep brown that was identical to her own, and Narcissa knew that both she and Bellatrix had finally gotten the woman they loved back. “My soul, my everything…”</p><p>Because as it turned out, neither of them had ever truly left.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. XV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who joined the Discord! I’ve honestly been having a blast and I love you all ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XV.</strong>
</p><p>As it turned out, not all of Bellatrix’s symptoms were a direct result of her mental illness. Even without her psychosis taking over her mind, she had still been subjected to something terribly traumatic, and the effects of fifteen years of prison did not wash from her easily.</p><p>Bellatrix still did not care for the dark, although she handled it much better while in Narcissa’s arms. She was still terribly claustrophobic of small spaces and she still had trouble recognizing how much time had truly passed, but she no longer grew unbearably upset with the truth that things were different now. If anything, it made her doleful. Although Narcissa knew that Bellatrix would never admit to being even a little regretful about her choice to sit in Azkaban as some kind of warped declaration of her loyalty to the Dark Lord, she was also beginning to feel as though she had missed out on so many things she should have been there for.</p><p>For the most part though, Bellatrix’s emotional and mental state had leveled out. She was no longer angry all the time, and she no longer heard things that were not there. She no longer felt as though she couldn’t stand to be inside of her own skin, and as a result had stopped scratching herself raw. Bellatrix didn’t fade in an out quite so much, but her tendency to do so didn’t dissipate completely; Narcissa assumed it was just because she was used to only having her own thoughts as company while she was in Azkaban, and as a result had learned how to completely immerse herself in them. She also no longer talked to herself out loud, which Narcissa did <em>not</em> miss as it had rightfully unnerved her.</p><p>Bellatrix still wasn’t <em>pleasant</em> though. Then again, if anyone had ever called Bellatrix Lestrange a pleasant person Narcissa would have laughed so hard she would have busted a rib. Her sister’s specific brand of miserable was something Narcissa had always found rather endearing, as strange as that sounded. She still grumbled under her breath, she still taunted those who irritated her and swore like a common whore, but Bellatrix also held herself with an air of self-importance now— a sense of confidence that had been lost to her until she had known for certain that she had found her place back in the world, and Narcissa ate it all up like a starved dog, because nothing was sexier than Bellatrix feeling <em>better.</em></p><p>They took their medicine together every morning before their breakfast. It had become routine, as that way they could keep each other accountable. Narcissa was about halfway through her outpatient program and had yet to fail a single drug test; each day, the desire to say fuck it and find some Black Market substitute to shove up her nose lessened, although Narcissa would admit that when things were difficult it made it harder to control that urge. Still, she had yet to slip, and that was something at least. In the end, she and Bellatrix were so tightly woven within one another that Narcissa feared if she slipped then her sister would too, as it had always been far more comforting to drown when they were not alone.</p><p>Things between the two sisters had become exponentially better. Narcissa almost felt like they were falling in love all over again, and she was <em>happy.</em> She couldn’t believe there was ever a time that she thought she’d prefer loving her sister’s memory rather than have her back in her life, but then again, she hadn’t thought Bellatrix could ever be close to the woman she used to be either. Because she still wasn’t herself pre-Azkaban, and Narcissa doubted she ever would be again; but that was okay, as Narcissa understood something like that left lasting scars. What mattered was that Narcissa could recognize her beneath the wreckage Azkaban had wrought and, despite how much she herself had changed, that she was recognized in return.</p><p>It wasn’t perfect, not by any means, but it was <em>enough.</em></p><p>“Cissy, your potions taste like shit—” Bellatrix complained after their lips had parted from one another, Bellatrix having pushed her up against the kitchen counter until she regretted the aftertaste of their morning routine and stuck out her tongue. Narcissa rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I <em>warned</em> you not to do that until after I’ve brushed my teeth. It’s not my fault you don’t listen.”</p><p>“I couldn’t help myself, you look fucking <em>delicious </em>in that silk robe, your hair all fucked from sleep… do you know how beautiful you are without makeup, Narcissa?” she breathed against her lips, and Narcissa flushed a little from the compliment, gently biting down on her bottom lip as Bellatrix’s hands slid inside of her robe, her nails gently raking along her hips. Bellatrix pressed her body into hers and Narcissa shuddered, draping her arms around her sister’s neck.</p><p>“Does someone want morning sex?” she softly teased as she gently toyed with the ends of her sister’s hair, and Bellatrix’s lips slowly curled into an amused smirk.</p><p>“Do you really think the only reason I’d compliment you is because I want my cunt licked? You wound me.”</p><p>Narcissa shot her a sardonic look, but she wasn’t really mad about it. She just <em>knew</em> her sister. “Call it intuition.”</p><p>“Well then your intuition is shit, Cissy, because I’m too hungry to fuck right now,” Bellatrix told her plainly before her hands stilled on her sister’s hips and her gaze caught hers. She suddenly looked a little self-conscious, and Narcissa’s heart pulled at her expression. “I’m not so selfish that I can only compliment you when I want something, you know.”</p><p>“No, I know— I’m sorry, I was just teasing,” Narcissa gently responded, allowing her arms to slide off of her sister’s shoulders so her hands could cup Bellatrix’s neck, her thumb gently stroking the hollow of the woman’s throat. “It’s just been a long time since anyone’s actually made me blush, and I don’t think I’ve ever learned how to take a compliment well. It’s been years since my self-esteem was in tatters, but there’s still this awful voice that echoes in the back of my head, telling me that people only lie to me like that to get what they want. I mean, let’s be honest, Bella; I may be beautiful to you but, <em>objectively,</em> I’m not the prettiest woman in the world.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked deeply horrified by her words. “The fact that you still let Mother haunt you like this is fucked up, Narcissa. She was a bitch— why do you let her words define you? For fuck’s sake, I knew I should have bloody killed her sooner than I did…”</p><p>“Bella, I’m not— this isn’t me being self-deprecating, hence the word <em>objectively,” </em>Narcissa tried to explain. “I’m fine with it, honestly; I gave up my pursuit of beauty long ago, I’m just saying the knowledge that I’m rather plain looking is what that voice holds on to, and sometimes I let it win without meaning to. Besides, for being forty my body is still in pretty <em>damn</em> good shape, so wondering if that’s all someone wants isn’t such a wild theory; the way you look at me when I’m naked is <em>vastly</em> different than how you’re looking at me now, after all.”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘cause I’m horny as fuck when you’re naked— what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Bellatrix countered, still not getting it. “My sun bloody rises and sets with you, yet you only think my reaction toward your body is what counts? Open your fucking eyes, you absolute idiot.”</p><p>Bellatrix grasped onto her sister’s face then, her thumb resting against the contour of Narcissa’s cheek as she searched her eyes. “If I had to choose between never seeing your face again, or never seeing your cunt again, I’d give up that cunt of yours in a heartbeat. Your face is the only sodding thing I want to see for the rest of my life, do you hear me? Your ‘objectively <em>plain’</em> fucking face is more precious to me than that body you’re so goddamn proud of, so shut <em>up</em> with your bullshit, will you? Fuck. It’s too early for this; all I wanted was a kiss and some bloody steak and eggs but you had to make me say all <em>this</em> crap, didn’t you? You certainly know how to fish them outta me, Cissy.”</p><p>Narcissa hadn’t been <em>fishing,</em> but she had apparently reeled in a prize all the same. Her eyes misted over with emotion at the truth in Bellatrix’s words and she reached for her, pulling her sister into a deep kiss.</p><p>“Cissy, your fucking <em>mouth—” </em>Bellatrix complained once they had parted, as she apparently still did not taste all that good. Narcissa did not care and suddenly <em>she </em>was the one backing Bellatrix into the kitchen counter.</p><p>“Shut up. Just shut up and kiss me— you started this.”</p><p>Bellatrix obliged her but, then again, she usually did. She grasped her hips and pulled Narcissa flush against her while Narcissa cupped her face in her palms, finding herself smiling so wide between kisses that her cheeks hurt. She loved her. <em>God,</em> she loved her…</p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, Narcissa saw they were no longer alone. She pulled away from Bellatrix with an apologetic look on her face as she faced Lucius, who had the oddest expression on his face. He had never actually seen them kiss before, and Narcissa knew it must have been a bit like whiplash for him, or perhaps he viewed it the same way that Cassandra did: like a train wreck he couldn’t look away from. Either way, he certainly did not look <em>happy.</em></p><p>“Ugh, it really is so much worse when you<em> see</em> it,” he muttered before he finally moved, practically slamming himself into the stool at the island counter. “You both need to stop being so <em>comfortable</em> doing that kind of shit all over this house— Draco will be home in a couple months and if he finds out about the sick things you do with one another…”</p><p>“He won’t,” Narcissa said quickly, because of course she would <em>never</em> traumatize her son like that, but Bellatrix just rolled her eyes and flopped in the stool across from him.</p><p>“Yes, God forbid we fuck up the child’s sensitive disposition— except he’s not a bloody child anymore, he is?”</p><p>“<em>Bella,”</em> Narcissa interrupted sternly, her expression growing serious. “Lucius is right; I do not want Draco knowing about us. I know this isn’t preferable to you, but you need to respect that. We used to hide it all the time and we were still able to pursue a romantic relationship; I promise you, nothing will change.”</p><p>Bellatrix mocked her under her breath, but did not argue further. In the end, she knew it was Narcissa’s decision. The blonde was still wary though; she knew how Bellatrix could get about it. She liked the freedom of being able to express her love for Narcissa without having to hide it, which was why she had put her husband under the Unbreakable Vow all those years ago. Now that Bellatrix had her magic back Narcissa wondered if Rodolphus was bound once more by the promise he made, but considering she had yet to even see the man since he broke out of Azkaban, and that fact that all of the escaped Death Eaters knew about them anyway, it mattered very little. Narcissa thought she would be more horrified by that, but it wasn’t as though they could take <em>tea</em> with the common folk after all, as they were all wanted criminals. Besides, Narcissa did not have to look any of them in the eye anymore; they were all hidden, scattered away throughout England and only coming together whenever the Dark Lord wished it, which did not seem to be very often. Lucius had told her that Rodolphus and his brother were staying with the Carrows, but Bellatrix seemed disinterested in the whereabouts of her husband— not that Narcissa was surprised. She hated the man.</p><p>Narcissa came to rest at her sister’s side though, gently pulling her in for a side-hug as she allowed her lips to rest against the top of the woman’s head. “Just do as I say, alright? I promise I’ll make it worth your while, so stop pouting.”</p><p>“I’m not fucking<em> pouting</em>— go brush your teeth, Cissy. I need to eat, and your breath still smells like crap.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, but did as her sister requested anyway because honestly, the aftertaste in her mouth from her potions was beginning to bother her anyway. After she had finished getting ready for the morning Narcissa returned downstairs, although stopped just outside the threshold of the doorway as she heard Bellatrix and Lucius talking. Narcissa had not been privy to what was going on with Voldemort ever since Bellatrix returned because her sister did not talk with her about it, as no doubt she still believed Narcissa did not wish to know, considering that had been her stance on the war before she had gone to prison. Lucius had not updated her either though, no doubt believing that Bellatrix was doing it. And while Narcissa knew she could probably ask Bellatrix to tell her, a part of her didn’t want to hear her sister’s version of events— she was so fanatical when it came to the Dark Lord, whereas Lucius was far more level-headed. Still, with everything going on Narcissa felt badly asking Lucius for any favors, but she still wanted to know what was happening, and so she paused outside the doorway, listening.</p><p>“—Rookwood worked in the Department of Mysteries, of course his information was going to be more reliable than Avery’s. I do feel bad for the man though— the Bode fiasco was a mess to be sure, but removing his <em>tongue</em> seemed a little…”</p><p>“If that idiot hadn’t flapped it around without knowing what he was talking about first then he’d still have it— the punishment fit the crime. Besides, Avery used to irritate me when he spoke and now he does not speak at all. Overall, I’d say it was a vast improvement,” Bellatrix cackled, and Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line; she always hated being reminded of how sadistic her sister was, especially when she wasn’t actively going mad. It meant that being horrible was just her baseline.</p><p>“You always find a bright side, don’t you?” Lucius responded flatly, and Bellatrix’s cackling continued. “Regardless, I still don’t see how he’s going to get Potter to the Department of Mysteries— being able to break into the boy’s mind still has its limitations. It’s not as though he could <em>possess</em> him…”</p><p>“The Dark Lord’s powers are limitless, Lucius, and this is a fairly new revelation; give Him time, I’m sure a solution will come. When it does though you and I need to be ready, because you know He’ll appoint me as the forefront of His retrieval team and seeing as <em>you</em> are the only one who’s had any real interaction with that irritating little boy, I will need you by my side to see the task done.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart sank. Logically, she knew that eventually the two of them would be caught up in yet another dangerous mission of Voldemort’s, but she didn’t want it to come so <em>soon.</em> Shouldn’t they still be lying low? Shouldn’t they—</p><p>“You overestimate your importance, Bellatrix, although I will admit I’m flattered you’ve chosen me as your second.”</p><p>“It was not meant to be flattering, believe me; the uses you can provide me are purely tactical.”</p><p>“Like keeping<em> you</em> under control?” Lucius dryly responded, as they both knew sometimes Bellatrix could go a bit overboard. The woman scoffed, and Narcissa did not blame her; try as he might, Lucius had never been great at keeping Bellatrix in line. He had, admittedly, been doing much better at it lately though, but that also might have been because Narcissa was there with him whenever Bellatrix had a bout of madness. Still, he stood up to her <em>far</em> better than he used to, at any rate.</p><p>“I really wouldn’t hold my breath over that if I were you.”</p><p>Narcissa nearly jumped out of her skin when suddenly her owl Screech came whooshing past her, holding the mail in his talons. Although Narcissa could not see around the corner, she assumed she had dropped it in front of Lucius on the counter, as Narcissa heard her husband thank the owl and then open the drawer where they kept her treats. At least he treated their owl better than the house elf, although Narcissa probably would have killed him if he did not. Mistreating animals was an awful crime in her eyes, although she knew her sister would probably kill it for fun if she could. She held no regard for anything living save the Dark Lord and Narcissa herself.</p><p>Suddenly she heard Bellatrix shriek in rage and the telltale sound of a paper being furiously shook. “Have you seen—? They think we’re rallying behind <em>Sirius?! </em>‘The Dark Lord’s Most Deadly Supporter’ — is that a sodding <em>joke?! </em>The… the blasphemy, the blatant <em>disrespect</em>—”</p><p>Oh, right. Bellatrix had never really been one to keep up with the news, and Narcissa realized this must be the first time she’s actually laid eyes on a paper since she got out, and only because it was dropped right in front of her. Narcissa took that moment to stop spying and rounded the corner, seeing her sister practically shaking with rage. The paper was balled up in her fists, and Sirius’ mugshot was warped by the crinkles her hands made as he moved within the frame. Below were much, <em>much </em>smaller pictures of all the escaped Death Eaters from Azkaban, Bellatrix’s own mugshot being lost somewhere near the end.</p><p>Lucius looked exasperated by her response. “You’re only seeing that now? They run the story three times a week trying to get people to owl in Black sightings— if they’re looking for him they aren’t looking for us, so calm <em>down.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“My picture is in there too, you arsehole!”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah, but practically as a footnote,” Lucius reminded her, and Bellatrix got red in the face as she ripped the paper clean apart. “They think if they find him they’ll find the rest of us. He’s public enemy number one, which is a <em>good</em> thing considering he’s in the bloody Order. Everyone will be looking in the completely wrong direction.”</p><p>“She doesn’t care about that— her <em>pride</em> is hurt, Lucius,” Narcissa softly chastised him as she came up behind her sister, placing her hands on her forearms as she tried to gently comfort her. Bellatrix was still shaking, her breathing coming out in erratic bursts.</p><p>“<em>I </em>am his most deadly, his most loyal, his most<em> faithful—”</em></p><p>Lucius rolled his eyes at her dramatics. “Oh, give it a rest. So was Crouch Jr. until he got his soul sucked out of his body, so I’d cool it on your declarations if I were you. Being mediocre has its advantages.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked as though he had just dealt her a grievous insult. <em>“Mediocre?!”</em></p><p>Narcissa shot her husband an exasperated look. “Lucius, you are<em> not </em>helping.”</p><p>“When have I ever?” Lucius responded flippantly and, well, that was true at least. He got off his stool, leaving his dirty plate on the counter for the house elf to clean up. It seemed in Narcissa’s absence both he and Bellatrix had eaten breakfast, although the fact that it was <em>together</em> seemed too ridiculous to process. Yes, she supposed they had things to talk about, but sharing a meal together was a normalcy that Narcissa never thought she’d see them come to. Although to be fair, despite there still being a fair level of animosity between them, it seemed to have significantly lessened now that Lucius was no longer in love with her, and Bellatrix knew her sister’s attention was solely focused on her.</p><p>“Where are you going? You look— well, you look <em>nice</em> actually,” Narcissa realized once her husband had stood up. He was wearing some of his best robes and his hair looked tidier than usual. Bellatrix was still furiously muttering to herself about Sirius, but as Narcissa was already well-aware that something like this would have thrown her into a frenzy pre-Azkaban, she did not concern herself over it. Bellatrix just needed time to calm down.</p><p>Lucius looked a little offended by her choice of wording. “Why must you say ‘actually’ like that? Do I not usually dress well?”</p><p>“Stop it— I just meant you wouldn’t be wearing something that nice if you were going to stay home, is all. Where are you going?”</p><p>“<em>Out,”</em> Lucius stressed, but Narcissa recognized his expression and knew he did not wish to divulge his private business in front of Bellatrix, even though she was hardly paying them any attention. Narcissa quirked her eyebrow though, knowing ‘out’ meant ‘on a date’, and considering it was the morning that meant he was fucking someone’s wife as most working husbands were out during this time of day.</p><p>So that meant it wasn’t Alecto, which Narcissa was thankful for because honestly that just seemed like a strange pairing. She knew it was probably just born out of their collective fear of what it would mean should the Dark Lord return, and now that they had both been forgiven by him, it seemed that brief bond had been severed. Still, Narcissa looked at her husband expectantly, wishing to be told. He knew who <em>she</em> was fucking, after all.</p><p>Lucius looked exasperated by her expression, and shot her a look that clearly meant that he’d tell her later. Narcissa deflated but reluctantly accepted his desire to have this conversation at a later date, and without their present company.</p><p>“What the fuck are you two doing?”</p><p>Apparently, Bellatrix had rejoined them once more. Her brow was creased as she stared between the two of them, having bore witness to the latter half of their silent conversation.</p><p>“Nothing, I was just leaving,” Lucius dismissed before he turned on his heel, striding from the house. Narcissa purposely kept her mouth closed as she fetched what was left of the toast, popping it into her mouth as she sat down. Bellatrix side-eyed her.</p><p>“He’s about to go stick his dick in someone; you know that, right?”</p><p>“Oh my God, how could I have been so <em>blind?”</em> Narcissa exhaled dramatically before she rolled her eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Bella.” She took another bite of her toast. It was bland, but frankly she was too lazy to get up and get some jam. Bellatrix narrowed her eyes.</p><p>“You don’t care?” she asked, as though she was suspicious of Narcissa’s flippant behavior toward the whole ordeal.</p><p>“Why should I? You’re already aware that we’re no longer in love, and I have <em>you,</em> don’t I? It isn’t as though him fucking someone else is depriving me of anything,” Narcissa responded conversationally between bites of her toast. Bellatrix however was starting to look more and more horrified by each word that was falling from her sister’s lips, once again having a hard time understanding that things had become very different in her absence.</p><p>“Cissy, he’s your fucking <em>husband!”</em></p><p>“Right, because you cared so much when <em>yours</em> was off screwing the next-door neighbor,” Narcissa rebutted, exhaling a disbelieving snort. “Don’t be ridiculous, Bella. The sanctity of marriage means nothing to you.”</p><p>“But it used to mean something to <em>you,</em>” Bellatrix pushed, still having trouble accepting Narcissa’s changed behavior. Some things, especially her sister’s strange new relationship with her husband, seemed to bother her more than most, as they were so wildly different than what Bellatrix remembered. “You were… <em>ferociously</em> jealous anytime Lucius cheated on you. You were entitled as fuck, believing that you deserved his loyalty when you gave him none in return— which was fucking ridiculous, yeah, but that was <em>you.”</em></p><p>“I was ridiculous, was I?” Narcissa responded, decidedly unamused by that comment.</p><p>“Cissy, you were fucked up; I’m not even going to sugar coat that for you.”</p><p>“Right, I <em>was</em> fucked up,” Narcissa stressed, needing Bellatrix to see the difference. She got up from her seat, crossing the room to put the kettle on. “Past tense. I’ve grown up, Bella, and I’m no longer the selfish little girl I used to be. I may not be in love with Lucius anymore, but he’s still my husband, he’s still the father of my child, and he’s still someone I care very deeply for— I want him to be happy, and I know that won’t be with me. If he can find that in someone else, then of course I’m going to encourage that.”</p><p>“You… I’m sorry, you <em>what?”</em> Bellatrix asked, aghast. “Looking the other way is one bloody thing, but to fucking <em>encourage—</em> Jesus, who <em>are </em>you? Am I to expect the same treatment then? Perhaps I should go off and find some bitch to spread her legs for me, if you’re not going to even care enough to get jealous anymore.”</p><p>“Jealousy is not synonymous with <em>care,</em> Bella,” Narcissa responded after she had waved her wand, allowing the water to heat up. “It can actually be quite unhealthy, especially if you’re using someone’s reaction as a measurement to how much they give a shit about you. Don’t be childish; you know as well as I that if you were to do that it would bother me, but I’m also in love with you— therein lies the difference.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s face darkened. “Stop talking down to me.”</p><p>“I’m <em>explaining. </em>Regardless, my marriage is my own and has nothing to do with you, so I suggest you don’t get yourself worked up about it. You are well-aware it bears no emotional threat to you anymore, so just leave it alone please.”</p><p>“’<em>Don’t get yourself worked up about it’— </em>who the <em>fuck</em> do you think you’re talking to right now?” Bellatrix snapped, prompting a long sigh to be exhaled past the blonde’s lips. Bellatrix was always so quick to anger when she didn’t understand something.</p><p>“Bella, I’m not trying to start a fight…”</p><p>“Well that’s unfortunate, seeing as you got one.”</p><p>Narcissa side-eyed her in exasperation as the kettle went off. Magic always made quick work of things at least. “Would you like some tea?” she tried instead as she allowed the kettle to magically pour hot water into her mug.</p><p>“No, I’m not going to sit here and sip some bloody<em> tea </em>with you while you attempt some half-cocked idea of rational conversation— where the fuck did your <em>passion </em>go, Cissy? You used to care so much you practically slit your own wrists and<em> bled </em>with it!”</p><p>“And you miss that, do you?” Narcissa deadpanned as she gently played with the string on her teabag. She hated being reminded of how she used to be— she wasn’t <em>proud</em> of that woman by any means. She had been terrified that when Bellatrix returned she would become her again, and although she wavered, although she slipped a little, Narcissa had managed to get back on her feet and stand tall. She understood that Bellatrix had a hard time feeling things unless they were intense and dramatic, but there needed to be a line somewhere.</p><p>“No, I didn’t mean it like— I know you hated being that fucked up, but at least you were full of <em>life </em>then.”</p><p>“Was I? Because I often felt like I wanted to die,” Narcissa snapped, finally losing her temper as she turned to face her. How <em>dare</em> she, honestly. ‘Full of life’, what a bloody <em>joke…</em> “I spent <em>years</em> trying to manage my disorder, Bella. I had consistent appointments with a Soul Mender, I took my medicine—”</p><p>“You <em>snorted</em> your medicine—”</p><p>“Shut up,” Narcissa barked, but Bellatrix merely smirked and cocked an eyebrow at her, apparently enjoying the fact that she had finally managed to rattle her. “I spent my life <em>terrified</em> of being abandoned; I saw rejection in every glance, in every movement. I nearly starved myself, I nearly <em>killed</em> myself in some backwards fucking desire to get attention, to not be left <em>alone</em> because if I was a danger to myself then you couldn’t just walk away from that, could you? <em>Neither</em> of you could. Every relationship I had was intense and unstable and it fucked me up. I didn’t know who I <em>was</em> unless someone loved me, because that was the only way I ever saw worth in myself.”</p><p>“But I <em>am</em> worth more than that,” Narcissa continued fiercely, not allowing herself to feel as though she was less than sodding anything anymore. “I have value and I fucking matter, and I don’t need validation and attention from Lucius <em>or</em> you to know that now. <em>That </em>is why I’m not jealous, that is why I do not care what he does, because quite frankly I feel no desire to try to hold on to something that has already slipped though my fingers, considering I’ve realized I am perfectly fucking fine on my own.”</p><p>Her sister shot her a disbelieving look at that. “But you’re <em>not </em>on your own now, are you?” Bellatrix countered, and Narcissa shot her a furious glare at her stupid technicalities, because that wasn’t the point she was trying to make.</p><p>“Keep pushing me and that could be arranged.”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted in disbelief and Narcissa colored in anger because she knew as well as Bellatrix did that she did not wish to throw away the only relationship she had left. Yes, she was fine on her own, but she didn’t want to be that way if she could help it. She still <em>loved</em> Bellatrix, after all— despite how bloody frustrating she could be sometimes. Narcissa was just angry though and so the threat slipped past her lips without any real truth behind it.</p><p> “Don’t think I don’t know why you’re so angry about my relationship with Lucius falling to pieces,” Narcissa snapped, because despite their time apart, Bellatrix would always be so very easy to read for her. “But you need to stop reflecting your insecurities back on me; that’s not <em>fair.”</em></p><p><em>“Insecurities?” </em>Bellatrix guffawed, as though the very idea was preposterous. “What the fuck are you—”</p><p>“I <em>loved </em>Lucius,” Narcissa reminded her, the word exhaling out of her lips with all the passion that Bellatrix believed her to have lost. “He was the man of my dreams, he was the man I could not wait to marry— I wanted to have his children, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and perhaps I still will, but not in the way I wanted to ever since I was a little girl. My perfect fucking fairytale has fractured and broken and I no longer have the white knight I was desperate for, but the mundane affair-riddled pureblooded marriage that every other person we know has. I had something precious and I let it slip away from me, I fell out of love with someone I should have held on tighter to because we were special, weren’t we? We were <em>different.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix feigned boredom, even going so far as to stifle an exaggerated yawn. “Still don’t know what the hell this has to do with me, but go off, I suppose.”</p><p>So childish, but far from unexpected.</p><p>“We’re different too… aren’t we?” Narcissa gently prodded, and suddenly Bellatrix did not look as comfortable as she had just moments prior. “We found each other beneath the wreckage of our shared childhood trauma. We fell in love despite everything in the world telling us that we should not, because it was sinful, because it was disgusting, because I was too <em>young </em>to really consent—”</p><p>“<em>Stop,”</em> Bellatrix growled dangerously, her anxiety and shame over the beginning of their relationship looking as though it had taken hold of her throat.</p><p>“No. You asked and now you will sit there and listen to my answer whether you like it or not,” Narcissa snapped, not letting Bellatrix shut her down. “Despite all of that, I fell in love with you, Bella. We had every reason not to and yet we did anyway, and <em>that</em> is what makes us special. But what I had with Lucius was special too, and despite how much you hated that you still <em>recognized</em> it. So if I can walk away from him, if I can fall out of love with him and throw away the fairytale ending I desired my entire life, then what’s stopping me from one day doing the same to you, to our relationship that I valued so much, that I fought for my entire life, despite the difficulties it brought us both?”</p><p>Bellatrix said nothing, but Narcissa could see the truth had rattled her.</p><p>“But Lucius is not <em>you,</em> Bella,” Narcissa told her softly, needing her to realize that the comparison was inaccurate. “Do I think I have it in me to walk away from you? Of course I do; I’ve already done it once before, but I never fell out of love with you, Bellatrix. What you and I have runs deeper than anything else I have ever known; you are a part of me, as I am a part of you. I chose <em>you,</em> time and time again.”</p><p>“For a long time I liked to delude myself that I loved you both equally, but I did not,” Narcissa admitted, the truth twisting in her gut. “I chose you every time I lied to my husband, despite knowing what I was doing would upset him, would <em>break</em> him. I chose you when you were arrested and I was finally honest with him, well-aware of what that would do to my marriage. And I am choosing you now, because despite what you may believe, you are <em>not</em> my only option, Bella. Lucius and I were well on our way to possibly repairing what we had broken, but the moment I knew you were coming back I tossed that aside because in the end, there was never really a choice at all. I may look different now, I may behave in ways you do not understand, but the one thing that will never change is my heart, and <em>you,</em> my beautiful, frustrating sister, have always been what lies inside of me.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked at her for a long time, emotion swirling behind her dark eyes. It had seemed Narcissa’s words had touched something inside of her, and now she was feeling far too much yet did not know what to do with it, because it wasn’t like her to expel that emotion by <em>crying</em> or something equally as ridiculous that Narcissa would’ve done should the positions have been reversed. So instead Bellatrix was tensed up, breathing through her nose as she erratically ran her thumb across the scar on her palm, and Narcissa gently smiled at her.</p><p>“Please stop worrying about my marriage, Bella,” she breathed as she crossed the space between them to gently place her hand around her sister’s neck to bring her forehead closer for a kiss. “That may have changed, but we never will. You can relax now.”</p><p>“I <em>am</em> relaxed,” Bellatrix ground out, and Narcissa smirked before tucking an errant strand of hair behind her sister’s ear, placing her palm briefly against Bellatrix’s cheek before she stepped away from her.</p><p>“Yes, I can see that. By the way…” Narcissa lazily drawled as she grasped her mug from the counter before suddenly she turned back to Bellatrix, her tone becoming icy as she narrowed her eyes at the other woman. “Don’t you <em>ever</em> sit there and threaten me about walking out and finding someone else again. I don’t care how angry you are, nor how much you wish to get a rise out of me; if you do it, and your stupid arse decision gets you caught and thrown back in prison I will <em>never</em> forgive you. You are a wanted woman, Bellatrix; don’t you dare be that reckless just to prove your silly little points. You are forty-four years old— have some <em>sense.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix looked thoroughly chastised and absolutely <em>livid</em> about it, as it no doubt made her feel like the child that Narcissa kept implying that she acted like. “I wouldn’t have fucking done it—”</p><p>“Oh, <em>please. </em>You absolutely would have done it, don’t you bloody lie to me. Do I need to bring up Victoria?”</p><p>Bellatrix scoffed, but would not meet her gaze. “That was to piss off Lucius—”</p><p>“Please, lie to me some more after I just asked you not to. Let’s see how that goes.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck <em>off,</em> Narcissa; don’t act like you’re the patron saint of honesty; every other fucking word out of your mouth for most of your bleeding life was a lie! You’re probably <em>still</em> lying to me about something, you’ve just gotten better at overshadowing everything with that condescending attitude you’ve adopted so it’s harder for me to pinpoint.”</p><p>And, <em>well,</em> she wasn’t wrong. Still, Narcissa was only really lying to her about Cassandra, which in the end was solely for the other woman’s wellbeing— it wasn’t for <em>Narcissa’s</em> benefit, so it wasn’t as selfishly motivated as most of her other lies had been. She could handle that fight with her sister if she had to, but she knew Cassandra would be collateral damage and <em>that</em> was why she continued to keep her relationship with her hidden.</p><p>“Stop being so broodingly pessimistic, it’s not nearly as attractive as I used to think it was,” Narcissa shot back, causing Bellatrix to dramatically roll her eyes. “Can’t you just <em>apologize</em> for once? Half of our arguments would end fairly quickly if you just learned how to vocalize the words ‘I’m sorry’. It’s really not that sodding hard.”</p><p>“If it’s not that hard then why don’t <em>you</em> fucking apologize?” Bellatrix shot back, still very emotionally stunted. Even sane, she had always been so terribly childish. Narcissa hadn’t really expected her to grow emotionally during her time in Azkaban, but she was still exasperated by the reaction all the same and shot her a decidedly unamused look.</p><p>“For <em>what,</em> pray tell.”</p><p>“For pissing me off!”</p><p>“You pissed yourself off, Bella; that was nothing to do with me,” Narcissa reminded her. “<em>You</em> got angry over my relationship with Lucius, even though it’s, quite frankly,<em> none </em>of your business. <em>Your</em> insecurity made you furious and paranoid, when I had never given any indication that our relationship would dissolve the same way my marriage did. <em>You</em> got pissed off that I called you on your lie, when the <em>normal</em> thing to do would have been to apologize instead of pretending that you wouldn’t be so reckless when we both know that you absolutely would!” Narcissa had been trying to stay calm, but everything was bubbling up inside of her now and suddenly she had slammed her mug on the counter and was shouting at her. “I just wanted you to swear that you wouldn’t threaten that kind of childish crap again because you know how much you getting caught again fucking <em>terrifies</em> me, but you can’t even do <em>that</em> can you?!”</p><p>“Fuck, <em>fine—</em> stop shouting, alright? I’m sorry. Jesus, I hate how you go off on me now; <em>explaining</em> shit to me in that condescending fucking tone of yours, like I’m some bloody child in need of discipline, needing to understand exactly why I’m getting punished. I’m not fucking twelve.”</p><p>“You are in need of discipline and <em>believe</em> me, if I could discipline you I would, but God forbid I’m not the weak, submissive woman you remember.”</p><p>Bellatrix smirked, allowing her tongue to slide across her teeth as she decided toying with her would be more fun than an argument. “Oh, come on, <em>punish</em> me, I dare you. You want to be my mother, Cissy? You want to teach me not to be such a naughty, naughty girl? I’ll role play for you, lover; I just hope you’ll be able to look your son in the eyes after I’ve screamed out ‘Mummy’ and come all over your face.”</p><p>Narcissa grabbed the back of Bellatrix’s hair before she could think better of it, tightly fisting her curls at the nape of her neck, practically wrenching her head back. Bringing up Draco like that was <em>not—</em> Jesus, it was like Bellatrix had no bloody boundaries, and Narcissa lost her temper. “Mention my son again in regard to one of your sick fucking fantasies and see what happens because I guarantee you, Bella, you will <em>not</em> enjoy it.”</p><p>But it seemed Bellatrix <em>was</em> enjoying it— quite a lot in fact. Her eyes were alight with anticipation, her breathing ragged and lips parted. This was the problem with them; they were happy, they had sex, they <em>fought</em> they had sex, they did bloody anything and they fucked their way through it, but Narcissa wasn’t going to indulge in these ridiculous rituals with her anymore, because they were no longer children and this kind of shit just wasn’t <em>healthy.</em></p><p>“Come on, Cissy,” Bellatrix taunted, her words coming out breathy and filled with desire. “Show me how much you’ve <em>changed…”</em></p><p>“Oh, you would <em>love </em>that, wouldn’t you?” Narcissa hissed, still holding tight to her sister as she searched her eyes. “You know you’re out of control, even with your meds you’re still fucked off and need someone to put you straight. You can pretend it’s some kind of kinky fetish all you want, but the fact of the matter is that you’ve realized you probably should be kept on a leash, and you want <em>me</em> to be the one that holds it. Taunting me into it doesn’t give you the power, you know, because all I hear right now is <em>begging</em> and, correct me if I’m wrong, but that sounds terribly submissive of you, wouldn’t you agree?”</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened, as she had always equated submission with weakness. “Fuck you, I’m not— <em>shit,”</em> she hissed, caught off mid-sentence by another furious tug on her hair. Bellatrix fell silent, her chest still heaving.</p><p>“You couldn’t stand the thought of me topping you not too long ago, yet look at you now; fucking <em>dripping</em> by the mere idea of it.”</p><p>“It’s just a sodding <em>game—” </em>Bellatrix tried, obviously a little embarrassed by this newfound desire that seemed to hit her once she got a taste of actually being under her sister’s control, but Narcissa wouldn’t let her finish.</p><p>“Oh, a <em>game, </em>is it? You want to play games now? Alright, here’s one: go the <em>fuck</em> to your room,” Narcissa demanded, letting go of her sister’s hair so violently she nearly toppled off her stool. Bellatrix snorted though once she righted herself, but the flat of Narcissa’s palm hit the counter before she furiously pointed out the door. “<em>Now,</em> Bellatrix; I will not ask you twice!”</p><p>Bellatrix looked like she wasn’t entirely certain whether this was going to lead to some kind of kinky sex or not, but seemed to hope that it would as she did as she was told, albeit with some mutterings. Narcissa exhaled a long breath once she heard her sister stomp up the stairs and slam the bedroom door behind her and she grabbed her lukewarm tea, using her wand to heat it back up again.</p><p>Yes, she <em>had</em> changed, but not in a way Bellatrix was going to like, because she was not about to be bullied or taunted into doing whatever she wanted now. Narcissa had absolutely <em>no</em> desire to follow Bellatrix up those stairs and indulge in some silly role play in order to fuck their frustrations out and so she sat, as poised as ever at her kitchen counter as she slowly sipped her tea, wondering how long it would take Bellatrix to realize that she hadn’t actually won after all.</p><p>The answer to that, apparently, was twenty-two minutes, but the argument that followed that was much, much longer because Narcissa decided if she was going to discipline her, then she was damn well going to do it properly, and that meant not caving to whatever her sister desired; whether Bellatrix liked it or not, and she did <em>not, </em>this was not the way Narcissa was going to allow them to function anymore, because she knew that she deserved better than that.</p><p>They both did.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. XVI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XVI.</strong>
</p>
<p>“What…” Lucius began, looking at the remnants of Narcissa’s bedroom door; pieces of kindling were scattered around the threshold, but other than that the room was barely touched, “the <em>hell</em> happened while I was gone?”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix,” Narcissa said simply as she lay on her stomach on her bed, a quill in her hand as she composed a letter to her son. Lucius stepped over the mess and into the room.</p>
<p>“Why haven’t you called the house elf to clean it up?”</p>
<p>“Have you seen the kitchen?”</p>
<p>“…No.”</p>
<p>“The kitchen is worse,” Narcissa told him before she placed the quill down and pushed herself to a seated position, looking at her husband. “That’s where Bitzy is at the moment. I thought it better to prioritize the bigger disaster.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked utterly exasperated, and Narcissa did not blame him. Even though Bellatrix was arguably much saner, she was still an absolute tornado when she was angry. “Where is she?” he asked, as generally the woman was attached to his wife at the hip.</p>
<p>“With the Dark Lord. You didn’t get called?”</p>
<p>“No, but then again I’m not one of his most <em>faithful,”</em> Lucius responded, attempting not to sound bitter but failing miserably at it. The Dark Lord hadn’t been particularly pleased with all of Lucius’ failed attempts at Imperiusing people to get the prophecy, but that was hardly fair considering what they now knew. Still, Narcissa would rather he not be one of his innermost circle; Bellatrix could handle it, but Lucius still did not have the stomach for some of the more brutal aspects of being a Death Eater.</p>
<p>Narcissa tried to not think about what her sister was doing, despite knowing in her gut it was probably something terrible like torture or murder on his behalf. She hoped, at the very least, that he did not have her going out in public though, considering there was still a very high price on Bellatrix’s head. Voldemort seemed to value her quite heavily though, so her concern was probably unwarranted: out of all of his servants, Bellatrix would be one that he would hate to lose again. She was his <em>best</em>, after all…</p>
<p>Lucius toed a piece of kindling on the floor before exhaling a sigh. “How is she not fucking <em>exhausting</em> for you to deal with?”</p>
<p>“Oh, she is <em>terribly</em> exhausting, but I’ve learned patience when it comes to Bella; I’ve had nearly an entire lifetime’s worth of practice, after all,” Narcissa reminded him. “Besides, she only does these things to provoke a reaction from me; as I have not been giving her what she wants in that regard, she will eventually find new ways to exercise her frustration. I’m hoping she’ll eventually land on something relatively healthy, but I’m aware that might take a very long time.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, I don’t understand either of you,” Lucius admitted as he crossed the room. “I walked in on you kissing her earlier and you looked as though… well, as though you had never been more in love.” Narcissa’s expression washed in guilt as she could hear the hurt in her husband’s voice. He moved past it though, not allowing himself to get hung up on something he knew he could not change; they already had enough regrets where the other was concerned, after all. “And now, not three hours later, I come home to <em>this. </em>Your relationship is absolute bloody insanity; I’ve never seen anything more Bipolar. This isn’t <em>good</em> for you, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>“I’m aware, which is why I’m trying to fix it,” Narcissa responded, because <em>obviously</em> this was not what she preferred either. It may have worked when they were younger, but being taunted and manipulated into sex was no longer something she was going to allow. “Unfortunately, it seems Bellatrix is only interested in being disciplined if it involves her newfound curiosity about being properly dominated in bed, but I’m not going to reward her terrible behavior with sex, so I attempted to discipline her without it. She was… <em>displeased</em> about the arrangement.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her as though he wished most of those words hadn’t come out of her mouth. “You really could have just left it as you were ‘trying to fix it’ and it would have been <em>fine,</em> you know.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot him an apologetic look, but did not actually apologize. Honestly, she <em>needed</em> someone to talk to about Bellatrix, and while Cassandra used to fill the void, Narcissa barely saw her anymore. Lucius lived with them though, he saw firsthand what was going on, and so it was just easier to talk through things with him, even though Narcissa knew it was an incredibly selfish thing to do seeing as he clearly was still not comfortable knowing the extent of their relationship.</p>
<p>“How was your date?” she asked instead, wishing to allow him the save privilege about talking about <em>his</em> lovers in return. It was only fair.</p>
<p>“It was… less of a date than I assumed it would be,” he admitted, coming to rest next to her on the bed. He looked a little bit dejected and Narcissa placed a comforting hand on his thigh.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“<em>You’re</em> what happened, you manipulative shrew. If you had just left everything well enough alone—”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa sat up straighter, ignoring the ‘shrew’ comment because frankly, she had been a bit manipulative in that regard. Still, her interest had now been piqued and she realized, “You saw Cassandra? She invited you round?”</p>
<p>“Yes, but not for sex, so thank you for getting <em>that</em> idea in my head,” Lucius snapped, and Narcissa shot him a guilty look. Apparently, whatever attempt he had made was met with rejection. “I don’t even bloody <em>like</em> the woman— I mean, she’s alright… funnier than I expected, and very beautiful— her <em>body</em> is… well, you’re aware. Her accent is <em>annoying</em> though, and she’s still so bloody hung up on <em>you — </em>which was the entire reason she invited me round, by the way, to get a proper update on <em>your</em> current shit show<em> — </em>and while I understand that for some fucked off reason you are a difficult person to get over, I also don’t particularly want to be fucking some woman and wondering if she thinks my bloody <em>wife</em> is better in bed than I am.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew Cassandra would not be over her that quickly, but neither was Lucius; that was the entire reason she thought they would <em>work. </em>It was harder to be jealous over other people’s hangups if they were the same ones you have, after all. Besides, they weren’t the only ones with difficulties moving on, as Narcissa missed them both terribly. She honestly would have been very hurt if they both <em>had</em> gotten over her while she was still trying to convince herself that leaving them both behind was the best option for her.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on. I’m sure she wouldn’t be actively <em>comparing</em> while you’re screwing her, Lucius,” Narcissa chastised, finding his insecurity ridiculous. “You’re very good in bed, and she certainly enjoyed herself last time; I think you know that.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, <em>apparently </em>not enough to do it a second time, so…”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, gently squeezing her husband’s thigh. “Not to make this worse,” she began, knowing full-well she was about to make things worse as she pointed out the obvious, “but I am curious why you seem to care so bloody much if you apparently do not like her. If it’s just her body you’re after, I’m sure you could easily find a comparable substitute.”</p>
<p>Lucius side-eyed her. “Reverse psychology? Cute.”</p>
<p>“Okay, <em>fine— </em>but regardless of what you’re trying to convince me of, I do know you want her as your new mistress, so let me <em>help </em>you,” Narcissa pleaded, just wanting them both to find some happiness. Also, it would be nice for her husband to have a mistress that she actually <em>liked</em> for once, and maybe, <em>maybe</em>, a tiny part of her wanted them together because should she ever be stupid enough to go behind her sister’s back and fuck them again, it was easier to get everything she wanted in one go if they occupied the same bed.</p>
<p>Narcissa instantly hated herself for the thought, but it had slipped through regardless. She honestly wasn’t trying to be so bloody self-serving anymore, but perhaps some things would never change. It was a little disheartening, but Narcissa tried not to dwell on it. She had improved in so many ways, and perhaps others just needed time.</p>
<p>“I don’t need a bloody… a bloody <em>wing</em>-woman, Narcissa!”</p>
<p>“I mean, all evidence points to the contrary, considering you did not get what you were after when you went visiting today,” Narcissa reminded him, and Lucius glowered. Narcissa knew this was not <em>fun</em> for him by any means, but to be honest she was enjoying herself a little at his expense. He was cute when he was grumpy.</p>
<p>“I <em>did</em> kiss her, you know.”</p>
<p>“And then got rejected?”</p>
<p>“Not right away!” Lucius exclaimed, offended that she would think that even though Narcissa found it to be a completely rational conclusion, given the outcome. “It went on for… a fair bit, but when I tried to undress her it was apparently a step too far, and I’m not the kind of arsehole that’s going to push when I’m told no.”</p>
<p>“What, you just tried to undress her after a short makeout session and thought that would <em>work?”</em> Narcissa asked, completely exasperated by him. “She’s not <em>me</em>; you may have slept together once already, but it wasn’t one-on-one so there’s no real history there that can allow for you to just stick your dick in her once it’s hard enough. <em>Seduce</em> her, Lucius, for God’s sake— she’s got a weakness for having shit whispered in her ear; something as simple as your breath against her skin will make her bloody weak. Tell her how <em>sexy</em> she is, how you can’t get how she felt around your cock out of your head, how badly you want to taste her, touch her, <em>fuck</em> her— it’s really not that hard.”</p>
<p>Lucius colored in frustration. “I’ve bedded other women besides <em>you,</em> you know! I don’t need your sodding advice—”</p>
<p>“Lucius, you are literally trying to bed a woman I have bedded over a hundred times; push your pride aside for one second and I promise you, if you do as I say, you will be getting your cocked sucked by her within the week.”</p>
<p>Lucius still looked frustrated and embarrassed that he needed his <em>wife</em> to help him get a proper mistress (well, perhaps Cassandra wasn’t <em>proper</em> in any sense of the word, but she was a damn better sight than anyone else Lucius has fucked, and Narcissa could guarantee that), but he relented regardless. “Fine. Just stop bloody speaking to me like I’m stupid; I don’t know her like you do, remember?”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Narcissa apologized, although she really wasn’t that sorry; honestly, he should have known he’d have to work a little harder than he did. “Now, what did she say exactly when she turned down your advances?”</p>
<p>“She said it didn’t ‘feel’ right, and then got all bloody upset over <em>you</em> again.”</p>
<p>“So then you go back to her, <em>apologize</em> for one— bring some flowers or something, she likes daisies, and then you need to tell her you’re just as upset over losing me as she is, and that you were an idiot for listening to me, because <em>obviously</em> fucking each other isn’t going to replace what either of you lost—”</p>
<p>“Does it hurt when you bend over to kiss your own arse like that?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot him an exasperated look. “I’m trying to get you laid; would you care to listen, or would you like to continue to make your stupid comments?”</p>
<p>“This just sounds like you’re trying to manipulate her into bed with me, Narcissa; that’s a bit fucked up, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“It’s not a manipulation if everything I’m saying is bloody <em>true,”</em> Narcissa told him, not allowing him to just pretend that he isn’t just as fucked up about this as the rest of them. “You <em>are</em> still hung up on me, but I’m still hung up on you, I’m still hung up on <em>her— </em>I know this is bullshit, Lucius, but my ideal scenario where I have everything I bloody want isn’t feasible, so let me live vicariously through you both. Have each other, <em>tell</em> me about it in fucking filthy, vivid detail, and allow me to have the fantasy if I’m not privy to the reality of either of you anymore.”</p>
<p>“Ah— there it is,” Lucius noted, finally seeing what was in it for <em>her. </em>“I knew you weren’t pushing this for completely selfless reasons; that seemed too… well unlike <em>you, </em>for a start.”</p>
<p>Narcissa colored in shame, growing defensive. “Look, I’m not going to pretend I’m perfect, but I <em>swear</em> I do just want you both to be happy. I just… also want what I want as well, and if those two things can align then why shouldn’t I push for it?”</p>
<p>“Because neither Cassandra nor myself deserve to be reduced to your masturbation material.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest grew heavy with upset and she pushed herself off the bed in a huff. “That wasn’t what I— that’s <em>not— I</em>’m just trying to make a shit situation <em>better, </em>Lucius! If Bellatrix hadn’t come back I’d still want the same thing, you know! Just— I’d be there <em>too,</em> because having you both is, I don’t know, more appealing to me than having you one at a time— and maybe that’s fucked up and wouldn’t have worked anyway, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t have that<em> bloody</em> option anymore, do I? So just— God, I don’t understand <em>either</em> of you! You both are fucking beautiful, why don’t you want each other?!”</p>
<p>But Lucius looked like he wasn’t entirely sure how to answer her entire rant, and Narcissa was now <em>terribly</em> upset and felt as though screaming at Lucius alone wasn’t enough so before she could think better of it she went to the fireplace that usually stood unused in her bedroom, lit it with <em>incendio</em>, and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames. <em>“Cassandra!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa knew her voice screaming through the Goyle’s house would be all it took, and she was not wrong. Cassandra stepped out of the fireplace, looking terribly concerned over the way she was summoned. “What’s happened? What’s wrong? Where’s— what the <em>bloody</em> hell happened to your door?”</p>
<p>“Who cares about my damn door, why won’t you have <em>sex</em> with him?” Narcissa exclaimed furiously, causing Cassandra to look at her like she must have gone mental. Maybe she had.</p>
<p>“’Cause despite what you may bloody think, Cissa, the people in my life aren’t fuckin’ interchangeable,” Cassandra snapped, not allowing her to just go off and yell at her about ridiculous things. “Fuckin’ him <em>with</em> you is one thing, an’ that’s messy enough— if I become his bloody mistress, everything’s going to get sodding <em>worse, </em>an’ it won’t even be worth it ‘cause despite findin’ each other fit, what we both really want we can’t bloody have. Just seems a bit fuckin’ <em>pathetic,</em> don’t ya think? An’ I’m not about to get pathetic over you, Cissa, so fuck right off!”</p>
<p>Okay, Narcissa hadn’t been expecting <em>that.</em> She just gaped at her, lost for words because she wasn’t <em>trying</em> make them get pathetic over her, honestly, but Cassandra wasn’t looking at her anymore anyway.</p>
<p>“Where’s the mental one?”</p>
<p>“Dark Lord,” Lucius answered her, and that made Cassandra noticeably relax a little. As much as she claimed she was not scared of her, she clearly did not wish to get into it with Bellatrix anytime soon either. “Impressive, by the way.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow knit. “What?”</p>
<p>“Rendering her speechless; she was on a bloody tirade five minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna be party to her bullshit, an’ I’m not gonna be anyone’s dancing fuckin’ puppet; got more sodding self-respect than that.”</p>
<p>“Well you’ll have to let me know what that’s like, because I’m apparently still fucking catering to her insane crap for whatever God forsaken reason,” Lucius grumbled, sounding furious with himself as he realized that perhaps what he thought he wanted wasn’t what he wanted after all. He exhaled a long breath then, looking apologetically toward Cassandra. “I’m sorry— about earlier. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I let her get in my head.”</p>
<p>Cassandra gave him a small, understanding smile. “S’Fine— know she fucks people up.”</p>
<p>“Hello, I am still <em>here!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed furiously, before she suddenly realized what the fuck she was <em>doing </em>and paled a little. What the hell had she been thinking? If Bella came back… “Jesus— but you… you shouldn’t be. I’m sorry, you should go; I shouldn’t have called you—”</p>
<p>“Well ya did, an’ I’m here now, so say what you gotta say then,” Cassandra demanded, not budging as she put her hands on her hips and stared at her.</p>
<p>“Cass, no, please— if she comes back and you’re in our bloody <em>bedroom</em> of all places…”</p>
<p>Cassandra, however, would not budge. “Fine, would you like to take this <em>downstairs</em> then?”</p>
<p>“No! Cassandra, for <em>Christ’s </em>sake—”</p>
<p>“When did she leave?” Lucius interjected, and Narcissa looked at him a little confused before she realized what he was asking and she responded, albeit distractedly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, maybe an hour ago?”</p>
<p>“She won’t be back for a while— whatever he’s got her doing won’t be short and honestly even if it was, look at your fucking door,” Lucius reminded her, and Narcissa shifted her gaze to the wreckage her sister had wrought. “Bellatrix is <em>clearly</em> not happy with you right now, so I don’t think she’ll be rushing back any time soon. If she can’t be halfway up <em>your</em> arse, you and I both know for damn sure that she’ll be halfway up <em>his.”</em></p>
<p>And, okay, perhaps that was true, but it still seemed like such a stupid, reckless thing to do… Narcissa twisted her hands in anxiety, feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden. “Why are you both doing this?” she pleaded, starting to grow upset. “I don’t need you ganging up on me right now!”</p>
<p>“No one’s gangin’ up on you, you over-dramatic knob— <em>you’re</em> the one who’s gettin’ all bent outta shape ‘cause I won’t shag your man behind your bloody back!”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t want it to be behind her back,” Lucius interjected, and Cassandra turned to him in question. “She wants us to fuck and then tell her all the dirty little details of our affair so she can give herself a good wank over it later, apparently.”</p>
<p>“—<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>“Honestly the way she was talking I wouldn’t have been surprised if she asked us to sodding film it for her.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I <em>meant!” </em>Narcissa denied, but was blushing a furious crimson. “Christ, Lucius, you don’t gotta put it like— I just meant if I can’t have either of you, then the next best thing is if I was able to live vicariously through you both. And fine, okay, maybe that’s <em>selfish</em> of me because I obviously made my choice and it wasn’t either of you, so I’m <em>sorry,</em> but I’m obviously still having a very hard time letting go!”</p>
<p>Cassandra folded her arms in front of her chest, quirking her brow before she shifted her gaze over toward Lucius.</p>
<p>“Oh, it gets better,” he told her, leaning back on his palms. “If Bellatrix never came back, apparently she would have wanted some fucked up, three-way relationship with us. Don’t ask me how that would work— I’m still unsure.”</p>
<p>“<em>Can you please stop talking about me like I’m not here?”</em></p>
<p>Everything they were saying sounded so terribly judgmental and Narcissa hated how it was making her feel. She had been on such a fucking ride lately atop her goddamn moral high-horse when it came to Bellatrix, but Lucius and Cassandra were making her feel as though perhaps she wasn’t as well-adjusted as she was making herself out to be after all. Suddenly, all Narcissa wanted was her sister back, as Bellatrix was far easier to deal with than <em>this.</em></p>
<p>“Shit— Cissa, don’t <em>cry…”</em></p>
<p>“Fuck off, both of you!” Narcissa exclaimed furiously, trying desperately to wipe the remnants of her helplessness from her cheeks. “I was just trying to find a good solution for all of us; I’m sorry if it was a terrible one, but that doesn’t give either of you the right to stand there and make <em>fun</em> of me…!”</p>
<p>Lucius looked a little perplexed by her sudden breakdown, and pushed himself off the bed to come closer to you. “Narcissa, no one is making fun of you—”</p>
<p>“Well that’s what it sodding feels like!” Narcissa shouted, causing him to stop a few paces before her. “I’m just <em>upset,</em> alright?! I hate that I had to choose and if this had been twenty bloody years ago I would have fucked all three of you and not given a shit who it hurt so long as I got what <em>I </em>wanted, but I’m trying not to be such a selfish arsehole now so I’m <em>sorry </em>if my regret is making me push for stupid things, but I’ve never been in this position before and I am trying to deal with it in the only <em>fucking </em>way that makes sense to me!”</p>
<p>Cassandra pursed her lips, looking a little emotional but like she did not wish to let it out. So when she spoke her words were a little strained as she asked for clarification on the one part that stood out to her. “…You regret it then?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted into knots. “That is <em>not</em> what I meant—”</p>
<p>“S’What you just said, Cissa.”</p>
<p>“I am very much in love with Bellatrix, and I will say that to <em>both</em> of your faces without an ounce of shame because I refuse to be embarrassed for how I feel about her anymore,” Narcissa responded unwaveringly, her cheeks still blotchy and her throat unbearably tight. “I cannot, and I <em>will </em>not, leave her. I’m fully aware both of you believe me mad for it, but it’s my choice. <em>She</em> is my choice. I fucking—” But her voice choked up then, another tear falling down her cheek as she looked between the two people she used to share a bed with. “I fucking <em>miss</em> you both, I won’t deny that, and maybe it’s making me a little crazy, but we weren’t in love, were we? So yeah, maybe I’m <em>regretful</em> about what I’ve lost, but I do not <em>regret</em> what I chose, and I will not do either of you the disservice by lying about that. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Cassandra was clenching her jaw so tightly the muscles in her face twitched, and Lucius was looking torn between being both irritated and exasperated, although that was usually his baseline whenever Bellatrix was brought up.</p>
<p>“Y’know, it’d be one thing if ya tossed me aside for someone who actually treats you good—”</p>
<p>“You have no <em>idea</em> how she treats me,” Narcissa interrupted dangerously, hating when people made assumptions about their relationship. Yes, they often fought, but they were bloody <em>siblings. </em>They still loved one another; fiercely, unwaveringly, <em>passionately</em>.</p>
<p>“Cassandra, I would tread <em>very</em> carefully down this road if I were you,” Lucius tried to softly warn her, as he knew how insanely protective Narcissa could get when it came to her sister. But Cassandra did not listen; she was never one to pull her punches after all and if she had something to say, she was <em>damn</em> well going to say it.</p>
<p>“No? Think your bloody door says otherwise, ‘cause that certainly doesn’t fuckin’ scream ‘healthy disagreement’ to me.”</p>
<p>“Wow, big surprise that a woman with a psychiatric disorder, with PTSD from being in <em>prison</em> for the last fifteen years, has anger issues— what the fuck did you expect? It’s not like she put her hands on me.”</p>
<p>“Because she’s never done <em>that</em> right?” Cassandra responded pointedly, as though she already knew that there was no way that that hadn’t happened at least once. Narcissa flushed in anger, upset on her sister’s behalf because Bellatrix had been <em>trying.</em> She had taken her sister’s words seriously the very first day she had gotten back, and had not raised a hand to her since. But it was never just <em>her</em> either— Narcissa had put her hands on Bellatrix far too many times to count when they were younger, and she <em>hated</em> being victimized.</p>
<p>“Get out. Get the fuck out of my house.”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>gladly,”</em> Cassandra seethed, her own eyes swirling with upset as she stormed over to the fireplace, violently grabbing some floo powder. “Wouldn’t wanna impose on ya orchestrating the next tragedy of your fucked up fairytale. Although I’d appreciate it if you refrained from invitin’ me to this one, Cissa— think I’ve seen enough of your shit performances to last me a lifetime.”</p>
<p>Narcissa choked back her sorrow and rage as Cassandra erupted in a burst of green light, and the blonde covered her mouth as she furiously sobbed, not wanting to face the reality that she might have done something she couldn’t take back.</p>
<p>“You’re going to regret letting her walk out like that,” Lucius warned her, as he could already see how devastated his wife was that it had come to this. But Narcissa didn’t want to hear that; she didn’t want to <em>face</em> that.</p>
<p>“Get out!” Narcissa shrieked, furiously pointing toward the door. “I don’t want you here either; get out!”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her like he was exhausted by her, and Narcissa fell apart even further, because maybe she <em>wasn’t</em> better after all. Lucius did as requested though and left his wife to weep alone on her bed as she held herself and regretted ever allowing herself to get so caught up in Cassandra in the first place. What did she think was going to happen though, <em>really? </em>She couldn’t have a relationship with her while she had a relationship with Bellatrix— that just would never work. Yes, they were able to have a friendship when she had Bellatrix before, but her and Cassandra weren’t just <em>friends </em>anymore, were they? Narcissa had ruined it, twisted it, got them tangled up in one another and now it was too hard to separate unless they violently tore themselves away, and Narcissa hated that she didn’t realize that this was how it was always going to end.</p>
<p>It was more than an hour before Narcissa was able to pick herself up out of bed and bring herself downstairs. She found Lucius in their parlor reading and Narcissa said nothing as she padded inside, finding a seat across from him. She could see him glance at her over his book, but he too said nothing.</p>
<p>Finally, Narcissa spoke. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”</p>
<p>“Really not the one you should be apologizing to,” he reminded her, and Narcissa’s gaze hit her lap, shame and devastation bubbling up inside of her.</p>
<p>“I just… <em>hate</em> being victimized.”</p>
<p>“No, you hate people calling you on your bullshit, and it seems Cassandra is quite good at that,” Lucius corrected, and Narcissa colored in upset, but said nothing. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, staring at her hands.</p>
<p>“Bellatrix is getting better,” Narcissa said softly. “We <em>both</em> are. She wasn’t the only one who used to be physically abusive, you know. I put my hands on her in anger all the time. I’m not proud of it.”</p>
<p>“I’d be concerned if you were.”</p>
<p>Narcissa ran her thumb over the scar on her palm, wondering where her sister was. It had been a very long time, and she wanted her home. She hated that they were fighting, and she hated even more that she realized how condescending she was being to Bellatrix, when it seemed she still had her own issues to sort out. She needed to stop acting as though she was better than her because she had grown emotionally — albeit, apparently very minimally, if <em>this</em> fiasco was any indication. Narcissa was still doing the same selfish things, still trying to make everyone around her do what <em>she</em> wanted, even if they might not want those same things herself.</p>
<p>“You need to be more mindful of other’s feelings,” Lucius chastised her, placing his book down next to him. “You stood there and told Cassandra how in love you were with that psycho, and how you did not regret choosing someone like that over <em>her.</em> Even if that’s true, you need to take a fucking second and think about how badly your words might hurt someone. She <em>loves</em> you, you know.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s cheeks burned, feeling about an inch tall. “She’s not in—”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter,” Lucius cut her off, not allowing Narcissa to make excuses. “Love, <em>in</em> love, who cares? You’ve both had an on-again, off-again relationship for the past fifteen bloody years, and there is obviously still a part of her that wanted it to be <em>on</em> again eventually, and as such she’s having a very hard time letting you go. Telling her you miss her doesn’t excuse the fact that you practically spat on her today with your warped declarations about Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>“Why are you yelling at me about <em>her?”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, embarrassed and confused. “We were sleeping together too, and I said the same damn things to you—”</p>
<p>“Because my situation is different than Cassandra’s, and you know it,” Lucius interrupted, causing his wife to fall furiously silent. “I’ve had most of my life to deal with your obsession with that nutter; I would have expected that same fucked off declaration to come out of your mouth even before I knew you were in love and sleeping with her. You’ve always been a mess when it comes to Bellatrix, Narcissa, and it took me the better part of the last twenty-five years to get myself to this sort of reluctant acceptance I’ve adopted, because what else can I <em>do?</em> I don’t allow it to cut me anymore, but Cassandra does not have that luxury because this is all new to her.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shook her head. “Cass has known about Bella and I for a long time…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, when she was in <em>prison,”</em> Lucius reminded her. “When she wasn’t a threat to her relationship with you. Cassandra is finally learning how it feels to come second to your disaster of a sister, and it <em>hurts</em> her. Honestly, it’s a very good thing you both are no longer together because if you were, that realization would hit a lot harder, and a <em>lot</em> worse. Realizing you are not someone’s priority when they are yours is not the same as witnessing it, with <em>feeling</em> it. It destroys you. Believe me. Out of anyone, I’d know.”</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t look at him, tears beginning to well up in her eyes again. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Cassandra, and she <em>hated</em> that she had hurt Lucius so much worse all those years ago; why did she always <em>do</em> this to people?</p>
<p>“Besides,” Lucius continued pointedly, “At the end of the day, I’m still your husband. I know you have this ridiculous desire to claim some sort of loyalty towards your sister right now, but I doubt it will last. Bellatrix may not particularly <em>enjoy</em> us being together, but she does at least respect our marriage and would begrudgingly allow you to come back into my bed if you desired to. She would be <em>less</em> understanding about Cassandra, and you both are well-aware of that fact, which is why it makes your separation from her far more devastating than ours.”</p>
<p>“So what, you’re just going to sit around and wait for me to come back, are you?” Narcissa shot back, just wanting to make him feel as embarrassed as she felt in that moment, because she was feeling thoroughly chastised and hated every moment of it. God, this was probably how Bellatrix felt— no wonder she was so pissed off.</p>
<p>Lucius however just laughed. “No,” he told her, as though the very idea was ridiculous. “I don’t want you right now; this side of you is in <em>no</em> way attractive to me. There may be a part of me that wishes things had turned out differently, as before it was… well, it doesn’t matter. Things have changed. Enjoy your <em>choice,</em> Narcissa, because you were the one who made it, as you so cruelly enjoyed reminding those you left behind.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest tightened and she stood up in a huff, feeling as though she had just been punched in the gut despite knowing full-well that it had been she who had hurt others. She didn’t know what to <em>do</em> though; how could she apologize to Cassandra and convince her that she still meant quite a lot to her without having it turn into something that it could no longer be? Because that’s what Narcissa <em>wanted</em> to do— she just wanted to kiss her and promise her that she wasn’t forgotten because she <em>wasn’t,</em> but she couldn’t do that to Bellatrix, and she couldn’t put Cassandra at risk like that either. She felt helpless and angry, although mostly at <em>Lucius</em> now because practically being lectured by him made everything feel worse, and Narcissa tried to storm from the room.</p>
<p>However, with a loud <em>pop</em> her sister was now standing in the foyer and Narcissa had to grind to a screeching halt to not run right into her. “Jesus fucking— don’t <em>do</em> that!”</p>
<p>“What the fuck is your problem?” Bellatrix asked, offended by the greeting she received. “You still can’t be mad about that bloody door; I’ll fucking fix it, damn— how you still haven’t learned simple maintenance spells, I have no idea.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, ‘cause the <em>door</em> was the only thing you’ve managed to destroy today,” Narcissa seethed, even though she knew that wasn’t fair, as it wasn’t <em>Bellatrix’s</em> fault that her relationship with Cassandra fell to pieces— it was her own. Bellatrix, however, had no idea what she was implying, thankfully.</p>
<p>“The kitchen wasn’t <em>that</em> bad. You can buy more goddamn dishes.”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> can buy more dishes, actually,” Narcissa snarled, not about to clean up more of her sister’s messes. She stormed past her, beginning to climb the stairs.</p>
<p>“How? My funds are frozen in Gringotts, genius.”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll sell your damn house— it’s not like you’ll be able to live there ever again <em>anyway.”</em></p>
<p>“You are not going to sell my bloody house just because I broke some goddamn dishes—<em> Narcissa!” </em>Bellatrix shouted, taking the stairs two at a time to catch up with her. “What the fuck—<em> what?”</em></p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘what’?” Narcissa shouted, rounding on her once she had made it to the top of the stairs. “Do you really think you can just pop over to the Dark Lord, get out all your frustrations from our fight with a spot of torture or murder, and then come back here and expect me to be <em>happy</em> with you? I have had a <em>bad</em> fucking day, Bellatrix, and if you aren’t going to apologize for being a goddamn tornado through my life then find somewhere else to sleep tonight, because it’s not going to be with me.”</p>
<p>“Alright, fuck— <em>stop,”</em> Bellatrix pleaded, wrapping her hand around her sister’s arm. “Cissy, come on— I’m <em>sorry,</em> okay? I know I have shit coping mechanisms. But you just— you…!”</p>
<p>Narcissa stared at her. “You’re a grown woman, Bella. Vocalize your feelings, please.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em> you— you embarrassed me, alright?!” Bellatrix snapped, looking deeply humiliated by just the admission itself. Narcissa was fairly certain she had never seen her sister blush in her <em>life,</em> so her eyebrows got lost in her hairline by the unexpected sight.</p>
<p>“What? <em>How?”</em></p>
<p>“Because being like <em>that</em> feels like a fucking weakness to me, alright? And then you order me up to our room and <em>leave</em> me there— like what the <em>fuck,</em> Cissy? It makes me not want to fucking trust you with anything!”</p>
<p>“Being like… what? <em>Submissive?</em>” Narcissa asked, trying to understand her sister’s train of thought. “Bella, if you want to talk to me about trying something new then of course I’ll bloody listen, but <em>you</em> need to understand that you can’t just suddenly realize something gets you wet and then decide to try to taunt me into doing what you want in the middle of a <em>fight.</em> I was upset with you already because you were threatening to do reckless things and then even when you knew it upset me you didn’t apologize until after I screamed at you. And then, to top <em>that</em> off, you bring up the whole Mummy fetish thing in probably the <em>worst</em> possible way— which is an absolute <em>no</em>, by the way, considering I <em>am</em> an actual mother — and you think I’m going to just, what? Put on a bloody corset and whip you for your disobedience? For Christ’s sake.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix, of course, failed to see the issue in that. “I mean if you were already pissed off at me, why <em>not?”</em></p>
<p>“Because I’ve decided we are no longer fucking when we’re angry; it’s ridiculously unhealthy and it’s a screwed up way of dealing with our issues. I’m tired of our relationship being a goddamn cliché. I’m tired of proving people <em>right. </em>I want something normal with you, Bella,” Narcissa pleaded, just wanting to feel like she had made the right choice— especially now, after everything she had lost today. “And I know we’ll never <em>really </em>be ‘normal’ and I know we’ll never be ‘healthy’ because sleeping with one’s sibling <em>clearly</em> proves some underlying fucking mental issue, but we don’t need to make it worse. I’m tired of making it <em>worse.”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix pursed her lips, seeing the upset cross her sister’s face. “Okay,” she finally said, her voice soft. She grasped for the blonde’s hands, pulling Narcissa toward her before wrapping her arms around her waist. “We won’t make it worse. I’ll try, alright?”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded as she threw her arms around Bellatrix’s neck, burying her face in the crook of it. She was feeling far too much from the day she had though and tears began to leak from her eyes as she fisted her hands in her sister’s hair. “Cissy, why are you— what’s<em> wrong?”</em></p>
<p>“I’ve just had an… unstable day,” Narcissa breathed through her tears, holding her sister close to her as it was the only thing that made her feel comforted. “Sometimes my emotions are still not— my medication can only do so much, I guess. I’ve just been feeling a lot today, I’m sorry… I think I just— I need you right now. Is that okay?”</p>
<p>“Of course it’s okay,” Bellatrix breathed as she cupped the back of her sister’s head, fisting a protective hand in her hair as she kissed her forehead. “Do you want to lie down?” Narcissa nodded weakly.</p>
<p>“You’ll stay with me, right?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smiled at her softly, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her sister’s ear as she promised so much more than just what the blonde was asking her. “Until my last <em>breath</em>, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. XVII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XVII.</strong>
</p>
<p>Dumbledore had fled Hogwarts.</p>
<p>The Minister of Magic had thanked Lucius personally for raising such a ‘fine young man’, as Draco had been one of the students helping Dolores Umbridge find the source of corruption inside of the school. “Dumbledore’s Army” they called themselves— led by the Potter child, of course. Why he and the rest of the students involved didn’t get thrown from the school directly after being outed as part of such a group Narcissa wasn’t sure, but perhaps it simply would not look good to punish children that severely for merely being subjected to Dumbledore’s wretched influence.</p>
<p>Draco was appointed as part of the newly formed Inquisitorial Squad shortly afterward, which was a select group of students who were supportive of the Ministry of Magic, hand-picked by the new Headmistress herself. Although Narcissa was not certain how long it would last, as Dumbledore being run out of Hogwarts permanently seemed too good to be true, Narcissa was happy that an accomplishment like that would be on her son’s school record. Next to being a Prefect, it would look very favorable on Draco’s job applications in the future, and that was what was important.</p>
<p>Her son had written to her not long after it had happened, excited to tell her about how much respect and authority he had now. Of course being part of such an elite group came with other students’ jealousy, and Draco had told her that his classmate Montague had gone missing as a result of a nasty prank. He didn’t seem overly concerned about it though so clearly they had not been <em>close,</em> but it did cause Narcissa concern for her son’s wellbeing. Lucius was proud of him though, and Narcissa knew that was all Draco needed to continue on the right path; he so looked up to his father, after all.</p>
<p>When the post came that morning, Narcissa had been looking forward to it as she had hoped for another letter from Draco, but instead of that joy her owl Screech soared into the dining room where she, Bellatrix, and Lucius sat eating breakfast, and dropped a scarlet letter in front of her.</p>
<p>Narcissa paled.</p>
<p>“Who the fuck is sending you a <em>Howler?”</em> Bellatrix asked, as the only person who ever used to do that was their mother. Narcissa knew though; she had known who it was from the second she laid eyes on it, and as a result the blonde made a desperate grab for it as it began to smoke.</p>
<p>Narcissa tried to run with it as she knew that regardless of what it said, she did <em>not</em> want her sister hearing the contents, but unfortunately she did not get very far. Narcissa yelped in pain as it began to burn her fingers and she dropped it just as it exploded, a booming voice carrying through the entire manor.</p>
<p>
  <em>“’I’m sorry’— ‘I’m sorry’?! Two bloody weeks I haven’t heard from you, an’ those two fuckin’ words are the only thing you can think to say to me? Go fuck yourself, Cissa—”</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut as she heard Cassandra’s voice scream through her house, and she prayed, she <em>prayed </em>that the woman wouldn’t be stupid enough to be specific about what she was angry about, because Narcissa <em>knew</em> she was not the only one hearing this.</p>
<p>God, maybe she should have said more in the letter, or even apologized <em>earlier,</em> but everything Narcissa wrote seemed like she was promising something she couldn’t give her, so in the end she had just settled with a simple ‘I’m sorry’. <em>Apparently</em> that apology had not been received well. She was such an idiot, honestly, and Narcissa knew she deserved every bit of the woman’s wrath.</p>
<p><em>“—I’ve seen your sodding husband more than I’ve seen you these past couple months, an’ I’m tired of it— your priorities are </em>fucked<em>; we’ve been best mates for twenty five bloody years, an’ the second that mental bitch comes back s’like you can’t even be bothered to pull your mouth away from ‘er cunt for five fuckin’ minutes—”</em></p>
<p>Oh, this was going from bad to worse. Bellatrix was now leaning against the threshold of the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest and an eyebrow cocked as she patiently waited for the rest of the drama to unfold. Lucius was not far behind her. Narcissa covered her face in shame, unable to look at either of them; at the absolute <em>mess </em>she had currently made of her life.</p>
<p>
  <em>“—Either grow a pair an’ apologize to me properly or kick rocks, you selfish bitch; I’m done catering to your bullshit!”</em>
</p>
<p>The letter exploded into ash then, and the house fell silent.</p>
<p>It was Bellatrix who spoke first. <em>“So,”</em> she stressed, not looking pleased in the slightest. She did not yell though, nor did she jump to any rash conclusions which… well, said a lot for her attempt at maturity at least, although Narcissa doubted it would last. “Keeping more secrets, are we? I thought that foul-mouthed little bitch was out of your life, but it seems like she’s been a bigger part than you’ve let on.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like she was going to be sick. She <em>really</em> did not like her sister’s tone. “I never said she wasn’t in my life—”</p>
<p>“No, you just purposely went months without seeing her while I was here; what the fuck is <em>that,</em> Cissy, if not a calculated deception?” Bellatrix snapped and, alright, there went her temper. Narcissa knew she would not have control over it for long. “You have five <em>fucking</em> seconds to explain why you hid your relationship with her from me before I jump to the worst possible conclusion, and you get to play fifty-two pickup with the pieces of your whore I’ll have scattered across the backyard.”</p>
<p>“Oh, for fuck’s sake— she wasn’t <em>fucking</em> her, Bellatrix; give it a rest with the psychotic jealousy,” Lucius butted in, and thankfully too, as Narcissa was fairly certain she was going to fall down. She had to hold onto the doorway to keep herself upright, but Bellatrix did not notice as she had rounded on Lucius. “But <em>that</em> is exactly why Narcissa has stayed away from her, so thank you, I suppose, for answering your own stupid question. You’ve always been a cunt when it comes to Cassandra; why would Narcissa expect anything different fifteen years later?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, why doesn’t <em>she</em> tell me?” Bellatrix stressed, looking at her sister pointedly, realizing that she was having an internal panic attack and knowing there had to be a good reason for it. “You’re looking<em> awfully</em> pale, lover.”</p>
<p>“Because you both <em>hate</em> each other!” Narcissa exclaimed, her heart pounding in her throat. “Jesus, this isn’t just about <em>you,</em> okay? I don’t want to find any of us in a situation where Cassandra and you occupy the same space because she does <em>not</em> know how to keep her mouth shut, and I know she’ll have some choice fucking things to say to you—”</p>
<p>“About <em>what? </em>What the fuck does she know—”</p>
<p><em>“Everything,” </em>Narcissa stressed, needing Bellatrix to realize that they no longer had secrets. “She’s my best friend, Bella— I told her the truth a long time ago; about us, about everything, but she… she has about the same opinion of our relationship as Lucius does, and I’m terrified that if she goes off on you that you’ll kill her for it. <em>That’s</em> why I’m trying to separate you both, but the more I do the angrier she gets because she thinks it’s just proving her point that our relationship is toxic.”</p>
<p>“It <em>is,”</em> Lucius interjected, but Bellatrix practically barked at him.</p>
<p>“Shut up!” She furiously pointed at the pile of ash on the floor, her attention now on her sister. “What the fuck did you <em>tell </em>her? What the hell kind of shit have you been saying about us, if <em>that’s</em> what she thinks of our relationship?”</p>
<p>“The truth?” Lucius muttered, but Bellatrix exhaled a furious shout and turned around, pushing him backwards. Despite being an entire foot shorter than him and still a bit frail from Azkaban, she still managed to make Lucius take a few steps back, although perhaps just because he had not been expecting it.</p>
<p>“What the fuck did I just say?!” she yelled, although her voice was strained and she looked <em>deeply</em> upset. Bellatrix’s expression cut Narcissa, realizing that her sister must have believed her to be constantly complaining about her if that was the conclusion Cassandra came to. Bellatrix didn’t understand that their devotion to one another was something others may perceive as unhealthy though; to her, love was<em> meant </em>to be that intense, it was meant to hurt and it was meant to consume everything they were.</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t have to have anything negative to say about her sister for others to think their relationship was messed up— the way they loved each other did that for them.</p>
<p>“Bella— Bella, come here; look at me,” Narcissa softly requested as she reached for her sister’s hand. Bellatrix yanked it away from her though, looking as though her touch had burned her. “You need to understand that it was <em>Cassandra </em>who picked up the pieces of me after you were arrested. I had hit rock bottom and she saw exactly what that entailed. I was a fucking <em>mess</em> over you, and of course it didn’t look like it was good or sane for me— it <em>wasn’t.</em> My entire identity had been wrapped up in you, Bellatrix, and it took me a long time to learn how to feel like a person on my own.”</p>
<p>“Fine, okay— we were <em>fucked</em> up, but we aren’t anymore, are we?” Bellatrix snapped, although she still looked far more upset than the fury in her voice would wish you to believe. “You’re better, I’m— I’m <em>trying,”</em> she ground out, no doubt feeling like her efforts were being wasted if she was going to be painted as the bad guy regardless. “Why don’t you tell her <em>that,</em> huh? Why do you always have to let everyone think the worst of me?”</p>
<p>“You actually <em>care</em> how others perceive you?” Lucius asked, genuinely surprised. Bellatrix scowled at him, shooting him a look like he had to be stupid if he actually thought that.</p>
<p>“Of course not, but <em>she</em> cares what others think, and if she lets them think <em>that</em> then she must not care about how I’m fucking viewed and she should— if she loves me, then she <em>should!”</em></p>
<p>“I do, Bella— of course I do. But what am I supposed to do? Cassandra doesn’t want to listen to me. She <em>definitely</em> does not want to hear that I’m happy with you. She already feels so slighted because I’ve been prioritizing my relationship with you over my friendship with her. It’s easier for her to think that’s because you’re controlling and possessive than it is to accept any other reason.”</p>
<p>Lucius snorted quietly from behind them. “I mean, she <em>is—”</em></p>
<p>“One more word, Lucius, just <em>one, </em>and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out of your mouth and shove it up your urethra,” Bellatrix snapped, although did not bother to turn around to face him this time. She was still staring at her sister, who gave her an exasperated look at the threat they both <em>knew</em> Narcissa wouldn’t allow her to carry out. Behind her, Lucius rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked tense, all of her muscles tightened as she stared at her sister. “Do <em>you</em> think I’m controlling?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s esophagus tightened. “Not— not directly,” she responded, as it wasn’t as though Bellatrix specifically forbade her from doing things, or told her what to do. Still, there was an underlying expectation that both of them were aware that she had to adhere to or else suffer her sister’s wrath.</p>
<p>The muscle in Bellatrix’s neck twitched. “But you<em> do</em> think I’m possessive, and that’s not conducive to this ‘let’s have a healthy relationship’ kick you seem to fucking be on lately, right?”</p>
<p>Narcissa pointedly stayed silent.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked as though this was actually shredding her as she had, she <em>had</em> been trying, and Narcissa’s heart ached. Finally, her sister spoke, looking as though every single word she uttered was painful. “…Invite her ‘round for tea.”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at Bellatrix as though she was certain she had heard her wrong. “I’m sorry, <em>what?”</em> Behind them both, Lucius had started laughing so hard he looked like he very may bust a rib and Bellatrix stiffened, but ignored him.</p>
<p>“Invite. Her. ‘Round. For. <em>Tea,”</em> she repeated, hating that she felt she had something to prove now. “I promise I’ll play nice, because I’m <em>not—</em>” But Bellatrix didn’t finish her sentence. She just looked infuriated by the predicament she found herself in and instead finished with, “Have your stupid little friends if you want them. You don’t have to fucking hide them from me. I am <em>not</em> that much of an arsehole, despite how much you desire to paint me as one.”</p>
<p>Well, that was news, considering if this had been twenty years ago, Bellatrix would have rather choked on her own tongue than actively spend time with Cassandra. Still, despite her sister’s insistence that she would ‘play nice’, Narcissa did not have enough faith that Bellatrix was able to control her temper, and she <em>certainly </em>did not have enough faith that Cassandra would be pleasant to her in return.</p>
<p>Bellatrix seemed to see that though. “You don’t trust me.”</p>
<p>“I…” Narcissa tried, not wishing Bellatrix to think she didn’t believe her promise when she was going so far out of her way to try to be what Narcissa wanted. “I’m afraid,” she finally admitted, her voice soft as she twisted her hands together in anxiety. “I want Cassandra back in my life, I feel <em>terrible</em> for practically abandoning her, but I’m afraid both of you in the same room will make everything worse. You’ve always been jealous of her, and now she’s jealous of <em>you</em> because you’ve taken up the majority of my focus.”</p>
<p>Among other things.</p>
<p>Narcissa was also afraid that, in Bellatrix’s newfound desire to prove to Narcissa that she could be good for her, good <em>to</em> her, in order to achieve something relatively normal and healthy, that she would be practically throwing her relationship with Narcissa in Cassandra’s face, and Narcissa did not wish to hurt the other woman that badly. She had already done enough in that regard.</p>
<p>“I already said I’d play nice, didn’t I? For fuck’s sake, I won’t <em>hurt</em> her—”</p>
<p>Lucius snorted, and Bellatrix shot him a glare.</p>
<p>“Sane or not, you have the worst temper I have ever seen and the lack of self-control to go with it. Cassandra is not <em>meek,</em> nor does she mince her words; she will say something to you that you don’t like, and you will react badly. It’s inevitable. No matter what you insist upon, you cannot guarantee that Cassandra will come out of a meeting with you unscathed, <em>unless…”</em> Lucius trailed off, but it did not matter, as everyone knew what he was implying.</p>
<p>“I am <em>not</em> going to take the Unbreakable Vow just to prove I’m not a possessive cunt; that’s going way bloody overboard.”</p>
<p>Narcissa stayed silent, but she caught Lucius’ look and understood his intention: if worded correctly, getting Bellatrix to agree to the Vow would keep Cassandra safe for longer than just their one meeting, should things ever go disastrously wrong down the road and Bellatrix ever <em>did</em> find out that they were in a relationship prior to her returning home. Oh, but that was <em>dangerous, </em>and manipulative, and probably so terribly, terribly unfair to Bellatrix…</p>
<p>But perhaps Narcissa needed to think of someone other than her sister for once. She loved Cassandra and she hadn’t been proving that lately, had she? Whether they were lovers or not, she still cared very deeply for her, and her well-being should be put above Bellatrix’s free will to destroy anything that she didn’t like, right?</p>
<p>Narcissa did not feel entirely comfortable with chaining her sister, but perhaps this way they could all breathe a little easier. Despite his desire not to do exactly what Narcissa wanted of him — what she wanted for <em>both</em> of them — Lucius was clearly starting to become rather fond of Cassandra as well, if his own desire to protect her was any indication. He didn’t want her being on the receiving end of Bellatrix’s wrath either, and Narcissa pursed her lips as she stared at her sister.</p>
<p>“You have<em> got</em> to be bloody joking,” Bellatrix snarled, knowing exactly what the look meant. “You really don’t trust me?!”</p>
<p>“Would<em> you</em> trust you if the positions were reversed?” Narcissa countered softly, apologetically. Bellatrix’s track record was very against her, after all. “You don’t have to do it, Bella— I would never force you to do something like that, but I’m not going to let you be around her without it, and because I’m always with <em>you</em> that… that means I can’t be around her either. I know you have something to prove to me right now and I love you for trying, I really, <em>really </em>do, but I’m used to having things be shit anyway, so it’s not like much will change if you don’t. It doesn’t…” Her gaze hit the ground, playing up her upset in order to guilt her sister into doing what she wanted. “It doesn’t really matter.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s jaw clenched, but she was not swayed in the way Narcissa had wanted. “Just— fucking go see her then, I’m not <em>forcing</em> you to stay here with me. I’m not a controlling dick, alright? I’m <em>not— </em>Fuck you, Lucius, I can see your reflection in the sodding window!”</p>
<p>Damn, well there went that. Narcissa had been hoping that Bellatrix didn’t trust her enough to allow her to see Cassandra alone, but apparently she’d rather do that than be forced under something as constraining as the Unbreakable Vow. Narcissa did not blame her, but it was still disheartening because this tentative truce was still akin to using a simple mending spell on a gaping wound.</p>
<p>Lucius, however, apparently had a different tactic altogether as he snorted, folding his arms in front of his chest. “…Figures.”</p>
<p>“<em>What?” </em>Bellatrix asked dangerously, no doubt frustrated that her efforts were being deemed not good enough.</p>
<p>“You claim you want Narcissa to be able to trust you but you don’t actually expend any effort trying to prove that she actually can,” Lucius responded, causing Bellatrix’s eyes to darken and her nostrils to flare. “If you were so bloody certain you could control yourself then taking the Vow wouldn’t even matter to you, as it would change nothing. You just don’t want to be even minorly inconvenienced for your sister’s sake, but then again, I’m not surprised—”</p>
<p>“A <em>minor </em>inconvenience?” Bellatrix shouted, but Narcissa could see that Lucius’ words were bothering her, which meant her desire to prove him <em>wrong</em> was only going to grow greater. “It’s the Unbreakable-Fucking-Vow, you idiot; there’s nothing <em>minor</em> about it! If I don’t adhere to it, I <em>die!</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>Again,</em> if you were serious about controlling yourself, then there wouldn’t be a risk, but you know as well as I that you <em>can’t</em> exercise anything that’s even adjacent to the maturity level that a fully-functional adult woman should have, so yeah you’re probably right— it would <em>kill </em>you. Not that it matters though— you literally have zero sense of self-sacrifice when it comes to the only person that can bring herself to love you. Doing this would put Narcissa at ease, but you’ve always been all talk, haven’t you? You <em>enjoy</em> being a blight on her life, you enjoy fucking her up; possessing her and controlling her because that’s the only way you feel like you’re wanted—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s wand was at Lucius’ throat, and Narcissa had to shout his name in an attempt to get him to stop. She understood what he was trying to do, but Jesus, he was going a bit too far and what was <em>worse </em>was that he wasn’t stopping, he just stared Bellatrix in the eyes as he venomously put the last nail in the coffin of her self-worth.</p>
<p>“You’re <em>bad</em> for her, Bellatrix. And you know as well as I that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you <em>try</em> to be what Narcissa deserves, you’re not ever going to be able to prove yourself worthy of her.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s chest was heaving, her eyes shining with upset as Narcissa grabbed onto her sister’s arm in some desperate attempt to move it from her husband’s throat. Bellatrix was as stiff as a board though, completely unmoving as her eyes darkened and her words came out strained, snarled.</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> worthy of her.”</p>
<p>But even as she said it, Bellatrix looked as though she wasn’t entirely sure of her words, and that broke Narcissa’s heart. She said nothing though, despite how difficult it was; she wanted to assure Bellatrix that she <em>was </em>worthy of her, but if she allowed her sister to feel inadequate for just a moment, she might be able to keep Cassandra safe for much, much longer than that.</p>
<p>Narcissa needed to choose, and for the first time, she realized that choosing Bellatrix would be the far worse option of the two. Some things had to matter more.</p>
<p>“Then prove it. Do something for <em>her</em> for once, instead of making all those empty promises you’re so fucking fond of.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was practically shaking and, well, the amount of restraint she was showing <em>now</em> was incredible, considering Narcissa would have thought she’d slash his throat from ear to ear for even daring to imply that she had never done anything for Narcissa’s sake. Perhaps if it were anyone else though she would have already, but Bellatrix knew how much she cared for Lucius, which made him relatively untouchable while she was trying to prove something to Narcissa. Did that mean it would extend to Cassandra as well? Maybe she didn’t need the Vow, maybe…</p>
<p>It did not matter.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s wand hand came down heavily, her chest heaving in upset as she demanded, “Do it,” far too gutted by Lucius’ words to realize that she was getting emotionally manipulated into putting herself into chains. Narcissa felt <em>horrible</em> by how it came about, as the worst part was that she knew that Bellatrix was only doing this to prove something to her, to be <em>better</em> for her and to make her life easier, yet <em>this </em>was how she thanked her? She and Lucius had practically ganged up on her to trick her into thinking that doing something like this was the only way she could prove herself worthy of a relationship with her, and that was absolutely terrible.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not stop it though. She did not remind Bellatrix that she didn’t have to do this as she grasped her forearm. She did not tell her that she was worthy of her without having to resort to binding herself as Lucius began to perform the spell. Instead, Narcissa made her sister Vow that she would never directly or indirectly cause Cassandra any physical harm, because in the end, that had to be more important than her sister’s upset, as that was fleeting and this… <em>this</em> was lasting.</p>
<p>This would keep Cassandra safe.</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like she had violated Bellatrix by tricking her into it though, and she could not look her in the eye afterward when Bellatrix let go of her arm and snapped, “You can tell your little friend she can fucking come over now,” before turning and stomping up the stairs. Narcissa could hear their brand new door slam so hard she was certain Bellatrix had broken it again, and Narcissa nearly jumped in her own skin.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if we should have done that,” Narcissa breathed to her husband, needing to express that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. Her hands wrung in anxiety as she glanced up the stairs. “That was… that was cruel.”</p>
<p>“No, <em>cruel</em> would have been what that psycho would have done to Cassandra if she ever dared to express an unfavorable opinion in front of her,” Lucius harshly reminded his wife, who fell silent. “And whatever she would have done <em>then </em>we both know would be infinitely better than what Bellatrix would do to her if any of your other secrets came to light. Bellatrix doesn’t need free reign to hurt whoever she likes. Besides, this poses no danger to her and you know it; Bellatrix’s sense of self-preservation outstrips her anger by quite a lot, and it isn’t as though she won’t have other outlets for it. The Dark Lord will give her enough targets in which to channel her rage; she’ll be fine with one less.”</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know how true that was, as she clearly did not have enough sense of self-preservation when she chose to sit in Azkaban for fifteen fucking years, but perhaps Lucius just meant her desire to stay alive for <em>him.</em> Not for her— if it was for her then Bellatrix’s version of self-preservation would have looked a lot different, but she did at least wish to keep herself alive so she could continue serving the Dark Lord. At the end of the day, that was most important thing to her.</p>
<p>Narcissa tried not to feel bitter about that.</p>
<p>She composed another letter to Cassandra, this time making certain that she properly apologized. Narcissa told her that she felt horrible about how she had been treating her, and that she was right to be angry with her. She admitted that she was wrong to put Bellatrix first all of the time, and assured her that she would no longer be doing so. She assured Cassandra that she loved her and that she wanted her in her life, that it would absolutely <em>shred</em> her if she lost one of the most important relationships she’d ever had. She promised her that things would be different, that she had made certain that no matter what she would be kept safe from Bellatrix, however did not specify what she and Lucius had done, as Narcissa didn’t want that giving Cassandra a reason not to care anymore about what she did or what she said. In the end, Narcissa still could not bear Bellatrix finding out what she had done while she was away in prison, as she had already been party to emotionally shredding her once this week. She concluded the letter by inviting Cassandra round for tea that weekend, although made sure to warn her that Bellatrix would also be there, and that she did not have to come if she didn’t want to, but that she would love it if she could make it, as she had missed having her over.</p>
<p>Cassandra did come, albeit a little begrudgingly.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she should have apologized in person instead of giving her another letter, but she also did not want Bellatrix wondering why she had to go to <em>her</em> instead of just having Cassandra over after going through all that, and Narcissa knew she would never be able to properly apologize while her sister was around. This was the best solution she had, and she hoped it had been enough. Cassandra had come at least, and that was a start.</p>
<p>The four of them were in the Malfoy’s sitting room, Narcissa and Bellatrix sharing a settee while Cassandra and Lucius sat opposite one another in chairs on either side of them. The air in the room was fraught with tension and awkwardness, and Narcissa wondered why on earth she thought this would be something they could do. Narcissa was sipping her tea as she tried to ignore her sister’s hands gently playing with the ends of her hair, but it was hard to considering Cassandra was staring at Bellatrix like she wished she was able to set her on fire, and Lucius was getting increasingly uncomfortable as he tried to oversee the whole disaster.</p>
<p>Narcissa tried to cut the tension with small talk. “How is your son enjoying being on the Quidditch team? I know Draco’s glad to have him and Vincent as Beaters this year.”</p>
<p>It seemed as though Cassandra had to expend quite a lot of effort to act normally, but she did at least try. “He’s happy. Gives ‘im a sense of accomplishment, at any rate. His grades are pretty shit, so I’m happy he’s got Quidditch at least.”</p>
<p>“I’m nervous about how well Draco will do on his OWLs this year,” Narcissa admitted, pointedly ignoring her sister’s exasperated eye roll. “He unfortunately seems to take after me instead of Lucius academically, and I only managed to scrape into two NEWT classes— one of which I failed. School was a bloody nightmare for me, honestly, but I do think Draco has more ambition than I do, so I’m hoping what he lacks in natural talent he can make up in his studies.”</p>
<p>“Are we really just gonna sit here and talk about your fucking <em>children?”</em> Bellatrix interrupted, never one to have any patience for small talk. She turned to Cassandra, rudely addressing her with, “You— you’re aware I’m fucking my sister, correct?”</p>
<p>Narcissa groaned, already hating where this was going.</p>
<p>Cassandra, to her credit, did not look phased by Bellatrix’s bluntness. Instead she looked a little exasperated by it and responded, “By the way you bloody worded that ya already know I am, so don’t waste time with unnecessary questions. Say what ya gotta say and be done with it.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, you misunderstand,” Bellatrix responded, practically slamming her cup into the saucer as she placed it back on the table between them all. “I am giving <em>you</em> a chance to say what you want, as it would apparently please my sister should we at least attempt to squash our animosity.”</p>
<p>Cassandra snorted. “That’ll never happen.”</p>
<p>“Agreed, but I promised her I would try since she wants something <em>healthy </em>and <em>normal </em>and apparently that includes being allowed to have foul-mouthed little friends should she so choose, so if you’re going to be a constant in her life then I promised Narcissa I would try to make this less of a headache for her. So speak; let’s get this over with.”</p>
<p>Lucius said nothing, but Narcissa could see him reach for his wand just in case. Narcissa’s heart was in her throat as she stared at the two women, hoping that this wouldn’t escalate any further than words. She kept her hand tight to Bellatrix’s thigh, silently reminding her that she needed to keep herself in control no matter where this led.</p>
<p>“Fine. I know you probably think I’m horrified by the fact that you’re bangin’ ‘cause you’re related, but I really don’t give a fuck that you’re sisters,” Cassandra began bluntly. “Cissa knows I’m bloody weird an’ can take just about anything in stride, so that never bothered me. To be perfectly fuckin’ honest I’d probably find the whole thing to be super hot if one of the participants wasn’t <em>you.</em> Your shit personality far outweighs my incest fetish though, so that’s one strike against ya.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked a little horrified by that revelation, but Bellatrix merely looked amused. “So if Cissy was fucking our <em>other</em> sister you’d what, want to <em>watch?”</em></p>
<p>“Oh, Jesus<em> Christ,” </em>Lucius muttered, no doubt wishing he had never decided to babysit this bloody meeting. Clearly he was getting far more than he bargained for and to be fair, Narcissa felt a little blindsided by the topic as well; this was <em>not </em>how she thought this conversation was going to begin.</p>
<p>“What, the mudblood lover? I mean yeah, even with that stain she’s far more preferable than<em> you.” </em></p>
<p>Thankfully, Bellatrix did not get offended by that; she still looked like this entire interaction was greatly amusing to her. Although, she probably did not expect that Cassandra would be in the very small subset of people that condoned incest for weird fucking reasons like<em> that.</em></p>
<p><em>“Please</em> move on from this part of the conversation, I beg of you both,” Narcissa pleaded, not wishing to linger on this awkwardness any longer than necessary. “It’s not relevant, seeing as how I will never be bedding Andromeda.”</p>
<p>“Thank fuck for small favors; that stench would never come off you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her sister a sardonic look, but Cassandra was speaking again.</p>
<p>“The thing that fuckin’ bothers me is that you’ve got her bloody warped; you’ve fucked her head up so thoroughly she feels like she can’t sodding <em>breathe</em> without you,” she told Bellatrix unwaveringly. “Yeah, it’s better than it used to be, but nothin’ about your insane relationship even seems bloody <em>genuine</em>; s’like ya both latched on to each other when you were kids an’ now you don’t know how to let go. That ain’t love, that’s codependency, an’ it’s <em>pissing</em> me off ‘cause it’s not allowin’ Cissa a chance to even find real fuckin’ happiness.”</p>
<p>“With who, <em>you?”</em> Bellatrix snarled, her jealousy beginning to flare up again in a terrible fashion as she jumped to— well, the very <em>right</em> conclusion.</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, cool it,” Lucius warned her, but Bellatrix wasn’t listening to him; she was staring at Cassandra as she gauged her reaction which… was not great. Cassandra looked as though Bellatrix had punched her and Narcissa felt herself go pale even as Cassandra tried to overshadow her truth with the first thing she could think of.</p>
<p>“No, with her fuckin’ <em>husband,</em> you daft pillock; they were in love before you had to go and bloody ruin it!”</p>
<p>“Oh, you fucking <em>liar,”</em> Bellatrix seethed, and Narcissa had to grab onto her sister’s robes in order to feel like she had even a semblance of control over this horrible turn of events.</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, stop it! Cassandra doesn’t want me; we’ve been over this!”</p>
<p>“Oh yes she does,” Bellatrix responded, but she didn’t even spare Narcissa a glance; she was still staring at Cassandra, her eyes alight with fury and passion as she read every micro expression on the redhead’s face. “You might not see it, but she <em>does.</em> Don’t you? Go on, tell her. Tell her how fucking in love with her you are, I <em>dare</em> you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked upset and Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut. <em>Was</em> she in love with her?</p>
<p>“I love Cissa, I’ll fuckin’ admit that, but I’m not <em>in</em> love with her—” Cassandra began dangerously, reciting once more what had seemed to become their Official Party Line™, causing Narcissa to wonder if that was all it really was: a <em>line.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t get the expression Cassandra had once she had been called out out of her head and she wanted to cry, because it made her heart ache and she hadn’t wanted this, she hadn’t wanted for things to get this sodding <em>complicated…</em></p>
<p>“Still lying to yourself then? Adorable.”</p>
<p><em>“—I’m not fuckin’ done talkin’!”</em> Cassandra shouted, rendering Bellatrix silent as she rose her brow at the woman’s audacity. “If I had wanted her I already woulda had her a hundred bloody times while you were locked up—” And, okay, while Cassandra specifically <em>denying</em> that nothing had gone on comforted Narcissa to some degree as she was terrified that Bellatrix was going to push Cassandra into making her prove her wrong, the way the woman said it also terrified Narcissa because, well, she <em>had</em> had her a hundred times while Bellatrix was locked up.</p>
<p>“Narcissa would never fuck you,” Bellatrix told her scathingly, which just made Cassandra burst out in bitter laughter. Narcissa’s heart dropped.</p>
<p>“Now who’s lyin’ to themselves? I know I’m fit as fuck an’ she’s bloody useless around a pretty girl; don’t be daft.”</p>
<p>Lucius tried to cover up his laugh with a cough, and Bellatrix shot Narcissa a furious glare, who quickly interjected with, “This is <em>not</em> relevant—”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a confirmation to me,” Cassandra finished victoriously, getting off on the look of horror that had crossed Bellatrix’s face. What was worse though was that the horror was mixed with a deep-seeded sense of betrayal and Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, feeling awful.</p>
<p>“Bella, come on; we <em>didn’t</em> have sex, it doesn’t matter— and Cass is… I mean she’s <em>objectively</em> beautiful, so if you want to talk hypotheticals… I mean, you’ve even said yourself that <em>you’d</em> fuck her!”</p>
<p>Both Lucius and Cassandra gaped at that information, and Bellatrix looked<em> furious</em> about that being out in the open as she shouted, “That was a million fucking years ago, and I only said that because I was comparing her to a <em>whore!”</em></p>
<p>“Actually I’m pretty sure your exact words were ‘anyone would shag a girl that was <em>that</em> beautiful’ followed by your declaration that <em>you </em>would fuck her, so that obviously meant that I had to be as well.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s neck was starting to turn purple, and Cassandra’s lip curled in distaste.</p>
<p>“Flatterin’, but I think I’m gonna pass— thanks.”</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck off. I’ll admit you may not be horrible to look at but your personality is actual garbage.”</p>
<p>Cassandra shot her a sarcastic smile<em>. “Likewise.”</em></p>
<p>“Okay, both of you stop— Bella, please, <em>please </em>stop getting jealous over nothing and Cass stop <em>goading</em> her, for Christ’s sake. The whole point of this was so that you’d be able to tolerate the other’s presence in my life and you both are just making it <em>worse!” </em>Narcissa exclaimed. God, this had been such a terrible idea.</p>
<p>“It’s not goadin’ if it’s the truth.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Cass.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Fine, sorry,” she muttered with an eye roll. “Look, I know I can’t make Cissa change her mind; she has made it fuckin’ <em>abundantly</em> clear that you’re her ‘choice’—” Narcissa couldn’t look her in the eye after that, her gaze falling to her own lap. She could hear the upset in Cassandra’s voice and it caused her insides to twist and burn, but the woman continued on. “So if you’re gonna have her, then do <em>right</em> by her, for fuck’s sake. She’ll let you get away with anythin’ ‘cause your ridiculous tornado of a relationship has been so ingrained in her, but she doesn’t bloody deserve another shit-storm. An’ don’t you ever, <em>ever</em> take her for granted— you have no idea how sodding lucky you are.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at those words, but Bellatrix looked like she was about to point out again that that sounded like <em>jealousy, </em>like she had something that Cassandra wanted, but the ginger caught her look and quickly clarified, “An’ I’m sayin’ that as her <em>best mate,</em> ‘cause I know she’s a bloody catch. Just… don’t fuck it up, yeah? I know you’re mental an’ all, but you gotta have <em>some</em> sense.”</p>
<p>“<em>Believe</em> me, I’m fully fucking aware of how lucky I am,” Bellatrix shot back, as though she was angry that Cassandra would ever believe otherwise. Narcissa instinctively reached for her as her heart ignited and Bellatrix wrapped her fingers around hers, holding her hand tightly against her thigh. “And if this is all you need to hear to get off my dick, then I’m <em>not</em> going to fuck it up, alright? I’ve been bloody <em>trying. </em>I think the fact that this sodding conversation didn’t end in your guts being spread out across my sister’s coffee table is proof enough of <em>that.”</em></p>
<p>“Oh, <em>scary,”</em> Cassandra deadpanned, causing Bellatrix’s expression to darken, no doubt wishing she could prove to her just how scary she could be. Cassandra barely noticed. “Fine— so long as you don’t hurt her, then we have no issue. We done now?”</p>
<p>“I hope so, ‘cause I’m real sick of hearing your fucking voice.”</p>
<p>“Great,” Cassandra finished, rising from her seat before she finally glanced at Narcissa, who was looking at her like she wasn’t entirely sure what was in front of her anymore. “Cissa, this was… well, shit; the next time ya wanna hang out, don’t bring her along. Pretty sure both of us can tolerate the other better if we don’t fuckin’ see each other.”</p>
<p>“Agreed.”</p>
<p>“See, we even agree on things; I know how bloody wet that must make you, but I’ll leave her to clean up <em>that</em> mess, since it’s what you prefer. Try to find it in your busy fuckin’ schedule of lickin’ her cunt to actually see me again sometime this month, and maybe we can have that <em>friendship</em> you claim to value to bloody much,” Cassandra finished before she went over to the fireplace, grabbed a handful of floo powder, and disappeared in a burst of green light.</p>
<p>Nobody spoke for a long time.</p>
<p>“Well, that… could have gone a lot worse actually,” Lucius noted, placing his wand back in the head of his cane. Bellatrix still looked extremely tense though, the muscles in her neck bulging.</p>
<p>“She’s fucking in love with you.”</p>
<p>“Bella—”</p>
<p>“I’m not bloody <em>stupid!”</em> Bellatrix raged, getting up off her seat as well so she could round on Narcissa. “You might not see it, <em>she</em> might not even see it yet, but she is— and I guarantee you, it’ll only be a matter of time before she starts fucking claiming that she can give you all the things that I <em>can’t.”</em></p>
<p>“Like <em>what?” </em>Narcissa asked, trying to sound exasperated by her, but truthfully her insides were burning with the realization that her sister may not be wrong after all. “Bella, come on, you give me everything I could possibly want, and she’s just a <em>friend</em>—”</p>
<p>“Fuck off, Narcissa— open your goddamn eyes,” Bellatrix snapped, looking terribly threatened by the possibility. It broke Narcissa’s heart. “I can’t believe you tricked me into… if you sleep with her, Cissy, so <em>fucking </em>help me— I may not be able to cause her harm anymore, but I will make <em>damn</em> certain that you regret it, and that’s a promise.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix stormed off then, leaving Narcissa to choke on her own upset as she tried desperately not to cry. She prayed Bellatrix was wrong, but there was a part of her that knew she was not, and that her life, whether she liked it or not, was about to get <em>infinitely</em> more complicated.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. XVIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XVIII.</strong>
</p>
<p>The Easter season came and went, and Draco’s OWLs loomed nearer. Narcissa could feel his anxiety through every letter he sent as he demanded she send him sweets to help keep his energy up. Of course she obliged. She wished she could tell him that it was okay to just do his best, but she knew Lucius would have his hide if he came back with barely any OWLs. Lucius hoped Draco would amount to something great that had <em>nothing</em> to do with the Dark Lord, and thus he was very hard on him about his studies. Draco of course was of the mindset for a little while that it didn’t really matter how he did as he would always be rich, but Lucius furiously reminded him that their family money could only last so long, and that if he wanted to have something to give <em>his </em>children then he’d have to make a contribution. He also reminded him that <em>real</em> men work hard and that only spoiled brats are lazy and unmotivated, and that he would be deeply ashamed should he find that his son is the latter. In the end, it had at least given Draco the kick in the pants that he needed, but it also put a terrible weight on his shoulders.</p>
<p>He tried to make light of it of course, kept mentioning that at least he’s not daft enough to have to take Remedial Potions like <em>Potter,</em> but he was unraveling fairly quickly. Narcissa remembered those years well and her heart ached for him, but she also knew there was nothing she could do. She had been rubbish in school herself, so it wasn’t like she had any real <em>advice.</em> All she could hope for was that perhaps he would scrape by with decent grades and that his accomplishments like being a Prefect and being on the Inquisitorial Squad would give him a leg up in life.</p>
<p>That boy who had disappeared, Montague, had apparently been found weeks later— jammed inside of a toilet on the fourth floor. Narcissa hoped Draco wouldn’t be on the receiving end of any awful pranks like that, but she also knew her son and knew that having power gave him an air of self-importance that was… well, unfortunately not very attractive or likable. Narcissa wasn’t stupid, and she knew her son had the tendency to bully others, but she had hoped in time that he would grow out of it.</p>
<p>But then again, had <em>Lucius?</em> He still had the tendency to be a bully to those he deemed less than him, and Narcissa realized with a heavy heart that perhaps Draco would not grow out of it after all. In the end, all Narcissa could hope for was that her son would make her proud in other ways.</p>
<p>Lucius certainly did, after all. The man had been through the wringer emotionally over the last twenty years, but he could still find it in him to care for the wife that had been the source of most of his misery. Narcissa loved him for that. Despite the strange position he now found himself in, he still allowed Narcissa to work through her emotional turmoil with him, and she was endlessly thankful for that, as frankly, he was the only one she had <em>left.</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix would never admit it, but she was afraid of Cassandra. She was afraid of what the influence a woman who had been in Narcissa’s life for twenty-five years could have on her should she <em>really</em> put her mind to breaking them up. While she had yet to accuse <em>Narcissa </em>of wanting the woman in return, she was still convinced that Narcissa would be susceptible to Cassandra’s ‘stupidly pretty face and perfect fucking tits’ should Cassandra ever <em>try</em> to seduce her. Especially considering Narcissa hadn’t denied that, should things have been different, she deemed her friend objectively attractive enough to share a bed with.</p>
<p>That was a stupid thing to not deny, but honestly Narcissa had felt blindsided by it, and sometimes that just caused idiotic things to fall from her lips. Besides, even if she <em>had</em> denied it, everyone in that room would have known it was a lie anyway. Still, she should have been more delicate about it.</p>
<p>But there was no taking it back now.</p>
<p>It took <em>a while</em> to make Bellatrix feel relatively comfortable in their relationship again, but things were still not how they had been. Narcissa made love to her multiple times a day though in an attempt to repair it as she whispered how much she loved her, how much she valued her and cherished her, and how Bellatrix would forever be the only one for her. She could see how much it pained Bellatrix to not just order Narcissa to never see the woman again, but she was trying <em>so hard</em> to be better for her, to not be possessive and controlling and ‘needlessly’ jealous, that she just allowed herself to feel threatened each and every time that Narcissa left the house to see her friend.</p>
<p>It had not been often. Narcissa had only seen Cassandra twice since their disaster of a tea party, and each time things were… awkward. It reminded Narcissa of a few years back when Cassandra had been going through her husband’s affair with Ursula and she had been angry that Narcissa hadn’t loved her enough to allow herself to be used by her, when Cassandra had been so quick to allot Narcissa that comfort when <em>she</em> was going through emotional turmoil. They would have periods of normalcy, of <em>friendship,</em> and then things would sour and Cassandra would snap at her, and Narcissa was left feeling confused and upset, wishing she didn’t see what she was starting to recognize in the other woman’s eyes.</p>
<p>After another stupid quarrel that escalated for underlying reasons that Narcissa had been trying desperately to ignore, Narcissa sought comfort in her husband. She was thankful that her sister was otherwise engaged downstairs, trying to practically suck Kreacher dry of information about the Order, about Sirius, and about Harry Potter. The house elf had been returning more often than not now and Bellatrix had taken to dealing with it, as Lucius wasn’t part of the Black family and thus Kreacher would not speak to him, and <em>Narcissa</em> was not a Death Eater and therefore had no idea how to ask the ‘right’ questions so they could finally get a leg up on the Order. It was fine; Narcissa did not care. She wanted to know what was going on with the war, but preferred not being directly in the middle of it.</p>
<p>Narcissa immediately cast Muffliato when she entered her husband’s study, just in case Bellatrix finished with Kreacher early. Lucius looked up at her, one eyebrow arched. Narcissa would not look at him though, and dejectedly found herself in an armchair on the other side of the room.</p>
<p>“Do you think she’s in love with me?” she asked finally, needing to know if Bellatrix was the only one who thought that, considering she was beginning to be haunted by the thought herself.</p>
<p>“Would it change anything if you found out she was?” Lucius asked, not needing the clarification about who his wife was speaking about, as he already knew. Narcissa stayed silent. Honestly, she did not know.</p>
<p>She <em>wanted</em> to say no, she <em>wanted</em> to believe that she could be faithful to Bellatrix like she resolved to be, but could she? Narcissa had always had more than one lover her entire life, and frankly not having another was making her feel a little unlike herself. What did that even <em>say</em> about her as a person though? And it wasn’t as though she didn’t have a simpler option— <em>Lucius</em> would be far easier to have as a second than Cassandra, but he did not want her right now, and Narcissa didn’t have the effort to convince him that he should, because frankly it had not been <em>he</em> who had been on her mind lately.</p>
<p>But that wouldn’t be <em>fair</em> to Cassandra, right? She couldn’t do to her what she had done to Lucius all those years. She just couldn’t, she couldn’t…</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Narcissa said honestly, her voice barely above a whisper. That confession caused her to exhale a frustrated breath as she ran her hands over her face before putting her head in them. “It shouldn’t,” she muttered beneath her palms. “I know it wouldn’t be fair to <em>anyone</em> if it does. Her. Bellatrix. Even you, to some degree.”</p>
<p>“And yet you hope that she is,” Lucius assumed, and Narcissa groaned as she realized she didn’t even know what it was that she hoped for, or what she wanted. She just needed to <em>know.</em></p>
<p>“<em>No—</em> maybe, I don’t know. It makes everything <em>harder</em> if she is, but…” Narcissa trailed off helplessly, looking at her hands for a long moment before she caught her husband’s gaze. “You never answered my question.”</p>
<p>“Why should it matter what I think?”</p>
<p>“Lucius, I know you still see her,” Narcissa told him with an exasperated breath. “Maybe you’re not sleeping together, maybe you <em>are</em> and don’t want to tell me— that’s your business, but I do <em>know</em> you’ve been seeing her.”</p>
<p>Lucius shrugged, downplaying it as he leaned back in his chair. “I’ve found I rather enjoy her company. It’s not an <em>affair</em>, although you’re right— it wouldn’t be any of your business if it was, because I will not have you make everything in my life about <em>you </em>anymore. Still, considering Goyle would probably pop that over-sized vein in his neck if he found out I was spending time with his wife, we do not advertise it. She’s funny though— doesn’t give a <em>damn</em> what she says or who she says it to. I admire that. However, contrary to what I’m sure you believe, we do not spend all of our time discussing <em>you,</em> so I’m not in the position to tell you how she feels.”</p>
<p>Oh, finally, <em>there</em> was a pang of jealousy— Narcissa had wondered if them together would ever bother her. Strangely though, she would rather they sleep together than be <em>friends.</em> Cassandra was <em>her </em>best friend, after all, and suddenly it felt like Lucius was trying to swipe her right out from under her. Especially considering everything was fractured lately, and she and Cassandra were no longer as close as they once were.</p>
<p>Lucius caught her expression. “Are you honestly upset that I’m <em>friends</em> with her?”</p>
<p><em>“No,” </em>Narcissa denied, although she apparently did not sound convincing because Lucius snorted. Narcissa sighed heavily. “She’s just— she was my friend <em>first.” </em>It was childish, yes, but it was how she felt.</p>
<p>“And she would have been your <em>lover</em> first if we had fallen into bed together like you had wanted, so what’s the difference?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Lucius; I couldn’t even <em>begin</em> to explain to you how I feel about Cassandra right now because I’m bloody terrified to sort through it all, so I don’t even know where this brief jealousy came from or why I’m feeling it because I don’t want to look at anything too closely right now, alright?” Narcissa shot back, rubbing her palms over the crease in her dress. “Just— you have an opinion. I know you do. Share it.” She looked up at Lucius then and added as an afterthought, “—Please.”</p>
<p>“Fine. My <em>opinion</em> is that you need to stop tugging on this thread because if you’re not careful, you could make her completely unravel,” Lucius told her frankly. “<em>If</em> she is in love with you, I don’t think she’s accepted it. If you push her, if you make her <em>feel</em> that and then deny her, you will absolutely destroy her, and I will never forgive you for that. You’ve emotionally murdered enough people in your lifetime, Narcissa, and she does not deserve to be your next victim.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt as though she had been stabbed in the chest, but the worst part about it was that she knew Lucius was not wrong. She could not look at him as she took a shuddered inhale of breath, resigning to let it go. Honestly, Narcissa just <em>hated</em> how everything felt between them now and wanted some answers and perhaps a way to fix it, but forcing Cassandra to give her something that Narcissa may not be able to give her in return? That would be cruel, and Lucius was right; Cassandra did <em>not</em> deserve that.</p>
<p>Still, the thought weighed heavy on her mind until she crawled into bed that night.</p>
<p>“—Leave the light on,” Bellatrix requested in a tight voice as she watched her sister pick up her wand. Narcissa paused before placing it back down on the bedside table and Bellatrix averted her gaze. “Don’t want to go to bed yet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… of course.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew that was not the reason though. The dark was still something that was rather iffy for Bellatrix; some nights she could handle it fine so long as she was close to Narcissa, but others she’d rather avoid it completely. Bellatrix was quick to snap that she ‘wasn’t scared of the fucking dark or anything’, but Narcissa knew it was just that being in the dark sometimes trapped her in memories that she would rather forget. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Azkaban had left lasting scars that may not ever heal, and the reality of that broke Narcissa’s heart.</p>
<p>She accommodated her though; Narcissa knew she would always do whatever she needed to accommodate her sister, and after she got in bed she turned on her side and found Bellatrix’s hand beneath the covers. “Did your efforts with Kreacher yield results?” she asked, and Bellatrix side-eyed her, gently curling her fingers around Narcissa’s. Her grip was tighter than usual, although Narcissa knew that was because there was still a part of her that feared she’d lose her, yet did not know how to express it. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest and she returned the firm grip in turn.</p>
<p>“Why do you care? I thought you liked to be blissfully unaware of what was going on.”</p>
<p>“I don’t,” Narcissa informed her, albeit fully-aware that this no doubt felt like it was coming out of left field. Most of Narcissa’s information on the war had been gathered through spying, but she was getting tired of that. “I haven’t for a long time, but I just… hadn’t known how to ask you. I just feel as though I was blindsided last time and I don’t— I don’t want to feel that way again, so talk to me. Please.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was silent for a moment, no doubt wondering if letting her into that part of her life was a good idea. Narcissa looked at her pleadingly though and eventually the older woman sighed. “I mean, the thing still can’t tell us anything specific about the Order— but his information about Potter’s attachment to Sirius may be of use to us should we only figure out a way to use it to our advantage. Truthfully I wish Sirius would just come out of hiding so I can kill him and ownership of Kreacher would pass to me; it would make things a whole lot bloody easier.”</p>
<p>Right. As the oldest living Black, should Sirius die then the house elf would become Bellatrix’s property. A strange feeling inhabited Narcissa’s gut at those words though; she held no love for Sirius, but it was still unnerving to hear Bellatrix plot their cousin’s death so casually.</p>
<p>“Sirius is as wanted as you are— I doubt he’ll budge from Grimmauld Place, considering the Fidelius Charm is keeping him well-protected at the moment,” Narcissa reminded her, still a little bitter about Walburga’s idiocy for allowing the manor to pass to such an unworthy recipient in their bloodline.</p>
<p>“He might leave if the boy is in danger, but if we get Potter then I doubt we’ll need Kreacher anyway, so it might be pointless. Besides, Potter is <em>annoyingly</em> well-protected as well— Dumbledore has seen to that.”</p>
<p>“Does the Dark Lord have a plan yet?”</p>
<p>“He <em>always</em> has a plan,” Bellatrix reminded her, as though Narcissa would be foolish to think he was ever at a loss. “But thus far, I am unaware of the details. I do know it will be soon though; He has told us all to be ready, and frankly it cannot come soon enough— I’m sick of being stuck in this bloody house.”</p>
<p>Narcissa let go of her hand. “Has it really been so horrible for you?” she asked, unable to keep the hurt from her voice. She knew Bellatrix hated that she was practically in another cage, but Narcissa had <em>hoped</em> this one had been far more bearable than Azkaban.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked exasperated. “Cissy, don’t read into shit— you know I’ve been going stir-crazy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but being <em>here</em> keeps you safe; I just wish that was something you wanted.”</p>
<p>“If I had wanted safety and security I never would have signed up to fight His war,” Bellatrix told her unwaveringly, and <em>this</em> was why Narcissa hated talking about this kind of stuff with Bellatrix. She had wanted to know what was going on, but her sister’s fanatical behavior left a bad taste in her mouth. “Don’t act as though this is news. You know who I am, Narcissa. You know what I <em>want</em> from my life.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing. Of course she knew, but that didn’t make the pill any easier to swallow. Sometimes she had the terrible feeling that she had managed to tie herself to a dead woman, and if she was merely orchestrating her next mental breakdown by continuously securing knot after knot. She rolled over then, facing away from her sister as her chest heaved in upset. She did not argue with her though, nor did she try to convince Bellatrix that she should value herself more than some stupid war; it had taken her over two decades, but Narcissa finally realized that it was not worth it to waste her breath.</p>
<p>Bellatrix gently placed her lips on the blonde’s shoulder, but Narcissa did not move. “Cissy.” Narcissa did not answer, and Bellatrix’s voice suddenly became rather strained and frantic as she demanded, “Cissy, <em>look at me.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa still refused to turn around, but did at least answer her sister. “I’m not going anywhere, stop sounding as though every time I’m cross with you you’re afraid it’s the end of us. Even if I did start sleeping with her, or Lucius, or <em>anyone,</em> I would never leave you, Bella, and what’s more is that you’re already well-aware of it. Stop freaking out over nothing.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s shoulder was grabbed so roughly as she was forced to turn around that the blonde hissed in irritation. “What the fuck do you mean <em>if</em> you started sleeping with them?!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, was the ‘if’ part of that answer confusing to you, because I think it made my current status pretty clear,” Narcissa flatly responded, rolling out her shoulder from her sister’s rough treatment. “While I’m glad you’ve moved on from being psychotically possessive — at least outwardly, as I’m sure you still are inside of your own head — I cannot bear feeling your fear. Why on <em>earth </em>would you ever believe that I would leave you? Because I feel like I’ve proven time and time again that you will always be a part of me, no matter who else shares my bed. I put you above my husband my entire life; I would put you above anyone else just the same. I feel like you don’t trust my feelings for you, and frankly it’s a little insulting.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you’re going to fucking leave me—” Bellatrix tried to deny, but Narcissa just exhaled a small, disbelieving snort. “I <em>don’t!</em> Not yet anyway— I know you’re not fucking her, but I don’t trust that you won’t get curious and try to now that you know she worships the ground you bloody walk on. You’ve always wanted to be the center of everyone’s fucking universe.”</p>
<p>“I did,” Narcissa agreed, but then amended with, “but that ended a decade ago. I’m not going to bed Cassandra if she’s in love with me because that would just end up breaking her heart and contrary to what <em>you</em> may believe, I’m not that kind of person anymore. I refuse to keep robbing people of their light and their bloody sanity.”</p>
<p>“You’re <em>still</em> robbing me of my fucking sanity,” Bellatrix grumbled, but Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Also, <em>fuck</em> you for trying to manipulate me into thinking you having an affair wouldn’t matter because you’d still love me more. Pretending to be <em>insulted</em> by my jealousy, as if you aren’t the one talking in hypotheticals that you already know I hate the thought of. Honestly, what the <em>fuck.”</em></p>
<p>“That’s not what I—” Narcissa began, but ultimately ended with a long sigh. Maybe it was. Not that she wanted to at that moment because she had been serious about not wishing to break Cassandra’s heart, but she was also finding herself tired of monogamy. It seemed pointless anyway. Why did they even pretend, when they’ve always found others to warm their bed in their absence? Bellatrix used to <em>love</em> her whores, after all, and she did have Gwendolyn for a very long time.</p>
<p>“Would you like to have a threesome?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked like those words gave her whiplash. “—<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>“I mean like, with a neutral third party. I could order us a whore; I know you were fond of their services in the past, and I’m sure you’re tired by now of the repetition I give you. Besides, the last threesome I had ended up being more of a two-some and I’d like to try something different.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix just stared at her like she could not recognize the woman in her bed. “What— when… with <em>who?”</em> she finally managed to get out, although she looked a bit like Narcissa had broken her with such unexpected information. The blonde felt a little badly about that as she knew Bellatrix still had trouble realizing that Narcissa was a different person now, but she also was starting to feel suffocated.</p>
<p>“Lucius and I shared a woman once. I think I’d rather share one with you though. Are you interested?”</p>
<p>“Why, so it can become another one of your empty promises?” Bellatrix snapped, still looking rattled by this unexpected conversation and Narcissa’s uncharacteristic desire to <em>share</em> her. “I’m still waiting on that show of dominance you promised me.”</p>
<p>“I <em>will,</em> I just need to be in a specific mood— you know it goes against my nature. Have some patience,” Narcissa placated, her voice oddly distant. She felt strange all of a sudden and could not pinpoint why. “Now answer my question.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix pulled away from her. “<em>No,</em> I don’t want to share a fucking whore with you— you just assumed I was tired of the ‘repetition’ I give you; does that mean you’re tired of what I give <em>you?”</em></p>
<p>“I’m tired of pretending I’m somebody I’m not,” Narcissa told her honestly, her chest weighing heavier than usual. She finally <em>heard</em> herself though and she exhaled a frustrated sigh, covering her face with her hands. “Shit. I think I’m going a bit mental again. I feel really off right now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you <em>sound</em> fucking off. What the hell is going on, Cissy?”</p>
<p>A lot, quite frankly. Not that she could tell Bellatrix that the possibility that Cassandra was in love with her was fucking her up though. She couldn’t explain to her how torn she was, and how trapped she was beginning to feel. She <em>loved</em> Bellatrix, but suddenly the woman felt a bit like an anchor that kept her from drifting to calmer waters. It made her hate herself, it made her feel out of control, and this morning she had almost made the conscious decision not to eat before she realized what the hell she could end up condemning herself to and had some toast.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Narcissa lied, pushing herself into a seated position before she wrung her hands. “I just feel— anxious. Perhaps it’s so goddamn ingrained in me to destroy my own life that if I don’t do it for a while I start to feel unlike myself. I don’t know. I just feel <em>wrong</em> right now and all its making me want to do is take more of my medication but I <em>can’t</em> because if my levels are too high during my next appointment I’ll be thrown in inpatient and I can’t, I <em>can’t—”</em></p>
<p>“Cissy, Cissy— calm down! Jesus, just like… <em>breathe</em> or something. Do some of that fucking meditation crap you used to do when you were pregnant, I don’t know. I hate when you get like this, it freaks me out.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like she was spiraling and her breathing came out in short erratic bursts as her nails pierced the skin of her arm. It upset her even more that she was still <em>like</em> this— that despite how far she had come, how much she worked toward her mental health, that she would always be unwell. She had known for a long time that her disorder was chronic and yet it still hurt her all the same, as she had foolishly thought she could somehow force herself to never have another episode so long as she took care of herself.</p>
<p><em>Was</em> she taking care of herself though? She still had a tendency to orchestrate drama in her life whether she consciously wanted to or not, and yet now she was surprised that her multiple lovers problem had finally come to a crux she could not mentally handle? It was ridiculous. It was pathetic. She should have known that she wouldn’t be able to compartmentalize enough to fully separate her lives with others from her life with Bellatrix.</p>
<p>Lucius no longer had an interest in her sexually. Cassandra could barely stand to be in the same room as her for longer than an hour. Bellatrix was both the best and worst thing to ever happen in her life, and Narcissa felt so utterly out of control.</p>
<p>“You feel trapped.”</p>
<p>Narcissa snapped her head toward her sister, who noted what the blonde was doing with her nails. Bellatrix knew that feeling all too well, after all. Narcissa could not vocalize it, but she nodded. She felt trapped in a life she had chosen, but no longer knew if she fully wanted. The problem was that what she wanted wasn’t feasible, so she felt utterly stuck on how to proceed— on how to be <em>happy.</em></p>
<p>“Let yourself out then,” Bellatrix gently coaxed her, but Narcissa shook her head and moved away from her, folding her arms into herself as if becoming physically smaller would help contain what lied inside of her.</p>
<p>“We can’t— I don’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t want to explode. I don’t want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“I <em>love</em> being hurt by you, Narcissa,” Bellatrix told her passionately, and Narcissa could recognize the excitement in her sister’s eyes. It made her sick, but the next words that followed made it even worse. Bellatrix’s voice was softer now, more honest, and what she said made Narcissa want to die. “Sometimes… it’s the only way I ever feel alive.”</p>
<p>A tear made its way down the contour of the blonde’s cheek, those words hitting her incredibly hard. “That’s… <em>awful.” </em>Narcissa choked on her sorrow then, pushing herself off the bed and getting as far away from her sister as she could.</p>
<p>“Why are we <em>like</em> this?” she raged in devastation. “Is it me? Is it<em> you? </em>Were you always like this; did you make Gwendolyn hurt you too, or has it always been <em>me? </em>Did you hurt each other, or was this kind of pain only reserved for the sister you never should have allowed in your bed? Are we just <em>punishing</em> ourselves for our sins? What <em>is </em>it— you know, you must know; <em>tell me! </em>Tell me why we keep doing this to each other, Bella, because I don’t fucking know and I want it to stop, why won’t it <em>stop…?</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s breathing had shallowed, this conversation suddenly becoming far too real for her as well. “Stop being dramatic— we’re<em> fine,”</em> she insisted, but her voice was tight in the back of her throat and she looked deeply ashamed of herself for having made things worse.</p>
<p>“No, I want to know!” Narcissa insisted, her nails still gathering layers of dead skin beneath them as she erratically clawed at herself, becoming a mirror of what her sister had been not too long ago. It was the only way she could keep herself from running, although she mostly did not want to do that because she wasn’t even sure where she would go. Lucius might help her but he didn’t want her, and Cassandra might want her but Narcissa doubted she’d help her with any problem involving <em>Bellatrix.</em> “Tell me about Gwendolyn, Bella. I need to know how you treated the only other woman you loved. I <em>have</em> to know—please.”</p>
<p>“No, you <em>don’t. </em>Gwen is not up for fucking discussion; it was a long time ago, and she’s dead now so it hardly matters.”</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t help herself and she grabbed the first thing she could find, which was thankfully for Bellatrix’s sake was a pillow, and whipped it at her sister’s head. “Tell me!” she demanded, her chest heaving in upset.</p>
<p>Bellatrix caught the soft object, although cocked an eyebrow at her. “Careful, Cissy, that toxicity you’re so bloody terrified of is beginning to leak out.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes alighted with rage, but she made careful effort to control herself better. Her hand twitched. “Tell me,” she asked again, although this time her words were more pleading. “Please.”</p>
<p>But Bellatrix wouldn’t hold her gaze anymore. Her brow was creasing in distress as she allowed herself to think about a woman she had tried to forget a long time ago. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because you won’t like the answer.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath, watching her sister’s expression. She looked so terribly devastated, and Narcissa released the hold she had on herself. “I’m not jealous,” she told her softly, trying to ignore the anxiety inside of her in the hope that it would go away if she didn’t succumb to it. “I used to be, I won’t deny that, but I’m old enough to understand and respect that you once loved someone besides me. It isn’t fair that you know just how much I loved Lucius, that you know exactly what our relationship entailed, when I’ve never given you the chance to share something that was such a big part of your life for a long time. Maybe it doesn’t matter now, maybe it changes nothing, but I want to hear about her, if you’re willing to tell me.”</p>
<p>“Why, so you can prove yourself right?” Bellatrix asked softly, sounding so terribly self-loathing. Her tone was angry though, almost blameful. “You want to hear about how I was happy, about how she made me feel like loving a girl didn’t make me feel like I was sick? I used to hate myself for being gay, but she made me feel like it was alright. Like maybe my world wouldn’t end because of it. She made me feel like I was worth something when I felt like I wasn’t for a long time, and loving her gave me more of a sense of normalcy than loving <em>you</em> did. I miss it. I miss…”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, but she did not feel badly that Bellatrix thought that. Loving Lucius had given <em>her</em> the sense of normalcy that Bellatrix had gotten from Gwendolyn, after all. She could not fault Bellatrix for craving the very same thing that she did.</p>
<p>“You miss her.”</p>
<p>“She made her choice,” Bellatrix barked, although did not sound like she even believed her own words. She always felt the need to justify whatever the Dark Lord did though, the good and the bad. He was her savior. He was her world.</p>
<p>“I don’t fucking know— maybe I still hate myself,” Bellatrix admitted, her tone barely above a whisper as she searched for the answers Narcissa needed inside of herself. “For <em>us, </em>for what we’ve done to each other. Maybe you do too, and that’s why we’re like this. But I wasn’t like this with her. I’ve never been like this with anyone else but you, but my love for you outstrips whatever love I held for Gwen, and I know the love you hold for me is more than what you gave Lucius. Maybe we’re just punishing ourselves for that because we know it’s fucked up. I don’t know. I try not to fucking analyze it for a reason, but this kick you’ve been on lately is bloody ruining that. We’re too old to change, Cissy, why do you keep <em>trying?</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed hard, crossing the room to sit back down on the bed next to her sister. “Because I want to be happy,” she told her, her body finally beginning to relax as she was able to breathe normally again. Her eyes caught Bellatrix’s and Narcissa reached out to grasp her hand. She knew Bellatrix was right; that perhaps deep down they were just trapped in this endless cycle because they knew they were bad for one another, yet were unable to let go. “Don’t you?”</p>
<p>“No,” Bellatrix told her firmly, holding tight to her sister’s hand. “Because I’m fucking afraid that being happy means I won’t be with you, and I love you more than some deluded idea of a happy, healthy relationship. I don’t care. There might be a part of me that wants something ‘normal’ again— a proper girlfriend, a relationship that didn’t start out in a really fucked up way when we were practically <em>kids…</em> but I ignore it, I ignore fucking <em>everything</em> because what matters more to me is my desire to spend the rest of my life with <em>you,</em> Narcissa. After everything we’ve been through together, it would kill me not to. I won’t have the last thirty years of my fucking life be for nothing.”</p>
<p>“Has it really been thirty years?” Narcissa asked softly. That seemed so terribly long, and for a moment, just the mere thought of it exhausted her.</p>
<p>“I mean I was in prison for half of it, but you were eleven when I first kissed you, as absolutely disgusting as that was considering I was fucking fifteen at the time— so… close enough.”</p>
<p>Narcissa frowned, but she did not try to comfort her sister over how their relationship began. It was screwed up and Narcissa knew she needed to stop pretending that it wasn’t. It wasn’t doing either of them any favors to lie about it anymore. “I don’t want it to be for nothing either,” Narcissa resigned with a small breath. “I can’t have <em>us</em> not be worth all the heartbreak and loss that we both shared in order to get here. I’m just tired of making the wrong choices for myself.”</p>
<p>“And I’m the wrong choice, am I?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa admitted apologetically, but even as she said it she could see that Bellatrix was not as hurt by that as she no doubted wanted to be, as she already knew the truth of it. “You are, Bella. But you’re still the choice I made all the same, because no matter how bad you are for me — how bad we are for each <em>other — </em>there was never really any choice at all. You are my destiny, and I know that now. I just wish we deserved something better than each other.”</p>
<p>“We don’t,” Bellatrix reminded her, and although Narcissa knew that her head hung in defeat. “We’re shit people, Cissy; granted for <em>wildly </em>different reasons, but we’re still shit all the same.”</p>
<p>She was right.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not speak for a long time, and Bellatrix leaned back against the pillow, spreading her legs. “Come here,” she gently coaxed, and Narcissa moved between her thighs, leaning back against her sister’s body with a long sigh as Bellatrix wrapped her arms around her middle. “It’s not all bad though, is it?” she breathed, and Narcissa shook her head, as of course it wasn’t. She still loved Bellatrix, she still felt completed when she was with her; emotionally and sexually she was sated, but mentally, <em>objectively</em> she knew they weren’t ever something to aspire to, as they had torn one another apart so many times.</p>
<p>“Tell me the good things then,” Bellatrix requested softly, her fingers grasping onto the hem of her nightdress as she slowly bunched it around Narcissa’s navel. The blonde’s breathing shallowed as her bottom half was exposed to the cool air of the room, as she no longer wore undergarments to bed. It was, quite frankly, one of the newer things Bellatrix enjoyed, and she often teased her about doing it just because she believed Narcissa wanted her to be able to ravage her without much pretense.</p>
<p>And she was not wrong.</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a hard breath as her sister’s hand slid over her mound, her fingers parting in a V as she gently spread her. “<em>This</em> is good, for one…” she breathed, and Bellatrix chuckled behind her.</p>
<p>“Yeah? You like how I fuck you, Cissy?”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips as Bellatrix began to softly brush across her clit with the pads of her fingers. The blonde nodded wordlessly, propping her legs up and keeping them spread for her as she watched her sister slowly tease her. “What else do you like?” Bellatrix asked her softly, her words being breathed against the blonde’s ear in a way that made Narcissa shudder in desire.</p>
<p>“I… I feel safe in your arms.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rewarded her honesty by bringing her fingers up to her sister’s lips and Narcissa took them entirely in her mouth, making sure she left them well-lubricated as she knew Bellatrix’s current position did not allot her much room to reach low enough unless Narcissa wanted to practically clamber on top of her. She knew she probably would eventually, but for now she was enjoying this slow, relaxing tease, and when Bellatrix’s fingers spread her saliva all over her clit she moaned softly, lulling her head back against her sister’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“And?” Bellatrix prompted, beginning to gently rub the blonde’s aching center. Narcissa exhaled a hard breath, feeling her nipples tighten beneath her nightdress.</p>
<p>“And when you look at me… when we look at each <em>other… </em>it’s like we’re the only two people who… who exist in the world, and… <em>oh,”</em> Narcissa panted, feeling the pleasure begin to overtake her. “I know it’s a lie, but we… we lie to each other so <em>beautifully, </em>Bella…”</p>
<p>“You’ve always loved your lies, haven’t you?” Bellatrix breathed against her neck, but it wasn’t blameful; she knew who Narcissa was, inside and out, and she always accepted her faults without pretense. “Go on.”</p>
<p>“And… I know I’ll never be alone,” Narcissa panted as she reached behind her, grasping onto the back of her sister’s neck as she began pushing herself back against her, allowing Bellatrix’s hand more room to work. “<em>Shit—</em> because I’m yours, Bella, more than… more than anyone else’s, and I want to hate it but I <em>can’t, </em>I…”</p>
<p>“Because you get off on this, on how fucking filthy we are for doing this to one another— for <em>loving</em> each other in this way…”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa admitted in a gasp, losing the battle within herself as she practically got in her sister’s lap, allowing her body to rest on Bellatrix’s hip as she gave the woman ample room to reach all of her now. Bellatrix stopped for a moment though, grabbing the blonde’s arms in order to pin them behind her back, and Narcissa’s chest flushed in arousal as her sister’s fingers briefly dipped inside of her.</p>
<p>“Look at how fucking wet you are already,” Bellatrix hissed in her ear, spreading her desire over her nether lips and across her mound. The sticky substance glinted under the light in the room and Narcissa squirmed in her lap. “You like that fucking me makes you feel <em>dirty</em> doesn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa moaned, getting off on being taunted about it. She wanted to feel ashamed, she wanted to feel like it was <em>wrong. </em>If she couldn’t escape from it, then she needed to embrace it. “I want… I want to feel violated by you, Bella, <em>because</em> you’re my eldest sister, because I shouldn’t want it… I want you to just take me, to do what you want with me, I want to be a slave to your desire— fuck, <em>oh my God…</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix had taken to firmly rubbing her center then and Narcissa was panting, squirming, trying desperately to get Bellatrix to that one amazing spot that would just push her right over the edge, but her sister knew exactly what she was doing and did <em>not</em> want her to get there yet.</p>
<p>“Keep talking,” Bellatrix demanded breathlessly. “I’m gonna rob you of every fucking feeling inside of you before I’m done—”</p>
<p>“Oh shit— <em>oh, </em>I… want you to take everything from me, I want you to leave me with nothing, because… because everything I am has always belonged to you…! Bella, Bella, <em>please…”</em></p>
<p>“Mmm… not good enough,” Bellatrix husked, backing off just as Narcissa was hanging on the edge. The blonde practically sobbed in frustration and she tried to at least get one of her arms out so she could finish the job herself, but Bellatrix had her pinned and she couldn’t move. “You think I don’t know what kind of mood you’re in right now, lover? You think I don’t <em>know</em> that you need to get off on feeling discomfited because you’re self-deprecating right now? You can hate yourself for us all you want, Cissy, but I’m gonna make you get off on it all the same…”</p>
<p>“Fuck— Bella, Bella, please I’ll be good, I’ll be whatever you want me to be!”</p>
<p>“This isn’t about <em>me,” </em>Bellatrix reminded her, although she did at least begin rubbing small circles against her clit again, despite making a clear effort not to get her too worked up. Narcissa was dripping at this point though, her thighs soaked with her desire to find some kind of real release. “Tell me… have you realized yet that your dear husband can probably hear you right now?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s breathing shallowed and her cheeks flared a deep red. No, she hadn’t— but they hadn’t used Muffliato, and apparently Bellatrix did not wish to as she made no move to rectify it. Lucius was two rooms down though, and Narcissa had not been trying to keep herself quiet.</p>
<p>“How does that make you feel?”</p>
<p>“Ashamed,” Narcissa admitted in a breathy whisper, but her legs spread wider for her sister anyway as she desperately pushed her body back into hers.</p>
<p>“And yet you don’t want me to stop, do you?”</p>
<p>“No— no, please, don’t stop,” Narcissa begged, feeling her entire face heat up by the reality of how much of an actual disaster she was when it came to Bellatrix. “I want to feel this way, I want…” She wanted everyone else to hate her as much as she hated herself and that, in the end, proved just how far she had fallen. It was barely a kink, it was just her reality.</p>
<p>“You <em>want</em> him to hear you come for me, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Narcissa frantically shook her head because she <em>wanted</em> to not be that fucked up, but Bellatrix just laughed.</p>
<p>“Don’t <em>lie</em> to me, Cissy… You want to come for me, while your whole body feels as though it’s on fire from how deeply ashamed you are of yourself, from how I make you feel, from what it is that you truly <em>want…</em> Say it.”</p>
<p>“Bella…”</p>
<p>“<em>Say it.”</em></p>
<p>“Fuck—<em> fuck, </em>fine, yes… humiliate me, please. I feel like shit but I want to feel worse— make me<em> worse,</em> Bella, you’ve always been good at that; make it worse but make it better… make it conflict so fucking horribly inside me that I want to die…! Oh, oh <em>fuck—</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa practically screamed as Bellatrix sped up the pace of her fingers. Her whole body was flushed in a deep rose as she panted and squirmed. “Remind the world who <em>fucks</em> you like this, Cissy— I want you to fucking scream it!”</p>
<p>“You!” Narcissa shouted, knowing full-well that there was no way her husband did not hear this. It made her hate herself more and yet she couldn’t stop; Bellatrix had always had a way with wrapping her in a blanket of self-loathing and making it feel sexy. “You, Bella— nobody but you! Please, please let me come— No, no, Bella, <em>why…” </em>She sobbed as her sister let up again just as she was about to reach her peak. “Please, what do you <em>want</em> from me, what do you want…?”</p>
<p>But Bellatrix just smirked, furiously rubbing her fingers over her heated flesh until she stopped again, and Narcissa was <em>actuall</em>y crying now. Everything ached and she needed it, she <em>needed </em>it…</p>
<p>Bellatrix began again and Narcissa screamed, begging and pleading until she stopped once more. She was physically shaking now, and Bellatrix was humming to herself happily as she continued to torture her. Narcissa was, quite literally at this point, trapped in a pool of her own desire. “Fuck, <em>fuck,</em> you awful, awful bitch…!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix chuckled. “Trust me, love, you’ll be thanking me once this is all over,” she breathed, going in for another round that had Narcissa shrieking and desperate before she sobbed from the loss, and then was immediately brought back to the precipice. Over and over it went, and Narcissa was sweating and sobbing and begging for release. The flat of Bellatrix’s palm hit her engorged, aching center and Narcissa nearly came from just that as she exhaled a loud groan.</p>
<p>“Of course you’d like getting your pussy spanked you dirty slut— you like to pretend you don’t enjoy the pain, that you don’t enjoy how fucked up we are, but you can’t get enough of it can you?” Bellatrix accused, slapping her much, much harder this time. Narcissa shouted in pain and pleasure, the sting making its way across her groin and down her thighs. She whimpered pathetically. “I could do anything I want to you right now, no matter how fucked up it is, and you’d <em>beg</em> for me to do it harder…”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>yes…</em> do it harder, hit me harder! Do anything you want to me, Bella— <em>please. </em>I don’t care what it is, I don’t care what you do, just… Just let me come! Fuck, <em>fuck—</em> just let me…!”</p>
<p>But Narcissa was screaming again, Bellatrix having pushed on with her assault of her clitoris except this time, she did not stop. She didn’t even stop after Narcissa starting coming, continuing to furiously fuck her until Narcissa had completely changed her mind and was now begging her to stop. She was shaking, her insides were contracting so hard now that it almost hurt, and Narcissa was reduced to a simpering, blubbering mess as Bellatrix made her have orgasm after orgasm without stopping. “Please, please, I can’t…! Fuck, <em>fuck, </em>Bella, stop!”</p>
<p>“No,” Bellatrix said plainly, as though Narcissa had asked her to pass her the sugar bowl and she simply could not be bothered to oblige her. Narcissa’s whole body was tensed, her toes curled and her head thrown back as she was pushed into yet another orgasm that left her sobbing. “You want to be fucked up by me, Narcissa— I <em>know </em>you do, and I am going to fuck you up so goddamn<em> thoroughly </em>that you’ll never want something healthy or normal again, because you know it’ll never compare to <em>this.”</em></p>
<p>“No, please, I can’t, I can’t—!”</p>
<p>“Oh you can and you <em>will.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa wasn’t even sure if she was conscious anymore. Her entire body felt like it was contracting now as another, much <em>wetter</em> orgasm fell from her body, and the pressure that had built up inside of her that was getting expelled over and over no longer compared to the tightness that had enveloped her as Narcissa screamed incoherently, knowing what was about to come out of her was more than anything she had ever felt in her life.</p>
<p>“Bella, Bella— no, no, oh my God, <em>yes—</em> oh, holy <em>fuck…!”</em></p>
<p>Because she wasn’t just coming now, she was… well, what she was doing was getting fucking <em>everywhere,</em> and Bellatrix cackled in surprise and glee as she made Narcissa expel everything that she had in her body until she was spent and soaked and exhausted. The blonde practically crumpled into her sister’s lap, pathetically whimpering as her lower body twitched from the aftershocks of what was arguably the most intense string of orgasms she had ever had in her life.</p>
<p>“What… the <em>fuck</em>… did you just do to me?”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt a bit like she just had an out of body experience, and she could barely move. She could feel the amused chuckle vibrate through her sister’s body and Narcissa wanted to hate her for what she had just done but the truth was that she <em>loved</em> it. It was practically torture— no, it <em>had</em> been torture, but she was a mess who loved it all the same.</p>
<p>“Well what do you know; apparently the old bitch has some new tricks. Did you know you could do that?” Bellatrix asked, apparently incredibly pleased with herself. Narcissa, meanwhile, was still twitching every couple of seconds and she couldn’t allow her legs to touch because she was so incredibly sensitive that she was certain one brush against her clit would cause her to start coming and crying again.</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> call me… an ‘old bitch’, you… <em>arsehole.”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix just continued to snicker. She weaved a protective hand through the blonde’s hair though, unsticking it from her forehead as she allowed Narcissa to take a moment to breathe as she laid against her. “Did you know, though? Seriously. Because that was fucking insane.”</p>
<p><em>“No</em>, I didn’t know I could fucking do that— Jesus <em>Christ. </em>God, you just… you just <em>ruin </em>me for everyone else and I<em> hate </em>you…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix curled a possessive hand in her hair, holding her closer to her body as if to remind herself that no one could take her prize away from her so long as she refused to let go. “No, Cissy… that’s why you love me. That’s why you’ll always be <em>mine.</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa trembled as another aftershock went through her, and she wrapped her arms around her sister as she held on to the one thing that had always given her so much pleasure yet so much pain, while she breathed out the truth of her inevitable destruction.</p>
<p>“Yours.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. XIX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XIX.</strong>
</p>
<p>“I am so, <em>so</em> sorry.”</p>
<p>Lucius just stared at his wife like he couldn’t believe she even had the audacity to say those words to him. Narcissa had padded down to the breakfast table the next morning thoroughly humiliated, knowing that eventually she was going to have to face what she had done. There was a brief hope that inhabited her that perhaps Lucius <em>hadn’t</em> been in his bed for whatever reason at eleven o’clock at night, and therefore did not hear the very loud sex she had had with her sister from two doors over. That hope was dashed though as soon as she came into the kitchen and caught the <em>look</em> on her husband’s face, and suddenly Narcissa felt about an inch tall.</p>
<p>Lucius steepled his fingers, his jaw tensing. “You know, there are <em>very</em> few people who would even allow this kind of abomination in their house—”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“Even <em>less</em> husbands who would look the other way while their wife chooses to participate in some kind of fucked up, incestuous relationship on a nightly basis in the very same bedroom that <em>they</em> used to share as a couple…”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s cheeks flared. “I know.”</p>
<p>“I have had the patience of a <em>saint </em>with you, Narcissa, but I’m at the end of my fucking rope—”</p>
<p>“You are. You <em>are</em> a saint, Lucius, I am so— I would have silenced the room, but she— I mean, I’ll spare you the details, but I couldn’t exactly get to my wand…”</p>
<p>“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Lucius snapped and Narcissa fell silent, unable to meet his gaze. “You wouldn’t have even if you could, which reminds me— you know what’s sexy, Narcissa? <em>Consent.</em> You know who <em>didn’t</em> consent to be a part of your fucked up humiliation kink? <em>Me.</em> I in no way want to be part of your screwed up sex life with her, even indirectly. I’m honestly this bloody close to forbidding you from fucking her while in this house.”</p>
<p>“Where else could we <em>go?</em> We can’t go back to her house, the Ministry is watching it— Lucius, I’m <em>sorry.</em> I swear, I’ll never let her do that again—”</p>
<p>“Ohh, is Daddy angry?” Bellatrix cackled as she finally made her way down to breakfast. Lucius turned a bit purple at being called ‘Daddy’ by <em>her</em> of all people, but Bellatrix just quirked her lips in amusement as she grabbed some toast and flopped down into a chair. “Oh, relax. You should be happy that you were involved in her kink; means you actually, indirectly, and very <em>minimally,</em> had a hand in your wife’s first squirting orgasm. You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>Lucius nearly choked on the sip of water he had been trying to swallow and Narcissa turned a furious crimson as she barked in protest, <em>“—Bella!”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix just chuckled, reaching for a grape before popping it into her mouth. She chewed, leaning back in her chair as she continued with her mouth full, “It was crazy— like clear across the room.”</p>
<p>No it had <em>not…</em> maybe across the bed, fine, but Bellatrix was just getting off on bragging about it and apparently that included exaggeration for dramatic effect. Lucius had a very strange look on his face, as though a part of him was dubious about Bellatrix’s claims while another part was feeling badly about himself, as when <em>they </em>had been intimate Narcissa had never done that. Both parts were overshadowed by his anger at even being <em>told</em> this though and his expression darkened.</p>
<p>“Oh, stop <em>pouting.</em> I’m not unkind; I could teach you how to please her, if you’d like.”</p>
<p>Lucius slammed his fork down as he stood up, storming from the room without another word as Bellatrix cackled, endlessly amused with her cruelty. Narcissa slammed her hands on the table then, nearly making her sister topple over in surprise as she had been looking the other way, watching Lucius leave.</p>
<p>“Why do you feel the need to <em>torture</em> him? He has been so <em>goddamn</em> understanding of what I have chosen for myself, and yet you <em>spit</em> on him by being needlessly cruel. Haven’t you taken enough from him already?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she leaned back in her chair, propping her foot up on the dining room table. Narcissa had half a mind to flip her right the fuck over, but constrained herself for the time being. “I didn’t <em>take</em> anything,” she reminded her sister. “You <em>left.</em> You <em>chose.</em> You can’t blame me for that. I don’t owe Lucius-Bloody-Malfoy a damn thing— I am here because it’s <em>your</em> house and you have a say in who is or is not allowed here. I sleep in your bed because <em>you</em> want me there. I fuck you because <em>you</em> want my fingers inside of you. I don’t do any of these things because Lucius ‘allows’ it. Just because I live in his house now does not make me his goddamn property.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well I <em>am</em> still his property and I would enjoy not having my marriage fall to shit just because you want to get yourself off by horrifying and emasculating him,” Narcissa snapped back. Bellatrix just snorted.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> marriage, exactly? He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t want to touch you— you’re roommates, at best.”</p>
<p>“We parent our <em>child </em>together—”</p>
<p>“Who’s in bloody<em> boarding</em> school for nine months out of the year. What else you got?”</p>
<p>Narcissa colored in irritation, pushing herself away from the dining room table. “He is my <em>friend,”</em> she seethed in upset. “I care for Lucius very deeply, he is <em>always</em> there when I need him and he does not deserve this from you. Leave him alone, Bella; I mean it, because there are six other unoccupied bedrooms in this house and I will not hesitate to find you a space of your own if you can’t respect the rules I’ve set down in mine.”</p>
<p>Narcissa stormed out of the room then, hearing her sister’s mutterings of her being ‘fucking dramatic’ on her way out. She nearly ran straight into Lucius a little ways down the hall however, who looked a little shocked to have been caught listening to the rest of their conversation. He said nothing however, turning and walking a little further down the hall until he retreated into his library. Narcissa was quick to follow him, closing the door behind her and leaning against it, effectively trapping her husband inside.</p>
<p>“I really am so—”</p>
<p>But that was about as far as she got.</p>
<p>Lucius crossed the space between them so quickly that Narcissa hadn’t even registered that he had moved before he took his wife’s face in his hands and firmly pressed their lips together. “Lucius, what…?” Narcissa gasped after they had parted, but Lucius’ hands were grasping at her bathrobe and bunching it up, his intentions becoming very clear despite waiting for a proper go-ahead before he began touching anything beneath the fabric.</p>
<p>“I appreciate what you said— and I <em>really</em> want to piss her off.”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh.”</em></p>
<p>Well, alright then. Quite frankly, Narcissa wasn’t too pleased with Bellatrix either, and while this was <em>endlessly</em> childish, Narcissa knew it was also the only thing Bellatrix was going to understand, as she never gave a damn about words. <em>Actions </em>were what mattered to her, so if she didn’t understand how cruel she was being toward Lucius then perhaps she would understand how badly it hurt when someone did the very same thing to her. Perhaps then she’d finally <em>learn </em>and they could stop this awful animosity.</p>
<p>Somehow, Narcissa still doubted it, but she allowed Lucius the revenge-fuck all the same because honestly she had been feeling far too constrained within the boundaries of monogamy, and Lucius was her <em>husband.</em> Surely, despite how angry Bellatrix would be, he was still allowed to have her like this.</p>
<p>Well, she supposed they were going to find out rather soon regardless.</p>
<p>“Barricade the door,” Narcissa breathed against his lips as she hurriedly began undressing him, knowing they did not have an endless amount of time before Bellatrix inevitably found them. Ever since Azkaban, she did not like being on her own for very long and practically stuck to Narcissa like glue, even when they were quarreling. “If she hears us she’ll storm in—”</p>
<p>Lucius did as instructed and sealed the door with magic before practically throwing his wand to the ground so that his fingers could get lost in his wife’s folds. Narcissa groaned softly, allowing him to back her up against the desk as she untied her robe, allowing it to fall to the floor, forgotten. She wrapped her hand around his cock as she stroked him, their kiss a frantic mess of teeth and tongue as it had been so <em>goddamn</em> long since they had been with each other in this way. Narcissa missed it, honestly; she may not need a romantic relationship with him anymore, but she still <em>very</em> much enjoyed being fucked by him.</p>
<p>Narcissa hissed as he put a bit too much pressure on her clit and she warned him, <em>“Careful—</em> I’m still sensitive from last night…”</p>
<p>“Jesus— I fucking <em>hate</em> her,” Lucius ground out, but did begrudgingly let up on the pressure and Narcissa’s stomach clenched in guilt as she sped up the pace of her hand, trying to get him hard enough to forget about her terrible indiscretions. She knew that no matter what she did he would never though, so she kissed him again, her free hand sliding through his long blonde hair.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she breathed against his lips as she cupped his face, his neck, before bringing him into another deep kiss. “You can take out your frustrations with her on my body— I want you to. I know we’re not… I know we’re not <em>anything</em> anymore, Lucius, but I’ve still missed how you fill me…”</p>
<p>“We’re not <em>nothing,</em> Narcissa,” he reminded her breathlessly after he had dipped his fingers further downward, finding his wife wet enough before encouraged her to get onto the desk, throwing one of her legs over his shoulder. He grabbed hold of his own cock then, positioning himself just outside her entrance, and Narcissa was breathless and wanton, her nipples tightening beneath his hungry gaze. “You’re still my wife. You’re still… you’re still my friend,” he told her honestly, repeating the words he had heard his wife say to her sister and Narcissa smiled softly, cupping his face in her palm.</p>
<p>“And you’re still hot as fuck,” he finished as he pushed inside of her, causing Narcissa to exhale a desperate moan as she allowed her hand to fall and grab onto the edge of the desk. He didn’t start pounding into her immediately as she thought he would though, instead he took his time slowly pulling out of her and pushing back in again, and Narcissa’s whole body flushed with desire as she whimpered beneath him.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Lucius… oh my God…” she panted as he began to increase his speed, causing her tits to bounce with every thrust. Her lips were parted, her chest heaving in pleasure as she allowed him to claim her as his property, knowing full-well that this would not end well but enjoying the ride all the same.</p>
<p>Narcissa threw her head back and cried out when Lucius finally started barreling into her with no more pretense, not even bothering to keep herself quiet considering she understood her husband’s endgame, and it <em>wasn’t</em> that they would get away with this without Bellatrix’s knowledge. Narcissa felt a little bad about purposely hurting her sister, but the woman had been needlessly cruel to Lucius and didn’t even bother <em>apologizing</em> about it when Narcissa had expressed that it bothered her, so fine. If Bellatrix wanted to be childish about it, then they would too.</p>
<p>“Fuck— <em>fuck, </em>don’t stop,” Narcissa pleaded desperately, feeling the familiar heat begin to burn in the pit of her abdomen. To be honest she was <em>endlessly</em> thankful that Bellatrix hadn’t fucked her with her fingers last night otherwise she would still be sore inside, and while each thrust did put pressure on her overstimulated clit as his body smacked into hers, it wasn’t unbearable. In fact, she was rather enjoying it.</p>
<p>But of course her sister had to go and ruin it.</p>
<p>“What the <em>fuck—” </em>they could hear Bellatrix shout from the other side of the door as she slammed her body against it in some dramatic attempt to get it to open. It did not budge. “Cissy, you filthy fucking <em>slag!”</em></p>
<p>“Shit, shit— finish quickly!” Narcissa panted, knowing Bellatrix would find a way around the spell that kept the door intact eventually. Lucius seemed to know it too as he grasped her hips in his hands and began to furiously fuck her so hard that Narcissa nearly choked on her own breath as she tried to cry out in pleasure. Lucius was quick to finish her though and, knowing how sensitive she still was, only had to press lightly against her clit to get his wife to come around his cock, her groan of pleasure loud and unwavering despite her sister screaming at her from behind solid wood.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna fucking come inside of you,” Lucius warned her, and while Narcissa had always <em>loved</em> when he did that, she also knew that might be one step too far.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t…” she gasped out, still riding out her own orgasm as Lucius got closer to his. Narcissa was sprawled across the desk, her body pathetically limp and her chest heaving as she looked at the man above her who had determination in his eyes. She knew why he wanted to do this and while she wanted to oblige him, she also didn’t want any stupid accidents.</p>
<p>“I know your cycle; it’s fine—”</p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck… </em>do it,” Narcissa begged him, knowing he was right in that regard after doing impressively fast math in her head. Besides, she was probably too goddamn old to get pregnant again anyway, or at least she hoped. Lucius came with a loud grunt just as Bellatrix used Bombarda on the damn door, rendering Lucius’ sealing charm completely useless as the wood splintered and cracked.</p>
<p>Lucius stepped away from his wife then just as Bellatrix pointed her wand at his throat. She was physically<em> shaking</em> she was so angry, and Narcissa quickly clambered off the desk and stood between her sister and her husband, effectively blocking him from her view. “No, Bella— he’s my husband and I <em>let</em> him. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at me.”</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> angry at you, you fucking—” But then she took one look at Narcissa with Lucius’ semen spilling out from between her thighs and down her legs and she physically gagged, dropping her wand arm as she backed up a few steps in disgust.</p>
<p>Lucius smirked cruelly, enjoying the look of horror on the other woman’s face. “Enjoy the taste of my cock the next time you go down on my <em>wife</em>, Bellatrix.” He came around Narcissa then to grab his clothing off the floor and Bellatrix had to shield her eyes with her hands as she finally registered that his cock was still out.</p>
<p>“Ugh, Jesus fucking… get out— just get the <em>fuck</em> out!” Narcissa tried to sneak out of the room while Bellatrix was covering her eyes, but apparently her sister already knew what she was trying to do as she snapped dangerously, “<em>Not</em> you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s expression soured but she stayed put. Lucius silently glanced at her but Narcissa nodded her head toward the door, encouraging him to leave. She could handle Bellatrix on her own. He leaned in though, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I’ll get you some <em>Subitis Atocium</em> just in case. Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have done that.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be sorry— I let you. The Apothecary in Diagon Alley has some, thank you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>please,</em> let’s fucking prevent another hell spawn of yours from entering this world,” Bellatrix spat, still keeping her hand over her eyes as she knew a cock was still present in her line of sight. Narcissa was <em>deeply</em> insulted by Bellatrix calling her son a ‘hell spawn’ when she hadn’t even seen Draco in fifteen years, but she kept herself quiet as she didn’t wish to make this argument even worse. “Lucius, if you don’t get the fuck out right now I’m going to slice that bloody thing right off you so I don’t have to look at it— make your goddamn choice.”</p>
<p>Lucius shot Bellatrix a very rude gesture before he left, leaving the two sisters alone. Narcissa still had not bothered to gather her clothes or clean herself up, but then again she had been trying to make a point and so she stood there, hands on her hips, as she waited for Bellatrix to drop her hand. Once she did Narcissa smirked, feeling the desire to piss her off even further for reasons that were probably in no way healthy as she goaded her, “He’s <em>big, </em>isn’t he?”</p>
<p>“You’re not fucking cute,” Bellatrix snapped, stuffing her wand back into her robes, which at least made Narcissa feel a bit more relaxed. Not that she thought Bellatrix would ever attack her with a wand, but she didn’t want her going after Lucius again. “You’re forty fucking years old, Narcissa— this shit is <em>childish.”</em></p>
<p>“Are you actually— you honestly have the <em>audacity </em>to lecture me right now on what’s<em> childish?” </em>Narcissa asked incredulously. She furiously pointed toward the kitchen. “What you did in <em>there</em> was childish, not to mention <em>cruel, </em>and I’m tired of it! I will <em>not</em> have you disrespecting Lucius in his own house anymore, Bellatrix! And what’s more is that you and I both know you don’t even have a leg to stand on here considering if you <em>did</em> then you would have ripped Lucius’ bollocks straight from his body. He is my husband and I have every right to sleep with him if I so choose. If that hurts you then perhaps you should be a bit more mindful of other people’s feelings and then they in turn will be mindful of <em>yours.”</em></p>
<p>“So what, this was some fucked up way to <em>punish</em> me?” Bellatrix asked, infuriated that she had played right into her sister’s hands, even though Narcissa had thought she had made her intentions fairly clear. She did jump on his dick <em>directly</em> after fighting with her, after all.</p>
<p>“Obviously. Lucius wanted to piss you off and quite frankly, so did I. It isn’t as though we plan to share a bed with one another regularly now, although <em>believe</em> me, I most certainly will if you don’t start adhering to my wishes. You have a choice to make, Bellatrix; if you play nice, I am yours. If you do not, I am <em>his.</em> Take your pick.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix did <em>not</em> like the ultimatum, but she did at least adhere to it and stopped being a complete arsehole to Lucius. Well, actually she took to ignoring his presence as often as she could, save their infrequent discussions about “work”. It wasn’t ideal, but it did make the house much more pleasant over the next two months, and because of that Narcissa couldn’t find it within her to complain about their strained meals and awkward silences. It was better than the alternative.</p>
<p>One day in early May Narcissa sat down in the parlor in a huff, clutching her bathrobe tightly around her body. Lucius looked up from his paper, his eyebrows rising as he caught sight of the black spiked heels and fishnets that were not covered by her robe.</p>
<p>“<em>What,</em> pray tell, are you trying to achieve right now?” he asked, looking a little wary at what was in front of him as he wanted to make certain whatever it was wasn’t for <em>his</em> benefit, as that would no doubt cause more needless drama.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s cheeks turned a little pink and she tried to cover herself a little better. “Bella’s <em>busy,</em> so…”</p>
<p>“Well, as flattering as coming in second place in whatever sex game you had planned with your bloody <em>sister</em> is, I’m going to have to pass. It wouldn’t be worth the headache.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t—!” Narcissa exclaimed, looking embarrassed and frustrated. “This isn’t an <em>offer—</em> believe me, if it was I would have lost the bathrobe and your cock would already be hard. I’m just waiting until she’s done with Kreacher, who decided to pop up again at the absolutely <em>worst </em>time. Bellatrix hasn’t managed to irritate me in weeks so I was just trying to do… I don’t know, something <em>nice, </em>but apparently it was a wasted effort. She barely even looked at me before she told me to give her a minute.”</p>
<p>“And dressing up as someone who looks like they get off on whipping others is your idea of <em>nice,</em> is it?”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, absentmindedly tugging at her fishnets. “I mean. She’s wanted me to for a while, so—”</p>
<p>“I’m already sorry I asked.”</p>
<p><em>“Fine</em>, sorry, I’m just feeling a little put out at the moment,” Narcissa admitted, the corners of her lips turning down into a frown. “This isn’t exactly a role I slip into easily and now I just feel like I look— I don’t know. Stupid, I suppose. I’m probably much too old to be playing dress up like this.”</p>
<p>Lucius glanced back over his paper, silent for a long time as his gaze traveled up her legs. He then glanced at the door, making certain Bellatrix wasn’t around before he turned his eyes back to his wife. “Show me,” he requested, and Narcissa’s brow rose.</p>
<p>“You want to actually see the sex clothes that I’ve picked out for <em>Bellatrix?”</em></p>
<p>“No, I want to see the sex clothes that my <em>wife </em>is currently wearing,” he corrected as he put his paper down. “Call it morbid curiosity.”</p>
<p>“I think I’m going to call it masochism. You <em>know</em> I can’t fuck you right now, despite…” Narcissa trailed off, and Lucius prompted her to continue.</p>
<p>“Despite?”</p>
<p>“Despite the part of me that wishes you’d just bend me over the coffee table right now,” Narcissa admitted, and Lucius pursed his lips. Damn. They needed to really stop; they had kept <em>doing</em> this lately— saying no, but meaning yes. It was maddening, but Narcissa had made a promise to her sister. “Bellatrix has been very good lately though, and I swore I was hers so long as she stopped being an absolute arsehole to you. She’s held up her end of the bargain, so I need to hold up mine.” She paused before admitting, “Well, at least until she pisses me off again.”</p>
<p>Lucius smirked and Narcissa pursed her lips, trying to fight the devious smile that threatened to poke out. Honestly, she really was a <em>terrible</em> person, wasn’t she? She missed Lucius though, she couldn’t deny that, and that was probably why she felt the need to tease him a bit as she untied the robe, not taking it off but allowing him a peak of the tight corset that lay underneath. Narcissa saw her husband inhale a sharp breath as he saw her breasts nearly spilling from their confines and Narcissa decided to make it <em>worse</em> as she propped her feet up and spread her legs for him, showing him that she was wearing lace garters but no underwear.</p>
<p>“<em>Narcissa.”</em></p>
<p>“What? You wanted to see,” Narcissa responded innocently, knowing the look on her husband’s face meant that he already popped a boner. She smirked as she reached down, spreading herself with her fingers, and Lucius had to grab the newspaper rather violently to put it back in front of his face in order to block her so he didn’t do something foolish like come <em>over </em>there. Narcissa giggled and put her feet back down, retying her robe.</p>
<p>“So I don’t look stupid then?”</p>
<p>“…No.”</p>
<p>“I’m not too old to wear something like this?”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, just— shut up, please, I’m trying to concentrate,” Lucius ground out, focusing on whatever his anti-boner image was in his head. Probably Bellatrix wearing the same damn thing. Narcissa snickered but felt infinitely better about herself, and far less foolish than she had after Bellatrix dismissed her to prioritize a bloody <em>house elf.</em></p>
<p>“Who are you fucking these days?” Narcissa asked conversationally once Lucius seemed to get his erection under control and could look at her again. “Not Alecto again, I hope.”</p>
<p>“No. She’s been bloody irritating; I don’t know why I stooped that low to begin with. I’m pretty sure you were right anyway— her relationship with her brother is… <em>weird. </em>I don’t know what that fucking says about <em>me</em> though that I keep choosing women who enjoy bedding their bloody family members.”</p>
<p><em>“Nothing, </em>but I am sorry,” Narcissa told him sincerely before she crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. “So if not her, who? If she’s hot enough I might enjoy fucking myself to the thought of it later.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her with exasperated amusement. “You have gotten bloody <em>strange, </em>but I cannot say I don’t enjoy it. If circumstances were different, I think you and I could have had a lot of fun sharing women together. Pity you get wetter for psychosis than you do for anything else.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, but she did not tell him he was wrong, as apparently her choices proved that he was not. Still, a part of her felt like she was missing out on something that could have been a lot of fun to share with him, <em>especially</em> if she could get Cassandra to be their frequent third. But no, she couldn’t think about that— things with her and the other woman still weren’t where Narcissa wanted them to be, and although they had gotten a bit better, during the last visit they had managed to get <em>worse.</em> Narcissa’s expression darkened, remembering she had a bone to pick with her husband.</p>
<p>“Speaking of sharing women, <em>thank you</em> for telling Cassandra we slept together again.”</p>
<p>Lucius immediately looked guilty, knowing by her tone that something had happened. “I didn’t mean to— she didn’t seem <em>jealous </em>when I told her. She had just asked how I was fairing with ‘the mental one’ continuously being a tornado through our bloody family and I explained that things had actually gotten quite bearable ever since we did… what we did. However, I am going to gather by the look on your face that I should have kept this information to myself. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was upset but she crossed the room to sit on the couch next to him, as she could keep her voice down better if they were closer. She wasn’t entirely sure when Bellatrix would be done with Kreacher, after all. “You know it was easier for her when I was denying you both. Now I’m only denying her. How do you think that makes her<em> feel,</em> Lucius?”</p>
<p>“I mean, you <em>are</em> still denying me, to be fair. It was only the once. Although actually, I take that back, as ‘denying’ me makes it sound like I’m actively pursuing you, which I am not. I wouldn’t <em>mind</em> it, but there’s also a part of me that’s afraid if I go down on you I’ll get the aftertaste of your fucking sister, which kills my boner fairly quickly.”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked exasperated. “Was <em>that</em> what you were thinking about when you were trying to get a hold of yourself?” Lucius said nothing, but that was enough of an answer and Narcissa rolled her eyes, a little offended.</p>
<p>“I <em>do</em> shower, you know.”</p>
<p>Lucius did not respond to that. Instead he said, “I <em>am</em> sorry though. I did not mean to make things worse between you. Believe me, I’d much prefer it if you both got on. I think I just get a bit… <em>ridiculous</em> when I’m with her sometimes; she says things and then <em>I</em> say things…”</p>
<p>“Yes, that is generally what people refer to as a ‘conversation’, Lucius.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean like—” Lucius was beginning to become visibly flustered though, and Narcissa’s eyes widened as she sat up a little straighter. “I mean she talks <em>a lot,</em> and I suppose I feel the need to talk a lot in return and sometimes foolish things come out— <em>why</em> are you looking at me like that?”</p>
<p>“You <em>like</em> her,” Narcissa realized, a tightness enveloping her gut that wasn’t entirely unpleasant, per se, but it certainly was strange as she realized their friendship may not even be a <em>friendship</em> after all. Narcissa had no idea how to feel about that and she kind of just stared at him, wondering how on earth she hadn’t seen this coming. Cassandra was a fucking <em>gift, </em>after all; of course Lucius would end up falling for her if he spent enough time with her.</p>
<p>Lucius, of course, did not get what he was being accused of. “Of course I <em>like</em> her, I’ve plainly told you before that I enjoy her company—”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa interrupted, her voice a little tighter than normal. “I mean romantically.”</p>
<p>Lucius froze momentarily but he brushed that off rather quickly, choosing instead to laugh about it. “Don’t be daft—”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Narcissa breathed, her hands coming over her mouth as she rested her elbows on her thighs. She was staring across the room, her gaze fixated on a point on the wall. “Oh my God. Does she <em>know?”</em></p>
<p>“Know <em>what?</em> Narcissa, I do not have feelings for her—”</p>
<p>“Have you slept together yet?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“No!”</em>
</p>
<p>“But you want to,” Narcissa assumed and finally, Lucius stayed quiet, looking rather guilty. Narcissa turned her head to look at him, but he would not meet her gaze. “She does not feel the same way,” she gathered by his expression, her heart panging for him as she put her hand on his knee. Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure if she was <em>okay</em> with this new development as both of them were supposed to be emotionally <em>hers</em>, but she also did not wish for Lucius to be rejected by her again either. Once was bad enough.</p>
<p>“I don’t bloody know— I haven’t tried again,” he admitted rather begrudgingly. “But for <em>sex,</em> not for— whatever else you may think is going on. It’s <em>not. </em>I’m just getting tired of shagging whores and she is… what I would prefer. I don’t think it will happen though, so you can stop having a meltdown.”</p>
<p>“Lucius, you have <em>seen</em> my meltdowns— this is nowhere close,” Narcissa reminded him before she took a long breath, leaning against the back of the couch. “I just— am feeling a lot right now and I’m not sure if it’s even good or bad or <em>both</em> because I’m having trouble sorting through it. I think I’m just…” She took a moment, trying to define the feeling inside of her. She creased her brow and looked down, and Lucius kept quiet as he allowed her to try to make sense of what was brewing in the depths of her chest.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid you’ll both leave me behind,” Narcissa admitted softly, realizing what it was all of a sudden. She looked back at him, her expression vulnerable. “That you’ll forget about me.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t you forget about us first?” Lucius gently reminded her, and Narcissa’s expression fell as she reached out to place her hand over her husband’s.</p>
<p>“No. I didn’t forget. I can’t forget.”</p>
<p>Lucius was silent for a long moment before gently reaching out to place his knuckle under his wife’s chin, coaxing her to look at him. “It doesn’t matter,” he reminded her. “Cassandra doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend.”</p>
<p>“Then she’s stupid,” Narcissa told him honestly, not understanding how Cassandra couldn’t see that she could have something great so long as she just opened her bloody eyes. Lucius gently smiled at her, appreciative of her words.</p>
<p>“I’ve found that most of the women I fancy tend to be rather stupid— <em>you</em> most of all,” he teased her to try to lighten the mood and Narcissa laughed softly, rolling her eyes before she rested her elbow on the back of the couch, propping her head up with her hand as she looked at him, her fingers tangled in a mess of blonde hair. He looked back at her and for a long time that was all they did, just <em>look</em> at one another.</p>
<p>But then something changed.</p>
<p>Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure who had moved first but suddenly their lips were locked in a passionate kiss, Narcissa’s hands fisting in his hair as she closed her eyes and tried to take herself out of reality. She didn’t know why she was doing this to herself; this was something she could not have, after all. Bellatrix was so much easier to control when she was <em>happy,</em> and this would not make her happy. Still, Narcissa allowed herself a moment’s weakness as she deeply kissed the man she was beginning to realize she might be having feelings for again, before she finally mustered up enough emotional strength to gently push him away.</p>
<p>“We can’t,” she breathed regrettably, but Narcissa’s voice was all choked up and she was horrified to realize that she might actually<em> cry,</em> and so the woman pushed herself off the couch to get away from him.</p>
<p>“Narcissa—”</p>
<p>But Narcissa never found out what he would have said to make her stay, as Bellatrix rounded the corner then, nearly running smack into Narcissa who was trying to run away from a situation she felt she could not handle. “What are you— what’s <em>wrong?” </em>Bellatrix asked, seeing tears on her sister’s cheeks before she cupped her cheek in concern, a blameful look being shot in Lucius’ direction.</p>
<p>“<em>You,”</em> Narcissa lied, because lying just came unnervingly natural for her. She pulled away from her sister’s touch. “I was trying to do something that you <em>wanted</em> and yet you leave me down here for nearly an hour in this stupid outfit— I feel <em>foolish,</em> I can’t believe you prioritized that miserable elf over me!”</p>
<p>“What are you—?” Bellatrix asked, as alright, she apparently hadn’t realized what was <em>underneath</em> her sister’s robe when she had dismissed her. The older woman’s hands went to the ties on it though, opening up what should have been her prize as her eyebrows rose in appreciation. “<em>Oh.</em> Shit, Cissy…”</p>
<p>Narcissa furiously grabbed the robe and tied it back up in a huff. “Well you can just forget about it now—”</p>
<p>“I’m going to have to, unfortunately,” Bellatrix responded, which made Narcissa nearly choke on her own tongue because she had been on a tirade and that was <em>not</em> the answer she had been expecting. Bellatrix wasn’t looking at her anymore though— her gaze was on Lucius. “We need to go. Now. Kreacher is willing to do his part; we must tell the Dark Lord.”</p>
<p>Lucius didn’t question her, but he did look rather alight with anticipation as he quickly got up, both his newspaper and his wife forgotten.</p>
<p>“Go <em>where?” </em>Narcissa asked, needing to know what was going on. This sounded like a mission of some sort, and that filled her with a terrible feeling of dread as it had the potential of ripping her family apart again should they be caught. “Please— if it’s dangerous…”</p>
<p>“If all goes well we’re going to be in the Ministry itself to finally get that prophecy, so probably fairly dangerous, yes,” Bellatrix responded, excitement in her eyes at the prospect of finally getting to <em>do</em> something. Narcissa felt sick. Bellatrix in the Ministry? She was a wanted woman, there were <em>Aurors</em> there. No, no,<em> no…</em></p>
<p>“Bella, no, please— that’s too risky, have someone else go!”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to shrink away from my duty, Narcissa!” Bellatrix barked, practically pushing her sister off of her as though she had grievously offended her by even suggesting such a thing. She straightened her robes as though she were presenting herself for the highest honor as she stepped away from Narcissa. “Lucius, come. Time is of the essence. Cissy, relax; we’ll both be back shortly. It’ll be twelve of us against one stupid child— don’t even concern yourself over it.”</p>
<p>And then they were gone, disapparated into inky black smoke that billowed around Narcissa as she tried desperately to believe her sister’s words, and assume that they would both come home to her.</p>
<p>But only one of them did.</p>
<p>Narcissa had dejectedly changed out of her outfit into something far more comfortable as she tried to quell the anxiety inside of her as she waited for them to return. She tried to distract herself with something, <em>anything</em> to pass the time, but nothing could hold her attention for longer than a few moments before she was back to feeling sick with worry. Many hours passed, and as the hour grew later Narcissa turned even more ashen, the bile in the back of her throat threatening to be expelled every time she thought of all the horrible things that could have gone wrong.</p>
<p>And then, finally, her sister returned to her.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked… <em>wrong.</em> Disheveled and a little mad as she reached for Narcissa, her grip bruising as she pulled her out of her chair before the woman even had a chance to stand. “I cannot stay here,” she frantically hissed, her eyes wild. “The Ministry will be coming—”</p>
<p>“Lucius, <em>where’s Lucius?!”</em> Narcissa cried, knowing from her sister’s demeanor that things had not gone to plan. She felt like she was going to fall over so it was a good thing that Bellatrix had a firm grip on her arm. “Bella!”</p>
<p>“Gone— they’re all fucking… but He <em>saved</em> me, Cissy; me alone the Dark Lord saved…!”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s legs gave out from underneath her but Bellatrix pulled her right back up with a frantic, “Get <em>up! </em>You cannot act as though you know— they will be here soon, you must act like you didn’t know Lucius was with us! The Dark Lord will free them from prison eventually— <em>look at me!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa was sobbing, both from relief and from fear. When Bellatrix had said ‘gone’ she had thought, she had thought…</p>
<p>But this wasn’t any better, was it? Narcissa choked on the force of her tears as Bellatrix nearly ripped her arm from her socket, forcing her to stand upright. “<em>Cissy, </em>Cissy, fucking listen to me!” she howled, slapping Narcissa straight across the face to snap her out of her despair. Narcissa’s entire world felt like it was crumbling around her, but her sister’s violence did at least shock her into obeying.</p>
<p>“Get <em>everything</em> that’s mine out of this house— toss it, burn it, I don’t <em>care! </em>Do not let them find anything, do you hear me? Go, <em>now! </em>Send word with your patronus once the search is over and I’ll return. <em>Now, Narcissa, you don’t have much time!” </em>she shouted at her before giving her sister one final push and disapparating from the manor, leaving Narcissa a crumpled mess on the floor.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t stay this way. She <em>couldn’t. </em> Panic was starting to overtake her as Narcissa scrambled to her feet, but getting rid of things was not her first stop. Instead she ran to her fireplace, throwing a handful of floo powder into the flames. <em>“Cass!”</em> she screamed desperately as she stuck her head in.</p>
<p>From the Goyle manor she could see Cassandra nearly fall out of her chair from the sudden intrusion. She too looked like she was waiting with sickening anxiety. “Was Peter with them?!” Narcissa shouted through the flames, and Cassandra’s face went white. It was enough of an answer for Narcissa. “Bella, she said… they’ve all been <em>arrested,</em> Cass— the Ministry will come, act as though you know nothing! Please, don’t do anything stupid, I can’t lose you too— I’m sorry, I’ll come to you when this is all over!”</p>
<p>And then she pulled herself from the fireplace, her mind racing as she went to work doing exactly what her sister had asked of her, knowing that if she even stopped for a <em>second</em> to think about Lucius that she would fall apart, and her inability to function due to her loss would make things so much worse for their family. She had Draco to think about, and she needed to make sure that even without Lucius they would be okay.</p>
<p>That was the only, the <em>only</em> thing that mattered now.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. XX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XX.</strong>
</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be here, Tonks.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” Nymphadora insisted as she barreled her way into her aunt’s home, a handful of other Aurors behind her. Narcissa recognized her niece from the Quidditch World Cup, although they had not spoken then, nor did Narcissa think that Nymphadora knew who she was. She did <em>now</em> though. The young woman looked like she belonged in St. Mungo’s; she was beat up and could barely stand, but Nymphadora had a determined fire in her eyes as she stared at Narcissa, unblinking.</p>
<p>It unnerved the blonde, who was not expecting a relative to be in the raiding party. She knew Nymphadora was an Auror, but it just hadn’t occurred to her. And although Narcissa was caught off guard by that, she also knew she had to play her role perfectly in order to get through this unscathed, so she immediately acted scandalized by the intrusion. “What do you think you are <em>doing?</em> You cannot just burst into my home—!”</p>
<p>“Actually we can, ma’am. Per order of the Ministry,” an older gentleman interjected, shoving a piece of paper into her hand. Narcissa scanned the contents, her stomach sinking in her gut as she forced herself to act both surprised and devastated by this information. She allowed her eyes to well up with furious tears as she crumpled the piece of paper in her fist, staring at the man in absolute loathing. “Shacklebolt, upstairs,” he directed, ignoring the look he was being given. “Savage, start in the basement. Proudfoot and I will take the main floor— Tonks, watch her.”</p>
<p>“Dawlish, I want to search…!”</p>
<p>“You can barely walk,” the Auror named Shacklebolt reminded Nymphadora, who looked <em>infuriated</em> that she was stuck on babysitting duty. “You shouldn’t have left the hospital so soon—”</p>
<p><em>“I wanted to be here,”</em> Nymphadora responded dangerously, and Shacklebolt conceded with gently raised arms.</p>
<p>“And thus you are here,” he reminded her, indicating there was no need to get combative about it. “However there is no need to overexert yourself.”</p>
<p>“Leave no stone unturned—destroy some walls if you have to,” Dawlish instructed. “House this big, there’s sure to be secret rooms somewhere. Nothing’s slipping through our fingers this time.”</p>
<p>“Stop it, you can’t just tear apart my home! You’ve made a <em>mistake!”</em> Narcissa pleaded as she watched the Aurors split up before they began destroying everything she had worked so hard to build. “Please, whatever you think he’s done, my husband, he’s not—!”</p>
<p>“Oh, save it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa fell silent, her lips pursing in a tight line as she shifted her gaze to her niece. The other Aurors had all gone anyway, leaving the two women alone. Nymphadora was looking at her like she was more than aware that this was all an act, and it rightfully unnerved Narcissa. Had the young woman finally been told about the family then, about <em>her?</em> Narcissa had hoped Andromeda held too much shame for that, but perhaps no longer. Besides, being an Auror, Nymphadora had no doubt asked her mother about Bellatrix when her aunt escaped, hoping to get inside information that would help catch her, and Narcissa would have no doubt been part of <em>that</em> story.</p>
<p>“Mum said you were always good with the dramatics,” Nymphadora scoffed, confirming that her information was indeed coming from her mother. Narcissa hoped Andromeda kept the details of her affair with Bellatrix to herself though— embarrassment aside, if Nymphadora should know, it would give her more of a reason to suspect that Narcissa had been hiding a wanted criminal. “However, she <em>also</em> said that you’ve always known what you would be sucked into by staying with the family. You knew exactly who your husband was, who your sister was. Mum thinks you’re different, that you’re merely a passive bystander instead of an active player, but I suppose we’ll soon find out. The Minister is not going to save you this time.”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at her niece in disdain, hoping that by acting superior it would make her feel more put together.<em> “Tonks,</em> is it? You prefer being known by your filthy Muggle father’s surname to that of your mother’s proud line? Despicable.”</p>
<p>“Muggle-<em>born,</em> not a Muggle, and I think we both know my mother is not <em>proud</em> of anything to do with you lot.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing, but her eyes kept taking in the damage that had been done to her niece. She did<em> not </em>look okay. Had she been at the Ministry as well? Whatever had happened, she had most certainly come out on the wrong side of a fight.</p>
<p>“Courtesy of my <em>other</em> estranged aunt,” Nymphadora— <em>Tonks, </em>ugh— had answered, Narcissa’s unspoken question having hung in the air. “I’d ask where she is, but I know better than to think you’d tell me. Mum said you two were <em>close.</em>”</p>
<p>No, she didn’t know the extent of it then. Narcissa would have seen far more horror and disgust in the young woman’s eyes should she have known the truth; at best, all Andromeda told her was that she was often the third wheel when it came to the three of them, and that Narcissa would always choose Bellatrix’s side over hers.</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen Bella in over a decade,” Narcissa lied easily, although her stomach clenched in her gut over the damage Bellatrix had caused. Not that she <em>cared</em> really, she didn’t even know the woman, but it was still a little unnerving to see Bellatrix’s handiwork first-hand. “You may check the prison logs if you do not believe me, but my sister is not an idiot and would know better than to come here; not that I would open my door for her even if she <em>tried,</em> considering I have my son to think of.”</p>
<p>“<em>Touching,</em> but an absolute load, considering your husband has now been arrested for the same crimes as Bellatrix, and you kept your son around <em>him</em>.”</p>
<p>“<em>Aunt</em> Bellatrix,” Narcissa corrected, finding the absence of the title to be disrespectful. It didn’t matter if they were estranged or not. “Or has my dear sister forgotten to teach you basic manners when referring to family?”</p>
<p>“You’re funny,” the woman who declared herself ‘Tonks’ snorted, but there was actual anger in her eyes despite her blasé answer. “She’s lucky I even refer to her by name after what she did to Sirius.”</p>
<p>Narcissa side-eyed her, although was clearly startled by the revelation that something had happened to Sirius. She hadn’t had time to read the papers this morning, as she was far too busy preparing for <em>this.</em></p>
<p>“You haven’t heard?” Tonks asked, reading the look on her aunt’s face. “That bitch <em>murdered </em>him. Sirius was the only member of my Mum’s family she still cared about. I might not have known him really well but I <em>do</em> know that he was a good man, and now he’s gone because of her. You think I should have manners, you think I should respect her? I don’t even respect <em>you</em> and you haven’t killed someone I cared about.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing, but her stomach twisted uncomfortably in her gut at the information. She knew Bellatrix had been hoping to murder Sirius herself, but she hadn’t actually thought— what an <em>idiot,</em> honestly, leaving the comfort of his protected home to go fight a battle he shouldn’t have even been a part of. Foolish. Good riddance, good…</p>
<p>Narcissa felt sick. She couldn’t look at her niece, and instead chose to snap at the Auror Proudfoot who had just come around the corner with a couple goblets in his hand that all bore the Malfoy family crest. “Get your <em>filthy</em> hands off of those!” Narcissa shouted before the Auror tossed them carelessly in the pile of what Narcissa could only assume were rejected Dark objects. “The audacity, the blatant <em>disrespect—”</em></p>
<p>“It’s about to get a whole lot worse than just your precious goblets,<em> Auntie,</em>” Tonks warned her, sarcasm dripping around the title Narcissa had chosen for herself. Already she hated the word falling from the woman’s lips, and Narcissa’s lip curled in disdain. “But then again, you should be used to this by now. This is, what, the sixth raid you’ve had to endure over the last two decades?”</p>
<p>“You seem well enough informed— why don’t you tell me, <em>dear?” </em>Narcissa shot back, hoping she did not look as rattled by all this as she felt.</p>
<p>“Oh, I reckon I am well informed. Ever since Bellatrix’s escape, I’ve made a point to be. You see, Mum never talked about you lot— I grew up thinking she was an only child. Bit of a nasty shock to find out that I was related to someone like <em>that.</em> I get why Mum hid it — <em>her </em>more than you, although I see now you’re no picnic either — but now that I’m an Auror I don’t have the luxury of living in denial like she did. It’s my job to <em>do</em> something about people like her.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’re just your mother’s little <em>hero</em>, aren’t you?” Narcissa drawled. “Off to change the world, to right the wrongs that Andy’s ashamed to be associated with so that my dear sister can sleep better at night. A word of advice— leave your aunt to those who can actually handle her because you, my darling niece, <em>clearly</em> cannot.”</p>
<p>Tonks colored in upset, obviously very ashamed that Bellatrix had managed to best her. She was still barely more than a child though, and if Tonks wished not to end up like Sirius then she needed to realize that Bellatrix was not someone to be trifled with. Narcissa may hold no love for this child as she did not know her, but she did reluctantly still hold love for Andromeda and did <em>not</em> wish her sister the pain of losing her daughter. If Tonks had made it some kind of personal mission to be the one to bring Bellatrix to justice, then she may as well have just signed her own death certificate.</p>
<p>Narcissa ended up getting out of the raid unscathed, much to Tonk’s displeasure. They found a handful of objects they ‘assumed’ could be dangerous and confiscated them, but nothing explicitly illegal. They found no trace of Bellatrix either, as Narcissa had purged the house of her. After informing Narcissa that there would be no trial for her husband and the ten others who were caught at the Ministry (Rodolphus, Rabastan, Crabbe, Goyle, Jugson, Dolohov, Macnair, Avery, Rookwood, and Mulciber), the Aurors left her alone in her home so that she could finally break down in peace.</p>
<p>The news of the Dark Lord’s return spread quickly, and the unflattering mugshots of his followers who had been arrested were splattered across the front page of the Daily Prophet. Narcissa’s heart ached that she hadn’t had time to warn Draco of his father’s arrest before he heard it from a third party, but she was quick to write to him once the raid had concluded, assuring him that they were going to be alright and to keep his head held high no matter what anyone had to say about their family.</p>
<p>Bellatrix had not returned but, then again, Narcissa had not sent her the all-clear yet. She knew she needed time and space in order to mourn her husband’s arrest without her sister’s input, who would no doubt just tell her how <em>stupid</em> Lucius was to have been caught in the first place. Narcissa could not handle that right now. She sought comfort instead in a woman who was in the same situation that she was, and so two days later she and Cassandra were practically tangled together on the woman’s couch in some vain attempt to feel as though they were not alone.</p>
<p>It felt strange though, being this close to one another again. Cassandra had been practically pushing her away at every turn, but it seemed her husband’s arrest had resigned her to the only other person she cared deeply for, and while it was not the <em>same,</em> it was enough. Narcissa was situated between Cassandra’s thighs, her head on the redhead’s chest as she felt the other woman’s nails idly rake through her hair. They both hadn’t done much else other than hug and cry, as neither really knew what to say to the other. Still, eventually the tears subsided and they were left in this defeated silence as they clutched one another, their harsh new reality washing over them in devastating waves.</p>
<p>“What’re we gonna do?” Cassandra finally asked in a whisper, and Narcissa dabbed at her reddened, puffy eyes.</p>
<p>“There’s nothing we can do,” she reminded her softly. “Bella says the Dark Lord will release them from prison eventually, but I’m sure he’s not happy with their failure. It may be safer for them to be in there at the moment.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest as she thought of her sister, the sole Death Eater to have come out of the Ministry unscathed, as she knew most of the Dark Lord’s ire would be projected onto her. It wouldn’t have been the first time he had hurt her, after all. Bellatrix made her choice though, and Narcissa knew she could handle herself; she may come back to her a little more broken than she was before, a little more mad than she wanted to be as Bellatrix had not taken her potions with her when she fled, but she would still come back <em>alive, </em>and that was the only thing that mattered. Voldemort needed her, after all. He only had a handful of Death Eaters left, and Bellatrix was by far his best.</p>
<p>“Yeah… I reckon you’re right,” Cassandra exhaled with a long sigh, her fingers tightening in her friend’s hair momentarily before Narcissa heard her exhale another sob. Narcissa turned her head to look up at the woman beneath her, feeling her heart break at the look of loss that was etched into every line of Cassandra’s face.</p>
<p>“Shh, stop,” Narcissa hushed her as she cupped the other woman’s cheek in her palm, brushing her tears away as she gently pressed their foreheads together. Her own eyes were filling with tears again but Narcissa refused to let them fall; she needed to be the strong one now, the one who could comfort her friend when she was despairing. After everything she had put Cassandra through, Narcissa knew she owed her at least that much.</p>
<p>Besides, she already knew how it felt to lose someone she loved to Azkaban, and this time Narcissa did not have the threat of forever looming over her head. The Dark Lord was getting stronger and he would release his followers in time. Lucius’ arrest was still a devastating loss, but it was not unbearable. She would survive and eventually, whether it be in a month or a year from now, her husband would return to her.</p>
<p>“Don’t even know why I’m cryin’,” Cassandra admitted, sounding so thoroughly frustrated with herself. “Things have been shit again— fightin’ all the time, but I think it was my fault. I haven’t been actin’ right; too caught up in my own bullshit. Said I was gonna put ‘im first but didn’t— don’t blame Peter for hatin’ me. Been spending more time with <em>Lucius</em> than my own bleedin’ husband ‘cause—” But Cassandra cut herself off, realizing she did not wish Narcissa to be privy to her feelings. Still, even with the way it was said, Narcissa had a feeling that she spent more time with Lucius because of <em>her</em> than because of him. “Don’t matter. Both of ‘em are gone now anyway. Everything’s a sodding waste.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing. She wanted to comfort her, she wanted to comfort Cassandra in the only way she knew <em>how,</em> but she still had Bellatrix to think about. Although Cassandra was no longer at risk from her wrath due to the Unbreakable Vow, Narcissa did not wish to hurt her sister by going behind her back, nor did she wish to hurt <em>Cassandra</em> should they end up getting all wrapped up in one another again. Narcissa knew it would only break her heart when the woman realized that she would always prefer drowning with Bellatrix than allowing someone to help her keep her head above water, and Narcissa could not do that to her.</p>
<p>Cassandra deserved so much <em>better</em> than her.</p>
<p>Finally, Narcissa spoke. “He has feelings for you, you know.” She would not look at Cassandra when she said it, but she felt as though she had to tell her; despite the fact that nothing could be done about it now that Lucius was in prison, he was by <em>far</em> a better option for her than she was, and she wanted Cassandra to know she had the option whenever he returned.</p>
<p>Cassandra snorted. “Yeah, alright.”</p>
<p>“I’m serious,” Narcissa told her as she sat up, turning to look at the woman beside her. She still felt a little strange talking about this, <em>accepting</em> it, but in the end she knew them together was probably the far better option than her with either of them. All she did was hurt them. “I mean, he won’t <em>say</em> it, but he does. Keeps insisting the most he wants to do is shag you, but I could hear it in his voice when he talks about you. He got caught up… same as I did.” Narcissa gave her a soft smile. “You’re quite easy to fall for, you know.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you got <em>real</em> caught up, didn’t ya?” Cassandra exhaled bitterly, but she did look a little stunned by Narcissa’s insistence that Lucius felt something for her. “That’s bollocks though, an’ even if it’s not, he’s yours; I wouldn’t—”</p>
<p>“You say that like I haven’t shared him with you before.”</p>
<p>Cassandra side-eyed her, but she looked more irritated than exasperated. “That was <em>different.</em> You were—” <em>there,</em> for starters. She was still <em>hers,</em> but she wasn’t anymore. Cassandra was starting to get upset again, her eyes filling with furious tears. “Y’know what? Doesn’t bloody matter. He’s not even here right now Cissa; probably won’t be for a while, so this conversation is pointless. Good to know you’re still tryin’ to pawn me off on him though; least I know where we stand.”</p>
<p>“No, Cass, that wasn’t—”</p>
<p>“Just get out, Cissa; I dunno why I thought it would be a good idea to try to still be friends. Every time we hang out s’always rubbish, an’ I end up hurtin’ even more.”</p>
<p>
  <em>No, no, no…</em>
</p>
<p>“Cass— Cassandra,<em> please.</em> I never meant to hurt you,” Narcissa insisted, but Cassandra had pushed herself off the couch in a huff and Narcissa was quick to follow her. “You were— you had left <em>me</em>, remember?!” she exclaimed frantically as Cassandra had practically escorted her to the fireplace. But Narcissa would not leave, she <em>wouldn’t. </em>“Stop blaming me when you were the one who walked away <em>first!”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra turned around to face her, jaw locked. Another tear fell from her eye, but it seemed she wanted to hang on to her anger more than anything else in that moment.</p>
<p>“How did you think that made me<em> feel?!”</em> Narcissa continued, her chest weighing in upset. “But I understood, I understood how bloody important it was to you that you fix things with your husband—”</p>
<p>“But I <em>didn’t!” </em>Cassandra raged, but Narcissa was upset too, and everything she had felt over the last couple months came pouring out as they began to fight in a way they never had before. “Everything with Peter just got bloody <em>worse!”</em></p>
<p>“And that’s <em>my</em> fault?!”</p>
<p>“Of course it’s your fault, you fuckin’ knob! That <em>cunt</em> came back an’ I was miserable, left alone cause ya never bothered to see me anymore; made me feel like I was just some fuckin’ replacement for the bitch until you could finally have her again—”</p>
<p>“You weren’t, you <em>weren’t!”</em></p>
<p>“An’ Peter saw it, he knew <em>why</em> I was actin’ so put out ‘cause all the bloody Death Eaters know about you both now, with everyone comin’ back from prison who had heard you fuck ‘er in there—” Narcissa’s entire face flushed a deep crimson at that knowledge. She had known it was a possibility, but she hadn’t really <em>thought</em> that people would talk about it; she had hoped their fear of Bellatrix would outweigh their desire to gossip, but apparently not. “Look at you, Cissa; fuckin’ <em>embarrassed, </em>yet this was what you wanted, innit? Well I hope you’re fuckin’ happy…!”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>not!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s words hung in the air, practically reverberating through the empty manor as the two women stared at one another. Cassandra’s chest was heaving in upset and Narcissa exhaled a devastated sob, hating herself for saying those words. She hadn’t meant to. She <em>loved</em> Bellatrix, she did, but this was far from what she wanted from her life, and she felt trapped in something she could not escape.</p>
<p>“…You’re not?”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s words were softer now, almost as though she wasn’t entirely certain that she had heard her right. Narcissa just continued to cry, covering her face as she fell to her haunches, her shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs. She felt as though she had betrayed Bellatrix by even voicing such a thing out loud and she could not bear how that made her feel. She was all Bellatrix <em>had,</em> and what was worse was that the woman had really been trying lately, yet Narcissa had the audacity not to feel thankful for it?</p>
<p>But it did not matter, whether she was happy or not. Narcissa knew she would never leave her. Bellatrix was a part of her and so she was trying, she was <em>trying</em> to make the best of the situation, but the more Narcissa realized what she was leaving behind by doing so, the more she was beginning to fall apart at the seams.</p>
<p>Cassandra crouched down next to her, tentatively placing a hand on her friend’s back. When she realized she wasn’t going to be pushed away she wrapped her arms around her, holding Narcissa as she cried. The blonde didn’t know what to do; she felt as though she needed an escape, but that made her feel like a terrible person for needing space from the one person she had always loved above all others.</p>
<p>It took a long time for Narcissa to calm down, but eventually her tears subsided and she had practically fallen into Cassandra’s embrace, her arms thrown around her neck while she buried her face in her breasts. Cassandra said nothing but continued to silently comfort her, gently pushing the hair away from the other woman’s eyes so that it wouldn’t stick to her tear-stained face.</p>
<p>“You <em>promised,”</em> Narcissa finally wheezed, knowing she could not bear if Cassandra tossed her out as she held tightly to the other woman’s dress. “You told me you were my friend over anything else; that… that even if we stopped sleeping together, you wouldn’t leave…”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a long sigh, but did not let the other woman go. “That was a long time ago, Cissa,” she told her regrettably.</p>
<p>“What’s <em>changed?” </em>Narcissa asked, her sorrow caught in her throat as she tried desperately to hang on to something she could feel was slipping through her fingers.</p>
<p>“Everything,” Cassandra told her sadly, and Narcissa <em>knew</em>. She could hear it in her voice, feel it in her touch. Cassandra had finally realized why she was so angry, why she could not let this go, and she sounded so terribly defeated by a reality she knew would never bring her happiness as she breathed regrettably, “Everything’s changed.”</p>
<p>Something washed through Narcissa then, and something changed for her too. But it wasn’t good; it wasn’t conducive to the person she had wanted to be, but she had already lost Lucius this week— she could not lose her too. Besides, if Cassandra <em>felt</em> that way then that should give her more of a reason to stay, shouldn’t it? And maybe, if Narcissa tried very hard this time, this wouldn’t end in devastation— this wouldn’t end with her friend being hurt even more than she was before, but even as Narcissa thought that she realized that even should she know for certain that it would, that she would not do anything differently.</p>
<p>Because <em>this</em> was the kind of person she was, and perhaps it was foolish to ever think she was anything other than the soul-sucking leech she had always been.</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed as she raised her head, looking at the woman who held her in her arms. She did not give Cassandra a moment to think or to move before she cupped the back of her neck, bringing her in for a soft kiss that left tears on her cheeks that were not her own.</p>
<p>“Then let’s change it back,” Narcissa breathed as she held firm to the back of her friend’s neck, brown eyes searching hazel as she begged Cassandra to not run from her. The other woman looked at her helplessly, a slow tear rolling down her freckled cheek as she was unfairly faced with only part of what she wanted, knowing full-well that she would never receive the entirety of the woman in her arms. But in the end, perhaps no one would; not even Bellatrix could have all of her, for Narcissa had always split herself between multiple people, and it seemed that despite her desire to stop sectioning off parts of her heart this would be what always came naturally to her.</p>
<p>Narcissa had far too much love inside of her to give it to just <em>one</em> person for the rest of her life, and maybe she should just start accepting that. Although she supposed the real problem would be getting everyone <em>else </em>to accept that as well. Lucius would, Lucius <em>had</em> already, and Cassandra <em>could</em> eventually, she was sure of it, but Bellatrix…</p>
<p>No. She couldn’t think of Bellatrix now.</p>
<p>Narcissa slid her hand through the other woman’s hair, bringing their lips in for another kiss that was reciprocated, albeit reluctantly. Narcissa did not push though, she did not just clamber on top of Cassandra and have her way with her, despite knowing wrapping the woman up in something passionate would give her less time to think about what she wanted, and Narcissa would come out victorious. She didn’t want to be <em>that</em> horrible though; if Cassandra chose this, chose<em> her, </em>then it needed to be of her own volition, and not because she was fucked stupid and fell into something she found she could not get out of.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew how <em>that</em> felt all too well.</p>
<p>“Please,” Narcissa begged as they parted, feeling wetness on her cheeks again as she reached out, gently wiping the tears from the other woman’s face. Her heart was clenched so hard inside of her chest that it was painful, and she could not bear it any longer. “Please stop crying. It breaks my heart to see you like this, Cass.”</p>
<p>Cassandra took a shuddered inhale of breath, and her hand was shaking as she pushed the hair from her eyes. “You’re gonna fuckin’ destroy me… an’ I don’t know why— I don’t know why I’m <em>lettin’</em> you; I thought I was bloody <em>stronger</em> than this…” she wept, looking so terribly defeated. Narcissa’s expression crumbled and she grasped for her, her own eyes welling up with tears.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry— I’m sorry, I’m selfish, but I want you <em>back;</em> I’ve wanted you back ever since you left, I’ve wanted you back even when Bellatrix returned, but I was trying to— God, it doesn’t even matter, because I can’t <em>do</em> that anymore, I can’t have you thinking that I don’t want and miss you desperately because I <em>do,</em> Cass, I fucking <em>do…”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled another sob as Narcissa’s lips covered hers, but the redhead grasped for her anyway, practically pulling Narcissa onto her lap. They were still in the middle of the Goyle’s parlor but it did not matter, as nobody was coming home. It was just them now and Narcissa kissed her hungrily, grasping the woman’s face in her hands as she straddled her waist and claimed Cassandra as her own.</p>
<p>“Tell me you’ll be mine,” Narcissa begged against her lips, needing to hear her say it before she robbed Cassandra of what was left of her sanity. “Tell me you’ll stay with me, <em>please…”</em></p>
<p>“I’ve always been yours, you absolute fuckin’ knob— that’s been the bloody problem; that’s why I hate you, why I hate <em>this…” </em>Cassandra breathed in sorrow, unable to open her eyes as she rested her forehead against the blonde’s. But it seemed no matter how much she hated it she could not stop herself from wanting it as suddenly her lips collided with Narcissa’s, her grip bruising as she furiously began ridding the older woman of her clothes.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s own hands were frantic as she shed Cassandra of her dress just as quickly, encouraging the other woman to lie on her back as she brought the woman’s breast into her mouth. Cassandra exhaled a shuddered moan as she tangled her hands in a mess of blonde hair, and Narcissa’s hand snaked between their bodies to fall between her legs, the pads of her fingers pressing gently against the fabric that covered her prize. Cassandra hissed softly and Narcissa’s lips found hers once more as she kissed her deeply, pushing the fabric to the side as she ran a tantalizing finger over her soft bundle of nerves.</p>
<p>“I know it’s going to be a mess,” Narcissa breathed against her lips as she settled herself on the ground beside Cassandra, gently stroking her. Cassandra’s legs fell open and Narcissa’s lips found her cheek, her neck, her jaw. “But I am going to <em>try…</em> I promise, I will not leave you alone. Bella, even if she finds out she can’t— she can’t hurt you anyway…”</p>
<p>“What?” Cassandra asked breathlessly, but Narcissa did not want to explain. It was too much right now. So instead Narcissa pressed harder on the other woman’s clit, prompting a hissing gasp to escape the younger woman’s lips.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain later, just— I took care of it, okay? I took care of it, and I’m going to take care of <em>you</em> now… if you let me.” Narcissa spread her with her fingers, her middle finger dipping downward to feel the desire she knew would be there. Her gaze did not part from Cassandra’s as she begged, “Please. <em>Please</em> let me…”</p>
<p>Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip and hesitated, knowing Narcissa was offering more than just sex in that moment. Still, despite her reservations, despite how terribly afraid she was that Narcissa was going to break her heart, she nodded, and Narcissa smiled, capturing their lips in another kiss before she pushed inside of her, swallowing the moan that followed.</p>
<p>Narcissa took her time with it, suddenly reminded of how utterly caught up she could get in Cassandra as she watched the pleasure play out on the other woman’s face. She was <em>beautiful</em> and Narcissa could not stop looking at her as she slowly coaxed the pleasure from Cassandra’s body. The redhead was grasping for her as she shuddered in her arms, her fingers holding tight to the back of Narcissa’s neck as she panted her praises across her cheek. Her eyes were screwed shut, her lips were parted, and Narcissa could not get enough of her as she corkscrewed her fingers within her, enjoying the desperate sounds that fell from the woman in her arms.</p>
<p>“I’m going to make love to you as often as I can,” Narcissa promised her in a breathy whisper, continuing to milk whimpers and gasps from the woman beneath her. “I am going to hold your hand and kiss your cheek and have you fall asleep in my arms, because I cannot bear this anymore, do you hear me? I cannot <em>bear</em> not having you in the way that I want anymore and I am so, so sorry that it took me almost losing you to realize how stupid I was being…”</p>
<p><em>“Stop,”</em> Cassandra begged, her fingernails digging into the back of the blonde’s neck as her eyes screwed up tighter, as though she wanted to block her out. “Don’t lie to me, Cissa— not now…”</p>
<p>“I am <em>not</em> lying,” Narcissa told her fiercely, because she wasn’t. She had no fucking idea how she was going to keep the promises she was making, but that did not mean that she didn’t mean them. “I’m not, I’m <em>not…” </em>Her lips found Cassandra’s again as she began to push inside of her with renewed vigor, causing the younger woman to tremble once she curled her fingers and hit that sweet spot inside of her with every thrust.</p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck—</em> Cissa,” Cassandra panted as she held onto her, her entire body flushing as she got closer. “I…” But Narcissa would not let her say it. She didn’t want to <em>take</em> that from her and so she swallowed Cassandra’s words with her tongue, feeling the woman sag in relief in her arms because despite feeling it, she did not wish to say it either.</p>
<p>They only broke apart when Cassandra finally fell over the edge, having to rip her lips away from her as she exhaled a loud cry, her whole body wracked from the force of her orgasm. Narcissa made love to her many more times that night, although they did finally make it to Cassandra’s bedroom. True to her word she did hold her hand, she did kiss her cheek and her mouth and everything lower than that, and when it was all over Cassandra did fall asleep in her arms, looking happier than she had in months.</p>
<p>And she was not the only one.</p>
<p>Narcissa had no idea how she was going to manage juggling a relationship with Cassandra while she was still so utterly wrapped up in her sister, but she had at least resolved to try. For the moment, most of her plan revolved around Bellatrix <em>never</em> finding out, although how feasible that really was, Narcissa was unsure.</p>
<p>When she returned home though she immediately conjured a patronus, the guilt she was feeling from the previous night’s escapades weighing heavy on her soul. Still, Narcissa did not regret it, nor did she wish to change her decision. Instead, she merely resolved to take care of her sister just as much as she had promised to take care of Cassandra, because two people she could <em>do.</em> She had ample practice with that after all, and while Narcissa knew everything was bound to get more complicated when Lucius returned as she had been starting to feel something for him again, he was not there <em>now,</em> and that made things simpler.</p>
<p>“It’s safe. Come back to me,” Narcissa breathed, and her fox bounded off to find her sister. It did not take long. Bellatrix returned to her in a billow of inky smoke, and when it cleared and revealed the woman she had been searching for, Narcissa inhaled a sharp breath. “Oh, <em>Bella…”</em></p>
<p>Just before the end of the first war, Voldemort had been taking out his ire on his followers fairly often. Bellatrix kept the marks and the bruises as a reminder to herself to keep her mouth shut, to do <em>better,</em> and it seemed she had done the same this time around, as it did not look like she had bothered to heal a single thing on her body.</p>
<p>“Don’t— don’t touch me!” Bellatrix practically shrieked as Narcissa got too close to her. She backed up a few steps, her fingers clawing at her arms, eyes wild. It had been three days since she had had her potion and it seemed the madness had seeped back into her mind. She wasn’t breathing right and Narcissa was terrified that something had happened to her lungs, but she finally realized that Bellatrix was merely panicking.</p>
<p>“I need them, I need to <em>learn,”</em> Bellatrix panted, having recognized the look in her sister’s eyes. She did not want Narcissa to heal her. She held herself in her arms, nails piercing her forearms so hard they made crescent marks in her skin. “I’ve been bad, I ruined His one chance— He trusted me and I failed Him. I deserve it. <em>I deserve it.”</em></p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” Narcissa placated softly, knowing she wouldn’t be able to reach Bellatrix while in this mindset. “I won’t heal you, alright? Let’s just… let’s just take your potion, okay, and then you can get in the bath. It will make you feel better, I promise.”</p>
<p>Narcissa made her way into the kitchen and opened the potions cabinet, pulling one of her sister’s medications out. Bellatrix was behind her, eyes widened. “I told you— I <em>told</em> you to get rid of <em>everything</em> that was mine! That was mine, that was—”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t get rid of these— they take Severus over a month to make. I could not leave you like this for that long,” Narcissa insisted, finding the risk to be worth it, especially as it seemed they had gotten away with it. “Besides, the house was searched and they barely batted an eye at what was in my potions cabinet as nothing looked dangerous, and they<em> know</em> illegal potions on sight. I got rid of everything else— your clothes, I’ll have to purchase some new ones. In the meantime you can wear mine, we’re… well, not at <em>all</em> the same size, but it’ll have to do. At least you’re smaller than I am, so they’ll only be a bit baggy.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix wrinkled her nose at having to wear something other than her ghastly black, but Narcissa shot her a look that clearly indicated she was not to argue as she handed her sister her potion. “Drink up,” she encouraged. “You’ll feel so much better once you’ve had your medicine and have gotten cleaned up. Then you can… then you can tell me what happened, alright? Please.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix twitched a little, her head rolling to the side before she quickly snatched the potion out of her sister’s hands, bringing it to her lips in order to quickly devour it. In the end, she did not want to feel this way either. Narcissa looked at her sadly, reaching out to gently tuck a piece of hair behind her sister’s ear. Bellatrix did not jerk away from her touch as she expected though; instead the older woman placed the empty vial on the counter before her gaze found Narcissa’s, and the younger woman’s heart shattered at the look she was being given. Bellatrix looked so scared, so unhappy, and so utterly helpless.</p>
<p>Narcissa wrapped her sister in her arms, feeling Bellatrix’s fingers hold tight to her as she buried her head in the blonde’s neck. “It’s okay,” Narcissa breathed into a mess of dark curls, feeling a tear slip down the contour of her own cheek. “It’s okay. I’m going to take care of you, Bella, I promise. You’re safe now.”</p>
<p>Because Bellatrix was<em> her</em> responsibility, and no matter how much Narcissa might wish for freedom and sanity, she knew she would always love Bellatrix more than either of those things. <em>This </em>was her life now, and although Narcissa knew she had just made it endlessly more complicated by promising Cassandra a relationship that she knew was going to conflict quite terribly with her sister’s, it did not matter, for giving herself to more than one person was what she was <em>good</em> at, after all.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. XXI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXI.</strong>
</p>
<p>“Repeat the rules back to me, Bella.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked utterly exasperated. “I’m not a fucking <em>child,</em> I know what you said—”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix. Do not make me have to ask you twice.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a dramatic puff of air, the force of it so hard that it blew a stray curl away from her face as she rolled her eyes. Draco was due to step off the Hogwarts Express in about an hour though, and Narcissa needed to be absolutely certain that there were no gray areas in the rules she set down for their household. “Don’t <em>scare </em>your feeble offspring— play <em>nice,</em> don’t let him know that you love putting my cunt in your mouth, don’t talk about the Dark Lord’s plans around him…”</p>
<p>“And?” Narcissa prompted.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, there was a lot and I was only half-listening ‘cause you look hot as fuck when you’re trying to order me around.” Bellatrix smirked at her, but Narcissa merely narrowed her eyes in response. She wasn’t kidding around and Bellatrix seemed to understand that as she exhaled a sigh, leaning back in her seat and looking bored. “Something about our bedroom?” she guessed.</p>
<p>“<em>My</em> bedroom,” Narcissa corrected. “<em>You</em> will be acting as though you stay in one of our guest rooms. You may apparate into my room and sleep there if you wish, but you are no longer allowed to be in there unless you use Muffliato the second you come in. Is that clear?”</p>
<p>“Yes,<em> Mother.”</em></p>
<p>“I’d prefer ‘ma’am’ if you wish to be submissively sarcastic about it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s lips curled up into a devious grin. “Yes, <em>Ma’am,” </em>she drawled, sliding her hand down her breasts as she looked up at her sister invitingly. Narcissa was absolutely exasperated by Bellatrix’s desire to turn everything sexual, but at the same time she <em>did</em> look rather delicious when she played like she was at her mercy. Still, they regrettably did not have time for this. “You still owe me, you know,” Bellatrix reminded her, as though Narcissa could <em>ever</em> forget.</p>
<p>“I’m aware. However, you missed your window when you left me waiting in those foolish clothes to do the Dark Lord’s bidding,” Narcissa responded, causing Bellatrix’s expression to sour. “That is not to say that it will never happen, but certainly <em>not</em> while my son is under this roof.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked horrified by that news. “He’ll be here for <em>three months,</em> Narcissa!”</p>
<p>“Well then I guess <em>somebody</em> didn’t take their little fetish too seriously, because the opportunity has passed you by. Oh, don’t <em>pout— </em>it looks absolutely ridiculous on a woman your age,” Narcissa chastised, which only made Bellatrix look even <em>more</em> unhappy. “Honestly, you’re lucky I plan to even bed you while he’s here, but I shudder to think <em>what</em> you’d bring home if I didn’t satisfy you. I don’t want my son walking by your bedroom to see you engaged in some kind of hooker orgy.”</p>
<p>“I can’t get <em>hookers,</em> Cissy, my fucking face is plastered across every wanted poster in Britain. Even whores will know who I am.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pretended to contemplate this. “True. Perhaps I shouldn’t concern myself with your satisfaction then; it <em>would</em> make things a lot easier…”</p>
<p>“What— <em>what?” </em>Bellatrix sputtered in rage, and Narcissa couldn’t help herself and exhaled the chuckle she had been holding in. Bellatrix glowered as her sister reached forward and affectionately pinched her chin.</p>
<p>“You’re far too easy sometimes. Look at you, so <em>upset.</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snapped her teeth at her sister’s hand and Narcissa laughed, pulling it away. “Relax, my love. I will keep you well attended to, so long as you play by the rules I’ve set down. Does that seem agreeable to you?”</p>
<p>“You know, you’re being overly snooty right now and it’s annoying as fuck.”</p>
<p>“Is it?” Narcissa questioned disbelievingly, standing in front of the chair her sister was sprawled in. Bellatrix just shot her a sarcastic look but it was washed over in surprise as suddenly Narcissa’s foot was on the edge of the seat, pushing it back so far that Bellatrix would have fallen over backwards if not for the half-wall behind her. Still, she was at a strange angle now and she had let out a very undignified shout when she thought for a moment that she was going to end up on her arse.</p>
<p>“Jesus fucking <em>Christ</em>, Cissy—”</p>
<p>“I will say this once,” Narcissa began, allowing her honesty to seep out from behind the mask she was currently wearing. “My anxiety about Draco coming home and living here with you, with <em>us,</em> and everything that we fucking do in this house, is through the roof right now. I am <em>trying,</em> in the only way I know how, to feel like I have some semblance of control over the situation. Maybe it’s turning me into a snooty prat, but at least it’s turning me into a <em>bossy</em> one, which is what seems to get you wet these days so <em>apologize</em> to me, Bella. Now.”</p>
<p>“—Sorry.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s apology was rather immediate, which at least caused Narcissa to exhale the breath she was holding. She quirked a demanding eyebrow at her though as she prompted, “I’m sorry, <em>what?”</em></p>
<p>“Ma’am,” Bellatrix drawled, suddenly far more interested in this side of her sister than she was five seconds ago. “I’m sorry, <em>Ma’am…” </em>Her fingers trailed up Narcissa’s supple thigh, the younger woman’s dress having ridden up from the position she was now standing in. The blonde trapped her bottom lip between her teeth, staring at the woman beneath her. “Mmm… want me to show you how sorry I <em>really </em>am…?”</p>
<p>“As tempting as that is, I need to meet Cassandra at the station in fifteen minutes.” Narcissa took her foot away, allowing Bellatrix’s chair to rock back into place. The older woman glowered.</p>
<p>“What have I told you about pouting? Come here, look at me,” Narcissa chastised, gently grasping her sister’s chin in her hand. Her thumb dragged along the edge of the brunette’s mouth, gently tugging on her bottom lip. “I want you as calm as you can <em>possibly</em> be when I get home with my son, so I expect you to go upstairs when I am gone and to fuck the hell out of yourself so you can get rid of all that pent up energy that I, admittedly, might have exacerbated. Second drawer to the left on my vanity has quite a lot of things you may enjoy, but if you’d like my <em>recommendation…”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix snickered, although her gaze had gotten significantly darker in desire. “You’re getting off on this just as much as I am, Cissy, don’t even fucking play; look at you. How are you gonna pick up your son when you’re going to be thinking about me fucking myself on your bed with your favorite toy while you’re gone?”</p>
<p>“I have <em>excellent</em> restraint, but thank you for your concern. Do you want my recommendation or not?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, but her interest was piqued. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>“The pink one.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her like she had to have gone mental to even suggest such a thing to her. “You’re <em>fucked</em> if you think I’m gonna shove anything pink up my cunt. What, does it have <em>flowers</em> on it too?”</p>
<p>Narcissa just shrugged casually, stepping away from her. “Your loss then.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked <em>immensely</em> frustrated. “…How good is it?” she finally ground out, enjoying this whole light dom act that Narcissa was putting on enough to want to do what she said regardless. If this was the closest she was going to get to her kink right now, then she clearly wanted it.</p>
<p>“Good enough that if you’re a good girl and do as I say that I’ll fuck myself with it in front of you later tonight. If you go above and<em> beyond</em> my expectations, I may even use it in my arse; I know how much you adore a filthy show, after all. Consider it; I’ll be back in an hour,” Narcissa finished before leaning in, giving her sister a parting kiss on the cheek. She was half-surprised that Bellatrix didn’t just grab her right then and just have her way with her as, truth be told, it would have been <em>embarrassingly</em> easy for her to turn the tables on her, but perhaps Bellatrix really was enjoying this little role-reversal enough to actually do as she was told.</p>
<p>But hey, whatever kept her under control.</p>
<p>Fifteen minutes later she and Cassandra were waiting for their sons to return home from school. Usually the boys preferred their fathers to pick them up, but they were left with little choice now. Platform 9¾ was packed with people and the stench of mudbloods and the like was overwhelming. One of them actually brushed <em>by</em> her and Narcissa nearly had a fit over her nice jacket being soiled until Cassandra grabbed her hand, hissed at her to ‘stop making a fuckin’ scene’ and pulled her into one of the windowed waiting areas that laid on the outskirts of the platform.</p>
<p>If Narcissa was remembering correctly, this might have been the very same one she sat in with Bellatrix after Christmas leave of her fifth year, but that reminded Narcissa that these places were not as private as they needed them to be if they were going to have an <em>actual</em> conversation, and Narcissa immediately cast a silencing charm on the small area to make sure that they were not overheard.</p>
<p>“Christ, Cissa— everyone’s already fuckin’ staring at us cause of what our husbands did, do ya gotta make it <em>worse?” </em>Cassandra swore, looking at the woman incredulously. Her hands were on her hips and the look she was being given made Narcissa feel about an inch tall, when usually her over-dramatic racist bullshit made her feel bigger than everyone else around her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry— I’m just so…” Narcissa tried to explain as she sat down, shaking out her hands in anxiety. “Having to bring Draco back home to Bella is making me feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown. I <em>think</em> I have her under control, but who even knows anymore. I just don’t want Draco to be negatively affected by her presence in his life. She can be— a lot.”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a long, drawn out sigh. Bellatrix was definitely not her favorite topic but, for now, the younger woman was resigned to the reality that Narcissa had made a commitment to her sister whether she liked it or not. Narcissa had begged her to understand that everything would just go <em>smoother</em> if she continued on as normal while at home and they kept their relationship hidden from Bellatrix any time they were away from the manor, but Narcissa had the feeling Cassandra was only obliging her because their sons were going to be home from school and she did not want them in the middle of what would no doubt turn into a very messy war.</p>
<p>Cassandra had zero issue with fighting Bellatrix for her, <em>especially </em>after finding out that Bellatrix had been put under the Unbreakable Vow. Narcissa <em>panicked</em> though, trying to explain to Cassandra that just because Bellatrix couldn’t physically hurt her did <em>not</em> mean that she couldn’t emotionally destroy her, or worse— hurt someone that she cared about. That did, at least, seem to give Cassandra pause, and considering Gregory would be home for the summer, she did not want Bellatrix going after him for <em>her</em> crimes. It was why she had reluctantly agreed to play the role of Narcissa’s secret mistress, but in return Narcissa was trying to be an attentive and caring girlfriend because, honestly, she <em>really </em>needed to stop pretending that that wasn’t what they were now; after fifteen years of an on and off sexual relationship, perhaps it was time they actually started <em>dating.</em></p>
<p>Took damn near long enough.</p>
<p>“Damnit, I’m making everything about me again,” Narcissa realized, pinching the bridge of her nose. She looked back up at the woman across from her, brow creased apologetically. “I shouldn’t have embarrassed you, I’m sorry. Will you sit down while we wait? I really need to hold your hand right now but we can’t hide it well enough unless you’re next to me.”</p>
<p>“Bollocks that we <em>gotta</em> hide it, honestly,” Cassandra muttered, but did as requested and sat by the blonde. Narcissa took the younger woman’s hand in her own, weaving their fingers together as she allowed their bodies to hide the proof of their care for one another. She squeezed, and Cassandra returned the gesture in kind.</p>
<p>“I know, but we’re already the topic of gossip as it is, and I know Draco would never forgive me if I embarrassed him by looking like a <em>lesbian</em> in front of his little friends.”</p>
<p>Cassandra side-eyed her. “He really say that shit to you?”</p>
<p>“I mean. It was a couple years ago, after he found out about <em>us,</em> but… yes. He told me people knowing about our affair would embarrass him since we’re both women; that’s why he never told your son. Well, that and he didn’t want to make things worse for Gregory, considering he was apparently well-aware that Peter was sleeping with Ursula at the time.”</p>
<p> “Fuck, I knew it,” Cassandra swore, exhaling a defeated breath as she leaned back, gently banging the back of her head against the glass. “He was always so… <em>withdrawn</em> around his Dad. Wanker— if he wasn’t in prison I’d rip his bollocks off. Kids don’t need to know what adults are doin’; we’re all a bunch of fuckin’ idiots anyway— screwing everyone’s husbands an’ wives, makin’ everything go to shit. We’re all bloody <em>terrible</em> role models.”</p>
<p>“While I don’t <em>disagree,</em> Lucius and I did at least try to have a conversation with Draco about our consensual, albeit unorthodox arrangement; it was the closest we could get to making this mess seem anywhere near the realm of healthy. Perhaps you should talk to Gregory.”</p>
<p>“An’ say what? That his Dad’s likes stickin’ his prick in ugly mingers and his Mum likes lickin’ cunts? Pass. We didn’t <em>have</em> an arrangement, Cissa,” Cassandra reminded her, needing Narcissa to realize that their situations were wildly different. “Peter knew I was bloody obsessed with you, we tried to work through it but <em>couldn’t </em>cause I dunno how to keep my fuckin’ feelings in check apparently, an’ now he’s in prison so what does it even matter? Gregory doesn’t need to know a damn thing about my life— it’ll only confuse him. My life already confuses <em>me.</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa gently bit down on her lower lip as she looked at the woman next to her. “If I’m exacerbating your confusion, I apologize.”</p>
<p>Cassandra snorted. “<em>If?”</em></p>
<p>“I know— I know that you and I have been all over the map over the last decade and a half, but I promise you, Cass, this is what I <em>want,” </em>Narcissa insisted, her hand squeezing Cassandra’s. She knew it must be difficult for Cassandra to see this as something genuine considering the circumstances surrounding Bellatrix, and the fact that Narcissa had always been quick to label their relationship as something closer to friends with benefits than anything else. “Let me take you on a date this weekend.”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> want to take <em>me</em> on a date,” Cassandra repeated, as though the concept was foreign to her.</p>
<p>“Why do you have to say it like that?”</p>
<p>“Because — an’ don’t take this the wrong way — ya seem like the type to want to be on the receiving end of romantic gestures. Why are you trying so bloody hard?”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at the woman’s profile until Cassandra’s gaze caught hers. “Because that’s what you do for someone you care about. That’s what you do for your girlfriend; you take her on dates, you make her feel special. I just want— I want to make you happy… that’s all.” Narcissa’s cheeks turned a bit pink at her admission and she averted her gaze, choosing instead to stare at their locked hands. “I know I haven’t been for a long time, and I’m sorry. I want to do better.”</p>
<p>Cassandra did not say anything for a long time, but she could hear the woman inhale a sharp breath, and when she spoke her voice was a little strained as though she was trying to stifle the emotion she held inside. “’Girlfriend’, is it now? You’ve never… ya never called me that before,” she softly realized, but her voice was so tight and Narcissa had trouble deciphering what that meant. “I mean, we’ve both said we were ‘practically’ that, but it was always after it was over…”</p>
<p>Yeah, it was, wasn’t it? They always were rather stupid when it came to trying to define what they had. Narcissa wished she didn’t feel so utterly foolish, but suddenly she felt a bit like a twelve year old with a crush as she tried to find the definition that worked for them, if <em>that</em> wasn’t it. “I mean, I know the term seems rather <em>juvenile</em> when we’re both nearing middle age—”</p>
<p>“You more than me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>thank you</em>,” Narcissa stressed and she could see Cassandra smirk out of the corner of her eye. The blonde looked up at her then, hoping she didn’t look as vulnerable as she felt. “What do <em>you</em> feel like we are? God, we probably shouldn’t be having this conversation at the bloody <em>train station,</em> I’m sorry…”</p>
<p>“Stop apologizing; you’ve said you’re sorry to me like fifteen bloody times already. I know you feel like shit ‘cause of everything that happened over the last six months, but stop dwelling on it. You’ve got me.”</p>
<p>“I know I do, but I want to <em>keep</em> you as well,” Narcissa stressed, needing Cassandra to realize that she needed to change if she wanted her life to go in a better direction than it had before. “I feel like perhaps it’s time I expend an actual <em>effort</em> towards a romantic partner; I’ve always been selfish, I’ve always been entitled. But I shouldn’t be. I do not, in any way, <em>deserve</em> to have you, so I know I need to show you that I’m worth it; that <em>this</em> is worth it, especially since I know it won’t be easy.”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a small sigh, gently reaching out to affectionately tuck a piece of hair behind Narcissa’s ear. “You’ve always been worth it to me, Cissa. An’ you’ve always been the woman I’ve wanted to call my girlfriend, regardless of that makin’ us sound like we’re fuckin’ sixteen again. I don’t care. S’what I want; what I’ve always wanted with you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s brow creased in emotion as she looked at the woman beside her. “God, I <em>wish</em> we had this conversation somewhere else, because I desperately want to kiss you right now.” Cassandra gave her a shy smile, and Narcissa’s heart lurched in her chest. Cassandra had always been one of the most heart-stoppingly beautiful women she had ever seen, but she was so much <em>more</em> so when she was happy.</p>
<p>“I wish I could kiss you too.”</p>
<p>The horn from the train blared through the station then, indicating its arrival and thankfully tearing the two women away from their staring contest with one another. Cassandra tsked in irritation when she realized they were <em>still</em> being stared at, despite trying to find some privacy. Perhaps the entire waiting area being made of <em>glass</em> did not help, but now that Narcissa realized many eyes were still upon them, she felt a bit like she had been put up in a window display.</p>
<p>“So much for not looking like desperate lesbians. Even without my tongue down your throat, I doubt our mannerisms were subtle. Damnit, Draco is going to be so angry with me if rumors start.”</p>
<p>Cassandra untangled their hands and rose from her seat, Narcissa following shortly afterward. “S’that all you care about? How Draco would feel about it?”</p>
<p>Narcissa snorted. “If you think I should be concerned about my reputation, need I remind you that we are the <em>blight</em> upon the wizarding world right now? Besides, most if not all of the Death Eaters know about my true relationship with my sister, and I’m resigned to the fact that gossip like that spreads rather quickly— those who weren’t locked up, who weren’t in hiding have no doubt heard about it from those who <em>were,</em> and from there…” Narcissa sighed heavily. “I haven’t had to face that shame yet, as I’m sure none of them wish to induce my sister’s ire, but I’m sure I will one day. I’ve given up on my reputation, and in hindsight, people finding out that I’m in a relationship with <em>you</em> is the least of my concerns. At least you’re not related to me.”</p>
<p>“I mean, I am. <em>Distantly, </em>but still. At least I tick off <em>one </em>of your boxes.”</p>
<p>Narcissa laughed, gently bumping the younger woman with her shoulder as they exited the waiting area. “Shut up.” Cassandra laughed as well, and Narcissa felt much lighter as she looked at the woman next to her, infinitely glad that she had decided to give into her selfish desires. If only Lucius was still here, things would be perfect.</p>
<p><em>No, they wouldn’t, </em>Narcissa had to remind herself. She was being foolish again. As much as she would love a world where she was free to be with both her husband and Cassandra, such a world did not exist. Everyone was too judgmental and it would reflect badly upon their son. Besides, while Narcissa knew Bellatrix’s social circle was extremely limited right now due to being a wanted criminal, being <em>public</em> about such a relationship would no doubt end up circling back around to her, and everything would fall apart again.</p>
<p>So despite how badly Narcissa wanted to grab Cassandra and kiss her, to tangle her fingers in her hair and give everyone on this stupid platform a <em>reason</em> to stare, she refrained. Narcissa might be old enough now to realize that some things were just more important than her reputation, but she was still tied down by societal expectations and the desire to keep Bellatrix happy.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, who was probably on her bed right now with a pink dildo shoved in her cunt and hating Narcissa for making her use that color toy, yet obliging her all the same. Narcissa smirked, a deep desire burning in the pit of her stomach by just how <em>powerful</em> that made her feel. She wished she was there to watch, honestly. Being the one in control in their relationship was, admittedly, making Narcissa enjoy it a lot more. She had always felt like a slave to her sister’s whims, and while being the one who was used and abused had always been <em>endlessly</em> sexy to her, Bellatrix was too rash and impulsive for Narcissa to just ride along on her coattails anymore.</p>
<p>Thinking about Bellatrix while she was with Cassandra though made the pit of Narcissa’s stomach twist in guilt. She needed to start separating them, both in her heart and in her mind. So Narcissa pushed her sister from her thoughts as she approached the train with her girlfriend, watching the students through the windows begin to grab their luggage before filing off the train.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Narcissa swore softly, her gaze landing on a woman with short, bubblegum-pink hair a ways away, knowing exactly who it was. “Aurors.”</p>
<p>“What?” Cassandra asked, instantly panicking.</p>
<p>“Don’t stare,” Narcissa instructed, and both women chose to keep their gaze on the train as they waited for their children. “My <em>niece…</em> did I tell you I had the absolute displeasure of meeting her while she ransacked my home, by the way? She’s with the Weasley blood-traitors and a few others— I think that older man was one of the Aurors who searched our house the first time Lucius was arrested.”</p>
<p>“Why’re they here, you reckon?” Cassandra whispered, keeping her body close to Narcissa’s so they could speak without being overhead.</p>
<p>“Probably Potter’s entourage, after what happened in the Ministry. Hopefully they don’t bother us— <em>oh my God!” </em>Narcissa shrieked in horror, finally seeing her son step off the train. Well, <em>step </em>might be generous.  He and what Narcissa could only assume were the forms of Vincent and Gregory were barely recognizable as they practically slid off the train, and Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears. Who had <em>done </em>this to her precious child?</p>
<p>“Greg! <em>Gregory! </em>Who <em>did</em> this to you? Bloody trolls, the lot of them; should be thrown out of the fuckin’ school for shit like this— Cissa, we need to get them to a hospital! Where the hell is <em>Ursula?!”</em></p>
<p>But then there was a distinct shriek from a ways down the platform, and that question was answered rather quickly.</p>
<p><em>“Draco— </em>Draco, my love, come here,” Narcissa exhaled in a hurry, ridding herself of her coat so she could wrap it around her son’s form so that people would just stop <em>staring.</em> God, would no one really help them? It looked like their children were hit with multiple hexes at once— no matter what their family did, their kids did<em> not</em> deserve to have it taken out on them!</p>
<p>Ursula Crabbe was crying and fussing over her son as well now, but all three of the boys were unable to speak due to their current state. Narcissa was <em>enraged</em> and had half a mind to curse the children who were laughing at the scene, but with Aurors present she did not dare. She knew it was probably that nasty Potter boy anyway— him and all his friends, what horrible children, the fucking lot of them…</p>
<p>It took St. Mungo’s over two hours to set the boys right again. According to them they had been attacked simultaneously by no less than six of their classmates, although Vincent had been certain there were at least ten. Draco was quick to blame Potter, and Narcissa was not surprised that it was he who was at fault; of course that nasty child would take the opportunity to strike down her boy when he was already at his lowest. His father had just been <em>imprisoned</em> for fuck’s sake; what awful, <em>awful</em> behavior…</p>
<p>But then again, what else could she expect from an orphan? Perhaps if his silly mother hadn’t tried fighting the inevitable, she would have been well enough and alive to teach the boy some <em>manners.</em></p>
<p>When Narcissa apparated into the foyer of her home with her son at her side, Draco immediately wrenched out of her grasp. “Mother, stop <em>fussing— </em>I’m fine, just leave it!” But his expression immediately fell away to one of fright as he realized they were not alone, and his already pale face went so white he could have been mistaken for a ghost.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was leaning against the threshold of the doorway into the parlor, looking rather irritated as she picked at her nails. Before she started in on Narcissa being late though, as no doubt that was what had sparked her ire, Bellatrix dragged her gaze over Draco, assessing everything from the way he looked to his suddenly timid demeanor as the boy was confronted with the unknown. “This him?” Bellatrix asked, at least forcing herself to be as polite as she could manage.</p>
<p>Narcissa looked at her in exasperation. “No, it’s some stranger I kidnapped— <em>yes,</em> this is your nephew. Draco, say hello to your Aunt.” She tried to give him a little push on the back, but Draco would not budge. He clearly wished to keep a safe distance away, and Narcissa’s stomach tightened. She didn’t want her son to be uncomfortable in his own home, but it wasn’t like Bellatrix had anywhere else to go.</p>
<p>Perhaps this was just first meeting jitters; in time, Narcissa was certain they would warm to one another. Right now though, <em>both</em> of them looked as though they would like it better if they didn’t occupy the same space. Draco was obviously wary about what his aunt was capable of, and Bellatrix had zero idea how to deal with children— or, at the very least, a young man who was <em>Narcissa’s</em> child, and therefore was off-limits when it came to viciously destroying his manhood.</p>
<p>“…Hi,” Draco reluctantly greeted, torn between looking terrified and judgmental, as Bellatrix wasn’t the most put together person in the world. Narcissa still hadn’t had a chance to go shopping for better clothes for her sister, so Bellatrix had taken to cutting up some of her dresses to make them better fit her figure and her style. Her hair was an absolute mess and her makeup was a bit smudged, but as that was something Narcissa found sexy she never really considered how it might look <em>objectively.</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix’s lip curled as she continued to evaluate him. “He looks too much like Lucius,” she told her sister, as though that was a <em>bad</em> thing. But then she paused, taking in the parts instead of the whole. “<em>Although…” </em>she reassessed, “he’s got the Black cheekbones that seemed to have skipped <em>you. </em>Perhaps you weren’t a product of an affair after all, Cissy; just a puffy-faced blonde unicorn in a mess of shit.”</p>
<p><em>“Puffy-faced?</em>” Narcissa repeated, horrified. Despite herself, her hands went to her cheeks. She was <em>not—</em> ugh, she hated her. Just because her cheekbones couldn’t cut glass didn’t mean Bellatrix had to call her <em>puffy.</em></p>
<p>“Don’t get all <em>offended</em> over it; it was meant to be comforting. He is clearly a Black, which means you are too; don’t pretend like you didn’t <em>agonize</em> over the possibility when you were younger— you always bloody hated that father refused to name you after a star.”</p>
<p>“I did agonize over it, but <em>you</em> didn’t,” Narcissa reminded her, suddenly feeling a little betrayed by her sister’s lies. “You would have ripped out someone’s tongue if they ever had the audacity to imply that I was only made up of <em>half</em> of what you are. I can’t believe you actually <em>thought</em> that and never told me.”</p>
<p>“You had enough self-esteem issues; I wasn’t about to fucking give you another. Besides, I didn’t like to think about it; everything is so much more <em>fun</em> if we’re full-blooded instead of half-sisters, don’t you think?” Bellatrix responded with a smirk, her tongue snaking out to press against her incisors. Narcissa shot her a furious glare at the implication they both knew she was making, but Draco thankfully had no idea what was going on. Honestly, he looked a little overwhelmed by the familiarity the two women shared, as he didn’t know Bellatrix from a hole in the wall, and seeing his mother so <em>comfortable</em> with a murderer was no doubt putting him a bit on edge.</p>
<p>“You’re treading a <em>very</em> thin line, Bella; or did you forget our earlier conversation?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed, pushing herself off the wall with her foot. She left a dirty print on Narcissa’s pristine white walls and the blonde nearly popped an aneurysm. “Fuck your rules— you told me one hour and you left me here for <em>three,</em> Cissy. If you can’t respect your sodding promises then neither will I.”</p>
<p>“I was at the <em>hospital,</em> you absolute child. A bunch of kids viciously attacked my son and his friends while they were on the train—”</p>
<p>“And you couldn’t defend yourself?” Bellatrix questioned, startling Draco as she directly addressed him this time instead of talking about him like he was merely a foreign object in her general vicinity. “Pathetic. I know <em>you’re</em> useless in this area, Cissy, but I would have thought Lucius would have taught the boy <em>something.”</em></p>
<p>“I can defend myself fine; there were six of them and they hit me when my back was turned! What else could I have done?” Draco protested, not wishing to look weak. He puffed up in defense, standing a little taller than he had been before as he tried to convince his aunt that he was merely a circumstantial victim, and that this wasn’t his norm.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, however, looked unimpressed by his excuse. “That’s what you get for turning your back on your enemies. Are you stupid?”</p>
<p>“<em>Bella!”</em></p>
<p>“It’s a valid question; who the fuck does that?” she defended, looking at Narcissa like <em>she</em> was the ridiculous one for getting angry over a justifiable inquiry about the boy’s intelligence. “You, child— you want to get back at them? I could teach you how to rip out someone’s eyeballs with just a wave of your wand; it’s terribly bloody but the screams are <em>well</em> worth it.”</p>
<p>Oh. My. <em>God.</em></p>
<p>“You are not teaching him <em>anything,” </em>Narcissa ordered before Draco could get a word in, as a part of her was concerned he may take Bellatrix up on her offer. She knew Draco felt rather humiliated about being bested on the train, but his pride was not worth becoming someone horribly violent in order to never feel like a victim again. <em>“</em>And I explicitly asked you not to scare my son, yet you’re already talking about ripping out people’s bloody <em>eyeballs—”</em></p>
<p>“If I’m scaring him then he’s just a pussy— that’s hardly my fault.”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>scared, </em>Mother,” Draco insisted, and while that looked to be true he at least still seemed a bit wary over Bellatrix, which Narcissa was endlessly thankful for at this point. It looked as though Draco was intrigued by his aunt, but also knew it would be dangerous to get too close; much like one who wished to pet a wild animal. And considering all of Narcissa’s trust in her sister went right out the bloody window over the woman’s inability to follow simple instructions, she no longer believed Draco was safe from being bitten.</p>
<p>“Draco, go unpack. I think that’s about enough for this family reunion,” Narcissa ordered tersely, although her gaze was still furiously focused on Bellatrix.</p>
<p>“Mother, I’m<em> fine</em>—”</p>
<p>“Now, I said! I need to speak with your Aunt— <em>alone.</em>”</p>
<p>“Ohh… Mummy’s <em>angry,” </em>Bellatrix cackled, and Narcissa’s face reddened in fury. Draco thankfully did what he was told though and stomped up the stairs in a huff, leaving Narcissa alone with her sister who she <em>grabbed</em> and pulled into a different room, as she knew Draco had a tendency to spy. After casting Muffliato, she rounded on the source of her irritation.</p>
<p>“Was it the simplicity of my instructions that confused you, or do you just get off on being insufferable? I <em>specifically</em> asked you not to do a number of things you just did— this isn’t a <em>joke,</em> Bellatrix!”</p>
<p>“Oh, calm down. I’m still playing by your bloody rules— he doesn’t know we’re fucking and as he <em>plainly</em> stated, he isn’t scared of me. Honestly though, you’re doing him a disservice by coddling him; if he’s getting <em>bullied</em> then I could easily rectify that with a few lessons.”</p>
<p>“He’s not getting <em>bullied.</em> He just…” Narcissa tried, but trailed off as she didn’t want to voice it out loud. But she knew. She knew what Draco did; she wasn’t stupid.</p>
<p>“What? <em>Does</em> the bullying but his victims got a leg up on him this time?” Bellatrix guessed, and Narcissa flushed in shame because she was certain that was more than likely the case. She hated it, as <em>she</em> had been bullied as a child, but it wasn’t as though she could police Draco’s behavior while he was at school. “Either way, he’s still shit at defending himself if he had to be taken to the sodding <em>hospital. </em>You want me to bond with your spawn, don’t you? Don’t act as though that isn’t your twisted endgame here; you <em>want</em> me to have a relationship with him, because you feel robbed of the bullshit family unit we could have been if I hadn’t been carted off to Azkaban. If you want me to play nice, Cissy, then <em>this</em> is my nice— take it or leave it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was silent, not expecting to be so blatantly called out like that. But yes, <em>obviously</em> she wanted Bellatrix and Draco to have a relationship, and yes she felt robbed of the kind of family they could have been if Bellatrix hadn’t been arrested. She hadn’t been the most attentive aunt in the world while Draco was an infant, but she had still played with him on occasion and bought him toys, and Narcissa would like to think that over the years their relationship would have grown. She loved them both so much, was it so stupid to hope that they could one day love each other as well?</p>
<p>Besides, maybe this was all Bellatrix had to offer. It wasn’t as though she was particularly <em>affectionate,</em> after all, but she was a better witch than Narcissa was by far, and could teach Draco things that his mother could not. Maybe Bellatrix <em>was</em> trying after all— it may be the only olive branch she had, but she was at least willingly extending it, and that had to mean something.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Narcissa felt a little bad for getting cross with her; it was obvious Bellatrix did not know what to do or how to act around Draco, but offering to give up some of her time to teach him things? That was actually a rather big sacrifice for her, and Narcissa felt stupid for not recognizing that immediately.</p>
<p>“<em>If</em> he wants to be taught by you,” Narcissa conceded in lieu of an apology, as she didn’t want Bellatrix thinking that she could just do and say whatever she wanted so long as she did one singular thing right. “You may only teach him defensive magic and minor jinxes. I will not have you teaching Draco the Unforgivable Curses, Blood Magic, or anything else horrific like that eyeball— is that honestly a <em>thing?”</em></p>
<p>“Not specifically, but if you have a strong enough pull with Accio they can just—” Bellatrix made a popping noise with her mouth and then smirked, “right out.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s lip curled. “That is… <em>vile.”</em></p>
<p>“I think ‘creative’ was the word you were looking for, Cissy, and thank you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath through her nose. “I am serious though,” she reminded her. “Keep <em>that</em> part of your life to yourself while you’re around my son. The last<em> bloody</em> thing I want is him seeing you as some kind of role model.”</p>
<p>Thankfully, Bellatrix did not get offended by that, but perhaps she was already well-aware of what a terrible influence she was. “How many times are you going to remind me about your stupid rules? I <em>know,</em> Narcissa— shut up about it already.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips into a tight line, but did not press any further; apparently, Bellatrix had gotten the point.</p>
<p>“Now, can we go upstairs so I can collect my prize for doing what I was told? I <em>really</em> wanna see you do yourself in the arse,” Bellatrix said, her lips slowly curling into a smirk as she leaned back against the wall, her eyes trailing down her sister’s slender form.</p>
<p>Narcissa snorted. “You’re <em>joking</em> if you actually think that constituted as going ‘above and beyond’ my expectations. You passed, but just <em>barely.</em>”</p>
<p>“Me offering to spend actual time with the brat didn’t go ‘above and beyond’? Because I’m pretty damn sure you weren’t expecting <em>that,” </em>Bellatrix countered and, damn, she got her there. Narcissa hesitated and Bellatrix’s smirk widened, knowing she had won.</p>
<p>“Pay up, Princess.”</p>
<p>“<em>Later— </em>we’re only having sex at night now, after Draco’s gone to bed. Keep it in your pants until then,” Narcissa hushed her, endlessly irritated by being bested by a technicality. Still, she kept her promises; in the end, she knew it was the best way to keep her sister in line. Bellatrix grinned, positively <em>thrilled</em> that she had come out victorious.</p>
<p>“Oh, this is going to be <em>filthy,</em> Cissy; I can’t wait.”</p>
<p>“<em>Everything </em>I do with you is filthy, my love,” Narcissa reminded her with a small sigh as she gently leaned her body against her sister’s, placing a resigned kiss on the woman’s cheek. They were dirty, the two of them; it did not matter what they did, as their very love for one another was tainted by a stain that would never wash off. “But I suppose that’s why we both like it.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. XXII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXII.</strong>
</p>
<p>“When can we visit Father?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach tightened in her gut but she gently smiled at her son, pushing more fruit onto his plate. Draco scowled at what he was being served.</p>
<p>“Mother, I don’t <em>want</em> melon—”</p>
<p>“You can’t just eat all carbs,” Narcissa reminded him in a tone that indicated she was not to be argued with. Her gaze shifted to her sister’s plate then, who had loaded up on toast and hash browns. “Neither can you,” she told Bellatrix, giving her plate the same treatment as her son’s.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s expression matched her nephew’s. “I don’t want that shit either.”</p>
<p>“Tough, you’re both eating it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix gave her a sarcastic look, stared her dead in the eye, and <em>flicked</em> a piece of melon off her plate. It flew off past the table and onto the floor, and Draco started laughing. Narcissa exhaled a long breath, counting backwards from ten. She supposed her son being <em>amused</em> by Bellatrix was better than him being uncomfortable that he had to share the same living space as her, but she also didn’t want Bellatrix’s wretched influence to rub off on Draco.</p>
<p>“Do you think you’re funny? Because you’re not,” Narcissa reprimanded her, hating when Bellatrix got in one of these moods. It was always in the bloody morning and that was always when Narcissa had the least amount of patience. “You’re acting like a child and it’s embarrassing. Have you taken your potion yet?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked, jerking a finger toward Draco. “Your <em>spawn</em> seems think I’m funny.”</p>
<p>“Stop calling him that, he has a name— and answer my question.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, propping her foot up on Narcissa’s nice dining room chair. “I’ll get there. Can’t I eat first? Jesus.”</p>
<p>“No, you may not. You’re irritating me; go take it and then you can finish your breakfast. <em>Now,</em> Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated sigh, slamming her foot back down on the ground before she got up in a huff, the chair scraping against the floor before she dramatically stomped into the kitchen. Narcissa tried not to care about the destruction Bellatrix left behind (honestly, the <em>scratches </em>on her beautiful hardwood floor—oh my god) because in the end, the most important thing was that her sister listened to her. It was the only thing that made Narcissa feel like she had some <em>semblance</em> of control in her otherwise uncontrollable life.</p>
<p>“Why does she need to take potions?” Draco asked softly, not wishing to be overhead by the woman in the other room.</p>
<p>“For the same reason I do,” Narcissa told her son patiently, as Draco had known she was medicated for a long time. Narcissa had never hidden her diagnosis from her son, as she did not want him to think it was something shameful. “Although we do not have the same disorder, she also struggles with mental health issues. Her rampant immaturity, however, is unfortunately something she never grew out of, and her impulse control has never been great. Don’t concern yourself with her, my darling— I have her under control.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s <em>weird,”</em> Draco muttered as he stabbed a piece of melon with his fork and then looked at it disdainfully before pushing it off his utensil again, deciding <em>he </em>wasn’t going to eat his fruit either as he speared a hash brown instead. And, well, at least he hadn’t flicked it onto the <em>floor.</em> “You act like <em>her</em> Mum too.”</p>
<p>If there was one sentence Narcissa could hear that could somehow make her relationship with Bellatrix feel <em>more</em> unnatural, it was that one. The last bloody thing she wanted to be was the woman’s <em>mother.</em> It made her feel gross.</p>
<p>“I’m not her mother, Draco; I am her sister. I am her… caretaker,” Narcissa struggled for a moment, trying to find a suitable term. Even that sounded ridiculous though, as it wasn’t as though Bellatrix was unable to care for herself. She could take care of her basic needs, after all; she was just… rather <em>uncontrollable </em>unless someone was holding the leash around her neck, and Narcissa <em>had</em> to be that person. Who else would, if not her? No one else bloody <em>cared. </em>“There is a difference.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” Draco mumbled, apparently still finding their relationship to be strange. Thankfully, he didn’t know the half of it. He looked up at his mother again though, repeating his earlier question. “When can we see Father?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a small sigh, her expression apologetic as she looked at her son from across the table. She had not been looking forward to telling him this, as it had <em>shredded</em> her to find out herself, despite understanding why exactly things had changed. “Azkaban is… currently not accepting visitors. I read it in the paper yesterday morning.”</p>
<p>Draco slammed his fork down on his plate. “What? That’s <em>bullshit,</em> Mum!”</p>
<p>“Darling, language— and watch the good china; your aunt has already ruined most of it,” Narcissa scolded automatically before she realized that she was substituting her emotions with her desire to feel in control again. She exhaled a small sigh. “From what I understand, Azkaban has had too many breakouts now and with the dementors gone, it seems the Ministry does not wish to take any chances. I’m sorry, I know you’re upset. I’m upset too.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, right,” Draco responded scathingly. “You and father don’t even love each other, and you’re always with—”</p>
<p>“<em>Draco!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa knew how much Draco loved his father, and she understood his desire to lash out, but he needed to be <em>careful. </em>He knew what was at risk should Bellatrix find out about her relationship with Cassandra. Draco fell furiously silent, stabbing at the food on his plate again. He would not look at her.</p>
<p>The corners of the blonde’s lips turned down into a frown. “I’m sorry, I <em>know</em> this is hard for you, but Bella says—”</p>
<p>“What do I say?” Bellatrix asked, coming back into the dining room before she flopped back into her chair, quirking an eyebrow at her sister. “I took it. Happy now?”</p>
<p>“Immensely,” Narcissa deadpanned before she nodded her head toward her son, trying to make Bellatrix aware that Draco was upset. “I just told Draco that we aren’t allowed to visit his father in prison, but I wanted to assure him that Lucius won’t be in there for long. You said the Dark Lord plans to release him and the others soon, right?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix, however, didn’t even look like she was listening to Narcissa. Instead she was staring at Draco as though she didn’t know what to make of him, but was fairly certain she did not like whatever it was. “Are you <em>crying? </em>Gross.”</p>
<p>Draco slammed his hand on the table. “I’m not fucking crying!” he shouted before he got up from his chair, no doubt planning to storm off.</p>
<p>“Draco, please— sit down. Bella, <em>shut up.</em> His father is in prison, have some compassion. Despite what you’d like to have the world believe I know you have some. Pretend Draco is me, if that helps you not be an insufferable bitch about being confronted by actual human emotion.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snorted. “Believe me, Cissy, <em>neither</em> of us want me to pretend your offspring is <em>you.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa shot her a furious look at the implication, which Bellatrix at least looked a little grossed out by herself. Ugh. Why was she <em>like </em>this? It was like she never bothered to take a second to think about things before they fell out of her mouth. Disgusting <em>herself</em> was quite a feat, after all. Ridiculous.</p>
<p>“Will you just tell him what the Dark Lord said? Please.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, can’t,” Bellatrix responded flippantly, apparently irritated by being reprimanded and thus sought to do some in return. “Rule number… twelve or something, was it? Did they have numbers; I don’t remember. Either way, I do know one of them is that I’m not allowed to speak about the Dark Lord’s plans, and if we start bending the rules now, who <em>knows</em> what else will unravel? It’s terribly risky to the kid’s sensitive disposition, Cissy— best not.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a hard breath through her nose, but turned back toward her son who had reluctantly flopped back down into his chair. “Your father won’t be in prison for long, Draco; I promise. His master will release him and the others when he can— for now, let’s just try to make the best of a bad situation. Your <em>aunt, </em>as annoying as she may be, has offered to teach you some magic while you’re home for the summer— <em>legal</em> magic,” Narcissa was quick to clarify. “You are, of course, free to decline, but the offer is there should you wish to take her up on it.”</p>
<p>Draco shifted his gaze toward Bellatrix, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He still had a sour look on his face, but he did look a little intrigued by the offer despite his obvious hesitancy to spend one-on-one time with Bellatrix. “Like what?” he asked begrudgingly.</p>
<p>“Like whatever your mother deems <em>appropriate</em>; I’m sure there will be some kind of fancy list involved with bullet points and ‘no Unforgivables’ underlined in red three sodding times,” Bellatrix responded, rolling her eyes. She put her foot up on the edge of the chair next to her but Narcissa refrained from chastising her, as it was nearly nine in the morning and she had already had her fill of trying to rectify her sister’s bad behavior for the day. “I have shit patience though— so try not to suck at absolutely everything, otherwise this will be fucking miserable for the both of us.”</p>
<p>“I’ve learned some things!” Draco insisted, to which Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow at before she grabbed her wand from inside of her robes. Thankfully Draco’s was lying right next to his fork and he was able to grab it and conjure a shield charm just as Bellatrix threw a jinx at him. It wasn’t strong enough to protect him completely though and Draco shouted as he went toppling over backwards in his chair.</p>
<p>“<em>Not at the breakfast table!”</em> Narcissa shrieked as she immediately stood from her chair. Bellatrix snorted and Draco groaned in pain, rubbing his back.</p>
<p>“Needs work,” Bellatrix noted flatly and Draco glared at her, picking himself up off the ground. “But you’re not complete shit— better than your mother, at any rate. Cissy’s reflexes are fucking <em>awful</em>.”</p>
<p>“When it comes to <em>physical</em> magic, perhaps. No— put down your wand. I said not at the breakfast table and I meant it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on; put your money where your mouth is,” Bellatrix taunted her, assuming she knew what Narcissa meant by being better at non-physical magic. She disregarded her sister’s wishes then, immediately preforming Legilimency on her. All she was met with was a blank wall though, and the very minor effort Narcissa had to expend in order to block her out made Bellatrix’s brow rise. “Have you been <em>practicing?”</em> she asked in absolute disbelief, as with the Dark Lord’s fall it wasn’t as though Narcissa had to fear such an intrusion anymore.</p>
<p>“I’ve been raped of my choice and of my control too many times in my life to allow someone to do that to my mind as well; if I can prevent it, then I will so <em>yes,</em> of course I continued practicing,” Narcissa told her, unaware of her terrible choice of wording. “If I can only be good at one thing, then at least it will be something that protects me.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked deeply upset all of a sudden though, and Draco in turn looked concerned as he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. “…Mother?” he asked softly, not liking the word that she had used. Narcissa realized far too late what she had said though and her lips parted as she sat back down in her chair.</p>
<p>“That was… a poor choice of wording,” she placated, trying to keep her tone even as she forced a comforting smile toward her son. “I merely meant that having Legilimency performed on you is incredibly violating and feels what I assume would feel similar to… that. I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to concern you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s jaw twitched and Narcissa realized that was the first time her sister had heard her call Draco something that she had used to only reserve for <em>her.</em> She said nothing though, too caught up in her own suffocating emotions from the word that Narcissa had used. She could not move past it.</p>
<p>Draco, however, apparently did not believe her explanation. He looked <em>deeply</em> upset now, his fingers clenching into a fist as his breathing shallowed. He looked toward his aunt then. “Did you kill them?” he asked in a low tone, <em>needing</em> to know that the person who had done that to his mother was no longer breathing. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest and tears sprung to her eyes as she watched her sister struggle with the reality they both hated to face, as it had been so very long ago.</p>
<p>God, why, <em>why</em> had she said that? She had honestly meant it as just a generalization that she had consistently felt helpless and at the mercy of others for most of her life, yet she had to say that <em>fucking </em>word, didn’t she? It might have been the truth, but Narcissa had not meant to vocalize it. Whether it was the subconscious reason she practiced Occlumency so hard, whether it was the reason she desired so strongly to protect herself in any way she could, Narcissa still did <em>not</em> want to accept the truth that Bellatrix had all those years ago.</p>
<p>To Narcissa, it had been statutory. To Bellatrix, it had been something far, far worse.</p>
<p>“Bella…”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Bellatrix told her nephew in a detached voice, ignoring her sister’s plea as she stared at the far wall, her own eyes washing over with unshed emotion. “I killed them.”</p>
<p>And perhaps, in some way, she had; Bellatrix had certainly killed the part inside of her that was capable of doing such a thing, but it wasn’t enough. She knew that, and the reality that she could never take back what she stole from Narcissa haunted her. Bellatrix looked sick.</p>
<p>She looked down then, at her left arm that was covered by her robe. “He’s summoning me. I have to go,” Bellatrix told them, yet Narcissa knew it was a lie. Whenever the mark burned, it <em>burned,</em> and Bellatrix hissed through her teeth when she felt it. There was no such sound this time though, and she did not disapparate in a cloud of black smoke, but just as Narcissa did whenever she traveled— simply there one minute and gone the next.</p>
<p>“—Bella!”</p>
<p>Shit. Where was she <em>going?</em> There weren’t many safe places for her! Narcissa’s stomach twisted in anxiety and guilt, hating that she had inadvertently upset her sister enough to have her <em>leave.</em> If something happened to Bellatrix while she was out, Narcissa would never forgive herself.</p>
<p>Narcissa had not realized that her son had gotten up from his chair until he was in front of her. She did not have time to say anything though before Draco wrapped her up in his arms, holding her tight. That was all it took for Narcissa to lose the grip she had on her emotions and she exhaled a quiet sob, her fingers holding tight to her baby boy who was so devastated on her behalf. “Please, don’t— don’t be upset, darling; it’s fine, <em>I’m</em> fine,” Narcissa tried to assure him, but Draco had angry tears in his eyes as he held onto his mother.</p>
<p>“If anyone touches you again, <em>I’ll </em>kill them, Mum. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Oh, my fierce dragon, I <em>know </em>you will,” Narcissa whispered as they pulled apart, gently cupping her son’s face in her hands. She loved him so much, and despite their squabbles brought on by the typical teenage behavior he had been adopting lately, Draco loved her too. <em>Fiercely.</em> Narcissa had no doubt in her mind that Draco meant every word he said, and while she loved him for that, she also did not want him thinking that he had to become his mother’s protector. “But it was a very long time ago. I’m okay now. No one will ever hurt me again, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Draco still seemed very upset though and stuck to his mother like glue for the better part of the day, as though he feared that should he leave her side that something terrible would happen to her. Bellatrix did not come back for hours, and each minute that passed the more upset Narcissa got as she feared something had happened to her sister. Eventually however, Narcissa realized that Bellatrix <em>had</em> come home— she just hadn’t made her presence known. Narcissa had passed the guest room that her sister was pretending to use when she heard a strange noise inside. Her brow creasing, she tentatively placed her hand on the doorknob before gently turning it, allowing the door to swing open. What she saw inside horrified her.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was huddled in a ball in the center of the bed, beaten, bruised, and bloody. <em>“Bella—”</em> Narcissa gasped, watching her sister tremble and grimace as she allowed the pain to consume her. She <em>wanted</em> to feel this, of that Narcissa had no doubt, as she had always known and despised Bellatrix’s coping mechanisms when it came to emotional pain. Tears welled up in Narcissa’s eyes then as she quickly crossed the room to be at her sister’s side, but Bellatrix immediately shouted at her.</p>
<p>“Get <em>out!”</em></p>
<p>“No, Bella— you can’t stay like this…”</p>
<p>“I want it, I need to—<em> stop!” </em>Bellatrix shrieked, slapping her sister’s wand out of her hand. It clattered to the ground and Bellatrix exhaled a strained shout from the pain the abrupt movement caused her before she huddled back into a ball, holding herself. Narcissa’s tears spilled down her cheeks, knowing she had caused this.</p>
<p>“What did you <em>do… </em>God, Bella, this wasn’t what I <em>wanted…” </em>she sobbed, hating herself for the misery she caused Bellatrix. “I didn’t mean to say it, I’m sorry— I’ve forgiven you, I<em> promise </em>I have, I just used the wrong word to describe how helpless I felt for most of my life…”</p>
<p>“Just get <em>out,”</em> Bellatrix seethed, tears welling up in her own eyes now. She refused to look at Narcissa though, choosing instead to stare at the far wall. Narcissa sobbed as she picked up her wand from off the floor, but did not try to heal her. Not yet.</p>
<p>“Why did he do this to you?” Narcissa asked in a devastated whisper, knowing what Voldemort’s handiwork looked like by now. “I thought… I thought he was <em>done</em> punishing you, Bella, what did you <em>say…?”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix’s jaw clenched. “I offered to take Lucius’ punishment,” she told her after a long moment, her gaze still firmly on the wall. “Lucius is a pussy— he wouldn’t be able to handle this after he gets out of Azkaban. I didn’t want you… getting more upset.” A tear fell down her cheek then, but Bellatrix was quick to wipe it away as though the proof of her own emotion burned her skin.</p>
<p>Narcissa choked up, hardly able to believe that Bellatrix would <em>do</em> something like that. She understood that her sister just needed to feel pain, that she needed to feel <em>punished</em> for what she had done so very long ago, but she could have easily sparked the Dark Lord’s ire some other way. This way, she got what she wanted while also protecting someone that Narcissa cared about. Narcissa sobbed harder, feeling so terribly awful about how she had been treating her. She kept acting as though Bellatrix was a <em>burden </em>to her, yet look at what the woman sacrificed for her in return.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, my love— I don’t deserve you, I’m <em>sorry…” </em>Narcissa wept, grasping her sister’s hands in her own as she bowed her head in shame and regret. She hated herself so very thoroughly in that moment, and the weight of it felt as though it was crushing her larynx.</p>
<p>“…Mother?”</p>
<p>Shit. The door was still open— how long had Draco been standing there? If nothing else he had probably heard what Narcissa had called her sister, but as she called <em>him</em> the same thing, perhaps he thought nothing of it; that it was merely a term of affection toward those she cared for. Narcissa looked up at him then, her cheeks blotchy and wet.</p>
<p>“Get out— get him <em>out!”</em></p>
<p>“Draco, go downstairs— it’s fine. She’s fine. Please,” Narcissa begged, knowing Bellatrix hated looking weak in front of anyone other than Narcissa. “Just— prepare some healing paste from the dittany in the potions cabinet downstairs, will you? I’ll be down soon.”</p>
<p>Draco looked deeply disturbed by the sight of his aunt so beaten and bloody, but did as he was told and scurried downstairs to prepare what his mother needed. “I told you not to <em>fucking</em> heal me—” Bellatrix snapped dangerously, but Narcissa would not hear of it.</p>
<p>“You can’t stay like this, Bella— stop punishing yourself!” she begged before she used her wand to close the door and cast a silencing charm, making certain Draco could not overhear them should he come back up the stairs. She looked back at the woman on the bed, her heart breaking in half. “It was almost thirty years ago, <em>please… </em>It’s over, it’s<em> over.”</em></p>
<p>“It’ll never be over,” Bellatrix breathed regrettably, furiously wiping at her eyes. “I can’t love you enough to make that stain on your soul disappear. I can’t protect you enough to make up for when it was <em>me </em>you needed protection from. I can’t fix it, I can’t make it <em>better,</em> all because I couldn’t control how fucked up I was— seventeen years old and lusting after a fucking child, knowing I could have whatever I wanted because you were too weak to say no; I’m<em> sick, </em>I’m vile, I hate myself, I<em> hate—”</em></p>
<p><em>“Stop,</em> please— please stop,” Narcissa sobbed, clambering into bed with her sister before she wrapped Bellatrix up in her arms, feeling the woman shudder and cry beneath her. “We’ve done this, okay? We’ve <em>done</em> this— we acknowledged it and moved on, please stop…”</p>
<p>“No,” Bellatrix corrected in a broken whisper, too weak to push her sister off of her. “We acknowledged it, but neither of us moved on. You used that word for a reason, Cissy, whether you want to fucking admit it or not, and I…” Bellatrix trailed off, looking haunted. Narcissa’s brow creased as she gently pushed the hair from her sister’s eyes, her fingers lingering on the hollow of Bellatrix’s cheeks. “Do you know what it feels like to relive the worst moments of your life? Over and over again… for fifteen years, that was all I felt. And it wasn’t the people I’ve tortured or the murders I’ve committed that haunted me in there; I’ll never regret or care what I’ve done to others. But what I’ve done to <em>you…</em> that— <em>that</em> was what I was tortured by, Narcissa; that was how my soul was shredded. That was how I died in there.”</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to <em>feel,</em> what to say, and so all she could do was weep as she pressed her lips against her sister’s, needing her to know that she still loved her. Bellatrix did not kiss her back though and Narcissa exhaled a shuddered sob as she pulled away, resting her forehead on her sister’s. “You didn’t die,” Narcissa reminded her, wetness pouring down the contour of her cheeks. “You’re here, you’re with <em>me.</em> Please, Bella, don’t do this, don’t pull away from me. I’ve forgiven you— please, <em>please…</em> you need to forgive yourself.”</p>
<p>“Do I?” Bellatrix asked in a hollow voice. She still would not look at her, nor acknowledge that she was still crying. Tears slid down her cheeks in silent lines, pooling in the crook of her neck, and her voice was cracked and broken. “Why? Because I <em>deserve </em>not to be haunted by sins? You and I both know I deserve a lot worse than that.”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>care</em> what you deserve, Bella,” Narcissa stressed, needing her to understand that. “I know you’re not a good person— neither am I. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be sexually abused as a child, but I certainly fucking deserve it now—”</p>
<p>“What?” Bellatrix asked and now, <em>now</em> she was finally looking at her. She pulled away from her, horrified that she would even think such a thing, let alone say it out loud. “<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>“Well I deserve <em>something,</em> don’t I?!” Narcissa exclaimed, just trying to make sense of the world; trying to find a <em>reason</em> that this all happened. It was the only way the whole thing felt bearable. “Maybe not that specifically, but I deserve to be punished for how I treat people, for how I destroy damn near everyone around me; I deserve to be punished for Aquila, I deserve to be punished for Margret—”</p>
<p>“Cissy, that was an <em>accident—”</em></p>
<p><em>“I don’t care!” </em>Narcissa shouted, feeling overwhelmed and so terribly guilty. “Maybe that was all it was, what happened between you and I— the punishment that I would soon grow to deserve. I am a <em>terrible</em> person; I like to tell myself that I’m not, that I’ve somehow transcended all the bullshit that I used to wrap myself up in when I was younger, but I haven’t. You have no<em> idea</em> what I’ve been doing to people, Bella, and you have no fucking idea what I deserve.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes searched hers, a strange expression on her face; she knew she would be hurt by whatever it was, yet she still wanted the pain. She still needed to hear it. “Tell me,” Bellatrix demanded. Narcissa just laughed bitterly.</p>
<p><em>“No,”</em> she denied. “And would you like to know why? Because I <em>want</em> to deserve it; I need to feel like I deserve my past because that’s what makes it bearable. If you want to label it as rape then fine, it was rape—” Bellatrix flinched at the word, but Narcissa wasn’t finished. “But with the way I take advantage of people, perhaps I deserved to have someone take advantage of me in turn. It’s the circle of bloody life, isn’t it? I’m tired of people <em>victimizing</em> me when I’ve emotionally victimized others my whole life— who gives a shit, honestly, about my body? It’s just a body. I rob people of their love. I destroy people’s souls. Both of those are far, far more valuable.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, Cissy—” Bellatrix breathed as she hoisted herself into a seated position, her sister’s tirade having kicked her out of her own misery and self-loathing. “What the— what the <em>fuck</em> is going on?” She sounded so lost suddenly, so helpless by what she was confronted by, and Bellatrix took the best guess she had to try to figure out why Narcissa was saying these kinds of horrible things about herself. “Is this about Lucius—?”</p>
<p>Narcissa looked away, more tears spilling down her cheeks despite her desire to stop them. Yes, it was about him. It was about her. It was about Cassandra. It was about how she was shredding those who cared for her by trying to have everything, by lying, by doing the same things she had always done. She felt stuck in a cycle she couldn’t get out of and there was a part of Narcissa that desperately wanted to tell Bellatrix the truth— tell her that she had fallen for someone else, that her romantic life had gotten infinitely more complicated as she sectioned another part of her heart off for a third because apparently now <em>two</em> people were not enough for her because she was selfish, because she was <em>awful,</em> but the words wouldn’t come because she knew it would only make things worse.</p>
<p>Absolving herself of her guilt shouldn’t have to come at the cost of breaking her sister’s heart.</p>
<p>“I <em>miss</em> him,” Narcissa sobbed, finally allowing herself to truly feel the loss of Lucius, because it was the only thing she could talk about with Bellatrix, it was the only thing her sister would understand. “But I know I don’t deserve him, and after everything I’ve put him through I know I don’t have a right to ask to rebuild our marriage, but it doesn’t matter even if I did because he’s <em>gone—</em> he’s just… he’s just gone and I miss him, Bella; I want him here, I want him <em>back…”</em></p>
<p>“He’s going to come back, Cissy— come on, stop crying. Look at me,” Bellatrix coaxed, sliding her palm over her sister’s cheek to catch her gaze. “I knew it was bollocks that you guys fell out of love with one another— maybe it’s not the same, but it’s still there, and I know that because I can still see it and I still <em>hate </em>it. I’ve always hated it, but I know there’s nothing I can do. You’re allowed to love him, Cissy. Lucius and I… we know the other is an inevitability in your life. It doesn’t hurt us anymore— not like it used to. I know I can be possessive and shitty, but I want you to be happy. We both just want you happy, so… so just have us both, okay? Be fucking <em>happy, for </em>shit’s sake, Cissy. I can’t fucking <em>stand</em> seeing you like this…”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t want— it doesn’t matter,” Narcissa breathed, finding this conversation fruitless. Although she was grateful that Bellatrix had basically given her her blessing to be with her husband again, it mattered very little considering where Lucius now resided. Besides, he was not the only person who weighed heavy on her soul, but that could not be rectified with a conversation with Bellatrix, as the rules for Lucius were so very, very different from the rules with anyone else.</p>
<p>The blonde exhaled a shuddered sigh, rising from the bed. “I need to get the paste that Draco made. I don’t want you to scar. I’ll be— I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>Thankfully Bellatrix did not argue this time, and Narcissa left the guest room and padded downstairs to the kitchen to find her son looking terribly anxious. Narcissa gave him a small, comforting smile, but with her reddened and puffy eyes and tear-stains on her cheeks, it probably did little good. “It’s okay,” she told him softly. “Did you do as I asked, darling?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Draco responded, his tone just as soft as he grabbed the mortar from off the counter, handing it to his mother. Narcissa thanked him by gently kissing him on the top of his head. “Mother?” he asked before she could leave again, his tone tentative. When Narcissa looked at him, Draco asked, “Did the Dark Lord do that to her?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa answered, not wishing to scare him but also not wishing to lie. Besides, despite why it came about, Bellatrix’s sacrifice deserved to be acknowledged. “But your Aunt asked him to— she asked to take your father’s punishment for his failure, so that Lucius did not have to endure it when he was released from Azkaban.”</p>
<p>“Why…?”</p>
<p>“For me,” Narcissa told him softly, finding the gesture to be romantic despite the horror it held. Perhaps that had always been her problem though; if Bellatrix could carve out her heart and give it to her without dying in the process, Narcissa would find the insane gesture to be the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her, because she was fucked up just the same as Bellatrix. She always had been. “But this was what I meant, when I warned you of how she could be before she got here. Bella loves me more than<em> anything </em>in this world, but she doesn’t have the best judgment when it comes to how to show it. I am thankful for her though, and I am thankful for what she sacrificed, because your father— he is a strong man, but he has his limits. She did this to spare me— to spare <em>us, </em>all of us, the pain of having to endure that.”</p>
<p>“I know she is a lot, Draco, and I know… I know she isn’t the <em>kindest</em> person in the world, but she loves me and because of that, she will <em>always</em> protect our family,” Narcissa promised, as she knew her sister would never rest until Narcissa felt safe, and until those that she loved were safe in turn as their safety provided <em>her</em> with comfort. “And that is more important to me than anything else. I am grateful for her. I owe her everything.”</p>
<p>Draco did not say anything in return, but he seemed to understand his mother’s feelings all the same as he nodded. Narcissa gently smiled at him, coming in to give him another quick peck on the top of his head. “I know it’s been a very emotional day,” she told him understandingly. “Go see your friends tomorrow, alright? Have some fun. I won’t even ask where you’re going or what you’re doing; you’re almost a man now, and I trust you. Just be sure to be home for dinner, okay? That’s all I ask.”</p>
<p>Draco looked excited for a moment, as Narcissa had never let him have that much freedom before, but then he looked at his mother, with her puffy eyes and mascara runs and he pursed his lips, resolved to his priorities. “No,” he told her. “I want Aunt Bella to teach me stuff tomorrow. If— if she can.” But then he tried to play down his decision with an eye roll and, “Crabbe and Goyle always sleep the whole first week of summer vacation anyway; the fat lumps.”</p>
<p>Narcissa read between the lines anyway and although her heart warmed from the gesture, she also didn’t want Draco feeling as though he needed to fit into a certain role. He was still a kid; Narcissa wanted him to enjoy what was left of his childhood. “It’s not your job to protect me, Draco,” she gently reminded him, and her son rolled his eyes again.</p>
<p>“I <em>know, </em>Mum<em>— </em>I just want to learn some stuff okay? Not everything is about <em>you.”</em></p>
<p>Well, that was news to her.</p>
<p>Still, Narcissa allowed him to have his excuse. If this was how Draco wished to spend his summer vacation, then far be it for her to deny him. Besides, lessons with Bellatrix would help keep him safe should this war become exponentially bigger this time around, which it no doubt would eventually. The second wave of anything always tended to be more devastating than the first.</p>
<p>“I will ask Bella if she’s up for it,” Narcissa promised him. “Physically I know she’ll be fine once I tend to her, but emotionally— well, even if she is, she will not be<em> pleasant</em> during your lessons. She will not be nice to you, Draco, especially because you saw her cry today. To her, that is a grave insult. So if she gives you lessons she will not go easy on you; she is no doubt going to humiliate you until you get it right, and she is going to piss you off. Do you think you can handle that?”</p>
<p>Draco sucked in a sharp breath but he had steeled his resolve already, nodding. Narcissa smiled softly at him, finding him so grown up all of a sudden. “My brave boy.”</p>
<p>Draco rolled his eyes again. “It’s not <em>brave—”</em></p>
<p>“Darling, I would call anyone who wished to share Bella’s<em> bed </em>brave, but to cross wands with her, even under controlled circumstances? That is more so,” Narcissa responded honestly. “Just please— try to have patience with yourself, and ignore any insults she may hurl your way for not getting something right away. Everything came naturally to Bellatrix, so she has a hard time realizing that others have to practice things to perfect them.”</p>
<p>“And… I know I have always asked you to respect family, but Bella will not respect you. Not until you earn it. Therefore I do not expect you to stay silent as she berates and insults you, as I will not have her <em>trample</em> all over you emotionally— however, still be mindful of what you say, as on your head be the consequences.”</p>
<p>Draco was certain that he understood what he was asking for, but of course he did not. The next morning Narcissa watched her son be thrown across their basement with incredible ease, her lips pursed into a thin line. She had tried to make it a bit more suited for this kind of purpose, but even the mats that lined the floor didn’t seem to be helping much with Draco’s bruises. Still, to his credit he kept getting up time and time again, although his frustration seemed to be mounting as time went on.</p>
<p>“This is ridiculous; are you even <em>trying? </em>I’ve seen mudbloods conjure a better fucking defense than that!”</p>
<p>Draco, who was growing red in the face, tried to throw a jinx at his aunt that Bellatrix easily deflected. He tried again and again, no doubt hoping the onslaught of spells would throw her off balance, but Bellatrix was starting to look bored.</p>
<p>“Pathetic. No wonder you ended up in the hospital; you must like feeling weak, being a <em>victim—</em> what an embarrassment to your race, you are,” Bellatrix told him scathingly, hitting him with another spell that took Draco’s feet right from under him. He hit the ground hard and swore. “Are you so starved for fucking attention that you want to get hurt so your Mummy will swoop in and kiss your boo-boos? Nearly a man, yet you cry like a little boy—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix threw another jinx at him once he stood, but this time Draco’s Protego spell was so strong it actually forced itself toward her, at least causing Bellatrix to back up a few steps, unsteady on her feet. <em>“There </em>we go,” she encouraged, and Narcissa exhaled a breath she had been holding. She knew what Bellatrix was trying to do, which was why she kept herself silent despite hating the things Bellatrix was saying to her son. “<em>Use</em> your anger, child; it’s the strongest thing you’ll ever feel.”</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t</em> call me ‘child’,” Draco responded dangerously, and Bellatrix smirked at his fury. “I’m not one, and I have a bloody name!”</p>
<p>“Impress me then, and perhaps I’ll use it. Until then, you are no more than my sister’s spawn— a mere <em>shadow</em> of someone far better than yourself.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips in a tight line, but stayed silent. She knew Bellatrix’s teaching methods were unorthodox, but she also knew she would get results. Besides, this was what Draco had wanted.</p>
<p>“Mother, you don’t have to babysit; I’m fine, just <em>go!”</em> Draco shot at her, taking out his frustrations on someone that would not call him names. Besides, he was probably beginning to get embarrassed by getting knocked on his arse over and over with a witness.</p>
<p>“I’m not here to babysit <em>you,</em> Draco.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, but she also would not look at her. Bellatrix had been a little distant after their conversation the previous day, and while it made Narcissa’s heart ache, she also knew that Bellatrix no doubt needed some time to try to forget the past and stop feeling guilty. Because she would, eventually; they might recognize over and over what terrible things they have done to one another, how bad they were for one another, but nothing ever really changed. It was just part of the cycle at this point. Besides, doing <em>this</em> was no doubt only an attempt to alleviate some of the guilt Bellatrix felt, as everyone in the room knew that she was only teaching and spending time with Draco because that was what <em>Narcissa</em> wanted her to do.</p>
<p>Narcissa wanted to spend some time with her sister, assure her that she was loved and forgiven and that her own self-loathing was not a result of her, as Bellatrix had seemed <em>deeply</em> disturbed by the things she had said about herself yesterday, but she unfortunately did not have time, nor did she think she had the capacity to split herself emotionally today. Her date with Cassandra was tonight and the woman deserved Narcissa’s whole focus, at least for a short while. Besides, she <em>lived</em> with Bellatrix; there would be time to dote on her later.</p>
<p>After another half hour of back and forth between aunt and nephew, which Draco was getting much better at thankfully, Draco seemed to reach the end of his patience. “This is stupid— I already<em> know</em> all this stuff,” he spat, his frustration still hovering near the surface. “I can practice shield charms anytime; teach me something new. Something no one else at my school would know!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snorted. “You’ve barely grasped the basics— you’ll only embarrass yourself if you try something beyond your means. Besides, your mother won’t let me teach you anything <em>fun.”</em></p>
<p>Draco shot his mother a furious glare, but Narcissa stared at him unapologetically. She had put restrictions on him for a reason and she was not sorry about that.</p>
<p>“Then— then teach me something legal, teach me what you did yesterday. I want to read people’s minds! I’ll know what’s coming if I can do that, right? That’s a <em>defense,</em>” he spat the word out like it was vile, which only made Bellatrix smirk. She, at the very least, approved of her nephew’s desire to not want to be bound by what she would consider to be ‘soft’ magic. Still, Narcissa would not budge on the subject.</p>
<p><em>“No,” </em>Narcissa stressed, shutting that down immediately. “Besides, Legilimency might be legal but it’s also frowned upon in civilized circles; you can’t just go around reading people’s minds, Draco, that is an <em>awful</em> violation, or were you not listening to what I said yesterday?”</p>
<p>Draco immediately looked ashamed of himself and Bellatrix’s jaw clenched, but she said nothing. Narcissa felt bad reminding her son of her words in front of her sister, but she also didn’t want Draco to think that just because he could feasibly learn to do something that he <em>should. </em>She was a parent above all else, as much as it hurt her to ignore Bellatrix’s feelings like that.</p>
<p><em>“However,</em> if you wish to be protected by those who seek to do the same to you then… I will allow it,” Narcissa relented, knowing Draco wanted more than what she had been allotting him. “It is not easy though, and if you think your aunt is bad now she will be <em>worse</em> when she breaks into your mind and sees everything you do not wish her to.”</p>
<p>Draco looked hesitant, especially after Bellatrix looked as though this could get <em>infinitely</em> more interesting for her. Still, he wanted to come out of these lessons stronger than he was before, and so assured her, “I can handle it. I’m not a <em>kid, </em>Mother. You don’t need to keep hovering.”</p>
<p>“Darling, the fact that you need to <em>tell </em>me that you’re not a child, assures me that you very much still are.” Draco glowered at that, but Narcissa rose from her place on the steps. “However, I can also take a hint; if you want your lessons with Bellatrix to be private, then so be it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wished he did not feel that way, but she understood— especially if Bellatrix was going to teach him Occlumency, he in no way wanted his <em>mother</em> to know his private thoughts, which Bellatrix would no doubt taunt him about in order to make him feel the desperate need to close his mind. Narcissa knew she could not fault him for that, so she allotted Draco’s wish for privacy.</p>
<p> Still, she shot her sister a look of warning. “Be <em>nice,” </em>Narcissa reminded her, even though she knew it would do no good as she doubted Bellatrix <em>could</em> be nice. Still, she needed to trust that Bellatrix wouldn’t hurt her son; at least not in any lasting, permanent way.</p>
<p>“This <em>is</em> my nice, Cissy.”</p>
<p>And, well, that was true. Bellatrix could be much, much worse, and they both knew it. Compared to what she could do to Draco, this was almost <em>caring.</em> Narcissa shot her sister an appreciative smile, knowing that this probably wasn’t the way she wanted to spend her time, but appreciating it all the same. Bellatrix barely acknowledged her though, and Narcissa exhaled a small sigh. She needed to rectify this, and soon.</p>
<p>But that was a project for another day. For now, all Narcissa could do was hope that Bellatrix would teach her son how to be strong, how to defend himself from attacks both physical and mental, and that they wouldn’t end up hating each other in the process, as she knew this would not be easy for either of them.</p>
<p>Because <em>neither</em> of them had much capacity for patience.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. XXIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXIII.</strong>
</p><p>Cassandra’s eyes were on the sun setting in the horizon, the breeze from the ocean causing her auburn hair to whip around her face as she allowed her hand to slip into the woman’s next to her. Narcissa tightened her grip, feeling as though the woman had a grasp on her heart instead of her hand. Cassandra looked breathtaking when she was happy, and the smile that had broken out across her face when Narcissa had apparated them to their destination made the blonde’s insides twist as she realized she may have finally done something <em>right.</em></p><p>“Cissa, this is…” she tried, but apparently Cassandra could not find the words. Instead she turned toward Narcissa, slipping her hand around the back of her neck as she brought her girlfriend in for a lingering kiss. The blonde’s eyes fluttered closed and she resolved herself to stay in this moment, to stay with <em>Cassandra</em> for the time being, without being worried about what was going on at home.</p><p>Her sanity desperately needed a break from everything, after all. Narcissa didn’t want to linger her thoughts on Lucius, who was locked up and alone in a prison that no longer allowed visitors. She didn’t want to think about Bellatrix, and how badly she needed to fix their relationship to assure her that the past no longer mattered. She didn’t want to think about Draco, and the fact that after his lessons with Bellatrix he had stormed up to his bedroom and slammed his door shut, telling everyone to ‘leave him the hell alone’, which clearly indicated things hadn’t gone as smoothly as Narcissa had hoped.</p><p>Right now, in this moment, it had to just be the two of them.</p><p>Narcissa was certain that they both needed that, needed <em>this.</em> They needed to be one another’s escape from reality, and so Narcissa resolved to have this night be as perfect as she could manage, even though she had never really <em>done</em> this before. Cassandra had been right; she was usually the one on the receiving end of romantic gestures, but that didn’t mean that couldn’t change.</p><p>“Come on,” Narcissa softly encouraged, pulling the other woman by the hand a ways down the private beach. It was a <em>Muggle</em> private beach, but for what Narcissa wanted, she knew she couldn’t bring Cassandra somewhere that their kind might reside— concealment charms weren’t exactly Narcissa’s forte, and would probably be easy to sense to any witch or wizard in the vicinity, which would bring them unwanted attention. She just hoped nothing foul would rub off on them while they were there, but Narcissa also knew <em>logically</em> that it was a silly fear. Besides, she had other things to focus on, like the beautiful woman who’s face lit up once she realized she was being brought down to a small picnic area near the water’s edge.</p><p>“Y’know, when you said you were gonna take me on a ‘date’ I thought you were just gonna take me drinkin’ an’ then to the Leaky Cauldron to shag; maybe gimme flowers or some shit, but <em>this…</em>”</p><p>“Did you <em>really</em> think that was all I was capable of?” Narcissa asked in a tone of faux offense, except she <em>was </em>a little bit offended. She knew she didn’t have much of a right to be though, considering the one and only time she had ever attempted something romantic with Cassandra it <em>had,</em> arguably, included flowers, sex, and not much else. Still, Narcissa knew she had to do better than that, and she had wracked her brain for hours trying to find something suitable before she realized what better thing to do with Cassandra than share something she loved?</p><p>It was not often that Narcissa found herself on the water’s edge, but ever since she was young she found it to be calming. When she was sixteen and was pretending to go to her Soul Mender appointments she used to go down to the river by their manor, sit in the grass and watch the surface of the water shimmer beneath the sunlight. Bellatrix had found her there once, knowing her preference for places to steal away to when she was feeling overwhelmed, but this place she knew her sister would not find even if she went looking.</p><p>A <em>Muggle</em> beach, after all; Bellatrix would never fathom to search for her here, which was another reason Narcissa chose it. While her sister knew she was spending time with Cassandra tonight, as the blonde found it better to not lie <em>completely,</em> she did not want Bellatrix growing paranoid and interrupting their date, as that would end horribly for all involved. At this point though, Narcissa just hoped <em>Cassandra</em> did not know that this was a tainted place, as she would be horribly embarrassed.</p><p>For now though, it seemed Cassandra was content on enjoying herself without asking too many questions. They sat beside one another on the blanket Narcissa had laid out atop the sand, each of them with a glass of wine in their hand as they picked at the assortment of finger-food that Narcissa had brought.</p><p>“How is Gregory doing without his father?” Narcissa asked, her hand sliding over the other woman’s as she gently caressed her fingers.</p><p>“Greg an’ Peter were never real close,” Cassandra told her with a small shrug. She looked out at the water, the light breeze billowing the hair away from her eyes. “Think I miss ‘im more than he does, which is probably dumb as bollocks, considering all we used to do lately was fight. It’s stupid.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Narcissa assured her, knowing the woman’s marriage had meant quite a lot to her until, well, until <em>Narcissa</em> had butted in the middle and ruined it, as was par for the course with most things she touched. The blonde pursed her lips, feeling rather guilty. Still, she could not find it within herself to feel sorry either, as that would imply that she regretted their relationship, and she very much did not.</p><p>Cassandra forced a small smile before she pushed her husband from her mind and looked over at the woman next to her. “How’s Draco doing without Lucius?”</p><p>“He’s… upset,” Narcissa revealed, although she supposed that was putting it mildly. “Draco worshiped him, and not even being able to visit is hurting him quite terribly. Although, he did have some <em>choice</em> words to say to me— believing me to not even be upset about it because I have <em>you.”</em></p><p>“He knows we’re still seein’ each other?”</p><p>“I mean, I never told him we <em>stopped. </em>I never really told him much of anything as he had made it clear he did not want to know,” Narcissa answered, realizing perhaps she should have been more honest about her relationships with her son. He was certainly old enough now. “And we were… I don’t know, on and off a lot. I don’t think he realized when we were off either, as we still remained friends. Our relationship has been… a bit all over the place, honestly, and I’m sorry— I know a lot of it was my fault.”</p><p>“Nah,” Cassandra exhaled, not allowing Narcissa to take all the blame as she reached over, pulling a grape off it’s vine before turning it around in her fingers. “I broke up with you too. Was both of us. Neither of us knew what we bloody wanted— don’t even think we know <em>now</em> what we want. Yeah, we want <em>this…</em> but for how long? Till our husbands come back, till the mental one finds out? Till—”</p><p>“Stop,” Narcissa begged her, placing her wine glass down as she shifted her position so that she was pressed up against Cassandra’s side, their legs tangling together. “Look at me,” Narcissa breathed, placing her palm on her lover’s face to coax their gazes to meet. “I can’t promise you forever, but you can’t promise that to me either,” she reminded her softly. “Just stay with me. Here, in this moment… the future doesn’t matter. Okay? Please. Is this not what you wanted?”</p><p>Cassandra looked a little emotional, but that seemed to frustrate her as she turned her face away from her. “This is <em>all</em> I ever wanted…” she admitted in a broken whisper, as though that realization seemed to devastate her.</p><p>“Then why do you look so sad?”</p><p>Cassandra was silent for a long time, as though she was wrestling with the truth. She did not want to say it, she did not want to <em>feel</em> it, and yet the words fell from her lips regardless. “Because I know it’s not all <em>you’ve</em> ever wanted.”</p><p>Those words broke Narcissa’s heart, but she did not deny it. Instead she looked at the woman next to her and prompted, “Can I ask you something?” Cassandra swallowed but met her gaze again, and Narcissa asked, “What does your ideal life look like? Do you want to leave Peter, run away with me so we can live happily ever after?” Cassandra snorted, as though that was such an utterly ridiculous notion, and Narcissa pushed onward. “I’m serious. What do you <em>want, </em>Cassie? Even if it’s mad, even if it makes no sense… I want to know.”</p><p>Cassandra was silent for a long time, finally popping the grape she had been holding into her mouth. After she swallowed she sighed heavily, admitting, “…I dunno. I s’pose I just want to be happy, whatever that looks like. I miss what Peter an’ I had, but I dunno if I even want it back anymore. Too much shit has happened. I think I owe it to my family to keep tryin’ though.”</p><p>Narcissa said nothing, accepting her answer. Cassandra slid her hand over Narcissa’s then, asking her the same question. “What’s yours?” Narcissa laughed softly.</p><p>“Mine’s <em>mad.”</em></p><p>“Tell me.”</p><p>“Alright,” the blonde relented softly, gently squeezing the woman’s hand. Narcissa knew she was going to sound crazy, but she spoke her truth regardless. “In my ideal scenario, Lucius and I would have repaired our marriage, but it would be… different. You would be there too.” Cassandra’s brow knit and Narcissa’s face flushed a light pink. “We’d both care deeply for you, we’d both <em>share</em> you, and you’d be ours… forever. I know it’s mental, especially because my ideal picture still includes my sister, who I’d want to be with as well, but… separately. I’d want her to accept you as just another aspect of my marriage that she can not control, and leave it alone. I know not a single one of those things will happen though.”</p><p>Cassandra shot her a bemused look. “S’pose it’s good for your little <em>fantasy</em> then, that your husband has a crush on me.” Narcissa’s blush deepened, but she was not wrong. Still, she knew it was a pipe dream, for a variety of different reasons. “But… that would be nice,” Cassandra finally admitted, and Narcissa’s heart beat heavier in her chest. “Fuckin’ <em>mental,</em> but… I dunno. Ya can’t really <em>do</em> that shit in real life, you know? Besides, I got my own marriage, my own <em>family</em> to think about, and your crazy sister would never let something like that lie. Still, never really thought of somethin’ like that, an’ it’s not… the worst scenario in the world, I suppose. I could do a whole lot worse than you an’ Lucius. I don’t feel about him like how I feel about you, but he’s… kind. Considerate. Sexy as fuck, honestly… but. Yeah. It’s… it’s mental. <em>All</em> of this is mental.”</p><p>Narcissa gently bit down on her lower lip, realizing her fantasy might not be as far-fetched as she thought after all. But as soon as she had that thought she forced herself to push it away because, well… with Bellatrix in the picture, it would never work, and Narcissa could not and would not ever accept a picture that did not have her sister in it. She didn’t know how. Besides, Cassandra was not ready to throw her marriage out the window either, and it wouldn’t be fair for Narcissa to ask her to.</p><p>“But see, <em>that </em>was my point,” Narcissa told her softly, gently resting her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “This isn’t ideal, and we both know that, but it’s <em>enough. </em>Or, at least, it’s enough for me… I hope it’s enough for you.”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a slow breath, looking out at the ocean. “Yeah,” she breathed, realizing she would only upset herself if she focused too much on the uncertainties of the future. “S’enough. I’m happy right now— reckon I should stop worryin’ about tomorrow. I don’t wanna ruin this. This is… it’s beautiful, Cissa. Thank you.”</p><p>Narcissa smiled softly, leaning up to gently place a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. Cassandra bit down on her lower lip, her own smile beginning to peak out from behind her teeth, and the blonde’s stomach fluttered as her gaze fell to the plate in front of them, picking up one of the chocolate-dipped strawberries. This whole thing was probably a terrible cliché, but at least Cassandra seemed to be enjoying it.</p><p>“You know, it’s strange,” Narcissa began, looking back up at the woman next to her. “We’ve been together, on and off, for what seems like forever now and you still… you just <em>smile</em> and my insides get all twisted up. I feel like I’m a teenager again; it’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“First date jitters,” Cassandra rationalized with a smirk, and Narcissa laughed.</p><p>“God, this <em>is</em> our first date, isn’t it? Oh my god, we’re so…” Narcissa trailed off, her eyes searching the other woman’s. “Stupid,” she finished softly, feeling like she had wasted so much time. “I feel so stupid.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Cassandra agreed softly. “Me too.”</p><p>Narcissa looked down at the strawberry in her hand before she bit down on her bottom lip and held it up to the other woman’s mouth in offering. Cassandra’s lips parted, her eyes never leaving Narcissa’s as she slowly took a bite of the fruit. The blonde stared unashamedly at her mouth, and after the other woman swallowed, Narcissa’s gently allowed her thumb to wipe the small bit of juice that lingered on Cassandra’s bottom lip. The younger woman did not allow her to go too far though and captured her thumb between her lips, devouring the last of the strawberry as Narcissa felt her breath leave her. The picnic forgotten, Narcissa’s hand slid around the back of the other woman’s neck as she pressed their lips together, her eyes falling closed as she allowed herself to drown in Cassandra, realizing that she did not want to waste any more time.</p><p> Cassandra’s tongue slipped into her mouth and Narcissa groaned softly, her fingers fisting at the nape of the other woman’s neck. The ocean waves crashed in the distance, the sound of seagulls squawking above them going completely ignored as Cassandra encouraged the blonde on her back, fitting next to her on the blanket as they kissed languidly, their legs tangling together as their feet hung off the blanket, getting lost in the sand.</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a hard breath as Cassandra’s lips found her shoulder, her clavicle. The blonde rolled her neck to give the other woman more room to work, and Cassandra’s hand fell down her body, her nails raking up Narcissa’s thighs as she encouraged them to part. “Here?” Narcissa asked breathlessly as she felt Cassandra hike up her sundress, her fingers pressing over the fabric of her knickers. The younger woman chuckled softly against the soft skin of her neck.</p><p>“Thought that was what your shit concealment charm was for. ‘Sides, be a bit romantic, yeah? Makin’ love to ya on the beach.”</p><p>“It’s <em>not…</em> is it really shit?” Narcissa asked, terribly self-conscious about her magical abilities. Cassandra just laughed softly before she took the younger woman’s earlobe in her mouth, gently nibbling on it in a way that made Narcissa gasp and squirm.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s shit,” Cassandra admitted when she was through, her hot breath tickling Narcissa’s ear as her fingers dipped below the fabric that covered her prize. Narcissa inhaled a sharp breath, feeling the pads of the woman’s fingers brush lightly over her clit. “But I don’t care; let someone see us. Don’t see anyone other than you anyway.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart clenched at those words, and she reached up to gently place her palm against the younger woman’s cheek before pressing their lips together once more. They kissed desperately, Cassandra beginning to rub slow circles against her heated flesh, and Narcissa wished she could stay trapped in this moment forever, as the simplicity of being with Cassandra made her feel infinitely lighter than the burdens she usually kept atop her shoulders while at home.</p><p>Cassandra broke the kiss then, shifting down her form until she was settled between the older woman’s thighs, her fingers gently sliding her knickers from her body. When Narcissa spread her legs for her though, she wasn’t immediately greeted by Cassandra mouth, but the woman’s fingers dusting across her sensitive flesh a few times. Narcissa blushed, her nose scrunching up. “Sand?” she guessed, and Cassandra laughed lightly, leaning in to kiss the inside of the blonde’s thigh.</p><p>“A little,” she admitted before she replaced her fingers with her mouth, covering the apex of Narcissa’s thighs as the blonde allowed her eyes to flutter closed and a soft moan to escape from her lips. The sound of the water and the light ocean breeze allowed Narcissa to drift away as she allowed Cassandra to make love to her with her mouth, her whole body relaxing as she gently tangled her fingers in her own hair. She opened her eyes then, looking up at the orange and red hues in the sky, feeling rather weightless as Cassandra’s tongue gently swirled around her clit.</p><p>“<em>God…”</em> Narcissa moaned, reaching down to hold her the back of her thighs in order to give her lover more room to work. Her feet were sandy, her sandals having been lost somewhere off the edge of the blanket, and as Cassandra took her entirely into her mouth the base of her abdomen clenched, her entire body beginning to flush as her breathing started to come out in short, uneven bursts. “Cass… oh my God,” she breathed, enjoying this tortuously slow climb. Usually when Narcissa made love to anyone it was always rather rushed and desperate, but Cassandra was taking her time with her, thoroughly enjoying the way she could make the blonde gasp and squirm beneath her.</p><p>As she got closer Narcissa’s hand fell downward, tangling her fingers in a mess of auburn hair as she pressed her hips into Cassandra’s mouth. “Shit— don’t stop,” she begged, her nipples straining against the fabric of her sundress as her labored breathing caused her chest to heave. Cassandra did not seem to have any plans to however and continued driving Narcissa absolutely mental as she spread the blonde with her fingers, the tip of her tongue hyper-focused on Narcissa’s clit.</p><p>“Fuck, <em>fuck—” </em>Narcissa panted, her hand fisting in the blanket, getting a handful of sand beneath the fabric as the muscles inside of her clenched and rolled, allowing all the tension that had been building within her to release just as strong as the crashing waves behind her. As Narcissa shuddered and came down from her high she felt Cassandra move out from between her thighs, hovering above her before their lips connected and Narcissa could taste herself on the other woman’s tongue.</p><p>Both of the women began to undress themselves fully then, and Narcissa <em>prayed</em> her concealment charm would hold as she switched their positions, coming to rest atop Cassandra. Narcissa’s thigh pressed against Cassandra’s center causing the younger woman to hiss as Narcissa felt just how badly she wanted her. “You’re <em>soaked,”</em> she lightly teased her, and Cassandra rolled her eyes, a light blush concealing the freckles that spattered her cheeks.</p><p>“Me gettin’ wet for ya ain’t <em>news,</em> Cissa.”</p><p>“No, but it’s still…” Narcissa briefly pursed her lips before she smiled softly, finally allowing herself to feel something that she had tried for so long to ignore, as it made her life insanely more complicated. In that moment though, it didn’t matter; Narcissa still couldn’t voice it, but allowing herself to <em>feel </em>it was infinitely further than she had ever gotten before, and right now, it was enough.</p><p>“It’s flattering,” Narcissa admitted softly, coming to rest on the woman’s side as she allowed her hand to fall between their bodies. Her fingers got lost beneath a small patch of dark pubic hair, sliding through Cassandra’s folds as she caused the younger woman to exhale a hard breath. “I look at you, Cass; at how… how fucking <em>breathtaking</em> you are, at how your smile lights up the whole room— you laugh, and it’s infectious, and you’re so…”</p><p>Cassandra bit down on her lower lip as Narcissa continued, her eyes softening at the blonde’s words. “It’s so funny, what a <em>stark</em> contrast you are, you know? You look so soft, so bloody<em> innocent, </em>and yet you swear like a harlot and don’t give a<em> damn</em> what you say. You’re… God, you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met— you have no bloody fear and that <em>terrifies</em> me, honestly, but I’m also so incredibly in awe of it, because I wish I could be the same way.”</p><p>“Cissa…” Cassandra breathed, her eyes washing over with emotion as she gently placed her hand upon the blonde’s cheek. Narcissa smiled softly as she continued to gently run her fingers over Cassandra’s swollen heat, her insides tightening with emotion as she tuned her head and gently kissed the younger woman’s palm.</p><p>“I feel lucky,” Narcissa admitted, watching her lover’s eyes begin to glisten at the honesty her words held. “I feel so goddamn lucky that someone like <em>you</em> could ever look at me and see something worth having.”</p><p>“It’s <em>me</em> who should feel lucky, ya fuckin’ knob,” Cassandra exhaled, a tear sliding down her cheek that she immediately wiped away. “Jesus— you fuckin’, you fuck me all up, Cissa— used to never bloody cry before you…”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Nah, they’re… they’re happy tears. Just… just make love to me, Narcissa, please. Please…” she begged softly, spreading her legs wider so that Narcissa’s fingers could get lost further south, easily slipping inside of her. Cassandra exhaled a soft moan, her hands tangling in the woman’s hair as she brought their lips together in a fierce kiss. Narcissa slipped her tongue into her mouth as she pushed deep inside of her, swallowing the sounds of pleasure that fell from the back of her girlfriend’s throat.</p><p>Narcissa never thought she’d be able to do something like this; she never thought she would be able to step outside of herself long enough to plan something nice for someone else, to have it be this beautiful, this honest. Her selfish nature tended to cause her to look at her lovers and only see what <em>they</em> could offer <em>her,</em> but come to find out, she rather enjoyed doing something for someone else. And maybe it wasn’t <em>perfect—</em> near the end the tide began to come in and they wound up getting soaked as half of their picnic things were lost to the ocean, but they laughed and they kissed and it didn’t <em>matter,</em> as both she and Cassandra were so indescribably happy in that moment that even though they ended up sticky with salt water and had sand in uncomfortable places, it felt like perhaps they had managed the perfect first date after all.</p><p>When Narcissa apparated home she was still wet, sand all in her hair and a light flush to her cheeks as she leaned against her front door, her hand that was over her chest fisting in the fabric of her dress. She smiled, her head leaning back against the wood for a moment, but she was taken out of the moment she was reliving as her son came out of the parlor, his brow knitting when he saw the state of her.</p><p>“Mother? Why are you <em>wet?”</em></p><p>Narcissa pushed herself off the door, relaxing her hand before she quickly began smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress, the flush on her cheeks growing darker. “Oh, I… I tripped. On the beach— fell in the… well, you can see. Is… is your aunt home?”</p><p>“How the hell should I know?” Draco sounded like the <em>last</em> thing he wanted to do was be around Bellatrix, and Narcissa knew better than to ask how his Occlumency lessons went, as the answer was <em>clearly</em> not well. Narcissa began to panic a little though, realizing that should her sister see her like this then she would have more questions than she had answers. Draco seemed to sense her growing paranoia though and exhaled an exasperated breath, realizing he couldn’t keep being a dick just because he was mad at his aunt. “Okay <em>fine, </em>she left like an hour ago— did you know that thing on her arm <em>moves?”</em></p><p>Narcissa wished her son didn’t sound as impressed about that as he did.</p><p>Still, she did not have a second to linger on that thought as Draco’s information caused the woman to exhale a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, slumping against the door in relief. God, she really had not thought this through, had she? She probably should have at least used her wand to dry herself<em>,</em> but Narcissa had been feeling like she was walking on a cloud after their date and she didn’t think about what the consequences would be if Bellatrix found out where she was and what <em>exactly</em> she had been doing.</p><p> Draco’s nose scrunched up then, looking at his mother suspiciously who had, finally, taken out her wand to siphon the water from her clothes and hair. “There’s no beaches around here.” His expression soured, realizing there was only one reason she would apparate so far, and with <em>who</em>. “You were with Mrs. Goyle again, weren’t you?”</p><p>The blonde sighed. “Don’t look at me like that— I love your father, I <em>do,</em> but Cassandra and I…” Narcissa’s brow knit, emotion swirling in the pit of her gut. She didn’t know if she was ready for this conversation with her son, but perhaps she owed him an explanation. “She makes me <em>happy,</em> Draco. I won’t apologize for that. You’ve known for a long time that your father and I have an unconventional relationship, and he knows how much I care for her.”</p><p>“Fine, be in <em>love</em> with her, I really don’t care—” Draco snapped, proving that he did, in fact, care very much. Still, those words caused a knot to tighten in Narcissa’s chest, as that was not something she was ready to be verbally confronted with. “But you’re being stupid! <em>You</em> were the one who told me what Aunt Bella would do if she found out about you guys, why are you still <em>seeing </em>her?”</p><p>Oh, good. Narcissa was wondering when she’d start getting that all-consuming guilt back. Silly her, thinking she could be happy for three seconds.</p><p>“Do <em>not</em> call me stupid, Draco; I am your mother— have some respect. If you must know, I <em>did</em> stop seeing her, but… things changed. Both of our husbands are in prison—”</p><p>“I didn’t say you <em>were</em> stupid, I said you were <em>being</em> stupid. And what does them being in prison have to do with anything? It wasn’t like you and Father were even—”</p><p>“Draco, you really have no idea what your father and I do behind closed doors, and I am fairly certain you would <em>not</em> like me to illuminate you.”</p><p>Draco looked disgusted, but it was only momentarily and, well, that was a testament to how much he was growing up at least. “Whatever. That doesn’t even matter— Father’s only been gone for three weeks; don’t you have any self control?”</p><p>“<em>Excuse </em>me?” Narcissa gasped, feeling as though her son had slapped her. She understood Draco was turning sixteen in a few days, but that did not mean that he had earned the ability to speak to her as an equal yet. “Young man, you are treading a <em>very</em> thin line right now. You better remember who you’re speaking to, and quickly.”</p><p>“No, I’m allowed to have an opinion when what you’re doing is going to get my friend’s mother <em>killed!” </em>Draco exclaimed, refusing to back down. “Goyle might be an idiot, but he loves his mum and if <em>you</em> love her so much you’re unable to stay away from her for twelve bloody seconds, shouldn’t you be scared of what Aunt Bella will do if she finds out? Mother, <em>Mum…</em> I think you’re getting bad again; selfish and needy and all that. Father told me to watch out for— are you taking your medicine?”</p><p>“I…” Narcissa tried, suddenly completely overwhelmed by the person who stood in front of her. She hadn’t been expecting Draco to— God, what did Lucius <em>say?</em> He shouldn’t have put any kind of pressure on their son to keep her well, that wasn’t fair to him. “Yes, of course I— when did Lucius tell you to…?”</p><p>“Before I left for school,” Draco responded softly. “He said that when Aunt Bella comes back, you might get bad again. And now he’s not <em>here</em> so I have to— Mother, you can’t be doing this. Bad shit is going to happen.”</p><p>“Draco, please, I know what I’m doing,” Narcissa assured him, even though she very much did <em>not. </em>She didn’t want him worrying about her though; neither her relationships nor her mental health were burdens he should have to bear. “And my sister cannot touch Cassandra— I’ve made certain of it. Not that I want Bellatrix to know about our relationship <em>regardless, </em>but your friend’s mother is not in danger of getting killed anymore.”</p><p>“How can you guarantee that? She’s… bloody <em>weird</em> about you, Mum; like she needs your attention every second of every day, and from what I’ve heard it’s not like she hasn’t murdered people for less—”</p><p>“Because your father tricked her into making the Unbreakable Vow, alright?!” Narcissa snapped. She felt terrible for beginning to lose her hold on her temper with Draco, but Narcissa felt like she was being bombarded and it was causing her anxiety to spike. “She cannot physically harm Cassandra, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t cause damage another way, so <em>please—</em> just leave my relationship to me. After forty years I’ve become quite adept at lying to my sister, but I thank you for your concern.”</p><p>Draco was starting to look frustrated. “Why do you even have to <em>lie</em> to her though? If Aunt Bella loves you so much like you claim, shouldn’t she want you to be happy? All of this makes no bloody sense—”</p><p>God, this conversation was getting infinitely more complicated. Narcissa looked at her son helplessly, trying to figure out a way to explain this to him without having to actually <em>explain</em> it to him. “Because… because my relationship with Bellatrix is very complicated. I know I put a lot of the blame on her, but it’s me as well— we both grew up in a terribly abusive household and it caused us to be very codependent as we attempted to survive it. It left scars upon both of us, and we are <em>both</em> mentally unwell. I am very controlling of her, and she in turn is very possessive of me. We are aware that it’s unhealthy and can further our respective mental illnesses, which is no doubt why your father warned you that I may slip, but at this point we are both too old to change. I will not have my relationship with her prevent me from having a relationship with Cassandra though, so please, just allow me to handle this my way. I really am appreciative of how much you care, darling, but my romantic life and my choices therein are my business.”</p><p>Draco, however, just looked at her like her choices were still shit. Maybe they were. “If she screws you up so badly then why is she <em>here?”</em></p><p>“Because she has no where else to go,” Narcissa told him sternly. “And quite frankly, I <em>want</em> her here. I do not expect you to understand. Besides, I thought you wished to be taught by her— if Bellatrix left, that would make that goal much more difficult to achieve.”</p><p>Draco rolled his eyes in irritation. “Occlumency is shit.”</p><p>“Darling, swearing so often is making you sound uneducated; try to tone it down. And there are always other things she can teach you; while I believe Occlumency is very important and that you should learn it eventually, you can always ask for a break to focus on other things for a while.”</p><p>Draco stayed silent, looking rather miserable. Clearly, he <em>did</em> wish to be taught it, but he also did not enjoy walking the path to get there. Narcissa had tried to warn him that it would be difficult, but Draco always assumed he could handle anything until he realized the hard way that he could not.</p><p>“Bella saw something that embarrassed you, I take it.”</p><p>Draco shifted his weight uncomfortably between his feet, a sour look on his face. “She’s going to tell you, isn’t she?”</p><p>“Probably,” Narcissa answered truthfully, as she was sure Bellatrix would find it endlessly amusing to share her son’s embarrassment. She never really had much in the way of compassion, after all. “Would <em>you</em> like to tell me first?”</p><p>Draco said nothing. Narcissa waited patiently though, knowing he found it a far worse option for <em>Bellatrix</em> to tell her what she saw.</p><p>Eventually he admitted, “I’m seeing someone. <em>Casually,</em> or whatever. It’s not a big deal.” He would not meet her eyes though, instead choosing to stare at his shoes.</p><p>“If it’s not a big deal, then why are you so embarrassed?” Narcissa gently asked him, even though her insides were beginning to twist in anxiety. Her little boy, <em>dating.</em> Although at almost sixteen, perhaps he wasn’t so little anymore. Still, it was an odd feeling. She hoped he was good to this girl, whoever she was.</p><p>“Because she saw <em>private</em> stuff, Mother!”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>Oh no. Wasn’t he just crawling into her lap, asking to be read a bedtime story? How did time go by so quickly? Narcissa knew at his age it was a possibility that he would become sexually active, and her and Lucius <em>had</em> tried to prepare him before that happened, but Narcissa had just hoped that Draco would wait until he was of a more proper age. Like thirty.</p><p>“Well, that’s… I can understand why that would embarrass you, and I truly do not mean to further that embarrassment but please, at least tell me you’re being safe about it. I cannot bear the thought of becoming a grandmother this young.”</p><p>“Oh my God, Mum, I’m not <em>fucking</em> her—”</p><p><em>“Draco! </em>Please, use a better word!”</p><p>“—We’ve just done other stuff, okay? Can we stop talking about it? You know now, I was bloody <em>honest</em> or whatever, so just— leave it.”</p><p>Draco’s entire face had turned a furious red and he still could not look his mother in the eyes. Still, despite wishing her son had waited a bit longer to experiment sexually, Narcissa <em>was</em> glad that he told her. Bellatrix would not be, surely, as it was going to ruin the look of horror Narcissa would have had as Bellatrix no doubt revealed it in the crudest possible way, but this way she at least knew where her son was maturity-wise.</p><p>“Does this girl have a name?” Narcissa prodded and Draco shot her a furious look, knowing exactly why she was asking.</p><p>“You are <em>not</em> inviting her round.”</p><p>“Why not? It would be nice to have your girlfriend over for dinner—”</p><p>“She’s <em>not</em> my girlfriend,” Draco was quick to deny, which exasperated Narcissa. She did <em>not</em> want her son to be one of those men who just takes what they want from women while leaving them emotionally empty in return.</p><p>But if he wished to label it as such, then <em>so be it. </em>“Well, then it would be nice to have the girl who is currently giving my son <em>sexual favors</em> over for dinner—”</p><p>Draco looked horrified.<em> “Mother!”</em></p><p>“See, the first way sounded a lot better, didn’t it?” Narcissa countered, and Draco glowered. “Darling, I know the last thing you want is relationship advice from your <em>mother,</em> but you need to understand that sex is a lot different for girls than it is for boys—”</p><p>“I’m <em>not—!”</em></p><p>“Perhaps not yet, but I’m not going to disillusion myself into believing you’ll stay a virgin the rest of your life. Don’t roll your eyes at me— listen. Whatever you are doing with that girl, I guarantee you that it <em>means</em> something to her. Do not intentionally toy with her, Draco; if you like her, then date her. If you do not, then let her go. It really is that simple.”</p><p>“I mean, she’s— <em>fine,</em> I guess…”</p><p>Narcissa’s brow rose. “You guess?”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll ask her on a stupid date, alright? Jesus. I already took her to the Yule Ball, shouldn’t that be enough?”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes widened in recognition and Draco immediately looked like he regretted opening his mouth, as he had <em>told</em> his mother who he had taken. “Oh, I’m so glad you’ve decided to finally give Pansy a chance! She really does sound lovely.”</p><p>“Mother, you literally know <em>nothing</em> about her outside of the fact that she’s pureblood.”</p><p>“Well, that’s lovely enough,” Narcissa reasoned, causing Draco to roll his eyes again. “I won’t force you to bring her over here, okay? Not unless it becomes serious. But please, take her out on a date. Make her feel special, and perhaps she might make <em>you</em> feel special in return.”</p><p>“…Gross.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean it like— well, I mean, if <em>that’s </em>what you’re after…”</p><p>“Mum, just—! Stop. Don’t you need to take a shower? You still smell like the ocean and Aunt Bella will probably be home soon,” Draco hurriedly reminded her, desperate to be finished with this conversation. Narcissa exhaled a sigh, but knew her son was right; she did very much need to make herself look and smell somewhat presentable for when Bellatrix returned.</p><p>“Yes, of course. But— darling,” Narcissa called up to her son, who was already taking the stairs two at a time, practically <em>fleeing</em> from her, “if you need more condoms…”</p><p>“Good<em>night,</em> Mother!”</p><p>Well, Narcissa supposed she would just have to pack some extra in his trunk this year… just in case. Because honestly, the last goddamn thing her sanity needed, on top of everything else, was becoming a bloody <em>grandmother </em>at forty years old.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. XXIV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXIV.</strong>
</p>
<p>Draco’s sixteenth birthday came and went, Narcissa blowing a small fortune on the boy’s presents because she felt terrible that he had to celebrate without his father. She also wanted Draco to have something <em>good</em> to look forward to, as his lessons with Bellatrix were clearly taking a toll on him. Bellatrix, of course, <em>did</em> try to share the information she now held from breaking into Draco’s mind over and over, and Narcissa thought she would just let it go when she informed her sister that her son had been an <em>adult</em> about it and admitted he was now sexually active, but of course Bellatrix got off on horrifying her and made a crude gesture indicating a blow job, and the woman got what she wanted, because Narcissa really, <em>really</em> hadn’t wanted to know details.</p>
<p>Bellatrix did admit that he was getting better though, although it had now been a month of nearly every day practice. Draco was starting to look <em>exhausted,</em> but every time he asked to learn something different, or asked for a day off, Bellatrix just told him that only pussies take days off or ask for breaks, and generally would berate him enough so that Draco felt as though he <em>had</em> to keep doing it so he didn’t look weak. Narcissa had tried to tell her to just <em>stop,</em> that she appreciated what Bellatrix was doing but that her son needed some time to recuperate, but it seemed Bellatrix had been going out of her way to avoid her lately.</p>
<p>She no longer slept in the same bedroom as her, although she was out ‘working’ most of the night now anyway. When Narcissa had asked her why she didn’t come to bed anymore, Bellatrix had just brushed her off and told her that she was doing this for <em>her,</em> that they needed to stop being so fucking codependent, and that they could manage not being in the same bed for three months while Draco was home so that he didn’t find out about them.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew it was just an excuse.</p>
<p>It broke Narcissa’s heart to watch Bellatrix continue to punish herself for something that had happened so very long ago, but any time Narcissa tried to speak with her Bellatrix had either made certain that they were not alone or found some excuse to leave, which wasn’t hard these days considering now that both the old and new Ministers of Magic (Cornelius Fudge had been sacked not long after the fiasco at the Ministry, and was succeeded by Rufus Scrimgeour) were aware of Voldemort’s presence, the Dark Lord was making his move.</p>
<p>Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law, was murdered first and from what Narcissa understood, warranted the honor of being slaughtered by the Dark Lord himself. Her murder was followed by the murder of Emmeline Vance, whom Narcissa knew Bellatrix had done personally as she had come home caked in blood that day. Poor Draco had nearly vomited from the sight of her and Narcissa knew that if she hadn’t become so numb to her sister’s violence so long ago, she probably would have too. Then the Junior Muggle Minister, Herbert Chorley, was put under a bad Imperius Curse by one of Voldemort’s newest recruits, which Bellatrix bitched about for days. To make things worse, Narcissa could not even bear going outside nowadays, as the entire country had been covered in this awful mist as the dementors began to breed and feed off the general population. Bellatrix had done an enchantment so it would not affect them while inside the house, but it was of little comfort.</p>
<p>Everything was falling to shit around them. Giants were tearing up the west country, the Brockdale Bridge collapsed— which Bellatrix had been overjoyed to tell Narcissa in vivid detail how many Muggles her handiwork ended up killing. Narcissa honestly hated the things her sister did, but being able to get out of the house more now had done wonders for Bellatrix’s mood. Still, every time she left Narcissa was gripped with the fear that she would not come back, as she had thought losing her sister again was what terrified her the most.</p>
<p>Oh, how <em>wrong</em> she turned out to be.</p>
<p>Narcissa should have known something had happened when Bellatrix’s lips had found hers. They hadn’t made love in <em>ages,</em> although it wasn’t as though Narcissa was going unattended to either; with Bellatrix either barely being home or too busy giving Draco private lessons to notice where her sister snuck off to, she had a lot more time to spend with Cassandra. It had been nice — more than nice, honestly — but Narcissa had still missed Bellatrix so terribly that, apparently, her desire to have things go back to normal overrode the little voice in the back of her head that was asking why, after all this time, Bellatrix suddenly wanted to ignore the self-loathing kick she had been on, and touch her again.</p>
<p>The silent question went ignored however, Narcissa grasping for her sister as she was backed up against her bedroom wall and kissed desperately. When Bellatrix’s lips fell to her throat, the only competent thing Narcissa could remember was a breathless, <em>“—Spell,”</em> and Bellatrix immediately grabbed her wand, silencing the room before she went back to turning Narcissa into an emotional, desperate mess as she gave the woman something she had been denying her for so long.</p>
<p>Why didn’t she realize then?</p>
<p>Probably because Bellatrix was whispering heated apologies across her skin as she undressed her, telling her that she was sorry for neglecting her, that she was wrong to shut her out, that the past was the past and that Narcissa was right; that they loved each other now, and that she needed to forgive herself— that she <em>had,</em> finally, forgiven herself, and that she had moved on.</p>
<p>Narcissa should have known then it was a lie. Bellatrix would <em>never </em>forgive herself about what she had done when they were children; at best, the most she could do was ignore it and convince herself that because everything was consensual now, that it overrode her past mistakes. But Narcissa had been stupid; she ate up everything Bellatrix fed to her as she was laid on her back in the center of the bed, Bellatrix’s naked body sliding against her own as she told her that she was going to make love to her all night, that she was going to give her everything that she deserved, and that everything was going to be okay now.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t.</p>
<p>Narcissa got caught up though; she had always found it so easy to get caught up in her sister. She slid her hands through her unruly curls as her body careened toward her, another breathless declaration of how much she loved her, how much she <em>missed</em> her falling from the woman’s lips as Bellatrix pulled another trembling orgasm from her body. They made love well into the morning hours, and only when Bellatrix had stopped her from returning the favor for the umpteenth time did Narcissa begin to get upset, finally realizing that something felt <em>wrong</em> about all of this.</p>
<p>“Why won’t you let me touch you?” she asked, emotion choking up the words in the back of her throat. It felt like that time Bellatrix had first found sanity and began to feel guilty about their relationship and that <em>terrified</em> Narcissa, as she did not want the woman walking away from her again. She may know now that she was able to live without Bellatrix, that she didn’t <em>need</em> her to survive, but that did not mean that she wanted to feel that separation again either. She had only <em>just</em> gotten her back.</p>
<p>Bellatrix closed her eyes, a pained expression washing over her features as she realized she could not put off having this conversation forever. She gently rested her forehead against her sister’s as she laid half on top of her, and the words that escaped her lips sounded difficult to utter. “Because I don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Bella…” Narcissa breathed, her heart breaking for all the wrong reasons, as she assumed this was about before. But it was not. It wasn’t even close.</p>
<p>“Cissy, I <em>tried,”</em> Bellatrix tried to convince her, getting visibly upset because she knew exactly how Narcissa was going to react. She looked <em>terrified</em> that Narcissa was going to blame her, hate her. “I pushed it off as long as I could because I know how you would feel about it, but after what happened at the Ministry, He barely listens to me anymore—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach dropped, suddenly realizing this was about something else entirely. Her whole body went rigid and cold as she prayed to any God listening that Bellatrix was not about to say what she thought she was. She started to feel nauseas but she could not move. Instead Narcissa just stared at the ceiling, feeling like her soul was slipping from her body.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s voice was apologetic, but that did not make her words any easier to bear. “The Dark Lord wants to meet with Draco. He will come tonight.”</p>
<p>Narcissa sat up so violently she nearly collided heads with her sister, but it didn’t matter as suddenly everything inside of her came up with barely any warning, and she vomited over the side of the bed. “Shit— Cissy!” Bellatrix exclaimed, grabbing her wand so that she could immediately clean up her sister’s mess. Narcissa coughed and sputtered, her eyes welling up with devastated tears, but she still couldn’t speak. She hung her head over the side of the bed, frozen and helpless as her eyes slid out of focus.</p>
<p>Suddenly all she could picture was her son’s grave next to Aquila’s, and the world began to spin.</p>
<p>“Cissy— Narcissa!” Bellatrix cried desperately while she held her up, as the blonde had nearly slid off the bed. Bellatrix wrapped her in her arms, clutching her like she was terrified that should she let go that Narcissa would shatter into a million pieces. “I’m sorry— I’m <em>sorry, </em>I know this is the last thing you ever wanted, and I’ve been trying to get him ready, but he isn’t— he can block me out now but it takes him too long, and I don’t know what the Dark Lord will <em>do </em>if Draco doesn’t seem genuinely willing to join us once he’s of age! I tried, Narcissa; please, despite how easily I would have offered him up if he was my own son, for you, for <em>you</em> I still fucking <em>tried—”</em></p>
<p>“You…” Narcissa heaved, now realizing why Bellatrix had been going so hard with Draco’s Occlumency lessons. But that meant, that meant… “How— how long have you <em>known?”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix just looked at her guiltily, and it was enough of an answer. Narcissa <em>screamed</em> incoherently then, pulling away from her sister’s arms so she could turn around and backhand her across the face as hard as she could muster. Bellatrix hissed in pain and spit blood from where her tooth had cut her, but she did not move to strike her back. She knew she deserved it. She wouldn’t even look Narcissa in the eyes anymore, which meant that despite her words, she hadn’t really <em>tried</em> very hard at all. </p>
<p>Tried to delay it? Certainly. Tried to train Draco to close his mind so that the Dark Lord couldn’t see if he was having reservations? Day after day. But did she <em>try</em> to stop Voldemort from wanting to recruit her only son, her baby boy, after the man had already taken her first child from her? Of course not. There was probably a sick part of Bellatrix that was <em>proud</em> that her nephew was of interest to Voldemort, as it was the closest she could ever get to training a child of her own to do his bidding.</p>
<p>“How… <em>dare</em> you,” Narcissa seethed as she got off the bed, needing to be physically away from the woman who was making her ill. The tears that had welled up in her eyes began to fall, and Narcissa’s voice hitched in her throat. “How dare you come in here, climb into my <em>bed,</em> and touch me knowing full-well that I would <em>never</em> want your hands on me after this!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked so terribly guilty. She had known what she had done and why exactly she had done it, yet she still denied it with, “I was just— I don’t know, trying to<em> soften</em> it; give you something <em>good</em> before it was all ripped away again. I knew this would upset you, Cissy, and I didn’t—”</p>
<p><em>“Soften</em> it? You think making love to me after you ignored me for <em>weeks—</em> you think whispering all that bullshit in my ear, because that was what it was, Bella, <em>bullshit—</em> you think <em>that</em> is going to make up for the fact that I’m going to be forced to give up a <em>second</em> child to him; my only, my <em>last…?” </em>Oh God, she couldn’t bear it, she couldn’t… “You— you <em>arrogant</em> cunt, you <em>horrible</em> fucking woman, why do I love you, why do I <em>trust </em>you…?! You fucked me tonight because you knew you were going to lose me over this, and you wanted— you wanted a <em>last…!</em>”</p>
<p>“No! For fuck’s sake, Cissy— stop blaming me, this isn’t my <em>fault!”</em> Bellatrix practically shouted, desperate for Narcissa to understand that she hadn’t <em>advocated</em> for this. “I told Him I didn’t think Draco had the spine, I told Him we needed to recruit adults, or that we should at least wait until Lucius gets out of prison; I tried <em>so fucking hard</em> to save you from this, or at the very least prolong it; stop, stop <em>blaming</em> me, Cissy, please… I swear, I did everything I <em>could </em>but He had made up His mind, and you know as well as I that there’s no changing it after that!”</p>
<p>Narcissa stared at her sister, the desperation etched across her face and the unshed tears in her eyes as she tried to convince Narcissa that she had done everything in her power to make this not come to pass. The problem was… “I don’t believe you,” Narcissa responded, her voice tight as another tear rolled down her cheek. “You care more for the Dark Lord’s cause than you do for me, and <em>certainly</em> more than you care for my son. You’ve made it very clear where your priorities lie, Bella, and I… I <em>don’t</em> believe you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked so terribly gutted by those words. “My… entire fucking <em>life</em> I have done nothing but protect you, Narcissa,” she seethed and oh, she wasn’t just gutted, she was <em>offended.</em> A furious tear rolled down Bellatrix’s cheek then, devastated by the way she was being treated when, perhaps, she truly <em>had</em> been trying. Narcissa felt numb though, and nothing seemed real anymore. A part of her, at this point, hoped that she was merely dreaming.</p>
<p>“I allowed you to make me out to look like some deranged, obsessive <em>stalker</em> just so Lucius thought it was just me who was sick in the head. I murdered people when they’ve found out about us, I cleaned up the mess you made when<em> you</em> killed that woman, I gave you a goddamn <em>child</em> so that you didn’t have to sacrifice your husband’s—”</p>
<p>Narcissa dissolved into helpless sobs. She knew Bellatrix had done so much for her, but she couldn’t get passed this, and she didn’t know what to <em>do </em>other than blame her, because a part of her still blamed Bellatrix for Aquil<em>a.</em> “And now you’re going to let him rob me of <em>another?!” </em>she exclaimed, nearly choking on the force of her tears.</p>
<p>“I didn’t let him rob you of your first!” Bellatrix shouted, reminding her of the choices she had made. “You made that decision,<em> you </em>made that trade— I just did the best I could to cushion the blow, because that is what I do for you, Narcissa! All I fucking do is wrap myself around you and get beat to shit so <em>you </em>don’t get shattered when you hit the ground, yet you have the fucking audacity to stand there and blame me? Act as though I haven’t done everything in my power to prevent this, or as though I won’t continue to do everything I can to make sure your son gets <em>through</em> it? I had already fucking resolved myself to training your brat every goddamn day this summer, and even Christmas bloody vacation if I needed to, so that maybe when he turned seventeen he’d have a fucking <em>prayer</em> of surviving! For you— for <em>you</em>, you ungrateful bitch! Everything I always do is for you, why can’t you ever <em>see </em>that?! Why do you think I don’t <em>care?!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa could barely breathe she was crying so hard. She fell to her haunches on the floor, covering her face as her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs. But she was not the only one crying, and Bellatrix looked at her with such a devastating expression as she screamed helplessly, “I don’t know what you want me to <em>do— </em>do you want me to cut out my fucking heart and <em>give</em> to you? What more do I have to sacrifice for you, how many more ways do I have to protect you for you to <em>see</em> me? Why is everything I do not fucking <em>good enough </em>for you?!”</p>
<p>“No, don’t— don’t you <em>dare</em> make this about you!” Narcissa seethed, her words choked up in her throat. “My son, my only fucking <em>child…!”</em></p>
<p>“He’s Lucius’ <em>son!” </em>Bellatrix shouted at her, needing Narcissa to realize that this was bigger than her. “He’s the son of a Death Eater, he’s a pureblood— he would have been recruited <em>anyway, </em>how could you be this bloody stupid; how could you not have realized?!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was right. Narcissa <em>knew</em> she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know what to say— Narcissa was more than aware that she did not have a choice in the matter. Whether she liked it or not, Voldemort was going to come calling soon, and she and Draco could not escape from it. They had nowhere to run, because nowhere was far enough. If they left, it would only be a matter of time before they were found and slaughtered for disloyalty. Narcissa’s only <em>damn</em> option was that her sister continue to teach Draco everything she could so that perhaps he could survive this war, and so she silently reached out to her, unable to ask for help but needing it all the same.</p>
<p>But Bellatrix did not move.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>fuck</em> you,” Bellatrix seethed, her heart broken by how Narcissa had treated her. “You can’t just rip me to shreds and then expect sodding <em>tatters</em> to protect you.”</p>
<p>“Please,” Narcissa sobbed, knowing she did not have any other option. “Please, Bella, I’m <em>sorry—</em> I’m just scared, I’m so goddamn scared… I need you, I <em>need</em> you; don’t leave me to deal with this alone, please…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked like she was internally struggling with herself before she finally exhaled a furious shout, throwing her fist into the headboard before she violently got off of the bed and took her sister in her arms. For a second Narcissa thought she was going to hit her, but her embrace was warm and protective as Bellatrix absolutely hated herself for being unable to put herself first. She always got emotionally kicked around, always got told it was her fault when the blame never lied entirely on her shoulders, and yet the second Narcissa needed her she did not know how to say no.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Bellatrix told her unapologetically, holding her sister in her arms as Narcissa clutched at her and sobbed. Bellatrix’s voice was distant, detached. “You <em>do</em> destroy people’s souls, Narcissa, because you’ve certainly fucking destroyed mine. I’ll never be whole because of you. I’ll always be <em>pathetic</em> because of you.”</p>
<p>“And I deserve everything I’ve gotten for it,” Narcissa wheezed as her fingers bunched in her sister’s hair, knowing Bellatrix spoke the truth; she knew what she did to her, how badly she had destroyed her, but in the end, perhaps it was what Bellatrix deserved for what she had done to <em>her </em>all those years ago.</p>
<p>Neither of them were good people— Narcissa used others, <em>broke </em>others so that she could steal pieces of them to make herself feel whole, and Bellatrix… even without the questionable consent in their past, she still hurt others, she still tortured people, still <em>murdered</em> them. Why on earth did either of them think they should have happiness?</p>
<p> “We deserve each other, Bella; just accept it,” Narcissa continued, her voice empty and her gaze unfocused as she allowed herself to drown in that reality. “Stop running from me because you feel guilty. Just suffer with me. We’re each other’s punishment, but Draco— he doesn’t deserve to be swept up in our wake. Please, <em>please… </em> help me. You’re the only one who can.”</p>
<p>“You’re an idiot if you ever thought for one second that I wouldn’t,” Bellatrix exhaled, sounding so terribly defeated by her love for her sister. It wore them both down more than they would ever like to admit, and yet they clung to one another all the same. “But you need to do <em>exactly</em> as I say.”</p>
<p>“I know—”</p>
<p>“No. You don’t know,” Bellatrix told her seriously as she pulled away from her, allowing her gaze to find her sister’s. “Because your son is not ready to hide his true feelings from the Dark Lord, which means that <em>we</em> have to change them. We need to convince him that this is of the highest honor, and we need to make certain that he <em>wants</em> this.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt ill. “Won’t be difficult for <em>you</em> though, will it?” she accused in a broken voice, knowing all too well how easily Bellatrix could spin this horror to make it seem like a <em>good</em> thing.</p>
<p>“No, it won’t,” Bellatrix responded blatantly. “And you better feel <em>damn</em> lucky that it won’t be, because otherwise you wouldn’t have a prayer of convincing him. You might lie as easy as breathing, Cissy, but only when it benefits you, and we both know that this does not.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she was right. Still, the fear suffocated her for the rest of the morning and she was awfully pale when the three of them sat down to breakfast together. Bellatrix had tried convincing her that she needed sleep, as she had not gotten any last night, but Narcissa knew she could not. She doubted she would ever be able to sleep again.</p>
<p>“Darling, your aunt and I… we have some exciting news,” Narcissa tried, hoping the words didn’t sound as fake to her son as they did to her own ears. She forced a smile and Draco looked at her strangely, which probably meant she was not doing well convincing him that this was, in fact, something to celebrate. Narcissa still felt like she was going to vomit.</p>
<p>Bellatrix seemed to see that though, and took over from there. “With the crux of this war on the horizon, the Dark Lord plans to expand our ranks, and he has taken a personal interest in <em>you,</em> Draco. He wants to meet with you.”</p>
<p>It was the first time Bellatrix had ever called her son by his actual name when addressing him, and that coupled with the terrifying reality that he would be having a meeting with the Dark Lord in person caused Draco’s eyes to widen as he realized the seriousness of this conversation. He said nothing, but he certainly did <em>not</em> look happy about it and Narcissa couldn’t look at him, as she feared that if Draco met her gaze then he would see what lied within her heart, and it was <em>not</em> this.</p>
<p>“This is an incredible honor. Your father and I were only a little younger than you are now when we were recruited, and it has given us a chance to fight for the rights our race has been so cruelly denied— sharing this world with Muggles, mudbloods, and Squibs… we deserve <em>better</em> than that, and we are going to shape a world where our kind reigns supreme,” Bellatrix told him, her voice rivaling that of a preacher as she shared with her nephew how she felt about her own involvement in the Death Eaters, in the war. “Being a part of that would give your life purpose, would give it <em>meaning,</em> and you will be revered among our kind once we are ultimately successful. <em>This</em> is a destiny worth having, Draco; do not cower or shy away from it. Make your father proud.”</p>
<p>At the mention of making his father proud, Draco sat up a little straighter, but then his eyes shifted to his mother. She still would not look at him, and his voice was accusatory as he reminded his mother of her own words. “I told you I would fight for him last year if I could, and both you <em>and</em> Father were quick to tell me no—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix actually looked immensely <em>proud</em> of Draco then, and it made everything so much bloody worse.</p>
<p>“Your father is in prison now, and things have changed,” Narcissa told him, using every ounce of strength she had within her to lie as she finally found her son’s gaze. “<em>You’re</em> the man of the house now, Draco, and that comes with certain responsibilities. Your father… he would be pleased to know you will be continuing his work once you come of age. I know I’ve always said I did not want you involved, but you were just a boy then, and I’ve always been fearful about both your father’s and my <em>sister’s</em> involvement in the war, despite knowing full-well that they can take care of themselves. I just worry, but not because I don’t think you could do it. I know you are strong enough to do this should he choose you, my love. You are your father’s son in every way, and I am so very proud of you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa did not know how he believed it, but he did. Perhaps Draco just always wanted to hear that he was like his father, as he had always seen Lucius as someone to aspire to be. It broke Narcissa’s heart that <em>this</em> would be the way her son would follow in his father’s footsteps, but perhaps the Dark Lord would give him the kind of work that Lucius had been expected to do during the first war. He barely had to dirty his hands then, only trying to climb the political ladder to further Voldemort’s influence from the inside. Narcissa hated this, she hated this with every fiber of her being, but that…<em> that </em>she thought she might be able to stomach, should she have to.</p>
<p>“So it… won’t be until I’m of age, right? After I’ve graduated?” Draco still looked terribly nervous, but he seemed to have resolved himself to try to be the man his mother had said she wanted him to become. Narcissa wanted to slice her own throat open at the sight. He was so brave, her beautiful little boy, but he shouldn’t have to be. This shouldn’t be <em>happening</em> right now…</p>
<p>“That is always how He has done things,” Bellatrix confirmed, but then again, that didn’t sound very definite. Narcissa’s insides twisted in anxiety again, but she tried to suppress the feeling as she gave her son a comforting smile. “For now, He merely wants to meet. When dusk falls He will arrive—”</p>
<p>“<em>Tonight?”</em> Draco asked, his mask of confidence slipping momentarily as he realized he would have little time to prepare himself emotionally for this.</p>
<p>“Yes, tonight,” Bellatrix confirmed, and Draco shifted uncomfortably in his seat before he seemed to internally coax himself to sit up straighter. He took a deep breath, but nodded his understanding. It took every ounce of self-control that Narcissa had in her body to not cry at how maturely he was handling this. He was trying <em>so hard</em> to accept the inevitable and his mother’s heart broke for him. “This runs in your <em>blood,</em> Draco. This is what you are meant for. In this family we serve Him, and we do so with honor and pride. Tonight, you will finally become a man. I hope you are ready.”</p>
<p>“I am,” Draco responded unwaveringly, and Bellatrix smiled. It was actually genuine, and Narcissa knew that despite the horror this all entailed, despite how badly Bellatrix knew Narcissa did not want this for her family, that the woman was <em>pleased</em> to have the next generation of Death Eaters begin with her nephew.</p>
<p>“Then I am sure you will make your family proud.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could not be around her son for the rest of the day, as she was certain that she would ruin the boy’s resolve should he see her breaking down and crying every other moment. Bellatrix seemed to understand this though and took to training Draco in the basement for most of the afternoon, allowing Narcissa time to clutch her pillow close to her chest and cry, wishing that it was her baby boy that she was holding, that she was <em>protecting.</em></p>
<p>But she could not protect him, just as she could not protect Aquila.</p>
<p><em>Bellatrix </em>though, Bellatrix could protect him. She could train him, she could help him, she could become a mentor for him. It was not ideal, but <em>none</em> of this was ideal, and in the end, Bellatrix was fucking amazing at what she did. What she did was <em>awful;</em> it was cruel and it was horrible, but she did it better than anyone else, and she had lived through more battles than most. If anyone was to teach her son to survive, it had her be her. She was the best chance Draco <em>had.</em></p>
<p>Dusk fell and the Dark Lord, as punctual as ever, apparated into the foyer of their Wiltshire manor in a billowing dark cloud. Thankfully, this time he did not bring his god-awful snake, but it looked as though <em>he</em> was the one becoming snake-like now. He barely looked human; sickly pale with slits for nostrils instead of a nose, his eyes a deep red, Voldemort was a terrifying sight to behold. Narcissa’s hand, which had been clutching her son’s, squeezed in a gesture of comfort, as she did not want Draco reacting negatively to his horrible appearance. Bellatrix stood on the other side of her, practically wrapped around her arm until she laid eyes on her Lord and untangled herself from her sister, bowing low in greeting.</p>
<p>“My Lord. You are <em>most </em>welcome.” She spoke to Voldemort as if she wanted nothing more than the honor of kissing his feet, and Narcissa’s insides twisted in disgust.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa agreed, her words strangled and raw. She felt a bit like she was having an out-of-body experience as she ran on autopilot. “It is an honor to have you in our home once more.”</p>
<p>“Bella. Narcissa,” the Dark Lord greeted, and Draco looked a bit taken aback that Voldemort even knew his mother’s name. He knew she had met him once, but in truth it had been a total of four times that she had seen the man. Once, when he had struck an accord for Bellatrix’s sanity. A second time at Lucius’ initiation, a third at Gwendolyn’s funeral. And the final, the <em>worst,</em> was when Voldemort had visited her while she was bed-ridden and devastated, confirming that her debt to him had been paid in full.</p>
<p>“You are looking well. I do hope you are managing without your husband during this unfortunate time, although—” Voldemort smirked, more than aware of the kind of relationship she had with Bellatrix, “I am sure your dear sister has been attending to your needs.”</p>
<p>“She always has. It has been an absolute pleasure to have her back in my home, and I am grateful that you have allowed it,” Narcissa told him, knowing <em>full</em> well that Bellatrix would not be living here if he did not want her to be. She supposed it would at least look good to acknowledge that, even though Narcissa knew as well as he did that should he have tried to forbid Bellatrix from seeing her, that her sister would have gladly taken any punishment he gave her for disobeying him. She wouldn’t have been able to help herself; they were so tightly woven together that it was hard to even see where one of them ended, and the other began.</p>
<p>Bellatrix smiled at how unwaveringly Narcissa had said that though and leaned in, gently placing a kiss on her sister’s temple. Voldemort seemed <em>amused</em> by Bellatrix’s affection for her, as though he were watching a pet do something silly and entertaining, but Narcissa took her sister’s hand in her own and stared at the man across from her with not a single ounce of shame inside of her for how she felt. He could take quite a lot from her, but he could <em>not</em> take Bellatrix. Her loyalty might be to him, but her heart, her sister’s very fucking <em>soul…</em> belonged to her, and to her alone.</p>
<p>“Please, allow me to present my son— Draco.”</p>
<p>Narcissa untangled her hand from her son’s, gently placing it on the small of his back to encourage him forward. It made her sick to do this, but she knew she had to play the part of the proud mother for her son’s sake. Draco, to his credit, did not falter. He looked nervous, but he also looked tentatively excited and almost as though he was in <em>awe</em> of the Dark Lord. Voldemort was a <em>frighteningly</em> impressive man, after all, and Draco followed Bellatrix’s lead and bowed to him.</p>
<p>“My Lord,” he greeted, acting very much like the young man Narcissa wished he didn’t have to become so quickly. “It’s an honor.”</p>
<p>The Dark Lord assessed him for a moment. “You are the image of your father,” he told Draco, although there was something Narcissa did not like in the man’s voice when he said that. It made her insides twist in terror. “I know if he were here he would be very proud that this day has come for his son. Come, we shall speak privately— man to man.”</p>
<p>Draco looked a little taken aback that this would be a private meeting but he thankfully took it in stride, swallowing hard before he stood up straighter and nodded his understanding. Narcissa’s clutched her sister’s hand harder, hating that she could not be there for Draco during this, but having expected as such. <em>Her</em> meeting with the Dark Lord had been private, after all, even though Lucius had wanted to stand by her side during it.</p>
<p>Narcissa watched Draco and Voldemort adjourn to the sitting room with a heavy heart, and the second they were out of view her knees nearly buckled from underneath her. Bellatrix immediately had her in her arms though, wrapping her up in her embrace as she kept her on her feet. “You’re doing good, Cissy,” she softly assured her, kissing her cheek before cupping a protective hand over the back of her sister’s head. “You’re doing <em>so</em> good. Come on— you need to sit down.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded weakly and tightly gripped her sister’s hand as Bellatrix lead her into the study. They sat side by side on the small settee in the corner, Narcissa rigid as a board, her knees together and her gaze locked on the opposite side of the room. In contrast, Bellatrix was facing her, one of her legs bent toward her body as she comfortably fit herself next to her sister’s form. The older woman’s hand was gently running through Narcissa’s hair as they sat and waited in silence. Narcissa wasn’t certain she would be able to talk right then without crying anyhow, and she needed to hold herself together for her son.</p>
<p>Her hand was frantically clutching at her chest however as she begun to feel as though the world was spinning out of control, and her sister noticed, covering Narcissa’s hand with her own before she gently brought it back down to her lap. “Your locket isn’t there anymore,” she reminded her softly. “And even if it was, you couldn’t snort this fucking reality away, love.”</p>
<p>“I need something,” Narcissa told her, voice strained as she continued to stare at an imperfection on the opposite wall. She felt like the world was slipping out from beneath her feet, so it was probably good she was sitting down. Still, Narcissa felt helpless, so very out of control, and for the last fifteen years she had a singular coping mechanism when those feelings began to overtake her. “I need to dull it, I thought I could handle this but I <em>can’t, </em>and if I crack right now something awful will happen, I know it, I <em>know</em> it…”</p>
<p>“I am not going on a <em>drug run</em> for you, Narcissa,” Bellatrix hissed, but that was about as far as that conversation got as suddenly a terrible sounding hiss followed by a guttural scream came from the other room.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s entire face drained of color.</p>
<p>She immediately tried to get up but Bellatrix would not let her, wrapping completely around her as she placed a hand over Narcissa’s mouth to keep her for screaming out to her son. “He’s Marking him,” Bellatrix told her hurriedly, needing Narcissa to realize that Voldemort wasn’t <em>torturing </em>him or anything. Draco was silent now anyway; the only sound being emitted from him was that one, short shout. “I know that sound— it’s just the Mark. Cissy, <em>Cissy—</em> don’t cry; pull yourself together!” she hissed, watching her sister’s eyes fill up with terrified tears.</p>
<p>Draco was only sixteen; he should have had a year, there wasn’t even a ceremony— there was usually a <em>ceremony…!</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix would not move her hand from over her lips so Narcissa could not speak, but she kept shaking her head in desperation, not wanting this to be her son’s reality. “I don’t know why,” Bellatrix admitted to her as she kept a tight hold on her sister. She, honestly, sounded just as lost as Narcissa felt, as this had <em>not </em>been the way that they had done things, and it seemed as though she was no longer privy to the Dark Lord’s reasonings. “But He would not have done it without purpose. Breathe, love. It’ll be okay. Draco is not alone. He will never be alone again; he is part of something bigger now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wanted to scream. It took all of the strength that she had left not to break down right there, but she knew she could not. She tried to compose herself while Bellatrix held her body tight to her form, promising Narcissa that she would never know the pain of losing her boy, and that everything was going to be alright.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not know how Bellatrix could promise either one of those things.</p>
<p>Voldemort appeared in the doorway then, Draco trailing behind him looking ashen and shaken as he clutched his left forearm, the fresh Mark burning deep into his skin. He looked like he was about to fall down and Narcissa wanted to run to him, to scoop him up in her arms and protect him from the horror his life was about to entail, but she could not move. She was frozen in her seat, unable to tear her eyes away from Draco as the Dark Lord spoke.</p>
<p>“None are to know what transpired here this night,” he commanded. “No one is to know that Draco has been Marked, nor what I have commanded of him; not even those within our circle. For the time being, I require absolute discretion in this matter. No one would expect a <em>child,</em> after all…”</p>
<p>“…Of doing what?” Narcissa asked, her voice dry and broken as she looked at her son, who looked terribly ill at his newfound reality. Voldemort smiled cruelly, knowing <em>exactly</em> what he was asking of a mere boy, and the unlikeliness that he would succeed.</p>
<p>“Of killing the Headmaster of Hogwarts, of course.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could not breathe. He was trying to get Draco <em>killed,</em> he was—!</p>
<p>Bellatrix was quick to speak. “Forgive me, My Lord, but wouldn’t I be better suited—?”</p>
<p>“<em>Silence,”</em> the Dark Lord barked, and Bellatrix’s words died in the back of her throat as she inclined her head in apology. She would not meet his gaze. “You dare question my judgment? <em>You,</em> Bellatrix?”</p>
<p>“No, no— of course not, My Lord, your judgment is sound and your word absolute; I spoke foolishly.”</p>
<p>“I will say this once: Draco’s mission is his, and his <em>alone.</em> I have been lenient with your ridiculous infatuation with your sister because you are my favored, Bella, but if you disobey me for her sake, my understanding will end and so will Narcissa’s life. Have I made myself clear?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix suddenly looked awfully pale as she grasped desperately to her sister’s hand, knowing she could not bear those consequences. She would obey him and she would never waver, as the loss of Narcissa would destroy her; Voldemort knew that all too well. “Yes, yes, My Lord. Perfectly.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she should be terrified, but all she could think of in that moment was that she would gladly die so that Draco could live. She didn’t care— the Dark Lord could torture her, kill her, but Bellatrix <em>had</em> to save Draco. She had to, she just <em>had</em> to…</p>
<p>“Then I shall take my leave,” Voldemort bid adieu, but before he left his eyes landed on Narcissa and he smiled at her. It was cruel, almost <em>mocking.</em> He knew exactly what he was condemning her family to, and he seemed to enjoy the look of terror on the blonde woman’s face. “I appreciate your willingness to sacrifice both of your children to this noble cause, Narcissa. You have been an integral part of this war; I’m sure that fills you with such <em>pride </em>and joy.”</p>
<p>Draco’s eyes widened then, all thoughts of his mission momentarily slipping away from him as he stared at his mother in confusion and horror. <em>“Both </em>of your…?” he repeated, which only made Voldemort’s smirk grow wider. “Mother, <em>Mum—</em> what’s he…?”</p>
<p>“Ah, perhaps I have been indiscreet. I do apologize. When you see Lucius, <em>if</em> you see Lucius… do give him my <em>best,</em> won’t you?”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Narcissa realized exactly what this was: a message. Bellatrix may have asked for Lucius’ punishment for his failure, but it seemed Voldemort had far more in mind than a mere beating for his lost prophecy. This, <em>this</em> was Lucius’ punishment— perhaps even Bellatrix’s as well, as she was ordered to sit idly by as the love of her life lost her son as Draco attempted to carry out a mission they all knew full-well that he could not complete.</p>
<p>The Dark Lord disapparated then, and Narcissa could not keep it in any longer. The scream that escaped her lips was devastating and guttural as she pitched forward, the world spinning in front of her eyes as Narcissa fell headfirst into an abyss of sorrow and loss that she knew she would never be able to emerge from.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. XXV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Congratulations to the Toujours Pur Series Discord’s Fan of the Month for August, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellatrxx">Helena</a>! September’s FOTM challenge will creativity-oriented and will be posted on August 5th (giving you 3 weeks to complete it), so if any of you guys haven’t joined yet, please do! We have 25+ members now and along with monthly competitions, will soon be doing live readings of the series once my wife actually gets to figuring out a time that works for everyone, haha. Please don’t be shy; we’re very active, have self-assignable roles, bots, an official Server Dom (lol), and have been having a lot of fun! Come join us in our dumpster fire.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXV.</strong>
</p><p>“Mother! <em>Mum! </em>What the hell was he talking about— what did he mean, <em>both</em> of your children…?” Draco asked desperately, no doubt hoping he had just misunderstood the Dark Lord, as he could not fathom Narcissa hiding such a large secret from him. The problem was, Narcissa was in no fit state to respond; she had finally lost control of her emotions, and she was drowning in a certain type of despair she knew all too well now.</p><p>Her child, her <em>child…</em></p><p>“Shut <em>up </em>about your bloody sister!” Bellatrix shouted at Draco, rendering him mute almost immediately, although his eyes had gone wide at the confirmation that there had, in fact, been another kid in the family that he had not known about. “This is not the fucking time! Get downstairs and bring your mother a Calming Draught; there are a few in the potions cabinet that I made last week— <em>Go!”</em></p><p>Because Narcissa was beginning to wheeze, unable to breathe properly anymore as her panic consumed her whole. She had tried, she had tried <em>so hard</em> to keep it together for Draco, but she had not expected him to be Marked so soon. She had not expected him to have been given an impossible mission. She had not expected her son to be used as a punishment for Lucius’ failure, and Narcissa’s inability to fathom any of that caused the reality of it to crush her whole as her vision blurred and her head swam.</p><p>Draco was back in a flash, and the contents of the vial was poured down her throat by Bellatrix. The effects were rather instantaneous and Narcissa felt herself relax to the point of utter madness, because logically she knew she should not feel this way. As this was not the first time Bellatrix had forced her to take it, the effects were not unfamiliar, yet Narcissa hated them all the same. Last time though, she had merely been freaking out about her wedding. This was far, <em>far</em> worse, and a part of Narcissa longed for the simplicity of the past, as the things she used to find devastating were so silly and insignificant compared to the horror her life now held.</p><p>Draco was kneeling in front of her, concern etched into his brow at the state of his mother. His sleeve was still rolled up, the Dark Mark still burned black against his pale skin. His own fear about what he was being asked to do however took a backseat to his concern over his mother’s breakdown and he tried to assure her, “Mother, I’ll be okay— I can <em>do</em> this. Dumbledore is an old fool; sentimental and stupid. Too bloody trusting for his own good. If the Dark Lord thinks I can do it, then he must know for sure that Dumbledore would never expect a <em>student</em> to do something like this. I will bring glory and honor to our family, I swear.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart broke. Her brave boy— so beautiful, so utterly foolish. He had no idea that he was chosen because he could <em>not</em> do what was asked of him, and Narcissa did not have it within her to disillusion him, as Draco’s desire to prove himself might be the only thing that could give him a prayer of making it out of this alive.</p><p>Still, it was not enough. “You will teach him,” Narcissa told her sister calmly, the effect of the potion suffocating the urgency she would have normally felt should she be experiencing the correct emotions.</p><p>Bellatrix looked wary, her hand clasped firmly around Narcissa’s. “Cissy, the Dark Lord said—”</p><p>“He said that Draco was to carry out his mission without your help. He said nothing about giving him guidance in other areas. You <em>will</em> teach him, Bellatrix. Promise me.”</p><p>Bellatrix wet her dry lips, her own expression masked in anxiety at treading a very dangerous technicality. She clearly did not wish to incite the Dark Lord’s ire, as he had made it very clear what she would be risking should she disobey him.</p><p>“Bella. I am not asking.”</p><p>“…Of course I’ll teach him,” Bellatrix softly relented, knowing she had no choice. She had always been a slave to her sister’s desires, and they both knew it. She could not say no to her. “Whatever you want, Cissy; you know that.”</p><p>“Everything you know.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s brow knit, and even Draco’s eyes widened, knowing exactly what that entailed, but Narcissa did not care anymore if Draco was too young; he needed to know how to fight, but more importantly, he now needed to know how to kill. “Everything?” Bellatrix asked, needing to make sure that Narcissa knew what she was asking, but she did. Of course she did.</p><p>“<em>Everything.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix nodded her understanding, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath before she looked back at her son. There was something else they needed to talk about now, and despite how much Narcissa hated feeling like this, she also knew it would be better to broach this subject while she could not properly feel or relive it.</p><p>“I told you two years ago that instead of giving me the Mark, the Dark Lord asked something else of me. I did not tell you what it was then as I feared how you would react, but perhaps it is time you knew.”</p><p>“Cissy—” Bellatrix hissed in warning, but Narcissa just shook her head as she placed her free hand over the one her sister was clasping.</p><p>“No. He is old enough now; he deserves the truth,” she told her sister calmly, and Draco inhaled a sharp breath, beginning to put the pieces together himself before his mother even spoke. “You know your aunt is very sick, just as I am. We both take potions now to manage our illnesses, but that was not always the case.”</p><p>“No, I have a <em>fucking</em> right to decide what he does and does not know about me,” Bellatrix snarled. “And whether you like it or not, you were not the only parent— I forbid this.”</p><p>Draco looked immensely confused, as he no doubt thought Bellatrix was referring to Lucius, and he probably wondered how Bellatrix could forbid something on his behalf. But Narcissa just looked at her sister sadly before she gently leaned in, placing a soft kiss atop her sister’s temple. “You are not weak,” she breathed into her hair, knowing Bellatrix did not wish Draco to know that she had been an addict. “Even with your past, you are still the fiercest, most terrifying force I have ever known. You will still be respected. Please, Bellatrix; she was his sister.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s lips formed into a tight line and she said nothing, knowing she was not going to sway Narcissa’s desire to tell the truth. Her silence was enough permission for Narcissa, and her gaze shifted back to her son. “The potions Bellatrix had before were not as good as the ones Severus makes for her now. They did not work completely and your aunt’s desire to no longer feel as though she was going mad caused her to abuse them so that she would never feel that way. It made her worse though, and eventually Bellatrix had to be locked up in St. Mungo’s.”</p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a hard breath through her nose, her jaw locked. She would not look at either of them, and thankfully Draco had enough sense to not even glance at her. He instead kept staring at his mother, wondering how the sister he never knew fit into all of this.</p><p>“The Dark Lord offered to mend her mind should I give him something in return. As I was very sick myself back then, I felt as though I was unable to live without Bellatrix, and agreed to give him whatever he wanted,” Narcissa told him, her voice still strangely even. “What he wanted was my first-born child.”</p><p>Draco looked horrified. “<em>Why?”</em> he asked, unable to fathom why the Dark Lord would want such a thing.</p><p>“From what I was told, pure, untainted souls are very valuable. I quite literally <em>sold </em>my first born in order to save my sister,” Narcissa told him, unable to water down the horrible truth because of how detached it all felt while she was under the effects of the Calming Draught. “At the time, I hadn’t realized what that truly meant. I was fifteen. Your sister was not born until I was twenty-one.”</p><p>“So, she’s… she’s dead?” Draco asked softly, as though he was hoping for a different answer. Narcissa’s gaze shifted to Bellatrix, who was the one who spoke.</p><p>“Yes. Your mother was unable to emotionally handle both the reality and the repercussions of her deal once the thing was born, so I completed the deal for her,” she answered, her voice devoid of all emotion; not because Bellatrix was trying to be detached from it all, but because she had never felt a connection with her own daughter. “I brought the child to the Dark Lord and I watched Him siphon the life from her. If I had not, Narcissa would have ran with that girl, and she would have been fucking slaughtered. I was not going to let that happen.”</p><p>Narcissa swallowed, but she could not feel what she should in that moment as she realized she never heard the whole story. But how could she have, when she had villainized Bellatrix the moment she ripped Aquila from her arms? Then, when things were better, Bellatrix had demanded she no longer bring up the child; not because she felt guilty about what she had done, but because the emotional pain that Narcissa had wrought her was not something she wanted to be reminded of again, and so Narcissa had never asked.</p><p>“You <em>watched…?”</em></p><p>Bellatrix would not look at her. “It was a vessel; nothing more. It was born to die, and it served its purpose. If you are looking for guilt, you won’t find any. What I did allowed you to have <em>him,</em> who I know you value more than fucking anything, so I’d appreciate not being made out to be the bad guy when it comes to that child. I’m fucking tired of it.”</p><p>“I’m not blaming you,” Narcissa assured her. She knew she could not anymore; no matter how much a lingering part of her still wanted to<em>,</em> logically she knew it was not fair to Bellatrix. It had not been her decision, it had not been her deal. Bellatrix had done the best she could to cushion the blow, and it was not her fault that it hadn’t been enough. “I know Aquila’s death was my own doing—”</p><p>“You<em> really </em>should not have bloody named her.”</p><p>“She deserves to be acknowledged, Bella. That was why I had a grave made for her. She may not have lived more than an hour, but she was still here. She still mattered. I still loved her, and I still miss her. Sometimes, I wonder what she would be like if she were still here; what she would look like, what things she would enjoy…”</p><p>“Cissy, <em>stop.”</em></p><p>Draco was staring at them both, the look of horror on his face unable to be wiped away. It probably made it worse that Narcissa did not sound properly distressed about it due to the potion, but she <em>was.</em> Oh, she very much was. She wondered what kind of big sister Aquila would have been to Draco, she wondered if they would get along or be competitive; she wondered what would make her laugh, who she would <em>be</em>.</p><p>Narcissa looked at her sister with that awfully void expression as she placed her palm on Bellatrix’s cheek. “I think she would have looked like you.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s enough,” Bellatrix told her, taking the woman’s hand off of her. “This conversation is going to fuck your mother up more once she can properly feel it, so it ends now,” she told Draco as she rose to her feet. “You are still an only child; it changes nothing. You have more important things to focus on now anyway.”</p><p>“We have a little over two months until you leave for school and you are nowhere near ready; Occlumency is now a fucking requirement, so stop sucking at it. You take far too long to block me out and that’s unacceptable; everyone else in this family can do it, so there’s no reason you should not. And <em>no,</em> this is not disloyalty; it is precaution,” Bellatrix assured him, as no doubt the <em>last</em> thing she ever wanted to be labeled as was disloyal. “There are things in this family that must stay hidden, even from our Master. It is what keeps us all alive. Besides, you need to be able to employ this defense against Dumbledore, should he get suspicious of you and go looking for answers.”</p><p>“Legilimency is too much of a violation of our precious <em>human rights,”</em> Draco mocked, finding Dumbledore’s compassion to be a weakness. “He would never—”</p><p>“You don’t fucking know what he would ‘never’. Dumbledore is an accomplished Legilimens and that is <em>well</em> known— you are beginning to look foolish, so keep your mouth shut. I am still speaking,” Bellatrix reminded him, causing Draco to glower but do as directed. “As for the Unforgivables, you will learn the Imperius Curse first— if used correctly, it could be an invaluable help for you. We have little time however, which will make this difficult considering I feel as though I am going to have dedicate every <em>fucking</em> minute you’re here to doing this with you, and I cannot train you while your mother is like this. She needs to be watched; especially after the potion wears off.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Narcissa assured them, but she was not fine and they all knew it. Draco shifted his eyes to his mother, looking terribly torn. Finally though, his eyes landed back on his aunt, knowing they only had one choice.</p><p>“She has this friend—” he revealed and Bellatrix scoffed.</p><p>“That foul-mouthed cunt who’s in love with her? Yes, I’m aware.”</p><p>Draco’s gaze shifted to his mother, and Narcissa knew she should be panicking yet she could not feel it. Still, she begged her son with her eyes not to say anything, and Draco seemed to understand what her look meant as he stayed silent.</p><p>“However, we were instructed that no one else is to know what transpired here tonight,” Bellatrix reminded him, and Draco paled a little at how easily he had almost suggested something treasonous. However, that had been Bellatrix’s point. “Do you see now, why it’s important you learn Occlumency? Everyone in this family, at some point or another, will disobey our Lord for <em>her.</em> It must be in our fucking blood or something, I don’t know. But considering I cannot do two things at once, and Cissy is in <em>no</em> fit state to watch me teach you every horrible fucking thing I know, this is what we are left with and believe me, I hate it more than you can possibly know.”</p><p>Bellatrix was looking at Narcissa when she said that last part and Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, realizing how much Bellatrix was willing to sacrifice to keep her promise to her. They would have no time with each other anymore; every second of her spare time for the next two months was going to be dedicated to instructing Draco, and because of that she was willing to allow something she was deeply uncomfortable with just so Narcissa would not be alone while she was busy.</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes shifted to Draco then. “Get her over here. Now— I don’t care what bloody time it is; we don’t have the luxury of taking the night off.”</p><p>Draco nodded his understanding and quickly left, heading to the parlor so he could call Cassandra through the fireplace in the other room. Narcissa was silent, unable to feel everything that should be consuming her in that moment, and Bellatrix sunk to her knees in front of her sister, grasping her hands in her own.</p><p>“Don’t ever fucking act like everything I bloody do isn’t for you again, do you understand me? This is treading a dangerous line, Cissy, but I will do it for you. I do <em>everything </em>for you, because I love you more than anything on this fucking earth. <em>You</em> are my priority.”</p><p>Narcissa nodded mutely, understanding what Bellatrix was risking. Despite her willingness to die in Draco’s place should she need to, she knew Bellatrix was <em>far </em>less willing for that to happen, yet she was disobeying the Dark Lord anyway.</p><p>“Does she know Occlumency?” Bellatrix asked her, and Narcissa shrugged as she did not know. She doubted it, honestly. It wasn’t as though it was something taught to them in school. “When you are able to, you must teach her. I know you are not great at Legilimency, but this is important; get <em>better,</em> Cissy, because the woman is close enough to this war through both you and her husband for us to leave her mind undefended. No one is to know about this, and she cannot be our weak link.”</p><p>Narcissa swallowed but nodded, understanding the importance of her task. It did not take long until Draco was returning to the study with Cassandra in tow, who looked <em>deeply</em> concerned that she had been urgently summoned at such a late hour. Bellatrix stood when she entered the room and both women stared at one another, the tension in the room palpable.</p><p>“I don’t like you,” Bellatrix told her in way of greeting. “But she <em>does,</em> and that is the only reason you are here.” Cassandra did not care about Bellatrix’s words though as she took one look at her girlfriend, practically running to her as she came to rest next her on the settee, her brow creased in concern as she looked at Narcissa’s expression.</p><p>“The fuck’s wrong with her?” Cassandra demanded as her fingers mapped the curvature of the blonde’s jaw, shooting a blameful look at Bellatrix, who looked like she was about to set fire to the entire house just to burn down the evidence that Cassandra had touched something she loved as though she loved it too. “What did you <em>do?”</em></p><p>“Calming Draught,” Draco answered for his aunt, and Cassandra’s breath left her as she realized whatever happened must have been <em>bad</em> if they had to drug her in that way.</p><p>“Shit. What’s happened?”</p><p>Bellatrix nodded her head to Draco, her jaw still tight. “Show her.”</p><p>Draco swallowed but did as instructed and rolled up his sleeve, showing Cassandra the Mark that was now etched in his skin. The redhead went pale, her hand squeezing tight to Narcissa’s thigh. “But you’re just— you’re just a fuckin’ <em>kid. </em>Oh, Draco…” she breathed in horror, looking like she wanted nothing more than to wrap Draco up in her arms and protect him from this, which Narcissa loved her for. Unlike Bellatrix, Cassandra always understood the horror this life entailed.</p><p>“I’m sixteen,” Draco corrected her, trying to stand tall and accept his fate. And Bellatrix, despite how much Narcissa hated to watch this unfold, at least put her hand on her nephew’s shoulder in solidarity; resolving to mentor him, despite barely even <em>liking</em> him. For her. Everything Bellatrix did, it was always for her. “The Dark Lord saw potential in me and I’m going to prove myself, <em>I’m</em> going to be the man of the house now, and I’m going to make my father proud— but my mother, she’s afraid. Aunt Bellatrix needs time to teach me things, she needs to get me ready before I leave for school again, but we can’t leave my Mum alone right now; you need to take care of her for a while, Mrs. Goyle. You will, right?”</p><p>“Ya know I will,” Cassandra told him softly as she took Narcissa’s hand in her own, looking at Draco like she couldn’t bear him trying to act like a man already. It was too much, Narcissa knew that it was, and finally a tear slid down the contour of her cheek, the calmness inside her beginning to gently fade as she started to feel a little of her reality again.</p><p>“Shit. It’s wearing off already,” Bellatrix realized, knowing the intensity of one’s natural emotions could shorten the potion’s effects. “I know you have your own idiot spawn to look after, so take her with you,” she directed Cassandra. “I will come for her when I am able. Until her mental state has leveled back out, she will spend the days with you, and her nights with me; this is not negotiable. You may, however, have her for tonight— I need to begin Draco’s training and it will no doubt run long, and then I have— I have something to fucking do,” she admitted, although sounded a little loathed to do so. Still, she had responsibilities with Voldemort, and the second war was just beginning. Narcissa wondered when Bellatrix planned to <em>sleep.</em></p><p>But perhaps the simple answer was that she did not.</p><p>“She is <em>not</em> to sleep in your bed,” Bellatrix ordered as an afterthought, as though she actually had a <em>right</em> to dictate that, and Cassandra looked at her like she had to be bloody joking.</p><p>“Oh, fuck off, you possessive nutter; I will not leave her to sleep alone tonight, are you fuckin’ serious? Get your bloody priorities straight!”</p><p>“You think I don’t <em>know</em> that you’ll try to use this to your advantage?” Bellatrix spat, so terribly insecure that it broke Narcissa’s heart. Her relationships with the two women were so wildly different from one another, and Narcissa needed them both. She wished she could explain that to Bellatrix, but she knew it would make everything so much worse if she tried. “I don’t want her sleeping alone either, but if you so much as <em>touch</em> her—”</p><p>“I don’t get off on people’s sorrow, you mental bitch; I’m not <em>you.”</em></p><p>Draco looked completely overwhelmed by the animosity between the two women, and for good reason: he knew the truth about his mother and Cassandra’s relationship but as far as he was aware, Bellatrix did <em>not.</em> It seemed, however, that she had an inkling after all, and Draco was not expecting the backlash that it was causing. He <em>especially</em> did not expect the blatantly disrespectful way that Cassandra spoke to Bellatrix either, and he stared at his friend’s mother like he was both terrified for her, yet impressed <em>by </em>her.</p><p>Narcissa could relate.</p><p>“Stop— stop fighting,” Narcissa begged, the potion’s effects continuing to slip away as she began to cry again. She could not deal with that on top of everything. “Please, I can’t— not right now, I can’t…”</p><p>Bellatrix looked<em> infuriated </em>that she couldn’t keep lashing out at Cassandra, but she controlled herself for her sister’s sake. “Just take her,” she ground out. “She’s going to be inconsolable soon, and it’ll be harder to move her. Go.” She hesitated then, her gaze connecting with Cassandra’s as Bellatrix, for one short moment, pushed her feelings of animosity to the side as she told her, “Take care of her; I assume you know how she can get. I’m trusting you— don’t fuck it up.”</p><p>“She’s been my best mate for twenty-five years,” Cassandra reminded her as she helped Narcissa to her feet, wrapping her arms around her as though she was afraid she would fall down. She didn’t though; Narcissa might be starting to feel again, may be crying again, but she was still very detached from everything. “I love ‘er. I know ya hate that, but I take care of the people I love. She’ll be safe with me. She’s always been safe with me.”</p><p>Bellatrix did not look <em>happy</em> about that declaration by any means, but she did at least nod her understanding. She no doubt wished Lucius was here in Cassandra’s stead, but this was what she had to work with, so it would have to do for now. She had always needed someone else to take over Narcissa’s care when she was unable to.</p><p>But that was the problem. When Narcissa was able to feel again, able to think <em>clearly</em> again, she realized with such blinding clarity that she was being horribly selfish. Her poor son was a <em>Death Eater</em> now, had been given an impossible mission that would either end his life or cause him to wind up in prison like his father, and yet everyone’s main fucking concern was her and <em>her</em> well-being? Narcissa knew she did not take the news well — she had tried so very hard but she had already lost one child, and was terrified out of her mind to lose another — but she should have had better control of her emotions. She should have been able to keep it together for Draco; he should be the one that everyone was catering to, not her. She couldn’t be here, she couldn’t—</p><p>“I need to see him, I need to help him…!”</p><p>“Cissa, shh, stop— stop,” Cassandra begged, keeping a tight hold on the other woman’s body. They were lying in Cassandra’s bed, the covers around their shoulders as the younger woman just held Narcissa in her arms as the Calming Draught wore off, and she cried as she told Cassandra the whole story— every last horrible bit of it.</p><p>But now that it was over, the more Narcissa realized that she <em>couldn’t</em> just hide away in Cassandra’s house. She might be distraught, but she didn’t need a babysitter; what she <em>needed</em> was to help her son, and she couldn’t do that here.</p><p>“Bellatrix is helpin’ him now,” Cassandra reminded her softly, gently placing her lips on the blonde’s temple, trying to get her to relax again. “An’ as much as I hate the cunt, I’ll admit she could do a damn good job of it. She’s bloody scary— in general, I mean; I still think she’s a fuckin’ prat, but at least she’s good at somethin’, I s’pose. But you… you just need to rest, yeah? S’been a long day. You can see ‘im in the mornin’.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to <em>rest?”</em> Narcissa breathed sadly, feeling so entirely overwhelmed by all of this. Her whole body sagged in defeat though, as she knew Cassandra was right— who Draco <em>needed</em> right now was Bellatrix, not… not her. “He’s my baby, Cass; he’s my only child…”</p><p>“I know,” Cassandra breathed sympathetically, gently brushing the hair from her lover’s eyes. At the mention of Draco being her only child though, and having heard that she now had one less secret from her son, Cassandra had to ask, “You didn’t… tell ‘im that Bellatrix was Aquila’s other parent, did you?”</p><p>“<em>God</em> no,” Narcissa responded, as though the very idea was unfathomable. Not that she didn’t want to be more honest with her son because she <em>did</em>, but she didn’t know how to spin it so that it didn’t sound as sick as it no doubt was. Narcissa’s brow creased, upset etching in the lines of her face. “I wish it didn’t happen this way— Draco deserved to learn about her in… I don’t know. I don’t think there was a <em>better</em> way, really, but just a different way. He probably has so many questions, but because of everything that’s happened it’s just been pushed aside. It’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to Aquila’s memory.”</p><p>“I’m sure he’ll come to ya when he’s ready,” Cassandra softly assured her. “But right now… let ‘im process. It’s a lot. All of this is a lot for a boy.”</p><p>Another tear slid down Narcissa’s cheek, but it was gently wiped away by the woman who held her in her arms. She shouldn’t even be here, and yet… “I’m so tired of everything being about me,” Narcissa softly sobbed. “I didn’t mean to— but look at what’s happened. I thought I was<em> better,</em> I thought I was a better <em>mother</em> than this, but I always suck people into my vortex whether I want to or not. It’s terrible. <em>I’m</em> terrible.”</p><p>“You’re not,” Cassandra told her, not allowing Narcissa to wallow in self-pity. “You’re allowed to feel your emotions, Cissa, an’ we’re allowed to react to them in the way we choose. Maybe it’s us, in the end, who’re causin’ you to be the center of the bloody universe. But it’s our choice. We love you. I…” Cassandra swallowed hard, realizing she could no longer keep it inside anymore, “<em>I</em> love you, not just as a friend, but… but as so much bloody <em>more</em> than that, an’ there’s nowhere else I’d rather you be than here right now, ‘cause all I’ve ever wanted in my soddin’ life was to have you in my arms.”</p><p>Narcissa inhaled a sharp breath at that, her watery eyes catching the gaze of the woman beside her. She had known, of course; she could see it when Cassandra looked at her, felt it when she touched her, but to hear it out loud was… <em>so</em> much more solidifying than anything else, and Narcissa did not know what to say because she might be starting to feel that way as well, but she was not close to saying it yet. She was too goddamn terrified to.</p><p>Cassandra seemed to realize that though and gave her a small, comforting smile. “I don’t want ya to say it back,” she told her softly, her fingers brushing an errant strand of hair away from Narcissa’s eyes. “I probably shouldn’t have said it anyway. Shit timin’, me… but that’s how I always am, I reckon. Doesn’t matter. I didn’t say it ‘cause I needed to hear it back; I said it ‘cause I want you to know that you ain’t some type of burden for me, an’ that I’ve always known who you are. The good, the bad, the selfish… an’ s’okay. I’m here, no matter what, an’… an’ I love you. I’m so fuckin’ in love with you I don’t even know what to do with myself most days.”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes had filled with tears, her heart squeezing tightly in her chest as she pressed her lips to Cassandra’s, the mentally ill part of her desperate to drown in the woman’s feelings for her so that she did not have to face her devastating reality. Cassandra seemed to know what she was trying to do though and broke the kiss, gently untangled herself from her as she breathed, “Stop. My love for you ain’t gonna fix what’s broken in your life, Cissa, an’ I didn’t say all that to fuck you; that’s not what ya need right now. Just stay here with me, yeah? Sleep. Please. I’ll help you deal with all this in the mornin’.”</p><p>Narcissa looked deeply ashamed of herself for being called out like that, but she also knew she needed it. She didn’t want to <em>use</em> Cassandra; she would never be able to forgive herself. “I don’t deserve you,” Narcissa breathed, not used to someone guiding her toward a healthier coping mechanism. Bellatrix and Lucius, they <em>tried,</em> but in the end, they always ended up drowning in her abyss anyhow, because it was all they had ever known. “But thank you for thinking I do anyway.”</p><p>Despite the comfort that Cassandra brought her, Narcissa did not sleep that night. All that night and the entirety of the next day all Narcissa could think about was her son and how she could save him from his fate. Bellatrix training Draco did not seem to be enough, and the fear that gripped Narcissa’s chest was all-consuming and suffocating, and when Bellatrix finally brought her home the next evening, Narcissa, who was practically delirious from her lack of sleep, started pacing madly inside her home.</p><p>“Cissy— Jesus, you haven’t taken your meds today, have you? I fucking forget to tell her to bring them with you… hey, <em>stop.”</em></p><p>“No, stop— don’t touch me!” Narcissa shrieked, feeling like she would shatter should anyone apply just the smallest amount of pressure. “I have to <em>do</em> something, I have to—”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> doing something; you’re letting me teach him. That’s enough…”</p><p>“It’s not!” Narcissa cried, her eyes wild and her breathing uneven. She had been turning it over in her mind all day, and although she knew it was risky, only one solution was coming to mind. “You can only teach him for two months, Bella— and then he’s at school, <em>alone,</em> and I can’t… I <em>can’t</em> have him be alone. He needs <em>help,</em> I need him to help Draco, because he’s there… he’ll be <em>there.”</em></p><p>“He? He <em>who?” </em>Bellatrix asked, before what Narcissa was suggesting seemed to click in her mind, as there was only one person who would be at that school. “No. Cissy,<em> no. </em>He’s not trustworthy!”</p><p>“Lucius trusted him!” Narcissa exclaimed, needing that to be enough. Lucius and Severus were good friends, and Severus was Draco’s Head of House; he knew him, he cared for him, and as one of the Dark Lord’s trusted, despite Bellatrix’s reservations on the matter, made it likely that he could <em>do</em> something about this. Perhaps he could even reverse the Dark Lord’s decision to <em>use</em> Draco. “And he makes <em>your</em> medication, in case you’ve forgotten— if he wasn’t bloody trustworthy, he could have easily poisoned you. He’s so sodding good at potions neither of us would have known the difference. He <em>is</em> trustworthy, Bella. He has to be, because I don’t have any other option!”</p><p>“I’m your other option, Narcissa— <em>me!”</em></p><p>“The Dark Lord has forbidden you from helping him!” Narcissa reminded her, feeling frantic. “Teaching him isn’t enough! I’m sorry, but it’s just not fucking enough; I have to— I have to go. I need to <em>try.</em>”</p><p>“No, Cissy— Narcissa, <em>wait!” </em>Bellatrix pleaded, but Narcissa would not listen. She had already disapparated, her sister following shortly behind her as Bellatrix tried in vain to stop her from doing something so terribly reckless.</p><p>Reckless or not though, it did not matter. Narcissa might be endlessly selfish, she might have a tendency to drown in her own emotions and suck everyone else into her vortex, but at the end of the day she was still able to eventually put that all aside and be a mother, and a mother <em>protects</em> their young— even when it’s dangerous, even when there’s no hope, because she loved Draco more than her own life, and so that, in the end, was the very thing Narcissa willingly risked, as there had never been any other option.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. XXVI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXVI.</strong>
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<p>“If the Dark Lord finds out about this, he’s going to kill every single last one of us,” Bellatrix snapped furiously once the two women returned home after their trip to Spinner’s End.</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to come,” Narcissa reminded her, throwing her cloak off her body and onto the nearby rack. “But I do not regret it. I feel like— I feel like I can <em>breathe, </em>Bella. I’m still terrified, I’m still… but the job will get done regardless, and I’m sure the Dark Lord values the ends over the means. This could save Draco’s life. <em>He</em> could save Draco’s life.”</p>
<p>“Fuck Snape,” Bellatrix growled, throwing her own cloak onto the rack. She, of course, whipped it at the object too hard though, and the whole thing tipped over, crashing to the ground. Bellatrix’s upper lip curled, but of course she made no move to right it. “I can’t believe the Dark Lord told <em>him.</em> Him, out of fucking— this is <em>bullshit.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa though, who finally felt like she wasn’t spinning out of control, did not want her house to be a wreck just because her sister was too much of a child to clean up her messes. Messy house, messy life, or so the saying goes— and her life was already enough of a mess. “Bella. Pick up the cloak rack; you can’t just leave stuff like that.”</p>
<p>“And the Unbreakable fucking— why is that your solution to bloody <em>everything?” </em>Bellatrix continued to rant, but at least did what she was told and picked it up. It didn’t look <em>neat </em>by any means, but it was good enough. <em>“</em>Do you just get off on people risking their lives to please you? Not that I’d give a shit if Snape fell over dead tomorrow, but you don’t even<em> fuck </em>him and yet you throw him those desperate brown eyes and all of a sudden he’s willing to tie his life to this? How the <em>fuck </em>do you— how do you <em>do </em>that?”</p>
<p>“I can’t tell if you’re impressed or horrified.”</p>
<p>“Both. Your special brand of manipulation has always both impressed and horrified me, Cissy; although mostly because I’m usually on the receiving end of it.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t trying to <em>manipulate</em> him— he’s Lucius’ friend, and he cares for Draco,” Narcissa explained, not wishing to be painted in a bad light for this. She was trying to protect her <em>son;</em> why<em> wouldn’t </em>she use everything at her disposal? “I was just…<em> using </em>that to get him to—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed. “’Using’ something to gain favorable results is literally the <em>definition</em> of the word manipulation, but sure; that’s not what you were doing.”</p>
<p>“You know what? I don’t need this right now— why do you even <em>care?” </em>Narcissa exclaimed, wondering if this was just her sister projecting herself into Severus’ position, or something else entirely. Was she finally seeing how wrapped around her finger she could get everyone, and simply did not like it? Either way, Bellatrix needed to stop practically attacking her over this; Narcissa had done what she did for a reason, and she was <em>not</em> sorry about it. “It’s not like you give a shit about Severus, and I <em>needed</em> to do something, Bella. The Dark Lord is trying to get my son <em>killed—”</em></p>
<p>“He’s trying to give Draco a chance to prove himself!”</p>
<p>“Are you— are you fucking <em>stupid?!” </em>Narcissa shouted, looking at Bellatrix like she had to have lost most of her brain cells to think something like that. “Even <em>Severus </em>knows that this is a punishment; stop making excuses for the Dark Lord just because you’re fucking desperate for him to stuff your mouth full of his cock— I’m tired of it, Bella, I’m fucking <em>done!</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked like she had been slapped. To her, that seemed to come out of nowhere, but it hadn’t. Narcissa had been tired of the façade for a long time now. “Jesus— I don’t… <em>what?”</em></p>
<p>“Oh, fuck <em>off, </em>Bellatrix; the way you fawn over him is bloody sickening. ‘Yes, my Lord’, ‘you’re all-supreme and I’m not worthy’— Just bend the fuck over for him and get it over with; maybe when he comes on your face and treats you like fucking trash you’ll finally realize how bloody disposable you’ve always been to him!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s palm connected with her cheek, and the slap rang through the foyer as angry tears sprung to Narcissa’s eyes. She had half a mind to kick Bellatrix straight out of her house for that, as she had promised her before that if she laid another hand on her that she would no longer have a place to stay, but Narcissa had hit her almost twenty-four hours ago. Perhaps this at least made them even, although Narcissa had hit her <em>far</em> harder.</p>
<p>“It embarrasses you, doesn’t it?” Narcissa seethed, her chest heaving in upset. She hated that man, she <em>hated</em> him, and it killed her that Bellatrix was so obsessed with the person who had been the main source of misery and suffering in her life, and so Narcissa lashed out at her sister where she knew it would hurt the most. “To <em>want</em> something like that. You’re gay, right? You’re gay and you’ve always been dominant; so why would you <em>ever </em>want something so wildly out of your comfort zone?”</p>
<p> “But things have been changing lately, haven’t they?” Narcissa continued cruelly, because she had been wondering why, all of a sudden, Bellatrix was getting off on being submissive, and oh— <em>now</em> she knew. It sickened her, but she fucking <em>knew</em>. “You’ve been testing the waters with me, but only because it’s where you feel safe. But it’s not even<em> me</em> you want doing that to you, is it? Fifteen fucking years you sat in that place with your warped declaration of devotion— and he <em>saved</em> you, didn’t he? He saved you and he made the psychotic princess fall in love with the dark knight who rescued her from that God-awful tower; how very fucking <em>original. </em>I’ll be sure to remember that the next time you accuse<em> me</em> of having a victim-complex.”</p>
<p>“You’re a goddamn cliché, Bellatrix,” Narcissa accused, accenting her fury with a pointed finger, “and you hate yourself for it because that wasn’t who you thought you were, and now you don’t know how to deal with the reality that you’ve become a weak, pathetic mess over a <em>man</em>.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked <em>deeply</em> upset. Her chest was heaving and her eyes shone with unshed emotion as Narcissa began ripping her apart and showing her all of the ugly things inside of her that she had tried to hide away. “Why are you— why are you doing this?” she asked, her words a wheezing gasp as though Narcissa had punched them from her gut. “Are you <em>jealous? </em>Are you—”</p>
<p>Narcissa cut her off with a loud, bitter laugh. “Jealous? No. I<em> pity</em> you, Bella, because no matter how bad you want him, he will never want you in return. You’re a toy; you amuse him, at best. He does not love you. He will <em>never</em> love you. Have a fucking <em>shred</em> of self-respect, Bellatrix, for fuck’s sake.”</p>
<p>The amount of pain etched in Bellatrix’s expression was actually rather devastating, and Narcissa, for one short moment, regretted lashing out at her. She was just fucking <em>done </em>with Bellatrix making excuses for all the horrible things the Dark Lord did— this was her son, her <em>son.</em> Bellatrix was trying to make it sound like Voldemort was bestowing a great honor upon Draco and it<em> infuriated </em>her, so Narcissa sought to make her sister realize how stupid she was being in the most hurtful way possible.</p>
<p>A tear slid down the older woman’s cheek then, but with an angry gesture she wiped the evidence of it off her face before Bellatrix did what she did best, and turned her devastation and pain into rage. “You absolute idiot. You… you stupid fucking <em>child. </em>You want the truth; you want to know <em>why</em> your son was chosen? The truth is that your family deserves no fucking glory or honor, and Draco will never give you either. The truth is that Lucius <em>deserves</em> this punishment—”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like Bellatrix had cut a hole in her chest from those words. <em>“—What?!”</em></p>
<p>“Your fucking idiot of a husband— it’s not just about the <em>Ministry</em>, although he fucked up so royally in that regard, getting everyone bloody <em>captured— </em>but the Dark Lord entrusted something to him a long time ago, something He said was precious and irreplaceable… Lucius was supposed to keep it safe, he was supposed to <em>protect </em>it, but he can’t even follow simple directions, can he?!” Bellatrix shouted, needing Narcissa to realize that Lucius had condemned their family to this a long time ago. “It’s fucking<em> gone—</em> destroyed beyond repair, just because Lucius wanted to use it for his own selfish gains—!”</p>
<p>Narcissa paled. She knew exactly what Bellatrix was talking about. “The… the <em>diary?”</em></p>
<p>“Oh good, were you in on it too? Then perhaps the punishment is fucking apt for <em>both</em> of you; perhaps when the worst happens you’ll both finally fucking learn to shut up and do as you’re told! You deserve this, you both <em>deserve</em> this—!”</p>
<p>Narcissa blacked out in rage. She had no idea what she was doing when she grabbed for her wand and used a nonverbal spell that sliced her sister open. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing that her nonverbal spells were not that great, as the gash she made in her sister’s stomach might have been far, far worse. Bellatrix started bleeding immediately though, a surprised gasp falling from her lips as she clutched her stomach, blood seeping through her fingers as she stared at her sister, her eyes wide as though she did not recognize her. If Narcissa was thinking clearly, if she could <em>see</em> anything other than the woman who just told her she might very well deserve to have her child die, then she probably would not recognize herself either. Instead, she raised her wand again.</p>
<p>“<em>Mother!”</em> Draco screamed from the stairs, having come out from his room once he heard screaming. He had gotten to the top just in time to see his mother slice her sister open and he was taking them two at a time trying to reach her in time so that she would not follow it up with a second. “Mum, <em>stop!”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix did not move to retaliate though, nor did she even try to protect herself. She just stood there, staring at Narcissa like a part of her hoped she would actually finish what she started, but then Draco grabbed his mother’s wand arm, forcing it back down to her side. “Stop! Jesus— what the fuck are you <em>doing!?</em> You’re going to kill her! <em>Mum!</em>”</p>
<p>Bellatrix coughed then, a little blood coming out from the corner of her lips as the wound had no doubt reached down to her stomach lining, and Narcissa suddenly realized what the hell she had just <em>done.</em> “Fuck— <em>fuck!</em> Bella!” she cried, horrified that she had just found out <em>exactly</em> what she was capable of.</p>
<p>Bellatrix just laughed. It was this awful, gurgling sound that made Narcissa want to vomit as her hands shook and she practically pushed her son out of the way, catching her sister as she began to lose her balance from the lack of blood. “Shit—<em> shit, </em>I didn’t mean to,” she whispered in horror, but Bellatrix just smiled at her in this way that made Narcissa’s blood run cold, because this made her sister <em>happy. </em>Perhaps, in the end, this was what she always wanted.</p>
<p>“Leave it,” Bellatrix begged her in a raspy voice, as though she wanted nothing more than to die at her sister’s hand, and Narcissa couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t <em>think</em>. Her wand was in her hand but she couldn’t remember how to fix what she had done, and it was only until Draco screamed at her again that she finally remembered the incantation, and tried desperately to heal the damage she had caused.</p>
<p>“Stop—<em> stop!” </em>Bellatrix screamed at her, but Draco was holding his aunt down now so that she wouldn’t fight against the healing spell, his own face having gone white as a sheet as he realized he might actually be living with one person who was suicidal, and another with the capacity to kill her.</p>
<p>“You fucking— <em>useless…</em> Just end it!” Bellatrix shouted, her clothes sticky with blood despite her wound now being healed, and she grabbed for Narcissa like she wanted to force her to do what she wanted, what they both <em>needed</em>. “Just end me! Just fucking kill me, Cissy; maybe we’ll both find some bloody <em>peace!”</em></p>
<p>Draco, to his credit, did not hesitate. He used incarcerous almost immediately once he saw his aunt’s hands go on his mother, and Bellatrix screamed in rage as she was bound, falling back onto the floor as she had been too caught up in Narcissa to notice what Draco was doing. Narcissa had dissolved into helpless sobs, the reality of their shared misery too much for her to bear as she practically pitched forward against her sister’s bloody form, clutching at her dress.</p>
<p>“What the fuck is <em>wrong</em> with you guys?!” Draco screamed, looking torn between being terrified and infuriated. He looked so much like Lucius then that it almost took Narcissa aback, but her son was practically pulling her off of Bellatrix, trying to get some separation between them. “You both are bloody <em>mental! </em>Stop— Mother, <em>stay there!”</em> he shouted, and Narcissa did as she was told, clutching at her dress that now bore the proof of her own darkness, and as she pulled her hand back and looked at her bloody palm, she nearly vomited.</p>
<p>Draco looked completely overwhelmed and it broke Narcissa’s heart, as she hadn’t wanted to put any more weight on the boy’s shoulders. Why was she <em>like</em> this? Perhaps she and Bellatrix should just end each other— it would be better for everyone else who got caught up in their destruction. It had been a very long time since Narcissa had felt suicidal, but right then she found it would just be easier for those she loved should the world be rid of them both.</p>
<p>“Mum?” Draco gently queried, kneeling down in front of Narcissa as he tried to fix this in the only way he knew how. His voice was shaking and he looked so terribly lost. “Do you— do you need more medicine? I don’t— Father never told me how to… what do I <em>do?”</em></p>
<p>“Nothing, <em>nothing,</em> Draco, I am so— Oh God, I’m so sorry, come here,” Narcissa sobbed, grasping for her son as she held him in a fierce hug. She wanted to protect him from the world, but the sad reality was she couldn’t even protect him from <em>herself. </em>“I’m so sorry, my love, I’m so sorry— Bella and I, we just… we <em>fight,</em> it’s—”</p>
<p>“That was not sibling fucking rivalry, Mother!” Draco shouted at her as he pulled out of her arms, pointing back at the mess on the floor that was his aunt. “That’s sick! You’re sick, you both are <em>sick! </em>She needs to leave, she needs to—!”</p>
<p><em>“No!” </em>Narcissa cried, which seemed to drown out whatever Bellatrix had said about the matter. Her mouth was open but Narcissa wasn’t even listening to her, she was pleading desperately with her son, needing him to realize that Bellatrix… she <em>couldn’t</em> leave. No matter what happened between them, there was something more important at stake. “She needs to teach you, she can’t— I’m <em>sorry,</em> what I did was a mistake; I wasn’t thinking, I haven’t slept in— and you’re<em> right</em>, I hadn’t… I haven’t taken my medication in a while, but I <em>will,</em> okay? It’ll be fine, darling, everything will be <em>fine,</em> I promise…”</p>
<p>“This isn’t <em>fine!</em>” Draco exclaimed, his eyes beginning to water as he looked at his mother, realizing for the first time how very unwell she truly was, and knowing that it had only gotten this bad because of his aunt, because of how <em>sick </em>they made one another. “You need to get better and she— she makes you <em>worse…”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, ‘cause <em>Narcissa </em>is always the fucking victim, isn’t she?” Bellatrix spat from her place on the floor. “She slices open my guts, but<em> poor her </em>right? God, you even do this shit to your <em>son—</em> bravo, Cissy, beautiful fucking work. I’m impressed.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wiped at the tears on her cheeks, her heart weighing heavy in her chest as she looked at her sister, knowing she was right. Why was <em>she</em> the one getting sympathy, when it was she who had taken it too far? They always fought, her and Bellatrix; they always tore one another apart verbally and emotionally, but this was… this was so far <em>beyond </em>that, and Narcissa was beginning to get terrified of who she was becoming, because this was <em>not </em>the person she wanted to be.</p>
<p>“Your aunt is right,” Narcissa responded softly, her voice filled with self-loathing as she stared at her sister’s form. Bellatrix wouldn’t even look at her. “This was my fault. No matter what Bellatrix said… I took it too far. I lost control. Everyone always pities me because of what my sister does to me, but no one ever looks at her and sees the damage that <em>I’ve</em> caused. That’s not okay. I’m just as abusive— if not more so now, and her pain always gets passed over like it’s nothing.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could see her sister swallow hard and finally Bellatrix turned her head to look at her. It seemed the woman hadn’t expected her own suffering to be recognized or acknowledged, and the look on her face broke Narcissa’s heart before she turned her gaze to her son, gently placing a hand on his cheek.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I know I scared you, and I know I’m not okay. But this is not a burden you should have to bear, Draco. Please, don’t worry about me; just focus on your training, okay? You will <em>never</em> see something like this again. I’m going to— actually I think I’m going to owl my Soul Mender. Take my medicine. <em>Sleep.</em> I can take care of myself, my love; I promise. You do not have to be the parent here.”</p>
<p>Draco did not believe her. She could see it written all over his face, the humongous weight she had placed on his shoulders as he felt the need to take care of his mother on top of everything else, and Narcissa hated herself for it. He did eventually leave her alone though as she claimed she desperately needed sleep, and although she <em>did,</em> sleep still did not come. Instead Narcissa sat on the edge of her bed, her eyes vacant as she stared at the veins in her wrists.</p>
<p>“Don’t.”</p>
<p>“I’m not— I won’t,” Narcissa said softly even though she had most definitely been entertaining the thought for a moment. She just felt like it would be easier on everyone else if she did, but she also could not bear leaving her son. Narcissa folded her arms back into herself and looked up, seeing her sister in the doorway. Draco had finally saw fit to release her, but she was still in a blood-soaked dress and Narcissa’s stomach turned at the sight.</p>
<p>“Please get out of those clothes.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes fell over the blonde’s attire. “Cissy,” she mentioned softly, nodding toward her until Narcissa’s eyes fell down to herself, realizing <em>she</em> was still in the same clothes. She still had her sister’s blood on the fabric, on her skin. God, she felt so terribly out of it. Maybe the lack of sleep really had made her delirious.</p>
<p>“…Oh.”</p>
<p>Neither sister spoke for a long time until finally Bellatrix moved toward the blonde’s master bathroom, stopping momentarily at the threshold to turn back to Narcissa, silently holding out her hand. Narcissa swallowed the lump in her throat but picked herself up off the bed and came to her, gently tangling their fingers together as Bellatrix led her over to the large tub on the opposite side of the room. She filled it with water with a wave of her wand, and the two sisters began to undress in silence.</p>
<p>Bellatrix fit herself against the back of the tub and Narcissa climbed in between her legs, laying her head on her sister’s chest as she practically curled herself into a ball, wishing the warmth of the water was more of a comfort than it was. Bellatrix said nothing, she just grabbed a facecloth and began wiping the blood from her sister’s skin as Narcissa lay against her, feeling hollow and lifeless.</p>
<p>The water was starting to become a pale pink, and Bellatrix refreshed it with her wand before she finally spoke. “—I’m sorry.” Narcissa said nothing, just allowing her eyes to close as she listened to the beat of her sister’s heart beneath her chest, knowing she had almost caused it to cease. “You don’t deserve this, and I shouldn’t have— I shouldn’t have fucking said that you did. He won’t die, Narcissa. I’ll protect him.”</p>
<p>“I know you will,” Narcissa exhaled, sounding so terribly defeated by that, as she knew what Bellatrix had said before were just <em>words.</em> She had just wanted to hurt her because Narcissa had emotionally ripped her to shreds, but Narcissa lashed out anyway. She lashed out as though Bellatrix had declared that <em>she</em> would be the one to kill Draco, but instead they were just stupid fucking words and Narcissa… she almost <em>killed</em> Bellatrix because of them.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Narcissa asked her softly, her eyes filling with tears. When she opened them, one slid down her cheek and she turned, her gaze meeting Bellatrix’s as she gently placed her hand over her sister’s abdomen. She could feel Bellatrix hold her breath at the touch, her muscles tightening beneath the blonde’s hand.</p>
<p>“I’ve had worse.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, sliding her hand up to cover her sister’s heart. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, devastated by her own actions. “I’m sorry I always slice you open in the most horrible ways, and I’m sorry nobody ever sees it. I’m sorry that we both want to die because of it. But… I think what I’m most sorry for is that things haven’t changed at all, and I had promised you that they had. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for lying to myself.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix said nothing, but Narcissa could see her swallow down whatever emotion she was feeling before she averted her gaze. “I don’t want to make you suicidal again, Cissy.”</p>
<p>“Me?” Narcissa asked, gently disbelieving. “What about <em>you?”</em> Because Bellatrix had been <em>begging</em> for her to end her life, to let her finally find some peace. Narcissa felt completely shattered by that, as she knew her sister’s misery was all her own doing. She had just wanted to love her, and all she ended up doing was destroying her.</p>
<p>“I’m not— I mean, not really. I don’t know. I just… thought it’d be a fitting end. That’s all.”</p>
<p>“It probably would have been,” Narcissa admitted softly, and Bellatrix’s gaze found hers once more. “But that doesn’t mean I should have done it. That doesn’t mean that I <em>want</em> to do it. I don’t. I don’t—” But Narcissa’s words got choked up in her throat then, tears welling over in her eyes. “I don’t want you to <em>die,</em> Bella… I love you, I <em>need</em> you—”</p>
<p>“You don’t,” Bellatrix reminded her, her own upset causing her voice to hitch in the back of her throat. “You found peace without me, didn’t you? You lived. You <em>thrived.</em> Then I come back and… and now look at us; washing my blood off of us and talking about ending it all. I don’t know why I keep doing everything <em>wrong</em> with you, Cissy— I love you more than… than <em>anyone…”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix broke then and she had to cover her face as she began to openly sob. “Why am I so fucking<em> damaged </em>that I can’t even love someone right?! I’m sick of it, <em>I’m sick of it!”</em> Her fist hit the side of the tub then, but it was uncoordinated and Narcissa heard a sickening crack when it hit the porcelain. Bellatrix barely even registered it, even though Narcissa was certain her sister just broke a knuckle. “I don’t know how to be <em>good</em> for you, and I hate myself for that— I hate myself for making you <em>worse…”</em></p>
<p>“Bella— Bella, stop. Give me your hand,” Narcissa begged, grasping for the other woman’s wrist as she grabbed her wand.</p>
<p>“Just fucking leave it— I don’t care…!”</p>
<p>“<em>I</em> care,” Narcissa told her before she easily healed what Bellatrix had broken. After she had finished, she put her wand back on the edge of the tub, taking Bellatrix’s hand between both of hers before she brought it to her lips, her tears falling on the older woman’s skin. “It’s not your fault,” she breathed sadly. “I was the one who did this to you. I made you sick, Bella. It’s me who should be wondering how I could ever do something like that to someone I love.”</p>
<p>“You were right, you know,” Narcissa continued sadly, her words being whispered against the skin of her sister’s hand as she continued to grasp it firmly between her own. “I do have a special brand of manipulation. I always have. I know I can make anyone do <em>anything</em> that I want them to, and I capitalize on that in the worst ways. I make people endlessly dance for me until their legs give out, until they break, until they fall to the ground and shatter— but no matter how clear that is to me now, no matter how horrible I know it is, I don’t know how to <em>stop.”</em></p>
<p>“You’re not the only one,” Narcissa admitted softly, more tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes. “Everyone I touch eventually turns to dust; it’s just the way it is. I know how to make everyone want to please me, and I’ll just sit there and watch as they practically kill themselves in the process. Lovers, friends, even acquaintances— Look at what I just made Severus promise, and I barely <em>know</em> him. What I’ve done to you though… that is by far the worst. But Lucius, Cassandra, my <em>son—</em>”</p>
<p>“Draco just wants to protect you,” Bellatrix reminded her. “I suppose that’s what one fucking does when they don’t have a shit mother, but I wouldn’t know. He’s fine. Lucius— you broke him, but he figured out how to put himself back together. Cassandra…” Bellatrix trailed off then, looking deeply uncomfortable that she just acknowledged the other woman’s existence. “You’re gonna break that bitch’s heart, but what else is bloody new.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could not hold her sister’s gaze, her heart weighing heavy in her chest as she thought about the woman who had just confessed her love to her the night prior. “Yeah,” she agreed softly. “Yeah, I am.”</p>
<p>And God, she <em>hated</em> herself for that, but look at what she was still <em>doing. </em>A part of her wished she could just run away with Cassandra and have something normal, have something happy and sane, but Narcissa knew herself, and she knew she could never leave Bellatrix. She was condemning Cassandra to a life of unhappiness because of her own sick infatuation, and that wasn’t fair.</p>
<p>Narcissa wouldn’t let her go though; she wouldn’t set Cassandra free. She had tried before, but that was as much effort as she was willing to expend, because she was selfish, because she was awful, and because she loved her.</p>
<p>Because Narcissa had the fucking <em>audacity </em>to fall in love with her, while simultaneously being so interwoven with another. It was disgusting, honestly, which was why Narcissa could not bear to tell Cassandra the truth. She felt like a horrible person for how she felt, so instead she buried it deep inside of her as she weaved her fingers between her sister’s and held her hand, wondering how deeply it would shatter Bellatrix if she knew the truth.</p>
<p>But then again, it wasn’t like her sister wasn’t in love with someone else too.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa softly apologized, looking down at their clasped hands. “For what I said, for… being cruel about how you feel about him. I know it’s not easy for you.”</p>
<p>“I… I <em>don’t—” </em>Bellatrix tried to deny, but she looked terribly upset again and Narcissa just squeezed her hand, pressing their scarred palms together as she shot her a sad smile. Bellatrix was starting to look like a trapped animal and that broke her heart; she shouldn’t be this uncomfortable with her own feelings, that was horrible.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Narcissa breathed, not wanting Bellatrix to feel even worse about it. She <em>hated</em> Voldemort, but sympathized with the turmoil her sister felt. “I’m not mad. I wish… I wish it wasn’t <em>him,</em> because he has destroyed <em>everything</em> that I love…” Narcissa’s voice broke and she wiped another tear with her free hand, but she continued on. “But objectively, I know I can’t condemn you for splitting your heart. I’ve been in love with two different people my entire life, and I understand you can’t control how you feel. I’m just— I’m afraid it’s going to shatter you. I don’t want to watch you go through that.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix said nothing for a long time. She didn’t want to admit it, she didn’t want to say it out loud, but Narcissa wasn’t surprised. Bellatrix had never been able to articulate her feelings well anyway. Finally she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she adverted her gaze. “I don’t want him to <em>fuck</em> me.”</p>
<p>“You do. A little bit.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>gay.”</em></p>
<p>“And this doesn’t make you less so. Sexuality is so fucking— it’s not a black or white situation, Bella. Sometimes, there are exceptions to every rule. You don’t have to be ashamed about that.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix still looked deep in turmoil though, but in the end… “It doesn’t matter,” she breathed, knowing full-well nothing would come from it. She knew Voldemort would never want her in the way that she wanted him and because that broke her heart, Bellatrix buried it as quickly as she could. “This whole fucking conversation is pointless. I don’t want to talk about it.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Narcissa softly relented, accepting her sister’s desire to ignore it. Honestly, Narcissa wanted to too, because recognizing her sister was in love with the man who had killed one of her children, was <em>trying</em> to kill the other— it fucked her up. All of this, everything about Bellatrix, honestly, fucked her up, and yet Narcissa could not bear to have it any other way. This was what she was used to.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what to do,” Narcissa admitted sadly, feeling so terribly helpless. “But I can’t do this to Draco, <em>especially</em> now. He’s just a child; he shouldn’t have to take care of me. He shouldn’t have to worry about me, and he already has a terrible burden on his shoulders; me giving him another is making me a terrible mother, and I cannot… I cannot <em>bear</em> that. This is not who I wanted to be.”</p>
<p>“I think we need… I don’t know, <em>space</em> from one another, but you don’t have anywhere to go, you need to <em>train</em> him and I… I don’t want to leave him,” Narcissa continued, her brow creasing in upset. “But we can’t do this anymore, Bella. We can’t keep being a tornado through other people’s lives.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix, to her credit, seemed to realize that Narcissa was right, although perhaps after tonight, it would have been stupid for her to deny that they weren’t a horribly destructive mess. “Then how do we fucking <em>stop?” </em>she asked, and Narcissa just laughed hollowly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>The two women were silent for a long while, the water in the tub becoming lukewarm, but neither sister reached for their wands to fix it. “I wish Lucius was here,” Narcissa admitted after a long moment. “He hated having to fix my life, <em>especially</em> when it comes to you, but he always tried. He’d have a solution.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he’d probably kick me the fuck out.”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa softly denied, allowing her palm to skim over the surface of the water. “Maybe if the situation was different he would, but not now; not when Draco needs you. Even if he were here… and do <em>not</em> tell him this when he returns, but I know he would want you to be the one to teach our son too. He might not care for you, but he respects how talented you are, how powerful. He would want Draco to have every advantage, and you’re it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix said nothing, and Narcissa sat in her sister’s arms and stared at the water for a long time, trying to figure out what she needed to do. Bellatrix’s hands gently played with the ends of her hair, and finally Narcissa exhaled a long sigh.</p>
<p>“I need to speak with Draco,” she realized. “He’s old enough now for me to listen to and respect his opinion, and I’m <em>sure</em> he has one. He is already in the middle of this; keeping him on the outside of whatever decision I make wouldn’t be fair.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was starting to look upset again, but she did not tell Narcissa that she could not do this, or that she didn’t want <em>space</em> or any other solution that would end in them not being together in the way that she wanted. She knew how much Narcissa loved her son, and she knew how much being this way was killing her and so Bellatrix stayed silent, finally putting their wellbeing over her own selfish desires. In the end, she did not want to be the reason Narcissa killed herself, and if they continued on like this then they both knew that she would be.</p>
<p>“Cissy.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s voice was strained, emotional, and Narcissa looked at her sister sadly before Bellatrix slid her hand around her neck, and pulled her in for a soft kiss. Narcissa’s lashes hit her cheeks, her heart squeezing in her chest, and another tear slid down her check.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>The words sounded painful for Bellatrix to utter when they parted, and Narcissa gently leaned her forehead against her sister’s, the reality of their situation feeling as though it was crushing the very breath from her lungs.</p>
<p>“I know. But maybe that’s not enough anymore.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a break up. Not <em>really.</em> Narcissa wasn’t foolish enough to think they could ever truly walk away from one another, but <em>something</em> needed to change. They slept in the same bed that night though, neither wishing for the separation to happen just yet as they fell asleep in one another’s arms. Narcissa loved her sister so desperately, so completely, but it was consuming her again; hollowing her and spitting her back out, and Narcissa knew she had gone through too much, worked too goddamn hard on her mental health for <em>this</em> to be how it ultimately ended.</p>
<p>The next morning, Narcissa had walked around the manor to try to find her son, but to no avail. Not that she would have blamed Draco for taking off and finding somewhere <em>sane </em>to be after what had happened last night, but she would have preferred him to leave a note at least. Not knowing where her son was started to give Narcissa terrible anxiety until she passed by the window, and happened to glance out in the backyard.</p>
<p>Her heart sank.</p>
<p>Narcissa pushed open the back door, wrapping her robe a little tighter around her body as she crossed the grass to get to her son. Draco was sitting on his haunches in front of the small garden in the corner of their yard, looking down at the unmarked grave. Narcissa’s eyes filled with tears but she kept them from falling. She said nothing, coming to rest on the small bench beside the garden as she sat quietly, folding her hands in her lap. Draco looked up at her for a moment, but his eyes fell back to the grave before he shifted his position, kneeling down in the dirt.</p>
<p>“Father told me it was a dog. But it’s not, is it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa quietly admitted. “But… it’s not <em>her</em> either. It’s just a memory; a way for me to bury what had happened, so that I could try to move on.”</p>
<p>Draco looked upset, his brow creasing. “That’s <em>fucked up,”</em> he told his mother, angry with his father’s lies. “Telling me she was an <em>animal.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath. It had hurt her when she heard what Draco had assumed all those years ago, but she also knew they had little choice but to lie. “You were too young to know the truth,” she told him apologetically. “And your father… I think it was just easier, to dismiss your questions with that. Aquila was not a part of his life that he wanted to remember. He… <em>hated</em> me for selling what should have been our child. He hated me for not telling him what I had done before we were married, for punishing him with something he did not deserve. Even though she wasn’t even <em>his</em> in the end, your father still bore the scars from her death just as much as I did.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Draco asked, looking back up at her. Narcissa hadn’t even realized what she said, and when she did she could not bear to meet her son’s gaze. “What do you mean, she wasn’t <em>his?</em> Whose <em>was</em> she?”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mother. </em>Stop hiding shit from me— I’m old enough now. Just <em>tell </em>me.”</p>
<p>Unfathomably, Narcissa wanted to. Not the <em>details</em>, but she felt like she needed to stop lying to her son. It wasn’t fair to Draco. <em>None </em>of this was fair to Draco, yet he was caught up in it all the same. “It’s… complicated, and involves archaic magic that barely even exists anymore. Blood Magic will probably die with my sister, but maybe that’s a good thing.”</p>
<p>“Wait… <em>what?”</em> Draco asked, wondering if his mother was saying what he thought she was saying, even though it made absolutely no sense to him.</p>
<p>Narcissa rubbed the scar on her palm in anxiety, still unable to meet her son’s gaze. “It wasn’t Lucius’ price to pay. I did what I did for Bellatrix and so she… she helped me see it through. She tried to save me from it though— she lied to me and told me that what she was doing was just sacrificing one soul for the creation of another to make almost a<em> clone</em> of herself to put inside of me, so that I wouldn’t have to bear the loss of my own child. But it <em>had</em> to be my child; the Dark Lord would have known if it was not, and when Aquila came out with blonde hair instead of my sister’s dark mane…”</p>
<p>A tear fell down her cheek then, but Narcissa gently wiped it away. “My life is not <em>pretty,</em> Draco,” she told him softly. “And the deeper you go, the worse it gets. Please do not start digging; you will not like what you find.”</p>
<p>Draco was staring at her with this scrunched up expression, halfway between being confused and disgusted. “I don’t… how did that even <em>work?”</em> he asked, unable to wrap his head around the concept that two women could create life together. “You’re saying— you’re saying my bloody <em>aunt</em> is the other mother of my sister… slash <em>cousin,</em> right? That doesn’t even make <em>sense.”</em></p>
<p>“I told you, she used Blood Magic. I will <em>not</em> give you any more details than that, because I am sure you can guess from the name that it was not a pleasant experience for me. Calling Bellatrix a <em>mother</em> though…” Narcissa laughed bitterly. “She was not one. At most, she was a donor of DNA. She cared nothing for Aquila; she regarded her as little more than currency to barter with. There was no attachment there. Bella, she… she has very little compassion for human life. For <em>anyone</em>, really, save me and the Dark Lord. I think maybe that’s why she’s so intense when it comes to the both of us; it’s making up for everyone else she holds absolutely no regard for.”</p>
<p>Draco was still looking at her with this odd expression on his face though. “So you got knocked up by your sister,” he deadpanned, trying to get to the crux of the thing that was bothering him.</p>
<p>“Please don't say it like that; it sounds… well, rather gross.”</p>
<p>“It <em>is</em> gross. You didn’t— Jesus, you didn’t…?”</p>
<p>“Draco. Please,” Narcissa chided, as though <em>he</em> was the one being ridiculous. “I know it has been a very long time since your father and I gave you the sex talk, but I assume you know that’s not how it works.”</p>
<p>“Mother, five minutes ago I didn’t know it was possible to even have a baby like that through magic; so <em>no,</em> I guess I don’t know how it works anymore!”</p>
<p>“Fine. That’s… fair. But that wasn’t what the ritual entailed, so please stop looking at me like that— I know Bellatrix and I have an… <em>intense </em>relationship, but there is a line.”</p>
<p>It was the past all over again. Draco might as well have been <em>Lucius;</em> he looked just like him at that age anyway. Narcissa’s heart hurt because she was repeating the same mistakes over again, but she could not tell her son the truth; she would not be able to emotionally handle the rejection and disgust that would rightfully follow. So for now there were half-truths and well-placed lies, despite knowing full-well that the past would always come back to haunt her, and that one day she would have to face her son knowing the worst parts of her.</p>
<p>It was inevitable. It had <em>always</em> been inevitable with them. It wasn’t even a secret anymore, not <em>really.</em> Everyone Narcissa cared about, save Draco, knew the truth. All of the Death Eaters must know by now, although most probably knew better than to say anything in front of Bellatrix. Still, Narcissa was sure there were whispers after the performance they put on while her sister was in prison. Narcissa knew she would have to make certain that Bellatrix threatened each and every one of them before they were introduced to Draco, but considering the Dark Lord did not wish any to know her son had been Marked yet, she knew she still had time. Still, it was not endless, and it certainly was not <em>foolproof.</em></p>
<p>A part of Narcissa knew that perhaps it would just be better if she told him, if she was just <em>honest,</em> for once in her life, but the words would not come. Instead, she chose to hold onto the feeble hope that no one would ever say anything, that Draco wouldn’t hear anything or walk <em>in</em> on anything, and that she could keep this shameful secret from her son forever.</p>
<p>“I don’t like what she does to you, Mum.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath. “We don’t like what we do to each <em>other, </em>honestly,” she softly revealed. “We know we perpetuate each other’s illnesses, but we love each other too much to completely untangle ourselves from one another. But… that being said, after what happened last night— I think it might be good for your aunt and myself to have a bit of space from each other.”</p>
<p>“<em>Good,”</em> Draco stressed, glad that she had gotten to that conclusion on her own.</p>
<p>“Don’t celebrate just yet, darling; it is not that simple,” Narcissa reminded her son. “Bella does not have anywhere else to go, and even if she did, it is still imperative that she teach you. I know you may not care for her right now, Draco, but you <em>need</em> her. I hope you can see that yourself, because I am not above ordering you to obey me when your lessons with her may very well save your life.”</p>
<p>Draco did not look <em>happy</em> about that by any means, but he was also intelligent enough to know that he was up against something impossible, and that he would need all the help he could get. “So, what? Are <em>you</em> going to leave?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to,” Narcissa told him, her heart weighing heavy in her chest. “You only just got back from school, and I’ve missed you terribly. And I don’t— I <em>don’t </em>want to not be here for you while you’re going through all this. I’m just… where I’m at right now with my mental health, I’m afraid that should me and Bellatrix continue to occupy the same space, that things will escalate, and I don’t want to have to put you in the position to mediate that, or to take care of me, on top of all your other burdens. That’s why… I’m at a loss of what to do. I wanted to know what you thought, as this decision would affect you whether I choose to stay or leave.”</p>
<p>Draco was silent for a long time, turning his options over in his mind. Narcissa waited patiently, allowing her son to sort through his feelings. “Where would you go?” he finally asked, needing to know how far away his mother would be. “And for how long?”</p>
<p>“I’m… unsure,” Narcissa admitted. “The Leaky Cauldron, as a last resort. I’d prefer… well, I haven’t <em>asked</em> her, although I’m sure she would take me in in a heartbeat— but I also don’t want you thinking that I’m trying to run away from my family so I can… <em>shack up</em> with my lover, or what have you. My mental health is the only reason I would be leaving, albeit temporarily. Maybe a month; I’d prefer for it not to be longer.”</p>
<p>Draco’s nose scrunched. “…Goyle will have questions.”</p>
<p>“Right. Another hurdle—”</p>
<p>“Not really. I could tell him the sky is bloody green and he’d accept whatever I said just ‘cause <em>I</em> said it. He’s not too bright, that one, but dead useful. Besides, our fathers are in prison; I’ll just tell him that’s what women <em>do</em> when there aren’t any men around and he won’t even question it.”</p>
<p>While Narcissa appreciated that, she hated the way her son talked about Cassandra’s son sometimes. “Do you even have any real friends, darling? You always talk about Gregory and Vincent like they’re… like they’re only worth what you can get out of them. That’s terrible.”</p>
<p>“Don’t lecture me, Mother. I’ve only seen you have one friend my entire life and you ended up <em>sleeping </em>with her. Friendship isn’t high on your list of priorities either.”</p>
<p>And, well, that was… fair. Perhaps Draco was more of his mother’s son than they both thought; they both took what they wanted from people without much regard for what they would be leaving behind once they were through. They both could <em>control</em> people, have them do what they wanted, without many, if any, questions asked. They may manipulate people in two very different ways, but the end result was still the same; they still had their puppets dance for them.</p>
<p>“Do you think I should go?” Narcissa asked her son, needing to truly know how he felt about this, and what he thought. “I won’t if you do not want me to. <em>I</em> don’t even want to, honestly, but I’m trying to… I don’t know. Do the <em>healthy</em> thing, I suppose, and it’s the only solution I could come up with.”</p>
<p>“I’m a man now, Mother,” Draco reminded her softly, running his hand over the length of his left forearm. “I can take care of myself. You should too. Living on my own with just Aunt Bella doesn’t sound like a bloody<em> picnic </em>or anything, but it’s fine. Besides, you’ll be just down the road, and me and Goyle hang out all the time. Well, we did. I’ll still come by whenever Bellatrix is… <em>out,</em> or whatever. It’s not forever.”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa agreed. “It won’t be. I just need to get my head on straight again, because it’s always me who’s been in control of my relationship with Bella. She does what I say, she acts how I want her to, and right now… I’m barely in control of myself, let alone her. I just need a short break, and things will get… they’ll get <em>better.</em> I promise.”</p>
<p>Narcissa hoped this did not make her a terrible mother, but she was at a loss about what to do. She knew she could not continue on like this though, and so she had to make the difficult decision to take a step back. She hoped Draco did not feel like she was abandoning him, as that was the very <em>last</em> thing Narcissa ever wanted to do, but he seemed to understand. Perhaps Draco was more mature than Narcissa was giving him credit for, or perhaps she had simply set the bar too goddamn low that <em>leaving</em> sounded like a preferable option for all of them.</p>
<p>Either way though, Narcissa now had her answer, and she knew what she had to do.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. XXVII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXVII.</strong>
</p>
<p>“Narcissa,” Greta greeted, sliding her glasses down her nose as her gaze landed upon the Malfoy matriarch in her office’s doorway. “Nice of you to finally stop by. You have missed the last… <em>four</em> appointments, if I’m not mistaken? Judging by the stricken look on your face, I am going to assume trying to manage your own mental health has not been going as smoothly as you’ve hoped.”</p>
<p>“I was… busy.”</p>
<p>What a terribly childish excuse. Narcissa knew she should have been seeing her Soul Mender regularly, and she <em>had</em> been for a time, but things began spiraling and… and Narcissa had always been quick to drown instead of asking for help. Still, she was here now; perhaps it was a little too late, but it was better than never.</p>
<p>“As am I, unfortunately. You cannot just <em>owl</em> me twelve hours in advance and expect me to rearrange my schedule for you; I have an appointment in ten minutes—”</p>
<p>“You don’t.”</p>
<p>Greta leaned back in her chair, brow rising at how self-assured her patient sounded about that. “I don’t?” she repeated, although it was most certainly an accusation. Narcissa did not care.</p>
<p>“Your secretary is easily persuaded,” Narcissa told her without an ounce of regret, coming fully into the room then to take a seat on the opposite side of the woman’s desk. Greta sighed.</p>
<p>“With money or with sex?”</p>
<p>Narcissa narrowed her eyes, even though she was fairly certain Greta was merely referencing her <em>appeal,</em> and not the act itself. Still… “Are you accusing me of being a prostitute?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m accusing you of being a beautiful woman and Barnaby is… forgive me, rather stupid when it comes to anything with breasts. He’s my nephew though— I can say that,” Greta told her, causing Narcissa to smirk despite herself. This was, admittedly, why she liked Greta though.</p>
<p>“Professionally, I should not be condoning this kind of behavior— personally, however, I have been hoping you would return ever since I saw your husband’s name in the papers.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s gaze hit the floor, a tightness enveloping her chest. With a wave of her wand, Greta closed the door that Narcissa had left open, silencing the office. “I will remind you that anything you say in here is confidential.” Narcissa snorted sardonically.</p>
<p>“Not if it’s illegal.”</p>
<p>“Incorrect. If you are a danger to yourself or to others, <em>then</em> I am forced to divulge what we have discussed here. I have known you for almost ten years, Narcissa; you may be a lot of things, but I know you are not a Death Eater,” Greta told her, and the blonde twisted her hands in anxiety. She hadn’t really come here to talk about Lucius, but perhaps that was another burden she could do with getting off her chest. Still, she was hesitant. “Knowing about illegal activity and failing to report it is not a crime. You are at no liability unless you actively participated in said crimes. <em>Have</em> you?”</p>
<p>“Of course not,” Narcissa exhaled, like the woman had to be foolish to even think that, despite the fact that she had, admittedly, committed crimes. Not on behalf of the Death Eaters or Voldemort though, so perhaps she could loosen up a little bit. Greta already knew Lucius was in prison, she knew he was a Death Eater, so she wasn’t really giving her any new information.</p>
<p>“I miss him,” Narcissa admitted softly. “I married him knowing what he had gotten himself into —  I never <em>liked</em> it, but I knew — and I still loved him anyway. I learned to compartmentalize. And even though things between Lucius and I weren’t what they used to be, before he was arrested things were beginning to change, and now I feel like I missed my chance at finding happiness again with him.”</p>
<p>“So you wished to repair your marriage, despite your affair with Estella who I am, assuming, you are still seeing?”</p>
<p>“We’re… taking a break from one another at the moment,” Narcissa revealed, her thumb running absentmindedly over the scar on her palm. “It’s why I’m here. We did it again; perpetuate each other’s illnesses. I hurt her— badly, this time. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. I ran to Cassandra— who I’ve been seeing again, by the way, behind Estella’s back, because I can’t seem to stop myself from making everything in my life more difficult.”</p>
<p>“I would say that at least you’re aware of it, but it seems you have been aware of that for a long time, yet have been unable to find the strength inside of you to stop,” Greta mentioned, and Narcissa wet her dry lips and nodded, knowing that was true. “I’m aware you have an aversion to <em>choosing</em>, but if you were to pick who simply makes you happiest — here, in the moment, not in the past — I am curious who that would be.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s hardly fair; Lucius is in <em>prison.”</em></p>
<p>“Alright. Before he left then,” Greta revised. “Same question. Don’t think— just answer.”</p>
<p>“Cassandra.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips after she answered that, looking back down at her clasped hands on her lap. The woman’s name had just fallen from her lips, but then again, that seemed to be what Greta had been asking for. Still, her time with Cassandra wasn’t usually filled with drama or pain, unlike her relationships with Bellatrix and Lucius; it was easy. <em>She</em> was easy. She was so fucking easy to love, but that was the problem.</p>
<p>“Why do you feel guilty about that?”</p>
<p>“Because I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve to have something <em>easy</em> or <em>happy—</em> I’m not a good person and she… she <em>is.</em> I feel like I’m sucking her into an abyss she’ll never be able to claw her way out of, yet I cannot let her go. I <em>tried</em>, but…”</p>
<p>“But you love her,” Greta answered, reading the expression on Narcissa’s face. The blonde could not say the words out loud still, but she did at least nod that her Soul Mender had been correct in her assumption.</p>
<p>“Have you told her?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shook her head.</p>
<p>“Are you afraid she won’t love you in return?”</p>
<p>“No— she already told me that she’s in love with me,” Narcissa whispered, feeling so terribly lost. She ran her hands over her face then, exhaling a long sigh as she slumped into her seat. It wasn’t ladylike in the slightest, but Greta had known her for a long time and she felt no need to keep up appearances here. “I just feel like, if I return the sentiment, then that seals her fate. It feels like… doing her a disservice. She should run far away from me, honestly, yet instead I’m temporarily <em>living</em> with her. I feel like I’m burdening her enough.”</p>
<p>Greta’s brow rose. “You’re living with her?”</p>
<p>“Temporarily,” Narcissa stressed, not wishing the woman to think she had abandoned all pretenses and just decided to openly be in a lesbian relationship; their society still would not condone it, and she could not bear to shame Draco in that way. “We both lost our husbands and it’s… easier, not to be alone,” she lied, as she did not wish to get into the situation surrounding Bellatrix’s need to stay in her house.</p>
<p>Narcissa may feel a little more comfortable speaking about Lucius’ involvement with the Death Eaters as that was now common knowledge, but she would not mention her son’s fate, nor that she knew exactly where her sister was. Not that Greta ever really asked about Bellatrix— Narcissa had lied to her a long time ago and said they hadn’t spoken since she was a child, making it look like Bellatrix ran off with her husband and started a different life without her. She did not want Greta to think they were close, and considering she had concocted this whole new back story and lie for Bellatrix’s place in her life under the name Estella, it would have just been confusing if she had to speak about her sister in two different ways.</p>
<p>“Is your son not home from school?”</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Right.</em></p>
<p>“He’s… staying with Cassandra and I,” Narcissa lied, because what the hell else was she going to say? She couldn’t make it sound like she left her son to live alone, nor that she left him with the only adult presence in his life being a fucking mad woman, no matter which name she referred to Bellatrix by. “Him and Cassandra’s son are close. They grew up together.”</p>
<p>“So you’re like a family unit.”</p>
<p>Narcissa narrowed her eyes. “If one was to consider two women and their sons a <em>family,</em> but that’s not really the definition of the word.”</p>
<p>“Family means different things to different people,” Greta patiently told her. “And two adults in a loving relationship living with their respective children? That seems like one to me.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s insides were beginning to twist in anxiety. “We both have <em>husbands—”</em></p>
<p>“Who are in prison, and will be for the foreseeable future. Are you not allowed to rebuild your family from the ashes of your old one?”</p>
<p>“We’re both <em>women!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, like that needed to be acknowledged above everything else. “Women in a pureblooded society— do you know what that would do to our <em>children,</em> should everyone find out what we are?”</p>
<p>“What, in love?”</p>
<p>Greta said it like it was so goddamn simple, and that infuriated Narcissa who knew it was anything but.</p>
<p>“I don’t need my son enduring the taunts he would get in school for his mother being in a lesbian relationship— he has enough on his shoulders already!” Narcissa angrily exclaimed. “I’m already resigned to the fact that I have to keep the fact that I’m staying with her a secret; I’ll have to stay away from windows, make certain I make an appearance by my <em>own</em> house every now and then. That’s just the way things are, and trying to change that would be <em>selfish!”</em></p>
<p>“Forgive me, but you’ve never really stopped yourself from doing something because it was <em>selfish,”</em> Greta reminded her, and Narcissa fell furiously silent. “Have you spoken to your son about this? Perhaps he is not as ashamed of you as you seem to be of yourself. He might even, dare I say it, want you to be <em>happy.</em>”</p>
<p>“Happy?” Narcissa repeated incredulously, growing more upset the longer this conversation went on. “You think I’m fucking <em>happy?</em> I hide away with Cassandra because it’s easier than facing the horrors of my own life— I can immerse myself in a lie and forget for one short moment that everything around me is coming apart at the seams. I’m <em>using</em> her, just like I use everyone else, because I don’t know how to do anything different; because I’m sodding <em>toxic!”</em></p>
<p>“Narcissa—”</p>
<p>But Narcissa had gotten up from her chair, feeling too overwhelmed by her emotions as she began to pace, her eyes filling with furious tears. God, she hated therapy. She hated coming here, but after she was hollowed out she was usually able to pick the pieces of herself up off the ground, and she had to trust that this time wouldn’t be any different.</p>
<p>“Do you know how badly I <em>wish</em> I could just run away with her? Take our sons and just— <em>leave,</em> finally be free from the madness that my life has become?! But I can’t, I <em>can’t!” </em>Narcissa raged, beginning to weep from her own helplessness. “I’m trapped here, I’m trapped in a life I didn’t want, because my entire family is caught up in something we can’t get out of, because I’m still hopelessly in love with a woman who is <em>bad</em> for me, who I am bad for in return, no matter how much we try to not be! I slice her open both metaphorically and <em>literally </em>now, and yes, perhaps I walked away— but for how long this time? I’ll give you a bloody hint— it <em>won’t</em> be for long. I’ll come back, I <em>always</em> come back to her, because I don’t know anything different! I don’t know <em>how </em>to live my life without my sist—”</p>
<p>Greta sat up straighter in her chair as her expression masked in disbelief, and Narcissa’s words fell away as her face suddenly became ashen.</p>
<p>“Your sister?”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt like the world was spinning beneath her feet again. Oh God, oh <em>god…</em> how could she be so stupid? She had gone nearly <em>ten years</em> without revealing that, but then again, Bellatrix had been gone for nine of them. She hadn’t actively spiraled over Bellatrix in front of Greta before, as even after her sister returned from prison, she didn’t feel this helpless or trapped, and then when she <em>was</em> falling apart, she had stopped going to therapy. Narcissa hadn’t realized how difficult it was going to be to keep her lie straight when she felt like she was seconds from falling over, but perhaps she should have known.</p>
<p>She should have never come here.</p>
<p>Narcissa grasped her wand from the inside of her robes, quickly using it to hurl <em>Greta’s </em>wand, which had been resting on her desk, clear out of the woman’s reach before the blonde pointed hers threateningly at the woman who now knew <em>far</em> too much.</p>
<p>“Narcissa…” Greta gently warned, but what could she do? No wand, the room silenced— she didn’t have a hope. Narcissa hated herself; she hated how she always destroyed other people’s lives because of <em>her,</em> because of Bellatrix, and yet she was going to do it again anyway, because she <em>needed</em> to protect her. She didn’t have any other choice. “Do not do anything you’ll regret. If your sister has been abusing you, we can talk about that. Please, sit down.”</p>
<p>“She hasn’t been <em>abusing</em> me!” Narcissa shouted, hating that once again, she was being victimized. “Our relationship is consensual— and you… you think I can just let you <em>know</em> that? You think I can just let this be, when I <em>know</em> you’ll be obligated to report that I know exactly where a wanted criminal is? You should have just pretended you didn’t hear my slip. You should have just left it alone!”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, then— she’s who you’ve been calling Estella,” Greta gathered, oddly calmer about this than she should be. Perhaps she foolishly thought she could talk Narcissa down, but she couldn’t. She <em>couldn’t.</em></p>
<p><em>“Obviously.</em> What, did you think I’d fuck a mudblood lover?”</p>
<p>“I mean, to be quite honest I never pegged you as one to have sex with a blood relative, but I suppose everyone has their secrets.” Narcissa said nothing, her jaw tight as tears slid down her cheeks. She stood rigidly still, her wand still pointed at the other woman. “Tell me how long this has been going on.”</p>
<p>“<em>Why?</em> It makes no difference—”</p>
<p>“Why? Because it might be rather cathartic for you, to finally tell the truth,” Greta told her patiently, and Narcissa <em>hated</em> her for that. She still thought she could wear her down enough to get out of this, but she could not. Still, perhaps the woman had a point. Her confessions would only be weighing on someone who could not spread them anyhow.</p>
<p>“I was thirteen,” Narcissa said softly, but still stayed rigid as a board, her arm unmoving.</p>
<p>“And it was consensual? Bellatrix was your… oldest sister, if I’m remembering correctly? How much older exactly?”</p>
<p>“Four years, and… no, it wasn’t,” Narcissa admitted, absolutely despising herself for finally admitting that out loud. But perhaps she needed to; perhaps despite the awful way this conversation was going to end, Narcissa should at least try to heal along the way. “Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to have sex with her eventually, but our first time… I wanted something different, but Bella forced me to fuck her anyway. It doesn’t matter though— our relationship is consensual now. It has been for a long time.”</p>
<p>“And because it is consensual <em>now,</em> you believe that to be something relatively healthy for you?”</p>
<p>“Of course I don’t think it’s <em>healthy,</em> but Bella is all I’ve ever known. I’ve consented to sex with her hundreds of times and while <em>she</em> will sometimes get hung up on the fact that one time it wasn’t, I refuse to. It was a million years ago, and it hardly matters. I’ve fucked her up just as much as she’s fucked me up— neither of us are victims in this scenario. I have screwed with her mind so badly that she will never know a healthy life, she will never know peace. She’s obsessed with me, she fucking <em>breathes</em> in the morning because of me, and I hate myself for loving it.”</p>
<p>“Narcissa— Narcissa, I would very much appreciate if you stopped pointing your wand at me. I’m very proud of you for finally talking about this, and I can <em>help</em> you, but you need to sit down, and you need to put that away.”</p>
<p>“<em>Help</em> me?” Narcissa asked with a bitter laugh. She did not move. “Nobody can <em>help</em> me. I’m going to drown in Bellatrix until it kills us both, I’m probably going to take Cassandra down with me, and here I am, talking about <em>them</em> when my son is being used by the Dark Lord for my husband’s failure! Draco is probably going to <em>die</em> trying to do what the Dark Lord ordered him to do, and I don’t know how to save him! I <em>can’t</em> save him, and I feel like I’m suffocating, Greta, I feel like I can’t fucking <em>breathe—!”</em></p>
<p>And that, finally, made Greta realize what was going to happen. “Shit,” she whispered, because mentioning the Dark Lord, his plans… that finalized it.</p>
<p>Tears were running down Narcissa’s cheeks, her chest tight with guilt over the decision she had made. “You aren’t getting out of here whole, Greta. I’m sorry. I really did like you.”</p>
<p>“—Narcissa!”</p>
<p>The blonde flicked her wand. <em>“Obliviate.”</em></p>
<p>Greta’s eyes slid out of focus as Narcissa cast her spell, hoping only to steal the last couple days from the woman as she figured that would be sufficient, but memory charms were not her forte. In all honesty, she could have just destroyed the woman’s mind beyond repair, but she did not have a choice. Narcissa sobbed as she left the woman in pieces, giving the woman’s secretary the same treatment while his back was turned.</p>
<p>And thus her relationship with Bellatrix gained two more victims.</p>
<p>Narcissa was a wreck when she got back to Cassandra’s. She had only been there three hours that morning before her girlfriend encouraged her to go to therapy, to try to get <em>better</em> after hearing everything that had transpired between her and Bellatrix and readily accepting her into her home, and now look what she was doing— bringing more shit on her doorstep. Why couldn’t she <em>stop?</em> Why, no matter how hard she tried to get better, she always ended up making things <em>worse?</em></p>
<p>“Jesus, Cissa— what… what <em>happened?” </em>Cassandra asked once she took in the sight of the other woman who had just apparated into her home. Narcissa was shaking from head to toe, her face still white as the reality of what she had just done began to sink in. She felt ill.</p>
<p>“Where… where is your son?” Narcissa asked in a trembling voice, not wishing for Gregory to bear witness to this, or <em>hear</em> what it was she was about to say. She wasn’t even entirely sure that the boy knew she was living there yet. Cassandra waved that off though as she crossed the space between them.</p>
<p>“Vincent came by— they’re out. Think they’re gonna go see if they can hang with Draco, actually. Cissa… what’s goin’ on?”</p>
<p>Narcissa told her— she told her everything from start to finish, sobbing throughout it, and when she was done Cassandra wrapped her up in her arms, placing a protective hand on the back of her head as she held her.</p>
<p>“S’just like ya to ruin a good thing, huh?” she breathed regrettably, and Narcissa just sobbed harder because she knew Cassandra was right. She had needed this, she had <em>needed</em> to see a Soul Mender, and she had honestly liked Greta, but her relationship with Bellatrix would always destroy everything around her. It was inevitable. Cassandra placed a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek as she pulled away. “Who saw you?” she asked, knowing that needed to be addressed first.</p>
<p>“Just… just Greta and her nephew— he’s her secretary. Barnaby, I think his name was. I used Obliviate on him too.”</p>
<p>Cassandra took a breath. “…’Kay,” she responded, as though that was an actual, proper <em>answer</em> before she began to walk away from her. Narcissa blinked, not expecting to just be <em>left</em> there. “What are you— where are you <em>going?”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra just shot her a saddened look over her shoulder. “You know where I’m goin’. I love ya, but you ain’t good with magic, Cissa, an’ you… you said too much.”</p>
<p>If it were possible, Narcissa paled even further. “No!” she begged, because she knew <em>exactly</em> how Bellatrix would clean up this mess— and she didn’t… she <em>didn’t</em> want Greta to die for her mistake. “Cass, don’t—!”</p>
<p>“Go upstairs; ya said you didn’t wanna be ‘round her for a bit an’ I don’t know if the boys got to your house already, so I can’t go there,” Cassandra told her, not an ounce of regret in her behavior. She knew she needed to protect Narcissa, and if <em>this</em> was how she needed to do it, then she did not care who got hurt in the process. The only thing she seemed sad about was how it was going to hurt the woman she loved, but that was not enough for Cassandra to change her mind. She knew what she had to do. “Narcissa, <em>go.”</em></p>
<p>But Narcissa shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes again as she watched Cassandra go to her fireplace, throwing a handful of floo powder in before calling for Bellatrix through the flames. It did not take long— especially because Cassandra had specified that Narcissa was in trouble.</p>
<p>“It hasn’t even been six fucking hours since she’s come here— I told you to take <em>care </em>of her!” Bellatrix raged, not even out of the flames yet before she started screaming. And, while that <em>technically</em> was true, she had demanded that of Cassandra when they were originally going to swap babysitting duty— Cassandra had promised nothing in regards to her living there now, although this was hardly her fault anyway. “What the <em>fuck</em> happened now? God, you’re about as useful as Lucius—”</p>
<p>“Fuck off, don’t <em>blame</em> me; she was at her Soul Menders— I can’t be in the soddin’ room with her while she has <em>therapy.”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix’s jaw clenched and she turned, facing Narcissa at the other end of the room. “What did you <em>say?” </em>Bellatrix asked dangerously, and another tear slid down the blonde’s cheek. She did not respond though, refusing to be the one who condemned Greta to this fate even though Narcissa knew her silence would not save her. <em>Nothing</em> could save someone once Bellatrix had resolved to kill them, and by the look in her eyes her sister already knew she was the clean up committee.</p>
<p>“She slipped up— ‘bout you, of course, ‘cause you’ve always fucked her up enough to make everythin’ fall to shit,” Cassandra accused, which caused a low growl to fall out of the back of Bellatrix’s throat. “An’ not that I give a damn if the Ministry comes knockin’ at Cissa’s door to drag ya out in chains, but I don’t want her to get in trouble for hidin’ ya, an’… an’ when she realized what she was gonna have to do, she mentioned the Dark Lord. If her memory charm is shit, and he finds out she blabbed…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s gaze blackened.</p>
<p>“You… you fucking <em>idiot!” </em>she shouted at her, striding up to Narcissa. “Why can’t you ever keep your mouth shut?! You’re gonna get yourself <em>killed—!</em>”</p>
<p>“If you put your hands on her I’ll fuckin’ <em>end</em> you!” Cassandra shouted at her, interpreting Bellatrix’s aggressive behavior as violent as she watched the woman storm over to Narcissa in a wave of fury. Cassandra had her wand pointed at Bellatrix now, who just scoffed and used her own to blow Cassandra’s from her fingertips without even uttering a word. It was quick, it was easy.</p>
<p>“She’s the one that slices <em>me</em> open— not the other way around. And if you point your wand at me again it’ll be <em>you</em> who meets their end; I will not warn you twice.”</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> threaten her!” Narcissa exclaimed, furiously pushing her sister backward as Cassandra went after her wand, looking angry and embarrassed herself for the effortlessness Bellatrix had when disarming her. Still, at least Bellatrix was unable to do far worse; the Unbreakable Vow saw to that. “She called you here to help— it’s not her fault for interpreting your behavior that way; you always look like you’re about to punch me in the face.”</p>
<p>“Please, Cissy, put your hands on me some more; maybe one day someone might actually blame you for it instead of me, although I won’t hold my breath.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked back at Cassandra then, who had defeatedly shoved her wand back into the inner pocket of her robes. “<em>This</em> is what my sister’s love looks like, by the way— ask Lucius, because she tore him apart too. Still <em>want</em> her? Because I doubt you could fucking handle it. It’s twenty bloody years ago all over again— one <em>fucking</em> thing after another because when Narcissa spirals, everything comes down with her. She’s ‘<em>changed’— </em>yeah, she’s changed, she’s gotten fucking <em>worse—”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s hand connected with her sister’s cheek before she could stop herself, Cassandra yelling, <em>“Cissa!”</em> as Bellatrix held her face and Narcissa’s eyes widened in horror, practically stumbling back from the woman she couldn’t stop herself from continuously assaulting.</p>
<p>“Oh my God, you need to <em>leave, </em>you need to—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m gonna fucking leave in a second once I get the names of more people I need to <em>murder</em> for you!” Bellatrix shouted, and Narcissa wheezed as she backed up against the far wall, clutching for the locket that was no longer there. “How many people is this now? I’ve lost fucking count.”</p>
<p>“She’s only gotten fuckin’ worse because of <em>you!”</em> Cassandra raged as she swooped in, practically taking Narcissa in her arms as though she wished to shield the other woman from everything that Bellatrix was. Narcissa didn’t want to make this <em>worse</em> but she stayed; she stayed in the crook of Cassandra’s neck despite her sister’s eyes darkening in rage because at least in there, she felt like she could breathe.</p>
<p>“You have no <em>idea</em> who she was when you were gone,” Cassandra seethed, placing a protective hand over the side of her girlfriend’s head as she stared at the source of Narcissa’s inability to cope. “She was <em>strong,</em> she was beautiful— she was fuckin’ <em>healthy</em> an’ now…” Cassandra looked deeply upset by how broken the woman she loved had become, as she had already watched her try to rebuild herself once. “I already picked up the pieces of her that you left behind, Bellatrix, an’ I <em>hate</em> you for forcin’ me to do it again!”</p>
<p>“Cass, please— this isn’t her fault,” Narcissa begged, because everyone couldn’t just keep blaming<em> Bellatrix </em>for how mentally ill she was. Her sister might exacerbate it, but what had broken her this time was the Dark Lord giving Draco the Mark; it was how helpless and terrified she felt that her son might die for her husband’s mistakes, and then everything… everything just came down with it. “She’s <em>trying—</em> she’s trying to help Draco, she’s letting me walk away so I can get better; she doesn’t want me to be this way just as much as <em>you</em> don’t…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was furious though, hating the way that Cassandra clutched at the woman she loved and so when she spoke, it was with the intention that Narcissa’s jagged edges would slice the other woman open as much as they had her. “You know what? Just fucking take her,” she seethed, causing Narcissa’s eyes to widen. “You want to be Lucius’ replacement? You want to love her and fuck her and <em>protect</em> her from big bad me? Go right the fuck ahead, because she’s just going to end up slicing you to bloody ribbons just as she’s done to the rest of us, and then maybe when you realize you can’t handle her you’ll <em>fuck off </em>and I won’t have to entertain your bullshit, as though you actually know <em>anything</em> about the woman you think you love!”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. “Bella…”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t fucking ‘<em>Bella’ </em>me— Lucius is in prison, you can’t be around <em>me</em> until you figure out how to deal with the shit storm in your life without drugs or <em>therapy</em> now, apparently, and you’ve never known how to be on your bloody own. So fuck her— what do I care?” Bellatrix snapped even though, by the look on her face, she still cared very much; she was just beginning to realize that she might not be able to stop her. “You’ll come back to me anyway, you always do, and even if you want to continue lapping at her cunt when you’re back with me, all that’ll do is destroy her even more, because you will <em>never</em> love her, or Lucius, or <em>anyone</em> as much as you love me. I win in the end anyway. So go on— fuck her up, Cissy. Claw out her heart and devour her goddamn soul; it’s what you do best anyway, and I’m the only one of your victims that have ever learned how to live without either of those things.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s breath left her at those words, knowing her sister was right. She knew Bellatrix was just devastated by what was in front of her, because she wasn’t <em>blind—</em> she could see how much Cassandra loved her, and how easily Narcissa just <em>let</em> her. She knew it was only a matter of time, if it hadn’t started already, and considering she could not just slice Cassandra’s throat open for the audacity of taking what was hers, she sought to emotionally destroy her, to emotionally destroy them <em>both</em> instead. At this point, the most Bellatrix could hope for was that Cassandra wasn’t nearly as capable of dealing with Narcissa’s <em>true</em> darkness as she and Lucius were, and that Narcissa would end up destroying her in the process.</p>
<p>But Cassandra <em>was </em>capable of dealing with it. She always had been.</p>
<p>“I’m not you, Bellatrix,” Cassandra told her evenly, despite the slight waver in her voice as Bellatrix’s words had, admittedly, cut her. A part of her knew that she was right; that no matter what she did, no matter how much she loved her and gave her something healthy and <em>sane,</em> that Narcissa would always find her way back to her sister. It was just another part of her sickness, but then again, Cassandra had always accepted her mental illness in a way that no one else ever had. “An’ I’m not Lucius either. You have no <em>idea</em> what I can handle, what I’ve <em>already</em> handled, an’ how much I’m willin’ to sacrifice just ‘cause I love her— ‘cause I <em>do,</em> ya fuckin’ arsehole. You happy now? Know how bad you wanted me to <em>admit</em> it, after all. Ya feel <em>good</em> about yourself now, or are ya just finally fuckin’ realizing that I’ve always had a part of ‘er, and you’re just tryin’ to make it seem like you actually have control over the one thing in Cissa’s life that doesn’t have to do with <em>you?”</em></p>
<p>“<em>Everything</em> in Narcissa’s life has to do with me, haven’t you been <em>listening?”</em> Bellatrix seethed, and while Narcissa had been holding her breath after Cassandra had admitted that she had always had a part of her, her sister either did not understand, or refused to acknowledged it because she knew she wouldn’t be able to deal with her rage over Narcissa’s betrayal in the way she wanted to. Maybe, <em>hopefully,</em> she merely believed Cassandra was talking about their friendship, as it <em>had</em> spanned over twenty-five years, after all. Either way, Narcissa exhaled, but clutched to the woman who held her in her arms as she watched her sister continue to rant.</p>
<p>“She already told me she knew she was going to break your heart— she <em>knew</em> you were in love with her, yet she ran to you anyway. If she was so sodding <em>different</em> now then she wouldn’t be leading you on like this; she wouldn’t be letting you fawn over her and clutch at her as though you could <em>ever</em> save her from her own darkness! She is <em>toying</em> with you, you fucking idiot; because that’s all we’ve ever been to her— just her little fucking <em>puppets</em> that she could make dance for her in any way she saw fit, toys that she could just love and fuck and <em>break,” </em>Bellatrix continued to seethe, causing Narcissa’s heart to ache as she realized that she was lashing out in this way because she had broken <em>hers.</em></p>
<p>She had broken Bellatrix’s heart by leaving, despite both of them knowing full-well that she needed to. She had broken Bellatrix’s heart from their shared realization that no matter how much they loved each other, that it wasn’t enough to save them both from destruction. And she had broken Bellatrix’s heart by running to Cassandra, by having the audacity to feel <em>safe</em> with her, when the one thing Bellatrix wanted so desperately was to make Narcissa feel that way, and that despite her best efforts, she seemed to do everything all wrong.</p>
<p>“So let her string you up, you fucking <em>masochist,”</em> Bellatrix snarled, as though she wasn’t acutely aware of how much of one she had always been when it came to Narcissa herself. But it had never been just her though; it had been Lucius too, but perhaps that was just the kind of people Narcissa attracted. She had thought for a long time that <em>she</em> had been the masochist, but perhaps in the end, she had been the sadist all along. The thought made Narcissa want to tear her heart out of her chest.</p>
<p>“Please her in every goddamn way you can, even though we both know it’ll never come <em>close</em> to what I do for her. You called me for a fucking reason, Cassandra, and it wasn’t because <em>you</em> could handle what she had done,” Bellatrix reminded her and that, more than anything else, seemed to make Cassandra falter because she knew Bellatrix was right— she could take care of Narcissa to a point, but Bellatrix’s point <em>far</em> exceeded her reach. “So be second best— <em>third</em> once her bloody husband comes home. If that’s how low you’ve set the bar for yourself, then who am I to stop you? Enjoy her while you can, you pathetic bitch, because it won’t last long. I give it a fucking month before Narcissa suffocates the life out of you.”</p>
<p>“A <em>month?”</em> Cassandra seethed and, oh God, Narcissa did not like how angry this was making her. “You think I can only handle her for a month? Open your fuckin’ eyes, you deluded bitch—”</p>
<p>“Cass! Don’t—”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>please…</em> please do,” Bellatrix goaded, even though her voice had quavered then as something sickening made camp in the base of her stomach. She knew. She could see it now, and Narcissa felt like she was watching her sister shatter in front of her eyes. “Cissy is too much of a fucking pussy to be honest with me, so tell me— <em>tell me!”</em></p>
<p>But Cassandra didn’t say anything, knowing it was not her place. It didn’t matter though, as Bellatrix was getting the picture. She screamed in rage then, her anger being directed at a small bookshelf in Cassandra’s parlor as she furiously pulled it down. She rounded on Narcissa then, books and trinkets scattering all over the floor as she pointed at her sister in accusation.</p>
<p>“You made me take that Vow for a <em>reason, </em>you manipulative cunt! How long have you been<em> fucking </em>her? Answer me!”</p>
<p>“Bella, please…” Narcissa begged, her voice getting choked up as she began to hate herself for how horribly she had destroyed the woman in front of her. Why did she think it was <em>she</em> who needed to be free from Bellatrix? Bellatrix should free herself from <em>her,</em> because look at what she had wrought.</p>
<p>“Answer me, Narcissa! Fucking <em>answer </em>me<em>;</em> tell me the goddamn truth, for once in your miserable fucking life—!”</p>
<p>Narcissa covered her face, feeling guilty and ashamed. Still, she couldn’t lie to Bellatrix anymore; she couldn’t keep doing this to her. “Six… six…” she tried, but she was crying too hard and the words could not make it out of her throat.</p>
<p>“Six <em>what?</em> Six days ago, six weeks ago, six <em>years</em> ago?! <em>Spit it out!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa just shook her head though, as it wasn’t any of those things, and in the end it was Cassandra who told her, albeit a little apologetically, as she knew this was going to shred Bellatrix beyond repair. “…Six months after you went to prison.”</p>
<p>Narcissa watched her sister’s breath leave her at that, and Bellatrix took two full steps back from her. “You… the entire<em> time?”</em> she asked, and it was so much worse than her anger. The sheer amount of <em>pain </em>that was etched in Bellatrix’s expression shattered Narcissa and she untangled herself from Cassandra’s arms as she tried to go to her sister, to clutch at her and beg for a forgiveness that she knew she would never be allotted.</p>
<p>“No, it was… off and on— Bella, <em>please…”</em></p>
<p>“Don’t you fucking <em>touch </em>me!” Bellatrix screamed at her, pushing Narcissa off of her so violently that she nearly tripped, stumbling back into Cassandra’s arms who held her to her chest. “You are the most… <em>manipulative</em> fucking person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing— everything, <em>everything </em>you say to me is a lie, isn’t it? I’m fucking tired of it, I’m tired of <em>you, </em>and you have no idea how much I wish I could tell you to go fuck yourself right now, but because you’re the most spoiled cunt on this fucking earth I have to stand here and allow you to break my heart before having to go clean up another one of your bloody messes! I have to just allow this to cut me <em>long</em> after I’m through with your bloody Soul Mender as I continue to train your fucking brat because no matter what you’ve done to me, no matter how much I <em>hate</em> you, I wouldn’t be able to fucking live with myself if I had to watch you suffer the death of another child!”</p>
<p>Narcissa sobbed in relief then, terrified for one moment that Bellatrix was going to punish her by leaving Draco undefended, but in the end Bellatrix’s need to help her just made all of this <em>worse,</em> because it proved how tight the leash around her sister’s neck really was. Narcissa could strangle her, could nearly fucking <em>kill</em> her, and Bellatrix would still do exactly what she wanted. What kind of <em>person</em> did that make her?</p>
<p>“You are a blight, you are a <em>disease,”</em> Bellatrix seethed, her eyes filled with unshed emotion. “<em>You’re</em> the reason I’m sick, you’re the reason I’m suffering, and yet you don’t even have the fucking decency to end me! But oh, that’s <em>fine—</em> you want to keep me trapped in this misery, then I’ll trap you in it all the same. She will <em>never</em> have all of you, Narcissa, I fucking <em>promise</em> you that. So long as I am breathing, you will never be free from me, because you’ve already made damn sure that I will never be free of <em>you.”</em></p>
<p>“So go on, hide away with her,” Bellatrix laughed, the sound mocking and cruel as she allowed her rage to overshadow her devastation. “Pretend that you can have something normal and healthy— I’ll wait. And when you come crawling back to me, and you <em>will, </em>Cissy, I am going to fuck you up so thoroughly that she will never want to touch you again, because she will be<em> disgusted </em>by the very sight of you.”</p>
<p>“Get out— get the <em>fuck</em> out of my house!” Cassandra screamed, holding onto Narcissa as though she were trying to shield her from the horror Bellatrix brought. But she couldn’t, and Narcissa knew it was only a matter of time until her sister delivered on her promise, because she was right— she <em>would</em> go back. She was going to go back to her eventually, and Bellatrix was going to destroy her. Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe, and she clutched Cassandra as she buried her face in the redhead’s neck.</p>
<p>“<em>Names…</em> and then I’m gone,” Bellatrix snarled, looking at Narcissa like the very sight of her turned her stomach. Her gaze settled on Cassandra then, knowing Narcissa did not wish to give up the name of the Soul Mender she had formed a relationship with the last ten years.</p>
<p>Cassandra looked like she wanted nothing more than to curse Bellatrix until her face was unrecognizable, but she also knew Bellatrix was the only one who could fix their current problem. “Greta Haywood,” she reluctantly answered, still holding tight to the woman in her arms, who sobbed harder as Cassandra finalized the woman’s death. “Her secretary, Barnaby, saw her too. She put memory charms on them both, but she’s…”</p>
<p>“Shit at magic? Yeah, I fucking know— thanks for the <em>tip,</em> lover number three, but number <em>one</em> is speaking now, do us both a favor and shh,” she snapped, gesturing for Cassandra to shut her mouth by closing and pinching her fingers together. Cassandra looked incredibly insulted, but she didn’t get a chance to say anything because now Bellatrix was addressing Narcissa.</p>
<p>“I <em>really</em> hope you liked her, Cissy; it’s going to make this so much more satisfying when I do everything to that woman that you’ve prevented me from doing to <em>her,” </em>she told her, her eyes flicking to Cassandra before she smirked. “Don’t worry though— I’ll be sure to send you a picture.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix gave her a sarcastic air kiss then before she disapparated, leaving Narcissa to fall apart in her girlfriend’s arms as she realized with such sudden clarity that the source of misery in her life, and in the lives of those around her, was her, and that it would <em>always</em> be her.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was right— she <em>was</em> a disease.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC...</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. XXVIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXVIII.</strong>
</p>
<p>The picture Bellatrix sent came along with a postcard that disgustingly said “Wish you were here!” signed with a deep red lipstick mark. Narcissa did not see the photograph of her Soul Mender’s mutilated body, thank god, but <em>Cassandra</em> did, and the horrible scream that left her lips was enough of an answer of how bad it was. Cassandra burned the evidence of it immediately though, not wishing to scar Narcissa even more, and then she had a thirty-five minute long breakdown about how she didn’t want Bellatrix to be in Narcissa’s life anymore because she was afraid their relationship was going to end in them killing one another, and <em>not</em> just in the emotional sense.</p>
<p>Narcissa could not blame her for believing that, as most days she did too.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed, clutching the other woman in her arms after Cassandra had at least calmed down enough to stop shouting and shaking. Narcissa had her chin on her shoulder, their hands clasped together in the redhead’s lap. “I’m so sorry I’ve condemned you to this. I’m not worth it, Cass, I’m just <em>not.</em> I can leave, I can go to the Leaky Cauldron—”</p>
<p>“You’re not fuckin’ going <em>anywhere,”</em> Cassandra responded dangerously, her fingers tightening around the blonde’s hand, as though the more she held on, the harder it would be for Bellatrix to take her away from her. “An’ stop with the bloody pity party, Cissa. I knew what the hell I was doin’ when I ‘condemned’ myself to you, an’ frankly you tryin’ to tell me what I do and do not consider to be worth a damn is insulting.”</p>
<p>Narcissa fell silent, her gaze landing on the floor. Cassandra took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. “I want ya here so long as you’re tryin’ to get better,” she revised. “I understand why ya broke— Lucius goin’ to prison, your son gettin’ the Mark, Draco findin’ out about Aquila… it was a lot, all at once, an’ your mental state had never been the best. But ya kept forgettin’ to take your meds, you weren’t sleepin’, you lost control of your anger an’ nearly killed your bloody sister…”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest ached, and she could not bear to look at the woman when she laid everything out like this; she knew circumstances beyond her control began this whole mess, but there were things she <em>could</em> control later on that she did not, and that made this entirely her fault.</p>
<p> “Your Soul Mender is <em>dead</em> now, Cissa,” Cassandra harshly reminded her, and Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath that felt as though it was piercing her lungs. “Bellatrix has gone off the deep end ‘cause you were tryin’ to keep me a secret when maybe if you had just been honest with her in the fuckin’ first place—”</p>
<p>“Cass, she would have <em>killed</em> you!”</p>
<p>“How can you still believe that, when you just broke the woman beyond recognition an’ she is <em>still</em> doin’ exactly what you wanted?” Cassandra shot back, silencing Narcissa’s protests. “I’m not one to advocate for that cunt, <em>believe</em> me, but you’ve fucked her up so thoroughly that even after you’ve emotionally fuckin’ <em>slaughtered</em> her, she can’t bear the thought of robbin’ you of anything that would cause you that much pain. She’s still at your house, trainin’ your <em>son,</em> despite feelin’ betrayed an’ lied to, despite feelin’ replaced an’ worthless, because she doesn’t know how to do anythin’ else other than cater to you, an’ that’s fucked up.”</p>
<p>“So what, you’d rather she leave my son to <em>die?”</em> Narcissa asked, horrified as she pulled her hands out of the other woman’s, establishing space between them. She suddenly felt ill.</p>
<p>“Don’t put words in my mouth— ya know I’m glad she’s still doin’ that. You just don’t like to hear how badly you screwed with her head unless you’re actively using it to cut yourself down, but I’m not gonna sugarcoat it for you,” Cassandra told her, which was par for the course really, but Narcissa still hated it. She <em>needed</em> it, but she hated it all the same. “I’m scared for ya, ‘cause I’m bloody <em>terrified</em> that this is gonna end badly, but I’m not under any illusion that you’re some sort of <em>victim</em> in all of this either. You are party to your own misery, Cissa, an’ you need to start accepting that if you’re ever gonna move forward.”</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em> I am, don’t you think I—?”</p>
<p>“There’s knowin’ and there’s <em>changin’,</em> so make a sodding effort,” Cassandra demanded, causing Narcissa’s lips to purse into a thin line as her eyes brimmed with upset. “I’ll be here while ya try to deal with the horrors of your life that are beyond your control, but I am <em>not</em> gonna cater to the shit you orchestrate yourself anymore. I’ve seen you better, I’ve seen ya <em>whole,</em> an’ I’m not acceptin’ anything less anymore. I love you too goddamn much to watch ya revert back to that helpless mess with a victim-complex. <em>Own </em>your shit, Cissa; fix it— for fuck’s sake.”</p>
<p>Narcissa just looked at her helplessly, at a loss of how to proceed.<em> “How?”</em></p>
<p>“Ya need to worry about yourself first— then ya can worry about everyone else,” Cassandra answered, reminding her that healing always began with self-love. However, that had always been the hardest part for Narcissa, as the worse she got, the less she saw of herself to love; it was why she needed someone <em>else</em> who loved her, someone else she could suck that love from like the goddamn leech that she was, but Cassandra was not Bellatrix, she was not Lucius, and Narcissa knew if the other woman knew what she was trying to do she would put a stop to it immediately, because she wouldn’t allow her self-destructive behaviors in the way everyone else did.</p>
<p>This needed to be genuine, it needed to be <em>real,</em> and that was the bloody problem because that was just so, so much harder.</p>
<p>“I’m not tryin’ to be— I know this has been shit for ya, but I just <em>can’t</em> have this in my house, Cissa. I have my son to think about,” Cassandra said softly, her brow creasing in apology as she realized how upset Narcissa was getting again. “Honestly, you have no idea how badly I wish I could just take ya far away from here, away from <em>her</em> an’ all this shit; just fuckin’ grab our kids an’ <em>go…” </em>Narcissa laughed softly, sadly, and Cassandra’s brow knit further. “What?”</p>
<p>“That’s what I said to my Soul Mender,” Narcissa admitted in a whisper, an awful yearning in her voice for a dream that could never become a reality. “That I wish I could run away with you and the boys. She asked me… she asked me who made me the happiest and I— I said you; without fucking <em>thought</em> I said you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked a little touched by that before she reevaluated the reality of the other woman’s words. “Well, to be honest, it’s not exactly a high bar— I’d have to be pretty shit <em>not</em> to make the top of your list right now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long puff of air. She had hoped that would mean something to the other woman, because it meant something to <em>her.</em> “Can’t you just take a compliment?”</p>
<p>“It’s not a compliment to tell someone they’re decent to the person they love, Cissa; that should be standard. All it does is make me feel sorry that you haven’t realized that yet.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt her shoulders sag; she had wanted to build off that and tell her… well, perhaps now wasn’t the time anyway. Not after everything that had happened. Instead Narcissa’s gaze fell between them, her lips pursing into a thin line. Cassandra had seemed to notice that defeated her a little bit though, so she gently reached out, sliding her palm over the other woman’s cheek before she brought her in for a soft kiss.</p>
<p>“You make me happy too,” she breathed, and Narcissa smiled before she allowed their lips to connect again, her lashes falling to her cheeks as she tried to immerse herself in the only <em>good</em> thing in her life. When Cassandra parted from her though, she gently learned her forehead against Narcissa’s and amended, “Well, usually— the last twenty-four hours have been pretty shit.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know, I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, taking the other woman’s hand that had been lying on her cheek in her own before bringing it to her lips. “Things are going to change, I promise. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to deal with this and I’m going to— I’m going to be <em>okay.</em>”</p>
<p>And Narcissa meant it. It was still difficult, dealing with the reality of her son’s situation, but Draco had been making a point to come over every day to update her on his progress. At first, Narcissa had asked him if he just wanted to stay at Cassandra’s with her and then he could go back to their manor whenever Bellatrix was ready to continue his training, but Draco said the worst Bellatrix did nowadays was tornado through the house and break damn near everything in her path, but Draco had apparently solved that by making the house elf follow Bellatrix around wherever she went at all hours of the day, repairing everything that she touched.</p>
<p>Besides, he said, he <em>liked</em> having the house to himself for most of the day, which probably meant he was up to no good when he was left unsupervised, but Narcissa had resolved to trust him regardless. She felt horrible for what she had put him through over the last month so, quite frankly, so long as Draco wasn’t doing drugs or making her a grandmother, she was happy to allow Draco to do whatever it was that he wanted.</p>
<p>Apparently, and <em>surprisingly, </em>Bellatrix was fairly consistent with her training schedule; she woke Draco up every morning by teaching him that you have to be on your guard, even when you’re sleeping (which had not been pleasant for Draco the first time he was unexpectedly hung over his bed by his ankles) and then after breakfast she would train him until two in the afternoon unless she had <em>pressing</em> matters to attend to, after which she tended to disappear for the rest of the day as she no doubt asked for each and every mission she could from the Dark Lord to keep herself busy. Draco said he had no idea what time she got home as he never heard her, but considering Bellatrix was always there the next morning, he knew she <em>did</em> at some point.</p>
<p>Narcissa had told him that Bellatrix had found out about her and Cassandra’s relationship and that was why she was <em>unpleasant </em>at the moment, but Draco just followed that up with, “Aunt Bella is <em>always </em>unpleasant,” which was probably true from his point of view, and so long as her sister wasn’t taking out her anger on her son or scaring him, that was fine. Draco did remind her that if she had wanted to keep her relationship a secret though then maybe she shouldn’t have been so bloody <em>blatant</em> by running to Cassandra any time things went bad, and perhaps he had been right about that, but Cassandra was the only light that shone when she looked out at the bleak future of her life and Narcissa was not willing to extinguish that.</p>
<p>Cassandra made her <em>happy.</em></p>
<p>Unfortunately, the happier Narcissa realized she was with Cassandra, the guiltier she became when she thought of Bellatrix. She hadn’t seen her since their altercation, and while Narcissa ached to apologize to her and to try to <em>fix</em> things between them, she also knew she couldn’t until she got to a better place mentally, and she still was not there yet. She tried to get updates on her sister’s mental state through Draco, but outside of finding out that Bellatrix bitched for ages when it finally clicked in her head that as the oldest living Black she should have gotten Grimmauld Place and the Order of the Phoenix hideout when Sirius died yet <em>didn’t</em> because the wank had passed it to Harry Potter, and that she was getting frustrated that the Death Eaters were having trouble finding their old Potions Professor Slughorn, who Voldemort wished to recruit, Draco knew very little.</p>
<p>Narcissa had read in the papers that Igor Karkaroff’s body was found in a shack up north, and while she was certain that hunting down and murdering someone who defected from the Dark Lord’s cause no doubt lifted her sister’s foul mood, she doubted it was in any substantial manner. In all honesty, Narcissa was more than aware that Bellatrix would not be able to be happy again until she came home, and because of that it made her feel terribly selfish that she didn’t feel ready yet.</p>
<p>What was worse though was that even if she <em>did </em>feel ready, Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure that she would want to leave. It was… it was <em>nice,</em> living with Cassandra. It felt almost like she was in a normal relationship, and considering it had been a very long time since Narcissa had felt that way, she ate it up.</p>
<p>“Cass, at least— at least let me brush my teeth first,” Narcissa tried, but Cassandra was having <em>none</em> of that as she had apparently woken up horny and responded to that by sliding her tongue into her mouth as she climbed atop the other woman, the duvet shifting off her body as their legs tangled together in the sheets.</p>
<p>Cassandra’s lips fell to her neck then and Narcissa closed her eyes as she exhaled a small gasp, deciding arguing about her breath wasn’t really worth it right now anyway. Her hand fisted in a mess of auburn hair, the morning sunlight streaming into the room from the large bay window, and Narcissa couldn’t remember when she ever had something in her life that was so simple feel so perfect.</p>
<p>“Ya got no idea how fuckin’ sexy you look in the mornin’, Cissa,” Cassandra breathed against her skin, causing the woman beneath her to squirm as the Cassandra’s fingers pressed over the fabric of her knickers. All she had been wearing were those and a tank top that had ridden up in her sleep per usual, and as it seemed Cassandra had this incredible fetish for her stomach, it was no wonder with it being exposed to her when she awoke that Narcissa was practically ravaged.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Narcissa breathed as her lover’s lips were now dusking over the softness of her abdomen, every inch she descended being accented by a gentle love bite. Narcissa was <em>embarrassingly</em> wet already, but Cassandra had never had a problem making quick work of her. The woman’s hair was disheveled and half in her face, her makeup from the previous night still beneath her eyes, and yet Narcissa was fairly certain she had never seen anything sexier. “Fuck, Cass— don’t tease me.”</p>
<p>Cassandra responded to <em>that</em> by tracing her tongue around the blonde’s bellybutton, causing Narcissa to groan in frustration as the back of her head hit her pillow. Cassandra chuckled, the sound coming out muffled against her skin. “Got half a mind to make ya beg.”</p>
<p>“I am really, <em>really</em> not above it.”</p>
<p>“An’ I appreciate that,” Cassandra responded with a smirk before she leaned further down, taking the woman’s knickers into her mouth before pulling them away from Narcissa with her teeth. She allowed them to stay there for a moment before she let them go, causing them to snap back into place which prompted a desperate gasp to fall from the blonde’s lips. Her nipples were straining against the fabric of her top now and Narcissa’s chest heaved as she looked down at the woman between her legs.</p>
<p>Cassandra was smiling at her, just fucking <em>happy</em> to be here with her in this moment, and Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest as she held out her hand and beckoned to her with a soft, “C’mere.” The other woman’s brow knit but she did as she was told, and when she was hovering above her Narcissa wrapped her arms around Cassandra’s neck as she brought her in for lingering kiss. “I need to tell you something,” she breathed when they broke, not really knowing why <em>now</em> was the time, but feeling as though she was unable to keep it in any longer.</p>
<p>“I’m listenin’.”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed, feeling her heart beat rhythmically in her chest. She didn’t know why she was nervous; it wasn’t as though she was afraid the sentiment wouldn’t be returned as she already knew it would be, but this was— this was a <em>lot</em> for her, considering her fucked up life and her even more fucked up circumstances, and Narcissa prayed that doing this wouldn’t make everything worse as she tied Cassandra to her in a way that was as close to permanence as they could get.</p>
<p>Cassandra was patient with her. She just looked down at the woman in her arms, gently brushing an errant stray of hair out her eyes. Cassandra looked at her like she adored everything she was, and Narcissa started to feel emotional as her eyes began to water. “It’s okay,” Cassandra breathed softly, already knowing what this was about. “If ya say it, the world won’t end. But if you’re not ready, then I can wait; you don’t gotta—”</p>
<p>“—I love you.”</p>
<p>The words were practically forced from the back of Narcissa’s throat, as though it took every ounce of courage she had inside of her to bring them forward, but once she did she felt infinitely better and her whole body relaxed as she swallowed down the rest of her nerves. “I’m— I’m in love with you, Cass; like so goddamn in love with you I can barely think straight. I feel like… like I’m on this whole other world when I’m with you, and I didn’t realize that things could feel like <em>this</em> until you took me somewhere entirely new, to a place that I didn’t even know existed until now. And I know that’s— God, I probably sound so <em>stupid…”</em></p>
<p>“You don’t.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s gaze met hers, hoping she did not look as vulnerable as she felt. Cassandra just smiled down at her though as she gently ran her fingers through blonde hair, but then she seemed to realize something and her expression masked in anxiety. “But… this isn’t somethin’ you’re just feelin’ now, right? ‘Cause this ain’t— this ain’t fuckin’ <em>real,</em> Cissa. I want it to be, I want it to be so <em>bloody</em> badly, but things’re gonna change eventually. You’ll need to go home—”</p>
<p>“I don’t— I don’t want to,” Narcissa admitted, even though that made her feel horrible because it felt like she was betraying Bellatrix. Well, perhaps she had been betraying her for a long time now, but it somehow felt worse when she admitted that out loud. “I am so goddamn <em>happy</em> here— I’m happy with <em>you,</em> but I’ve always been happy with you, Cass. I’m not just feeling this now… I wanted to tell you after you told <em>me</em> but I wasn’t ready to say it yet because— I don’t know, it felt like I was giving you a <em>death sentence</em> or something…”</p>
<p>Cassandra rolled her eyes. “You’re so bloody dramatic— a ‘death sentence’, honestly…”</p>
<p>Narcissa just looked at her sadly, her palm cupping the younger woman’s face as she looked up at her. “I wish it wasn’t,” she breathed. “I wish I was strong enough to let her go, but I’m not. When I go back to her, you’re gonna feel like…”</p>
<p>“Like I’m givin’ ya a bridge,” Cassandra gently interrupted. “A bridge that you can cross, whenever you’re ready. I know it won’t be soon. I know you’re still in love with her an’ that ya keep holdin’ on to hope that it’s enough. An’ maybe your sister’s right— maybe I am a fuckin’ masochist for holdin’ out my hand and waitin’ for ya, but that’s my choice. <em>You</em> are my choice.”</p>
<p>“I knew fallin’ in love with ya would be messy, Cissa,” the younger woman continued softly, her fingers gently brushing the baby hairs from Narcissa’s forehead. “I’ve never been disillusioned to that. I’m not Lucius— I went into this with my eyes open. I <em>knew</em> about her. Granted, I never thought she’d escape, but I’m not gonna just say ‘fuck it, this ain’t worth it’ because things got more difficult. An’ maybe that’s… I dunno, <em>stupid</em> of me; maybe I’m bein’ too optimistic — thinkin’ I can handle more than I actually can, or that me bein’ here for ya is even gonna make a difference in the long run — but I’m still gonna <em>try. </em>You forget, I’ve known you were mental long before I fell into your bed. I knew about every ugly, complicated, fucked up thing in your life an’ I still couldn’t imagine wantin’ anyone else. You’re <em>it</em> for me, Narcissa. You’ve always been fuckin’ it for me.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears at those words and when one spilled over, Cassandra gently kissed it from her cheek before teasing, “You cry too much.”</p>
<p>“Shut up— you’ve become an emotional wreck over me too, so don’t act like it’s just me.”</p>
<p>Cassandra chuckled softly, kissing her jawline and then her clavicle. “Yeah but, you cry over like… everythin’,” she reminded her, causing Narcissa to roll her eyes and gently push her shoulder.</p>
<p>“<em>Recently,</em> maybe. When I was younger… I’m not entirely sure how I had any water left in my body, to be honest. But there was like… a second, in the middle, where I didn’t feel so helpless all the time, and… and I miss that.”</p>
<p>“You can have that back,” Cassandra gently reminded her between her soft kisses on her neck, her shoulder. Narcissa just exhaled a defeated breath however, her hand tangling in the other woman’s hair as she massaged her scalp.</p>
<p>“No,” she realized. “I can’t. Even— even if I could somehow fix the mess my life has become, my<em> son’s</em> life is…” Narcissa exhaled a trembling breath, the reality of it washing over her again. “I will never feel like I’m in control again. So long as that Mark is on his skin, I will always be afraid.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at her sadly, settling down on her side next to the other woman. She ran a comforting hand over the blonde’s abdomen as she placated her with foolish hopes. “Maybe one day it won’t be.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a short, bitter laugh. “He’s gonna win, Cass. Everyone thought he <em>died</em> and he’s still here. Draco will be a slave for the rest of his life, and my family will never know peace.” She shook her head, averting her gaze. “We shouldn’t be talking about this— I know the walls don’t have <em>ears </em>but one day they could and we just… we need to be careful. This is our reality now, and I think the only way I’m ever going to mentally survive it is if I simply accept that there is nothing I can do.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Cassandra breathed regrettably, knowing how difficult this was for her. “I wish there was somethin’ <em>I </em>could do, even though I know that’s… I dunno, a fuckin’ <em>bollocks</em> sentiment. I’m just as bloody useless.”</p>
<p>“You’re not,” Narcissa denied, because while Cassandra was not like <em>Bellatrix, </em>while she couldn’t protect her in the same way or solve Narcissa’s problems using her wand, she gave her something else, and it was just as important. “When I’m with you, I feel like the world’s not bloody ending. I feel like things might actually be okay, despite it all. And that’s… that’s enough. That’s more than enough.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow creased with emotion before she leaned in, gently pressing her lips against the other woman’s. Narcissa tangled her fingers in her hair as she coaxed her back on top of her, parting her lips so Cassandra’s tongue could find its way inside of her mouth. Narcissa just wanted to drown in her, to drown in this <em>feeling</em> because she knew it would soon be over, and she would be forced back into a realty with Bellatrix that she did not know how to face.</p>
<p>It was starting to become late morning though, and Narcissa knew they did not have much time before they would be expected downstairs, so she quickly bunched her fingers in the other woman’s shirt before pulling it over her head and tossing it to the ground. Her hands cupped the other woman’s breasts, her thumbs dusking over Cassandra’s nipples as she captured her lips in another kiss, feeling the younger woman’s uneven breath against her lips as she gently tweaked and pulled.</p>
<p>Cassandra hissed softly as her hand fell between their bodies, her hand slipping beneath the waistband of Narcissa’s knickers as she gently pressed against her clit. Narcissa’s breath hitched in her throat and she curled her fingers, leaving scratches down the younger woman’s sides that made her shiver in need. Cassandra connected their lips again, kissing her harder as she allowed her fingers to slide further downward until they slipped inside of her.</p>
<p>There was a bang on the bedroom door. “Mum!”</p>
<p>Cassandra ripped her mouth away from Narcissa’s, an irritated, “<em>What?”</em> falling from her lips as she stilled herself, fingers still very much inside her lover. While Narcissa obviously preferred <em>not</em> to be interrupted, the blonde found the normalcy of one of their children ruining their private time to actually be rather comforting. She <em>wished</em> this was her biggest problem in life.</p>
<p>“I’m hungry—”</p>
<p>“Well that’s what the bleedin’ house elf is for, innit?”</p>
<p>“—The elf’s shit. And Malfoy’s here; says he wants to talk to his Mum. Make us pancakes, yeah? M’Fuckin’ starving.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s brow knit in concern at the information that her son was there as he usually didn’t come over until the afternoon, and Cassandra sighed heavily, removing her fingers from her girlfriend. “Yeah— gimme a mo’. Start the coffee, will ya?”</p>
<p>“I dunno how.”</p>
<p>Honestly, Narcissa was not surprised by that in the slightest. Gregory Goyle was not the sharpest tool in the shed, that was for sure. It took nearly two weeks until he came downstairs, looked at Narcissa with the most perplexed expression and asked, ‘You livin’ here now or something?’ Cassandra loved him dearly, but she also wasn’t the most patient of mothers, and her son exercised hers quite frequently when it seemed he couldn’t even do the simplest of things.</p>
<p>“Then get the bloody house elf— <em>ugh,</em> just go downstairs an’ we’ll be there in a sec. <em>Brush ya teeth first!</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa could hear Gregory grumble something inaudible from the other side of the door as she redressed herself. After tossing Cassandra her shirt the redhead sighed, giving her girlfriend an apologetic look. “Sorry. Was hopin’ for a nice morning.”</p>
<p>“It was nice,” Narcissa assured her before she grabbed her long bathrobe, wrapping it around her body. They always had time to finish what they started later. “You actually make pancakes?”</p>
<p>Cassandra snorted. “No. Have the bloody house elf do it an’ tell him they’re mine ‘cause for some reason he’s been weird ‘bout eatin’ the thing’s food lately. He still goes through phases like a toddler— I dunno. I’m used to it by now.” She peered at the blonde curiously then and asked, “You ever cook?”</p>
<p>Narcissa burst out laughing. “I mean, if you’d like your house burnt down, sure.” Cassandra smirked as Narcissa crossed the space between them, leaving a lingering kiss on her lips. “I love waking up with you,” she breathed when they parted, and Cassandra smiled.</p>
<p>“Me too,” she told her softly before she bit down on her lower lip and gently pinched her lover’s side, encouraging Narcissa to get a move on. “Go wash up first so you can talk to your son— ‘cause if we try to shower together we’re <em>never</em> gettin’ down there.”</p>
<p>She was definitely not wrong about that.</p>
<p>Narcissa washed up as quick as she could before she got dressed and found her way downstairs. Draco and Gregory were in the parlor and she could hear them speaking before she made her presence known. “Dunno why they always gotta be <em>here— </em>it’s not fair, I want the house to myself for fuckin’ once.”</p>
<p>“And what would <em>you </em>do with the house to yourself? Not like you could get a girl, be a bloody waste.”</p>
<p>“Could so! Rubbish that you get to shag Pansy all the time and I’m soddin’ stuck here while my Mum lezzes out—”</p>
<p>Narcissa cleared her throat and both boys looked over at her, wide-eyed. “Uh. Hi, Mother,” Draco greeted, which was only met with a brow raise. While she wasn’t <em>surprised</em> by any means that Draco was using his newfound freedom and privacy to have sex with his girlfriend in their home, she also would have preferred to be blissfully unaware of that until she died, thank you.</p>
<p>The joys of raising a teenage boy though, she supposed. Besides, <em>objectively</em> Narcissa knew that the weight Draco now had on his shoulders could cause him to want to experience the parts of life he had not yet, and she could hardly fault him for it. Still, there was definitely a migraine starting in her temples and Narcissa wished she had come downstairs a little bit later so she could have missed that entire conversation.</p>
<p>“Goyle was just talking shit,” Draco tried to deny, which made Gregory, who did not understand that Draco was just trying to cover up what he had done with a ridiculous lie, say bluntly:</p>
<p>“Bollocks— you said last week you were shaggin’ her!”</p>
<p>“Shut <em>up, </em>you oaf!”</p>
<p>Yup. Definitely a migraine. Narcissa sighed heavily. “Draco, may I speak with you privately?” Draco grumbled, slamming his hand onto the upholstery as he violently rose from his seat.</p>
<p>“See?<em> This</em> is why I don’t trust you with anything important, you absolute moron,” Draco snapped at his ‘friend’ before he dejectedly followed his mother out of the parlor and into the study a ways down the Goyle manor. Narcissa shut the door behind them, and Draco was quick to tell his mother, “I’m using condoms, alright? I <em>don’t</em> want to talk about it!”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t— you are free to do as you please, Draco, so long as you’re safe about it,” Narcissa told her son, as she knew <em>forbidding</em> him from having sex would be a bloody waste of breath. “I was actually more concerned about why you’re here this early. Shouldn’t you be having your lessons with your aunt?”</p>
<p>Draco’s expression soured. “There’s a fucking <em>werewolf</em> at our house right now—”</p>
<p>Narcissa nearly choked on her breath. “<em>What?”</em> Oh my god, she was going to <em>murder</em> her sister.</p>
<p>“I mean, Aunt Bella was <em>pissed;</em> she kind of strangled the guy a little bit— but he had information for the Dark Lord about… I don’t know, some other werewolf trying to integrate with them or something. Think he’s part of the Order. I didn’t hear the whole thing— she told me to get the fuck out so I did; I didn’t like the way the thing looked at me, Mum.”</p>
<p>“Jesus <em>fucking</em> Christ,” Narcissa swore, causing Draco’s brow to rise at her language. “Just— stay here, please. Cassandra will make you breakfast and I’ll go and speak with your aunt.”</p>
<p>“No, Mother, it’s fine; if you’re not ready to come back home yet—”</p>
<p>“I don’t have to move back home to <em>yell</em> at her, Draco. I merely need to pay her a visit.”</p>
<p>“Yelling at her is gonna fuck you all up again!” Draco protested and well, he probably was not wrong in that regard. Narcissa was, in no way, ready to deal with Bellatrix yet, but this kind of shit left her with little choice. “I don’t want to have to come home to find that you’ve <em>actually</em> killed her this time! I can handle it— I just didn’t want to be there right now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long sigh. She understood her son’s reservations, but she also couldn’t hide away here forever. Sooner or later, she was going to have to face her sister. “I have to come home eventually, darling. I understand you’re <em>enjoying</em> your privacy—”</p>
<p>“This isn’t about Pansy! I just— I have too much shit to worry about already, I don’t want to have to worry about you too!” he exclaimed. “I don’t <em>want</em> you home— I… I forbid it!”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s brow rose at the sheer <em>audacity</em> her son had to even utter those words. “…You <em>forbid</em> it?”</p>
<p>“Yes! I’m— I mean, I’m the man of the house now, right? I can forbid things!” Draco tried to convince her, although not <em>well</em> by any means. The leg he seemed to be standing on right then seemed <em>terribly</em> unstable but he stuck to his words regardless, folding his arms in front of his chest as he attempted to look imposing.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, are you under the impression that just because I am temporarily living <em>here</em> that I’m no longer your mother? <em>You</em> do not forbid <em>me</em> to do anything, Draco; I am still the parent here—”</p>
<p>Draco snorted. “<em>Barely.”</em></p>
<p>The word was said under his breath but it pierced Narcissa’s chest regardless. She looked terribly gutted and Draco’s expression masked in guilt before his gaze found the ground. “I didn’t mean that,” he mumbled, knowing how much his mother feared that trying to take care of her mental health would make her a shit parent, as she had basically run away from her responsibilities.</p>
<p>“You did,” Narcissa corrected him softly, and the crease between her son’s brow deepened as he toed the carpet. “You did, and I’m sorry— I <em>am </em>barely being a parent right now, and you don’t deserve that. I’ll come home—”</p>
<p>“Mum, I <em>just</em> said that I didn’t want you to,” Draco interrupted, sounding frustrated. “Aunt Bella is still pissed about you and Mrs. Goyle— she hit me with Legilimency right when I woke up once so I couldn’t block her out right away and she specifically went looking for anything I knew about you guys. She <em>really </em>wasn’t happy with what she found. I tried to tell her that Father knew and was fine with it and that she needs to get over the whole <em>lesbian</em> thing because it’s not even that big a deal, but she told me that I didn’t know shit about anything and that I needed to shut the fuck up, so <em>that</em> was a fun morning.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s expression masked in guilt although she was, admittedly, pleased to hear that her son didn’t consider her relationship with Cassandra to be a big deal. She had been concerned about that. “Draco, I’m sorry—”</p>
<p>“Whatever— she’s insane and possessive and… I don’t know, mad gross about you, so it’s not like I was surprised,” Draco responded and Narcissa’s stomach dropped at the ‘gross’ part, considering she really hoped her son was not beginning to pick up on Bellatrix’s romantic feelings for her. “But <em>because</em> she’s all of those things I don’t want you to come home yet! She needs to calm down and you need to get <em>better,</em> so just stay here, Mum. <em>Please.</em> I’m okay with Aunt Bella, I promise— she’s a bloody nightmare but she doesn’t hurt me or anything, and I’m actually learning shit. That’s what you wanted, right?”</p>
<p>“Of course, darling, but—”</p>
<p>“Then <em>let</em> me, Mother. I would tell you if it was something I couldn’t handle, okay? Besides, you seem… I don’t know, <em>happy</em> here,” Draco mentioned, although seemed a bit awkward about acknowledging <em>anything </em>to do with his mother’s romantic life. “Like, it’s still <em>weird</em> that you’re banging my friend’s Mum—”</p>
<p>“Our relationship is more than just <em>sex,</em> Draco, and if you acknowledged it as such I’m sure it’d be far less <em>weird</em> for you as I’m sure the last thing you want to think about is what I do in bed with <em>anybody.”</em></p>
<p>“Well I don’t know what you’re doing, it’s not like you tell me! Like what, are you guys in an actual relationship? Do you love each other? Are you guys going to act like <em>you’re </em>the ones who are married now and Goyle is going to become like… I don’t fucking know, my <em>step-brother</em> or something<em>?</em> You literally have told me <em>nothing.”</em></p>
<p>“I’ve told you she makes me happy,” Narcissa defended, even though she knew her son was right and this conversation was probably far overdue.</p>
<p><em>“Food </em>makes me happy, Mother, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna go live in a house made of bloody cheese— What are you guys going to do once Father and Mr. Goyle come home? You can’t live together then. Does Mr. Goyle even <em>know</em> about you guys?”</p>
<p>“I know he… <em>did</em> at one point, but I’m unsure if this is something that he will be happy with and willing to allow,” Narcissa admitted. “If you’d like the truth though, I’m certain that if he did <em>not</em> that Cassandra would go behind his back because yes, we are in love and yes, this is an actual relationship but <em>no,</em> Gregory will not become your step-brother. I can’t run off and marry her, after all, and I still very much would like to have a proper marriage with your father once he returns.”</p>
<p>Draco snorted. “A ‘proper’ marriage? You guys swing.”</p>
<p>“What does that even mean?”</p>
<p>“It means— no, nevermind. I don’t want to explain sex terms to you, Mother, it’s weird.”</p>
<p>“Well I would <em>like</em> to know what I’m being accused of exactly. You always make the strangest face when you say that,” Narcissa responded, a little frustrated by her inability to keep up with the ‘in’ terms that kids used nowadays. “Besides, if you’re old enough to <em>have</em> sex, then you are certainly old enough to have a mature conversation about it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ugh,</em> whatever— it means you guys have sex with other people, or have sex with them <em>together</em> and I honestly beg of you not to specify if you’ve done the last bit because I will honestly vomit all over this floor.”</p>
<p>“Believe me, I do not plan to. However, <em>thank you</em> for finally explaining that to me, and I suppose that’s an… <em>apt</em> description,” Narcissa admitted, which her son still glowered about even though he was the one who kept calling it that. “Still, if you’d like to know how both of us plan to uphold our relationship once our husband’s come home, I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for you. I supposed we’ll find out once the time comes. For now, I’m just enjoying my time with her.”</p>
<p>Draco’s face scrunched up. “Do I have to keep calling her ‘Mrs. Goyle’ because I feel like that’s weird if you guys are in like… a serious relationship.”</p>
<p>“You can call her whatever you feel comfortable with, darling.”</p>
<p>“…’Kay. I dunno— I’ll talk to Goyle about it, ‘cause it’d be weird if I started calling her by her name or something but he was still calling you Mrs. Malfoy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could appreciate that. She knew this was a strange situation for Draco, but she was glad he was understanding about it. “How is he doing with all of this, by the way? Cassandra told me she talked to him, but it sounded as though he didn’t really… understand.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t understand anything,” Draco responded with a dramatic eye roll. “He’s as dumb as a box of rocks.”</p>
<p>“Draco, be kind. Gregory was born with his umbilical cord around his neck; both him <em>and</em> Cassandra nearly died when she gave birth to him and I think it’s… affected him, developmentally. Besides, he is supposed to be your friend.”</p>
<p>“He <em>is;</em> I can have dumb friends,” Draco defended, like that was a proper reason to be a dick about Gregory’s mental abilities. “But, I don’t know, I think he thinks Mrs— Cassandra, whatever, is going to go back to Mr. Goyle when he comes back. Like this is temporary or something. Do you want me to tell him it’s not?”</p>
<p>“No, that’s something Cassandra needs to tell him. Just try to be delicate if he asks any questions, alright?”</p>
<p>Draco rolled his eyes again, but before he could say anything they were interrupted by Cassandra, who appeared in the doorway. “Mail’s here,” she told them, a stack of letters in her hand. “Yours too, Draco— that owl you’ve got is ruddy smart; beats the shit one Peter bought us last year. Waste of goddamn money. Think they’re your OWL results though, you wanna come look at them over breakfast? I made pancakes.”</p>
<p>Narcissa smirked, knowing full-well that she did not. Cassandra’s gaze met hers and she shot her a look that clearly told her to <em>be quiet,</em> and Narcissa’s smirk widened as she tried not to laugh at the look she was being given.</p>
<p>Draco, however, just looked a little pale.</p>
<p>“Darling, you don’t have to look so terrified— I’m sure your results are fine. Come on, let’s go have breakfast,” Narcissa encouraged, and Draco looked a bit like he was walking to the gallows as he slumped out of the room as he headed to the dining room.</p>
<p>“Can’t wait to taste your cooking,” Narcissa teased as she approached her girlfriend, gently grasping onto the base of her blouse to pull her toward her. Cassandra rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Shut up. S’everythin’ okay?” she asked, knowing Narcissa was concerned with Draco’s appearance this early. Narcissa gave her a comforting smile though before she leaned in, kissing her on the cheek.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s fine. We just… had a lot to talk about, but it’s okay now.”</p>
<p>“…’Kay,” Cassandra breathed, her eyes having found Narcissa’s lips once the older woman threw her arms around her neck, gently pulling her toward her until they both fit snuggly against the threshold of the door, the blonde’s back against the wood. Narcissa smiled at her, her hand fitting against the back of the other woman’s skull before bringing her in for a soft kiss.</p>
<p>“—<em>Mum!</em> Where’s the bloody syrup?!”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna kill ‘im,” Cassandra muttered after they broke and Narcissa softly chuckled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine. I think this is the most normal I’ve felt in a long time, and it’s doing <em>wonders</em> for my mental health so… thank you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra gently smiled, glad to know that she was helping in some way. Narcissa just hoped that whatever she got out of being here would carry with her whenever she finally had to go home and face the woman whose heart she broke, along with all of the devastating reality that went along with that.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. XXIX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXIX.</strong>
</p>
<p>Draco actually had a decent amount of OWLs and would be moving on to a few NEWT classes — including Potions and Defense the Dark Arts, which was impressive to Narcissa as <em>she</em> could not manage decent OWLs in either of those subjects — yet he still felt the need to justify his P in Charms because apparently the exam teacher had just <em>fawned</em> over Harry Potter and it caused Draco to get so irritated that the wine glass he had been levitating fell to the floor and shattered. Narcissa did not care though— Charms was a soft option anyway (or, at least, that was what she told him despite that being one the few NEWT level classes she <em>had</em> managed to get into), and she knew Draco was just nervous because his father always pushed him to apply himself more. Narcissa was proud of what he had achieved though and considering he had done <em>far</em> better than she had herself, felt there was no room to complain.</p>
<p>She made certain Draco knew how happy she was with his grades and he ended up feeling a lot better; for a moment he actually seemed <em>excited</em> to go back to school and begin his NEWT courses, but then he remembered the Mark and he slipped into a broody silence as he compulsively rubbed his left forearm. Narcissa hated it, she hated all of this, but she didn’t know what else to <em>do</em> besides try to encourage him to finish his schooling as best he could before he ended up in full service of the Dark Lord.</p>
<p>Narcissa had been trying to teach Cassandra Occlumency during her time there as Bellatrix had suggested before, even though Narcissa wasn’t entirely certain her sister wanted Cassandra to have more defenses after everything that happened. Still, a part of Narcissa wondered why her sister hadn’t just used Legilimency on Cassandra before if she had wanted to know the truth— did something like that fall under ‘physical harm’ and therefore Bellatrix thought she could not due to the terms of the Unbreakable Vow? It didn’t <em>hurt</em> when one did that, but it was also incredibly violating. Or, more likely, was Bellatrix merely afraid of what she would find if she actively went looking? Bellatrix liked to live in denial just as much as Narcissa did, but the bliss of ignorance was gone now, and Narcissa was running out of excuses to run away.</p>
<p>She was <em>better.</em> It was obvious to anyone who looked at her that she wasn’t the same woman she had been a month ago, as Narcissa had spent a good portion of her time at Cassandra’s focusing on her mental health. She developed a routine, taking her medicine at a certain time, eating regular meals, sleeping at least seven hours a night, and trying to keep herself as de-stressed as possible. Maybe it was just a bullshit façade in the end, as obviously her circumstances <em>here</em> weren’t what they would be when she returned home, but Narcissa was starting to feel whole again, and that had to mean something.</p>
<p>She and Cassandra took their kids to Diagon Alley to shop for school supplies one warm afternoon in late July, and after an altercation in Madam Malkin’s with the Potter boy and his pathetic entourage that left a bad taste in Narcissa’s mouth, Draco got irritated and snapped at her that he was old enough to do his shopping <em>alone</em> anyway and stalked off in a huff, leaving Narcissa by herself. Cassandra had already been abandoned by Gregory who no doubt got distracted by something shiny and ran off himself, and when the two women found each other they shared a knowingly exhausted look.</p>
<p>“Drink?” Cassandra suggested, and Narcissa exhaled a desperate, “<em>Please,”</em> before the two women headed in the direction of the Leaky Cauldron. Posters of wanted Death Eaters lined the streets, Bellatrix’s face sneering at her from the front of the nearest apothecary, and Narcissa had to avert her gaze because an awful feeling made camp in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t seen her sister in over a month now, and the longer this went on the more pathetic she was beginning to feel, as she was a full-grown woman and she shouldn’t be running away from her problems like this.</p>
<p>Diagon Alley was not what it used to be. Narcissa had heard that Florean Fortescue, the man who ran the ice-cream place, was dragged off by Death Eaters, and now his shop was all boarded up. Even Ollivander was missing, although whether the Death Eaters got him or he just ran off, nobody knew. Narcissa was sure<em> Bellatrix</em> knew, but because she was not actively speaking to her at the moment, her guess was as good as anyone else’s.</p>
<p>Narcissa gently allowed her fingers to tangle in Cassandra’s once they entered the bar, which the redhead seemed to think was a mistake since she immediately pulled her hand away. It hadn’t been though; with Draco accepting of her relationship now, she felt no reason to hide it. If her son wasn’t ashamed, then that was all that mattered to her— her reputation was in the toilet anyway, so what did it matter if people saw her look a little too close with another woman? Some things mattered more than how others saw her, and Cassandra was one of them.</p>
<p>(Narcissa was sure Aunt Walburga had just rolled over in her grave.)</p>
<p>Then again, it wasn’t as though they had a <em>conversation</em> about being public anyway, so perhaps Narcissa should not have assumed Cassandra would be as okay with it as she realized she might be. The other woman hadn’t seemed terribly <em>adverse</em> to it or anything when Narcissa had been expressing her frustrations over it when they were at the train station two months back, but Narcissa had also been very against it at that time for her son’s sake, so Cassandra didn’t really open up much about her feelings on it. Still, Narcissa found she really wanted to hold her hand, which of course made her feel a bit silly as what was she, fourteen? She didn’t even hold <em>Lucius’</em> hand in public, although sometimes she would clutch his arm. Would one woman do that with another though?</p>
<p>Oh my God, she was over thinking this.</p>
<p>“Why’re ya lookin’ at me like that?”</p>
<p>“Like what? I’m not— this is just how I <em>look,” </em>Narcissa insisted, suddenly embarrassed for reasons she didn’t fully understand. “Can you just… get me a glass of wine? I’ll find us somewhere to sit while we wait for the boys. I told Draco to find us around here anyway.”</p>
<p>Cassandra narrowed her eyes suspiciously but did as requested anyway, leaving Narcissa to exhale a long breath as she silent berated herself for acting like some kind of lovesick idiot. She was forty years old, for Christ’s sake— there was absolutely no need to be ridiculous.</p>
<p>The open bar area of the Leaky Cauldron wasn’t too busy. With everything going on with the mysterious disappearances and Death Eaters lurking around every corner Narcissa was not surprised, but it was still strange to see it so empty. This used to be such a crowded spot over the summer while Hogwarts students came with their parents to shop for their supplies, or tourists came through while they visited London. It used to be so full of life and now the atmosphere was rather somber as the threat of war lingered on the horizon. Narcissa made her way to the back of the room as she at least wanted a little more privacy with her girlfriend, but her eyes landed on a witch who was sitting by herself in the corner and Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath.</p>
<p>“What are you <em>doing</em> here?” she hissed as she invaded her sister’s space, feeling as though <em>she</em> was the one who had the audacity to bombard her way into Narcissa’s life, when in reality it was she who was about to ruin Andromeda’s afternoon.</p>
<p>“You <em>are</em> aware how public spaces work, I assume?” her sister countered, but Narcissa felt ridiculously violated by this as though Andromeda should have known she was going to be in Diagon Alley today and should have gone out of her way to avoid this uncomfortable meeting.</p>
<p>“Your daughter doesn’t even go to school anymore—”</p>
<p>“No, which is why she is not here with me,” Andromeda pointed out, her hands cupping her mug of butterbeer. “You are, however, <em>sadly</em> deluded if you think this shopping area is only open to students during the summer. I had an errand to run and I decided to have a drink afterward; with the way you are looking at me, you’d think that was some sort of <em>crime.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled an exasperated breath. “Of course it’s not a <em>crime, </em>I just don’t see the point in you being here. I was having a perfectly good afternoon until you decided to grace me with your presence.”</p>
<p>Andromeda snorted. “Did you, or did you not just stride up to <em>my </em>table? You could have left me alone, Narcissa. In fact, I’d prefer it if you did, but as you seem content on forcing another reunion that will no doubt end with both of us getting pissed off, go ahead— sit down. This should be entertaining, at the very least.”</p>
<p>Narcissa scoffed as though the very idea of being invited to sit down at Andromeda’s table was gravely insulting. “I’m here with someone actually, so thank you, I suppose, for your pathetic attempt at hospitality, but I’d rather—”</p>
<p>“—<em>Bloody </em>hell.”</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>“This the other one?” Cassandra asked just as Narcissa tried to shush her, as her exclamation wasn’t exactly quiet. Cassandra was staring at Andromeda as though she had just seen a ghost though, and for probably good reason, considering… “Jesus, she looks just like ‘er. Wasn’t expectin’ that.”</p>
<p>Andromeda did <em>not</em> look pleased with the comparison. “Yes, it’s been quite a lot of fun with people doing double-takes at me whenever they see Bellatrix’s wanted poster.” Her gaze flickered to Narcissa, her tone a tad accusing. “Who’s this?”</p>
<p>“Cassandra Goyle,” Cassandra introduced at the very same time that Narcissa answered, “My girlfriend.”</p>
<p><em>Both</em> women looked surprised at that answer, but Narcissa refused to pretend Cassandra was anything other than what she was. Besides, this wasn’t exactly ‘going public’ or anything— it was just her <em>sister. </em>Andromeda’s brow rose though as she stared at Narcissa like she was seeing her for the first time. “Wow. You really <em>have</em> abandoned all pretenses now that your husband’s in jail, haven’t you? What will the societal elite think, if they were to hear of such a scandal?”</p>
<p>“I have far more important things to worry about now than what a bunch of snooty prats think of me; besides, you know as well as I that my reputation is in tatters. What gain is there is trying to save face? I’m tired of the superficiality of it all.”</p>
<p>“Stop, you’re going to give me a stroke,” Andromeda responded sardonically, although despite herself she did look rather impressed by Narcissa’s refusal to be ashamed of who she is. But then she realized something and she sucked in a sharp breath, the sound short of a hiss. “Oh, Bellatrix must be <em>thrilled. </em>I’m surprised you’re still breathing,” she mentioned to Cassandra, who looked as though she was going to say something, but Narcissa beat her to it as she didn’t want her to reveal anything damning about Bellatrix.</p>
<p>In the end, she was still a wanted criminal, and Andromeda’s <em>daughter</em> was someone who was actively hunting her.</p>
<p>“I told you the last time that we met that she isn’t in my life anymore,” Narcissa lied, and Andromeda straight up <em>laughed</em> at that, causing the youngest of the Black sisters to hiss at her to <em>be quiet</em> because people were beginning to stare, and she sat down in the chair opposite to Andromeda in a huff, hoping the woman would keep her voice down if they were in closer quarters. Cassandra followed suit, taking the seat next to her as she slid her the glass of wine that Narcissa now <em>desperately</em> needed.</p>
<p>“Narcissa, you and I both know that no matter how badly you might wish to stay away from her, that she will always find some way to <em>claw </em>her way back underneath your skin,” Andromeda told her, not cutting any corners. Cassandra pursed her lips like she absolutely believed Andromeda to have a point and Narcissa glowered as she took a sip of her wine. “I’m sure she darkened your doorstep the second she found herself out of that place— I just hope for your sake that you had the strength to send her away.”</p>
<p>“I find it hard to believe that your daughter didn’t give you the details of her horribly invasive and <em>thorough</em> search of my home that, if you’ll recall, did not yield results— Bellatrix included.”</p>
<p>“I mean, I don’t think she’s <em>living</em> with you—”</p>
<p>Well that was good, considering she was.</p>
<p>Well, she <em>had</em> been until Narcissa ran away— Bellatrix merely lived with Draco now. God, she needed to go back home. This madness had no doubt gone on long enough.</p>
<p>“—But let’s stop pretending you’ve had no contact, shall we? By the way, when you see her next, do tell her that I owe her for what she did to my daughter at the Ministry.”</p>
<p>“She’s alive, ain’t she?” Cassandra responded, as though that made all the difference in the world. “That’s practically a love letter from the mental bitch; not that I can blame ya for goin’ feral over your kid, even if she is a mutt.”</p>
<p>“Oh good, and here I was worried that my dear sister might have chosen someone decent for a romantic partner. I might have died from the shock. You certainly do have a <em>type,</em> don’t you?” Andromeda accused, her gaze shifting to Narcissa with her last question. The blonde looked confused though, as she was fairly certain that Bellatrix, Lucius, and Cassandra were nothing alike.</p>
<p>Off of her sister’s look, Andromeda answered, “A beautiful exterior, but a <em>rotten </em>core.”</p>
<p>“Oi,” Cassandra shot back, offended by the implication. “If ya didn’t want your kid to be called a mutt then ya should have married your own kind. You can’t fault people for simply sayin’ the truth.”</p>
<p>“God, you’re just as warped as she is,” Andromeda exhaled in disgust. “Do neither of you realize how badly being raised as a ‘proud’ pureblood screwed you up? You both need to recognize that you’re a dying breed, and if you keep passing these awful ideals down to your children then you’re going to leave them alone in a world that no longer exists. At least give them the <em>chance</em> to integrate with the rest of society.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothin’ wrong with being proud of who you are.”</p>
<p>“Are you though?” Andromeda countered. “Are <em>you?” </em>she asked Narcissa then, giving her a pointed look. “Because from where I’m sitting, all being proud of your blood has given you is a husband who’s in prison and commitment your family cannot talk their way out of. What are you going to do if the Dark Lord comes recruiting and takes your only son? Draco is a <em>proud</em> pureblood, is he not? Proud, and turning seventeen in only a year; what will you—”</p>
<p>Narcissa had practically wheezed the second Andromeda had mentioned Draco, and she slammed her hand on the table, nearly spilling her glass of wine as she exclaimed, “Don’t you talk about my son!” She looked like she was twelve seconds away from a panic attack, and Cassandra placed a comforting hand on her leg and leaned in to shush her.</p>
<p>“Cissa, breathe…”</p>
<p>Andromeda’s brow creased in concern over the strength of her sister’s reaction. “…Has he already?” she asked, keeping her voice down as Narcissa’s reaction had turned a few heads. She sounded so terribly gutted on her behalf, and Narcissa wanted to claw her own chest open to get rid of the disease that resided within her.</p>
<p>Thankfully, it was Cassandra who spoke. “No, but she’s bloody fuckin’ terrified of it, so thanks for bringin’ it up— hey, have some wine, yeah? S’okay,” Cassandra softly encouraged, gently rubbing small circles on the blonde’s thigh. Narcissa inhaled a shaky breath and nodded before she took a large sip of her drink. Her hand fell between them then, grasping tightly to Cassandra’s. She did not want to let her go.</p>
<p>“Narcissa,” Andromeda quietly addressed. “I know— I know things are not good between us, but if you ever need help, my daughter…”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Narcissa insisted, her voice coming out strained. She could not look at her. Part of her ached to take Andromeda up on her offer, as perhaps as an Auror her daughter could protect Draco, but she also knew that the Dark Lord planned to infiltrate the Ministry at some point, and then her protection would be worthless. Her son would die for his betrayal, and Narcissa could not bear that. “I need to— I have to go.”</p>
<p>Andromeda looked as though she felt awful for slapping her sister with a reality she could not bear to face, but she did not apologize for her words, as she knew this was something Narcissa would need to confront eventually. “Regardless, my offer… it still stands. You know how to get in with contact me, should you change your mind. I think we both know I owe you no favors, Narcissa, but despite it all you are still my little sister. I still… I still care.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wet her dry lips, her breathing still coming out strained after she stood. She stared at Andromeda, her stomach twisting in her gut at her sister’s words. She hated this, honestly— it had been twenty-five years since this animosity between them tore their family apart, and while Narcissa was still bitter over Andromeda’s choice to walk away, there was a part of her that could not fault her for it anymore.</p>
<p>Their childhood had been <em>horrible,</em> and in the end Narcissa had done the very same thing and ran while Bellatrix made certain she could not be followed. Narcissa knew she may never understand Andromeda’s desire to leave for a <em>mudblood,</em> but perhaps she now understood the desire to be happy above all else. Being in a lesbian relationship was just as looked down upon in their society as being in a relationship with a muggleborn, and yet Narcissa had resolved not to let it bother her any longer. She was happy, and that was all that mattered; perhaps, in the end, that was all that mattered to Andromeda as well.</p>
<p>“…Me too.”</p>
<p>The words were barely above a whisper, yet Andromeda heard them all the same. She gave her sister a small smile as Cassandra wrapped her arm around her girlfriend’s waist, allowing her hand to rest on the small of her back. Narcissa did not say goodbye as a feeling she couldn’t really identify clutched at her chest, but she turned away, allowing Cassandra to gently lead her out of the Leaky Cauldron.</p>
<p>She didn’t really feel like drinking any more anyway.</p>
<p>When they exited, Narcissa pleaded in a strained voice, “Hold my hand?” and Cassandra complied without a second thought before she pulled her gently toward her, allowing Narcissa to lean against her chest. Cassandra gently placed her lips on the blonde’s forehead, and Narcissa exhaled.</p>
<p>“Have some <em>decorum,”</em> snarled an older witch in disgust while she passed by the two women. Cassandra wasted no time in throwing a rude gesture at her which Narcissa had to cover up with her hand as she turned them both away from the woman who was now gaping at them in horror. Narcissa was trying not to laugh at how little Cassandra cared for her own rudeness, as they were not <em>children</em> and they couldn’t just be throwing the finger at people all willy-nilly— especially in public.</p>
<p>Still, the look on the old woman’s face <em>had</em> been well-worth it. She looked as though she had been slapped.</p>
<p>“Now you’ve done it— I think that was the Rowle matriarch; I used to see her at my Aunt’s parties. I give it two days until every pureblood knows our little ‘scandal’.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked genuinely apologetic. “Shit, I’m sorry—”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” Narcissa interrupted, not wanting Cassandra to feel badly for it. She truly did not care any longer. She was just <em>tired; </em>tired of the bullshit, tired of all the pretenses. Her lifestyle had exhausted her to the point of no return, but Narcissa still felt trapped in it all the same. Still, if she could distance herself, even a little bit, then perhaps she would come out better for it in the end. “I’m not ashamed of you, my <em>son</em> doesn’t seem to be ashamed of me… and I refuse to be ashamed of myself any longer. I’ve spent far too much of my life hating myself for not being the perfect pureblooded woman, with the perfect figure and the perfect marriage, throwing the perfect parties and being well-connected with the rest of the other perfect people, and I can’t stomach it anymore. I’m done.”</p>
<p>Cassandra smiled at her, gently squeezing the hand that she held in her own. She was proud of her, and Narcissa’s heart swelled at the look she was being given. But then Cassandra’s expression masked over in anxiety as she realized something. “Well, just don’t forget I gave you a place to stay when ya needed one— cause when Peter gets out an’ he hears about how badly I’ve embarrassed him for this, I might need one too.”</p>
<p>Narcissa brow creased in concern. “You really think he’ll kick you out?”</p>
<p>Cassandra shrugged helplessly. “Maybe not for actin’ like a bleedin’ dyke in public, although that’ll still piss ‘im off— but when he finds out I’m in love with ya… yeah. Yeah, I think he might.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry…”</p>
<p>“I did this to myself,” Cassandra responded with a resigned sigh. “I knew a long time ago that I’d get caught up in you an’ what I was riskin’. Granted, I didn’t think it’d take us fifteen bloody years to get here, but a part of me knew it was inevitable. I just wish I wasn’t gonna hurt ‘im— I know he cheated on me too, but it was… different, than me an’ you, an’ he don’t deserve the pain I’m gonna give ‘im when he finds that out.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, feeling awful. Her selfishness always hurt others, but she hadn’t wanted it to hurt <em>her.</em> “You know you will always have a place to stay, should you need one,” Narcissa told her softly, not knowing what else to do, what else to <em>say. </em>“Lucius would never turn you out either. I’m sure this—<em> us</em>, won’t come to a surprise to him anyway.”</p>
<p>“You don’t think he’ll be jealous? You guys <em>are</em> still married…”</p>
<p>Narcissa laughed softly. “I mean, he might be jealous of <em>me</em> since he had a crush on you for a time, despite trying to lie to himself about it. But jealous that <em>you</em> have me? No. We’ve accepted that we both prefer to have multiple partners in our marriage and it’s made things… so much <em>better</em> than they used to be.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, if my husband leaves me an’ you’re still alright with it I might just take ‘im up on his offer— I love ya, Cissa, but I still <em>really</em> like a good plow from a hard cock. I dunno if I could just give that up completely. But, then again— same goes for the opposite now. You’ve fucked me all up, y’know that?”</p>
<p>Narcissa giggled and shushed her, despite no one really being in their general vicinity. Still, better to be safe. “I <em>absolutely</em> understand, believe me. And you are more than welcome to; in fact, I greatly encourage it, regardless of whether or not I’m there with you. What’s mine is yours,” she told her seriously, despite her tone lightly teasing. Narcissa met her gaze, her voice becoming sincere. “I told you once, a long time ago, that I would give you whatever you wanted. You were right though; I didn’t mean it then. I do now. I would go to the ends of the fucking <em>earth</em> to keep you happy, Cass. I love you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s eyes softened at those words. “I love you too, Cissa.” She looked at the blonde’s lips then before biting on her bottom one. “Yeah… we still shouldn’t kiss in public— be a bit much.”</p>
<p>“Probably,” Narcissa agreed, as she hardly even kissed Lucius in public; the only times were at parties or something, and it was only ever a quick peck on the lips.</p>
<p>Cassandra gently squeezed the other woman’s hand though, growing serious herself. “You and I both know what I want you aren’t able to do yet,” she told her, and Narcissa’s gaze fell between them, unable to look her in the eyes. She loved Cassandra for the amount of patience she was exercising when it came to this, but she also had a sickening feeling that it wouldn’t last as long as she would like. Still, Narcissa allowed the woman her optimism because quite frankly, she couldn’t bear to be the one who ripped it from her. “But I appreciate your desire to regardless, an’ I hope— no, I <em>know</em> one day things will change. It’s takin’ you a long time to move forwards, an’ sometimes ya slip an’ fall back a few steps, but overall I think you’re gettin’ to where ya wanna be. An’ whatever— maybe it makes me an’ idiot, maybe it makes me a masochist, to just stand there an’ wait but… I’ll be there when you do, okay? I promise.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded. She was silent for a long time before she finally looked up at her girlfriend. Before she could say anything though, it was Cassandra who spoke. “I know you’re ready to go back,” she told her, albeit regrettably as she had been enjoying their short reprieve away from reality. Narcissa had been too, but she couldn’t keep running anymore— she was strong enough now to face her sister, to deal with the repercussions of her actions, and she <em>needed</em> to.</p>
<p>“Believe me, there is a very large part of me that doesn’t want to. Taking the time for my mental health is one thing, but if I stayed… it would be selfish. I need to go back for my son. I need to be there for him more than I have been over the last month, because I’m starting to feel like an awful mother and that is the <em>last</em> thing I want to be for him,” Narcissa told her softly, her fingers gently caressing the other woman’s as she spoke. “And I need— I need to face her; I need to own what I’ve done, and I need to try to fix it. I betrayed her and I— I <em>don’t</em> regret it, but I am sorry that it hurt her. She did not deserve to find out that way. I should have been braver and even though it might be too little too late, I need to be honest with her now. It’s what she deserves, at the very least.”</p>
<p> Cassandra understood, but then again, she always did. Narcissa had no idea how she managed to get not one, but <em>two</em> people to accept the madness that was her and Bellatrix, but it probably was just a testament to how badly she could fuck people up. She honestly did not mean to, but Narcissa would be lying if she said she did not enjoy the benefits of it. If she were being truthful with herself though, Narcissa knew she did not deserve a single one of them: not Cassandra, not Lucius, and not even Bellatrix. Yet, unfathomably, she had them.</p>
<p>Some a little more than most though.</p>
<p>On the <em>lesser</em> end of that spectrum was her sister, who a day later was looking at her like her mere presence was a plague upon the house that she had called her home for the last seven months. “What the fuck are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a tired breath as she put her bags down in the foyer. “I <em>live</em> here, Bella,” she reminded her, and Bellatrix scoffed. Narcissa knew her reintegration into her own house and her sister’s life wouldn’t go smoothly, so she was glad that Cassandra had offered Draco a place to stay for the night; no matter what happened, Narcissa was sure that she did not want him to be around for it.</p>
<p>“And here I thought you were content playing <em>house</em> with your side whore. Did you tire of it that quickly?”</p>
<p>“She is not my <em>side whore,”</em> Narcissa denied, looking at her sister exasperatedly. Still, she knew Bellatrix had a right to be hurt, and she knew she was going to lash out because of it. It was just what she <em>did.</em> “And you know as well as I that I did not leave to ‘play house’; I was having a very difficult time with Draco being Marked and I spun out of control. I needed to take a step back so I could get a handle on myself before I got <em>worse,</em> because I would have if I didn’t. You <em>know</em> I would have. I’m mentally ill, Bella, and as much as I wish I had control over it I still have a very hard time sometimes. I’m <em>trying.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, are you under the impression I give a fuck about your mental state?” Bellatrix snapped, continuing to lash out as she spat lies to try to hurt her. “Get depressed and jump off a fucking bridge— see if I care.”</p>
<p>Narcissa just looked at her patiently. “I think you’d care very much, actually.”</p>
<p>“Oh, good, are we back to your condescending bullshit? Because that was my <em>favorite</em>,” Bellatrix sneered and, alright, perhaps it did sound a bit… but that wasn’t how Narcissa <em>meant</em> it. She just knew that Bellatrix would actually care quite a bit if she did that. “Get fucked, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix strode out of the room, kicking one of Narcissa’s bags for good measure before she left and well, at least the space they had from one another gave her sister ample time to calm down, because Narcissa knew Bellatrix, and <em>this</em> was probably the best she could have hoped for. She had every right to be angry with her, but at least she didn’t seem as murderous as she was after she had found out, and that had to count for something.</p>
<p>Still, Narcissa followed her.</p>
<p>“Bella, please. We need to <em>talk. </em>I know— I know I haven’t been honest with you and I’m sorry, but I will be now if you just give me the chance.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want your pathetic attempt at honesty, you backstabbing cunt. You got caught in a lie, <em>again,</em> and yet you want to act like you’re going to give me the decency of finally telling me the truth, when I’ve already ripped it out of you? You’re a trip, but I’m hardly surprised. You used to do this to Lucius all the time; you’d get backed into a corner until the only way out was trying to get in front of your bullshit, but by then it would always be too late. You will never be anything more than a selfish child, and I <em>hate</em> that all of us keep letting you get away with it.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t wrong. Narcissa’s chest ached as she realized she wasn’t doing things differently at all; she was just doing them to a different person. “I’m <em>sorry,”</em> she stressed, but Bellatrix just laughed bitterly as she went into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. “And you shouldn’t— you <em>shouldn’t </em>let me get away with it. I know I deserve your anger, I know I hurt you—”</p>
<p>“Hurt?” Bellatrix countered after she had grabbed the decanter of whiskey, nearly slamming it down on the counter. “You think you <em>hurt</em> me? There isn’t a fucking <em>word</em> for what you did to me, Cissy, and yet because I’ll never be anything other than another one of your emotional fucking doormats, I just have to deal with it. If you were anyone else I would have carved your heart out of your fucking chest, I would have razed your house to the ground and killed your <em>son</em>, but I can’t. You have made me into the most pathetic version of myself and I <em>despise</em> you for it. You killed the fucking strength inside of me, you’ve killed my sense of self-preservation, you’ve killed my goddamn spirit. So hey, here’s to you, you fucking <em>disease.</em> Cheers.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix downed the glass that she poured herself within seconds and Narcissa’s stomach dropped as she realized what exactly she was looking at. Bellatrix had been oddly calm about this — or at least as calm as <em>she</em> could be — and while Narcissa had thought that was because she had time to process what had happened and move on from her fury, that wasn’t what it was at all. Her sister might be hurt, she might be angry, but that wasn’t her dominant emotion at the moment, because Bellatrix was <em>depressed.</em></p>
<p>“Bella…” Narcissa breathed sadly, realizing the repercussions of her actions might have been more severe than she thought. “I <em>love</em> you— how I feel about Cassandra, that doesn’t change that…”</p>
<p>“Oh, but you <em>wish</em> it did, don’t you?” Bellatrix spat as she poured herself another drink. Narcissa wanted to stop her, as she doubted this could lead anywhere good, but she was fairly certain she wouldn’t be able to even if she tried. Bellatrix only listened to her when she respected her, and right now she did not. “She gives you something <em>normal,</em> doesn’t she? More normal than screwing your own flesh and blood, at any rate. You probably <em>loved</em> hiding away with her, having breakfast with your kids every morning and playing like she’s your fucking wife with your mundane domestic <em>bullshit.”</em></p>
<p>“I know you, Narcissa, and I know what you want— and it’s not hiding away with me in the dark, terrified that people will find out just how sick you’ve always been,” Bellatrix continued, her voice beginning to get strained as her throat closed in emotion. “You’ve always been ashamed of me, yet you aren’t ashamed of<em> her. </em>And don’t you dare fucking lie to me because we have eyes everywhere, and the performance you put on in Diagon Alley yesterday left little to interpretation.”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed hard. She had hoped that wouldn't have circled back around to her sister yet, but perhaps that had been a foolish wish. Gossip spread unnaturally fast in the pureblooded community, and most of the Death Eaters Bellatrix surrounded herself with<em> were</em> pureblood. Even if it wasn't the Rowle matriarch who began the rumor, as Bellatrix's declaration about having eyes everywhere seemed to point to someone else, it still got to her sister regardless. “…Who saw us?”</p>
<p>“Does it <em>matter?”</em></p>
<p>No. Perhaps it did not. Narcissa watched her sister consume what she had poured herself, the blonde’s heart weighing heavy in her chest. “You’re right,” she finally admitted, because she couldn’t keep lying to her sister. “I’ve never been like you— I could never hold my head up high and not <em>care</em> that I’m in an incestuous relationship. I was always ashamed of it, and I probably always will be. But that doesn’t mean that changes how I feel about you, and that <em>doesn’t</em> mean that I don’t want to continue to hide away with you in the dark.”</p>
<p>“That you’re <em>in</em> an incestuous relationship?” Bellatrix countered with a disbelieving laugh. “I think you mean that you <em>were.”</em></p>
<p>While the logical part of her brained screamed to just let this lie, that this should be what she <em>wanted,</em> Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest as it ached for the woman she lost. In the end, she didn’t know <em>how</em> to just be a sister to Bellatrix and she… she didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready. Not yet. “Bella, please. You’ve known me my whole life, I’ve <em>always</em> been in love with more than one person, and things didn’t change then—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a hard breath as though Narcissa’s words had winded her. She stared at her, unblinking. “…You’re in love with her?” And God, the amount of <em>pain</em> in Bellatrix’s eyes shredded Narcissa’s soul. What had she done to her? Narcissa barely recognized her anymore, yet it was her handiwork regardless.</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded though, not trusting her words. She knew she owed Bellatrix the truth, at the very least. Bellatrix just exhaled a sound that was no doubt supposed to be a bitter laugh, but it came out as more of a croak as she filled up her glass again.</p>
<p>“Bella, stop— stop <em>drinking,</em> please!” Narcissa exclaimed, trying to take the glass from her, but Bellatrix was too quick and grabbed it in her hand, exhaling a furious shout before she threw it, the glass shattering as it hit the wall. Narcissa jumped a mile, her heart lodging itself in her throat as the whiskey dripped down the wallpaper.</p>
<p>“How many fucking people do you <em>need?!” </em>Bellatrix shouted, her knuckles flashing white as she curled her hand into a fist. “Two wasn’t sodding enough for you?! How many more people do you need to love you, how many people do you need to suck dry until you’re fucking <em>satisfied? </em>You selfish whore, you greedy <em>bitch—”</em></p>
<p>“It wasn’t like that!” Narcissa tried to explain, because this wasn’t a part of her BPD and her need to feel loved so that she felt <em>worth</em> something. “I mean— at first, <em>yes,</em> okay… I slept with Cassandra when you were in prison and when Lucius hated me because I needed someone. You were right back then— I <em>didn’t</em> know how to be alone! But then… I broke up with her two weeks before I walked away from you, and I was alone for <em>years.</em> I only got back together with her because she was having a hard time with her husband cheating on her and I, admittedly, missed having a regular lover. It had been forever. But then we broke up <em>again</em> before you came back home, I told Lucius I couldn’t sleep with <em>him</em> anymore either because I was trying to faithful to <em>you—”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, that worked out real well for you. Solid fucking effort, you useless sack— what did you last, three months until you jumped on Lucius’ dick again?”</p>
<p>“That was <em>once—” </em>And only because she was angry with her. It wasn’t like she went<em> back</em> to him or anything.</p>
<p>“And how long, huh, until you went back to <em>her?” </em>Bellatrix accused, and Narcissa’s eyes fell downcast. <em>“Well?”</em></p>
<p>“…Right after Lucius got arrested.”</p>
<p>“Right, so you gave me… another two months, was it? But that’s it— that’s all the fucking effort you can expend apparently, because you’ve gotten it in your head that this is ‘just the way you are’ and that you ‘have always loved more than one person’, so the rest of us should just <em>accept</em> that, right? Because you’re a spoiled fucking cunt, and should get whatever it is that you want, even if that means <em>three</em> people now.”</p>
<p>“I can’t help how I <em>feel,</em> Bellatrix! I didn’t do this to hurt you!” Narcissa cried, as of course, of <em>course</em> she never wanted to break her sister’s heart in this way. She loved her. “And I’m not— I’m not trying to have <em>everything;</em> Lucius is in prison, so at most this is me having two people just like I‘ve had for most of my life—”</p>
<p>“So you think that makes it <em>okay?”</em> Bellatrix sneered, amazed at the sheer audacity Narcissa had as she tried to justify what she had done. “You think because you’re replacing Lucius with that bitch I should just, what, <em>accept </em>it? You’re <em>ballsy, </em>Cissy, I’ll give you that, but I’m fucking tired of playing by your rules. You <em>want </em>me, lover? You want to pretend you still give a shit about me while you continue to run off and spread your legs for other people like the fucking whore that you are? That’s fine, so long as <em>you’re</em> fine with being treated like one. Considering I can’t get anyone else to lick my cunt while my wanted poster is plastered everywhere, I suppose you’ll have to do. What should we say— fifty galleons?”</p>
<p>Narcissa colored in offense, her breathing shallowing in anger. “—<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>“No, you’re right— you’re too much of a pillow princess. You barely have to do any work, so maybe forty then. Sound fair?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth was hanging open. She didn’t even know what to <em>say</em> to that outside of a stammered, “How… <em>dare</em> you…!” which was immediately cut off as Bellatrix slammed her hand on the counter before advancing on her, a furious finger being pointed in her face. Narcissa stumbled backwards until she hit the wall, Bellatrix only mere inches from her face. The blonde’s breathing shallowed.</p>
<p>“How dare <em>me?</em> How dare <em>you! </em>This is what you get, Cissy, <em>this</em> is what you fucking deserve, so take it or leave it!” she shouted, and Narcissa could not speak because what was she supposed to <em>say </em>to that? This probably <em>was</em> what she deserved, but that didn’t mean she wanted to endure the punishment for it, despite knowing full-well that she would regardless, because her level of self-respect had always been in the toilet when it came to her sister.</p>
<p>Besides, Narcissa already knew that she’d just convince herself that if only she could <em>show</em> Bellatrix how much she meant to her, then maybe the other woman would realize that her relationship with Cassandra wasn’t a threat and things would… things would go back to <em>normal.</em></p>
<p>Already, Narcissa felt pathetic. Why couldn’t she just let her <em>go? </em>Why did they both keep trapping each other in this madness, wouldn’t they ever <em>learn?</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix could see the resignation in her sister’s eyes though and her lips spread into a cruel grin. “I will admit that this has given me one thing to be satisfied about. No matter how badly you might wish for a normal life, Cissy, you will <em>never</em> have one, because you are, and you always have been too <em>weak</em> to say no to me. Feel disgusted with yourself yet? Because if you don’t, give it time— I’ll make sure you get there one way or another.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes shone with upset, but she clenched her jaw, refusing to allow Bellatrix the satisfaction of her tears. “Do <em>you?</em>” she countered. “Because from where I’m standing, I just broke your heart, yet you can’t bear to climb out of my bed. You want to see weakness, Bella? Look in the fucking mirror.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I <em>am,</em> lover; you’re just what I see staring back at me, and what <em>you</em> will always see staring back at you. We’re the same, you and I— and I will make <em>damn</em> sure you never see your own reflection so long as I am breathing, because you robbed me of my sense of self a long time ago, Narcissa, and it’s about time I returned the favor.”</p>
<p>The blonde’s chest heaved in upset at those words, but in the end she knew she could say nothing on her own behalf, because Bellatrix was <em>right.</em> They would never be free from one another because they were both weak, they were both pathetic, and they were going to spend the rest of their lives hating both each other and themselves for never allowing the freedom of change.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. XXX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXX.</strong>
</p>
<p>“Whore, I require your services.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked as she leaned against the threshold of the blonde’s doorway later that night, looking at Narcissa who was already in bed. She <em>had</em> been sleeping, although Bellatrix was never quiet when she came home from wherever the hell the Dark Lord sent her, so her thumping up the stairs was enough to rouse Narcissa from her slumber, which irritated her as it had taken her <em>ages</em> to fall asleep. Her guilt and her upset had been tearing her apart, and she had half a mind to just go back to Cassandra’s before she resolved not to run away from her problems, but to not let Bellatrix break her either.</p>
<p>She was <em>not</em> going to be the woman’s whore, no matter how angry Bellatrix was with her. She was worth more than that. Narcissa was just saddened by the fact that she hadn’t immediately realized that and refused. She never <em>agreed,</em> sure, but she hadn’t said no either, which made Bellatrix assume her silence was a confirmation that they were going to do things <em>her</em> way.</p>
<p>But no, they were not.</p>
<p>“That’s cute— are you trying to say no now just because I said you were too weak to?”</p>
<p>“I’m saying no because it’s three o’clock in the goddamn morning and even if it wasn’t, I’m <em>not</em> going to let you reduce me to a sex toy,” Narcissa snapped, pulling the covers around her shoulders as she sunk deeper into bed and even deeper into her misery. “I understand you’re angry with me, that you feel betrayed and hurt and that it’s left you in this awful depression, but you need to find some other way to get back at me, because I am saying no.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix shot her an amused look, which only stood to infuriate Narcissa more. “This has been adorable, Cissy, really, but let’s skip all this because you and I know<em> exactly</em> how this is going to go— besides, it’s late and torturing people has always gotten me stupid wet, so let’s go, Princess; my patience is waning.”</p>
<p>Jesus, <em>who—</em> no, she did not want to know.</p>
<p>“Bella, I’m not— stop getting undressed!”</p>
<p>But her sister was already sliding her dress from her body and Narcissa stared at her in infuriated disbelief. What was the <em>point</em> of this? Both of them knew Bellatrix would never force her— she already wanted to slice her wrists open because of the questionable consent in their past, so what exactly did she hope to gain from this? Did Bellatrix think that just seeing her naked would send her into a hormonal frenzy? Maybe if it was a new thing for her it would, but Narcissa had seen her naked thousands of times now— Bellatrix might be beautiful, but it wasn’t as though she rivaled a veela or anything.</p>
<p>Bellatrix held out her hands when she was completely nude as though she were <em>presenting</em> herself, and Narcissa’s gaze leveled as she continued to stare at her, still wrapped up in the covers, unblinking. Bellatrix exhaled a furious breath.</p>
<p>“Are you seriously going to leave me to take care of myself?”</p>
<p>“If you’re <em>that</em> horny, then I suppose that looks like your only option at this point, yes.”</p>
<p>“Even though I haven’t been fucked for over a month?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“And the fact that you fucking <em>owe</em> me because you’re a lying, cheating, backstabbing slut?”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing, biting her tongue as she looked away from her, pulling the covers over her shoulders as she actively dismissed her. Her stomach was in knots though, wondering if she even had a leg to stand on here; did she <em>really</em> deserve to have self-respect, after everything she had done to a woman she claimed to love? Narcissa knew she deserved to be punished, but she didn’t want it to ruin her self-esteem, and doing this, being nothing more than a tool for her sister’s masturbation while she spat on her and actively hated her… that <em>would.</em></p>
<p>“Alright, if <em>that’s</em> how you want to play this,” Bellatrix conceded before she crossed the room, finding the second drawer to the left of the blonde’s vanity before she pulled it open. Narcissa rolled around to look at what she was doing. While she expected Bellatrix to just take one of her toys and leave, that was not what happened, because of <em>course</em> Bellatrix wouldn’t make things that easy for her.</p>
<p>“What do you think you are— oh <em>no </em>you are not!” Narcissa exclaimed as she watched Bellatrix climb into bed next to her. There was no <em>way</em> she was just going to let her fuck herself next to her— that would… well, to be honest, now that Narcissa thought about it, she had never actually <em>seen</em> her sister masturbate before. Bellatrix never had to when she was with her. Sure, Narcissa had seen her touch herself a few times here and there while they were in bed together, but they were always brief before Narcissa ultimately took over. This would be… well, a bit more in <em>depth,</em> and Narcissa already felt hot underneath the blankets and so she kicked them off of her in a huff.</p>
<p>“Go to your own room!”</p>
<p>“This <em>is</em> my room, Cissy, or have you forgotten?” Bellatrix shot back, completely unperturbed by her sister’s ire as she settled herself back against the pillows, placing the deep green dildo she had found next to her on the bed until she was ready for it.</p>
<p>“You were sleeping in the guest room!”</p>
<p>“Correction, I <em>was</em> sleeping in the guest room and then you left, and considering your bed is vastly more comfortable than that sub-par monstrosity you decorated that room with, I decided if you weren’t using it then someone should. Besides, my being banished to the guest room was only temporary— <em>this</em> is still my room. If you don’t want to be here while I fuck myself then by all means, <em>leave.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa glowered. She was <em>not </em>going to be run out of her own bedroom. “You’re only doing this to bother me,” she accused, which just made Bellatrix shoot her a sardonic look as she danced her fingers over her breasts, gently pulling at her nipples.</p>
<p><em>“Brilliant </em>deduction, really— bravo.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a furious breath and turned around, facing her back towards her sister. She might have to hear her do this, but she did <em>not</em> have to watch it. She heard Bellatrix exhale a throaty chuckle and Narcissa reddened in what she hoped was merely anger, because this was <em>ridiculous. </em>This was such a stupid, childish game— they were <em>adults,</em> for fuck’s sake.</p>
<p>“I hope you feel stupid when your little performance yields unfavorable results.”</p>
<p>And yet, apparently, Narcissa was party to the childish behavior as well, because at the end of the day they still quarreled like siblings despite the argument being between lovers, and <em>that</em> was a big reason why they would never work in any healthy, mature capacity. Narcissa wished she could just gather up her strength and walk out of the room instead of trying to make some stupid <em>point</em> by standing her ground that they both knew was only going to make this end badly, yet Narcissa could not move.</p>
<p>“Considering I’ve already pissed you off, I think I’m doing alright actually,” Bellatrix shot back with a breathless chuckle, her hand no doubt getting lost further south as she exhaled a breathy moan that caused Narcissa to close her eyes, trying to block her out.</p>
<p>The blonde’s heart ached, honestly. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do to <em>fix</em> this. Maybe it was awful, but a part of Narcissa just assumed Bellatrix would be angry at first, yes, but that she’d… well, that she’d get <em>over </em>it. She got over Lucius, after all— Besides, didn’t Bellatrix <em>miss</em> her yet?</p>
<p>—Oh my God. Oh my <em>God,</em> she needed to stop thinking like that; what was <em>wrong</em> with her…? She did not fucking deserve anything, Bellatrix most of all, and her constant desire to manipulate everything into the most favorable outcome for <em>her</em> was starting to make Narcissa ill. This was exactly the kind of shit she was supposed to have stopped doing a long time ago, yet nothing was changing. <em>Why</em> was nothing changing?!</p>
<p>“—I can’t do this.”</p>
<p>Narcissa threw the sheet off of her as she rose from the bed, causing Bellatrix to exhale a frustrated breath as she pulled her hand away from her thighs. “What the fuck, you absolute <em>pussy—</em> I barely even got started! <em>Narcissa!”</em></p>
<p>But Narcissa was trying to bolt from the bedroom, just needing to get away from her. She wanted to get away from <em>herself,</em> honestly, but considering that wasn’t an option the only thing she could think to do was get as far away from Bellatrix as possible. However, her sister did not seem to think that was a viable solution to anything, considering she had jumped off the bed in pursuit, grabbing onto Narcissa’s arm before she could make it out the doorway.</p>
<p>“Bella, let me go! You have to— you have to let me <em>go,” </em>Narcissa pleaded, meaning so much more than just the hold on her arm. “You’re right— I’m doing the same things to you that I did to Lucius! And I… I <em>hated</em> being that person; I spent years on my own trying to keep myself from doing the same awful things to people over and over and I thought— God, I thought I had gotten <em>better </em>which was why I allowed myself to take lovers again, but I haven’t. I am so… so <em>fucking</em> entitled; I want what I want and I don’t give a damn who it hurts, but I need to!”</p>
<p>“No, <em>no!”</em> Bellatrix shouted, realizing that Narcissa meant to walk away from her completely. “No, I’m not going to let you run back to <em>her—”</em></p>
<p>“Do you think you’re the only one I’m hurting with this?” Narcissa countered, the weight of her guilt beginning to compress her chest. “I have fucked Cassandra up just as much as you or Lucius— she is so goddamn accommodating to my selfish nature that she didn’t even <em>try</em> to keep me from going back to you! She’s convinced herself that you’re just another part of my mental illness that I need work through, and she’s just… she’s being <em>patient </em>about it; she’s just standing there, <em>waiting</em> for me to finally figure out what I want, when all I actually want is— God, everything; I want fucking <em>everything, </em>Bella! I want all three of you, and I want you all to just <em>shut up about it</em> and let me live my life, but that’s fucked up, that’s—!”</p>
<p>“Cissy— Narcissa, shut <em>up!”</em> Bellatrix bellowed, causing the blonde to fall silent as she finally took a much needed breath. “Fuck your self-reflection,” she spat, and Narcissa’s jaw clenched in upset as she looked away from her. “I hate who you are but I also <em>love</em> who you are, and that’s the fucking problem— I don’t <em>want</em> you to change, because I know exactly what will happen if you do and I am… I am <em>not</em> letting you go.”</p>
<p>“<em>Why…?”</em> Narcissa asked helplessly, feeling so terribly defeated. “Bella, we’re bad for each other— <em>I’m</em> bad for <em>you;</em> you could be so much happier if you just found someone else…”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>want </em>anyone else, you absolute moron. You rip me to shreds and you make me feel horrible over and over again, but when it’s <em>good</em> between us…” Bellatrix breathed, her grip becoming more gentle as she rested her forehead against the blonde’s. “When it’s <em>good,</em> it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I wanted to torture you, Cissy, I wanted to hate you for at least a little while because then I wouldn’t feel as shitty about always crawling back to you, but we both fucking knew how this was going to end— you always get whatever you want, Narcissa, because I <em>let </em>you; and that’s my fault, not yours.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shook her head, trying to pull away from her. “Stop— stop making excuses for me, Bella, <em>please… </em>I need to change, I need to stop doing this to people—”</p>
<p>“I’m your big sister, I’m <em>always</em> going to protect you, even it’s from your own self-hating bullshit. So no, I won’t stop making excuses for you, and <em>no,</em> you don’t have to change— because while you are a <em>horrible</em> person, so am I, and I have always loved you just the way you are,” Bellatrix told her as she cupped the blonde’s cheek in her hand, hammering another nail in the coffin that contained both of their sanities.</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know what to <em>do—</em> she felt so helpless. Was this just another part of her sister’s plan to keep her miserable? Maybe that was all this was— just a manipulation in order to keep Narcissa compliant, to keep her from running away so Bellatrix could <em>properly</em> torture her for breaking her heart. In all honesty, she wouldn’t be surprised. Still, something about her sister’s words rang truthful, because yes, Narcissa had always known this was how it was going to end. This was <em>always</em> how their fights ended. No matter what happened, no matter what either of them <em>did,</em> they still latched on to each other and refused to let go.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s gaze fell downcast in defeat, and Bellatrix knew she was winning whatever fucked up game this was as she ran her hands down Narcissa’s arms, eradicating the space between them. The blonde could feel Bellatrix’s breath on her skin and Narcissa closed her eyes, trying to sort out whether this was real or just another calculated deception in order to punish her for Cassandra.</p>
<p>“You’re lying,” Narcissa decided, but her voice was strained as though she were afraid to even accuse her of such a thing, because if she <em>wasn’t</em> then she might be ruining their chance at reconciliation.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Bellatrix breathed, her lips momentarily dusking the expanse of her sister’s jaw, causing Narcissa to exhale a hard breath as she felt her resolve weakening. “Or maybe I’m just resigned to the fucked up reality that it will never matter what you do to me, because I’ll always come back to you.” She gently bumped her nose against Narcissa’s cheek, nudging her toward the abyss they both had always loved hanging onto the edge of, despite knowing that someday, one or both of them were going to fall. “…Which would you prefer?”</p>
<p>She didn’t even have to ask. Narcissa lost the will to fight as she turned toward her, connecting their lips in a searing, desperate kiss that caused Bellatrix to exhale a throaty chuckle once she had pulled away, knowing she had come out victorious.</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew this was a horrible idea, yet as their lips connected again and Bellatrix hurriedly stripped her of her nightgown, Narcissa could not find it within her to stop. She wanted everything to be okay between them so desperately that she didn’t want to think about how she was probably playing right into Bellatrix’s hands, because she wanted to believe her. She <em>needed</em> to feel like she was making the right choice, but usually when Narcissa thought that, it was a dead giveaway that she was making the wrong one.</p>
<p>In that moment though, she didn’t care.</p>
<p>Bellatrix guided her back toward the bed before pushing her onto it, her naked body climbing over Narcissa’s like a panther before her lips found her jaw, her shoulder, her neck. Bellatrix parted her lips and sucked the tender flesh into her mouth, causing Narcissa to exhale a desperate whimper as her hands fisted into a mess of dark curls. She knew Bellatrix was marking her, and she knew <em>why—</em> it was childish and it was pointless, as sleeping with her sister again was not going to make her leave Cassandra, but Narcissa allowed Bellatrix the brief moment of ownership anyway as she arched her back and closed her eyes, her breathing coming out in short bursts as Bellatrix made her toes curl and her hairs stand on end.</p>
<p>The brunette’s hand fell between their bodies then, using her entire palm as she took the evidence of her sister’s arousal and spread it up and over her abdomen, chuckling low in her throat. “You always were so fucking easy,” she breathed, and Narcissa responded to that by kissing her again, taking Bellatrix’s bottom lip in her teeth and biting down hard on it in warning. The older woman hissed and growled before she laughed, and Narcissa grabbed the hair at the base of her skull and pulled Bellatrix close to her.</p>
<p>“Shut up. Don’t ruin this,” she demanded before her free hand found the forgotten dildo that had rolled toward the middle of the bed, and Narcissa pushed it into her sister’s abdomen, her purposeful gaze finding Bellatrix’s. “There’s a harness in my drawer. Get it.” Narcissa’s hand that had been in her hair fell to her cheek then, her thumb gently pulling on the woman’s bottom lip before she leaned up and breathed against her skin, “I want you to fuck the<em> life </em>out of me, Bella.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Bellatrix purred, her eyes darkening at her sister’s demand as she took the dildo from her. The corners of her lips quirked as though she were in on a private joke that Narcissa was not privy to. “Be careful what you wish for, lover.”</p>
<p>Narcissa bit down on her lower lip as she watched her sister climb out of the bed to get what she needed. She didn’t like how Bellatrix was acting— the longer this went on, the more Narcissa was unable to ignore the obvious; all her sister wanted was her in her bed, and she did not give a <em>damn</em> how she achieved it. It made Narcissa’s insides twist as she felt so incredibly foolish for just going right along with whatever she wanted, but just because Bellatrix got her this far did <em>not</em> mean that she would win.</p>
<p>Because it was a game, wasn’t it? Their entire goddamn relationship was just one big game that they both came out on the losing end of time after time, yet they weren’t ever able to put it away. Bellatrix was strapping a phallus to her groin even though she hated her and Narcissa’s fingers were sliding through her own folds despite wanting <em>more</em> for herself than this, yet after Bellatrix enchanted the dildo with a spell and came back over to her, neither woman voiced their truths as they came together in a mess of lips, teeth, and limbs.</p>
<p>“God,” Narcissa breathed as Bellatrix’s teeth latched onto her bottom lip, snapping it back into place before she positioned herself at her entrance. Narcissa was dripping already because apparently she would forever get off on making an absolute mess of her life, and when Bellatrix pushed the phallus inside of her both women’s groans got lost in the back of one another’s throats.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s tongue slid into her sister’s mouth as she grasped the back of her head, keeping the woman close to her as Bellatrix began to slowly roll her hips. “Bella,” she softly pleaded against her lips, desperate to wrap her sister up in a feeling they both knew was bullshit. Bellatrix pushed into her a little more firmly then and Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, her eyes closing as she rested her forehead against her sister’s. “Bella, forgive me…”</p>
<p>“Forgiving you implies you made a mistake, Cissy,” Bellatrix panted, the enchantment on the phallus making her flush a deep rose as the feeling of being inside of her sister shot straight through her core. She pressed her palm on Narcissa’s chest then, forcing her back against the mattress as Bellatrix pinned her there, hovering over her. She looked so goddamn domineering that Narcissa’s insides clenched, pulling Bellatrix in deeper. “This is just your fucking personality, and there’s no overhauling that selfish mess.”</p>
<p>“And yet you <em>love</em> it,” Narcissa goaded breathlessly, her nipples tightening as her chest heaved in desire. “Because you like the drama, you want the pain; it makes you feel <em>alive</em>— ah, <em>shit!</em>” Narcissa hissed as Bellatrix had unexpectedly pulled the phallus out of her before driving it back inside a completely different hole. Thankfully Narcissa was wet enough that it provided ample lubricant, but it was so abrupt it left little time for Narcissa to adjust and she was left frozen and panting, trying to get herself used to a completely different sensation.</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked, amused at her ability to render Narcissa temporarily speechless. “You were saying?”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, allowing her hand to fall between her own thighs as she made a big showing of running her fingers through her folds and spreading herself for her sister’s hungry gaze. “You’re addicted to me,” she accused breathlessly, despite knowing full-well that the same was true in reverse. “I give you the most incredible highs but the worst lows, and even when you think it couldn’t get any worse than how you’re feeling now, you keep coming back for more. I know you think you won some kind of <em>game</em> by getting me into your bed, but the miserable truth is that we both lost tonight.”</p>
<p>Narcissa reached up with her other hand, gently dragging her fingers over the expanse of her lover’s cheek as her heart weighed heavy in her chest. “I love you, Bella, but we are going to die doing this to each other, and I don’t know how to stop it anymore.”</p>
<p>“I never asked you to stop it,” Bellatrix breathed before she turned her head, kissing Narcissa’s palm. Her tongue snaked out then, wrapping around one of her fingers before taking it entirely in her mouth, causing Narcissa’s breathing to shallow as she stared up at her own drug that she was unable to quit. “Let’s just kill each other, Cissy; that was always how this was going to end anyway.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at her sister’s words, but Bellatrix did not give her a chance to respond. She leaned down then, capturing the blonde in another desperate kiss as she began to make quick work of rendering Narcissa into a whimpering, pathetic mess. Her fingers slipped inside of her while she continued to pound the phallus deep into her arse, the combined pleasure of both of her holes being violated making Narcissa cry out as she held onto the woman above her, fingernails pressing crescent shapes into Bellatrix’s back.</p>
<p>“Fuck, fuck— <em>Bella,”</em> Narcissa sobbed, feeling rather infinite despite knowing that it would soon come crashing down. It didn’t matter though, not in that moment. All Narcissa could see was her sister, watching the pleasure play out across Bellatrix’s expression as she fucked her, and Narcissa knew she had never seen anything quite as beautiful, yet equally as devastating. Bellatrix knew as well as she did that this fixed nothing, yet they both held onto the feeling as they came one after the other in rapid succession, clutching to one another as they rode out a high that they both knew would never overshadow their low.</p>
<p>Bellatrix pulled out of her then, unclasping the harness as she threw it to the floor. She collapsed onto her for a moment, but it was short-lived. Just as Narcissa tried to wrap her arms around her sister, wanting to live in this lie a little longer, Bellatrix pushed herself off the bed and started gathering up her clothes. Narcissa tried to not let it upset her, yet when she spoke her voice came out accusing regardless.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you just make this big point that this was <em>your</em> room too?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, which meant I wanted to fuck you in it— not that I wanted to sleep next to you,” Bellatrix told her shortly, rummaging through the pockets of her robes. While that cut her, Narcissa chose to focus on something other than that pain as her brow knit, not understanding what the hell Bellatrix was doing until she heard something jingle. She watched her sister pause, as though she was actually having second thoughts about her next move, and Narcissa’s stomach dropped.</p>
<p> “No,” she warned her, voice wavering as she realized what Bellatrix was about to do. She understood that sex didn’t <em>fix</em> anything between them, but she didn’t have to be this cruel. “Don’t you<em> dare.”</em></p>
<p>But Bellatrix just met her gaze, steeled her jaw, and pulled out her money before slamming it on her sister’s vanity. “For your <em>time,”</em> she sneered, and Narcissa exhaled a furious scream before grabbing the closest thing to her, which fortunately for Bellatrix was nothing but a pillow, and chucked it at her head.</p>
<p>“Get out!” she shouted, surprised by how much that gutted her despite having expected it. Narcissa’s eyes welled up with angry tears as her sister strode from the room without even bothering to look back, and the blonde pushed herself out of bed before quickly running to gather up the money in her hand.</p>
<p><em>“Arsehole!”</em> she screamed at her sister’s retreating form, throwing the handful of galleons into the hallway before slamming her bedroom door and locking it behind her. She lost control of her emotions then, dissolving into a mess of tears as she slid down the door, sitting on her haunches. Narcissa knew, she <em>knew</em> this wouldn’t end any other way, and yet like an <em>idiot</em> she had hoped for something different.</p>
<p>Why did she keep doing this to herself?</p>
<p>It was a question Narcissa kept asking as she made her way downstairs the next morning, a handful of galleons in her fist that <em>she</em> of course had to pick up off the hallway floor, because it wasn’t as though Bellatrix could ever clean up after herself. She strode into the kitchen where she found her sister opening the potions cabinet to grab her medicine and, well, thank God for small favors; at the very least, it seemed Bellatrix still had a desire to stay relatively sane, which had actually made her responsible enough to remember to take them every morning.</p>
<p>Narcissa slammed the money down on the counter without a word before practically shoving Bellatrix to the side to grab her <em>own</em> potion, and Bellatrix’s lips quirked in amusement. “I don’t want your money, Cissy.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you.”</p>
<p>“No, I mean, it’s <em>actually</em> your money— my account is frozen, remember?” Bellatrix responded, causing Narcissa to practically slam the potions cabinet closed. Of <em>course</em> she stole money from her just to make a dramatic scene; why would she expect anything different? Narcissa said nothing though, swallowing her medication in one go while her sister did the same.</p>
<p>“Mummy, what’s for breakfast?” Bellatrix goaded her in a child-like voice while she hopped up on the island counter, as though she even had a <em>right</em> to ask for anything right now. Narcissa scoffed as she side-eyed her, this burning fury swirling in the pit of her abdomen. She didn’t want to let it out, she didn’t want Bellatrix to know she was <em>bothering</em> her, but the angry retort left her lips regardless.</p>
<p>“Eat my arse, you soulless bitch.”</p>
<p>“Ohh, we are <em>not</em> very friendly this morning, are we?” Bellatrix retorted, her tongue snaking out to wet her incisors as she looked down at her sister. “And if you’re offering, Cissy, by all means, <em>bend over.</em> I suppose I could spare a few more galleons for you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa did not give Bellatrix a chance for her brain to catch up with the situation until it was far too late. She violently shoved her sister off the counter with one fell-swoop, Bellatrix unable to get to her wand or to hold onto something before her back hit the floor with a loud thud. “Jesus— fuck, you… bloody <em>cunt,”</em> Bellatrix wheezed, the impact having winded her as she took a moment to just lay there as she gathered her breath.</p>
<p>Narcissa put her foot on her sister’s chest, looking down at her. “I could crush the <em>life</em> out of you right now,” she reminded her, despite not actually putting any weight on Bellatrix because she, admittedly, could never do such a thing no matter how much it might free them both if she did. “Are you <em>wet</em> yet? I know it’s what you want.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>always</em> wet for you, Cissy; that’s the fucking problem.”</p>
<p>Narcissa said nothing, her eyes darkened with anger as she stared down at the woman beneath her. Bellatrix smirked, running her hand down the length of her body as she continued to goad her. “Tell me, Cissy, does she fuck you like I do? Will she violate you in all the nasty little ways you see fit, or do you save that for me? I admit, I can’t picture her strapping one on and doing you the arse.”</p>
<p>“That’s because <em>I’m</em> the one who wears the cock.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix laughed before she saw the look on her sister’s face and she responded, “—Wait, are you actually being serious? That’s adorable.”</p>
<p>“You might have had a leg to stand on there if I hadn’t fucked <em>you </em>with a strap on before and reduced you to a whimpering, pathetic <em>mess,”</em> Narcissa reminded her, unfazed by Bellatrix’s attempt to belittle her. “Bella, what you need to realize is that I don’t have multiple lovers because they all give me the same thing— You give me something that Cassandra does not, and <em>she</em> gives me something that you do not. Frankly, I am not willing to give either of those things up. Should I? Probably. Do I deserve either of them, either of <em>you?</em> Absolutely not. But will both of you continue to give me everything I want anyway? Without fucking <em>question.”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix chuckled, the sound filled with bitter amusement. “Are we finally dropping the pretenses then? Well go off then, Princess; <em>own</em> your shitty personality.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that what you wanted? You don’t want me to <em>change,</em> you’re content with me being a selfish cunt because you enjoy being broken. If that’s what makes you wet, then far be it from me to deny you. I’ll <em>gladly</em> fuck you up.”</p>
<p>Narcissa moved her foot then to step on one of her sister’s arms, pinning it to the ground before she lowered herself onto her body, spreading her legs as she used her right foot to trap Bellatrix’s other arm. Her nightgown rode up, showing her sister that she had still not put on any underwear, and Bellatrix inhaled a sharp breath the sight.</p>
<p>“You are <em>pathetic </em>when it comes to me, Bella, and you love every second of it,” Narcissa accused, reaching down as she spread herself for her. Bellatrix’s breathing shallowed but she did not dispute the fact, because they both knew it would be pointless.</p>
<p>“In the middle of the kitchen, Cissy?” she goaded, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the apex of her sister’s thighs. “What if your precious <em>son</em> comes home?”</p>
<p>“It’s too early for him to even be awake yet,” Narcissa reasoned as she allowed her fingers to slip over her clit before she pressed down softly, coaxing a soft moan from the back of her throat. “And you’re going to let me do whatever I want, because out of the two of us, Bellatrix, <em>you’re</em> the one who’s too weak to say no. You reek of desperation.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix chuckled throatily. “I think you’re the one who’s desperate, lover; trying to get me caught up so that you can keep me in your fucking web—”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Narcissa breathed, beginning to rub small circles against her aching center. “But it’s working, so what do I care?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked as though she had a retort to that, but after Narcissa allowed her fingers to fall further south to gather up her wetness and spread it over her clit, Bellatrix’s words died in the back of her throat as she watched her, transfixed. Her mouth was practically watering and Narcissa smirked victoriously as she continued to pleasure herself just inches from her sister’s face. Bellatrix was pinned though, so even when she finally broke and tried to just bury her face between Narcissa’s thighs she couldn’t get close enough and she exhaled a frustrated breath, banging the back of her head against the tile.</p>
<p>“You bloody <em>cunt </em>tease.”</p>
<p>“Come on, Bella, watch me. Don’t pretend you’re not loving every second of this, you submissive bitch,” Narcissa provoked as her breathing began to labor, her nipples tightening as they began to become very noticeable through the thin fabric of her nightgown. “You <em>can’t</em> leave me because I’ll always give you everything you want— you want to feel powerful, I’ll bend over for you, you want to experiment with being on the other end of things, I’ll act like your mistress. I don’t care <em>how</em> I fuck you, Bellatrix, but I will— and maybe that makes me just as pathetic as you, but what does it matter? We both get off on our own misery anyway.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, just— shut <em>up</em> and sit on my face, you preachy bitch,” Bellatrix gasped in irritation, but Narcissa’s lips just curled up into another smirk as she ignored her, speeding up the pace of her fingers as she coaxed herself closer to an orgasm. “<em>Cissy!”</em></p>
<p>“Fuck… fuck,” Narcissa panted, her cheeks flushing as her abdomen began to tighten. Bellatrix looked <em>infuriated</em> that she was really going to finish without her, but oh, Narcissa planned to make it so much <em>worse.</em> That was why when she came she closed her eyes, a breathy, “<em>Cass,”</em> falling from her lips that made Bellatrix scream in rage, her sudden fury allowing her to find enough strength in her to violently push Narcissa off of her body.</p>
<p>“You <em>cunt!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa laughed bitterly, breathlessly. She looked at her sister’s infuriated expression as Bellatrix hoisted herself off the ground, feeling proud of herself despite how immature all of this was. “Don’t you <em>ever</em> treat me like your whore again,” Narcissa snapped, wanting Bellatrix to know that this was what she got for that grave insult. If she wanted to treat Narcissa like trash, then she would gladly return the favor. “Now are we done with these childish games? Because you were right, Bella— we both know how this ends.”</p>
<p>“Oh, we’re nowhere <em>near</em> done,” Bellatrix snarled as Narcissa picked herself up off the floor, dusting herself off as she tried to make herself seem more put together than she felt. Honestly, she knew doing that would just end up starting some type of <em>war</em> with Bellatrix, but she didn’t want to take the insult of being treated like a common prostitute lying down either. She had more self-respect than that, finally; only took twenty some odd years. “Don’t you get it yet? This is what makes our relationship <em>fun.”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m having a fucking ball,” Narcissa deadpanned as she stalked over to the counter, grabbing a muffin from the basket in the corner. She sat heavily in one of the stools, meticulously peeling the paper off the base of it.</p>
<p>“You <em>are.</em> That’s why you’re here with me, sinking your claws into my fucking body and my sanity instead of playing house with your little whore—”</p>
<p>“Girlfriend, actually,” Narcissa corrected before she tore off a piece of muffin, popping it into her mouth.</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed. “What are you, twelve?”</p>
<p>“Well she’s not my wife— I’m already bloody married, and I can’t very well call her my soulmate either, can I?” Narcissa snapped, shooting a blameful look at her sister as though all of this was <em>her</em> fault. “Someone already has <em>that</em> fucking honor. Thank you, by the way, for being a shit one.”</p>
<p>Despite how angry and resigned Narcissa sounded to that fact, Bellatrix chose to take it as a compliment anyway as she worked out what that meant for her. “…So I still win,” she deduced, and Narcissa rolled her eyes as she popped another piece of muffin into her mouth.</p>
<p>“If you want to call this incessant desire to destroy one another ‘winning’, then sure,” Narcissa responded bitterly. “We aren’t soulmates because we’re meant for happiness with one another, Bella; we’re soulmates because we’re the same goddamn person in two different bodies, and until one us dies, until the other one <em>wins</em> and gains control over the entirety of our shitty, shared soul, we’re doomed to repeat this misery until the end of fucking time.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix actually <em>smiled</em> at that as she leaned against the counter next to her. “That was almost romantic, Cissy,” she responded wistfully, reaching forward to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her sister’s ear. Narcissa sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“I know it was. I <em>love</em> that you’re a part of me, and that I’m a part of you. But that’s the problem. We romanticize the pain. We find beauty in the worst parts of each other, in ourselves,” Narcissa breathed, staring down at the muffin in her hand as she picked at it absentmindedly. She felt her sister slide up behind her, pressing her breasts against the blonde’s back as she wiped the hair from Narcissa’s neck, replacing it with her lips.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with me seeing beauty in your darkness, Narcissa?” she asked softly, her breathy words eliciting goosebumps as they danced across the blonde’s ear. “What’s wrong with you seeing something desirable in <em>mine?</em> That’s what love is supposed to be.”</p>
<p>Narcissa closed her eyes, already so terribly exhausted by this. Still, she leaned against her sister’s chest, her defeat causing her to weaken as she slumped against the one thing that had always been steadfast in her life. “Bella, please. I can’t deal with any more emotional whiplash today. You win, alright? Take my metaphorical white flag; I need a <em>break.</em>”</p>
<p>“This<em> is</em> me giving you a break, Cissy,” Bellatrix breathed, wrapping her arms around her sister’s middle as her lips gently found her jaw, her cheek. “You made me love you again for a second— take advantage of it before I get pissed off again.”</p>
<p>“You know, it really says something about our relationship that I don’t trust that you’re being genuine right now.”</p>
<p>“Well I am,” Bellatrix told her, tightening her hold on her sister as she leaned her chin against the blonde’s shoulder. “You said I was your soulmate— no matter how angry I am with you, that still bloody means something to me.”</p>
<p>“I mean, I said that we share one ‘shitty’ soul and that we were going to destroy each other for control over it. That’s hardly romantic.”</p>
<p>“It is,” Bellatrix breathed, although she at least sounded a little resigned by it. “For us, Cissy… it is. I wouldn’t want to be destroyed by anyone else.”</p>
<p>Narcissa smiled sadly, reaching up to hook her hand around one of her sister’s forearms that had embraced her. “I know,” she whispered, wishing that she didn’t find it as disastrously romantic as Bellatrix did. This was their problem, yet they chose to drown in it regardless, because neither of them knew any different. “I know, my love. I know.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix kissed her cheek and Narcissa briefly closed her eyes, tightening her hold on her sister as she allowed herself to get caught up in the feeling of being loved by her soulmate again, even if it was for one short moment. “Stay here with me?” Narcissa requested softly as she opened them again, turning her head to look up at the woman behind her. “Hold me… just for a little while?”</p>
<p>“Whatever you want,” Bellatrix breathed, her words dusking over the curvature of her sister’s jaw before she placed another gentle kiss against her skin. “I love you, Narcissa. Even though it’s shit, even though you hurt me, I still love you more than anything else in this fucking world.”</p>
<p>And that, in the end, was why they continued to trap themselves in this madness. Narcissa turned her head, kissing her sister’s arm before she leaned her head against her and closed her eyes, resigned to the fact that nothing was ever going to change, because neither of them really wanted it to.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Bella.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. XXXI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXI.</strong>
</p>
<p>“I know you deserve better than this, but I… wanted to be honest. For <em>once. </em>I don’t want to keep lying to the people I care about.”</p>
<p>Cassandra did not say anything for a long time and Narcissa’s throat closed, hoping this wasn’t going to break them. Cassandra had <em>said</em> she was understanding about how she felt about Bellatrix, and the fact that she would eventually return to her in that way, but it had only been twenty-four hours; what did that say about her except—</p>
<p>“You have zero fuckin’ self-control, huh?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a defeated sigh, her gaze finding the floor. Narcissa had finally lit the fireplace in her bedroom again and Cassandra had come through that way, as neither of them thought it a good idea if Bellatrix knew she was coming over. For now, her sister was busy training Draco again in the basement, so being two stories up at least allotted them some semblance of privacy. Narcissa hoped she hadn’t orchestrated some alone time just to be broken up with, although she wouldn’t really blame Cassandra if she didn’t want to be caught up in her mess anymore.</p>
<p>“It’s been one <em>bloody</em> day, Cissa!”</p>
<p>“I know, I <em>know—</em> but it wasn’t like… we didn’t <em>make love</em> or anything,” Narcissa defended, as though that was an actual fucking <em>defense.</em> Honestly, Cassandra should just tell her to fuck off and be done with it— Narcissa couldn’t even stand the words coming out of her <em>own</em> mouth, and yet she tried to justify it regardless. “If anything, we just fucked one another to be cruel. She… treated me like a prostitute and then I fucked myself in front of her but called out <em>your</em> name when I came just to piss her off and… I don’t know. I feel so out of control, but I can’t pretend that this isn’t— this is just what we <em>do.</em> It’s always been what we’ve done, so I can’t act as though this came out of nowhere. It didn’t.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at her like she had to be completely mental. Maybe she was. No, she definitely was.</p>
<p>“That’s the most immature shit I’ve ever heard,” she told her, and Narcissa’s stomach dropped. Cassandra looked so utterly <em>exhausted</em> by her, and quite frankly Narcissa couldn’t blame her. Could she really expect Cassandra to keep putting up with this? She wanted her to, because Narcissa loved her so goddamn desperately she could no longer imagine a life without her, but maybe this was… maybe this whole thing was just <em>cruel.</em></p>
<p>Cassandra really did deserve something so much better than this, someone so much better than <em>her,</em> and yet Narcissa couldn’t bear to let her go. She was going to suffocate Cassandra just like she suffocated Bellatrix, just like how she suffocated Lucius, and yet she didn’t know how to stop. She could already see it— her lack of self control had already broken some of Cassandra’s faith that maybe one day Narcissa would be able to free herself from this mess, and the blonde feared what those cracks would ultimately end up doing to them if they continued to spread, as it could end up causing what was between them to become so terrible fragile.</p>
<p>Cassandra looked irritated and exhaled a scoff as she tried to process the insane mess her life had become, yet she relented to her own misery with helpless wave of her hand, “But whatever— your decision, yeah? I knew your crap with her wasn’t over, so I’m not gonna act all surprised or hurt ‘cause I saw this shit comin’ a mile off, even though… Jesus, Cissa,<em> one</em> fuckin’ day…” Narcissa’s gaze found the floor; she felt so awfully ashamed of herself. Cassandra exhaled a defeated breath though and reiterated, “I love ya though, an’ I told you I would wait so I will— but if she fucks you up again, you are <em>not </em>comin’ to me. I told you I was done catering to the shit ya orchestrate yourself, an’ <em>her?</em> That’s your fucked up choice, so deal with it by yourself. I’m not gonna be your crutch after she breaks your sodding legs.”</p>
<p>“Right— I know, you’re right,” Narcissa conceded, wishing she didn’t feel so bloody awful for how easily everyone around her just <em>lets</em> her get away with doing this kind of shit. Cassandra had told her not long ago that there was knowing and there was <em>changing,</em> but with Bellatrix not wanting her to change…</p>
<p>Her sister had always owned her, more than anyone else. If Bellatrix told her no, then she— she wasn’t even going to try. Narcissa could give small allowances of course, like <em>this—</em> her ridiculous attempt at honesty as though telling someone you’re basically cheating on them is doing anything other than hurting them, but it was all she could muster, because with Bellatrix basically telling her to just own the horrible person she was…</p>
<p>See, <em>this</em> was why they were awful for one another, and yet Narcissa was choosing to listen to her sister, the violent, mental woman who loved hurting her just as much as she loved fucking her, over her girlfriend, who gave an actual shit even if it was with brutally harsh honesty, and who actually <em>wanted</em> to see her get better.</p>
<p>This was something Narcissa wished she could talk through with her therapist but that was yet another thing she destroyed.</p>
<p>“But I don’t— you don’t have to <em>wait,</em> okay?” Narcissa tried, not wanting Cassandra to feel pushed to the sidelines just because her and Bellatrix had some sort of tentative truce at the moment, which to be honest probably wouldn’t last long. Bellatrix might believe she had ‘won’ now, but she was still hurt and that was going to take her a long time to get over. Narcissa knew that her sister was not finished trying to shred her emotionally and waiting for the other shoe to drop was making her anxious, honestly. It just felt like Bellatrix was biding her time waiting for the perfect opportunity, and Narcissa feared what exactly that opportunity would entail. “I mean, I’m still… I’m still <em>here.</em> I still want to be with you. Bella and I, that’s— it’s a totally separate thing…”</p>
<p>“I’m already aware of what you want, Cissa,” Cassandra responded flatly, which didn’t sound promising at all. The younger woman looked deeply frustrated as she rhythmically flicked the hair tie that was around her wrist against her skin. Narcissa stayed silent, but she at least slid her hand over the redhead’s thigh, wanting her to know that she still cared about her. Cassandra looked down at her hand and then back at the far wall as though she was burning a hole into it.</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna be your dirty secret again,” Cassandra told her, refusing to be treated as though <em>she </em>was the shameful option. “I’m not fuckin’ sneakin’ around, I’m not hidin’ anymore. That cunt knows about me now anyway, so if ya want me, Cissa, then you need to own that— in front of her, if you need to. I’m allowed over your house, I’m allowed to take ya on dates if I want; no more waitin’ till she’s out or distracted so you can do the shit you want without havin’ to deal with consequences. I’m your girlfriend an’ you’re gonna damn well treat me like it.”</p>
<p>“Of course— of <em>course</em> I will,” Narcissa assured her, even though she knew this was probably going to cause more drama than she wanted to deal with. Still, Cassandra deserved to be treated right, and while Narcissa wouldn’t be <em>great</em> at that considering she would still have Bellatrix on the side, she knew at the very least the woman deserved to be acknowledged as the important person she was in Narcissa’s life. “Bella knows you’re my girlfriend; she’s not <em>happy</em> with it by any means, but I’ve never given her the impression that sleeping with her again was going to invalidate what we have, because it <em>doesn’t.</em> It could never. I <em>love</em> you, Cassandra.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wanted those three words to give her girlfriend some semblance of comfort, but all it seemed to do was provoke anxiety as Cassandra started rhythmically bouncing her leg up and down. “I feel like I’m losin’ my mind,” she admitted, and Narcissa felt sick with herself. “Like I’m fightin’ a losin’ battle an’ the more that becomes apparent, the more it’s fuckin’ me up. Jesus, I should just tattoo ‘masochist’ across my bleedin’ forehead an’ be done with it…”</p>
<p>“And ruin your pretty face? Never,” Narcissa gently teased to try to offset the crippling reality of those words, allowing her free hand to be placed under her girlfriend’s chin as she coaxed her to look at her. Narcissa’s eyes softened in guilt as she saw the defeated look in Cassandra’s eyes, and she hated that she was destroying yet another person’s spirit.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was right: she<em> was </em>a disease.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed, knowing exactly how to save Cassandra, yet also knowing she was unable to do it herself. Narcissa hated herself for that because when Cassandra finally broke — a reality that seemed to only loom nearer — she knew it would entirely be her fault. “You really can walk away if you want. It would kill me, and I know at some point I’d come begging for you to come back on my hands and knees, but I know I’d deserve it.”</p>
<p>“You would,” Cassandra agreed softly. Her brow creased as she tried to still her leg, placing her hand over Narcissa’s as she weaved their fingers together. “But I’m a bleedin’ romantic, an’ ‘cause of that I’m still gonna fight for ya— even if turns out to be pointless, even though I should probably be prioritizin’ my goddamn sanity… but a part of me doesn’t even<em> care</em> ‘cause fuck her, honestly— she don’t bloody deserve you an’ I’m damn sure not gonna let ‘er win. She can’t run me off that sodding easily.”</p>
<p>This was probably going to end badly. Not only for her girlfriend’s sanity, but also because Narcissa didn’t want this to become a fight for her affections. The problem was though if Cassandra wanted to make it into that then there was no stopping it, as Bellatrix was ridiculously immature and would get some kind of sick satisfaction out of it.</p>
<p>“It’s not a competition,” Narcissa tried to remind her, but Cassandra just snorted.</p>
<p>“If you were still with Lucius, <em>that</em> wouldn’t be a competition; you both had agreed upon multiple lovers an’ have even shared them— well, <em>me,</em> before. But Bellatrix is different, and ya know that. Neither of us like that the other is in your life, an’ there’s no way we’re going to fall into the same bed with you either.”</p>
<p><em>Oh.</em> That would be— no, that was a pointless fantasy, and probably one that would end in bloodshed. Cassandra was giving her a look that she knew <em>exactly</em> what Narcissa was thinking though, and the blonde blushed. “Sorry,” she muttered, knowing she had been caught. “It was a pretty picture for a half a second until I realize it would end with violence.”</p>
<p>“I know you’re a spoiled brat, Cissa, but you gotta know that’d be pushin’ it.”</p>
<p>There was this sick part inside of Narcissa that found a <em>challenge</em> in that, but she tried to bury it because it would no doubt make everything worse; if they wanted to compete with one another <em>now,</em> it would only increase tenfold as they would try to outdo one another in bed. Although, that wasn’t exactly a <em>bad</em> thing from Narcissa’s perspective, considering she would be the one reaping the benefits. Well, at the very least she found something to masturbate to the thought of later. <em>They</em> might be able to tell her she’s crazy and that it would never happen, but they couldn’t very well control the thoughts in her head, and in there it <em>could</em> happen; Narcissa had a very vivid imagination, after all.</p>
<p>“Cissa!”</p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry— I’ll stop picturing it, I promise.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked exasperated and Narcissa didn’t blame her. This was probably not at all what she should be focusing on right now.</p>
<p>“Sorry, listen— hey,” Narcissa gently prodded, trying to push this in a direction that was just about <em>them</em> as she decided to get Cassandra’s attention by moving from her place next to her on the edge of the bed to in front of her. Narcissa took both of the woman’s hands in hers as she leaned into her, one knee on the bed and her other leg between Cassandra’s as she looked down at her. “How about, after the boys go back to school, you and I go away for the weekend?”</p>
<p>Cassandra quirked an eyebrow. “Where?”</p>
<p>“Anywhere,” Narcissa told her, knowing she too would probably need to get away by then anyhow, even though she doubted she would be able to outrun her crushing anxiety over Draco. She was trying to compartmentalize, but the closer it got to September the harder it was getting. She didn’t know how she was going to deal with it when he was gone, honestly. Running away and living in a fantasy for a brief moment seemed like a short-term solution, at any rate.</p>
<p>“Except Paris,” Narcissa revised, causing Cassandra’s eyes to narrow in question. “I’ve been there twice and once was one of the worst experiences of my life and the other was one of the best, but they both have to do with <em>her</em> so I’d rather we just… make memories that are just <em>ours,</em> you know?”</p>
<p>Narcissa may not be able to choose, but she did at least know what she wanted, and it was that both her life with Cassandra and her life with Bellatrix be completely separate from one another. Feasibly, she wasn’t entirely sure how that was going to work, but she didn’t want them bleeding into one another, as she felt like it would taint them both.</p>
<p>(Well, except for that nice threesome fantasy, because a woman could always dream.)</p>
<p><em>“Although,”</em> the blonde continued, gently playing with Cassandra’s fingers as she swung her other leg over the younger woman’s lap, sitting astride her. “I would also be content with just staying in bed with you for an entire weekend— making love and talking and just… <em>being</em> with you; looking at your beautiful face and wondering how the hell I got so damn lucky,” Narcissa breathed, softly biting down on her bottom lip as she looked down at the woman beneath her, smiling. “I could make you breakfast in bed…”</p>
<p>“Ya don’t cook,” Cassandra pointed out, but she was warming to her; she liked whenever Narcissa wanted to make an effort for her, and Narcissa <em>did</em> want to make an effort for her. She enjoyed making Cassandra smile.</p>
<p>Her girlfriend began to relax, all of her previous anxieties seemingly melting away once Narcissa was astride her. Narcissa knew she was good at that though—as horrible as it probably was, she could make<em> anything</em> seem worth it so long as could wrap her lovers up in the romance they had with her. So long as she could distract Cassandra enough so that she didn’t have to worry about Bellatrix, then they were golden; they were perfect, and <em>that</em> was what Narcissa tried to remind Cassandra as she gently tucked a strand of hair behind the other woman’s ear, allowing her palm to rest on her cheek.</p>
<p>“I could learn,” Narcissa softly insisted. “For you, I’d learn.” Her gaze searched Cassandra’s, her thumb dusking over the corner of the younger woman’s mouth before she leaned in, giving her a soft kiss. Cassandra’s eyes fell closed, her fingers bunching in the fabric of the blonde’s robes as she pulled her impossibly closer to her.</p>
<p>“You know, this is gonna get real annoying, real fucking quick.”</p>
<p>Narcissa broke their kiss and practically scrambled off of Cassandra at the sound of her sister’s voice. “Jesus— weren’t you downstairs?!” Narcissa snapped, as though it was <em>Bellatrix’s</em> fault that she had just walked in and saw them, even though the blonde hadn’t bothered to close her bedroom door. She hadn’t though there would be a need to though; it wasn’t like she was planning to fuck Cassandra while Bellatrix was home, and she had believed her and Draco to be otherwise occupied for the time being.</p>
<p>“I second that,” Cassandra muttered, irritated with the interruption herself as she ran her fingers through her hair, no doubt trying to make her look more put together than she felt. She appeared anxiety-ridden again, but she allowed that to translate into annoyance as she snapped, “Ya never heard of knockin’?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix sarcastically traced the threshold of the doorway with her finger, indicating the lack of an obstruction in her way. “Maybe close the bloody door next time, you exhibitionist whore.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “It was just a kiss,” she defended, not about to apologize for that. “What?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. “I assume you came and found me for a reason, so what is it?”</p>
<p>“That fucking depends; can you manage keeping your tongue in your own goddamn mouth long enough for me to update you on your <em>kid?”</em></p>
<p>“Obviously she can, so just spit it out,” Cassandra snapped, just as unhappy by this arrangement and this unfortunate, yet apparently <em>necessary</em> interaction as Bellatrix was. Narcissa’s insides twisted at the mention of Draco though, hoping Bellatrix was here to give her some positive news, and not that she believed him to be hopeless or anything. Draco was due back at Hogwarts in three weeks, and time was running out.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, however, did not seem to sense the urgency in Narcissa’s demeanor as she prioritized pissing off Cassandra. She leaned against the threshold of the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest as she smirked. “She tell you she fucked me last night?”</p>
<p>“<em>Bella!”</em> Narcissa snapped, grabbing her sister’s sleeve and practically pulling her into the room with them before <em>actually</em> shutting the door this time. “Jesus, where is <em>Draco?”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra, however, just looked bitterly amused at her attempt to hurt her. “Yes, because she doesn’t lie to <em>me,”</em> she stressed, causing Bellatrix’s expression to darken at the implication that because Narcissa was honest with her, that she valued Cassandra more.</p>
<p>“She’s always lying to everyone about <em>something;</em> if you actually believe you’re special then you’re fucking deluded.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me— my <em>son,</em> Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed after she had cast a silencing charm on the door, just in case. Bellatrix rolled her eyes, exhaling an irritated puff of hair.</p>
<p>“Oh, relax. He just killed your house elf so he’s dealing with his first kill by vomiting— not unlike you, actually,” she mused, remembering how Narcissa had acted after the death of Margret. “Honestly, the amount of times you <em>wretched</em> after that woman’s death was ridiculous; like you actually bloody cared or something.”</p>
<p>Narcissa paled. She didn’t even have a chance to yell at Bellatrix about making her son kill their <em>house elf,</em> or worry about how Draco was feeling, or even wonder if <em>she</em> should be feeling proud or relieved that he had least accomplished that Unforgivable as it would help him with his mission, as at the moment she had another matter entirely to attend to.</p>
<p>“Wait— <em>what?” </em>Cassandra asked, immediately standing up and facing Narcissa in horror. Bellatrix’s smirk widened, obviously pleased that she had managed to destroy at least a little part of Narcissa’s happiness with Cassandra as she unintentionally uncovered something the blonde had been hiding from her.</p>
<p>“Ah, there it is. I knew you weren’t being <em>honest</em> with her, Cissy— what a fucking laugh. So you didn’t tell her you’re a murderer, huh? Figures. You know that only gets <em>me</em> wet, after all.”</p>
<p>“What the hell is she—?” Cassandra gasped as she approached her and God, Narcissa did <em>not </em>like the way she was looking at her; like she was afraid that Narcissa wasn’t the person she thought she was after all. Maybe she wasn’t. “Did you actually… have you really <em>killed</em> someone? Jesus bloody <em>Christ—”</em></p>
<p>“What, like your own husband <em>hasn’t?”</em> Narcissa shot back before she could think better of it, but Cassandra looked at her like that was the very <em>wrong</em> thing to say considering she didn’t have the excuse of being a <em>Death Eater</em> and being ordered to behind her reasoning, and Narcissa covered her face in shame and anxiety. “I know— I know, okay? I know the circumstances are different; just please stop— stop <em>looking </em>at me like that; I swear to God, it was an accident!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix chuckled as she slid up to her, pressing her breasts against Narcissa’s back as she swooped her blonde hair behind her neck and breathed in her ear. “See? You may think you can have something normal, Cissy; but <em>she</em> can’t see the beauty in your darkness, and that ship sailed a long time ago, lover— it’s already seeded itself deep inside of you, spreading like a sickness…”</p>
<p>Narcissa pushed herself off her sister with a furious exhale before she violently turned around, her hand finding Bellatrix’s throat as she pushed her up the door. She didn’t press down or anything; she didn’t really want to <em>hurt</em> her, but she did want her to shut the fuck up. Bellatrix just laughed as Cassandra shouted at her, never having been comfortable with Narcissa’s first instinct with her sister being violence. It was the only way Bellatrix <em>listened</em> though.</p>
<p>“My darkness has always begun and ended with <em>you, </em>Bella; and there’s a simple fucking way to fix <em>that</em> if you want to keep trying to ruin my relationship,” Narcissa snapped, taking her hand off her sister’s throat before shoving her for good measure.</p>
<p>“But it doesn’t matter— neither of you even <em>matter</em> right now,” Narcissa realized as she stepped away from Bellatrix. She shot a look over her shoulder to Cassandra and apologized, “Sorry—” because she knew how that sounded, and while her <em>sister</em> did not deserve an apology right then, Cassandra did, “But if Draco’s upset I need to make sure he’s alright. I’ll explain what I did later, but I promise you it was an accident.”</p>
<p>“Oh for fuck’s sake, he’s <em>fine—</em> if you’re going to coddle him he’s never going to become a sodding man,” Bellatrix snapped before she hissed, shaking out her left forearm as she was unexpectedly summoned. “Damnit, don’t you fucking tell him he should feel bad about what he did, if you’ve undone all my progress by the time I get back you’re giving him a death sentence. Don’t be an idiot.”</p>
<p>“I know what I’m bloody doing; he’s <em>my</em> son!” Narcissa shouted at her. “Just go!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix shot her a scathing look but she disapparated in a billow of black smoke, returning to her master’s side. Narcissa exhaled, sweeping her hair away from her eyes. Her hands were shaking.</p>
<p>“Do ya want me to stay?” Cassandra asked softly and Narcissa turned to her, an apologetic expression on her face.</p>
<p>“You don’t— you don’t have to,” she tried, not wanting Cassandra to feel obligated. “I know I have a lot to explain and I <em>will,</em> but if you don’t want to wait…” She felt bad about dropping that bomb on her and leaving before it could be resolved, but… “Draco needs to come first. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“I’m a mother too, Cissa,” Cassandra gently reminded her. “I get it. Just go, yeah? I’ll be here when you get back.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, grateful for her understanding. She wanted to give her a kiss in parting but wasn’t entirely sure it would be received well after what Cassandra now knew about her, so instead she gave the other woman a grateful smile before she opened the door and went on a search for her son. She found Draco in the basement, just sitting on the steps as he stared miserably at their house elf’s body.</p>
<p>“Darling?”</p>
<p>Draco looked up at her before he glowered, turning his gaze away from her. “I’m fine, Mother,” he responded flatly. “Don’t make a thing out of it.”</p>
<p>“I won’t,” Narcissa softly promised him before she descended the steps, coming to rest next to him as she sat down. Draco wouldn’t look at her, and Narcissa placed a comforting hand on his knee. She wasn’t entirely sure what to say to him, but she knew she had to frame this as a <em>good</em> thing if she wanted him to have a hope of surviving his next year at school. “I’m proud of you,” she finally settled on, even though her heart ached to say such a thing. Still, some things were more important than the truth.</p>
<p>Draco finally met her gaze, but he still did not speak. Narcissa gently smiled at him. “The Killing Curse is a very hard spell to do. You must have practiced a lot.”</p>
<p>Draco shrugged lifelessly. “Last couple weeks,” he told her, his eyes falling on the body of Bitzy again. “I’m still shit at the Cruciatus Curse, but Aunt Bella says that’s because I don’t <em>really </em>want to cause pain, but it’s not like she’s having me practice on someone who’s <em>done</em> something to me. I think it’s just easier to hurt someone who you hate, but I never cared about the bleeding elf enough to hate it. We’ve been using Bitzy for all the Unforgivables though, so I think I just— I don’t know. After a while, killing it seemed easier, I guess. Least the thing isn’t screaming anymore.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes softened. “Sometimes, killing can be a kindness,” she told her son. “Maybe not for the one that’s being killed, but sometimes even then— like Bitzy. It was suffering, and you ended that. Your aunt though— she hates everyone and everything; she has so much misery inside of her that she feels the need to inflict it upon others, but not everyone is like her. Your father killed to protect our family, and that was the kindness that <em>he</em> allotted us. You will do the same, Draco.”</p>
<p>Draco nodded, understanding his mother’s words. Narcissa leaned in, kissing her son on the temple. “Do you feel ready?” she asked him softly, and Draco shook his head.</p>
<p>“No,” he admitted, but he steeled his jaw and looked up at her, determination in his eyes. “But I’m gonna do it anyway. I have a plan— sort of, anyway. I think it’ll work.”</p>
<p>“May I ask what it is?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m not supposed to get any help— it’s fine. I can do this, Mother. I promise. I mean, I’ve killed something already, right? I can kill again. I can be like Father and protect our family.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest ached as she looked at her little boy who suddenly seemed so grown up. She exhaled a long breath, gently reaching out to brush the hair from his eyes. He needed a haircut, but such things seemed so trivial now. “I love you, my fierce dragon,” she breathed, giving him a small, encouraging smile, “and I know you will do this family proud.”</p>
<p>It hurt though, <em>God</em> it hurt to have to act like Draco being forced to grow up in this way wasn’t hard to watch, and when Narcissa returned to her bedroom she was in tears. Cassandra did not waste time as she brought the blonde into her arms, shielding her from the world as Narcissa broke down, hoping her son was still downstairs and that he could not hear her sobs through the closed door as she had been too distraught to cast the silencing spell before she fell completely apart.</p>
<p>Cassandra had brought her into bed and she held Narcissa to her breast as the blonde clutched at her, still too upset to speak. It didn’t matter though; Cassandra understood what she was feeling and why, and so she just lay with her in silence, gently stroking her lover’s hair in a gesture of comfort. “I’m sorry,” Narcissa wheezed, her hand fisting in her girlfriend’s dress. “I know I— I still owe you an explanation…”</p>
<p>“You don’t,” Cassandra told her softly, gently resting her hand atop a mess of blonde hair. “Your son’s more important. Feel that first, then you can say whatever ya want. I believe ya anyway— about it bein’ an accident. I know who you are, Cissa; no matter what that cunt seems to think. S’Fine. Tell me later.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded silently, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears leaked out behind her lids. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes back to school,” she breathed, her words quivering in the back of her throat. “He won’t be able to— to write me, to tell me how it’s going… I’m going to be completely in the dark, scared out of my mind, and I don’t— I don’t know how I’m going to <em>handle</em> that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa took a shuddered inhale of breath and opened her eyes, staring at the far wall while another tear slid down her cheek. “I keep thinking I’m just going to have to… I don’t know, <em>compartmentalize.</em> But I don’t know if I can. I could ignore the horrors and the risk and how terribly scared I was for both my sister and my husband when I was younger, but Draco’s my <em>son.</em> How am I supposed to live from day to day, knowing he could be arrested or killed at any moment?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I don’t think Dumbledore will <em>kill</em> him,” Cassandra rationalized softly, gently raking her fingers through the blonde’s hair again. “Even if he was defendin’ himself, he’s got that whole honorable and goodness thing, yeah? Besides— you said ya got Severus to take the Vow, didn’t ya? He’ll protect ‘im, Cissa. I think… the worst that could happen is, if things go real bad an’ Draco’s caught, he’ll just be tossed into Azkaban with Lucius. An’ the Dark Lord is gonna release them soon anyway, yeah? I know it’s a shit consolation, but it’s not like he’ll be gone forever.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed sadly, as it was little comfort. But, perhaps Cassandra was right— perhaps her fear of Draco <em>dying</em> during this mission was unfounded. Maybe she just had to hold on to that, and hope for the best; hope that, at the very least, Severus would be able to help him out greatly while he was in school. She couldn’t dwell though, and she could not wallow; all it would do is break her sanity, and she <em>needed</em> to be level-headed right now. There was just too much going on not to.</p>
<p>Narcissa was silent for a long time as she laid atop her girlfriend, just trying to focus on her breathing as she stopped the flow of tears. Finally, she shifted and looked up at her, brow creased as she revealed another secret to the woman she loved. “It was Margret,” she admitted, voice soft. “She found out about Bella and I and tried to blackmail me. I… I <em>panicked</em> and hit her with a stunning spell, so I could just— I don’t know, buy some time, wait for Bella to come and clean up another one of our fucking messes… but when Margret fell she— her head it… it hit the edge of the coffee table and…” Narcissa trailed off, her gaze falling to the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she continued, sounding guilty even though she knew she probably shouldn’t. It wasn’t like this was something you told someone over breakfast. “I just— it was a long time ago, and it was something we agreed to keep within the family so it wouldn’t come back on me. Or <em>Bella,</em> who got rid of her body. And it’s not like it was my proudest moment so I didn’t…” But Narcissa trailed off again, not knowing what to say.</p>
<p>Cassandra was silent for a long time. “Margret was a cunt,” she said finally. “Not that I’m justifyin’ it or anythin’ cause I’m not. Even if you didn’t kill her, you still stunned her knowin’ Bellatrix would have to. But… it does sound like an accident, an’ it doesn’t make me look at ya any different, if that was what you were afraid of.”</p>
<p>“It was,” Narcissa admitted in a whisper, looking back up at the other woman. “But… not just that. I don’t want you to feel like I’m still lying to you. I’m trying so goddamn hard to learn from my mistakes, and I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I just— God, my <em>life</em> has been one horror show after another, and short of sitting you down and telling you everything from beginning to end which seems… I don’t know, like it’ll emotionally fuck me up more by reliving it all…”</p>
<p>“You don’t gotta do that,” Cassandra assured her, reaching down to cover the blonde’s hand with her own. “I trust you, Cissa. I know you’re tryin’. That’s enough for now.”</p>
<p>“But just ‘for now’ though… right?”</p>
<p>Because Narcissa knew better, and she knew the other woman’s patience and her<em> sanity</em> would only last for so long, although the latter might be hovering a little too close for comfort near the cliff’s edge lately. Narcissa didn’t know what she was going to do when either ran their course though, and that terrified her. She didn’t want to lose her.</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a slow breath. “Yeah,” she admitted, saddened by that reality as well. Narcissa was scared that she believed it was an inevitability, even though the truth was… it very well might be. “But we’ll see how long it lasts. I just know I can’t promise forever— an’ for your sake I hope it’s not either, ‘cause I don’t wanna watch you get consumed by darkness just ‘cause it makes her happy to not be fucked up alone. It’ll destroy you, an’ that would break my heart.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wished she could tell her that she would never allow Bellatrix to do that to her, but the truth of the matter was that she had started to a long time. At this rate, it would only be a matter of time before Bellatrix completely consumed her, and yet Narcissa could not stay away.</p>
<p>The last few weeks before September 1st flew by and quite a lot of it was filled with Bellatrix trying to erase Cassandra’s touch from her body whenever she spent time with Narcissa. She had this <em>thing</em> about not letting Cassandra be the last person who fucked her, and even if Narcissa told her that they didn’t have sex during their last visit, Bellatrix did not believe her, as apparently she found it unfathomable that Narcissa could have a relationship that wasn’t entirely based on sex.</p>
<p>Narcissa wasn’t going to pretend she wasn’t a sexual person because she <em>was,</em> but she had also learned a long time ago that she didn’t need sex to feel loved, and sometimes it was nice just <em>being</em> with Cassandra. She felt loved when she was with her without needing to be touched, but considering the same was not true for when she was with Bellatrix, she supposed she understood why her sister did not believe it. The problem was that Bellatrix <em>only</em> knew how to express her love with sex or, at the very least, dramatic declarations. Love for her had always been intense, but with Cassandra it was… calmer. It was more of a constant all around her instead of something screamed in her face like it was with Bellatrix, but Narcissa liked them both for very different reasons.</p>
<p>Narcissa had come to realize when exactly she needed each one of them though, and as such had tried to sort out some kind of strange system in order to get the most out of her conflicting relationships. Like right now she was scared— she felt completely out of control as she waited for her son to awaken so she could bring him to the Hogwarts express, and as such she needed something all-consuming and domineering to get her mind off it so that she didn’t unravel.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was good for that.</p>
<p>Her sister was on top of her, sweating and panting as she pounded into her with a strap on with absolutely no remorse. Narcissa knew her pelvic area was going to be sore for<em> days </em>after this but she ate it up, needing it to be rough. It distracted her from reality, and as Bellatrix slapped her pussy she cried out, begging her to do it harder until her entire nether regions were red and stinging. It was enough stimulation on her clit too that Narcissa was certain she was going to come if she kept doing it, so she kept yelling for Bellatrix to do it harder, to just fucking <em>hurt</em> her, and the woman obliged until Narcissa felt like she couldn’t focus on anything else other than the pleasure and the pain, and she begged, “Choke me!” when she was about to fall over the edge, the hand being wrapped around her throat stealing her breath and her sanity and the edges of her vision went fuzzy.</p>
<p>Narcissa coughed and gasped as Bellatrix let her go, and for a second her sister looked concerned that she had actually hurt her. “I’m… fine,” Narcissa assured her as she struggled for air. “Fin…ish.” And so Bellatrix did, allowing the enchanted strap on to give her pleasure as she pounded into her a few more times until she too was trembling in the aftermath of her orgasm.</p>
<p>Bellatrix slid out of her then, unhooking the harness before she fell into bed next to her, her own breathing uneven as she came down from her high. “You feel better?” Bellatrix asked her, and Narcissa nodded as she turned, snuggling herself into her sister’s naked form. Bellatrix could tell from how frantic she had been about this that she was feeling overwhelmed, but she had never really been great with words. <em>This</em> was what she was good at though, and Narcissa was thankful for it.</p>
<p>“He’ll be fine, Cissy,” Bellatrix tried to assure her as she ran her fingers through her sister’s hair. “Not to toot my own fucking horn or anything, but I taught him pretty damn well. He’s nowhere near my level, obviously, but at least he’s not incompetent anymore.”</p>
<p>“He was never <em>incompetent,”</em> Narcissa chastised, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she begged to differ. “But… thank you. For everything you’ve done. I know you didn’t have to, and I appreciate it more than you know.”</p>
<p>“I did it for you,” Bellatrix responded, even though Narcissa was more than aware that it wasn’t really for Draco’s benefit. Bellatrix looked down at her, her eyes softening as she gently brushed the hair away from Narcissa’s eyes. “Everything I do is for you, Cissy.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed. She gave Bellatrix an appreciative smile then before she leaned up, gently pressing her lips to her sister’s. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“As you should.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, but her exasperation was mixed with amusement. She pushed herself out of bed then, knowing she needed to shower and get ready before she got Draco up and encouraged him to get a move on. She had already packed his things last night at least, so that was one project done.</p>
<p>“Listen, I know this isn’t… the most <em>ideal</em> time to tell you this, but I’m not coming back home after I drop Draco at the train station. I’m going to stay at Cassandra’s tonight.”</p>
<p>“<em>Why?”</em> Bellatrix asked furiously, pushing herself up into a seated position as she watched Narcissa run a brush through her hair. “I already fucked you, why the hell do you need <em>her?”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa looked at her patiently. “We’ve been over this. You both give me different things. I’m not staying the night because I need to sleep with her, Bella, I’m staying the night because I know I’m going to have a hard time emotionally once Draco leaves for school, and as much as I love you, we both know you aren’t the best when it comes to comfort. She is. It’ll just be for one night; you’ll survive. In case you’ve forgotten, because you live with me, you get me <em>far</em> more often than she does.”</p>
<p>“In case <em>you’ve</em> forgotten, I don’t like sharing my bloody toys.”</p>
<p>“Call me a ‘toy’ again and see what happens,” Narcissa warned her, causing Bellatrix to huff in irritation as she got off the bed. She caught wind of some muttering such as ‘bullshit’, ‘selfish’, and ‘slut’, but Narcissa kept herself silent, allowing her sister to rant underneath her breath. She knew Bellatrix was not going to take it well, but she wasn’t going to hide what she was doing either. While her sister had been more accepting of the inevitability of Narcissa’s relationship with Cassandra, it was something Bellatrix liked to ignore, and when she <em>couldn’t</em> ignore it she tended to get very irate.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s thighs felt sticky after their bout of vigorous fucking though, but it was more than normal so while Bellatrix was muttering under her breath about how she was a greedy bitch, Narcissa put her hand between her thighs only to find her fingertips covered in blood. “Damnit,” she grumbled, which got Bellatrix’s attention as she finally looked over at her.</p>
<p>“Shit—” she swore, believing that she had inadvertently hurt her. Bellatrix’s fingers hadn’t been inside of her though, so it wasn’t like she cut her. “Are you okay? I wasn’t trying to—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s… I was feeling a little crampy this morning, you just fucked my period out of me,” Narcissa realized. God, she couldn’t <em>wait</em> to be done with this crap every month. Her periods had gotten lighter and her cycle longer, but they were unfortunately still very much a part of her life and probably would be for another ten years. Narcissa sarcastically waved with her bloody fingers at her sister though, pointing out, “See? Now you don’t even have to worry that Cassandra’s going to fuck me while I’m gone, so you can relax.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed as she crossed the space between them. “She lets a little blood stop her? Boring. Do you guys always do it in the missionary position too?”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “I wish it would stop <em>you—</em> no, Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed as Bellatrix snatched her wrist in her hand, looking her dead in the eye as she licked the blood straight off of Narcissa’s fingers. The blonde exhaled a sound of repugnance and ripped her hand away when Bellatrix was done. She should have seen that coming.</p>
<p>“Why do you have to be disgusting?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked, her tongue running over her teeth. “To make a point,” she told her. “You aren’t vanilla, Cissy; blood might not be your <em>thing </em>but if I were to drop to my knees right now and clean you off with my tongue you and I both know you wouldn’t stop me. You’ve <em>never</em> stopped me. Yeah, you’ll give me your weak little protests because you think you should be more ‘proper’ than that, but in the end you like doing filthy shit with me. You <em>want</em> to be choked, edged, done in the arse, but she won’t do those things for you, will she? So tell me, what the fuck is the <em>point</em> of her?”</p>
<p>“Again, she offers me more than just <em>sex.</em> I don’t know how many others ways I need to say it,” Narcissa responded, growing exasperated as she grabbed her wand, using it to clean the blood off of her thighs. It was a temporary solution until she could get to the bathroom, at any rate, and she also didn’t want to give her sister any more temptation. “You fulfill a very specific subset of my sexuality, I’ll admit that, but that’s not all I want either. When was the last time you made love to me, Bella? <em>Honestly.”</em></p>
<p>“Like literally five minutes ago!”</p>
<p>Narcissa narrowed her eyes. “You call that ‘making love’, do you?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean we’re in love, so…<em> yeah,” </em>Bellatrix stressed, like Narcissa was the one being stupid. The blonde exhaled a long, drawn out sigh.</p>
<p>“Fine, well sometimes I enjoy more sensual, <em>emotional </em>sex, which Cassandra gives me; or even just… I don’t know,<em> regular</em> kinky things. Imagine the bar of what’s considered normal is here,” Narcissa told her, placing her hand at chest hight. “You and I? We’re way the hell up here,” she continued, her hand now above her head. “And I enjoy that, I <em>do,</em> but I need more from a relationship than just extremes. We <em>are</em> in love, and it’s passionate and intense and beautifully unhinged, but it’s also… it’s a <em>lot,</em> Bella. You’re like this raging ocean and Cass… she’s the dam that keeps me from—”</p>
<p>“What, <em>gushing?”</em> Bellatrix sneered. “Because I’m the only one that’s ever made you do <em>that</em>, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her a bemused look. She knew Bellatrix always had to ‘win’ in some regard. “<em>Yes,</em> you are the only one that’s ever made me do that. I know you’re proud of yourself.”</p>
<p>“Mmm… want to again?” Bellatrix breathed, sliding her arms around the blonde’s waist as she pulled her toward her, apparently ready to start round two, although probably only because she wanted to keep proving Cassandra unnecessary.</p>
<p>“<em>Not </em>while I’m bleeding!” Narcissa exclaimed, gently pushing her sister off of her. God, she couldn’t even <em>imagine</em> the kind of mess that would make. “Besides, I have to shower and get Draco ready for school. If you wish to make me <em>gush</em> after I’ve finished my period then you can, alright? You can edge me to the ends of the goddamn earth if you’d like— I’ll let you do whatever you want with me.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix didn’t look satisfied with the promise of a rain check and there was more grumbling under her breath, but Narcissa just gently placed a kiss on her sister’s cheek and promised if she waited it would be well worth it, and Bellatrix finally let her go take a shower.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, they actually got the train station on time even though Draco clearly had not wished to get out of bed. Narcissa’s heart ached for him because she was well-aware of why he was so hesitant to go back, but she tried to give him encouragement the best that she could even though she knew her words were useless.</p>
<p>They met up with Cassandra and Gregory fifteen minutes before the train was due to arrive, and Narcissa gave her girlfriend a chaste kiss on the cheek in greeting as the boys found Vincent looking miserable as his mother fussed over him. Ursula Crabbe gave them the most <em>scathing</em> look when they arrived but Narcissa ignored it, allowing Cassandra to weave their fingers together as they waited.</p>
<p>“How are you?” Cassandra asked softly, concern etched into her brow at the expression of anxiety on her lover’s face.</p>
<p>“Not great,” Narcissa admitted, keeping her voice low. Her eyes were on her son, her heart weighing heavy in her chest as she watched him try to act normal. “I told Bella I’d be staying the night at your house; you don’t mind, do you? I just— I don’t think I can…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, course. Ya know you can stay as long as you want,” Cassandra told her, gently tucking a piece of hair behind the blonde’s ear. Narcissa shot her an appreciative smile, squeezing the woman’s hand in her own as she leaned in a little closer to her.</p>
<p>“Oi, Malfoy— Goyle!” another Slytherin student that looked to be about their sons’ age called out to them. The kid was laughing. “It’s true then, innit? What my Grandmum said; both your mums are big<em> dykes </em>now—”</p>
<p>At first, Narcissa could not see who did it as both Draco and Gregory moved toward the boy, who’s nose squirted with blood as a fist connected with his face. Narcissa gasped and Cassandra yelled out, “<em>Boys!”</em> and when the kid hit the ground, holding his face and crying out, Vincent laughed so hard his mother had to yell at him to stop making it worse. Both women rushed over to their children.</p>
<p>It was Draco who was shaking out his fist, and while a part of Narcissa was touched that he felt the need to stand up for her, the <em>motherly</em> part of her was furious that it was with violence. She knew he was probably just stressed out about what he was facing when he returned to Hogwarts, but he needed to have more control over his reactions!</p>
<p>“<em>Muggle</em> violence?!” she shrieked, but Gregory was quick to make excuses for his friend, as his mother was being called foul names as well.</p>
<p>“Nah, Mrs— Aunt Cissa,” he began and, okay, it was <em>aunt</em> now? Narcissa supposed she could live with that, and when her gaze found her son Draco just shrugged, as apparently they had talked and that was the form of address they had both decided on. “Malfoy just tripped over me, yeah? Was an accident— he just fell into him! I’m dead fuckin’ clumsy an’ get in the way of everything; Mum tell her.”</p>
<p>Cassandra just narrowed her eyes, her gaze shifting from Gregory to Draco. “So you just… <em>tripped.”</em></p>
<p>“He’s clumsy,” Draco reiterated with an impressively straight face, pointing to Goyle. Cassandra rolled her eyes. “Besides, even if I didn’t just ‘trip’, I couldn’t use my <em>wand— </em>I’m underage and we aren’t on the train yet. I can’t even be given detention or anything either since we’re not on school property. <em>You’re</em> just supposed to discipline me.”</p>
<p>He gave her this smile like he knew she would not, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. Of course she wasn’t going to; he had enough to deal with already. “Fine, you <em>fell.</em> But Draco, and you too, Gregory— there might be more people at school who are going to say unkind things about us, and you both need to keep your tempers in check. They’re just words— all it does is prove that they have nothing better to do with their lives than gossip, and that’s pathetic. Rise above it.”</p>
<p>Both boys rolled their eyes and Cassandra snapped, “Hey! None of that— she means it, so say that ya understand.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fine,”</em> Draco droned on while Gregory mumbled something that sounded like, “Yeah, whatever,” which did not fill either woman with much confidence, but it wasn’t like they could police them while they were at school. They both tried to wander off then, but Narcissa grabbed her son’s sleeve, keeping him from going too far while Gregory went back over to Vincent.</p>
<p>“Draco, you need to be careful— <em>especially </em>now,” Narcissa tried to reason with him in a low tone. “Please do not do anything foolish. Although I appreciate your desire to, defending my honor is not worth getting in trouble for.”</p>
<p>“Fine, <em>okay—</em> it just pissed me off,” Draco grumbled, rolling his shoulder to get out of his mother’s grip. The horn blared indicating the arrival of the train, and Draco asked impatiently, “Can I go now?”</p>
<p>“Yes, of course. Please— don’t forget to write, okay? Just…” Narcissa lowered her voice then to remind him, “be careful of what you put in your letters.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” Draco responded exasperatedly, as though this whole interaction was taxing for him. Perhaps he just was going overboard on the typical teenage behavior though to offset his nerves about his return to school. Before Draco left for the train, his gaze caught Cassandra’s, his voice much smaller as he addressed her. “You’re… gonna take care of my Mother, right?”</p>
<p>“Of <em>course</em> I will, honey. Ya don’t gotta worry, I promise.”</p>
<p>Draco nodded, believing her as he gave her a small smile. But then some girl was yelling for him with, “Draco! Draco! Did you really punch Harper? That’s bloody <em>hilarious—” </em>and as she ran up to him she took his arm, which no doubt meant she was the famous Pansy. She was pretty, thankfully; the grating tone of her voice left something to be desired, but whatever made her son happy, Narcissa supposed.</p>
<p>The blonde watched them go with a heavy heart, hoping that no matter what happened this year, that Draco would make it through in one piece. For now though, all she could do was wait, and so Narcissa took her girlfriend’s hand in hers once more, hoping that Cassandra could save her from the wreck that her sanity was about to become, because she knew Bellatrix would not be able to.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. XXXII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXII.</strong>
</p><p>It was difficult not knowing what was going on with Draco, but her son did at least write to her twice over the next month— once to complain about Professor Slughorn and his not being invited into his ‘Slug Club’, and another to complain about Harry Potter’s ‘unfair’ placement as the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. It seemed so normal on the outside, but he made a point to keep repeating how ‘fine’ he was for Narcissa to know that he was not fine at all. Still, his letters always ended with him promising he was going to do well in school this year, which Narcissa assumed was his promise that he was going to figure out some way to do what Voldemort had instructed.</p><p>The world continued to fall to shit around them. Random people like the Knight Bus conductor were getting arrested even though there was zero evidence linking him or other sporadic arrests to Death Eater activity. The Ministry was panicking though, trying to act as though they were actually <em>doing</em> something. Some woman named Abbott was found dead on Ministry property not too long after however, and everything spiraled some more.</p><p>Bellatrix did not update her much on what was going on behind the scenes, but Narcissa <em>did</em> know for certain now that the Dark Lord had Mr. Ollivander, as Bellatrix had been on some endless rant when she came back one day about how ‘vermin don’t need wands’ and it was ‘a waste of bloody time to cater to a rat’. Narcissa doubted that was the <em>only </em>reason the Dark Lord had a wand-maker, but she didn’t allow herself to linger on the thought, because in the end she honestly did not care. The only person in the Dark Lord’s clutches that she cared about was her son, and worrying about <em>him</em> took up the majority of her time.</p><p>Narcissa had worked out a system where she stayed at home during the week and went to Cassandra’s during the weekends. Bellatrix wasn’t <em>fond</em> of the plan at first, but then again neither was Cassandra, who wanted her over her house for half the week, as she felt like just getting weekends slighted her. Narcissa had made the mistake of laying out said plan to both of them simultaneously, and the shouting match that followed made Narcissa wonder how she could have ever had a threesome fantasy with the two of them, because the animosity hung so thickly in the air that Narcissa could practically choke on it.</p><p>Finally, the plan was settled and agreed upon, with Cassandra agreeing to her weekend deal so long as she had Narcissa and Draco over for the <em>entire</em> Christmas break, which seemed fair as it wasn’t like Bellatrix cared much for the holidays anyway. Bellatrix told them both that she hoped they choked on their boring domesticity and, well, that was about the worst of it, which Narcissa was thankful for.</p><p>Their ‘boring domesticity’ was actually something Narcissa found she very much looked forward to on the weekends though, as it was the calmer waters she needed every now and then while she weathered her sister’s raging storm. Not that Narcissa did not <em>revel</em> being trapped in Bellatrix’s whirlwind though; she had a way with getting her completely out of her head, and the weeks always flew by without her getting caught up and drowning in her anxiety over Draco. Granted it mostly consisted of pushing the boundaries of their sexual fetishes to even more ridiculous extremes, but extreme was what Narcissa needed to not <em>think.</em> If she didn’t think, she wasn’t scared, and if she wasn’t scared then she wasn’t panicking.</p><p>It also made her time with Cassandra feel like some kind of vivid dream when she got there as well, as it was both emotional and sexual whiplash. Because it felt like a surreal and pleasant fantasy that Narcissa allowed herself to get completely caught up in it, which furthered her desire to not have multiple breakdowns over her son while he was away at school, as Narcissa knew not a single one of them would do her or him any good. It was… a very strange coping mechanism, she would admit that, but it worked — not only for herself, but for Cassandra, who seemed to forget that she was fighting a ‘losing battle’ whenever they were wrapped up in a haze of simplicity and romance — and if it was keeping them both sane then that was what mattered.</p><p>“No! You were supposed to stay in bed!” Narcissa protested once she saw her girlfriend enter the kitchen. Narcissa had snuck out on purpose to try to surprise her with breakfast in bed like she had promised, although her attempt could have gone… better. Cassandra, whose over-sized shirt and messy bun made her look stupidly attractive despite the casual attire, always far outstripped Narcissa’s morning look which was a little annoying, seeing as she usually made a point to sleep in skimpy nightgowns. Cassandra had always been effortlessly attractive though, which made Narcissa jealous yet also managed to turn her on at the same time.</p><p>It was an odd combination, to be honest, and it usually resulted in quite a lot of staring.</p><p>“Why, were ya gonna come back and ravage me?” Cassandra teased, lightly scrunching up her shirt as she ran her nails over her hip, scratching at the faint red lines that were pressed into her skin from the bunched up blankets that she slept on. Narcissa’s staring continued, although not at the woman’s face, who’s nose wrinkled as she looked at what was on the plate in front of Narcissa. “What is <em>that</em> s’posed to be?”</p><p>“Eggs,” Narcissa responded defiantly, trying not to look as embarrassed as she felt by her absolute failure. She pulled herself out of her staring match with Cassandra’s body and subconsciously ran her fingers through her tousled hair, hoping that if she looked attractive enough it would offset how horrible she was at domestic chores and she wouldn’t get made fun of <em>too</em> badly. Cassandra couldn’t help herself though and chuckled, causing Narcissa to put her arms down in a huff and protest, “Don’t <em>laugh!”</em></p><p>“How did you manage to burn parts of it, yet other parts are completely undercooked? That’s talent, Cissa. They’re like… runny an’ crispy at the same time.”</p><p>Narcissa’s cheeks flared. “I tried to cook them with my wand— that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”</p><p>“You’re supposed to heat the <em>pan</em> with your wand, not the actual eggs themselves— have you really never seen your house elf cook?” Cassandra asked, still having a hell of a time trying to stifle her laughter. Narcissa was starting to look miserable though because <em>no,</em> she hadn’t— she just always had food in the morning and never really considered how it came into being. She was beginning to feel very stupid though and Cassandra could see that, so she crossed the space between them, slipping her arms around the blonde from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.</p><p>“Sorry— don’t mean to laugh. You’re just cute when ya pout,” she told her, placing a gentle kiss on her lover’s cheek, which was still tinged pink with embarrassment. Narcissa’s pout deepened. “I appreciate that you tried, really. It means a lot.” Cassandra looked down at the plate again though, her nose wrinkling. “You weren’t really gonna give that to me though, right?”</p><p>“<em>No,”</em> Narcissa responded exasperatedly, leaning back into the other woman. She liked how she fit into her arms; unlike Bellatrix (unless she was wearing those damned heeled boots she loved so much), Cassandra was actually <em>taller</em> than her by at least two inches, and being the naturally smaller one was a nice change. Narcissa hadn’t had that with a woman since she was… well, about fourteen, come to think of it; that’s when she shot up and surpassed both her sisters in height. “I already asked your house elf to make a proper breakfast— I just kept this to prove why I shouldn’t ever be the one to do it. I just wanted you to know that I tried. I want you to know that I keep my promises.”</p><p>“I know you do, babe— ya don’t gotta prove anything to me,” Cassandra assured her, softly kissing the base of the blonde’s neck. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, her hands slipping over the ones that were gently bunching up her nightgown.</p><p>“’Babe’ now, is it?” she lightly teased as she rolled her neck, allowing the woman more room to work. Cassandra’s tongue traced the shell of her ear and Narcissa shuddered, enjoying the tease.</p><p>“Too much?” the younger woman husked in her ear, and Narcissa shook her head.</p><p>“No… I kind of like it actually,” she breathed, allowing the term of endearment to wash over her. “It sounds sexy when you say it.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“Mm,” Narcissa murmured as she turned around in the other woman’s arms, her gaze purposeful as she backed Cassandra against the counter before she connected their lips in a fierce kiss. She grasped the younger woman’s face in her hand as she broke the connection, allowing her lips to drag over Cassandra’s before lightly nipping at them. “Say it again,” she demanded breathlessly, and Cassandra, who always loved when Narcissa got bossy, became bloody <em>weak</em> at her tone as she complied without hesitation.</p><p>“Babe…” she practically whimpered, the word coming out more as a plea, and Narcissa smiled wickedly against her skin, allowing her lips to drag further down until they wrapped around the younger woman’s jugular, her hand still holding tight to Cassandra’s jaw as she made quick work of getting her wet and desperate. They hadn’t had sex at all yesterday because she was, admittedly, still a little sore from Bellatrix, and Narcissa did <em>not</em> want to leave without at least giving Cassandra something, since she clearly could not manage breakfast.</p><p>Narcissa hissed softly in Cassandra’s ear as she slid her free hand down the other woman’s shirt, her fingers just briefly passing over her knickers. She didn’t put any pressure where Cassandra needed her to though, and instead husked in her ear, “Beg me.”</p><p>“Please,” Cassandra gasped, her chest already flushed and her nipples practically wearing a hole in the fabric that covered her. She widened her stance in invitation, but Narcissa just continued to very lightly brush against her knickers, not giving her near enough. “Please, fuck— babe, come on…”</p><p>Narcissa grinned, feeling Cassandra’s hips strain toward her. “I’m enjoying this continued use of the word ‘babe’,” she told her, her other hand gently tracing her lover’s lips with the pads of her fingers.</p><p>“Good— now reward me,” Cassandra panted, knowing exactly what she was doing. Narcissa chuckled, gently nudging the woman’s head up with her nose before she wrapped her lips around the base of Cassandra’s neck again, making the woman at her mercy hiss in pleasure while Narcissa’s hand slipped beneath the waistband of her knickers. Cassandra was sticky with desire already and Narcissa spread her wetness over her clit as she softly stimulated her, continuing to kiss her lover’s neck, her jaw, before her tongue traced the shell of Cassandra’s ear.</p><p>“Cissa,” she breathed, her hand tangling in a mess of blonde hair as she held Narcissa close to her. But that was about as far as they got as a very loud <em>crack</em> startled them both and they sprung apart as the house elf cheerfully announced:</p><p>“Breakfast is ready for the Missus’!”</p><p>“Jesus <em>bloody—” </em>Cassandra began to swear before she realized it wasn’t the elf’s fault and dismissed it with an admittedly terse, “—Thanks.” Narcissa giggled as she backed away from her, teasingly placing each of her fingers in her mouth as she gently flicked her tongue over the pads of her fingers, tasting her lover’s desperation.</p><p>“Guess breakfast is ready,” she responded innocently, making Cassandra’s mouth drop open at the insinuation.</p><p>“You’re really gonna bloody leave me like this?”</p><p>Narcissa playfully smirked as she leaned against the opposite counter, her hands tucked behind her back. “Why not? You’ll come so much harder if I tease you first. I could make this last all day…”</p><p>Cassandra’s chest was still heaving, her lips parted in desire. They looked redder; fuller. “Are you <em>actually</em> tryin’ to kill me? ‘Cause my life insurance policy doesn’t go to <em>you,</em> ya know.”</p><p>Narcissa’s smirk just widened and she shrugged innocently. She really liked how Cassandra looked when she was desperate, but she loved even more the feeling of power it gave her. “What, you think you couldn’t handle it? That’s disappointing.”</p><p>Cassandra snorted at her attempt to goad her. “You think you’re real cute, huh?”</p><p>“No, but I know <em>you</em> think I’m cute, and that’s why you’re going to do exactly what I want,” Narcissa playfully told her as she moved toward the threshold of the door, holding out her hand invitingly. She wiggled her fingers, her smirk widening. “Come on— breakfast is getting cold.”</p><p>Cassandra looked torn between being both frustrated yet <em>incredibly</em> turned on by this little game, and Narcissa heard her mutter something that suspiciously sounded like ‘spoiled’ under her breath before she complied with the blonde’s request. They had never really done anything like this though, and Narcissa wanted to try something new with her; besides, there was something so much… <em>lighter</em> when it came to sex with Cassandra, they could be moaning one minute and laughing the next, and it just made everything feel easy and fun.</p><p>Narcissa had an enjoyable time during breakfast practically making love to a strawberry with her mouth as she ate it in the most <em>provocative</em> way possible, and collapsed in a fit of laughter when Cassandra conjured a literal <em>wall</em> between them so she could finish her breakfast in peace. After they had eaten, Narcissa pulled her into the parlor and told her she wanted to dance for her, which caused Cassandra to exhale a groan like she knew this was going to be the absolute death of her sanity, but she allowed Narcissa to do what she wanted anyway until Narcissa was half-naked and on top of her, and Cassandra’s willpower lasted exactly… one hour and twenty two minutes since they had first begun this little game.</p><p>“Fuck, <em>fuck—</em> oh, that’s cheating, you <em>bitch…”</em> Narcissa gasped out when Cassandra had apparently given up on trying to hold out and slid her hand in her lover’s underwear, two of her fingers going straight inside of her. Cassandra just laughed at her name calling though as she didn’t give Narcissa the courtesy of a buildup, and started roughly finger fucking her while she was atop her lap.</p><p>“You’re bloody <em>soaked—</em> guess I’m not the only one who gets off on you bein’ an absolute cunt tease…”</p><p>“Shit— you… oh my God,” Narcissa panted, unable to really comprehend an actual thought as she dug her nails into the other woman’s back. But it stopped as soon as it began, and when Cassandra took her fingers from her Narcissa groaned helplessly, pitching forward so that she rested her forehead against the other woman’s as she attempted to breathe.</p><p>“How’s it feel?” Cassandra goaded as she brought her fingers to her lips to clean them off, but Narcissa wouldn’t let her. She took her lover’s face in her hand and kissed her desperately, and that was about the end of their little games. They ended up a tangled mess on the floor of the parlor, Cassandra clawing up the blonde’s back as Narcissa brought her to a screaming, trembling orgasm. They were both sweating, their hair mussed and skin flushed as Cassandra topped her then, looking as though she <em>planned</em> to go down on her, but suddenly the fireplace erupted in a bright green light.</p><p>“What the fuck?” Cassandra gaped, so in shock that she didn’t move for her wand or to even cover herself. She just stared at the woman who came out of it like she was seeing a ghost, and for good reason. Narcissa turned to look at what was going on and she <em>screamed,</em> pushing herself up off the floor as she found her wand on the coffee table, pointing it at the intruder in warning.</p><p>“Your relationship isn’t based on sex, my <em>arse,”</em> the woman, who looked <em>exactly </em>like Narcissa snarled, causing the real Narcissa to exhale, putting down her wand. Just one sentence, and she knew who it was. Her expression darkened. “You’re such a fucking liar, Cissy.”</p><p>“I never said we <em>didn’t</em> have— no, fuck you, what the hell <em>is</em> this?! Did you— did you drink Polyjuice Potion to… what the <em>fuck,</em> Bella! That’s <em>my</em> face!” she shouted, feeling incredibly violated by this. Even if it was just to fuck with her, this was going too far.</p><p>Narcissa didn’t even think to ask why Bellatrix had just dropped in unexpectedly either — although she probably should have — as she couldn’t move past the fact that she looked exactly fucking like her. It was freaking her out, honestly; Narcissa had never had a real experience with Polyjuice Potion before and it was… extremely strange to witness. Bellatrix looked the same as her, down to the last mole.</p><p>“Oh, it’s more than just your <em>face</em>, lover.”</p><p>Wow, that sounded really weird in her own voice. Cassandra was looking at Bellatrix like she didn’t know whether to be horrified or oddly turned on by essentially two Narcissas. She still did not move to get dressed or even to cover herself though, which Bellatrix noticed as she snapped, “Are you seriously just gonna stand there <em>naked?”</em></p><p>“Why, it bother ya?” Cassandra asked without an ounce of shame, although not like she had anything to even <em>be</em> ashamed of. Her body was… well, much better than Narcissa’s at any rate. Even <em>Bellatrix </em>was staring, and Cassandra smirked as she casually leaned back against the wall, getting some twisted sense of victory out of realizing that despite herself, Bellatrix found her body objectively attractive. That look was back in her eyes; that one that Narcissa didn’t like because it made her feel like her girlfriend was going out of her mind whenever she was confronted by Bellatrix and all of the devastating reality that she brought to their relationship.  “My house, innit?”</p><p>God, both of them were going to be the death of her.</p><p>“Bella, stop staring at my girlfriend’s tits and look at me— why the fuck are you wearing my face?!” Narcissa shouted, striding up to her to roughly grab her arm. Bellatrix turned away from Cassandra, scowling. “You have gone <em>way</em> too far this time—”</p><p>“Oh, fuck off— you’re the one who leaves me alone every bloody weekend; if <em>you</em> can’t fuck me then I’m gonna damn well get whores to, and I need someone else’s face to do that. You don’t want it to be yours? Stop leaving your goddamn hair brushes around,” Bellatrix snapped which, <em>okay</em> that was— well, not exactly what Narcissa was expecting — at all, actually — honestly, she couldn’t go two <em>days? </em>And what was worse was that Polyjuice Potion takes a month to brew, which meant Bellatrix had been planning this insanity for a while. Narcissa didn’t have a chance to yell at her though, as Bellatrix continued, “And we’re both fucking <em>lucky</em> I look like this right now, because your house was just bloody raided again!”</p><p>Narcissa paled, letting go of her. Even Cassandra looked concerned as she breathed, “Shit— what happened?”</p><p>“That fucking blood-traitor Weasley came to the house with two Aurors to do another search— apparently they were acting on a ‘confidential tip’,” Bellatrix snarled, then directly looked at Cassandra.</p><p>“The fuck you lookin’ at me for?” Cassandra snapped, offended that she would even <em>think</em> that. “Listen, I’m not gonna pretend that you gettin’ arrested again wouldn’t make mine <em>and</em> Cissa’s lives easier, but I already told ya once that if you’re found there then she’s fucked too. I wouldn’t do that to ‘er. Besides, they even say that they were looking for you, or was it just another random toss?”</p><p>“I don’t fucking know— I was too busy trying to act all indignant like Cissy would, all ‘how dare you’ with finger-wagging and whatnot, which was a fun façade to try to uphold as the whore I bought slunk out of the house—”</p><p>Narcissa looked horrified. She could have had the woman go out the back or something? “<em>Bella!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix ignored her. “Think they said something about a dark object, but we don’t have shit in that house anymore besides me, so what the <em>fuck</em> were they looking for?”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I don’t know— I don’t care, honestly, I’m just glad you’re alright,” she told her, suddenly realizing that she needed to prioritize better. Yeah, her sister was wearing her face to fuck other women and that was screwed up, but it just saved her life. Damnit, she thought the raids were over— with Lucius in prison, Narcissa didn’t think they would suspect her family anymore. Were they looking at <em>her</em> now, or worse— <em>Draco? </em>Did they know Bellatrix was hiding there, yet were unable to prove it yet? Narcissa was starting to grow deeply worried, and anxiety masked over her features.</p><p>“What are we going to do?” she asked softly, realizing that raid might be one of many. “Bella, if you’re caught there…”</p><p>“Yeah, I fucking know,” Bellatrix snapped, of the same mindset as well as the same face. “But I don’t have enough Polyjuice Potion to keep playing you permanently and even if I did, there can’t be <em>two </em>of you at your house.”</p><p>“Don’t they got an Auror with like a magic eye or whatever too?” Cassandra intervened. “What if he comes to the next raid an’ that thing can see through your disguise?”</p><p>“Seriously— put some fucking clothes on!” Bellatrix shouted, fed up with having this conversation while the other woman was naked. Narcissa’s nudeness was barely a blip on her radar since Bellatrix saw it all the time, but apparently Cassandra’s was starting to grate on her nerves.</p><p>Cassandra rolled her eyes, but grabbed her over-sized shirt from off the floor and pulled it over her head. “Bloody <em>prude,</em> ain’t ya?” she muttered, apparently not seeing the big deal. Cassandra’s level of comfort with her own nudity had always been surprisingly great though; Narcissa <em>wished</em> she had that much confidence.</p><p>Narcissa grabbed her own nightgown from off the floor though, slipping back into it herself because in all fairness, this probably wasn’t one of those conversations people should be having while stark naked. It also probably wasn’t very kind to keep parading their affair in front of her sister’s face, even though she <em>had</em> been the one to show up unannounced.</p><p>“I’m not a fucking prude; you’re just the last goddamn person I want to see naked.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>really </em>doubt that,” Cassandra snorted, apparently content on pissing Bellatrix off further as she leaned against the wall again, irritably flicking her nails. Her anxiety ticks were getting worse which made Narcissa want to kick Bellatrix straight out of the house considering her sister’s mere presence seemed to remind Cassandra that things weren’t as perfect as Narcissa tried to make her believe, but she also knew she <em>couldn’t</em> considering this was a huge problem that needed a solution. Narcissa hated watching Cassandra try to gain some <em>control</em> over this though as she goaded Bellatrix with, “I got eyes, genius; you think I’m fit as fuck an’ you hate that ‘cause you hate <em>me</em>, but that sounds like a you problem. This is still my bloody house, so maybe if ya didn’t want to see me naked you shouldn’t fuckin’ pop in uninvited.”</p><p>“This was an <em>emergency,</em> you arrogant slut!”</p><p>“Stop! Both of you— Jesus,” Narcissa begged, not wanting them to get into another never-ending argument. “Cass, stop goading her and Bella— I mean, to be fair, this <em>is</em> her house. Although,” her eyes shifted to her girlfriend, narrowing, “usually the <em>polite</em> thing to do when guests are over is cover oneself.”</p><p>“She ain’t a guest— at best she’s a bloody pest you can’t get rid of; although I will admit she’s a <em>much</em> better sight than usual right now,” Cassandra mentioned, her eyes purposefully and slowly dragging over Bellatrix’s form that was very much <em>not</em> her own.</p><p>Bellatrix scoffed in disgust, which only seemed to amuse Cassandra more and, oh God, she was getting <em>off </em>on this, wasn’t she? Narcissa pinched the bridge of her nose. While she understood Cassandra did not feel like she had the upper hand with quite a lot of things that had to do with Bellatrix, that did <em>not</em> mean she had to exploit how uncomfortable she made her sexually just to gain some semblance of control over a situation where she felt like she had none.</p><p>“Cissy, tell your whore that if she wants to get off on the thought of two of you, I can punch her in the fucking face and make her see double.”</p><p>“Bella, come on— first of all, we all know you <em>can’t,</em> and second, the more pissed off you get the worse you’re making it. She’s only doing this to bother you. Which is <em>childish,</em> by the way,” Narcissa lectured, her gaze shifting to Cassandra who rolled her eyes, but stopped pushing it and kept her mouth shut. Narcissa understood why she was doing it, but God, it was only making things worse. “Please, I know, I <em>know</em> you both don’t like one another and I know it is entirely my fault, but we really need to figure out what we’re going to do about these raids so please, <em>please</em> shelve your issues for the time being. That’s literally all I’m asking for right now.”</p><p>Cassandra looked <em>immensely</em> irritated all of a sudden, kicking her foot up to place it on the wall behind her as she exhaled a frustrated sigh, wringing out her hands like she couldn’t stand whatever she was feeling right then. Narcissa furrowed her brow, but she didn’t have to wait long for an explanation. “I have a solution, but I already fuckin’ hate it because catering to <em>her</em> means catering to <em>you,” </em>Cassandra responded, her blameful gaze shifting to Bellatrix, “an’ frankly I wish you’d just go drown in a gutter somewhere.”</p><p>“What exactly are you proposing?” Narcissa asked, holding up her hand and cutting off Bellatrix who was no doubt about to say something mean. She wanted to hear this though.</p><p>“Everyone bloody knows we’re datin’ now anyway, so having ‘you’ over here constantly wouldn’t be anythin’ out of the ordinary. I’d rather it be the <em>real </em>you, but if they find a way to see past the potion she’s fucked, <em>you’re</em> fucked… an’ I don’t want that. ‘Sides, as far as I know my house ain’t on anyone’s radar. Not like I’m related to anyone who’s broken out.”</p><p>“Are you fucking suggesting I be your <em>roommate?”</em> Bellatrix asked, flabbergasted. Narcissa was just as shocked, honestly; this sounded like a recipe for disaster, especially since just being in Bellatrix’s presence lately had been making Cassandra look like she was going to topple into the deep end.</p><p><em>“Temporarily,”</em> Cassandra stressed. “If they think they got somethin’ on Cissa they’ll be back, an’ probably soon. Once they do and they see she’s got nothin’ to hide then you can get back outta my life where you belong. Believe me, I don’t want this either, but this is the only bloody thing I can think of that saves her arse, an’ that is the <em>only</em> reason I’m entertaining it.”</p><p>“I don’t know…” Narcissa responded warily. While it was a good plan on paper, Narcissa was honestly terrified about what it would do to Cassandra’s sanity. If they got into it, and they <em>would,</em> Bellatrix would no doubt try to invalidate Cassandra’s relationship with her and considering that was exactly what the woman was terrified of — that her relationship with Narcissa would always come second — it could very well break her. Narcissa had been trying to get Cassandra to concentrate on just <em>them</em> and forget about Bellatrix, but that would be hard to continue if the woman was actually living in her house.</p><p>“How bloody long is ‘temporarily’ though? Like I said, I don’t have a lot of Polyjuice Potion— I made a decent batch so each dose can last me about six hours, but I maybe have enough for two weeks, tops. <em>Also,</em> just to be clear, this sounds fucking miserable.”</p><p>“Just use it during the day then and stay away from my sodding windows at night— that gives you a month. Why am I the only one comin’ up with solutions, here? Use your bloody head.”</p><p>“Fuck off—”</p><p>Yeah, this was going to go <em>horribly.</em></p><p>“—Don’t fucking think for one second I don’t know your endgame; if I’m stuck <em>here,</em> looking like <em>her,</em> then you’re free to go over to her house and bang the hell out of her while I’m left with jack shit cause Narcissa can’t be bloody seen with her double!”</p><p>“Oh, for <em>fuck’s</em> sake,” Cassandra growled, pushing herself off the wall. “Is that all you care about?! Look, you wanna make this <em>fair,</em> you wanna make it <em>even?</em> Then neither of us will see her while you’re here— I don’t ruddy care. What I <em>care</em> about is her getting out of this in one piece, an’ if you gave half a shit like you bloody claim to, you would too!”</p><p>“Wait, hold on—” Narcissa protested, not liking <em>that</em> plan either, but Bellatrix found that to be a suitable option and relented with:</p><p>“Fine. Then all <em>three</em> of us are miserable— sounds like a party.” She side-eyed her sister a little distastefully. “Besides, can’t say I wouldn’t be happy to see her not get her way for once. I’m tired of the rest of us being fucking unhappy while she gets whatever she bloody wants. It’s bullshit.”</p><p>Cassandra clicked her tongue in annoyance. “Agreed.”</p><p>“<em>Whoa,”</em> Narcissa intervened, feeling very ganged up on all of a sudden. Okay, yes, she probably deserved it, but still. Not to make everything all about <em>her</em> (except, despite her justifications, that was exactly what it was), but she needed them, <em>both</em> of them, to be able to emotionally deal with her terror over Draco. Without them, she was going to drown in it, not to mention if she wasn’t actively around to remind Cassandra why a relationship with her was worth it, she might very well come to the conclusion that it actually <em>wasn’t,</em> and that possibility terrified Narcissa.  “Come on, we can just… I don’t know, work out some sort of system—”</p><p>“No, the mental one’s right— we break our sodding backs for you an’ you just sit there lookin’ pretty. I love ya, Cissa, but if we’re suffering then you are too. It’s not gonna be just us anymore.”</p><p>Narcissa fell silent, her chest feeling a little hollow. She had a very bad feeling about this, both for Cassandra’s sake and for her own. Bellatrix would be <em>unhappy</em>, sure, but she doubted this would break her— her and Cassandra though were on the verge of spiraling for, granted, two very different reasons, and Narcissa didn’t know how she was going to keep her girlfriend from drowning when she doubted she could even keep her own head above water.</p><p>God, how was she supposed to spend a month <em>alone?</em> It wasn’t even like she had any other friends or people she could see— they were it, and Narcissa… Narcissa didn’t know if she was going to be able to handle that. She was emotionally very raw right now, her fear for Draco practically suffocating the life out of her, and this sounded like a recipe for disaster for all three of them. Still, in the end, Narcissa knew they had to consider the bigger picture. If this kept both her and Bellatrix safe, then they were all going to have to just suck it up and just deal with it. Narcissa just prayed that no lasting damage would come from this, as at this point that was all she could hope for.</p><p>Unfortunately, Bellatrix was right though— it was, honestly, a <em>miserable</em> situation for the three of them.</p><p>“Did you know she’s a fucking <em>vegetarian?”</em> Bellatrix yelled at her through the fireplace not twenty four hours later. Apparently ‘not seeing her’ only referred to in person, which Narcissa was thankful for, as she didn’t think she could go a month without <em>any</em> contact from either of them. Still, it had only been one day and already Narcissa felt very alone in her big, empty house. “What the fuck am I supposed to <em>eat?!”</em></p><p>“Vegetables?” Narcissa asked, as though that should have been a logical conclusion that her sister could have reached on her own. Bellatrix exhaled an exasperated groan like her diet was the goddamn staple of her existence and having to temporarily change it was the worst possible thing someone could have asked of her.</p><p>“I’m going to fucking die here.”</p><p>“Stop being dramatic, you’re fine,” Narcissa chastised. She looked at her sister through the flames, who did not look like her sister at all and scrunched up her nose. “This is so weird. I hate talking to you when you look like me— can you call me back tonight when you’re, I don’t know, more <em>you?”</em></p><p>“Cissy, I have <em>grievances,”</em> Bellatrix snarled. “This cannot wait.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “If you need to call me and complain every time Cassandra does something you do not like, we’ll always be glued to this fireplace.” Not that Narcissa was complaining though, not really; she missed them both already, and if this was all she could get then she was glad for it. Still, that didn’t mean she wanted to hear her sister bitch about her girlfriend the entire time either.</p><p>“She stuck me in a room with <em>frills,</em> Narcissa,” Bellatrix growled dangerously, and Narcissa had a very difficult time trying to stifle her laughter. “She’s doing this on purpose!”</p><p>“Well you’re making it easy for her,” Narcissa pointed out, having to briefly cover her mouth to hide that she was still smirking. She really shouldn’t be finding Cassandra’s torture of her <em>funny,</em> but Narcissa knew exactly what room Cassandra threw her into and to say it clashed with Bellatrix’s personality would be an understatement. Still, she tried to explain, “Cass has always felt… very <em>helpless</em> when it came to you. She’s finally found something that makes her feel powerful, and you’re just handing that to her because you can’t control your anger. She <em>breathes</em> and you get pissed off; that gives her the upper hand more than you realize. If you keep giving her what she wants, she’s going to continue to screw with you. You’re doing this to yourself.”</p><p>“Cissy, I… fucking <em>hate</em> her,” Bellatrix seethed, her chest heaving with the force of her emotion. “It’s not me doing this to myself— <em>you’re</em> doing this to me. If you weren’t so fucking useless on your own and didn’t have to lick her cunt fifteen bloody years ago just to feel like you were worth a damn—”</p><p>“<em>Hey!”</em> Narcissa snapped, beginning to grow upset herself. “Maybe if you hadn’t have left me to make your warped fucking declarations to the <em>man</em> you love—”</p><p>“Stop saying that!”</p><p>“I will when you start owning it!” Narcissa exclaimed furiously. “Despite what you probably believe, I will never fault you for falling in love with someone else, even if it is <em>him.</em> It’d be pretty damn hypocritical of me if I did. But don’t you sit there and pretend like you’re the <em>victim</em> in all of this. You left me and I <em>broke.</em> I was not well back then, Bella, and the sick part of me latched onto Cassandra and tried to suck her dry like I had done with everyone else because I didn’t know any different. It’s how I <em>survived. </em>But things are different now—”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted sardonically.</p><p>“Okay, <em>fine, </em>I know I still use people— I’m not disillusioned to that fact. I use her, I use <em>you,</em> I used Lucius when he was still here… but I’m trying to at least give something back to those I keep sucking dry, and that’s why I’ve practically been your sex slave, because I know that’s what you <em>want.</em> Do you know how badly I wish we had something more romantic than that? But I know that’s never been what you prefer—”</p><p>“You don’t know what the fuck I <em>prefer,”</em> Bellatrix snapped, suddenly sounding upset. Narcissa’s brow creased, not having expected that.</p><p>“Do you… <em>do</em> you want something more romantic with me?” Narcissa asked softly, her heart clenching in her chest. She wanted that more than anything, to be honest, but she never thought her sister’s desires aligned with her own. Bellatrix exhaled an exasperated breath, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“What, like long walks on the beach and flowers and junk? Of course I bloody don’t, but I know that’s what you fucking do for <em>her,</em> isn’t it?”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a small sigh. So much for her dream. “Yes, that is what I do for her, because <em>she</em> appreciates it. If you did too, I would do the same for you.” Her brow creased, looking at the mirror image of herself through the flames. It was still so disorienting, so Narcissa just tried to picture her sister’s face in her mind’s eye. “Just tell me what you want and it’s yours. If I’m not giving you what you need, Bella, tell me how to do<em> better.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix was silent for a long time, upset creasing the space between her brow. She would not look at her. “I just… I want you to fucking look at me and see someone who’s <em>enough</em> for you,” Bellatrix admitted softly, causing Narcissa’s eyes to brim with upset as she watched her sister slam more walls between them. Her tone turned icy. “But you never will, so it doesn’t matter. At least I can take comfort in the fact that<em> she</em> will never be enough for you either, but it doesn’t make it better, Cissy. In fact, it’s pretty fucking far from it.”</p><p>“Bella…”</p><p>But Bellatrix did not stick around to hear her excuses. She cut her off and said she had to go take another dose of the potion and Narcissa was left alone to reflect upon that accusation until she realized that Bellatrix was right. Perhaps no one ever <em>would</em> be enough for her. What Narcissa wanted in her life would never be able to come from one person, as that much light could never inhabit that much darkness, and she needed both of those things so very desperately.</p><p>Although, perhaps calling Cassandra a <em>light</em> was a bit of a stretch right now. She was, arguably, much more so than Bellatrix, but this roommate situation was bringing out a side of her that Narcissa had never seen before. It wasn’t a <em>darkness</em> that was terrifying and all-consuming like her sister’s, but it certainly had left it’s mark on Cassandra’s soul all the same as her fear over her and Bellatrix’s relationship began to take hold of her, and she lashed out by trying to assert some sort of strange dominance over Bellatrix.</p><p>“You’re looking very pleased with yourself and I’m a little afraid to ask why,” Narcissa mentioned during one of her fireplace conversations with her girlfriend. She had become more and more dependent on contact from them in this way, as the longer she was away from both, the more Narcissa’s loneliness began to consume her. The amount of times she had already broken down over Draco was rather substantial, so she desperately held onto these distractions when she was able to, needing to get caught up in something <em>other</em> than her own misery and fear for once.</p><p>“I haven’t done anythin’.”</p><p>Narcissa narrowed her eyes, taking notice that the other woman wouldn’t meet her gaze when she said that. This whole feud was both terribly childish and absolutely terrifying for a myriad of different reasons, but it at least provided a decent distraction from Narcissa’s unpleasant reality and, for about fifteen seconds, she didn’t think about how terrified she was for her son. “Cassie, I love and adore you very much, but I have to say, the color this has brought out in you hasn’t been the most flattering.”</p><p>Cassandra scoffed. “Oh, please. If you can love a scathing cunt like <em>that</em>, then what I may or may not be doin’ shouldn’t even bloody register to you.”</p><p>“I’m not saying I love you any <em>less</em> for this cruel streak you’ve adopted, I’m just concerned what it’s doing to you, honestly,” Narcissa responded softly, gently leaning her head against the face of the mantle as she looked at the woman within the flames. She hated the look in Cassandra’s eyes now; there was a darkness there that never used to be, and Narcissa was terrified that the longer this went on, the worse it was going to get. “Please don’t let your bitterness consume you. I promise, I appreciate what you’re doing very much and I will make it up to you once this is all over. Do you still want to go away somewhere? I could take you to Greece, or…”</p><p>From Cassandra’s end of the connection came a fit of screaming rage.</p><p>“Oh God,” Narcissa groaned, a sense of foreboding invading the pit of her stomach. Her sister strode into the parlor then, stark arse naked and <em>wet</em> in Narcissa’s body. She had a pile of what looked to be body wash containers in her hand before she started <em>throwing</em> them at Cassandra.</p><p>Well, not <em>at</em> at Cassandra. If she hit her that might fall under the ‘physical harm’ part of her Unbreakable Vow, so she was more throwing them <em>near</em> her than anything else.</p><p>“What is this flowery <em>shit?!”</em> Bellatrix screamed, having kicked herself into another rage at the most minor of inconveniences. She was like a toddler in that way though. “Where is the stuff I was using before?!”</p><p>“Yeah, think I developed an allergy to my husband’s shit— had to toss ‘em all. Sorry,” Cassandra responded with an impressively straight face. Bellatrix’s eyes darkened in rage.</p><p>“Bella, I know it’s <em>my</em> body and that’s probably why you don’t care, but <em>please</em> put some clothes on!” Narcissa pleaded, finding it very weird that her sister was naked in front of Cassandra. Although, to be fair, it wasn’t like this hadn’t happened the other way around, and <em>Cassandra’s</em> body had been her own at the time.</p><p>“Fuck off, Narcissa, look at what you’re subjecting me to!”</p><p>“It’s just <em>soap</em>, for God’s sake…”</p><p>“You know what?” Bellatrix growled, pointing at Cassandra dangerously. Narcissa found she did not like the way her arm jiggled at <em>all</em> when Bellatrix did that, and resolved to work out more during her period of isolation. She wasn’t in her twenties anymore, and it was unfortunately beginning to show on both her own body and the one Bellatrix was essentially borrowing. “You wanna play? That’s fine; I’ll make you regret you ever started this game in the first place, and that’s a fucking <em>promise.</em>” Bellatrix stalked out of the parlor then, presumably to finish bathing, and Cassandra just rolled her eyes in response, unperturbed.</p><p>Narcissa shot her girlfriend a chastising look. “Is everything you’re doing to her this <em>petty?” </em>Honestly, by the self-satisfied look on the woman’s face, Narcissa was expecting something much worse. But then again, it seemed she didn’t <em>have </em>to do anything worse, as Bellatrix threw a fit regardless. She really did make it far too easy for Cassandra.</p><p>“Hey, s’not my fault she loses her bleedin’ mind over the smallest shit. Seriously, I could move somethin’ she was usin’ two inches to the left an’ she’d have a fuckin’ meltdown. It’s hilarious.” And she did, honestly, look like she was getting some sort of sick <em>kick</em> out of it. Apparently, Cassandra very much enjoyed feeling powerful, even if it was over some stupid shit like this.</p><p>“I think… I think this situation is just making her feel very out of control right now, and what little control she <em>does</em> have you keep snatching from her. That’s why she’s so upset. I can understand your desire not to have meat in the house for her or for anyone, but <em>Jesus,</em> just let her smell how she wants to smell! Is this really worth it?”</p><p>“This is <em>absolutely</em> worth it,” Cassandra told her without an ounce of shame for what she was putting Bellatrix through. “You know how out of control <em>I’ve</em> felt ever since she came back? She smacked a fuckin’ Bludger right into the life I wanted, an’ I tried to let it go, I really did, but I feel like I’m losin’ my goddamn mind because I know, I <em>know</em> this is never gonna fuckin’ end— an’ minor inconveniences might not be enough to pay her back for that, but it’s a start.”</p><p>Oh God. This was <em>exactly</em> what Narcissa was afraid of.</p><p>“Cass, please, if you keep doing this it’s not going to lead anywhere good for any of us.”</p><p>“I’ve done enough favors for you, Cissa. Stop askin’ for more,” Cassandra bit back, and Narcissa fell silent as her stomach twisted into knots. Perhaps she should have known it would always get to this place; Cassandra’s patience and her sanity could only last so long as Narcissa seemed to always rip both of those things from her lovers, and while she seemed unwilling to shift the blame to Narcissa where it no doubt belonged, she still felt the need to take it out on<em> someone,</em> and that someone was Bellatrix.</p><p>Narcissa just hoped they both were able to survive the rest of this situation without killing each other or their respective relationships, as while Narcissa understood this was a necessary precaution, she did not wish to lose either of them over it. She loved both of them far too much to ever fathom letting either go, but perhaps in the end, that was the problem.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163250">The next part of this story is an 18k one shot called “What She Deserves” that is told from Bellatrix’s POV</a>. It will be posted on Saturday in place of Chapter 33, but of course is optional to read should you wish to stay in Narcissa’s POV and get the whiplash of the fucking century, lol. Either be on the lookout on my profile or subscribe to author alerts to get notified of when it’s posted.</p><p>Also, due to me starting school in September and no longer having as much time as I would like, <span class="u">updates will be decreasing to once a week</span> after the one shot. “What She Deserves” will be posted on Saturday, and then Chapter 33 will be posted the <i>following</i> Saturday, September 5th, because that’s always been an easier day for me to do things than Wednesday. Updates will increase back to twice a week if one of these three things happen: 1) COVID ruins lives once more, shit gets shut down, and I get to stop going to my restaurant job and thus have way more free time again, lol. 2) I go fucking HAM on this shit just randomly and get too far ahead, or 3) I actually finish the fic, in which case why continue endlessly hoarding, lol. But for now, this seems better for my sanity.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. XXXIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Congratulations to the Toujours Pur Series Discord’s Fan of the Month for September, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherconfessor/pseuds/motherconfessor">Teddy</a>, and the runner up <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riega/pseuds/Riega">Michelle</a>! October’s FOTM challenge will be posted later today and will be due September 26th (giving you 3 weeks to complete it), so if any of you guys haven’t joined yet, please do! We have ~30 members now and are very active, have self-assignable roles, bots, ect… it’s been a lot of fun!</p><p>Also, my lovely wife <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713/pseuds/BellaRei713">Aly</a> wrote a short Cassatrix fic that is set after “What She Deserves” and could easily fit into my canon, so if you guys were into that pairing, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271607">please go check it out</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXIII.</strong>
</p><p>Bellatrix and Cassandra’s roommate situation could have been going… better.</p><p>Cassandra’s endless parade of petty annoyances continued, although Bellatrix’s priority grievance seemed to be that the woman had now manage to shrink all of her clothes so that nothing fit her anymore in a way that <em>somehow,</em> even magic couldn’t fix. Honestly, if you asked Narcissa, she was fairly certain that her sister knew a total of zero household spells and that was the only reason why she was unable to fix what Cassandra had done. Still, it ended up being one thing after another until her sister finally snapped and took it <em>way</em> too goddamn far as she left a dead deer on Cassandra’s dining room table one morning.</p><p>Poor Cassandra, who had been a vegetarian ever since Peter took her to some foreign country for their honeymoon and was served <em>niffler </em>of all the bloody meats<em>,</em> had an absolute meltdown when she saw it. Her grandmother used to own one of the largest ranches out in the countryside and she used to spend summers up there helping to take care of the animals, both mundane and magical. While she was raised to believe that some animals were friends and others were only worth what they could provide for humans – food, leather, potion ingredients, the like – that eventually changed and Cassandra had been giving money to animal activism foundations for the last twenty years.</p><p>So to say the poor dead deer with it’s throat slit from ear to ear, bleeding all over her nice dining room table had negatively affected Cassandra would be an… understatement. She was practically inconsolable.</p><p>Narcissa had screamed at Bellatrix over it through the fireplace one night, but of course Bellatrix just got upset because she felt like Narcissa was prioritizing Cassandra over her as she had just done ‘one thing’, yet Cassandra had been doing stuff to <em>her</em> for over two weeks and that was apparently okay. Narcissa tried to explain to her that there was a <em>huge</em> difference between minor inconveniences and something emotionally fucking scarring, yet of course Bellatrix just took that to mean that she was just more ‘efficient’ at this stupid war they had apparently started than Cassandra was.</p><p>It was all so bloody childish, yet Narcissa knew that this animosity had been created between them for a reason, and it was entirely down to <em>her.</em></p><p>Bellatrix did agree to a truce of some kind, but the conversation still ended in a fight when Bellatrix had told her that she was done doing things Narcissa’s way because she ‘wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore.’ That had <em>gutted</em> Narcissa, who foolishly and arrogantly believed that Bellatrix having <em>her</em> should be enough, but Bellatrix threw that back in her face, sarcastically telling her that she had been a ‘real fucking prize lately’ as she had fallen in love with someone else and fucked them behind her back for <em>years,</em> and then ended the call by telling Narcissa to just leave her the fuck alone, which she did because she knew her sister had every right to hate her.</p><p>It only got worse later that night though during her conversation with Cassandra.</p><p>“She fuckin’ leaves a dead animal on<em> my</em> bloody dinner table and yet <em>I</em> have to be the one who’s gotta buy her clothes an’ cater to her demands? Are you sodding <em>serious</em> right now?!” Cassandra had shouted at her through her fireplace in her bedroom, infuriated by the terms Bellatrix had set down for their truce that included a variety of things, but most notably a shopping trip wherein Bellatrix would use Polyjuice potion to go with Cassandra as the woman replaced her wardrobe that she had ruined, as Bellatrix didn’t trust that Cassandra wouldn’t come back with pastels if she wasn’t there to supervise.</p><p>Narcissa had thought that was a <em>horrible</em> idea and terribly risky, but Bellatrix had just continued shouting at her and Narcissa didn’t really know what else to <em>do</em> because if she didn’t take these terms to Cassandra then Bellatrix was threatening to hang fluffy little bunny rabbits from her rafters, and that would absolutely destroy Cassandra’s psyche.</p><p>“Cass, please. I know it’s not <em>ideal,</em> but if you both don’t come to some sort of accord then this is only going to get worse.”</p><p>“No, I am <em>tired</em> of you always prioritizing that psycho!” she seethed, which wasn’t fair because Narcissa wasn’t<em>,</em> not <em>really,</em> but Bellatrix was very immature and Narcissa was counting on Cassandra to be the reasonable one. Perhaps that might have been too much to ask though, as Narcissa seemed to <em>always</em> be counting on Cassandra to just bite her tongue and deal with the misery Bellatrix brought her in more ways than one, and that was no doubt wildly unfair to her. Cassandra looked like she was nearing the end of her rope though and that terrified Narcissa, as she <em>really</em> did not want to see what happened when the woman no longer had anything to hold on to.</p><p>“I’m not prioritizing her, I promise, I’m just trying to mediate the terms of your truce,” Narcissa tried to explain, but to no avail.</p><p>“That’s not a truce, Cissa, that’s <em>blackmail!” </em>Cassandra shouted, which, okay, was valid  considering Bellatrix said if Cassandra <em>didn’t </em>adhere to her wishes then things were only going to get worse. Still, considering Narcissa couldn’t actively <em>be</em> there to mitigate the emotional damage they were causing one another until after they were certain the Ministry was finished with their raids, Narcissa was desperate for them to find some sort of middle ground in the meantime.</p><p>Which was why Narcissa kept making excuses for her sister, even though a part of her knew it was only going to make things worse. “I know it <em>sounds</em> that way, but—”</p><p>“Fuck you, I don’t even know why I’m <em>doing</em> this!” Cassandra seethed, the words choking up in her throat as tears sprung to her eyes. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest, realizing that maybe this really <em>was</em> coming to a head for her. But Jesus, she had <em>offered</em> to do this, hadn’t she? It wasn’t like Narcissa had forced her to take Bellatrix in, but maybe she wasn’t acting as grateful as she should or— God, she didn’t know. Narcissa didn’t know how to <em>fix</em> this and now her girlfriend was crying and she felt like absolute shit. “I always do everythin’ for you, to <em>save</em> your ungrateful arse, an’ what do I get for it? Great, ya fuckin’ <em>love</em> me, what a sodding prize that is right now—”</p><p>Oh God. Oh <em>God</em>, oh God, Narcissa could not have both of them shred her with the same thing within an hour from one another. That was <em>not</em> an introspection that she was ready for, even though it was probably ridiculously overdue.</p><p>“Please don’t— please don’t <em>say</em> that,” Narcissa begged, her own voice choking with emotion as she tried desperately to hang on to something she felt was slipping through her fingers. God, she should have never let Bellatrix <em>go</em> there— they should have found some other alternative, <em>any</em> other alternative, because Narcissa was not ready to lose another person because she kept constantly prioritizing her sister whether she actually meant to or not. “I’ll make it up to you, I’ll make this <em>worth</em> it, I swear…!”</p><p>“Just leave me alone, Cissa,” Cassandra demanded, looking so awfully defeated by the reality she was facing. Fat tears rolled down her freckled cheeks and yet the anger in her eyes outweighed her sadness as she told her, “Take some time an’ figure out your fuckin’ priorities, ‘cause I thought I could do this but maybe I just can’t.”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Cassandra, <em>please—”</em></p><p>“No— I said I want some bloody space, <em>go!” </em>the woman furiously demanded, as she couldn’t close the connection on her end as Narcissa had been the one to actually call. Narcissa did as she was asked though, knowing it would only make things worse if she kept pushing Cassandra while she was this upset. She just… she just needed some <em>time,</em> right? Time to calm down, time to… time to think about <em>leaving</em> her, apparently.</p><p>Narcissa cried herself to sleep that night.</p><p>The worst part was that Narcissa was more than aware that she wholly deserved this from both of them. When she was younger she could justify her selfish decisions with a lot of mental gymnastics, but now that she was older she knew just how shitty she was being to both of them. Sure, she could pretend that Bellatrix’s approval of her horrible personality made her decisions justifiable, but it didn’t. Narcissa just <em>wanted</em> it to, because then she wouldn’t be forced to make a choice. She didn’t even know <em>how</em> to make a choice, honestly. She loved them both. She <em>wanted</em> them both, and the only reason she would <em>not</em> have them both would be if one of them left her of their own accord, because Narcissa knew she would never be able to herself.</p><p>She should have let Bellatrix go a long time ago, but now it just seemed <em>pointless</em> because it wasn’t like her sister had any of her soul left to save. Narcissa had ruined her, they had ruined <em>each other</em> so goddamn thoroughly that there was no longer a reason to separate as there was no salvaging their sanity. Not that it mattered— Bellatrix would <em>never</em> leave her, that reality had been solidified with Narcissa’s betrayal of her trust after she had lied to Bellatrix and went behind her back with Cassandra. If <em>that</em> didn’t make her sister leave, then nothing would. Bellatrix would rather seek vengeance against her for the emotional pain Narcissa had wrought, yet at the end of the day still demand that she be in her sister’s arms. They were a mess, but it was a mess Narcissa was used to, and that alone made it comforting.</p><p>Cassandra still had time to be saved from her, should Narcissa only find enough strength to let her go. The problem was she <em>couldn’t.</em> And it was awful because it wasn’t like this came out of nowhere either, Cassandra had even <em>known</em> that this was going to end horribly when Narcissa had begged her to come back to her because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her as a friend on top of everything else, and remembering her words made Narcissa’s chest ache because maybe she had been right all along.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>“You’re gonna fuckin’ destroy me… an’ I don’t know why— I don’t know why I’m</em> lettin’ <em>you; I thought I was bloody </em>stronger<em> than this…”</em></p>
</blockquote><p>Narcissa felt horrible. She loved Cassandra so much, she wanted so <em>desperately</em> to make her happy because she never felt anything comparable to how Cassandra made her feel. Her love for Lucius and her love for Bellatrix were just so <em>different</em> than her love for Cassandra. Lucius’ love was something steadfast and comforting, Bellatrix’s was passionate and all consuming, and Cassandra’s was… weightless. It made Narcissa feel light and free and <em>happy,</em> but the problem was that it seemed that feeling was not returned, as Cassandra had recently been acting as though she was getting crushed beneath the weight of her emotions. She had tried, she was trying so <em>bloody</em> hard to be okay with everything that was going on because she had rationalized it as just another part of Narcissa’s mental illness, but maybe it was all just getting too much for her.</p><p>Narcissa didn’t know what to do.</p><p>She left them both alone for three days. It was <em>awful</em> and Narcissa had quite a few breakdowns, but she knew she had to respect both of their desire for space because she <em>didn’t</em> want to suffocate either of them anymore. Still, Narcissa could only take so much silence. It was worse that Draco hadn’t been returning her letters, and while she knew <em>logically</em> nothing horrible had happened since she would have heard something, it was still so bloody hard not to drown in her fear over her son when she didn’t have a distraction. Besides, there was only a week left until Christmas leave and he would be coming <em>home</em> soon and they needed to make a decision about what to do, because the Ministry still hadn’t come and Narcissa was now wondering if they even would, and if any of this was even worth it.</p><p>And so she called them.</p><p>Narcissa sent her message through the Goyle’s main fireplace this time, hoping that she would catch one or both of them that way as it was the middle of the day and she doubted they would be in their rooms, and thankfully when she called out she was answered by Bellatrix who was Polyjuiced as her as she greeted her with a flat, “Pretty sure we both told you to fuck off.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long sigh. Not that she was expecting anything different— although Bellatrix knowing that <em>Cassandra</em> had also asked for some space was surprising, as that meant they had something resembling an actual conversation at some point which was… a strange concept. Although, perhaps it had just come out during another argument; who bloody knew with them anymore. Narcissa doubted their living situation had become bearable even <em>with </em>the truce that Narcissa hoped they had both had enough sense to uphold.</p><p>And yet not long after Bellatrix had come into the parlor she was followed by Cassandra, who had definitely looked… better. There wasn’t anything really <em>wrong</em> with her per se, but it looked like the woman just had this dark cloud over her head as she situated herself in the large armchair facing the fire, a cup of tea clasped between her palms as she pulled her knees up to her chest and just stared at her, saying absolutely nothing.</p><p>Shit. Okay.</p><p>“…Hi,” Narcissa greeted softly, her eyes softening as she looked at her girlfriend, wishing she could just come over and wrap her up in her arms. Cassandra looked so goddamn <em>miserable</em> and Jesus, she needed, she <em>needed</em> to fix this— if this was what Bellatrix living with her was doing to her, Narcissa needed to find another solution. She couldn’t keep <em>doing</em> this to her.</p><p>“<em>Hi,</em> what the fuck do you want?” Bellatrix snapped as she flopped herself down on the couch, propping her elbow up on her bent knee as she sprawled out like she absolutely owned the place. Cassandra’s gaze shifted toward Bellatrix momentarily before she allowed her eyes to rest on Narcissa, yet she still did not speak. “Spit it out.”</p><p>“Bella, please— I’m not trying to antagonize you,” Narcissa responded exasperatedly. “I just needed to talk to you both about our living situation, because I don’t— I don’t think this is working.”</p><p>“Yeah, for <em>you</em> maybe,” Bellatrix responded, snorting. “I, on the other hand, am perfectly fucking happy here, so thanks for your <em>concern,</em> but you can fuck off again now— let us know when the Ministry comes and then we can revisit living situations.”</p><p>She was— <em>what? </em>Jesus, was she trying to be<em> funny?</em> Even if it was bullshit, it still gave Narcissa whiplash. “Bella, don’t be ridiculous; I know you’re mad at me but I’m not <em>stupid.</em> I know this isn’t pleasant for either of you.”</p><p>“Well maybe we <em>found</em> a way to make it pleasant— what’s it to you?”</p><p>“Bellatrix, shut up.” Cassandra had finally spoken, but her voice was softer than the demand should have been. Bellatrix still obliged her though for whatever God forsaken reason, chuckling bitterly as she grabbed a handful of every flavor beans that were in a nice dish on the coffee table, putting a bunch of them into her mouth at once. Narcissa’s lips curled— that probably tasted like shit, but Bellatrix was in a <em>weird</em> mood so she just let it go and instead turned her attention to her girlfriend.</p><p>“What the hell <em>happened</em> in the last three days?” she asked, because this whole interaction was fraught with a tension Narcissa didn’t know how to name. She knew both of her lovers were still angry with her, but their animosity with each other seemed to have morphed into… Jesus, Narcissa didn’t even <em>know.</em> It was still there, clearly, but had they actually <em>talked</em> or something? They seemed… more <em>comfortable</em> with one another; more comfortable in that way one would feel if they moved from sitting on glass shards to a bed made of rocks, but there was still a distinct difference all the same.</p><p>“Nothin’. We just— had a conversation,” Cassandra told her and, okay, that seemed reasonable Narcissa supposed, but she also didn’t like the way Cassandra wouldn’t <em>look</em> at her when she said that. What had she <em>said?</em> Narcissa was a little terrified to find out, which was why she did not ask, honestly. If Cassandra was on the verge of leaving her she knew Bellatrix wouldn’t hesitate to push her towards it, so Narcissa didn’t want to bring up something that had the potential to be devastating.</p><p>Whatever they had talked about, it had at least made them find some unstable middle ground on which to stand, which probably meant they had just bonded in their shared misery over loving her, which… did not make Narcissa feel great, honestly. God— she needed to <em>do</em> something, but she didn’t have the first clue how to start. It was starting to make her anxious.</p><p>“Well… I’m glad you guys talked,” Narcissa tried, because what the fuck else was she supposed to <em>say?</em> No, she wasn’t glad they talked if it was only going to make them both realize that neither of them were on the winning side of this war, as Narcissa was fairly certain all three of them were going to lose once this was all over, but she also didn’t want them to <em>hate</em> each other either, so if them talking stopped the cauldron from boiling over then how could Narcissa say that she didn’t want that?</p><p>Bellatrix snorted again as she continued to pop beans into her mouth, and Cassandra still wouldn’t meet her gaze.</p><p>“Look, Christmas leave is only a week away, and we need to— this needs to be <em>sorted</em> before then,” Narcissa tried to rationalize. “Have either of you heard the Ministry preforming more raids? Because I haven’t, and— and maybe it was just a one-off. Maybe they could only toss the place due to whatever that ‘tip’ they had, but because they didn’t <em>find</em> anything they can’t come back without another reason. Maybe it’s <em>over…”</em></p><p>“That’s a whole lotta ‘maybes’,” Cassandra pointed out and okay, she wasn’t <em>wrong,</em> but this couldn’t be an indefinite thing either. Their <em>children</em> were coming back home soon; even if it was briefly, Narcissa didn’t want to throw them in the middle of this mess. Besides, they still had <em>secrets,</em> didn’t they? Gregory didn’t know the whole of what was going on, and that was another big concern.</p><p>“Fine, maybe it is, but it’s not like your son knows that I’ve been hiding a wanted <em>criminal,</em> and when he comes back for Christmas leave<em>—”</em></p><p>“Of course he bloody does,” Cassandra interrupted, which— what? Since <em>when? </em>“Peter was bitchin’ up a storm during Easter leave one day about Bellatrix after he came home from one of their little meetings— guess you were threatening everyone in vivid an’ creative detail over them talkin’ shit about you guys screwin’ each other while you were in prison,” she addressed Bellatrix, but Narcissa’s face drained of color. She knew— she <em>knew,</em> of course, that all of the Death Eaters must be well-aware about the truth regarding her and Bellatrix’s relationship by now, and she also knew Bellatrix would take care of that the best she could, but had Cassandra’s <em>son</em> heard? Because if he told Draco…</p><p>“Oh my God, why didn’t you <em>tell</em> me?” Narcissa exclaimed, feeling as though she might pass out. Cassandra turned back to her girlfriend then, taking in the expression on her face.</p><p>“Gregory didn’t hear <em>that</em> part— for fuck’s sake, I woulda told ya, of <em>course</em> I would have, but he came into the room an’ he heard Bellatrix’s name bein’ said, an’ he asked where everyone was hiding ‘cause he’s just curious, y’know? An’ Peter said he wasn’t sure but he’d put money on Bellatrix bein’ with <em>you</em> an’ I… I mean, I don’t lie to my kid, Cissa. Jesus.”</p><p>Well that was a load of <em>crap</em> considering she had for fourteen fucking years, as Narcissa knew Cassandra and her husband had told Gregory the truth not long after Draco found out, as with the Dark Lord being back it put their family at risk again and Gregory deserved to know what was going on, but did she really have to tell him that <em>Bellatrix</em> was with them?</p><p>“If that ‘tip’ came from your <em>kid,</em> so fucking help me—”</p><p>“Don’t you fuckin’ blame my son!” Cassandra snapped at Bellatrix, who actually looked a little taken aback by the force of her reaction. Bellatrix never understood motherhood though. “His loyalty is to his <em>family</em> and his ‘Aunt Cissa’ is part of that now, so fuck right off.”</p><p>“Oh <em>God,</em> he calls you ‘Aunt’ now? Wait— <em>wait,</em> actually that’s hilarious,” Bellatrix decided, and Narcissa knew exactly <em>why</em> she found that funny and glared at her through the fireplace. Not every bloody thing had to be <em>incestuous;</em> ‘Aunt’ was also a term of endearment, although she wasn’t surprised that Bellatrix chose to disregard that.</p><p>“<em>Regardless,”</em> Cassandra stressed. “I heard him and Draco talkin’ about Bellatrix trainin’ him— Draco never told him what <em>for,</em> obviously, an’ that’s somethin’ I don’t want Gregory caught up in, but yeah… he knows she’s here. So if you’re worried about <em>Christmas…”</em></p><p>“Of course I’m worried about Christmas— what do you want to do, have<em> Bellatrix </em>over instead of me and my son? We need to figure out a plan.”</p><p>“Why does this gotta be an either-or situation?” Cassandra asked her, which made Narcissa gape at her, and Bellatrix actually laughed out loud.</p><p>“<em>Please</em> don’t tell me you’re inviting me ‘round for the bloody holidays— Cassandra, look at me,” Bellatrix demanded, and Narcissa didn’t even have time to process the fact that Bellatrix had just called Cassandra by her actual <em>name</em> instead of ‘whore’ or ‘bitch’, because Cassandra had turned to Bellatrix immediately without an eye roll or a scoff or some other kind of general displeasure at being ordered around by a woman she despised, and that was <em>also</em> jarring to witness. “That is a <em>bad</em> fucking idea.”</p><p>“I thought that’s what you <em>wanted,”</em> Cassandra stressed to her in a sarcastic tone, causing Narcissa’s brow to knit.</p><p>“You wanted to come ‘round for the holidays?” That didn’t sound like Bellatrix at <em>all.</em></p><p>“No! I— <em>ugh,</em> I just fucking said I missed you, alright?” Bellatrix snapped in the most defensive tone ever, although probably because she was supposed to still be mad at her. “And <em>apparently</em> your girlfriend is taking that to mean we should all play happy family together, which is going to end badly for everyone involved and is more drama than it’s fucking worth with your bloody <em>kids</em> around!”</p><p>Her <em>girlfriend?</em> Did Bellatrix— did she just validate their relationship? This entire interaction kept giving Narcissa whiplash.</p><p>“Then don’t <em>cause</em> drama,” Cassandra challenged her, looking incredibly self-satisfied for some reason as Bellatrix narrowed her eyes at her in warning. Cassandra’s smirk just widened. Was this just another way to torture her sister? Bellatrix <em>did</em> have an awfully big problem with trying to keep herself under control, after all. At this point, it was the only thing that really made any sense.</p><p>“Look, end o’ the day I might not <em>like</em> you but I’m not gonna leave ya alone durin’ the holidays either— that’s fucked up,” Cassandra told her, before turning to face Narcissa. “Besides, by that time we should be in the clear with the raids ‘cause it’ll have been over a month, an’ even if we’re not that still gives her an’ extra two weeks of bein’ here which solidifies her safety more ‘cause what if they decide to toss your place durin’ the holidays an she gets <em>caught?</em> Just sodding pointless— she’s fine here, just let her be an’ come over with Draco.”</p><p>“Your sanity really has taken a hit, huh,” Bellatrix deadpanned. She shifted her gaze over to her sister then. “Nice work, Cissy. She actually cares about my safety. You <em>broke </em>her.”</p><p>Narcissa was inclined to agree, although she wished she didn’t as she was afraid what Cassandra would <em>do</em> if she were truly broken. “Cass, I… I <em>love</em> you for thinking about Bellatrix, I do, but all of us under one roof will get… messy. Like Bella said, our <em>kids</em> will be here, and while I know they’re both aware of our relationship, I can’t just— I can’t ignore my sister, but I also can’t <em>be</em> with her while they’re here either. That’s not fair to her.”</p><p>Cassandra rolled her eyes. “For fuck’s sake, if you need to <em>bang</em> her that bloody badly I’ll take the boys out shoppin’ or something, who <em>cares.”</em></p><p>Well,<em> she</em> should for one, shouldn’t she? Narcissa felt like she had no idea what was going on anymore. What the hell kind of conversation did they even have for <em>this </em>to be the result? Narcissa wasn’t even sure she knew what ‘this’ was, but something about it felt… wrong.</p><p>“Jesus, grow a sodding backbone,” Bellatrix snapped, now annoyed over Cassandra apparently <em>accepting</em> the inevitability of their relationship. Was she really never happy? Christ. Although to be fair to Bellatrix, she looked more irritated at Cassandra’s compliance than anything else, but it was probably only because she didn’t find their feud to be any fun unless fighting was involved. “You’re acting like that bloody doormat you’re so fucking terrified of becoming— what, do you want to <em>watch</em> while I screw her next? Stay <em>angry,</em> for fuck’s sake— this pathetic shit isn’t cute.”</p><p>“Ya know what? Both of you can fuck off,” Cassandra snapped, putting her tea cup on the table so roughly it nearly broke. “Sorry for tryin’ to offer somethin’ <em>nice</em> for once; I won’t bloody do it again.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes at that, but Narcissa felt horrible because maybe Cassandra <em>was</em> just trying to be nice, maybe she was just trying to make this a less shitty arrangement for all of them by putting them in a situation where they would be forced to get along in front of the kids. Narcissa didn’t really… she wasn’t entirely sure she followed the woman’s thought process, but her heart <em>had</em> to be in the right place.</p><p>Because it wasn’t… it <em>wasn’t</em> that Cassandra was self-destructing and wanted to exacerbate that by doing something reckless, because Narcissa couldn’t accept that, even though all signs were probably pointing to that being the case. Cassandra was acting a little off, sure, but she was fine, wasn’t she? She… she <em>had</em> to be fine. She wouldn’t want to put her child in the middle of a war zone, so she must— she <em>had</em> to believe that everything would be okay. There wasn’t any other option, because if Cassandra really <em>had</em> fallen off the cliff then Narcissa doubted that her reckless decisions would end there, and Narcissa was a little afraid of how far the woman would actually fall before she hit the ground.</p><p>But it didn’t matter, because she was fine. Cassandra was <em>fine.</em> It was okay— it <em>needed</em> to be okay, because Narcissa wouldn’t know how to fix it if it wasn’t, and so outright denial seemed like the easier option.</p><p> “No, I’m sorry— listen, I appreciate it, I <em>do,</em> and of course… of course we’ll do that. Whatever you want.”</p><p>Bellatrix silently mocked ‘whatever you want’ under her breath, which Cassandra thankfully did not see and Narcissa pointedly ignored. Cassandra still did not look <em>happy</em> though, and Narcissa didn’t know what to do. She felt so utterly helpless.</p><p>“So… what should we do about the next week until the boys arrive?” Narcissa tried, because she definitely did not want <em>this</em> to continue for another seven days. She hated being separated from both of them, especially since it seemed to be negatively effecting Cassandra. Bellatrix looked strangely <em>better</em> than she had last time, but maybe that was just because she enjoyed watching her romantic rival spiral.</p><p>“I dunno. I don’t <em>care.</em> I need more tea,” Cassandra exhaled with an exasperated breath, standing from her chair as she grabbed her cup.</p><p>“Cass, please don’t—” But she was already gone and Narcissa exhaled a defeated sigh before her gaze shifted to her sister, who was still just <em>lounging</em> there eating those goddamn beans, rather unperturbed by this whole ordeal.</p><p>“Bella, what <em>happened?”</em> Narcissa begged desperately, just wanting to get a better idea of her girlfriend’s head space. Maybe it was stupid to ask <em>Bellatrix</em> of all people, but she was the only one who was constantly around Cassandra lately and could give her a better update.</p><p>Bellatrix popped another bean in her mouth, talking with her mouth full. “I fucked her.”</p><p>Narcissa’s brain clicked off. It was like her entire body shut down and she just <em>gaped</em> at her, unable to process the words her sister had just said, because there was… there was no <em>way— </em></p><p>Bellatrix of course, like an <em>arsehole,</em> began madly laughing at her unkind little game. “Shit, that was hilarious— the fucking <em>look</em> on your face…”</p><p>Ugh. Why was she <em>like</em> this?</p><p>“You’re not funny; I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you! I’m <em>worried</em> about her, Bella, and I know you don’t care about her but please—”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted, looking at her like Narcissa had to be kidding her with this. “You’re not <em>worried</em> about her— you’re worried about yourself. You’re worried that this little fucking breakdown she’s having is going to make her see that your bullshit isn’t worth it. At least have the bloody decency to <em>own </em>your selfish crap, Cissy, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>Oh God. Narcissa didn’t even acknowledge Bellatrix’s accusation because it really didn’t even matter in the bigger picture of things. “So, she… she <em>is?” </em>Narcissa asked softly, her stomach twisting into knots. If Cassandra really was falling apart, then she needed to <em>fix</em> this. “Shit. <em>Shit. </em>I need to come over—”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure nobody fucking invited you,” Bellatrix snapped, finally sitting up straighter on the couch, her casual demeanor forgotten. “Us telling you to fuck off hasn’t <em>ended</em> just because you wanted to force your way back into our lives with your bullshit excuse of the <em>holidays.</em> Neither of us want to see you right now—”</p><p>“Stop speaking for her!” Narcissa furiously exclaimed. Bellatrix was acting like she knew how Cassandra felt, but she knew it was only something her sister was using to try to break them up. Regardless of whether they talked or not, there was no way they formed <em>any</em> kind of united front against her. That was just— that did not happen. They hated one another too much for something like that, didn’t they? “If she doesn’t want me there then she can tell me herself—”</p><p><em>“Fine,”</em> Bellatrix stressed, holding out her hands in offering to the woman who had returned to the parlor, another cup of tea clasped between her palms. “Cissy wants to <em>come over.”</em></p><p>Cassandra whipped around to face her girlfriend in the fire. “What? You <em>can’t—</em> Bellatrix looks like you right now; if someone were to walk by the windows an’ see then we’re all fucked; don’t be stupid. I’ll see ya when we get the boys at the station—”</p><p>“<em>What?”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, not expecting that kind of awful decision to be made. Okay, <em>fine—</em> that was closer to the original plan, but things had changed, hadn’t they? Cassandra wasn’t— she wasn’t doing <em>well.</em> They couldn’t keep being separated like this! “Cass, come on; we need to <em>talk</em> before the boys come home.”</p><p>“About what?” Cassandra challenged. “Everything’s <em>fine,</em> ain’t it?”</p><p>“No, everything is <em>not</em> fine!” Narcissa practically shouted, feeling terrified and helpless all over again. Why wouldn’t they just let her <em>fix</em> this? Why did they have to keep pushing her away?! “Both of the women I love keep telling me to fuck off—”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘cause I am <em>tired </em>of you tryin’ to distract me with your pretty fuckin’ words, Cissa!” Cassandra exclaimed, causing Narcissa to fall silent and Bellatrix to smirk in cruel satisfaction. “You can’t just crawl in my lap an’ whisper shit in my ear an’ think everything is gonna be okay! For fuck’s sake, just let me deal with this bullshit inevitability in my own way— ‘cause I <em>get</em> it, okay? You’re never leavin’ her, <em>fine,</em> but if you want me to accept that then you need to give me some bloody time to find some way to process this shit. Bellatrix bein’ here, without <em>you</em>, is lettin’ me do that. <em>She</em> is the reality I gotta face right now, an’ all you give me is a fantasy. You might still be a fantasy I want for whatever masochistic reason, but not right now. Just give me some fuckin’ space, Cissa, damn. I shouldn’t have to ask you twice for this shit.”</p><p>Narcissa was gutted by those words though, her brow creasing in upset as she looked at the woman she loved though the flames. “For whatever <em>masochistic</em> reason?” she breathed, hating how she had worded that. Bellatrix, however, just snorted sardonically.</p><p>“Don’t fucking pretend that you don’t know that anyone who loves you wants to punish themselves. You can’t really think you make anyone <em>happy,</em> do you?”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears, feeling rather hollow. Cassandra at least shot Bellatrix a scathing look at that though, finding that to be a little too harsh. “Don’t be a dick— if she didn’t make us happy in other ways neither of us would stay an’ you know it. We’re hurtin’ her enough; your desire for revenge is bein’ sated— ya don’t gotta make it worse.”</p><p>“But it <em>is</em> going to get worse,” Bellatrix harshly reminded her, causing Cassandra’s gaze to find the floor. “Don’t you fucking dare grow soft on me now, ‘cause this bullshit truce will end <em>real</em> quick if you start backing out when it was <em>your</em> idea.”</p><p>So they did… they <em>did</em> have a truce of some kind? Still, it seemed to be more based in making Narcissa miserable than anything else, but maybe she deserved that. Maybe if she just let them team up and get their desire for emotional payback out of their systems then things would just… they would settle, and everything would go back to normal. Perhaps even<em> better </em>than normal, if both Bellatrix and Cassandra began to accept the other as an inevitability in Narcissa’s life, and that <em>had</em> to be worth whatever pain they had in store for her, didn’t it? Both of them telling her to fuck off and to give them space hurt, but it wasn’t <em>horrible.</em> Sure, Bellatrix said it would get worse, but she had also said that this was <em>Cassandra’s</em> idea, and Narcissa knew that her girlfriend wouldn’t emotionally shred her as much as her sister if Bellatrix was the one in control of whatever their little plan was.</p><p>She could handle it. She could <em>handle</em> this.</p><p>So Narcissa allowed them to both have their space for the week before Christmas leave. Cassandra agreed to meet Narcissa at her house an hour before the train was due to arrive though, as Narcissa was at least able to convince her that they could not just get the boys and pretend everything was alright without at least having a moment to themselves to see if it <em>was</em> first.</p><p>When Cassandra finally apparated into the foyer of her manor, Narcissa couldn’t contain herself. It had been nearly a <em>month</em> since she had even been this close to her, and the blonde’s eyes welled up with emotion at just how beautiful and fucking perfect she was, and how she missed her so very terribly.</p><p>Cassandra’s expression crumpled once she took in the look on her girlfriend’s face. “No, please don’t— don’t <em>cry,</em> Cissa, I don’t deserve your tears, believe me…”</p><p>“What do you… what do you <em>mean?</em> I… Jesus, can I…?” Narcissa asked, coming closer to the other woman as a tear slipped down her cheek. She wanted to touch her, but she wasn’t even sure if that would be welcome. Cassandra just looked at her sadly for a moment before she weakly held out her hand to her, and Narcissa didn’t waste any time crossing the distance between them before she wrapped the woman up in her arms, clutching her like she had been so terribly afraid that she would never be allowed to again. The gesture seemed to break Cassandra though who dissolved into tears herself, and Narcissa cradled the back of her head protectively, wishing she could fix what she had broken.</p><p>“I’m not mad,” Narcissa assured her in a broken whisper, her fingers curling in the other woman’s hair as she pressed her forehead against hers. “I understand why you needed space from me, and while that hurt, it wasn’t an unreasonable thing to ask for—”</p><p>Cassandra shook her head though, getting caught up in her own self-loathing. “No, it was selfish… your <em>son,</em> Cissa— I know it’s been hard for ya an’ we just… both of us, we’re such fuckin’ <em>arseholes…</em>”</p><p>“Draco is okay,” Narcissa assured her, even though that was, arguably, one of the harder aspects of being alone. She couldn’t keep expecting Cassandra to pick up the pieces of her though— especially if the woman needed time to work on herself. Draco was coming home soon though, and that allowed Narcissa to breathe easier, at least for the time being. She knew she would fall apart once he went back to school, but she should at least have those she loved around her this time in order to handle it. “I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t hard, but I <em>don’t</em> blame you for needing space, alright? Look at me.”</p><p>Narcissa placed her hands on her girlfriend’s face, using her thumbs to wipe away the other woman’s tears. “I <em>love</em> you. You know that, right?” Cassandra nodded weakly, another tear slipping from behind her lids. “You have nothing to feel guilty about or to apologize for. You’re allowed to take time for yourself— this… separation, it’s given me a lot of time to think; I know I ask too much of you sometimes, and I know that’s not fair. I can’t keep expecting you to be the strong one; you’re only human, and I know there’s only so much you can take until you shatter yourself. I’m <em>sorry.</em> I’ll try to do better.”</p><p>Narcissa wanted those words to give the other woman comfort, but all it did was seem to break Cassandra further as she buried her face into her neck and sobbed, her fingers clutching at her robes. “God, I don’t deserve you— I don’t, I <em>don’t…”</em></p><p>Narcissa’s heart broke at those words, wondering what on <em>earth</em> could ever make Cassandra think something like that. “Shh, stop,” Narcissa breathed, gently untangling the other woman from her as she pushed the hair out of her eyes. Cassandra’s face was all red and splotchy, her eyes bloodshot and devastated. “What did I just say? Stop feeling guilty— you’re allowed your breakdown just as much as I was allowed the millions that <em>I </em>had that <em>you</em> helped me through, okay? I’m <em>here</em> for you, okay? Use me as a crutch this time, Cass, <em>please.</em> It’s been killing me that I haven’t been able to help you through this. You deserve love and support just as much as anyone, and I want to give that to you, okay? <em>You</em> are my priority right now. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Cassandra breathed, but it sounded more miserable than anything else and Narcissa couldn’t stand it. God, she couldn’t wait to be with her for an entire two weeks— at first Narcissa was dreading it because <em>Bellatrix </em>would be there as well and that sounded like it would be an absolute mess, but now Narcissa did not care. Cassandra needed her right now, and she was damn well going to take care of her.</p><p>Her sister could bitch about her ‘priorities’ all she wanted— if the positions were reversed then Narcissa would have taken care of Bellatrix over Cassandra… hell, she <em>had</em> taken care of Bellatrix over Cassandra when the woman had come back from prison. But now it was her girlfriend’s turn to be prioritized, and Narcissa was not going to apologize for that. If she wanted to have two relationships then she needed to start treating them equally and before she was not— Bellatrix always had the majority of her focus, the majority of her attention, and that hadn’t been fair to Cassandra. Even when Narcissa was hiding away with her, it was entirely centered around the fact that she <em>couldn’t</em> be around Bellatrix right then. Literally all of Narcissa’s decisions had to do with her sister first and Cassandra second, and Narcissa was done with that. Cassandra deserved <em>better</em> than that.</p><p>“Come here,” Narcissa whispered, wrapping her hand around the other woman’s neck as she brought her in for a soft kiss that Cassandra did, admittedly, continue to cry through. It was okay though, and after they broke Narcissa gently rested her forehead against her lover’s, her thumbs wiping away the evidence of Cassandra’s sorrow. “I’m here now, okay? Please… just try to stop crying. If our children see you like this they’re going to wonder what’s wrong, and this isn’t something either of them need to know about. I promise you, we will be able to talk later when we have some time and some privacy. Until then… try to smile, okay? It’s the holidays.”</p><p>“I know,” Cassandra softly acknowledged, knowing she could wallow in this feeling indefinitely, as they had their children to think about. <em>Draco,</em> especially, did not need anything else to worry about while he was here, and Narcissa wanted to make this a pleasant experience for him as the poor kid would no doubt need a break. “I’m sorry— I’m okay.”</p><p>“No, you’re not,” Narcissa breathed sadly, gently tucking a strand of hair behind the other woman’s ear, her eyes searching hers. “But that’s okay. <em>We’re</em> okay… aren’t we?”</p><p>“I hope so,” Cassandra whispered, but she didn’t look too certain about that. Narcissa just gave her an encouraging smile though because she knew, she <em>knew</em> that they would be. At the time Narcissa believed that their love had already withstood most of the obstacles it would encounter— <em>Bellatrix</em> being the biggest one of all. But perhaps, in the end, Narcissa was foolish to believe that would be the end of it, because as it turned out… it really, really wasn’t.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. XXXIV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXIV.</strong>
</p>
<p> “Cassandra, tell your spawn if he doesn’t stop staring at me I’m going to rip out his eyeballs and feed them to him.”</p>
<p>“She won’t,” Cassandra assured her son, who’s eyes had gone wide at the threat. Narcissa wondered how she could be so damn sure of that as the Unbreakable Vow that protected <em>her</em> didn’t extend to Gregory, but then she realized Cassandra was certain she wouldn’t because <em>she</em> was there and out of anyone, Narcissa was able to control her sister. “However, it is rather rude to stare, Gregory. Come— let’s go unpack your school trunk; you’re not livin’ out of it for the next two weeks like last year.”</p>
<p>Cassandra ushered her son out of the room, leaving Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Draco alone in the parlor. They had just arrived back from the train station, and while Narcissa and Cassandra had warned the boys that they were going to have another house guest for the duration of the holidays, it seemed neither Gregory nor Draco really believed it until they saw it for themselves.</p>
<p>“What the hell is going on?” Draco asked, as this was <em>far</em> from what he expected as well. “Are you suddenly <em>okay</em> with my mother dating Aunt Cassandra?” The way he said it, it seemed like Draco did not believe that Bellatrix didn’t have ulterior motives, and Narcissa could not blame him. This arrangement was still strange to her, but whatever Cassandra wanted.</p>
<p>“Okay is a relative term,” Bellatrix responded dismissively before she leaned forward in her seat, trying to peer around the corner to make sure that Cassandra and her son were gone before her gaze settled on her nephew. “Where are you at? Because you’re running out of fucking time.”</p>
<p>“Bella, let him— let him get <em>settled</em> first, please,” Narcissa begged her sister, not wanting Draco to have to be bombarded by the unsettling reality that she <em>knew</em> her son wished not to face while he was away on holiday. He no doubt needed space to breathe and time to plan his next move, and she didn’t want Bellatrix stressing him out. He already looked paler and thinner than usual and it took all of Narcissa’s self-control not to just take him and <em>run.</em></p>
<p>Draco looked torn between being indignant and nervous as he tried to justify his pace with, “I have almost six months until the end of term—”</p>
<p>“And nearly four months of failure under your belt,” Bellatrix harshly reminded him, not cutting any corners. “Have you made <em>any</em> progress?”</p>
<p>“Loads!” Draco assured her, growing a little red in the face. “I… I have someone under the Imperius Curse!”</p>
<p>“Someone actually fucking <em>important,</em> or…?”</p>
<p>“Maybe not <em>important,</em> but useful!” Draco defended, feeling very attacked by his aunt’s line of questioning. “It’s not like I could put one on one of the teachers, someone would have noticed— and I don’t need your <em>help,</em> you know; Jesus, you’re just like Professor Snape, trying to butt in so you can steal all the glory for yourself…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix outright laughed at that and Narcissa went a little pale. She didn’t want Draco snubbing assistance just because he wanted to make a name for himself. “Darling, Severus is trying to <em>help</em> you, I asked him to look out for you while you were at school—”</p>
<p>“Well I don’t need anyone’s bloody help!” Draco snapped, growing frustrated. “I have a <em>plan</em>, you know, it’s just… taking a little while to see it through. I have to repair something and it’s— difficult, okay? But…” He hesitated then, an unhappy expression crossing his face as he shifted his gaze to his aunt.</p>
<p>“But you need help,” Bellatrix finished for him sardonically.</p>
<p>“I don’t need help from <em>you,”</em> Draco spat, and Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut. She did not like how hostile he was being; it made him seem like he was unraveling. “I’ll just— when it works, I’ll need Death Eaters. I can get them into the school, and I know the Dark Lord said that I can’t get any help but if I can do something like <em>that</em> then maybe he’ll make an exception, because that will— it’ll be huge, won’t it?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix sat up straighter at this information. “You can?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, hesitant to believe his claims. “…<em>How</em>?” Narcissa felt like she could breathe a little easier at those words though, as despite her son’s assurance that he didn’t need help from <em>Bellatrix,</em> if he could get Death Eaters into the school then that meant Bellatrix could go <em>with</em> him and protect him.</p>
<p>Well, so long as the Dark Lord allowed it, which now that Narcissa was thinking about it, she doubted. If this truly <em>was</em> a punishment for Lucius, then he would never send his best lieutenant to back up Draco. At best, he’d get a handful of expendable grunts. Still, perhaps Bellatrix could convince him…</p>
<p>Draco shifted his gaze to his mother and then back to his aunt, who seemed to understand that he didn’t want to worry Narcissa with what he was doing and so Bellatrix stood with a commanding, “Come with me.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth hung open at how easily she was dismissed. “No— you both can’t just cut me out of this conversation like I don’t matter!”</p>
<p>“You <em>don’t </em>matter,” Bellatrix reminded her harshly as she rounded on her sister. Her words cut Narcissa who’s brow creased in upset, hating how she acted when it came to matters concerning the Dark Lord. This was her <em>son,</em> for Christ’s sake! “This is nothing to do with you— you do not bear the Mark, therefore it is none of your concern. You trusted me to protect the brat so let me fucking do it. Go upstairs with your little <em>girlfriend</em>— Draco and I will be busy for a while. If we are not here when you come back downstairs that means I’ve brought him for an audience with the Dark Lord and yes, he will be <em>fine; </em>he’s with me.”</p>
<p>Narcissa did not like the finality in her sister’s tone but she allowed her to speak to her like that anyway, as what else was she supposed to do? This <em>wasn’t</em> her area, fine, and Narcissa trusted Bellatrix enough to take care of Draco, but she still wanted to <em>know</em> what was happening with her son. This entire thing terrified her and Bellatrix was well-aware of that, and while Narcissa understood that Draco didn’t want to burden her with anything else because he was concerned about her mental health, that didn’t mean Narcissa wanted to be left in the dark, as that would be <em>worse.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa left to find Cassandra though, climbing the stairs with a heavy heart. She could hear her and Gregory in the latter’s room as she approached the top step and Narcissa paused for a moment, listening. “—Decorations look like shit, Mum; can’t even see out the bloody windows there’s so many fuckin’ snowflakes and junk.”</p>
<p>“S’For Bellatrix— know we live kinda far outta the way, but just in case; so no one sees her through the windows. I dunno, best I could come up with. Sorry they’re shit, but suck it up, yeah? We gotta guest an’ ya don’t gotta be rude.”</p>
<p>“Malfoy told me she hates you, Mum— why the fuck is she <em>here?”</em> Gregory asked, which was… well, valid. Narcissa was still wondering that, honestly, as it seemed like a very volatile situation. On paper it seemed like a logical thing to do though because yes, it would keep Bellatrix safer, but also at this point Narcissa was beginning to doubt the Ministry was going to come again— it had been a <em>month.</em> Maybe it really had just been one toss because of that tip, but then that was awful because it meant… everything that happened, all of the fallout with Cassandra’s actual breakdown, wasn’t even <em>worth</em> it.</p>
<p>And that shredded Narcissa. There she was again, prioritizing Bellatrix over Cassandra. It was awful. <em>She</em> was awful.</p>
<p>“…I dunno,” Cassandra exhaled quietly, honestly. “Thought— well, that it would be a good thing to do, but already I feel like I made a mistake. Still, Bellatrix doesn’t— we don’t get <em>along,</em> no, but she’s been livin’ here for like a month now an’ it’s… better, I guess, than what it used to be. S’not really ‘hate’ anymore. It’ll be fine though, Cissa can handle her— I won’t have this ruin your holiday, pumpkin; I promise.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could just imagine Gregory going fifteen different shades of red. “<em>Stop</em> callin’ me that.”</p>
<p>“Why? You’re all cute n’ round,” Cassandra teased him, and Narcissa gently smiled at the tone of the woman’s voice, as it seemed lighter than it had the last couple of times she had spoken with her.</p>
<p>“<em>Mum! </em>Stop— stop <em>pokin’ </em>me!”</p>
<p>Narcissa decided against interrupting them, as Cassandra deserved some time alone with her son. Instead she deviated course to the bedroom she was going to share with the other woman during the duration of her visit, reapplying her face before she decided to take the time she had alone to finish up her Christmas shopping in Diagon Alley. It was a couple hours until she returned, and when she arrived back in the Goyle manner she could hear the boys talking loudly upstairs, which allowed Narcissa to exhale a relieved breath, glad that Draco was there and safe. Narcissa’s plan was to find Bellatrix and ask (<em>demand</em> to know) how things were going, but after she had given her shopping bags to Cassandra’s house elf and made her way down the hallway, she heard voices coming from the kitchen.</p>
<p>“—can’t do this anymore.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be a <em>pussy,”</em> Bellatrix hissed, causing Narcissa’s stomach to twist into knots at the base of her stomach as she heard both her sister and her girlfriend’s voices. “This was <em>your</em> fucking idea—”</p>
<p>“I know,” Cassandra acknowledged, but she sounded so terribly gutted by that. <em>What</em> was her idea though? Did they seriously have more torture in store for her; wasn’t telling her to fuck off for weeks <em>enough?</em> Narcissa had understood their desire to basically ‘team up’ to get back at her, and okay, maybe she deserved it because she hadn’t been very kind to either of them for a multitude of different reasons, but shouldn’t that be over now? She and Cassandra seemed to be… well, perhaps <em>okay</em> wasn’t a great word, but Cassandra didn’t seem as angry with her as she had been before, and Bellatrix…</p>
<p>Well, Bellatrix wasn’t going to stop trying to get back at her for what she had done with Cassandra behind her back until she felt things were ‘even’, and who knew how long that would last. Narcissa knew her bullshit with her sister wasn’t over, but did she have to keep trying to rope Cassandra into it as well? She was probably just trying to get Cassandra to end things with her, and the base of Narcissa’s stomach ignited in fury because she would take a <em>lot</em> from Bellatrix and would deserve most if not all of it, but she was not going to take <em>that.</em></p>
<p>“You don’t… you don’t understand what she was <em>sayin’ </em>to me though; she was finally acknowledging all the pressure she puts on me emotionally an’ shit, she was bein’ so goddamn understanding an’ <em>supportive</em> an’ I feel like shit, Bellatrix— she doesn’t fuckin’ deserve this…”</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot,” Bellatrix harshly responded, and Narcissa chanced a peak around the corner of the doorway, hoping they were both sufficiently distracted enough not to see her. Cassandra was practically hunched over the counter with her palms on the edges, her hair hanging in her face as she stared at an imperfection in the marble. Bellatrix was behind her and she was… <em>way</em> too close for Narcissa’s comfort level. She was practically hissing in Cassandra’s ear with her hands on her hips and Narcissa began to feel nauseous, as the first thought that came to her mind about why Cassandra was allowing Bellatrix to <em>touch</em> her like that was not a good one. “You know what she does— it’s just more pretty fucking words; she doesn’t <em>mean</em> a single one of them. Don’t get wrapped up in her bullshit again— don’t be that fucking <em>pathetic.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa flattened herself against the wall, closing her eyes as she tried to fight down the sickness that was brewing in the pit of her stomach. This could <em>not</em> be what she thought it was though, because… because Bellatrix had said it was Cassandra’s idea, and Cassandra wouldn’t do something like that to her. She just <em>wouldn’t.</em> Bellatrix, yes— Bellatrix would absolutely get some sick satisfaction in forcefully taking something that Narcissa loved and corrupting it beyond recognition, but Cassandra… she wasn’t that easily manipulated for one and <em>again,</em> whatever they were talking about was <em>her</em> idea, so… so it couldn’t be something like that. Narcissa refused to believe it.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was <em>touchy</em> anyway though— it was how she controlled people. She always had a problem with personal space, so that was probably all it was. Still, Cassandra didn’t flinch away or tell her to stop touching her, but Narcissa just rationalized that after a month of Bellatrix no doubt trying to do it over and over as she convinced Cassandra to hate Narcissa with her, that Cassandra had just given up trying to get her to stop getting in her space. Sometimes it was just easier to let Bellatrix do what she wanted instead of reprimanding her, as the woman never cared enough to change.</p>
<p>“<em>Stop</em> callin’ me pathetic—!”</p>
<p>“Shut up; the kids are still in the bloody house and you’re being mouthy as fuck— Come here,” Bellatrix demanded, and the rest of Cassandra’s words fell away as Narcissa heard murmuring. She looked around the corner again to see her sister’s lips were pressed against the other woman’s ear as she whispered her toxic fucking words that seemed to be breaking Cassandra’s resolve of <em>not</em> continuing to hurt her, which shredded Narcissa’s soul a little more. The redhead’s eyes were vacant and glassy as she stared straight ahead of her, her jaw tensed as she nodded at whatever the other woman was telling her. Bellatrix was practically <em>grooming </em>her— her fingers were raking through Cassandra’s hair as she convinced the younger woman to listen to her, to <em>obey</em> her, and Narcissa felt like she was going to vomit.</p>
<p>God, why, <em>why</em> was Bellatrix doing this?! She could do anything— <em>anything</em> else for her retribution against her, but taking <em>Cassandra</em> away from her? Even if this wasn’t what it looked like which— Narcissa couldn’t even let herself <em>think,</em> because despite her stupid threesome fantasy, now the thought of them doing <em>that</em> together was making her feel horribly ill— Bellatrix was still <em>corrupting</em> her in some way. She was clearly getting inside of Cassandra’s head and furthering her breakdown, no doubt trying to make the woman fall completely apart so that it would destroy her relationship with Narcissa, and the blonde couldn’t <em>stand</em> Bellatrix for that. She understood her sister was hurt, but this was… this was too much. <em>God,</em> it was too fucking much…!</p>
<p>Narcissa fled.</p>
<p>She ended up outside in the garden, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed, desperately trying to convince herself that she was just being paranoid. Bellatrix and Cassandra’s relationship had obviously changed due from the time they spent together, but she also knew how her sister operated— she’d want <em>control</em> over Cassandra in some way, as it would make her feel powerful to be able to manipulate the one thing that was destroying her life. Narcissa didn’t think that Cassandra could be so easily swayed, but maybe things had changed— the woman was obviously going through something, and maybe her falling apart just made it <em>easy</em> for Bellatrix to make her do whatever she wanted, like keeping Cassandra angry with her. Bellatrix was being too goddamn touchy, yes, but maybe Cassandra just didn’t know how to stop her. Maybe she was just so fucking <em>broken</em> that she was allowing Bellatrix to further it without a fight, as she was just too exhausted at this point to.</p>
<p>Narcissa wanted to fix it, she wanted to <em>protect</em> her, but if she tried and then it turned out that she wasn’t being paranoid after all, Narcissa knew she would hate herself for it, as Cassandra would <em>not</em> deserve it then. Narcissa felt so utterly lost on how to proceed because it wasn’t like she could confront either of them right now— their children were home, and should the worst turn out to be true, Narcissa didn’t want the boys caught in the crossfire. So despite how hard it was to swallow her fears and push them aside for now, Narcissa knew she had to as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and convinced herself, for her own sanity, that whatever was going on with them wasn’t what it looked like, because Narcissa knew she could not handle that fallout right now.</p>
<p>There were more important things to worry about— like Draco.</p>
<p>Dinner was… awkward. It was fraught with tension and long silences, as no one really felt comfortable with the weird family unit they had become. Still, they got through it eventually, and after dinner Narcissa asked to speak with her sister alone, trying to push the picture of her and Cassandra out of her mind as she focused on something that mattered more. They made their way into the guest room that Bellatrix had been staying in for nearly a month now, a little surprised that the woman hadn’t destroyed it or tried to bathe it in black. Perhaps it had been so long that she barely registered it anymore though, or else whatever ‘truce’ she had with Cassandra prevented her from forcefully redecorating a room that was originally meant for the little girl that Cassandra was never able to have.</p>
<p>Still, it was a little <em>odd</em> to see Bellatrix look as comfortable as she could feasibly be in a room bathed in pinks and purples. Her sister watched her close the door and cast the silencing charm, already knowing what Narcissa was going to ask as she leaned against the dresser. “The Dark Lord accepted his request for Death Eaters should he prove himself competent enough to get them inside of Hogwarts. <em>However,</em> this meeting was not private, as the Dark Lord appointed the Carrow twins as leads should Draco be successful— he has a way to contact them now, which means your son’s involvement in our circle is no longer <em>secret.</em> You need to understand what that means.”</p>
<p>“I know what that fucking means!” Narcissa exclaimed, anxiety taking hold of her chest. It meant quite a lot of things, but mainly that there truly was no escape for Draco; if he succeeded— no, <em>when</em> he did, then he would be a fully-fledged member and would be expected to have a lot more involvement in the war. That awful thing on his arm would turn black and her son would be expected to answer the call instead of ignoring it as he was allowed to do now, as Draco was still in school and the Dark Lord did not wish his cover to be blown just yet. This was probably his last year now though, as whether he succeeded or failed, Narcissa doubted he would be able to step back inside Hogwarts again, and the base of Narcissa’s stomach churned with bile. This was not what she wanted for him.</p>
<p>“What… what about you?” Narcissa asked, her eyes searching her sister’s as she realized Bellatrix hadn’t included herself in the plan. “Why aren’t <em>you</em> lead? If anyone should be—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix just exhaled a small sigh. “You <em>know</em> why, Cissy. I tried— I <em>asked,</em> but the Dark Lord…” she trailed off, and Narcissa felt sick. She would have felt infinitely better about the entire thing if Bellatrix was there <em>with</em> Draco, but of course the Dark Lord didn’t want that. This entire thing was not meant to bring any kind of <em>comfort</em> for their family. “Listen,” Bellatrix continued, trying to switch the subject to something other than the failure that the Dark Lord no doubt expected of the woman’s son. “With Draco being more <em>involved</em> now, he’ll be around for a lot more once he gets out of school at the end of the year and… I mean, I will silence everyone the best I fucking can, but—”</p>
<p>What?</p>
<p>Oh, <em>God.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes went wide as she looked at her sister; she hadn’t even <em>considered</em> what that would mean in that regard. “Bella, they— they <em>cannot</em> tell him about us! Please, <em>please— </em>I will do anything you bloody ask, just <em>please…</em> I cannot bear for him to know that, oh my God…” Narcissa clutched at her sister desperately, no longer caring what else might be going on— if Draco <em>knew</em> about her relationship with Bellatrix, she would never be able to look her son in the eyes again.</p>
<p>“<em>Anything?”</em> Bellatrix pushed, bitterly amused by her sister’s choice of words. She cocked a challenging eyebrow at her then, stating her terms. “Alright. Leave her. I want you all to myself; break up with her— right now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s breathing shallowed but that didn’t stop her from quickly agreeing with, “Fine,” without even a moment’s hesitation, which made Bellatrix snort sardonically.</p>
<p>“See, this is why she’s fucking crumbling. Why even <em>bother</em> with her if you’re so willing to toss her aside? Not to advocate for her because I’m fucking <em>not, </em>believe me— but your level of selfish bullshit far surpasses anything I’ve ever bloody seen before, and I’m around shit people pretty fucking constantly.”</p>
<p>“My relationship with my son is more important than <em>either</em> of you!” Narcissa exclaimed fiercely as she pushed herself away from Bellatrix, not sorry about her priorities. She loved Cassandra, but Draco came before her. He came before Lucius, he came before <em>Bellatrix— </em>that was just the way it was. “But believe <em>me,</em> if you really want to trade your help with silencing people for something like <em>that,</em> then it won’t just be my relationship with Cassandra that’s ruined. You might end up <em>having</em> me, Bella, but we would always be miserable and despite you trying to <em>make</em> me that way right now, I know you don’t want that forever. So go ahead— force my hand, see what happens.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked irritated at being called out as she shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “I already said I was going to try to keep everyone’s mouths shut— I just wanted to see how far you were willing to go for it. Besides, I don’t want <em>you</em> to break up with <em>her—</em> I’d get way more satisfaction out of her tossing you aside like you damn well deserve, but don’t worry; I feel like that day’s coming sooner than you think.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a hard breath through her nose, her jaw clenching. “You need to leave her alone,” she warned her sister, because with how Bellatrix was acting maybe she <em>was</em> just being paranoid, and Bellatrix was merely goading Cassandra into destroying her own relationship. She clearly would get off on it after all; she always did enjoy <em>winning.</em></p>
<p>“Or what?” Bellatrix asked, laughing. “What the fuck can you do about it, <em>really?</em> You’ve already lost, Cissy— it’s now only a matter of when you actually recognize that. You know, it wasn’t that hard to break her, so I suppose it’s only fair to thank <em>you </em>for that. You put so many damn cracks in the woman that one gentle <em>push</em> and…” Bellatrix pointed her finger as she spoke, gesturing in order to accent the cruelty of her words, but before she could indicate anything shattering Narcissa had grabbed her finger in her hand, wrenching it backwards.</p>
<p>Bellatrix hissed in pain, but it was only brief before she started chuckling again, getting off on the anger in Narcissa’s eyes. “You’ve never been gentle about anything a day in your fucking life— I am <em>warning</em> you, Bellatrix, if you hurt her…”</p>
<p>“Did you forget how the Unbreakable fucking Vow works?” Bellatrix snapped, wrenching her sprained finger away from her sister’s grasp once Narcissa had loosened it.</p>
<p>“I meant <em>emotionally!”</em></p>
<p>“Are you under the impression that she gives enough of a shit about me for me to hurt her like that? Because I’m sorry to fucking inform you, Princess, but it’s not <em>me</em> who’s hurting her. The only thing I’m doing is <em>reminding</em> her of that— everything else? That was your doing, and yours alone. You want someone to blame? Look in the fucking mirror.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s breathing shallowed, her heart clenching painfully in her chest. “If I make you so goddamn miserable then just <em>leave</em> me! For fuck’s sake, Bella, what do you actually think this is going to accomplish? Do you think that once she leaves me that you and I will finally be<em> happy? </em>You’re deluded—!”</p>
<p>“I don’t leave you for the same reason you’re not leaving <em>me</em> despite you being fully fucking aware that I’m out for blood right now,” Bellatrix seethed, eradicating the space between them as she got right in her sister’s face. “You know I’m actively trying to fuck up your life, your <em>relationship; </em>you know I’m trying to hurt you like you hurt <em>me</em> and yet you’re still bloody <em>allowing </em>it, aren’t you? <em>Why?</em> You know why— fucking tell me <em>why</em>, Cissy!”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes fell closed in defeat, her chest feeling heavy despite knowing she was being hollowed out. She could feel her sister’s uneven breaths on her lips, and she was being backed up against the wall until Bellatrix was entirely against her, Narcissa’s fingers helplessly grasping at her neck. She felt like she was falling, and a tear slipped out beneath her eyelid. “Because I want you to get it out of your system,” she breathed, hating herself for every word as she knew she had no one to blame but herself. “I miss being <em>happy</em> with you, and I know you get mad and you hate me for the things I do, for the other people I <em>love</em>, but you always… you always get angry, and lash out, but then it’s <em>over</em> and I just want it to be over…”</p>
<p>“You think I’m such a compliant little <em>bitch,</em> don’t you?” Bellatrix seethed, angry with how she worded that. It was the truth though, and they both knew it. Still, Narcissa knew it would only piss Bellatrix off further if she told her that, so she said it in a different way.</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa breathed, her nose brushing her sister’s cheek as her grip tightened on the back of Bellatrix’s neck. “I just know you’re mine and that… despite anything that may happen, you still want to be that more than anything.” She opened her eyes then, her watery gaze searching her sister’s as she finished, “But you’re not the only one. It doesn’t matter what I do, or what <em>you</em> do— we both know how this ends.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s expression wavered, emotion showing behind the anger that she was supposed to be holding on to. But she couldn’t— she never could, because Narcissa was right: they both knew how this was going to end. They might shred each other to ribbons, but they glued themselves back together and to one <em>another</em> time and time again. They didn’t know how to do anything different.</p>
<p>Unfortunately for Bellatrix though, Narcissa was serious when she resolved to treat Cassandra the same as her. It was also probably unfortunate for <em>Cassandra</em> in that regard as well, but she might very well deserve to be shredded now too— whatever she was planning with Bellatrix, whether she did it yet or not, if she had sounded <em>that</em> guilty over it then Narcissa knew it was horrible. In the end though, it didn’t matter— oh, she’d rip them both apart with such righteous <em>fury </em>for the pain they caused her whenever their little plan came to pass, but she wouldn’t leave Cassandra just as she wouldn’t leave her sister. If her girlfriend wanted to jump on their fucking merry-go-round of pain and misery, then so be it— it was all Narcissa knew anyway, and perhaps she was an idiot for thinking she could ever have anything different.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her, her breathing uneven and hatred still burning bright in her eyes, and yet there was something more, something <em>else,</em> and it was that something that caused Bellatrix to crush her lips to Narcissa’s, kissing her in a wave of devastation and possessiveness as she furthered her sister’s claims that no matter what happened between them, they would always find their way back to this place. And this was <em>stupid</em> to do, honestly— they were in Cassandra’s house, and even with Muffliato cast the children were just downstairs, and yet Narcissa wanted to feel something <em>good</em> with Bellatrix so desperately that she started tearing off the other woman’s clothes as she kissed her back with just as much passion as she was receiving, acutely aware of how awful she was for doing this when she had <em>just</em> told Cassandra a few hours ago that she was her priority now.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t she ever change?</p>
<p>Bellatrix had her naked in an impressive amount of time and as Bellatrix’s teeth latched on to the base of her neck Narcissa moaned, her fingers curling in a mess of dark hair as her sister continued to weaken her in more ways than one. “Bella,” she breathed, her hands finding the other woman’s breasts before she kissed her again, backing her sister up towards the bed. Narcissa got on top for once, but she was sure it was only because Bellatrix allowed it as she seemed to have a plan as she placed her hand on the blonde’s shoulder, pushing her down her body.</p>
<p>“Fuck me with your mouth,” she demanded breathlessly, her breasts heaving in arousal over how easily she could get Narcissa to do whatever it was that she bloody wanted, even when she was angry with her. “I want that bitch to taste me on your tongue when you kiss her later.”</p>
<p>In some weird way, Bellatrix calling Cassandra a bitch actually comforted Narcissa, as certainly if they were having an affair then she wouldn’t, right? It was another reason Narcissa had been getting paranoid; Bellatrix using Cassandra’s<em> name,</em> acknowledging her position in Narcissa’s life, pointed to an understanding that, coupled with Bellatrix’s touchy <em>bullshit</em> made Narcissa feel as though her heart were being carved out of her chest. But then again, an <em>affair</em> didn’t have to be romantic, and Narcissa wouldn’t put it past Bellatrix to repeatedly fuck a woman she hated just to hurt her.</p>
<p>She couldn’t think that way though.</p>
<p>Still, Bellatrix was an idiot if she thought <em>that</em> was going to happen— she would definitely brush her teeth before she kissed Cassandra, and she also… really did<em> not </em>want the other woman to know that she had done this, as she knew it would shred her; once again, Narcissa’s true priorities were being made crystal clear, and for the umpteenth time, Cassandra got the short end of the stick. Yet even with that knowledge it did not stop Narcissa from going down on her sister, her tongue getting lost between the woman’s folds as she solidified her own shitty personality even more.</p>
<p>It was <em>hard</em> though— Narcissa didn’t want to hurt Cassandra, but Bellatrix had always owned her in a way that no one else ever had. Besides, it wasn’t like this fixed anything between them; Bellatrix was still going to be angry with her, and Narcissa was still going to let her be because she knew it was only a matter of time until she calmed down, and it was just easier to try to simmer her sister’s rage in the meantime. Sleeping with Bellatrix would give the woman a sense of power and control that Bellatrix felt had been ripped away from her ever since she found out her sister’s heart had also belonged to another, and maybe if she felt <em>good</em> for three seconds, they might be able to have a pleasant holiday. And, in the end, wasn’t that what really mattered? They had their kids to think about, after all, and as awful as it might be, they <em>had </em>to be more important than Cassandra’s feelings.</p>
<p>God, Narcissa hated how her brain worked sometimes. Her justifications were becoming more and more ridiculous as she tried to talk her way into convincing herself that she wasn’t doing anything <em>wrong</em> when deep down she knew exactly what she was doing, and how utterly horrible she was being for allowing it to happen here, <em>now,</em> in the house of the other woman that she loved.</p>
<p>“Fuck— that’s right, Cissy… fucking <em>apologize</em> to me with that lying little mouth of yours…”</p>
<p>Jesus. She was so fucking <em>annoying</em> sometimes. Okay, fine, Bellatrix needed to feel like she was ‘winning’ with this, but she needed to shut up, which Narcissa wasted no time informing her as she slipped her fingers inside of her sister and crawled up her body, not about to just lap at her cunt like some kind of compliant kitten while Bellatrix talked shit to her. “Shut the fuck up and come for me, Bellatrix,” Narcissa demanded as she corkscrewed her fingers inside of her sister, stealing whatever retort was about to fall from Bellatrix’s lips as she coaxed a deep groan from the back of her throat instead.</p>
<p>“Mmm… I love it when you get <em>angry </em>with me, lover; fucking destroy me for all I’m doing to you,  because trust me, Cissy, you don’t even know the <em>half</em> of it yet—” Bellatrix goaded her, seeing the determination in her sister’s eyes as Narcissa hovered over her, using the back of her thigh as leverage as she fucked Bellatrix harder, just wanting her to Shut. The. Fuck. <em>Up!</em></p>
<p>
  <em>You don’t even know the half of it yet…</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa’s free hand went to her sister’s throat and she pressed down— not hard enough to bruise or cut off her air completely, but definitely hard enough to make a <em>point.</em> Bellatrix loved it though, which both infuriated Narcissa yet still managed to turn her on because they were a <em>mess, </em>and she went to work on completely ruining her sister as Narcissa fucking prayed to anyone who was listening that Bellatrix was just talking shit, and she wasn’t doing what Narcissa feared she was.</p>
<p>Bellatrix came with a loud shout, making Narcissa thankful that she had cast the silencing charm at least. The blonde took her hand off of her sister’s throat and, whoops, maybe she did bruise her a little— not that Bellatrix didn’t deserve it though. Narcissa’s chest was heaving with the amount of effort she had exerted, but Bellatrix’s eyes were still alight with purpose as she switched their positions, straddling her sister’s waist as the mess between her thighs streaked Narcissa’s stomach.</p>
<p>“We’ve been gone too long,” Narcissa tried to rationalize, her chest still heaving as she looked up at the woman atop her. Even angry (or maybe <em>especially</em> when she was angry), Bellatrix was ridiculously fucking sexy. Still, they didn’t have time for this. “Someone will notice—”</p>
<p>“Ask me how much I care,” Bellatrix growled before she collided their lips together in a bruising kiss, her hand falling between them as she wasted no time sliding her fingers deep inside of her lover and, fuck— maybe they could just be quick. Narcissa was stupidly wet already and Bellatrix <em>owed</em> her this because she was still actively trying to ruin her relationship, but Narcissa’s rationale failed to realize that simply <em>doing</em> this was messing things up with Cassandra even more until it was later that night, as when they were retiring to bed, Narcissa could feel the other woman’s gaze boring a hole into her.</p>
<p>Narcissa chanced a glance at her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye while she was brushing her hair. It had grown out quite a bit since she had last cut it, and while a part of Narcissa wanted to keep it short, another part of her felt like she didn’t have the right to pretend she wasn’t exactly who she used to be, especially when she kept making the same mistakes over and over. For some reason her hair was becoming synonymous with where she was in life and right then it wasn’t anywhere <em>good.</em></p>
<p>“You were with Bellatrix for a long time,” Cassandra mentioned, her tone tense and even as she pulled her night shirt over her head. Shit. Narcissa really did <em>not</em> want Cassandra knowing what she had done— if she was suspicious, fine, Narcissa figured she could just lie her way around it in order to make sure the woman wasn’t hurt by her choices, but then again, Narcissa shouldn’t have done something that would have required her to <em>lie</em> in the first place. She had been trying very hard to <em>never</em> lie to Cassandra, and yet…</p>
<p>Still, regardless of how guilty that made Narcissa feel, she couldn’t have Cassandra know that she was saying one thing and <em>doing</em> another— all it did was further Bellatrix’s claims that all she had for her were pretty words and Narcissa didn’t want that to be all they were, but sometimes she just… she messed up. Bellatrix fucked her <em>up. </em>Narcissa knew that wasn’t an excuse but it was the only justification she had.</p>
<p>“We were discussing how Draco’s meeting with the Dark Lord went,” Narcissa told her as she continued to run her brush through her hair, able to meet Cassandra’s gaze with that as it wasn’t <em>technically</em> a lie.</p>
<p>“For an hour an’ a half?”</p>
<p>Fuck, had it really been that long? God<em> damn</em> Bellatrix— she always made her get so caught up and it made everything else fall to shit around her. Regardless, Narcissa tried to keep her composure.</p>
<p>“I was upset,” she told her as she put the brush back down on the vanity. “Bellatrix had to calm me down before I could face Draco again; I didn’t want to upset him. He already knows how hard this is on me, and I don’t want to put anything else on his shoulders. He shouldn’t have worry about me on top of everything else.”</p>
<p>Cassandra just stared at her for a long time and Narcissa knew, she <em>knew</em> the other woman was more than aware that she was being lied to. The blonde’s heart dropped. “Right,” was all Cassandra offered her, but the word was strained as she furiously put her hair up into a messy bun atop her head before climbing into bed.</p>
<p>Out of desperation, Narcissa dug her hole a little deeper as she tried to convince the woman that she hadn’t done what she thought she had with more pretty goddamn words. “Cass— I told you, <em>you’re</em> my priority right now. I know we haven’t had a chance to really talk yet, but I meant it when I said that. You know that, right?”</p>
<p>“You say a lot of things, Cissa,” Cassandra dismissed as she wrapped the covers around her shoulders, facing away from her. Fuck. <em>Fuck.</em> Why did she <em>do</em> this? How fucking difficult would have been for her to just keep her promise, for <em>once?</em> Bellatrix was right— her and Cassandra’s crumbling relationship really was entirely her fault.</p>
<p>Narcissa got up from her seat at the vanity, crossing the space between them before she crawled into bed behind her, desperation in her tone. “Cass, I know it’s late but maybe we really should… I mean, we need to <em>talk, </em>don’t we?” She tried to place a gentle hand atop the other woman’s shoulder, but Cassandra just rolled away from her touch as the woman’s worst fear was confirmed by Narcissa’s lies. She knew now that she would always come second to Bellatrix, and that despite Narcissa’s insistence to the contrary, the sad fact was that it only took a couple of hours for the woman she loved to prove Bellatrix’s claims to be true— that in the end, all Narcissa really had to offer Cassandra were surface words with absolutely no substance.</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t blame Cassandra for hating her. She hated <em>herself.</em></p>
<p>“I don’t got anythin’ to say to you,” Cassandra dismissed her as she shut off the light, shut herself down emotionally, and solidified whatever fucked up deal she had with Bellatrix despite the guilt she had previously felt, as if Narcissa wanted to keep hurting her, then Cassandra no doubt believed that there wasn’t any reason why she should not do the same in return.</p>
<p>“Good<em>night,</em> Narcissa.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. XXXV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Official song of this chapter is “Cry” by Ashnikko feat. Grimes, lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXV.</strong>
</p>
<p>The first week of their holiday was… <em>strained,</em> to say the least.</p>
<p>Cassandra was unnervingly <em>good</em> at putting on a façade in front of the boys though— she would kiss Narcissa on the cheek every morning at breakfast and smile and laugh with their kids, and then the second they were out of the room her expression would just… <em>drop</em>. It was actually rather unnerving to witness, but at least<em> Bellatrix </em>seemed to get some amusement out of it, as every time she watched Cassandra pull away from Narcissa this slow smirk would curl the edges of her lips as she allowed her eyes to linger a little too long on the one <em>fucking</em> person she shouldn’t be staring at.</p>
<p>The thing of it was that Narcissa <em>knew</em> her sister was goading her. She <em>wanted</em> Narcissa to notice how she looked at Cassandra now; she wanted her to wonder, she <em>wanted</em> her to be paranoid, and Narcissa hated herself for playing right into Bellatrix’s hands. The problem was, she wouldn’t put it past her sister to do <em>either</em> of those things— either fuck Cassandra, or make it <em>seem</em> like she was just to fuck <em>with</em> her, and Narcissa not knowing which one was the truth was starting to drive her a little bit insane as the two weeks of Christmas leave drew nearer to a close.</p>
<p>Narcissa had tried to distract herself with her son; she <em>doted</em> on Draco while he was home for the holidays, but the problem was that Draco did not want to be fussed over. At <em>all.</em> He kept telling her that she needed to stop treating him like a child and that he was <em>fine,</em> and that if she kept acting weird then even Goyle, despite being ‘thick in the head’, would notice and wonder <em>why.</em> He wanted space, and Narcissa hated every second of it, especially after Bellatrix told her that she had gotten it out of him that during his last Hogsmeade trip he had tried to send some cursed object to Dumbledore and nearly killed a girl in the process. She was <em>worried</em> about him, as that was such a stupid, reckless thing for him to do, and it made her wonder how much faith Draco had in his original plan of getting Death Eaters into Hogwarts.</p>
<p>Cassandra would not speak to her outside of the minimal interaction they needed to have in front of their children as they both put on a happy face and tried to convince them that everything was alright. Narcissa had <em>tried</em> talking to her, as she knew she had messed up and wanted to fix it by doing what she had promised and failed to do before. Cassandra did not care though; she apparently no longer trusted that her girlfriend’s words were genuine, and her terse declaration that they would ‘talk’ once the boys were back at Hogwarts left an awful feeling or foreboding in the pit of Narcissa’s stomach, as she believed she was fairly close to being broken up with.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, of course, was <em>beyond</em> herself with glee. This was probably the happiest Narcissa had seen her in ages, and it was <em>awful</em> because of course the only thing that would make her sister happy would be her pain. Narcissa knew that finding out about her and Cassandra’s relationship had shredded Bellatrix, but this was going beyond something that she could handle, and Narcissa spent many nights silently crying herself to sleep while her girlfriend laid next to her and did not offer her a single word of comfort.</p>
<p>Christmas was only two days away, the leave of their children only <em>five</em> away now, and Narcissa couldn’t take it anymore. She refused to let Cassandra just <em>leave</em> her when she was fairly certain with the way Bellatrix was acting that something very bad was going on behind her back, and so Narcissa decided to make a reckless decision of her own as she talked both of the boys into staying at the Crabbe’s for a night, as she knew it would be easy to at least talk her son into having a little bit of space from her, and that Gregory would do whatever he was told by Draco. Once that was out of the way and the boys were gone, Narcissa told her girlfriend and her sister that she was going out to do some last minute Christmas shopping, as she had forgotten a couple things the last time she went out, and that she would be back in a couple hours.</p>
<p>Narcissa left, but she did not stay out long.</p>
<p>She knew this was <em>stupid,</em> but she just… she had to know, and giving the two of them a chance to be alone together would solidify what was going on either way, as Narcissa <em>knew</em> that her sister at least wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to do something like this if she thought she could get away with it. Cassandra might have some objections, sure, but if they already <em>were</em> sharing a bed together then Narcissa doubted it would last long, considering she had seen with her own eyes how easy it was for Bellatrix to get Cassandra to obey when she was broken.</p>
<p>The worst part about this entire thing though was that Narcissa no longer knew if she even wanted it to <em>not</em> be true, because if it wasn’t then Cassandra had every right to tell her to fuck off and to leave her, and Narcissa didn’t want that. She wanted Cassandra to be just as fucked up as she was so that the woman didn’t have a leg to stand on as she tried to abandon her. All of this was sick, honestly, and Narcissa hated herself for trying to trap another person into a toxic relationship, yet there was this delusional part of her that was trying to convince her that if she just got Cassandra to <em>stay</em> with her, then eventually everything would go back to how it was, and they would be happy again.</p>
<p>But maybe, in the end, none of them were destined for happiness.</p>
<p>Narcissa had always been able to barely make a sound when she apparated, so she wasn’t worried that the two women would hear her when she came back to the manor. Narcissa stilled herself and listened, trying to figure out where either of them were. Hearing nothing on the first floor, Narcissa began to slowly climb the stairs, and that was when she heard it.</p>
<p>They didn’t even bother to close Cassandra’s bedroom door, which either made them very stupid, very arrogant, or very fucking masochistic as maybe some part of them <em>wanted</em> to get caught. Bellatrix did, at the very least— she had been goading her for a reason, after all, and Narcissa knew her sister would get some sick satisfaction in her catching them, because that was… that was what this <em>was;</em> there wasn’t any lingering doubts anymore, no more concern that it was paranoia, as there was only one bloody reason the two of them would be <em>breathing</em> that fucking heavily in a room together. Narcissa didn’t even have to see them to know, and everything inside of her tightened to the point of suffocation as Narcissa gripped the banister of the stairwell, a myriad of conflicting feelings hitting her all at once as she struggled to breathe.</p>
<p>It was fury, it was devastation, it was betrayal, it was <em>satisfaction;</em> it was a cruel sense of victory because neither of them could take the high road with her now, so <em>fuck</em> them; fuck them and their feelings because now Narcissa knew that neither of them cared about hers— and yet at the same maddening time she was also feeling hatred, sadness, jealousy, bitterness, and just… <em>pain.</em> God, it was so much fucking pain that Narcissa couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to love either of these women, yet she climbed the rest of the stairs as if in a daze, finding herself in the threshold of the doorway as she watched her sister fuck her girlfriend atop the bed that <em>she</em> shared with Cassandra.</p>
<p>Neither of them noticed she was there at first, as Narcissa hadn’t made a sound. She just <em>watched</em> them, unable to speak or move as her insides twisted with nausea. Cassandra was on all fours with Bellatrix behind her, a strap on attached to the older woman’s groin as she wrapped her hand around Cassandra’s long hair, practically wrenching her head back as she encouraged the other woman to be submissive for her. In that moment, Narcissa had never hated her girlfriend’s ability to be whatever she bloody needed to be for people sexually, because she <em>knew</em> Bellatrix was getting off on the power of controlling something Narcissa loved more than anything.</p>
<p>“<em>Beg</em> me, Kitten,” Bellatrix hissed in her ear, allowing the phallus to slide between the woman’s legs as she pressed it teasingly against Cassandra’s clit and oh, were they just <em>starting</em> then? Lucky sodding her— good thing Narcissa didn’t miss the fucking show; what a goddamn tragedy<em> that </em>would have been.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest was heaving in anger as she allowed that to become the dominant emotion she felt as she just stood there and <em>watched </em>the two of them like some kind of masochist fucking idiot. Cassandra was practically whimpering in Bellatrix’s grasp and Narcissa hated how turned on her girlfriend looked; she was actually <em>enjoying</em> being bedded by a woman who despised her, and Narcissa’s insides churned as she noticed how bloody <em>wet</em> and wanton she was.</p>
<p>“Please— please, Daddy…”</p>
<p>Oh, what the <em>fuck. </em></p>
<p>Narcissa was certain she had never been so horrified by something in her entire life, and that was saying something considering she could get off on quite a lot. The ‘Kitten’ thing… fine, whatever, Bellatrix was a cunt and would no doubt use a nickname to try to manipulate Cassandra into thinking she gave a shit, or that she was <em>special</em> or whatever— but Cassandra calling her ‘Daddy’? For fuck’s sake— while she wasn’t surprised her sister got off on something like that because of <em>course</em> she would, it just sounded so…</p>
<p>
  <em>Ugh.</em>
</p>
<p>Bellatrix growled in approval of the disgusting term of address, her tongue snaking out to lick a long line from the base of Cassandra’s neck to her ear. “<em>Fuck, </em>oh my God—” Cassandra groaned as Bellatrix slid inside of her, but that was when Bellatrix let go of her hair and Cassandra crumpled forwards on her elbows, panting as she threw her tousled mane over her shoulder, her gaze landing on the other side of the room where Narcissa stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest with a <em>dangerous</em> look in her eyes.</p>
<p>Cassandra practically choked on her breath as she immediately pushed herself up into a seated position, nearly causing Bellatrix to topple over as she instinctively wrapped an arm around Cassandra’s chest to steady herself as she swore, “What the <em>fuck—” </em>But then she followed Cassandra’s gaze, her eyes landing on her sister, and the bitch fucking <em>smiled.</em></p>
<p>Cassandra, however, for how badly she seemed intent on <em>hurting</em> Narcissa by doing this, suddenly looked a little terrified by the backlash this was going to entail. She froze, her eyes wide and her breathing uneven, Bellatrix’s fucking <em>cock </em>still inside of her, and Narcissa stared her dead in the eyes as she told her, “Oh, <em>finish— </em>I insist.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix laughed, bitterly amused that Narcissa actually hoped to <em>shame</em> them with something as ridiculous as that. “You think I won’t?”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t talking to you,” Narcissa responded, her gaze never leaving Cassandra’s. “I already know you will— I just want to see if <em>she</em> will.”</p>
<p>Something sickening and <em>cruel</em> was rising up within her, and in that moment, Narcissa so desperately wished to make Cassandra feel like shit for doing this, because she <em>knew</em> the woman had too much of a conscience to find some sick satisfaction in continuing to fuck in front of her like Bellatrix would. Her sister would be dealt with in time though— for now, Narcissa was going to take the opportunity to hurt Cassandra first, as already how guilty the woman looked made it <em>far</em> too easy.</p>
<p>“Well? Go on. <em>Entertain</em> me.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s breathing had shallowed considerably though, and she had gone horribly pale. She shook her head, trying to push Bellatrix off of her so that she wouldn’t be in such a vulnerable position anymore. “Jesus— no. No, get off me. I’m not fuckin’—”</p>
<p><em>“Do it!” </em>Narcissa screamed, losing control over her emotions as a fierce hatred burned in the pit of her stomach. Cassandra froze. How <em>dare</em> her, honestly. How dare she fucking act like she had any <em>right</em> to act slighted or hurt by Narcissa’s relationship with Bellatrix when she was practically doing the exact same thing. “What, you can fuck my sister behind my back but not in front of my face?<em> Do it!”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra’s expression crumbled at those words and Bellatrix gently raked her nails across the woman’s breasts, her lips being pressed to her ear. “This was what you <em>wanted, </em>remember?” she breathed, causing Narcissa’s chest to hollow out as she exhaled another breath, suddenly remembering with vivid clarity that this had been <em>Cassandra’s</em> idea. “This is what she deserves, Kitten— all she gives you is lies, at least <em>I’ve</em> always been up front with you…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re a real fucking catch, <em>‘Daddy’—</em> God, your dick complex is such a fucking cliché it’s embarrassing,” Narcissa snapped at her sister, at least managing to piss Bellatrix off with those words because they both knew it was <em>true.</em> Still, in the end Narcissa was barely bothering with her sister, because how she planned to torture Bellatrix and how she planned to torture Cassandra were two <em>very</em> different things. Narcissa continued to look at her girlfriend though, telling her dangerously, “If you make me repeat myself again, so fucking <em>help</em> me—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix let go of the other woman then and Cassandra fell to her elbows again, bent over as Bellatrix thoroughly enjoyed <em>her</em>self at least as she wasted no time grabbing her hips and barreling into the woman as though this little show made her feel <em>prideful</em> as she consumed herself with spite and revenge. Idiot. She was going to regret this as much as Cassandra; she just didn’t know it yet.</p>
<p>Cassandra wouldn’t meet her gaze though. Her eyes were shining with anger and devastation and she might have done what Narcissa asked and allowed Bellatrix to continue fucking her, but she suddenly didn’t seem very into it which was <em>pissing</em> Narcissa off further because all it did was make her look like this sad little victim who was just getting penetrated and used, and that was the last bloody thing Narcissa knew she was, because this was <em>her</em> fucking idea.</p>
<p>“Oh, no. You aren’t getting off that easy— Look at me, Cass. Look at me while she <em>fucks</em> you!” Narcissa demanded, coming a little closer to them as she stared directly at Cassandra, practically ignoring Bellatrix considering all her sister wanted was attention anyway, so fuck her. “This was what you <em>wanted,</em> wasn’t it?” she pressed, repeating Bellatrix’s words. “This was your idea— <em>your</em> choice! Have some fucking <em>pride</em> in your stupid little revenge plot at least— <em>look at me!”</em></p>
<p>“You know, this is actually kind of a hot look on you, Cissy—” Bellatrix chuckled bitterly as she continued to fuck Cassandra with absolutely no shame. God, Narcissa <em>hated</em> her for that. She hated her for quite a lot of things right now, but that most of all.</p>
<p>“Shut up. Shut the <em>fuck</em> up— I’ll deal with you after, so I’d enjoy this while it lasts if I were you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked cruelly, her fingers digging into the younger woman’s hips. “Oh, <em>believe</em> me, I will.”</p>
<p>“<em>Cassandra!”</em> Narcissa barked, as the woman still wasn’t doing what she fucking asked, but suddenly something snapped inside of the other woman and she whipped her head towards her, her expression contorting in rage as her gaze met Narcissa’s.</p>
<p>“No, she’s right— you do, you <em>do</em> fuckin’ deserve this!” she shouted, her chest heaving and eyes shining in upset. “<em>Fuck</em> you, Narcissa— why is it one rule for you an’ another for the rest of us? You can fuck her; you can fuck her over an’ over but I <em>can’t?</em> What kind of backwards arse fuckin’ logic is— <em>shit,”</em> she gasped, cutting herself off mid-rant as Bellatrix barreled into her harder. Cassandra’s entire expression changed and then and okay, Narcissa was enjoying this a bit less now.</p>
<p>“Y’know what?” she purred, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she looked back at Bellatrix, the two of them sharing a look that Narcissa was horrified to notice looked practically identical. She reached back then, spreading herself for the other woman as she begged in a sultry tone, “Fuck it. Fuck me, Bellatrix; if that’s what she wants, make me come— make me come in front of her…”</p>
<p>Oh <em>hell</em> no.</p>
<p>“Get the <em>fuck</em> off of her!” Narcissa shouted at her sister, done with this little game now that Cassandra wasn’t playing by the rules that she had originally set down. Bellatrix just laughed though, content on ignoring her and obliging Cassandra’s wish, but Narcissa blacked out in rage and made <em>certain</em> that Bellatrix was going to stop as she strode up to them both, cocked her fist back, and rammed it right into her sister’s face as she remembered with vivid fucking clarity how <em>satisfying</em> Muggle violence could feel sometimes.</p>
<p>Bellatrix hadn’t been expecting that kind of reaction and it easily knocked her off balance, effectively tearing her from Cassandra. But right as the other woman righted herself to look back at the damage Narcissa had caused her newfound lover, the blonde turned right around and backhanded Cassandra so hard that she toppled onto the mattress into a crumpled heap.</p>
<p>“What the fuck— I get a punch but she just gets the back of your hand?! You fucking <em>cunt,</em> Cissy—” Bellatrix spat, wiping underneath her nose that was now covered in blood. Good. Narcissa hope she broke it, mostly because she knew Bellatrix was shit at healing and would need <em>her</em> to fix it for her.</p>
<p>“<em>You </em>can take a punch, you bitch— now get out!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a throaty laugh. “I’m not going <em>anywhere—”</em></p>
<p>But Narcissa wasn’t playing around. She wasn’t going to deal with them at the same time otherwise she might just snap and murder them both, honestly. She strode right up to her sister and grabbed her arm, her grip so tight that her fingernails were digging into Bellatrix’s skin as she practically pulled her towards the door, the woman still bare arse naked with a cock attached to her and blood all over her face. Narcissa didn’t care; at least the kids weren’t home.</p>
<p>“You’re <em>next,”</em> Narcissa seethed, her eyes blackening in rage. “I’d deal with you first but I know you want this bloody drama— <em>she</em> doesn’t, and she’ll fucking run if I give her a chance to. Now get the <em>fuck</em> out, Bellatrix— You think this is a hot look on me? Then be an obedient little bitch and <em>wait your bloody turn</em>.”</p>
<p>Narcissa practically shoved her out of the door then, fully aware that Bellatrix would still probably be on the other side <em>listening </em>but whatever— at least Narcissa wouldn’t have to deal with her mouth. She slammed the door in Bellatrix’s face then, at least knowing her sister well enough to know that she was getting off on this, and that despite everything, Bellatrix had a hard on for her when she was angry and demanding which would be the<em> only </em>reason why she would obey her; at least for the time being.</p>
<p>When Narcissa rounded on Cassandra the woman had angry tears in her eyes, the back of her hand being pressed to her fat lip— one of Narcissa’s rings had cut her, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the damage to Bellatrix’s face.</p>
<p>“Are you <em>happy</em> yet?” Narcissa seethed, her chest heaving in upset as she stared at yet another person she loved who <em>broke</em> her. “You wanted me to treat you like Bellatrix, didn’t you? Well come on then, jump up on our merry-go-round of knives you <em>fucking</em> cunt— I hope you enjoy being shredded just like the rest of us, because <em>this</em> is what Bella and I are. Are you enjoying being a <em>priority</em> yet; because that is the real reason I wanted to deal with your first— I wanted you to get what you think you deserve; it’s only <em>fair,</em> right?”</p>
<p>Cassandra laughed bitterly as she hoisted herself off the bed, a tear falling from her eye as she stared at the woman who had already shredded her a long time ago. “Don’t you fuckin’ <em>dare</em> stand there an’ pretend I have <em>ever</em> been a priority for you!” she shouted, gathering her clothes from off the ground. “All I’ve ever been to you is an escape from <em>her</em> so you could feel like you weren’t an incestuous fuckin’ slag for five bloody seconds! Do you have <em>any</em> idea how that made me feel? God, I <em>loved</em> you, you fuckin’ bitch; I loved you and you <em>used</em> me!”</p>
<p>“Don’t you fucking past tense your bullshit with me, Cassandra— you still fucking <em>love</em> me so you better own that because, again, this is what my love entails when you get put <em>first; </em>I hope it’s everything you bloody hoped it would be.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at her like she was disgusted by the very sight of her. “You’re unbelievable,” she spat, throwing her shirt over her head. “You can’t just fuckin’ act like this toxic bullshit is your baseline— do you forget who I <em>am?</em> You were someone so much different, so much fuckin’ <em>better</em> when she wasn’t around, an’ now because you decided you’d rather be weak an’ pathetic I gotta be robbed of the woman I love, an’ I’m fuckin’ <em>sick</em> of it!”</p>
<p>“Oh, the woman you <em>love?”</em> Narcissa spat furiously, getting in her face. “Is this what you fucking do to someone you love? You<em> cheated</em> on me, you bitch, and you don’t even feel <em>sorry</em> about it!”</p>
<p>“Actually, I’m pretty goddamn sure that I didn’t— last I checked, we were free to fuck other people, weren’t we?” Cassandra challenged, not allowing Narcissa to intimidate her as she looked down at her. “We’ve slept with our own husbands during our relationship, we <em>shared</em> yours— You fuck Bellatrix all the time, yet suddenly it’s a problem when <em>I</em> do it? Seems a bit fuckin’ hypocritical, don’t ya think?”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix is <em>different!”</em> Narcissa screeched before she could think better of it, her insides twisting in despair because seeing them together probably fucked her up for all the wrong reasons. “I would’ve given you anything, <em>anyone—</em> I gave you Lucius, wasn’t that <em>enough?!</em> You did this on purpose because you <em>knew</em> how I would feel about it— you know I didn’t want you touching her because she’s <em>mine!</em> Bellatrix is <em>my</em> property, Cassandra, and you or anyone else doesn’t have a fucking right to her no matter what you bloody think! She barely even has a right to <em>herself</em> anymore!”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s jaw tensed and, alright, perhaps that came out sounding a bit psychotic and possessive and circa twenty-five bloody years ago, but it was the truth. It had always been the truth, as disgusting as it was. “So you’re jealous because <em>I </em>fucked <em>her</em>, but not because <em>she</em> fucked <em>me?” </em>she questioned and, Jesus, Narcissa wished Cassandra didn’t sound so goddamn gutted by that because it was making Narcissa feel like shit for just blurting that insanity out. “An’ you fuckin’ <em>wonder</em> why I know you consider me second best next to that psycho—”</p>
<p>“Don’t fucking put words in my mouth,” Narcissa snapped, because her psychotic jealousy over her sister was not the only thing that she felt right now. “Do you think I <em>liked</em> watching her touch you? It makes me sick just <em>thinking</em> about it; Bellatrix might be mine but she’s a fucking corruption and you— <em>you</em> who I considered to be so bloody perfect and beyond anything that I ever deserved… God, I look at you now, and I don’t even <em>recognize</em> you. I hate her— I fucking <em>hate </em>her for that! She took the only goddamn thing that was bringing me happiness lately and she <em>destroyed</em> it, but you <em>let</em> her, Cassandra— you bent right the fuck over and <em>let </em>her!”</p>
<p>“Oh, because it’s all about <em>your </em>happiness, isn’t it?!” Cassandra furiously countered, tears welling up in her eyes again. “You, who always has to get everything <em>your</em> way— God, why didn’t you just let me <em>go?!” </em>she shrieked, looking devastated. “I tried to get away from you, I knew you would destroy me but instead of lettin’ me walk away you pulled me right back in ‘cause you realized I was gettin’ tired of bein’ on the back burner an’ you figured it’d just be easier to <em>placate</em> me than allow me freedom— but that’s the fuckin’ <em>thing,</em> isn’t it? I haven’t actually moved from that bloody back burner, have I? I’m still nothin’ more than a sodding <em>back up</em> for you. God, I can’t believe I let you pull me back in with your bullshit lies an’ your false fuckin’ promises, I can’t believe I actually <em>believed</em> you when ya told me you loved me—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes ignited in fury for the woman even <em>daring</em> to imply that she didn’t, and before she could think better of it she slapped Cassandra right across the face— albeit, a lot less hard than the first time she had put her hands on her. The younger woman hissed, holding her stinging cheek.</p>
<p>“Don’t you <em>ever</em> insinuate that my love for you isn’t genuine; don’t you fucking <em>dare!” </em>Narcissa shouted, deeply insulted by that. If she didn’t love Cassandra, then this wouldn’t bloody hurt so much!</p>
<p>“Stop fuckin’ hittin’ me, you psycho! ‘Cause I’m about three seconds from hittin’ you right the fuck back an’ considering I’m significantly fuckin’ bigger you’ll end up on your sodding arse!”</p>
<p>That was… probably very true, to be fair. Cassandra could throw her clear across the bloody room if she wanted to, and Narcissa really didn’t want to push her luck in that regard. God, she was just— she was just so used to fighting with <em>Bellatrix</em> like this, and unfortunately violence had always been a part of their arguments; it was just the way they were. It was sick, this whole thing was <em>sick</em> and yet Narcissa didn’t know how to stop herself from regressing into the woman she used to be when confronted with something like this because it made her feel so very out of control.</p>
<p>Everything was falling apart. Everything Narcissa valued was crumbling before her eyes and she didn’t know how to make it stop— she was starting to feel so goddamn overwhelmed and helpless, and before she knew it Narcissa was crying because she didn’t know if there was any coming back from this for them. “God, I wanted us to be <em>different!” </em>she sobbed, devastated and infuriated as she pushed herself away from Cassandra, practically crumpling against the wall. She slid down it slowly, defeatedly, resting on her haunches as she put her face in her hands. She had been so, <em>so</em> happy— <em>they</em> had been happy, and now… “We should have been <em>different…”</em></p>
<p>“Don’t act like you don’t know why we’re not,” Cassandra told her, her own eyes welling up with tears as she looked down at the woman she loved so desperately, but never felt like she was enough for. “’Cause there’s only one common factor in all your bloody relationships, Cissa, an’ we both know who that is.”</p>
<p>“Fine, this is my fault, does that make it <em>better?!”</em> Narcissa screeched, looking up at the woman in disbelief. “I know I fucked up, okay? I know I was fucking up every time I chose her over you, but I just thought that maybe if I was <em>honest</em> about Bellatrix this time, if you just knew that despite everything she would always be a permanent fixture in my life, that it wouldn’t be a bloody repeat of Lucius—”</p>
<p>“Honest?!” Cassandra exclaimed, scoffing at her audacity. “Cissa, you lied to my fuckin’ face not too long ago when you told me I was gonna be your bloody priority, that you cared enough to put me first for once because you saw that I was fuckin’ shattering, an’ not six goddamn hours later you were fuckin’ her in <em>my</em> house an’ then lied to me about <em>that</em> too!”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t fucking stand there and pretend like you <em>deserved</em> my love and attention then, when you and I both know that your sodding breakdown was being exacerbated because you were fucking my sister and felt <em>guilty</em> about it!” Narcissa shouted, because she understood now why Cassandra had been crying, why she had said that she didn’t deserve her. This wasn’t just a one off— they had been fucking each other for at least a couple weeks now, depending on how long it took them to fall into bed with one another while Bellatrix was living with her.</p>
<p>“I <em>was</em> honest with you from the beginning,” Narcissa reminded her, because she <em>had</em> been. “You knew exactly what you were getting into and I even told you — despite my better goddamn judgment because I know me sleeping with Bellatrix the second I went back to her after she found out about us was what started your little downward spiral — what had happened between us because I didn’t want you to feel blindsided by it. I <em>love</em> you, Cass, but I love her too— even if it’s bad for me, even if it’s a mess and probably a little psychotic, but I <em>can’t</em> stop. I don’t know how, and I don’t… I don’t know where that leaves us, because I don’t know if you’re ever going to accept it.”</p>
<p>Cassandra sat heavily on the edge of the bed, looking so terribly defeated as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I never <em>cared</em> that you were sleepin’ with someone else, even if it was your bloody sister— I was fine with our relationship not bein’ monogamous; I wanted loyalty, but from your heart, not from your cunt. Sex is so… it doesn’t even fuckin’ <em>matter,</em> honestly. What hurt was the fact that you didn’t love us the same— you’ve always loved her <em>more</em> than me…”</p>
<p>“I didn’t, I <em>don’t,”</em> Narcissa tried to convince her, but Cassandra just laughed bitterly.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Ya do. An’ it… it fucked me <em>up,</em> Cissa. I tried so bloody hard to be everythin’ ya needed, but I wasn’t. You got some fucked up part inside of you who needs <em>that,</em> even though ya know it’s bad for you an’ makin’ you <em>worse, </em>an’ maybe… I dunno, in some backwards fuckin’ way that’s why I did this. Maybe I wanted to be like her; thought it would be easier that way, if I could be just the good <em>an’ </em>the bad that you need.”</p>
<p>“It’s not an excuse,” Cassandra continued quickly as she looked at the woman across from her. “I know what I did was shitty. Me havin’ some bloody breakdown doesn’t excuse the fact that I went outta my way to hurt you, an’ I’m sorry about that. I shoulda just <em>talked</em> to you, but I think I was just so fuckin’ afraid that if I told you I wasn’t happy, that this shit was just… <em>shredding</em> my self-esteem, that… that you wouldn’t really care. That you’d just tell me that you’d fix it, but nothin’ would ever change.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. “…That’s fair,” she whispered, because it <em>was.</em> Look at her track record. “Too many times I offered you pretty words with nothing real behind them, and I’m sorry about that. I really did <em>believe</em> I was being genuine at the time, but I just keep making the same mistakes over and over. I don’t know why— it’s not because I don’t love you because I <em>do,</em> God… you have no, <em>no</em> idea the depth of my feelings for you, Cassandra, and it makes me hate myself for consistently self-sabotaging when it comes to you. You deserve so much better than what I give you—”</p>
<p>Cassandra snorted quietly, sardonically. “Maybe I used to. I don’t now.”</p>
<p>“No… maybe not,” Narcissa exhaled sadly, looking at the woman that she had broken, yet who had shredded her in return. Was this really all her life was going to be? This same awful cycle over and over? “So where does that leave us?”</p>
<p>“I dunno,” Cassandra admitted softly. “Was kinda expectin’ you to tell me to fuck off for this— an’ I know, I <em>know</em> I would deserve it…”</p>
<p>“You’re not getting off that easy,” Narcissa breathed, but her heart wasn’t in the cruelty of her words. She just felt… <em>tired.</em> “I know you want an escape, which is why I don’t want to give you one, and believe me, I know <em>exactly</em> how fucked up that sounds. But if you want to <em>be</em> her that bloody badly, Cass, then you get to be trapped in this misery just the same as she is. This kind of shit— this is what my relationship with Bellatrix <em>is.”</em></p>
<p>“I just… I don’t understand why ya <em>want</em> somethin’ like that,” Cassandra responded, sounding so lost and confused. Narcissa didn’t blame her; she didn’t know why she did either.</p>
<p>“Maybe because I feel like I deserve it. I don’t know. I try to convince myself that every time it’s <em>good</em> that it’s worth this pain, but maybe it isn’t. It’s just all I know at this point.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s words were heavy with sorrow. “I don’t want to be miserable, Cissa…”</p>
<p>“Well you’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Narcissa countered, and Cassandra’s gaze fell to the floor, as she knew she was right. Narcissa looked at her, her heart clenching in her chest as she breathed, “Was it… was it really <em>your</em> idea?”</p>
<p>Cassandra wiped at her cheeks as more tears fell, but she admitted her fucked up part in all of this with a silent nod. God, that <em>gutted</em> Narcissa. She expected this kind of stuff from Bellatrix, but from <em>her?</em></p>
<p>“…<em>Why?”</em></p>
<p>“I just— I wanted to know why <em>her,”</em> Cassandra breathed, sounding so terribly self-loathing. “An’ I think she wanted to know the same. I wanted so bloody badly to understand what she had that I didn’t, but then we… we slept together, an’ immediately afterward I felt so sodding guilty ‘cause I knew all I did was just make everythin’ worse, yet I already felt like I was fuckin’ drowning an’ I just… wanted her to keep pushin’ my head under because it seemed easier than fixin’ my mistake.”</p>
<p>“I was bein’ a bloody coward, an’ I know that,” Cassandra admitted, another tear rolling down her cheek. “Self-destructin’ just felt simpler, ‘cause I was… I was <em>tired</em> of bein’ the one who always does everythin’ right. I was tired of bein’ the one who has to be your bloody rock, when the entire reason ya even need one is because of <em>her.</em> In some fucked up way, I felt like it was only fair if you were forced to be mine for the same reasons. I wanted you to care enough to pick up the pieces of me this time, but… you never did, did you? An’ I know after what I did I didn’t even <em>deserve</em> it, but… that’s how my brain was workin’ at the time. I know it’s a shit reason, but it’s the only one I had, ‘cause I think… I think that maybe, in the end, I’m just a shit person too. I act all bloody high an’ mighty when it comes to her— believin’ I’m the better option for ya, but maybe I’m just… <em>not.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart felt like it was splitting open in her chest. She knew this was her fault just as much as it was Cassandra’s; what she had been doing wasn’t fair to her at all, and Narcissa couldn’t even imagine how she would feel if the positions were reversed. Maybe it was worse now that Peter was gone— when Narcissa wasn’t around Cassandra was alone and unhappy, and the woman knew that when her husband came back it would no doubt get even<em> worse</em> because she had gone ‘public’ with Narcissa. This was probably going to cost Cassandra her marriage, and for <em>what?</em> In a way, she had already chosen Narcissa, yet Narcissa had been unable to do the same in return, and Cassandra was watching her whole life fall apart because of it.</p>
<p>Narcissa slowly got up from her place on the floor and came over to her girlfriend, squatting back down on her haunches as she looked up at her, her expression filled with so much sadness and guilt as she reached up, gently pushing the hair back from Cassandra’s eyes. The woman was still crying and Narcissa didn’t know why this was her first instinct, after fucking <em>everything</em> that had happened, but she rose up and captured the other woman’s lips in a soft kiss, her fingers fisting in a mess of auburn hair as she tried desperately to hold on to something that they both knew they should probably walk away from.</p>
<p>Cassandra only sobbed harder, pulling her lips away from hers yet resting her forehead against Narcissa’s in defeat. “Stop— we need to <em>stop,</em> there’s no point to this anymore, I already fuckin’ ruined it…”</p>
<p>“No, <em>you</em> need to stop,” Narcissa told her fiercely, putting her palm on the woman’s cheek and forcing her to meet her gaze. “<em>You</em> fucking ruined it? <em>We</em> fucking ruined it, Cassandra— we’re both to bloody blame here and you know it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix it. I’m not going to pretend what you did didn’t hurt me, but I know I hurt you too. Maybe that’s not <em>even</em> and maybe that doesn’t wipe the slate clean, but I don’t care. I love you too fucking much for this to be the end of us— please. <em>Please</em> tell me you feel the same way.”</p>
<p>More tears slid down Cassandra’s cheek and Narcissa used her thumbs to wipe them away as she held the other woman’s face between her palms, looking up at her imploringly. She knew this was messed up, but Narcissa still loved her. Besides, it wasn’t like she and Bellatrix hadn’t done worse to one another, and she… Narcissa was <em>not</em> going to let her sister win. Bellatrix had her fun, but it was <em>over</em> now, and Narcissa wasn’t going to allow her to take anything more from her. Bellatrix already had her sanity, after all, and that… that was <em>enough.</em></p>
<p>“Everythin’ is… it’s <em>tainted</em> now, Cissa,” Cassandra breathed sadly. “Doesn’t matter if I love ya or you love me… it’s never gonna be the same.”</p>
<p>“Why, ‘cause you fucked the same woman <em>I’ve</em> been fucking for most of my life? Jesus— I know I went a little psychotic over it, because I <em>know</em> I have issues when it comes to Bellatrix, but you were right, before— sex doesn’t matter, and that’s all it <em>was, </em>right? You don’t— I mean, you don’t have <em>feelings</em> for her, do you?” Narcissa asked, the words strangling a little in her throat out of fear, despite knowing that it was probably completely unfounded.</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a disbelieving snort. “You fuckin’ jokin’?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, feeling infinitely better. She didn’t know what she would do if something like <em>that</em> turned out to be true. “Okay, so then we just… figure out a way to move past this, okay? Maybe not right now— this was such shit timing, with the boys being home and everything, and that’s… that’s <em>my</em> fault, because I bloody orchestrated this entire thing—”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow knit. “What?”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix was… goading me, and I had my suspicions, so I convinced Draco to take Gregory to the Crabbe’s and pretended to go out because I <em>knew</em> my sister has zero fucking self-control, and I… I just wanted to <em>know,” </em>Narcissa explained, feeling like an idiot because if she had wanted to confront them in a controlled setting, it should have been <em>after </em>their kids went back to school. “I should have thought of the fallout— I mean I guess I <em>did,</em> for a second, but I didn’t care. I had to know, and I’m sorry. I don’t want the kids knowing about this…”</p>
<p>Cassandra sniffled, gently wiping beneath her nose. “…Me either.”</p>
<p>“Okay, so… we just— we do what we were doing before, alright?” Narcissa suggested, knowing that they couldn’t work on their relationship right this moment. Their kids needed to come first. “We pretend everything is fine and then when they go back… then we can talk. Like— really fucking <em>talk,</em> okay? Is that… would that be something you’d want to do?”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a slow breath, her eyes searching Narcissa’s for a long moment before she finally nodded. Narcissa gave her an encouraging smile, brushing the hair away from her face again before she leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss against the woman’s tear-stained cheek.</p>
<p>“I need to go deal with Bellatrix now,” she told her apologetically, because quite honestly… she didn’t want to leave her. Even with all this bullshit, her relationship with Cassandra had always been so much <em>saner</em> than her relationship with Bellatrix, and Narcissa was already exhausted. “Give me twenty minutes.”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a disbelieving laugh. “Twenty minutes?”</p>
<p>“Yes. <em>Twenty</em> minutes,” Narcissa told her seriously. “I don’t have the fucking effort for anything else, and what she <em>wants</em> is some big blow out fight. I’m not giving that to her. Give me twenty minutes and then we can just…  I don’t know. Lay here. Go to bed. I’m so… I’m so fucking tired, honestly. My whole goddamn life exhausts me at this point.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… I get that,” Cassandra responded softly before she looked at Narcissa, her brow furrowing as she no doubt debated whether or not she should even trust her words. “Alright. Twenty minutes.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, resolving not to have that be yet another lie or another way for her to fuck up and put Bellatrix first, and the blonde rose to her feet, crossing the room to open the bedroom door. Bellatrix was leaning against the wall of the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest. She had at least taken the dick off of her, but she was still naked and bloody and Narcissa was pretty sure her nose was broken.</p>
<p>“What, did you two stop screaming so you could <em>cry</em> while your relationship fell to shit? Because I gotta say, that would be the only reason I’d be happy with not being able to hear you bitch for the last twenty minutes. Although I gotta say, Cissy, that jealous possessive rant you went on? It actually made me feel special for three fucking seconds, so thanks for that.”</p>
<p>Great. Narcissa was <em>so</em> glad that her desire to suffocate the life out of Bellatrix was <em>enjoyable</em> for her. The entire thing was psychotic, but at least it made her happy. God, Narcissa hated this. She looked at her sister sadly for a long moment before she nodded her head towards the guest room. “Come with me,” she told her, encouraging Bellatrix to follow her. Her sister scoffed at her tone, but her expression was faltering because it obviously wasn’t something she expected.</p>
<p>“Are you not even going to <em>scream</em> at me?” Bellatrix asked, apparently angry about the lack of decibel in her sister’s response as she stomped after Narcissa. The blonde closed the door behind her and Bellatrix whipped around, looking infuriated that she wasn’t getting the reaction she wanted. “I <em>fucked</em> your girlfriend, Cissy; I’ve been fucking her for <em>weeks, </em>and you’re just gonna stand there and take that like a little bitch?”</p>
<p>“Don’t think I don’t know that you only did it to get a rise out of me,” Narcissa told her evenly. “So because it’s a fight that you <em>want,</em> that’s exactly what I’m not going to give you. Did you hurt me? Of course you did, but what else is new—”</p>
<p>“What <em>else</em> is new?” Bellatrix seethed, getting in her face. “You fucking <em>cunt—</em> you hurt me first by falling in love with the bitch, and yet you have the audacity to stand there and act like <em>I</em> cut <em>you? </em>Like it’s always fucking<em> me </em>who makes our relationship fall to shit— you are just as much to blame, Cissy, you’ve <em>always</em> been just as much to blame!”</p>
<p> “I know,” Narcissa acknowledged, because she couldn’t pretend she was a victim in all of this. She knew why Bellatrix did what she did, and she knew it was entirely born from her own betrayal. Still, she didn’t shrink away from her or take a step back. She needed to start facing her mistakes. “I should have told you a long time ago that things had changed. I should have been honest with you, but I wasn’t, and that’s my fault. I thought I could change <em>our</em> relationship to make it fit into the life I have now, and with the person I had become, but when that didn’t work I thought it would just be easier to regress so that maybe everything would feel the same as it did before, but it <em>doesn’t.</em> This isn’t what I want anymore, Bellatrix. I still want <em>you,</em> I have always wanted you, but I can’t deal with the rest of it anymore. The pain, the heartache, the psychosis on <em>both</em> of our parts… it’s not good for us, can’t you see that? And I can’t… I can’t <em>do</em> it anymore, I just can’t—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix physically recoiled from her, reading in between the lines, and God, this <em>hadn’t</em> been Narcissa’s plan at all. At most, all she wanted to do was be rather apathetic toward her as it would be the complete <em>opposite</em> reaction that Bellatrix had been trying to invoke from her and that would have pissed her off the most, but now… after her conversation with Cassandra, after realizing she was always going to be trapped in the same cycle over and over unless <em>she</em> made an effort to change, the words they just… they just came out.</p>
<p>“Are you— are you fucking breaking <em>up</em> with me?!” Bellatrix shouted, as though she hadn’t even fathomed that being a possibility, which was probably the most ridiculous part of all of this. Still, Narcissa wasn’t going to delude herself; they had both tried to walk away from each other before many times, yet in the end they always found their way back to one another. So no, this wasn’t the end of them. It could never be.</p>
<p>“I’m not breaking up with you, but I just… I need a <em>break</em> from you—”</p>
<p>“You just <em>had </em>a fucking break from me!” Bellatrix shouted, the lines in her face etching in upset. “You ran away and you played house with that stupid cunt for a <em>month!”</em></p>
<p>“And it obviously should have been longer!” Narcissa exclaimed because God, look at the mess her life had become the second she had run back to her. “I felt like I had to come back after you found out about Cassandra and I, I thought I was<em> ready</em> to come back, but I wasn’t, alright? I left for a reason— <em>yes</em> the Dark Lord choosing Draco was what started my downward spiral, but you were the reason it got <em>worse</em> and yet the second— the <em>second</em> I came back we kept doing the same things to each other! Nothing <em>changed,</em> Bella! We’re still awful for one another, we’re still exacerbating each other’s mental illnesses, and until we can learn to not be bad for one another then we <em>can’t</em> be together. I’m sorry, but we just can’t.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked like she couldn’t breathe and yet the fury in her eyes far outweighed her devastation as she asked in an even tone, “And <em>her?” </em>Because she knew, she <em>knew</em> that she was the only one getting tossed aside for this; Narcissa would have come out of the bedroom far more devastated if she wasn’t.</p>
<p>Narcissa wouldn’t look at her. “Cassandra has nothing to do with you and I…”</p>
<p>“Bull<em>shit</em> she doesn’t!” Bellatrix screamed, her fist hitting the wall so hard she broke the plaster. “This was <em>her</em> idea you know— her <em>fucking </em>idea to have this affair, and yet she still gets you and I <em>don’t?!”</em></p>
<p>“I know it was her idea, alright?!” Narcissa snapped. “But you know the <em>difference</em> between you and her, Bella? She actually feels <em>bad</em> for what she’s done and you… you <em>don’t.</em> You don’t feel bad even a little bit. You actually fucking stood there, with a goddamn smile on your face, and <em>enjoyed</em> hurting me. I haven’t even heard the word ‘sorry’ come out of your mouth yet—”</p>
<p>“Fine, I’m fucking <em>sorry!”</em></p>
<p>“You’re not though!” Narcissa exclaimed, exhaling a disbelieving laugh. “And that’s part of the problem— you’re never sorry for what you do to me, but while I’m sorry for the things I do to you I still don’t ever change, so in the end it’s still bullshit anyway. We need time to work on ourselves before we can be together again, because I can’t keep doing the same things over and over, Bella. I’m too <em>old </em>for this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t give a shit <em>how</em> old you are— <em>I </em>am your eternity, you fucking bitch, and yet you’re choosing her over <em>me?!”</em></p>
<p>“Yes,” Narcissa told her strongly, not an ounce of apology in her voice. She had to make a different choice this time or else nothing was going to change. “For <em>once, </em>I’m choosing someone other than you. I chose you over Lucius for years, I chose you over her way too many times already when I promised her, I fucking <em>promised </em>her that she would be a priority of mine— so you know what? I’m keeping that promise. Maybe it’s too late, but it’s better than never.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix didn’t say anything. Her jaw was tense though, her entire body rigid as a board as she no doubt fought the urge to lash out, because she didn’t trust herself not to cry if she let herself go and God, it broke Narcissa’s heart, it <em>did,</em> but this needed to end.</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>know</em> if we’re going to stay together— I don’t want to break up with her, but we might,” Narcissa told her honestly, because who knew where their conversation might lead. “Cassandra and I need to talk, but we aren’t going to do it until after our children go back to Hogwarts. But even if we do break up<em>,</em> that doesn’t change where <em>we</em> are, because I still need space. I would rather be <em>alone</em> right now than continue to be trapped in this misery with you, do you understand me? So if you don’t <em>like</em> that, if you don’t <em>want</em> that to be how I feel, then do what I’m going to do and take this bloody time to actually make an effort to change so that when we find our way back to one another we can actually be happy for <em>once,</em> Bella, please.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was still ridged as she tried to fight down her feelings, but in the end they won out anyway as a tear slid down the furious expression on her face. Seeing her sister cry absolutely shredded Narcissa, but she knew she needed to hold her ground. It was the only way either of them were ever going to get any bloody <em>peace. </em></p>
<p>“You know what, Narcissa? You’re not fucking worth this. You’ve never been worth <em>anything,”</em> Bellatrix seethed, her words seeding into Narcissa as they began to crack her down the middle. “All you’ve done my entire fucking life is slice me open; you made me give up the one <em>fucking </em>person I could have actually been happy with because you wanted me all to yourself, and what did you give me in return? Not the same kind of loyalty, not <em>any</em> kind of loyalty! Even now, when Lucius is <em>gone,</em> you still can’t fucking give me what I’ve been forced to give <em>you</em> time and time again, and you have no idea— no <em>fucking </em>idea how much I regret wasting my life on you! I should have let you run, I should have let the Dark Lord slaughter you instead of the woman who <em>actually</em> loved me— I should have saved her, I should have saved her and yet I wasted my efforts on <em>you, </em>and you didn’t fucking deserve it; you didn’t deserve any of it—<em> anything</em> I’ve done for you, I wish I could take it all back, I wish I had let you starve, I wish I had let you kill yourself, I wish had let you <em>go!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa covered her mouth with her hand, tears spilling down her cheeks at those words. She hoped, no, she <em>knew </em>that Bellatrix didn’t mean them, that she was just lashing out, but God— Narcissa felt like she couldn’t breathe. She knew Bellatrix still blamed her for Gwendolyn, considering how horribly that ended, but she had never told her sister not to save her— she would have <em>wanted</em> Bellatrix to save her because it was the woman’s <em>child </em>for God’s sake, but by that time her sister had made her choice and Narcissa knew Bellatrix did not trust herself to go back to the woman in any capacity, for any reason, because it would have jeopardized their relationship if she allowed herself to be caught up in the first woman she ever loved again.</p>
<p>Narcissa wished she didn’t understand why her sister had regrets, but of course she did— she could have had something somewhat <em>normal</em> with Gwendolyn and yet she chose her when Narcissa could not even give her the decency of the same because she was terrified of Lucius finding out. Once he knew though, she did, she fucking <em>did</em> choose Bellatrix— she dropped both her husband and Cassandra for her, but in the end, Narcissa needed something more than the insanity they brought one another to be happy. A long time ago, when Narcissa was young, she had convinced herself that if they lived in a different world where her and Bellatrix could live their lives in the open that things would be different, but this was as close to that as they were ever going to get, and it <em>wasn’t</em> different at all.</p>
<p>It wasn’t because they were blood related that their relationship was unhealthy, it was just because it was <em>them.</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix was furiously throwing clothes on before she waved her wand in some half-arsed attempt to pack up the rest of her shit that was there. Narcissa had tears streaming down her face, but she didn’t yell at her sister for her words; she understood her anger. Even if the things she said were horrible, Narcissa could see the pain that lied beneath them, and that was what she chose to focus on. Still, Bellatrix <em>packing</em> didn’t seem like a good idea and she begged, “Bella… please. You can’t leave, it’s not safe—”</p>
<p>“I’d rather go back to fucking Azkaban than stay here another second here with you. I hope you choke on her cunt, you selfish whore, because you’re wrong— this isn’t a break, it’s the fucking <em>end.</em>”</p>
<p>And with that her sister was gone, disapparating with only about half of her things, going God only knew where. A part of Narcissa wanted to go after her so desperately, because she still— after <em>everything,</em> she still loved Bellatrix very much, but in the end she stayed her ground, knowing that even though it shredded her, that this was for the best.</p>
<p>Besides, it wouldn’t be forever. Bellatrix could throw around her declarations of finality all she wanted, but Narcissa knew them both far too well to ever believe that <em>this</em> would be the end of them. After a relationship that spanned thirty years, it seemed like the only thing that would ever truly separate them now would be death, and with any luck that wouldn’t be for a long, long time.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. XXXVI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXVI.</strong>
</p>
<p>“She’s gone.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked up at her from her place on the bed. She had healed her lip and washed her face so that she no longer had mascara tracks down her cheeks, and without makeup on the woman looked about ten years younger. She also looked about ten times more vulnerable, and Cassandra’s uncertainty about what her future held with Narcissa was written all over her face as she pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin atop them.</p>
<p>“Where?” she asked softly, and Narcissa shrugged, as it wasn’t as though Bellatrix wished her to follow. Well, perhaps that was untrue— Bellatrix no doubt wanted nothing more than for Narcissa to come running after her and beg for her not to leave her, but the problem was that Narcissa did not believe her sister’s claims that this was ‘the end’ for them at all. That wasn’t how they <em>worked.</em></p>
<p>“Probably back to <em>Him,</em> but that’s not a long-term solution for her, so… she’ll no doubt end up back at my house, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. I think the worst part of all of this is that it’s been a month and the Ministry hasn’t shown up again— it makes all of this feel like… like such a <em>waste.” </em></p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a defeated breath as she allowed herself to fall into the chair at Cassandra’s vanity, not really wanting to be close to her yet. Now that the dust had settled and her righteous fury had dissipated, Narcissa was left feeling saddened and betrayed. She still loved Cassandra, and she meant what she said before she had left the room to deal with her sister— Narcissa still wanted to <em>be</em> with her, but she also couldn’t forgive what the woman had done that easily either. It was going to take some time.</p>
<p>Fisting her hand in her hair, Narcissa continued miserably, “I mean, I’m glad— I’m glad that means Bellatrix is still safe, but that also means that our paranoia orchestrated this bullshit, and that it was… God, it was so <em>needless</em>. This would have never happened if Bellatrix hadn’t been staying here—”</p>
<p>“You can’t blame it on that, Cissa,” Cassandra responded. Her voice was still soft, so tiny as she herself no doubt felt very small after what she had done came to light. “Maybe I wouldn’t have fucked her if she hadn’t been here, but somethin’ else woulda happened; not just with me, but with her too. She woulda still tried to get revenge, somehow, an’ I… I dunno. Maybe I just woulda broke up with ya. Probably would have been the healthier fuckin’ option, but apparently I don’t do that kind of shit anymore.”</p>
<p>“Did you ever?” Narcissa countered quietly, her gaze finding the other woman’s. Cassandra was just as much of a masochist as the rest of them, and because of that healthy decision making wasn’t exactly something she was great at either. She was, arguably, <em>much</em> better at it than Bellatrix was, or even Narcissa was, but she had made her mistakes all the same, and Narcissa watched Cassandra noticeably deflate at the accusation.</p>
<p>“No,” she admitted. “Thought I did, but I still tied myself to this madness all the same. I knew everythin’ was gonna fall to shit the moment I realized I was in love with ya, an’ we weren’t even… we weren’t <em>together </em>then. I knew though— I knew there was no way it was gonna end well if Bellatrix was still in the picture, yet when ya came back to me, when ya told me you <em>missed</em> me an’ that you wanted me back, what was I supposed to say? I knew it would shred me, yet I gave ya the knife anyway. Maybe I shouldn’t be blamin’ you for that.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s eyes began to glisten with tears again and she hugged her knees tighter, gently lying her head atop them as she stared at the far wall and breathed out her admission. “I knew what I was doin’, ‘cause you were right, y’know; you <em>were</em> honest with me, at least in the beginning. I just… I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s throat tightened as she watched the devastation play out across the other woman’s face. “Giving someone a knife doesn’t give them the right to shred you,” she whispered, not wanting Cassandra to believe that the fault was all hers. “A knife is just an object until it’s used. I could have tossed it aside, I could have even used it to protect you, but I didn’t. I cut you, and that’s <em>my</em> fault. Warning you about my shitty behavior doesn’t excuse it, but my shitty behavior doesn’t excuse <em>yours</em> either.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Cassandra breathed, but she couldn’t look at her. She was still staring at the far wall, tears pooling in the crook of her nose as her fingers tightened around her calves. Narcissa pursed her lips for a long moment before she rose from her seat, heading towards the door.</p>
<p>“I’m going to sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight,” she told her, her voice soft so that perhaps it cushioned the emotional blow. “Tomorrow, when the boys are back, I’ll sleep in here again, but… I need some space right now. I think we both do.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nodded silently and Narcissa gave her one last lingering look before she retreated, just needing some time to sort out all of her feelings.</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t sleep that night. She would close her eyes and she would see them together, she would see the way Bellatrix touched her, how Cassandra just fell into her, and Narcissa realized that it reminded her of how <em>she</em> just succumbed to Bellatrix’s madness and destruction because there was something oddly comforting in knowing exactly what was going to destroy you. Bellatrix had this way of making something reckless and masochistic feel <em>sexy,</em> and Narcissa could hardly blame Cassandra for falling prey to it when she had countless times before.</p>
<p>But then again, <em>was</em> she Bellatrix’s prey? Cassandra had admitted that this entire thing was her idea, and a part of Narcissa wanted to know how exactly it had begun while another part of her was terrified to know the truth, as she didn’t know if she would be able to look at her girlfriend in the same way afterward. Even if Cassandra had seduced her <em>first</em> though, Bellatrix still exacerbated it— Narcissa remembered seeing them in the kitchen, hearing Cassandra feel regretful as she tried to end it, and watching as Bellatrix tightened the reins as she chipped away at any remaining sanity that the woman had so that they could see their revenge plot to fruition.</p>
<p>No, she had to stop trying to justify it on Cassandra’s behalf.</p>
<p>Although it might be <em>easier</em> for Narcissa to condemn her sister for it as Bellatrix hadn’t shown any remorse for her actions, it didn’t discount what Cassandra had done. She was not a victim; Cassandra had made her choice, and Narcissa had to remember that if she ever wanted to be able to properly forgive her, and not just brush it to the side, shelve all the blame on Bellatrix’s shoulders, and pretend Cassandra was still the one person who would never hurt her, because she <em>had.</em> She had hurt her so very badly, but Narcissa had hurt her also, and that was why she couldn’t just tell Cassandra to fuck off for what she had done.</p>
<p>Narcissa understood that people made mistakes and she didn’t have a doubt in her mind that Cassandra considered her brief relationship with Bellatrix to be exactly that, and not just because she got caught. The woman knew it was a mistake after she had done it, she had felt regretful about it multiple times and yes, perhaps that didn’t <em>stop </em>her from continuing to make the same mistake over and over, but honestly… what<em> leg</em> did Narcissa have to stand on in that regard? She too made the same mistakes over and over and yet she wanted <em>Cassandra</em> to forgive her for hers, so it wasn’t as though the woman didn’t deserve the same olive branch in return.</p>
<p><em>Could</em> they forgive one another though? Narcissa didn’t know. Wanting to was one thing, but actually getting there was quite another. The worst part was that a condition of Narcissa’s forgiveness of Cassandra would be that she <em>never</em> do something like that again, yet at the same time she could not guarantee change on her own behalf, so what right did she really have to dictate terms that she herself could not adhere to? Because things with Bellatrix were not <em>over,</em> no matter what her sister claimed, and Narcissa didn’t know how she could guarantee Cassandra that things would be different moving forward when she had always been weak when it came to Bellatrix. Narcissa didn’t want to just continue offering the other woman platitudes, but even when she thought she meant her words she didn’t adhere to them, and so nothing changed.</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know what to do.</p>
<p>They tried to act like everything was okay though, even though it was probably very obvious from the get-go that it was <em>not</em> considering Bellatrix had disappeared just two days before Christmas. Narcissa didn’t know how to spin that to the boys other than with a partial truth, which was that she and Bellatrix got into a fight. Draco wasn’t surprised by that in the slightest, but when he asked what they fought <em>about </em>Narcissa had danced around the issue until she loaded the boy’s plate up with hash browns and distracted him with asking if he had any last minute requests for Christmas presents.</p>
<p>It seemed to work, at least for a little while, but then at dinner Draco had addressed his mother’s girlfriend as ‘Aunt Cassandra’ when he was asking if she could pass him the gravy, and Cassandra had burst into tears as she no doubt felt like she didn’t deserve to be called that anymore after what she had done, and she fled from the table, muttering half-arsed apologies about just being emotional because she was premenstrual.</p>
<p>Draco’s expression set and he stared at his mother, knowing he was being lied to. Gregory however just yelled after his mum to ‘stop being gross ‘cause they were trying to eat’, but Draco kicked his shin from under the table and then the two of them got into an argument where Draco called the boy ‘thicker than thestral cum,’ which Narcissa was rightfully horrified by, and Gregory told Draco to ‘fuck off outta his house,’ causing dinner to pretty much be ruined.</p>
<p>Draco cornered his mother before they all retired to bed though, blocking her path to the bathroom with one arm crossed over the threshold. “What happened?” he asked seriously, and Narcissa just exhaled a defeated sigh.</p>
<p>“Nothing that you need to concern yourself with, I promise. This won’t affect your vacation, darling.”</p>
<p>“It literally already <em>is,</em> but okay,” Draco shot back disbelievingly, looking at his mother like she had to be joking with that dismissal. “What did Aunt Bella do now?”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips into a thin line. Clearly her son was old enough now that he knew he did not have to take her bullshit at face value and he made unblinking eye contact as he waited for her answer. “She tried to break up Cassandra and I,” she told him, as that was close enough to the truth without having to reveal details. “And she very nearly succeeded. Okay? We’re dealing with it though; neither of us wish to lose the other, but it’s going to take some time for things to go back to normal. I really am sorry that this is affecting you boys— neither of us want it to. It’s just… very <em>raw</em> right now.”</p>
<p>Understatement. They still needed to talk, like <em>really</em> talk, but until the boys left that wasn’t an option, which was making all of this so much harder.</p>
<p>“Why do you let her <em>do</em> this shit to you, Mum?” Draco asked, frustrated with how often Narcissa just allowed Bellatrix to fuck up her mentality and her life. “You <em>knew</em> she was going to try to ruin your relationship, you knew she was still unhappy about it, yet you invited her ‘round for the holidays anyway and basically gave her an opening.”</p>
<p>“Cassandra invited her, actually.”</p>
<p>Narcissa just wished she didn’t know <em>why </em>now; as far as revenge plots went, it was certainly a masochistic one, as there was no way this would have turned out any other way. This whole vacation was doomed from the start, but perhaps that was what Cassandra wanted, as she felt trapped in something she couldn’t stop and needed an out, even if it was a horribly reckless one.</p>
<p>“Well you should have said <em>no,”</em> Draco responded strongly. “I love you, Mother, but you do this to yourself; it’s like you <em>want</em> Aunt Bella to fuck up your life. I thought you gave more of a shit about yourself than that. You said you were getting <em>better.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in the base of her gut as she gently leaned against the wall, looking at her little boy who was proving himself to be more grown up than she had wanted to accept. “You remind me so much of your father,” Narcissa breathed, seeing a man begin to emerge from Draco. “I really do miss him quite terribly.”</p>
<p>None of this would have happened if Lucius had been here.</p>
<p>Lucius had become Narcissa’s voice of reason, had been able to even rein in Bellatrix to some degree, and was a trusted ear of Cassandra’s. If he had been here, he probably would have been able to stop this mess before it began, although perhaps it wasn’t fair to put that kind of responsibility on his shoulders. Lucius didn’t ask for this. He was already so <em>exhausted</em> by this.</p>
<p>Draco just crossed his arms over his chest as he called her out. “You’re deflecting.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa acknowledged with a defeated breath. “I’m sorry, my love. You’re right; there <em>is</em> a part of me that wants Bellatrix to uproot my life and turn it into the one that <em>she</em> wants me to have, because that was how it was before she went away. I am trying to work on it. For the time being, your aunt and I have decided we need space from one another.” Narcissa lightly rolled her eyes at herself though, knowing how that would sound to Draco as she relented with, “…Again.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, ‘cause that worked out so well the first time,” Draco deadpanned, and Narcissa sighed.</p>
<p>“I didn’t like being away from you for that long which was why I returned prematurely,” Narcissa explained, which was… partly the truth. It was a big part of it, but the whole mess with Bellatrix finding out about Cassandra was another, as her sister deserved an explanation and an apology.</p>
<p>Now though, she did <em>not.</em></p>
<p>“You’ll be away at school this time and it’ll be easier,” Narcissa assured him. “You won’t come home to another mess, I promise.”</p>
<p>Draco’s expression dropped then, and suddenly his arms crossed over his chest looked less imposing and more like he was trying to sink into himself. He wouldn’t look at his mother. “I don’t know if I’m even gonna come home at all,” he breathed, and Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears as she took her son into her arms, hating that he believed that was really an option, as Narcissa had been desperately trying to convince both herself and <em>him</em> that it wasn’t.</p>
<p>“Please don’t think that way,” Narcissa begged as she smoothed his hair down, looking up at the person she would always love more than anything. He was nearly as tall as Lucius now. Her hands cupped his cheeks, encouraging Draco to look her in the eyes. “You have Death Eaters on your side now; you aren’t alone. You <em>will</em> do this, Draco; I know you will. You are your father’s son in every way.”</p>
<p>But Draco didn’t look convinced. Suddenly, instead of the man Narcissa had seen standing there not moments previously, in his place was a little boy as Draco looked helplessly at his mother and revealed what had him frightened. “He said he’d kill me if I don’t do it by the end of the year, Mum,” he breathed and Narcissa’s chest gripped with fear. “Who’s gonna take care of you if I don’t come home? Father’s in prison, he can’t—”</p>
<p>“Stop,” Narcissa begged, tears pouring down her cheeks as she pushed the hair from her son’s eyes. “You needn’t worry about me, please. You needn’t worry at <em>all,</em> you will be fine, I promise; even if things do not go according to plan, Bellatrix wouldn’t… she <em>wouldn’t</em> allow him to do that. She’d protect you— for <em>me,</em> she would protect you. Please don’t think about such things; just focus on what you need to do and… and everything will be <em>fine.</em> I promise. I have faith in you— Please, Draco, have faith in <em>yourself.</em>”</p>
<p>Draco still looked upset, but he wouldn’t allow himself to cry. His chest just heaved as he tried to regulate his breathing, but he still admitted in a small voice, “…I’m scared, Mother,” and Narcissa wrapped him up in another fierce hug as she clutched the back of his head and allowed her son to bury his face in her neck.</p>
<p>“I know, my love,” she breathed, hating that she couldn’t protect him from this. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Narcissa had hoped before that Draco’s insistence earlier that he knew what he was doing, that he didn’t need any help, had meant that he at least had enough faith in himself that he wouldn’t be fearful of failure as Narcissa hoped he thought failure wasn’t an option. But Draco <em>did</em> fear failure quite terribly, and it made the rest of Christmas leave become even harder to get through as Narcissa desperately tried to make Draco feel like he could do something that even the most skilled witches and wizards hadn’t been able to.</p>
<p>In the end, Draco still left afraid of failure, and Narcissa felt as though she had failed as a mother.</p>
<p>“Shh, Cissa, stop— we’re in public,” Cassandra softly reminded her after they had waved goodbye to their children, watching the Hogwarts Express pull out of the station. Narcissa had been unable to control her emotions then and began crying, and Cassandra wasted no time pulling the other woman into her arms as she shielded her from the world and from prying eyes. It didn’t seem like Narcissa was going to be able to stop though so Cassandra held on tight to her and apparated her back to her home where Narcissa was able to break down without being seen by others.</p>
<p>Narcissa was not okay for the rest of the day. Cassandra just allowed her to lie in bed as she cried herself to sleep, which lasted for a good twelve and a half hours. When Narcissa finally awoke though she realized she couldn’t expect Cassandra to pick up the pieces of her when they were still not okay, and after she climbed out of bed she began gathering up her belongings.</p>
<p>“What’re ya doin’?” Cassandra asked sleepily, having been roused by Narcissa rising from the bed. It was some stupid time in the morning— Narcissa could barely read the clock. Three AM, it looked like? But still, she knew she shouldn’t be here and so she flicked her wand as she allowed her clothes to pack themselves in her bag.</p>
<p>“I just… shouldn’t be imposing on you like this.”</p>
<p>“What?” Cassandra asked as she sat up, grabbing her wand so she could flick on the lights. Narcissa had been packing in the dark in some desperate attempt to run away, which clearly worked out well. “Cissa, it’s three thirty in the bloody morning— wherever you wanna go, you can go when it’s light out. Come on, don’t— you don’t have to <em>run,</em> please.”</p>
<p>The last of Cassandra’s words came out strangled with emotion and Narcissa pursed her lips as she looked back at her, upset creasing between her brow. “You haven’t been able to look me in the eyes for days, and now you want me to stay?” Narcissa asked softly, and as expected, Cassandra’s gaze fell downcast.</p>
<p>“We haven’t talked yet,” Cassandra rationalized quietly. “Ya said we were gonna talk first. Then… <em>then</em> if ya wanna run I won’t stop you, but… please.” She looked up at her then, trying to hold eye contact with the woman she loved. “Don’t go. Not yet.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew that was fair. It was <em>she</em> who had been so insistent that they talk after all, but after Draco it just seemed… honestly, like it didn’t <em>matter.</em> And it did, of course it did, as Narcissa still wanted to try to repair their relationship, but her fear for Draco was overshadowing that again and she didn’t want to force Cassandra to take care of her emotionally when neither of them even knew if their relationship was going to make it another week.</p>
<p>“I’m just scared, Cass,” Narcissa whispered, her eyes filled with unshed emotion. “And it’s not fair of me to put that on you when I can’t even <em>think</em> about us right now—”</p>
<p>“I’m not askin’ ya to,” Cassandra told her seriously. “I know Draco comes first, an’ that’s how it should be. But you shouldn’t be alone right now; I know we aren’t in the best of places, but I still love you. I still… I want to take <em>care</em> of you. An’ maybe I don’t have a right to that anymore, maybe you don’t want me to an’ that’d be fair too, but… I’m here, okay? I’m here, if you need me. We can figure out the rest of the shit after.”</p>
<p>This was one of the reasons Narcissa loved her, to be honest. Cassandra was a mother herself, and thus she understood how all-consuming concern over your children could be. Bellatrix had never understood that, and while her sister knew logically that she came second to Draco, she did not accept it. Well, perhaps that wasn’t fair; she <em>did</em> accept it in many ways, but Bellatrix still had an issue when it came to Narcissa’s attention being on someone other than her, especially if she believed she deserved the time of day that her sister was not giving her. Cassandra not only accepted that Narcissa’s attention was not on her at the moment but she also <em>encouraged</em> that it stay that way for a while, as she knew their relationship would never be as important as Narcissa’s love for her son, and Narcissa appreciated that more than the other woman knew.</p>
<p>“…Okay,” Narcissa breathed softly, flicking her wand so that her things would cease packing themselves as she climbed back into bed, still feeling so very exhausted. She fell asleep again almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, unable to see the way that Cassandra looked at her while she was unconscious, the woman’s fingers gently brushing the hair away from the blonde’s eyes as she no doubt wondered if love was going to be enough to save them in the end.</p>
<p>Narcissa wondered the same thing.</p>
<p>It took a few days until Narcissa was able to regulate her fear and compartmentalize once more, as she knew she could not do anything while Draco was gone. At this point, all she could hope for was that he would be able to get the Death Eaters into Hogwarts and that they would be able to back him up enough for him to get the job done.</p>
<p> She wished, Narcissa <em>wished</em> Bellatrix could just go there and help him, but she knew that Bellatrix had already bent the rules enough— she trained him, she got him an audience with the Dark Lord so that he could have others at his back, and besides… it wasn’t as though Narcissa was in a position to be asking favors of her at the moment. It had been over a week since she had seen her sister, and although Narcissa had written to her and begged Bellatrix to just have the house while she was gone, as she didn’t want her going somewhere else and getting caught, and although Narcissa had cut her hair back to shoulder length and sent the discarded parts along with the letter so that Bellatrix would still be able to look like her should she acquire some more potion from somewhere, Narcissa knew it would be a long way to forgiveness for both of them.</p>
<p>For once though, her priority before Bellatrix was <em>Cassandra,</em> and once Narcissa felt ready enough she found her girlfriend curled up in a ball on her couch with her nose in a book as the woman no doubt tried to distract herself from her own anxieties. Narcissa gently leaned against the threshold of the door, her expression wary as she was unsure where this conversation would lead. Still, she softly told her, “…I’m ready now,” and Cassandra looked up at her, suddenly looking terrified herself, as she feared the very same thing that Narcissa did.</p>
<p>Still, the woman swallowed hard and closed her book, gently placing it on the end table as she watched Narcissa cross the room to sit in an armchair that was close enough to Cassandra to have a conversation without having to raise their voices, yet far enough away to establish distance – both physical and emotional. The younger woman said nothing and Narcissa exhaled a long breath as she sat down, knowing that she should probably start considering she had been the one to dictate when this conversation was happening, after all.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Narcissa told her, wanting to preface the conversation with that. “I love you, and I <em>hate</em> myself for how much time I wasted trying to keep you at arm’s length. If I had just given myself to you emotionally all those years ago, we could have had happiness with one another for a <em>long</em> time. But I was scared, and for good reason. I was scared that I hadn’t changed at all, and that if I got caught up in you, I was going to hurt you in the same way that I hurt Lucius, that I hurt Bellatrix, and as we both know, that is <em>exactly</em> what I ended up doing. But that’s not the worst part.”</p>
<p>“When we got back together, I tried to convince myself that I had changed. But I hadn’t,” Narcissa continued, her voice filled with so much self-loathing. “When I begged you not to leave me that night, I knew exactly what I was condemning you to, and I simply did not care. Even though you had yet to tell me, I knew you were in love with me. I could see it in the way you looked at me, how you touched me… and I used that to trap you in something I should have never allowed us to embark on, because I was well-aware that it was not going to end well. I tried to pretend that I knew what I was doing, that I could somehow make us <em>work</em> while I was still so caught up in Bellatrix, but at the end of the day I <em>knew</em> I was going to hurt you. I even had the brief thought that I was robbing you of the last of your sanity by wrapping you up in this, in <em>me,</em> and yet I did it anyway.”</p>
<p>“I should not have had the audacity to act so surprised when you started falling apart, by your choices therein when you finally <em>did, </em>because I had always known it was going to happen,” Narcissa revealed, as she had quite a long time to reflect on this, and she realized this wasn’t as much of a surprise as she had wanted it to be. “I may have never fathomed it would manifest in you sleeping with my <em>sister,</em> but I knew I was eventually going to break you, and that something terrible would come out of my selfish decision to keep you trapped in a relationship that you would never feel wholly fulfilled by. You were right— I should have let you go.”</p>
<p>Cassandra swallowed hard and nodded her acknowledgment, but it seemed as though she did not trust her voice as she did not say anything. Her eyes were shining with upset, no doubt believing this to be a breakup, but Narcissa wasn’t finished.</p>
<p>“That being said, despite how awful this has turned out, I’m glad that I did not,” she quietly revealed, her gaze meeting the other woman’s. “Falling in love with you has been one of the best things to ever happen to me, and that’s why I’m <em>furious</em> with myself for not allowing myself to do it sooner. Loving you has always been so easy, so <em>simple,</em> and has felt more organic than any of my other relationships. Perhaps that was because we were friends first and had a solid foundation from which to build on, or maybe it was simply because you were my first real <em>adult</em> relationship, as my relationships with both Bellatrix and Lucius began when I was just a child. I don’t know. What I <em>do</em> know is that, despite the… <em>insanity</em> that just happened, my relationship with you is still the healthiest thing I have ever experienced.”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew at this point she was practically vomiting out her feelings, but she found once she had begun she didn’t know how to stop. Besides, Cassandra deserved to hear this.</p>
<p>“I’m not saying it’s perfect,” Narcissa reiterated, needing Cassandra to realize that she wasn’t idealizing it or anything. “Obviously, considering what just happened, it isn’t. But my entire life I was <em>consumed</em> by my relationships. I cared for literally nothing else outside of them; I bounced back and forth between Bellatrix and Lucius as I practically suffocated them both with the intensity of my emotions, not allowing either of them to have a life outside of me, as I did not have a life outside of them. Bellatrix and I in particular are very controlling of one another, very jealous, and very possessive. I know that’s not a good thing. I know that that’s toxic, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was with you, and you… you <em>encouraged</em> me to put myself first, instead of prioritizing our relationship over my sanity, which was what I had been used to for so long. You encouraged me to keep the relationships in my life that mattered, that were<em> good</em> for me, like the deep friendship that Lucius and I share now. You and I… we can actually be separated from one another for longer than a few days without it consuming us with loneliness and doubt, which I couldn’t even do with <em>Lucius </em>when we were together. Love has always been such a heavy burden for me that I got crushed beneath the weight of it time and time again, but with you I had always felt… weightless. I want to thank you for that, because I never have before, and you deserve to know how much that, how much <em>you</em> mean to me, and why exactly I’m so unwilling to just let that slip through my fingers.”</p>
<p>Cassandra wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek as she took a shuddered inhale of breath. “I know you probably meant for that to feel complimentary, or comforting in some way, but… the only thing I can think now is that I bloody <em>ruined</em> it,” Cassandra responded miserably. “I may have been a healthy option for you once upon a time, Cissa, but I’m not anymore. An’ what’s… what’s <em>fucked up</em> about all of this is that I did it on purpose; I <em>wanted</em> to taint myself with this fuckin’ darkness an’ misery ‘cause some stupid part of me thought that’d be the only way I’d ever have a chance of keeping ya. Somewhere along the way, shit turned ugly. You might not’ve been consumed by our relationship, but it ended up consuming <em>me.”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra looked down at her lap, picking at invisible lint as she revealed, “You remember when you told me you loved me, an’ I was scared you were only feelin’ that ‘cause we had immersed ourselves in a fantasy? I warned you it wasn’t real, yet it shouldn’t have been you I was warning. I knew, logically, that it wasn’t a life I would ever really be able to have, but I let myself get caught up in it anyway. I fell in love with you a thousand times over that month; I was… the <em>happiest</em> I had ever been. I wanted to wake up with ya, every day; share a house with you an’ the kids an’ just… have that <em>life.</em> It was simple but it was bloody <em>perfect</em> an’… an’ you remember, when we were at the beach, an’ you asked me what it was that I wanted? An’ I said I didn’t know, ‘cause I didn’t then, but after we had spent that time together…”</p>
<p>Now it was Narcissa’s turn to wipe a tear from her cheek, as she already knew what Cassandra was going to say, and it was <em>awful</em> because it could never be, so Narcissa’s heart squeezed tightly in her chest as she watched the devastation etch itself in Cassandra’s expression as she let her know exactly how she felt.</p>
<p>“I was stupid,” she breathed sadly. “But there was some part of me that held on to this sliver of hope because you… you <em>outed</em> yourself, you outed <em>us,</em> an’ you weren’t ashamed and you weren’t afraid, an’ I thought maybe I could have the life I wanted after all. I wanted to leave Peter; I wanted to leave him an’ I wanted to run away with <em>you,</em> with the kids an’ just…” Cassandra sniffled, trying to keep her words clear through her tears. “God, I know it’s not possible, but I wanted to <em>marry</em> ya, Cissa, an’ I fuckin’ hate myself for ever thinking that we could have somethin’ like that, ‘cause that was why I crashed so bloody badly when you ran back to Bellatrix, even though I had already been tryin’ to prepare myself emotionally for it. But I couldn’t— after realizin’ that I… that I wanted to spend the rest of my sodding life with you, that I wanted so bloody badly for you to be my wife, it started to consume me. That’s why it fuckin’ <em>shredded</em> me when Bellatrix said all the things she did to me—”</p>
<p>“Wait, what— what did she say?” Narcissa asked, as she had yet to know what really happened between the two of them. Cassandra couldn’t look at her though as she wiped underneath her eyes, recounting Bellatrix’s words in a detached voice, perhaps so she didn’t break down again.</p>
<p>“That <em>she’s</em> your eternity, an’ that I’m just a ‘pretty distraction with a nice set of tits’,” Cassandra told her, which wasn’t… well, Bellatrix could have said much <em>worse,</em> but as it turned out, Cassandra wasn’t anywhere near finished. “She told me ya said that <em>she</em> would always be the great love of your life; that you said you could fuck a thousand women over a thousand lifetimes, an’ that nothin’ would ever come close to how you felt about her.”</p>
<p>Oh, God. She <em>had</em> said that. But still, that was before her and Cassandra had gotten back together, that was before she realized she was in <em>love</em> with her…</p>
<p>“She said that you told her that she was your heart; that you called her your love, your soul, your bleedin’ <em>everything…” </em>Cassandra continued miserably, losing hold over her emotions as she began to cry again, and Narcissa began to feel so terribly guilty as she could not dispute a single one of these claims, as she <em>had</em> said all of them. “She showed me that fuckin’ scar on her hand, told me that you had proposed to her, that you wanted to marry <em>her</em>, an’ I just… <em>I</em> wanted to bloody marry ya an’ it— it fucked me up, to realize that even if you <em>could</em> marry a woman, that it would never be me. An’ then… I dunno, Bellatrix asked me what the fuck the <em>point</em> of me was, an’ I didn’t know! I felt like everythin’ I felt for you wasn’t returned at all, that maybe Bellatrix was <em>right,</em> an’ that nothin’ we have or ever could have would ever come close to what you share with <em>her,</em> an’ I couldn’t bloody handle it. A part of me wanted to <em>become</em> her, as mad as it was. I wanted to know exactly who she was an’ why you wanted her that bloody badly— because she fucks you up, ya know she does, yet you <em>love</em> it an’ I couldn’t understand why. I wanted her to do the same to me so that maybe I could replicate it, an’ finally be everythin’ you needed. It became an obsession. <em>You</em> became an obsession for me, Cissa, an’ it was sick. I know you think our relationship was the only one you’ve ever had that wasn’t toxic, an’ maybe it never was for you, but it became toxic for <em>me.”</em></p>
<p>“I don’t blame you for that,” Cassandra clarified, needing Narcissa to realize that she wasn’t trying to explain away her shitty actions. “I did it to myself. I was never disillusioned by your relationship with Bellatrix, but the harder I fell for ya, the harder it became for me to accept that you would never love me the way that I love you, because you had already given so much of your heart to <em>her</em>. It hurt me, an’ I blamed you even though I shouldn’t have, ‘cause I had always known. But I did it anyway, an’ that was another big reason why I started sleepin’ with Bellatrix. It wasn’t just ‘cause I wanted her to consume me, or ‘cause I wanted to learn to emulate her; I wanted to <em>hurt</em> you. My heart was broken an’ I decided that was <em>your</em> fault even though you never promised me the forever I wanted so badly, an’ I lashed out. I’m so <em>sorry,</em> Narcissa— I’m sorry I expected things from you that we had never agreed on, an’ I’m sorry I punished you for not upholding this stupid fuckin’ fantasy I had in my head of us. An’ I wish that me sayin’ sorry, me bein’ <em>regretful</em> about it made a difference, but it doesn’t— I cannot take back what I’ve done, an’ I hate myself for that more than you can possibly know.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut, feeling the truth in the other woman’s words. She understood exactly why Cassandra had done what she did, why she <em>felt</em> the way she did, and because of that she knew she could forgive her for it. It had hurt— <em>God,</em> it had fucking gutted her, but Cassandra sleeping with Bellatrix wasn’t just something random that happened. It had been something that had happened because of a myriad of reasons that was both of their faults, and the fact that Cassandra truly felt remorse for what she had done made Narcissa realize that that was how people were <em>supposed</em> to feel when they hurt the person that they loved, and it killed her because she knew Bellatrix never would. This entire thing— a <em>conversation</em> on this level, was something she could not have with Bellatrix either, because this had never been how they were wired, and Narcissa hated herself because despite that, she still could not bear to let her sister go.</p>
<p>Especially since the worst part of it all was that a part of Narcissa wished that she <em>could, </em>and that made her feel so terribly guilty that the blonde felt like she would choke on it. Bellatrix had done everything, <em>everything</em> for her, and yet…</p>
<p>“I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t say those things to her,” Narcissa told her softly, as she did not wish to lie to her. “Nor that I didn’t mean them. My relationship with Bellatrix has always been intense to the point of fucking madness, but some of those things, <em>all </em>of those things, actually— except the ‘pretty distraction’ thing; I would <em>never </em>say that— but all of those things were said before you and I had gotten back together, and before I realized that I was in love with you. When I proposed to Bellatrix I was <em>twenty-three,</em> Cass. That was… it was a very long time ago, and I… I <em>don’t</em> want to marry her anymore. Not because I don’t love her, and not because I realized recently that it isn’t just because we’re sisters that our relationship is fucked up, but because it’s just <em>us…</em> but marriage, with <em>Bella…</em> I can’t have her be the one and only in my life, because the relationship I have with her is <em>not</em> what I want for myself anymore.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt <em>horrible</em> voicing this out loud, but she needed to. She needed to recognize how she felt, she needed to solidify it, and she also wanted to give Cassandra the truth. “I’m not saying I don’t want to be with her anymore— I may have told Bellatrix that we needed to take a break from one another, and <em>she</em> may have broken up with me in return on what she believes is a more permanent level—”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s eyes widened, as she hadn’t known that. Narcissa hadn’t told her what had happened before Bellatrix left; she had waited to do so for a reason, because she didn’t want her crumbling relationship with Bellatrix influencing the conversation <em>they </em>were going to have, or the decisions they made therein.</p>
<p>“But you and I, and even <em>Bellatrix</em> knows that despite her declarations that it’s the ‘end’ of us, that it isn’t really over between us at all. I am weak when it comes to her, and I am honestly very sorry about that, because I’m truly beginning to wish that I wasn’t. So when I say that my relationship with her isn’t what I want for myself, it isn’t because I don’t want <em>her—</em> it’s because I want something <em>other</em> than her as well. I want… and God, I honestly hate myself for saying this out loud, but I want something <em>better</em> than her, because I know no matter how much I wish that we could change, that Bella and I could become <em>good </em>for one another and all that we need both emotionally and mentally, that we never will, and it’s… it is <em>fucking </em>me up to realize that I don’t just need to, but I <em>want</em> to put someone else above her. Bellatrix might be an inevitability in my life, but I don’t want her to be my priority anymore, not when…” Narcissa swallowed hard, her gaze searching the other woman’s, “not when I know I can get something so much <em>more</em> from someone else, and not when I can’t even blame that person for wanting to live in a fantasy, because when we were in it… when we were together, like <em>that</em>, with the kids and the domesticity and the simplicity of it all… that I wanted nothing more than to stay in it forever too, as it was honestly the happiest I had felt in a very long time.”</p>
<p>Cassandra sniffled, another tear sliding down her cheek as she looked at Narcissa like she was all she wanted in this world, yet was still so terribly afraid to commit to her again because of what had happened, and because Narcissa had made it plain that her and Bellatrix were not over, even if they may be for the time being. Narcissa could not blame her though and she just looked at her sadly, wishing things were different.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to stay with me, especially considering I am still tied to Bellatrix emotionally. I know you have <em>no</em> reason to believe me when I say that I would put you above her this time, as I have always said one thing yet done another. But… in the end, I don’t think any of this matters,” Narcissa told her regrettably, her brow creasing in upset. “Even if our relationship was good for <em>me,</em> it… it ended up not being good for you, and I can’t— I <em>can’t</em> do that to you again. You are far too precious to me and I can’t in good conscience destroy you like that anymore. I don’t want our relationship to consume you, to be obsessive or insane, because I know <em>exactly</em> where that road leads, and I will not subject you to the same misery that I’ve known for most of my life.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked <em>devastated</em> by that, but she also looked relieved, as she had known she had fallen too far down the rabbit hole. She swallowed hard but nodded her understanding, and Narcissa’s own eyes welled up with tears as she looked at the woman she actually <em>would</em> marry now, if she could. But she didn’t say that, she didn’t want to give Cassandra false hope for something that could never come to pass, and Narcissa got off the chair and crossed the distance between them to sit next to Cassandra on the couch.</p>
<p>“I <em>love</em> you,” Narcissa reiterated, the words choking up in her throat as she pushed the hair back from Cassandra’s eyes, her thumbs wiping the remnants of the woman’s sorrow from her cheeks. “And I meant what I said when I told you that I didn’t want what we had to slip through my fingers, but it’s not just Bella and I that need a break from one another. I fucked you up, and I am <em>so</em> sorry for that. You need time to put yourself back together again and I… <em>I</em> need time to figure out how to stop doing this to people. And then, maybe, if I’m… if I’m still something you <em>want</em> after it’s all said and done…”</p>
<p>“You will <em>always</em> be something I want, ya fuckin’ knob,” Cassandra whispered, gently reaching out to find Narcissa’s hand as she closed her fingers around hers. Narcissa smiled, squeezing the other woman’s hand in hers.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed that. You haven’t called me that in a while.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow knit, tears still clinging to her lashes. “You miss me callin’ you a fuckin’ knob?”</p>
<p>Narcissa laughed softly. “Yeah? A lot, honestly. Maybe it’s stupid, but you’ve always said it in an endearing way and it… I don’t know. I just like it. I like…” Narcissa’s tone became softer as her gaze took in every inch of the woman in front of her, a terrible sense of longing in her eyes, “I <em>love </em>everything about you, Cassandra May Goyle, and I’m going to wait for <em>you</em> this time. I promise.”</p>
<p> Cassandra smiled, bringing their clasped hands up to her lips as she kissed the back of the blonde’s hand. “Are you gonna be okay?” she asked softly, the words being whispered against Narcissa’s skin. “Goin’ back home?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a soft, disbelieving laugh. “I am <em>not</em> going back home,” she told her, as she knew the space she wanted from Bellatrix wouldn’t be achieved if she was in the same vicinity as the other woman. “I’m… just going to say my house is being renovated, should anyone ask— although I doubt anyone will care enough to. I can get a room at the Leaky Cauldron for a while; I honestly don’t mind. I think I need to get away from everything anyway, just for my own sanity. Besides, Bellatrix needs somewhere safe to stay, and I won’t impose on you— I’ll be okay. It’s not like I haven’t lived there <em>before,</em> so…”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s lips turned down into a frown, hating that that was Narcissa’s solution. “I don’t want you livin’ in an <em>inn</em> again, Cissa…”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, I promise,” Narcissa assured her, meaning every word. She really was okay with it. “But… if you want to <em>visit</em> me sometime, when you’re ready—”</p>
<p>“Visit you in your <em>room?”</em> Cassandra interrupted with a small smirk, as room there meant <em>bedroom,</em> and Narcissa flushed a little. She hadn’t meant for sex, as she knew that was something they really shouldn’t do until both of them were sure of what they wanted.</p>
<p>“I mean, we can go out to<em> dinner,</em> or something, I don’t know— just… when you’re ready. I don’t— want to push or anything.”</p>
<p>“You do realize that <em>you</em> just broke up with <em>me,</em> don’t you?”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “I’m aware, thank you, but… this break is more for you than it is for me. I mean, I do need it too, I won’t lie— I think it’s important I be alone for a while too, but I don’t want this to last forever for us either. I very much want a real relationship with you, Cassandra, but I also don’t want to hurt you either, which is why I’d understand if you… if even, after you’ve had some time to think, that you <em>didn’t</em> want to be with me. Please don’t feel like just because I want you back, that you have to come back. You need to do what’s best for you, and if I’m not it… then that’s— that’s okay. It will break my heart, but it’s not your job to keep me happy at the cost of yourself. I don’t want that.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at her for a long time, really <em>seeing</em> the woman in front of her and how badly Narcissa was trying to change, and she gave her an understanding smile as she nodded. Narcissa was still terrified that in the end, Cassandra would realize that she wasn’t worth it after all, but this couldn’t be about her anymore. For once, she had to put someone else’s well-being above her own, and Narcissa knew then that even if the results were unfavorable for her, that she would accept them regardless, because she loved Cassandra far too much to do this to her anymore.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. XXXVII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Congratulations to the Toujours Pur Series Discord’s Fan of the Month for October, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpercy">Ellie</a>, and the runner up <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinonymous">Alicia</a>! The discord has over 30 members now and we are still very active, have self-assignable roles, bots, ect… and now we all have an unhealthy obsession with playing “Among Us”, so please come join our fun. If not for the incest, then for that. Lol. We need more people who play.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXVII.</strong>
</p><p>It was an entire month until Narcissa saw one of her lovers again.</p><p>It wasn’t as hard as she feared, being alone. Of course, this wasn’t the first time Narcissa had done so, as there were a handful of years after Bellatrix’s imprisonment where she had isolated herself from everyone, and then even when she did <em>not,</em> she had kept her lovers at a respectable emotional distance so that she wouldn’t continue the same vicious cycle she had when she was younger. Still, even though Narcissa knew that she was able to be on her own now, there was still a part of her that feared that because she unfortunately <em>had</em> regressed into that soul-sucking leech she was always afraid of becoming again, that she would have to detox from her addiction of being loved again, but she didn’t.</p><p>Because it wasn’t her addiction to being <em>loved</em> that was a problem this time— it was simply her addiction to Bellatrix.</p><p>Narcissa <em>loved</em> Bellatrix and yes, she loved <em>being </em>loved by Bellatrix, but that was not what held them together anymore. Narcissa had known even before her sister returned from prison that their relationship was not good for either of them; it was something she had come to terms with whilst Bellatrix was locked up in Azkaban, and when she believed that she would never see the woman again. But then she <em>did,</em> Bellatrix came back to her despite all of the odds, and although Narcissa knew even then that nothing would ever be able to change between them, she had tried to mold it into something healthier, something <em>better</em>, because she was desperate to have that happiness she had always dreamed of having with Bellatrix ever since she was a little girl.</p><p>They had never known real happiness though. They had known obsession, they had known repetition, and desire, and masochism. She and Bellatrix might be in love, but they used that love to punish themselves, instead of allowing it to <em>better</em> them like love should, and that wasn’t okay. Perhaps it was merely due to the abuse they were dealt as children, but that had been… so <em>very</em> long ago now, and Narcissa could not have her horrific childhood continue to define who she was as an adult. She had come a long way from the teenager who starved herself out of self-hatred, from the little girl who cowered in a corner as her mother used violence to force obedience from her, and while she had never known happiness then, Narcissa knew happiness <em>now,</em> and as much as she hated to admit it, it wasn’t because of Bellatrix.</p><p>Narcissa hadn’t wanted to weigh her relationships side-by-side like that, but after both of her lovers betrayed her by doing the exact same thing, it was hard <em>not</em> to compare the drastically different outcomes. A part of Narcissa hated herself for noticing the difference, especially because Cassandra and Bellatrix were two very different people. How could Narcissa expect Bellatrix to sit down and have a real conversation with her, when she was unable to stay still most of the time? How could Narcissa expect her to understand and work through how she was feeling, when Bellatrix had never had that kind of emotional maturity in her life? Her sister was stunted so badly in that regard, but Narcissa had been as well for a very long time, and thus she felt it to be unfair if she were to negatively judge Bellatrix for what she was unable to handle at this point in her life. The woman had been locked up for fifteen years— she didn’t have <em>time</em> to grow like Narcissa had.</p><p>But did that give Bellatrix an excuse to not feel <em>sorry</em> for what she had done? Because that was what hurt Narcissa more than anything. She understood Bellatrix’s heart was broken, but what she had done was <em>vicious</em> and she enjoyed every second of it. Narcissa had at least felt regretful about hurting her sister when she found out about Cassandra, but then again, it wasn’t like she ended up changing the behavior that had cut Bellatrix in the first place. She still stayed with Cassandra and while she had been apologetic about a lot, she had never been apologetic about <em>that.</em></p><p>But see, this was the problem— every time Narcissa found reasons to pull away from Bellatrix she had always found a way to justify staying in her mind. Bellatrix had been cruel, yes, but Narcissa hadn’t been very kind to her either; she cheated on her, she lied to her, and the worst part was that she would do it all again, because Narcissa no longer wanted to choose Bellatrix over Cassandra. She may have neither woman right now, but even in her stupid hypotheticals, Narcissa knew she had to start valuing different things in her relationships. The problem was that it made Narcissa feel <em>guilty.</em></p><p>She wanted better for herself, but did she even deserve it? Narcissa hoped she did, but it wasn’t like the universe owed her for all the good things she had been putting out into it lately— if anything what she was probably owed was some kind of horrible, incurable disease. Regardless of what was no doubt her abundance of shitty karmic energy though, if anyone was <em>owed</em> anything it was probably Bellatrix for all she had done for Narcissa. Bellatrix had sacrificed so much of her own happiness for her, she had put herself in dangerous positions many times in order to protect her, and Narcissa was going to just, what, walk <em>away</em> from her?</p><p>At this point, Narcissa figured she just owed her sister the rest of her life, but staying with her simply because she felt obligated would end up being a disservice to both her and Bellatrix. Narcissa wanted to let her sister go so that maybe they <em>both</em> could find happiness elsewhere, but then even the mere <em>thought </em>of Bellatrix falling in love with another woman made the pit of the blonde’s stomach twist in jealousy and despair, and she ended up hating herself all over again, because Narcissa knew it wasn’t just Bellatrix who was holding on to her, but she who could not bear to pry her fingers off of Bellatrix as well.</p><p>Narcissa didn’t know what to do. No— she knew what she <em>needed</em> to do, but as of yet, she did not have the strength to do it. One day, perhaps; she was getting closer now, the realization was settling in the back of her mind as it patiently waited until the day it could allow Narcissa to make a decision that could ultimately end up changing her life for the better, but that time still had not come. Narcissa had released a few fingers on the grip she held on her sister, but she had not let go yet; she was still so terribly afraid to.</p><p>Narcissa had written to Bellatrix once since she had changed her residence to the Leaky Cauldron, but she had not written back. Still, Narcissa wanted to let her sister know where she could find her, should she need to contact her, but that was about the extent of her letter because what else was she supposed to say? That she was still hurt? Bellatrix did not care. That she had broken up with Cassandra as well? No, that wasn’t any of her sister’s business. That she missed her? Of course she did, but <em>telling </em>Bellatrix that implied that she wanted her back in her life and at the moment she still very much did not. In the end the letter was very bare, so Narcissa was hardly surprised when she got nothing in return, as Bellatrix wasn’t the most communicative or articulate person, after all.</p><p>She had written to Cassandra as well, just wanting to know how she was doing as she tentatively explored the possibility of seeing her again, even briefly. Narcissa might need to be alone right now but she was also very <em>lonely,</em> and even if it was nothing more than taking tea together, Narcissa wanted to see her. Thankfully, Cassandra obliged.</p><p>Narcissa sat inside a quaint teashop on the outskirts of Diagon Alley, strangely nervous. She had spent <em>far</em> too long picking out the perfect outfit that was nice yet at the same time hopefully did not look as though she was trying too hard, choosing jewelry that accented her clothing choices without being overbearing, and doing her hair just <em>so</em> as Narcissa swept it back, pinning it in a braided bun near the nape of her neck with a few loose curls elegantly framing her face. She wanted to look more put together than she felt, albeit in that casual way that wasn’t really casual at all for most people, but at least was considered so in pureblooded circles. Narcissa had gotten her nails done and they clinked nervously against the side of her ceramic cup as she waited for her ex— no, her <em>friend</em> to arrive, because even without being lovers anymore, Narcissa still considered Cassandra to be her best friend. She just hoped that, at the end of the day, even if Cassandra did not want her back that their friendship would survive it, but perhaps that was a foolish hope, as the amount of longing Narcissa would have for her would no doubt taint anything platonic they might wish to have.</p><p>She couldn’t think about that now though.</p><p>Cassandra entered the shop, the small bell above the door tinkling as it indicated her arrival. Narcissa looked up, sucking in a sharp breath at the sight of her. She was— well, Cassandra was <em>always</em> beautiful, but maybe it was because they hadn’t seen one another in a month, or because they were broken up and Narcissa still desperately wanted her back despite knowing that this was for the best, but she looked even more so now. The afternoon sun was shining through the windows and it caused the reds in Cassandra’s hair to look even more vibrant, and Narcissa realized she needed to stop <em>staring</em> because she probably looked like a hopeless lesbian right now, so she forced her gaze back down to the cup that was between her palms as she allowed the heat from the tea to warm them.</p><p>Narcissa could hear the other woman’s heels click against the marble flooring as she walked over toward her, and the blonde allowed her gaze to rise in greeting. Though she wished she hadn’t lingered very long on the curves of the other woman’s body before she got to her face, because now Cassandra’s brow was quirked with a knowing expression on her face. Narcissa flushed.</p><p>“…Hi.”</p><p>“Hi,” Cassandra greeted in return, her eyes softening as she allowed herself a moment to take in the woman in front of her just as Narcissa had. “You look beautiful,” she told her sincerely, and the pink patches on the blonde’s cheeks deepened a little as Cassandra bluntly followed that up with, “This s’posed to be a date?”</p><p>“I don’t— I don’t know,” Narcissa stammered as the other woman sat down across from her. She felt like an idiot. She couldn’t even <em>look </em>at Cassandra now and was staring into her teacup as though the leaves held the answers she was searching for and perhaps they <em>did,</em> but Narcissa had always been shit when it came to Divination. “I know it’s only been a month. That probably hasn’t been enough time…”</p><p>“It hasn’t.”</p><p>Narcissa wished her insides didn’t twist so violently at those words. “Right, of course not; I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was presuming—”</p><p>“Cissa.”</p><p>Narcissa looked up at her and saw the crease in the other woman’s brow as Cassandra gently placed a comforting hand over her own. “I still love you. Please breathe.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled, feeling infinitely more foolish for being called out like that, but a small smile tugged at the corners of Cassandra’s lips as she pulled her hand back. “You’re real cute when you’re nervous, y’know.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, but was secretly glad that Cassandra at least found her absolute idiocy to be endearing. “I should… get you some tea. I’ll be right back,” she said instead as she rose from her seat to make her way to the counter, hoping that she was able to get a hold of herself during their brief parting.</p><p>And, well, she did— at least a little. When Narcissa returned with a cup of the other woman’s favorite tea she sat across from her, giving her a small smile. “How are you?” she asked, wanting to know how Cassandra was fairing with their time apart.</p><p>Cassandra paused a moment before answering that as she allowed herself to take a slow sip of her beverage. “Ya want the good or the bad first?”</p><p>Narcissa hated that there <em>was</em> a bad part, but perhaps it was stupid to assume otherwise— <em>she</em> certainly hadn’t dealt with their separation well at first and spent the first three days in bed crying, afraid that she had just made the biggest mistake of her life by allowing Cassandra to have a way out. It had horrified Narcissa though, that her first instinct had been to trap Cassandra in a relationship that at the time had been filled with misery. In a way, she had been <em>happy</em> she had caught Cassandra fucking Bellatrix because that meant that the woman no longer had the right to leave her. She wanted Cassandra to be fucked up so that she couldn’t abandon her, and even when the woman had said that she expected Narcissa to tell her to fuck off for what she had done, Narcissa had plainly told her that because what Cassandra wanted was an escape, that was <em>exactly</em> why she didn’t want to give her one, and that had been… it had been sick, honestly. That was why, after much thought, Narcissa had resolved to let her go; in the end, if it was meant to be, then Cassandra would come back, but until then…</p><p>“The bad,” Narcissa responded softly. “Then maybe the good will overshadow it.”</p><p>Cassandra pursed her lips and nodded, taking another moment to gather her thoughts. “I mean, there was the usual; cryin’, hatin’ myself, <em>blamin’</em> myself— an’ then, I dunno, three days after ya left I <em>freaked</em> out that the last person who touched me was <em>her—” </em>Narcissa was very thankful that Cassandra had enough sense to not say Bellatrix’s name out loud, as despite their semi-private corner in the teashop there was still the possibility of being overheard, and her sister was still very much a wanted woman,<em> “—</em>an’ ‘cause of everything that wrought it made me feel… I don’t wanna say <em>dirty</em> ‘cause the woman might be a nightmare but she’s still a bloody nightmare that we <em>both</em> slept with, so she clearly has some sodding appeal…”</p><p>“No, I… I get it,” Narcissa responded softly. She understood that Cassandra didn’t want to offend her by saying that sleeping with Bellatrix made her feel unclean, as she was still very aware of how Narcissa viewed her, but the blonde also knew the dirty feeling was metaphorical and very much justified as it no doubt felt like Cassandra’s regrets were still etched onto her skin.</p><p>The other woman still looked guilty from her choice in words. “…Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine, I promise,” Narcissa gently assured her, honestly taking no offense to it. “I can understand how that could be a hard thing to deal with, as it was the reason… well, that all of <em>this</em> happened. I can understand why you’d want to erase that from you.”</p><p>Cassandra shrugged, albeit a little self-consciously. “Yeah, well, it’s gone now— courtesy of a man-whore named Slytherin.”</p><p>Narcissa snorted, putting her hand over her mouth to try to stifle her laughter. “I’m sorry— <em>what</em> was his name?<em>”</em></p><p>“Listen, that’s what he called himself— I dunno, you know they never use their real names,” Cassandra justified, but Narcissa was still snickering behind her hand. “He was just tryin’ to be clever, I s’pose… ‘cause he could slither <em>in</em> an’ all that; they got all those stupid bloody tag lines in the back pages—”</p><p>“No, I… I get why he chose the name, believe me,” Narcissa assured her between giggles. Cassandra looked as though she regretted voicing the man’s name out loud and Narcissa sought to make her feel less embarrassed by telling her, “I’m not <em>judging</em> you, Cass, believe me; when I was going through my romantic isolation years ago, I ordered a woman who’s name was Aguamenti because she could, and I quote, ‘make anything wet’.”</p><p>Now it was Cassandra’s turn to laugh and Narcissa was glad, as it made the woman seem more at ease. “Oh my God, that’s hilarious.”</p><p>“So <em>believe</em> me, I know how that stuff works; it was my only option for a long time. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Did it— did it <em>help,</em> at least?”</p><p>“I mean. Yeah, I guess. A little. I dunno, I kinda went a bit nuts an’ felt like I needed some bloody control back in my life so I tried to get it in <em>bed</em> an’ did the whole femdom thing. You ever peg a bloke?”</p><p><em>“Cass! </em>Shh,” Narcissa begged, because they were still very much in <em>public.</em> Still, Narcissa’s cheeks flushed a little at the picture in her head because it certainly wasn’t an <em>awful</em> one by any means. She kind of would have liked to have seen that because she really was, for some strange reason, okay with Cassandra sleeping with other people, just not… not <em>Bellatrix.</em> But that was for another reason entirely, and they both knew that. “<em>No,</em> I haven’t— was it… no, I don’t want to ask, we’re in the middle of a bloody <em>tea shop. </em>But I’m glad it helped, even if it was minimally. Was that… the good part?”</p><p>Cassandra snorted. “Ya think me doin’ a guy up the arse was the <em>good</em> part?”</p><p>“Will you just— <em>please,” </em>Narcissa begged, as Cassandra still wasn’t lowering the tone of her voice and people had definitely begun glancing in their direction now.</p><p>“What do I care what these people think?” Cassandra responded, albeit a little defensively. She looked upset all of a sudden. “My reputation tanked the same as yours— I’m over it, honestly. I spent so many fuckin’ years with my self-worth bein’ shit ‘cause I wasn’t rich enough, or pretty enough, or<em> proper</em> enough—”</p><p>“When did you ever feel as though you weren’t <em>pretty </em>enough?” Narcissa asked, absolutely flabbergasted by that revelation as Cassandra was easily the most gorgeous woman she had ever laid eyes on, and that was <em>before</em> she saw her through rose-colored glasses.</p><p>“I was pretty enough to be a whore, Cissa, but not for much else. I was never pretty in that way that made me elegant or sophisticated; I was someone ya fucked in a bloody broom closet when no one was lookin’— not someone ya married or showed off like they were actually worth a damn.”</p><p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest. “But… <em>Peter—”</em></p><p>“I know,” Cassandra interrupted, not wanting her to think that she was diminishing that. “But Peter wasn’t the first boy I slept with. I fucked <em>everyone</em> at too bloody young of an age ‘cause I thought it was the only way anyone would ever like me. I lost my virginity at twelve, Cissa, by a sodding <em>sixth </em>year an’ that’s— it was fucked up, on like… a <em>lot</em> of fuckin’ levels. But he told me that if I did it it’d make me popular, an’ I didn’t have any friends; I… had actually never had a friend in my life until I had you, ‘cause I was always too weird, I guess, to hang out with, so bein’ popular…”</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut. She knew Cassandra had been sexually active when she was fairly young, but she didn’t— Jesus, a <em>sixth</em> year? That was practically an adult in comparison, and it was only then that Narcissa realized that the age difference was exactly the same as her and Bellatrix’s, and it how very not okay that was. She couldn’t see it when it was herself, but <em>Cassandra…</em></p><p>“An’ he was right, y’know. It <em>did</em> make me popular in a way. He told all his friends they could have some fun with me if they wanted to, an’ they did.”</p><p>“<em>Jesus,</em> Cass…” Narcissa felt sick.</p><p>“No, it wasn’t— I mean it was fucked up, yeah, but I didn’t say no or anything,” Cassandra tried to rationalize, which horrified Narcissa because she sounded just like <em>her.</em> “But I mean— you <em>knew</em> that, yeah? Not how young I was, I don’t think, but you knew I was a slag when we met, an’ I was only thirteen then. I still remember the sodding look on your face that day when I vomited out too much personal fuckin’ information after only knowin’ you for five bloody seconds, ‘cause I didn’t know how to act right. I talked a mile a minute, I was so <em>annoyin’—”</em></p><p>Narcissa didn’t really know what to say, and so the only thing she could think to do was try to make Cassandra feel better about <em>something</em> so she disputed that last part with, “You were cute.”</p><p>Cassandra shot her a look that was disbelieving, but also very <em>angry</em> that she would lie to her like that. “Cissa, I know <em>exactly</em> what ya thought of me when I was younger. I know what <em>everyone </em>thought of me. I was pathetic an’ I knew it, an’ it… it fucked me up, honestly,” she admitted, her tone becoming much softer as she allowed herself to feel that.</p><p>Narcissa wanted to cry, as she <em>hated</em> the thought of Cassandra doing those kinds of things as a child because she didn’t have much self-worth, but she also wasn’t surprised by it because the woman was right, Narcissa <em>had</em> known what she was doing back then — maybe not the extent of it, but she had known Cassandra was sleeping around — and… and she <em>had</em> thought some negative things about her because of it; because of a lot of things, actually. It made Narcissa feel terribly guilty, but she also knew her guilt couldn’t change the past and so she stayed silent, knowing Cassandra wanted to speak about this for a reason.</p><p>“Peter was the first boy who ever gave me flowers,” the other woman told her softly. “He was the only boy to open doors for me, to ever treat me like a lady, an’ maybe that’s why I…” But Cassandra trailed off, looking miserable. “I <em>did</em> love him,” she reiterated, because she didn’t want it to sound as though she hadn’t. “But I also think I latched on to him too quick ‘cause I was terrified that he was my one chance at happiness. I couldn’t… I couldn’t <em>fathom</em> anyone ever wantin’ me, Cissa. Not like he did; not because of who I <em>am,</em> an’ not just because of my tits or somethin’. I got married an’ a part of me felt bad ‘cause I felt like I tricked him; I knew I wasn’t wife material— especially <em>pureblood</em> wife material. I felt like a whore playin’ dress up.”</p><p>“Cass…” Narcissa breathed, her heart clenching in her chest at the other woman’s words.</p><p>“I’ve always felt like I wasn’t good enough,” Cassandra told her, pushing onward as her voice strangled a little in the back of her throat from the weight of her emotions. “I always felt like there was somethin’ <em>wrong</em> with me, like it was a joke God was playin’ or somethin’— putting <em>me</em> in this body, when inside I was… a mess that nobody really wanted. I mean— I’m sayin’ all this shit, but s’not like it should be a surprise to you; the first time we slept together I had already tied my bloody self-worth into bein’ <em>wanted</em> by someone like you. An’… I dunno, I got <em>older</em> an’ I thought I was okay with the whole ‘love yourself’ thing or whatever, but I guess I wasn’t. Suddenly I felt like I wasn’t good enough again an’… an’ everythin’ went to shit.”</p><p><em>Oh.</em> Now Narcissa knew why Cassandra was telling her all of this stuff. Not that she wouldn’t have wanted to listen to it anyway, as of <em>course</em> she did, but Narcissa had wondered why she had chosen now to talk about how she felt during her childhood.</p><p>“I’m not tryin’ to justify the shit I did by bein’ like ‘oh, my self-esteem was crap when I was younger, therefore it’s not my fault that I got triggered’ or anythin’, but I just… need you to know this, okay?” Cassandra continued, and Narcissa nodded silently, understanding why this was so important for Cassandra to say. “I just— I <em>did</em> feel good enough, y’know, for like… a little while. I know you love me for more than my body, Cissa, so please don’t think I’m tryin’ to say anythin’ like that when I tell you that when I suddenly felt like I <em>wasn’t </em>good enough again, I felt a bit like… I dunno, you ever hear of ‘the girlfriend experience’? Whore’s can give that to you— make you feel like it’s somethin’ real when it’s not. But… that’s what I felt like, all of a sudden. I felt like I was just some whore you were pretendin’ with, because I wasn’t good enough to be anythin’ but.”</p><p>Narcissa was devastated by that revelation, as she had never wanted Cassandra to feel that way and it… it <em>shredded</em> her that she had. “I <em>never—”</em></p><p>“I know,” Cassandra assured her, as she knew Narcissa never thought of her that way. “It was just… that stupid voice ya get, in the back of your head, y’know? Leftover childhood trauma crap, or whatever; not that it was a <em>trauma</em> really, but it still fucked me up emotionally. I dunno. I just, felt like a fraud again an’ maybe that was another reason I let <em>her</em> treat me like that too; I know she called me that anyway— your <em>whore.</em> An’ I felt like it, I kinda <em>was</em> one for her ‘cause a part of me felt like I should just stop pretendin’, so… I dunno. I know it was all projected crap from when I was younger, but I’m… I’m tryin’ to work on it. I’m seein’ a Soul Mender now, that was the ‘good’ part— an’ that’s why I wanted to tell you this; supposed to be therapeutic, or whatever, to share your insecurities with the person you love, an’… I guess I just wanted ya to know what I was goin’ through, even though I know it’s not an excuse. I still fucked up very badly an’ I know that.”</p><p>“I forgive you,” Narcissa responded sincerely, as she realized she hadn’t actually said those words yet. Cassandra actually looked surprised by that, as maybe it was too quick for her to, but she <em>had. </em>How could she hold on to her anger when she understood why it happened, how Cassandra felt, and could recognize how <em>sorry </em>the other woman was? Narcissa used to hold on to her bitterness and her anger for all the wrong reasons when she was younger, but she couldn’t do that anymore; she didn’t want to be that <em>person</em> anymore. She refused to let this consume her, consume <em>them.</em></p><p>It had been a mistake, there had been <em>terrible</em> mistakes made on both of their parts, and now they were going to get through it.</p><p>At least, Narcissa hoped.</p><p>It became a weekly thing for them though, to meet up and chat. They each still had a lot of things to work through so it was never specifically <em>romantic—</em> they didn’t kiss, or hold hands, or act as though they were a couple. Well, not <em>really.</em> Narcissa now had this thing about holding doors for Cassandra, which the woman noticed and called her out on, telling her that while she appreciated what she was trying to do that she didn’t need her to treat her like a ‘lady’ because she knew how much Narcissa valued her without needing something superficial like that. Still, Narcissa found herself subconsciously trying to do small things for Cassandra to just… let her know that she cared.</p><p>And they were stupid, probably, like… when the spring flowers began to bloom Narcissa picked one for her and told Cassandra that she just thought it would look pretty in her hair, but it was a <em>daisy</em> and Narcissa knew how much the other woman loved daisies so she wanted to frame it as something small because giving her a bouquet would be a bigger gesture than they were both probably ready for. She found small trinkets while browsing in the shops of Diagon Alley that reminded her of Cassandra, or that she thought the woman would like, and they weren’t anything <em>big,</em> it wasn’t like she was giving her jewelry or something expensive in order to buy her affections because Narcissa <em>didn’t</em> want to do that, but she also… she just wanted Cassandra to know that she thought about her. Often. But she also was so terrified of pushing things towards something overtly romantic because Cassandra had told her that while she loved her, she didn’t know if she could put herself in that position again, because a part of her still felt insecure when it came to Narcissa’s relationship with Bellatrix.</p><p>Narcissa could not blame her for that.</p><p>Cassandra’s Soul Mender appointments seemed to be helping her though, even though at first Narcissa was a bit terrified that she was having them at all, considering what had happened to <em>her</em> Soul Mender. Cassandra didn’t have to talk about Bellatrix as much as Narcissa had though, and when she did she only said that she was an ex of Narcissa’s and never even gave her a name. For the most part, Cassandra was trying to work on herself as she tried to address her fears and insecurities, and work out what it was that she actually wanted for herself. In a way, Narcissa was a jealous; she wished she had someone to talk to during all this, but she had proven she could not be trusted with a neutral third party and so she resigned herself to getting through this alone.</p><p>Well, maybe not <em>alone</em> alone. Because Cassandra was now able to address her issues in a healthier way, she encouraged Narcissa to open up more as well, as they had… never really <em>done </em>that. They might have been best friends forever, they might have been lovers, but Narcissa realized they had never really talked about anything real. It was surprising, how much more you could get out of a relationship when sex wasn’t overshadowing all else, or when that damn bubble Narcissa used to live in popped and she could finally see outside of herself.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized one day as they sat side-by-side on the grass overlooking a lake that was a little ways away from Diagon Alley. They had taken a walk as it was a nice day, and Narcissa had always found water to be beautiful and calming and suggested they rest there for a bit. She looked up at the woman next to her, who had been talking about her mother and how Mrs. Burke had her convinced that she was a fairy when she was six years old as a way to explain to Cassandra why sometimes people found her a little strange. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to her funeral. I know you wanted me to.”</p><p>Cassandra’s mother had died about five months after Narcissa had stopped visiting her sister in prison. She had asked Narcissa to go, but Narcissa had been too wrapped up in her own bullshit to care, honestly, and now she felt very bad about that.</p><p>Cassandra’s gaze fell to the grass. “S’Fine… know you were goin’ through some stuff…”</p><p>“I was, but that isn’t an excuse,” Narcissa told her, knowing that had hurt Cassandra. “I knew how much you loved her, and I knew how hard it was for you when she died. I was selfish and I’m sorry.” Cassandra said nothing but she did glance up at her, looking appreciative of that. “Do you… I mean, you don’t <em>have</em> to, but the next time you visit her grave, do you mind if I come?”</p><p>“You… really?” Cassandra asked, looking surprised by that.</p><p>“Yeah. I know I only met her once, but I’d… and I know this is probably <em>stupid</em> but… I’d like to thank her, for raising the most special person I have ever met. I appreciate her for it.”</p><p>Cassandra actually <em>flushed</em> at those words and Narcissa smiled, finding Cassandra’s reaction endearing as the other woman rolled her eyes. “She’s dead, y’know— she can’t hear ya.”</p><p>“You don’t think the dead can hear us?” Narcissa asked curiously, peering at the other woman. Sometimes that was a nice thought, but other times it was a very <em>vindictive</em> thought as a part of Narcissa hoped her mother could see her now and was in absolute agony about the ‘shameful’ choices she had made in her life. Cassandra shrugged though, pulling her knees up to her chest as she looked out at the water.</p><p>“Dunno. Maybe. But…” she glanced at the blonde out of the corner of her eye, looking flattered and flustered but also a little bit annoyed with her, “that was such a <em>line,</em> Cissa.”</p><p>“No, hey! I meant it,” Narcissa assured her, not wanting Cassandra to think she was using something like <em>that</em> just hit on her. “Cass, believe me, I wouldn’t use your <em>mother</em> like that. I really do— look, I know it’s <em>stupid,</em> but I was being serious, and I do… I do want to go with you, if you want me to.”</p><p>Cassandra pursed her lips, silent for a while as she laid back against the grass and looked up at the sky, her hands folded neatly on her stomach. Finally she turned her head to look at the woman next to her. She didn’t say anything, but she held out her hand, and Narcissa wasted no time lying next to her as Cassandra encouraged her to snuggle into her side, which was… God, <em>so</em> much more physical contact than they had had in a while, and Narcissa fisted her fingers in the other woman’s dress as she laid her head on her shoulder. Cassandra still hadn’t said anything, but Narcissa knew she was appreciative of her desire to go visit her mother’s grave, and of what she said, and that was why she was allowing this even though they still weren’t <em>together,</em> and in the end, it just might make everything so much harder should they find themselves parting.</p><p>Still, Narcissa couldn’t help herself as she practically buried her face in the other woman’s neck, thankful that the only other people at the lake seemed to be on the other side of it. Not that it would have mattered even if they weren’t though— Narcissa could have a thousand different eyes on her right now, and she still wouldn’t move. She had <em>missed</em> having a closeness with Cassandra so much, and because of that Narcissa’s words were tight with emotion as she breathed, “I love you so much, you know?”</p><p>“I know ya do, babe,” Cassandra whispered, sounding a little emotional herself as she ran her fingers through Narcissa’s hair, still staring at the clouds above them. She was silent for a long time after that and Narcissa had closed her eyes, sinking into the feeling of just <em>being</em> with her, but then Cassandra spoke and the blonde’s eyes popped open as the subject wasn’t what she had been expecting. “You haven’t talked about her,” Cassandra mentioned softly. “You haven’t said her name, an’ it’s been months.”</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted into knots. “I… haven’t seen her.”</p><p>“So? Know ya got more object permanence than that,” Cassandra chastised, as she knew Narcissa was just avoiding. “You’ve been thinkin’ about her, at least. I just… wanna know where your head’s at, ‘cause I’m…” Cassandra’s hand tightened in her hair, her esophagus getting narrower as she tried to keep her emotions under control as she told her, “I’m fallin’ again, fuckin’ <em>real</em> bad, but I’m still scared, Cissa.”</p><p>“I…” Narcissa tried, but she didn’t really know what to <em>say.</em> She wished she could tell Cassandra that she was ready to move on from Bellatrix so that maybe they could be happy again, but she couldn’t lie to her like that. “I feel… guilty,” was what she landed on instead, her voice barely more than a whisper.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because— because I ruined her life,” Narcissa admitted, her throat tightening with emotion as her eyes misted over. “I ruined her life, I made her <em>stay</em> with me when she could have had something else; something more, something <em>better,</em> someone who was actually fucking loyal to her and didn’t hide her away in the shadows. I made her waste her life on me because I couldn’t bear for her to be anyone else’s even though <em>I</em> was, even though I had never in my life been just <em>hers</em> while she had always been just <em>mine. </em>How can I— how can I do that to her, and then just… have the audacity to want to walk away?”</p><p>Cassandra swallowed hard. “You… wanna walk away?”</p><p>“I need to,” Narcissa responded softly, every word that she was uttering making her feel so much <em>worse.</em> “Want was the wrong word. I don’t want to. I still love her. I wish we <em>could</em> be happy together, but I’m starting to realize that… that I don’t think we ever will be. A part of me wants to let her go so that <em>she</em> can find happiness too, but then every time I even think of her with another woman I want to tear something right the fuck apart, which is so <em>stupid</em> because I really was— I mean, I <em>am</em> okay that she had once loved Gwendolyn, that she’s even in bloody love with the Dark Lord even though I hate the thought of <em>him</em>— but I don’t know, maybe it’s the thought of actively <em>seeing</em> her with someone else that bothers me? But it just… it makes me sick, it makes me <em>angry,</em> and I don’t know why because it’s not like I’m even a jealous person anymore. I <em>loved</em> watching you and Lucius fuck each other—”</p><p>“I mean, that was… it’s <em>different.”</em></p><p>“No, I know,” Narcissa acknowledged. “But even… I mean, even when you told me you fucked that man-whore a part of me was like, ‘oh, I wish I had been there’, because it sounded <em>hot</em>. I wasn’t jealous— I think at most I just felt a little left out because I prefer being there when you fuck other people, I guess, but it’s not… it’s still not a <em>requirement, </em>that same way it isn’t a requirement for Lucius and whoever he chooses to share his bed with. Also there’s some people you sleep with, like your husband — no offense — that I… <em>really </em>don’t want to see, but I’m still fine with you doing.”</p><p>Cassandra’s expression leveled. “You’re a dick sometimes, ya know that?”</p><p>“<em>Sorry. </em>He’s just… he’s not my type,” Narcissa apologized, feeling a little bad about saying that out loud, but she also felt the need to specify just in case Cassandra <em>invited</em> her to watch or worse, join <em>in</em> one day because she had mistakenly believed that she wanted to. “Anyway, my point was that… I’m okay, in general, with my lovers having other lovers. <em>I</em> have other lovers as well, and that’s only fair. But then… with <em>her…”</em></p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long sigh as she untangled herself from Cassandra and sat up, looking out at the water. “I know it’s a sickness,” she admitted softly, seeing the other woman sit up next to her out of her peripheral. “I know there’s something very mentally unwell with me, if being violently possessive of her is my baseline. It’s like… a part of me wants to kill her, honestly. I want to suffocate her until she can’t bear it anymore and she dies in my arms. In some weird way I feel like I <em>owe</em> her that, as I know it would make her happier than anything else.”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a long breath at that, allowing the intensity that was Narcissa’s mental illness when it came to her sister wash over her. “Okay,” she responded, accepting where Narcissa was at mentally at the moment. “I appreciate your honesty.”</p><p>“My <em>psychotic</em> honesty, you mean.”</p><p>Cassandra side-eyed her but didn’t comment on that. They both knew what it was anyway. “I think… before we, I dunno, get <em>back</em> to where we were, that you need to see her. ‘Cause honestly I don’t want a repeat of last time— I don’t want to think we’re in one place an’ then the second you go back to her you’re in her bed again. An’ I’m not— I’m not sayin’ that we can’t be together while you’re still wrapped up in her. I think that would mean that we’d never be together at all an’… I <em>don’t</em> want that. But. Right now, where I’m at, I just… can’t deal with it. I still need some space from it all. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize,” Narcissa responded softly, a little disappointed as… the <em>closeness</em> they had had, even if it was for a brief moment, was something she had missed and something she wanted back. Still, Cassandra needed to put herself first, and Narcissa understood that. “I don’t know when I’ll be ready to go back, but… I’ll be honest with you when I am, okay? I know this isn’t a decision you can make lightly, and I understand that. I told you I would wait and I will, even… even if I’m waiting forever.”</p><p>Narcissa hoped it wouldn’t <em>be</em> forever of course, but the time when she had to see Bellatrix again came sooner than she thought, as one day in the beginning of April she received a letter from her sister. She was seeing Cassandra again later that afternoon and the moment she laid eyes on the other woman she slid the letter over to her wordlessly as they sat opposite one another at a table at the Leaky Cauldron.</p><p>It was strange, honestly, how the two of them were able to go on as normal while the rest of the world fell to shit around them because of the war. Perhaps in the end though, it was because they were both so numb to it at this point. But Narcissa had been reading the paper just before Screech had flown though the window with a letter from her sister, and even though so many awful things were going on in the country (a nine year old was arrested for trying to kill his grandparents— suspected of being under the Imperius Curse; someone called Octavius Pepper had vanished; a sleazy man by the name of Mundungus was arrested and sent to Azkaban— something to do with impersonating an Inferius during an attempted burglary; not to mention the slew of deaths and horrors as the Muggle community was targeted by Death Eaters and Voldemort threatened the Ministry), it was like nothing else mattered; <em>especially</em> now— especially after what her sister had just contacted her about. Narcissa couldn’t <em>think</em> of anything else.</p><p>Cassandra’s brow knit and she opened up the letter, scanning the contents. Her eyes widened, and Narcissa’s heart thumped in her throat.</p><p>“We can’t talk about this here,” Cassandra told her in a hushed whisper, knowing a conversation like <em>this</em> needed privacy. “Lemme— actually, bring me to your room, yeah?” Narcissa nodded mutely but stood up, allowing the other woman to follow her up the back stairs to the room she had been renting for the last couple months. Once they were inside, Narcissa locked the door and cast the silencing charm, and Cassandra exhaled a long breath as she looked at her.</p><p>“They’re… they’re coming back,” she breathed, hardly able to believe it, but probably for very different reasons than Narcissa. Cassandra suddenly looked a little terrified, as Bellatrix’s brief letter (”Your useless husband is coming home this weekend— if you still give a shit about anyone else other than <em>her, </em>you might actually want to fucking be here”) might have been about Lucius, but that meant <em>Peter</em> was coming home as well, and Cassandra did not look like she was handling that possibility well. She actually— well, she looked <em>really</em> pale.</p><p>“Are you… are you okay?” Narcissa asked, having already dealt with her emotions surrounding Lucius’ return. She had cried in relief after having read the letter, hardly able to wait to wrap the man up in her arms again because she had missed him, she had <em>missed</em> him… but as much as she missed her husband and looked forward to his return, it seemed Cassandra did not feel the same way.</p><p>“<em>No,</em> I’m not okay— he’s gonna fuckin’ come back to findin’ out about <em>us,</em> to knowin’ I’m in love with ya, an’ he’s…” Cassandra trailed off, her eyes beginning to swim with tears. “I know we weren’t in a good place when he left, but I don’t wanna hurt him either; he nearly spent a whole fuckin’ <em>year</em> in that awful place, an’ instead of comin’ back to somethin’, I dunno, <em>nice,</em> instead he’s gonna come back to findin’ out his wife didn’t just have an affair this time, that it wasn’t just <em>sexual, </em>but like… <em>bollocks,”</em> Cassandra swore, sitting down heavily on the bed as she put her head in her hands.</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, her brow creasing in sympathy. Still, she did not move to comfort her, as she wasn’t entirely sure it would be received well. The lines they kept drawing in their relationship were weird and all over the place, and considering Cassandra was currently having a meltdown over her husband finding out about <em>their</em> relationship, Narcissa thought it better to keep some distance. “I mean, we’re not… we’re not <em>together</em> anymore. Maybe you can just tell him—”</p><p>“I’m not gonna fuckin’ lie to him, Cissa, I’m not <em>you.”</em></p><p>Ouch. Fair, but… that still hurt. Narcissa took a step back from her, her gaze falling to the ground.</p><p> Cassandra seemed to realize how she said that though and looked up at her apologetically. “I’m sorry. I know you haven’t been lyin’ in a while, I’m just… I’m not handling this well, obviously. An’ it’s not… it’s not that I’m scared that he’s gonna divorce me or anythin’. Gregory is seventeen now, he’s not a child anymore an’ he knows about <em>us,</em> so it’s not like Peter an’ I need to stay together for his sake anymore. If he wanted to split up then I wouldn’t blame him, honestly, an’ maybe… maybe a part of me even kinda <em>wants</em> to get divorced because I don’t— I don’t love him anymore, an’ I feel like <em>shit</em> about that, but it’s the truth…”</p><p>“So then… what are you scared of?” Narcissa asked softly, sitting down in the desk chair as she looked over at the other woman who still seemed so terribly frazzled. The redhead did not speak for a long time, instead she wet her dry lips as she stared aimlessly out the window.</p><p>“I don’t got any money, Cissa.”</p><p>Narcissa blinked. “Wait, what?” she asked, sitting up straighter. How in the— how was that even <em>possible?</em> The Goyle manor was… well, not <em>small</em> by any means, and it seemed like Cassandra always had money to go shopping whenever she wanted.</p><p>“Peter always kept our money separate, but he still… he had control over all of it,” Cassandra revealed softly. She couldn’t look at her, no doubt terrified that the revelation of her being <em>poor</em> would make Narcissa look at her differently. “I didn’t know that he used all of <em>my</em> inheritance to buy our house, all our bloody <em>furniture,</em> until after he had already done it. He said it didn’t really matter ‘cause we were married so what’s his is mine too, but he made me sign a prenup. If we get divorced, he… he gets everythin’, even the bloody house.”</p><p>Narcissa stared at her, flabbergasted. How… Oh my God, what was she going to <em>do? </em>“Wait, what about when your mom died? Didn’t she—?”</p><p>Cassandra just shook her head. “House was taken by Gringotts. She gave me all her money, an’ then lapsed on her payments. Mum didn’t care— she wanted me to have a better life than she did, but I was <em>stupid</em> an’ didn’t know what I was doin’, so I just let him…” She trailed off, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I don’t wanna have to beg him not to put me out on the street,” Cassandra whispered, looking distraught. “But unless I wanna be homeless, think the only thing I can do is beg him for forgiveness an’ just… I dunno, keep swallowin’ his bloody cock till he forgets about it, but then I can’t… <em>we</em> can’t…”</p><p>“No, <em>fuck</em> that,” Narcissa responded strongly, this fierce anger igniting in the hollow of her chest. “I’m not going to let you practically whore yourself for a roof over your head, Cassandra! For <em>fuck’s</em> sake— that’s like… sexual <em>extortion</em> or some shit… no. <em>No.</em> I told you before that you could stay with me if he ever kicked you out, and I <em>meant</em> that—!”</p><p>“I don’t want to be <em>your </em>whore either!” Cassandra exclaimed, terribly upset now by the use of the word which, God, Narcissa probably should have known better than to use, but that was the first thing that came to mind, as that was <em>exactly</em> what it sounded like. If Cassandra didn’t want to be with her husband anymore — which at this point was kind of what it was sounding like, despite Cassandra’s desire not to hurt him — then she shouldn’t have to feel obligated to stay with him just so that she didn’t become bloody <em>homeless.</em></p><p>“Well then it’s a good thing we haven’t fucked each other in almost four months!” Narcissa practically shouted back to her as she stood, just upset and angry and <em>devastated</em> on the other woman’s behalf. How could Peter <em>do</em> this to her? He trapped her— he bloody <em>trapped </em>her. “Cass, I’m not asking, okay? If you can’t stay at home then you are <em>going </em>to live with me— I won’t see you out on the bloody streets!”</p><p>“Yeah, that’ll be fuckin’ great— just me, you, your husband, an’ your bloody <em>sister</em> sharin’ a house. And then what will happen when the kids come home? Cissa, I <em>can’t—”</em></p><p>Narcissa wasn’t having her excuses though. She was <em>not</em> going to leave Cassandra homeless. She just <em>wasn’t. </em>“You can!”</p><p>“I don’t want to be your fuckin’ <em>project</em> anymore!” Cassandra shouted, her eyes shining with angry tears as her situation brought up more insecurities from her past. “I don’t want your pity, I don’t want you to <em>fix</em> me, I don’t—!”</p><p>“You’re not a <em>project!” </em>Narcissa shouted right back, just as upset as the other woman was. “You’re the woman I love, Cassandra, for <em>fuck’s</em> sake— I’m not pitying you, I’m not trying to fix you, I just want to take<em> care </em>of you, please! I love you, I fucking <em>love </em>you, you absolute idiot; I don’t care if you’re poor, I don’t care if you end up divorced and ‘shamed’ like our shitty society is going to label you as, I don’t care about<em> anything</em> other than you being okay!”</p><p>Cassandra’s chest heaved with upset, another tear making its way down her cheek as she looked at Narcissa helplessly. The blonde’s brow creased, tears in her own eyes as she crouched down in front of her, taking the other woman’s hands in hers. “I know you think I’m superficial. I know that I <em>was</em> for a very long time. I know that I put myself above you, acted as though I was <em>better</em> than you, and for that I am sorry,” Narcissa began, holding eye contact with the other woman. “I know that’s part of why you’re scared— I know a lot of this has to do with Peter, and everything you’ve known for the last twenty plus years being uprooted, but saying you don’t want to be my <em>project…”</em></p><p>Narcissa’s eyes searched Cassandra’s, needing her to understand that her fears in that regard were unfounded. “I know you’re scared that being poor, having a terrible stain on your reputation, is going to make you <em>less</em> than me and therefore our dynamic will change, but it doesn’t and it <em>won’t</em>. It could never. I don’t <em>care</em> about those things anymore, Cassandra— not with you. Literally nothing, <em>nothing</em> matters to me outside of knowing that you’re taken care of, okay? It’s not pity, it’s fucking <em>love.</em> So if you… if you want to leave Peter, or if you <em>don’t</em> but he still kicks you out anyway like an arsehole, please… <em>please</em> come to me. I would never be able to bear watching you struggle if I’m able to help you.”</p><p>Cassandra didn’t say anything, but she did reluctantly nod and Narcissa exhaled a long breath, relieved that she had agreed. They might not be <em>together</em> anymore, but Narcissa still loved her so goddamn desperately and she would have never been able to stomach Cassandra having to fend on her own when she didn’t have any money. And maybe— maybe it wouldn’t even come to that, maybe Peter <em>wouldn’t</em> be an arsehole, but only time would tell and Narcissa tried to push the possibility from her mind for a moment so she could focus on something else:</p><p>Lucius’ return.</p><p>Narcissa gathered up her things from the Leaky Cauldron after Cassandra had left, taking one last look around the room. Being there had been her <em>sanity</em> for the last couple months, but she couldn’t hide from Bellatrix forever, and she needed to be there for Lucius when he finally came home, as she knew he wouldn’t be okay. She still loved him, he was one of her dearest friends and then some, and <em>he</em> needed to be her priority now. So with a deep breath, Narcissa steeled herself for the reunion she knew would probably be in no way be pleasant, and apparated back to her manor.</p><p>When she appeared in the foyer though, she did not automatically see her sister. Narcissa exhaled, putting her bags down as she looked around. The house wasn’t in <em>shambles</em> so that was good, although her house elf was no doubt still cleaning up after Bellatrix. Narcissa’s heels clicked against the floor as she exited the room on a search for her sister, but who she found was not Bellatrix at <em>all,</em> and when Narcissa’s eyes landed on the figure before her she sucked in a sharp breath, growing a little pale.</p><p>For there in her parlor sat the Dark Lord, looking very much at home as he glanced up at her in greeting, a slow smirk curling the corners of his lips.</p><p>“Hello, Narcissa.”</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. XXXVIII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXVIII.</strong>
</p>
<p>“I’m… I’m very sorry to intrude, I wasn’t aware that my sister had company—” Narcissa stuttered, caught completely off guard by the man that was currently and much too <em>casually</em> sitting in her parlor. Fear had gripped her chest, her breathing shallowing as she stared at what she hoped was merely some kind of spell or illusion that Bellatrix had managed just to scare her. Honestly, of all the <em>fucking</em> things to come home to, the very last one Narcissa would have been expecting was the bloody Dark Lord in… was he wearing <em>house slippers?</em> Voldemort shifted his position though, his long billowing robe covering his feet as he stood, and Narcissa <em>had</em> to have been imagining that, because that would make even less sense than… whatever this actually <em>was.</em></p>
<p>This could not be real. It just… it <em>couldn’t</em> be.</p>
<p>“Bella did not tell you?” he inquired curiously, and off of Narcissa’s furrowed brow the Dark Lord revealed, “Your sister graciously welcomed us into your home after our old base became… <em>compromised.” </em>His lips curled into a slow smirk, as though he knew <em>exactly</em> how she would feel about this and finished, “I do hope this isn’t an inconvenience for you.”</p>
<p>“I…” Narcissa didn’t even know what to <em>say.</em> She didn’t know what to think, she could barely sodding <em>function</em> because Bellatrix didn’t, she fucking <em>didn’t—</em> “Us?” was all that ended up coming out, as it seemed nothing was really processing correctly in her mind. Narcissa was fairly certain she was disassociating, because this was starting to feel like a very vivid nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from.</p>
<p>“Wormtail and I, of course— he has been assisting me in keeping our <em>guest</em> well-attended to. But do not worry, he does not take up much space; Bella made him quite at home in one of your pantries, as there was no need to soil one of your guest rooms with vermin.”</p>
<p>Their <em>guest?</em> Who… God, Narcissa couldn’t even <em>breathe.</em> She couldn’t even ask Voldemort who he was referring to, or how long he planned to stay, or what the <em>fuck</em> was going on because Narcissa was fairly certain none of this could even be <em>real,</em> and yet on the off chance that it was she knew she had to act okay about all of this and therefore it took great restraint for Narcissa to not act as though she were seconds from passing out as she forced a polite smile.</p>
<p>“You are, of course, welcome in our home,” she managed, although the words still sounded strained. “If… you’ll excuse me, I need to unpack. Prepare for my husband’s arrival. I’m…” Narcissa felt sick, but she got through it anyway, “I am <em>grateful</em> that he will be returning home soon. I have missed him terribly.”</p>
<p>“Have you?” Voldemort asked, as though he was <em>amused</em> by the idea. “Forgive me, but I was under the impression that you were not residing here due to finding his… <em>replacement.”</em></p>
<p>His— God, why did Bellatrix even <em>mention</em> anything to him? Okay, fine, perhaps it was strange that Bellatrix was residing in the manor <em>without</em> her, and maybe the Dark Lord would at least have a question or two about that, but…</p>
<p>“Lucius is my husband; I have never sought to replace him,” Narcissa responded, hoping she didn’t sound as offended as she did about that. Her heart was pounding heavily in her chest and she just needed to <em>get out of there.</em> “I apologize, but I must speak with my sister; is she home?”</p>
<p>The Dark Lord merely inclined his head towards the stairs, still looking at her as though she was something beneath him that was only around to further his amusement. It didn’t matter. Narcissa shot him a terse smile of gratitude before she practically <em>flew</em> from the parlor and climbed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.</p>
<p>She found Bellatrix in <em>her</em> bedroom; like the bitch actually thought that she might stay there, that she might be <em>welcomed</em> there after she pulled something like <em>this.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest was heaving in fear, anger,<em> upset </em>as she slammed the bedroom door behind her and cast Muffliato, her eyes alight with fury as she watched her sister’s lips curl into a slow, self-satisfied smirk. “I take it you’ve seen our guest.”</p>
<p>“Are you… are you fucking <em>kidding</em> me?!” Narcissa shouted, unable to believe that Bellatrix thought, she actually <em>thought</em> that this would be an acceptable way to get back at her. Her breathing was shallower now, faster, as Narcissa felt like the world was spinning beneath her feet. “This… this is my home, Bella, my <em>home…!” </em></p>
<p>Oh God, oh God— <em>she couldn’t breathe!</em></p>
<p>“No, Narcissa, this is <em>my</em> home now— you couldn’t be fucking bothered to come back, you couldn’t be bothered to do <em>anything</em> other than latch your sodding face back onto that bitch’s cunt; you <em>made</em> your choice, didn’t you? Well I made mine— welcome to your new fucking normal, Princess.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was wheezing and she pressed her hand to her chest, feeling as though she might pass out. “You… you…” Beads of sweat started to litter the blonde’s brow and she had to sit down, she had to— but it was more of a defeated flop than anything else as Narcissa collapsed onto the floor, leaning her head against the door as she started to cry.</p>
<p>God, she was so <em>angry,</em> she wanted to scream at her, she wanted to fucking hit her, but her fear and her anxiety were overtaking her and all Narcissa could think about was trying to <em>breathe</em> as she tried to sort out what this really meant. No privacy, constant fear, unable to feel <em>safe</em> in her own home—God, Lucius, <em>Draco</em> would come back to this, and what if Cassandra’s husband kicked her out and she needed a place to stay? Narcissa wanted to run away with them all, she wanted to find somewhere, <em>anywhere</em> else to go, but the worst part was even if she did have somewhere to go, if Narcissa took her whole family it would be very obvious to Voldemort that they were running because of <em>him,</em> and her husband, her <em>son</em> now, could not appear disloyal. He would slaughter them all.</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know what to do.</p>
<p>“God, you’ve gotten so fucking <em>pathetic—</em> you can’t be bothered to scream at me for anything anymore, can you? Crying, having a sodding panic attack… I can’t<em> stand </em>who you’ve become, Cissy! You always were big with the dramatics, but at least you had <em>fire</em> in you, at least you weren’t this weak, at least you sodding cared but you <em>don’t </em>anymore, do you!?” Bellatrix shouted, apparently taking it upon herself to expel the reaction she wished to receive by doing this, by doing what she did with Cassandra— Bellatrix was <em>furious</em> that she wasn’t getting screamed at properly because in the end, it was the only way she knew that Narcissa cared enough. According to her, the bigger Narcissa’s reaction, the more she gave a shit, and this was <em>not</em> enough for her.</p>
<p>“You don’t fucking care about me; you don’t care about <em>anyone</em> but yourself!” Bellatrix screamed, getting into her sister’s face as she crouched down in front of her. Narcissa was shaking, her breathing still ragged with tears on her cheeks, but her eyes were darkening in rage at the woman who dared use something like <em>this</em> to hurt her. Hadn’t she done enough?! This was too much, it was too <em>much… </em>“I loved you, I gave you <em>everything </em>and you don’t care! I hope this causes you misery, I hope everything I fucking do from now on rips you apart; I hope this hurts your family, I hope this terrifies your <em>son</em> and makes you feel helpless because I won’t <em>stop</em> until you hate every bloody second of your life, Narcissa, because that’s what you’ve done to <em>me!”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a furious shout before she practically <em>launched</em> herself at her, her hands going to her sister’s throat. Bellatrix let her though, she allowed Narcissa to topple her over, to get on top of her, to <em>strangle </em>her because this, <em>this</em> was what she wanted, and Bellatrix’s laugh came out strained from the pressure on her windpipe as Narcissa used all of her strength to rob her sister of her breath. In the end though, Bellatrix was right; she <em>was</em> weak, and when the other woman began to turn purple Narcissa let her go, practically collapsing on top of her as she sobbed.</p>
<p>Bellatrix had to suck in a few hard, desperate breaths as her chest heaved while she tried to fill it with oxygen. Narcissa didn’t know what to do, she felt so lost and so scared and so <em>hurt</em> and yet her first instinct when she felt all those things was to beg her sister to protect her and Narcissa buried her face in Bellatrix’s neck, hating how familiar and warm she was because this was <em>her</em> fault, <em>her</em> doing, and yet…</p>
<p>Bellatrix, for all of her anger and hatred, seemed unable to fight against her natural urges as well though, and her hand cupped the back of her sister’s hair protectively as she fisted her hand in a mess of blonde hair, keeping Narcissa against her as she cried. She didn’t say anything, she just continued to try to regulate her breathing, but it didn’t matter as Narcissa was crying too hard to talk anyhow. The two of them just laid there on the floor for a long time, until finally Narcissa had to ask in a strangled voice, “…<em>Why?”</em></p>
<p>Because this was— it was just <em>beyond</em> anything else. This was so far past revenge. This put her entire family in danger— what if the<em> Ministry</em> found out where the Dark Lord was hiding? Bellatrix was one thing, but he was quite another. Bellatrix had robbed her of her safety, of her comfort, she had robbed her of her privacy and of her sanity, and the <em>sick</em> part was that Narcissa knew it wasn’t even entirely to do with her, because Bellatrix probably <em>loved</em> having him here. Narcissa had noticed what she was doing when she came in; Bellatrix had been at the vanity, she had apparently been caring a little bit<em> bloody </em>more about how she looked, because God fucking forbid she has a hair out of place while entertaining the man she was infatuated with. Did Bellatrix <em>really</em> believe that he would look twice at her? Narcissa hoped not, because it was just… <em>sad.</em></p>
<p>This whole fucking thing was sad and terrible and she hated every second of it, and yet it was so on par with the rest of her life with Bellatrix that it just exhausted her at this point.</p>
<p>“We needed a new base. Nobody was fucking here, so.”</p>
<p>It was said so lifeless, so <em>detached</em> and like Bellatrix was, deep down, so goddamn <em>tired</em> of this all too. Compared to their usual fights it was so brief; like neither of them even had the effort for it despite how badly Bellatrix wished that they did, as their passion was how she decided what they both valued, yet still it seemed she couldn’t even hold on to <em>that</em> as this fight… it had gone on so much longer than all their others and despite both of them still being hurt, still being <em>angry,</em> neither of them wanted it to continue. They just didn’t know how to stop.</p>
<p>“<em>Bella.” </em>She knew that was not it.</p>
<p>“I wanted to hurt you.”</p>
<p>Well, that much was obvious.</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa said softly, her tear-stained cheek still against her sister’s chest as she stared at the far wall. Her fingers curled in her sister’s dress as she breathed out her despair. “Tell me <em>why. </em>For fucking <em>once,</em> Bella, tell me something real. Something deeper than just your surface bullshit.<em>”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix was silent for a long time, her gaze firmly on the ceiling. Angry bruises were beginning to form on the woman’s pale neck and it looked like she was still having trouble swallowing. Knowing her though, she probably enjoyed the effects of her sister’s rage. “I wanted you to be scared,” she told her finally, her voice distant. “When you’re scared you need me to protect you. You <em>need</em> me. Period.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled an unsteady breath, her tears at least slowing as she began to feel rather numb. “Well I am. I hope you’re happy.” She pushed herself off of her sister then, looking down at the woman beneath her. “Please. <em>Please</em> get rid of him.”</p>
<p>“I am not kicking out the <em>Dark Lord,”</em> Bellatrix told her firmly, pushing herself up to a seated position as well. “What’s done is done; he has been here for nearly a month now and it has posed no danger to you or your family.”</p>
<p>“Bella, the <em>Ministry—”</em></p>
<p>“The Ministry is falling, you idiot. How do you think we’re getting Lucius out of prison tomorrow?” Bellatrix countered, irritably sweeping the hair away from her eyes. “<em>Yes,</em> we could go in by force but we don’t even need to. Our position isn’t solidified yet, but it may as well be. Azkaban will suffer another great breakout and no one, <em>no one </em>will know. Everything will be hushed up, everyone will look the other way, because what’s left of the Ministry, the parts that have yet to be corrupted, will not want it to look like everything’s falling the fuck apart. There are no more raids, Narcissa. There is no more <em>anything. </em>I give it three months before I can finally walk out of this house again a free goddamn woman with no fear and<em> believe me,</em> that time can’t come soon enough. We are <em>winning,</em> Narcissa, now shut up and deal with the minor inconveniences in your life, because they are<em> helping</em> our bloody cause!”</p>
<p>“The—<em> minor?!” </em>Narcissa exhaled furiously, pulling away from her sister because now they were too close and this was <em>exactly</em> why she needed to distance herself from her, among a variety of other reasons. “Bella, this is my <em>life,</em> this is my <em>home!”</em></p>
<p>“Again, didn’t seem much like your fucking <em>home;</em> in the past year you’ve only lived here about half the goddamn time! Gone for most of the summer, fucking off for another four months this time— You bitch about this space like it’s so fucking sacred to you but all you <em>really</em> care about is having your tongue halfway up that slag’s cunt—”</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare make this about Cassandra— we’re not even <em>together </em>anymore, you absolute fucking arsehole; we broke up, are you happy? I told you I was in the Leaky Cauldron, I <em>told</em> you that even separated from her that I would still need space from <em>you </em>because I can’t fucking do this with you anymore, Bellatrix, I can’t!” Narcissa shouted, feeling a bit like she was talking to a brick wall, a feeling that was exacerbated by her sister’s irritating ability to focus on shit that just <em>wasn’t goddamn important</em> right then.</p>
<p>“…She actually broke up with you?” Bellatrix looked a bit wary though, like she was unsure if she could trust such a great stroke of luck for her, and for bloody good reason.</p>
<p>“It’s a temporary separation that <em>I</em> initiated but <em>she’s</em> extending, although not like it matters. Unlike <em>you</em>, she actually wants to work on our relationship in a healthy goddamn way—”</p>
<p>“Unlike <em>me?</em> You haven’t even given me the <em>chance!”</em></p>
<p>“To what, have an adult conversation with me? To work through our issues like functional people? Don’t make me laugh,” Narcissa spat, knowing as well as Bellatrix did that something like that wasn’t going to happen; it just wasn’t how they were wired. “Regardless, this isn’t even about Cassandra, but that’s what you can’t understand! This is about you, Bella, this has always been about <em>you! </em>God, you can’t just— you can’t just sleep with the woman I love and think that once it breaks us up I’ll be back in your bed, you can’t just invite the most fucking <em>terrifying</em> man into my home and think I’ll hide away in your arms for the duration of his stay; that’s not how shit <em>works!”</em></p>
<p>“Well I don’t know what to do!” Bellatrix shouted, and finally, <em>there </em>was some actual honesty. Bellatrix ran her hand through her unruly curls, looking so terribly unhinged as the norm they had always had no longer seemed to be their routine. “We don’t fight for this long, Cissy, you don’t— you don’t fucking pretend you value someone more than me for this long, you <em>always </em>bloody come back to me, so what the fuck are you <em>doing!?</em> For fuck’s sake, I honestly thought I would choke on my tongue before I <em>ever</em> said something like this, but I just… I want <em>Lucius</em> back— he was fucking irritating but it was so much bloody <em>simpler…!”</em></p>
<p>While Narcissa understood <em>why</em> her sister might desire that, it made no difference at all that he was coming back tomorrow, considering Bellatrix wished for her to replace <em>Cassandra </em>with him and that… she<em> loved </em>Lucius, but that wasn’t going to happen. No matter what her sister may wish, no matter what she <em>did,</em> Narcissa wasn’t going to stop trying with Cassandra. And maybe, in the end, Narcissa had fucked up too much to get the happy ending that she wanted with the other woman, but if that were true it still wouldn’t change where she was with her sister, because this cycle was suffocating her and Narcissa couldn’t bear it anymore.</p>
<p>“Cassandra is not the problem, <em>Lucius</em> is not the problem, Bella, we—<em> we</em> are the problem!” Narcissa shouted, just trying to get it through her thick head.</p>
<p>“No, Narcissa— <em>you</em> are the fucking problem!” Bellatrix shouted, causing Narcissa’s jaw to drop even though that was probably ridiculous considering she also had a share in the blame, but she wasn’t <em>alone</em> in it!</p>
<p>“When I came back, when I came home, to <em>you,</em> to the only home I have ever fucking known, you acted like I was your world again but I <em>wasn’t.</em> You spewed your pretty words and bullshit romantic declarations, telling me that I’m your <em>heart</em> and that nothing would ever change, pretending that my paranoia about our relationship eventually falling to shit like your marriage had was unfounded because you regarded me as something different, something <em>more</em> than Lucius, but you <em>didn’t—”</em></p>
<p>“I did! I <em>do— </em>Bella, I meant what I said—”</p>
<p>“Oh, I know you did, but that’s what I mean. <em>That’s </em>the problem. How many times have you told me one thing, believed it with all of your heart, only to realize it was bullshit later? How many times did you do that to Lucius, to<em> Cassandra?</em> Because what you don’t seem to understand, Princess, is that I <em>talked</em> to her,” Bellatrix revealed, her voice venomous. Narcissa’s brow rose, honestly rather flabbergasted by the implication because Bellatrix didn’t really <em>talk</em> to anyone. No one but her anyway. “I know you’d like to think it was just <em>sex</em> born from our shared hatred and revenge, and on some level it was because it’s not like I have feelings for the bitch, but did you think we never spoke to one another outside of that? We lived together, Cissy. For over a <em>month.</em>”</p>
<p>“I know everything you did to her, I knew how she <em>felt,</em> and that was why it was so easy to keep her wrapped up in me, because all I had to do was whisper in her ear, remind her of her insecurities with you, and promise her that I could make it <em>all </em>better and she just… fell apart in my arms,” Bellatrix continued, causing Narcissa’s stomach to twist in her gut. “Did she tell you? Did she tell you how many times we fucked during our little affair? Because it wasn’t just once or twice.”</p>
<p>No. She hadn’t. Narcissa hadn’t <em>asked</em> though, because quite frankly she did not want to know. She knew they had come to some kind of understanding though, at the very least; the way they had interacted with one another before Narcissa had walked in on them proved that. Their relationship had changed and despite how many times Bellatrix stood there calling her a bitch or a whore now because she was back to being mad, that didn’t make Narcissa forget how many times Bellatrix addressed Cassandra by her <em>name, </em>or worse, her stupid little pet name for her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kitten.</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa hated it, although mostly because she knew that Cassandra had enjoyed it, and because it wasn’t like <em>she</em> had a pet name for her that could overshadow it.</p>
<p>“Although I guess that answer changes depending on what you constitute as sex,” Bellatrix mused, and Narcissa’s eyes darkened. It was <em>over,</em> and she was tired of her sister being needlessly cruel.</p>
<p>“Stop it.”</p>
<p>“If you just count orgasms then it’s a<em> lot. </em>The first time I fucked her, I made her come five times in a row. Have <em>you? </em>No, I don’t know why I ask— you’re too into your own pleasure to expend that much effort on someone else,” Bellatrix continued, and Narcissa’s chest felt as though it were being hollowed out because, <em>Jesus,</em> she was just picturing quick fucks, but… “We fucked for <em>a while</em> that first time though— spent the whole sodding day in bed. In case you were wondering, it was about two weeks into my stay there. And then, <em>every</em> day after that…” Bellatrix smirked cruelly, knowing Narcissa was probably doing frantic math in her head, “well, it was at <em>least</em> once a day, but some days were a little more fun than others. You ever tie her up, Cissy? You should; she may be fucking annoying, but she’s <em>delicious </em>when she’s at your mercy, pleading with you to let her come…”</p>
<p><em>“Enough!”</em> Narcissa barked, that awful sickness beginning to make camp in the pit of her stomach again. “Jesus— I’m glad you had <em>fun</em> with her Bella, but enough. I don’t know what you’re even trying to accomplish with this, because right now all it bloody sounds like is that you kind of fucking miss it. You <em>miss</em> her.” Narcissa had just been trying to cut her with a ridiculous accusation because she knew her sister would hate it if she thought that, but then Bellatrix scoffed, and her expression was <em>strange</em> and Narcissa’s eyes widened as she sat up a little straighter, half-wondering if this was seriously her life right now. “Oh my <em>fucking</em> God, you do.”</p>
<p>“No, you know what I <em>miss?”</em> Bellatrix seethed, pushing the direction of the conversation away from missing someone to missing some<em>thing, </em>as it was an easier pill for both of them to swallow. “I miss fucking someone other than <em>you.</em> I couldn’t give a damn that it was her— I’m just so bloody tired of you, Narcissa, I’m tired of <em>feeling</em> shit for you that you pretend to reciprocate but can’t anymore for some fucked off reason, I’m tired of being trapped in <em>bullshit—</em> at least with her everything was straightforward! At least sleeping with her made me feel fucking— fucking <em>normal!</em>”</p>
<p><em>Normal.</em> The word twisted in Narcissa’s gut, as it brought with it a familiarity that she could not ignore. She wanted to feel normal too— she held on so desperately to a sense of ‘normal’ that it shattered the relationship she had with her sister, only to find that the woman who had once claimed normalcy did not matter over the desire to spend the rest of her life with Narcissa, might have reevaluated her priorities and found that they had shifted.</p>
<p>In the end, it seemed normalcy wasn’t overrated after all, and Narcissa hated that she suddenly felt like she was looking into a mirror.</p>
<p>“Fine, if you’re so <em>tired</em> of me then find someone else!” Narcissa shouted, which only made her sister quirk an amused brow in response and Narcissa’s expression set, knowing exactly what she was thinking. If her sister wanted <em>normal</em> then fucking fine, but there were goddamn limits. “<em>Not</em> her.”</p>
<p>“What, you think I can’t?” Bellatrix challenged, like she hadn’t bloody done <em>enough.</em> “Face it, Princess, Cassandra might <em>love</em> you, but I can still offer her something that you cannot because you and I both know that at the end of the day, I am so, <em>so</em> much better in bed than you are.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s jaw slackened, horrified that she would even <em>say</em> that. It didn’t matter if it was true— besides, that wasn’t even <em>fair,</em> because Bellatrix was just a sexual being and had a list of kinks a mile long. Just because she apparently tied Cassandra up and made her call her <em>Daddy</em>, it did not make her objectively better in bed… did it? Cassandra and her made <em>love,</em> and that— that had to be better than Bellatrix’s fetish-ridden desires, right?</p>
<p>God, suddenly Narcissa was unsure and she felt so terribly self-conscious of her own abilities, because, <em>Jesus,</em> if Bellatrix really thought she was so awful in bed then why did she crave her touch so goddamn badly? A part of her knew Bellatrix was just trying to bother her, but another part was <em>actually </em>bothered because Narcissa remembered with such vivid clarity her sister hitting her with something like that when she came back from Azkaban, telling her that she wasn’t very <em>good,</em> and to hear it again made Narcissa feel like maybe her sister’s words were based in truth after all.</p>
<p>Bellatrix searched her sister’s expression. “Oh… <em>that</em> one hurt,” she realized, a slow smirk curling her lips as she admired her handiwork.</p>
<p>“What exactly is your <em>endgame</em>, here?” Narcissa snapped, wishing she didn’t feel so worthless all of a sudden, as she <em>knew</em> her value was more than what her body could provide for others. Still, her self-esteem had taken a serious hit in that regard and being <em>logical</em> about it didn’t diminish the pain in her chest. “Do you even want me back? Because you’re doing a real good job of pushing me the hell away right now.”</p>
<p>“I’m not pushing you away, you <em>walked</em> away!” Bellatrix shouted, and maybe that was true, but that didn’t mean that a part of Narcissa didn’t want to come back. She just… she couldn’t when they were like <em>this. </em>“I’m tired of being a bloody revolving door for you, Narcissa; so excuse the fuck out of me while I lock it behind you this time!”</p>
<p>“Oh,<em> please,” </em>Narcissa responded scathingly. “You didn’t lock it— you admitted you wanted me to run back into your arms, you want <em>Lucius</em> back because it was easier to have a relationship with me while he was my second instead of Cassandra; how about you take a <em>second</em> and stop building all your bloody walls so we can actually have a real fucking conversation for once? Because you are an absolute <em>idiot</em> if you think I want to just toss you aside; I probably <em>should,</em> we both would no doubt be so much happier if I <em>did,</em> but I still don’t know how to bloody let go of you so stop being an <em>arsehole,</em> Bella, and help me <em>fix</em> this!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix set her jaw, but it was obvious that despite how angry and hurt she still was, that she wanted Narcissa <em>back,</em> and that was the entire reason she was lashing out. She didn’t want to be rejected and so it was just easier, in the end, to build a wall up between them to protect herself.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she ground out finally. “Here’s a fucking question for you then: if your little <em>lover</em> decides she wants you back, but only if you’re no longer with <em>me…</em> what are you going to do?” Narcissa was silent, hating the turmoil that swirled in the pit of her stomach. “<em>Well?”</em></p>
<p>“I…” Narcissa tried softly, not really knowing what to <em>say. </em>But the worst part was that Narcissa already knew and she exhaled a defeated breath, covering her face with her hands.<em> “God…”</em></p>
<p>“Fucking <em>say</em> it,” Bellatrix demanded, because she thought she knew the answer and was getting angry again, but she didn’t know the answer at all.</p>
<p>“Fine, you want to know what I’d <em>do?”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, feeling like an awful person as she realized how fucking <em>terrible</em> she truly was. “I’d manipulate her into being with me anyway— I’d somehow find a way to make her stay with me because I don’t want to lose her, but I <em>know</em> myself, and…” Narcissa looked at her sister helplessly. She did, honestly, feel very trapped in her relationship with Bellatrix, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want it, and <em>that</em> was the problem.</p>
<p>Considering Bellatrix had been expecting a very <em>different</em> answer her anger fell away rather rapidly. Her sister’s brow knit, her eyes searching hers. “And?” she prompted softly, but Narcissa already felt like <em>shit</em> and didn’t want to say it out loud. Bellatrix knew what she meant anyway, so what was the point? Narcissa felt so utterly defeated by herself and her own choices, and her gaze found the floor as she sat there, on the carpet, in this crumpled ball of conflicting emotions as Narcissa realized she might truly be hopeless.</p>
<p>Cassandra really <em>should</em> just run far away from her, yet even if she tried, Narcissa knew she would just suck her back in again, because at the end of the day, she was a truly<em> horrible</em> person.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her for a long time before she realized she still <em>wanted</em> that answer. She crawled over to her, causing Narcissa to exhale a hard breath as Bellatrix very much got on <em>top</em> of her as she straddled her waist. <em>“…And?”</em> she pressed in a breathy whisper and <em>God,</em> when her sister spoke to her in a soft tone it always bloody <em>did</em> something to her and Narcissa closed her eyes in defeat, gently resting her forehead against Bellatrix’s.</p>
<p>“You <em>know</em> what ‘and’ is…” Narcissa tried to plead, but Bellatrix wasn’t having that. She cupped the back of her sister’s neck, her grip firm and possessive as she pulled back a little.</p>
<p>“Cissy. <em>Narcissa.</em> Look at me. Say it… please.”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed, opening her eyes that were now filling with fresh tears. Her sister’s gaze was searching hers and she looked… God, she looked so bloody <em>vulnerable</em> that it twisted Narcissa’s insides as she creased her brow, reaching up to cup the older woman’s cheek in her hand, her thumb tracing the curvature of her cheekbone. “And it doesn’t matter who else I love, or who I think may give me the sanity I’ve been searching for, because…” Narcissa’s emotion choked up in her throat as she looked at the woman she had given herself to when she was only a little girl, a woman that still, despite everything that happened, held her in the palm of her hand. “Because you have the other half of my <em>soul,</em> Bella, and I just— God, I just want to be <em>happy </em>with you, why can’t we be happy…?”</p>
<p>“Because you keep trying to find it in other people, Cissy,” Bellatrix breathed sadly, and a singular tear slowly rolled down the blonde’s cheek before she closed her eyes, the guilt beginning to consume her. “That’s why we can’t be happy.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>sorry,”</em> Narcissa sobbed, holding on to her sister as though she was afraid to let go. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, but I <em>have</em> and I can’t— I can’t let her go; I’m sorry, I’m so <em>sorry…”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix looked about as defeated as Narcissa felt, as she knew she was pushing a bloody boulder uphill as much as Cassandra was. No matter what either of them did, Narcissa was not going to let go of the other. She couldn’t. She <em>wouldn’t.</em> Bellatrix kept a grip on her neck with one hand, the other wiping away the tears on her sister’s cheeks. She looked at her for a long time before she exhaled a long breath and rolled her eyes— maybe at herself, maybe merely at the idea she just had, because she wasn’t very <em>enthusiastic</em> about it when she suggested, “Do you just wanna… fuck her together, or whatever?”</p>
<p>Narcissa blinked, pulling away from her sister. She was certain that she had misheard her. “I’m sorry, <em>what?”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix’s tone was defensive. “Look, I’m not <em>thrilled</em> about it because you don’t just objectify the bitch like I do, but if <em>I’m</em> an inevitability and <em>she’s</em> an inevitability, and we’ve already fucked each other, doesn’t it just make sense to, I don’t know, make the best of this stupid arse situation? Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to do here anymore, Cissy, but I’m tired of putting all this bloody effort into trying to destroy shit that’s annoyingly well-fortified and I’m sure <em>she</em> is too so… fuck it. Who gives a shit anymore?”</p>
<p>Narcissa stared at her like she had be <em>joking</em> because— okay, <em>fine</em>, she might have wanted something like that once upon a time, but now… “Bella, I… Look, I won’t sit here and pretend like that wasn’t something I’ve fantasized about before—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Of course you have.”</p>
<p>“<em>Listen—</em> I appreciate that you’re trying to figure out a way to make this work, I really, really am, but despite the fact that I can’t even <em>fathom</em> right now how our conflicting dynamics with one another would fit into all of us sharing one bed, the fact remains that neither you and I, nor <em>Cassandra</em> and I, are at the point where we should even be sleeping with one another again. Before we even entertain an idea like that, we need to work on our relationships with one another <em>separately,</em> and then… I don’t know, the three of us can sit down and actually talk about how we want to approach our situation. If that is still something you think might work for us, then by all means, bring it up then. But for now, you and I…” Narcissa reached up, gently tucking a strand of her sister’s hair behind her ear. “You and I need to work on <em>us,</em> okay? Please.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked as though she wasn’t entirely sure how to act anymore as she had held on to her pain and anger for so long, but she also seemed exhausted by it just the same as Narcissa was now, and thus was willing to actually try to move past it so they could finally get to something<em> better. </em>“Okay,” she finally agreed. Her face scrunched up then though, remembering what Narcissa had said. “Wait, are you actually serious about this ‘no fucking’ thing though? Because it’s already been four sodding <em>months</em>, Cissy—”</p>
<p>“I’m aware of how long it’s been, <em>thank you,” </em>Narcissa responded, as she too had been without it for that long as well. <em>Longer</em> than Bellatrix too, as the last person she fucked was <em>her,</em> and the last person <em>Bellatrix</em> fucked was Cassandra.</p>
<p>Narcissa, honestly, tried not to be bitter about that. She needed to get over it if they ever had a hope of moving forward.</p>
<p>“But I think we can agree that <em>all</em> of our fucking vaginas have gotten us into enough trouble lately. I think we need to start exercising some self-control. Besides, we have enough going on right now— and speaking of, what the <em>fuck</em> was the Dark Lord talking about when he said we have a ‘guest’?” Narcissa snapped, remembering with vivid clarity that they were no longer <em>alone</em> in the house. God, she didn’t know how she was going to get through this. She was probably going to spend a disproportionate amount of her time barricaded in her bloody bedroom.</p>
<p>“Oh. Right. About that…” Narcissa shot her a furiously disbelieving look and Bellatrix held up her hands in surrender. “It wasn’t like it was <em>my</em> idea, but we’ve been holding Ollivander captive so when <em>we</em> moved,<em> he</em> had to move. He’s currently in your basement, but the rat is looking after him— Don’t worry, I’ve told Wormtail to keep to the shadows when you’re around; he won’t bother you.”</p>
<p>“<em>He</em> is the least of my bloody concerns!” Narcissa exclaimed. The Dark Lord was the bigger issue, but Narcissa also knew what was done was done, and that Bellatrix couldn’t just <em>make</em> him leave. “Jesus— why do you even still have Ollivander? How many <em>bloody</em> extra wands do you need made?”</p>
<p>“That’s not the <em>only</em> reason we have him—” Off of Narcissa’s expectant look, Bellatrix exhaled a big puff of air. “I honestly don’t know. I mean, I <em>do—</em> it’s something to do with the Dark Lord’s and Potter’s wands. I overheard them talking once. I don’t know much more than that though, but He is trying to get answers to something, or find a way around…” Bellatrix sighed, looking frustrated. She <em>really</em> hated that she did not have the Dark Lord’s ear anymore. “Either way, if he’s <em>here</em> then it must be important, okay? So just— keep your mouth shut about it. Don’t complain… about<em> anything.</em> Do you hear me? Please.”</p>
<p>“I’m not an idiot, Bella. I’m well-aware of how carefully I need to tread now in my own <em>goddamn</em> house.” Bellatrix at least had the decency to look slightly guilty about that, but she did not apologize. It wouldn’t have done any good anyhow. Narcissa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Where… where is he sleeping?”</p>
<p>“Third floor. Second room on the right. I at least had the forethought of not putting him next to your<em> bedroom</em>, or even on the same floor.”</p>
<p>“Well thank<em> goodness</em> for small favors,” Narcissa responded sardonically, as the way Bellatrix said that it made it sound like she wished to be <em>praised</em> for not being a complete arsehole. “Where have <em>you</em> been sleeping? The guest room you stayed in when Draco was here, or—?”</p>
<p>“Here,” Bellatrix answered, indicating their bedroom. Well, <em>Narcissa’s</em> room that they had once shared. She shifted on her lap. “You gonna kick me out?”</p>
<p>“No,” Narcissa responded with a small sigh, sliding her arms around her sister’s waist as she leaned against her chest. If Bellatrix was comfortable there, then… it was fine. Besides… “But Lucius is coming home tomorrow. Considering I don’t think it’s wise we share a <em>bed</em> right now, as it would absolutely defeat the purpose of trying to not have sex for a bit while we actually focus on repairing our relationship in other ways, and the fact that my husband is probably going to need me while he works through his trauma of being in prison—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed, but seemed to enjoy the closeness and tangled her fingers in her sister’s hair. “He would have barely been in there for a <em>year</em> and he didn’t even have to endure the dementors, if he’s not fine he’s a fucking pussy.”</p>
<p>Of course she’d think that.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to argue with you right now. I still care about Lucius very much and whether you like it or not I’m going to be there for him emotionally. I will be sharing his bedroom with <em>him</em> for the time being, and <em>no,</em> not for sex, so don’t get all needlessly jealous.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, Cissy, at this point I’d just ask you what the fuck was wrong with you if you felt the need to drag a <em>third</em> person into this mess.”</p>
<p>And, well, that was fair.</p>
<p>Narcissa was waiting on pins and needles the next night after Bellatrix informed her that she would be back with her husband. She paced up and down the foyer, nearly jumping out of her <em>bloody</em> skin when that goddamn snake slithered past her to return to its master. Voldemort had pretty much taken over her study so Narcissa made a point to try to avoid that room as best she could, but she had to eat <em>breakfast</em> with the man that morning and it was… a tense experience, to say the least. Already she hated this arrangement— it had only been twenty-four hours and too many random Death Eaters had been coming in and out of the house and Narcissa’s private time had been reduced to only when she was in her bedroom or the bathroom. In all honesty she didn’t know how she was going to do this for God only knew how long, but Narcissa tried to focus on other things as she chewed anxiously on her thumbnail, waiting for her sister and her husband to return.</p>
<p>But when they did, they were not alone.</p>
<p>“What fucking part of ‘I don’t <em>want</em> you here’ did you not understand?!” Bellatrix shouted after her, Lucius, and <em>Rodolphus</em> apparated in the middle of the foyer. Bellatrix rolled her shoulder, forcing her husband to let go of her as he had apparently grabbed on to her the same as Lucius in order for her to bring them along with side-along apparition. “Go stay with the sodding Carrows again!”</p>
<p>“You don’t bloody own me, woman. I have as much right to be here as <em>you</em> if the Dark Lord is using Malfoy’s manor as a base— besides, if I have to listen to two bloody siblings fuck each other I’d rather it be you and your slag of a sister; Alecto and Amycus are fucking <em>nauseating.” </em></p>
<p>Lucius barely looked as though he heard the confirmation that yet another one of his old flames really <em>did </em>sleep with their blood-relatives though. He was staring at Narcissa rather vacantly and the woman’s expression crumpled as she moved towards her husband, ignoring her sister and Rodolphus’ incessant quarreling as she wrapped the man in a tight embrace. Lucius was dirty and he didn’t smell all that great but God, Narcissa didn’t care about <em>any </em>of that as she felt him relax a little in her arms, knowing that he was safe now.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” she breathed as she pulled back a little to meet his gaze, delicately brushing a strand of hair away from his eyes. Lucius nodded, yet still chose not to speak. The corners of Narcissa’s lips turned down into a frown, but she didn’t get to respond as suddenly they were interrupted by a voice.</p>
<p>“I think we have enough beds to accommodate one more, Bella.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix stopped arguing with her husband immediately and whipped around to face Voldemort, who had exited the study. His <em>awful</em> snake had followed him, slithering out of the study before wrapping herself around her master’s ankles. Nagini peered at them, and Narcissa had this horrible feeling that she understood more that was going on than a mere snake should.</p>
<p>Bellatrix inclined her head, her gaze dropping submissively. “Of course, My Lord. I merely thought my dear <em>husband</em> would be happier at the Carrows. Perhaps I was mistaken.”</p>
<p>“It seems that you were.” Bellatrix did <em>not</em> look happy but she said nothing, merely shooting a furious glance at her husband who’s lips had curled into a victorious smirk. Voldemort shot his favored a look. “I will not deny those who wish to surround me a place at my side. Rodolphus, Lucius… clean yourselves up and return to me in the study; I will summon the others shortly. We have much to discuss.”</p>
<p>Both men inclined their heads in acknowledgment, although Lucius’ gaze seemed to linger on the floor much longer. After the Dark Lord had exited the foyer, Bellatrix and Rodolphus were back to bickering again but the Malfoys ignored them as Narcissa slipped her hand into her husband’s, holding it tight before leading him up to the bathroom.</p>
<p>“Narcissa, you don’t—” Lucius weakly protested as she disrobed him, but his wife shushed him as she peeled the fabric from his body.</p>
<p>“Just let me take care of you. Please.”</p>
<p>Lucius relented with a silent nod, and Narcissa got to work caring for him as she had her sister when she had escaped from prison. Thankfully, as Lucius had only been there for under a year the maintenance he needed was not nearly as bad as Bellatrix’s, but Narcissa sat on the side of the tub and gently washed her husband’s body before tending to his hair. It looked so dull and lifeless when he had come home but now it was beginning to look somewhat normal again, and as Narcissa worked she tried desperately to ignore the crushing feeling in her chest as she knew she would have to tell him what had happened in his absence before he spoke with the Dark Lord, as she knew Voldemort would no doubt bring it up.</p>
<p>Lucius looked up at her when he heard his wife sniffle, seeing tears running down her cheeks. “I need to tell you something,” she breathed miserably, hating to have to bring this news to her husband as she knew it was going to gut him as much as it did her. His brow knit and he reached up, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks. Narcissa sobbed harder, pulling away from his touch because she felt like she didn’t deserve it— Lucius no doubt had <em>trusted</em> her to keep their son safe, and yet…</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, the guilt and sorrow hollowing out her chest. “But he… he took our <em>son</em>, Lucius— he Marked Draco…”</p>
<p>At first, it looked as though Lucius was unable to actually process those words. But when he <em>did…</em> God, Narcissa hated what their life had become, hated how everything had unraveled so quickly, and after Lucius went through denial, then anger, Narcissa held her husband in her arms as the reality suffocated him with such a terrible sorrow that he wept in the tub, as this was the very last thing he had wanted for his boy.</p>
<p>It was the last thing either of them had wanted for their <em>family</em> and yet it seemed no matter what they did, the Malfoys would always be doomed to suffer the mistakes of their past.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. XXXIX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XXXIX.</strong>
</p>
<p>“This is my fault.”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>not,”</em> Narcissa assured Lucius later that night as they laid side by side in her husband’s bed. They had silenced the room, just in case, as neither wanted to be overheard sounding ‘disloyal’. It had been difficult for Lucius to pull himself back together and to return downstairs to the Dark Lord after he found out not only that his son had been initiated as a Death Eater, but the impossible mission he now faced at Hogwarts. It had <em>broken</em> him and yet he had to act like a proud father when faced with his master. Now, however, in the privacy of their own bedroom, Lucius was able to unravel once more.</p>
<p>“It is,” he responded softly, his eyes reddening. “This is punishment for my failure and even if it wasn’t, Draco is still <em>my</em> son. He is the son of a Death Eater. It would have only been a matter of time until he was recruited.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s brow creased as she reached out, gently cupping her husband’s face in her palm. “He’ll be alright,” she promised in a whisper, even though Narcissa knew she could never promise such a thing. Still, it was what she had to convince herself of, and now she needed to convince <em>Lucius</em> of it too— it was the only way either of them were going to be able to emotionally handle it. “Bella has trained him well. She spent the entire summer getting him ready. That’s… that’s why we have a new house elf— she had Draco practice the Unforgivables on Bitzy. The new one is named Horkey, not that you… well. It doesn’t matter. Still, he has been well-prepared. He has a <em>plan;</em> he has gotten permission to have Death Eaters enter the castle with him should he manage it. He’ll… Draco will be okay, Lucius. We <em>have</em> to believe that.”</p>
<p>Lucius still looked devastated though and Narcissa gently traced the curvature of his cheek with her thumb, wishing that she could erase the past. Lucius didn’t need this— especially now. Although he was only in there a ‘short’ time (according to Bellatrix) and although he did not have to endure the dementors, it still seemed Azkaban had left its mark on Lucius all the same. He seemed… distant. Hollow.</p>
<p>Husband and wife sat in silence for a long time before Lucius seemed to realize where they <em>were,</em> or rather, where <em>Narcissa</em> was. He pulled away from her touch a little, looking awfully confused. “Why are you in here?” he asked, as this hadn’t been their norm for a long time. “Won’t Bellatrix—?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to take care of you,” Narcissa told him, as that was the truth. It was why she was in <em>his</em> room at any rate, but if he did not want her then she still wouldn’t sleep with her sister because… “Bella and I— we’re in a strange place right now anyhow. I do not want to share a bed with her at the moment. Is it… is it okay if I stay here? I just— I thought you might not want to be alone, so…”</p>
<p>“No, I… I would like that,” Lucius admitted softly, and Narcissa gave him a small smile in response as she brushed the hair away from his eyes. His brow knit though before he asked, “What happened?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath. “Honestly, Lucius, I <em>beg</em> of you not to ask about my love life right now. I’ve made an absolute mess of it, per usual. I just… I honestly cannot bear to see the disappointment in your eyes. Please. Can we talk about it in the morning?”</p>
<p>Lucius’ gaze searched hers though, before he realized that Narcissa was not just talking about Bellatrix, as he would never care enough about his wife’s relationship with her sister to get <em>disappointed</em> by it. He pulled back from her a little, an accusation in his eyes. “What did you do to Cassandra?” he demanded, and Narcissa’s gaze fell between them, ashamed of her life and her choices.</p>
<p>The woman did not answer.</p>
<p>“<em>Narcissa.”</em></p>
<p>“I fell in love with her,” Narcissa reluctantly admitted, voice barely above a whisper. She knew Lucius was not going to let this go; he <em>cared</em> for Cassandra, and of course the moment he left his wife had broken her. “And did to her what I’ve always done to those I love. I’m not proud of it. I just— I wanted everything, <em>again,</em> and it blew up in my face. Bella found out—”</p>
<p>Lucius hissed, pushing himself into a seated position as he looked down at his wife. “What the <em>fuck,</em> Narcissa,” he snapped, upset on Cassandra’s behalf. “I <em>warned</em> you—”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa acknowledged miserably. She still could not look at him, as she felt so very ashamed of herself. “But, <em>God,</em> you haven’t even heard the worst part…”</p>
<p>“What, she <em>left</em> you?” Lucius guessed scathingly, frustrated by his wife’s inability to stop hurting those she cared for. “I’m going to guess you probably deserved it.”</p>
<p>“No, she slept with <em>Bellatrix.”</em></p>
<p>Whatever Lucius had been expecting, it certainly had not been <em>that.</em> He stared at Narcissa like he wasn’t even sure if he heard the words that had come out of her mouth correctly. “Wait— <em>what?”</em> he sputtered, completely flabbergasted by the information. It looked as though he was having trouble processing it correctly and Narcissa did not blame him— it was a rather large pill to swallow, after all.</p>
<p>“You need to start from the beginning.”</p>
<p>And so she did. Narcissa told him about how she went back to Cassandra right after he had been imprisoned, how they had tried to make it work and yet keep it a secret from her sister. She told him about Draco getting the Mark, how she had unraveled and things between her and Bellatrix got out of control— although she spared him the violent specifics of it. She told him that she left, that she lived with Cassandra for a little while and how <em>happy</em> she had been when she was with her. She told him when Cassandra had revealed that she was in love with her, and when Narcissa had returned the sentiment in kind. And then she told him about <em>Greta,</em> and how everything unraveled until Bellatrix knew the truth of their relationship and how it had torn them apart. She began crying when she admitted she wasted no time sleeping with Bellatrix again, and how badly her inability to control herself when it came to Bellatrix had hurt Cassandra, how irrelevant it made the woman feel and how Narcissa had exacerbated all of her fears and insecurities.</p>
<p>Narcissa admitted that she knew Cassandra was falling apart and yet did nothing to stop it. She told him about how Bellatrix needed to stay with her for a little while because of the raids the Ministry was preforming, and that she <em>knew</em> Bellatrix was still angry at her and that her desire for revenge was not over, yet she ignored that as well because she hoped it would just go away. But it did not. Narcissa told him that they began to have an affair just to hurt her, and although she probably deserved it, she had taken it horribly and lashed out at both of them. She explained though, after, that she and Cassandra were trying to work through what had happened, but that she and Bellatrix had yet to really talk as she had only just come back, and they had not had time. She finished by admitting that she still loved and wanted them <em>both,</em> but that a part of her knew that there was no way she could ever make it work. Still, she felt she had to try, as she could no longer imagine a life without either of them in it.</p>
<p>Lucius exhaled a long breath as he stared at his wife, not really knowing what to make of all of this. “Jesus, Narcissa— I’m gone for nine bloody months and you birth a fucking <em>soap opera.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa covered her face with her hands, a long groan falling from her lips. “I know. I <em>know.</em> I’m sorry— this is why I didn’t want to tell you. I’m trying— I honestly am <em>trying</em> to fix it, but I feel like everything is just going to get more complicated. I’m <em>terrified</em> that Cassandra is going to show up on our doorstep any day now because I think she’s going to be <em>honest</em> with Peter, tell him about us just to get out in front of it because— <em>oh,”</em> she stopped, realizing that she had left a part out of her story. Narcissa’s gaze finally met her husband’s and she told him apologetically, “We had… gone public. With our relationship. All the cunty socialites know— the gossip spread. I think Cassandra wants to get out in front of it before Peter finds out, but she… she thinks he’s going to divorce her for it, and if he <em>doesn’t, </em>then at the very least he’ll kick her out. I told her to come <em>here</em> if that happens, but now the bloody <em>Dark Lord</em> is— God, what the fuck am I going to do if she shows <em>up?”</em></p>
<p>“Narcissa— slow down,” Lucius begged, watching the anxiety begin to cloud his wife’s eyes. He looked overwhelmed by this as well, but he also seemed to realize fairly quickly why Narcissa, after everything she had accomplished and how much she had grown, had allowed her life to get so out of hand. “Jesus— was<em> this</em> how you distracted yourself from falling apart over Draco?”</p>
<p>“What?” Narcissa asked, never having really thought of that before. Perhaps though, he was right; maybe she did subconsciously try to orchestrate more drama in her life so she had something else to focus on— something, in the end, she had more of a hope of controlling than Draco’s situation. Still… “No. I mean— a little, perhaps, but I went back to Cassandra before Draco was Marked. I might have… <em>after</em> that, maybe I did make it worse. I <em>hate</em> thinking about him now, Lucius,” she breathed sadly, her eyes welling up with tears. “I feel so bloody helpless and out of control. I don’t know how to save him. I <em>can’t</em> save him. Maybe all the drama gives me a distraction from that crushing reality, but I didn’t get back with Cassandra with the intention of making my life unravel. I just… I couldn’t stay away.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked at her for a long time, his gaze taking in the expression on his wife’s face as he saw the truth in her eyes. He smiled at her softly, gently reaching out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m glad she makes you happy, Narcissa,” he told her genuinely, focusing on that for a moment rather than the fall out. Narcissa’s eyes softened and she grasped his hand in hers, holding it tightly. Still, she looked a little apologetic.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I know you had feelings for her, and I knew we… well, before you left, it seemed as though we might have been getting somewhere again.”</p>
<p>“It did seem that way,” Lucius confirmed softly, but he exhaled a small sigh. He looked disappointed, but at least he did not seem devastated by how much things had changed. “Cassandra was always yours though, and I knew that. It was just a stupid crush. In the end, I’d much rather see you happy.”</p>
<p>Tears spilled down Narcissa’s cheeks at those words as she leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “I’ve <em>missed</em> you,” she breathed as she pulled back, her gaze searching his. “I love you, Lucius. You’re my best friend in this whole bloody world; I <em>hated</em> not having you by my side, I hate that our family has fallen apart in your absence— You’ve always been the glue that holds us together, the anchor we need to keep from drowning. You are the rock of this family, and I appreciate you for that more than you will ever understand. And I <em>know—</em> I know you don’t feel much like that rock right now,” Narcissa continued, causing Lucius’ gaze to fall as he looked ashamed by what he no doubt felt was a weakness, “but that’s <em>okay… </em>It’s my turn to be yours, okay? Everything else— every<em>one </em>else? They don’t matter to me right now. <em>You</em> do.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked a little emotional at those words, but he kept it inside as he no doubt felt like he had wept enough. He had never been as comfortable with his tears as his wife was. “I missed you too,” he told her softly, his fingers gently running over her own as he stared at their hands. Narcissa lifted her hand, the unscarred one, and allowed Lucius to do the same as they pressed their palms together momentarily before lacing their fingers together. “But you don’t have to cater to me, Narcissa. I’ll be alright. As bloody <em>everyone</em> likes to remind me, many of the other Death Eaters have endured far worse.”</p>
<p>“I know you’ll be alright, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to help you get there,” Narcissa told him firmly, not allowing him to just brush her off so he could deal with this on his own. They were in this together; that was what being in a marriage meant. “And sod those idiots— perhaps they were in there longer the first time around, perhaps it was objectively <em>worse,</em> but being locked up for an extended period of time leaves scars on a person. It’s not up to them to decide that a scar bears no meaning if the cut wasn’t deep enough. If they bear meaning for <em>you</em> then they bear meaning for me, and I want to help you get to a place where it will allow them to fade.”</p>
<p>Lucius said nothing for a long time, just idly playing with his wife’s fingers. He seemed transfixed, or perhaps it was just easier for him to concentrate on something simple as a storm of emotion raged inside of him.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Narcissa gently tried, but Lucius just shook his head.</p>
<p>“No. You know what the conditions in there were like— nothing I say will be anything new. I may not have had all the happiness sucked from me by dementors, but it still felt like it regardless.”</p>
<p>The corners of Narcissa’s lips turned down into a frown. “Come here,” she gently coaxed, holding out her arms. Lucius hesitated for a moment, as he was used to being the one who provided comfort in their relationship, but he at least seemed to recognize that he needed it, and that his wife was willing to give it to him. He moved, lying his head on her chest as Narcissa wrapped her arms around him. “Do you want to sleep with the lights on tonight?” she asked softly, knowing that was something Bellatrix had needed for a little while. It was constant darkness in Azkaban, and Narcissa did not want to trigger him just because she preferred sleeping with the lights off.</p>
<p>Lucius nodded wordlessly, and Narcissa pressed a kiss to his temple. “You’re safe now,” she assured him, gently running her fingers through his long hair. “Sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wondered if it was like this for the other Death Eaters who hadn’t endured Azkaban before. Rodolphus seemed <em>fine,</em> but she doubted everyone was as well-adjusted by a near year-long stint in a prison cell. As the days wore on and Narcissa hadn’t heard anything from Cassandra, she believed that it must be; Peter had to be just as traumatized as Lucius was, and that was why the other woman was putting off telling him the truth. It allowed Narcissa to breathe a little easier, as she still wasn’t sure what she would <em>do</em> if Cassandra showed up on her doorstep, but in the meantime she had other things to concern herself with— like trying to talk about her relationship with <em>Bellatrix,</em> who couldn’t concentrate on a real conversation for more than five minutes even if you paid her to.</p>
<p>“Bella— Bella, we’re supposed to be <em>talking,”</em> Narcissa tried, but her sister’s lips had fastened around the base of her neck and it was making Narcissa’s legs bloody <em>weak.</em> Her grip on Bellatrix tightened as she put more of her weight against the wall. All she had done was find her sister in her bedroom and suggest they have that overdue conversation if she finally had some free time — as the Dark Lord had been keeping her quite busy lately — but all Bellatrix said was ‘I’d rather put my tongue to better uses’ and… <em>well.</em></p>
<p>“Relax, I’m keeping your little <em>chastity belt</em> intact,” Bellatrix murmured beneath her ear before Narcissa felt her lips spread into a wide grin, issuing a challenge that would at least entertain her enough to be able to focus on it. “So go on then— talk to me. I’m listening.”</p>
<p>“You’re <em>not. </em>Jesus—” Narcissa gasped out, feeling her sister’s tongue trace the shell of her ear. The blonde’s breathing was coming out in short, desperate bursts now and <em>fuck,</em> why had it been so long since she had last gotten laid? Her self-imposed celibacy was <em>not</em> helping matters. “Bella, please; I can’t concentrate!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix chuckled softly, the sound reverberating through Narcissa’s body. “That sounds like a you problem.”</p>
<p>Narcissa banged her head against the wall, her eyes falling closed in defeat. Her sister’s tongue traced a long line down her neck, and the blonde shivered. “God, why are you<em> like</em> this…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked, her fingers clasping around Narcissa’s jaw as the blonde’s eyes popped open to meet her hungry gaze. “Because you <em>love</em> that I’m like this,” Bellatrix accused, the words dusting across the younger woman’s lips. Her eyes were alight with passion as they searched hers. “Deny it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa had been gently biting on her bottom lip as she met her sister’s gaze, and as her teeth scraped against the supple flesh it popped back out from beneath her jaw’s grip before she breathed, “You know I would never.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s expression fell. “Lie number one. Shit way to start a conversation, Cissy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath. “I don’t— I’m not <em>lying. </em>I’ve never lied about how easily you get me caught up, not even to others. Cassandra and Lucius are both well-aware of how quickly I can get wrapped up in you. Sometimes it frightens me though. The intensity of what we feel for one another can be beautiful, Bella, but it can also be toxic. It makes me feel crazy sometimes, and I’m terrified of feeling that way again. I spent <em>so long</em> trying to better myself, trying to make healthier choices, and although I slipped a little when you came back, I was <em>okay</em> until…” Narcissa trailed off, her stomach twisting in her gut as she thought about her son. “Everything, <em>everything</em> unraveled then, and you and I… once that thread had been pulled, neither of us were able to stop ourselves from making it worse. I wish that we were stronger than that, but I’m afraid we might never be and that’s why I’ve been running from you. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her for a long time, as if trying to process her words before she pushed the strap of her sister’s dress off her shoulder, grasping on to the fabric to tug it down past her breasts. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip but said nothing, but it didn’t matter as Bellatrix muttered, “Not sex— this is just a shit conversation and seeing your tits makes it a little better.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, knowing that her sister would never have been able to have a normal conversation anyway. If Bellatrix needed visual distractions to allow her to not dwell on how weak she felt when she expressed her emotions, then so be it. Her sister’s fingers gently dusked over her nipple and Narcissa pursed her lips, trying not to outwardly react to that. Bellatrix was hyper-focusing anyway, and as such her words came out sounding detached as she admitted, “I know I’m bad for you. I know you’re bad for <em>me.</em> I wish that we weren’t. I feel like something’s fucking wrong with me— I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Cissy, yet I keep doing everything all bloody wrong. And it— it fucking <em>sucks,</em> watching you cling to her like she’s your sodding <em>savior</em> from me—”</p>
<p>“That’s not… that’s not why I—” But Narcissa’s words were cut off by a long hiss as Bellatrix pinched her nipple between her fingers. The older woman pressed her body against hers then, trapping Narcissa more fully against the wall as she gently leaned her forehead against Narcissa’s.</p>
<p>“I asked you not to fucking lie to me, Cissy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa closed her eyes, feeling rather defeated. “It’s not that I view Cassandra as some sort of <em>savior</em> from you,” she breathed. “I just view her as a saner option than you. There’s a part of me that looks at her and can see her giving me the kind of life that I always wanted, but there’s another part of me that knows that it doesn’t matter what she can give me because she’s still not <em>you.”</em> Narcissa opened her eyes then, meeting her sister’s gaze. “But I love her,” she told her, albeit a little apologetically. “I won’t leave her. A part of me… a part of me wishes I could marry her.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix eyes darkened at those words and she exhaled a furious hiss, pushing herself off of Narcissa. The younger woman would not let her go though and snatched Bellatrix’s wrist in her hand, pulling her back towards her before she allowed her grip to slacken, her scarred palm to slide against her sister’s, and her fingers to tangle in Bellatrix's as she tightly held their promise to one another together.</p>
<p>“What I feel for Cassandra doesn’t diminish what I feel for you. My heart doesn’t have a capacity limit; I’m not pushing you out of it to make room for her, alright? She is not robbing you of anything. I made a promise to you a long time ago and I meant every word of it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a hard breath through her nose, but she did not pull away again.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’ve done this to you ever since we were children, and I know that it’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart,” Narcissa told her, her free hand coming up to cup her sister’s cheek. “You are so passionate, and so loving, and so <em>loyal…</em> yet I can only give you a few of those things in return. You deserve so much better than me, Bella, and I know that, but I can’t… I <em>won’t</em> let you go. I’m not bloody strong enough to. You are <em>mine,</em> and I want you to be mine until your last fucking breath, Bellatrix, and I am<em> sorry </em>that despite knowing how awful this is, all I really want is to consume everything that you are until you become a part of me.”</p>
<p>“I want you to too,” Bellatrix breathed, pressing her body more firmly into her sister’s. Her eyes were alight with passion, her gaze searching Narcissa’s as she looked up at her. “<em>That’s</em> fucking romance, Cissy.”</p>
<p>“It’s insanity,” Narcissa corrected, but Bellatrix just shrugged, her fingertips dusking the blonde’s collarbone before they fell downward again, idly circling her nipple.</p>
<p>“Are either of us sane?” she countered softly, and Narcissa fell silent, pursing her lips as she felt her sister place a gentle kiss upon her shoulder. “We can’t be people that we’re not, love; I know we take meds and I know we’re both sort of bloody <em>better</em> than we were, but we’re still fucked. I mean, you’re my little fucking sister, Cissy…”</p>
<p>“Technically, <em>you’re </em>the one who’s little now.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened and she roughly pinned her against the wall, her annoyance growing at her sister’s smirk. Narcissa knew Bellatrix hated that she was the shortest out of the three sisters, but sometimes it was kind of adorable. Narcissa <em>liked</em> that she was small; she enjoyed the contrast because Bellatrix’s personality was so huge.</p>
<p>“You think you’re funny?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s smirk widened. “I do, actually, but I think you had a point to make so go on— finish your thought.”</p>
<p>“I was just making the fucking incestuous point, <em>again,</em> because you seem to think that we have the capacity to be normal but we are not <em>normal,</em> Narcissa, so just <em>stop,</em> okay? For fuck’s sake,” Bellatrix pleaded, actually letting the short comment go as she, for once, actually focused on the issue at hand. It was that which made Narcissa’s expression soften as she looked down at her, seeing so much fear in Bellatrix’s eyes. She so badly did not wish to lose her. “Just fucking <em>be</em> with me, even if it’s mental because <em>we’re</em> bloody mental and that’s just who we are. Have her too if you want— I don’t even fucking <em>care</em> anymore, I’m just so bloody tired of this. Be sane with <em>her</em> if you need to, but just let us be who we fucking are, Cissy. Please.”</p>
<p>It was the ‘please’ that got to Narcissa. Bellatrix looked so goddamn desperate for things to just go back to normal that it tugged on Narcissa’s heart. She hated that this didn’t really solve anything, but what was she expecting? Maybe they really weren’t wired that way; maybe it would be too intense and too passionate and too everything all over again, but wasn’t that why Narcissa wanted her? Needed her?<em> Loved </em>her? Bellatrix was not Cassandra, she was not Lucius. She gave her something different than either of them, and although it probably wasn’t what she needed to keep her sane, maybe her relationship with Cassandra could at least balance it out. Still, there was <em>one</em> thing that Narcissa needed to address, as it had become the source of all their animosity lately.</p>
<p>“You won’t be jealous?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s lips curled into a devious smirk then, leaning in so she could press her lips to her sister’s ear. “Now why would I need to be jealous, when you are going to politely invite her into our bed? I can’t be mad about her if you <em>share,</em> Cissy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s jaw dropped. Okay, <em>fine,</em> Bellatrix had suggested it before but Narcissa hadn’t really thought that was something she truly wanted to <em>do. </em>She assumed Bellatrix was just trying to work out a solution for them by suggesting something mental that they would never actually go through with. Clearly, by the look in her sister’s eyes, that was no longer the case. She— Jesus, she<em> actually </em>wanted to do this. <em>Why?</em></p>
<p> “Have you lost your bloody mind? You literally said a few days ago that you weren’t <em>thrilled</em> about it, so I thought you were just…” Narcissa just stared at her, agape. She couldn’t figure out what her sister’s endgame was, but in all honesty, it felt a bit like a trap and she didn’t like it. “Bella, this has ‘bad idea’ written all over it.”</p>
<p>“Because you think I’ll be jealous?” Bellatrix gently goaded, leaning in again to gently take the blonde’s earlobe between her teeth. After she snapped it back in place and traced the shell of Narcissa’s ear with her tongue, Bellatrix finished in a breathy whisper, “Or because you know <em>you’ll</em> be jealous?”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed, the pit of her stomach twisting in her gut despite the hairs on her arms standing on end from her sister’s breath against her ear. It was such a conflicting feeling. “I think I would be jealous,” she admitted in a soft whisper, feeling wildly hypocritical. Still, Narcissa did not wish to lie to her.</p>
<p>“We’d <em>all</em> be a little fucking jealous, Cissy, but maybe if we all fucked each other we <em>wouldn’t</em> be— that <em>is</em> your little goal, right?” Bellatrix countered, pulling back to meet her sister’s gaze. “You want a relationship with me, yet you want a relationship with <em>her </em>at the same time; neither Cassandra nor I are going to be fucking comfortable with that unless we’re comfortable with each other being with <em>you,</em> so… yeah, I ended up reevaluating my stance and decided that <em>this </em>is how I’m choosing to get comfortable with it; by fucking watching her fuck you while <em>I</em> fuck her— take it or leave it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s nose wrinkled. Did she want to fuck Cassandra more than she wanted to fuck <em>her?</em> Because she really didn’t like how that was Bellatrix’s go to scenario. “…Why wouldn’t <em>you</em> fuck me while she—?”</p>
<p>“Cissy, don’t get into the semantics of it, alright? For fuck’s sake, it doesn’t matter right now. I’m not mapping out a bloody <em>game plan</em> here, I was just trying to make a point.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you <em>actually</em> want to do this? Because I don’t buy it, Bella; this seems… well, frankly a little bit too good to be true.” Narcissa searched her sister’s eyes. If this was just another weird way to get revenge on her Narcissa was going to fucking <em>snap,</em> honestly. They had <em>just</em> had what could constitute as a nice conversation — albeit with her topless, but whatever — and if Bellatrix was going to fuck all that up by being a dick with ulterior motives Narcissa was going to <em>kill</em> her.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s brow cocked. “You want the truth?”</p>
<p>“Obviously.”</p>
<p>“You won’t like it.”</p>
<p>“I…” Narcissa tried, because she fucking <em>realized</em> and she slumped against the wall, looking at Bellatrix in helpless exasperation. Maybe some of this <em>was</em> born from Bellatrix’s desire to fix their shit, but it wasn’t her primary reason for wanting to do something like this. “You <em>really</em> just want to fuck her again, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix just quirked an eyebrow at her and oh my God. Oh my <em>God</em> she really wanted to continue her affair with Cassandra— what the <em>fuck. </em>It wasn’t just about revenge; maybe it had been at first, but Bellatrix had actually <em>enjoyed</em> sleeping with her. Genuinely. And maybe Narcissa should have know this was coming after Bellatrix’s comment about how Cassandra made her feel <em>normal,</em> but God, now it wasn’t just <em>Narcissa</em> who wanted bloody everything, her sister did as well!</p>
<p>And yet… that was <em>fair,</em> wasn’t it? A part of Narcissa hated it, honestly, but then again, a part of Bellatrix still <em>hated</em> that she was in love with Cassandra. All Bellatrix wanted to do was <em>bed</em> her, fortunately; how could she deny her that, when the two things weren’t even on the same level? Besides, Bellatrix wasn’t even asking to do it on her own— she was asking for Narcissa to <em>be</em> there, which… God. <em>God,</em> they were really going to do this, weren’t they?</p>
<p>Well, if they could convince Cassandra, anyway.</p>
<p>“Is it just because you like that she calls you ‘Daddy’? Because fucking <em>honestly,</em> Bella.”</p>
<p>“It helps,” Bellatrix admitted, because of <em>course</em> it did. Still, Narcissa was definitely never going to do that for her because it was fucking <em>weird,</em> but if Cassandra could do it, then… ugh. This was going to be a disaster, honestly. “She’s also got one of the prettiest cunts I’ve ever seen.”</p>
<p>“<em>Hey!”</em></p>
<p>“I said ‘one of’— Jesus, Cissy. I wasn’t discounting <em>yours.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa banged the back of her head against the wall. “Fine,” she relented. “We can talk to her about it— I cannot guarantee that she’ll say<em> yes </em>though. She’s been… I don’t know, trying to get<em> better? </em>And this seems like it’ll make everything worse, but that’s our bloody track-record lately so I don’t even know why I bother fighting it anymore. You win. You’ve always won.”</p>
<p>“Mmm… I like when you admit that,” Bellatrix breathed, a wicked grin on her face before she captured her sister’s lips in a deep kiss. And it was <em>madness,</em> honestly— she and Cassandra weren’t even back <em>together</em> yet, everything was still so messed up between them, so how the hell was Narcissa even supposed to bring this up? She tried not to dwell on it though, succumbing to her sister as she wrapped her arms around her neck and drew her in closer.</p>
<p>They were interrupted however by a loud crack as Narcissa’s house elf apparated into the bedroom. “Jesus—” Narcissa exclaimed, startled by its arrival as she pushed her sister off of her, rushing to pull her dress back up her shoulders so she wasn’t flashing her tits at her elf.</p>
<p>Horkey bowed to her. “Apologies, Mistress, but a visitor has arrived to the mansion; would you like Horkey to see her in?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes widened. “What?” A part of her wanted to ask who, but she knew<em> exactly</em> who, as there would only ever be one ‘her’ that would just show up on her doorstep unannounced, and Bellatrix knew it too.</p>
<p>“Damn— did I just fucking like… <em>will</em> that shit into existence?” Bellatrix asked like an absolute idiot, causing Narcissa to shoot her an exasperated look. Bellatrix missed the expression on her face though, as apparently the only thing thinking for her right then was what was between her legs. “Get her up here, Cissy; I’m horny.”</p>
<p>“Bella, <em>shut up.</em> Oh God— fuck, <em>fuck…”</em></p>
<p>“What? I thought this was what we decided on.”</p>
<p>“No, you idiot— what, did you honestly think she heard the call of your vagina from miles away and came running? If she’s<em> here,</em> that means…” Narcissa paled, already knowing what had happened. But she didn’t <em>want</em> Cassandra here; she didn’t want to subject her to the Dark Lord and everything that went along with that just because she had nowhere else to go!</p>
<p>“What? What the fuck is wrong with you?”</p>
<p>“Horkey, see her up here— <em>quickly</em>, please. If you can manage it, do not allow her to see any of our other guests. Go.” The elf bowed to her again before disapparating, and Bellatrix’s brow furrowed as she waited for an explanation.</p>
<p>“If she’s <em>here…</em> then Peter knows about us, about how she <em>feels</em> about me, and he kicked her out,” Narcissa tried to explain, feeling anxiety take a hold of her chest. “I told her— I fucking <em>promised</em> her that she’d have a place to stay if that happened, but with the Dark Lord here… Oh my <em>God,</em> what the hell am I going to do? I don’t want to subject her to this, I don’t—”</p>
<p>“Oh, for fuck’s sake, you’re acting like this is the end of the world. Just throw her in another bloody bedroom and enjoy the convenience of having all of your lovers under one roof; shouldn’t that be your ideal fucking scenario?”</p>
<p>“<em>Not with the Dark Lord here!” </em>Narcissa hissed at her, causing Bellatrix to just roll her eyes. “She’s been through enough, I don’t want—”</p>
<p>But the door opened then, Cassandra standing in the threshold looking absolutely <em>wrecked.</em> She had mascara lines down her cheeks, her eyes were puffy, and yet she didn’t even look sad because she was staring at Narcissa like she wasn’t even sure what to make of what she had just witnessed. She didn’t even <em>acknowledge</em> Bellatrix as she breathed in horror, “Cissa… what the <em>fuck</em> is goin’ on in your house?”</p>
<p>Shit. She saw him.</p>
<p>“Shh—! Come here,” Narcissa frantically hushed her, grabbing the woman’s hand before pulling her into the room and recasting Muffliato. “I’m <em>sorry,”</em> she breathed, reaching out to wipe the black lines from the younger woman’s cheeks. God, she really did look terrible. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest as she tried to make quick work of cleaning her up. “I should have warned you, I just… I was so caught up in Lucius coming home, and Bella and I needed to…” Narcissa looked at her apologetically. She really didn’t know how to break this news other than just <em>say</em> it. “He <em>lives</em> here now.”</p>
<p>And then, finally, Cassandra acknowledged Bellatrix. She looked <em>furious </em>as she whipped around, getting right in her face. It was almost comical, to be honest, how much bloody taller she was than Bellatrix, but Narcissa knew better than to voice such a thought out loud. “Jesus bloody Christ— what the fuck did you <em>do?”</em></p>
<p>“Why do you automatically assume it’s<em> my</em> fault?” Bellatrix countered, looking up at the other woman as though she was actually <em>offended </em>by the assumption. “I mean, it <em>is,</em> but still— you don’t just gotta come right for my throat. You know, I said some <em>very</em> nice things about you today, you should be a little more appreciative.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked perplexed by <em>that</em> reaction, as she no doubt expected Bellatrix to yell at her in return. “The bloody hell are you on about?” But then Cassandra came to the very <em>wrong </em>conclusion and snapped, “Why do you always gotta be a <em>dick?</em> There’s no fuckin’ need to keep shovin’ our affair in her face like that—!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix stuck her tongue beneath her incisors. “<em>Believe </em>me, Kitten, that really wasn’t what I was doing.”</p>
<p>Oh God, the pet name. Narcissa had no idea how she was going to get through this without getting upset that Bellatrix had claimed some part of Cassandra that Narcissa <em>hadn’t.</em> It made Narcissa want to think of a stupid pet name for the woman, but then again stuff like that should happen organically and not<em> just </em>because Narcissa was pissed off that her bloody sister got there <em>first.</em></p>
<p>“Bella, this is <em>not</em> the time,” Narcissa warned her, shooting her sister a look. Honestly, she could <em>see</em> that Cassandra had come in upset; sex was no doubt the last thing on the woman’s mind right now. Bellatrix rolled her eyes but at least backed off, physically taking a step backwards from Cassandra before holding her hands up in light surrender. Cassandra looked even <em>more</em> confused by that, but Narcissa took her hand in hers, encouraging the other woman to turn around and face her.</p>
<p>“Hey, ignore her. Look at me,” Narcissa coaxed, pulling Cassandra towards her before she gently brushed the hair from her eyes. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“You <em>know</em> what fuckin’ happened— what I bloody <em>said</em> would happen…” Cassandra responded defeatedly, her eyes welling up with tears again. One spilled over, and Narcissa was quick to wipe it from her cheek. “I dunno why I’m even fuckin’ <em>upset</em> about it; I don’t love him anymore. I don’t wanna be married anymore, but… Jesus, Cissa, the <em>look</em> on his face when I finally told ‘im the truth…”</p>
<p>“Wait, is that ugly prick actually <em>divorcing</em> you?” Bellatrix asked, flabbergasted. “The fuck? We’re bloody <em>purebloods,</em> we don’t do that shit—”</p>
<p>“I don’t—” Cassandra tried, looking confused and overwhelmed again by Bellatrix actually inserting herself in the conversation like she might actually give a shit about what was going on. “He just… kicked me out, for now. I dunno— why do you <em>care?”</em></p>
<p><em>“</em>I mean, if you’re going to be living in my fucking house I’d like to know<em> why— </em>that <em>is </em>why you’re here, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Bella, how many times do I have to tell you that this is not your house!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked unperturbed by that announcement as she leaned against the dressed, casually crossing her arms over her chest. <em>“Eh.”</em></p>
<p>Arsehole.</p>
<p>Narcissa turned back to the conversation at hand. “Okay, but… this is a<em> good</em> thing, right? If he’s just kicking you out, you still have access to his money. You don’t have to stay here in this absolute <em>shit show,</em> you can—”</p>
<p>“Cissa, do you really fuckin’ think I wanna leave <em>now,</em> after seein’ what you’re bein’ subjected to?!” Cassandra exclaimed furiously, her expression masking in anxiety and concern. “I don’t wanna leave you <em>alone</em> here—”</p>
<p>“<em>Believe</em> me, I’m not bloody alone here anymore,” Narcissa responded flatly, as now their house had more goddamn people in it than she was comfortable with. But perhaps that was Cassandra’s point. Still… “Cass, please— I’m already terrified enough living here, I don’t want to worry about you too.”</p>
<p>“Hold on, back up,” Bellatrix interjected again, just trying to make sense of what was going on. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you have access to his money if you split up? Even if the bastard shames himself <em>and</em> you by getting an actual divorce, you should get half of everything that prick has; or at least your own bloody inheritance back.”</p>
<p>“Peter spent her inheritance and had her sign a prenup,” Narcissa explained, anger brewing in the pit of her stomach again as she thought of what the man had done to her. “He financially fucking trapped her, basically.”</p>
<p>“Well you know there’s an easy solution to <em>that</em>, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow knit as she turned toward her, still looking wildly perplexed by Bellatrix not being a <em>dick</em> to her that it seemed she wasn’t entirely sure how to process it. Affair or not, Cassandra apparently assumed that Bellatrix would be back to <em>hating</em> her now, not… not trying to help her solve her bloody marital issues.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her pointedly. “You know who gets <em>all</em> the money? Widows.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s jaw dropped. “I don’t want him fuckin’ <em>dead!”</em></p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, Bellatrix,” Narcissa snapped, horrified that she would even <em>go</em> there. “Why is that your solution to bloody <em>everything?”</em></p>
<p>“Why’re ya even <em>tryin’</em> to help me find a solution?” Cassandra snapped, growing annoyed over her lack of understanding about this new dynamic she had not previously been aware of. It must feel a bit like whiplash, and Narcissa sympathized. This might be a bit much, especially on top of everything else Cassandra had to deal with today. “I thought you fuckin’ hated me.”</p>
<p>“After we made love so beautifully for three weeks straight? I’m wounded.”</p>
<p>“<em>Bella.”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m not helping,” Bellatrix gathered, looking bored. “Whatever— Cissy, get your shit together with her quickly so you can finally take off that goddamn chastity belt, because it’s been four months and I’m fucking horny. In the meantime, I’m gonna rub one out— so either you both can get the hell out of my room or stay and watch; I don’t care either way.”</p>
<p>“We are <em>not</em> staying and watching; God, you’re about as subtle as a train wreck,” Narcissa chastised before she took the younger woman’s hand in her own, guiding her towards the door. “Ignore her, please, there’s just no fucking blood flow to her brain right now. Here, let me show you to a guest room.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix merely smirked as Narcissa led Cassandra out of the room and down the hall, putting her in the room across from Lucius’. They could hear a commotion going on downstairs; it sounded like there was about fifteen fucking people in her house and Narcissa quickly closed the door behind them, looking at the other woman apologetically.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she breathed, feeling awful about practically throwing Cassandra into the deep end of her mess of a life. “About <em>her,</em> about… all of this. Are you sure you want to stay here?”</p>
<p>Cassandra didn’t answer that though. Instead her eyes flickered to the door and then back to Narcissa. “She said your room is <em>her</em> room.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Narcissa’s stomach dropped, assuming Cassandra was making the wrong assumption. “Yeah—”</p>
<p>“But she hasn’t had sex in…” Cassandra did the math in her head, and then realized. She suddenly looked terribly guilty. “Oh. Since me.”</p>
<p>“…Yeah. I just— I assume she didn’t have anymore Polyjuice potion in order to get herself a whore while looking like <em>me, </em>and even if she did brew it when she got back, by the time it would have been done the Dark Lord would have been here and I don’t… I don’t think she particularly wants to look that desperate in front of him. Either way, it isn’t like Bellatrix to go that long without sex unless she was <em>forced</em> to, which is making her… well, like <em>that</em>. I’m sorry. <em>Again.</em>”</p>
<p>“No, I just…” Cassandra softly realized, her gaze meeting Narcissa’s. “You don’t— you don’t sleep in the same bed as her?”</p>
<p>“No. Lucius is home, and he’s… he’s been having a hard time. I wanted to take care of him,” Narcissa explained, as she couldn’t just leave her husband to deal with this on his own. She honestly wished Lucius could stay away from all of this at least a little longer, but Voldemort had already thrown him head first into the fray. Honestly, Narcissa was surprised her sister had as much free time as she did today, but she doubted it would last. There was so much bloody going <em>on.</em></p>
<p>“Besides,” Narcissa continued softly. “I <em>know</em> myself, and if I shared a bed with Bella…” She trailed off, as she knew Cassandra was already aware of what would happen.</p>
<p>“So you really haven’t fucked her?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Cassandra took a step closer to her, her expression softening. “You honestly didn’t just jump back into her bed the second ya came back?”</p>
<p>“<em>No,”</em> Narcissa stressed, exasperated by the repetitive questions. She understood why the woman was disbelieving, as look at her track-record, but still. “Cass, I promised you that I wouldn’t—” But that was about as far as she got. Cassandra cupped the back of her neck and brought her into a kiss, causing Narcissa to nearly <em>cry</em> because it had been— God, it had been so fucking long, but she also didn’t want Cassandra getting the wrong idea so as much as it pained her, she regrettably separated herself from the women that she loved, making certain to tangle her fingers in her hair so that she could at least keep Cassandra close to her. “Wait, <em>wait—” </em>Narcissa leaned her forehead against the other woman’s, her eyes falling closed. “That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to—”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>Narcissa opened her eyes, pulling back a little to look at the other woman.</p>
<p>“Cissa, I’m not an idiot,” Cassandra told her softly, gently tucking a piece of hair behind the blonde’s ear. “I know no matter how much you may think you need to, you’re never gonna leave her, but I just… I dunno. I guess I just appreciate that you had some bloody self-control for once. An’ maybe that’s a ridiculously low bar, maybe I should want more than that for myself, but it’s been four sodding months and I fuckin’… I <em>miss </em>you, Cissa; I love you, an’ bein’ apart has been bloody killing me. I just… I had a lot of time to think an’ at the end of the day I want ya back, no matter <em>what,</em> but I also don’t want everythin’ to fall to shit again. I just… I dunno— I just don’t see how this could ever work with <em>both</em> of us. There’s too much bloody jealousy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips. On one hand she was so thankful and so goddamn <em>happy</em> that Cassandra had decided a relationship with her was something she wanted despite all the difficulties that came with it, but there was a part of Narcissa that was also concerned that Cassandra may just be latching back on to her because her marriage was dissolving and she felt as though she had to make it <em>worth</em> that.</p>
<p>“This… it’s not just because Peter left you, right?” Narcissa asked softly, suddenly so very terrified that she was just the only choice that Cassandra <em>had</em> right then. She knew the woman loved her, but sometimes her paranoia got the best of her, and it wasn’t as though it would have been an unheard of scenario, given the circumstances.</p>
<p>“I don’t want ya just ‘cause you’re my only <em>option,</em> Cissa; seriously?” Cassandra exhaled, looking at Narcissa as though the fact that the woman even had that thought broke her heart. “You <em>know</em> it’s been you for a long time now… right? I mean, I know my wanting to leave <em>him</em> has a lot to do with me wantin’ to be with you like properly, <em>completely,</em> an’ maybe that’s a part of why I’m just like ‘fuck it, I don’t bloody care anymore’, but I mean… I already chose you; I chose you a long fuckin’ time ago, so I guess… what’s the point of puttin’ off the inevitable, y’know?”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded as she gave her a small smile, finding herself relieved by the woman’s words. “Well, in regards to how this might work, Bella and I… we actually <em>talked,”</em> she told her. “And we know that it’ll be a mess, but she’s… she’s actually <em>willing </em>to try to be okay with you in my life so long as I don’t toss her aside. That’s why she was being… well, I don’t know if <em>nice</em> is the word; accepting, maybe? <em>Horny,</em> definitely, but that’s because her ‘solution’ involved…” But Narcissa trailed off, not knowing how to bring this insanity <em>up</em> because it was— it was probably not at <em>all</em> a good time to, considering what Cassandra had just gone through with Peter, and the fact that she still hadn’t even said that she wanted to be her girlfriend again. Well— maybe she sort of had, but Narcissa <em>really</em> needed to hear those exact words before she assumed anything and made an arse of herself. “Forget it. We can talk about it later.”</p>
<p>“No, what were you gonna say?”</p>
<p>Narcissa wrinkled her nose. “Please don’t get mad. I didn’t <em>agree</em> to this or anything; I mean, I guess I did, but… you are free to <em>disagree,</em> because I don’t want you to think that I’m just—” <em>whoring you out,</em> was the actual end of <em>that</em> sentence, but Narcissa knew that would make everything worse if she said those words out loud, considering how Cassandra felt about that. It just felt a bit like she was offering the woman’s body up as a way to keep her sister happy and that was… well, that was fucked up, when you thought about it like that. “I don’t want you to think that you aren’t an equal part of this with just as much of a valued input, as it very much includes you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at her like she had four heads. “Cissa, just say what you’re gonna say— stop dancin’ around it ‘cause you’re making no bloody sense.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Narcissa relented, shaking her hands out in anxiety as she stepped away from her, pacing a little. She didn’t really know how to go about this, so she decided to just dive into the crux of the matter, which was apparently that Bellatrix was still very horny for <em>her</em> girlfriend. Jesus. “So, apparently my sister… very much enjoyed fucking you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra just stared at her, expression unreadable. That definitely made Narcissa’s anxiety<em> worse </em>because she really didn’t want Cassandra to react badly to this, but she powered through it anyway.</p>
<p>“She… wants to do it again. But… but with me there,” Narcissa revealed, wishing she didn’t sound so bloody stupid <em>explaining</em> this. Her cheeks began to heat up. “She thinks it’ll fix our jealousy problem. I know it sounds— well, I <em>know</em> how it sounds. You can absolutely say no.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked as though she wasn’t entirely sure how to take the proposition and her silence ate Narcissa alive. Finally, she landed on a thought. “That… sounds like a bloody <em>trap,</em> honestly. I mean, I’m not even…” Cassandra trailed off, looking perplexed by the thought that Bellatrix actually wanted her for something <em>other </em>than revenge, which was ridiculous because Jesus Christ, she was the hottest bloody thing to walk this goddamn <em>earth.</em></p>
<p>(Something Narcissa hoped <em>Bellatrix </em>would never find out she thought, honestly, even though it was closer to fact than opinion.)</p>
<p>“<em>Believe</em> me, I thought it was at first too, but she… well, trust me when I tell you that she was one hundred percent genuine when she told me that she wants you back in her bed again,” Narcissa assured her, even though this was a <em>weird</em> fucking thing to assure her of. It was a weird thing to <em>say,</em> and yet there she was— what? Trying to convince her maybe-girlfriend-again to fuck her sister even though the last time that happened Narcissa had lost her fucking mind? What had <em>become </em>of her life?</p>
<p>“And I know— I <em>know</em> how you felt when your affair with her was over, and I know this must be very <em>weird,</em> considering I’m standing here bloody advocating for the thing that made us break up in the first place, so if you want to tell me to go fuck myself I <em>get</em> it, but maybe Bella’s right— maybe it’ll make this whole thing more bearable for all of us and I want to <em>try,</em> Cass, because I fucking love you so much and I can’t ever imagine my life without you, so maybe this is <em>crazy, </em>but I’m willing to do insane things to make this work, and now I’m <em>rambling</em> and I feel so stupid, so please don’t hate me for suggesting this; it was <em>her,</em> I’m just the bloody messenger—”</p>
<p>“Cissa— babe, <em>stop,</em>” Cassandra interrupted, placing her hands on the other woman’s arms to still her frantic movements. Narcissa’s chest was heaving in anxiety, suddenly terrified that maybe this was a <em>horrible</em> thing to suggest, because for fuck’s sake, Cassandra had been trying to get <em>better.</em> She had been trying to not make her life such a goddamn shit show, and yet there Narcissa was suggesting she do something that was probably mental.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Cassandra breathed softly, using one of her hands to gently cover the blonde’s eyes. “Close your eyes,” she instructed, and Narcissa did, feeling Cassandra’s hand fall to her chest as she pressed her palm against her heart. “Breathe, yeah? Please.” Narcissa nodded wordlessly, doing what she said.</p>
<p>They stood there in silence for a little while, Cassandra holding her palm to her chest before she leaned in, resting her forehead against hers. She did not move her hand. “I love you,” she breathed, and Narcissa began to get emotional at the truth in the other woman’s words. “Y’know I’d do anything for ya.”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed, her voice tight. “…But?”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a soft laugh, the hand that was on her chest sliding up to cup the back of the blonde’s neck, holding Narcissa tight to her. “No ‘but’. I’d do anything for ya— full stop.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled. Still, she didn’t really like the way Cassandra agreed to this mess. “I don’t— I don’t want you to just do it because <em>I</em> want you to though. I shouldn’t have control over your sexual partners like that, that’s fucked up.”</p>
<p>Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I fucked the woman every day for… well, longer than I probably should have.” Her voice tightened momentarily in guilt, but she pushed through it to make her point. “I <em>am</em> physically attracted to her, Cissa; s’not like you’re tryin’ to get me to fuck a minger. I just— I dunno, I think we’re all gonna have to get really <em>drunk</em> first to get past the jealousy, ‘cause it’s still gonna be there. You know it is. That <em>look</em> you just gave me when I said I fucked her every day…”</p>
<p>“I know. I <em>know,”</em> Narcissa exhaled, sounding a little frustrated. “This is going to be bloody <em>weird</em> for all of us at first, I’m aware of that. But… I don’t know. I’m hoping we’ll move <em>past</em> that after a few orgasms. But, Jesus, I don’t— I don’t even <em>care</em> about that right now, honestly,” Narcissa told her, gently grasping the other woman’s face in her hands as she looked up at her. “Where are <em>we,</em> Cass? Because I just… I…”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a throaty laugh. “You seriously fuckin’ askin’ that?” she questioned, amused by Narcissa’s misplaced insecurities. “Cissa, I just told ya that I <em>loved</em> you an’ that I’d do anythin’, honestly bloody <em>everythin’</em> for ya; I just said I’d have a threesome with you an’ your mental sister which I <em>know</em> is gonna be a shit show, an’ yet you’re still askin’ me where we <em>are?”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s nose wrinkled. “…Yes?”</p>
<p>“You…” Cassandra breathed, backing Narcissa up against the door, “are such a fuckin’,” she kissed her then, the gesture leaving the blonde’s lips stinging, “<em>knob.” </em>And, okay, <em>maybe</em> she was, but Narcissa hadn’t wanted to <em>assume. </em></p>
<p>The blonde older woman wet her lips as she looked up at her, but when Cassandra went in for another kiss Narcissa knew where it would probably lead if she didn’t stop it, and despite how badly she longed to make love to her again, they needed to do things differently this time around. Narcissa gently placed her hand on her girlfriend’s cheek, her thumb resting against Cassandra’s lips.</p>
<p>“Don’t hate me.”</p>
<p>“…Seriously?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her an apologetic look. “I’m just— I don’t want to cause any needless friction between you two,” she began, even though she realized that choice of words was very <em>odd</em> considering what she had been bloody advocating for was some <em>friction</em> between them, but regardless. “I don’t want either of you to feel slighted by me choosing one of you over the other to bed <em>first,</em> so…”</p>
<p>The younger woman sighed. “No, I <em>get</em> it, but…” Cassandra’s brow creased, looking disappointed. “What I wanted to do with ya… we can’t do with <em>her</em> there.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed, tracing the fullness of the other woman’s bottom lip with her thumb. Truth be told, making love to Cassandra was what she wanted to do as well, but she couldn’t do that to Bellatrix. It wouldn’t be fair. For now, they would just have to wait. “I promise I’ll spend a whole day making love to you— even longer, if you let me. Just… after. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Cassandra reluctantly exhaled, knowing why Narcissa was choosing to wait. Her brow creased. “So when are we s’posed to be doin’ this?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shrugged, as she hadn’t exactly set up a <em>time</em> with Bellatrix or anything. “Whenever my sister’s free? Tonight, maybe— I don’t… I’ll have to ask what time she plans to be home, because the Dark Lord usually has her leave to take care of some things after dinner.” She searched the other woman’s eyes. “You’re <em>sure</em> you want to do this? You can still back out.”</p>
<p>“I’m not backin’ out, but I’m definitely plannin’ to bring a lot of liquor— I don’t care what ya think, Cissa, we’re all gonna need it.”</p>
<p>And, well, that was probably a fair assessment. Already, the base of Narcissa’s stomach was twisting with nerves as she hoped that this wasn’t the beginning of yet another one of her very big mistakes, but she supposed only time would tell.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. XL.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XL.</strong>
</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ll be sharing your bed tonight,” Narcissa tentatively told her husband after dinner, trying to ignore Bellatrix and Rodolphus arguing over who got the last slice of pie. She gently placed her hand on Lucius’ arm as they stood away from the madness that was currently the dining room. “Will you be alright on your own?”</p>
<p>Dinner had been <em>tense </em>— at least for most of the people who had attended — but after the Dark Lord had finished eating and made his way down into the basement to do God only knew what to Ollivander with a sulking Wormtail in tow, everyone had begun to relax a little more. Unfortunately, some more than others— although, to be fair, Bellatrix and Rodolphus were actually <em>fine </em>dining with the Dark Lord, so it wasn’t like it took much for them to get rowdy; honestly, any time they were within five feet of each other now they were arguing about <em>something.</em></p>
<p>“I’m not <em>broken,</em> Narcissa, I’m perfectly capable of sleeping on my own—”</p>
<p>“Do either of you ever stop bloody <em>shouting </em>at one another?” Cassandra snapped, as it had been going on for <em>a while, </em>and Cassandra had finally stopped looking deathly pale from being in such close proximity to the Dark Lord for an extended period of time. Apparently, her fear had made way to irritation and she stalked over to the last piece of pie and grabbed it out from under them. “Now neither of you get it— for <em>fuck’s</em> sake.”</p>
<p>“Oi!” Rodolphus exclaimed, infuriated that being distracted by Bellatrix had gotten him robbed. “That was my fucking piece!”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em> you,” Bellatrix snapped to her husband before rounding on Cassandra. “Give it to me.” Cassandra snorted before taking a bite and eating it in front of her as she began to back up out of the dining room. Bellatrix stalked after her.</p>
<p>“Think I’m gonna be givin’ you enough already tonight, yeah?” Cassandra goaded, smirking around her fork. Lucius, like Narcissa, had caught wind of this interaction and his eyebrows nearly shot off his skull. Narcissa’s nose wrinkled; she was pretty sure this was them <em>flirting.</em></p>
<p>Oh God, this was weird. She knew it was probably better this way; it would get them at least a little bit more comfortable before they all shared a bed later that night, but it was still… ugh. The base of Narcissa’s abdomen twisted with jealousy at just this <em>minor</em> fucking childish thing, and she desperately tried to ignore it.</p>
<p>That, and the look her husband was giving her.</p>
<p>“Please don’t ask,” she begged, as she desperately did not wish to explain who’s bed she was sharing tonight. Lucius had probably assumed Cassandra’s, but if Cassandra was flirting with <em>Bellatrix…</em></p>
<p>“Narcissa, if this is what I think it is, you’re playing with fire,” he softly warned, making sure he wasn’t overheard by anyone in the vicinity. “Is this <em>honestly</em> how you’re attempting to make your dual relationships work? I thought you were <em>jealous</em> of their affair.”</p>
<p>“I was. I <em>am—</em> I’m dealing with it, and so are they. It’s <em>fine, </em>and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t judge us.”</p>
<p>Lucius looked utterly exasperated. He had been so <em>happy</em> to see Cassandra earlier, as they had been friends before he had been carted off to Azkaban, and after they embraced and Cassandra fussed over him because he didn’t look like he was eating enough, and Lucius sympathized with Cassandra by telling her that Goyle was a dick, he asked her how she was fairing after <em>everything,</em> like he assumed her brief affair with Bellatrix was just some bout of mental instability. Which, to be fair, it sort of <em>was.</em> And maybe this whole thing <em>still</em> was, but it was an insanity they all agreed upon all the same, and Narcissa was determined to make it work.</p>
<p>“Now what the fuck am I gonna eat?” Rodolphus snapped, slamming his fork onto the table.</p>
<p>“Shut the hell up and have a cookie,” Alecto snapped, pushing the plate towards Rodolphus from her seat at the table. “Who’s grabbing Greyback tonight because that Montgomery bitch has a five year old son— seems like an apt payback for refusing to cave to our demands.”</p>
<p>Narcissa felt ill— she knew <em>exactly </em>why they would bring the werewolf on their ‘errands’ tonight, but she also knew better than to voice her displeasure out loud; especially with the Dark Lord in the house, even if he was downstairs. Thankfully Cassandra seemed too distracted by Bellatrix to even hear what Alecto had said, as Narcissa was sure she would have <em>no</em> problem saying something, which absolutely terrified her. She would have to have a talk with her girlfriend about biting her tongue while she was living under this roof.</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> lick my fuckin’ fork—”</p>
<p>“Because God forbid I have my tongue anywhere near something that’s <em>yours.”</em></p>
<p>Oh, for Christ’s sake. Narcissa would not meet her husband’s eye as she knew she wouldn’t be able to bear the look she was getting. But it was fine— if they needed to flirt a little to get themselves back into that place as they no longer had their shared revenge to <em>bond</em> over, then… whatever. It wasn’t like either of them were going to catch <em>feelings</em> or anything, which she knew Lucius’ warning about playing with fire had been about. Narcissa was fairly certain that even <em>he</em> knew that would be ridiculous, but it didn’t stop him from worrying about Narcissa getting hurt again.</p>
<p>She did love him for that, even though he was still looking at her very judgmentally out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> fucking do it,” Rodolphus snapped at Alecto as he grabbed a cookie from the plate, sinking deeper into his chair with a miserable expression on his face.</p>
<p>“No, he smells. Did you miss my ‘not it’ rhetoric or were you too busy sulking over pie?”</p>
<p>“Not it,” Amycus was quick to mention, followed by Rodolphus. They all looked at Bellatrix, who had grabbed Cassandra’s wrist in her hand and was trying to guide the fork with the next bite of pie towards her mouth.</p>
<p>“Bella, be <em>gentle!”</em> Narcissa shrieked, not wanting her to accidentally hurt Cassandra and <em>die. </em>God, how had they managed to have sex without Bellatrix snuffing it? Her sister must have had amazing self-restraint. “Cass, please, just give her some pie—”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix is it.”</p>
<p>“What?” Bellatrix asked, just as Cassandra relented with an irritated <em>fine,</em> as she stopped fighting against the other woman’s grip. Bellatrix grabbed both the plate and the fork from her, stuffing the piece of pie into her mouth before turning towards her husband. “What the fuck are you talking about?” she asked, her mouth full.</p>
<p>“If you weren’t so busy flirting with your sister’s<em> girlfriend </em>you’d know,” Rodolphus countered, before he shifted his gaze over to Lucius, confirming, “That is her, right?” Lucius nodded, an exasperated expression still on his face, and Rodolphus turned back to his wife, “What the hell are you even <em>doing?”</em></p>
<p>“I’m not surprised you wouldn’t know what flirting looks like, as bloody <em>nobody</em> flirts with you,” Bellatrix shot back, digging her fork into the pie to get another piece. “It was <em>my</em> pie, for fuck’s sake— now what the hell are you talking about? I got plans later so let’s hurry this shit along. Lucius, are you coming?”</p>
<p>“How many people do you even <em>need</em> for this?” Lucius countered and Bellatrix shrugged, looking irritated that he actually thought she had a proper <em>plan</em>.</p>
<p>“I don’t know— we got a list of people a bloody mile long who’s lives we gotta ruin for pissing Him off; if we split it off into groups we’re done by ten and <em>I</em> can get my cunt licked for the rest of the night, so let’s go.”</p>
<p>“Bella, <em>please,”</em> Narcissa begged, hating how casually she threw around their sex life now that everyone knew. Cassandra came up from behind her, tangling their fingers together as she stood at her side.</p>
<p> “Wait, hold on,” Amycus interjected, jabbing his fork towards Cassandra. “You’re <em>her</em> girlfriend, yet <em>you,”</em> the fork was pointed at Narcissa now, and then finally over to Bellatrix, “fuck her?” He snorted, then looked at Lucius. “And what do you do, <em>film</em> it? Damn, your cock must be real unsatisfying, mate.”</p>
<p>Lucius smirked cruelly. “You could always ask your sister; <em>she</em> seemed to enjoy it.”</p>
<p>Amycus looked <em>furious</em> and Rodolphus burst out laughing, nearly choking on his cookie. “Lucius, what the <em>hell!”</em> Alecto exclaimed, as apparently she had not told her brother-slash-lover that she had bedded Lucius before, and Bellatrix looked at Lucius with disgust and judgment in her eyes before she idly held her fork with a bite of pie near Cassandra’s face in offering, apparently already working on trying to <em>share. </em></p>
<p>“I never thought I’d say this, but I honestly beg of you to continue fucking my sister if <em>that’s</em> your alternative,” Bellatrix told Lucius dryly as Cassandra took the bite of pie into her mouth. Bellatrix’s gaze lingered a little too long on the woman’s lips and Narcissa tried to suppress her irrational irritation, as a part of her wanted Bellatrix to give <em>her</em> pie now even though she actually hated rhubarb, and Bellatrix knew that.</p>
<p>This was stupid. She already needed a drink.</p>
<p>“You know what? <em>Fuck</em> you, Bellatrix,” Alecto snapped, jabbing her fork violently in her direction. “Do you even know how ridiculous you look right now? We all know how <em>pathetic</em> you are over your sister, and now you’re practically all over her girlfriend in an attempt to, what? Stay <em>relevant? </em>Because I hate to be the one to say it, but think she’s already replaced you.”</p>
<p>“Oi! I’m pretty sure our relationships are none of your fuckin’ business actually, so how about you keep your assumptions outta your damn mouth,” Cassandra snapped, causing Alecto’s brow to raise at her <em>audacity</em> before she stood up from her chair, furious that some random woman dared to talk back to her. Narcissa’s stomach twisted into knots; she <em>really</em> needed to explain to Cassandra that she couldn’t just shoot her mouth off around people anymore. She… well, Narcissa <em>did </em>appreciate that she was standing up for Bellatrix – even though, to be quite frank, Bellatrix did not need the help – but the people who occupied Malfoy manor were <em>dangerous </em>and Cassandra really needed to be more careful with her words.</p>
<p>However, it seemed that that warning could wait, as Bellatrix apparently appreciated the woman’s words too.</p>
<p>“Alecto, if you so much as touch her I’ll break your fucking neck,” Bellatrix snapped, moving to stand in front of Cassandra. “She’s an extension of my sister and therefore is off limits, now will all of you shut the fuck up so we can <em>go</em> and I can get back to what I actually want to do tonight? I’m tired of this bullshit.”</p>
<p>“Fine, then go get Greyback so we can get a move on,” Amycus told her before he rose from his seat, still shooting furious glances at Lucius. When Alecto moved a bit too close to him for Amycus’ liking as she tried to get around the table, he closed his hand around his sister’s forearm and roughly guided her to go the other way around. Lucius rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m not getting that animal, are you fucking kidding me? Lucius will do it.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m</em> not bloody doing it!”</p>
<p>“…Is there a problem here?” came a drawling voice from the doorway, and Narcissa paled as she grasped onto Cassandra’s hand a little harder, drawing her closer to her while she, instinctively, practically backed herself up into Lucius. The Dark Lord’s gaze shifted to Bellatrix, who automatically knew she would be the one who would be blamed for them all quarreling like children. “I confess myself disappointed, Bella; I thought you had it in you to <em>lead.”</em></p>
<p>“Apologies, my Lord— we were just leaving,” Bellatrix responded with a respectful bow before she shot a blameful look toward Alecto, who she had decided was the cause for this, and snapped her fingers at her. “Get the werewolf and meet us at the Montgomery’s— I’m not fucking asking.”</p>
<p>Alecto shot her a <em>scathing</em> look but didn’t dare disobey her after the Dark Lord had made it clear who would be in charge, and she disappeared in a billow of dark smoke, her brother right behind her. Bellatrix stepped toward Narcissa then, giving her a quick kiss (and <em>only</em> her, which Narcissa was a little thankful for even though that was <em>stupid) </em>before she instructed, “Wait for me in my room— I’ll be back in a few hours.” She nodded at Lucius then, shifted her eyes towards her husband, and the three of them exited the same way as the twins.</p>
<p>Narcissa had thought they had left her and Cassandra alone with <em>Voldemort </em>though until she looked over at the threshold of the doorway to see that the man had disappeared. At least he regarded Narcissa and Cassandra as unimportant enough to not interact with, and the blonde exhaled the breath she had been holding.</p>
<p>“Come on— I don’t want us to be down here longer than we have to anymore,” Narcissa encouraged her and thankfully Cassandra agreed, following her girlfriend out of the room.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was actually not gone as long as Narcissa assumed she would be. Still, the two women occupied their time getting wine drunk and going through Narcissa’s closet. Cassandra had already put on heavier makeup than normal, apparently making this into an <em>ordeal</em> which, alright, <em>maybe</em> made it a little easier, as that way it seemed more like a kink they were sharing instead of three women involved in a quasi-love triangle who were trying to make sense of it, and Narcissa was <em>staring.</em> Cassandra had done something to her hair to already make it look a little sex mussed, and the light in the bedroom caused the vibrant reds in her tone to accent the dark shadow around her eyes and, Jesus, she looked— she looked fucking <em>hot.</em></p>
<p>And then she pulled out the outfit Narcissa had worn the day Bellatrix had irritatingly prioritized <em>Kreacher</em> over the sex she wanted to have with her, and Cassandra’s brow rose. “Hold on, you got somethin’ like <em>this</em> an’ you’ve never worn it for me? I’m actually kinda offended.”</p>
<p>Narcissa blushed a little, although would be certain to blame it on the wine if she was called out. “I am <em>much</em> too old to be wearing something like that,” she protested, even though it had only been a year ago. Still, she had felt a little old in it then, and she honestly didn’t think she could pull it off as well as…<em> well. </em>“You could wear it though, if it fits.” But then the absurdity of all of this hit Narcissa at once and she groaned, “<em>God,</em> is this stupid? Are we really picking out sex clothes to wear for my <em>sister</em> right now? <em>Together?”</em></p>
<p>“Cissa, trust me— the more we turn this into a sodding porn, the less feelings are involved, which will save <em>all </em>of our bloody sanities as we try to work through this bullshit,” Cassandra rationalized before she held the corset up to her chest, assessing the size before she shrugged and began to disrobe. Narcissa’s staring continued and Cassandra must have felt the woman’s gaze on her as she met her eye and smirked.</p>
<p>“Don’t get yourself goin’ early.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “I’m <em>not,”</em> she assured her, even though she kind of was. She hadn’t seen Cassandra’s body in what felt like forever and she had to force herself to turn away before she pushed herself off the bed, heading towards her bureau so she could at least find something suitable to wear. After pulling open a drawer, Narcissa wrinkled her nose. “You really think it’ll be easier if we turn this into some kind of kink?”</p>
<p>“Babe, I’m a little drunk already an’ I got no bloody idea what I’m doin’, same as you. So no, I dunno, I’m just… tryin’ to figure this shit out as we go. I could just be talkin’ out of my arse, so maybe don’t listen to me.”</p>
<p>Well, that was the exact <em>opposite</em> of the assurance that Narcissa needed.</p>
<p>The blonde exhaled a long breath as she began to rummage through her lingerie, hoping they weren’t making a huge mistake. After finding a red, lacy bra and pantie set, Narcissa figured that would be good enough until Cassandra asked, “What do ya think?” and she turned around and, <em>Jesus,</em> Narcissa needed to up her game to get on par with <em>that.</em></p>
<p>“Oh… my <em>fucking</em> God.”</p>
<p>The outfit <em>definitely</em> looked better on Cassandra than it had on her. The corset might be just a bit too tight on her as Cassandra’s hips were wider than hers, but otherwise it looked… <em>Christ</em>. Narcissa’s eyes darted down to her long legs to take in the fishnets and the heels, and then back up to see that Cassandra had put on the lace garters, except… “Where are the panties to this? They weren’t with the rest of the shit.”</p>
<p>“…It didn’t come with panties.”</p>
<p>Cassandra smirked, apparently unperturbed by that.</p>
<p><em>“No—</em> let me find some because God, you looking like <em>that</em> is already bad enough. Bella needs to hurry the <em>fuck</em> up,” Narcissa swore, feeling herself grow a bit hot under the collar as she quickly found some black panties and threw them toward Cassandra, not wishing to look at her longer than she had to because she was fairly certain she may just spontaneously combust. They <em>really</em> should have dressed up for one another a long time ago.</p>
<p>Narcissa quickly undressed herself, putting on the lingerie set she had picked up but still feeling woefully under-dressed compared to Cassandra. She chewed on her bottom lip a little subconsciously as she stared aimlessly into her drawer, but then suddenly Cassandra was behind her, wrapping a hand in her hair and wrenching her head up and back so Narcissa would be forced to look at their reflection in the mirror. The blonde exhaled a desperate groan, growing wet just from the <em>look</em> in Cassandra’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Y’know… bein’ in this outfit <em>really</em> makes me wanna dom ya.”</p>
<p>“God, <em>please,”</em> Narcissa begged as she leaned back against her, forgetting for a second that they were waiting for someone else. Cassandra, however, thankfully didn’t. She chuckled softly against her ear before gently biting down on her lobe. Her grip loosened as she released her, and Narcissa practically crumpled on to the bureau. “Think your sister would be pissed if I robbed her of the pleasure tonight, but I will <em>definitely</em> be callin’ in my chit for that later.”</p>
<p>Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, using her palms to steady herself against the furniture as she looked at her girlfriend’s reflection in the mirror. “Speaking of, how the hell is this going to <em>work?”</em> she asked, still feeling rather overwhelmed by what was going to happen tonight. “The dynamic between the three of us, I mean. Do we just allow Bellatrix to top us both?”</p>
<p>Cassandra shrugged, stepping back from her a little. A little space between them was probably good until Bellatrix arrived. “I mean, I assumed a little power play would be involved, ‘cause that’s the<em> only</em> thing we really—” But she cut herself off, a little afraid to talk <em>casually</em> about their affair. Narcissa sighed as she grabbed her glass of wine, downing the rest of it in one go. They both needed to push past this feeling if this was ever going to work.</p>
<p>“No, finish what you were going to say.”</p>
<p>Cassandra hesitated for a moment, but it was brief. “I dunno. I was just <em>sayin’</em> that she only ever really dommed me when we were in bed together. I can play this however you want it to go, Cissa, but considering I know she does the same to <em>you</em> most days<em>,</em> I figured that would be how this went tonight. ‘Cause I mean, can you honestly see her relinquishing power?”</p>
<p>No. Absolutely not. Bellatrix had to have a <em>lot</em> of trust for something like that, and this was no where near that level. Narcissa shook her head and Cassandra shot her a pointed glance before she went to go refill her own wine glass. Narcissa wrinkled her nose though, remembering what Cassandra being <em>submissive</em> to her sister entailed.</p>
<p>“Are you seriously going to call her ‘Daddy’ during this?”</p>
<p>Cassandra smirked, pouring the dark liquid into her glass. “Only if she wears the cock— that’s the only time I ever call ‘er that.”</p>
<p>Narcissa suppressed a groan, leaning defeatedly against the bureau. “Great. Bellatrix is <em>definitely</em> going to wear a cock during this; she probably already has one on underneath her bloody robes. Anytime she <em>expects</em> sex she likes to wear it.”</p>
<p>Cassandra quirked an intrigued brow. “That’s actually kinda fuckin’ hot.”</p>
<p>“I <em>know,</em> but that still doesn’t mean you have to call her that— she already has enough of a dick complex; must you make it worse?”</p>
<p>Cassandra motioned her wine glass toward the door. “You can take it up with her if you don’t like it, Cissa, but I generally just do what she likes an’ <em>that</em> is what she likes. I do the <em>obedient</em> submissive thing, not the brat thing like you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth fell open in offense. “—Hey!”</p>
<p>Cassandra shot her an exasperated look after she had taken another sip of her wine. “It’s a subset of the kink, not an insult, an’ I’ve been fuckin’ ya for <em>years,</em> babe; I already know if you’re in one of your moods you can be mouthy and combative when it comes to even <em>mild </em>power play.”</p>
<p>Well, that was… accurate, honestly. Fine. Narcissa pursed her lips, her gaze trailing over her girlfriend’s attire once more before finally getting interrupted by the door opening behind her. Narcissa looked over her shoulder at her sister, who had stopped dead in the doorway once she saw what was greeting her.</p>
<p>“…Holy fucking shit.”</p>
<p>Well, apparently the outfits were effective at least.</p>
<p>“Bella, close the <em>door,”</em> Narcissa hissed, seeing <em>Rodolphus</em> of all bloody people coming down the hallway behind his wife. He stopped in his tracks the second his gaze landed on Narcissa and Cassandra, his eyes nearly bugging out of his skull. “<em>Bella!”</em></p>
<p>“Shit— sorry,” Bellatrix actually apologized, shaking herself out of her staring contest with the two women. Cassandra had come forward to block Narcissa from Rodolphus’ gaze which Narcissa was thankful for as she was much more self-conscious than her girlfriend, but she also didn’t want Rodolphus looking at <em>her</em> either. Bellatrix stood in front of the door before she closed it, snapping at Rodolphus, “Get your own fucking porn— I already called this one<em>,”</em> before she slammed it in his face, locking it and casting the silencing charm. Narcissa exhaled, but still looked annoyed as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared blamefully at her sister.</p>
<p>“He’s going to fuck himself over us, Bella. <em>Again!”</em></p>
<p>“What do you want me to do? I can’t control his<em> wanking</em> habits, Cissy, damn.” She pulled out a small bottle of firewhiskey from the inside of her robes, placing it on the counter. Apparently, she had the same thought that they did. Bellatrix glanced over at the half drunk bottle of wine, nodding towards it. “That enough for you both?”</p>
<p><em>“No,</em> give me that,” Narcissa demanded, as already she was starting to feel strangely nervous. Bellatrix passed her the bottle though and she opened it, taking a large swig. As what Narcissa hoped was a cheap knockoff of liquid courage burned it’s way down her throat, she offered the bottle to Cassandra, but the younger woman declined.</p>
<p>“If I mix that with wine I’ll get sick.”</p>
<p>“Go drink some more wine then, Kitten,” Bellatrix encouraged her, and Narcissa’s nose wrinkled at the pet name as she shoved the bottle back at her sister, who noticed the look.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t start,” Bellatrix chastised her before taking a swig of the whiskey herself. “If you can’t handle <em>that</em> you’re not going to be able to handle most of this.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t <em>say</em> anything.”</p>
<p>Cassandra tangled her fingers in Narcissa’s, gently pulling her girlfriend toward her before she kissed her softly, attempting to make Narcissa a little more comfortable. “Just relax, babe, yeah?” she tried, even though <em>she</em> didn’t look very relaxed herself either, and now it was Bellatrix’s turn to pull a face at the display. Narcissa noticed.</p>
<p>“See? This isn’t exactly comfortable for <em>you</em> either.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>fine,</em>” Bellatrix insisted, although took a bigger swig of the firewhiskey this time before placing the bottle heavily on the bureau. She nodded at them. “Kiss her again.” Cassandra quirked a brow at her, and Narcissa narrowed her eyes. Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath, “Look, just fucking <em>do</em> it and maybe I’ll get used to it, I don’t know. Then I can kiss Cissy and Cassandra can kiss <em>me</em> and we’ll all be bloody fine, eventually. I’m already too horny for this stalling shit, so let’s go.”</p>
<p>Narcissa had no idea how any of them were going to handle this, but at least she wasn’t the one who would have to deal with her jealousy <em>first.</em> So she did as Bellatrix asked and brought Cassandra toward her, resolving to kiss her as though Bellatrix wasn’t <em>watching</em> as she wrapped her arms around her neck, kissing her deeply. It wasn’t <em>long</em> by any means, but it certainly wasn’t short either, and when the two of them parted from their passionate and intimate kiss, Narcissa leaned against Cassandra’s chest with her head tucked beneath the woman’s chin as she looked over at her sister with a wary expression.</p>
<p>She couldn’t, for the life of her, decipher what the look on Bellatrix’s face meant.</p>
<p>Whatever it was though, Bellatrix seemed resolved to ignore it even if it was <em>bad</em> as she said, “Fuck it. Cissy, come here.” She held out her hand and Narcissa bit down gently on her bottom lip before untangling herself from Cassandra, allowing her sister to pull her towards her. Bellatrix practically threw her up against the bureau before attacking her mouth with her own, causing a soft whimper to escape Narcissa’s throat as her eyes fell closed and she grasped for her, feeling a little off-balance. When Bellatrix parted from her Narcissa’s lips were swollen and she was slightly out of breath, and when her gaze landed on Cassandra she saw the other woman was biting the inside of her cheek, but Narcissa couldn’t tell if that was because it <em>bothered</em> her or because it turned her on.</p>
<p>With the woman’s incest fetish, it could really have gone either way.</p>
<p>Bellatrix wasted no time moving on though, but how she approached Cassandra was much different than the rough and possessive manner she had used with Narcissa. Cassandra was oddly still as Bellatrix practically circled her like she was her prey. She suddenly snatched the younger woman’s jaw then, pulling Cassandra toward her. Narcissa bit back a soft hiss, afraid of the level of roughness Bellatrix was exerting, but perhaps consent counted for a lot when it came to the Unbreakable Vow. Either way, it probably didn’t <em>hurt</em> Cassandra, which was another big factor. Still, it made Narcissa paranoid.</p>
<p>“Bella, please be gentle.”</p>
<p>“Relax. I know my limits with her,” Bellatrix responded distractedly before she leaned forward, gently snaking out her tongue to taste the younger woman’s bottom lip. “Mmm… <em>beg me.”</em></p>
<p>Oh come on, <em>really?</em> Why did she feel the need to make some kind of <em>show</em> out of Cassandra’s kiss? Even if this was the kind of thing they did, it was just— a <em>lot,</em> honestly. Still, Narcissa did not say anything as she watched them, a tightness enveloping the pit of her stomach.</p>
<p>Cassandra, who had easily slipped into her role, begged breathlessly with, “Please,” but apparently <em>that</em> wasn’t good enough, as Bellatrix pulled the woman even closer to her, making certain she was up against her pelvis. Narcissa watched a slow smirk cross Cassandra’s face, and God, she already knew what Cassandra was going to say before the words were even out of her mouth. “Please— please kiss me, Daddy…”</p>
<p>“Bella, for <em>fuck’s </em>sake,” Narcissa snapped, but her sister wasn’t listening to her as she rewarded Cassandra with a passionate kiss that was demanding and sexy and <em>awful</em> because Jesus, even irritated Narcissa was still a little wet and this was a fucking mess that she already hated, yet she grabbed the bottle of whiskey next to her and took another large swig, because Narcissa knew she was still going to bloody do it <em>anyway. </em></p>
<p>Once the two women parted, Narcissa slammed the bottle back down on the bureau. “You did that on purpose,” she accused her sister, before her gaze shifted to Cassandra. “And<em> you </em>aren’t much better.”</p>
<p>Cassandra immediately fell out of her role. “Sorry; I’ll stop if it makes ya uncomfortable. That was just— it was what we <em>did. </em>If ya really hate it that much then we don’t have to though—” She looked so terribly guilty all of a sudden, and it in turn made <em>Narcissa</em> feel guilty because she didn’t want Cassandra to feel that way. This was just… a little weird for her, admittedly, that was all. Still, that wasn’t Cassandra’s fault.</p>
<p>“No, <em>I’m</em> sorry— please don’t feel bad; I was the one who talked you into this, you can do whatever you want with her…”</p>
<p>“Oh Christ, are we really going to do this?” Bellatrix snapped, irritated by this getting a bit too real for her liking. “Narcissa, <em>believe</em> me, you’re going to want me to have control over her during this, because what I have in store for <em>you</em> you’re going to bloody well enjoy. Now take off your fucking panties and get on the bed; I’m going to have your <em>girlfriend</em> get you ready for what I’m going to do to you. Okay? Will you stop <em>bitching</em> now?”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her a bratty look and, <em>oh,</em> that’s what Cassandra had meant earlier. Still, she didn’t particularly enjoy being talked to like that, despite another part of her being too bloody horny to care after Bellatrix’s promise for what she had in store for her. Narcissa hesitated for a moment, but it was only briefly— the horny part of her had won.</p>
<p>“Good girl,” Bellatrix placated her sardonically as she watched her sister slide her panties down her thighs. Narcissa rolled her eyes, but did eventually do what she was told and got on the bed. She watched Bellatrix slide her fingers through Cassandra’s hair as she pulled the other woman toward her, whispering something in her ear. She saw the younger woman’s brow rise a little, but whatever Bellatrix had told her to do she acknowledged she understood with a nod, and Bellatrix pulled away from her to smack her lightly on the arse before she walked away to finally disrobe herself.</p>
<p>Cassandra began to crawl over to her on the bed and Narcissa lightly bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes never leaving her girlfriend. Their lips connected in a brief kiss as Cassandra’s hand slid down her body, her fingers sliding through her folds as she prompted a small groan to escape the blonde’s lips. Narcissa looked up at her, her palm gently touching the younger woman’s face as she felt the need to check in. “You’re okay?” she breathed, as she just realized that Cassandra had said she felt a bit like Bellatrix’s <em>whore</em> before, and that was the last thing Narcissa wanted her to feel like. Even if this dynamic was their norm, Narcissa didn’t want Cassandra forcing herself into a role that made her feel degraded.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Cassandra whispered, the pads of her fingers gently stimulating the blonde’s clit. “Are you?” Narcissa pursed her lips and nodded before her gaze shifted past Cassandra to look at her sister, who had just pulled her robes from her body to reveal black lingerie and a cock strapped to her groin. She wasn’t looking at them as she threw her clothes into the hamper, and Narcissa’s gaze found her girlfriend’s again as she felt Cassandra allow her fingers to dip further down, coating her digits with the other woman’s arousal.</p>
<p>“If she tells you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, you don’t have to do it,” Narcissa breathlessly reminded her and Cassandra smirked a bit, finding Narcissa’s concern endearing.</p>
<p>“I’m aware,” she responded before she bit down lightly on her bottom lip, allowing her fingers to slide even further down before she gently spread Narcissa’s arousal over her puckered hole. “This okay?” she was the one to ask now, and Narcissa blushed a furious crimson. Shit, had Bellatrix really wanted her to get her ready in <em>that</em> way? She had never— her and Cassandra had never done <em>this </em>before.</p>
<p>“I…” she tried, but she hesitated and Cassandra immediately took her fingers away. Narcissa reached out to snatch her wrist though, stilling her movements. Out of the corner of her eye she could see her sister watching them curiously, taking another swig of the liquor. “No, I’m— I like it, I’m just…”</p>
<p>“Embarrassed?” Cassandra finished softly for her, realizing. She replaced her hand though, gently teasing her. She didn’t look uncomfortable with it by any means, but Narcissa still felt a little strange that it was out in the open now. Bellatrix had been the only person to have ever known that part of her. “S’nothing wrong with it, Cissa. You shoulda told me you liked it. I woulda done it a <em>long</em> time ago.”</p>
<p>“I just…” Narcissa began, but was cut off by a short gasp as Cassandra worked a singular finger inside her tight passageway, beginning to stretch her. “<em>Shit—</em> I didn’t… I didn’t want you to look at me like I was <em>dirty</em> or anything…”</p>
<p>“Nothin’ wrong with bein’ dirty from time to time,” Cassandra breathed in her ear before she gently took the blonde’s earlobe in her teeth. The mattress compressed then, Bellatrix moving toward them, having heard the latter part of their conversation.</p>
<p>“Cissy, you’re the dirtiest bitch I’ve ever met and it’s <em>hot,</em> so shut the fuck up; being embarrassed over it is pointless.”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> shut up— come here,” Narcissa demanded breathlessly as she reached for her, not wanting Bellatrix to feel left out in any way even though she was <em>annoying.</em> She brought her down for a passionate kiss that she had to break early due to a deep moan being coaxed out of her as Cassandra worked a second finger inside of her. Still, she fisted her hands in Bellatrix’s curls before pushing on the top of her head, trying to guide her to where she wanted her to go. “Go down on me while she’s getting me ready for your dick,” she demanded, and Bellatrix snorted.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, do you think <em>you’re</em> in charge here?”</p>
<p>“Come on, Bella, she has an <em>incest fetish;</em> at least give her a show,” Narcissa pleaded despite this, still, being mostly for her. Regardless, she knew Cassandra got off on the taboo of it, and Bellatrix’s <em>mouth</em> on her was way more intimate than her fingers or her strap on, and therefore should logically be more attractive to Cassandra because it was, in a way, even <em>more</em> wrong.</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked back at Cassandra before she righted herself, pinching the younger woman’s chin before she brought her towards her. “What do <em>you</em> want, Kitten?” she breathed, causing Narcissa to roll her eyes because of <em>course </em>she wouldn’t do it just because <em>Narcissa</em> asked her to. No, let’s pretend she never has any control at all— Bellatrix might <em>top</em> her most days, but that didn’t mean that Narcissa didn’t get what she wanted when she wanted it unless she was <em>actively</em> surrendering her control to Bellatrix, which she did not have to considering Cassandra was currently fulfilling that particular role at the moment.</p>
<p>Cassandra wet her lips as she stared at Bellatrix’s. “I wanna see you put her cunt in your mouth,” she breathed, thankfully looking turned on by the prospect. Narcissa was still half-worried about all of their jealousy, but Bellatrix at least seemed okay with Cassandra’s fingers being in her arse, or had decided to merely disregard it for the time being. Narcissa didn’t think she had actually <em>looked</em>, now that she was thinking about it.</p>
<p>She, however, got a very clear view from her position on the bed of the two of <em>them</em> as Cassandra leaned in, practically nuzzling her face into Bellatrix’s neck before she breathed in her ear, “Go down on her for me, Daddy…”</p>
<p>For <em>her?</em> Narcissa stared at them both with a haughty expression, a little jealous but honestly more <em>annoyed</em> that Bellatrix wanted to pretend she didn’t just oblige her because she wanted to act <em>different</em> while in front of another person. Honestly, she was treating Cassandra like a <em>pet</em> which was… arguably, better than a whore at least, but the level of grooming was ridiculous even though Cassandra was <em>eating it up</em> and that was… sort of really hot and, Jesus, the amount of conflicting feelings was making Narcissa squirm, which only got worse once Cassandra <em>felt</em> that and began to move inside of her again, albeit still while she was staring at Bellatrix.</p>
<p>“Fuck— Bella, <em>please,”</em> Narcissa caved, giving up because <em>who bloody cared;</em> she just wanted her sister’s mouth on her. Bellatrix smirked, turning back towards her sister as she swooped her hair over the side of her neck.</p>
<p>“See? Everything goes so much smoother when you know your place, Cissy,” she breathed as she settled down on the other side of her sister, being careful not to get in Cassandra’s way, who was still very much inside of her. “I’m going to make you beg for a lot of things before the night is over, so I’d start saying goodbye to your dignity if I were you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>fuck</em> you—” Narcissa hissed, even though her chest flushed and her insides clenched, which was only exacerbated as Bellatrix slapped her pussy, making her cry out as she pushed her hips toward her. Bellatrix chuckled low in her throat before she leaned down, making a bloody elaborate showing of dragging her tongue up her center for Cassandra’s benefit, who <em>stared </em>very goddamn blatantly, her breathing shallowing a little bit.</p>
<p>Okay, good. She was definitely into it then.</p>
<p>Bellatrix took her clit into her mouth, gently pulling and sucking on it before she released her, using the tip of her tongue to gather up the arousal that was spilling from between her sister’s thighs. Bellatrix leaned up then, grasping Cassandra by the back of her neck as she pulled her in for a deep kiss, allowing the woman to taste Narcissa on her tongue. Cassandra groaned desperately and she pushed deeper inside of Narcissa. The blonde exhaled a hard breath, her insides clenching as she watched them slide their tongues into each other’s mouths, finally seeing the two of them together as… well, a <em>lot </em>less horrifying than she had before. In fact, the more Narcissa watched them, the more she realized they were actually… kind of <em>attractive</em> together.</p>
<p>Okay, <em>very</em> attractive together.</p>
<p>“Bella, I want to watch you go down on her,” Narcissa realized, causing both women to stop kissing in order to look at her. Bellatrix cocked an eyebrow in her direction as Cassandra leaned her chin on Bellatrix’s shoulder, looking at her girlfriend with a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. She was genuinely enjoying this, which calmed whatever was left of Narcissa’s anxiety.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was easy— she might get a little jealous at first but at the end of the day she now had <em>two</em> women in her bed, and like the huge lesbian that she was, that made her happy enough to override anything else she may be feeling. Cassandra however, had had a difficult time trying to move <em>past</em> her affair with Bellatrix, only to be dragged right back into it by the very same person who had condemned her for it. Narcissa felt like an absolute arsehole about that now considering how this all turned out, and because of that Narcissa realized that she was strangely <em>okay</em> with her two lovers having a thing for one another because maybe that was how this was supposed to go all along.</p>
<p>Maybe, as mad as it was, this was the only way something like this would ever make <em>sense.</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix shot her sister an exasperated look. “You <em>just</em> said you wanted me to go down on <em>you.”</em></p>
<p>“I changed my mind.”</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you, I can fucking see that. Do you have any other demands, Princess; should I wait for a <em>list </em>before I continue?” she asked sardonically and Cassandra snorted, pressing her lips against Bellatrix’s shoulder to hide her smirk. “Calm down, Cissy; I’m glad you’re getting into this and I am <em>definitely</em> going to fuck the shit out of your girlfriend in front of you later, but right now, we’re doing what <em>I</em> want.”</p>
<p>Cassandra smirked, leaning up to whisper something in Bellatrix’s ear. Narcissa watched her sister grin, looking rather impressed with whatever her suggestion was that <em>apparently</em> Narcissa was not privy to. The blonde narrowed her eyes in silent protest. “Good idea, Kitten,” she obliged her request, and Cassandra gently worked her fingers from Narcissa, who hissed at the lack of intrusion she had become adjusted to.</p>
<p>“Wait, where are you going?” Bellatrix asked as Cassandra got off the bed yet headed <em>away </em>from them for a moment. Cassandra held up her hand to her as though she should have gathered the answer on her own.</p>
<p>“Washing, obviously.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “For fuck’s sake you’re just going to get them <em>dirty</em> again.”</p>
<p>“I’m not puttin’ my fingers that were just in her arse in her cunt or <em>your</em> cunt or… come on,” Cassandra rationalized as she walked into the master bathroom, turning the water on before getting some soap.</p>
<p>“What? <em>Why?”</em></p>
<p>“Bella, shut <em>up; </em>you’re being embarrassing,” Narcissa hissed as she sat up, grabbing her sister’s arm. She could deal with Cassandra knowing she was dirty in some ways, but knowing she let Bellatrix do shit like <em>that…</em></p>
<p>“’Cause it could cause an infection or some shit!” Cassandra exclaimed from the bathroom before she turned off the water, wiping her hands on the towel. Bellatrix looked at her like she had three heads.</p>
<p>“Literally has <em>never</em> happened, but go off I guess.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Narcissa groaned, flopping back down on the bed as she covered her face with her hands, wanting to die. She didn’t move her hands or look at Cassandra as she heard the other woman come back into the room. There was a brief moment of hesitation and what sounded like some shuffling before Narcissa felt her sit down on the bed next to her. Cassandra gently grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face.</p>
<p>“I still love you, ya dirty bitch,” she teased her, making Narcissa’s cheeks flush. “Look at me.” Narcissa wrinkled her nose but did as instructed, only for her eyes to widen as suddenly Cassandra was stuffing the panties she had just taken off into her mouth. “Now be quiet, yeah? This is your sister’s show right now.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked at the indignant look on Narcissa’s face, realizing that was what Cassandra had asked Bellatrix to do when she was trying to power bottom. Bellatrix purred happily, crawling over Narcissa’s body to sweep the hair off of Cassandra’s shoulder before placing a gentle kiss on it.</p>
<p>“I knew I liked you for a reason,” she breathed into her ear, and Cassandra looked so very <em>proud</em> of herself for Bellatrix’s approval that it made Narcissa roll her eyes. They both ignored her however, Bellatrix apparently deciding that it was Cassandra who was deserving of attention now as she encouraged the other woman up on her knees so that they were both on either side of Narcissa as she slid her hand down the younger woman’s body, her fingers getting lost in her folds <em>right</em> where Narcissa would have a clear view of it. Narcissa’s breathing shallowed as she watched Cassandra close her eyes and exhale a deep groan, her head lulling back so Bellatrix could gently suck on the base of her neck.</p>
<p>Because she <em>was— </em>Bellatrix was <em>gentle </em>with her. But then again, it wasn’t like she had much choice in that matter, considering the Vow put her under a lot of constraints in that regard. It was probably why she chose to treat Cassandra like some kind of cherished <em>pet</em> rather than the submissive she could roughly degrade, as she had always been fond of doing to Narcissa. Bellatrix no doubt <em>wanted</em> to treat Cassandra that way as well, but at this point she clearly was happy to take what she could get, because she <em>was</em> happy. Narcissa could see how much Bellatrix was enjoying having Cassandra in her bed, and although there was this small, paranoid voice in the back of her head that was warning Narcissa that Bellatrix being forced to be <em>soft</em> with Cassandra could blur some weird lines for her, she tried to ignore it because that was probably a stupid thing to concern herself over.</p>
<p>After playing with her for a little bit, Bellatrix slipped her fingers further down, getting them coated with Cassandra’s arousal before she pulled her hand back, smirking as she looked at the evidence of the woman’s desire being stretched between Cassandra’s body and her hand. “Mmm, I love how <em>wet</em> you get for me, Kitten,” she breathed against her lips, which made Narcissa snort because it wasn’t just for <em>her.</em> Cassandra did just get ridiculously wet <em>very</em> easily; like more than Narcissa had ever seen anyone before.</p>
<p>But, then again, the only two people she had to compare against were herself and Bellatrix, so it wasn’t like she was well-versed in the area.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you ever get this wet for me, Cissy?” Bellatrix mock pouted before she held her fingers up to Cassandra’s mouth, encouraging the other woman to clean them off, who eagerly obliged her.</p>
<p>Narcissa defiantly spit out Cassandra’s panties. “Because I don’t like you that much,” she deadpanned, and Bellatrix burst out laughing before pulling away from Cassandra to move towards her sister’s head, grasping onto the enchanted phallus between her thighs as she pulled it up a little more, straddling Narcissa’s face as she faced down her body.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Cissy— put your mouth to better uses.”</p>
<p>Thankfully the harness split off into a V so it allowed space to get to her sister’s cunt, and although a part of Narcissa wanted to tell her to fuck off, the other part of her… <em>well.</em> Whatever. She buried her face between her sister’s thighs just as Cassandra came closer to them, settling herself half on top of her girlfriend so she could be eye-level with—</p>
<p>“Oh, Jesus <em>fuck—”</em> Bellatrix gasped as Cassandra did not wait for instructions or any kind of go ahead and took it upon herself to take the entire phallus Bellatrix was wearing into her mouth. Her hand went to Cassandra’s hair encouragingly, and Narcissa had to wonder what this felt like for her; the phallus was enchanted so she could <em>feel</em> what Cassandra was doing to her, but she could also feel her sister’s tongue in her cunt so it must be… well, a <em>lot.</em></p>
<p>Cassandra sucked Bellatrix’s cock with far more enthusiasm than Narcissa knew <em>she</em> would ever expend, but then again she was, admittedly, much lazier than Cassandra was when it came to sex. She enjoyed fucking others, yes, but at the end of the day, she would still rather everyone be fucking <em>her,</em> and that probably showed more than she should let it. Whatever. At least they had each <em>other</em> now.</p>
<p>Because— because that was what this <em>was,</em> right? This wasn’t just going to be a one off thing; Narcissa had thought for a moment it might be, but now they were all too into it and this was probably going to make things <em>messier,</em> because what if they wanted to fuck one another one-on-one again? Would Narcissa be <em>okay</em> with that? Maybe she was beginning to be okay watching them fuck each other while she was <em>there,</em> but she couldn’t speak yet to how she’d feel if they started doing it without her. But even if they approached her and at least had the decency to <em>ask</em> this time, could Narcissa really deny them? She fucked both of <em>them </em>one-on-one, after all.</p>
<p>Narcissa tried not to think about it too much, as that was tomorrow’s problem. Instead she pulled back from her sister a little in order to work her fingers inside of her, feeling Bellatrix tense around her and groan, “Fuck, Cissy— you really do have the best bloody taste in women.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes and Cassandra had to pull the cock out of her mouth to laugh. “Thanks,” Narcissa responded dryly before she worked another finger inside of her sister and curled them towards her g-spot just as Cassandra put the phallus back into her mouth. Bellatrix swore, her hand shooting out to slam against the headboard behind her. “Now fuck off and come for us, Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>Cassandra went to work using both her hands and her mouth to pleasure the phallus strapped to Bellatrix while Narcissa fucked her with her fingers, reveling in the way her sister panted and swore above her as she gripped the headboard so hard her knuckles flashed white. “Fuck, <em>fuck— </em>shit, if either of you stop I’ll fucking kill you—” she threatened, even though a whole of <em>nobody</em> was planning to, but perhaps her sister still needed to feel in control while she was practically ravaged.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long. Cassandra deep-throated the dick just as Narcissa curled her fingers inside of her again and Bellatrix exhaled a loud shout as she tensed, a strong orgasm ripping through her body as she shuddered and nearly collapsed on top of Narcissa’s face, which made Narcissa violently slap her thighs before her sister practically suffocated her. Thankfully Cassandra had taken the cock out of her mouth before she collapsed though, otherwise she probably would have choked, and Narcissa slapped her sister one more time for good measure as the woman rolled off of her.</p>
<p>“Jesus, you couldn’t have tried to hold yourself up? I nearly <em>died.”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra snorted, coming to rest at her girlfriend’s side. “You’re so bloody dramatic,” she teased before wasting no time dragging her tongue around Narcissa’s areola. Cassandra took it entirely into her mouth then and Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, her hand fisting in a mess of red hair as she decided to allow the ‘dramatic’ thing pass by without comment.</p>
<p>Bellatrix snapped her fingers at them, causing both Narcissa <em>and</em> Cassandra to look at her like she had to be joking with that. “Sorry— I’m still trying to… fucking breathe,” Bellatrix apologized through labored breathes which was… well, unexpected. Appreciated all the same though, and both women looked far less irritated. “Anyway, stop doing that— Cissy’s the last to come,” she told Cassandra, who automatically moved <em>off</em> of her without even a second thought.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth dropped open. “What? <em>Why?”</em></p>
<p>“Because you<em> were </em>first in my original plan — which was why I had her try to get you ready — but then you got<em> mouthy</em> per fucking usual<em>, </em>so guess what? You got pushed to the bottom of the list.”</p>
<p>Oh, what the fuck.</p>
<p>Cassandra looked happy though as she realized that meant it was <em>her</em> turn, and she sat on her knees, folding her hands in front of her lap as she looked over at Bellatrix with a sweet look. “Daddy…?” she asked in a voice that was <em>much</em> higher and much more innocent than she normally sounded, and Narcissa groaned.</p>
<p>“Oh God, <em>please</em> don’t do the voice,” she begged, as that just made it <em>weirder,</em> and yet of course Bellatrix’s pupils darkened in desire because she got off on fucked up shit like that as she crawled over to her.</p>
<p>“Yes, Kitten?”</p>
<p>Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip enticingly and Bellatrix reached out, running her fingers through her hair as she looked at her adoringly. Narcissa <em>really </em>hoped that was just due to their Master/Pet dynamic, and therefore left it alone; there was no need to get needlessly paranoid. “If I’m good, will you do what I ask for?” Cassandra asked her, still in that innocent voice that Bellatrix ate up because of <em>course</em> she had a Daddy’s Little Princess fetish.</p>
<p>“You’ve already been <em>very</em> good, Kitten; tell Daddy what you want.”</p>
<p>“You both are gross,” Narcissa muttered, finding the whole kink to be so far past her own boundaries of comfort, but apparently that was one comment too many for Cassandra who whipped her head towards her girlfriend, looking immensely annoyed.</p>
<p>“Stop kink-shaming us, Narcissa, for <em>fuck’s</em> sake,” she snapped, causing Narcissa’s eyes to widen and Bellatrix to look amused that it didn’t have to be <em>her</em> that told Narcissa to shut the fuck up this time. “You were so bloody embarrassed about me findin’ out you like bein’ done in the arse an’ did I shame you for that? No—”</p>
<p>“Well you apparently <em>like—”</em></p>
<p>“Did I<em> sound</em> like I was fuckin’ finished talkin’?” Cassandra asked furiously, causing Bellatrix to snort behind her while Narcissa felt a bit like she had been slapped. “I get it’s not your kink, <em>fine,</em> but it’s ours an’ you’re gonna damn well let us have it. This threesome is not just about <em>you,</em> okay? I love ya, but you’re actin’ like a brat an’ not in the sexy way. I dunno why the whole ‘Daddy’ thing freaks ya out so much anyway— you fuck your bloody <em>sister, </em>so I dunno what kind of high-horse you’re tryin’ to ride in on here, Cissa, but I think it’s a lot bloody lower than you realize.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, feeling thoroughly chastised. “Sorry,” she breathed as she sat up, feeling awful for having ruined this. She felt so bloody <em>stupid,</em> because it wasn’t like she had her own list of weird kinks a mile long, so who was she to tell Cassandra and Bellatrix what they should like? Cassandra was right— she <em>was</em> being a brat. “I’ll stop. I don’t want to— I mean, if you guys want to just… I’ll watch. It’s fine. I want you to enjoy this, Cass, I’m really… I’m really sorry.”</p>
<p>“Why does she get an apology but <em>I</em> don’t?” Bellatrix interjected. “You were shitting all over me for it too.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Narcissa acknowledged, as her sister was right; it was definitely directed at her too. “Like I said, I’ll just… you guys can do your thing if you want. I can take a break.”</p>
<p>“No one is <em>uninvitin’</em> you, ya fuckin’ knob,” Cassandra responded exasperatedly. “Just… I know you won’t do this for me, an’ that’s <em>okay,</em> but I like that she does. I don’t wanna have to apologize for that. You <em>know</em> this is already iffy for me ‘cause of— I mean, you <em>flipped out…”</em></p>
<p>“That’s because it was behind my <em>back,</em> Cassandra,” Narcissa said quietly, knowing what her girlfriend was getting at. She already had to apologize so much where Bellatrix was involved, and she shouldn’t have to do it because of <em>this</em> too, as this was actually harmless.</p>
<p>“I know,” Cassandra acknowledged, but her expression was starting to mask over with anxiety as she shook out her hands. “I <em>know</em>, an’ I know you said you’ve forgiven me but because this also kinda seems like it came out of bloody <em>no where</em> after we had worked so hard to get <em>past</em> this whole thing, there’s still this fuckin’ paranoid part of me that’s like, ‘what if this is just some kind of elaborate way to get back at me’?”</p>
<p>“<em>What?”</em> Narcissa asked, horrified that she would even <em>think</em> that. “Cass, no, I would never <em>do</em> that—”</p>
<p>“I know, I just— I dunno. Fuck, I need a minute,” Cassandra exclaimed, pushing herself away from Bellatrix and getting off the bed before coming to rest near the bureau, her hands clutching the edges of it as she tried to regulate her breathing and <em>shit,</em> she was actually really terrified of that possibility, wasn’t she?</p>
<p>“Now look what the fuck you did,” Bellatrix snapped at her sister, pushing herself off of the bed in a huff before she made her way over to Cassandra, gently grabbing the woman’s wrist when she tried to grab for the firewhiskey bottle.</p>
<p>“No— you said that would get you sick. Hold on a second,” she told her gently before she crossed the room to get the wine bottle, pouring her another glass. Bellatrix handed it to her then, and Narcissa watched them both with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Cass…” she tried, moving off of the bed, but Bellatrix furiously held her finger up to her and Narcissa fell silent, staying where she was as she watched her sister actually show <em>empathy</em> towards another human being. Something violent and ugly twisted in the base of Narcissa’s gut but she made every effort to ignore it, as now was <em>not</em> the time to have a jealous fit.</p>
<p>Bellatrix touched Cassandra’s waist, getting her attention as Cassandra looked over at her, her expression still a little stricken. “Don’t get all fucking paranoid; this shit was <em>my</em> idea, not hers,” Bellatrix told her. “Besides, Cissy could never pull off a bloody elaborate scheme like that— she’s too fucking emotional. <em>I</em> could, sure; I’d get a huge fucking kick out of being an arsehole like that, but <em>she</em> wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“And <em>you </em>aren't?” Cassandra asked softly, as she was well-aware how well Bellatrix could play the long game with her revenge. “Pullin’ some type of shit just to piss her off again?”</p>
<p>“I already got my revenge, why should I care?”</p>
<p>“I dunno— bloody <em>none</em> of this makes any sense, honestly…” Cassandra breathed, all of this hitting her all at once. Narcissa pursed her lips as she met her sister’s gaze, who finally relented that she come over with a head nod. While a part of Narcissa did <em>not</em> like that Bellatrix was dictating how <em>her</em> girlfriend should be comforted, Narcissa knew better than to bitch about it; right now, what mattered was getting Cassandra comfortable again.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Narcissa coaxed softly, coming up behind the younger woman before she tangled her fingers in Cassandra’s coaxing the redhead to turn and face her. “I know my sister and I are… <em>fucked </em>up, to put it mildly, and I’m sorry we’re dragging you into the middle of our mess, but… honestly, we both really <em>want </em>you in the middle of it.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Cassandra asked softly, still sounding so terribly confused. Narcissa shot her a gentle smile as she slowly began to back up, bringing the other woman towards the bed again before she stopped just shy of it, having an idea.</p>
<p>“Because you’re hot as fuck?” Bellatrix answered for her, as though that should be obvious as she followed, keeping herself behind Cassandra when they stopped. She brushed the hair off the woman’s shoulder, continuing, “Because you’re a damn good lay and I <em>really</em> wanted to bloody do it again?”</p>
<p>“Because I love you,” Narcissa answered, giving her own reasons as she traced Cassandra’s jaw with her fingertips. “And I love <em>her,”</em> she continued, her gaze shifting to Bellatrix who gave her a soft smile from behind the other woman before she placed her lips on Cassandra’s shoulder, looking as though she might understand what Narcissa wanted to do. “And I want the three of us to be <em>happy.</em> Even if the solution is mad, even if nobody else bloody gets it, <em>this</em> is what I want. Is this what you want?”</p>
<p>Cassandra pursed her lips, looking a little emotional from Narcissa’s words, but nodded. Narcissa smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly, her fingers tangling in the other woman’s hair. “Then let us take care of you,” Narcissa breathed when they parted, causing Cassandra to bite her bottom lip softly as she nodded again.</p>
<p>Narcissa sunk to her knees in front of her then before gently placing a kiss on the woman’s abdomen. “I get the back then?” Bellatrix gathered before she wrapped her lips around the base of the woman’s neck, gently sucking the tender flesh into her mouth and making Cassandra groan softly.</p>
<p>“Don’t pretend that you don’t <em>want</em> the back.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked, falling to her knees the same as Narcissa. “You’re right— I <em>really</em> fucking do want the back.” Like the bull in a china shop that she was, Bellatrix wasted no time spreading Cassandra’s arse cheeks and licking a long line down the middle, making Cassandra swear as she fisted her hand in Narcissa’s hair, practically pulling her towards the apex of her thighs.</p>
<p>Narcissa did as encouraged and wrapped her mouth around Cassandra’s clit as her sister gently nibbled on her arse cheeks before diving into her work again, swirling her tongue around Cassandra’s puckered hole. “Oh, Jesus <em>Christ,”</em> Cassandra groaned, her grip tightening in Narcissa’s hair as she began to alternate between slow, tantalizing licks and hyper-focused flicks against her clitoris until Cassandra was flushed and panting, the treatment of both of her sensitive areas sending her into overdrive.</p>
<p>Narcissa went to slide her fingers in Cassandra, only to find out that she was already filled by <em>Bellatrix.</em> She pulled away for a moment, looking around the other woman’s legs to shoot her sister an irritated look. “I thought we agreed the front was <em>my</em> area.”</p>
<p>“It’s like the <em>middle,</em> technically.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care, you got your own… <em>place to go</em> back there— get out,” Narcissa bickered with her sister, which was only interrupted by a desperate groan from above them as apparently this was getting Cassandra off.</p>
<p>“Fuck… keep fightin’ over me,” she begged them, and Narcissa smirked, knowing exactly <em>why</em> this was doing something for her outside of it just being intensely flattering to be fought over. Sibling rivalry, in particular the <em>sibling</em> part of that, was very hot for her.</p>
<p>“You’ve always done this,” Narcissa complained, playing it up for Cassandra’s sake as she shot Bellatrix a look to go along with it. She maneuvered her hand between her girlfriend’s legs despite Bellatrix being there, managing to fit two of her fingers inside of Cassandra right next to Bellatrix’s. Cassandra swore but widened her stance, her nails practically digging into Narcissa’s skull. “Even when we were kids you always had to take what’s mine!”</p>
<p>“I’m older, Cissy, what’s yours <em>is</em> mine by default,” Bellatrix shot back, although she looked very amused by this turn of events as they took turns sliding their fingers in an out of Cassandra. “Tell her, Kitten— tell her you’re mine too, tell her she has to <em>share.”</em></p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck—</em> Cissa, please… please share… Oh my <em>God—</em>”</p>
<p>“So just because she’s older she gets her way? What the fuck, that’s not even <em>fair,</em> Cass—!” But that was all it took for Cassandra, who came with a loud shout as her knees buckled from under her. Bellatrix, thankfully, had better foresight than Narcissa did and had her fingers out of her fairly quickly in order to catch her before she hit the ground. As Cassandra struggled to breath and Bellatrix helped her into a seated position between them, Narcissa chuckled softly.</p>
<p>“We got lucky with you,” she told Cassandra sincerely. “I think you’re the only person in the <em>world</em> that would be so into the fact that we’re sisters.”</p>
<p>“<em>Definitely</em> not the only person in the world,” Cassandra panted, leaning back against Bellatrix. “That shit is hot as fuck; there’s gotta be more people out there that like it.”</p>
<p>“If you say so,” Narcissa responded with an amused smile, taking a moment’s breather as well as she leaned against her girlfriend’s chest. All three of them lay against one another for a little while as Cassandra tried to regulate her breathing, and Narcissa could feel her sister’s nails gently raking down her arms. The blonde smiled turning around to give her sister a kiss over her girlfriend’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Alright, you brat— <em>your</em> turn,” Bellatrix told her, gently coaxing the both of them to get off of her. “I hope you’re ready for this, Cissy, because we’re about to fuck you <em>up.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa’s insides clenched in need, her cheeks tinging pink with her arousal. “<em>Please,”</em> she begged, already disastrously wet and in desperate need to get off. After the three of them rose to their feet, Bellatrix took Cassandra’s hand in hers, pulling her over to her before she whispered something in her ear. Cassandra smiled wickedly and nodded, moving away from the two of them towards the drawer where Narcissa kept the rest of the sex toys. Bellatrix didn’t let her sister’s gaze linger though as she grabbed her wrist and pulled her over to the small settee in the corner of the bedroom before violently pushing her into it, sending Narcissa sprawling before she got on top of her.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna guess you’re wet enough,” was all Bellatrix said before she positioned herself at her sister’s entrance, pushing the entire phallus that was still strapped to her groin inside of her, and well, she <em>definitely</em> wasn’t wrong in that regard.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Bella—!” Narcissa gasped, but her sister was not done, and as she reached down she slid a finger, and then <em>two</em> into her arse, finishing the job that Cassandra had started as she began stretching her out. It honestly did not take long, and considering how wet Narcissa already was, Bellatrix was able to get the cock lubed up enough before she pulled out of her, demanding:</p>
<p>“Get up.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, I—” Narcissa tried, feeling like she didn’t even have a second to <em>breathe</em> before Bellatrix had grabbed her hand, forcing her to her feet despite the fact that Narcissa was obviously very unsteady on them. Bellatrix replaced her then, sitting down on the settee before she guided Narcissa back on top of her, but facing away.</p>
<p>“Sit on my cock,” she demanded, positioning her sister where she needed her. “I want to feel the entire thing buried in that tight little arse of yours, lover.”</p>
<p>Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, her gaze finding Cassandra as she realized the woman was adorning <em>another</em> strap on. “Oh my God,” she breathed, realizing what they were going to do to her. Her entire body flushed in need, but Bellatrix tangled her fingers in her hair, wrenching her head back.</p>
<p>“Did I fucking stutter?”</p>
<p>“No, God, I’m sorry— yes, whatever you want,” Narcissa breathed, grasping the phallus in her hand before carefully guiding it inside of her. Both her and Bellatrix shared equal groans at the feeling, Narcissa’s nipples tightening as she made eye contact with Cassandra, who was now heading in their direction. She barely even had time to register that Bellatrix had wrapped her arms around hers, pulling her back and pinning her against her, rendering her unable to move. It forced Narcissa’s legs up on the edge of the settee as she spread them, wide open and vulnerable for Cassandra, who’s eyes were darkening in desire.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Cissa— you’re hot when you look like a submissive little bitch.”</p>
<p>Narcissa had a retort to that, but apparently they were <em>both</em> done with her bratty attitude as Bellatrix did not let her speak before she thrust her hips into her, causing Narcissa’s words to choke up in the back of her throat as the cock in her arse drove in just a little bit deeper.</p>
<p>“Say <em>thank you,</em> Cissy.”</p>
<p>Jesus, fine— however they wanted to play this; Narcissa didn’t <em>care</em> anymore. She was just so bloody desperate for them both to fuck her. “Thank you,” she responded quickly, and she could see the intrigue in Cassandra’s eyes, as while she had lightly topped Narcissa before, she had <em>never</em> see her like this.</p>
<p>“Daddy?” she inquired, her eyes finding Bellatrix’s. “Make her beg me for it?”</p>
<p>Narcissa couldn’t see Bellatrix, but she could hear the smirk in her sister’s voice as she placated, “You know what, Kitten; why don’t <em>you</em> make her? Can you do that for me? Will you make Daddy proud?”</p>
<p>“Mmhm,” Cassandra responded in that innocent little voice again before something completely <em>switched</em> in her, and suddenly she was looking down at Narcissa in a way that made the blonde’s breathing shallow. Cassandra snatched her chin in her hand then, practically pulling Narcissa toward her. “Tell me why you <em>deserve</em> this, Cissa. Tell me why you actually believe yourself worthy to be fucked by us like this.”</p>
<p>Oh, <em>fuck.</em></p>
<p>“I’m not,” was Narcissa’s automatic and honest answer, which made Bellatrix snort and Cassandra to quirk a brow at her, intrigued by that response. “I don’t deserve it— I’ve been a brat and I’m sorry, Cass, but please— <em>please, </em>I want you to so fucking badly. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad in my goddamn life, <em>please.”</em></p>
<p>“You get points for realizin’ you’ve been a bit shit,” Cassandra allotted her, and she allowed her hand to fall between Narcissa’s thighs, spreading her arousal over her clit. “But I still haven’t heard you apologize to your sister. If she forgives you, I <em>might</em> consider fucking you.”</p>
<p>“Bella, please,” Narcissa groaned, lulling her head back to lay on her sister’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I know I deserve this with the way I was acting earlier, but <em>please… </em>I’m so fucking wet, I need—<em>”</em></p>
<p><em>“You </em>need,” Bellatrix repeated, her tone chastising. “It’s always about what <em>you</em> need, isn’t it, Cissy?”</p>
<p>Narcissa flushed in irritation. “You both have already <em>gotten—”</em></p>
<p>“Ooh, <em>wrong</em> answer,” Cassandra interrupted, pulling her hand away from the apex of her thighs, taking away the <em>only</em> source of pleasure that she was getting because Bellatrix might be inside of her, but she wasn’t moving. She was keeping Narcissa pinned against her, and the blonde didn’t even have access to her hands because she couldn’t even <em>reach</em> and just do it her bloody self.</p>
<p>“Cass, <em>please,</em> come on,” Narcissa begged, squirming in her sister’s lap who then tightened her grip, not allowing her to try to get any pleasure yet. Narcissa sobbed in frustration. “I was just being jealous and <em>stupid,</em> I’m sorry; what do you <em>want?</em> I’ll do whatever you want— <em>I’ll</em> fucking call her ‘Daddy’ if that’s what you need to hear, for fuck’s sake!”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked like she was going to protest that, as she didn’t want to force Narcissa into a kink she didn’t like, but Bellatrix cut her off with, “Wait,” and the younger woman fell obediently silent. “Is <em>that</em> what it is, Cissy?” she breathed in realization. “Do you feel left out?”</p>
<p>“No, I mean— maybe. <em>No,</em> it’s still… weird, and I don’t want to make your head any <em>bloody</em> bigger by doing it myself, but…” Narcissa wet her dry lips, her chest feeling a little heavier. This was probably a<em> weird </em>time to have this conversation considering a dick was buried in her arse, but Narcissa’s insecurities slipped through regardless. “You both have this whole <em>dynamic</em> and it’s…”</p>
<p>“Different than your dynamic with me, an’ your dynamic with <em>her,”</em> Cassandra finished for her, slipping out of her role to assure her girlfriend that she wasn’t being left <em>out</em> of anything. “I know it’s a little weird for ya, Cissa— this is the first time your multitude of lovers have a history with each <em>other. </em>But neither me or Bellatrix can replicate the shit you have with us either, an’ that’s okay. We all want each other for different reasons an’ different things, and yeah we can do <em>this</em> together, but that still doesn’t mean that we gotta insert ourselves into the things that are specifically other people’s… if that makes sense. You got your shit with Bellatrix an’ I get that, she gets that you got your shit with me… so just— I know me and her aren’t in a <em>relationship</em> or whatever, so it’s not the same, but—”</p>
<p>“Do you want to be?” Narcissa asked in a small voice before she could stop herself, needing to know yet terrified of the answer all the same.</p>
<p>“No,” Cassandra answered automatically and Bellatrix echoed her words, which did make Narcissa feel a little bit better. Still, there was another part of the equation that Narcissa was uncertain about and so a second question left her lips as the base of her stomach churned in anxiety.</p>
<p>“Do you guys want to fuck each other… without me?” she asked, and Cassandra exhaled a small sigh, gently pushing the hair back from her girlfriend’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” she told her honestly, just as Bellatrix snorted and answered, “Probably.” Their gaze connected momentarily and Narcissa’s stomach dropped. She knew it would only be fair if she allowed them to if that’s what they wanted, but a part of her was terrified that it might end up turning into an actual relationship if they continued on without her. Narcissa didn’t know if she would be able to emotionally handle that, despite knowing it was probably a stretch that they would ever feel anything real for one another in that way. They might be compatible sexually, but otherwise? Narcissa couldn’t see it.</p>
<p>But that also didn't mean that it couldn't happen some day.</p>
<p> “But that’s somethin’ me an’ her can talk about, an’ if we decide that maybe we <em>do,</em> then we’ll talk to you, yeah?” Cassandra gently responded. “No one is gonna go behind your back anymore, Cissa, I promise. You’re not gonna get robbed of anythin’ by lettin’ us be together like this.”</p>
<p>Narcissa nodded, feeling a little more assured by Cassandra’s words. She may not be entirely comfortable with it, but she did appreciate that they would talk to her first if it ever got to that point, and then they could all go from there. Besides, perhaps by that time they could have been doing<em> this</em> fairly often, and the two of them being together without her wouldn’t seem as strange, as Narcissa would have been more used to them touching one another that she wouldn’t feel the need to <em>oversee</em> it.</p>
<p>Either way, that was a discussion for another day.</p>
<p>“Good, are we done with that?” Bellatrix responded impatiently. “<em>Jesus,</em> we spend more time bloody talking— stick your dick in her, Kitten; the only thing I wanna hear out of Cissy’s mouth right now is screaming.”</p>
<p>Cassandra smirked. “Yes, Daddy,” she obliged her as she positioned herself at Narcissa’s entrance before slowly sliding inside of her, making certain that she had enough room next to Bellatrix’s cock that was already inside of her lover, as there was only a very thin layer in between and <em>God,</em> Narcissa whimpered pathetically as she was completely filled by both of the women that she loved, her breathing coming out in short, hard breaths.</p>
<p>“Shit, Cissa; you fuckin’ feel <em>amazing</em> right now,” Cassandra panted, the feeling overtaking her for a moment before she looked down at her, her chest heaving. “You okay?” Cassandra asked her softly, wanting to make sure this wasn’t too much for her. Bellatrix rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“She’s fucking fantastic, <em>believe </em>me.”</p>
<p>Cassandra shot her an unamused look. “It takes three bloody seconds to check in, Bellatrix; it’s not that much of an inconvenience.” Narcissa could not see her, but by the expression on Cassandra’s face she was sure her sister had just shot her an irritated look.</p>
<p>“No, I’m— I’m good,” Narcissa panted, just trying to get used to the feeling. “Fuck,” she breathed, rolling her head back so she could gently lean it against her sister’s. “I’m <em>great…”</em> she drawled, sounding a bit drunk on the feeling as Cassandra gently pulled back before pushing inside of her again.</p>
<p>“Told you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra rolled her eyes, but chose to focus on Narcissa for the time being as she began to build up a rhythm that matched the very minimal movement that Bellatrix was allotted, as she had her sister on top of her. “Oh… Jesus <em>Christ,”</em> Narcissa groaned, the feeling unlike anything she had ever experienced before. Bellatrix had done double penetration with her before, but one hole was always just filled with her fingers. This was… this was <em>different. </em></p>
<p>“Jesus, Cissy— you’re so fucking tight around my cock right now,” Bellatrix panted against her ear, her fingers tightening around the blonde’s arms.</p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck—</em> harder,” she begged, and both of her lovers obliged her. Narcissa’s eyes fell closed as she allowed them to completely violate her, feeling almost as though she were having an out of body experience as Bellatrix started marking the base of her neck and Cassandra rolled her nipples between her fingers. The pleasure was fucking <em>everywhere, </em>all at once, and Narcissa whimpered pathetically as she felt her clit needed attention, but no one was noticing.</p>
<p>“Someone… <em>please; </em>I need—” But that was as far as she got before Cassandra actually moved to accommodate her, but Bellatrix stopped her.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” she told her, and Cassandra stilled her hips as she looked at the other woman in question. “<em>Believe</em> me, Kitten— I’m gonna fucking show you something tonight. Did you know your little girlfriend can squirt?”</p>
<p>Oh shit. Oh <em>shit—</em></p>
<p>“Seriously?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I’ve only managed it a few times and they took a while, but… yeah. Fair warning though; she’s going to say ‘no’ a lot, but it really means ‘yes’; so if that blurs your precious little consent lines, tell us know now.”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow quirked in disbelief, but when she looked at Narcissa the blonde groaned, half wanting this yet half <em>dreading</em> it, as she knew exactly how badly it was going to fuck her up yet, God, she had <em>loved</em> that. “Bella’s right,” she told her softly, albeit a little embarrassed by how dangerously she treaded the line of ‘unhealthy’ with her sister, even in bed. “I think I can’t handle it and I start screaming at her to stop, but she <em>doesn’t</em> and it’s… it’s really, <em>really</em> fucking good. I don’t want to freak you out though— I promise I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked at for a long time, as if assessing the truth in that statement, but she nodded her understanding. “Alright,” she drawled, accepting Narcissa’s words. “Fuckin’ show me something, Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix grinned wickedly, and they both started fucking her again. It didn’t take long for the pleasure to build up to unbearable levels in the base of Narcissa’s abdomen and she was gasping, <em>pleading</em> as Bellatrix snaked her hand around, pressing just enough on Narcissa’s clit to make her cry out and clench, but then her hand was gone.</p>
<p>“Fuck, fuck—” Narcissa panted as Cassandra leaned over the settee, supporting her weight on the back of it as she fucked her deeper, harder, and Bellatrix slid her hand over her clit again, edging her again before she backed off, causing Narcissa to sob in desperation. “Bella, Bella,” she begged incoherently as she tried to maneuver herself so that Cassandra would at least bump into her clit with her movements, but Bellatrix tightened her grip on her, holding her still. “Cass, <em>please,”</em> she begged instead, trying to appeal to her girlfriend since her sister didn’t seem to want to listen to her. She wanted this but it was driving her fucking <em>insane,</em> and it was beginning to become unbearable.</p>
<p>“Oh no, Cissy, don’t try to appeal to her— she wants to see you <em>wrecked</em> just as much as I do.”</p>
<p>“Fuck, Daddy— I’m gonna fuckin’ come…” Cassandra gasped, the feeling of being inside Narcissa with an enchanted phallus causing her arousal to drip down her thighs as she hovered closer to the edge.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> can, so long as you keep fucking her,” Bellatrix allowed, and that was all it took for Cassandra, who slammed her hand against the back of the settee as she tensed and came, making Narcissa terribly jealous because it was <em>her</em> turn, damnit! But Bellatrix was still torturing her, getting her close and then robbing her of her pleasure once more, and Narcissa felt tears begin to sting the back of her eyes as she began to get overwhelmed.</p>
<p>“God, I can’t— I can’t,” Narcissa blubbered as Bellatrix brought her to edge once more, yet backed off just as quickly. She could feel Cassandra’s eyes on her as the woman struggled to get her breath and then continue her own assault on her, but Narcissa’s vision had gone hazy and she could barely <em>think,</em> let alone see.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you can’t? Because I think you’re forgetting, lover, what comes <em>next.”</em></p>
<p>Oh fuck, oh <em>fuck—</em></p>
<p>Narcissa <em>screamed</em> as Bellatrix’s fingers found her clit again, pushing her through her first orgasm. “Don’t stop fucking her,” Bellatrix told Cassandra, her own breathing labored as she got off on both the power this gave her and the feeling of Narcissa’s orgasm ripping through her body as it made her arse clench around Bellatrix’s cock. “Even if you come again and no matter what she says, do <em>not </em>fucking stop—”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, Daddy…!”</p>
<p>“Oh <em>fuck— </em>Jesus fucking <em>Christ!”</em> Bellatrix swore as it became too much for her as well and <em>she</em> came, however impressively not letting up on Narcissa throughout her pleasure.</p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck!”</em> Narcissa cried out as Cassandra continued to pound into her and Bellatrix’s fingers works diligently against her clit, bringing her to her second before she had time to come down from her first. “No— wait, Bella; shit, <em>stop!” </em>she begged, but neither of them did and she came a third time, the feeling beginning to overwhelm her as she trembled and cried.</p>
<p>“Get out of her!” Bellatrix told Cassandra, knowing the cock would make it harder for Narcissa to expel everything. “And <em>move</em> unless you want to get very fucking wet.”</p>
<p>Cassandra did as she was told; well, at least with the first part. “Oh, I ain’t movin’ for <em>shit,” </em>she panted, and Bellatrix looked rather impressed by that as she rubbed Narcissa’s clit so hard and so fast that the contractions inside of her became rather violent, the pressure in her abdomen mounting to unbearable heights before everything inside of her released with an intensity that far surpassed anything Narcissa had ever felt before, and she <em>screamed. </em>Cassandra, who had purposely leaned over her<em>,</em> got her tits absolutely soaked by her girlfriend’s pleasure, and Bellatrix groaned in approval as she watched Cassandra bite down on her bottom lip, enjoying the feeling of it.</p>
<p>“God, you are fucking <em>hot,”</em> Bellatrix breathed in appreciation and Cassandra smirked, running her fingers over her breasts before putting them into her mouth. Meanwhile, Narcissa was an absolute <em>mess,</em> just slumped into her sister as she struggled to breathe, her eyelids growing heavy as she rolled her face into Bellatrix’s neck, fairly certain she was about to pass out.</p>
<p>And as the world around her dimmed, the last thing Narcissa heard was her sister say, “We gotta fucking do this <em>again,”</em> and honestly, Narcissa could not agree more. She didn’t care what kind of mess it made of their lives, because this? It <em>had</em> to be worth it.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. XLI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLI.</strong>
</p>
<p>Waking up nestled between her two lovers was something Narcissa hadn’t realized she had wanted so desperately until she had experienced it. The bed in her room was the largest size one could purchase, so it gave the three of them ample room to share should they need it, but it didn’t seem like they needed that much room at all considering the way they fell asleep was practically on top of one another. Cassandra was on her back with Narcissa nestled into her side, her sister right up against her arse as she spooned her from behind. It was a little strange, honestly, as this was how she often slept with them separately and Narcissa hadn’t realized how well they all fit together until now. They didn’t even have to adjust for a third person in their bed and it was… it was <em>nice.</em></p>
<p>The sun was shining through the large bay window on the easternmost wall, the birds beginning to chirp as they welcomed another beautiful day, but of course Bellatrix disagreed as she groaned in irritation, having woken up due to her sister shifting as she slowly became aware of the waking world.</p>
<p>“Why… the <em>fuck</em> aren’t the curtains closed?” Bellatrix grumbled, burying her head in Narcissa’s neck to block out the sun. “They haven’t been open in bloody <em>months.”</em></p>
<p>“Horkey, probably— it knows I like waking up with the sun,” Narcissa murmured against Cassandra’s shoulder, who was beginning to stir as the two women talked.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna kill your stupid elf. This is <em>my</em> room.”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>my</em> room, Bella—”</p>
<p>“Will you two just… <em>shh,”</em> Cassandra grumbled irritably, still keeping her eyes closed as she no doubt wished to get more sleep. “Fuck’s sake; too early for your bloody bickering.”</p>
<p>“I thought that got you hot,” Bellatrix deadpanned as she furiously pulled the covers around her, trying to use that to block out the sun if Narcissa wasn’t going to fix the problem.</p>
<p><em>“Nothin’</em> gets me hot this early— now be quiet. Last night fucked me up an’ I’m still exhausted.”</p>
<p>Well that was a lie considering she and Cassandra often had morning sex, but perhaps she really was that worn out. Narcissa smirked a little against her shoulder before she placed a gentle kiss against her skin, her hand briefly finding her sister’s beneath the covers before she squeezed it. “Well you two can sleep some more if you want to. I’m going to get up though.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snorted, wrapping an arm around Narcissa to keep her still. “No, fuck off— just go back to sleep, Cissy. I’m bloody comfortable; outside of the fucking sun anyway. Wait, where’s my wand?” She blindly reached behind her, but she couldn’t get to the bedside table with the angle she was at unless she wanted to untangle herself from Narcissa, which she apparently did not wish to do.</p>
<p>“Bella, come on— Bella, I need to <em>pee,” </em>Narcissa stressed, as her bladder was getting dangerously close to uncomfortably full.</p>
<p>“Pee on me then— like I fucking care,” Bellatrix responded distractedly as she tried to stretch her arm out a little further.</p>
<p><em>That</em> woke Cassandra up and she opened her eyes as she turned her head towards them, giving them the most disgusted look. <em>“Not </em>while I’m in the fuckin’ bed with ya!” she protested, causing Narcissa’s cheeks to burn as of course her sister’s tendency to not have a mouth filter had embarrassed her once again.</p>
<p>“We do <em>not</em> do that!” Narcissa hastily assured her before she elbowed her sister, who swore as she finally let go of her. “Bella, <em>tell</em> her we do not do that!”</p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, Cissy, that was my fucking <em>tit.”</em></p>
<p>“Well you deserved it; can’t you think before you open your mouth for one bloody second?” Narcissa complained as she turned to face her sister, who was rubbing her breast with one hand while the other grabbed for her wand. She pointed it at the window, using a nonverbal spell to bathe the room in darkness once more.</p>
<p>“Honestly, Narcissa, if I wanted to piss on you, you’d probably let me, so shut up and go pee if it’s that goddamn urgent that you had to fuck up my sleep.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth dropped open. She wouldn’t— she <em>wouldn’t. </em>(Would she?) She <em>wouldn’t.</em> Jesus bloody Christ, this was so embarrassing. Narcissa pushed the covers off of herself in a huff as she snapped, “If you ever try to pee on me I will rip off your bloody nipples.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she watched her sister stalk off to the bathroom. “My bladder isn’t attached to my nipples, Cissy. What a fucking useless threat.”</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, please don’t try to piss on her, for fuck’s sake— is this honestly a conversation we’re havin’ right now? It’s like seven in the bloody morning.”</p>
<p>Narcissa practically slammed the bathroom door behind her before sitting on the toilet and relieving herself. After she had finished and washed her hands, muttering under her breath the entire time about how embarrassing her sister was, Narcissa took the time to brush her teeth before she returned to her two lovers. When she finally finished and opened the door though, Narcissa only saw Cassandra in the bed. Her brow knit. “Where did Bella go?”</p>
<p>“I think just me an’ her bein’ in the bed freaked her out,” Cassandra told her as she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get the tangles out. She hissed a bit as they snagged. “She took one look at me once you were in there an’ suddenly she decided she was hungry. I’d be offended by how fast she booked it outta here if I didn’t find it a little funny— <em>ow,</em> fuck, I need my brush an’ it’s in the other room. You got one in here?”</p>
<p>“I… yeah,” Narcissa responded, albeit a little distractedly as she turned to make her way over to the vanity. She quickly found her brush and returned to her girlfriend, still very confused over why Bellatrix would act that way. “But you’ve… I mean, you’ve <em>slept </em>together—”</p>
<p>“We’ve fucked each other, we’ve never <em>slept</em> together,” Cassandra corrected as she took the offered brush from the blonde. “Thanks— anyway, sleepin’ together is like… <em>intimate,</em> y’know?” she continued as she began to run the brush through her hair. “Sharin’ a bed or… I dunno. We just didn’t do it. We’d fuck an’ then we’d go our separate ways. I’m a little surprised we did it last night, honestly, but I think we were all too bloody worn out to move.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s frown deepened as she sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend. “But I was only in the bathroom for like five minutes; she couldn’t even stay in bed with you for that long? She said she was tired.”</p>
<p>Cassandra just shrugged, unperturbed. Narcissa, however, was. While she understood that there might be some weird, unspoken line that Bellatrix didn’t wish to cross in regards to the aftermath of their shared passion, it wasn’t like being alone in the same bed as Cassandra for five bloody minutes <em>meant</em> anything. Narcissa didn’t want Bellatrix to be uncomfortable though, so perhaps they would have to figure out sleeping arrangements for the next time they did this. Narcissa wouldn’t pretend she wasn’t disappointed though; she really <em>had</em> enjoyed waking up nestled between both of the women she loved. She had hoped it could be a regular occurrence.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to get up, you know,” Narcissa told Cassandra, placing a gentle hand on the woman’s leg. She had said she was tired too. She didn’t want everyone to feel as though they had to wake up just because <em>she</em> had. “If you’re tired, go back to sleep. It’s still pretty early.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m gonna; just… not in here,” she told her softly as she finished with the brush, placing it down on the bedside table. “This is her room; I ain’t gonna overstay my welcome.” Narcissa wrinkled her nose; already this was getting messy and weird and she didn’t like it. And maybe it was stupid for her to want everyone to just be comfortable waking <em>up</em> with one another when she had had about fourteen separate bouts of jealousy and paranoia last night, but both of them already knew how hypocritical she was, <em>so.</em></p>
<p>“It’s my room too,” Narcissa told her, which only prompted Cassandra to give her a disbelieving look.</p>
<p>“This may have been your bedroom once upon a time, but I feel like you’re a nomad in regards to a room right now, babe,” she reminded her. “Her in here, me a ways down the hall, <em>Lucius</em> across from that. Where’re ya even gonna sleep tonight; do you know?”</p>
<p><em>No. </em>Not in the slightest, actually. Narcissa chewed on her bottom lip. This is why it would be <em>easier</em> if they all just shared a bloody bedroom, but then that also left Lucius alone, which she didn’t want to do either. He had <em>just</em> gotten out of prison— she couldn’t just abandon him. And then on top of that she didn’t want Bellatrix or Cassandra to feel slighted because she chose to spend the night with the other if they weren’t all… well, doing <em>that</em> again.</p>
<p>Fuck. This was messy.</p>
<p>“Would you… be mad, if I tended to Lucius for a bit?” Narcissa asked hesitantly as she watched her girlfriend rise from the bed. She didn’t want to make it seem like she needed <em>three</em> lovers, but she couldn’t just toss Lucius aside either if she was something he still wanted.</p>
<p>“He’s your husband, Cissa; ‘course I wouldn’t be mad,” Cassandra responded as though she didn’t know why Narcissa had even asked. “Honestly, if ya haven’t swallowed his cock at least once by now I’d ask what the hell you were waiting for— the man’s been in <em>prison </em>for the last nine months. Give the poor bloke <em>somethin’.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa wrinkled her nose in guilt as she rose from the bed as well, following Cassandra towards the door. “I mean, I haven’t wanted to <em>push—</em> besides, he doesn’t seem very pleased with the mess I’ve made of my love life and I don’t think he particularly feels like getting involved. <em>Also,</em> I don’t know how Bella would take it if I jumped on top of him again.”</p>
<p>“She needs to get over it,” Cassandra frankly responded as she opened the bedroom door. “It ain’t like she doesn’t have enough lovers now.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in the base of her gut as she followed Cassandra into the hallway. “…Right.” It was objectively true, but Narcissa had just gotten assaulted by a mental picture of the two of them <em>without</em> her and she started to feel weird again, as she knew it was probably something that was coming and yet she didn’t know if she was ready for it yet.</p>
<p>Cassandra didn’t seem to notice her hesitation though as she pulled her into a brief kiss once they had gotten to her bedroom door. “I’ll be down in a bit, yeah? Think I just need another hour or so— dunno how you both can be up this bloody early after the night we just had.”</p>
<p>“You had fun though, right?” Narcissa asked as she tangled their fingers together, gently leaning against her girlfriend while Cassandra’s back was against her bedroom door. She just wanted to check in again— the morning after could be pretty jarring, after all. <em>Bellatrix</em> could apparently attest to that.</p>
<p>“Yeah, babe, ‘course I did,” Cassandra responded with a soft smile. Her brow knit a little as she asked, “You did too, yeah? ‘Cause I know— I know me an’ her can be a little…”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Narcissa assured her, even though that wasn’t one hundred percent true. Still, it was about eighty-five, and that was close enough. “I won’t pretend that I didn’t get jealous and paranoid a couple times, and that even a part of me is internally freaking out over the thought of you both maybe wanting to indulge in one another <em>without</em> me, but—”</p>
<p>“I won’t,” Cassandra was quick to assure her, squeezing her hand. “I know I said me an’ Bellatrix could talk about it an’ <em>then</em> ask you if we decided it was somethin’ we wanted, but if you don’t want me to at like fuckin’ <em>all</em>, I won’t entertain it even if she wants to. I bloody <em>promise</em> you.”</p>
<p>“I know, and I love you for that,” Narcissa breathed, appreciative. She rose up on her toes then, placing a gentle kiss on the woman’s cheek. “I’m not saying no. I don’t know what I’m saying— it’s a lot to process. It’s going to take a while to sort out how I feel, and I know that things may even begin to <em>change</em> if we start to… well, make this a regular thing. I’m sure it would make me more comfortable with the idea of the two of you together— <em>sexually,</em> I mean. I don’t know if I could ever handle the thought of you both… I don’t know, <em>dating</em> or something.”</p>
<p>Cassandra laughed, looking at Narcissa like she had to be mental if she actually thought that was a possibility. “Seriously? We’d bloody kill each other. Shaggin’ is one thing, Cissa; but I really can’t see our personalities matchin’ in <em>that </em>regard. They never did when we were younger at any rate, an’ now we’re even <em>more</em> combative.”</p>
<p>And that was fair, of course it was fair, but Narcissa couldn’t get the way Bellatrix was <em>gentle</em> with Cassandra out of her head (even though it could have just been down to the Vow), and how she had declared that sleeping with Cassandra had given her something <em>normal </em>(even though anyone that wasn’t blood-related to her could have give Bellatrix that), and how, in the end, this entire thing had been all <em>Bellatrix’s</em> idea, not just because she wanted to try to find some sort of solution to all their animosity, but because she genuinely <em>enjoyed</em> Cassandra— or at least her body and what she could do with it. Still, Narcissa knew that her girlfriend was easy to fall for; hell,<em> Lucius</em> could attest to that.</p>
<p>And it worried her. Even though it was stupid, even though it was probably <em>ridiculous,</em> it worried Narcissa for all sorts of reasons— mostly that she would end up left behind with nothing, as paranoid as that was. She tried to push it to the back of her mind though, as this wasn’t something she needed to be concerned about just yet, and so Narcissa gave the other woman a gentle smile and said, “You’re right,” and left it at that.</p>
<p>Narcissa left Cassandra in her room so the woman could get a little more sleep before she made her way downstairs, being careful to avoid the Dark Lord who was sitting in the parlor with Rodolphus and, unfortunately, Lucius. A part of Narcissa wished to save him from that, but they looked to be in the middle of a conversation and interrupting that wouldn’t be the most intelligent idea, so Narcissa pursed her lips as she slipped past the doorway to enter the kitchen a little ways down the hall.</p>
<p>Wormtail was lurking near the threshold and Narcissa nearly ran straight into the stubby man before exhaling an indignant squawk. Why was he just <em>standing</em> there? “<em>Excuse</em> me,” she pointedly exclaimed, wondering why he just seemed to be <em>hovering</em>. God, she hated having this many people in her house— it made just having breakfast an ordeal.</p>
<p>“Get the fuck out of my sister’s way, rat,” Bellatrix snapped as she closed the kitchen cupboard and looked behind her, seeing Peter Pettigrew standing awkwardly in Narcissa’s path. The man muttered apologies before scurrying away and Bellatrix scoffed, jumping up on the counter as she tossed a mini blueberry muffin between her hands. All around her the kitchen was alive with magic as Horkey prepared a big breakfast all with a snap of it’s fingers; eggs were being scrambled in a pan, toast was popping up and flying onto plates, while pancakes sizzled on the large griddle. The elf, of course, was nowhere to be seen, knowing it was better to keep out of sight while it performed its duties.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to wait for breakfast to be finished?” Narcissa asked as she watched her sister bite off the top of the muffin. Bellatrix was a little bit infuriating with the way she ate; she would always eat the top of the muffins and then leave the base, of course not bothering to throw out the remnant of her discarded food either. She would leave the damn wrappers everywhere and it ground on Narcissa’s nerves, considering she could eat about ten of the mini ones.</p>
<p>“I have places to be,” Bellatrix dismissed, tossing the wrapper and the base of the muffin hidden inside of it on the floor. Narcissa’s brow got lost in her hairline.</p>
<p>“You better be fucking joking with that.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers. “Elf!” she called, and Horkey appeared in an instant, cleaned up her mess, and then disapparated. Narcissa shot her sister a disbelieving look as Bellatrix reached for another mini muffin.</p>
<p>“You are so bloody lazy. No—” she demanded after she watched Bellatrix eat the top off another one, getting ready to toss the base. “<em>Trash,”</em> Narcissa stressed, pointing across the room. Bellatrix, of course, unable to be bothered to move, tossed it across the kitchen and it landed… next to the waste bin. Narcissa sighed heavily. “I hate you.”</p>
<p>“Well you <em>shouldn’t;</em> not after the string of orgasms your girlfriend and I gave you last night,” Bellatrix reminded her pointedly with a self-satisfied smirk as she grabbed another muffin. Narcissa pursed her lips as she crossed the space between them, situating herself between her sister’s legs as she ran her palms across her thighs and looked up at her.</p>
<p>“You’re okay?” she asked, just wanting to make sure. “Because you said you were tired, but then you didn’t even wait for me to get out of the bathroom before you practically ran away, and now you’re saying you have to <em>go</em> somewhere…”</p>
<p>“Stop reading into shit, I’m fine,” Bellatrix dismissed, and while she <em>sounded</em> fine, she didn’t meet Narcissa’s gaze either as she popped another mini muffin into her mouth. “I just forgot I had stuff to do this morning.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Narcissa gently pressed, trying to read her sister’s expression. “It wasn’t because… well, because being in bed with Cassandra seemed too intimate, or something? You weren’t freaking out?”</p>
<p>“You know what was <em>intimate?</em> Me having my tongue halfway up her arse last night— that was bloody fucking intimate,” Bellatrix responded defensively even though Narcissa <em>wildly</em> disagreed with that sentiment, at least on the emotional level as perhaps, alright, <em>physically</em> it was rather intimate. Still, Bellatrix knew that wasn’t what she was talking about.</p>
<p>“…And suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite.”</p>
<p>Narcissa turned around to see her husband in the door and she shot him an apologetic look as she leaned back against her sister, who draped her arms over Narcissa’s shoulders as she smirked. “Jealous?” she goaded, of course being an absolute dick about it. “Seems I stole yet another thing that used to be <em>yours. </em>Because it was Cassandra, wasn’t it, the woman you both shared? Cissy told me about the threesome, but never specified who it was with— think I’m going to go with the odds though.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pushed away from her sister, irritated that she always felt the need to be cruel to Lucius. “Bella, <em>stop</em> it—”</p>
<p>Lucius just smirked at her with bitter amusement as he grabbed a mug of freshly brewed coffee. “You can think you <em>stole</em> whatever you wish, Bellatrix, but at the end of the day everyone knows you’re just following along behind me, picking up my sloppy seconds.”</p>
<p>“…What did you just fuckin’ say?”</p>
<p>Cassandra, it seemed, wasn’t able to go back to sleep after all and had made her way downstairs, only to come into the kitchen at the absolute <em>worst</em> moment. She looked gutted by those words and Lucius’ face masked in guilt as he whipped around to look at the other woman. Narcissa was a little offended herself, but she also knew Lucius and Bellatrix’s dynamic and therefore didn’t take it to heart; she knew that her sister just had a way of getting under her husband’s skin and that he refused to allow her to keep <em>winning.</em></p>
<p>“Shit. Cassandra, I am<em> so </em>sorry—” Lucius tried, rightfully feeling like an arse for having said that, but he didn’t get very far.</p>
<p>“Damn, you fucked her too?” Rodolphus asked, having come into the kitchen behind Lucius. He turned to Cassandra then, smirking. “You wanna come to my bedroom tonight then, sweetheart? Maybe having a live-in whore would make this place more bloody bearable.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at the <em>look</em> on Cassandra’s face after Rodolphus had called her that, but Bellatrix had already pushed herself off the counter, landed heavily on her feet and grabbed for her wand. She threw a nonverbal curse at Rodolphus and the man screamed as his skin began to erupt with painful, pus-filled boils. “Try to touch something that’s mine and I will fucking <em>end</em> you, you miserable sack—”</p>
<p><em>Hers?</em> But then again, this <em>was</em> Bellatrix— she had the mindset of a bloody toddler wherein if she licked something then that meant she had staked her claim and it now belonged to her; food, people, you name it. Still, it was a little unsettling to hear, although Narcissa <em>was</em> grateful that Bellatrix had stood up for Cassandra, albeit in a rather violent manner.</p>
<p>Narcissa had crossed the kitchen to practically shield her girlfriend from the rest of the inhabitants in the kitchen. Lucius was still trying to apologize but Cassandra’s eyes were filling with humiliated tears and Narcissa grasped her hand, shot her husband a scathing look, and turned the woman toward her. “Don’t listen to them,” she encouraged softly. “Go back upstairs, okay? I’ll bring you breakfast. Bellatrix!” she exclaimed, turning to face her sister, as while this wasn’t an <em>ideal</em> option, it was the only one she had as she didn’t want to leave Cassandra alone. “Take her upstairs. Now.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix hissed, no doubt wishing to continue to torture her husband for his audacity, but she did at least drop her wand. Lucius took the opportunity to heal Rodolphus, who was howling in pain, although no doubt solely because if the man kept <em>screaming</em> it could bring unwanted attention from the Dark Lord, which nobody wanted. Voldemort must have already returned to the study that he seemed to have claimed during his stay there— it was across the other side of the manor, so perhaps the sound did not carry that far. Narcissa had to hope, at any rate.</p>
<p>Narcissa grabbed her sister’s hand, pulling her away from the scene she had caused. “Bella, do as I ask,” she told her before practically pushing her toward Cassandra, who looked as though she did not know how to react. She was angry but she was also <em>devastated, </em>and the amount of pain in her expression cut Narcissa deeply.</p>
<p>“Fine. Fuck these arseholes— come on,” Bellatrix directed, nodding her head for Cassandra to follow her. Narcissa squeezed the younger woman’s hand encouragingly before she let her go, allowing Cassandra to leave with Bellatrix.</p>
<p>She then whipped around and slapped Rodolphus right across the face. The man, who had only just gotten healed, didn’t even have a second to get his bearings before he hissed in surprise, shooting a dark look at Narcissa. “If you <em>ever</em> speak about my girlfriend in that way again I will set my sister loose and allow her to cut you up into tiny, bite-sized pieces before scattering the remnants of your pathetic body all over my bloody backyard. How fucking <em>dare</em> you.”</p>
<p>Rodolphus chuckled bitterly. “<em>Your</em> girlfriend? You might want to remind my dear wife about that— that hopeless fucking dyke is already staking claim on her. She always was <em>touchy</em> about her toys.”</p>
<p>“Neither myself nor Cassandra are my sister’s <em>toys,</em> but I’m not surprised you don’t know the bloody difference,” Narcissa snapped. He always was bitter when it came to Bellatrix’s sex life as, once upon a time, he had actually <em>wanted</em> her. It was a very long time ago, yes, but his wife’s sexuality still <em>bothered</em> him and despite trying to deal with it by deciding to get off on it instead, it didn’t change the fact that deep down Rodolphus hated his wife for being gay, for being incestuous, and for embarrassing him for both of those things. “I know your whole life consists of sad wank after sad wank, Rodolphus, but need I remind you that Bellatrix was <em>your</em> choice— you pursued her, forced her into marrying you, and now you’re paying the price; excuse me while I try to find a shit to give about your predicament. Meanwhile, keep your comments about Cassandra to yourself— I may have shared her with Bellatrix, but she doesn’t deserve to be the subject of your ire; it’s not her fucking fault you’re alone and unhappy.”</p>
<p>“And <em>you,”</em> Narcissa continued, rounding on her husband now while she ignored Rodolphus’ comment about how she could go fuck herself. He continued to <em>rant</em> at her though, as though she actually cared what he had to say, and before Narcissa could continue with her husband she had to snap her head back towards him and exclaimed, “We are finished talking, Rodolphus, good<em>bye!”</em></p>
<p>Rodolphus swore some more at her but he did at least storm out, leaving husband and wife alone. Lucius still looked very much ashamed of himself, and Narcissa’s expression set. “I do not <em>care</em> that Bellatrix goaded you,” she began dangerously. “What you said was <em>awful</em> and it hurt her feelings; I am… <em>so</em> incredibly disappointed in your right now. Cassandra is your <em>friend,</em> Lucius.”</p>
<p>“I know,” he responded, looking stricken. “I <em>know,</em> and I’m sorry. The words just came out of my mouth— I didn’t mean them. I’ll apologize to her, I promise. I was just trying to piss off Bellatrix; I should have thought before I spoke.”</p>
<p>Lucius did look genuinely upset which was why Narcissa just tensed her jaw and nodded. “I know this is a lot to come back to,” she acknowledged softly. “And I’m <em>sorry,</em> I really am. This house which should have been familiar to you has turned into a bloody circus; the people you left behind, the <em>relationships</em> you left behind have changed, and I know that must be jarring. I honestly… I don’t know what to do. I wish I could make it easier for you; I wish I could wrap you up in a distraction so that you didn’t have to think about your time in there, or the mess that’s <em>here,</em> or… or what <em>Draco…”</em> Narcissa’s words choked up in the back of her throat though, as any time she thought about her son it cut her to pieces— although mostly because then she had to acknowledge that she spent far too much time actively <em>not</em> thinking about him to save her sanity, and that made her feel even worse because it made it seem like she did not care.</p>
<p>But she <em>did.</em> Narcissa cared so much she practically bled with it, but that had been the problem and now she just… she didn’t know what to <em>do.</em> Narcissa began to cry then and Lucius wrapped her up in his arms, allowing his wife to fist her hands in his robes as she buried her face in his neck. “I feel like an awful mother,” she breathed. “For trying to not think about him all the time. For trying to ignore it. But when it happened, I… I got very sick again, and I’m terrified of being that way because I know it only makes things <em>worse</em> for him. Draco shouldn’t have to worry about me on top of everything else…”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, please,” Lucius begged in a tight voice. “Please, don’t.” Because the walls had ears, and it was <em>dangerous</em> to sound upset over such a thing. Narcissa fell silent as she tried to get a hold of her emotions, clutching to her husband as she tried to regulate her breathing. “Draco will make us proud,” Lucius told her, trying to play the role he needed to at that moment. “A task like this is a great honor for him.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed, hating the words coming out of her mouth but knowing she had to say them. “I know he’s nearly a man now, and I know how eager he is to serve, but he’s still my baby boy, Lucius, and I’m scared.”</p>
<p>“You’re a mother, of course you’re scared,” Lucius responded, playing Narcissa’s concerns up as merely the hysterics of a woman. If Narcissa was a betting person, she’d put money on the fact that Lucius believed Wormtail to be lurking somewhere; he did tend to <em>hover</em> in odd places, and neither of them wanted whispers of disloyalty to make it into the Dark Lord’s ear. “But you need to start separating the little boy you raised from the man Draco has become; it doesn’t do him any favors if you act this way.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m sorry, I know,” Narcissa breathed, allowing that to be the end of their ‘conversation’ for the benefit of whoever may have been listening. Narcissa laid her tear-stained cheek on her husband’s chest, staring aimlessly at the wall. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, although this time for something else entirely. She knew how hard all of this had been on Lucius; it had only been a few days since he had returned home, and Narcissa hadn’t prioritized him in the way she claimed she was going to. “I was selfish last night— I should have put off my stupid sex games with them for another night. I shouldn’t have abandoned you.”</p>
<p>Lucius tensed a little. “I don’t want to force you to tend to me, Narcissa—”</p>
<p>“You’re not <em>forcing</em> me to do anything,” Narcissa responded strongly as she pulled away a little in order to look up at him. “Lucius, I’m <em>sorry.</em> My priorities have been horrible lately. I said I would take care of you and I meant that— I’m going to back off the mess with my sister and Cassandra, at least for a couple days, or a week or… I don’t know. I think all of us need to sort out what we want to achieve with that kind of dynamic <em>anyway, </em>and it’s important to me that I keep my promise to you. Please, will you let me?”</p>
<p>Lucius looked appreciative of that, yet his expression was still filled with apprehension. “Are you sure? Because I feel like you might have dangled a steak in front of Bellatrix’s face and now you’re wishing to take it away. That will most likely end badly.”</p>
<p>“My sister can survive a week without a follow up performance— Besides, she has<em> two</em> lovers now,” Narcissa responded, albeit rather bitterly. “She’ll be tended to in my absence, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>Because in all honesty, Narcissa gave it about forty-eight hours until they came to her and asked to continue their affair. Bellatrix, in particular, would claim she deserved to be sated by <em>someone </em>if Narcissa wasn’t going to do it, and while Narcissa had hoped she could prolong the inevitable in that regard, she needed to make a choice and Lucius was that choice, no matter what consequences came tacked along to that. She felt like an awful mother already— she did not wish to be an awful wife as well. She <em>loved</em> Lucius, and he deserved to have her attention for at least a little while after everything that he had been through.</p>
<p>Lucius grabbed her wrist, preventing her from pulling away. “Narcissa, <em>what</em> are you doing?” he asked seriously. “This kind of reckless behavior is looking more and more like your disorder; you <em>are</em> taking your medication, right?”</p>
<p>“Of course I am, but it’s not a magic fucking solution. I am just— I am <em>trying</em> to make the best out of this situation. It’s messy and confusing and I <em>know</em> that, but I can’t keep hurting them both!”</p>
<p>“So you’re choosing to hurt yourself instead?”</p>
<p>“What right do I even <em>have</em> to be hurt?” Narcissa countered. “Neither of them like my relationship with the other, so why should they have to deal with the repercussions of that when I don’t? I know it’s not ideal, but it’s just sex— I’ve seen them fuck one another, I’ll get over it. If that keeps the peace, then that is<em> exactly</em> what I’m going to do should they ask it of me. I can deal with my jealousy the same as they do; I need to stop acting like it’s one rule for me and another for them— that’s not fair.”</p>
<p>“While I do <em>agree</em> with that<em>,</em> I still think you’re setting yourself up to get hurt. What if they get attached?” Lucius reasoned, but Narcissa brushed that off, as Cassandra had assured her that them dating was a ridiculous concept and besides, while Bellatrix enjoyed Cassandra’s body she had never really been the biggest fan of the woman’s personality.</p>
<p>“It’ll be fine. I’ll admit I’ve been a little paranoid about it, but in the end that’s all it is— <em>paranoia.</em> Cassandra isn’t interested in Bellatrix in that way, and Bella… you know her whole world has always centered around <em>me;</em> I don’t think she even knows how to really see anyone else anymore, at least in an emotional capacity. Just… I need see if Cassandra’s alright, and when she <em>is</em> you need to apologize, okay?” Lucius nodded his understanding, and Narcissa stepped away from him. “Please tell Horkey to send some breakfast up when it’s finished— I’d rather keep Cassandra away from everyone down here for a little while.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her husband an appreciative smile before she left the kitchen to head back upstairs. She found the two of them in Cassandra’s room, which Narcissa wasn’t surprised by; she doubted Bellatrix wanted her invading her space as she had already gotten weird about waking up with her. Narcissa knew she was lying about having somewhere to go, as if she had then she wouldn’t have had the time to spend with Cassandra upstairs. Again though, that wasn’t a surprise— she doubted Bellatrix knew how to articulate how awkward she felt anyway, which was why she got defensive about it. She had never really been great when it came to expressing her emotions.</p>
<p>“—All I’m fucking saying is that you’re not <em>actually</em> a whore until someone throws money at you, so crying over this shit is pointless,” was Bellatrix’s brilliant contribution to trying to comfort the woman. Cassandra had tears on her cheeks that she wiped off with the pads of her fingers as she sat on the bed practically on top of Bellatrix, who had scooted all the way to the back, no doubt in an effort try to get some <em>space. </em>Cassandra had always needed physical comfort as well as emotional when she was upset though, and seemed to automatically gravitate toward the person who was attempting to do that even though it was <em>Bellatrix,</em> and the woman didn’t really seem to know what to do with what was being presented to her.</p>
<p>“Nah, he’s <em>right</em>— I’ve fucked most of the people in this bloody house; I might as well be…”</p>
<p>“So at most that makes you a slag, not a whore, and I dunno why you’re bitching; slutty women are fucking <em>hot,”</em> Bellatrix reasoned, which only made Cassandra scoff as she wiped the wetness from her cheeks, taking a shuddered inhale of breath before suddenly another wave of emotion hit her and she dissolved into more tears. Bellatrix looked a bit like she had been slapped by that unexpected reaction, as she no doubt thought she had been <em>helping.</em></p>
<p>“Come on, you know I don’t know how to fix your emotional bullshit without fucking you, and Cissy will pop a goddamn coronary if I climb on top of you right now— why the fuck do you even <em>care</em> what they think? Jesus, it’s not like either of them bloody matter,” Bellatrix tried, but then she realized they were no longer alone and her gaze caught Narcissa’s who had been standing in the doorway, watching them. “The fuck are you doing just <em>standing</em> there? Fix this— I’m shit at it, clearly.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shook herself out of the staring contest she was having, not really knowing why Bellatrix attempting to comfort Cassandra seemed so strange to her when that was exactly what she had directed her sister to do. Narcissa crossed the room then, coming to rest on the other side of Cassandra before she pulled the other woman into her arms. “Come here,” she breathed. “Look at me.” Narcissa wiped the tears from her girlfriend’s cheeks with her thumbs as she cupped her face.</p>
<p>“Lucius was only trying to piss off Bellatrix; he didn’t mean what he said, and he’s very sorry about it. Rodolphus is just a prick— don’t ever listen to a single thing he says, because his words never have and never will hold any real value,” she told Cassandra seriously. “You are <em>not</em> a whore and despite my sister believing this was a <em>compliment—”</em> Narcissa shot Bellatrix a dirty look, who rolled her eyes in response, “you are not a slag either. You’ve fucked the same amount of people that I have in this house, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t think badly about yourself in that regard because then I’d be afraid that you thought badly about <em>me</em> in that way…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snorted from behind her, no doubt of the same mindset that <em>Narcissa</em> was a slag as well, and Narcissa reached for a throw pillow with her free hand and chucked it at her sister’s head over her girlfriend’s shoulder. Cassandra ignored them though and buried her face in Narcissa’s neck before she turned her head, resting her cheek on her shoulder. “I dunno why I’m even upset,” she breathed. “S’not like that shit hasn’t been said about me my entire bleedin’ life. I’m always the used cock— well, <em>cunt</em> rag this time. I dunno. I say I don’t wanna be that way anymore and then I still do the same shit, so I bring it on myself. I should just stop actin’ like a fuckin’ whore if I don’t wanna be called one.”</p>
<p>“If this is gonna turn into a ‘having threesomes makes me feel like a slag’ or some shit you better fuck off with that crap right now,” Bellatrix responded, not about to let her go down <em>that</em> road. “Because let me tell you, if Rodolphus fucks this up for me I am going to go down there and flay him <em>alive.”</em></p>
<p>“This isn’t just about <em>you, </em>Bella,” Narcissa pointedly reminded her sister, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes and apparently decided <em>fuck this,</em> they were going to do this <em>her</em> way.</p>
<p>“Jesus— <em>fine,</em> just fucking… come here,” Bellatrix ground out irritably, as though having to actually expend actual human emotion was <em>taxing</em> to her as she reached out, grasping onto Cassandra’s hand to pull her from Narcissa’s arms. Bellatrix settled herself back against the headboard as she pulled Cassandra between her thighs, encouraging the woman to lean back against her chest. Narcissa’s brow rose at the display, but she said nothing, wanting to see where Bellatrix went with this; comfort wasn’t exactly her forte, after all.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna say this <em>once,</em> and then I don’t want to hear this shit again,” Bellatrix began, gently weaving her hand through a mane of red hair as she pushed it away from Cassandra’s eyes, unsticking a few strands from her cheeks. “Whores aren’t loved by the people they fuck, and maybe I don’t love you but <em>she</em> does, and that should fucking be enough. You aren’t screwing other people without the woman you love being there, so literally at <em>most</em> all you’re doing is entertaining Cissy’s desire to be bloody worshiped, which we <em>all</em> fucking do so it’s not like you’re acting any differently from the rest of us. But this shit we’re doing now doesn’t have to be all about Cissy either, because we don’t exist to just bloody serve <em>her—”</em></p>
<p><em>“Bella,” </em>Narcissa protested, not enjoying how Bellatrix was wording this. It made it sound like she was <em>blaming </em>her.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Cissy— like you said, this isn’t about us right now,” Bellatrix shut her down, causing Narcissa’s lips to purse into a tight line. “So how about…” she began, her fingers fisting the base of Cassandra’s over-sized sleep shirt as she pulled it upwards, exposing the woman’s abdomen to the cool air of the bedroom. “You fucking prove to your girlfriend that she’s not a whore because last I checked, whores are only there to service others and quite bloody frankly,” she continued, before her voice dropped to a lower octave and she pressed her lips against Cassandra’s ear, her hot breath tickling the base of her neck, “me and my sister are <em>much</em> too into making you scream for us to treat you like anything even fucking adjacent to that.”</p>
<p>Cassandra instinctively bit down on her bottom lip from the decibel of Bellatrix’s voice, but Narcissa just shot her sister an exasperated look before her hand shot out, stilling Bellatrix’s hand from undressing the woman between her thighs. “So your solution to make Cassandra not feel like a whore is to… fuck her,” Narcissa deadpanned. “Do you see where there could be a disconnect there?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath. “Do you even listen when I speak? Whores are, traditionally, pretty questionable to put your mouth on or your fingers in because who the fuck knows what was there before you, which is why you should only get them to service <em>you.</em> So if <em>we</em> fuck Cassandra and don’t ask for reciprocation, that means she is not a whore. It’s pretty black and white, Cissy; I don’t know why it’s confusing you.”</p>
<p>“I shudder to think of the kinds of prostitutes <em>you’ve</em> been purchasing lately if you’re so terrified to reciprocate, but despite that— you do realize that if you allow a whore to put their mouth on you it’s about as safe as you putting yours on <em>them,</em> yes?”</p>
<p>“That’s not even adjacent to the fucking point I was trying to make, but we’ll get back to that because what the fuck, you’ve actually reciprocated with <em>whores?</em> Jesus, Cissy; when was the last bloody time you’ve been checked for STDs—?”</p>
<p>“Y’know what? I feel better, thanks,” Cassandra decided, pushing herself off of Bellatrix. Narcissa shot her sister an irritated look for making this entire thing derail as she grasped onto Cassandra’s hand, not allowing her to go very far.</p>
<p>“Ignore her, please…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked affronted. “<em>Me?</em> Because of you all three of us are going to have to go to a bloody clinic now—”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> were the one who ‘recommended’ high class prostitutes, I’ll have you remember. I think I was fourteen bloody years old which made your <em>tip</em> fairly useless at the time, but I still remembered it when the time came that I required a service like that,” Narcissa countered, infuriated that she was being <em>shamed</em> because she stupidly followed her sister’s advice. “<em>You</em> said they were clean, <em>you—”</em></p>
<p>“They’re clean<em>er, </em>but I still never fucking told you to put your <em>mouth </em>on them, Cissy!”</p>
<p>“No, you just said that you pay <em>them</em> to lick your cunt, which is about on the same damn level as far as sexually transmitted diseases go—!”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>really</em> fucking not.”</p>
<p>“Okay, enough!” Cassandra exclaimed, physically placing herself between the two sisters as she held out her hands, stopping both of their tirades. “<em>Jesus,</em> is this what it’s always bloody like with you two? No wonder neither of you can just be with one another— ya need a break just for your sodding sanity every now an’ then.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was fairly certain she should be offended by that, but the truth in Cassandra’s words made her unable to voice a rebuttal. In the end, she <em>did</em> need a break from Bellatrix every now and then for her sanity… and that was precisely why she had Cassandra.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I wouldn’t bloody know considering Narcissa has never let me have someone other than her without throwing a fucking fit about it,” Bellatrix responded bitterly, causing Narcissa’s stomach to tighten in her gut. Still, despite wishing to respond to that, this wasn’t the time— once again, she and Bellatrix had managed to make everything about <em>them.</em></p>
<p>“God, Cass, I am so— I’m <em>so</em> sorry,” Narcissa apologized, feeling awful about having practically ignored her girlfriend’s breakdown just to bicker with her sister. “We were meant to be comforting you, and we just—”</p>
<p>“S’fine,” Cassandra assured her and thankfully, she seemed to be telling the truth. Her fingers laced in Narcissa’s, holding her hand in assurance. “If there’s one thing you both are bloody good at, it’s bein’ distractin’ as fuck; kicked me right outta my self-pity spiral so thanks… even though you guys fuckin’ me would have probably been nicer, truthfully.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix held out her hands dramatically in a silent gesture that clearly indicated, “<em>See?”</em> but Narcissa ignored her, pursing her lips in guilt. Even though she was glad Cassandra was feeling a little better, it didn’t fix her underlying self-esteem issues and sexually traumatic past. But, then again, perhaps those issues were best left to a professional, and Cassandra <em>was</em> still seeing a Soul Mender. Regardless, it didn’t diminish Narcissa’s desire to help her not feel that way though, she just clearly did not know how to go about that properly.</p>
<p>She was, however, fairly certain that sex was <em>not</em> the answer, no matter what Cassandra thought; in the end, Narcissa didn’t want the woman believing that was all she was good for, because it <em>wasn’t. </em>It was so fucking far from it.</p>
<p>Her gaze flickered over to Bellatrix then, who had slumped miserably against the headboard as she picked at her nails. Narcissa was unsure whether it was because the sex she wanted to have derailed or because of what she had said before; perhaps both. The blonde pursed her lips as she looked at her though, and the expression on her face caused Cassandra to turn to look at Bellatrix as she furrowed her brow.</p>
<p>“That look ‘cause ya wanted your fingers in my cunt again, or ‘cause Cissa won’t let you put them in anyone you actually deem to be worth a damn?”</p>
<p>“We <em>do</em> think you’re worth a damn!” Narcissa exclaimed, horrified over how Cassandra had worded that, but her girlfriend just shot her a sardonic look.</p>
<p>“Meant emotionally— for <em>her,</em> not for you.”</p>
<p>“…Oh.”</p>
<p>“I really couldn’t fucking care,” Bellatrix dismissed in a tone that indicated that she, in fact, very much <em>did</em> care. Narcissa bit the inside of her cheek guiltily.</p>
<p>“Does bein’ shit liars run in the family or somethin’? That wasn’t even <em>close</em> to convincing.”</p>
<p>“You know what? I got shit to do; I don’t even know why I’m still up here if we’re not gonna fuck,” Bellatrix dismissed, pushing herself out of the bed. Narcissa exhaled a long, drawn out sigh. Her sister was always so <em>defensive.</em></p>
<p>“Bella, come on, we all know you don’t—”</p>
<p>“You don’t know my schedule, Cissy, so stop pretending to.”</p>
<p>“Will you just say what you want to say to me?” Narcissa demanded, growing agitated. “You’re clearly upset, so why don’t you put on your big girl panties for once and just—”</p>
<p>“I don’t have fucking <em>anything</em> to say to you!” Bellatrix snapped, rounding on her before she got to the doorway. “What would be the bloody point? I’ve lived my entire fucking life watching you get everything you want while I get fed <em>scraps</em> of your sodding attention—”</p>
<p>“Scraps?” Narcissa repeated, deeply offended. “<em>Scraps?!”</em></p>
<p>“Christ, will both of you just calm the fuck <em>down?”</em> Cassandra snapped, looking a little overwhelmed by how quickly the two sisters could jump right back into another argument. “Jesus, you’d think some bloody shaggin’ would make you both unclench, but apparently that’s too much to ask for. An’ I know I’m bangin’ ya both now, but I didn’t sign up to be a sodding therapist, so maybe both of you should start acting like fuckin’ adults an’ try <em>talking</em> to one another instead of poppin’ my bleedin’ eardrums with your incessant screaming.”</p>
<p>“Like I said, I don’t have anything to fucking say to her,” Bellatrix snapped, having wound herself up into a frenzy over something Narcissa did not know how to handle, because the solution wasn’t something she was anywhere <em>near</em> comfortable with.</p>
<p>“Mature,” Cassandra deadpanned, causing Bellatrix to round on <em>her</em> now.</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck you— the last bloody thing I need right now is yet another person who takes <em>her</em> side!”</p>
<p>“I’m not on anyone’s fuckin’ side ‘cause you still haven’t even articulated your sodding grievance properly,” Cassandra reminded her, even though they both probably knew what had actually started all this. Still, Cassandra seemed intent on making Bellatrix <em>spell it out,</em> as she always hated when people danced around the issue they were having, expecting others to put the pieces together themselves. However, that was generally how Bellatrix <em>worked,</em> as she always hated voicing her emotions out loud unless they were steeped in anger. “I’m not Cissa’s bloody parrot so open your damn mouth an’ actually tell us why the hell you’re <em>screamin’</em> right now, an’ maybe I might agree that she’s bein’ shit ‘cause I damn well know that she can be sometimes!”</p>
<p>“<em>Hey!”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra ignored her girlfriend’s offended squawk of protest and continued to stare expectantly at Bellatrix, who’s chest was heaving she was so upset now. The younger woman’s brow rose.<em> “Well? </em>What’s wrong? I’m listenin’.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked a little taken aback by her anger not being met with even more screaming and she bristled. She clearly did not expect someone to actually <em>listen</em> to her, and Narcissa hated herself for that, as she knew she always fed into this awful dynamic she’s had with Bellatrix ever since they were children. It had just become ingrained into them, to be this way with one another.</p>
<p>“…It doesn’t matter,” was all Bellatrix muttered, apparently not comfortable sharing even though she was comfortable enough to <em>scream. </em>“I just got pissed off; I’m over it.”</p>
<p>“It <em>does</em> matter to you, obviously, an’ therefore it fuckin’ matters to me, so out with it; I may wanna listen but I still got shit patience.”</p>
<p>“Why do you even fucking <em>care?”</em> Bellatrix snapped, sounding defensive and suspicious. “Last I checked, you don’t gotta give a shit about someone’s problems to get your cunt licked by them.”</p>
<p>“An’ yet here the fuck I am; someone call the bloody Prophet to report this unprecedented miracle,” Cassandra responded sardonically, looking very unamused by Bellatrix’s desire to stall. “Ya got twenty seconds though until I lose my patience an’ ya miss your window, so I’d get to talkin’ if I were you.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t even fucking <em>matter!”</em> Bellatrix exclaimed, still frustrated but apparently not wanting to miss her chance to actually deal with her shit either, just in case. “It’s not like I have anyone I want to date, I just got pissed off ‘cause <em>you</em> were like ‘oh, I get why you guys need other people’ and it just fucking reminded me that I <em>don’t,</em> that I <em>can’t</em> because Cissy bitches at me about being possessive every other day of the bloody week yet <em>she</em> gets a girlfriend,<em> she</em> has her fucking husband and what the bloody hell do I get?! I’m gay and even if I wasn’t I hate the air my fucking husband <em>breathes,</em> let alone anything else about him— and <em>fine,</em> I have you now, but for sex only when my sister’s there to bloody oversee it like the control-freak that she is—”</p>
<p>“She’s <em>my</em> girlfriend, Bella!” Narcissa exclaimed, choosing instead to focus on that even though she was well-aware that that probably wasn’t what she should be addressing right now. “My girlfriend that you fucked behind my back at first and yet I am <em>still—” </em>And, oh, she probably should not have said that, considering the look on Cassandra’s face was <em>not </em>good, but thankfully Bellatrix was already screaming again, because that was what they did best when it came to one another.</p>
<p>“Yes,<em> please, </em>fucking reiterate how much of a goddamn saint you are for allowing us to share your bed together; because we all know you only did this out of the <em>goodness</em> of your bloody heart—!”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying I did it for unselfish reasons, but I just don’t know what else to <em>do!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed helplessly. “I thought it would make you happier, I thought it would make us <em>all</em> happier; why aren’t you fucking <em>happy,</em> Bella, what else do you <em>want?!”</em></p>
<p>“I didn’t say I wasn’t fucking happy, I’m just not as happy as <em>you</em> and that’s always been the bloody problem!” Bellatrix shouted, furiously pointing at her. “And I don’t even <em>want</em> anything right now— I just want the bloody option, but you’ve never been able to even give me <em>that,</em> have you?!”</p>
<p>“Fine, then fucking have the option then, I don’t <em>care!”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra side-eyed her. “Cissa, don’t fuckin’ lie to her; if she’s bein’ honest with you, the least you can do is be honest with her.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest heaved in upset, feeling thoroughly chastised by her girlfriend for how she reacted, but it had been instinctual. She and Bellatrix just… this was how they <em>interacted.</em> They screamed at each other all while pretending they didn’t actually <em>care</em> when in fact it was all they cared about.</p>
<p>It took a moment, but finally Narcissa was able to get a hold of herself enough to speak truthfully. Bellatrix looked like she was grinding her teeth as she stared at her, at least having the good sense to wait for what she had to say, although Narcissa was sure it was because she didn’t want to get chastised by Cassandra as well. Suddenly, having a third party around made it even more apparent how toxic they were when it came to one another and it caused Narcissa to feel deeply ashamed. She <em>loved</em> Bellatrix, they loved each <em>other,</em> and yet it had always been hard for them to communicate properly.</p>
<p>“I’ve never been fair to you, and I know that,” Narcissa began softly, looking awfully ashamed of herself. “I’ve always accused you of being possessive and controlling, but you’ve never been as bad as I am in that regard. I was <em>awful</em> about Gwendolyn and to this day I feel badly about that because I know I robbed you of your happiness; I robbed you of something normal and healthy and no matter how many times you tried to convince me that I am all you need, that I am all you <em>want</em> for the rest of your life, I’ve always known deep down that I am not, because truthfully you are not all I need and I… I <em>hate</em> myself for that more than you could possibly know.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix swallowed hard, but said nothing. Narcissa was sure that was because those words cut her and she didn’t want to show weakness in front of Cassandra, and therefore was putting great effort into not allowing that to show on her expression.</p>
<p>“I know how bad it must hurt you, to see me happy with someone else,” Narcissa continued, but did not chance a glance at Cassandra; this was about Bellatrix right now. “I know it would hurt me just the same if the positions were reversed, but… I think that’s a pain I need to be willing to face, if you— if you find someone you want in that way, because you were right, you know; it’s always been one rule for me and another for everyone else, and that’s not okay.”</p>
<p>“That was me, actually… who said that shit to ya,” Cassandra responded quietly, obviously not very keen on bringing up <em>that</em> day, but feeling that she needed to clarify all the same. Narcissa deflated.</p>
<p>“Right,” she acknowledged. “And you were <em>right,</em> okay? So… I just, I thought about it, and if we’re all going to do… whatever <em>this</em> is, then it should probably be fair all around. If you two want to sleep with each other without me then that’s… it’s fine. I can’t promise I won’t be jealous, but I’ll try to keep it to myself, because I can’t keep being this selfish; it’s not fair to either of you, but it’s <em>especially</em> not fair to you, Bella, so while I’m not going to give you my <em>blessing</em> for you to try to find a girlfriend or anything, because I’m sure it’s still going to kill me inside, I’m not going to strictly forbid you from trying to find happiness elsewhere so long as you <em>promise</em> that you won’t leave me for her— whoever the bloody hell she ends up being. Please. That’s all I ask, because you should know by now that I could never leave you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled, all of the tension she had been holding inside of her releasing with the breath. “If you honestly think for one bloody minute that I would ever leave you even if I found someone else, then you’re more of an idiot than I thought,” Bellatrix told her, and while her words were harsh, her tone, her <em>expression</em> was not, and therefore Narcissa took them as the assurance that she needed as she too relaxed a little in the wake of her sister’s words.</p>
<p>“God, you’re so fucking<em> stupid,”</em> Bellatrix breathed before she crossed the distance between them, climbed onto her sister’s lap and kissed her with all the emotion she wasn’t unable to vocalize. Narcissa grasped for her, forgetting for a second that they were not alone, but it did not matter as her house elf took that moment to apparate into the bedroom with a loud crack.</p>
<p>“Breakfast is ready for the missus’!” Horkey announced, levitating multiple plates of food for the three of them. Bellatrix growled in irritation but Narcissa was a bit glad for the interruption because she didn’t want to make this awkward for Cassandra, who was still just <em>sitting</em> there.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Horkey,” Narcissa responded as Bellatrix climbed off of her, and the elf bowed low after the plates were placed on the desk in the corner. It then disapparated as soon as it appeared, leaving the three women alone once more.</p>
<p>“God, I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized again to her girlfriend, feeling like she and Bellatrix’s issues always overshadowed bloody everything else. She reached out for her hand and thankfully Cassandra took it, squeezing it lightly.</p>
<p>“You’re fine,” Cassandra told her, giving her a small, reassuring smile. “But for fuck’s sake, try <em>talkin’</em> next time instead of havin’ another bloody argument, ‘cause I ain’t takin’ on the role of mediator between you both. This was enough.”</p>
<p>“Right, I know, and I’m sorry— it’s not your responsibility to fix us, but I do… I appreciate it all the same,” Narcissa responded softly before her eyes found Bellatrix who was over by the food, messing with the plates. Her brow furrowed. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Your stupid fucking elf gave her bacon and shit— she’s a bloody vegetarian,” Bellatrix responded irritably as she pushed the offending objects off of Cassandra’s plate on to her own, giving Cassandra more of her eggs in return. Narcissa watched her girlfriend’s eyes soften a bit at the gesture and Narcissa’s stomach momentarily clenched in her gut but she quickly pushed it aside. It was just a nice thing to do, and it was a <em>good</em> thing that Bellatrix was being like this, especially if they were all going to be regularly involved sexually. Bellatrix <em>should</em> be nice to a woman she was being intimate with, at the very least.</p>
<p>Or, well, as nice as Bellatrix could <em>be</em> to someone anyway.</p>
<p>“Here,” Bellatrix offered when she was finished, bringing Cassandra her food. Narcissa was sure this was her sister’s way of being appreciative of Cassandra helping them fix a problem in their relationship without <em>actually</em> having to say the words thank you, and Cassandra took the plate with an appreciative smile of her own before she reached out with her free hand, fisting Bellatrix’s robes in her hand before she encouraged the woman to lean down so she could give her a brief kiss on the lips in gratitude.</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix actually looked a little <em>embarrassed</em> about that and pulled away from her muttering, “It’s just fucking food,” before she went to grab Narcissa’s plate, hating that her niceness was being acknowledged yet continuing to do it all the same. The blonde gave her sister the same kiss in gratitude that Cassandra had given her after she had received her plate, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>Narcissa could see it though; the corners of Bellatrix’s lips quirking, the look in her eye— she was, finally, happy with how things had turned out, and no matter what else happened from there on out, Narcissa knew that was what she had to focus on, because she loved Bellatrix and the woman deserved the same happiness that Narcissa had, even if it ended up involving someone who wasn’t <em>her.</em></p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. XLII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLII.</strong>
</p><p>“Why are neither of you in my bedroom right now?” Bellatrix asked as she walked down the hallway, seeing her two lovers convened in front of Cassandra’s door. Narcissa had just been saying goodnight to the woman, as she had told <em>her</em> that she was planning to attend to Lucius for a little while. She had, however, been hoping to avoid that conversation with Bellatrix, as cowardly as that was. Narcissa had just assumed her <em>errands</em> for the Dark Lord would run late and she would be in bed before her sister got home.</p><p>Clearly, that was not the case.</p><p>Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip and Cassandra’s brow rose expectantly, her silent way of telling her that she was <em>not</em> about to be the one to burst Bellatrix’s bubble. “I wasn’t aware we had a standing invitation,” Narcissa avoided as she placed her hands behind her back and leaned against the wall of the hallway, ignoring her girlfriend’s exasperated expression.</p><p>Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be stupid for not assuming that they did. “I have the biggest fucking bed, where <em>else</em> would we all fit?”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes. “<em>My</em> bed, Bella…”</p><p>“Fine, come into <em>your</em> bed then and bring that hot piece of arse next to you; unless you actually thought I wanted to go a night without getting my cunt licked, in which case you would be mistaken.”</p><p>“You’re such a romantic,” Cassandra deadpanned, and Bellatrix smirked as she leaned against her bedroom door, looking at the other woman down the hallway as she crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p>“C’mere and I’ll show you romance then, Kitten,” she purred, causing Narcissa to shoot her a look of warning. She might be okay with Bellatrix maybe, possibly, <em>one day</em> finding someone else now if that was what she wanted, but that someone did <em>not</em> have to be Cassandra. She could have her sexually all she wanted, but if Bellatrix actually started to have feelings for the woman that <em>she</em> loved, Narcissa was fairly certain she wouldn’t be able to handle that. Bellatrix took one look at the expression on her sister’s face though and rolled her eyes. “Oh, un<em>clench,</em> Cissy, I’m not trying to steal your girlfriend— I meant sexual romance, not <em>emotional.”</em></p><p>What in God’s name was ‘sexual’ romance? Ugh. Whatever, it didn’t matter. “Well as tempting as <em>that</em> sounds, I am… unfortunately otherwise engaged tonight,” Narcissa told her before she scrunched up her nose in guilt, sliding a little further down the hall towards Lucius’ room, and away from her sister. “…And perhaps for a little while after that too.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s expression fell and Narcissa <em>panicked</em> and did the first thing that came to mind as she lunged for her girlfriend’s hand, pulling Cassandra out of the threshold of her bedroom before practically encouraging the other woman toward her sister. “But if you ask nicely, I’m sure Cassandra won’t leave you <em>alone</em> tonight<em>,</em> so…”</p><p>Wow, what a complete one-eighty this turned out to be. Not that Narcissa was <em>thrilled</em> about the idea of the two of them fucking one another without her, but it was something that she a) needed to get used to because she <em>knew</em> it was going to happen one way or another and b) she could use as a way to maybe distract Bellatrix enough so that she wouldn’t scream at her over choosing Lucius over <em>them</em>, which would be nice because in truth Narcissa was very tired of the screaming. It was… it was a lot.</p><p>“Cissa, don’t use me as a bloody <em>shield,</em> for Christ’s sake—”</p><p>“Are you fucking <em>kidding</em> me right now?” Bellatrix exclaimed, moving away from her door and, oh God, coming right for her. Narcissa moved even further behind Cassandra, who exhaled an exasperated sigh at being used as a barrier. “How many more people do you <em>need?!”</em></p><p>“I didn’t say I was going to have<em> sex</em> with him, Bella…”</p><p>“Oh, don’t fucking lie to me—”</p><p>“—But Lucius just got out of <em>prison</em> and I’m his wife; just give me like… I don’t know, a week, alright? Two, at most. Please don’t be angry; it’s not like I’m leaving you <em>alone</em> or anything…”</p><p>“Stop fucking bartering her; if Cassandra wants to fuck me then she can fuck me without you using her as a bloody trade off,” Bellatrix snapped which, Jesus, made Narcissa feel about an inch tall. That was <em>not</em> what she meant. Thankfully, it seemed Cassandra understood that.</p><p>“As sexy as you standin’ up for me just now really <em>was,</em> I think Cissa was just tryin’ to say that ‘cause you have another option now, she feels as though you shouldn’t be as upset with her as ya no doubt would have been if she was still your only one,” Cassandra explained, which Narcissa was endlessly thankful for as she pressed her pursed lips against the back of her girlfriend’s shoulder, peering over her toward her sister.</p><p>“Believe me, Bella, I know all of this is <em>terrible</em> timing, but I cannot ignore him,” Narcissa gently pleaded as she wrapped her arms around Cassandra’s waist. “Despite what you may wish, I do still care very deeply for him. Lucius has been having a rough time lately; I mean, he came back to <em>this…” </em>Narcissa idly waved her hand, indicating the three of them.</p><p>“And what’s so bloody wrong with <em>this?”</em></p><p><em>“Nothing,</em> at least not for us, but things were very different before Lucius left and I’m sure this is giving him whiplash,” Narcissa reasoned. He had left having a crush on Cassandra, had seemed to be getting back to a good place with his wife, only to come back and find them <em>both</em> entangled with Bellatrix. “Just… let me <em>ease</em> the transition for him please.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “The <em>transition,”</em> she muttered. “He was in there for nine bloody months; try fifteen fucking <em>years…”</em></p><p>“Bellatrix, this ain’t a competition over who had it worse in Azkaban,” Cassandra reminded her. “It was shit for you, it was shit for <em>him…</em> just let Cissa pay attention to him for a mo’. Doesn’t mean she’s gonna up and leave us for him, so just relax, yeah?”</p><p>Bellatrix’s expression scrunched and she looked rather grumpy. “Why are you even advocating for this?” she asked Cassandra. “Weren’t you fucking pissed at him for calling you his sloppy seconds? You should be on <em>my</em> side, here.”</p><p>“I’m not on anyone’s <em>side,”</em> Cassandra responded exasperatedly. “Just ‘cause there’s three of us now doin’… I dunno, whatever this is, doesn’t mean it’s gotta always be two against one. Besides, Lucius apologized to me earlier an’ while what he said still <em>hurt</em>, you <em>were</em> bein’ pretty shit with goadin’ him an’ stuff, so I get why he’d wanna shoot back at ya like that. You should really be more mindful of people’s feelings, y’know.”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘cause <em>that’ll</em> fucking happen,” Bellatrix scoffed, and Narcissa was apt to agree. She appreciated Cassandra <em>attempting</em> to help Bellatrix (and her, if Narcissa was being honest) improve some of the areas of their life that needed said improvement, but something like <em>that? </em>It was a pipe dream. Bellatrix did not and would never care for anyone else’s feelings except Narcissa’s and… maybe a little bit Cassandra’s now.</p><p>Bellatrix shot Narcissa an unhappy look. “So what, you’re not gonna fuck either of us for weeks now, is <em>that </em>it?”</p><p>“No, that’s not— I’m just going to try to spend a little more time with him, that’s all,” Narcissa responded, because she <em>knew</em> herself and she knew saying that she would ‘never’ do something like that would be a flat out lie. “And I’m going to share his bed at night, but all of us have been sleeping <em>alone</em> for… well, a while now, so another week or two won’t make much of a difference at this point.”</p><p>“We didn’t fucking sleep alone last night!” Bellatrix protested, as though that made any real difference in the long run. Maybe it did for her though, which… then made Narcissa feel <em>worse,</em> and so she tried to deflect that emotion with the only thing she could think of.</p><p>“No, we didn’t, but then the second you woke up properly and really <em>saw</em> what was going on, you bloody ran.”</p><p>“I had stuff to do!”</p><p>“Bella,” Narcissa responded flatly, irritated that she was still using that. “You. Had. <em>Nothing.</em> To. Do.” She accented each word with a slap of the back of her hand against her palm. “Stop <em>lying,</em> for Christ’s sake—”</p><p>“Fine, fuck you, it was a little weird, alright?!” Bellatrix snapped, irritated with being called out like that. She shifted her eyes towards her sister’s girlfriend before taking a subconscious step back from her. “Cassandra and I have never done… but <em>whatever,</em> I’m fine now—”</p><p>“If I fuck ya tonight I am definitely<em> not</em> sleeping in your bed with you,” Cassandra forewarned her, which actually made Bellatrix relax so quickly and so suddenly it was almost comical as she slumped against the wall, looking infinitely more comfortable.</p><p>“Thank fucking <em>Christ.”</em> But then Bellatrix realized how that reaction could be construed and she shot Cassandra an apologetic look. “I mean—”</p><p>“No, believe me; it’d still be bloody weird, I <em>get</em> it,” Cassandra told her, and that seemed to make Bellatrix feel a little better about not being the only one that still had weird uncrossable lines in regards to their relationship, and she nodded in understanding. Truthfully, that <em>also</em> made Narcissa relax a little more, as that meant there were still walls up between them and Narcissa needed that to be the case right now because it made things easier for her to handle.</p><p>“—Wait,” Bellatrix interrupted, having realized what Cassandra had fully said. “What the bloody hell do you mean <em>if </em>you fuck me tonight<em>?”</em></p><p>Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I mean ya can’t just be like ‘I summon you; come lick my cunt’ no matter what Narcissa might bloody allow now. I may not be your <em>girlfriend </em>but I still feel like I deserve a little more effort than that, damn.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked a little flustered. “That’s not what I— I mean… it’s not like I was trying to treat you like— What the <em>fuck,</em> Cassandra. You know that’s not what I meant! It was just a fucking offer, you don’t have to bloody <em>take</em> it…”</p><p>Bellatrix looked <em>deeply</em> out of her element all of a sudden and Narcissa’s eyes widened a bit, a part of her shocked by this unprecedented behavior, yet another part of her a little amused by how off-balance such a simple request seemed to make her sister. Then again, Bellatrix never really had to put in any effort with Narcissa; she just <em>looked</em> at her a certain way and Narcissa was already spreading her legs for her. She did, however, understand Cassandra’s desire not to respond in that way, especially after the conversation they had had earlier. Bellatrix seemed to understand too, which was why she got so flustered— she didn’t want Cassandra thinking that she was trying to treat her like a whore.</p><p>“Is that really the best ya got?” Cassandra countered, disbelievingly. “’This is what I’m offerin’, take it or leave it’? Because, again, that’s pretty fuckin’ low effort.”</p><p>“No, I…” But then Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated growl, fed up with <em>trying</em>. “You know what? I’m going to bed; I’ll fucking rub one out, I don’t bloody care.” And with that she dramatically stalked off, barricading herself in her bedroom as she slammed the door behind her.</p><p>Narcissa scrunched up her nose as she leaned into her girlfriend. “So that went well,” she mentioned sardonically, even though secretly she was a <em>little</em> bit pleased that they weren’t going to just hop directly into bed with one another. Still, Narcissa knew she needed to be okay with it even if they changed their minds and so she tried not to internally celebrate too much.</p><p>Cassandra just shrugged though, unperturbed. “If she wants to fuck me bad enough, she’ll realize demandin’ it or throwin’ a fit over it ain’t the way to do it. I’m not lookin’ for anythin’ over the top or anything, she’s hot enough that she doesn’t have to try <em>that</em> bloody hard, but I’m also not about to just come at the snap of her fingers either— I’ve done that shit enough already an’ it was a miserable fuckin’ time for both of us.”</p><p>Narcissa shot her a disbelieving look at that, as apparently <em>something</em> about their affair had to have been enjoyable for them to have kept doing it. Also, it was certainly fun enough for Bellatrix to advocate having Cassandra back in her bed. “I just meant where we were both at emotionally durin’ the whole thing,” Cassandra explained, which was valid. Narcissa knew all too well how sex felt during her lowest moments; yes, objectively it felt good because orgasms always did, but overall… “I just— I dunno, don’t want a repeat of that shit. Not exactly my proudest moment, an’ I really don’t think it was hers either.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa said softly, gently pressing her lips against her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I just don’t think Bella knows what to make of you or what to <em>do</em> with you, really. She really likes to hold on to her anger as it makes her feel the most comfortable, so I’m sure she was <em>fine</em> when you both were having sex before in that regard, but she’s not angry anymore so it’s just been easier for her to follow <em>my</em> lead, I suppose, when it comes to you. However, because of that, when you take me out of the equation she becomes… well, like <em>that.</em> I suppose it’s my fault; I’ve always just given her what she wanted when she wanted it.”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> a bit easy,” Cassandra noted in amusement, chuckling at the indignant look on Narcissa’s face even though the blonde <em>knew</em> she was not wrong. Narcissa rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Fine, maybe, but do me a favor and don’t drive her <em>too</em> crazy, alright?” Narcissa asked, shooting her girlfriend a pointed look. “Because I <em>know</em> you, and I know that on some level you’re getting amusement out of making my sister so flustered.” Cassandra smirked, not denying it. She always did get a power trip with making women she had once considered above her in regards to ‘class’ trip all over themselves for her attention, and because Bellatrix <em>had,</em> at one point, been one of the people who consistently asserted herself above Cassandra and enjoyed cruelly reminding her of her elevated status, Narcissa knew her sister deserved to be tortured a little in that regard.</p><p>It was only fair.</p><p>Narcissa gave her girlfriend a kiss goodnight before they parted, and the blonde made her way across the hall to her husband’s bedroom. After she had closed the door behind her, her gaze landed on her husband, who was brushing his hair whilst sitting at the mirrored vanity in the corner of the room. His hair had lost a lot of its shine and vibrance due to his stint in Azkaban, but it was still an improvement from what it had looked like when he had returned. Narcissa smiled softly as she looked at him, and Lucius looked up when he felt his wife’s eyes on him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing. You’re just… very pretty, is all.”</p><p>Lucius rolled his eyes. “Always a man’s preferred compliment. <em>Pretty.” </em>Narcissa shot him a lightly exasperated look as she stepped away from the door. Lucius continued to run the brush through his hair before he turned his gaze back to the mirror. “I’m surprised you actually showed up.”</p><p>“I said I would.”</p><p>“Yes, but I’m also aware you have <em>other </em>places you’d prefer to be right now, Narcissa.”</p><p>The woman’s lips turned down into a frown as she crossed the room toward her husband, her hand momentarily wrapping around his to encourage him to allow her to take the brush from him. Lucius obliged, albeit a little reluctantly. “There is no where I’d rather be right now,” Narcissa told him softly as she began to run it through his long tresses. “I still love you, you know.”</p><p>“Perhaps, but it’s not the same.”</p><p>“It hasn’t been the same for a long time,” Narcissa gently countered, watching the bristles untangle his hair. It was nearly twice the length of her own now. “But that doesn’t mean that you do not matter to me. I want to be here. Cassandra, at the very least, understands, which I’m thankful for. Bellatrix is… unhappy, but will get over it. I made my choice.”</p><p>Lucius said nothing in response, but he did at least seem rather grateful for being a priority of his wife’s— at least for a little while. Narcissa leaned down and placed a gentle kiss atop her husband’s head after she had finished with his hair. “Cassandra said you spoke to her,” she mentioned, and Lucius nodded.</p><p>“I feel like a fucking arse,” he muttered, still very ashamed of himself for what he had said. “I apologized. I… also admitted I may have been a little bitter. I know she never reciprocated what I felt, but it still felt like I lost something to Bellatrix. <em>Again.”</em></p><p>Narcissa’s insides twisted in guilt. “You never lost me, Lucius,” she breathed, gently running her fingers through his hair. Her hand fell to his shoulder then, softly squeezing it. “I’ll always be here, so long as I am something you still want.”</p><p>Lucius’ hand covered hers as he looked at her reflection in the vanity mirror. “You’re always something I want, Narcissa, but truthfully your love life is not something I want to be tangled up in right now; you’ve made enough of a mess of it as it is.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips and said nothing as she leaned against his back. Lucius noted her expression. “You’re disappointed.” It was said almost with a note of surprise, and Narcissa’s gaze found his once more as she slipped her arms down over his shoulders, leaning over him. She knew she had <em>just</em> told Bellatrix that she hadn’t said she was going to have sex with him, but that also didn’t mean that a part of her did not <em>want</em> to.</p><p>“A little. I <em>did</em> miss you. Besides,” she breathed, pressing her lips against her husband’s ear as she allowed her hands to smooth down over his chest. “I may have two other lovers right now, but <em>neither</em> of them can give me what you can…” Narcissa’s hand hovered near the seam of his pants but she did not push, as she did not wish to touch him if he didn’t want her to. Still, her point had been made.</p><p>Not <em>well </em>though, apparently.</p><p>“I’m more than my cock, Narcissa; or at least I would bloody hope considering you <em>married</em> me.”</p><p>Narcissa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Sometimes he could be such a <em>girl.</em> “I know you are, I was merely making a point. If you don’t want to bed me then that’s fine, but please don’t get cross with me. I just want to be here for you however you need me to be— that’s all.”</p><p>Lucius’ gaze caught hers in the mirror again. “I’ll think about it,” he conceded. “You have always been what I’d <em>prefer,</em> Narcissa, and it has been… a <em>very</em> long time, but I don’t know if the headache is even worth it anymore, truthfully.”</p><p>Narcissa wished she could blame him for that, but she could not. While Cassandra was fine with it, Bellatrix obviously was <em>not,</em> and Lucius had had his fill quarreling with Bellatrix over her. So Narcissa just gave her husband a gentle kiss on his temple and the two of them retired to bed, unfortunately, fully clothed.</p><p>Still, there was always tomorrow.</p><p>Tomorrow did not yield results however, and while the next night <em>might</em> have, instead it was interrupted by Bellatrix who burst into Lucius’ bedroom without so much as rapping on the door first. “Cissy, I’m about to go <em>fucking</em> insane.”</p><p>“Thank you for knocking, Bellatrix; sure, <em>come right in,”</em> Lucius responded dryly, unamused by the interruption. Not that they were <em>doing</em> anything though— Lucius was in bed with a book and Narcissa <em>was</em> about to try to seduce him by showing him the very risqué undergarments she had on beneath her robe, but instead she tightened the belt around her waist, making sure her silk robe stayed closed so that Bellatrix wouldn’t realize what she was about to try to do.</p><p>“You usually are, but what about this time?” Narcissa responded flatly as she dejectedly sat at the vanity as she began to remove her makeup. Nothing killed a potential boner of Lucius’ more than <em>Bellatrix,</em> so Narcissa was certain nothing was going to come of her plans for tonight now.</p><p>Bellatrix shot her sister a vexing glance before she came fully into the bedroom, closing the door behind her so that they could have some privacy. “Honestly, what the <em>fuck</em> does she want from me?” she demanded, looking thoroughly irritated.</p><p>The blonde’s brow knit as she paused what she was doing. “Cass?”</p><p>“No, the bloody Muggle Queen of England— of <em>course</em> Cassandra,” Bellatrix snapped as she leaned against the door. “Fine, she wants me to make an actual effort, <em>whatever,</em> but I just told her that she had the prettiest fucking cunt I’ve ever seen and instead of taking the bloody compliment she just said ‘Thanks’ and then just fucking stood there, <em>looking</em> at me, like she actually expected more than that. What the fuck does she <em>want,</em> some goddamn flowers? This is bloody ridiculous!”</p><p>Okay, that… was a lot to take in at once.</p><p>Lucius snorted from behind his book. “Seems like <em>someone</em> has lost their touch—”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Lucius; at least <em>I’m</em> getting laid.”</p><p>“Actually, I’m fairly certain the entire reason you just burst in here like some sort of blue-balled banshee is because you are <em>not,</em> so.”</p><p>“Lucius, please,” Narcissa begged, not wanting them to get into it on top of everything else. The blonde’s gaze found her sister’s then, looking at her incredulously. “First of all, the ‘prettiest’? I’m honestly insulted.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Cissy, fucking objectively, <em>everything </em>on that bloody woman is prettier than the both of us combined, don’t get your tits in a twist over it. Jesus. It’s not like I told her I was in love with her or anything.”</p><p>And, alright, that was fair, but <em>still. </em>Narcissa exhaled a frustrated puff of air, but allowed that to roll off her back; who did or did not have the prettiest vagina was a stupid thing to argue about.</p><p>“Second of all, if you give my girlfriend flowers, I <em>will</em> murder you.” Bellatrix had another heavy eye roll reserved for <em>that,</em> but Narcissa ignored her and continued. “However, you are an absolute idiot if you actually think that’s what she wants right now; you were slightly on track with the compliment, however telling someone their cunt is pretty isn’t exactly the kind of thing women fall all over themselves to hear. <em>Honestly,</em> Bella— Cassandra is hardly the first woman you’ve slept with; I don’t understand why this is so difficult for you. How did you get <em>Gwendolyn</em> into bed with you?”</p><p>“Cissy, I hardly fucking think my seduction tactics when I was twelve bloody years old is going to help here. Besides,” Bellatrix licked her lips self-consciously, shifting her gaze from her sister. “Gwen came on to <em>me,</em> not the other way around.”</p><p>Narcissa blinked, honestly taken aback by that. Her sister had always been… well, so <em>aggressive. </em>“Seriously?”</p><p>“Don’t make a fucking thing out of it; she had just come to terms with her sexuality before I did, but see, that’s my fucking point— I can get women into bed the same way<em> she </em>bloody did, basically. Repressed lesbians? They’re fucking easy. Hell, look at <em>you.”</em></p><p>Narcissa shot her sister an exasperated look. “I’m not a lesbian, Bella—”</p><p>“You know what I fucking mean!” Bellatrix snapped. Narcissa was also going to make the point that it wasn’t like Bellatrix <em>seduced</em> her into bed or anything either though, but then that would just bring up their messy past and Narcissa in no way wanted to do that. “Even bloody <em>Victoria</em> was toeing the line so it was easy to just push her right over—”</p><p>“Victoria was not a bloody <em>lesbian!”</em> Lucius snapped as he finally tossed his book onto his lap and looked up to glare at her, insulted by Bellatrix’s desire to paint yet another one of his past lovers as one. Narcissa shot him a look because, honestly, now was not the time to get all up in arms over the mistress he had once had when they were <em>not</em> actively okay with one another’s affairs.</p><p>But, then again, the affair <em>she</em> had been having during that very same time was now yelling in her bedroom, so Narcissa probably didn’t have room to talk.</p><p>Bellatrix shot him a skeptical look. “Twenty galleons says she’s fucking women now. Care to wager?”</p><p>“Nobody is <em>betting</em> on a woman’s sexuality that all of us haven’t seen in almost twenty years,” Narcissa snapped, ending that pointless argument. Lucius exhaled a frustrated breath and pushed himself out of bed, apparently not wishing to be here for the rest of whatever this conversation was; not that Narcissa could blame him.</p><p>“I going to make some bloody tea since <em>apparently</em> my bedroom is going to be occupied for the time being,” he grumbled as he stormed past Bellatrix, who at least opened the door for him, albeit with a sarcastic expression on her face. “Narcissa, make this quick; I don’t have all sodding night to cater to your drama.”</p><p>“She’ll make this as long as she fucking wants to— get out,” Bellatrix snapped before slamming the door closed behind Lucius, who swore at her. Narcissa was just staring at her sister though, the wheels turning in her mind.</p><p>“Bella,” she addressed, realization dawning on her face as she kind of slumped against the vanity and looked at her, almost as though she was finally seeing her sister for the first time. “Bella… who <em>else</em> have you slept with?” Narcissa asked, realizing those were the only people that she knew about, save Rodolphus, Rabastan, and <em>whores.</em> “Women,” she clarified. “Ones you did not pay for. Has it really only been me, Gwendolyn, Victoria, and Cassandra?”</p><p>“No, there was this blonde chick I banged in my year after Gwen and I broke up, Rita something— I think she’s a bloody reporter now; anyway, it was just a fucking rebound but she got all <em>attached</em> and it was annoying, but also, why the fuck do you have to say <em>‘only’</em> like that? Last I bloody checked, you don’t have a list of people a mile long you’ve bedded <em>either.”</em></p><p>“No, I— I’m not saying you should, I just… I don’t know,” Narcissa realized, still looking at Bellatrix like she wasn’t entirely sure she knew who was in front of her anymore. “I guess I just <em>assumed…”</em></p><p>“What? That I had a multitude of lovers all while you were screaming like a jealous banshee every time I went near another woman? Do you have a selective fucking memory or something?” Bellatrix snapped, getting defensive once again. “In case you’ve forgotten, Princess, you did not allow me to have anyone other than <em>you</em>; the only bloody reason you didn’t notice my fling with Rita was because we weren’t fucking each other back then, but believe me when I tell you, you have sodding noticed every <em>single</em> woman I’ve looked at twice since then.”</p><p>“Okay, you’re <em>right,</em> I’m sorry,” Narcissa responded, trying to deescalate the situation as Bellatrix was getting irritated again. “But then this… Rita girl— you must have seduced <em>her,</em> right?”</p><p>“I didn’t have to— she was halfway up my arse already; I just took what I wanted because I knew I could have it. Again, with most <em>fucking</em> women I’ve slept with, even Cassandra for a little while until she decided to do <em>this,”</em> Bellatrix growled, clearly at a loss on how to proceed. “It’s not my bloody fault women tend to chase after me just to get a lick of my cunt—”</p><p>“Oh my <em>God,</em>” Narcissa exclaimed, realizing what this meant as she sat straight up. “Wait, did Cassandra seduce <em>you</em> that first time?!” She had known the entire affair was Cassandra’s idea, but for some reason Narcissa had just assumed that Bellatrix had come on to her first, and Cassandra had just furthered it due to her own mental breakdown.</p><p>“Seduce is a strong fucking word, Cissy— I don’t know, we were bloody yelling and then she was undressing me; the whole thing was a fucking blur.”</p><p>“But… <em>she</em> was the sexual aggressor?” Narcissa questioned, just needing to hear her sister say those goddamn words because quite honestly it didn’t even seem real. Not that it made a difference, in the end, who started it— Narcissa couldn’t keep holding on to that pain when she had already resolved to move past it by bedding them <em>both</em> at the same time<em>,</em> but still. It just seemed like a strange concept, even though Narcissa was more than aware that Cassandra knew exactly how to use her sexuality to get what she wanted.</p><p>“I mean, fine, <em>technically,</em> that first time, yeah, but— Jesus, why does this even <em>matter?</em> I thought you were over this shit with me and her.”</p><p>She was and she wasn’t, but that wasn’t what was making Narcissa stare at Bellatrix like she didn’t know who she was anymore, because the more this conversation went on, the more Narcissa was realizing that perhaps Bellatrix simply <em>didn’t</em> have experience in properly seducing women, and it was honestly throwing her for a bit of a loop as that was <em>not</em> who she assumed Bellatrix was.</p><p>But now that Narcissa was seeing the whole picture, she didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed it before. She and Bellatrix never really <em>seduced</em> one another— their sexual relationship started out with blurred lines of consent and then every time after that, Bellatrix <em>knew</em> she could have her whenever she wanted, and so she did. Gwendolyn, apparently, had been the one to seduce Bellatrix when they were kids, and once that line had been crossed, Bellatrix, once <em>again,</em> knew she had a standing invitation. This Rita girl, whoever the hell she was, apparently fell all over herself because of Bellatrix anyway, so that didn’t take any effort— Victoria, according to Bellatrix, was a repressed lesbian who was no doubt just aching for the experience and therefore did not need much of a push, and then <em>Cassandra </em>had apparently opened the door to her that first time which allowed Bellatrix to just snap her fingers and get what she wanted from there on out, and because Cassandra was content on drowning in her own bullshit at the time, she had eagerly obliged her.</p><p><em>Now,</em> apparently, she was neither eager nor obliging her, and Bellatrix had no idea what to do about that because she had never been confronted with a woman who she knew wanted her, yet didn’t just fall at her feet after she had had her. Bellatrix was so used to everyone just desiring her without her having to put any real effort in, and now that she had to actually put forth a little more than just… well, <em>herself,</em> it seemed she wasn’t entirely sure how to go about doing that.</p><p>What no doubt made it harder for Bellatrix though was that this was purely sexual, as Narcissa would never pretend that her sister didn’t know how to do <em>romance.</em> She wasn’t traditional in any sense of the word, no, but she still said the most beautiful, <em>passionate</em> things to her. She still took her on dates (even if they sometimes missed the mark, like the sex club) and she still could expend effort on romantic gestures (like the roses she had sent her when they were young, even though Narcissa had been an <em>arse</em> and had thought they were from Lucius at the time). She was sure it was the same with Gwendolyn, as the woman had been her first love. But the women she slept with for just <em>sex?</em> Rita and Victoria were apparently very <em>different</em> from Cassandra, and required a lot less effort than even the bare minimum that Cassandra seemed to be requiring for her own twisted amusement.</p><p>Bellatrix, truthfully, had no idea what to do and it was… well, a little endearing, to be honest. All of this <em>insanity</em> of her sister trying to seduce her girlfriend aside, Bellatrix’s inability to do such a simple thing was… actually kind of adorable.</p><p>“Stop fucking looking at me like that,” Bellatrix snapped, horrified by the expression that had crossed her sister’s face. “For fuck’s sake, <em>what?”</em></p><p>“Nothing, just…” Narcissa smirked a little, unable to help herself. “Do you need me to teach you how to seduce a woman, Bella?” Her tone was teasing, and Bellatrix’s gaze darkened as a dangerous expression crossed her face.</p><p>“You’re not fucking cute.”</p><p>“No, but <em>you </em>are, apparently. As fucked up as all of this is, I don’t think you’ve ever been more adorable. I can’t believe I never realized that you’ve never really been the predator, but other people’s <em>prey.”</em></p><p>“You are walking a thin fucking line, Cissy— just because I don’t have to actively chase women doesn’t mean I can’t get them all tangled up in my web. Spiders are just as much of a predator species as bloody lions are; they’re just more subtle about it.”</p><p>Narcissa shot her sister a placating look. “If that’s what you’d like to believe.”</p><p>“You want me to bloody prove it?” Bellatrix challenged and oh, Narcissa <em>knew </em>that look in her sister’s eyes; the pit of the blonde’s stomach clenched in excitement as Bellatrix crossed the space between them, her fingers wrapping in blonde hair as she wrenched her head back. Narcissa’s lips parted automatically as Bellatrix straddled her waist, bitter amusement pulling at the corners of her mouth. “…<em>And</em> you’re wet. Three seconds. Can’t seduce women, my <em>arse.</em>”</p><p>Narcissa wet her bottom lip as she quirked a brow at her sister, allowing herself to be trapped in her hold. “I’ve always been easy for you, Bella, we both know this. You just <em>look</em> at me the right way and my knickers fall off, but Cassandra isn’t me and you know that, otherwise you would have done what you just did to me to <em>her. </em>There are different boundaries.”</p><p>“<em>Obviously.</em> I’m not gonna just jump on her without the proper go ahead; I’m not a fucking molester.”</p><p>“Right,” Narcissa agreed, but her breath caught as her sister’s fingers dusted down the length of her neck, resting at the hollow of her throat. Narcissa gulped, knowing Bellatrix could feel it beneath her touch. “But… as <em>fucked up</em> as it is for me to reiterate this, Cassandra does want you, Bella. She <em>is</em> giving you the go ahead, but she’s just putting a small obstacle in your path because, quite frankly, she’s getting off on making you flustered. You’ve always played right into her hands in that regard— every time you get irritated, it amuses her. She’s getting a high out of making you chase her, so just fucking chase her with the realization that you already know how this ends and you’ll get her. Because we <em>all</em> bloody do, okay? We all know how this will end up playing out, which is— <em>fine,</em> I guess, I’m dealing with it— but I really don’t want to give you specific seduction tips when it comes to her. There’s got to be a line.”</p><p>“Cissy, we’ve already fucking vaulted that line. The line is a bloody dot,” Bellatrix pointed out, and alright, <em>maybe</em> that was true, but regardless. Bellatrix gently traced her bottom lip with the pad of her thumb, causing Narcissa’s mouth to part automatically and her sister’s eyes to darken in desire. “Honestly, I wish you’d just come to bed with us,” Bellatrix breathed before sliding her thumb into the blonde’s mouth, encouraging Narcissa to gently suck on it. It was instinctual, in the end, to just be this way with Bellatrix. “She’s sexy as hell, but you’re still the woman I’d raze cities to the bloody <em>ground</em> for. You’re fucking incomparable, Cissy. I <em>miss </em>you; I miss feeling you trembling beneath me, I miss falling asleep next to you. I wish you hadn’t left me alone…”</p><p>“It’s… only been a couple of days,” Narcissa gasped out, her eyes falling closed as her sister’s lips went to the base of her neck. “And you’re not— you’re not <em>alone…” </em>Her fingers fisted in Bellatrix’s dress, pulling her impossibly closer on her lap. She could feel the heat between her sister’s thighs and she desperately wished she could indulge in her, but she was trying to focus on Lucius for the time being.</p><p>Still, he wasn’t here and Bellatrix… she <em>was.</em></p><p>“One fucking second without you is already longer than I’ve ever wanted to go,” Bellatrix breathed in her ear, her hot breath tickling her skin and sending a shiver of desire down the blonde’s spine. A tiny whimper escaped the back of her throat, and before Narcissa could think about the words that were falling from her lips, she gave Bellatrix exactly what it was that she had come here for.</p><p>“This— do this,” she breathed, feeling her skin begin to flush. Her sister was dragging her lips across her jaw, her tongue snaking out for a taste every now and then and God, Narcissa was <em>wet.</em> “Cass has a weakness for shit being whispered in her ear and despite what you may think, you’re <em>very</em> good with words. I know I… I know I poked fun at you a bit, but you can easily seduce women, Bella, you just… have to start out more subtle than you do with me. Just… <em>Jesus—</em> make your declarations sexual instead of romantic and she’ll give you whatever you want.”</p><p>“And you?” Bellatrix husked, her lips pressing against the blonde’s ear again as she grasped onto her more firmly, practically grinding into her. “Will <em>you</em> give me what I want, Cissy? Because I think you know exactly what I’m trying to do by now.”</p><p><em>Fucking</em> hell…</p><p>“Oh my <em>God</em> I want to,” Narcissa breathed as she felt her sister slide her hand through her hair, fisting it at the nape of her neck. “But Cass will… <em>kill</em> me if I take away your sexual frustration when she’s been having so much fun furthering it…” A tiny smirk tugged at the corners of her lips and Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she sat a little further back in her sister’s lap in order to meet her gaze.</p><p>“Are you fucking serious?”</p><p>“I <em>desperately </em>do not want to be, no,” Narcissa admitted, gently wetting her lips as she looked at the woman on her lap. “But the next time I sleep with either of you it will be when we’re together; for now I think it’ll quell any jealousy either of you may have until such a time comes where neither of you want to rip off my head for choosing the other to sleep with alone <em>first. </em>I’m just trying to keep the peace.”</p><p>“You know what would keep the peace, Cissy? Just come to <em>bed</em> with us<em>,</em> for fuck’s sake— have you even screwed Lucius yet? Like what is even the <em>point</em> of this?” Bellatrix countered. “He obviously has zero interest in being your fuck-toy right now considering he just let me barge in and overtake his bedroom during what would no doubt have been prime humping time—”</p><p>“It’s not just about <em>sex,</em> Bella,” Narcissa cut in with an exasperated sigh. “Just give me some time to act like his wife before I go back to acting like yours. And <em>hers </em>too, honestly<em>.</em> I don’t know what this is supposed to be anymore, but regardless, both of you know that you two are what I’ve chosen for myself, no matter <em>what </em>form our arrangement ends up shaping into; this is merely a detour. It’ll be brief, and in the long run you’ll barely even notice it, I promise.” Narcissa reached up and gently cupped her sister’s face, her thumb tracing the scowl lines in her expression, finding something so terribly endearing about her sister’s grumpy nature.</p><p>God, she really loved her.</p><p>Narcissa leaned in, placing a gently kiss upon her sister’s lips. “Go channel your sexual energy toward the person you were actually planning to bed before you came in here,” she softly encouraged, even though her jealousy was still ever present; Narcissa’s insecurities and her fears were tightening the blonde’s stomach as she advocated for something she knew she very well may end up regretting. Still, if she wanted to act like the <em>wife</em> of two different women (instead of the husband she was actually married to), Narcissa knew it would be more harmonious if they had something that bound them together as well. Besides, the jealousy would fade eventually once this became their new normal. She was sure of it.</p><p>“You <em>sure</em> you want me to make your girlfriend come for me, Cissy?” Bellatrix breathed, trying to taunt her into the reaction she desired. “Because I’m gonna make her call me Daddy as she begs for the dick you <em>rarely</em> give her. I think I’ll have her ride me tonight, watch her tits bounce as she fucks me…”</p><p>“Bella, stop trying to make me jealous just so that I’ll have sex with you to prove that you’re ‘mine’ or whatever it is that you’re trying to make me do right now— I’m trying <em>very</em> hard here,” Narcissa reminded her, brow creasing in upset at how Bellatrix was choosing to manipulate her into bed. “I thought this was what you <em>wanted.”</em></p><p>“What I want is you, you fucking idiot— I mean, <em>and </em>her, yes, but you mainly. I like the normalcy that fucking someone I’m not blood-related to gives me, but last I bloody checked, it was <em>you</em> I was in love with.”</p><p>Narcissa smiled softly at those words, thankful that her sister still made her a priority. She knew it would have been stupid to ever assume that Bellatrix <em>wouldn’t,</em> but her paranoia just got the best of her sometimes. Still, just those words made Narcissa infinitely more comfortable with her sister bedding Cassandra on her own, as they made her feel more secure in her position in Bellatrix’s life. As it had been Bellatrix being <em>gentle</em> with Cassandra that had given Narcissa pause in the first place, her sister’s assurance that she was still who she wanted above all others made the blonde relax as she realized she was just being ridiculous after all.</p><p>“She is, though, you know.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Related to us,” Narcissa chuckled, wrapping her arms around her sister’s waist. “I mean, I know most purebloods <em>are</em> but… she’s our third cousin.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Whatever. She’s still not my <em>sister,</em> so.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa responded softly, reaching out to gently tuck a stray curl behind her sister’s ear. She leaned in then, giving Bellatrix a lingering kiss, resting her palm against the older woman’s cheek. “Go,” she whispered against her lips as they parted. Getting a wicked idea, Narcissa realized this might ease the transition for <em>both</em> of them if she could make herself a part of her sister and Cassandra’s sex life, however indirectly, as she continued, “Make her scream for me, Bella. I want her fucking <em>impressed</em> by you, my love, so don’t you dare let me down.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, a hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth before she leaned back in her lap, biting down on her bottom lip. “You want me to fuck her for <em>you</em> now, do you? Are we getting bossy again?”</p><p>Narcissa quirked a challenging brow as she allowed her fingers to trail softly across her sister’s jaw before she roughly snatched it in her hand, pulling Bellatrix closer to her. The older woman growled softly in approval at the look in Narcissa’s eyes, and the blonde knew then that Bellatrix had missed this. They had missed their chance for Narcissa to be dominant with her, and although the trust Bellatrix needed for something like that had yet to fully return after everything that had happened between them, she did, at the very least, enjoy when Narcissa got bossy with her.</p><p>“Don’t pretend that you’re not <em>aching</em> to please me, Bella,” Narcissa countered, releasing the grip on her sister’s jaw as she allowed the pads of her fingers to brush across Bellatrix’s lips, who parted them in response. “Now be a good girl and do as I say and I <em>promise</em>, if Cassandra tells me that you played your part well, I will fuck you both this weekend in the most filthy fucking ways imaginable.”</p><p>“Mmm… yes, <em>Ma’am,”</em> Bellatrix husked, growing excited by her sister’s dominance. In the end, maybe framing it in this way would make the whole thing more bearable; Narcissa now felt like she had some <em>control</em> over it, at the very least, and Bellatrix got what she wanted by having Narcissa involved to some degree. “How many orgasms am I allowed to give her?”</p><p>“Only one tonight. Two tomorrow, if you wish to continue your affair for a second night,” Narcissa decided, not wishing them to go overboard at first. “<em>But,</em> if you give her two tomorrow, then you sacrifice the one I am allowing her to give <em>you</em> per night, so be sure to make a wise decision.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked a little amused by her restrictions, but did not fight against them, which <em>probably</em> meant she had already found a loophole, but whatever. “And if she protests your little rules?” Bellatrix asked, one brow raised as she squirmed a bit in her sister’s lap, no doubt already unbearably wet by this shift in direction.</p><p>“She may appeal to me if she so desires, but let’s be honest, my love, we both know that me doing this is going to get her just as wet as it gets <em>you.”</em></p><p>“You’re not fucking wrong,” Bellatrix admitted in a breathy voice, her pupils darkening in desire as her sister’s words had been whispered against her ear. Her fingers closed around Narcissa’s arm tightly, briefly, in an effort to control herself as she subconsciously ground into her sister’s lap. <em>“Fuck.</em> Okay— I gotta go.”</p><p>Narcissa chuckled as Bellatrix practically clambered off her lap, an absolute mess of wanton desire as she allowed this fantasy to play out. Narcissa just hoped that Cassandra would play along as well, even though she was fairly certain that she <em>would</em> because this seemed like something she would be into as well<em>.</em> Narcissa just wanted to make this transition go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved, and <em>this</em> seemed as good a solution as any.</p><p>God, the weekend could not come fast enough though, and as Bellatrix left the bedroom to do as she was instructed, Narcissa hoped Lucius wouldn’t protest <em>too</em> much about being used as a solution for her own unbearable horniness, considering it was a byproduct of a relationship that did not involve him.</p><p>But he didn’t need to know that.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163/chapters/67141252">The next part of this series is optional to read, but it is a multi-chapter called “Kitten” written in Cassandra’s POV in order to give you guys the behind the scenes progression of her relationship with Bellatrix.</a> Since Narcissa’s POV limits quite a lot, I wanted you guys to be able to see what was going on as the new arrangement between the three of them includes aspects that Narcissa is not involved in. Most chapters are set between two chapters of “Crimson Regret,” but others are set during the actual chapter itself if neither of them were around Narcissa at the time. Each part will specify when exactly it takes place, and these behind the scenes looks will be posted on <span class="u">Wednesdays</span> following the chapter they either come directly after, or are set during. It will not be every week, so be sure to subscribe and follow to be alerted of updates. The first chapter of “Kitten” is set between Chapters 42 &amp; 43 and will be posted this Wednesday, November 11th. After that, I will inform you guys in the author’s notes at the end of any other chapters in CR that will have a segment of “Kitten” coming after it, so you can be on the look out :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. XLIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLIII.</strong>
</p><p>“I’m here to barter for orgasms, apparently.”</p><p>A slow smirk crossed Narcissa’s face as Cassandra sauntered into the bathroom where Narcissa had been busy putting on her face the next morning. “Barter?” she countered in a disbelieving tone, playing up the role she had chosen for herself as she watched her girlfriend slide her arms around her waist, placing her chin atop her shoulder. “I think you mean <em>beg.”</em></p><p>“Is that what you want, babe?” Cassandra murmured against her skin, pressing her lips to her neck. “For me to<em> beg?”</em></p><p>“I want you to do a lot of things,” Narcissa responded breathlessly, still terribly horny from the state Bellatrix had left her in the night before, as Lucius had not wanted to sleep with her even when she had tried to seduce him with the risqué lingerie she had put on. Which, to be fair, she was kind of expecting as she knew Lucius wouldn’t want to solve the problem that <em>Bellatrix</em> had started, but the more he rejected her advances the worse she felt. Narcissa knew she shouldn’t equate her self-worth with <em>sex,</em> nor should she feel like she wasn’t being a good wife to Lucius if she wasn’t actively screwing him — as being a <em>wife</em> encompassed far more than that, and Lucius seemed to at least take comfort in her presence next to him in the bed at night — but that also seemed to be the <em>only</em> thing he was taking comfort in, and Narcissa felt very useless.</p><p>Lucius seemed more withdrawn, and perhaps that was normal after such an ordeal, but Narcissa hated that she didn’t seem to be helping much at all. She wished there was something she could do, but at the same time she knew how distracted she had been because of Bellatrix and Cassandra, and Lucius was well aware of it. He knew that Narcissa cared for him, but he also knew he was no longer a priority for her, despite her desire to make him one. In the end, Narcissa’s effort was falling short of what was needed, and the blonde wasn’t sure what to do because how could she stop getting caught up in stuff like <em>this?</em></p><p>“Yeah?” Cassandra husked against her ear, gently nibbling on the base of it as her hands fisted in the older woman’s silken nightgown. “Like what? ‘Cause like I said, I’m here to negotiate the terms of our agreement, <em>Ma’am…”</em></p><p>And as hot as that was though, Cassandra being there to <em>barter</em> for her orgasms only meant one thing: that Bellatrix had finally gotten her into bed last night, and now Cassandra wanted more than what she was being allotted as she decided to play into her girlfriend’s little game. Narcissa had been waiting for that awful sinking feeling to invade the pit of her stomach again, but all she felt was a little bit of tightness. Perhaps she was right about the fact that having some actual control over this was allowing her to feel better about it, and so Narcissa reminded herself that, at the end of the day, <em>she</em> was the one who owned them both as she rolled her head back to gently rest against her girlfriend’s.</p><p>“First, you need to tell me how she finally managed to pry your legs open,” Narcissa decided, as she <em>was</em> curious what Bellatrix finally did in order to achieve her goal. The woman hadn’t been having much success in that area before, after all. Narcissa gently kissed her girlfriend’s jaw. “And <em>then,</em> perhaps, I will oblige you.”</p><p>Cassandra smirked. “She knocked on my door, a horny fuckin’ disaster from what you had apparently done to her, kissed me before I could say anythin’, and then put her lips against my ear an’ whispered shit like how she couldn’t stop thinkin’ about me, an’ how she didn’t <em>chase</em> an’ play these kinda games with women who weren’t bloody worth it, an’ while that last one was… it was <em>nice,</em> I kinda wanted to make her keep goin’, just to see how much I could really get outta her, really. I was havin’ fun. Bellatrix looked like she was two bloody seconds away from poppin’ though, so I didn’t wanna be <em>too</em> mean by tellin’ her no again. She kept sayin’ how sexy I was while we were fuckin’ though, so she still expended at least a little effort in tryin’ to flatter me even after she got me, so I appreciated it.”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> sexy,” Narcissa murmured against the woman’s cheek before placing a light kiss against her jaw. A part of her needed to reiterate that so that <em>she</em> was the last person who told her girlfriend something like that, but that was the only real jealousy she felt thankfully, and it was minimal and superficial. She could handle this. For now, she could handle this. “You’re <em>beautiful.”</em></p><p>Narcissa closed her eyes then, leaning into the other woman’s embrace. “I miss you,” she breathed, as she had felt a bit robbed of the relationship she wanted to have with Cassandra in order to fit her sister into it. She didn’t <em>regret</em> it, per say, but their relationship had always been more emotional rather than sexual, and ever since they had gotten back together it had turned into this <em>game</em> with Bellatrix, which was amazing and sexually fulfilling, yes, but it made Narcissa feel like there was still some kind of wall up between her and Cassandra, and <em>that</em> she did not like.</p><p>Bellatrix… they were emotional and they were passionate but it was <em>different,</em> and something that could still easily fit into the dynamic they had now. It seemed she and Cassandra had yet to find their individual relationship’s footing once again while in the midst of this sexual triangle, and Narcissa missed just… feeling <em>close</em> to her.</p><p>The corners of Cassandra’s lips pulled down into a frown at the older woman’s words. “I’m right here, Cissa,” she breathed softly before gently encouraging her to turn around. “Hey. Look at me, yeah?”</p><p>Cassandra’s palm enveloped Narcissa’s cheek as she gently rested her forehead against the blonde’s. “Me sleepin’ with her, it doesn’t—”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa interrupted softly, wanting to assure her that that wasn’t the issue. “I just… feel like we haven’t had a chance to really get back to where we used to be after that whole… fuck, I don’t even know what to call it. That <em>mess.</em> I don’t know. We broke up, and I was without you for so long and I hated it, I <em>hated</em> it, but now I have you again but it’s… <em>different,</em> and I just want—”</p><p>Cassandra cut her off with a soft kiss as she cupped the blonde’s face in her hands. “Stop,” she begged softly, her throat tightening with emotion. “You have no <em>idea</em> how bad I want to get back to what we were, Cissa, but ya know it would cause problems if we acted like that right now. It’s too early, it’s too—”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed, as she didn’t want to cause any problems where Bellatrix was concerned. “I just hate that it feels different; I know it needs to be right now, but a part of me is afraid it’ll have to stay this way too. I want to go on a <em>date</em> with you again, but I can’t do that with Bella and it would hurt her if I continued to do stuff with you that I can’t do with her. I don’t want to just have sex with you, Cass, I <em>love</em> you, I want a bloody <em>relationship</em> with you, but I don’t even know how to juggle any of this anymore…”</p><p>“Shh, c’mere…” Cassandra softly encouraged, bringing Narcissa into a tight embrace that caused the blonde to bury her face into her neck. “I know everything’s a bit fucked right now, an’ that none of us really know where we fit, but we’ll make it work, yeah? I promise.” Narcissa nodded mutely as she fisted her hands tighter in the other woman’s hair, pulling herself closer to her. She just felt… very <em>alone</em> right then; Lucius did not want her, Bellatrix and Cassandra had each other now, and she just… wanted to feel <em>close</em> to someone, for just a second.</p><p>“Shit,” Cassandra breathed, realizing what was happening as she pulled back for a moment, her brow etched in concern as she wiped away the tears that had stained her lover’s cheeks. “Cissa, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Narcissa sighed, feeling frustrated by her own stupid reaction as she wiped at her eyes. “I just feel like— <em>God,</em> it’s stupid…”</p><p>“Tell me,” Cassandra gently prodded, running her hands down the older woman’s arms. “Please.”</p><p>“I feel… alone,” Narcissa whispered, knowing she sounded foolish. She couldn’t even look Cassandra in the eyes as she took a step back from her. “I know— I know I’m <em>not. </em>I know this was my choice. I know I shouldn’t bloody equate my goddamn self-worth with sex, but it just <em>bothers</em> me that Lucius doesn’t want me. He’s been in prison for nine sodding months, he must be <em>desperate</em> for a shag and yet apparently the mess I’ve made of my love life is so goddamn repulsive that he can’t even fathom sticking his cock inside of me. I feel like an idiot ignoring the both of you for him right now because I <em>know</em> you and Bella both want me, but I can’t just toss him aside; he’s my husband and he’s been through something traumatic, and yet I’ve always been the most useless fucking wife to him, haven’t I? God, I think I’m gay; I must be gay, I always put women before him and I shouldn’t, I <em>shouldn’t—!”</em></p><p>“Cissa— Narcissa!” Cassandra exclaimed, a little overwhelmed by watching Narcissa begin to spiral. She grasped onto her girlfriend’s hands, squeezing them as she pulled Narcissa toward her. “Hey… okay, I think—” Cassandra pursed her lips as though she was debating on what to do before she finally decided on a direction and told her, “Come with me, yeah? Just… let’s get out of the bathroom. This is a shit place to talk.”</p><p>Narcissa nodded weakly, feeling infinitely more foolish the longer this stupid breakdown went on because she knew it wasn’t <em>needed,</em> yet she had always had an issue with turning a small thing into a sinkhole that she found herself suffocating in. She allowed Cassandra to lead her from the bathroom though, holding tight to her hand as the woman had her follow her down the hallway. Instead of bringing Narcissa into <em>her</em> bedroom though she stopped outside of Bellatrix’s, using her knuckles to lightly rap on the door.</p><p>From inside there was a loud, irritated groan. The sound had evidently awoken the beast, as Bellatrix was <em>not</em> a pleasant person in the morning. “—<em>What? </em>For fuck’s sake, can’t anyone ever let me sleep around here?!<em>”</em></p><p>Cassandra rolled her eyes at Bellatrix’s tone. “It’s eight o’clock in the bloody morning— be a functional fuckin’ adult an’ wake up. I got your sister with me an’ it’s important, yeah? Open up.”</p><p>“Fuck— yeah, just… hold on.”</p><p>It took a minute, most of which was filled with the mutterings of Bellatrix as she swore under her breath and no doubt tried to find some clothes as she got out of bed, as Narcissa doubted she had bothered to put some back on after Cassandra had left last night. Cassandra looked a little exasperated but stayed silent, as telling Bellatrix to just open the bloody door while she was <em>naked</em> would probably steer this in a direction she didn’t want yet, as she was trying to prioritize her girlfriend’s emotional state.</p><p>Finally, Bellatrix opened the door, already assuming what it was that she was going to be confronted with as she said pointblank, “I swear to God, Cissy, if you’re bloody upset I fucked her last night after you <em>told</em> me to—”</p><p>“That’s not it,” Cassandra interrupted, before she encouraged Bellatrix to move out of the way as she held tighter to Narcissa’s hand, leading her inside. “Come on.” Narcissa didn’t say anything, but she still had tear-stains on her cheeks and a miserable expression on her face as she allowed Cassandra to lead her into Bellatrix’s room, closing the door behind them.</p><p>“She’s not going to care about Lucius…” Narcissa muttered, unable to understand why Cassandra thought it would be a good idea to bring her to <em>Bellatrix.</em> Her sister was obviously not pleased by Narcissa’s desire to still have a relationship with her husband on top of her relationship with two others, and thus she very much doubted her breakdown would be well-received.</p><p>“Did you seriously wake me up because she’s crying over fucking <em>Lucius?”</em> Bellatrix snapped and, well, that proved Narcissa’s point at least.</p><p>“I woke you up ‘cause, among other things, Cissa is feeling very <em>alone</em> right now an’ I thought havin’ you with us would help her,” Cassandra responded shortly, unamused by how Bellatrix was reacting. Narcissa wasn’t surprised though, nor did she blame her sister— the history between the three of them was <em>messy,</em> and Bellatrix had had her fill dealing with Narcissa’s breakdowns over her husband a long time ago. “However, if you’re gonna make shitty comments then we can leave. I’m not bloody askin’ ya to be sympathetic to her shit with Lucius, Bellatrix; <em>I</em> can do that enough for the both of us. Just… fuckin’ remind her that she ain’t alone, yeah? She’s gettin’ a little…” Cassandra twirled her finger in the air then, indicating that the woman they both loved was spiraling a bit again. </p><p>“Insane?” Bellatrix hazarded a guess in a flat tone. Cassandra’s eyes narrowed even further and she looked, if possible, even more unimpressed. Her hand tightened in Narcissa’s, pulling the blonde against her chest as she glared at Bellatrix.</p><p>“Strike two.”</p><p>Bellatrix scoffed, still in a bitchy mood from being woken up before she wanted to be. “What the fuck, there’s a <em>strike</em> system now? Who the fuck do you think you are, my mother?”</p><p>“No, I’m the other woman your sister is in <em>love</em> with, who’s tryin’ to make this insane bullshit work by includin’ you when it comes to her emotional shit. If you’d <em>rather</em> though, I’ll decide against it next time,” Cassandra snapped, thoroughly irritated by Bellatrix’s inability to appreciate the fact that Cassandra had brought Narcissa there for a reason, and it had been in the name of peace. “Don’t test me, Bellatrix; your cunt might be real pretty, but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna cater to your grumpy bullshit.”</p><p>“But you fucking—!” Bellatrix began to protest, but the look on Cassandra’s face made her words fall away as she realized she didn’t want to get a third strike, as in the end she didn’t want Cassandra being the only one catering to Narcissa’s emotional breakdowns since it would cause her sister to become more dependent on her. Bellatrix wanted this to be equal just as much as the other two women did and so she exhaled an exasperated breath before turning to Narcissa. “What did Lucius do <em>now?”</em> she asked in a tone of forced interest, looking immensely displeased that this was a conversation she was forced to have.</p><p>Cassandra looked a little amused by how painful those words seemed to be for her. “Like I said, I can deal with her Lucius shit— just… be with her for a minute, yeah? I’ll be right back an’ then we can talk.” She placed a gentle kiss on Narcissa’s temple before encouraging her to go to Bellatrix.</p><p>“Where the fuck are you going?” Bellatrix asked Cassandra as she wrapped her arms around her sister, allowing her to fit snuggly into her embrace.</p><p>“Meds.”</p><p>Narcissa’s nose wrinkled a little at that answer, as she hated when people thought that just feeding her medication would make everything <em>better,</em> but Cassandra left the bedroom, leaving the two sisters alone. <em>“Well?”</em> Bellatrix asked, pushing the Lucius thing even though Cassandra had said she could take care of it. She might have just been curious, but Narcissa was willing to bet she didn’t want <em>Cassandra</em> doing something that she couldn’t.</p><p>“You don’t care,” Narcissa reminded her in a soft voice, but Bellatrix just scoffed.</p><p>“Of course I don’t bloody care, but <em>you</em> care, so fucking tell me. It’s too early for a breakdown, Cissy; just tell me what the hell is wrong.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, feeling stupid. She had been spiraling when she was talking to Cassandra, but the lapse in conversation had allowed her to pull herself out of it. She still <em>felt</em> those things, but it wasn’t as intense now. “It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Cissy, I’m <em>tired. </em>I’m not gonna fucking ask you a third time.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath, slumping further against her sister’s form. “I know it’s <em>stupid,</em> okay? I know I don’t have a right to feel lonely right now. I know I took a step back from the two people who <em>would</em> pay me attention should I want it, and that it was my choice to try to be there for Lucius. I know I shouldn’t equate my helping him with <em>sex,</em> but—”</p><p>“Oh my <em>God,”</em> Bellatrix groaned, sounding exasperated. “Is this just because he won’t stick his dick in you? For fuck’s sake, Cissy, like you don’t have <em>enough</em> bloody people to sleep with; if you need an orgasm that bloody badly, <em>I’ll</em> fuck you right now—”</p><p>“No, I mean— well, not <em>no</em> but…” Narcissa trailed off, and Bellatrix smirked. Narcissa rolled her eyes, although mostly at herself. “I know I’m being foolish, alright? I was very clear about that already. I just… wish that he wanted me, is all. Sexually, but more importantly <em>emotionally.</em> And maybe he does, but I still have trouble distinguishing one from the other— I don’t know. I also wish I didn’t feel <em>left out</em> when it comes to you and Cassandra, because I know it’s ridiculous considering I told you both that you could. I…” Narcissa exhaled a long sigh, feeling ridiculous. “I never said my feelings were logical, Bella; just that I had them.”</p><p>“Yeah, I <em>get</em> that, but—”</p><p>Bellatrix was interrupted then by the door opening once more, Cassandra coming back through it with her hands full. After gently closing it behind her with her foot, she held out her offering, both Narcissa and Bellatrix’s potions in her hands. “Thanks, <em>Mother,”</em> Bellatrix responded sarcastically as she took hers, which only made Cassandra smirk.</p><p>“This dynamic is gonna get real confusin’ if you start callin’ me <em>that.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes but did not dispute that as she popped the cork on her potion and brought the vial to her lips. Narcissa followed suit but when she swallowed her medication and put her own vial down on the nearby vanity, her brow furrowed as she watched Cassandra pop what looked like <em>pills</em> into her mouth. Despite the insane fact that she seemed to have <em>dry swallowed</em> whatever it was, Narcissa was not aware at all that her girlfriend was on medication of any kind, and thus she stared at Cassandra in disbelief, wondering if she had just been so caught up in her own bullshit <em>yet again</em> that she had missed something very important. But then Cassandra’s gaze caught hers and she had a wary expression on her face and Narcissa realized then that she hadn’t; that Cassandra hadn’t known how to bring it up as it was no doubt a new thing, and <em>this</em> was her way of doing so.</p><p>“What the fuck— you brought <em>pills</em> into this house?!” Bellatrix snapped as she too realized what Cassandra had just done. She, per usual, had the awareness of a troll however, and didn’t realize that this situation was more delicate than her usual level of aggression towards things. “My sister will fucking snort those if she gets her hands on them; what the fuck are you <em>doing?</em>”</p><p>“<em>Bellatrix,</em>” Narcissa snapped, irritated by her response on a couple different levels. Cassandra looked so terribly guilty all of a sudden, and she <em>shouldn’t.</em> “First of all, I am perfectly capable of controlling myself; I’ve been sober for over a year now, and considering Cassandra is not <em>Borderline,</em> I very much doubt that we are taking the same medication, and therefore the effects would be completely different than the high I had <em>actually</em> been chasing. Second of all, you are oblivious to the subtleties in human interaction. That was Cassandra’s way of <em>telling </em>us something without having to say it. Or, at least me— I doubt <em>you </em>care.”</p><p>“Obviously I fucking care!” Bellatrix shot back defensively, causing Narcissa’s brow to rise and Cassandra to momentarily stop looking uncertain and embarrassed as she shot Bellatrix a look like she had just told her the sun was purple. The shared confusion of both of the women in the room made Bellatrix a little flustered though as she backtracked, “Because, I don’t know— if <em>she’s</em> mental too then that at least makes all of us. Whatever. Just tell us why the fuck you’re on meds since that’s <em>apparently</em> where this conversation was supposed to go.”</p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes but turned back to Cassandra, who suddenly looked much smaller. “I’ll ask for potions— I know you’ve been clean for a while, Cissa, but still… your sister’s right. I shouldn’t have… I wasn’t thinkin’.”</p><p>“No, it’s— I’m <em>fine,</em> I promise,” Narcissa assured her, because she <em>was.</em> For the most part, anyway. She hadn’t had the urge since the night Draco was marked even though she had many reasons to need something to dull the world since then. That had to count for something. Besides, this wasn’t about her right now, and so Narcissa grasped her girlfriend’s hands in hers as she encouraged the other woman to meet her gaze. “Your Soul Mender recommended you see a Healer?” she guessed, as only Healers could prescribe medication. Cassandra nodded mutely.</p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ, <em>and</em> you see a Soul Mender?” Bellatrix interrupted, of course seeing the negative. Although, to be fair, she <em>did</em> have a reason to. “Do neither of you remember what I had to do to the <em>last</em> Soul Mender that was in our fucking lives? While I might have more faith that you’re able to keep your lies straight better than <em>Cissy,</em> it’s still a stupid, unnecessary risk, and also I’m getting <em>really</em> fucking tired of this self-betterment kick everyone around me seems to be on ever since I got back. Be mental, Kitten. <em>Own</em> your bullshit. Take your meds if you need to but you both need to stop this fucked up desire to <em>whine</em> to a third party like they could ever fix the mess we’ve all made of our lives.<em>”</em></p><p>“I’ve <em>stopped</em> seein’ my Soul Mender, actually,” Cassandra responded tersely, as though she was irritated that Bellatrix hadn’t assumed that. “I shoulda gone yesterday, but livin’ <em>here</em> with… everythin’ that’s goin’ on— it’s obviously too much. I’m not an idiot.”</p><p>“<em>Good,”</em> Bellatrix stressed just as Narcissa questioned, “Are you sure?” Because she didn’t want Cassandra to feel like she had to be resigned to being miserable like the rest of them. If she could improve upon her mental state, then she <em>should.</em> Narcissa didn’t want to be part of the reason she stopped, although to be fair it was probably <em>Voldemort</em> that was more the cause of it than her. The risk posed while living here was just too great to include anyone from the outside.</p><p>“Yeah… m’fine.”</p><p>Narcissa gently chewed on her bottom lip. “Do you… want to tell us what you’re taking medication for, or…?”</p><p>Cassandra shrugged half-heartedly. “S’for, y’know, depression an’ shit. Just… the Soul Mender thought that maybe my shit ran deeper than just the situational crap, since I’ve always had… y’know, <em>issues.</em> Healer said I may not have to take it forever, but… I dunno. For now I am. S’been helpin’ a little.”</p><p>“I’m glad,” Narcissa responded softly, giving her girlfriend a small smile as she clasped her hands in Cassandra’s, pulling the other woman toward her before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. She was glad that Cassandra felt comfortable enough to tell her that, and she wanted the woman to know that she appreciated it. “I love you.”</p><p>Cassandra’s expression softened, relieved that her news had been taken well. Narcissa could see in the other woman’s eyes that she felt <em>accepted,</em> and Narcissa hoped she would always be able to make Cassandra feel that way, as she knew herself how important that was. “I love you too, Cissa.”</p><p>Bellatrix made a big showing of rolling her eyes. “Yeah yeah, we all know how much both of you get off on mental bitches— meanwhile, I was rudely woken up for a breakdown my sister seems to no longer be actively having, so are you both still in here for a reason, or…?”</p><p>Narcissa’s expression set at those words, but it was Cassandra who spoke as she quirked an eyebrow, looking over the blonde’s shoulder at the woman behind her. “Why, you kickin’ us out?”</p><p>“No,” Bellatrix responded, as though she was stupid to have actually thought that. “Completely the fucking opposite, actually. I was just wondering why you both are still in here with clothes on, when there are better things we could be doing than <em>talking.”</em></p><p>Narcissa rolled her eyes, but Cassandra smirked. Well, at least <em>someone</em> was amused by Bellatrix; that was probably why her sister liked Cassandra, to be honest— she gave her validation where Narcissa refused to.</p><p>The blonde did not have a chance to respond though, as suddenly her sister was behind her and lips were pressed to her neck, Bellatrix’s hands fisting in her silken nightgown as she bunched it up just enough to show Cassandra that Narcissa, as usual, was not wearing any knickers beneath. “Bella…” Narcissa breathlessly chastised, but if she were being honest with herself even just <em>that</em> had gotten her wet, because it was nice, for a second, to feel wanted again. And Narcissa she knew she <em>was,</em> of course she did — at least by <em>them — </em>but she had been trying to focus on Lucius again, and…</p><p>“Oh, don’t pretend this isn’t what you <em>want</em>,” Bellatrix breathed in her ear as Cassandra approached them both, gauging the expression on her girlfriend’s face for a moment. “You can still wrap yourself up in your bullshit marriage if you want, love; beg for his attention, share his bed, but if you don’t want to feel alone for a second, you already know <em>we’re </em>your solution to that, and that we’d only make you <em>beg</em> when you already know the answer is going to be yes…”</p><p>Bellatrix bit down on the nape of her sister’s neck, causing Narcissa to gasp and her legs to weaken as she fell back into her embrace and okay, maybe, maybe…</p><p>“So <em>beg</em> us, Cissy.”</p><p><em>—God,</em> yes.</p><p>“Please,” Narcissa breathed automatically, her resolve completely shattering as Cassandra pressed herself against her front, sandwiching the blonde between herself and Bellatrix as the younger woman raked her nails up her abdomen, finishing the job Bellatrix had started as she brought Narcissa’s nightgown up over her breasts, her fingertips teasingly brushing over the blonde’s sensitive flesh. “Fuck, <em>please—”</em> Narcissa gasped as Cassandra smirked, tweaking her nipples before she took the <em>other</em> side of her neck and began to kiss and suck beneath her ear as Bellatrix did the same treatment to the opposite side. “Oh my God…”</p><p>This was, honestly, the most amazing, best-case scenario of her <em>life</em> and in that moment Narcissa could not remember why she had tried to take a break from it, because that was <em>stupid.</em></p><p>“Please what?” Cassandra coaxed in a breathy whisper, the words tickling the blonde’s earlobe before she gently took it between her teeth. Narcissa felt her sister dig her fingers into her hips as she pressed more firmly against her, and God, they both got her so bloody <em>weak.</em></p><p>“Please— please fuck me,” Narcissa practically whined as her eyes fell closed, her head lulling back into her sister’s neck. “Both of you— fuck me, <em>please… </em>I’ll do anything…”</p><p>“Think your sister’s point was that you don’t <em>gotta</em> promise us anythin’ for us to accommodate ya, babe,” Cassandra breathed, her mouth gently brushing against hers as her words were whispered against the blonde’s parted lips.</p><p>“Because you’re <em>ours,”</em> Bellatrix finished for the other woman, her voice filled with passion and desire as she weaved her hand through her sister’s blonde tresses, wrenching Narcissa’s head back to expose her neck to Cassandra, who licked a long line from the base to her jaw. Narcissa exhaled a guttural moan, feeling herself begin to drip down her thighs. “<em>Say</em> it.”</p><p>“I’m yours!” Narcissa gasped desperately, one of her hands grasping onto her sister while her other found Cassandra. “Both of yours— fuck, <em>please…!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix groaned in approval, the sound reverberating low in her throat as she grasped her sister’s wrist, pulling her, who effectively pulled<em> Cassandra </em>over to the bed. “Good girl.”</p><p>Narcissa was practically <em>thrown</em> onto the mattress and she had to let go of Cassandra so as not to accidentally hurt her from the unexpected roughness her sister expressed. Not that Bellatrix was aware of it though. She pointed to her and merely ordered, “Stay,” before <em>she</em> was the one who grasped onto Cassandra, pulling the other woman toward her until their lips were locked in a passionate kiss. Narcissa’s insides clenched but it definitely wasn’t unpleasant as she watched them; the two of them together… well, it was definitely growing on her. Bellatrix kissed the younger woman in what could only be described as a possessive manner before she grasped Casandra’s chin in her hand as they parted, her tongue dragging across her bottom lip before she asked her in a husky voice, “How do you wanna play this, Kitten?”</p><p>“However ya want,” was Cassandra’s breathless, automatic answer, already slipping into her submissive role for Bellatrix.</p><p>“No. I want to know what <em>you</em> want, so tell me. However, <em>believe</em> the fuck outta me when I say I won’t be asking you twice, so you have… fifteen seconds. I’m giving you a bit of power here, Kitten; don’t bloody squander it.”</p><p>And suddenly, Cassandra’s expression <em>changed.</em> Narcissa quirked an intrigued brow as she watched her girlfriend stand up a little straighter, a cocky smirk tugging at the edge of her lips. “Anythin’?” she asked, to which Bellatrix only responded to with, “…Ten seconds.”</p><p>Suddenly Cassandra’s hand was on Bellatrix’s chest as she pushed her back toward the mattress in a demanding manner. “Get on the bed next to your sister then— an’ both of you take off your bloody clothes; I’m already tired of not seein’ your cunts spread out for me like the desperate slags I know ya both are.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s expression to that was <em>priceless,</em> and Narcissa couldn’t help herself as she had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. “Oh my God, Cass, I think you broke her.” Cassandra just smirked though, appealing to Bellatrix again as her expression washed over with innocence while she gently bit down on her lower lip, her fingers fisting in the other woman’s dress as she pulled herself closer to her.</p><p>“Please let me do this, Daddy?” she breathed, batting her long eyelashes at Bellatrix who was instantly taken in by her, although not like Cassandra had ever had to try very hard in that area. Still, the use of the term <em>Daddy</em> was surprising— Narcissa had thought Cassandra only used it when her sister was wearing the dick, but perhaps Cassandra just realized she could easily manipulate Bellatrix with its usage outside of that too, and, well, she <em>wasn’t</em> wrong. “Please? I promise I’ll be real good for ya…” Still, the older woman was wary about the change in dynamic and narrowed her eyes at her.</p><p>“There is a <em>line,</em>” Bellatrix reminded her sternly, to which Cassandra nodded her head in understanding.</p><p>“So tell me when I get too close an’ I won’t cross it, I swear.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed even further, but she did eventually relent with a reluctant, “…Fine, but only because I fucking asked you what you wanted like an <em>idiot.</em> I might have to rethink giving you privileges, Kitten.”</p><p>“Oh, <em>believe</em> me… I’m gonna earn this privilege an’ a whole lot fuckin’ more.”</p><p>Bellatrix smirked, enjoying the woman’s cocky attitude despite herself. As she turned to do what Cassandra had asked and get on the bed, Narcissa was already busy ridding herself of her nightgown in an embarrassingly short amount of time. She was fucking <em>wet</em> for a more dominant Cassandra, and Narcissa immediately settled herself back against the pillows as she obediently spread her legs for Cassandra just as she wanted. Bellatrix, although she was undressing as well, rolled her eyes at her sister’s behavior but said nothing before she, too, settled herself down at Narcissa’s side. She did not open her legs though, and Cassandra actually <em>snapped </em>her fingers at her before silently waving her hand, indicating that she expected the display, and Bellatrix muttered, “I already fucking hate this,” but she did, at least, do what she was told, albeit with a huffy attitude. It was Narcissa’s turn to smirk in amusement, but she knew better than to say anything.</p><p>“Mmm…” Cassandra purred appreciatively as she stood at the foot of the bed and admired the sight before her. She took her time with it, her gaze dragging over every inch of the sisters’ exposed skin. “Ya both are bloody <em>beautiful,</em> y’know? Honestly, I still can’t believe that this is my fuckin’ life right now<em>—</em> this shit is so…”</p><p>“Insane?” Bellatrix deadpanned, because it <em>was.</em> They all knew it was, but it definitely didn’t deter them from doing it. If anything, it only made them want to do it <em>more, </em>because all three of them were mental just the same.</p><p>Cassandra just smirked though as she too began undressing herself, although very <em>slowly</em> so as to put on a show for the two women in front of her. “Mm,” she acknowledged. “But <em>hot.” </em>Cassandra slid her loose dress down over her hips then, leaving the garment pooled at her feet as she exposed her lacy, deep green undergarments. Narcissa stared at her unashamedly, arousal pooling at the apex of her thighs.</p><p>“<em>God,</em> yes it is…”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes at how <em>wanton</em> her sister sounded already. “You’re such a desperate fucking slut, Cissy; Jesus. She’s not even naked yet.”</p><p>Narcissa’s face scrunched up into a grumpy expression as she waved her sister off without even looking at her. She was still staring blatantly at Cassandra who was smirking as she removed her bra, dangling it on one finger before she dropped it to the ground. “Shut up, Bella; you’re ruining my show.”</p><p>Cassandra seemed amused by their bickering and she slowly began removing her panties, keeping eye contact with Narcissa who was practically salivating. To be honest, as hot as Cassandra <em>was,</em> she was also playing up the desperate slag act just to annoy her sister, as she knew Cassandra got off on them going at each other in one of their squabbles, and <em>also…</em> it was funny, frankly. Bellatrix did, however, get her attention diverted as Cassandra slid her fingers down her form, her fingers getting lost in her own folds. When she raised her hand to them moments later, her fingers were glistening with her arousal.</p><p>“Who wants a taste?” she offered, and Narcissa’s eager, “—I do!” was out of her mouth almost before Cassandra finished her question.</p><p>“You’re such a goddamn embarrassment,” Bellatrix muttered beneath her breath, but she <em>also </em>seemed intent on pissing off her sister, as when Cassandra beckoned for the blonde to come get her prize, Bellatrix’s hand shot out and grabbed Narcissa’s shoulder as she roughly pulled her back down on the bed (“<em>—Hey!”</em>) before she closed her fingers around Cassandra’s wrist, her patience waning as she pulled the other woman down with them on the mattress. The redhead exhaled an undignified sound of protest, but then Bellatrix had deep-throated her fingers and the sound that followed was more of a groan than anything else.</p><p>“Ya wanna play the brat then?” Cassandra challenged her, chest heaving in arousal as she refused to let go of the reins that easy and <em>God,</em> this was so fucking hot on her Narcissa hated herself a little for always being the one to top <em>her</em>. She had missed out for so, <em>so</em> long now. “’Cause this little show of defiance ya got goin’ on ain’t gonna leave you with anythin’ other than a wet cunt an’ a whole lotta unresolved sexual tension. Now lay back <em>down,</em> Bellatrix. I’m not gonna ask ya twice.”</p><p>Narcissa bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from laughing at the immensely <em>annoyed</em> expression on her sister’s face. “Come on, Bella,” she pleaded, not wanting Bellatrix to draw a line in the sand this early. She knew this was a strange role for her sister to play, but Narcissa was sure that Bellatrix would find she liked it if only she opened her mind and her <em>legs</em> a little to it. She didn’t have to be <em>completely</em> submissive, but just allow Cassandra to top for a short while. “Please? Just lay down with me. You know she’ll make you feel good if you just listen, and afterward you can make her call you Daddy again and have her suck your dick, or whatever else you want to do to establish dominance over her again; I’m sure Cassandra would be <em>more </em>than willing to do that for you.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed, and Cassandra switched her tactics for a moment as she leaned in, pressed her lips against the older woman’s ear and breathed, “I’ll deep-throat your cock later, Daddy, I promise; I’ll let you hold by my hair as you fuck my face with it if ya want, but just… be a good girl for me now, yeah? If you do, I’ll fuck <em>you</em> first.”</p><p>Narcissa was, admittedly, a little annoyed by Bellatrix getting ‘rewarded’ just because she was having trouble relinquishing power, but considering the endgame of Cassandra keeping hold of the reins appealed to her much more, Narcissa kept her complaints to herself. Bellatrix succumbed to Cassandra’s wishes once more though, however made certain to make clear, “I do not, and <em>will</em> not, <em>beg</em> for anything. Are we clear?”</p><p>“Crystal.”</p><p>Bellatrix returned to her place on the bed, but it was Narcissa that Cassandra crawled over to first. Her long red tresses swooped over the side of her neck, she leaned down and left a lingering kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. “Watch what I do to her,” she ordered her, her words softly breathed against the blonde’s lips. “Touch yourself, but <em>tease</em> yourself— I don’t want ya anywhere close to coming until <em>I’m</em> fuckin’ ya, do you understand?”</p><p>Narcissa nodded mutely and Cassandra smiled at her before leaving another kiss upon her lips. After she had gotten off of her, she nodded her head at Bellatrix to silently encourage her to lay directly next to Narcissa so that their sides were touching. “Are ya gonna be good for me now?” Cassandra breathed as she knelt between Bellatrix’s thighs, her words being breathed against a taught nipple as she leaned down and bit into the brunette’s supple flesh. Bellatrix hissed softly, her hips careening toward her, and Narcissa began gently playing with her own breasts as she watched them, her lips parted in desire. “Well?”</p><p>“…For <em>now,”</em> Bellatrix reluctantly answered, of course still not giving in completely to Cassandra’s desire. The younger woman just looked a little amused though before she swirled her tongue around Bellatrix’s areola, her gaze flickering up to look at Narcissa, who’s breathing shallowed as she tweaked her own nipple.</p><p>“You’re not a very good role model for your little sister, y’know,” Cassandra gently chastised as she slid further down Bellatrix’s body, evidently realizing that outright <em>domming</em> Bellatrix was probably never going to work, so just lightly topping her was going to have to do. Her tongue traced a long line down the brunette’s abdomen before the younger woman settled on her stomach between Bellatrix’s outstretched legs, her nails raking down supple thighs.</p><p>“Yeah, ‘cause <em>that’s</em> what I’m bloody concerned about,” Bellatrix exhaled, her voice tinged with desire as she watched Cassandra lightly play with the small patch of dark pubic hair above her mound. Cassandra roughly <em>pulled</em> at it then and Bellatrix exhaled a loud hiss before rolling her eyes and revising, “I mean, God <em>fucking</em> forbid… shit!” Cassandra slapped her pussy then, causing Bellatrix’s hips to jerk and her breathing to come out in short bursts. “Fuck, <em>fine,</em> my bad— Cissy, I’m sorry I’m such a <em>shit</em> role model, apparently.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips in order to stifle her amusement, although a hint of it peaked out regardless as the corners of her lips pulled despite her best efforts to keep it contained. “I forgive you,” Narcissa responded, using every ounce of control she had inside of her to say that with a straight face. Bellatrix rolled her eyes again, as that was <em>apparently</em> her go-to for this entire experience. All it seemed to do was amuse Cassandra more though as her smirk widened.</p><p>“There, now was that so hard?” the younger woman responded, sounding infinitely pleased with herself before she rewarded Bellatrix by licking a long line up her cunt, keeping eye contact with her the entire time. Narcissa could physically <em>see</em> her sister’s abdomen clench in response, and Narcissa’s hand fell between her own thighs as she watched them, the pit of her stomach burning with desire.</p><p>“Just because I’m older it shouldn’t make me automatically at fault for <em>Narcissa’s</em> incessant bullshit though— <em>ah,” </em>Bellatrix hissed as Cassandra actually <em>bit down</em> on her, which… okay, Narcissa <em>knew</em> her sister liked, but as she wasn’t entirely comfortable with biting into a vagina, Narcissa had made a point not to do for her too often; apparently, however, Cassandra had <em>no</em> issue being the one to further that kink, and Narcissa was glad for it as that meant Bellatrix wouldn’t ask <em>her</em> to do it anymore.</p><p>Maybe this situation worked out well for a myriad of different reasons, after all.</p><p>Her sister just chuckled at that reaction though as she told Cassandra breathlessly, “If that was supposed to be a punishment, Kitten, you missed the mark; I’ll talk shit about Cissy all day long if it makes you keep doing <em>that.”</em></p><p>Cassandra smirked, allowing her tongue to drag up the brunette’s sensitive bundle of nerves before she breathed, “Who said I didn’t want ya to drag Cissa a lil’ bit?”</p><p>Narcissa’s mouth dropped open, her hand stilling on her own clit. “—<em>Hey!”</em> But that was as far as she got because suddenly Cassandra sat up, reached out to roughly cup Narcissa between the legs before easily slipping two fingers inside of her and <em>curling</em> them so abruptly that the blonde’s breath left her as she whimpered.</p><p>“Did I<em> say </em>you could talk?”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, her chest heaving, and immediately shook her head no.</p><p>“That’s right, I didn’t. Pretty sure I don’t wanna hear a sound outta ya, actually, so I <em>suggest</em>…” Cassandra twisted her fingers inside of her then and Narcissa whimpered, which was apparently the very <em>wrong</em> reaction. “<em>What did I just say?”</em></p><p>Bellatrix snorted at the look on Narcissa’s face, watching her sister’s eyes widen as she made certain to keep her mouth closed. She knew she must look a bit like a scolded puppy, but considering she<em> felt</em> like one, it wasn't that far off.</p><p>“You think this is funny?” Cassandra challenged her, giving Bellatrix the same treatment as she slid inside of her with her left hand, causing Bellatrix to bite down on her bottom lip in response, stifling her own moan. “<em>Both</em> of ya are on my shit list, so here’s how this is gonna go— you are to keep yourselves and each other quiet while I fuck ya. If <em>either</em> of you make a sound, I stop fucking <em>both</em> of you, so maybe try to keep one another accountable for once, yeah?”</p><p>For <em>once…</em> Narcissa would almost be offended by that if it wasn’t so terribly true.</p><p>Bellatrix looked torn between being irritated and turned on, but Narcissa wanted this so <em>very</em> badly so her solution to trying to keep themselves quiet while also preventing Bellatrix from stopping this was to grasp for her sister and bring her in for a kiss, hoping that should their mouths be occupied then it would be easier for them to oblige Cassandra. Besides, the younger woman had a <em>thing</em> about them kissing (touching, fucking, <em>anything</em> incestuous), so it helped turn Cassandra on as she began moving inside them both simultaneously, her gaze locked on the two sisters as she watched them slide their tongues into each other’s mouths.</p><p>“Better,” she told them, and Narcissa closed her mouth around her sister’s bottom lip as she felt Cassandra twist her fingers inside of her again, her eyes squeezing tightly shut as she tried not to make a sound. She could feel Bellatrix’s uneven breath against her lips as she too at least attempted to obey Cassandra for a moment, although Narcissa was <em>sure</em> that after this Bellatrix would have to top them both in over dramatic ways in order to feel like she had gotten her power back. Narcissa definitely wouldn’t mind that though, and she was sure Cassandra wouldn’t either, so she continued to kiss her sister as her girlfriend fucked them both as she sat between them.</p><p>Cassandra used her thumb to press down on her clit then and it took every bit of self-control that Narcissa had to not even utter a whimper. She was grasping onto Bellatrix, her fingernails digging into her sister’s hip as she exhaled uneven breaths through her nose, not trusting her mouth as she bit down on Bellatrix’s bottom lip in an effort to control herself. Her sister responded to that with kissing her with renewed vigor before she reached up and tangled her fingers in Narcissa’s hair, her grip tight and controlling as she wrenched the blonde’s head back, robbing Narcissa of the only thing that was keeping her quiet. Narcissa’s eyes opened as she shot her sister a look of disbelief, but Bellatrix only smirked, quite pleased with herself for making this more difficult for her.</p><p>Bellatrix’s cheeks were flushed, her nipples puckered and her breathing uneven, but otherwise she was able to keep herself quiet with relative ease. <em>Narcissa</em> was another story completely, and both of them knew that. Cassandra looked amused by Bellatrix’s idea of torture as well and twisted her fingers inside of Narcissa again, allowing her knuckles to rub against the blonde’s g spot, and Narcissa actually <em>hit</em> her sister in an attempt to overshadow the sound she was afraid was going to come out. Thankfully Bellatrix took it in stride and didn’t react verbally, but this was <em>killing</em> Narcissa and both of her lovers knew that.</p><p>“Alright,” Cassandra relented, knowing Narcissa might pop an aneurysm if she didn’t allow her girlfriend <em>some</em> semblance of relief. “You may speak now. You both did very well.”</p><p><em>“God,</em> you… you <em>arsehole!” </em>Narcissa exclaimed breathlessly as she hit her sister again for good measure, who’s smirk only widened as she leaned in, grasping the blonde’s hair in her hand again and pinned her in place as she licked a long line from the base of her neck to her jaw.</p><p>“Mmm… don’t complain, Cissy; we all know you’re a glutton for punishment.”</p><p>Which, alright, was valid but <em>still… </em>But Narcissa couldn’t retort to that because Cassandra had focused attention on her clit again and she panted out her pleasure as she grasped for Bellatrix, finally finding the words inside of her to tell her to just, “Shut <em>up,” </em>before she kissed her again, her moans being swallowed by Bellatrix as Cassandra continued to fuck them both with renewed vigor.</p><p>“Fuck, oh <em>fuck,”</em> Narcissa exhaled after she had pulled her lips away from Bellatrix, allowing her sister to latch her teeth into the base of her neck. The pit of her abdomen had ignited in a deep heat as Cassandra continued to pull pleasure from them both; even Bellatrix was panting into her ear now, groaning in need as she gripped Narcissa and pulled her impossibly closer to her. Still, Bellatrix having messed with <em>her</em> made Narcissa want to mess with her in return, so she put quite a lot of effort into forcing herself not to have an orgasm as she instead waited until Bellatrix was so, <em>so</em> close.</p><p>And then, right when Bellatrix was about to come, the woman’s nails digging into Narcissa’s arm as her lips parted and she exhaled a groan that originated deep in her throat, Narcissa looked straight at Cassandra and begged breathlessly, “Harder, Daddy!” right as her sister fell over the edge. Bellatrix furiously swore and shoved her mid-orgasm which Cassandra found <em>hilarious</em> as she doubled over with laughter, which Narcissa joined in as she saw the look on her sister’s face: it was the most conflicting expression of pleasure mixed with irritation, and it was <em>excellent.</em></p><p>“You… are a fucking cunt,” Bellatrix struggled to say as she came down from her (albeit, slightly <em>ruined) </em>high while Narcissa snickered, infinitely amused by her unkind little game. “And for that, you are definitely going to call <em>me </em>Daddy before I let Cassandra make you come, so enjoy your fucking consequences, Princess.”</p><p>Oh, please. “Fine, <em>Daddy.”</em></p><p>“Unironically.”</p><p>Narcissa snorted, although Cassandra had immediately taken her fingers from her and that <em>sucked</em>. Still, she wasn’t going to just back down either. “You’ll be holding your breath for a long time for<em> that.”</em></p><p>“You think so?” Bellatrix asked in amusement as she moved, swinging her legs over either side of her sister’s face before she placed her cunt on her forehead before slowly moving downward, streaking Narcissa’s face with her desire. It was absolutely degrading but Narcissa was a fucking <em>disaster</em> so of course she found it hot as she moaned in desperation, trying to catch her sister’s clit in her mouth at least once. Bellatrix didn’t let her though, and immediately got off of her admiring her handiwork. “There, now you look like the come slut we all know you are.”</p><p>“You… <em>bitch.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix ignored her though, holding out her hand invitingly to Cassandra who immediately took it, allowing the other woman to bring her closer. “Your little show was entertaining, Kitten, but it’s my turn now. Will you be a good girl for Daddy?”</p><p>“<em>Always,”</em> Cassandra breathed wantonly as Bellatrix gently traced the younger woman’s lips with her thumb, gently pulling down on her bottom one as she watched Cassandra’s eyes darken in desire. Narcissa rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Kiss arse.”</p><p><em>“Careful, </em>Cissy, or I’ll have your tongue so far up Cassandra’s arse that’ll become <em>your</em> new nickname.” Cassandra immediately bit down on her bottom lip at that thought and Bellatrix smiled, gently tracing the younger woman’s jaw with her fingertips. “Oh? Would you like that, Kitten?”</p><p>“Yes, Daddy… She really hurts my poor little <em>feelings</em> when she says stuff like that, an’ I know you’d never want me to be <em>hurt,</em> right…?”</p><p>“Oh, <em>please,”</em> Narcissa exhaled in disbelief, which only made Cassandra stop her mock-pouting enough to smirk. In the end though, as infuriating as the two of them could be together, their sex was… well, fun. This was <em>fun.</em> Narcissa had always had sex that was passionate and all-consuming, and while that was amazing and something she still loved, obviously, there was something about all three of them together that made it a little more playful, and that was something Narcissa was coming to find she enjoyed.</p><p>“Of <em>course</em> I would never want that, Kitten, especially after you were such a good girl, making Daddy come for you like that,” Bellatrix purred at Cassandra, practically grooming her as she pushed the hair back from the redhead’s eyes. “Go sit on Cissy’s face and make her kiss your perfect little arse; you deserve it.”</p><p>Cassandra smiled before she leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on Bellatrix’s lips. “Thanks, Daddy!”</p><p>“I’m <em>still</em> gonna call you a kiss—” But that was about as far as Narcissa got before Cassandra faced down her body and lowered her arse right in the blonde’s face and, <em>well…</em> it would have been rude to ignore that. Cassandra gripped her hips and exhaled a small whimper at the first touch of Narcissa’s tongue against her puckered hole, her fingers digging into the older woman’s soft flesh as Bellatrix moved to straddle Narcissa as well, although in front of Cassandra. She sat down on her sister’s hips, streaking the blonde’s stomach with her desire again before she placed her lips against Cassandra’s chest.</p><p>“How does that feel, Kitten…?” Bellatrix breathed softly, her mouth dragging across the swell of Cassandra’s breast until she found her nipple, wrapping her lips around it before gently biting down. Cassandra groaned, tangling her fingers in Bellatrix’s hair as she pulled her closer to her. She squirmed a little atop Narcissa’s face but the blonde only continued to tease her, loving her position beneath her girlfriend and her sister despite wishing to always be a brat about it.</p><p>“I want…” Cassandra panted before she found Bellatrix’s hand, pulling it towards the apex of her thighs while also encouraging the woman to sit up a little more, so she could press her lips against hers. “Please,” she begged against the brunette’s lips, the words little more than a whisper. “Please, Bellatrix…”</p><p>From Narcissa’s current position she wasn’t really able to hear or see much, but she was <em>fairly</em> certain her sister’s response to that was that Cassandra could have whatever she wanted, except it sounded… different. <em>Genuine,</em> for one; not just a part of the sex game they were having, but then again, Cassandra’s entire arse was in her face and it did tend to muffle things. But despite the insanity and absolutely unlikeliness of Bellatrix wanting to <em>cater</em> to Cassandra like some kind of whipped puppy, it <em>did</em> cause a surge of jealousy and a little bit of a <em>fuck you, she’s mine</em> desire as Narcissa gripped Cassandra’s arse, spread her cheeks even further, and delved her tongue deep inside of her.</p><p>“Oh, <em>fuck, </em>Cissa<em>—”</em> Cassandra panted, at least making Narcissa feel a little bit better about <em>her</em> position even though she was fairly certain it was just needless paranoia again, as even if, <em>if</em> Bellatrix was to develop some sort of soft spot for Cassandra, it would take a very long time for it to morph into anything resembling actual romantic feelings. At most she was just… she was a <em>pet.</em> That was all. And Narcissa… Narcissa was okay with Cassandra being her sister’s pet, so long as that was the way that it <em>stayed.</em></p><p>“Jesus… fuckin’ <em>hell…”</em> Cassandra gasped as Bellatrix’s fingers got lost in her folds, rubbing the woman’s already engorged clit as the younger woman threw her arms around her, using Bellatrix as a way to hold herself up so that she didn’t come crashing down on Narcissa and suffocate her. Cassandra’s nails dug into the older woman’s back, her lips parted and her eyes screwed shut as she leaned her head against Bellatrix’s cheek.</p><p>“Tell me when you’re close, Kitten… because you are gonna come all over Cissy’s slutty fucking face.”</p><p>“Yes… <em>yes,</em> Daddy— oh <em>shit…”</em> Cassandra moaned, Bellatrix’s fingers speeding up on her clit as she rubbed her closer to the edge. Narcissa could feel her girlfriend begin to clench from <em>her</em> position beneath her, and so she wasn’t surprised that it didn’t take very long until Cassandra was gasping, “Now! I’m gonna come now!”</p><p>Bellatrix removed her fingers quickly and encouraged Cassandra to move back a little while ordering Narcissa, “Suck her off, Cissy; fucking drink every last drop she has to offer you!” And Narcissa, like the come slut her sister <em>knew</em> she was, did exactly that. Cassandra pitched forward and exhaled a loud groan as she came, her clit fully in Narcissa’s mouth as the blonde worked on finishing her. Cassandra didn’t <em>squirt</em> like Narcissa was able to after a fair amount of orgasm denial, but the woman had always gotten so ridiculously wet that it was damn near close enough as Narcissa devoured every morsel that Cassandra had to offer her in a manner that could only be described as both starved and desperate.</p><p>“Good…” Bellatrix drawled, watching her sister lap at Cassandra like a hungry kitten. “Now make her come again.”</p><p>Cassandra was already so turned on and sensitive that was not hard in the slightest, and it took Narcissa an embarrassingly short amount of time with the woman’s cunt in her mouth to make Cassandra’s thighs quake around her ears again. “Fuck… <em>fuckin’</em> hell…!”</p><p>“Mmm… good girl, Cissy. You can get off of her now, Kitten.”</p><p>It took Cassandra a moment as she struggled to get a hold of her breathing, but when she did as Bellatrix asked and got off of Narcissa, she left the blonde lying there in a puddle of her own desire with both her <em>sister’s</em> and Cassandra’s all over her body. Narcissa was <em>definitely</em> going to have to take a second shower this morning, but she was certain she did not care. Narcissa lay there as she watched the two of them, her chest heaving in desire as she bit down on her bottom lip.</p><p>“Do I get rewarded now?” she had to ask, because <em>fuck</em> she needed it so bad— Narcissa was sure just a little bit of pressure on her clit would send her spinning, but Bellatrix had been careful not to do that earlier as she sat astride her.</p><p>“Have I <em>heard</em> the magic word yet?” Bellatrix countered, causing Narcissa to glower. She did <em>not</em> want to call her ‘Daddy’. Bellatrix’s goddamn head was big enough as it was.</p><p>Cassandra smirked at the unhappy look on her girlfriend’s face though and settled herself next to her, pressing the length of her body against Narcissa’s side. “Come on, babe,” she breathed, her lips dusking across her jaw bone before lightly biting down. Her fingers trailed over her abdomen, the light touch both pleasurable yet tickling. Narcissa squirmed as Bellatrix settled herself on the other side of her, quiet for once as she allowed Cassandra to get what it was that she desired. “It’s just one word, an’ then me an’ your sister will take real good care of ya. You want that… yeah?”</p><p>“<em>Obviously,</em> but—”</p><p>“Shh, stop,” Cassandra breathed, her lips having found Narcissa’s ear as she gently bit down on her ear lobe. Her hand was <em>dangerously</em> close to where Narcissa needed it, but Cassandra knew better than to disobey Bellatrix. “I wanna fuck ya, Cissa. Please… <em>please</em> just be a good girl so I can…? I wanna touch you so <em>bloody</em> badly, babe, please…”</p><p>Fuck. Fuck, fuck, <em>fuck…</em> Cassandra was <em>so— </em>Narcissa knew that she was the one who was often spoiled, but Cassandra had definitely taken her place as the woman got whatever it was that she bloody wanted, and Narcissa didn’t know what else to do other than oblige her because she was a fucking <em>angel</em> and pleasing her was all Narcissa ever wanted to do.</p><p>And so she did it.</p><p>“Please,” Narcissa begged, grasping onto her sister as she gave in to her girlfriend’s wishes, allowing Bellatrix to have this just <em>once.</em> She pulled Bellatrix to her, her hand tangling in her unruly curls as her words were whispered across the brunette’s lips, “<em>Please,</em> Daddy…”</p><p>God, Bellatrix was<em> never</em> going to let her live this down.</p><p>Her sister’s smile was <em>wicked</em> with glee, but at least she chose not to rub it in in that moment. “Of <em>course,</em> Princess, whatever you want…” It was probably the only time Narcissa had ever been called <em>Princess</em> by her when it wasn’t in a mocking tone of voice and it felt… well, not <em>horrible.</em> Still, she was definitely not going to continue doing this for Bellatrix just because her sister wanted it— she had <em>Cassandra</em> to fulfill that particular fetish now. There was no need to get greedy.</p><p>Bellatrix’s hand found Cassandra’s then, and for a second Narcissa thought she was going to stop the other woman from finding her destination, but then she encouraged the younger woman’s hand downward, keeping a hold on her as she used Cassandra’s hand to pleasure her. Narcissa whimpered, burying her head in her girlfriend’s neck for a moment before she kissed her shoulder and then turned to capture her sister’s lips in a deep kiss. Bellatrix swallowed her deep moan as she continued to use Cassandra’s hand to gently stimulate her, knowing that her sister was far too worked up to have anything more than that unless they wanted her to come quickly, which apparently they did not.</p><p>“Shit… <em>shit…”</em> Narcissa groaned as she pulled her lips away from Bellatrix, turning to look up at Cassandra as she tangled her fingers in the younger woman’s hair. Cassandra had a look on her face that Narcissa <em>missed </em>and it got her a little emotional as she pulled her in for a kiss in turn, desperately needing to feel connected to them <em>both</em> in this moment. When they broke Narcissa screwed her eyes shut as her back arched, pushing her hips into their linked hands as a deep pleasure burned hot in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>“<em>God,”</em> Narcissa groaned, knowing she was so close to the edge already. They were trying to be slow with her, but in the end this entire experience had already gotten her disastrously horny, and there wasn’t a prayer of prolonging it anymore. Narcissa was feeling too much, nestled in between her two lovers as they gently pleasured her, and because of that it was hard to stop herself from desperately grasping onto them both and voicing, “Fuck, I love you… I love you both— don’t stop, don’t…!”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes were closed so she wasn’t entirely sure how either of them took her maybe turning this into something a bit more emotional than they probably should this early, but Narcissa did not <em>care</em> as suddenly she was coming, a loud moan being exhaled from the back of her throat as her insides clenched and released in wave after wave. Neither of her two lovers moved their hands, which maybe meant she didn’t end up freaking them (Bellatrix) out, but Narcissa absolutely celebrated <em>that</em> too soon as after she was able to catch her breath, her sister let go of Cassandra like she had been burned and sat up and <em>away</em> from them both.</p><p>“I gotta shower,” was all Bellatrix said before she was off the bed, heading toward the bathroom. Narcissa wrinkled her nose when she heard the door close, looking up at Casandra guiltily, who still hadn’t moved from her side. At least it hadn’t freaked<em> her </em>out.</p><p>“…I ruined it, didn’t I?”</p><p>She should have known better; Bellatrix was <em>not</em> comfortable with emotions in front of others. When it was just her and Narcissa it was one thing, but being that way in front of <em>Cassandra </em>required a whole new level of trust that Bellatrix just did not feel yet. Narcissa felt bad, but she also… she had <em>felt</em> that way, toward both of them, and she had just wanted to express it. Maybe she should have just kept her feelings to herself though.</p><p>“Not for me,” Cassandra responded, looking down at her girlfriend with a soft expression on her face as she gently unstuck some of the hair from Narcissa’s forehead. “I love you too, Cissa.”</p><p>Narcissa smiled at her, her chest bursting with emotion before she reached up, bringing the other woman down for a soft kiss. When they broke, Narcissa tucked an errant strand of hair behind the other woman’s ear, hearing the shower turn on in the master bathroom. “I have to go fix the mess I made,” she told her regrettably, knowing it would only get worse if Narcissa didn’t acknowledge that she had done something that made Bellatrix uncomfortable and apologize to her. “A part of me <em>knew </em>I shouldn’t have done that, but…”</p><p>“But it was how you felt,” Cassandra finished for her understandingly. “I know. S’okay, Cissa. I think… I think I’m startin’ to be okay, y’know, with <em>this</em> bein’ a… I dunno, a more permanent situation than just some dumb sex game we’re all havin’. I mean, I know it’s either <em>this</em> or me an’ Bellatrix bein’ at war again, an’ I don’t think either of us want that. Bellatrix will come ‘round; know she’s the type to not want others to know she has feelin’s or some garbage, but I know she loves ya. She just doesn’t trust me yet, an’ that’s okay. It’ll take time.”</p><p>Narcissa nodded silently, but something tightened in the pit of the blonde’s stomach and she had to ask, “…Cass? What if… what if <em>trust</em> becomes…?” Because it was still something Narcissa was wary about; she knew it hadn’t been very <em>long,</em> and that something like that would no doubt take time, but Narcissa didn’t know how she would feel if Cassandra and Bellatrix’s relationship morphed into something resembling… well, what <em>she</em> had with them both.</p><p>Cassandra looked down at her with a patient expression. “I can’t tell you it won’t,” she softly reminded her. “Havin’ sex with someone on the regular always runs the risk of fuckin’ with people’s emotions. Like I said before, I don’t think me an’ Bellatrix are compatible in that way, but I won’t promise ya somethin’ I can’t guarantee. It <em>might</em> become somethin’. Not anythin’ like what you an’ I have, or anythin’ like what you an’ <em>her </em>have, but… if it <em>did…</em> I don’t think ya really got the right to tell us no, Cissa. I’m not sayin’ that to be mean, but with a dynamic like this it might just work out <em>better</em> if we were all… I dunno, closer to equal, or whatever. It’s still a weird thing for me to think about— me an’ her like that, but I shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss it before, ‘cause sometimes things change. I know you love everythin’ bein’ all about <em>you,</em> babe, but sometimes ya gotta let other people do what feels right for them too, especially in an unorthodox situation like this. That’s all I’m sayin’.”</p><p>Narcissa wet her dry lips, not <em>enjoying</em> that answer by any means, but appreciating the woman’s honesty all the same. She nodded her understanding, not trusting her voice, and Cassandra leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Don’t worry— think ya got a while until that even comes <em>close</em> to an issue, so just… go take care of your sister for now, yeah? Make her stop havin’ a bloody panic attack so that maybe we can do this tomorrow too; although <em>maybe</em> hold off a bit on the ‘I love you’s’ next time, yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah…” Narcissa responded, giving her girlfriend a gently exasperated look as she sat up, doing what she was told. She still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the possibility of Bellatrix and Cassandra evolving into an actual <em>thing,</em> but maybe Cassandra was right; even if it <em>did</em> happen, it would no doubt be a long time off, if Bellatrix <em>fleeing</em> from them, yet again, was any indication.</p><p>And maybe, the longer Narcissa had to come to terms with the possibility, the easier it would be when that day inevitably came.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163/chapters/67532279">“Kitten” Part 2, which is set between chapters 43 and 44, will be posted this Wednesday, November 18th.</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. XLIV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLIV.</strong>
</p>
<p>The inevitable came sooner than Narcissa wanted it to.</p>
<p>Quite honestly, after a few weeks, Narcissa had been expecting it, although that didn’t make it any easier. It was the little things, mostly from <em>Bellatrix</em> who found herself getting caught up in the ‘normalcy’ of having a sexual relationship with someone she wasn’t closely related to. Narcissa couldn’t blame her for that, especially after the conversation they had where Bellatrix had made clear she still <em>wanted</em> something like that in her life, but Narcissa… she<em> hadn’t </em>wanted it to be with Cassandra. Of course she knew that logically Cassandra was the only other woman close enough to Bellatrix outside of <em>herself</em> that could end up becoming something adjacent to an actual romantic interest, but that did not make it any easier to accept when the reality of the situation began to unfold.</p>
<p>Her sister had a crush on <em>her</em> girlfriend, the woman that <em>she</em> loved, and as expected, that ended up being a very hard pill for Narcissa to swallow.</p>
<p>In the end, it seemed like Cassandra had been right in assuming that having a regular sexual relationship with someone could end up blurring the lines a little bit though, and Narcissa had begun to notice it when Bellatrix had started giving them <em>both</em> kisses in greeting or parting when, in the beginning, it had only been Narcissa who was allotted something like that. It was something small, something so utterly insignificant in the larger picture of things, yet it was the beginning of something Narcissa had a hard time overlooking.</p>
<p>Bellatrix was <em>nice</em> to Cassandra, which was still a strange thing to witness considering her sister had never really been nice to anyone other than <em>her,</em> but it wasn’t just that; she catered to Cassandra in all these stupid ways that weren’t always sexual, but then again, Bellatrix seemed to subconsciously realize that catering to Cassandra wasn’t fair to Narcissa and so she had been putting in the extra effort lately to treat <em>Narcissa</em> a bit better than normal as well. Last week she bought her a beautiful, yet very simple bracelet via owl order which probably meant that she had either already gotten or was planning to get something for <em>Cassandra </em>as well, and while Narcissa was a little jealous over it she tried to look at it rationally as at least Bellatrix was trying to keep things <em>even.</em></p>
<p>And it was <em>nice,</em> to be catered to in that way, of course it was, but Narcissa also knew her sister had all the self-awareness of a fucking troll and no doubt hadn’t even <em>realized</em> yet why she was doing the things she was, which was probably the most frustrating part of all of this because Narcissa knew, she <em>knew</em> if she brought this up to Bellatrix, that her sister would scoff, deny it all, and tell Narcissa that she was just being paranoid, but she wasn’t.</p>
<p>She <em>wasn’t.</em></p>
<p>Cassandra, thankfully, wasn’t as bad as Bellatrix was, but Narcissa was more than aware that the woman just <em>loved </em>having Bellatrix’s attention. She ate it up so goddamn blatantly and purposely acted like the woman’s spoiled little pet when she was around her in order to further it. Narcissa knew Cassandra just enjoyed the power it gave her, especially as it had been <em>Bellatrix</em> who used to treat her like she was nothing more than a mere commoner when she was younger. She loved having Bellatrix in the palm of her hand now, and truthfully, as <em>fucked up</em> as it probably was considering it would probably hurt her sister if she found out that was all it was, Narcissa did <em>wish</em> that Cassandra using Bellatrix to feel powerful was the only reason she was acting differently toward her, but she knew that it wasn’t. It perhaps wasn’t a crush so much as Bellatrix’s clearly was, but it was <em>something,</em> and it was enough for Narcissa to notice.</p>
<p>At the same time though, the two of them were still a very <em>weird </em>pairing<em>.</em> They were ridiculously combative outside of the time they spent together in bed. Bellatrix would act childishly, or do something emotionally ignorant that Narcissa was used to but Cassandra was <em>not,</em> and the younger woman would lecture her until Bellatrix got pissed off because she hated that Cassandra tried to make her <em>learn</em> from her bad behavior, and they ended up snapping at each other all over again. They could go from flirting to arguing in a ridiculously short amount of time, and on some level it <em>did</em> make Narcissa feel a bit better about the whole situation, as now she was fairly certain that the two of them would never be able to have a relationship without <em>her</em> being there to mediate, as they would end up killing one another.</p>
<p>Although, it wasn’t like <em>she</em> was the only mediator in their weird three-way… <em>whatever</em> this was becoming. Cassandra often found herself having to help Narcissa and Bellatrix actually express their emotions toward one another in a way that didn’t involve <em>screaming,</em> as that was what they had always been used to. The only one who <em>never</em> mediated another’s relationship was Bellatrix, but that was because she didn’t have a peaceful bone in her body and even if she tried, both Narcissa and Cassandra were certain that she would only manage to make things worse.</p>
<p>As such, <em>their</em> relationship was the only one that felt a little more separate from the ties that now bound them all together. Not that it mattered though, <em>really</em>, as their individual relationships with Bellatrix still tended to spill over into their own. That was why after the two of them had made love, her sister was still brought up during a time that should have just been <em>theirs.</em> Nothing was really theirs anymore though, as nothing was still solely her and Bellatrix’s, or <em>Cassandra</em> and Bellatrix’s anymore, but Narcissa supposed that was just what came with the territory from their unorthodox arrangement.</p>
<p>After Narcissa had made the mistake of being a little bit more emotional with both of them during sex than Bellatrix had been comfortable with at the time, Bellatrix had expressed her own feelings by making love to Narcissa in the shower, which opened up the door to her being able to have sex with each of her lovers separately as well as together. Thankfully, Cassandra had not been jealous that Bellatrix had gotten there ‘first’, as she understood Bellatrix’s desire to have a comfortable way to express her own emotions, and because Bellatrix felt like she had essentially ‘won’ that non-existent competition, she too found herself relatively okay with her sister’s desire to spend some private time with her girlfriend as well. As such, early last week they had adopted a system wherein they would spend one night a week with their respected lovers separately, two where all three of them were together, and the rest of the time Narcissa would spend with Lucius in order to give her husband the assurance that they still had something resembling an actual marriage.</p>
<p>Lucius still did not have a desire to sleep with her, but Narcissa was beginning to come to terms with it. She had been a little oversexed <em>anyway</em> now that she had two lovers who also liked to share her as well as have her separately, and the break was needed. She and Lucius were trying to rebuild their marriage emotionally anyway, and while <em>Bellatrix</em> thought that if Narcissa was sharing Lucius’ bed at night that that meant she should have more of Cassandra because that would only be ‘fair’, Cassandra had told her if she didn’t give her vagina a rest she was going to bloody break it, and Bellatrix eventually let the subject drop, albeit with some mutterings.</p>
<p>Tonight was Narcissa’s night with Cassandra though, and after they made love in a way that was both passionate and beautiful, Narcissa laid her head on her girlfriend’s chest as she tried to just stay in this moment. Unfortunately, Narcissa’s brain had been on overdrive lately as any <em>lull</em> made her think about her son and how terrified she was on his behalf that the end of the school year was nearing, and yet as far as she knew, Draco wasn’t any closer to achieving his goal. The lack of communication was <em>killing </em>her and so to save her sanity Narcissa wrapped herself up in other things in order to distract herself, and her relationships seemed a good enough escape as any.</p>
<p>“What’re ya thinkin’ about?” Cassandra asked her softly as she placed a hand on Narcissa’s crown, gently weaving her fingers through the woman’s blonde tresses.</p>
<p>“…Nothing.”</p>
<p>“Really? ‘Cause that nothin’ sounded a whole lot like <em>somethin’.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa sighed softly, pursing her lips before shifting in the woman’s arms so she was able to look up at her. Their legs tangled together beneath the sheets, their naked bodies pressed together as the blonde settled herself on her side next to Cassandra. “I think my sister has a crush on you,” she finally said, as she needed to voice it to <em>someone,</em> and she didn’t think Bellatrix would take the ‘accusation’ well.</p>
<p>Cassandra pursed her lips, looking a little guilty. “Yeah,” she agreed softly, which in some way made it <em>worse</em> that Cassandra had noticed, because that really did mean that Narcissa wasn’t just being paranoid. “Think she does. I’m sorry; s’probably all my fault…”</p>
<p>But that was <em>stupid,</em> because of course it wasn’t her fault. Narcissa didn’t want Cassandra to feel like she had to apologize for it as this whole bloody arrangement had been <em>her</em> idea in the first place. In the end, Cassandra hadn’t done anything wrong; <em>Bellatrix</em> wasn’t even doing anything wrong per se either, as it wasn’t like she could help how she felt. She was <em>sleeping</em> with Cassandra regularly, for God’s sake, of course things were bound to get confusing, but it just… it was—</p>
<p>It was still a little awful, honestly. <em>She</em> was supposed to be at the center of her sister’s world. And perhaps she still <em>was,</em> but Narcissa had occupied that space by herself for a long time, and now she was… well, she was having trouble <em>sharing.</em></p>
<p>Which was stupid, really, considering <em>they</em> had to be okay with sharing <em>her.</em></p>
<p>“S’fine though, I promise,” Cassandra continued, still sounding so terribly guilty; like somehow <em>she</em> had been the one to screw up, but she was trying to assure Narcissa that she would clean up the mess she had made. “Nothin’s gonna change…”</p>
<p>“Of <em>course</em> things are going to change!” Narcissa protested, because she couldn’t see how they <em>wouldn’t.</em> “My sister might be dense when it comes to her own bloody emotions sometimes, but eventually she’s <em>going</em> to realize she has more than just sexual feelings for you, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Bellatrix isn’t one to let bloody <em>anything</em> lie. If she ends up wanting <em>you</em> to be her girlfriend too, I think I might just pop a fucking aneurysm, honestly.”</p>
<p>Cassandra shot her a look like she was being a little over dramatic with<em> that </em>reaction though, and Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Not because I’d be jealous <em>romantically</em> or anything—” Cassandra snorted, as she knew <em>exactly</em> who her girlfriend was. “Okay, <em>fine,</em> a little, but there is also a very large part of me that still suffers from youngest sibling syndrome, and if she takes yet another <em>bloody</em> thing that’s mine, so help me. She could have anyone— <em>anyone</em> else. It’s just… it’s <em>frustrating.” </em>Narcissa exhaled a long groan, rubbing her hands over her face. “I know how stupid I sound right now, but this is just how I feel.”</p>
<p>“You don’t sound stupid,” Cassandra assured her softly. “But you’re also overlooking a very large part of all of this, which is how <em>I</em> feel about <em>her. </em>It takes two people to consent to dating, Cissa.”</p>
<p>Oh… right.</p>
<p>But then, fucking <em>ridiculously, </em>another part of Narcissa got a little offended on Bellatrix’s behalf, as the way Cassandra said that implied that maybe she didn’t want to date her sister after all, and Narcissa responded defensively, “Hey, she’s a bloody <em>catch,</em> you know. I know Bellatrix can be a lot, but her love and devotion is more than most people can even fathom<em> expending,</em> let alone actually expressing. You didn’t even bloody <em>consider</em> it?”</p>
<p>That just seemed a bit… rude, honestly.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Cassandra looked a little amused at Narcissa’s conflicting emotions, which was better than her feeling <em>guilty</em> over something that Narcissa knew, logically, was not her fault. “I didn’t say I didn’t consider it. I <em>also</em> didn’t say that I would never, but it just feels… I dunno, too <em>soon</em> right now; for a whole lot o’ different reasons. Either way though, do ya maybe want to listen to me instead of assuming things? It might help you be a little less all over the map with this shit, an’ right now I’m a little afraid you’re gonna give yourself emotional whiplash. Do you even <em>know</em> what ya want?”</p>
<p><em>Yes.</em> For Bellatrix and Cassandra to want one another because obviously they <em>should</em> as they’re both bloody amazing lovers, but for neither of them to actually have one another emotionally in that way.</p>
<p>Obviously.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Cassandra shot her a skeptical look but did not comment on that blatant lie, as she no doubt already assumed what lay in the middle of her girlfriend’s two conflicting answers. “Look, I’m… I’m not gonna pretend I don’t <em>enjoy</em> her attention, but the problem is that there’s still this awful part of me that enjoys it for shitty reasons an’ because of <em>that</em> I don’t wanna further anythin’ with her at the moment, ‘cause I know it wouldn’t be fair to her. Despite the little girl inside of me that <em>really</em> wants to hurt her for how she treated me in the past, the adult part of me knows that’d be fuckin’ awful, so the only thing I’m allowin’ that vindictive part of me right now is the satisfaction that the woman who once thought of me as some kind of fuckin’ annoyin’ <em>peasant,</em> is now givin’ me any bloody thing I ask for just ‘cause I bat my eyes at her.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wrinkled her nose. That was… more honesty than she had been expecting, to be frank, even though Narcissa <em>had</em> known that on some level that was what part of what drove Cassandra to perpetuate Bellatrix’s newest infatuation. Still, <em>hearing</em> it…</p>
<p>“So are you just… are you just <em>using</em> her to feel validated?” Narcissa asked softly, suddenly very upset on Bellatrix’s behalf and, God, Cassandra was right— this entire conversation was bound to give her whiplash. Her heart broke for her sister right then though; the first woman Bellatrix had an interest in besides <em>her</em> for twenty-something odd years, and the entire thing wasn’t even really genuine.</p>
<p>Instinctively, Narcissa pulled away from her. She understood why Cassandra felt that way but she also wanted her sister to have something <em>better</em> than that while simultaneously despising that this was even a bloody <em>thing</em> in the first place and suddenly, Narcissa felt very overwhelmed by her own emotions. “God, you’re gonna— you’re going to <em>hurt</em> her, Cass!” she accused, very upset all of a sudden, but instead of reaching for her to assure Narcissa that everything would be okay, Cassandra allowed the space.</p>
<p>Narcissa hated it.</p>
<p>“Does what I say go in one ear an’ out the other? I am <em>not</em> tryin’ to hurt her, that’s why I’m tryin’ to keep some fuckin’ distance in that regard, okay? But <em>you</em> need to understand that she used to hurt<em> me</em> quite a lot when we were younger—”</p>
<p>Narcissa shook her head. “You never <em>cared;</em> you always acted—”</p>
<p>“Of course I <em>cared.</em> It was all the bloody time; it was on my <em>wedding day, </em>Cissa, for Christ’s sake— or had you forgotten? S’posed to be the happiest bleedin’ day of my life an’ you brought <em>her</em> just so she could fuckin’ remind me that my choice in husband, just like me an’ the rest of my life, was sodding<em> sub par. </em>It made me feel like <em>shit, </em>Narcissa.”</p>
<p>Oh, God. Narcissa <em>had</em> forgotten, but it seemed Cassandra hadn’t, even twenty-two years later.</p>
<p>“But I couldn’t let her see that. I couldn’t let <em>anyone</em> see how bad that shit cut me, so I learned how to fuckin’ hide what I was feelin’, <em>especially</em> in regards to the subject of my class or status. I was shit on all the time for that, even before her; my mum choosin’ to stay unmarried lost a lot of respect for the surname ‘Burke,’ an’ me bein’ the bastard child, despite still bein’ <em>pureblood,</em> got the brunt end of it. So yeah, I got used to pretendin’ it didn’t matter,” Cassandra continued, effectively silencing Narcissa. “I <em>want</em> to get over it. I know it’s unhealthy to hold on to shit from the past like this, especially since our relationship has changed now, but it’s not like I can talk to her about it. Bellatrix is either not gonna care, or she’s gonna pretend she doesn’t an’ will fuckin’ gaslight me into believin’ I’m bein’ over dramatic about it just because <em>she</em> doesn’t wanna deal with how it makes her feel. I know how she operates by now; I’ve seen her do it to <em>you</em> enough. Either way, there is no resolution. I just need <em>time,</em> Cissa.”</p>
<p>And Narcissa understood that, she did, but it didn’t make the knots in her stomach lessen any. If anything, it just made them tighter, as <em>time</em> indicated that maybe Cassandra wanted something to change between them after all, and Narcissa hated how that made her feel because she knew her reaction was a selfish one.</p>
<p>“I like her, I <em>do,”</em> Cassandra assured her, as she didn’t want Narcissa to believe the only reason she was doing this was because she was being vindictive. “For the most part I see her differently now, an’ I know it’s the same for her. Honestly, there was a part of me that really <em>wanted</em> to go on that date with her—”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, <em>what?”</em> Narcissa interrupted, sitting up straighter as she looked at Cassandra in disbelief. “Did— did my sister ask you on a <em>date?”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra noticeably froze at the force of Narcissa’s reaction. Clearly, she had not meant to reveal that. Still, as that apparently wasn’t <em>technically </em>true, Cassandra tried to explain. “No, she— she made this <em>big fuckin’ point</em> to reiterate six bloody times that it would <em>not</em> be a date, but that obviously meant it was supposed to be on some level an’ she was just wary about my reaction, but she just— I think it’s just startin’ to get to her that she’s never outta the house unless she’s obscurin’ her face doin’ horrible fuckin’ shit, as she said she wanted to do somethin’<em> normal </em>an’ asked if I wanted to come along, since the last time she was outta the house it was with me when I stupidly agreed to replace her whole wardrobe. She said it would just be ‘easier’ to do the same thing we did last time, as it obviously didn’t end in shit <em>then,</em> so. I don’t know; it honestly didn’t make much sense an’ she talked in circles, which was why it was kinda obvious what she was tryin’ to do.”</p>
<p>Narcissa stared at her, horrified and upset and a whole lot of other things she couldn’t process. “That’s… fucking <em>bollocks.</em> ‘It would be easier’— <em>fuck</em> her, what the hell kind of bullshit reason is <em>that?”</em></p>
<p>“I didn’t say her excuse was a <em>good</em> one, just that she had one—”</p>
<p>“And what the fuck was she going to do? Wear <em>my</em> face again?!” Narcissa exclaimed, suddenly feeling very betrayed by that; by <em>everything</em> really. “Sure, why not; why doesn’t she just put on <em>my</em> bloody face again while she takes <em>my</em> girlfriend on a date— God, and of course, of <em>course</em> she asked <em>you</em> to take her out, because God <em>fucking</em> forbid she use whatever stash of Polyjuice potion she might have to take <em>me</em> on a real date for once in our bloody lives— you know what, fuck her; fuck you <em>both—</em> I told <em>you</em> I wanted to go on a date with you again <em>weeks</em> ago too, and yet you consider<em> her </em>offer?!”</p>
<p>“Jesus fuckin’—” Cassandra exclaimed, looking completely overwhelmed by her girlfriend’s sudden and intense animosity. “Did you miss the bloody part where I told her <em>no?</em> For Christ’s sake, Cissa, stop <em>screaming </em>at me, please—”</p>
<p>“No, because it’s not bloody <em>fair!”</em> Narcissa shouted, her heart weighing heavy in her chest. Her eyes were welling up with furious tears and Narcissa <em>hated</em> it because she knew her feelings were barely even valid, and that was the worst part. Bellatrix wanted the same normalcy that <em>she</em> had, and yet Narcissa’s first instinct was to condemn her for it? It was so bloody<em> selfish,</em> and yet… “It doesn’t— it doesn’t <em>feel</em> fair! Do you know the last time Bellatrix took <em>me</em> on a date? Do you? Because I bloody do— it was Paris, right after my eighteenth birthday. Twenty-three fucking years ago, Cass. And I know— I <em>know</em> it’s different for us, it’s <em>harder</em> for us because we’re related; even when Bellatrix wasn’t a wanted criminal we were still well-known purebloods and it wasn’t possible to do something like that while in England, but it just <em>cuts</em> me that my sister so bloody <em>rarely</em> tries to expend any kind of romantic effort towards someone and now when she <em>does…”</em> A tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek then, and the blonde couldn’t look Cassandra in the eyes anymore as she turned away and wiped the evidence of her sorrow off of her face. “When she does… it’s not even with <em>me.”</em></p>
<p>Cassandra’s brow knit, her expression crumpling as she watched the woman she loved feel so utterly cast aside. “No, Cissa— she wasn’t… Bellatrix wasn’t doin’ anythin’ <em>romantic </em>by askin’ me on a date, trust me,” she tried to assure her, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “She… well she asked if I wanted to go to a sex club with her. It would’ve been a date, yeah, <em>technically,</em> but a… kinky one, I guess. Not— not whatever you’re afraid of right now. She’s got a crush on me, Cissa, but it’s not— What she feels for <em>you</em> is on an entirely different level. You must know that.”</p>
<p>Oh, good fucking Christ. What<em> was</em> it with Bellatrix and sex clubs? Although, to be fair, it probably would have been something Cassandra <em>enjoyed, </em>and something that Narcissa would never, ever do.</p>
<p>At least, not again.</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa acknowledged as she sniffled again and wiped at her eyes, because of course she knew that. This was just more difficult to swallow than she had expected. “Of course I know. It just… hurts. I want her to want to go somewhere with <em>me,</em> but she never wants to anymore. I know that’s not your fault— I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’ve just… I’ve also wanted to do something romantic with <em>you</em> ever since we got back together, but because I didn’t want to hurt Bellatrix by taking <em>you</em> out instead of her, I hadn’t pushed for it, yet she doesn’t— God, she doesn’t even <em>think</em> about me, does she? She didn’t even stop to think about how this would make me feel, although I don’t know why I’m surprised. Bella does what Bella wants just as soon as she <em>wants</em> it, so.”</p>
<p>Narcissa leaned against the wall, her shoulders slumped dejectedly. She still couldn’t make eye contact with Cassandra. Her cheeks were still wet with tears, but it was more of a defeated sorrow than anything else. Narcissa leaned the back of her head against the wall and closed her eyes, hating that something that was supposed to simplify her multiple lovers problem only ended up making it more complicated.</p>
<p>“Just go,” she whispered. “I know… I know you’d probably <em>enjoy</em> it, so…”</p>
<p>“Cissa,” Cassandra said flatly, softly. But the name caught in her throat, and finally Narcissa opened her eyes to look at her. “You’re not listenin’ to me, an’ it’s startin’ to really upset me.”</p>
<p>God. She was right. Cassandra had made it clear that she had rejected Bellatrix’s offer, and yet Narcissa was too busy spiraling in her own feeling of inadequacy to even acknowledged that.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, feeling terribly guilty. She really needed to start looking outside of herself every once in a while. “I’m sorry; you’re right. I’m wallowing. I know you told her no, and I… I understand why. You have every right to feel the way you do. And… a part of me feels terribly that you can’t even <em>talk</em> to Bellatrix about how badly you were hurt by her in the past because you’re right, I <em>don’t</em> think she’d take it well. But I think you’re wrong in thinking that she might not care. I think she would, but I also think she’d get defensive over it. The conversation would probably end badly and you won’t get the closure you need. I’m sorry. I know you want to move past it.”</p>
<p>Cassandra swallowed, nodding her agreement with Narcissa’s assessment of the situation, as she assumed that would be the end result as well. “A part of me hates myself for wantin’ her to acknowledge it, ‘cause I know that means the lines are blurrin’ for me as well,” she admitted softly. “I want it to just be <em>her</em> that’s lookin’ at things differently, but it’s not. I know things are still very combative with us, but when it’s <em>not</em> it’s…” Cassandra trailed off, looking guilty again, and Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut.</p>
<p>“I like the way she makes me feel, Cissa,” she continued, her voice barely above a whisper, as though the louder she was, the more real it made it. “She’s passionate an’ she’s protective an’ it’s <em>nice.</em> Y’know she’s been keepin’ Peter away from the manor for me? The best she can, at any rate; ‘cause of the Dark Lord an’ all. But I told her I was scared to see him again an’ she said me I didn’t have to be ‘cause she’d make sure I didn’t have to deal with him. I had to specifically <em>ask </em>her not to do anythin’ violent in order to achieve that, but still. She obliged me. Without fuckin’ <em>question.</em> Anythin’ I ask for, really, she just… <em>does.</em> Well, so long as it doesn’t include me tryin’ to correct her shit behavior, because <em>that</em> always ends up bein’ a problem, but…”</p>
<p>Cassandra sighed, looking a little lost herself. “I dunno. I just know that me wantin’ her to acknowledge it, me wantin’ to move <em>past</em> it, means it matters to me, which means <em>she’s </em>startin’ to matter to me. I feel really guilty about that, even though I knew this shit was bloody inevitable. We’re all too fuckin’ intertwined now for this to stay casual, but a part of me wishes that it could. I’m so afraid we’re all gonna inadvertently hurt each other, an’ that’s the last thing I want. This is already messy enough. I don’t… really know how to feel. I don’t know what to <em>do.”</em></p>
<p>This was worse, it was <em>so </em>much worse, and yet Narcissa had already known on some level that it was coming and so she just exhaled a long breath, looking at her girlfriend helplessly. “You do what makes you happy,” she told Cassandra softly, as at the end of the day that was what mattered. “I’m not going to pretend that on some level it doesn’t bother me, but I know on some level it still bothers <em>you</em> that I’m so wrapped up in her, and it bothers <em>her</em> that I’m in love with you. Everything… I mean, this whole arrangement will take time, some adjustment, but I— I <em>know</em> that this… whatever this is now, I know it really is our best-case scenario. For all of us. I don’t want to ruin that by getting in the middle of what you and Bellatrix could have with one another, as I wouldn’t want either of you getting in the middle of what I have with you both separately. You both deserve the same treatment I expect for myself.”</p>
<p>Cassandra didn’t say anything for a long moment, but she silently reached out and tangled her fingers in Narcissa’s, her grip tightening as she caught her gaze. “I love you.” It sounded as though Cassandra was trying to convince her of her that, and Narcissa gave her a lightly exasperated look.</p>
<p>“I know you do. You don’t have to say it like that.”</p>
<p>“I just… I dunno. Don’t want ya to forget. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s exasperation deepened, but it was also mixed with endearment as she looked at her girlfriend and coaxed, “Come here.” Cassandra moved toward her and Narcissa’s brow creased as she took the younger woman’s face in her hands as she looked her in the eyes. “I could never forget that someone like you found it in their heart to love me. I could never forget the way your love makes me<em> feel.</em> You are a part of me, Cassandra. That will never change so long as either of us are still breathing. I want to grow old with you; I want us to hold hands as we watch our grandchildren play on toy broomsticks in the back yard. I don’t <em>care </em>how we get there anymore; if our relationship involves Bellatrix, or even Lucius again, or God, <em>whatever—</em> in the end, <em>when</em> it ends… I just know I want you there with me.”</p>
<p> Cassandra’s breathing hitched in her throat, her eyes welling over with emotion as Narcissa’s hand dropped to her left one, her fingers gently caressing the woman’s ring finger as a sudden tightness enveloped her own throat. She wanted to promise Cassandra something so <em>badly,</em> but in the end Narcissa knew that it would only just be another symbol like her scar and her commitment to Bellatrix, and nowhere near the kind of forever she had stood up and promised Lucius in front of so many others. In the end though, maybe it didn’t matter; maybe a promise without any legality or some fancy party still meant enough to Cassandra to be worth something, and so Narcissa resolved to try as she leaned in and kissed the other woman’s cheek before whispering in her ear.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not everything you want; I know it doesn’t come with the title of ‘wife’ and a shared last name, but… I meant what I said, and I want you to know that.” Cassandra, having realized what this was, only started sobbing harder and Narcissa kissed her tears away, her fingers gently brushing over the woman’s wedding ring. “And I know you still have another commitment, even if things aren’t—”</p>
<p>But Cassandra just started frantically shaking her head, unable to really speak due to her tears as she pulled her wedding ring off in one smooth motion, tossing it across the room without another glance. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest at Cassandra’s clear choice and she softly smiled, her fingers now running up the woman’s bare finger. “But if I… if <em>I</em> gave you a ring…” Narcissa asked, strangely nervous even though she was certain she knew the answer, <em>especially</em> after the other woman quite literally tossed the remnants of her old life to the side, “would you wear it?”</p>
<p>Narcissa didn’t know why now. It probably didn’t make sense, considering everything that was going on and how messy their relationship became as they actively included another, but something about this moment felt <em>right</em> and it wasn’t as though this was something new for either of them. Cassandra had told her a long time ago that she wished to marry her, and while Narcissa had the same thought, she had never voiced it because she knew she would never be able to promise Cassandra something like this. And maybe in the end this was still akin to Narcissa giving her scraps when Cassandra so desperately wanted to have her fill, but it was… it was all Narcissa <em>had,</em> and in the end, she just hoped that it would be enough.</p>
<p>Cassandra still couldn’t speak. She had to press her right hand to her mouth as tears spilled down her cheeks and she frantically nodded and Narcissa, who’s own eyes shone bright with emotion, held the woman’s hand tightly in her own as she gently leaned her forehead against Cassandra’s. “I love you, Cassandra May,” she breathed, her chest tight and her heart full, “and I hope this is enough.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, Narcissa Adrasteia,” Cassandra whispered, her words coming out a little broken from the amount of emotion she had been expelling, but the younger woman smiled, tightening her hand in Narcissa’s. “An’ it’s… <em>more </em>than I coulda ever hoped for.” She moved to kiss her then, but just before she got to Narcissa’s lips she pulled back suddenly and exclaimed, “Oh! Yes.<em> Yes,</em> I’ll wear it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa laughed softly, finding the woman’s desire to vocalize that really endearing. “I inferred the ‘yes’ already, you know,” she gently teased her and Cassandra rolled her eyes, looking a little sheepish.</p>
<p>“Whatever. I just… wanted to <em>say</em> it, y’know? I know it’s not like— a <em>proposal</em> proposal, but it was close enough an’… an’ you’re actually s’posed to say the word <em>yes,</em> so…” Cassandra trailed off, looking a little embarrassed, and Narcissa just continued to gently chuckle as she kissed the woman’s cheek.</p>
<p>“God, I love you,” she breathed before Cassandra turned her head, allowing their lips to come together as they fell into one another, consummating the next chapter of their ever-evolving relationship.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not waste any time getting a ring. The second she was able to slip away unnoticed she found the most beautiful, intricately crafted diamond ring that cost her a bloody <em>fortune,</em> but Narcissa didn’t care. The <em>look</em> Cassandra had on her face when she gave it to her was well-worth the amount of money she had spent. Well… at least to <em>her.</em></p>
<p>Lucius, however, was another matter entirely.</p>
<p>“How much?” he asked her once he had gotten into bed, as it was their turn to share a room that night. Narcissa glanced over at him from the vanity where she had been busy brushing her hair, her brow creasing in question. “That bloody <em>rock </em>you put on Cassandra’s finger— how much did that cost us, exactly?”</p>
<p>Oof. <em>Us. </em>Yeah, it had cost <em>them </em>quite a bit, actually. Perhaps she should have consulted with him first.</p>
<p>“…You noticed?” Narcissa avoided with a guilty expression, slowly running the brush through her hair as she begged him with her eyes to forgive her.</p>
<p>“That thing is literally twice the bloody size of Cassandra’s wedding ring, Narcissa— of course I bloody noticed. I’m not <em>blind.”</em></p>
<p>Well, <em>he</em> wasn’t. Bellatrix hadn’t noticed yet, thankfully, and Narcissa doubted she even <em>would</em> unless it was pointed out to her considering her sister was the most unobservant person in the world when it came to things she did not care about, like <em>jewelry.</em> There was a ring on Cassandra’s finger before and there was one now— the fact that it had <em>changed</em> would not register to her, which was good as that gave Narcissa more time to figure out how to tell her in a way that wouldn’t upset her. She didn’t plan to hide it or anything, she had learned by now that attempting to do that never worked out in her favor, but she definitely hadn’t found the right words yet to assure Bellatrix that she still mattered as much as she ever did, and that her relationship with Cassandra was different than her relationship with <em>her.</em></p>
<p>“Narcissa,” Lucius flatly addressed, as his wife still hadn’t spoken. “Do <em>not</em> make me go to Gringotts and find out myself. I know you’re afraid I’m going to get angry with you, but having to do <em>that</em> would make me more so. I asked you a question; how <em>much</em> did that ring cost us?”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, knowing he was right. <em>God,</em> she hoped she didn’t get yelled at over this, but… “A little over four thousand galleons.”</p>
<p>Lucius just <em>stared</em> at her, and Narcissa’s nose wrinkled in guilt. He did not say anything for a long time; he merely steepled his fingers and pressed them to his lips, and Narcissa <em>knew</em> that he was just trying to control his first reaction, which was <em>not</em> good, as it really had been an insane amount of money, but Lucius also seemed to realize how much this <em>meant</em> to both Narcissa and Cassandra, and so he stayed silent for a long time as he sorted through his instinctual anger.</p>
<p>“I’m not mad,” he finally began, albeit unconvincingly.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s nose wrinkled further. “…You <em>sound</em> mad.”</p>
<p>“It’s just… that is a <em>lot</em> of fucking money, Narcissa,” Lucius stated, needing her to realize the magnitude of her purchase. “Are you under the impression that our fortune is <em>endless?”</em></p>
<p>“Of course not, but I also know you’ve made some smart investments—”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, just— stop. Stop,” Lucius shushed her, not wanting to hear her try to justify it right now. He took another moment, trying to sort out how he wanted to approach this before he finally settled on, “I know you love her. I’m not… at <em>all </em>surprised that you did this, because I know how you bloody are with having <em>symbols </em>of your love. I know you want your relationships to feel validated, I know you want promises of forever. <em>However,”</em> he stressed before Narcissa could speak, “that was <em>not</em> just your money. You should have discussed it with me before making a purchase that large. The fact that you <em>didn’t…</em> feels very disrespectful to me. To <em>our</em> marriage.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s expression crumbled and she immediately got off of her seat at the vanity, crossing the space toward her husband. “No, Lucius, I— I am <em>so</em> sorry, I wasn’t trying to disrespect you or our marriage. I just… God, I’m sorry, I got caught <em>up…”</em></p>
<p>“I know,” Lucius responded with a sigh, as he <em>knew</em> his wife. “I just wish you could have gotten caught up with a ring about half that size. But <em>believe</em> me when I tell you that I know exactly why you did not— I know you feel like you have something to <em>prove,</em> Narcissa, but you’re also creating a competition where none exists. Cassandra had made it perfectly clear that she no longer wants to be with Goyle and even if she <em>did,</em> she was already well-aware that you could financially take care of her better than <em>he</em> could. There was no need to go overboard.”</p>
<p>He was right. Narcissa <em>knew</em> he was right, but there was just this part of her that wanted to prove to Cassandra that she was <em>better</em> for her than Peter was and so she chose to go about that with material shit, even though she was well-aware it was nothing more than a superficial symbol. It was stupid, it was needless, yet what was done was done, and all Narcissa could do now was apologize for it.</p>
<p>“I know. I <em>know,</em> I’m sorry,” she stressed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her husband. “I know the size of the ring was down to my pride and that it was foolish. I always take things too far. I just… I wanted her to know that I love her. That I’m <em>serious</em> about her.”</p>
<p>“I think she already knew that, Narcissa.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Narcissa said softly as she looked down at her own left hand with her scar on her palm and her wedding ring on her finger. “But everyone else I love <em>has</em> something. She didn’t. I know it’s superficial, I know it doesn’t <em>matter</em> in the long run; it doesn’t change anything, not really, but it… it made her <em>happy.</em> I wanted to make her happy.”</p>
<p>“And that was the only reason, was it?” Lucius questioned, causing Narcissa to look over at him with a furrowed brow, not understanding what he was implying. He shot her a pointed look though, and accused, “It had <em>nothing</em> to do with the fact that she’s now regularly sleeping with your sister as well, and you felt the need to stake some kind of emotional claim on her?”</p>
<p> “No!” Narcissa exclaimed, offended that he would think that even though, on some level, it was… maybe a <em>little</em> bit about that. She <em>had</em> proposed to her almost directly after Cassandra had admitted that the lines were starting to blur for her as well, and while Narcissa knew that no matter what Cassandra might feel for Bellatrix, it would never come close to how she felt about <em>her,</em> there was still a part of Narcissa that wanted to reiterate that <em>she</em> was the one who wanted to be Cassandra’s forever. <em>She</em> was the one that loved her. <em>She</em> was the one who would marry her, if she was able.</p>
<p>“Fine… maybe a little,” Narcissa admitted off of her husband’s skeptical look. “But my desire to propose to her wasn’t born out of my jealousy. It was something I had thought about many times before, but I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to promise her something I couldn’t. Cassandra has made it clear how badly she wishes she could actually marry me, but obviously that’s not possible. I was afraid that doing something even adjacent to that would only end up being cruel if it wasn’t everything that she wanted, but… I think it’s enough. I think <em>she</em> feels it s enough. She appreciates it, and she’s happy, and <em>I’m</em> happy because now I feel like she might actually let me take care of her.”</p>
<p>“I’m so afraid she’s going to want to divorce Peter and be left with nothing but her pride,” Narcissa told her husband softly. “Because I think that’s what she’s working herself up toward— the strength to tell him that she wants to leave him. But if she does <em>that</em> then she is penniless, and she had already freaked out at me once for offering to take care of her if that happened; she said she didn’t want to be my project, or my <em>whore,</em> or for me to pity her. At least this way… <em>this</em> way she becomes my responsibility. She’s <em>my</em> woman, <em>I</em> put a ring on her finger, and hopefully Cassandra will feel that that legitimizes our relationship more for her to allow me to take care of her. I just want her to be okay.”</p>
<p>“Wait— she would be <em>penniless?”</em> Lucius interjected, looking horrified, but not because this was <em>news</em> to him, apparently. “That… that fucking <em>arse</em> actually did it? He made her sign a prenup?”</p>
<p>Narcissa blinked. “You <em>knew?”</em></p>
<p>“No, well— before he got married, Goyle said his father had encouraged him to…” but he hesitated then, looking very guilty about what he was about to voice. Lucius’ expression was apologetic as he continued, “he told him to ‘get a low-class pureblood’ as they are more susceptible to believing they won’t get anything better than a Goyle, and then to trap them in the marriage with a prenup since lower class purebloods don’t usually have the same ‘never divorce’ policy that we do. His father actually gave him a list of <em>surnames</em> of ‘shamed’ pureblood families from which to choose from—”</p>
<p>“<em>What?!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed absolutely aghast on Cassandra’s behalf. The poor <em>woman.</em> She was fucking— she was <em>preyed</em> on! Oh God, that’s horrible, that’s…</p>
<p>“—And Cassandra, being the bastard child of a Burke woman made the cut. I guess Goyle’s father had done it to his mother though… and so on and so forth” Lucius continued, his voice still terribly apologetic even though it wasn’t <em>his</em> fault. “It was like a bloody tradition for them or something because their ugly arse genes still dominate their line no matter <em>how</em> much they try to clean it up, but then Goyle said he actually loved Cassandra so I didn’t think he’d be that much of an arse. Apparently I was wrong.”</p>
<p>Peter might have loved her once, but… “He still preyed on her,” Narcissa reminded her husband softly, horrified by that revelation. God, she hoped Cassandra never found out; that would <em>devastate</em> her. It didn’t matter if Peter ended up falling in love with her at some point; the entire reason he pursued her in the first place was simply because she was <em>low class,</em> and that was horrible.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Lucius responded softly. “He did.”</p>
<p>Narcissa was disgusted. “God, how are you <em>friends</em> with someone like that?!”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, if you haven’t noticed, Goyle and I haven’t been close for years. Yes, I was good friends with him when I was younger, but I also made a lot of other questionable decisions when I was that age,” Lucius reminded her, which Narcissa took as a jab towards <em>her</em> even though she knew (no, she <em>hoped) </em>Lucius hadn’t meant it that way. “Goyle isn’t all bad though, at least I don’t think; he’s just very <em>stupid</em> and therefore susceptible to the suggestions of others. He just did what his father expected of him. He fell in love with her though, so I had thought that maybe he reevaluated his father’s suggestion considering most of it was based in just getting <em>any</em> bloody woman to continue their line, but looking back on it, I’m not surprised he still followed his father’s instruction to the letter. He might not be good for much, but he does do what he’s told very well.”</p>
<p>“Either way,” Lucius continued, “as fucked up as it is, I’m <em>sure</em> he’s happy he did it. He no doubt is feeling very vindictive about the whole situation right now. The woman he <em>loved</em> fell in love with someone else, Narcissa. She cheated on him repeatedly while he was in <em>prison. </em>Still, I think Goyle underestimates Cassandra’s resolve. He probably thinks they’re going to separate for a little while and then she’ll come crawling back to him once she realizes she can’t live without his money, but even without <em>our</em> money, which you seem to want to give her—”</p>
<p>“I’m not— I don’t want to <em>give</em> her money, Lucius, I just want—”</p>
<p>“I know,” Lucius interrupted, because he <em>did</em> understand what Narcissa was trying to do. “And I’m not saying that I think you’re wrong to want to take care of her. She’s my friend as well and of course I think we should help her in any way that we are able. What I meant though was that even <em>without</em> that, I don’t think she would go back to him. She’s too headstrong, and I agree with you that she doesn’t seem to want to be married anymore; in the end though, I think she’s the type of person to rather be poor than feel trapped in a life she no longer wants, which is going to hit Goyle like a sack of bricks to the face once he realizes.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Narcissa responded softly, agreeing with him. She knew now that it was only a matter of time until Cassandra told her husband she wanted a divorce, and now it was just a waiting game until she built up the courage she needed. That, and Narcissa was sure this was something Cassandra wished to speak to her son about before she did it as well, so until Gregory came back from school…</p>
<p>“I’m also <em>sure</em> that ring you gave her solidified it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, knowing Lucius wasn’t wrong. It had definitely given Cassandra another push, considering she had taken off her wedding ring to replace it with the one that <em>Narcissa</em> had given her.</p>
<p>“Speaking of, I really hope you’ve found some way to break <em>that</em> to your sister, because I for one do not want her raging around my house from now until the end of time. We have enough bullshit going on right now and her mental fucking breakdown over your incessant need to be ridiculously over the top is the last bloody thing I feel like dealing with.”</p>
<p> Narcissa wrinkled her nose, not particularly liking how he worded that but also understanding where he was coming from. Yes, <em>perhaps</em> it had been a bit much and yes, it could potentially cause more drama when Narcissa was <em>supposed</em> to be trying to keep everything relatively peaceful between the three of them, but she just…</p>
<p>She had <em>wanted</em> to do it, and so she did.</p>
<p>Then again, that was usually the starting point of all her reckless decisions. Still, Narcissa did not regret it, and she would <em>not</em> take it back. She would figure out a way to delicately break the news to Bellatrix, but when the time came the next day when she was waiting for her sister in her bedroom after dinner, unfortunately she did not have the chance.</p>
<p>Which was terrible, really, as Narcissa <em>really</em> wanted to do the right thing for once and be honest with Bellatrix, but when her sister entered the room, she said something that made all thoughts, all other <em>things</em> not matter, as she mentioned the one thing that could make Narcissa no longer care about her proposal to Cassandra, about Bellatrix’s feelings on the matter, or about anything else that involved the delicate status of her multitude of relationships.</p>
<p>“…Your son just contacted us.”</p>
<p>Because Draco had always, and <em>would</em> always, overshadow all of that.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. XLV.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLV.</strong>
</p><p>When Narcissa finally laid eyes on her son, she nearly collapsed with relief.</p><p>It had been hours. Hours since Bellatrix had informed her that Draco had contacted the Death Eaters, hours since Voldemort sent a handful of mediocre Death Eaters and a werewolf to the school. Lucius had pleaded of course; he pleaded to his Lord to allow him to go with the others to help his son, but after a painful reminder via the Cruciatus Curse that Voldemort’s word was final, Lucius, Narcissa, and Cassandra huddled together as they waited it out, with Bellatrix incessantly pacing across the length of the room and Rodolphus and Wormtail <em>hovering</em> in the corner. It was awful, and Narcissa had broken down into tears more than once before finally settling into this disconnected silence where she felt as though she had exited her body in order to mentally be able to handle not knowing whether her son would make it out of this alive.</p><p>And then, finally, Severus apparated into the manor with Draco in tow, as the boy still was not of age to have passed his Apparation test. Sixteen years old and white as a sheet, Draco had already borne witness to far too many horrors in his life. He looked terrified and like he was about four seconds away from vomiting, but just the <em>sight</em> of him overwhelmed Narcissa with so much emotion that both Cassandra and Lucius had to hold her up as the blonde exhaled a sound that was barely even human. It was halfway between an elated cry and a sob, and Narcissa wanted nothing more than to run to her boy, but Voldemort had risen from his seat and the Carrow Twins along with Greyback and Rowle had apparated back shortly afterward, and Bellatrix purposely stood in front of her sister in order to keep her from fussing over her son.</p><p>There would be time for that later. Right now, he was to report; Draco was one of them now and as such, the same rules applied. Narcissa grasped onto her sister’s arm and pressed herself against the length of her back, bowing her head into the crook of her neck as she tried to get a hold of her emotions and stop crying.</p><p>“My Lord,” Severus greeted with a deep bow. “It is done.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, and next to her she could feel her husband relax as the realization that it was <em>over</em> washed over him in waves. The task had been completed; <em>how</em> mattered very little in comparison to the results, and Voldemort actually smiled. The death of Albus Dumbledore… it was a huge victory for their side, yet despite that Narcissa knew they still had a long way to go, and thus her relief was short-lived. The dangers Draco would have to face were only just beginning, and a terrible knot tightened in the base of Narcissa’s stomach as she looked upon the face of her child and wondered if he would have the strength to get through it.</p><p>“Well done,” the Dark Lord responded, evidently very pleased by this outcome. “And who do I have to thank for this great accomplishment?” Voldemort’s lips curled even further. “Was it <em>you,</em> Draco?” The way he said it, it was clear the Dark Lord knew very well that it was not him at all, and if it was possible, Draco grew even paler.</p><p>Amycus snorted, and Bellatrix’s reaction was frighteningly quick. Her desire to protect Narcissa from any more distress due to her son’s evident failure caused her to quickly dig her nails into her own palm, drawing blood so that she could use discreet, wandless magic to make Amycus quite literally <em>choke</em> on his next words. Alecto looked at her brother, alarmed by his sudden choking fit, and with them distracted Severus was able to step forward.</p><p>“Draco was able to corner Dumbledore and disarm him. Should I have given him the opportunity I am sure he would have completed his task, but time was of the essence and thus I found it more prudent to step in.”</p><p>Alecto slapped her brother’s back then, and finally Amycus stopped coughing. Voldemort’s gaze shifted to Bellatrix though, and Narcissa had a sinking feeling that he knew she was to blame, and <em>why.</em></p><p>“One if yours is dead, My Lord,” Greyback reported. As he was not a full Death Eater himself, Narcissa was unsurprised he didn’t know who it was. She, too, wasn’t fully aware of who exactly had participated in the battle, only that her sister had said that it was mostly those of lower status within their ranks, so the realization that it had been dangerous enough that a Death Eater <em>died</em> made her feel weak in the knees again.</p><p>“The bloody Order was there,” Rowle snarled before spitting onto Narcissa’s nice hardwood floors. If she was in any fit state that would have bothered her, but as it stood right now the only thing Narcissa could even <em>look</em> at was her son, who was standing decidedly behind his former Head of House, looking so terribly out of place.</p><p>Alecto shot him an exasperated glare. “Your shit aim killed Gibbon, Rowle; not the bloody <em>Order—”</em></p><p>“The oaf jumped right in front of it; not my bleedin’ fault his fat arse was such a large target!”</p><p>Voldemort held up his hand and the two of them fell silent. “The casualty is… <em>regrettable,</em> but the mission was a success. With Dumbledore out of the way, the path to our victory is much more straightforward; I have little doubt the Ministry will be the next to fall.” Voldemort’s piercing gaze took in the rest of his supporters. “What of Yaxley? I see he is not among you as well.”</p><p>“He was hit with a full body-bind during our escape,” Severus answered in an apologetic tone. “I suspect he is being carted off to Azkaban as we speak.”</p><p>Voldemort shook that off as though it was of no matter. “Azkaban is no longer a concern for us; he will be freed as soon as it is pertinent. In the meantime, I expect a detailed account before you are to retire. As you are a wanted man, however, I see no reason for you to leave the safety of this manor. Lucius, I expect you will provide Severus with accommodations?”</p><p>“Of course, My Lord,” Lucius responded, grateful that for once he was being asked to do something he did not mind. Narcissa was of the same mindset; they <em>owed</em> Severus for what he had done for their son, and that debt would not be something easily paid. This would be a start, at least. Lucius inclined his head toward his friend, and Severus responded in acknowledgment.</p><p>“The rest of you are dismissed. Severus, with me. Bella—” Bellatrix straightened, eager to have been addressed after being so blatantly left out of her Master’s latest plan. However, Voldemort just raised his wand, and suddenly Narcissa couldn’t breathe.</p><p>Her esophagus tightened painfully and she let out a strangled choke as she fell to her knees. Draco shouted,<em> “Mum!”</em> while he, Lucius, and her two lovers rushed to help her, Bellatrix in particular looking <em>panicked</em> beyond all sane thought as she knew this was due to her own actions.</p><p>“I have warned you once about intervening on your sister’s behalf— I do not enjoy repeating myself.”</p><p>“<em>Bellatrix!”</em> Cassandra shouted as she grasped for Narcissa, looking terrified as she pleaded to the one person she knew that was strong enough to stop this.</p><p>The problem was, Bellatrix could protect Narcissa from a lot, but she could not protect her from <em>him. </em>Perhaps, if she <em>truly</em> believed Narcissa’s life to be in danger she could stand opposite of him, but this was merely a reminder. Still, it was a painful and terrifying one, and one Voldemort knew that Bellatrix did <em>not</em> enjoy watching.</p><p><em>“No!</em> My Lord, please,” Bellatrix begged desperately. She was on her knees in front of Narcissa but looking up at her master fearfully. Narcissa’s vision swam as she began to grow terribly lightheaded, and the fear in her own chest intensified as Voldemort made no move to release her. Rodolphus, who still hadn’t moved from his spot in the corner, rolled his eyes at his wife’s groveling. “The fault lies with me, not Narcissa; I acted without thought— please, I beg of you, if you’re to punish anyone, punish me!”</p><p>“…How <em>noble,” </em>the Dark Lord responded sardonically, however he did, finally, release Narcissa from his hold. Narcissa gasped for air and Cassandra instantly broke down in relieved tears as Lucius held his wife and Draco knelt by his parents’ side. Bellatrix, however, had immediately let go of Narcissa and bowed at Voldemort’s feet, giving herself over in trade of her sister.</p><p>“I grow tired of this, Bellatrix,” he told her, looking down at the crumpled form of his servant. The other Death Eaters were silent as they watched on, and Narcissa’s stomach twisted into knots at the tone of Voldemort’s voice. She was still half-choking while trying to breathe, and Lucius rubbed her back as he, too, silently watched his master reprimand Bellatrix. “I will take your trade, but it will not be a fair one, and it will be for the very last time— should you disobey me or intervene, even <em>minorly,</em> on Narcissa’s behalf again, you will be made to watch as I torture her in more horrific ways than even <em>you,</em> my most creative pupil, could ever imagine. Do we have an understanding?”</p><p>Fear gripped Narcissa’s chest at those words and Cassandra sobbed even harder as she clutched to the woman she loved. Bellatrix was silent though, her head still bowed as she nodded. Although most of her face was obscured, Narcissa could tell that her sister had gone horribly pale, and although the blonde wanted to reach out to her, she did not, as the Dark Lord’s patience in regards to their relationship had reached its crux. It seemed even a minor interference was more than he was willing to put up with now that Bellatrix was no longer his most favored. Bellatrix’s high position in Voldemort’s ranks had allotted her more allowances than most, but after the fiasco at the Ministry, it seemed the Dark Lord’s patience with her was waning.</p><p>Narcissa was certain the only reason she wasn’t dead yet was because Voldemort knew that would be the one thing that would turn Bellatrix away from him, but <em>torture…</em> torturing Narcissa would keep Bellatrix begging for his forgiveness, would keep her compliant in order to make it stop. So long as Narcissa was still breathing, Bellatrix had something to lose, and that weakened her substantially. The same could also be said for two other of his Death Eaters, but Bellatrix was far, <em>far</em> more dangerous than Lucius and Draco, and should she ever find herself with nothing to lose, she would become even more so.</p><p>Voldemort knew that. He respected Bellatrix and her abilities enough to recognize that, but it was also that recognition that now put Narcissa in terrible, terrible danger.</p><p>“Tonight, you will do Wormtail’s job. Tend to our prisoner, then await me in the basement,” Voldemort instructed Bellatrix, who hurriedly got up and did as she was told. Narcissa’s stomach twisted in fear on her sister’s behalf, knowing that whatever punishment the Dark Lord had in store for her, it would not be something she could easily handle, as Voldemort <em>also</em> knew her limits. He barely regarded her after that though as he turned back to Severus and instructed once more, “Follow me.”</p><p>The two men left, leaving the Malfoy family along with Cassandra to fuss over Narcissa as the woman still struggled to take full breaths after what Voldemort had done to her. They were not alone, however, and Amycus rubbed his own throat as he growled, “The fuck— can that bitch do wandless magic now?”</p><p>“Blood magic,” Alecto corrected, scowling. “I had heard rumors, and her hand was bloody just now— Choking you over the <em>boy</em> though; she’s bloody pussy-whipped.”</p><p>“By more than <em>one </em>pussy now,” Rodolphus intervened, looking straight at Cassandra. Narcissa did not wait to see if Draco noticed though and instead exhaled a strangled plea to her husband, practically slapping his thigh to encourage Lucius to get up and to get their son out of there before Narcissa found herself with no time to figure out how to explain<em> delicately </em>to her son things that she knew Draco would soon find out on his own if she did not.</p><p>“—<em>Lucius!”</em></p><p>“Rodolphus, shut the fuck up,” Lucius snapped as he rose from his place on the floor. “The rest of you, get out of my house. Draco…” He wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulder then, guiding him out of the mess that was the rest of his house. “Come. Let’s get you upstairs and cleaned up; your mother will join us shortly.”</p><p>Draco still look overwhelmed and terrified but he followed his father while the rest of the Death Eaters disapparated and Rodolphus left to go be a blight on someone else’s life. Narcissa’s terror over the realization that she had very little time in regard to her son finding out the truth about her relationship with Bellatrix though was briefly overshadowed by her desire to make sure her sister would be <em>okay</em> when she was through being punished by Voldemort. She immediately grasped Cassandra’s hands, a pleading expression on her face.</p><p>“Take care of her,” she begged her girlfriend. “<em>Please.</em> She will not come out of this okay, and she’ll try to keep the marks he’s made on her as a reminder to herself. Don’t allow her to. I don’t know if she’ll listen to you, but please— <em>please</em> try. I have… I have Draco now, and I <em>can’t—”</em></p><p>“I got her, Cissa,” Cassandra promised, her voice still choked up from her own fear and sorrow over what she had just witnessed. Still, she pushed that aside to assure Narcissa that Bellatrix wouldn’t be left alone when she needed someone. “Get your son. Bellatrix will be okay, I promise.”</p><p>Narcissa nodded, emotion choking up in the back of her throat before she ran her fingers over the ring she gave Cassandra, looking up at her with an apologetic expression. “I know… I <em>know</em> I just gave this to you, but…”</p><p>“You didn’t get a chance to tell ‘er,” Cassandra guessed softly, and Narcissa nodded. She had meant to, but Draco’s return home had overshadowed all of that, and now was no longer the time for such a conversation. “S’okay. I’ll take it off.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa breathed, gently resting her forehead against the other woman’s as she held her hands in her own. “I know my sister isn’t that observant, but on the off chance that she <em>does</em> notice, I cannot have her find out like that. I have fucked up so royally, so <em>many</em> times, in regards to our relationship when it comes to her, and I cannot keep making the same mistakes. I promise, once I am able, I will tell her. I just… I <em>need</em> to focus on my son right now.”</p><p>“I get it, Cissa. S’okay; I promise,” Cassandra assured her before giving her a soft smile and tilting her head up to give her girlfriend a gentle kiss on the forehead. She gently twisted the ring off of her finger then, placing it inside her robe’s inner pocket. Narcissa watched her with a vacant expression, beginning to get consumed with anxiety as the reality of her situation began to hit her full-throttle, because Draco was <em>home</em> now, and everyone— <em>everyone</em> knew the truth, and not a single person was subtle about it anymore. Rodolphus and the Carrows were proof enough of <em>that.</em></p><p>“…I need to tell him.” Narcissa practically wheezed as she grasped onto her girlfriend, needing Cassandra to hold her steady. She felt like she was going to fall down. “God, I can’t— I <em>can’t</em> let him find out on his own…”</p><p>“What?” Cassandra asked, already knowing what Narcissa was referring to just by the terrified look on her face. Cassandra knew how much she feared Draco’s reaction to it, and rightfully so. She immediately shook her head. “No, Cissa— I know you don’t want… we’ll figure it out, yeah? You don’t have to—”</p><p>“<em>How?”</em> Narcissa sobbed, knowing this was the end of the line for her. “Everyone knows, Cass, <em>everyone.</em> No one is subtle about it— he’s one of them now, someone will <em>say</em> something to him and I can’t have him find out that way. I <em>can’t.</em> Trying to keep this is a secret has ruined so many of my relationships; I can’t have that happen to my relationship with Draco as well!”</p><p>Cassandra clearly thought it might ruin her relationship with him either way, yet did not wish to say that out loud. She just looked at the woman sadly, hating that Narcissa was finding herself faced with little choice. Narcissa had known this day was going to come though; she had known ever since Draco got Marked, but was unable to face the reality of it until he was back home. There was no way she could keep putting this off though unless she wished to lock Draco in his bedroom for the rest of his life, and seeing how that was not feasible, panic was beginning to overtake her.</p><p>What if Draco hated her? What if she disgusted him, <em>horrified</em> him? Narcissa could not bear any of those things, and yet she knew at least one of those reactions was likely, if not all of them combined. She knew, in the end, that Draco’s reaction would be far from <em>good,</em> but she was terrified to find out how deep into ‘bad’ it would truly go, as that could end up being what finally broke her.</p><p>“Just… maybe just tell him you an’ Bellatrix <em>share</em> me, but don’t— don’t specify that you’re in a relationship with her as well,” Cassandra suggested, trying to find some way around this for her that was close enough to the truth without being blatant. “I can deal with him hatin’ me for bein’ with her too; he can blame me, or <em>her, </em>I don’t care—”</p><p>“It’s not just about how we all are now,” Narcissa responded softly, as she <em>wished</em> that was the least of her problems. “Everyone knows we were intimate while Bellatrix was in prison. I can’t just blame it on you, even though I wouldn’t <em>want</em> to anyway; I don’t want Draco hating you. I don’t want him blaming you for what <em>I’m</em> doing. I can’t ruin your relationship with him as well. I’ve destroyed enough things because of my relationship with Bellatrix. Besides… there’s nowhere left to run. My only option at this point is to wrap my son up in a bubble, lock him in his room, or run away with him. None of those scenarios are feasible. One way or another, he’ll find out. It’s inevitable.”</p><p>Narcissa hadn’t realized she was crying until Cassandra’s brow knit and she gently wiped the tears from her girlfriend’s cheeks. “Draco loves you,” she reminded her. “Remember that, yeah? Even… even if his first reaction isn’t <em>great,</em> remember that. It’d take more than sleepin’ with <em>Bellatrix</em> to make that go away.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa sobbed, but that was also part of the problem. She wiped under her eyes, feeling so terribly guilty because she knew, she <em>knew</em> how this was going to go. “But I don’t— I don’t want him thinking Bellatrix is <em>abusing</em> me either, and I’m afraid in his pursuit to understand it, he’ll jump to that conclusion because it’s easier to victimize me than accept that this is something that I <em>wanted.</em> Bellatrix always gets unfairly blamed for a relationship that I, essentially, started, and I know it hurts her to constantly be demonized in that way.”</p><p>“The most you can do is tell ‘im the truth,” Cassandra responded softly, running her hands down the other woman’s arms. “How he takes it, how he <em>perceives</em> it, is beyond your control. He’ll probably go through many stages until he gets to acceptance anyway; was the same with Lucius, yeah?”</p><p>Narcissa sniffled, feeling so incredibly defeated. “Lucius hated me for a long time,” she whispered, remembering those years very well; how alone and guilty and isolated she felt. “I don’t think I can handle that again; not from my <em>son…”</em></p><p>“You lied to Lucius for years,” Cassandra reminded her. “Cheated on him with her. It was different. Yeah, you didn’t tell Draco for a long time, but ya never thought she would get out, an’ then she <em>did</em> an’ you were scared of what he’d think. He’ll understand. Not right away, maybe not even a week from now, but eventually… eventually he’s gotta understand. He’s your son, Cissa, an’ he loves you.”</p><p>Narcissa wished that made her feel better about it, but truth be told nothing could. Still, at least it didn’t have to be tonight. It most certainly <em>had</em> to be before Draco went down for breakfast the next morning, as who knew what he would be confronted with, but tonight he had enough to deal with. Narcissa found her son and her husband in Draco’s room. He had showered at least, but Narcissa doubted that helped Draco feel any ‘cleaner’. Even though he did not have a direct hand in Dumbledore’s death, he did help orchestrate it, and Narcissa knew that would be a difficult thing for him to deal with.</p><p>“I’m <em>fine,</em> Mother,” Draco snapped once Narcissa had entered his room, closing the door behind her She cast the silencing spell, hoping to give her son a better sense of comfort even though it was no doubt very minor, seeing as the Dark Lord now lived beneath his roof.</p><p>“I know you are, my brave dragon,” she responded softly, giving him a gentle smile. Draco wouldn’t look at her though, and Narcissa knew his attitude was just because he was ashamed of himself.</p><p>“Don’t baby him, Narcissa. I know that’s your instinct, but that isn’t what he needs right now.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, as that wasn’t what she was trying to do, but she could understand how Draco could find it patronizing. Draco looked up at his father then, seemingly grateful for his words but also so terribly afraid of what Lucius must think of him. “I tried,” Draco insisted, his voice tight. “Father, I <em>tried;</em> I tried to be like you, I tried to make this family proud—<em>”</em></p><p>“You did. You <em>have,” </em>Lucius stressed as he placed his hand on his son’s shoulder, knowing the best thing he could do right now was be supportive, even though the last thing he ever wanted was for Draco to get mixed up in his mess. He sat down next to Draco on the bed, Narcissa moving to her son’s opposite side. “Killing isn’t easy, Draco—”</p><p>“But you’ve done it,” Draco responded miserably, feeling inadequate because he couldn’t follow through with something he believed his father would be able to do.</p><p>“Twice,” Lucius admitted, which only made Draco look more miserable until his father amended. “Both times, however, I never had to look my victim in the eyes. I never <em>purposely</em> sought them out in order to murder them. They both happened in the heat of battle, and believe me when I tell you that is a <em>very</em> different circumstance. The Dark Lord knows I do not have the stomach for outright murder; very few of us do, to be honest.” He placed his hand on his son’s knee then, gently squeezing it. “It does not make you less of a man that you were unable to murder your Headmaster, Draco. If I was in your position, I am not certain I would have been able to either.”</p><p>That did, at least, seem to make Draco feel a little bit better, but he still sat there in miserable silence, rubbing his palms across his slacks in anxiety.</p><p>“Just know either way that I am <em>proud</em> of you— finding a vulnerability in Hogwarts’ defenses, getting us in there, was no small feat,” Lucius reminded him. “You may not have the stomach for killing, Draco, but you are <em>smart,</em> and that is why you will be an asset to us in this war. Play to your strengths, son; that’s all any of us can do, in the end.”</p><p>Narcissa smiled softly at her husband before she leaned in, gently kissing the top of Draco’s head. She knew this had to be a conversation Lucius had with him, as all Draco wanted was to make his father proud, and Lucius knew more about what it was like to be a Death Eater than she did. Eventually, after some light prodding, Draco had explained how he had gotten the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. He told them the story of the whole night, from start to finish, and although there was fear in his eyes as he recounted once more how he could not follow through with the Dark Lord’s plan, Lucius assured him that he was in no way disappointed in him, and that he had done well.</p><p>Eventually, the night’s events caught up with Draco and he told his parents that he was tired. Narcissa offered to spend the night with him, but that only seemed to irritate Draco as he assured his mother that he wasn’t a <em>child</em> that needed her to rock him to sleep anymore, and although Narcissa believed it would have helped her son feel more safe after the ordeal that he had, she respected Draco’s wishes and left along with her husband.</p><p>Narcissa took Lucius’ hand in hers before she headed toward his bedroom, but the man did not move to follow, his brow creasing in question. “It’s your night with Bellatrix,” he reminded her softly. His eyes shifted down the hall to the woman’s room. “And not that… I’m <em>advocating</em> for your insanity to continue, but I’m sure after what the Dark Lord did to her, she’ll need you.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa whispered, her heart lurching in her chest. She <em>wanted</em> to go to Bellatrix, but she had already covered that base, and tonight had to be about their family. The emotional ordeal all of them had just gone through was a lot, and Narcissa was sure Lucius needed her as much as Draco had. “But I have Cassandra tending to her; she’ll be alright. I had… I had <em>hoped</em> Draco would have allowed us to spend the night with him, but I understand why he didn’t. Still, tonight… tonight is about our family right now. I will see to Bella in the morning.”</p><p><em>After</em> she had spoken to Draco, of course, which made Narcissa feel sick to her stomach with dread. She didn’t know how she was going to get through the night knowing that <em>that</em> lied on the other side of it, to be honest. She pulled harder on her husband’s hand, just wanting to barricade herself in their bedroom before she ended up breaking down in the hallway. Lucius came this time without a fight, and after he closed the door behind him Narcissa turned, fitting herself into his arms.</p><p>Neither of them said anything for a long moment. Lucius exhaled a long sigh as he wrapped a protective hand around his wife’s head, holding her to his chest. Narcissa’s eyes were filling with tears again, but she did not speak. She didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“I hated having to do that,” Lucius admitted finally, his voice barely above a whisper. It was tight with emotion and Narcissa’s heart broke for him as she looked up at the man who had never wished for his son to follow in his footsteps. “I will always be proud of him, but I never wanted to be proud of him for <em>that.</em> I feel like it’s my fault—”</p><p>“It’s not,” Narcissa assured him, cupping Lucius’ face in her hands as she searched his gaze. “Lucius, it’s <em>not.</em> I know neither of us wanted this for him, but… we’re doing the best that we can. There’s nothing more we can do. We got through this and we will get through anything else that may come our way, because we’re a <em>family,</em> and we will protect one another until our last breath. He’s home now, and you’re back, and we’ll be <em>okay.</em> I promise you, Lucius, we’ll get through this war. <em>He</em> will get through this war, now that he has both his aunt <em>and</em> his father to protect him. Please… please tell me you believe me.”</p><p>Lucius exhaled an unsteady breath as he rested his forehead against his wife’s. “I wish that I could,” he breathed sadly, and a tear slipped down Narcissa’s cheek. Lucius wiped it away, the warmth of his palm enveloping his wife’s cheek. “But I’m so bloody terrified that this is only the beginning.”</p><p>“You are stronger than you give yourself credit for,” Narcissa whispered, needing him to believe that no matter what, he would be able to protect their son. “And so is Draco. Our family will get through this, Lucius, please— you <em>must</em> believe that…”</p><p>Lucius smiled at her sadly, gently raking his fingers through Narcissa’s hair. “Your support of us, of this <em>family</em> is what gets us through, Narcissa.” He looked down at her then, in a way he hadn’t looked at her for a very long time before Lucius finished softly, honestly, “I will always love you for that.” Another tear slid down his wife’s cheek and he wiped it away, his thumb gently resting against the woman’s lips.</p><p>Narcissa gently kissed his thumb before she moved her head downward, brushing her lips over the palm of his hand as she closed her eyes. She <em>missed</em> feeling close to him, she missed feeling like the family they once were, before everything got so bloody complicated. “No, darling,” she breathed softly, her words dancing gently across his skin. “It’s your <em>strength </em>that gets this family through; I will always love <em>you</em> for that… and for so much more.”</p><p>Lucius exhaled an unsteady breath as he looked down at his wife, all this fear and turmoil in his eyes over their son’s fate, yet there was something more, something <em>different.</em> He appreciated her, he <em>needed</em> her in that moment, and Narcissa needed him in turn as she took a chance and rose up on her toes to plant a bruising kiss against his lips, wanting so desperately to feel close to him again as she curled her fingers in his hair.</p><p>That was all it took.</p><p>Lucius grasped for her, his touch firm and possessive as he was reminded of a marriage they may no longer have, but a part of them wished to get back all the same. Narcissa understood his desire to not fit himself in the middle of her mess with Bellatrix and Cassandra, but she still <em>missed</em> him. Before he had been locked up in Azkaban it had felt like maybe they were getting somewhere again, only for her to fall in love with Cassandra while he was gone and complicate everything further. And while Narcissa did not regret that, she was <em>regretful</em> about what she had to leave behind because she did, truly, <em>love</em> her husband. Perhaps it wasn’t like how it used to be, perhaps it never would be again, but that didn’t mean that Narcissa no longer craved his touch, his comfort, his… God, his <em>everything.</em></p><p>Lucius had already half-stripped his wife of her dress, falling into something that might, for a brief moment, overshadow his sorrow and his guilt. Narcissa’s lips parted as she lulled her head to side, her husband’s teeth dragging against the hollow of her throat as he finished ridding of her clothing. “God, Lucius…” Narcissa begged before their lips came together again, kissing him with her own share of desperation. She needed to feel like a part of Lucius again so that perhaps she too would have the strength to see this through, because she was terrified, they were <em>both</em> so terrified about this only being the beginning for their son, yet in the end they knew nothing could be done about it, and so instead of drowning in their helplessness they chose to drown in one another, as it was infinitely easier to pretend your world wasn’t falling to shit around you while in another’s arms.</p><p>Narcissa dropped to her knees, fumbling a little in her eagerness as she pulled quickly at her husband’s belt, her desire to take care of <em>him</em> for once nearly consuming her whole. She had felt so utterly useless lately when it came to comforting him, and while logically Narcissa <em>knew</em> that she was worth more than she could offer him sexually, there was still this part of her that desperately wanted to service <em>him</em> after everything that he had been through. Prison for nine months, coming back to his wife’s mess of a love life, his <em>son</em> being chosen as a punishment for his failures… it had been a lot for Lucius, and despite Narcissa’s baseline being something more adjacent to a pillow princess, tonight she resolved to be different.</p><p>For <em>him.</em></p><p>Once she freed her husband from his trousers, she grasped his rapidly hardening cock before leaning in, licking a long line from the base to the tip. “Jesus— <em>fuck,”</em> Lucius ground out and Narcissa smiled wickedly before gently swirling her tongue around the head before taking him entirely into her mouth. Lucius hissed, his fingers fisting in a mess of blonde hair as he encouraged her to go slowly. Narcissa wasn’t surprised though— nine months in prison no doubt effected his stamina, and as she didn’t wish for him to come too early either she went with the pace he set, finding something incredibly enjoyable about slowly driving him mental <em>anyway.</em></p><p>Narcissa took her time with pleasuring him, although she mostly focused on a lot of tongue work as every time she filled her mouth with him it seemed to get Lucius dangerously close to where she did not want yet. Still, she could see her husband was making an effort to control himself as well, which he nearly lost once she chanced swallowing him whole again, her wide eyes looking up at him in that vulnerable, submissive way Lucius always ate the fuck <em>up</em>, as it made him feel like for one, short moment he had some semblance of control over the woman who constantly blew tornadoes though his life.</p><p>“—Bed,” he ordered as he pushed on his wife’s shoulder, forcing his dick to fall from her mouth. Narcissa whined a little at the loss of it, as she would have let him come six times down the back of her throat and then six more while inside of her, but she also knew his stamina was not what it used to be at the moment. But that was okay; Narcissa was <em>more</em> than willing to allow him to use her in order to raise it again, but truth be told she doubted this would be more than just a one-off.</p><p>In the end, Lucius still didn’t want to be near her mess, and although Narcissa <em>hated</em> it, she knew she had to respect his decision. Maybe, <em>maybe</em> one day things would change, but for now all Narcissa had was their shared devastation over their son’s fate and their desire to feel closer to one another in order to get through it, and if that was all Lucius was offering then that was okay.</p><p>She would take it. Narcissa would take it any way he offered it, honestly. She had <em>missed</em> him, God… <em>God…</em></p><p>“Lay down,” she instructed as she pushed Lucius back towards the bed with one hand. The man’s eyebrows got lost in his hairline, as Narcissa never wanted to get on top. She was very much into <em>his</em> pleasure at the moment though, and perhaps that was just because Narcissa now had <em>two</em> other lovers who constantly catered to her and she wanted a change, or solely just because Narcissa felt like she owed him something better than the norm for all he had done for their family, but either way she was in a <em>mood</em> and Lucius was most certainly about to benefit from it.</p><p>Lucius obliged her though, and Narcissa made a big showing of slowly removing the rest of her clothing, keeping eye contact while gently biting down on her bottom lip. Lucius’s eyes darkened as he watched her, his expression rather primal as she began to climb on top of him. And, honestly, Narcissa wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting, but when Lucius immediately grabbed her thighs and pulled her to his face before she could do what it was she had <em>planned</em> to do, she exhaled a surprised squawk of, admittedly, only <em>mild</em> protest, before Lucius had his lips wrapped around her clit and she moaned, grasping onto the headboard to steady herself.</p><p>“Lucius! I was— I was trying to…!” she stumbled, but Lucius clearly did not <em>care</em> what she was ‘trying’ to do right then and responded to her weak protests by rapidly flicking his tongue against her aching center and God— fine, they could take a brief detour. Narcissa exhaled an uneven breath, her fingers curling around the headboard as she bit down on her bottom lip, stifling a moan. Lucius didn’t quite come at pussy in the way that an overenthusiastic lesbian like <em>Bella</em> did for instance, and he didn’t take his time to draw it out like Cassandra, but she and Lucius had been together for a long time now and because of that he was still easily able to get a read on his wife’s body and tailor his technique to her needs.</p><p>“Oh, Jesus—” Narcissa gasped as she squirmed atop his face, one of her hands falling downward to fist into his hair. She pressed her hips closer to his face as a familiar warmth began to invade the pit of her stomach. Still, as nice as this was it was <em>not</em> what she had wanted to do, and so after a prolonged period of time Narcissa finally moved off of her husband, her chest heaving and nipples strained as she placed one hand firmly on his chest, making certain that he did not move from his position.</p><p>“That was cheating,” she chastised breathlessly. Lucius’ lips curled up into a slow smirk.</p><p>“You’ve never liked playing by the rules, Narcissa.”</p><p>Well, that was true. Still, she playfully narrowed her eyes a little at him before straddling him again, streaking her wetness down his hardened abdomen. Lucius groaned, carefully watching her as she continued to scoot backward until she was in position. Narcissa pursed her lips as she grasped his cock in her hand, stroking it a few times before positioning it at her entrance. She had half a mind to get a condom first, but the other half rationalized that she could just get off of him before he came, because quite frankly she didn’t want any extra barriers between her and Lucius right then; they already had enough as it was.</p><p>Narcissa took it slow as she lowered herself onto her husband, her breath leaving her as she felt him begin to fill her. Lucius’ chest heaved in desire as he watched Narcissa take a moment to adjust to the size of him inside of her, her fingers digging into his hips as she gently repositioned herself. When she found the intrusion more pleasurable than invasive though Narcissa sat up fully, using her hands to swoop her blonde locks over one shoulder as she looked down at him. Lucius’ face was <em>priceless,</em> and Narcissa’s lips curled into a small smirk as she began to very slowly raise and lower her hips, taking his shaft a little deeper each time until she was used to the feeling of him being completely inside of her.</p><p>“Jesus… <em>Christ</em>, Narcissa,” Lucius breathlessly praised as he watched his wife lean back, her fingers digging into the man’s thighs as she gave him an excellent view from which to watch his own cock slide in and out of her. He was absolutely <em>transfixed</em> and it gave Narcissa a rather incomparable high as she made this big showing of sliding off of him until only the tip remained inside of her and then taking his cock all the way to the hilt again, over and over, until her whole body was flushed in arousal and her wetness was dripping down his shaft.</p><p>“God… I love how you feel inside me,” Narcissa breathlessly exclaimed as she finished with her slow tease, sitting up further so she could lean over him instead, using her knees to encourage both herself <em>and</em> him to pick up the pace. Lucius groaned in approval as he grabbed her hips, taking hold of her before he began bouncing his wife up and down on his cock, causing Narcissa’s breath to leave her as her pelvis slapped helplessly against his. Narcissa made careful effort to keep herself upright though, her breasts bouncing with each thrust as she tangled her fingers in her own hair, lulling her head back as she moaned. “Fuck, fuck— oh, Lucius… oh, <em>fuck—!”</em></p><p>Narcissa gasped as she pitched forward, her fingernails digging into his chest as the pleasure began to overwhelm her. She squeezed her thighs then, encouraging Lucius to slow down for a moment as she caught her breath, her hips languidly rolling against his own as Narcissa ached to prolong the feeling. “Wait,” she begged, as she knew Lucius was getting dangerously close and she didn’t want him to come yet. He obliged her and Narcissa took another moment to get her bearings before she sat back again, using one hand to grip his thigh while the other fell between her thighs. “Watch me,” she instructed, and Lucius did not need to be told twice.</p><p>Narcissa slid two of her fingers into her mouth before bring them to her aching center, beginning to pleasure herself on top of him. Lucius groaned in approval, his gaze transfixed on the apex of her thighs as she stimulated her over-sensitive clit, her breathing coming out in short bursts as she was already so, so close. She moved a bit on top of him while she did so, wanting to feel him penetrating her at the same time, but eventually multitasking became too much for her and she sped up the pace of her fingers, crying out as her cheeks flushed and her lips parted.</p><p>She came then, her thighs squeezing his as her insides contracted around him, and Lucius had to gasp out, “—Narcissa!” as his only warning that he too was about to be pushed over the edge and Narcissa immediately got off of him before fumbling for a grasp on his cock, aiming it toward her chest so that he spilled his seed all over her heaving breasts. She groaned at the feeling, the warmth of his semen dripping down her nipples, and Lucius looked at her with this half turned on, half exasperated expression because of <em>course</em> she wanted him to do something like that.</p><p>“You’re a mess,” he accused breathlessly, but it sounded more endearing than anything else, and Narcissa smiled as she looked down at him. For one, short moment, the world didn’t feel like it was collapsing around her and she <em>appreciated</em> him for that. Still, Narcissa knew that moment would not last unless she prolonged it, and as she was terrified of this night ending and the moment she had been dreading ever since Bellatrix returned to come with the rising sun, she leaned down, capturing Lucius’ lips in a long kiss as she got to work riling him up again, because she already knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight anyway.</p><p>And if <em>this</em> was the way to distract Narcissa from her soul-crushing fear then so be it; in the end, it was all she had wanted ever since Lucius had returned from prison anyway.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163/chapters/68037145#workskin">“Kitten” Part 3, which is set during this chapter (45), will be posted this Wednesday, December 2nd.</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. XLVI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLVI.</strong>
</p>
<p>Narcissa was fairly certain she was going to vomit.</p>
<p>She and Lucius had been arguing for the better part of the last hour, as eventually the man had caught on to how she was acting and demanded to know why she refused to sleep, why she refused to do <em>anything</em> other than wrap herself up in him, as he had always understood her coping mechanisms. Narcissa broke down, her lack of sleep coupled with her soul-crushing anxiety causing her to shatter as she revealed to Lucius what she planned to do come morning.</p>
<p>He did <em>not</em> take it well.</p>
<p>Lucius screamed at her about how she was going to scar him— that Draco didn’t deserve to live with the knowledge of who his mother really was, <em>especially</em> after what he had just gone through. Narcissa tried to explain that this was the very last thing that she ever wanted to do, but that they couldn’t keep disillusioning themselves; the secret was out, <em>everyone</em> knew, and eventually, especially due to the circle Draco now found himself in, he was going to find out regardless, and it would no doubt be in a <em>far </em>less delicate way than Narcissa would break it to him.</p>
<p>Lucius knew she was right of course, but he still wanted to believe that both Bellatrix and himself could stop the other Death Eaters from revealing such a thing in front of Draco. Narcissa <em>wished</em> that was the case, but Bellatrix was far more threatening than he was, and despite her already trying, people were still making their little <em>comments.</em> Perhaps it wasn’t blatant, but enough of them would cause Draco to put the pieces together. More than that, it wasn’t just the <em>Death Eaters</em> that Narcissa was afraid of. Voldemort himself had seemed to reach the end of his patience when it came to Bellatrix’s relationship with Narcissa, and had already proven once that he bore no issue with revealing sensitive information in front of Draco. Aquila was bad enough, but <em>this…</em></p>
<p>Narcissa begged Lucius to understand. All of her life, she had lied about how she truly felt about Bellatrix, and all it ever did was blow up in her face and ruin relationships that she cared about. She <em>couldn’t</em> let that happen with Draco. Narcissa knew he would not take it well— she wasn’t disillusioned to that fact by any means, but she hoped that he would at least appreciate her honesty, and in time would find it within himself to accept her, just as his father had.</p>
<p>It was a long shot, but it was the only shot Narcissa <em>had</em> at this point, and after Lucius had given up trying to convince her that this was a horrible idea, she found herself outside of her son’s bedroom just as the morning sun began to rise. Her stomach was in knots and her chest had tightened in fear already, and yet Narcissa knew she could not let her son go down to breakfast this morning without speaking to him, as she did not know what he would be confronted with.</p>
<p>She couldn’t put this off any longer.</p>
<p>Narcissa gently rapped on her son’s door with her knuckles as she looked down the hallway towards Bellatrix’s room. She knew she should have probably forewarned her that she was doing this, but she was already emotionally exhausted from arguing with Lucius, and she wasn’t entirely sure how Bellatrix would take it. Yes, her sister had always wanted to ‘come out’ in regards to their relationship, but she also was not going to enjoy the drama that <em>Draco</em> knowing was going to bring— especially when it negatively affected Narcissa.</p>
<p>Foolishly, Narcissa hoped that Cassandra had been able to warn Bellatrix in her stead, but she knew that was likely not the case after the horrific ordeal her sister had gone though, and the clean up and emotional trauma that was no doubt involved. Narcissa did, truly, <em>ache</em> to see if Bellatrix was alright, but she had to prioritize, and Draco would always come first. It was a decision that had caused her terrible turmoil in the past, but now that Cassandra was in the picture, it made it much easier. Narcissa trusted her to take care of Bellatrix, and thankfully she knew that due to her sister’s developing crush on Cassandra, that Bellatrix would <em>let</em> her. At the end of the day, that <em>had</em> to be what mattered.</p>
<p>If Narcissa was being truthful with herself, she was a little terrified what Cassandra being Bellatrix’s caretaker would do to their relationship, as she still wasn’t sure if she was ready for them to look at one another as anything other than sexual release, but some things had to matter more, and this was one of them. Narcissa had to trust them, and she had to allow their relationship to progress in whatever way, and whatever pace they wanted. Besides, quite frankly, <em>they</em> were the least of Narcissa’s issues right then anyway, as she could hear her son groan and swear from inside of his room after she had knocked on his door a second time.</p>
<p>“—<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>Draco sounded so… so <em>normal</em> just then that Narcissa wanted to cry. He had always had the worst time getting up in the morning, and the fact that he sounded annoyed that he had been awoken meant that he <em>slept,</em> which Narcissa had been concerned about. She didn’t want the horrors of Draco’s life keeping him up at night, but the ordeal he went through last night thankfully seemed to have exhausted him. Narcissa just hoped that it was enough that he had a dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>“It’s me, darling. May I come in?”</p>
<p>Narcissa could hear the waver in her voice, and hated how frightened this truly made her. But her son indicated she could with a grunt that was so reminiscent of his <em>aunt</em> that Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut as she slowly opened his bedroom door. Draco was sitting up in his bed, his hair disheveled as he scratched at his stomach beneath his t-shirt.</p>
<p>“Mother, it’s not even seven AM,” he informed her, looking as though he wished to sleep for another twelve hours. Narcissa didn’t blame him; she assumed that what had happened would take quite a toll on him, and if he wasn’t kept up at night with anxiety and fear that he would instead fall into a depressive state as he slept his life away. Narcissa didn’t know yet, if it had fully hit him how much his life had changed. He was a wanted fugitive now, but at least he would be safe in the manor: the Dark Lord had infiltrated the Ministry enough to have taken over the Auror Office and thus none would be coming after them while they were there. Still, that meant Draco could not return to school. He could not see his <em>friends</em> or do any of the things normal teenagers should be allowed to do, and Narcissa wasn’t quite sure how her son was going to be able to handle such an abrupt upheaval of his life.</p>
<p>“I know. I’m sorry, my love. I just… I need to speak with you about something and it— it cannot wait,” Narcissa tried to explain as she shut the door behind her, leaning against it as she placed her hands behind her back. Her throat was still tight with anxiety and she was sure her expression looked stricken, as Draco sat up fully and looked at her with concern.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong? Is Father—”</p>
<p>“Your father’s alright,” Narcissa was quick to assure him. “I merely… need to have a conversation with you that is long overdue, and quite frankly… I’m bloody <em>terrified.”</em> She exhaled a nervous laugh then that quickly and very unexpectedly dissolved into a sob, and Draco’s eyes widened as his mother covered her mouth with her hand, trying to control her emotions.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, knowing this was already a lot for him just because of her reaction. A tear slipped down her cheek as she looked at her son and breathed, “I know— I know this is not what you expected this morning, and more than that I know this is not something you should have to deal with right now, on top of everything else that you’ve gone through, and for that I’m sorry most of all. I should have told you this a long time ago, but I was scared. It seems I have finally run out of time though, and that is… that is the <em>only</em> reason I am choosing to tell you now, otherwise I promise you I would wait. I wish— God, I <em>wish</em> this could wait, but…”</p>
<p>“Mum, what the hell are you <em>talking</em> about? You’re scaring me—” Draco exclaimed as he pushed himself out of bed, practically throwing the covers from his body as he crossed the room to her. Narcissa took a step backwards from him though, needing to establish some distance. She doubted Draco would want to be this close to her anyway, once he found out the truth about her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized again in a whisper, her tear tracks leaving lines down her aging face. “I don’t mean to scare you. What I’m about to tell you isn’t— it’s not <em>bad,</em> but it isn’t… it isn’t something that I ever wished for you to know. I know that it will embarrass you, quite possibly even disgust you, and I am— I am so <em>ashamed</em> of it, despite it being something that I chose for myself. This was my <em>choice,</em> Draco, I need you to remember that; and even though I’ve always been afraid of others finding out about it, that was only because it is… <em>highly </em>unorthodox, and because I used to stake far too much of my self-worth on my reputation as a pureblooded woman. But this was what I <em>wanted—</em> this… <em>she</em> is what makes me happy, as unconventional as it may be. Please, if you can remember nothing else after I tell you the truth, remember that.”</p>
<p>Draco stared at her, this look of realization dawning on his face because of course, of <em>course</em> the conclusion he jumped to would be the correct one, as Draco had already commented quite a few times on the strange nature of Narcissa’s relationship with his aunt. He knew— perhaps, like Lucius, he had suspected for quite a while, but chose to believe his mother would <em>never </em>do something like that, as it was easier than facing the truth. Now, however, Draco was being forced to face it, and the look of <em>horror</em> that crossed his face made bile burn the back of Narcissa’s throat, as she knew the rest of this conversation would be <em>far</em> from amicable.</p>
<p>“No. <em>Hell</em> no. Don’t<em>—”</em></p>
<p>“Draco…”</p>
<p>“No, don’t fucking say it!” Draco shouted, backing up so quickly from his mother that he nearly tripped over his own two feet. His expression was etched in fury as he pointed at her, no doubt blaming her for shattering what was left of his childhood innocence. “I don’t want to hear it! Jesus Christ, this is fucked, she’s <em>fucked—”</em></p>
<p>“Draco, please; this isn’t Bellatrix’s fault…”</p>
<p>The sound that was exhaled from her son’s throat was pure fury and disgust, as Narcissa mentioning Bellatrix by name solidified his assumptions. “What the hell is <em>wrong</em> with you?!” he shouted, looking at his mother like he didn’t even know who she <em>was</em> anymore. It was that, perhaps, that broke Narcissa’s heart the most as more tears slid down her cheeks. “She’s your bloody <em>sister!”</em></p>
<p>“I know— Draco, believe me, I am more than aware, but if you just give me a chance to explain…”</p>
<p>“Does <em>Father</em> know?!” Draco interrupted, clearly not wishing to hear <em>why</em> his mother made the fucked up life choices that she did. A part of Narcissa did not blame him for that, but she also did not want Draco to only have half the story.</p>
<p>“Of course he knows, but—”</p>
<p>“And Aunt Cassandra— you’re just… <em>cheating</em> on her with that psychopath?! Because that’s what you’re trying to tell me, isn’t it? That you’re—” But Draco couldn’t even voice it. He looked nauseas. “Do you even give a shit who you hurt anymore? What the fuck, Mum; I knew you were sick, but I thought you had gotten <em>better!</em>”</p>
<p>Narcissa was <em>not</em> pleased that Draco was reducing her relationship with Bellatrix to merely a symptom of her mental illness, but that was something that could be discussed later. “I’m not cheating on Cassandra, Draco. She is well-aware of my relationship with Bellatrix and is even… <em>dating</em> her as well, for lack of a better term. We have an arrangement.”</p>
<p>Draco stared at her like he had been struck. “Oh, what the <em>fuck.”</em></p>
<p>“Darling, please, stop swearing at me; I<em> know</em> this is unorthodox—”</p>
<p><em>“Unorthodox? </em>Unorthodox is your swinger bullshit with Father, which—” But Draco cut himself off then, his face growing ashen before turning a little green as he assumed how, exactly, his parents ‘swung’.</p>
<p><em>“No,”</em> Narcissa was quick to tell him, as she didn’t want him thinking his father was a part of this madness. Draco would need <em>someone</em> to talk to about all of this, which was part of the reason Narcissa had asked Lucius not to be there during the initial conversation. For one, she knew this was something she had to do on her own; for two, Narcissa did not want Draco to feel bombarded; and for three, she needed Lucius to be on <em>his</em> side when Draco inevitably came running to him over this, and Lucius’ desire to not watch his wife be emotionally shredded during this would have caused him to try to temper Draco’s anger in front of her, which would not have been fair to him. Draco needed an outlet, and his father needed to be that for him. “Lucius and Bella… have no interest in one another in that way.”</p>
<p>“Thank fucking<em> Christ,”</em> Draco swore, noticeably relieved, yet still very, very angry. “It’s bad enough she’s fucked you and apparently now<em> Aunt Cassandra</em> up; making you both think you <em>want</em> something so bloody screwed up—”</p>
<p>“Draco, stop it,” Narcissa demanded strongly, growing more upset. She had been expecting this, yes, but it was still so very hard to take. “You’re not giving me a chance to explain—”</p>
<p>“What the hell is there to <em>explain?!”</em> Draco shouted, as he knew his reaction to this would not change no matter what his mother told him. “She’s sick in the head and she <em>preyed</em> on you because you’re mental too and she knew she could get away with it!” Narcissa tried to interject, but Draco wouldn’t let her get a word in edge-wise as he continued to rant. “I knew she looked at you wrong, I fucking <em>knew</em> it! She’s disgusting, she’s been practically fucking <em>raping</em> you—”</p>
<p>“She is not raping me, Draco; don’t you ever, <em>ever</em> use that word!” Narcissa shouted, her chest gripping with terrible anxiety. She did <em>not</em> want Draco accusing Bellatrix of something like that, as she knew it would go very badly.</p>
<p>“It’s rape if you can’t consent, Mother, and you’re clearly too mental to be able to! Nobody <em>sane</em> chooses shit like this—”</p>
<p>“I have never claimed that I am sane, but I am <em>not</em> an invalid,” Narcissa responded strongly, needing him to understand the difference. “Since it is clear you are unable to understand this without knowing some of the details, then I suppose you need to know that I pursued <em>her, </em>not the other way around—”</p>
<p>Draco exhaled a disbelieving sound as he stepped away from her again. <em>“Bollocks…”</em></p>
<p>“It is <em>not</em> bollocks<em>—</em> Draco, please, I need you to stand here and I need you to <em>listen</em> to me, because I will not have you accusing Bellatrix of something that horrific,” Narcissa pleaded, her heart pounding relentlessly in her throat. “I know this may be difficult to understand, but I’m in love with her—”</p>
<p><em>“No you’re fucking not!”</em> Draco screamed furiously, refusing to believe that on top of everything else. “You are <em>sick,</em> this is a <em>sickness!</em> Mum, stop it; you need to get help! Why hasn’t Father helped you, why…?!” Draco looked torn between being furious and wanting to cry, but then suddenly his expression set and he settled on <em>livid</em> as he furiously pushed past his mother, opening the door.</p>
<p>“Draco— darling, <em>wait…!”</em></p>
<p>But Draco did not listen to her. Instead he practically ran to his father’s room, whipping the door open before he started screaming. “This is all<em> your</em> fault—!”</p>
<p>Oh God. Narcissa went pale and she had to hang on to the threshold of her son’s doorway in order to hold herself up. She hadn’t fathomed that Draco would blame his father for this. Her eyes flickered down the hallway though, knowing <em>exactly</em> where Draco was going to go next. Bellatrix deserved to be forewarned, and so Narcissa left Lucius to deal with their son momentarily as she practically sprinted down the hall, not even bothering to knock before she pushed open the door to her sister’s bedroom.</p>
<p>Cassandra and Bellatrix, who had both apparently awoken due to the sudden screaming, had sat up in bed looking very tired and <em>very</em> confused as to why they had been jerked awake by unexpectedly loud noises. Narcissa’s stomach dropped when she saw them, realizing that they had spent the night together, and considering they were both <em>clothed</em> that meant they did it without even having sex, which was…</p>
<p>God, she couldn’t even think about that right now. It honestly did not fucking matter.</p>
<p>Narcissa quickly stole inside, closing the door behind her as she pressed her back against it as though trying to barricade it from the inevitable storm that would soon be coming their way. Outside, they could still hear the muffled shouting from Draco and Cassandra’s eyes widened, and she <em>knew</em> what this was. Bellatrix, however, did not.</p>
<p>“What the fuck is going on?”</p>
<p>“Get up,” Cassandra told her, practically pushing Bellatrix from the bed as she clearly did not want Draco bursting in and seeing them together like that, even though <em>that</em> ship had already sailed too. “Get up, get up! She fuckin’ told him—”</p>
<p>“Told who <em>what?”</em> Bellatrix asked, still half-awake and <em>very </em>confused. She practically slapped Cassandra’s hands away. “For fuck’s sake, stop <em>pushing</em> me—”</p>
<p>“…Bella.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s voice was raw, broken, and it had Bellatrix’s attention instantly as she clambered out of bed, concern etching into her brow once she took a second and realized how <em>distraught</em> her sister looked. Narcissa honestly felt like one hard push would make her shatter, and she was surprised she hadn’t fallen down yet.</p>
<p>“Bella… I told him. He thinks you’re raping me; I’m <em>sorry,</em> I’m—”</p>
<p>“Oh, shit…” Cassandra breathed in horror, holding her hands over her mouth as she looked at Bellatrix, who had tensed from head to toe at the mention of that one word. Narcissa wanted to run to her, to <em>comfort</em> her and assure her that she would try her best to not make Draco believe that, but the shouting from outside was getting louder and she knew she couldn’t stay here. She needed to warn her though, at the very least.</p>
<p>“I’ll try to keep him away for as long as I can; I’m sorry. Cass…” Narcissa pleaded desperately, the look on her sister’s face causing her to appeal to the only person who could help right now. Cassandra didn’t need to be asked though and she nodded, easily bringing a frozen Bellatrix into her arms as she tried to shield her from the emotional turmoil that kind of accusation would cause her.</p>
<p>“I got her. Go, Cissa.”</p>
<p>Narcissa fled. She practically ran down the hallway after she had left her sister’s room, hearing the shouting from Lucius’ get much clearer. “This misogynistic attitude isn’t helping, Draco!” Lucius furiously exclaimed, apparently fed up with being blamed as though he had <em>allowed</em> this to happen. “I do not own nor control your mother—”</p>
<p>“Well someone fucking <em>needs </em>to!” Draco shouted as Narcissa finally reached the doorway, her eyes brimming with upset again. Thankfully, most of the other ‘guests’ in their house resided on the third floor, but then again, Draco wasn’t being quiet by <em>any</em> means and it was very possible they could all hear what was going on through their floors. Narcissa <em>dreaded</em> Rodolphus’ commentary in particular once he got wind of all of this, but that was something she, or <em>Bellatrix,</em> could deal with later.</p>
<p>“Draco, please—”</p>
<p>“You’re supposed to take care of her!” Draco continued to shout at his father, his chest heaving with upset as he completely ignored Narcissa’s pleas. “Why am I the only one that gives a shit that she’s sick?!”</p>
<p>“I have done <em>everything </em>I can to help your mother!” Lucius exclaimed, upset that Draco would believe otherwise. “But her relationship with Bellatrix is not something that can be <em>fixed,</em> Draco! It took me <em>years</em> to come to terms with that; years of trying to separate them, of trying to medicate her and get her therapy, and this was all before I even knew what was really going on! Don’t you <em>ever</em> stand there and accuse me of not caring, of not <em>trying,</em> but this is your mother’s choice and whether we like it or not, there is no changing that! After nearly thirty <em>bloody</em> years of this, I am done fighting; it is what it is, I’m <em>sorry.”</em></p>
<p>Draco looked like he had been slapped. As Narcissa had yet to specify when it started, he no doubt assumed this was something recent, or at least something that had happened just before Bellatrix had gone to prison. He rounded on his mother, horrified. “What the fuck, were you <em>my</em> age when this shit started?!”</p>
<p>Younger, but Narcissa definitely did not plan to specify that.</p>
<p>Draco’s expression was etched in fury and devastation. “That’s why you’re so fucking <em>warped;</em> that’s why you think you love her— she’s raped you for over half your bloody life that you think this is something you want in order to<em> cope</em> with it!”</p>
<p>“Stop it— stop using that word, Draco, I mean it!”</p>
<p>A door slammed from down the hall then, and Narcissa’s stomach dropped to the ground.</p>
<p>“Bellatrix, don’t—!” Cassandra called after her, but Bellatrix was already at Lucius’ bedroom door, her expression positively <em>murderous.</em></p>
<p>“Listen here, you little shit—”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears as the situation suddenly got far, far worse.<em> “Bella!” </em>she gasped, horrified by the way she was speaking to him. Her stomach lodged in her throat and she looked down the hallway towards Cassandra, who was now running towards them, looking panicked over having lost control of Bellatrix. “Cass, I told you to—!”</p>
<p>“I fuckin’ <em>tried; </em>what do you want me to do, tie her down?!”</p>
<p>Draco, for how furious he was at Bellatrix for doing this, looked as though he might shit himself when confronted with the woman and her very obvious aggression towards him. Cassandra caught up with her then, trying to grab Bellatrix’s arm in order to pull her away as she begged her to stop, but the older woman ignored her, violently yanking herself out of her grip before stalking up to Draco.</p>
<p>“I am <em>tired</em> of everybody assuming that I hurt her, when all I’ve ever <em>bloody</em> done is get beat to shit so that she never has to feel pain! You ungrateful little maggot— I protected you last night to protect<em> her,</em> and <em>this </em>is the kind of shit I get in return?!” Bellatrix shouted, gesturing wildly. Her chest was heaving, her eyes shining with unshed emotion as yet another person assumed she was nothing more than a rapist. “You have no idea what I do for her; the bloody <em>lengths</em> I go to protect her. My love for her has a <em>body</em> count, you simpering child. You think I hurt her? You think I get some sick thrill in fucking your mother against her will? If it was just about sex I would have dropped her the second I started screwing Cassandra, because sex is not fucking worth <em>this </em>shit!”</p>
<p>Bellatrix practically ripped her shirt off over her head, showing Draco the marks that resided on her back. Narcissa nearly fell over, flashbacks of their mother hitting her so violently she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Thankfully Cassandra was there to hold her up, looking so terribly gutted and <em>guilty </em>that Narcissa was forced to bear witness to this, as she was supposed to have fixed it. Narcissa couldn’t yell at her though; she couldn’t do anything other than try to ignore the screaming that was ringing in her ears as her past got a little bit too close to the present.</p>
<p>“She’s dead; it’s not real,” Cassandra reminded her in a hushed tone, noticing how glassed over the blonde’s eyes became. Narcissa knew that though, of course she knew that, and she could not— she fucking could <em>not</em> do this right now, and so she held tightly to Cassandra as she coaxed herself to breathe and to ground herself in reality.</p>
<p> Draco looked horrified by her wounds, and Bellatrix pushed her shirt back down to cover them as she rounded on him again. “The <em>only</em> thing worth that is love, you fucking fetus. I love Narcissa, I have practically given up my entire <em>life</em> for her, and I am done— I am fucking <em>done</em> being painted as shit for it just because we happened to be birthed from the same fucking cunt!”</p>
<p>“It’s not just that, it’s that you’re <em>bad</em> for her!” Draco countered furiously, finally finding his voice. He stood tall, his desire to protect his mother momentarily outweighing his fear of his aunt. “I don’t care if you say you’re in love with her, I don’t care if she actually bloody believes she’s in love with <em>you—</em> you both know you’re shit when you’re together; that’s why Mum had to live with Aunt Cassandra, that was why she had to keep <em>leaving! </em>You fuck her up so badly that she actually sliced you open, leaving you a bloody mess in our foyer but sure, because you <em>love</em> each other that makes it okay, apparently<em>—</em>!”</p>
<p>“What the— what the hell <em>happened </em>while I was in prison?!” Lucius asked, aghast at this information, as Narcissa had neglected to mention specifics in regards to that incident. “Jesus fucking Christ, Narcissa—”</p>
<p>“I’m not bloody interested in hearing your thoughts about our relationship; quite frankly it has nothing to do with you— I’m sure the <em>only</em> reason Cissy even told you this was because everyone else in this sodding house knows we screw each other, so <em>congratulations</em> on being the last to know,” Bellatrix spat. “But in the end, it changes <em>nothing.</em> Throw a tantrum all you want— it won’t make her crawl out of my bed; <em>especially</em> now that her girlfriend is in it too.”</p>
<p>“Stop using Aunt Cassandra has a buffer for your bullshit with Mum! Jesus Christ, why are you letting them <em>do</em> this?!” Draco shouted, suddenly turning on Cassandra. “I thought you loved my Mother, you <em>told</em> me you’d take care of her while I was in school, but you didn’t! You’re only making everything <em>worse</em> by catering to this insanity; how does this not gross you out, how do you not see how fucked up this is?! They’re <em>sisters!</em>”</p>
<p>“I know what they are, Draco,” Cassandra responded quietly, her grip on Narcissa’s hand tightening. Her expression was apologetic, as she no doubt hated that she was a part of what was hurting him, but she spoke her truth regardless. “An’ I don’t expect you to understand, but this was my choice too. <em>Both </em>of ‘em are my choice; even if its mental, even if it makes no sense, this… this is what’s workin’ for us right now. M’sorry.”</p>
<p>Draco exhaled a disgusted scoff at that, furiously shaking his head. “You all are fucked up, pretending this is <em>normal— </em>but fine, if nobody sodding cares about Mother’s mental health then I won’t bloody bother to either. I have enough to worry about without this disgusting incestuous <em>bullshit</em>,” he snapped, practically pushing past them all to retreat from the room.</p>
<p>“Draco, please— please, don’t leave like this…” Narcissa tried, but when she grasped for him he just pulled himself out of her grip, shouted ‘leave me the fuck alone’, before barricading himself in his bedroom with a dramatic slam of his door.</p>
<p>Narcissa broke <em>down.</em></p>
<p>“I knew you shouldn’t have bloody told him,” Lucius seethed as Narcissa practically crumpled, feeling like she had just ruined her relationship with her son. She had thought, she had <em>hoped</em> this would make it easier, but perhaps there was no making something like this easier. It was too much for Draco to comprehend, and now he hated all of them for it. “We could have figured it out— found some way to hold everyone’s silence; now you’ve fucking <em>scarred</em> him—”</p>
<p>“Leave her alone; she did what she thought was right!” Cassandra snapped at Lucius as she tried to keep Narcissa upright, but the blonde was feeling too many things and not a single one of them was <em>good</em> as she projected her anger and devastation onto the closest outlet, and violently pushed Cassandra off of her.</p>
<p>“Don’t <em>touch</em> me!” she shrieked furiously before pointing at Bellatrix. “I told you to take<em> care</em> of her, I told you not to let her keep any marks on her; what the fuck— what the <em>fuck</em> is on her back?! I asked you to do one thing, one <em>fucking</em> thing, Cassandra!”</p>
<p>Cassandra, who had not expected such a sudden onslaught of animosity from the woman in front of her, looked as though she had been slapped. “Don’t fucking yell at her!” Bellatrix seethed, infuriated by how <em>upset</em> Narcissa had made the other woman she apparently now cared about. “She did what you bloody asked, I won’t sodding scar since that’s apparently so <em>fucking</em> important to you, but she didn’t outright heal me because that’s what <em>I</em> asked, and considering you couldn’t be bloody bothered to even be around last night I don’t think you have a fucking right to bitch about it!”</p>
<p>“You think I couldn’t be <em>bothered?!”</em> Narcissa repeated, aghast. Tears were streaked down her cheeks in jagged lines, her chest heaving in upset. “It fucking <em>devastated</em> me that you had to go through that, but my son had just been through something traumatic and I couldn’t just leave him to deal with it on his own! That’s why I gave you Cassandra, that’s why—”</p>
<p>“You <em>gave,</em>” Bellatrix spat, looking at Narcissa like she had to be kidding her with this. “You didn’t <em>give</em> anything; Cassandra isn’t something of yours I’m <em>borrowing,</em> Cissy, she’s not a fucking broomstick you can just shove in my hands so I have something to hop on and ride when you’re not around—”</p>
<p>“Fine, I’m sorry— that was the wrong <em>bloody</em> word, okay?!” Narcissa conceded, because it <em>had</em> sounded a bit like she owned Cassandra, and she hadn’t meant it that way. She just didn’t know what to think, she didn’t know what to <em>do.</em> “But for Christ’s sake, Bellatrix, be even <em>more</em> blatant with your little crush why don’t you; do you <em>really</em> think this is the sodding time to throw something like that in my face? I can only deal with one fucking thing at a time; I can’t do this, I can’t<em> do</em> this right now!”</p>
<p>“Stop it! Both of you, for Christ’s sake— I know neither of you know how to deal with the bloody fallout that Draco’s reaction caused, but arguing about other shit isn’t going to help!” Cassandra shouted, no doubt hating that <em>this</em> was always their default coping mechanism. That was just the way it was though; it was like a domino effect with them.</p>
<p>“You three are fucking ridiculous,” Lucius muttered as he stormed out of the room, leaving the women alone to argue. Narcissa honestly didn’t blame him for not wanting to be in the middle of this mess, as who <em>would,</em> but a part of her felt like she couldn’t handle <em>them</em> on top of everything else, and she wanted to run to Lucius, to beg him to help her figure out how to deal with Draco, how to repair their <em>family, </em>because that was what was important right now and yet because she didn’t know how to deal with it, because she didn’t know what to <em>do</em> or how to fix it, it was her own bloody fault that they were arguing right now, as it was the only way Narcissa knew how to expel her crippling emotions.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you <em>talking</em> about?” Bellatrix snapped, of course pretending that she had <em>no</em> idea that she was practically being Cassandra’s cheerleader. “Stop trying to pick a fight just because you’re upset you fucked up your son’s sensitive disposition—”</p>
<p>Narcissa broke down into a sob then, because she knew Bellatrix was right; she wanted to keep screaming at someone, <em>anyone,</em> but in truth nothing really mattered in the wake of her son’s disgust of her. Her devastation was gripping her chest so tightly she felt like she couldn’t breathe; she had no idea how she was going to repair the relationship with her son. She had no idea how Draco was ever going to <em>accept</em> something like this. Yes, Lucius had eventually, but it had taken him <em>years.</em> Narcissa did not know if she could handle waiting that long.</p>
<p>“Alright, c’mon— hey, let’s lay down, yeah?” Cassandra tried, still being so bloody <em>nice</em> to her even though Narcissa had yelled at her, pushed her away, and practically referred to her as an object that she owned. Narcissa felt like an <em>arsehole </em>because she was handling everything all bloody wrong today, yet Cassandra had always just <em>let</em> her get away with being that way, and while she used to appreciate it, as it made Narcissa feel as though Cassandra understood her, in the end that probably wasn’t a good thing. She was a doormat;<em> everyone</em> was a doormat when it came to Narcissa, and yet instead of picking them up she just continued to trample right over all of them.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Narcissa sobbed in her arms, feeling awful about how she was treating her. Her fingers fisted in Cassandra’s hair as she looked over the woman’s shoulder with a watery gaze, holding out her free hand to her sister who sighed heavily, but eventually came over to them both and wrapped them in her embrace.</p>
<p>“This is fucking stupid,” Bellatrix muttered into her sister’s hair, yet still held not only her, but by extension Cassandra who was still wrapped around Narcissa, close to her chest. “But I second laying the fuck back down because it’s too early for this bullshit. <em>Also,</em> the less you sleep the more it fucks with your BPD; you need to rest, Cissy. Talk to your son again when you’re not so… well, <em>you.” </em>Cassandra smacked her arm for that and Bellatrix hissed. “What the fuck; you know I’m bloody right!”</p>
<p>“Be more <em>delicate,”</em> Cassandra chastised, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Did you though?” Cassandra asked Narcissa as she pulled away a little, placing her palm on the woman’s cheeks as she searched her eyes. “Sleep?” Narcissa shook her head, another tear falling down her cheek. “Okay,” Cassandra softly acknowledged before leaning in and gently kissing the blonde’s forehead. “I’m going to go brew ya somethin’ that’ll help, yeah? Your sister will put you to bed. I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>She untangled herself from the two women then, but it felt like Cassandra and Bellatrix had been <em>touching</em> behind her, and while that wasn’t unreasonable as they had all pretty much squished into something resembling a three way hug, it felt like maybe one of them lingered a bit too long on letting go, and Narcissa exhaled a resigned breath after Cassandra left as she fit her sister’s head beneath her chin, closing her eyes.</p>
<p>“…You like her.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Cissy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips as Bellatrix released her from her hold, but at least she grabbed tight to her hand in order to lead her back to her bedroom. Narcissa followed wordlessly, and when they had finally found some semblance of privacy in their own space, Narcissa shut the door behind them and told her softly, “You’re allowed to, you know.”</p>
<p>Because she should— it might be a little difficult for Narcissa to swallow, but if Bellatrix found her happiness with Cassandra then who was she to tell her no? She <em>also</em> had found her happiness with the other woman, and maybe… maybe this was what was supposed to happen all along. Maybe it really was the only thing that made sense. Besides, maybe at first she thought she couldn’t handle this, but Narcissa realized that she could handle <em>this</em> a lot better than she could handle<em> Draco,</em> and that was why she was choosing to focus on it in that moment.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, however, just snorted as she flopped onto the bed. “Right. ‘Cause you seem so <em>bloody</em> okay with the idea. Not that it matters, because I fucking <em>don’t.</em>” She paused, then reevaluated flippantly. “I mean, her cunt’s nice. Whatever.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her a disbelieving look at that as she joined her on the bed. “If she walked in right now and heard you reduce her to that, she’d feel like <em>shit</em> and so would you for being a defensive arse.” Bellatrix wrinkled her nose, but didn’t say anything. She just looked grumpy, but then again that was usually her default. “And before you say anything I know, I <em>know</em> that I am using you both as a distraction right now, but I can <em>not—” </em>Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears then as she thought about her son, but she tried to push that down. He just needed some time, and Narcissa needed to give him space. “Just distract me, Bella, please.”</p>
<p>“I’ll fuck the shit out of you until you pass out if you want, but we’re not talking about <em>that,”</em> Bellatrix responded dangerously. “I don’t want to fucking deal with it.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, peering down at the other woman who lay on her back on the large bed. “So there is… something to deal with then?”</p>
<p>“What part of ‘shut up, Cissy’ did you not understand?”</p>
<p>“The ‘shut up’ part, I’d wager.” Bellatrix shot her a sardonic look, and Narcissa softly smirked before laying her head on her chest. But then she had a thought and straightened up, looking down at her. “Are you alright laying like that? Your back—”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Bellatrix muttered, but did shift a little. “Doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Whatever Cassandra put on it is healing it, although slowly, I guess. I dunno what the fuck she did, honestly. I’ve never been good at Healing; seemed like a whole lot of rubbish when I was in school.”</p>
<p>“Cassandra’s mother used to do a lot with herbs; I don’t think whatever she did was taught in school, because I <em>was</em> good at Healing and I’m not even sure what she put on you,” Narcissa admitted before settling back into her sister’s embrace. “I think it’s just supposed to be more natural than wand magic, although not as effective since it isn’t instant. I trust her though; whatever she did, I know you’ll be alright.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix side-eyed her. “And yet you <em>yelled</em> at her.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips in guilt, gently fisting her sister’s shirt in her hand. “I know,” she whispered. “I just— <em>seeing</em> that… it was a lot. It looked like—”</p>
<p>“That was what it was supposed to look like,” Bellatrix told her softly, apologetically. Her hand cradled the back of the blonde’s head, gently weaving her fingers through her tresses. “The Dark Lord meant for you to see; this was never supposed to be just <em>my</em> punishment, but I don’t… think He knows about Cassandra. Or at least if He does, He didn’t warrant it serious enough to think that she would tend to me instead of you.”</p>
<p>“Is it?” Narcissa asked quietly, her heart pounding in her throat. “…Serious?”</p>
<p>“What? <em>No!” </em>Bellatrix loudly responded, as though that possibility was unfathomable. And maybe it was, maybe it was <em>way</em> too early to classify it as something like that, but their relationship certainly wasn’t just <em>sexual</em> anymore either. “What the fuck— I’m not in <em>love</em> with her.”</p>
<p>“No, I know— I know you’re not,” Narcissa responded, as she <em>did</em> at least know that. She <em>knew</em> how Bellatrix acted when she was in love, after all. “I just… know you spent the night together last night, is all. I also know you’ve never done that before.”</p>
<p>“I’m not looking to get my bloody life analyzed, Cissy, <em>thanks.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa sighed heavily, as it seemed Bellatrix was still not ready to accept how she felt. Narcissa had doubted that she would be, but she was just so desperate to not <em>think</em> of her situation with Draco that she kept prodding at something else that, to be quite honest, had the same potential of causing a breakdown should she push too hard. Narcissa <em>wanted</em> to be okay with them, she really did, as she knew it would just make all their lives easier, but there was still a hard limit on <em>what</em> she was okay with, and should she push too far and find out that they had surpassed her unspoken boundaries, it had the potential of causing even <em>more </em>problems.</p>
<p>Narcissa did not have a chance to respond though, as Cassandra interrupted them by returning to the bedroom. “Here,” she offered as she gently closed the door behind her, holding out the potion in her hand in offering. She crossed the room, coming to rest on the edge of the bed next to Narcissa, who sat up. “Should give ya a dreamless sleep.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Narcissa responded softly, giving the other woman a small, grateful smile as she took her offering. Bellatrix shifted behind her, sitting up so she could situate herself behind Narcissa, fitting against her back. She looked at Cassandra over the blonde’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You good at potions?” she asked, actually sounding intrigued for whatever reason. Cassandra just shrugged, downplaying her abilities even though Narcissa knew she got into a few more NEWT classes than she did (not that that was a difficult bar to surpass though) and Potions was one of them.</p>
<p>“I’m alright. Why?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix apparently wasn’t prepared for a follow up question and she froze almost comically. “I don’t— I don’t fucking know, it was just a question.” Cassandra narrowed her eyes at her in confusion, but Narcissa understood: Bellatrix was taking an<em> interest. </em>She was starting to want to get to know the other woman, but she obviously did not expect to be called out on it.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew better than to make her sister’s awkwardness even <em>worse</em> though, and so she let that slide, grasping onto Bellatrix’s hand as she encouraged her to pull it around to her abdomen as she held it there. “You both will stay with me while I sleep, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah… ‘course,” Cassandra responded softly, giving her a gentle smile as she reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind the blonde’s ear. “Whatever ya need, babe; you know that.”</p>
<p>And so Narcissa took the potion, the drowsiness beginning to settle in as Bellatrix gently moved her to the center of the bed, settling in on one side of her while Cassandra fit herself into the other. And maybe this didn’t make sense to the rest of the world, maybe it was something her <em>son</em> would never be able to understand, but despite its potential for messy complications, this was something Narcissa had chosen for herself, and she did not regret that for one moment.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. XLVII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLVII.</strong>
</p><p>Draco had not come out of his room for nearly a week now.</p><p>Narcissa was fairly certain he put a permanent sticking charm on his bedroom door, which exasperated her to no end because it was so entirely bloody overboard; now his door would never open. <em>Ever.</em> Thankfully, he did have his own bathroom and thus Narcissa did not have to question where he was relieving himself, and Draco had the house elf apparating in and out of the room in order to bring him food whenever he was hungry. As Draco could <em>not</em> apparate, however, as he had yet to get his license and was now a wanted fugitive and could <em>not</em>, Narcissa was concerned about how he planned to get out without <em>their</em> help, but Lucius reminded her that Draco could always side-along apparate with the elf, or he could fly out his window with his broomstick if he was desperate enough. Still, Narcissa was not happy, and the damage to a room in her house had little to do with that.</p><p>A part of her wanted to just apparate in there and force him to have a conversation with her, but Lucius had talked her out of that fairly quickly. Draco needed time and space to process all of this, and while Narcissa understood that, it did not make it any easier for her to get through each day without him, especially now that he was home and <em>safe.</em></p><p>For now, anyway.</p><p>Thankfully, the Dark Lord had yet to call on Draco to do anything else, but Narcissa knew it was only a matter of time. For now though, he seemed content on using some of his more seasoned recruits, which allowed Draco a moment’s reprieve as he tried to deal with what his life had become.</p><p>The end of the school year was drawing nearer, and Cassandra was getting anxious. She missed her son terribly, but she also knew she could not have Gregory living in the same house as the Dark Lord, which meant she needed to straighten things out with Peter so that they could formulate a plan. She did <em>not,</em> however, wish to talk to her soon to be ex-husband, so that was making things more difficult; <em>especially</em> because it was starting to irritate Bellatrix.</p><p>“I’m not your bloody <em>owl,”</em> she snapped one day as Cassandra tried to relay a message to her to give to Peter. “Grow a pair of tits and just talk to the wank; I’m getting tired of this.”</p><p>“<em>You</em> said you would—”</p><p>“I know what I fucking said!” Bellatrix exclaimed, obviously not enjoying the fact that she had <em>offered</em> to keep Cassandra’s husband separate from her, as she apparently did not realize what it would entail. “But this is bloody stupid— isn’t your kid seventeen now? Let him make his own fucking choice about where to go and then either tell Goyle to fuck off if he doesn’t like it, or suck it <em>up</em> if your spawn decides he wants to stay here. Everyone else sodding is; what difference does it make? This place is practically a hotel.”</p><p>She wasn’t wrong. At this point, Narcissa wasn’t even entirely sure how many people were now sleeping in her house, but at the end of the day that was <em>Bellatrix’s</em> fault, as she had been the one to invite the Dark Lord there. Apparently, the lack of privacy and freedom was beginning to get to her sister though, especially since she was basically trapped there until their infiltration of the Ministry was complete, which could still take months. Taking over the Aurors office was a big step, but it wasn’t enough to allot her the privilege of casually being out in public, and Bellatrix was growing restless with her mandated quarantine as it had lasted nearly a year and a half now.</p><p>“Bella, try to have a little bit more compassion— this is a difficult situation for her,” Narcissa chastised, as Cassandra was starting to look upset. Her son’s living situation had been weighing on her very heavily for the past couple days, as she realized she was running out of time trying to find a suitable solution.</p><p>“Maybe I should just leave,” Cassandra responded, but her voice was strained and she twisted her hands in anxiety. “Just apologize to him; fix my bloody family… I was stupid to think this was a viable solution, what am I even <em>doing</em>—?”</p><p>“You’re having a good fucking time, is what you’re <em>doing</em>,” Bellatrix interrupted at the same time Narcissa responded with, “No, Cass, you can’t go back to him. You weren’t— you weren’t <em>happy</em> there…”</p><p><em>“Also,</em> I’m not into long distance… whatever the fuck this is,” Bellatrix informed her with only a slight, awkward hesitation, causing Narcissa to shoot her sister an exasperated look because one, twenty bloody minutes away was not <em>long distance </em>and two, the word ‘relationship’ didn’t have to mean a romantic one— it could have just as easily meant sexual, if Bellatrix hadn’t gotten all weird about it which made it seem a <em>lot</em> closer to the one that threatened to give Narcissa a migraine. Regardless of all that though, Bellatrix seemed to not understand the implication of Cassandra going back to Peter, as she still seemed to think they would try to continue on as normal, and that would <em>not</em> be the case. “I like the convenience of my pussy being two doors down.”</p><p>“Bella… if she goes back to him, she can’t be with us,” Narcissa informed her softly, as she <em>knew</em> Peter would never allow it; he would probably forbid Cassandra from seeing her as he felt so incredibly threatened by their relationship, and that was something Narcissa could <em>not</em> handle— not on top of everything else. She had already felt like she lost one person she loved this week.</p><p>“Oh, then you’re <em>definitely</em> not going,” Bellatrix responded, as though her word was final and she had the right to make Cassandra’s decisions for her. The redhead just sighed heavily though, looking so terribly defeated as she slumped against the wall and lightly banged the back of her head against it.</p><p>“I just feel like I’m bein’ selfish,” Cassandra whispered, looking stricken. “I didn’t even <em>think</em> about how this would effect Gregory when I left. I know he’s of age now, but he’s still got his seventh year to complete an’ he deserves a stable home life until then. I <em>can’t</em> give him that here, but if I have ‘im stay with his Dad that makes me seem like a <em>shit</em> Mum ‘cause where am I? Just off shackin’ up with a pair of <em>sisters…</em> Fuckin’ hell. I can’t prioritize my sodding <em>vagina</em> over my son.”</p><p>“Why not?” Bellatrix asked, legitimately confused. Narcissa, however, shot her girlfriend a sympathetic look that was mixed in with her own self-loathing.</p><p>“Well, if you want to start a ‘Shit Mothers’ club, I’ll be the first to sign up…”</p><p>“Oh my <em>God</em> you both are bloody fucking irritating,” Bellatrix snapped, exasperated by the cloud of depression that seemed to shroud both of her lovers. “Cassandra, your spawn’s a big boy and will be fine with his father for a summer; it’s not that big of a deal. Just take him out every now and then if you want to spend time with him in order to validate your bloody<em> motherhood</em> that goddamn badly. <em>Cissy,</em> how you haven’t realized yet that people go through the five fucking stages of grief when they find out about us, I don’t sodding know. Lucius did it, <em>Cassandra</em> did it, and now Draco is doing it. He went through denial, he’s now on anger; give it a goddamn second and he’ll run through the rest of them. This is not the end of the bloody world.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips. She hadn’t thought of it that way before, but Bellatrix was right. They both dealt with each stage differently — for example, both Cassandra’s depression <em>and</em> her acceptance included fucking Bellatrix, whereas thankfully Lucius’ did not — but they were still brought on by the same feelings all the same. Narcissa was sure Draco’s stages would look similar to his father’s, but she also understood he was different from Lucius, and that it may vary. Still, so long as he got to ‘acceptance’ in the end, that was what mattered. Narcissa just hoped it wouldn’t take as long as Lucius’ acceptance did, as that had spanned <em>years, </em>and quite frankly Narcissa didn’t know if she could deal with her broken heart for that long. Lucius hating her had hurt, but Draco was far, <em>far</em> worse.</p><p>“It may not be a big deal to you, but my family’s stability <em>is</em> a big deal for me, an’ it’s not like I have any bloody stability <em>here</em> right now. I’m just— I dunno, lookin’ at my life, an’ realizin’ it’s kind of a mess, an’ that’s not the kind of example I want to set for my son. I mean, I’m livin’ in a spare room, out of a fuckin’ trunk—”</p><p>“So then <em>put your shit in drawers</em>,” Bellatrix responded, like Cassandra was stupid not to have made that connection herself. Narcissa would have snapped at her to stop being a dick with her oversimplification, but she was too busy being offended by the implication that she was not providing Cassandra with a stable life even though, objectively, she knew that was true.</p><p>“Cass, did you not understand what I <em>meant</em> when I gave you—” but that was as far as Narcissa got as she caught herself, remembering with sudden clarity that she had <em>not</em> had that conversation with Bellatrix yet, as the drama with Draco had overshadowed it.</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed at how quickly Narcissa stopped talking. “Gave her <em>what?”</em></p><p>Cassandra’s eyes were wide, an unmistakably guilty look plastered on her face. “I should just… owl Gregory an’ see what he wants to do…” she decided as she tried to make her escape, but Bellatrix had already gotten off the bed and pointed at her.</p><p>“Ah, ah— don’t move.”</p><p>Cassandra froze, her nose wrinkling before she slowly turned back around.</p><p>“What did you give her, Cissy?” Bellatrix asked, sounding <em>suspicious</em> but thankfully not angry. Yet. Still, Narcissa began to get upset, because this was <em>not</em> how this was supposed to go.</p><p>“No, <em>no— </em>I was going to do the right <em>bloody</em> thing for once; I wanted to be honest, I wanted to tell you the fucking truth, and not just because I got backed into a corner like <em>always,”</em> Narcissa exclaimed, her chest tightening as tears sprung to her eyes. She was just so <em>frustrated</em> because she really, truly, wanted to do the right thing for once, and now it felt like that was not only stolen from her, but that Bellatrix wasn’t going to believe she even had the intention. “Cass, please— <em>please</em> tell her that I had planned to tell her… God this is <em>not</em> what I wanted, for fuck’s sake…”</p><p>“She had,” Cassandra softly confirmed as she leaned against the door, her hands behind her back even though she still wasn’t wearing the ring. Perhaps it was just instinctual though. “But then Draco came back, an’ all the drama happened; she really wasn’t tryin’ to lie to you about it, or hide it or anythin’…”</p><p>“<em>Okay…”</em> Bellatrix drawled slowly, before her gaze shifted to her sister and she rolled her eyes. “For Christ’s sake, Cissy, stop <em>crying.</em> I actually fucking believe you, however you still aren’t bloody <em>telling</em> me, so let’s get this show on the road. What did you give her? You have ten seconds before I actually start to get fucking mad.”</p><p>Narcissa hesitated, but it was only brief as she knew Bellatrix wasn’t lying about her patience. Her expression masked in guilt, even though she knew it <em>shouldn’t</em> because she didn’t regret it or anything, but she was just terrified of how her sister was going to react, and she had wanted to break this <em>delicately.</em> “An engagement ring.”</p><p>Narcissa froze, expecting Bellatrix to blow up at that, but instead Bellatrix’s voice was strangely level as she stared at her. “You proposed to her.” It definitely wasn’t a question, and yet Narcissa didn’t know how to react other than an affirmative.</p><p>“…Yes.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s gaze shifted to Cassandra then. Even though the woman still had her hands behind her back, Bellatrix continued, as she already knew, “But you’re not wearing it.” She was still <em>oddly</em> calm about this, and yet instead of putting her at ease all it did was make the pit of Narcissa’s stomach swirl with anxiety.</p><p>“S’in my room,” Cassandra responded softly, looking equally as guilty as she did not want to hurt Bellatrix with this either. “Cissa asked me not to wear it ‘till she told you.”</p><p>Bellatrix cocked an expectant brow at her. “Well, she told me. <em>Go get it.”</em></p><p>God, Narcissa did not like where this was heading. This was not at all the reaction she was expecting and quite frankly, she did not know how to handle it. A screaming Bellatrix she could deal with. <em>This? </em>Narcissa didn’t even know what this was. Cassandra looked over at Narcissa, unsure of what to do as well, but an expectant look from Bellatrix when she finally looked back at the other woman made Cassandra silently leave the room to do as she was instructed.</p><p>Neither sister spoke.</p><p>When Cassandra returned she had put it on, but she was twisting it in anxiety as she held her hands close to her chest. “Let me see,” Bellatrix instructed, and Cassandra approached her, albeit with a wary expression. She would not hold out her hand to allow Bellatrix a closer look though, and the older woman exhaled an irritated breath.</p><p> “I’m not going to <em>hurt</em> you, Jesus Christ; are you fucking serious?” Bellatrix snapped, offended by how Cassandra was acting. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, or have you forgotten? Just let me see the damn thing.”</p><p>“I didn’t think you were—” Cassandra started, before she exhaled an long sigh, finding it not worth the fight. “Fine,” she relented, and held out her left hand. The huge diamond sparkled beneath the light in the room, and Bellatrix <em>snorted.</em></p><p>“You’re fucking ridiculous,” she accused Narcissa, sounding utterly exasperated, yet still not <em>angry</em> like the blonde had assumed she would be. “You accuse <em>me</em> of having a dick complex, yet this is a fucking dick measuring contest if I’ve ever seen one. What, do you think if you give Cassandra something <em>bigger</em> and <em>shinier</em> that she’ll like you better than Goyle?” Her brow quirked then, assuming (unfortunately, correctly) that Peter was not the only reason this came about. “That she’ll like you better than <em>me?”</em></p><p>Narcissa colored in upset, and Cassandra pulled her hand away from Bellatrix, looking offended that she was reducing the gesture down to Narcissa basically pissing a circle around her.</p><p>“Jesus, I would slice Rodolphus’ cock off if he spent this much money without asking first, which I’m sure is the bloody case because you don’t <em>plan</em> your over-dramatic gestures; they just vomit out of you without warning,” Bellatrix continued, and although she didn’t <em>sound</em> angry her words were still cutting Narcissa to shreds regardless, because it sounded like she was dismissing the whole thing as something… something <em>frivolous.</em> “I’d wager on the fact that the ring was an afterthought. Am I right? No, don’t bother— I <em>know</em> I’m right.”</p><p>“Stop it; why does it matter how I proposed to her?” Narcissa exclaimed, coming to Cassandra’s side as she looped her arm into the younger woman’s. Cassandra looked hurt and confused, like maybe she shouldn’t have been happy about the gesture after all, and it was starting to <em>really</em> upset Narcissa. “Stop trying to diminish it just because you’re mad—”</p><p>“I’m <em>not</em> mad,” Bellatrix responded, and Narcissa hated that she knew it was the truth because a part of her <em>wanted</em> Bellatrix to be mad, because then it would actually mean she cared. “And you wanna know why? Because this is just what you <em>do,</em> Cissy. You say your pretty words, you do your dramatic gestures, but at the end of the day we all know it’s <em>crap</em> because nothing is going to change. You proposed to me once too, remember?”</p><p>Bellatrix held up her scarred palm, and the little wiggle of her fingers made Narcissa feel mocked. Her chest heaved in upset, her eyes brimming with furious tears. “And yet what changed? <em>Nothing.</em> Yeah, I still value the fucking scar; I’m not gonna pretend I don’t. I’m sure <em>Cassandra</em> will still value that bloody ring, but it literally changes nothing and all three of us know it. You aren’t going to divorce Lucius, renounce Christianity for some religion where you actually can marry a woman — if one even <em>exists</em> — and then marry Cassandra. So what do I care? Give her pretty shit if it makes her happy— doesn’t affect my life any.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled hard through her nose, her hand finding Cassandra’s as she laced their fingers together and squeezed, not wanting the other woman to listen to Bellatrix’s bullshit, despite the fact that each word was… <em>technically </em>true. But so what if she hadn’t planned the proposal? She was <em>passionate,</em> she lived in the moment, and there was nothing wrong with that. So what if she wasn’t going to <em>actually</em> marry her? That didn’t mean she wasn’t trying to give Cassandra the best that she could feasibly give her. That didn’t mean she hadn’t meant every goddamn word she said to her!</p><p>And yet, despite all of those thoughts rushing through Narcissa’s head, it was Cassandra who spoke first. “Maybe nothin’ will change, but that doesn’t mean that it still didn’t <em>mean</em> somethin’ to her to do it, an’ frankly you reducing it to her just bein’ ‘over-dramatic’ is bloody insulting; both to her <em>an’</em> me,” she told her, which made Narcissa exhale in relief, as she had been afraid Bellatrix’s words would have effected how Cassandra viewed the proposal, and that was the last thing she wanted. For a moment it seemed like it might, but thankfully Cassandra seemed to have pushed her doubts behind her. “I know you wish you could <em>actually</em> marry her an’ that’s why the gesture upsets you, an’ I fuckin’ <em>get</em> it, alright? I do. I wish she could marry me too. But if this is the closest we can get, then why can’t we be happy with that? Why do ya gotta make her feel like shit for <em>trying?</em>”</p><p>“Because it’s <em>bullshit,”</em> Bellatrix responded strongly, her chest heaving in upset. “I’ve spent my whole life in a bloody cage because of my sexuality; even if wasn’t <em>Cissy</em> I was in love with, even if it was some other woman, I <em>still</em> wouldn’t be able to marry her. She doesn’t fucking <em>get</em> that— she takes what she has for granted and then throws shit like this around, shit that actually might <em>mean</em> something to people who don’t get to experience it, although I guess it doesn’t fucking matter to <em>you</em> because you’re the same as she is— happy with <em>men.</em> Your marriage might be shit now, but that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t fuck off and find another to marry and be happy with if you wanted. I don’t have that bloody luxury, so once again, the only thing I am offered is <em>scraps,</em> and I’m tired of acting like I should be grateful about that.”</p><p>“No one is sayin’ ya have to be grateful, but why can’t <em>I</em> be?” Cassandra countered. “Because this wasn’t about you, Bellatrix, but ya had to cut it down anyway an’ make the whole thing seem like some frivolous bullshit. It’s not up to you to decide what does an’ does not matter to people.”</p><p>“You know what? Fine. I don’t care—” Bellatrix dismissed, stepping away from them both as she threw out her hands in surrender. “Disillusion yourself with her bullshit, but don’t fucking act like I didn’t warn you. You might think you’re okay <em>now,</em> but what’s gonna happen when you divorce that fat fuck? Huh? You wanna just be Cissy’s live-in mistress for the rest of your sodding life? How <em>valued</em> do you think that’s gonna make you feel?”</p><p>Cassandra’s brow creased in upset, but Bellatrix, for all her declarations about ‘not caring’, wasn’t finished yet. “You’re bloody <em>soft—</em> you break too fucking easily, and when you realize that ring on your finger isn’t enough to make you feel whole, it’s going to be <em>so</em> much fucking worse than if she had never given you anything at all, because at least before she wasn’t pretending that your relationship isn’t anything other than something secondary to her. <em>Believe</em> me. I love this fucking scar but I also <em>hate</em> it with everything that I am, because every time I look at it I’m reminded of a life I can’t actually have.”</p><p>Narcissa’s eyes were welling up with furious and devastated tears, her grip on Cassandra’s hand tightening even though the younger woman’s had instinctively slackened. Narcissa’s heart ached. “So you wish I never gave you that scar at <em>all?</em>” she asked, her voice breaking in her throat as it had <em>meant</em> something to her; she knew it wasn’t everything that Bellatrix wanted, but it was all she had to give. She had thought it was <em>enough.</em></p><p>“Sometimes… yeah, I do,” Bellatrix responded honestly, causing Narcissa to suck in a sharp breath. “It’s both the best and worst thing you’ve ever given me, and that damn ring on Cassandra’s finger will be the same for her. You don’t have to take my word for it though,” Bellatrix continued, looking at Cassandra now. “Give it a few months— find out for yourself. Just don’t fucking say I didn’t warn you.”</p><p>She pushed past the two women then, exiting the room in a wave of frustration, and Narcissa exhaled a small sob as she put her hand to her mouth, pleading to the woman beside her. “Don’t— don’t listen to her, Cass, please…”</p><p>Cassandra didn’t promise her that she wouldn’t though. She didn’t say anything for a long time as she just stared down at the ring on her finger, idly twisting it with her thumb. “I should… owl my son,” she finally said, looking at Narcissa apologetically, as she knew that wasn’t what the other woman wanted to hear. Still, it seemed Cassandra did not know what to say or how to react to the bomb Bellatrix dropped on her, and she needed time to process it.</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut. “Cass…”</p><p>“We’ll talk about it later, Cissa,” Cassandra promised as she pulled away from her, but it sounded disingenuous. If anything, it sounded like Cassandra would rather ignore it. “But I just gotta— right now I got other things to worry about. M’sorry.”</p><p>Narcissa was devastated. She knew that sometimes she went a little overboard, but that ring had <em>meant</em> something and just because her sister was bitter about the promise made to her, she had to go and ruin it for Cassandra as well. A part of Narcissa wondered if, despite Bellatrix’s claims, it <em>was</em> down to jealousy after all, and so that was what Narcissa held on to when she finally stalked out of her bedroom in a wave of fury and sadness, finding her sister in the kitchen not long afterward.</p><p>“Why did you have to <em>do</em> that?” Narcissa seethed, glaring at Bellatrix who was leaning up against the counter whilst eating a bagel. She looked so <em>bloody</em> casual after trying to, once again, destroy something so deeply important to Narcissa, and the blonde’s insides twisted violently in her gut. “Why did you have to ruin it for her?! For <em>me? </em>Did you have to be that bloody cruel?”</p><p>“Do you not know me?” Bellatrix deadpanned, looking at Narcissa like she had to be kidding her with this. “That was by <em>no</em> means cruel, Cissy, and you damn well know the difference.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean <em>how</em> you did it— just the fact that you did at all! Why did you have to shit all over her happiness? Are you really that <em>jealous, </em>because I thought we were— I thought we were bloody<em> past </em>all that!”</p><p>Bellatrix snorted, taking another bite of her bagel. She said nothing; she just stood there, fucking <em>chewing,</em> and Narcissa’s frustration got the best of her as she stalked over to her and ripped the damn thing out of her hands. “Stop eating that— dinner’s in less than an hour, do you honestly have no self-control?!”</p><p>Bellatrix looked irritated, but she did not grab for it back. It was routine at this point anyway; she always tried to ruin her dinner and Narcissa always had to stop her because she was like a child in that way. “It’s just <em>food,</em> Cissy, but the answer to that question is still no.”</p><p>
  <em>Obviously.</em>
</p><p>“It was <em>rhetorical—</em> I already know you don’t. However, I’m still waiting for you to answer my other question because I’m not going to just <em>stand</em> here and be ignored!” Narcissa demanded, feeling entitled to Bellatrix’s feelings on the matter, as her<em> feelings</em> were what ruined this for her and Cassandra. “Did you do that out of <em>jealousy,</em> or…?”</p><p>Bellatrix just snorted again, leaning up against the kitchen counter as she crossed her arms over her chest. Once again though, she said nothing.</p><p>“Stop doing that!” Narcissa exclaimed, furiously throwing the bagel into the trash. “You have words, Bella, use them!”</p><p>“Fine, you want me to use my <em>words?”</em> Bellatrix countered, pushing herself off the counter to cross the space between them, her tone clearly reminding Narcissa that she had <em>asked</em> for this. “You are going to break that fucking woman. <em>Again.</em> You might think you’re doing her a bloody favor but you’re not, and what <em>pisses</em> me off is that when everything comes tumbling down it’s not <em>you</em> that’s going to have to deal with it, because I’m the only one who fucking knows how Cassandra feels and she <em>knows</em> that.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a hard breath, her chest feeling as though it was being hollowed out as suddenly, the one thing Narcissa had accused Bellatrix of made camp deep in that hole in her chest. It was sudden, it was ugly, and Narcissa hated herself for it a little bit because she had been trying, she had been <em>trying</em> to be okay with them, but the mental picture of Cassandra running to <em>Bellatrix </em>of all people for comfort was just a little too much for her right then.</p><p>“Oh, what a <em>hero</em> you’ll be for her then<em>,”</em> Narcissa seethed, using her anger as a crutch. “I’m sure Cass will just fall into your arms because of big bad me; ‘cause that’s what you <em>want,</em> isn’t it? Jesus fucking Christ, Bellatrix, I’ve tolerated your stupid crush, but this is just <em>beyond—”</em></p><p><em>“Tolerated?”</em> Bellatrix snapped with a bitter laugh. “Right, but <em>I’m</em> the one who’s jealous— get your head out of your arse, Cissy. You wanted us to get along, you <em>wanted</em> this so that you could have everything without there being a war; well <em>this </em>is what that fucking looks like, so I’d get used to it if I were you, Princess.”</p><p>The worst part was that Narcissa knew that; she knew this was all her doing, all her<em> choice. </em>She also, not too long ago, blatantly told Bellatrix that she was allowed to<em> like</em> Cassandra, and she still felt that way to a degree, but right now Bellatrix running to Cassandra’s rescue was just a little too fucking <em>real.</em> Narcissa felt like she was spiraling because of Draco, and it caused her to lash out as she pointed her finger at her sister in warning, hating that she was making all of this <em>harder</em> on her. “Cassandra is <em>not </em>yours to protect, Bella, and our relationship is none of your business. If you want to act like that scar I gave you was the worst bloody thing to happen to you—”</p><p>“That is <em>not</em> what I fucking said!”</p><p>It was, actually. The best <em>and</em> the worst, but Narcissa wasn’t going to stand there and argue semantics with her.</p><p>“—then <em>fuck</em> you, we can deal with that later when we discuss <em>our</em> relationship, but don’t you dare ruin this for her,” Narcissa seethed, her furious gaze searching her sisters as she stood toe to toe with her. “Just let her be happy, Bellatrix! Let <em>me</em> be happy!”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll tell her not to fucking listen to me then; but it won’t change <em>shit</em> because like it or not, Cissy, your relationship isn’t just <em>your</em> relationship anymore, and you’re deluded if you think it won’t spill over into mine—”</p><p>“You don’t have a relationship with her, Bellatrix, you have an <em>arrangement!”</em> Narcissa practically screeched, because she couldn’t bear her sister labeling whatever she had with Cassandra as a <em>relationship, </em>mostly because she knew her sister used the word to mean that it wasn’t entirely sexual. Narcissa knew it was coming sooner or later; she wasn’t stupid. But not now. Not yet. Bellatrix could like her, they could like each <em>other,</em> but Narcissa couldn’t handle watching them develop a romantic entanglement when she felt like her whole life was crumbling down around her because of her own.</p><p>And it was awful, because there was still this nagging fear in the back of her mind that because Bellatrix was starting to feel something for Cassandra, since it was <em>new</em> and exciting and fun, that it would eventually overshadow <em>their </em>relationship whether Bellatrix meant for it to or not, and that devastated Narcissa more than words could describe. She felt like she lost everything because of her relationship with Bellatrix, because Draco <em>was—</em> he <em>was</em> her everything, and while Narcissa knew it wasn’t for nothing, she didn’t want it to feel that way even for a second just because Bellatrix was too caught up in the beginnings of a new romance to realize she was neglecting the woman who… God, who <em>needed</em> her right now.</p><p>But of course Bellatrix couldn’t see that, and Narcissa didn’t know how to voice it, and everything came tumbling down once more.</p><p>“I know what I have with her; you don’t have to fucking spell it out for me!” Bellatrix snapped. “I’m not going to bloody ask her to be my girlfriend or anything, so you can unclench. Jesus, you’re a piece of work. You claim you’re fine with us one minute and then scream about it the next— you know, me and her have done nothing but cater to you for <em>days</em> because of this bullshit with your son, so I don’t even know why you’re so caught up in what <em>we’re</em> doing; I haven’t even had five fucking minutes to myself with her for nearly a week but sure, go off at me for trying to pay attention to<em> her </em>emotional crap for half a fucking second.”</p><p>Her, her, her— <em>God,</em> Narcissa felt ill.</p><p>“Fine, if that’s what you want, go pay attention to <em>her</em> then!” Narcissa shot back, her cheeks reddened in fury despite the pit of her stomach feeling heavy with despair and neglect. And it was stupid, Narcissa knew that; they both <em>had</em> been catering to her for the last couple days, but Narcissa wasn’t mentally well enough for them to stop yet, despite it looking like Bellatrix was nearing the end of her patience in that regard. “Don’t let me stop you!”</p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a disbelieving laugh as she shook her head. She took a step back from her, giving up trying to talk to her. “<em>Believe</em> me, Cissy, I really fucking won’t,” she decided before blowing past her, striding out of the kitchen without ever bothering to look back. Narcissa exhaled a furious shout, pushing the spice rack off the counter. The glass containers shattered, the house elf apparated in to clean it almost instantaneously, and tears slid down Narcissa’s cheeks as she slumped into a stool situated against the island counter.</p><p>She wished she could just <em>say</em> it; she wished she could just tell Bellatrix what it was that she needed, as she knew how her sister worked and she <em>knew</em> Bellatrix didn’t understand, but there was a part of Narcissa that felt as though it cheapened the gesture if she had to ask to be taken care of, and so she stayed silent. At the same time though, Narcissa felt selfish because both Bellatrix and Cassandra had been doing nothing<em> but</em> take care of her ever since the blowout with Draco, and it wasn’t as though Bellatrix was prioritizing Cassandra <em>yet. </em>Still, despite knowing that Bellatrix had every right to want to spend time with Cassandra, as the arrangement the three of them now had wasn’t all about <em>her,</em> Narcissa just wanted her to wait a little bit. She just did not know how to vocalize it in a way that wouldn’t end in yet another fight and so she sat in the kitchen, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she hoped Bellatrix would figure it out on her own.</p><p>Dinner was… strained. Draco still wouldn’t come downstairs, Lucius was still being short with her as he still blamed Narcissa for their son’s current breakdown. Bellatrix’s irritation levels had spiked substantially, not just from the argument they had, but from the fact that Severus had been invited over to dinner <em>again</em> by the Dark Lord despite now being able to live in his own house again due to the Aurors office being taken over, and of course Rodolphus’ incessant comments about what had <em>happened</em> last week, which upset not only Bellatrix, but Narcissa as well, made things even worse. Cassandra seemed overwhelmed; she still hadn’t spoken to Narcissa about how she felt about the ring now that Bellatrix may have ruined the whole thing, and she was the first to leave the table as she retreated to the garden to get some bloody space from it all. Narcissa wanted to follow her, she wanted to talk to her and maybe fix things between <em>them</em> for a second, but after she had finished her dinner she noticed that her <em>sister</em> had already followed Cassandra, and Narcissa fled upstairs in order not to break down into more tears in front of a hoard of Death Eaters.</p><p>Like some kind of fucking <em>masochist</em> she looked out her bedroom window at some point, seeing Bellatrix and Cassandra sitting together on the stone bench overlooking the garden. They were facing one another, the younger woman’s legs wrapped around Bellatrix’s thighs as they talked, and somehow Narcissa found the whole thing to be <em>worse </em>than if she had looked out and seen them kissing or fucking or <em>something,</em> because they looked intimate without actually being sexual. Although she could not see very well in the dark, it looked like Cassandra might be holding Bellatrix’s hand or perhaps just playing with her fingers and Narcissa, feeling very left out and very much alone, retreated from the window to curl up into bed as she cocooned herself in the covers and fell into yet another deep depression.</p><p>The way things were going, Narcissa had expected the two of them to spend the night together despite it <em>technically</em> being her night with Bellatrix, as they hadn’t really been adhering to the schedule lately, and Bellatrix had made it clear she was going to do what she wanted whilst Cassandra still seemed to be in emotional turmoil over the ring and by extension, her relationship with Narcissa. Both of them had been sleeping with her the last couple of nights though, albeit without sex as Narcissa had not been in the mood for their usual games, and their dynamic had yet to include emotional sex ever since that one time Bellatrix had freaked out and bolted over it. Narcissa had just needed to feel loved and taken care of by both of them though, and they obliged her. She loved them for that, she <em>appreciated</em> them for that, and while Narcissa understood that maybe it wasn’t fair to them that she was taking up the majority of their time, she still was not through with it, and she just wished both of them would realize that she still was not okay.</p><p>But maybe they did after all.</p><p>The door to the bedroom opened and Narcissa pulled the covers down past her chin in order to see who had come into the room. It was Bellatrix, but she was strangely alone, and Narcissa’s brow knit as she sunk a little deeper into the covers, trying to hide the tear stains on her cheeks. “Where’s Cass?” she asked, genuinely curious despite the question coming out more like an accusation.</p><p>“Downstairs?” Bellatrix answered as she closed the door, her confusion evident considering she no doubt assumed that should have been obvious.</p><p>“She didn’t come up with you?”</p><p>“I mean, it’s not even eight o’clock yet, Cissy; it’s not exactly time for bed despite your desire to sleep away your life lately,” Bellatrix answered as she crossed the room. She stopped at the edge of the bed though, hesitating before asking in an aggressive tone, no doubt only to overshadow her own fear of rejection, “Besides… last I checked it was <em>our</em> night together. I know our schedule has been fucked lately, but still.”</p><p>Narcissa <em>wanted</em> to reject her. She wanted Bellatrix to know how she felt just then, but she couldn’t. In the end, Narcissa was scared of pushing her away now that Bellatrix had somewhere else to <em>go. </em>Still, her insecurities came out regardless as she responded in a soft voice, “I just… assumed you’d want to spend the night with her instead. We were fighting.”</p><p>“We always fight,” Bellatrix dismissed as she crawled into bed next to her, getting under the covers. She said that like it was just a fact of life she had learned to deal with, and maybe it was. Still, Bellatrix usually held on to her aggression longer than this. Whatever conversation she had with Cassandra seemed to diminish it, and while Narcissa was glad that Bellatrix was there, she was still a little sad that her girlfriend was not.</p><p>“Is she going to come up here later?”</p><p>“No,” Bellatrix answered as she settled in next to her, causing Narcissa’s lips to turn down into a frown. “But not ‘cause of the fucking ring; she’s fine now, sorted through her bullshit… whatever. She just— I dunno, thought it was important that it was just me and you tonight, and she was probably <em>right,</em> so…” Bellatrix trailed off, sounding a little grumpy about Cassandra giving her good advice despite recognizing that she should take it. “We’re also going to stop doing… whatever the fuck it is that we’re doing for a while. If that makes it better.”</p><p>“What?” Narcissa asked, surprised as she sat up a little in bed to look down at the other woman. “Bella, no— I don’t want…” She sighed heavily, realizing she didn’t <em>know</em> what she wanted. Not really. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, feeling stupid for having caused so much discourse in their respective relationships. “That wasn’t my intention; I still want the three of us to be… whatever it is that we are. I’ve just… I’ve been having a hard time lately, and I haven’t been articulating what I need. I’m not jealous— I mean, I suppose on some level I still am, but not in the traditional sense; I’ve only been feeling that way lately because I’m scared I’m going to lose something in the process of you both finding something in one another. That’s… that’s all.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, of course finding her insecurities to be ridiculous. “You’re not going to lose <em>anything,</em> Cissy; we’re both in love with you. Like in the walk through fucking fire for your arse kind of way; I mean, for Christ’s sake, I actually <em>have.”</em> And she was right, of course; Narcissa couldn’t forget what Bellatrix had done for her when she covered up Margret’s murder, but that was a very long time ago, and things had changed since then.</p><p> Bellatrix noticed the look on her face though and she sighed, reaching out to pull Narcissa back down on her side so that they were facing one another in the bed. “I fucking <em>love</em> you, Cissy,” she told her seriously, and Narcissa’s stomach clenched in her gut at the honesty and intensity in her sister’s words. “I know I can be shit sometimes, but I’m not going to replace you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to; you have the other half of my bloody<em> soul,</em> remember?” Narcissa pursed her lips, but nodded. She knew that; she had always known that, for better or for worse. Bellatrix’s gaze took in her sister’s expression though before she reached out, tracing the curvature of Narcissa’s jaw with her fingers as though she was handling something precious.</p><p>“You’re so fucking <em>stupid</em> sometimes,” she breathed, sounding exasperated yet almost as though Narcissa being this way was endearing to her in its familiarity. “You and I are fucking forever, and you damn well <em>know</em> that. What you think you lost… what you’re <em>afraid</em> you’ve lost, it wasn’t for nothing. I might look at Cassandra a little fucking differently now, but I will <em>never</em> look at her the way I look at you, because you are and have always been my entire fucking <em>world,</em> Narcissa.”</p><p>The blonde’s eyes welled up with tears at those words, her expression softening. Her hand cupped Bellatrix’s, stilling it on her cheek. “Everything that I am has always been yours, Bella,” Narcissa breathed, a tear slipping down her cheek to pool at their clasped hands. “I love her, I love <em>him,</em> but… it’s always been different with us. A part of you lives inside of me, and… and I’m <em>sorry</em> I feared that you had forgotten that I am as much a part of you as you are of me. I should have known better.”</p><p>“Yeah, you damn well should have,” Bellatrix responded, her words strong but not harsh. Her eyes searched Narcissa’s then, her thumb gently stroking the younger woman’s cheek. “I don’t even have <em>words</em> for how I feel about you, Cissy. It’s so fucking beyond all that; it’s so much bloody <em>deeper</em> than that.”</p><p>Narcissa smiled, as she could feel the truth in her sister’s declaration. Still, she couldn’t help herself as she lightly teased Bellatrix, “To be fair, you don’t exactly seem to have the words for how you feel about <em>her</em> either.”</p><p>Bellatrix sighed and pulled her hand away from her, looking a little frustrated. “I <em>have</em> the words, okay? I just don’t want to fucking vocalize them. There’s a bloody difference.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa softly acknowledged, as she realized how much <em>feeling</em> something for Cassandra might not scare her, per se, but at least make her wary. This was something Bellatrix hadn’t had in quite a long time, and it was obvious she wasn’t entirely sure how she should act, or if she was even <em>allowed</em> to act in the way that she wanted to. Narcissa wanted to assure her that she could, as she wanted Bellatrix to be happy with Cassandra, but she also wasn’t ready for them to take that next step yet. She felt selfish, but this… <em>this</em> was what she needed right now, especially in the wake of her fallout with Draco.</p><p>Just her. Just Bellatrix.</p><p>And it seemed her sister felt the same way as she told her, “I don’t want to talk about Cassandra right now. I feel like all we ever bloody do now is talk about her. And maybe that’s inevitable, with our fucked up situation, considering half the time me and her just talk about <em>you,</em> but fuck it; tonight, nothing bloody exists outside of this room. We used to be sodding good at that— just blocking all the rest of the bullshit out. I miss that. Sometimes, I fucking miss it just being <em>us.</em>”</p><p>“You do?” Narcissa asked softly, her heart clenching in her chest as she looked at her sister, her expression softening. She reached out, covering Bellatrix’s hand with her own. “I miss it too,” she breathed, because as much as she loved Cassandra, their new arrangement had changed things quite a lot between all three of them, and sometimes Narcissa yearned for something simpler, even for a moment. She just hoped, in the end, that should she be able to have that with Bellatrix, then she would be able to find a moment to have it with Cassandra as well. Still, right now, her sister was her priority; it was <em>their</em> relationship that blew a hole in her life, and Narcissa needed to feel as though it was worth it.</p><p>Bellatrix’s eyes searched hers for a long moment before finally her gaze rested on her lips and she leaned in, capturing Narcissa’s in a soft kiss. The younger woman closed her eyes as she reached out, her fingers fisting in her sister’s dress as she pulled her flush against her. Bellatrix’s hand slipped up her nightgown, her nails gently scratching up her thighs until her palm came to rest on the base of her abdomen, her kiss getting needier, <em>hungrier,</em> as Bellatrix tried to express how she felt in the only way she really knew how.</p><p>Narcissa’s lips parted and she exhaled an uneven breath, feeling Bellatrix’s fall to her cheek, her jaw. “Bella,” she pleaded, already knowing exactly what this would become; what they both <em>needed.</em> It had been so long since they touched one another in an emotionally honest way, and Narcissa was so very desperate to feel close to Bellatrix again as she tangled her fingers in her sister’s hair, the pit of her stomach igniting with a yearning for something a part of her hadn’t realized she lost until it was right in front of her again. “Silence the room, I want—”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> what you want,” Bellatrix told her breathlessly, her lips dusking the expanse of her sister’s jaw as she allowed her hand to bunch Narcissa’s nightgown above her breasts. “Your entire fucking life, I’ve always known what you’ve needed, Cissy.” She touched her face then, her thumb dragging across Narcissa’s bottom lip as she looked down at the woman that she loved. Bellatrix’s brow was creased though, this guilty look plastered on her face as she apologized, “I should have given it to you sooner. I’m sorry I’m shit.”</p><p>“Stop it, you’re not,” Narcissa denied, placing her hand on the one that rested on her face. Narcissa turned her head, gently kissing her sister’s palm. She didn’t want Bellatrix to feel guilty, because she didn’t have a reason to. “For a long time, you didn’t have a <em>reason</em> to want to make love to me,” Narcissa admitted, her stomach clenching in her gut from her own guilt. “You didn’t trust me, and I don’t blame you for that. But things are different now; they’re… <em>infinitely </em>more complicated, yeah, but things between<em> us</em> have been… better, haven’t they?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bellatrix admitted softly, as regardless of how messy things were now with Cassandra thrown in the mix, she couldn’t deny that it had improved their relationship. Narcissa smiled at her sister softly, her grip on Bellatrix’s hand tightening. “I just… I dunno. I feel like maybe I should have spent our nights together doing more than just <em>fucking</em> you. We fuck with <em>her,</em> and it shouldn’t have just been more of the same shit when we were alone.”</p><p>“I <em>enjoy</em> fucking you, my love,” Narcissa responded honestly, looking up at the woman above her. “But you’re wrong if you think that’s all we’ve been doing. That time in the shower, after I had… <em>fucked</em> up and told both you and Cassandra that I loved you while we were all in the same bed…”</p><p>“At most, that was gentler sex, Cissy,” Bellatrix denied, which made Narcissa frown, as that was not all <em>she</em> thought it was. Her unhappy expression disappeared however though when her sister reached over her, finding her wand on the bedside table before she used it to silence the room. “But what I’m going to do to you <em>now…” </em>Bellatrix breathed as she hovered over her, grasping the hem of her dress before she pulled it up and over her head in one smooth motion, tossing the discarded fabric to the floor. Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath, the light behind Bellatrix made her look like she was almost glowing, and she was <em>beautiful.</em> “<em>That</em> is going to make you feel fucking loved, more than anything we’ve done in a long time, because I love you, Narcissa. I fucking<em> love </em>you…”</p><p>Bellatrix’s palm touched her face and their lips connected once more, but the kiss quickly became frantic on Narcissa’s end as suddenly she had such a <em>desperate</em> need to feel her sister entirely against her; to feel like Bellatrix was a <em>part</em> of her. Narcissa broke the kiss for a second after she had pulled her nightgown up further, using the momentary space between them to practically rip it off of her body. She grasped for Bellatrix then, her fingers unhooking the other woman’s bra in record time before Narcissa’s hands fell further south, tugging on her sister’s knickers. “I need to feel you, I need—” Narcissa tried, but she was a <em>mess</em> and Bellatrix seemed to understand that as she kissed her again, gently pushing the blonde onto her back as she left her hand on her chest, encouraging her to stay put.</p><p>“You will,” she promised her softly. Bellatrix looked a little amused at her urgency though, and gently teased her, “Just breathe, Cissy; I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>“Shut up, I just…” Narcissa tried, but she didn’t have the words. The intense emotion that had settled in her chest became too much for her then and her eyes welled up with tears as she looked up at the woman she had loved so desperately ever since she was a little girl. “I love you, okay?” she quietly defended, feeling a tear slide out of the corner of her eye. “I just love you, and it’s…” Narcissa helplessly motioned towards her chest, realizing she too didn’t know how to voice her feelings for the other woman either, “it’s a <em>lot; </em>it’s overwhelming and I just…”</p><p>“I know,” Bellatrix breathed, thankfully not making fun of her for <em>crying</em> as she reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She looked down at her then as she shifted, removing her knickers just as Narcissa had asked. But there was something in Bellatrix’s expression, something Narcissa didn’t understand until her sister was finally as bare as she was, and she settled in next to her, their legs tangling together.</p><p>“I know everything’s all-consuming and dramatic for you, Cissy, and I know you can’t help it,” Bellatrix told her, her voice soft as she reached out, tangling their fingers together before she pressed their palms together. Their matching scars touched, and Narcissa understood then what it was that her sister was trying to say; trying to <em>accept. </em>The blonde’s chest heaved in emotion, her eyes welling up with tears again. “I should have been grateful; that you love me so goddamn<em> passionately</em> that you didn’t know what else to <em>do</em> other than this. I should have fucking realized.”</p><p>But Narcissa shook her head, sniffling as she tried to get a hold of her emotions. “You shouldn’t have to be grateful for an empty promise, Bella,” she breathed sadly, as she knew now that her tendency to be over the top could unfortunately end up hurting others. “You were right; I do these things, and yet nothing ever changes. You deserve to be proposed to by someone who can actually marry you.”</p><p>“There is nobody,” Bellatrix reminded her softly, her grip tightening in Narcissa’s. “And even if there was, Cissy, I would never want to marry anyone other than you.”</p><p>She gave her a sad smile then, and Narcissa exhaled a broken sob before she untangled their hands, grasping onto her sister’s face before covering Bellatrix’s lips with her own. She kissed her with everything she had in her, <em>needing</em> Bellatrix to know how much her words meant to her, but not knowing how to say it. Narcissa just felt like an emotional wreck, to be honest; after everything with Draco, she had <em>needed</em> a moment like this with Bellatrix so bloody badly, and now that she had it, it was overwhelming her to the point of tears.</p><p>“I wish… I could give you… <em>everything…”</em> Narcissa sobbed against her lips, hating herself for feeling as though she was coming up short in what to give her sister in return. But Bellatrix shushed her, encouraging her to roll over on her back as she hovered over her once more.</p><p>“You already do,” she breathed, her lips finding Narcissa’s cheek, her jaw, her shoulder. “You’ve always given me everything you could, Cissy…” Bellatrix murmured, her lips dusking over the woman’s nipple as her hand fell between Narcissa’s thighs, her fingers running through her folds. Narcissa whimpered, her nails digging into her sister’s back as she parted her legs. “And I’ve always given you more than either of us could fucking handle. Maybe… maybe you were right all along; maybe we both need something to balance it— make it <em>saner…”</em></p><p>Maybe, in the end, Cassandra really was the answer they were both looking for, and a surge of emotion gripped Narcissa’s chest as she realized that perhaps this absolute mess they had found themselves caught up in might be what saved them after all. She cupped her sister’s face, pulling Bellatrix in for another kiss before she breathed against her lips, “I hope one day she loves you as I do,” because Bellatrix deserved that, despite how complicated it all was, she <em>deserved</em> to have a real balance, just as Narcissa did, but Bellatrix only snorted disbelievingly at that as she gently began sliding her fingers over her sister’s clit.</p><p>“Taking it too far again, Cissy.”</p><p>“I know,” Narcissa acknowledged, as she was aware that that was a <em>lot, </em>and not at all what either of them were ready for right now. Still, she so desperately wanted her sister to experience the same thing she did, as she knew Bellatrix had so much love inside of her to give, and perhaps focusing it on one person wasn’t good for her as it tended to end up being rather psychotic. Bellatrix needed someone to level it out just the same as she did, and who better to do that than the very same woman Narcissa loved herself? It was full circle, in a way. “I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>“I am happy. <em>You</em> make me happy,” Bellatrix assured her, before a resigned expression crossed her face and she begrudgingly admitted, “But she… she makes me happy too, I guess, if you <em>really</em> need me to fucking say it. Having her… it doesn’t suck, but love will never bloody be a part of that. She will never know me like you do, Cissy, and even if she did, my darkness isn’t something many can love. I accepted that a long time ago.”</p><p>“You are so much <em>more</em> than your darkness, my love,” Narcissa breathed, needing Bellatrix to realize that the worst parts of her didn’t define who she was. She searched her sister’s eyes as she gently tucked an errant strand of hair behind Bellatrix’s ear. “And you sell yourself short if you think no one other than <em>me </em>will ever see that.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Bellatrix admitted quietly before her fingers fell further south, making their way inside of her sister. Narcissa inhaled a sharp breath, her cheeks flushing in arousal as she looked up at the beautiful woman atop her. “But I can live without ever knowing if that’s true, because <em>you’re</em> the only one I ever wanted to see me, to <em>know</em> me. I have all the fucking love and acceptance I’ve ever needed from you, Narcissa, and that’s enough for me. It’s <em>always </em>been enough for me.”</p><p>Narcissa’s expression softened as their lips connected again, Bellatrix’s fingers twisting inside of her as she drew out a long, unsteady moan from the woman beneath her. Narcissa grasped for her, pulling Bellatrix close as she allowed her sister to make love to her in a way she desperately missed. It was so beautiful, and so fucking <em>real </em>as they both finally acknowledged in an honest way how much things were changing<em>.</em> For a long time it felt like they were just going through the motions, their sex becoming a game as they involved another person in what they shared with one another, as it had just been emotionally safer that way not just for the two sisters, but for Cassandra as well. Narcissa hadn’t realized how disconnected she had felt from both of her lovers, but especially <em>Bellatrix </em>until now, and it was for that reason that she was so unwilling to let her go as she held her sister against her so tightly her fingertips left bruises in their wake. She just wanted to fall into her, be consumed<em> by</em> her, and Narcissa moaned as Bellatrix began fucking her deeper, harder, pulling everything out of Narcissa that had felt trapped inside of her for so long.</p><p>“Please, please,” she begged, the words being whispered across her sister’s skin as she writhed and whimpered beneath her. Narcissa’s breathing was labored, her nails digging into Bellatrix’s shoulder as she pushed her hips further into her sister’s hand, arching her back. “I need you, I need—”</p><p>“You have me,” Bellatrix assured her, her thumb slipping against the younger woman’s clit as she encouraged her to get closer to the edge. Narcissa exhaled a breathy moan, her head feeling like it was spinning as she tried to ground herself with the one thing that had made sense to her ever since she was a little girl. “You’ve always fucking had me, Narcissa…”</p><p>“I know, I know… God, oh my <em>fucking</em> God…” she cried, grasping onto her sister’s face as she pulled Bellatrix just a hair’s width from her lips. “I love you, I fucking—” But that was as far as she got before she fell, her mouth dropping open in a silent scream as her orgasm ripped through her body like a tidal wave. Narcissa trembled in the aftermath, her sister kissing her neck, her jaw, as she gently moved her fingers inside of her, allowing Narcissa to ride out the high for as long as she was able.</p><p>“I love you,” Narcissa whispered as soon as she was able to breathe properly again, and Bellatrix smiled as she settled herself next to her, kissing her sister’s shoulder.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>Narcissa opened her eyes, emotion gripping her chest again as she looked at the woman beside her, knowing she was going to spend all night making love to her because she hadn’t realized how starved she was until she was finally sated. Narcissa felt fuller, happier, and as she leaned in and left a lingering kiss on Bellatrix’s lips, she finally knew that no matter how bad things got when their secret was out, that her sister was and would always be worth the pain, and that <em>that,</em> in the end, would be what got her through this.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163/chapters/69009144">“Kitten” Part 4, which is set during this chapter (47), will be posted this Saturday, December 19th</a>, in place of the next chapter of CR because I am taking a much needed break from writing and thus feel the need to give myself an extra three weeks by throwing the chapters I’ve already written of Kitten in the middle of the regular update schedule instead of on Wednesdays. Sorry! lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. XLVIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLVIII.</strong>
</p><p>"What part of '<em>listen to your aunt'</em> did you not understand?!" Lucius snapped at his son after they had returned from whatever task the Dark Lord had sent them on. He grabbed for Draco, who scoffed and ducked out of his father’s reach while simultaneously heading for the stairs. He wouldn’t even acknowledge his mother, who had been up waiting for him the second she found out that Draco had finally left his bedroom, as he had been summoned for a task. Narcissa was horribly pale and had been clutching Cassandra for the duration of their leave, praying to any God that would listen that her son would be alright.</p><p>Narcissa <em>wished</em> she could breathe easy now that he had come back to her in one piece, but Lucius was <em>livid,</em> which only meant one thing— Draco had been in danger, and Lucius was scared because it had apparently been avoidable.</p><p>“If the kid wants to learn the hard way then fucking let him,” Bellatrix responded, as though she already assumed reprimanding Draco would be pointless. She threw her cloak on the rack before coming over to greet her sister. “No skin off my back.”</p><p>“Yeah, it never bloody is, is it?” Lucius shot back, infuriated he wasn’t getting the support he needed from his sister-in-law.</p><p>Bellatrix ignored him though and leaned in, as though she actually expected Narcissa to give her a kiss in greeting in front of her <em>son,</em> but even if Narcissa decided that was something she was comfortable doing (which she was not, and most likely never would be), the fact remained that she was horrified by how bloody blasé her sister was when it came to her son and Death Eater activities. “Bella, if he learns the hard way, he <em>dies!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, realizing she wasn’t going to get a kiss from her sister, and tried Cassandra instead, as after Narcissa had explicitly told her that she did not have to put her relationship with the other woman on hold just for her, they had decided to resume it, albeit it seemed with some restrictions that Bellatrix in particular was <em>not</em> happy about. Cassandra was afraid for Narcissa’s emotional state when it came to Draco though and how that might spill over into other areas of the woman’s life, and as such had told Bellatrix that until the situation with their other lover’s son had calmed down a bit they needed to be more careful with boundaries. Unfortunately for Bellatrix, that now meant that the only thing Cassandra was really allowing was threesomes, but considering <em>Narcissa</em> wasn’t really in the mood to have wild, kinky sex with both of her lovers while her son hated her, Bellatrix was left with very little, and it was starting to aggravate her.</p><p>That aggravation tripled once Bellatrix realized Cassandra was not going to allow her to kiss her either, as the redhead had responded by pointedly <em>not</em> moving and shooting the woman a chastising look over the comments made about Draco. Bellatrix sighed in irritation, stepping away from them both. “Jesus, you two and fucking <em>kids.</em> Do neither of you realize that gangly looking fucker is practically a man now? He makes his own goddamn decisions, and if he wants to make stupid ones then that’s on him. I’m not about to waste my time concerning myself with a brat who’s too pig-headed to fucking listen when I say<em> ‘it’s a bloody trap’ </em>just because he’s pissed I fuck his Mum. Grow up and get over it.”</p><p>“Grow up?!” Draco shot back, despite being halfway up the stairs and <em>almost</em> out of reach before he couldn’t help himself and turned back around. To be honest though, Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure what Draco was going to do when he even got up there; the <em>only</em> reason he was able to leave his bedroom was because the Dark Lord summoned him and the Mark used guided apparition. Draco’s bedroom door was <em>still</em> sealed shut and he was not yet good enough at apparating on his own to guarantee that he wouldn’t splinch himself in the process, so unless he wanted to barricade himself in one of the guest rooms, Narcissa wasn’t sure what his plan was.</p><p> “Just because <em>you</em> think I should accept it, doesn’t mean I will or that I even bloody have to— the fact that all of you just go on acting like this is <em>normal</em> is what’s wrong with this family, and <em>exactly </em>why I’ve decided I’m not spending my summer vacation here!” Draco snapped, which was news to, well, literally everyone, but Lucius was the first to speak.</p><p>“And where exactly do you think you’re going as a wanted fugitive? In case you’ve forgotten, you’ve been implicated in your former Headmaster’s murder, and while we may have overtaken the Aurors’ office, they can only turn a blind eye to so much before suspicion rises. If you are seen in public, you are finished. We are <em>all</em> finished, Draco, do you understand me? This isn’t a <em>joke.”</em></p><p>“I’m not an idiot, Father,” Draco snapped furiously. “I know I can’t be seen in public, but I <em>can</em> hide away in someone’s bloody house that’s not ours, and Goyle asked his dad if I could stay over there yesterday and he said <em>yes,</em> so I’m leaving. You can’t stop me.”</p><p>Gregory had returned home from Hogwarts two days ago, and due to their current living situation in the Malfoy Manor, it had been the boy’s decision to ultimately stay with his father during the duration of his holiday leave. It had been a hard conversation for Cassandra to have though, as apparently Gregory had been under the impression that women just “comforted” one another when their men were away, and assumed that his mother would eventually go back to his father after Peter had returned from Azkaban. When he found out that was not the case though, he grew upset with her, as he did not understand why his mother was trying to tear apart their family.</p><p>Cassandra had, of course, tried to explain to him that things had changed even though she had not planned for them to, that this <em>wasn’t</em> a decision she undertook lightly and that she could not help how she felt, and while Gregory did seem to reluctantly accept her side of things — as he had always been closer to his mother than he had been his father — all of a sudden the day before he was due to arrive back home, Gregory wrote to his mother and told her not to pick him up at the train station like they had originally planned, and that he wanted Peter to do it. Cassandra tried to not let it bother her; she convinced herself that perhaps Gregory merely wished to be picked up by the person he was going to go home with as that made the most sense, but it had now been two days since he had been home, and her son had not returned her letter that had expressed her desire to spend some time with him soon.</p><p>“You spoke to my son?” Cassandra asked, her voice catching in the back of her throat. Draco shot her a <em>scathing</em> look though, as he blamed Cassandra just as much as the rest of them for this madness.</p><p>“Well <em>someone</em> had to tell him the whole story,” Draco shot back, which only made Cassandra grow a little pale as she instinctively gripped Narcissa’s wrist. Obviously, she had wished to do that delicately when the time came,<em> if </em>the time came at all. Her being with Narcissa was one thing, as Gregory knew his mother was in love with her, but being with Bellatrix as well? That was harder to explain, and it did not paint Cassandra in the best light should one not know <em>why</em> she chose to tie herself to a pair of sisters. “If it’s so <em>bloody</em> important for me to know that my mother is sick, then the same goes for him.”</p><p>Cassandra looked wounded, and Narcissa shot her son an incredulous look, as that felt like a drastic overreaction. “Your Aunt Cassandra is not <em>sick,</em> Draco—” Yes, Cassandra wasn’t mentally well; she had her issues, but she was <em>far</em> from unstable.</p><p>“You’re <em>all</em> sick!” Draco shouted, not buying into their excuses. “You, her, <em>especially</em> Aunt fucking Bella—” Bellatrix had a heavy eye roll reserved for <em>that,</em> even though she was barely paying attention to the conversation anymore and instead was distractedly picking at her nails as she leaned against the wall, waiting for this all to be over so she could get some attention from either one of her lovers, “—even Father to some degree for just allowing all of this… this incestuous <em>throuple</em> bullshit to happen. I’m tired of it! I don’t want to live here anymore and I’m <em>not</em> going to because I can make my own sodding choices. From now on, I’m only be seeing you all when I bloody have to,” he finished scathingly, shooting an angry look at the tattoo on his arm before he furiously rubbed his hand over the cloth covering it.</p><p>“Draco, please— I understand you’re upset, but you cannot just run away…!” Narcissa tried, but Lucius just shook his head and held up his hand to his wife.</p><p>“Let him go, Narcissa.”</p><p>Narcissa gaped at him.<em> “Excuse</em> me?” Lucius had said himself how much risk Draco was at; shouldn’t they minimize it by keeping him here? Yes, he was unhappy, but him being <em>safe</em> was what mattered!</p><p> Draco shot his mother a sarcastic smile before stomping the rest of the way upstairs, and Narcissa looked at her husband in disbelief. “Leave it,” Lucius warned her, as the walls had ears and his reasoning clearly wasn’t something that needed to be overheard. They were not the only ones who had come back from that mission, and the sound of others in the adjoining rooms was not hard to miss. Lucius’ eyes shifted to the parlor, where he assumed the Dark Lord was, as it sounded as though he were now speaking to Rodolphus. “Just come to bed. It’s late.”</p><p>“Um, <em>no—</em> it’s not your night with her, it’s mine,” Bellatrix pointed out as she pushed herself off of the wall, which only caused Narcissa to shoot her sister an exasperated look because <em>obviously</em> Lucius just wanted some goddamn privacy with her in which to be able to properly discuss their son. “And I’ll be fucking damned if you try to take that from me, so fuck right off. I’ve had a shit day with half the bloody Order nearly catching us because <em>your</em> son did something stupid, and I’m not about to spend the night alone.”</p><p>“Bella, please,” Narcissa pleaded, needing her to realize this was more important, and that even if she went to ‘bed’ with Lucius, it didn’t mean that she had to stay there; they just had to have a conversation, as while Narcissa understood why Lucius didn’t want Draco in the house and around… all of <em>this</em>, she was still so terribly scared of the risks that may come with her son <em>leaving</em>. But then it clicked in her head what Bellatrix had just said and she looked at her husband, aghast. “<em>Half</em> the Order?” Because God, she knew the Order of the Phoenix was comprised of very skilled witches and wizards, and Draco being near <em>them</em> right now was terribly frightening.</p><p>“He’s fine,” Lucius reminded her, not letting Narcissa get caught up in her fear just as he had when he returned, as in the end nothing terrible had happened. They had to focus on that, as the ‘what if’s’ could end up swallowing them both whole if they did not. “And despite his attitude, I think Draco learned his lesson about <em>listening</em> to those more experienced then him. He’s just being combative because he hates that that person is usually Bellatrix.”</p><p>“…Okay,” Narcissa responded as she exhaled, believing her husband’s words. She turned back to her sister then, a pleading expression on her face. “Just— Bella, please. Switch for one night, alright?” Because she didn’t want to say out loud that she just needed privacy to momentarily speak with her husband without the fear of being overheard, as that could sound disloyal should anyone overhear <em>that.</em> “It’s not the end of the world. Cassandra can—”</p><p>“Sure, right, just go ahead and offer up your<em> replacement</em> like fucking always, even though we both know she wants nothing to do with me unless <em>you’re</em> there now.”</p><p>“Her <em>replacement?”</em> Cassandra repeated, sounding very offended as she looked over at the woman next to her, noticeably taking a step back from her. “Is that what you think I’m supposed to be?”</p><p>“No, I was fucking saying that’s what <em>she</em> thinks you’re supposed to be!” Bellatrix defended, but Cassandra hadn’t even looked like she had been a part of this conversation until recently, as after Draco had mentioned telling her <em>son</em> what was really going on at their house, she had seemed a bit disconnected from the world around her as she no doubt got consumed by the turmoil that brought her.</p><p>“I don’t— I don’t fuckin’ care, actually, I gotta…” Cassandra began, before she trailed off, looking stricken, and then disapparated on the spot.</p><p>“For <em>fuck’s</em> sake,” Bellatrix snapped before she too unexpectedly disapparated, no doubt to follow Cassandra, and Narcissa’s heart dropped into her stomach. Bellatrix could <em>not</em> be seen— what the hell was she <em>doing?!</em></p><p>“Oh my God. Oh my God, that<em> idiot—” </em>Narcissa wheezed, but that was as far as she got as suddenly her and Lucius were no longer the only two in the foyer. Wormtail, with his short stature and beady little eyes, looked as though he had been lurking before he announced his presence.</p><p>“The Dark Lord wants a word,” he told Lucius, which thankfully did not sound as ominous as it could have, even though Lucius did look a little nervous. Still, despite the Order having apparently lured them into a trap earlier, no one was caught nor discovered and they had gotten what they had gone for, so hopefully the Dark Lord wasn’t displeased with the results. Then again, if he had been, Bellatrix would have been the one to blame, as she had been lead on that mission. Narcissa prayed she was not wrong in that regard anyway, as the anxiety inside of her was beginning to tighten her esophagus as she knew she had to go after her sister before anything happened. They would have time to speak about Draco later.</p><p>“Go,” Narcissa encouraged her husband, her expression a little stricken. “I’ll— be right back.” And with that she disapparated, assuming the both of them went to Cassandra’s house as she was sure Cassandra went to try to see her son, while Bellatrix went after <em>her.</em> She was right of course, but neither of them had gotten inside Goyle manor; instead they seemed to be arguing outside of it.</p><p>And of course, of <em>course</em> it had begun to bloody rain, so now all of them were getting wet and Narcissa’s anxiety was making her <em>angry</em> so she stalked over to them both in a huff and grabbed them. “Have you lost your <em>fucking</em> mind?” Narcissa seethed at her sister, who looked very thrown off by the sight of the blonde.</p><p>“I thought you were with your useless husband—”</p><p>“No, because I have to look after my useless <em>sister!”</em> Narcissa exclaimed in a furious whisper, not wanting anyone to overhear them even though, to be fair, the Goyle manor <em>was</em> out of the way; it just wasn’t <em>as</em> out of the way as her own house, as they had quite a bit more land. Maybe it was an overreaction, but Bellatrix being <em>anywhere</em> where she wasn’t protected by other Death Eaters or the anonymity they used while in their robes gave Narcissa a terrible scare, and that was why her next move was to disapparate and forcefully bring her two lovers with her, as she just wanted to get Bellatrix somewhere <em>safe.</em></p><p>Cassandra swore, which Narcissa <em>thought</em> had just been in irritation until she finally had the two of them back in her bedroom and she noticed her girlfriend was bleeding. Thankfully, it seemed to only be a mild splinch, but as Cassandra held her forearm, Bellatrix popped off at her. “Now look what the fuck you’ve done! Jesus bloody Christ, I didn’t need a fucking babysitter— it’s the middle of the goddamn night and their property is surrounded by a wall; I would have been <em>fine.”</em></p><p>“Shut up— I’ll deal with you in a minute. Are you okay?” Narcissa asked, feeling awful as she turned towards Cassandra, who practically shoved Narcissa off of her in a huff before grabbing her wand and healing the minor damage herself. “I’m sorry, Cass, I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>“Will both of you just fuck off for a minute?” Cassandra snapped, no doubt feeling like she was being pulled in different directions— quite literally on Narcissa’s end, which ended up having shitty consequences that clearly did not help Cassandra’s mood. Her hands were shaking, anxiety still mapped into her expression. “I need to see my <em>son,</em> and—”</p><p>“And you already look like you’re about to fall the fuck apart, which isn’t a good way to see your bloody <em>husband,”</em> Bellatrix told her, her words being stressed as though she was reiterating that; that must have been what they were arguing about outside of the manor. “He’s in there too, and you’ve been ready to piss yourself over the idea of seeing him for whatever fucked off reason for like a month now. You’re too bloody fragile when you start obsessing over your goddamn kid; Goyle will fucking break you and then I’ll have to break <em>him</em> and then you’ll no doubt be pissed off that I ended up strangling the wank, so maybe you should just calm the fuck down before you start a chain reaction of <em>bullshit</em> that none of us need.”</p><p>“So you went after her because you didn’t think you would be able to control yourself if Peter ended up emotionally hurting her, and you were afraid she’d be <em>mad</em> at you for your actions thereafter?” Narcissa asked incredulously. “Jesus bloody Christ, Bella, you have the most warped sense of a hero complex—”</p><p>“You know what, fuck you; I didn’t hear you bloody complaining when my ‘warped hero complex’ saved <em>your</em> arse fifteen million times,” Bellatrix spat, looking angry and embarrassed that her reaction was labeled as such. “Whatever— fuck it; I don’t care. Let him screw you up; just be sure to cry to Cissy when he does because I <em>definitely </em>do not give a shit anymore.”</p><p>Narcissa shot her sister a disbelieving look. “You are so ridiculously over defensive sometimes and it achieves the exact opposite effect of what you want, you know. You don’t care? You might as well be vomiting out your feelings all over this bloody floor—”</p><p>“Enough— <em>enough!”</em> Cassandra intervened, hating when the two of them bickered as she knew it could go on for quite some time. “Please, I just— I <em>know</em> I’m not in any state to see Peter right now, but I just… I can’t fuckin’ bear it if Greg thinks badly of me, an’ I need…” But Cassandra couldn’t finish her sentence as suddenly she was crying, feeling overwhelmed once more. She stepped away from them both when they tried to comfort her, waving them off. “M’sorry, I’m just— freakin’ out, an’ I <em>know,</em> logically, that this isn’t an emergency; it’s not somethin’ I need to deal with right off the bat, but it’s fuckin’ consuming me an’ I… I dunno. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m panickin’ real bad an’—”</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, take a breath,” Bellatrix encouraged, even though it sounded more exasperated than anything else. “The only bloody reason you’re freaking out right now is because you just watched Cissy’s son tell her to basically fuck off forever and now you’re scared yours will do the same,” she told her, which was… oddly insightful. Narcissa was actually taken aback by that, and it seemed she was not the only one as Cassandra looked at her like she wasn’t sure who was in front of her anymore. “Stop projecting your bullshit; it’s not the same bloody thing and you know it.”</p><p>“I know, I know,” Cassandra acknowledged, sounding terribly guilty about that, which only intensified when she saw the look on her girlfriend’s face. Narcissa was trying to keep everything inside of herself, but the mention of <em>Draco</em> had upset her again, which of course made Cassandra feel as though her feelings weren’t valid because her situation was not as bad as Narcissa’s. “God, I’m sorry Cissa— I shouldn’t have… I need to calm down; this isn’t about me. <em>Jesus,</em> M’bein’ fuckin’ selfish…”</p><p>No, it <em>wasn’t</em> about her, but it hadn’t been for almost two weeks now and that wasn’t fair either. Narcissa’s fear of losing Draco had certainly intensified with her son now wishing to not even live in the same <em>house</em> as her, but perhaps the boy just needed space. Again, it had only been a couple weeks, and Narcissa should have expected that this would get worse before it got better; if she was lucky, perhaps Draco would be able to stand her during Christmas vacation, although she still wouldn’t hold her breath over <em>that</em> either. It was hard, it was absolutely fucking <em>gut</em> shredding, but that wasn’t a reason to dismiss Cassandra’s feelings either. Her son <em>also</em> did not seem to want to speak to her right now, and although it wasn’t due to him finding out that his mother was fucking her own <em>sister,</em> Draco had alluded to the fact that he had now informed his friend that <em>his</em> mother was now sleeping with not one, but two women, which made the reasons Cassandra left Peter seem far more self-serving than ‘because she fell in love’ simply did.</p><p>All of their families were falling apart due their intersecting relationships, and yet instead of doing the one thing that could perhaps solve it, they all fell a little deeper into one another in order to cope.</p><p>Well, it was a coping mechanism for two of them at least. Bellatrix, of course, did not give half a shit that her lovers’ families were falling apart, because she only cared about a grand total of three people now, and so long as her relationships with <em>them</em> was fine, she was happy. Well, perhaps happy was a bit of a stretch— Alright, a <em>lot</em> of a stretch. She was, admittedly, very annoyed that both of her lovers seemed to let their angst over their children practically consume them, and her patience with it was beginning to reach its crux, <em>especially</em> because as they were going through something similar, both Narcissa and Cassandra had been practically up one another’s arses, which caused Bellatrix to feel a little left out.</p><p>After Narcissa got to speak with her husband that night though (who had been called away to be given the task of freeing Yaxley from prison, along with any other criminals who may wish to join their cause), Lucius convinced her that despite the risks, Draco leaving the manor for the duration of the summer was what was best for him; not only because of the Dark Lord currently residing in their home, but because he needed <em>space</em> from what he was unable to understand. Lucius warned her that if he felt trapped there that he may grow to resent her, whereas if he had time to process it on his own, then maybe they had a chance to reconcile one day. Lucius still wasn’t happy with her that she had told Draco, but at this point he knew what was done was done, and all they could do now was move forward. He reminded Narcissa that it had taken him a <em>long</em> time to get to something resembling acceptance, and that she had to prepare herself for it being the same way with her son.</p><p>That was why Narcissa had fallen into Cassandra though, using her as a way to cope with what she hoped would be the temporary loss of her son. As the woman was going through her own turmoil since Gregory refused to return any of her letters, she was just as eager to feel something <em>good </em>and therefore was easy to get lost in. Problem was, Bellatrix had already been feeling rather shafted by Cassandra as the woman prioritized Narcissa’s mental wellbeing over her relationship with <em>her,</em> and now the two of them finding solace in one another during this time was making things worse. Narcissa had <em>tried</em> to tell them both that they didn’t have to put their relationship on hold because of her, but it seemed only Bellatrix had listened, and frankly… Narcissa hadn’t tried very hard to convince Cassandra that she could also pay attention to Bellatrix, as she was, admittedly, enjoying the extra attention, despite knowing full-well that it was starting to piss off her sister.</p><p>Because quite frankly, Narcissa <em>had</em> been feeling a little left out as the two of them seemed to fall into something that was beginning to resemble a romance, despite Bellatrix’s desire to pretend that it wasn’t anything more than sex. Well, no, that wasn’t fair— Bellatrix <em>had</em> admitted that being with Cassandra had made her happy at least, but her first instinct was to still jump right to defensiveness whenever she was called out about her changing feelings toward the other woman, so it wasn’t as though she was really <em>ready</em> to use the word ‘romance’ to describe what was going on between the two of them. Still, Narcissa remembered how it felt during the beginning of a relationship and how utterly <em>consuming</em> it could be, and while she couldn’t fault them for becoming slaves to that dynamic, she also could not help how she felt in regards to being on the outside of it, which was why she had just… <em>stopped</em> reminding them that they didn’t have to make everything all about her.</p><p>Narcissa knew she was being selfish, and she was more than aware that she was only throwing oil on the fire in regards to her sister beginning to feel shafted, but Bellatrix just didn’t <em>understand</em> in the way that Cassandra did, and so Narcissa continued to make things worse as she fell into her girlfriend in order to feel loved as she, like Cassandra, feared so terribly that they had lost that love from their children. This didn’t make up for it; it was nowhere close, but for a moment it made everything not feel like complete shit, and <em>that</em> was what mattered.</p><p>Cassandra’s lips were plumped and parted, her chest heaving and her pupils darkening in desire as Narcissa’s nails traced intricate patterns against her freckled skin, just shy of where Cassandra desperately needed her to be. Narcissa was getting off on the power she held over her, even though she was acutely aware that a large part of the reason why she was executing it was because she was a little jealous of how easily Bellatrix could wrap <em>her</em> girlfriend around her finger. The jealousy was different now though; far less gut-wrenching and <em>violent</em> like it was before, and now more of way to feed their passion for one another. It was strange, but Narcissa didn’t hate it; in a way, a little competition made it <em>better,</em> as Narcissa definitely got a little more out of making Cassandra practically <em>beg</em> than she had before.</p><p>“Jesus fuckin’—” but that was as far as Cassandra got, as the back of her head banged defeatedly against the headboard and she closed her eyes, the muscles in her arms tightening while she gripped the rungs above her head harder, trying to control herself as she was<em> more</em> than aware that Narcissa was getting off on denying her.</p><p>A slow smirk curled the edges of Narcissa’s lips as she placed her mouth against the base of the younger woman’s ear. “You’re bloody <em>beautiful </em>when you’re desperate, you know…” She fit herself against Cassandra’s side, her legs parting slightly so she could press her own heated desire against the redhead’s flushed skin, and Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip as the vein in the center of her wrist bulged from her grip.</p><p>“I know what ya want,” Cassandra gasped, playing the game her own way as she stared at Narcissa’s hand that was between her thighs and yet not <em>nearly </em>close enough to where she needed it, her gaze looking as though despite her words, she was trying to silently <em>will</em> Narcissa to do as she wanted. “An’ I’m not gonna give it to ya.”</p><p>Narcissa chuckled beneath her breath at her girlfriend’s little show of defiance. “You are<em> sadly </em>mistaken if you think the only way you can beg is with your words,” she reminded her, the whispered caress of her sentiment against the younger woman’s ear making Cassandra squirm and gasp. “You’re already giving me everything I want, and you and I both know you’ll continue to do so until I’ve taken <em>every</em>… last… drop.” Narcissa accented her words by finally finding her way between her lover’s folds, only to make a dramatic finish by pulling her hand away, stretching the proof of Cassandra’s desperation in front of her, a prideful smirk crossing the blonde’s face from the sheer <em>amount</em> of the other woman’s desire.</p><p>Cassandra’s chest heaved, her nipples puckered and tight as her breasts flushed a deep rose. “Oh, you<em> bitch…” </em>she whined, as she had thought for a second that Narcissa was going to give her what she wanted, only for it to be ripped away again.</p><p>This was how they distracted themselves though, <em>especially</em> when Bellatrix was ‘working’, as they both knew the other woman would be <em>pissed</em> if she knew how often they were bedding one another without her now. This was, honestly, a bad fucking idea all around and liable to blow up in their faces, but the problem was that <em>this</em> was how they dealt with the emotional blow of yet another bloody day passing without hearing anything from their children, as both boys seemed to hate them now. It was either this or <em>crying,</em> and Narcissa had already expelled too many tears over Draco; it was time for the next phase of her depression, and it just happened that both her and Cassandra’s coping mechanisms aligned perfectly as they both sought to forget about the sadness and loss in their lives.</p><p>It wasn’t like they were cutting Bellatrix out completely though. Neither woman wished to do that, and Narcissa still had her nights with only her sister while also sharing both of her lovers with the other during their designated “throuple” nights— to use the very <em>apt</em> word that Draco had used. However, there were two problems with their current arrangement: one, Bellatrix was still unable to have Cassandra on her own, and because of how long Cassandra’s insistence that they should focus on Narcissa seemed to stretch on, Bellatrix seemed very convinced that the other woman had lost interest in her individually, which was making her… well, not pleasant. There were comments, Cassandra would get flustered and defensive, and usually Narcissa had to distract them both from getting into an argument by taking off her clothes, and because neither Bellatrix nor Cassandra were ready to talk about anything <em>real,</em> they thankfully welcomed the distraction. And two, well… <em>this </em>was two.</p><p>This, which hopefully Bellatrix did not know about, although Narcissa knew that if she didn’t then it was only a matter of time that she found out that the scales had been deeply tipped, and <em>not</em> in her favor. The worst part was that Narcissa and Cassandra both knew they were fucking up by doing this; they <em>both</em> knew something bad would probably come with it, but Narcissa needed that kindred spirit inside of Cassandra and Cassandra seemed content on <em>running</em> from Bellatrix for reasons that she had not yet voiced, yet Narcissa knew all the same.</p><p>Because she saw the way Cassandra looked at Bellatrix. She could see the bloody <em>yearning</em> in the younger woman’s eyes as she forced a separation she truly did not want, all because she was terrified of the outcome. She no doubt felt guilty as well because of Narcissa and<em> their</em> relationship, which was probably another reason that Cassandra was so set on focusing all of her attention on her girlfriend; it wasn’t just because of their shared despair over their children, but because a part of Cassandra seemed to want to make up for the ‘audacity’ of having feelings for another.</p><p>Narcissa knew she had to tell her it was okay. She <em>knew</em> she had to stop this fucking insanity before it blew up in all of their faces, yet her desire to self-sabotage when she felt helpless in her life was so bloody strong that all Narcissa could do was put her fingers inside of her lover after she was finally done with all her teasing, and pretend that it was fine if she just held off on that a <em>little</em> bit longer, as she didn’t want to ruin whatever this was.</p><p>Narcissa exhaled an uneven gasp, her body atop Cassandra’s as the younger woman found her way inside of her in turn. “Fuck— <em>Cass.</em> I… I wanted…” But the younger woman’s free hand had reached up to grasp her lover by the chin, Cassandra’s gaze purposeful as she stopped being the compliant submissive now that Narcissa had finished her little game.</p><p>“It’s <em>my</em> turn to want,” she reminded her breathlessly, her tone of voice leaving little room to argue as Narcissa just accepted Cassandra’s words as gospel. It was pathetic, honestly, how <em>easily</em> she could fall apart in Cassandra’s arms, even after trying to hold on to some semblance of power. Their roles had switched before Narcissa had even realized it had happened, and she was ready to do anything that Cassandra wished for and more.</p><p>“Look at me,” Cassandra demanded, but there was a waver to her tone; this emotion behind her voice that felt very raw and almost terrible, for it made Narcissa feel a little sad. She looked at her though, she did whatever it was that Cassandra asked as the two women began to move against one another as their gaze never wavered from one another’s eyes. It should have been romantic, and Narcissa knew Cassandra had meant for it to be that way, but the desperation in Cassandra was evident as she tried to remind herself and Narcissa that who she <em>loved</em> was what mattered above all else.</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a defeated sigh, her eyes falling closed as she rested her forehead against her lover’s. “I know,” she breathed, continuing to softly pleasure the woman beneath her. “I <em>know</em>, okay? I’ve been able to see it for a while. Nothing’s changed; we are who we’ve always been, and I’m… I’ve been <em>selfish</em> for not telling you that sooner.”</p><p>Cassandra swallowed hard, but she did not say anything. Instead she just <em>looked</em> at her, her fingers of her free hand gently mapping the curvature of the older woman’s jaw, the corners of her lips, before the warmth of her palm settled against Narcissa’s cheek. The blonde covered Cassandra’s hand with her own, looking down at the woman in her bed.</p><p>“We’re making everything worse,” Narcissa admitted in a strained voice, realizing that despite this being a wonderful escape, that they had to stop this. They were hurting Bellatrix, or if they <em>weren’t</em> yet then they soon would be, and they couldn’t keep doing that— especially <em>knowingly.</em> This wasn’t just <em>their</em> relationship anymore, but a collective relationship that they all shared with one another, and this kind of separation right now would hurt more than help, and both of them knew that.</p><p>“…I know,” Cassandra breathed, her voice barely more than a whisper. Their fingers had stilled within one another, the weight of the conversation taking precedence for a moment. Cassandra looked so very defeated; like Narcissa had just pried her open even though she had thought she had padlocked the truth inside of her. “But you’ve been through too <em>bloody</em> much these past few weeks— I didn’t… I <em>didn’t</em> wanna make it worse for you…”</p><p>“And I love you for that,” Narcissa told her sincerely, her eyes searching the other woman’s. “But not making it worse for me made it worse for <em>her,</em> and we’re both… we’re <em>both</em> to fucking blame for that. I wanted things to be easier too; it wasn’t just you. Bella, she… she doesn’t <em>understand</em> how I feel right now. She’s frustrated with it. It was easier to run towards something comforting instead of trying to explain to her and bring that comfort to where I was— to where we <em>both</em> were.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long sigh then, realizing the haze the two of them had immersed themselves in had faded, and she pulled her fingers from her lover as Cassandra reluctantly did the same. Narcissa settled in next to Cassandra, gently lying her head on the younger woman’s chest. “She should be here right now.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Cassandra agreed, although her voice was still barely audible as she stared aimlessly at the door in her bedroom, no doubt wondering where Bellatrix was on the other side of it. Narcissa looked up at her, pursing her lips.</p><p>“…She told me you made her happy,” she softly revealed, and Narcissa could <em>hear</em> the woman’s heart speed up inside of her chest as she laid against her, even though Cassandra had put every effort into not outwardly reacting to that.</p><p>“Yeah?” she asked, trying to sound only mildly curious, but her voice wavered and Cassandra immediately looked frustrated with herself. To overshadow that, she immediately turned it around and side-eyed Narcissa suspiciously. “Doesn’t sound like her.”</p><p>“I mean, she didn’t give up that information <em>willingly.</em> I more pried it out of her than anything else but, yes, she did say it; albeit with a lot more swears and about fifteen different layers of defensiveness.”</p><p>Cassandra gently moistened her lips, looking torn between being happy about that information and utterly anxiety-ridden. “It’s too soon,” she finally said, but she wouldn’t look at Narcissa as she said it. “I thought I was okay, but then again I thought <em>you</em> were okay an’ then suddenly you weren’t—”</p><p>The base of Narcissa’s stomach twisted in guilt, even though she knew it shouldn’t; she was very mentally unwell then, and of course it showed in her erratic conflicting emotions. “I was… dealing with a <em>lot.</em> But it’s been a few weeks now, and—”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Cassandra told her, her brow creased as she looked down at the woman curled into her side. “You thought you were okay before an’ then you weren’t; you think you’re okay <em>now</em> but ya might not be later. I don’t wanna hurt you, an’ despite Bellatrix gettin’ a little pissy over us not bein’ able to spend any time together anymore, I know at the end o’ the day, she doesn’t wanna hurt you either. Us likin’ each other seems…” The crease between the woman’s brow deepened as she tried to find the words. She looked deep in turmoil. “Selfish. <em>Wrong; </em>at least at this point in our lives. I’ve made enough mistakes, Cissa; I don’t wanna make another.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, understanding the other woman’s fear. This situation was so fragile for a myriad of different reasons, and Cassandra was terrified that one wrong move would make it all come tumbling down. Still, this wasn’t a conversation that only <em>they</em> should be having, and so Narcissa said quietly, “…We need to discuss this with Bellatrix. This involves her too. She has a right to tell us how <em>she</em> feels about all of this.”</p><p>Cassandra shot her a wary glance, as she no doubt did <em>not</em> wish to voice her feelings about Bellatrix <em>to</em> Bellatrix just yet, but as Narcissa doubted Bellatrix wanted to <em>either,</em> that at least left them both on an even playing field. Still, Cassandra knew she was right; their relationship now involved a third, and not including Bellatrix in a conversation that very much involved her was shitty, and they couldn’t keep separating things in this way.</p><p>Unfortunately, it seemed they came to their realization a little too late.</p><p>Because of <em>course</em> Bellatrix knew what they had been doing, and of course she had let it fester and stew until she did something absolutely bloody stupid, and lashed out in the only way she really knew <em>how. </em>Narcissa knew something like this would be coming should her sister find out that they had been leaving her out of things, as Bellatrix was a creature of habit and still emotionally immature, but poor Cassandra had not been prepared for something like this, and when they finally found Bellatrix later that night when they knew she had returned home, she was not alone, and she was <em>not</em> clothed.</p><p>The worst part was that it was so bloody obvious that Bellatrix was putting on a <em>show.</em> She wanted to get caught, because she <em>wanted</em> to hurt them as she had been hurt. Narcissa felt guilty about that, as she knew her own selfishness was to blame <em>yet again,</em> but it was hard to keep that emotion as the dominant one when the woman she loved was half naked with her fingers inside a girl who was barely, <em>barely</em> more than her son’s age. Narcissa couldn’t even find it within herself to be angry at Bellatrix though, as the woman taking whores to piss her off wasn’t something<em> new</em> by any means, and instead Narcissa put her hands on her hips and exhaled an exasperated breath.</p><p>“Really?” she deadpanned, as Bellatrix hadn’t even bothered closing the <em>door.</em> Narcissa stood in the threshold, Cassandra looking over her shoulder at the absolute disaster in front of them with a judgmental expression on her face; she didn’t look <em>angry</em> or anything, as sex had always just been <em>sex</em> to Cassandra, but she definitely looked a little irritated by the fact that they had been ‘replaced’ with some woman who was half their bloody age. “Alright, Bella, you’ve made your point; pay the infant whore and let her be on her way.”</p><p>“Who the fuck are you calling a whore, lady?” the girl, who at least had the decency to climb off of Bellatrix’s lap, snapped as she shot the two women in the doorway a look of absolute loathing at being interrupted during what Narcissa could <em>only</em> assume was an expression of some kind of warped mommy fetish. She fixed her robes as she sat next to her newfound lover in a huff while Bellatrix, of course, did not bother putting back on a top at all; instead she just leaned back, reclining against her palms as her gaze bore into… <em>oh.</em> Not hers, but <em>Cassandra’s.</em></p><p>Oh, this was bad.</p><p>Still, because Narcissa was <em>Narcissa,</em> she tended to hyper-focus on the bullshit that didn’t actually matter because being judgmental had always made her feel <em>better</em> than everyone else. “Oh God, and she’s <em>American?”</em> Narcissa realized with disgust, physically recoiling after hearing the girl speak. “Where the hell did you find <em>her?”</em></p><p>Bellatrix smirked, satisfied with her sister’s horror over the girl’s nationality; she knew Narcissa hated their accent with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t help it— the way they spoke was just <em>ugly</em>. “Azkaban. Jade here is one of our newest recruits; courtesy of <em>your</em> husband, Cissy, so thank him for me, would you? She’s been quite a lot of <em>fun,</em>” Bellatrix told her, of course needing to imply that this wasn’t the first time she had done anything with the woman even if it had been, as she reached out to practically <em>groom</em> her. Jade was rather tiny in stature with jet black waves that framed an olive complexion; she was, objectively, very pretty, but she was also… she was just so bloody <em>young.</em> Despite herself, Narcissa wondered how someone that young came to be in a foreign prison, and the mother inside of her ached for the girl’s circumstance as she doubted her life had been pretty if <em>this</em> was where she ended up.</p><p>That was the difference between her and her sister though; Narcissa looked at Jade and saw a lost child, while <em>Bellatrix</em> looked at her and saw someone easily manipulated, someone she could twist and mold to serve her own ends— <em>especially</em> if those ends involved pissing off her two lovers, as Bellatrix’s go-to coping mechanism had always been to get the attention she desired through other’s jealousy.</p><p>Jade shot Bellatrix a grumpy look, which in truth only made her look younger, which made Narcissa feel even <em>more</em> horrified by their age difference, despite the fact that Bellatrix was probably on par with Jade emotionally. “Who even<em> are</em> these people, Daddy? Make them leave; you promised you’d spoil me and this isn’t what I want,” the girl pleaded with a little pout, apparently already fulfilling a specific role in Bellatrix’s life that another used to fill. Narcissa was honestly offended on Cassandra’s behalf that Bellatrix had the girl call her that, but as it turned out, offense wasn’t Cassandra’s dominant reaction to that at <em>all</em> as suddenly a fucking lamp was being hurled in Bellatrix’s direction.</p><p>It shattered against the base of the bed, Jade screamed in surprise, and Bellatrix nearly looked almost beside herself with glee at the sheer <em>force</em> of her lover’s reaction. “Get the <em>fuck</em> out!” Cassandra shouted, startling even <em>Narcissa</em> as she instinctively grasped for her girlfriend, holding her back, as the blonde was fairly certain if she let her go, that Cassandra was going to attack one of them. And okay, Bellatrix might deserve to at least get a punch in the face for doing something like that, but she did not want this to turn into an all-out brawl either just because Bellatrix knew <em>exactly</em> how to use Cassandra’s insecurities about never being good enough, of being <em>replaceable,</em> to her advantage.</p><p>“’<em>Daddy’—”</em> Cassandra spat furiously, her chest heaving as Narcissa’s grip tightened around her wrists. “If you were a man, I’d cut off your fuckin’ cock. That is bloody <em>personal,</em> you cold-hearted bitch!”</p><p>“What the fuck, is she your <em>girlfriend?!”</em> Jade shouted as she jumped up, infuriated that she had been dragged into a mess now that it seemed to have violent consequences. Narcissa, who had honestly been <em>trying</em> to hold Cassandra back, seemed to underestimate the other woman’s strength, as Cassandra had twisted herself out of her grip rather violently as she locked eyes with Bellatrix, who had stood up, practically <em>cackling</em> because she knew she had won.</p><p>“Obviously— now get the <em>hell </em>out if you actually value your wellbeing,” Narcissa advised the girl as she grabbed for her, because quite frankly she didn’t care enough to define Bellatrix and Cassandra’s relationship as anything else in that moment, as it was bloody close enough to that now anyhow. It was a fucked up thing to realize, but in truth Narcissa didn’t even have a moment to process her own acceptance of it, as she was more concerned with Cassandra’s fury as the blonde nearly <em>pushed</em> Jade out the door, shutting it behind her.</p><p>Cassandra had made it to Bellatrix though, and already had her hands on her. Bellatrix was very obviously getting off on practically being manhandled by Cassandra, allowing her to shove her up against the wall as the younger woman towered over her. Then again though, it wasn’t like there was much she could do even if she <em>didn’t</em> want this— the Vow made Bellatrix unable to defend herself, but it didn’t matter in the end, as this whole thing was practically giving Bellatrix an orgasm as Cassandra handed her everything she wanted on a silver platter.</p><p>“Mmm…” Bellatrix purred, rolling her head back to present her neck, obviously wanting to darken Cassandra just a little bit more as she practically taunted her into strangling her. “You know I love it when you get <em>angry,</em> Kitten…”</p><p>“Don’t fuckin’ call me that,” Cassandra snapped, but she didn’t go for the woman’s neck; instead she roughly snatched the older woman’s chin in her hand, her knuckles flashing white from the force of her grip. “You are a <em>child—</em> if you have a bloody problem with me then grow a pair of tits an’ tell me instead of playin’ power games with a bleedin’<em> infant</em> in some backwards form of revenge!" She let go of Bellatrix rather roughly then, nearly pushing her head back into the wall in the process as her chest heaved and her pupils blackened in anger.</p><p>“Stop— <em>stop!</em> Cass, please; please relax, okay? You’re just giving her everything she wants,” Narcissa pleaded, needing the woman to understand that this was just how Bellatrix <em>worked,</em> and the best reaction when she pulled something like this was indifference. It had taken her a long time to learn that, but she eventually <em>had;</em> problem was, even though Narcissa now had someone to share her insight into Bellatrix with, Cassandra did not want to listen. She was <em>upset;</em> Jade calling Bellatrix ‘Daddy’ felt like a deep personal attack toward her, but in the end Narcissa knew that despite Bellatrix’s way of going about it, this wasn’t an attack at all— it was a test.</p><p>One that, apparently, she was still in the middle of for whatever ridiculous reason; as though Bellatrix didn’t already have the answer she was searching for. Perhaps she didn’t see it though; or if she did, maybe she simply didn’t know how to believe it. “If I have a <em>problem</em> with you?” Bellatrix countered with a disbelieving laugh. “You must be confused— for me to have a problem, I’d actually have to <em>care</em> about you.”</p><p><em>“Bellatrix!”</em> Narcissa snapped furiously, horrified as her sister took it to an even worse level. She never did know when to quit. “Shut up; can’t you see you’ve already won?! She <em>cares, </em>she’s bloody proven that she cares enough to get pissed off, alright? But if you keep pushing then that will change, so know when to stop and shut the <em>fuck</em> up for once!”</p><p>Bellatrix looked infuriated that her motivations for doing this were blatantly called out like that as she turned towards her sister and snapped, “I couldn’t give a shit less if <em>either</em> of you care— all I was bloody doing was exercising my sodding right to get <em>fucked</em> on the regular, as it seems both of you are too busy choking on each other’s cunts while crying about your pathetic children to give a shit about anyone else anymore!”</p><p>“Call my son pathetic one more time an’ see what fuckin’ happens,” Cassandra warned her dangerously, which only made Bellatrix scoff, although she was at least smart enough not to repeat her previous words.</p><p>“Bella, we’re <em>sorry,”</em> Narcissa apologized for both of them, as she knew Cassandra was not in the mood to express the sentiment herself, despite knowing she needed to apologize for how she had hurt Bellatrix. However, she definitely did not plan to until Bellatrix apologized for hurting <em>her,</em> and thus they were at a standstill. “We know we made a mistake leaving you on the outside of our warped coping mechanisms, okay? We had realized what we were doing just before you came home— that was why we were coming to find you; we wanted to <em>talk…”</em></p><p>“Great, thanks for your last fucking minute consideration,” Bellatrix spat, practically shoving herself out of Cassandra’s grip so hard that <em>both</em> women looked utterly panicked for a second, as neither of them wanted her to accidentally hurt Cassandra in the process and <em>die.</em> Thankfully though, nothing happened, and Bellatrix stepped away from Cassandra as she shouted at her sister, “It’s been two <em>fucking</em> weeks, Cissy!”</p><p>Narcissa’s brow creased in guilt as her heart sat heavy in her chest. “I know, I<em> know…”</em></p><p>“And I don’t even know why <em>you’re</em> pretending to give a shit,” Bellatrix spat, rounding on Cassandra. “You haven’t wanted to call me ‘Daddy’ for a while now, so why should you care if someone else does? Piss off— you made your choice, and if you’re starting to regret it that’s not my fucking problem; in fact, I hope you bloody choke on it.”</p><p>“All I fuckin’ said was that we should take a step back for Cissa’s sake— I didn’t bloody say we were <em>done!”</em> Cassandra furiously reminded her. “I still fucked ya when the three of us were in bed together, I still—!”</p><p>“You barely look at me anymore, you lying bitch! You might fuck me, but you always fucking look at <em>her</em> while you do it now! What the fuck does that say to you; how the hell else am I supposed to <em>take </em>that?!” Bellatrix shouted, the accusation having more pain behind it than either woman expected, and no doubt more than Bellatrix meant to express as she followed up <em>that</em> with putting her fist through the wall. The plaster shattered, crumbling to the floor. “Fuck you <em>both—</em> I should have known better than to tie myself to your bullshit again, Cissy; just keep your fucking whore, I don’t care anymore. I could have fifteen different women call me ‘Daddy’ if I really wanted to, she’s not that goddamn special.”</p><p>“Bella, Bella— <em>stop!”</em> Narcissa pleaded desperately, watching the upset begin to corrupt her girlfriend’s expression as Bellatrix kept digging her hole a little deeper. “Why can’t you see it? Are you that fucking <em>blind?!”</em> she practically screeched, as she didn’t understand how Bellatrix could continue to rip Cassandra apart for not ‘caring’, when she obviously <em>did. </em>“She likes you so bloody much it fucking terrifies her that it is going to ruin things between <em>us,</em> and <em>that’s </em>why she’s been running from you, you absolute idiot! So just stop! Just fucking <em>stop!”</em></p><p>Apparently, Bellatrix had to get hit in the goddamn face with the obvious before it clicked for her. Suddenly, she didn’t look too sure of her anger at all, and because of that seemed very much out of her element as she froze, her chest heaving as she crashed back down to earth after her high. “…What?”</p><p>Bellatrix had taken it too far though and noticed much too late, and Cassandra exhaled a furious sob as she violently wiped at the tears that had fallen from her eyes. <em>“Fuck</em> you,” she seethed, her voice tight in the back of her throat. “You are the most… <em>immature</em> fuckin’ person I have ever had the displeasure of meetin’, an’ I knew, I fuckin’<em> knew</em> what you used to put Cissa though, yet like some kind of self-involved <em>idiot</em> I thought things might be different now that there’s three of us, but it’s not, is it? I’m not <em>doin’</em> this, Bellatrix, I’m not puttin’ myself through this shit; I won’t be that fuckin’ masochistic—”</p><p>“You haven’t been putting yourself through <em>anything </em>lately!” Bellatrix shot back, falling back on her defensiveness despite looking a little panicked that she might have fucked up a little bit too much this time. “You’ve been too busy fucking <em>running,</em> apparently!”</p><p>“Yeah,” Cassandra admitted softly, but her voice was tight with upset as she looked at the woman before her. “Evidently just not far enough, if ya can still hurt me from this <em>distance</em> you seem to think is so fuckin’ far between us.” Cassandra sniffled, the pads of her fingers wiping at her tears. She looked so utterly exhausted, and it broke Narcissa’s heart because, in the end, this really was just the tip of the iceberg with Bellatrix, and now Narcissa feared that this wouldn’t work out between the three of them after all, if something like <em>this</em> was too much for Cassandra. “Ya wanted my attention, Bellatrix? Well congratulations— you got it. I hope it was worth it.”</p><p>“Cass…” Narcissa tried softly, absolutely gutted from the <em>look</em> on her girlfriend’s face as she turned away from them and waved them off, needing her space. She didn’t say anything more before she left the room, the door slamming in her wake. The sound made tears spring to Narcissa’s eyes and she rounded on her sister then, hitting her in the arm with as much force as she could muster with the flat of her palm.</p><p>“Jesus fucking—!”</p><p>“Why do you always have to <em>do</em> this?!” Narcissa screeched, infuriated that things between the three of them seemed to be deteriorating. “Why do you never know when to <em>stop?! </em>She’s not me, Bellatrix— she’s not <em>us; </em>if this gets to be too much for her, she’ll<em> leave!”</em></p><p>“Well how the fuck was I supposed to know how she felt? I’m not a sodding mind reader!” Bellatrix snapped, although her anger was obviously just an attempt to overshadow her own uncertainty as she realized she might have just done something she wasn’t entirely sure how to rectify. Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath, pushing her hair back from her face. “This is <em>your</em> fucking fault.”</p><p>Narcissa’s jaw dropped at the audacity. “<em>My</em> fault?”</p><p>“Yes, <em>your </em>fault— you know I’m fucking dense when it comes to emotional bullshit; <em>you</em> should have told me!”</p><p>“I’m not going to hold your hand through your relationship with another woman, Bella!” Narcissa shot back incredulously. “You are an adult; start acting like one! If you weren’t happy with the temporary separation she suggested, if you felt like she was losing interest in you and that <em>upset</em> you, then you should have talked to her about it instead of— Jesus, instead of doing something like <em>this!”</em></p><p>“Oh fuck off— and say <em>what,</em> exactly? That I think it’s bullshit that we have to put <em>our</em> stuff on hold because <em>you</em> can’t emotionally deal with your son telling you to fuck off?” Bellatrix snapped, causing a pain to rip through Narcissa’s chest as she was reminded of the son who had run from her. “I still love you, you fucking idiot; I was <em>trying </em>to do what was best for you even though it was shitty for <em>me,</em> but please, tell me some fucking more about how I should have expressed my goddamn <em>feelings</em> when we both know you would have hated every second of me and her spending any fucking time together while you were going through your bullshit!”</p><p>Narcissa’s chest heaved in upset. “If it was so <em>shitty</em> for you then you didn’t have to do it!”</p><p>“I meant it was shitty because of my situation with Cassandra, not because I didn’t want to help you through your crap, so don’t fucking turn this around on me— also, <em>fuck</em> you because you know what? It wasn’t just <em>her</em> who practically ignored me for two weeks, and at least she apparently had a goddamn reason even though it was <em>crap.</em> What the fuck was <em>your</em> excuse, Cissy?!”</p><p>“We… we didn’t <em>ignore</em> you— the three of us had sex two nights ago…” Narcissa stuttered, her first instinct being to bullshit around accepting blame even though she <em>knew</em> what she had done, and honestly felt sorry for it. Sometimes, Narcissa hated herself; there was zero reason why she shouldn’t just <em>apologize,</em> but she, like Bellatrix, was a creature of habit, and <em>neither</em> of them had good ones.</p><p>“And you’ve fucked her every goddamn time I’ve left this house; you wanna weigh that shit up against each other, Cissy? Because I’ll fucking <em>crush</em> you beneath the weight of it!”</p><p>Narcissa blinked, taken aback by the amount of knowledge her sister had. “How— how do you even <em>know</em> that?”</p><p>“Wormtail has more uses than just tending to prisoners, you know. Not <em>much</em> more, but still.”</p><p>Narcissa’s jaw dropped. “You had him <em>spy</em> on us?!”</p><p>Bellatrix shot her a vexing glance. “Yeah, sure, keep turning this around on <em>me, </em>that’ll make this conversation end well.”</p><p>“Fine, I’m <em>sorry,</em> okay? I said that already actually, but you were too busy ripping Cassandra to shreds to even fucking hear me, apparently!” Narcissa shot back. She did, honestly, feel guilty, but she also didn’t know how to explain it in a way that didn’t make her sound like an absolute self-serving <em>arsehole. </em>“She just— she’s going through the same… well, not the <em>same</em> shit I am, but <em>similar,</em> and our stupid, selfish coping mechanisms just aligned, alright? I can’t <em>talk</em> to you about Draco, Bella; you don’t care!”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I’m sure you were doing a <em>lot</em> of talking with her cunt in your mouth!” Bellatrix snapped, effectively rendering <em>that</em> argument null and void as Narcissa scrambled to find a different excuse.</p><p>“I mean… we would <em>before</em> or— I…”</p><p>But Bellatrix’s patience was waning, and for good reason. “For fuck’s sake, Cissy, just tell me the <em>truth!”</em></p><p>“No!” Narcissa shouted, as she honestly did know what the truth <em>was,</em> but it didn’t align with what she should want; what she <em>did</em> want, despite her emotions sometimes getting in the way of it. Narcissa tangled her hands in her hair as she stepped away from her sister in frustration. “No, because I’m <em>tired</em> of being the one that fucks everything up—”</p><p>“We’ve <em>all</em> fucked this up, Cissy,” Bellatrix reminded her, because they <em>had.</em> Cassandra fucked it up by choosing to ignore her feelings for Bellatrix instead of dealing with them in a healthy way, which caused <em>Bellatrix</em> to fuck it up by having the worst coping mechanisms ever. They were all to blame for this shit show, in the end. “Just fucking tell me.” Narcissa pursed her lips though, and Bellatrix already <em>knew.</em> What else would it be, really? “…You’re jealous again.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long, exasperated sigh, feeling infinitely frustrated with herself. “I don’t <em>want</em> to be,” she told her honestly, because she hated having these kinds of feelings. “And I’m not in a lot of ways; I <em>want</em> you both to be together, because I think the only way the three of us will ever be happy is if we do <em>this.</em> But I think I’m just… I don’t know, jealous of how you <em>feel</em> about one another right now, I guess. The beginning of a relationship is always so nerve-wracking, and exciting, and all-bloody-consuming and I feel… I don’t know, left <em>out</em> of that, even though I’ve already experienced that with both of you individually. It’s stupid, okay? I <em>know</em> it is. You both are allowed to experience that with each other, but the more wrapped up in one another you get, the more I feel like I reside on the outside of it all. So I just… kinda did that to <em>you</em> to spite you both for it, and I’m sorry. In the end, no matter what I do, I know you and I are an inevitability, and <em>she</em> was obsessing over me because it eased her guilt over <em>you,</em> so it just made sense to… fuck you over, I suppose. I’m sorry. I ride in on my fucking high horse all the time when it comes to you, but in the end I really am just… God, I’m <em>shit.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix’s jaw was tense as she stared at her sister for a long time. “You are,” she agreed, but she didn’t sound as though she hated her for it. “But so am I, apparently, and… and if you want me to fucking forgive you, then <em>you</em> need to help me fix what I fucked up, because you and I both know I can’t do this shit on my own.” Bellatrix looked like she was chewing on glass, and therefore when she finished, her plea came out as more of a demand rather than a request. “Help me.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled a long sigh, but nodded. She knew this wouldn’t get fixed otherwise. “Fine, but you’re not going to like what I tell you to do.”</p><p>“What, apologize?” Bellatrix asked, assuming that would be the end of it, even though that by itself was still quite a lot for her. “I can— I mean, I can fucking <em>do</em> that. Objectively.”</p><p><em>Objectively. </em>Narcissa fought the urge to roll her eyes.</p><p>“Yes, <em>that,</em> but I hope you realize that just because you apologize to her, it doesn’t automatically mean that she’s required to accept it,” Narcissa warned, as Bellatrix tended to feel entitled in that way. “You said some <em>awful</em> things about her, Bellatrix; you also went out of your way to replace her, when your own bloody <em>affair</em> with her should have made it obvious that she had always struggled with not feeling like she was enough for people. More than that, I <em>really</em> hope you weren’t attached to her calling you ‘Daddy’, because you definitely tainted that for her by having some teenaged slut call you that instead. You will be <em>damn</em> lucky if you ever hear that come out of her mouth again, so I really hope it was worth it.”</p><p><em>Actual </em>regret passed through Bellatrix’s expression then, which of course had to be overshadowed by her irritation because God forbid she <em>feel</em> anything other than anger. “Less blame, more solutions, Cissy!”</p><p>“You want a <em>solution?</em> Fine. The only bloody way you’re going to get out of doing all of <em>that</em> is if you put on your big girl knickers and actually tell Cassandra how you feel about her,” Narcissa told her point blank, which of course made Bellatrix’s lip curl as she did <em>not</em> want to do that. “And I mean more than the fact that she has a ‘pretty cunt’ or that you like fucking her— you screwed <em>up, </em>Bellatrix<em>. </em>This is how you fix it; you let her know that she means something to you, and that you’re <em>sorry.</em>”</p><p>Bellatrix’s nose wrinkled. “You know, I’m not the only one that screwed up here. She—”</p><p>“Believe me, she <em>knows</em> what she did,” Narcissa told her, because Cassandra was actually in touch with her feelings; well, more so than the rest of them anyway. “And I guarantee you she will apologize for it, but right now she’s upset. Just have a conversation with her, Bellatrix. A <em>real</em> one. Please, just—” Anxiety clouded Narcissa’s expression then as she picked at her palm and looked at her sister pleadingly. “Please just <em>fix</em> this. I don’t— I don’t want this to be the end of all of us. We could actually end up having something really great if we can ever manage not to fuck it up, so… please. <em>Please.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix exhaled a long breath of air, the force of it blowing an errant curl away from her face. “I’ll try,” was all she could promise, but that was enough for Narcissa as she reached out, tangling her fingers in her sister’s. Bellatrix side-eyed her then, before begrudgingly apologizing, “…Sorry I fucked someone else. Again.”</p><p>Narcissa just shrugged lifelessly, because at this point in their relationship it wasn’t like she hadn’t expected it. She knew her sister’s coping mechanisms all too well. “Sorry I cunt-blocked you because I was jealous,” she responded in turn, which only made Bellatrix snort at her choice of wording, even though Narcissa had oversimplified it for her sister’s sake, as expressing herself in that manner made it easier for Bellatrix to understand.</p><p>“Forgiven.”</p><p>“Yeah… you too.”</p><p>Narcissa squeezed her sister’s hand then, leaning into her. Bellatrix sighed. “It’s not gonna be that fucking easy with her, is it?”</p><p>“No,” Narcissa told her softly as she buried her face in her sister’s neck, her arms wrapping around the older woman’s waist. “But it never used to be that easy with us in the beginning either. It might even be a <em>bad</em> thing that we’re so quick to just say ‘screw it’ now. I don’t know. I wish we weren’t this bloody dysfunctional, but I think it’s just in our blood at this point, even though that’s just another fucking excuse. We should do better though. We <em>have</em> to do better. I mean, for God’s sake, we’re in our <em>forties,</em> Bellatrix, and we’re still doing the same crap we did when we were in our twenties.”</p><p>“Yeah, well… <em>some</em> of us didn’t get to experience our fucking thirties, so everything’s bloody stunted,” Bellatrix defended, even though she sounded a little upset because she <em>knew</em> something was off with her mentally because of what she had gone through. “And the other… the other’s fucking <em>Borderline,</em> so.” Bellatrix weaved her fingers through her sister’s hair holding her close to her body. “It’s not <em>entirely</em> our fault.”</p><p>“Maybe not entirely… but enough of it is our fault, and we need to stop making excuses for it. It was one thing when we shred each other to shit, Bella, but our relationship isn’t just <em>us</em> anymore. We can’t act the same goddamn way and expect it to work with someone else; she has no bloody reason to put up with our bullshit.”</p><p>“Easier said than done,” Bellatrix reminded her, which only made Narcissa exhale a long sigh, because she knew her sister was right. Still, they had to <em>try.</em></p><p>Because in the end, this was the only solution that had a somewhat happy ending for all three of them, and that had to be worth fighting for. It just <em>had</em> to be.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163/chapters/69789051">“Kitten” Part 5, which is set between chapters 48 and 49, will be posted this Saturday, January 2nd.</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. XLIX.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>XLIX.</strong>
</p>
<p>Living with Bellatrix was an interesting experience for a myriad of different reasons, but one of the most predominant ones was the bloody <em>whiplash</em> the woman was capable of giving someone. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was <em>horrible,</em> but other times, like now, it was more unexpected than unpleasant. Well, unpleasant for <em>Narcissa</em> at any rate. Bellatrix, however, no doubt felt very differently in that moment.</p>
<p>She looked… truthfully, <em>manic</em> would probably be the appropriate word to use.</p>
<p>Narcissa had gone to bed alone after she assumed that, with how long her sister and Cassandra had been gone, that they were busy ‘making up’ and thus would be occupied for the rest of the night. In truth, and perhaps a little surprisingly, Narcissa honestly did not mind; she was far too <em>bloody</em> concerned with the possibility of everything between them falling to shit because they all had terrible coping mechanisms, that just the simple fact of Bellatrix actually trying to <em>repair</em> what she had fucked up made Narcissa breathe a little easier. So long as everything didn’t start coming apart at the seams, she was fine. Yes, Narcissa missed them and yes, there would always be little twinges of jealousy, but Cassandra and Bellatrix hadn’t had a night together in a while now, and it was only fair that they be able to spend some time separate from her.</p>
<p>So when Narcissa awoke, she expected to be alone. And she was, to a degree; it wasn’t like her sister was in bed with her or anything, but she <em>was</em> sprawled out on the floor, a slew of owl-order catalogs strewn out around her as she frantically flipped through them all as though her bloody <em>life</em> depended on it. Bellatrix looked… well, like she hadn’t sodding slept, for one, and that was about the nicest way to put <em>that.</em></p>
<p> “What the hell are you doing?” Narcissa muttered as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her sister didn’t answer her right away though as she stared at the catalog in her hands like it was written in an entirely different language. She looked so terribly lost. “Bella?”</p>
<p>“I… I need help,” Bellatrix told her, getting completely overwhelmed all of a sudden as she threw down the catalog. Narcissa’s brow nearly shot clear off of head as she stared at her sister, wondering if she had heard her right. Bellatrix did <em>not</em> ask for help usually; she was far too proud. Well, apparently unless it was about…</p>
<p>Narcissa narrowed her eyes, realizing her sister was trying to <em>buy</em> Cassandra’s affections. “What did you do <em>now?</em> For fuck’s sake, Bella, I thought you made up!”</p>
<p>“We <em>did!”</em> Bellatrix assured her, finally turning to look at her sister. “We fucked all bloody night, but—!”</p>
<p>“Where is she?” Narcissa interrupted, just wanting to make sure that Bellatrix hadn’t managed to fuck up so royally even <em>after</em> bedding Cassandra all night that she had ended up leaving the manor or something. Bellatrix shot her an irritated look, as no doubt her question would have been answered if she had just allowed her to continue speaking, but Narcissa’s faith in her sister was… tentative, at best. She loved Bellatrix, but she <em>did</em> have an uncanny ability to fuck things up even more while actively trying to fix them.</p>
<p>“<em>Sleeping,</em> obviously—”</p>
<p>“Something that <em>you</em> should be doing, by the looks of it,” Narcissa reminded her, as Bellatrix looked rather frazzled in her overtired state. “You look like a mess. What <em>happened?”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix looked thoroughly irritated. “You were<em> right,</em> was what bloody happened!”</p>
<p>“I mean, I usually am, but what about this time?” Narcissa asked, until her sister shot her a <em>look</em> and the blonde realized. “Oh. Jesus fucking Christ, is this— is this seriously just because she won’t call you ‘Daddy’? Because that is just <em>beyond</em> ridiculous, Bella.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was actually losing sleep over some bloody kink; or, at least, what Narcissa <em>assumed</em> was just a kink— by the looks of her sister now though, she wasn’t entirely sure. Bellatrix could get absolutely locked on and ridiculous about some things, it was true, but something about this seemed to matter very deeply to her for reasons Narcissa had yet to understand. The blonde’s brow creased as she looked at her sister, trying to sympathize even though her first instinct <em>had</em> been to belittle it, as in the end, perhaps it wasn’t her place to decide what did and did not matter to Bellatrix.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I shouldn’t have—” Narcissa began before Bellatrix could snap at her for being a cunt over it. The blonde sighed heavily, trying to explain to Bellatrix in a way that she would understand that despite what she may want, some people couldn’t jump from A to B like they were simply skipping rocks across a pond. “I understand that this is apparently very important to you,” Narcissa began after a deep breath, causing Bellatrix’s brow to shoot up at the unexpected amount of <em>understanding</em> in her sister’s tone, “but it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet since Cassandra heard someone <em>else</em> call you that. What did she say when you brought this up? I assume you talked about it; or at least complained very loudly that you weren’t getting what you wanted, per your norm.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s expression set. “You know, for a <em>second</em> there I actually thought you might not a bitch about it, but I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t hold my fucking breath over it.”</p>
<p>“Alright, I’m <em>sorry;</em> you just… you do complain a <em>lot</em> when you’re unhappy about something,” Narcissa defended, albeit trying to sound at least a <em>little</em> apologetic about it. She had just woken up, and she had yet to get a hold of her filter. Bellatrix, who by the way <em>never</em> had a hold of her mouth filter, looked unamused. “Okay, I’ll refrain from making comments; just tell me what happened.”</p>
<p>“<em>Nothing.</em> I mean, we fucking— we <em>fucked,</em> obviously. She doesn’t hate me anymore; she let me call her ‘Kitten’ again even though for a second she almost didn’t, which would have been fucking <em>awful…” </em>Yeah, Narcissa <em>definitely</em> did not understand her sister’s intense attachment to the pet names she and Cassandra used with one another, but that was a question for later. “I don’t know. She said she needed ‘time’ but—”</p>
<p>Narcissa stopped her right there. “So she said she needed time. And what is the <em>one</em> thing you’re not giving her right now?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix nearly a blew a gasket at the simple goddamn suggestion that she just <em>do</em> what her lover requested of her. “I know what the fuck she said, you don’t have to say it like that!” Bellatrix shook her head, her jaw setting as she tried to quell her irritation. Per usual, it did not work. “You know what, I’m not interested in your opinion on whether or not I should attempt to exercise some bloody patience which we <em>both</em> know I do not have. What I <em>do</em> need though, is for you to fucking come over here and tell me what the hell I should buy her so that she feels spoiled and fucking appreciated again, and then maybe her and I will <em>both</em> get what we want!”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath through her nose, trying to exercise some bloody patience herself. “Stop trying to <em>buy</em> her affection, Bella; just—”</p>
<p>“Oh,<em> that’s</em> rich; coming from someone who put a four thousand galleon rock on the woman’s bloody finger.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shut up. Her nose wrinkled in irritation at being so blatantly called out but she did crawl out of bed, resigning herself to just helping Bellatrix do things <em>her</em> way, as it wasn’t like she had any real leg to stand on herself. The blonde crossed the room, coming to rest at her sister’s side as she sat cross-legged beside her. Narcissa took in the collection of owl order catalogs that were strewn around the other woman, and the first thing she noticed was the variety; Bellatrix had everything from hardcore bondage gear to expensive <em>jewelry,</em> and Narcissa’s brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of her sister’s selection.</p>
<p>“I’m… confused,” was what she finally settled on, as she wasn’t quite sure what Bellatrix was trying to go for here. “Is this about a kink?” Narcissa asked, her fingertips dragging over the pages of one of the bondage catalogs before pointing to the jewelry one, “Or is this about something <em>else?” </em>She looked up at her sister then, who suddenly looked very unsure of herself. “Because a diamond necklace says something very different than a diamond <em>butt plug,</em> Bella.”</p>
<p>“I know that— don’t you think I fucking know that?” Bellatrix snapped, but her expression had masked over in anxiety and she twisted her hands into one another. Instinctively, Narcissa reached out to cover them, trying to calm her. She knew a lot of Bellatrix’s behavior was to do with the fact that she had yet to sleep on top of going through something that had apparently elicited an emotional reaction from her, and while Narcissa was curious what emotion that <em>was </em>exactly<em>,</em> she also knew better than to push when Bellatrix was in this kind of state. So instead, she just leaned against her sister’s shoulder, gently squeezing her hands. Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, staring at the catalogs in front of her.</p>
<p>“I told her she was my girlfriend,” she finally revealed, although would not look at Narcissa as she did so, as she had every reason to be wary of her sister’s reaction. And, truthfully, Narcissa had expected that to <em>hurt.</em> She had expected to feel possessive and jealous, and while there was a little bit of a pang in her chest, it was bearable; in the end, she had been expecting for something like this to happen. She <em>herself</em> had said that Cassandra was Bellatrix’s girlfriend just yesterday when she snapped at Jade to get out of the room, and this <em>was</em> the endgame she had been hoping for lately. Despite the mess she had made of things recently, Narcissa truly did want all of them to be an equal part in their three-way relationship, and Bellatrix and Cassandra officially dating <em>did</em> achieve that end, no matter how strange it was to realize that her sister had feelings for another, had staked <em>claim</em> on another, and yet Narcissa wasn’t going absolutely feral over it.</p>
<p>It was weird, Narcissa wouldn’t deny that; but at the end of the day, Narcissa knew she would never want to share either of her relationships with anyone else. Narcissa’s grip on her sister’s hand tightened, trying to reassure Bellatrix that she wasn’t angry with her for following the natural path that her and Cassandra’s relationship had taken.</p>
<p>“Well, she <em>is</em> your—” Narcissa began to affirm, before what Bellatrix had said clicked in her head and she looked at her sister in disbelief. Honestly, sometimes Bellatrix did things so bloody <em>backwards.</em> “Wait, you <em>told</em> her she was? You didn’t <em>ask</em> her to be?”</p>
<p>“And set myself up for rejection? <em>Pass,”</em> Bellatrix scoffed, as though Narcissa should have known better than to assume she would do anything even close to such an unnecessary thing. <em>“I’m </em>not a fucking masochist.” Narcissa shot her a look; <em>especially</em> because her sister’s tone very much implied that someone else in this room might be, and they both knew exactly who she meant.</p>
<p>Still, she wouldn’t be entirely wrong, <em>so.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa let it slide. “I think you and I both know she wouldn’t have rejected you, Bella.”</p>
<p>“Whatever— we were arguing and it kinda just… it came out, and she asked for bloody clarification and it just seemed <em>easier</em> to be like, ‘well <em>obviously</em> the three of us are fucking dating’, and in the end she <em>agreed</em> with me, so. Who cares. <em>Fuck,”</em> Bellatrix swore, growing irritated again as she pushed one of the catalogs away from her in a huff. “But see, this is my goddamn problem; I want to fucking <em>fix </em>this, but I don’t want her to think I’m reducing her or our dynamic to just <em>sex</em> after I just bloody told her I give an actual shit about her as a person — which was why I was thinking maybe jewelry or some crap would be good — but then on the other hand the entire <em>sodding</em> point of this is so I can get her to call me ‘Daddy’ again, and she’s only ever done that in bed, hence the array of fucking sexual shit.<em>” </em>Bellatrix looked lost again before her gaze rose, meeting her sister’s. “What the fuck do I do?”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath. Sometimes, Bellatrix was… well, she was a <em>lot,</em> and she made things far more complicated and dramatic than they had to be. (But then again, was she even one to talk?) “Well first, you tell me why her calling you ‘Daddy’ is so important to you, and then we go from there.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was silent for a long moment. Apparently, she had never really thought about it; it just <em>felt</em> important to her, and thus she treated it as such. Finally though, she had landed on her answer. “It isn’t.”</p>
<p>As that was not what Narcissa was expecting, she didn’t really know how to react to that other than with disbelief. “It isn’t?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>“Are you just— are you just gonna repeat everything I fucking say?” Bellatrix asked, sounding annoyed. Narcissa blinked, not understanding why her sister was getting irritated with her; did she really not see how strange it was that she went from obsessing over this, to realizing it might not matter after all?</p>
<p>Still, Narcissa apologized, as she knew Bellatrix was emotionally fragile right now; although she knew far better than to voice such an observation out loud. “Sorry, I’m just… surprised. You were rather locked on to it, after all.” Bellatrix didn’t say anything though, and Narcissa’s brow knit as she looked at her sister. “Are you going to share with me what <em>is</em> important to you then, if it’s not that? Because it seems like something is bothering you, but you’ve only just realized it’s not what you thought after all.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, shrugging rather lifelessly. “It’s just… I don’t know. A fucking <em>word.</em> It might mean something to both of us, but I won’t fucking die or anything if she never calls me that again. It’s just… right now, without it, it makes me feel like I fucked up, and… I am so fucking <em>tired</em> of fucking up, Cissy.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s lips pursed sympathetically as she looked at her sister. “You <em>both</em> fucked up,” she reminded her softly. “I, <em>also, </em>very much fucked up. Mistakes were made on all our parts; you shouldn’t feel like you have to shoulder the blame. Cass slept with you last night, yeah? So she’s not angry with you anymore. You didn’t do any permanent damage; just do what she asks and give her time. I’m <em>sure</em> things will go back to normal before you know it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix didn’t look convinced though, and the crease in Narcissa’s brow etched deeper until she saw, until she <em>realized. </em>“Oh,” she softly said. “This isn’t just about what happened yesterday, is it?” Bellatrix didn’t say anything though, and Narcissa’s thumb ran across the back of her sister’s hand.</p>
<p>“I get it,” she told her softly, as Narcissa knew that look; she had been where Bellatrix was, and that made her uniquely qualified to help her with what she was struggling with, at the very least. “A new relationship, a new chance to not make the same mistakes that <em>we</em> always had with each other. I thought the same thing when I first started dating Cassandra and you know what happened?” Bellatrix still did not respond, her gaze fixated on an imperfection on the far wall. But it didn’t matter; Bellatrix did not have to speak, she just had to listen. “I fucked up,” Narcissa told her honestly. “Very, <em>very</em> badly. Just because we’re with someone new, doesn’t make us different people, Bella. We are <em>deeply</em> dysfunctional. Neither of us know how to have a healthy relationship, but you know what? She doesn’t either.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, her gaze finally shifting to land on her sister. “I just feel like I’m trapped in a fucking loop— because it wasn’t just you, although you always have been at the very center of my shit,” she admitted, which Narcissa understood: for better or for worse, Bellatrix would always be the center of <em>her</em> world too. “But I fucked up with Gwen too; multiple fucking times, a shit ton of different ways. With Cassandra, I was like whatever— she’s <em>your</em> girlfriend, she was my fuck buddy or <em>pet</em> or whatever the hell you want to call her, and if I fucked that up, it didn’t matter much. But now suddenly I’m in a fucking <em>relationship</em> with her? And it’s bloody suffocating because I realized what I do <em>matters </em>now<em>, </em>and I don’t sodding trust myself not to fuck it up again. I have always, <em>always</em> broken everything that I’ve touched, and I’m so… I’m <em>so</em> fucking tired of it, Cissy. I just want to <em>stop.”</em></p>
<p>“Do you think you’re the only one who feels that way?” Narcissa countered softly. “<em>I’m</em> the other half of your relationship with me, Bella, and it was a mess on my end as well. I also screwed up my relationship with my husband more times than I can count. <em>Cassandra</em> is currently dealing with a failed marriage as well. We’ve all made mistakes, and we are <em>all</em> going to fuck up from time to time. But I think with three of us now, it allows each of us to see things from a different perspective than we had before. We are simultaneously both on the inside <em>and</em> outside of our respective relationships, which is why I can look at you now and see… I can see <em>me,</em> truthfully.”</p>
<p>“I was tired of fucking up too; I was tired of the pain and repetition my past relationships had given me, and I sought solace in something else, only to find I brought the same bullshit along to <em>that</em> relationship because it was attached to me,” Narcissa told her, needing Bellatrix to know that she understood how she felt. “We can’t outrun ourselves, but we can finally stop and <em>look</em> at us, at what the fuck we’ve been doing, and try to find another way. I mean— isn’t that what we’re doing now? We’re finding another way. It’s not perfect by any means but… but look at us, Bella. <em>Look</em> at us.”</p>
<p>Narcissa squeezed her sister’s hand, coaxing the brunette to catch her gaze once more. “Look at us having a bloody mature conversation with one another for once; look at us understanding and acknowledging that the other has feelings for someone else without going bloody <em>feral</em> over it,” she reminded her, as Narcissa would have <em>never</em> thought they could ever get to such a place. “Six months ago we would have wanted to rip out the other’s still-beating heart for the sheer <em>audacity</em> of trying to share it with another. And maybe that’s still other people’s idea of normal— loyalty, monogamy, the lot of it, but we were built differently, and I think the fact that we are beginning to recognize and <em>accept</em> that is helping us find a balance we never thought we could have. For us, it was always all or nothing. Now… <em>finally</em>, we’re giving one another the perfect amount; we’re no longer drowning in it, or starving without it, and I think that goes a long way when it comes to us learning to have a functional relationship— not just with one other, or with ourselves and Cassandra, but with… with the three of us <em>together. </em>Learning curve aside, as yesterday was testament to the fact that there very much still <em>is</em> one— I think at the very least, all of us have figured out how to reconcile in a healthier way. That<em> has</em> to count for something, even if it did follow one of the shittiest lot of terrible coping mechanisms the world had ever seen.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix lightly snorted and Narcissa smiled, glad that she had least gotten that out of her. Although she did look a little amused, the brunette still side-eyed her sister with a disbelieving look as she said, “So according to you, it doesn’t <em>matter</em> that I fucked another woman, or that you both decided to be self-involved cunts and ignore me for two weeks so long as… what? We aren’t actively ripping each other’s fucking chests open anymore over with our possessive bullshit, or because we managed to actually make up from a fight in under twenty-four hours?”</p>
<p>Narcissa expression set. “Under <em>two</em> hours<em>,</em> actually; don’t diminish that,” she lectured, feeling strangely offended by Bellatrix’s very <em>off</em> estimation. “You and I were fine before you even left to suck up to Cassandra, which is downright<em> impressive </em>for us. Also, we <em>rarely </em>get a win, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t belittle it when we do. I know we’re fucked up, Bella— I know we’re still an absolute disaster and that all three of us need a lot of work, but we have spent so goddamn <em>much</em> of our lives feeling like failures, and I’m just reminding you that sometimes we actually manage to do things right. You were obsessing over this, over <em>her,</em> because you were afraid you were going to fuck it up, but you didn’t, okay? You didn’t. That’s… that’s all I was trying to say.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix was silent for a long time, and Narcissa wondered if her sister was just having trouble processing stuff in her overtired and emotional state, as she rather furiously rubbed her face before exhaling a long sigh and inquiring, “Just… out of fucking curiosity, how long does it take you and Cassandra to have a conversation? Because <em>you</em> talk a whole fuck of a lot, and <em>she</em> talks just as bloody much, and… Jesus, I’m just trying to picture it because— <em>ow!” </em>Bellatrix yelped in surprise as Narcissa smacked her shoulder. “What? It was a legitimate question!”</p>
<p>“I was trying to<em> help </em>you, you arse.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Bellatrix acknowledged, before she side-eyed her sister again and muttered, “…Thanks.” Narcissa just rolled her eyes though, as that gratitude came a little too late, per usual. Bellatrix always had to ruin it first, but that was par for the course with her that Narcissa didn’t know why she ever expected anything different. Bellatrix nodded her head towards the catalogs then, looking like she still wasn’t entirely sure if she should continue with her plan of action. “So… do I <em>not</em> buy her something now? ‘Cause while I could probably do that whole ‘exercising patience’ bullshit if I <em>really</em> wanted to, I still think I should probably get her a present, considering I already ordered <em>you</em> something.”</p>
<p>Narcissa blinked, not expecting that. “You— <em>me?</em> Why?” she asked, not really seeing a reason for Bellatrix to try to suck up to <em>her;</em> they had already dealt with their issues, after all. Bellatrix looked at her like she was stupid for thinking that she <em>wouldn’t</em> though, which was news to Narcissa, however perhaps another indication that maybe this arrangement was making <em>their</em> individual relationship with one another a little better, as Bellatrix had the actual forethought that buying something for only one of her lovers might make the other feel left out, and she clearly did not want that.</p>
<p>“Because I’m not going to buy her something and then forget about you— that’s fucked,” Bellatrix snapped defensively, getting a little embarrassed by the <em>look</em> Narcissa was giving her. “Whatever; you were easy to buy for anyway— I already know what you like, and while I’m pretty goddamn sure I know what Cassandra would like <em>sexually,</em> if I should get her something else…” Bellatrix shrugged, looking frustrated all over again. “I dunno, you’d just… you’d know better, so help me.” A pause. “Unless you think I should just get her the fucking butt plug or whatever.”</p>
<p>“No, don’t do that, unless— wait, what did you get me?” Narcissa asked, curiosity overtaking her. “Something sexual, or…?” Bellatrix snorted before she grabbed one of the catalogs, flipping through a few pages before she landed on what she was looking for and spread it out in front of Narcissa, pointing to what she had ordered.</p>
<p>“You think I don’t know what gets you wet? Come on.”</p>
<p>Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath at the beautiful and <em>expensive</em> white gold and emerald earrings. “…Really?” she asked softly, her eyes welling up with tears for reasons Narcissa didn’t entirely understand, as it wasn’t like this was the first time Bellatrix had bought her something. Still, how <em>easily</em> Bellatrix knew and could find something she liked, and the simple fact that she had ordered it without another thought <em>meant</em> something to Narcissa and she pursed her lips as she looked up at her sister, her eyes swimming with emotion.</p>
<p>Bellatrix, of course, chose to downplay that with an eye roll. “Yeah, yeah, I’m great— now help me with Cassandra’s gift because now I can’t order <em>you</em> something without ordering <em>her</em> something too and… Christ, having two women is bloody expensive. It’s a good thing I’m using your money.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s mouth dropped open. “You— you ordered something for me with <em>my</em> money? Bella!”</p>
<p>“What? You know my assets are still frozen,” Bellatrix defended, which only made the crease between Narcissa’s brow grow deeper as she looked at her sister in annoyance. So much for romance. “Oh, relax— I’ll pay you back when I’m able. Now focus; what the hell does she like? Rubies are too much… <em>red</em> on her, right? Like that shit would clash with her hair. Not that I’d notice, but I’m sure <em>you</em> would.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes at that despite the fact that, <em>well,</em> she wasn’t wrong. “Sapphires,” she informed her sister. “She’s got a fairly good collection going, but I don’t know if Peter will manage to rip them from her when they divorce, so you might as well give her something from which to rebuild. A necklace— she wears them more than earrings, and <em>also…”</em> Narcissa drawled, her gaze catching sight of an outfit in one of the risque catalogs as she appraised it. It was black and strappy and looked like it belonged in a bondage dungeon, but that would absolutely be to Cassandra’s tastes, <em>so.</em> “<em>We</em> should get her <em>that,</em> just because… Jesus— I don’t even know how we’d get her physically<em> into</em> that but we fucking <em>should.</em> Wow…<em>”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix smirked at her sister’s reaction. “You want to?”</p>
<p>“That’s what I just said, wasn’t it? Where’s the order form?” Narcissa questioned, hastily flipping through the catalog to the last page, pointedly ignoring how amused Bellatrix looked at her eagerness. “Shut up— order her a sapphire necklace and leave me alone,” Narcissa muttered as she took it upon herself to follow her sister’s lead and spoil her— <em>their</em> girlfriend.</p>
<p>After the two women had sent their orders along with Screech, Narcissa pushed back the hair from her sister’s eyes with a gentle smile upon her lips. “You look exhausted,” she told her softly, noticing how red Bellatrix’s eyes looked. “You should sleep.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine— got shit to do, so.”</p>
<p>“The Dark Lord has literally, never <em>once,</em> had you do something for him just after sunrise,” Narcissa reminded her as she guided Bellatrix to the bed who, despite her words, put up very little fight. Whenever Bellatrix expelled too much emotion though it tended to always wipe her out, as she was generally used to ignoring what went on inside of her. “Just lay down for a few hours; I’ll make sure you’re up by lunch if you’d like.”</p>
<p>A gentle nudge thankfully had Bellatrix climbing into bed, “Yeah… okay.” She practically flopped down on the mattress, and Narcissa covered her with the blankets before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss upon her sister’s forehead. Bellatrix snatched the blonde’s wrist in her hand before she could step away though as she requested sleepily, “…Stay.”</p>
<p>“I will, for a little while. Just… give me a moment, okay?”</p>
<p>Narcissa gently pulled out of her sister’s grasp before heading toward the door, realizing with sudden clarity that things felt a little incomplete. That was why Narcissa made her way into Cassandra’s bedroom, gently opening the door before peaking in to see her girlfriend fast asleep on her stomach, her hair mussed and half in her face as she snored. Narcissa wasn’t surprised; Cassandra only ever snored when she was sick or absolutely <em>exhausted,</em> and she already knew what the culprit of this was. Narcissa knelt down at the side of the bed and covered one of Cassandra’s hands with her own, her finger gently stroking her palm.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she coaxed softly, and Cassandra groaned before pulling her hand away from Narcissa and shaking it out with a grumpy look on her face, apparently displeased by being awoken by a tickling sensation. “Sorry,” Narcissa whispered in apology, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “Bella, she’s… in the other room. I just thought you might like to come too. I can leave you alone though, if you’d just like to sleep. I know you got to bed late last night.”</p>
<p>Cassandra opened her eyes, but just barely. Her brow knit as she squinted at Narcissa. “Why’d she leave?” she mumbled sleepily, although the blonde could detect a bit of fear in her voice, as she no doubt believed she’d screwed up somehow.</p>
<p>Narcissa gently traced patterns on her girlfriend’s arm with her forefinger. “She just… freaked out a little. But she’s okay now,” Narcissa assured her. “She just doesn’t— I don’t think Bella really knows what she’s doing right now; It’s been a long time since she’s been in a relationship with someone else other than me. She’s trying though, and she’ll be okay.” Narcissa’s hand found Cassandra’s once more as she tangled their fingers together as she slowly stood. “Come with me?”</p>
<p>“Mm,” Cassandra murmured, still half-asleep yet much more relaxed than she was a moment ago, as Narcissa’s words had reassured her. Narcissa smiled at her as she led Cassandra from the room, guiding her by the hand across the hallway to the master bedroom.</p>
<p>Bellatrix had already dead passed out on the mattress, although Narcissa wasn’t surprised. Cassandra’s eyes were getting heavier and it only took a gentle nudge for the woman to crawl into bed next to Bellatrix and practically flop on top of her. Bellatrix grunted and instinctively rolled over a little so that she was on her back, allowing Cassandra to better fit into her arms. Narcissa smiled softly as she climbed into bed on the other side of her sister, fitting herself next to Bellatrix as she laid her arm across the brunette’s stomach, her hand landing on Cassandra’s forearm as she gently stroked it. The two women seemed to fall back into unconsciousness rather quickly but Narcissa, who had already had a decent night’s sleep lay awake in bed next to them as she took a moment to sort through the fact that this actually felt <em>okay.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa wished she had realized earlier that <em>this</em> might be the closest she would ever get to having her happy ending, instead of practically fighting against it at every turn. As terrible as it sounded though, Narcissa had a very hard time accepting that she was able to be loved without being the shining center of everyone's worlds. Having less than people's absolute attention had always made Narcissa feel like she wasn't good enough, although that feeling was no doubt birthed and then exacerbated by her mother, who used to jump back and forth between obsessing over her youngest daughter and outright ignoring her when she was deemed unworthy of attention. It had scarred her, although to be fair, most everything in her childhood had scarred not only her, but Bellatrix as well.</p>
<p>Narcissa laid her chin on her sister's shoulder as she looked at the outline of Bellatrix’s expression; she looked content, her arms around both of her lovers as she slept soundly, and Narcissa's heart lurched in her chest as two very conflicting emotions took hold of her. On one hand, Narcissa was thankful that it seemed her sister was genuinely happy with this arrangement, but on the other, Narcissa felt <em>guilty</em> for having kept Bellatrix from experiencing something that Narcissa had allowed herself for so long. It hadn't been fair, and while Narcissa had admittedly known that for a long time, she was finally beginning to see how much it had negatively affected Bellatrix, and the terrible guilt that overtook Narcissa at that thought twisted and pulled inside of the blonde’s gut.</p>
<p>She could not change the past though, Narcissa knew that. All she could do now was be better for Bellatrix in the future, and hope that she had finally, <em>finally</em> learned from her mistakes, and therefor would no longer be doomed to repeat them.</p>
<p>Two days later it was one week until Draco's seventeenth birthday, and Narcissa was <em>not </em>handling it well.</p>
<p>"It’s such an important day of his life and I'm not even going to <em>be</em> there," Narcissa sobbed, sitting in the middle of her bedroom floor with pictures of her son at various stages of his life strewn out around her. She knew she looked like an absolute wreck as she longingly caressed a photograph of her son, aged eight, excitedly opening presents at Christmas as he practically tore the wrapping off of his presents. The paper was flying everywhere and in the corner of the photograph was their old elf Dobby, quickly picking up every bit that Draco had scattered. Her son looked so <em>happy</em> then; Narcissa had prided herself on always giving Draco everything that he had ever needed, yet it seemed she had fallen very short of her own expectations this time as she caused her son enough emotional distress that he had chosen to <em>leave</em> her.</p>
<p>“It’s just one birthday,” Cassandra gently reminded her, covering her girlfriend’s hand with her own as she encouraged the woman to put down the picture in her hand, as all it was doing was making Narcissa cry even harder. “You’ve been there for all the others, an’ I know things’re shit now, but that doesn’t mean that they’ll stay that way. S’what I tell myself, anyway.” Cassandra shot her a sympathetic smile, her free hand gently brushing the hair out of Narcissa’s eyes, unsticking a few strands that had attached themselves to the blonde’s tear-stained cheeks. “I know it’s hard right now, an’ I know seventeen is a big one, but you’ll be there for more, Cissa; I know ya will. Despite everythin’, Draco still loves you. That’s not somethin’ that washes away easily.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix, who had decided the second that she had walked in on Narcissa’s breakdown that she’d rather have <em>Cassandra</em> deal with it and turned right back around to get the other woman in her stead, had still chosen to hover in the doorway as she leaned against the threshold with her arms crossed over her chest. She obviously still <em>cared</em> and wished to know what was wrong<em>,</em> but it seemed Bellatrix had realized she could use Cassandra to her advantage when confronted with things she wasn’t the greatest with— like compassion and empathy.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if it <em>matters</em> if you see the kid on his actual birthday, or if you’re just crying about not seeing him in general, but if it’s the last one then you should probably know you’re going to be seeing him in three days,” Bellatrix informed her, which caused Narcissa’s brow to crease in question as she looked up at her sister. “That’s what I was coming up here to tell you before you looked like you were going mental again. The Dark Lord is holding a meeting on Friday; if you bear the Mark, attendance is mandatory.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled as she wiped at her tears, relieved that she would have the chance to speak to Draco, despite the very thought of it churning the base of her stomach with anxiety. She <em>knew</em> it was too soon, she knew Draco was still upset with her over her life choices and that it would most likely take quite a while until he was able to move past his anger in order to find it in his heart to forgive his mother for her weaknesses. Because that was what Bellatrix was, in the end; Narcissa may love her sister with everything that she was, but Bellatrix was and would always be her greatest weakness, and perhaps if Draco understood <em>that</em> then he could find a way to move past it. Still, Narcissa knew that would not be three days from now, despite her desire to <em>try</em> regardless. She just felt like she had to, even though Narcissa knew that at the very least, she needed to emotionally prepare herself for the rejection she would likely face during her attempt.</p>
<p>“Which means <em>your</em> husband will be here too, by the way,” Bellatrix warned Cassandra, who pursed her lips. “Since you don’t have to attend though, maybe take the opportunity to corner your own kid without Goyle intervening, considering you’re angsting over not seeing him too. I doubt Cissy will be able to fix her shit with her kid in one go, but <em>you</em> might, and if you can then that’s one less headache I have to deal with. <em>Both</em> of you randomly getting sad over your kids all the time is… a fucking lot, <em>so. </em>Be bloody proactive while avoiding your husband in one go; my sanity will thank you for it. I can only deal with one sad woman at a bloody time.”</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her sister an exasperated look at that, as it wasn’t as though she and Cassandra had planned to overwhelm her with their respective depressions, nor that they were able to schedule when they happened so that they didn’t overlap.</p>
<p>“Well I wouldn’t want to continue <em>inconveniencing</em> you,” Cassandra responded dryly, which only made Bellatrix exhaled an exasperated breath at her tone. “But… thank you, for the head’s up. I’ll use the time to try to reconcile with Gregory, which I do honestly appreciate you thinkin’ of despite your selfish reasonings.”</p>
<p>“How is it <em>selfish</em> of me to not want you to be sad?” Bellatrix snapped, thoroughly irritated because she had once again failed to express herself well.</p>
<p>“’Cause what you just bloody <em>said</em> was that the only reason ya don’t want me to be sad is ‘cause you’d rather not deal with it; not ‘cause you’d rather see me happy,” Cassandra explained, reminding Bellatrix of her own words that, of course, the woman didn’t really mean. “If I’m <em>wrong</em> though, you are free to correct me.”</p>
<p>By the tone of her voice, Cassandra already knew full-well that she was wrong, but it seemed like she wasn’t entirely fond of the way Bellatrix aggressively danced around things. Narcissa understood that, but she also found it to be a fool’s errand to try to coax Bellatrix into being more emotionally honest; in the end, it was just easier and <em>faster</em> to read between the lines.</p>
<p>“Of course you’re <em>wrong;</em> that wasn’t what I—!” Bellatrix began, her frustration mounting as she gestured wildly for a moment before she allowed her arms to fall heavily back to her sides as she implored her sister, “Cissy. <em>Explain</em> me to her, please. For fuck’s sake.”</p>
<p>“I think the point of Cassandra’s comment was that she was already well-aware of what you <em>meant,</em> but she would like you to explain yourself more clearly. Regardless, I am not here to be your emotional interpreter, Bella.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix scoffed, her arms folding in front of her chest once more. “Nevermind— if she already knows what I <em>meant</em> then I’m not fucking repeating myself.”</p>
<p>“Fine, since you refuse to be clear with your words, allow me,” Cassandra began, catching the older woman’s gaze as she held eye contact. “I do not like havin’ to <em>assume</em> how you feel about shit, especially when the good stuff is covered up by all your emotionally defensive bullshit that I still know ya <em>do</em> feel on some level, ‘cause I know you an’ emotions, especially <em>empathy,</em> are a shit combination. Still, I’d rather you be more direct because otherwise one day I’m gonna take what you <em>do</em> say at face value an’ really believe it, an’ you aren’t gonna like how I react.”</p>
<p>“Well then just make sure you don’t take anything I say at fucking face value then— problem bloody solved!”</p>
<p>Cassandra’s expression set. “That’s a <em>shit</em> way to have a relationship, Bellatrix. Is it that fuckin’ hard to act like you give a crap? I’m askin’ for very little here, an’ <em>tryin’</em> to solve a problem before it <em>becomes</em> a real problem, ‘cause it can an’ it will. I have shitty self-esteem, alright? It’s embarrassin’ but I’ll admit it, ‘cause you deserve to be forewarned about how that could affect our relationship. So during a low moment I might’ve heard what ya just said to me and took it to mean that my emotions are a burden to you, that I’m hurting our relationship by having the audacity to be <em>sad</em> over my child<em>,</em> and that I should just <em>get over it</em> for the sake of not frustrating <em>you</em> with how I feel, an’ that’d be fucked up.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at Cassandra like she thought her thought process was what was <em>fucked up.</em> “That’s a real over-dramatic take on what I bloody said, but if it means that <em>sodding</em> much to you then I was just trying to find some kind of fucking solution for you, because I <em>give a shit,</em> alright? Jesus. I already feel like an arsehole because I’m the center of Cissy’s entire bloody problem, which means I can’t fix it; the least I could sodding do was point you in the direction of fixing <em>yours, </em>because call me fucking crazy, but I feel like you’d enjoy life a lot goddamn more if you didn’t have that bullshit with your son hanging over your head. There, that <em>clear</em> enough for you? Goddamn.”</p>
<p>Despite Bellatrix’s aggressive tone, she had still managed to express herself well, and therefore it seemed Cassandra was pleased. Truthfully, Narcissa was actually a little impressed by how quickly Bellatrix obliged her, but that might just mean that this wasn’t the first time Cassandra had encouraged her to be more direct with her emotions. If that was the kind of project Cassandra wished to spend her time undertaking though, far be it from Narcissa to stop her; it might actually end up benefiting them <em>both,</em> so.</p>
<p>Cassandra ignored Bellatrix’s blatantly grumpy behavior though, and simply smiled at her in return. “Thank you; it was, an’ I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” Bellatrix grumbled, rolling her eyes before she turned back to her sister, nodding her head in recognition. “By the way, what I meant to tell you before I got <em>interrupted,”</em> she began, shooting an irritated look at Cassandra, who just smiled sweetly back at her, knowing full-well that she was irritating Bellatrix, yet finding the results to be worth the other woman’s temporary ire, “is that… Death Eaters are not the only one’s required to be present at this meeting.” Her tone was apologetic, and Narcissa’s stomach sank in her gut, already knowing what she meant. “As the <em>host,</em> you will be required to attend as well. I know the last fucking thing you want is to be a part of this shit, but this is like a big <em>bloody</em> ordeal with everyone coming and shit, and if you <em>weren’t</em> present it would look bad. I’m sorry, but I’ll be next to you the whole time. Just wear a proud fucking expression for the <em>honor</em> the Dark Lord is bestowing upon your family by residing in your home, and don’t speak.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut but she swallowed and nodded, knowing she didn’t have another option; if she was able to get out of it, then Bellatrix would have already made certain that she could, as she knew how Narcissa felt about all of this. She was not looking <em>forward</em> to it by any means, but she was at least a little glad that the mandatory meeting would bring her son back into her house; that had to count for something.</p>
<p>“Also, not that either of you <em>would,</em> but do <em>not</em> use the Dark Lord’s true name,” Bellatrix warned the two women. “This will probably be brought up in the meeting, but I wanted to make sure you heard it too,” she continued, nodding toward Cassandra. “The Dark Lord has put a taboo on it— He assumed the only people stupid enough to utter it would be those who defied Him, and now should they do it we will be able to track them. Hopefully the Order will use it a few times before they start to catch on and we can thin the bloody heard a little bit, because those fuckers are <em>pissing</em> me off, and it seems like their sodding numbers are growing, although,” she smirked bitterly, “so have ours.”</p>
<p>“Has it been real bad?” Cassandra asked, concern etching into her brow as she instinctively reached for Narcissa’s hand, clasping it in her own. “You’re bein’ safe, yeah?”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing I can’t fucking handle, <em>believe</em> me,” Bellatrix responded, brushing that off even though Narcissa had the same concerns as Cassandra, and often worried about her sister’s safety when she was out now that the war was coming to a crux. The blonde tried to assure herself that Bellatrix was an extremely talented witch though and was more than capable of taking care of herself, but some nights her fear outweighed the logic she used to comfort herself. Bellatrix smirked though, this look on her face like she knew she was about to be an <em>arsehole,</em> and feigned confusion. “But wait, are you trying to say that you’re <em>concerned</em> about me? That you give an actual shit? Sorry, I can’t fucking understand that unless you <em>spell it out.</em> Inference isn’t a part of our relationship, apparently.”</p>
<p>Cassandra narrowed her eyes at the woman who was now approaching them with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. “You think you’re real funny, don’t ya?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m <em>hilarious,</em> Kitten; just you wait.”</p>
<p>Narcissa rolled her eyes as her sister plopped down beside her. “In her own head, maybe.” She patted Bellatrix’s thigh, giving her girlfriend a knowing side-eye. “At least she’s pretty.”</p>
<p>“Oh, the <em>prettiest,”</em> Cassandra added in a placating tone, which only caused Bellatrix’s nose to wrinkle in irritation from <em>both</em> of her women poking fun at her. Still, Cassandra obliged Bellatrix’s request for elaboration, although no doubt only because she didn’t want Bellatrix holding it over her head if she didn’t the next time Cassandra wanted <em>real</em> clarification on her words. “<em>Yes,</em> I care, an’ yes, I’m concerned. I rather enjoy you, an’ I’d prefer it if you didn’t <em>die. </em>Happy?”</p>
<p><em>“Ecstatic.” </em>Bellatrix’s tone was sarcastic, but then it seemed she actually really <em>did</em> wish to have a bit more clarification as she looked at Cassandra curiously. “Would you cry if I died?” she asked suddenly, and Narcissa felt so violently ill by the prospect that she reached out and slapped her sister’s thigh, her fingernails gripping and digging into her flesh.</p>
<p>“Don’t you <em>dare</em> talk like that— I don’t give a damn if you’re just fishing for validation; for <em>fuck’s</em> sake, Bella.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix hissed, pushing her sister’s hand from her before rubbing her thigh. “Jesus bloody Christ, Cissy, it was just a <em>question—”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah,” Cassandra responded seriously, respecting Bellatrix’s desire to know the answer despite Narcissa’s protests. “I would. Not just for my own loss, but for Cissa’s as well; losin’ you would be like losin’ a part of herself, an’ I don’t think that’s somethin’ she would be able to come back from. It would break my heart.” Narcissa’s breathing shallowed and Cassandra took the woman’s hand in her own before she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the top of the blonde’s head. “Sorry, that’s the end of the conversation— she asked though, an’ she had a right to hear the answer.” Her gaze found Bellatrix’s. “I hope you got what ya needed from that, ‘cause we need to stop before she gets kicked into a panic attack. She’s got enough to worry about.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Bellatrix acknowledged, but her voice was softer, almost thoughtful. Either she hadn’t really expected Cassandra to be upset over the prospect of her <em>dying</em> (which, frankly, would be a little ridiculous, considering where they now were in their relationship), or she simply wasn’t prepared for how that confirmation would make her feel. She seemed to shake herself out of her refection though, and apologized to her sister. “Sorry. It’s fine though— you know not a <em>damn</em> person on this earth, other than the Dark Lord himself, could ever best me. Don’t get yourself worked up over nothing; I won’t <em>ever </em>bloody leave you, Narcissa. I promise.”</p>
<p>Narcissa wished she could take her sister’s promise to heart, but honestly, the fact that Bellatrix was so bloody <em>certain</em> that no one could touch her was what was really concerning, as in the end, she may very well end up underestimating someone she never should have, and the consequences therein could be soul shatteringly devastating. Narcissa had <em>no</em> idea what she would do if that day ever came to pass, but she was certain she wouldn’t be able to survive it… and that was what scared her most of all.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. L.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>L.</strong>
</p><p>Narcissa thought she had mentally and emotionally prepared herself for this meeting, but as it turned out she had not, as bloody <em>nothing</em> could have prepared her to sit around her long ornate table in the drawing room with about thirty other people, a figure hanging upside down above them, the woman’s body revolving slowly as if suspended by an invisible rope. Although she seemed to be unconscious, her expression was still twisted in agony, her mouth opened as if in a silent scream. No one at the table acknowledged the woman as existing though, either because they did not <em>care</em> or they simply found it easier to ignore her— all except Draco, that was, who despite himself kept glancing upward at the woman every minute or so, as if checking if this was something that was really happening, or merely just the byproduct of an elaborate nightmare.</p><p>To Narcissa’s right was a mere shadow of the man her husband used to be. His skin appeared almost yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. Lucius had seemed to be getting better after Azkaban, but the last couple days had seen him fraught with misery as the most recent missions he had been sent on were met with more failure. It wasn’t his fault; the Order was getting smarter, more <em>cautious,</em> and they were starting to learn how the Death Eaters operated as they began to thwart some of their plans. Although not all recent failures had been Lucius’, it seemed the Dark Lord was still bitter over the man’s largest failure, the prophecy, and that punishing Draco to punish<em> them</em> was no longer enough. Lucius had become Voldemort’s punching bag of sorts, and the worst part was that Narcissa hadn’t even noticed until earlier this morning.</p><p>She felt like a terrible wife, but Lucius seemed to have been purposely trying to hide his pain from her. He overcompensated how helpless and overwhelmed he felt by nearly working Horkey to the bone in preparation for this meeting, wanting his <em>house</em> to at least look immaculate even though his own sanity was shattering. The amount of bloody peacocks they now had outside was what had clued Narcissa in, as Lucius had not used them as a status symbol for many years due to him getting tired of hearing their incessant squawking.</p><p>Despite Lucius’ desire for <em>order</em> and <em>precision </em>though<em>,</em> the room they were in still had furniture pushed carelessly up against the walls to make room for the table that usually resided in their dining hall, where Lucius had <em>assumed </em>they would be gathering before the Dark Lord decided he’d rather meet in the drawing room. No doubt because the roaring fire beneath their marble mantelpiece was surmounted by a gilded mirror, causing the reflection of their newest prisoner to be seen from all angles; the woman’s agonizing expression was even reflected in the polished surface of the table below them, inciting either fear or awe from his followers, as some seemed to immensely <em>enjoy</em> the spectacle.</p><p>Bellatrix would normally be one of those people. Tonight, however, she was <em>not.</em></p><p>Her sister was to Narcissa’s left, seated a little less than halfway down the table from the man she so admired, despite usually getting a seat beside him. Today, it seemed, his immediate right was reserved for someone who had yet to join them, as when Bellatrix had purposely moved to sit in her usual spot she was directed elsewhere with a silent point of a finger and a cruel curl of his lips, as the Dark Lord knew full-well how devastating such a blow would be to one of his best lieutenants. Still, it was hardly unexpected, with the way Lucius was being treated— Bellatrix too had experienced some recent failures, again through no fault of her own, but the evolution of the group they were up against. In the end though, Lucius was still getting the brunt of it, although no doubt because the Dark Lord knew that breaking Bellatrix would weaken him more than anything. He was displeased with her, but he still <em>needed</em> her, whereas Lucius was, unfortunately, more expendable, and apparently much more fun to break.</p><p>Bellatrix looked utterly humiliated by the rejection when she had sat in her designated spot with a huff, a furious jerk of her hand encouraging Narcissa to find her place beside her. Narcissa had said nothing when she took her seat, just as her sister had instructed of her. She did not think she would be able to utter a single word regardless though, her throat tight with fear as she tried to look <em>anywhere</em> but at the man who had overtaken her home.</p><p>Across from her, Peter Goyle was giving her a look of utmost loathing. He had not had a chance to say anything to her when he entered Malfoy manor, as he was very nearly late; the meeting was due to start in mere minutes. Narcissa knew she would not be so lucky come their gathering’s close, however. She, like Cassandra, had been purposely avoiding Peter, as she did not wish to be torn into for the audacity of taking the man’s wife from him; Narcissa had more than enough to deal with without <em>that</em> drama on top of it all, but she also knew it was only a matter of time before she was confronted. Still, Peter was the least of Narcissa’s concerns at the moment— her son was far more important, and it would be Draco’s company that Narcissa wished to keep at the end of all of this, despite knowing that she would more than likely be rejected once more.</p><p>Narcissa felt ill.</p><p>Finally, the last of their lot arrived. Severus and Yaxley entered the drawing room, Bellatrix looking positively <em>murderous</em> when it was Snape who was offered to sit in the place that she once resided. The two men reported the Order’s intention to move Harry Potter from his current place of safety, although it seemed they had conflicting information as to when <em>exactly</em> it would be happening. Voldemort, of course, trusted Snape’s information over Yaxley’s, who quickly assured the Dark Lord that he <em>had</em> done something of worth by placing an Imperius Curse upon Pius Thicknesse, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It was, admittedly, a big victory for them as they became one step closer to overtaking the Ministry completely, but their work was far from over.</p><p>Narcissa had hoped their family would be far removed from the meeting, merely observing from the shadows, but of course that was not the case. The Dark Lord announced that he required someone’s wand in order to kill Harry Potter, and when there were no volunteers he took it upon himself to rob Lucius of his, leaving her husband looking more broken and humiliated than he had before. Narcissa clasped a gentle hand upon his wrist though, a stricken expression on her face as she silently begged him to just allow Voldemort to do and say what he wished. Unfortunately, when the Dark Lord was comparing their lengths, Lucius made an involuntary movement, as though for a fraction of a second he actually seemed he expected to receive Voldemort’s wand in exchange for his own.</p><p>“Give you my wand, Lucius? <em>My </em>wand?” the Dark Lord taunted, causing many at the table to snicker at his foolishness. Narcissa wanted to cry at the expression on her husband’s face, and it took every ounce of control she had inside of her to stare almost lifelessly at the far wall, trying to disconnect from the reality of their situation so that she did not have an inappropriate reaction, and inadvertently doom them all. “I have given you your liberty, Lucius, is that not enough for you? But I have noticed that you and your family seem less than happy of late… What is it about my presence in your home that displeases you?”</p><p>Lucius was quick to answer, although his voice was hoarse and broken. “Nothing — nothing, my Lord!”</p><p>The Dark Lord’s voice come out as a furious hiss. “Such<em> lies,</em> Lucius…”</p><p>Narcissa swallowed, her face growing more ashen as the hissing did not stop, and it felt like something large was moving beneath the table. She gripped her sister’s hand in a silent plea, and Bellatrix responded by squeezing it in desperation, needing Narcissa to calm down before she did or said something stupid in order to save Lucius from the mockery he had become in his own home. In the end, humiliation was nothing compared to the horror Voldemort could bestow upon their family should they appear displeased with their current situation.</p><p>However, it was not just Lucius who was to be made a fool of this night, but Bellatrix as well. Voldemort openly mocked their family for their niece having chosen to marry a <em>werewolf,</em> of all the bloody things. Bellatrix of course, loudly and furiously declared that whatever offspring their estranged sister bore had nothing to do with them, as Andromeda was <em>not</em> their family, but the damage had been done. All of them, even poor Draco, were openly mocked by the gathering of people in their home as Voldemort joked about who would babysit the <em>cubs</em>, which only caused Bellatrix’s cheeks to grow hotter with shame and fury as she no doubt viciously blamed the sister she had not spoken to in thirty years for her humiliation. Truthfully, Narcissa had not feared for Andromeda’s safety until just this moment, and her esophagus tightened as she frantically tried to think of <em>anything</em> she could say to make Bellatrix not take this out on their sister.</p><p>Her and Andromeda may not be close, but Narcissa did <em>not</em> wish ill upon her. The very thought made her stomach churn with bile, but thankfully it did seem Bellatrix’s attention was diverted from murdering Andromeda to murdering the woman’s <em>daughter</em> in order to ‘prune their family tree’. Narcissa did not wish her sister the pain of losing a child, as she knew that devastation all too well herself, but at the end of the day, Narcissa held no love for Nymphadora, who was now an <em>adult,</em> at the very least<em>—</em> so if she had to choose, then Narcissa would rather that woman’s death over her own sister’s. It may be awful, but it was the truth.</p><p>The Dark Lord used Lucius’ wand then to awaken their newest prisoner, who wasted no time pleading to Severus to save her. The woman was apparently a former teacher at Hogwarts, but thankfully from a class Draco had never taken, as Narcissa wouldn’t have wanted her son to be scarred any more than he already was. <em>Muggle</em> studies; strangely, the only person in their family who had taken the subject was Bellatrix, as in her third year she had turned in her request too late and all of her preferred classes were filled, forcing her to take a subject she had no interest in. In the end though, it had benefited them both; Narcissa was nine years old when Bellatrix was forced to dress the wounds their mother had inflicted upon her with Muggle means, and while the two sisters still looked down upon many things to do with those filthy creatures, neither could deny the usefulness of their medicine when it was the only thing that had relieved Narcissa of the pain of their mother’s brutal punishments.</p><p>
  <em>“Avada Kedavra.” </em>
</p><p>The flash of green light illuminated every corner of the room. The woman fell to the table below with a resounding crash, causing several of the Death Eaters to leap back in their chairs. Draco fell out of his completely and onto the floor, his eyes wide with terror as Narcissa instinctively clutched at both her sister and husband, her knuckles as white as her face as she watched Voldemort’s large snake rise up from her master’s side.</p><p>“Dinner, Nagini,” said the Dark Lord softly, and the great snake swayed and slithered onto the polished wood, her mouth opening before she began to swallow the prisoner whole. Although the blonde had been desperately trying to stay impassive toward the whole ordeal, Narcissa had to look away from the scene before her, unable to stomach watching the woman’s body disappear inside of the massive snake.</p><p>Voldemort smiled as he watched his pet devour her supper before he turned his gaze upon the rest of the people in the room. “Friends, it will not be long until our efforts bear fruit, and wizard-kind has taken its rightful place above the rest; I invite you to enjoy yourselves this evening. I’m sure our gracious <em>hosts</em> will not keep us waiting long for dinner—” His slit-like eyes landed on Narcissa, who felt like the floor had opened up and swallowed her whole as absolute <em>panic</em> set in: Bellatrix had not told her that they were meant to entertain this gathering as though it was a formal dinner party! Still, she nodded, because what else could she do, and Voldemort inclined his head. “Then for now we will raise our glasses and toast to our success—”</p><p>Thankfully, Hokey was a <em>good</em> house elf; it always was able to anticipate their needs before they even had a chance to express them, no doubt due to always keeping an ear out. Voldemort snapped his fingers, and Hokey appeared with a tray of champagne flutes, eagerly passing them out to each of the guests while the Dark Lord’s snake continued trying to digest an entire human being in the center of the table. It was sickening, and yet <em>this</em> was their reality now as Draco picked himself up off the floor to miserably slide back into his chair, and their elf handed them each a glass. They toasted to the Dark Lord’s success, lingering for a certain amount of time before it seemed appropriate to <em>mingle</em> before dinner, and Narcissa wasted no time practically shoving her sister in the first room she saw, which unfortunately happened to be a fairly small closet. It didn’t matter though— Narcissa just needed the privacy, because she was on the verge of having a full-blown panic attack.</p><p>Bellatrix instinctively silenced the small space, already knowing what this was about while thankfully being able to push her own humiliation and fury aside, at least for the time being. “I know, I <em>know—</em> I’m sorry, I guess I fucking missed the part where this would be a bloody <em>party.</em> I’ll fix it; it’ll be fine— just breathe, yeah? Just fucking breathe, Cissy.”</p><p>Narcissa felt like she was falling apart. “<em>I have nothing prepared!”</em></p><p>“Right, I get that— Listen, right now it’s whatever; I know you have a shit ton of alcohol in this house, and that’s all anyone needs. I’ll order some food from a restaurant or something and have Cassandra go pick it up since <em>she’s</em> not a wanted criminal, yeah? It’ll be fine— make your elf throw some shit together for hors d'oeuvres in the meantime and then just go out there and play the happy hostess. You’re good at that.”</p><p>God, <em>God…</em></p><p>“Cass, she— she wanted to avoid Peter, if we make her come back here with the food…” Narcissa began, pushing the hair back away from her eyes as she fisted her hands at the base of her skull helplessly, leaning back into a pile of coats.</p><p>“Look, I get that she doesn’t want to talk to him, and as much as my ‘warped fucking hero complex’ wants to shield her from that, <em>this</em> is more important,” Bellatrix snapped impatiently. “And I’m damn sure if you asked her, Cassandra would think so too; you can <em>not</em> look like you fucked this up, our entire bloody <em>family</em> is already a laughing stock,” Bellatrix continued bitterly, the rage simmering beneath her words. “She’ll fucking <em>get</em> it, okay? I’ll deal with it. Just— just go make sure your husband and son aren’t fucking this up for us by acting like sad, broken puppies. This whole thing is fucking— it’s <em>ridiculous.</em> I will <em>not</em> have my place be beneath Snape’s— that is not the way this fucking world <em>works!”</em></p><p>Bellatrix ranted for a little while longer, but Narcissa was barely listening as she tried to psych herself up for the façade she would have to put on in minute’s time. Eventually, Bellatrix disapparated to get Cassandra’s help and Narcissa stepped out, trying to seem more put together than the fact that she had just barricaded herself and her sister inside of a bloody <em>broom closet</em> made her appear. Thankfully, no one was around to see that, and after Narcissa used the reflection in one of the glass-covered photographs on the wall to check her makeup and hair, her heels clicked rhythmically against the hardwood floor as she made her way into the kitchen, her fingers snapping as she called her elf. Hokey appeared immediately, already carrying a wide variety of wine bottles.</p><p>“Good, continue serving our guests whatever they wish,” Narcissa instructed the house elf, trying to be commanding as it was the only way she felt even a little bit put together. “I need you to play some soft music as well; something bloody <em>relaxing</em> so that maybe everyone doesn’t see I’m having a mental breakdown. How fast can you whip up hors d'oeuvres? I’m sure we have <em>something</em> in this bloody house.”</p><p>“Hokey can have something ready in fifteen minutes, Mistress!”</p><p>“Make it ten,” Narcissa told it, and Hokey nodded obediently even though that was probably a difficult request to oblige. “My sister or Cassandra, or perhaps <em>both</em> will be coming back with food within the hour— when they do, make <em>damn</em> sure it looks like we cooked it. The family’s honor depends on this, do you understand?”</p><p>“Of course, Mistress; Hokey lives to serve the house of Malfoy, and will do the utmost to uphold its family’s honor!”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled. The house elf seemed so certain that it could pull this off that it at least made her feel a little better. After another few deep breaths and some more meticulous checking in any reflective surface Narcissa could find that she did not have a hair out of place, the blonde exited the kitchen to find her husband. Lucius was hanging back in the corner with a scotch in his hand, no doubt still horribly humiliated not only by the jeers from the others about their family, but by the fact that he no longer bore a wand. For a wizard, there was no greater shame, and Narcissa gently touched her husband’s wrist to get his attention as she stood by his side.</p><p>“Keep your head up, darling,” she softly coaxed him, knowing there was a time and a place to fall apart, and right here, right <em>now,</em> was not one of them. “We have a long night ahead of us.”</p><p>Lucius, who knew this dinner party had caught his wife off guard side-eyed her, his voice low. “Is everything…?”</p><p>“Bella and I are handling it,” Narcissa assured him quickly as she looked around, trying to look casually unconcerned. She clutched at his arm, standing tall by his side as a dutiful wife should, as the façade made her seem more put together than she actually felt.</p><p>Around them, the hum of animated conversation overshadowed the words spoken between husband and wife. The throngs of people in their home drank and laughed, and although Narcissa was certain that <em>some</em> of them were still laughing at them, she chose to ignore it for her own sanity. The ranks of the Death Eaters had swelled now that the Dark Lord was growing closer to winning this war, and there were a few unfamiliar faces amongst a sea she had known for years. Unfortunately, there was also an all too<em> familiar </em>face of one of the newest recruits, as Narcissa watched Jade slip through the crowd, her freshly borne Mark burned into the arm that she proudly showed off while in the safety of their house. For all of her pride now though, she, like Draco, had looked very green when Charity Burbage was murdered and then subsequently <em>eaten</em> on their dining room table.</p><p>Oh God, the <em>table.</em> Where the hell were they going to eat now?</p><p>Narcissa didn’t have a chance to ponder that though as suddenly a brick wall of a man stood in front of her, his stance imposing. “Where is she?” Peter Goyle demanded, although seemed to have enough sense to keep his voice low so as to not cause a scene.</p><p>“Not here,” Narcissa answered, as that was the truth for the time being. God, she already felt terrible for calling Cassandra back to the house, as Peter was clearly set on confronting her. Narcissa wasn’t <em>surprised</em> by any means, as it had been months now that Cassandra had purposely avoided him, but that did not mean that the man had to do it here, now, in the middle of a very <em>public</em> party.</p><p><em>“Don’t,</em> Goyle,” Lucius softly warned his former friend, despite sounding so very, very tired. He no doubt did not want to have to deal with his wife’s relationship drama right then, on top of <em>everything </em>else, but felt obligated to do so regardless. “Not here. This isn’t the time or the place.”</p><p>“And when the fuck am I supposed to do it, huh?” Peter hissed beneath his breath, his expression furious as he looked between the Malfoys. “She won’t answer my letters, she won’t fucking speak to me— she’s buried herself deep inside of that cunt of yours as she runs away from her duty, from her <em>family. </em>Cassandra is <em>my</em> wife, you whore of a home wrecker, and this dyke phase of her has lasted long enough. I <em>own</em> that bloody woman, and I am taking her home.”</p><p>“Good luck going through Bellatrix to do it,” Narcissa hissed back, her gaze locking onto his as she stood toe to toe. Peter Goyle may tower over her, but in the end Narcissa had five-foot two violent psychopath who <em>loved</em> her as her weapon of choice, and he didn’t stand a bloody chance.</p><p>“Don’t be stupid— I’m sure you already are well-aware that she’s been running interference. Who asked her to do that, do you think?” Narcissa challenged, even though the answer to that was, truthfully, <em>Cassandra,</em> but… well, Goyle did not need to know what was currently going on between his wife and Bellatrix. Narcissa knew it would only make matters worse for her. “You can’t <em>touch </em>Cassandra, Peter, and she is no longer yours. Now have some bloody decorum and stop accosting me at a public affair; you are embarrassing yourself.”</p><p>A ways behind Peter, Narcissa caught sight of her sister, who had returned much quicker than expected; then again, Bellatrix probably knew she would be missed and sought to make sure no one noticed she had left at all. “Excuse me,” Narcissa said tersely, gently squeezing her husband’s arm in a brief apology before she nodded towards Bellatrix, letting him know that she had to prioritize pulling this dinner party off first and foremost. Lucius understood with a brief nod of his own, although he most certainly did not wish to be left alone with Peter. Still, Narcissa had to made a hasty exit as she stole through the small crowd of people to find Bellatrix, who had briefly conversed with one of the newer recruits, no doubt just to make herself look <em>present,</em> before she made eye contact with Narcissa, excused herself, and left the parlor.</p><p>The blonde followed her through the kitchen and into the small pantry just as she watched Horkey leave with the hors d'oeuvres; good, that would keep everyone busy for a moment. “You spoke to Cassandra?” Narcissa assumed as she closed the door behind her, giving them some privacy. Bellatrix nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, she’s handling it. Although I realized far too bloody late that I didn’t know what the <em>fuck</em> to get, but apparently she knows how to plan a dinner party even though I wouldn’t have pegged her for being a snooty prat in that regard— wasn’t her mother like, a fucking pureblood societal pariah? I doubt she ever threw one that was worth a damn.”</p><p>“She helped me plan parties when we were younger; mostly when I was trying to usurp Walburga’s position,” Narcissa informed her, before giving her sister a look of disapproval. “Don’t <em>judge</em> her because she was of a lower class than us, Bella. <em>You</em> were pureblood elite and don’t know how to plan a party to save your life.”</p><p>“I wasn’t—!” Bellatrix huffed, irritation crossing her expression. “I know I’m shit at it, so I wasn’t trying to fucking knock her for assuming she’d be shit too— damn. I just didn’t think she would have any bloody experience with it; <em>apparently </em>I was wrong.” Bellatrix nose wrinkled. “Jesus, you were fucking <em>insufferable</em> when you were playing social politics; she must have been real desperate for your cunt to put up with <em>that.”</em></p><p>“We weren’t even sleeping together then!” Narcissa squawked, offended. God, she was <em>not</em> that bad. She just— she <em>wasn’t.</em> “You know what? This is unimportant. I’m glad she at least <em>put up with me</em> enough to know what to get for food, unlike <em>some</em> people. Meanwhile, I have Horkey serving drinks and hors d'oeuvres so we should be fine until she gets here; however, I’m going to need you to do something about the table a fucking <em>snake</em> has just had dinner on before us— we can <em>not</em> eat on that.”</p><p>“Jesus, just have your elf clean it and throw a tablecloth over it— problem solved.”</p><p>Narcissa looked at her like she must have lost her mind if <em>that</em> was her solution. “Bella, a woman <em>died</em> on that table!”</p><p>Bellatrix leaned up against one of the shelves in the pantry, scoffing as she folded her arms over her chest. “So? A woman <em>died</em> practically on your coffee table, or <em>because</em> of your coffee table, whatever— and you still took tea on the damn thing.”</p><p>“I—” Narcissa began, before stopping. <em>Had</em> she? She had replaced the rug beneath it yes, as Margret’s blood had gotten all over it, but maybe… maybe she hadn’t replaced the table itself, as that would have been something Lucius would have noticed. Fuck. “That isn’t the point, nor is it the same thing!” she hissed, causing Bellatrix to snort. “Just— <em>please.</em> Please find me another table.”</p><p>“Just have your elf grab mine from the manor; I’m sure it has just been <em>sitting </em>there, collecting dust, and it’s not like Rodolphus plans to get the fuck out of my life enough to move back there and use it,” Bellatrix responded which… was not the worst plan, admittedly. Okay, Narcissa could work with that. The blonde rubbed the back of her neck, trying to de-stress.</p><p>“Problem solved?” Bellatrix asked expectantly, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath and nodded. “Good— both of us have been gone too long. People are going to begin to fucking notice.”</p><p>“Wait—” Narcissa requested, grasping onto her sister’s arm before Bellatrix could leave the pantry. “Cass… she was supposed to use this time to mend things with her son. Do you know…?” Because Narcissa felt <em>terrible</em> that her crisis was interrupting that, as Cassandra repairing her relationship with Gregory was very important to her.</p><p>“I don’t— I think they’re fine; the kid didn’t seem overwhelmingly pissed or anything at her still when I popped in, but time was kind of the essence here, Cissy— I didn’t really stop to fucking ask,” Bellatrix reminded her, and Narcissa nodded in acknowledgment. Hopefully because Bellatrix didn’t pop in on a screaming match or anything things were better, but she had to shelve that for now; they could always deal with that after they got through with <em>this,</em> and if Cassandra hadn’t had the chance to say what she needed to say, or begin to repair the relationship with her son, then they could help her do so again. They had time in that regard; they did <em>not</em> with this.</p><p>After the two sisters exited the pantry, Narcissa tried to find her son only to realize that he was <em>purposely</em> avoiding his mother. The second Narcissa would enter a room, Draco would leave to find somewhere else to linger until dinner; he looked miserable, honestly— practically sulking in a corner. At least, that was until Narcissa found him once more in the parlor, and he was not alone.</p><p>He was speaking to Jade.</p><p>While Narcissa knew it was probably to be expected, as Jade was the only Death Eater that was around Draco’s age, something sick twisted in the base of Narcissa’s gut. Jade was <em>pretty,</em> and her boy was only human; the problem was, Jade was something that Bellatrix had touched, and Narcissa very much doubted that Draco would look at the girl the same way should he know. Unfortunately, Narcissa did not have time to warn him though, as that was when she saw Cassandra peaking her head around the threshold of the doorway, no doubt wary that Peter was going to spot her and all hell would break loose.</p><p>Draco and his unfortunate taste in women would have to wait.</p><p>Narcissa quickly found her way to Cassandra, who had seen she was coming and retreated into the bathroom. Narcissa followed, wishing she didn’t have to keep bloody <em>hiding</em> every twenty minutes during this goddamn dinner party, but also not wishing to be overheard as she struggled to get her shit together.</p><p>“Thank you— <em>thank</em> you for coming; I’m sorry we pulled you away from your son. Did you— did you get it?” Narcissa frantically asked after she had silenced the room, leaning against the bathroom door.</p><p>“Yeah— you’re serving Duck a l'Orange; the elf’s platin’ it now. You can breathe,” Cassandra assured her, placing her hands on both of Narcissa’s arms, gently caressing them. Her brow was creased in concern. “You alright? Bellatrix said this hit you like a sack o’ bricks to the face.”</p><p>“Yeah I’m— I’m fine,” Narcissa assured her, waving that off despite having been knee deep in a panic attack for a moment there. “God, I’m sorry you had to come back here; Peter, he’s— well, he’s not bloody happy with <em>me,</em> for one. He’s looking for a confrontation. I don’t want to have to subject you to that; you should just go back to your son—”</p><p>“Too many people have already seen me; <em>includin’</em> Peter, by the way,” Cassandra admitted, sounding rather defeated. Narcissa swore. “Took me too long to find ya, an’ I don’t even know where Bellatrix is. Lucius thankfully ran interference before Peter could get to me, but that ship has pretty much bloody sailed. I dunno, maybe I should just… suck it up? Just fuckin’ <em>tell</em> him I want a goddamn divorce, but I’m just…” Cassandra’s expression crumbled, and her eyes swam with tears she fought to hold back.</p><p>“What?” Narcissa asked softly, gently touching the other woman’s wrist before there was a loud knock on the door, startling both women who nearly jumped out of their skin. “<em>What?”</em> Narcissa repeated, although this time louder and <em>not</em> to Cassandra, before she remembered she had silenced the room and exhaled a frustrated breath.</p><p>“Cissy? Cissy, if that’s you, open the fucking door.”</p><p>Oh, it was just Bellatrix. Narcissa quickly did as instructed, allowing her sister in while trying to ignore the ridiculousness of them all huddled into her, albeit, cozy and nicely decorated half bath. When the door closed behind Bellatrix though she took one look at Cassandra and then smacked her sister’s arm with the back of her hand.</p><p>“The fuck did you do?” she demanded, noticing that Cassandra looked upset. Narcissa hissed as she rubbed her arm with an indignant expression on her face. “What’s wrong?” Bellatrix asked as she crossed the small space to reach their girlfriend, her brow etched in concern.</p><p>“I didn’t <em>do</em> anything,” Narcissa insisted, as this hadn’t been her fault, just as Cassandra assured Bellatrix, “S’not Cissa’s fault; I just— I’m just freakin’ out about confrontin’ Peter ‘cause I know it’s kinda an inevitability at this point, but it’s <em>fine,</em> yeah? Stop fussin’ over me; we can’t all just stay in here, s’gonna look weird.”</p><p>Their entire relationship with one another probably already looked weird, as most of the Death Eaters knew she fucked her sister, while another large handful was aware of her relationship with Cassandra. Like it or not, they were probably going to start putting the pieces together soon— especially if they kept drawing attention to themselves by doing <em>this.</em></p><p>If anyone actually saw them do this, anyway.</p><p>“She’s right; besides, dinner will be served soon,” Narcissa reminded her sister, before that reminded <em>her</em> of something and she blurted out, “—Shit, the table!” She had forgotten to tell Horkey to get the one at the Lestrange manor.</p><p>“Like I said before, just fucking wash it and throw a tablecloth over it; nobody will <em>die</em>,” Bellatrix exhaled, like Narcissa’s concerns were ridiculous before she smirked, amending, “Well, <em>again,</em> anyway.”</p><p>God, she found the <em>worst</em> things funny.</p><p>Cassandra’s brow knit, a slightly horrified expression passing across her face. “What the fuck happened while I was gone?”</p><p>“The Dark Lord’s snake ate a former teacher of Hogwarts on top of our dining room table,” Narcissa revealed, <em>wishing</em> she sounded more horrified about that than she did, yet found she was growing rather numb to all the horror that now happened in her life and in her bloody <em>home.</em></p><p>Cassandra, at least, had a more normal reaction to that as she physically recoiled then looked at Bellatrix with equal horror at how bloody <em>blasé </em>she was about death, per usual, and smacked her arm as she chastised her, “That’s not funny! Jesus fuckin’ Christ; that’s ruddy<em> horrible—”</em></p><p>“The bitch taught <em>Muggle Studies,</em> and my joke was hilarious, actually,” Bellatrix informed them both before she rolled her eyes. “God, both of you have the shittiest sense of humor. Whatever— let’s just go. Cassandra, if Goyle’s already seen you, then there’s no point in hiding; everyone bloody knows you live here now anyway, so just come to dinner. Be actually kind of bloody nice to have a woman on my arm for once, since <em>Cissy</em> always feels the need to hang all over Lucius during these kinds of things. Besides, Goyle might have the IQ of a fucking weight bench, but even he’s not stupid enough to try to get through <em>me,</em> so you really don’t have to worry about shit.”</p><p>Cassandra chewed guiltily on her bottom lip, and Narcissa’s nose wrinkled as she already knew what the woman was going to say, and they <em>both</em> knew that Bellatrix would not be happy about it. Bellatrix caught the look too and her eyes narrowed. “What?” she asked suspiciously, and Narcissa’s nose crinkled even further as she took a step back, allowing them to work through this themselves, as this was an issue that did not involve her. Well, at least directly.</p><p>Cassandra reached for Bellatrix imploringly. “Please don’t be mad—”</p><p>Bellatrix stepped away, causing Cassandra’s expression to fall further. “And yet, funnily enough, I have a shit feeling that I’m going to be. <em>What?”</em></p><p>Cassandra pursed her lips, wringing her hands together. “Please believe that it’s not ‘cause I don’t want people to know we’re together—”</p><p>“Oh for <em>fuck’s</em> sake,” Bellatrix snapped, and although she looked angry, Narcissa could tell that deep down she was not just upset, but <em>hurt.</em> Bellatrix had wanted to be open about her relationships for <em>years</em> and never could be; Gwendolyn was closeted because she feared it would ruin her marriage should someone know, and Narcissa was, <em>well…</em> related to her. Finally, Bellatrix had a girlfriend who she could actually come ‘out’ with, as she already knew Cassandra didn’t have an issue with that, seeing as how she had done it with Narcissa before. Still, it was more complicated than that, and Narcissa understood why Cassandra was hesitant. “What, you can be Cissy’s girlfriend in public, but not <em>mine?!”</em></p><p>“No!” Cassandra assured her, looking as though she felt absolutely <em>awful</em> for rejecting Bellatrix in that way. Apparently, she knew how important something like that was to her. “No, I would <em>never—</em> it’s not about you, or <em>her,</em> it’s… it’s Peter, alright? He’s already so <em>bloody</em> angry with me over Cissa; if he found out I was datin’ you too everythin’ would blow up and it’d make shit <em>worse,</em> okay? I’m just— I need to approach this situation delicately, yeah? Please…”</p><p>“Fuck ‘delicately’,” Bellatrix exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “Just tell the fat prick you want a divorce and let him say whatever he wants! Why do you even fucking <em>care</em> what he thinks?”</p><p>“I don’t!” Cassandra assured her, grasping for Bellatrix’s hand once more, who did try to pull away from her again, but apparently did not put that much effort into it as Cassandra kept hold of her easily. Bellatrix’s expression was still masked in upset though, and Cassandra pulled the older woman closer to her. “But you need to fuckin’ understand that this man has known me better than anyone; he’s been my husband for over twenty years— he knows my whole life, he knows my <em>secrets,</em> an’ I…”</p><p>It was Narcissa’s turn to furrow her brow then, inserting herself into the conversation as she approached them both. “Cass… what exactly are you afraid of?” she asked delicately, as the younger woman’s eyes filled with tears.</p><p>“Nothin’! Everythin’, I dunno— I just don’t want him bein’ <em>vindictive</em> an’ for him to go out for blood, okay? S’bad enough I dumped him for one woman, but <em>two?</em> His pride isn’t gonna be able to handle that,” Cassandra pressed. She looked so overwhelmed. “Please, just— I don’t know what he’d do, but I don’t wanna find out. I don’t want him tryin’ to <em>ruin</em> me, to ruin us, <em>this—</em> my fuckin’ <em>life</em> now. Jesus— just, please,” she pleaded with Bellatrix, who looked about as confused as Narcissa felt. Cassandra seemed very desperate for supposedly not knowing what Peter would do exactly. “I fuckin’ promise, I <em>promise </em>that I won’t keep ya hidden away once all this shit’s over with— I’ll take you on dates, I’ll take you <em>both</em> on a date— together, separately, I don’t ruddy care,” Cassandra tried to bargain, her cheeks splotchy and her makeup beginning to run at the corners of her eyes. “M’sorry, I know how I’m actin’ is a lot, an’ maybe it’s an overreaction but he can be— he can be <em>horrible</em> when he feels like he’s been made a fool of<em>,</em> an’…!”</p><p>“Has that fucker <em>hurt</em> you before?!” Bellatrix raged, jumping to the conclusion that maybe Cassandra was terrified because she was a battered wife, but Narcissa knew that wasn’t it, because… because she would have <em>known, </em>right? Narcissa knew she had always been caught up in her own bullshit, but she wasn’t <em>that</em> bad. “Because I bloody swear on everything I will crush his skull with my bare fucking <em>hands—”</em></p><p>“No! God, <em>no,</em> he hasn’t— he hasn’t touched me; not like <em>that</em> anyway— I never got beat or anythin’…”</p><p>Narcissa’s suddenly felt violently ill at the realization that Cassandra might have been touched in <em>another</em> way by him, and Bellatrix looked seconds away from needing to murder something; <em>Peter,</em> preferably. “Jesus fucking Christ, Cass, did he…? What the <em>fuck</em> went on when you were married?!”</p><p>“Nothin’! Please— please just stop; you both are makin’ it into a bigger thing than it is; everythin’ was just <em>shit</em> before he went to prison, you know that, I <em>told</em> you that!” Cassandra exclaimed, speaking to Narcissa now. “I bloody <em>told</em> you we were fightin’ all the time; he just— everythin’ was <em>good,</em> everythin’ was<em> fine</em> after we worked through our issues, okay? Me an’ you, him an’ Ursula… but then when I fucked you an’ Lucius that day I came home an’ I… I <em>smelled</em> like you, an’ he knew, he <em>knew</em> that smell ‘cause of years of me doin’ the same shit, an’ this was <em>just</em> after I promised I wouldn’t anymore…”</p><p>“Wait, he <em>knew?”</em> Narcissa asked, aghast. She had thought they had gotten away with it. “You never told me—”</p><p>“When would I have had a chance to, huh?” Cassandra countered, tears still swimming in her eyes. “That was the last bloody time I saw you, the last time I <em>spoke </em>to you before she came back, an’ you wanted nothin’ to do with me anymore—” Narcissa tried to speak, but Cassandra interrupted her. “No, I <em>know</em> why, I was just— I was just tryin’ to explain why he was like that, is all. Like I fuckin’ told him it’d be me an’ him, that I was <em>done</em> with you but then I cheated on him <em>again,</em> an’ got super upset when Bellatrix was back an’ everythin’ <em>we</em> had fell apart… I mean, Peter <em>knew.</em> He fuckin’ knew I was in love with you, he knew before <em>me</em> that I was in love with you, an’ he felt betrayed; he felt lied to. He said he was willin’ to forgive me before ‘cause he fucked up too, but now I was makin’ a fool of him when he <em>owned</em> me an’ so he, I dunno, <em>exercised </em>that so that maybe I’d stop fuckin’ ruinin’ everythin’ over a woman who didn’t even want me anymore, an’ things… things just got ugly between us. S’my fault, but I just—”</p><p>“Hold on, <em>what…”</em> Bellatrix began dangerously, her knuckles flashing white by how hard she was gripping the basin of the sink beside her, “do you mean when you said he ‘<em>exercised’</em> that?” She was breathing heavily through her nose, and Narcissa knew her sister had the same sinking feeling that she did, and Narcissa <em>hated</em> herself for it. She had known things between Cassandra and Peter had deteriorated before he got carted off to prison, but she hadn’t known <em>how</em> bad. She just… didn’t ask; too caught up in her own bullshit, like <em>usual</em> and…</p><p>Narcissa wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to vomit. <em>What</em> had she been blind to…?</p><p>Cassandra looked a bit like she had swallowed a frog; no doubt afraid that this conversation was getting out of hand. “Nothin’ just… he’s my <em>husband; </em>you’re makin’ it sound like— we were <em>married. </em>That shit wasn’t even my point, not really; I just don’t want him to—”</p><p>“What, <em>rape</em> you again in some warped show of fucking ownership? To <em>fix</em> you, so you wouldn’t want Narcissa’s cunt anymore?” Bellatrix growled, and Cassandra went as pale as Narcissa looked. From outside the door, the blonde could hear the dinner bell ring, and although Narcissa knew <em>none</em> of them were hungry anymore, she knew they couldn’t stay barricaded in this bathroom any longer.</p><p>“Don’t— don’t use that bloody word; for fuck’s sake you’re— you’re making a <em>thing</em> an’ I… all I was tryin’ to ask for is some bloody time, alright? <em>Please!”</em> Cassandra begged, sounding desperate and frustrated. “I was just tryin’ to say that he hasn’t been above threatenin’ me, whether it be with divorce or somethin’ else— an’ now that he has no doubt realized that <em>I</em> actually want a divorce, an’ that despite what he was tryin’ to do, I <em>wouldn’t</em> be left homeless and penniless anymore if it happened since I got you takin’ care of me now— he’s not gonna want to let me off that easy. I just— I need <em>time</em> to figure out how to get out of this, alright? Please.”</p><p>Bellatrix looked like she was grinding her teeth and Narcissa gently stroked her arm, silently encouraging her to keep herself under control— at least for the moment. “Dinner’s ready,” Narcissa reminded them softly, her free hand reaching out to wipe beneath her girlfriend’s eyes. “We can continue this later if we need to. For now, Bella and I promise not to make anything worse for you with Peter, okay?” She looked at her sister then, who did not say anything. She still looked <em>murderous,</em> and Narcissa had to gently nudge her.</p><p>“<em>Fine,”</em> Bellatrix ground out. “I’ll let it go, <em>for now.”</em> And, well, that was probably the best either of them could ask for, given the circumstances. Narcissa still felt ill, but getting through this dinner with the Dark Lord had to be their main priority right now.</p><p>“You don’t have to come to the dinner—” Narcissa reminded Cassandra, as it wasn’t as though she was a Death Eater, but Cassandra just exhaled an unsteady breath as she wiped under her eyes.</p><p>“M’Fine— He knows I live here; if I don’t go it’d look not just rude, but disloyal. M’not gonna do that to either of you.”</p><p>“Okay, so then… quickly go upstairs and make yourself look presentable. Perhaps… perhaps you could wear that sapphire necklace Bella bought you? That would go nicely with that dress,” Narcissa gently encouraged, not only trying to make her girlfriend look a bit more put together for a dinner party, but also make Bellatrix feel validated as being someone important to Cassandra, despite not having a public label just yet. Cassandra nodded silently, pushing the hair back from her face before she exhaled an uneven breath.</p><p>“’Kay… I’ll be right back,” she promised, her voice barely audible before she leaned in and gave Narcissa a quick kiss on the cheek. Her gaze landed on the eldest sister afterward though, and Cassandra chewed on the inside of her cheek as she took note of the <em>look</em> on Bellatrix’s face. She reached out, gently cupping the brunette’s neck as she placed an apologetic kiss on her cheek in turn. “I promise I’ll let you tell people I’m yours soon, okay?” she breathed against her ear, still feeling horrible about that despite Bellatrix’s rotten mood being mostly to do with Peter now. Still, perhaps this was just easier for Cassandra to deal with as she held Bellatrix to her, hoping she would forgive her for this minor transgression. “I <em>want</em> people to know. I won’t make ya hide, I swear.”</p><p>Bellatrix said nothing though, and Cassandra exhaled a small sigh as she pulled away, glancing sadly at Narcissa before she retreated from the bathroom, leaving the two sisters alone. Narcissa looked at Bellatrix, upset swirling in the pit of her stomach as a violent storm raged behind her sister’s eyes.</p><p>“I’m going to kill him,” Bellatrix informed her calmly, and Narcissa wet her parched lips.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Bellatrix finally looked at her, and Narcissa gently touched her arm. She knew better than to try to stop her, and truthfully… a part of her did not want to. “But not here. Not tonight— if the Dark Lord knows you’re behind his death, I’m afraid of what he’ll do; Peter is one of his most faithful, and has supported him for years. He may not be as useful as you are, but the loss of him would still be a blow to the Dark Lord’s cause. I don’t want you to suffer the consequences.”</p><p>Bellatrix didn’t look <em>pleased</em> by being told to wait, but she did at least seem to accept that outright murdering him tonight might not be the best of plans. “She’s going to be fucking <em>angry</em> with me,” she acknowledged, which Narcissa knew as well. “Cry or some shit— like his death bloody matters. But I’d be fucking— I’d be doing it for <em>her.</em>”</p><p>“I’ll smooth it over,” Narcissa promised her, knowing that Bellatrix feared losing her relationship before it barely got off the ground. “She’ll understand, in time, that it was for the best. She shouldn’t have to live in fear of him; she shouldn’t be afraid of him treating her like she’s his property, or that he will ruin her life if she doesn’t choose him… and he <em>damn</em> sure shouldn’t be able to rob her of her own fucking money. This… would take care of all of that.”</p><p>Bellatrix side-eyed her. “You’ve never advocated for murder before, Cissy. If I wasn’t so pissed off I’d be a little wet, honestly.”</p><p>“I’m not going to pretend I can stop you,” Narcissa told her calmly. “Nor am I going to pretend that I even want you to. She…” But Narcissa’s voice choked up then, and she had to take a moment to compose herself. “The way she <em>speaks</em> about it— blaming herself… it sounds like he abused her and then gas lit her, and I didn’t even… I had no <em>fucking</em> idea, and I hate myself for that more than you could possibly know. I want it rectified. I want him <em>gone.” </em>Narcissa’s tone got dark then, her expression clouding over as something sick and ugly rose up inside of her. “I want him <em>dead.”</em></p><p>“I take it back; I am<em> definitely</em> a little wet.” Narcissa shot her sister a glare, as this was not the <em>fucking</em> time, but it seemed Bellatrix knew that as she quickly got serious. “Do you want to plan a murder with me, Cissy? Since we have to go about this <em>delicately,</em> and all. You know I don’t know the meaning of that fucking word.”</p><p>That… might be a bit much, but Narcissa certainly wasn’t saying no. “I don’t know yet. We’ll discuss this later. Right now, if we don’t get a move on we’re going to be late for dinner, and getting through this night with our dignity and our pride in tact needs to be our first priority.” Not that Narcissa cared about either of those things anymore, honestly, but Lucius looked run down and the more Bellatrix was mocked, the more likely it was that she would pop off and do something stupid. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”</p><p>Because for now, they had other things to worry about. Peter would be dealt with in time.</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As I am a) taking a full course load this semester instead of my usual part time, b) writing another multichapter for a different fandom in between writing chapters of this now (Sylvanas/Jaina from World of Warcraft, release date tbd), and c) have started to enjoy playing video games again and would like to fit that into my free time as well, the update schedule for this fic and Kitten will now be every two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. LI.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>LI.</strong>
</p>
<p>Dinner was a… <em>tense</em> affair.</p>
<p>Well, for most of them, anyway. Some of the Death Eaters seemed to be perfectly bloody relaxed, like Rodolphus as he talked animatedly to Amycus, waving a leg of duck around as he recounted in too much goddamn detail his last kill. Narcissa tried to ignore him though, much more focused on Cassandra, who sat between her and Bellatrix, unable to look anywhere else but at her plate as she no doubt <em>felt</em> Peter’s gaze boring a hole into her. He did, however, look a little uneasy when he noticed Bellatrix’s gaze being locked on to <em>him,</em> but despite a few wary glances in her direction he, for the most part, did little else but stare at his soon-to-be ex-wife.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s hand was on her girlfriend’s knee beneath the table, a silent show of support. Next to her, Lucius chewed his food in miserable silence, his son to the right of him. Draco looked very uninterested in dinner, but knew that he was expected to stay and so he just miserably pushed his food around on his plate, his fork scraping against the nice china that Narcissa had gotten on her and Lucius’ wedding day. The surface they were eating on was covered up with a tablecloth that she had received as a wedding gift over twenty years ago as well, but it was one of those patterns that never really went out of style, and quite frankly… it was one of the only options they <em>had</em> when it came to trying to dress up a table that a snake had swallowed a human being whole on top of no longer than an hour ago, because Narcissa had never really been the biggest fan of table coverings.</p>
<p>“Fucking ear to ear— bloodiest damn thing but well-sodding worth it for the dramatics,” Rodolphus continued, making an exaggerated showing of dragging his thumb across the hollow of his throat. “The <em>look</em> on his wife’s face; I’ll tell you, nothing fucking sweeter. Was getting ready to give her the same treatment though and then <em>bam!</em>” Rodolphus slammed his hands on the table, the whole thing shook, and Draco’s drink went toppling over, spilling across his nice shirt as he shouted, standing up. Rodolphus didn’t even acknowledge him though, continuing on with his story to Amycus, “—three bloody members of the Order showed up out of nowhere; killed one of them straight out before getting the fuck out of there though; wasn’t about to get caught offing a foreign diplomat—”</p>
<p>“Mum— Mother, stop <em>fussing!”</em> Draco hissed as Narcissa had immediately gotten out of her chair once she realized her son was now soaking wet. Narcissa shushed him though, as he was making a bloody <em>scene,</em> and steered him out of the dining room so that she could at least get him a dry shirt. Draco wrenched away from her though once they had gotten into the hall, snapping at her, “I can take care of my bloody self!”</p>
<p>“I know, I know you can, darling, I just— perhaps I merely did not wish to be in there any longer, and was eager to use this as an excuse,” she admitted softly, watching her son stomp away from her as he headed up the stairs to his bedroom. “Or perhaps I just wished to have a moment alone with you; I know you’ve been avoiding me, Draco.”</p>
<p>“Well-spotted, Mother; you could be a bloody detective,” Draco grumbled as his heavy footsteps banged on each and every stair as he ascended. Narcissa exhaled a long breath but followed him, a part of her having expected this. Still, that didn’t mean that she was going to stop trying. “What the hell did you do to my door?” she heard her son call out, already knowing that his mother was behind him.</p>
<p>“<em>Replaced</em> it, as your permanent sticking charm wasn’t reversible. We still need to have it painted though, which is why it looks… bare. Truthfully, it hasn’t been much of a priority of mine, seeing as you are choosing not to reside in that room any longer.”</p>
<p>Draco scoffed, recognizing his mother’s attempt at reverse psychology for the bullshit that it was. “I’m not going to feel <em>guilty</em> for leaving a family full of incest apologists,” Draco sneered as he pulled his shirt over his head, chucking it in the corner before he went into his closet, grabbing another button up shirt. He always did look handsome in those. Narcissa leaned against the threshold if the doorway with a heavy sigh, knowing she did not have much to say in her defense. “Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to have everyone know how sick my own mother is?!”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s stomach twisted in her gut. “I’m not asking you to understand how I feel; I <em>know</em> it doesn’t make much sense to you, but—” That was as far as Narcissa got though, as suddenly her son turned around before he could put on the fresh shirt in his hands, and the blonde went ashen at what she was confronted with. “Oh, my poor boy, what <em>happened?!”</em></p>
<p>Draco’s chest was covered in scars; they weren’t very pronounced, thankfully, as that meant he was at least able to be healed relatively quickly from whatever had made them, but they were still <em>there</em> nonetheless. It looked as though he had been slashed with a sword and Narcissa’s heart dropped as she rushed over to him, horrified and <em>terrified</em> that this was the kind of situation Draco was being forced into now that he had joined the Death Eaters. Draco, however, had seemed to forget about them for a moment, and looked furious with himself for inciting such an intense reaction from his mother, who he clearly did not wish to be coddled by. He practically pushed Narcissa from him.</p>
<p>“<em>Nothing—</em> Potter, that bloody idiot, used a curse on me before even knowing what it did, apparently; I <em>should</em> have used an Unforgivable on him…” Draco lamented bitterly before throwing his shirt on, beginning to button it. Narcissa’s eyes widened in horror. This had happened while he was in <em>school?</em> Why hadn’t she been notified?! “It doesn’t matter; it was sodding months ago. Professor Snape healed me, I’m fine— I don’t care. Don’t make a thing out of it; I’m not bloody fragile.”</p>
<p>“Don’t make a thing out of it?” Narcissa repeated, aghast. “Draco, you’re <em>scarred!</em> Whatever that horrible boy did to you, it was serious if even Severus wasn’t able to heal you completely! <em>Look</em> at you!”</p>
<p>“Women think scars are sexy; I think I’ll bloody survive. Better than Goyle— I fucked up the Polyjuice potion I was giving him once when I was making him play lookout, and I’m pretty sure he has permanent breasts now.” Draco smirked, buttoning up near his collar. “Either that or he’s just gotten fatter, and you just can’t bloody tell the difference.”</p>
<p>Christ. This <em>child.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa left that alone though, because quite frankly she didn’t even know what to <em>say</em> to something like that. “Yes, well, in regards to <em>women</em> finding them sexy— I would set your sights on someone other than that girl you were speaking to earlier,” Narcissa warned him, not wishing for her son to do something he may regret later. Off of Draco’s confused look, Narcissa clarified, albeit a little apologetically, “Bellatrix has slept with her.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Jesus bloody <em>Christ—”</em> Draco spat, looking horrified; although whether from their age difference or the fact that it seemed his aunt’s rampant vagina couldn’t be stopped from destroying literally every corner of his life, Narcissa was unsure. “I’m tired of that sick bitch ruining damn near bloody <em>everything!</em> I fucking hate it here, I can’t wait until this night is over.<em>”</em> Draco stomped out of the bedroom then, retreating back down the stairs as Narcissa stood in her boy’s room for a long moment, a heaviness to her chest. She knew trying to speak with Draco wasn’t going to go <em>well,</em> but she still found it disappointed her regardless.</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she couldn’t linger up there though so she too made her way downstairs and back into the dining room, respectfully inclining her head at the Dark Lord in apology for having left. It seemed Voldemort cared very little for her though, as he barely even acknowledged her, too caught up in his conversation with Severus and Yaxley.</p>
<p>Narcissa sat back down, delicately unfolding her napkin back on her lap. On the other side of her husband, Draco had sat heavily back into his seat, returning to pushing vegetables around his plate. Next to <em>him,</em> Jade leaned over to whisper something in his ear, but Draco rolled his shoulder away from her, looking, if possible, even more miserable. Bellatrix made the mistake of <em>glancing </em>at Jade after the younger girl had moved and Cassandra, who no doubt was trying to do anything she could to pretend her husband did not exist mere feet from her, got caught up in her sudden bout of jealousy and grabbed the older woman’s thigh under the table so hard that her nails dug in.</p>
<p>Bellatrix hissed, being pulled out of her staring contest with Peter who she, admittedly, went directly back to without lingering on the woman she had cheated on them with for too long. Truthfully, it had looked as though she were going through each and every murder she had ever committed in the back of her mind, each more gruesome than the last as Bellatrix tried to decide what would be a fitting end for such a man. Cassandra’s PTSD over Jade had pulled her out of that momentarily though, and when Bellatrix’s gaze caught Cassandra’s, the younger woman looked like she hadn’t even realized what she had done, as it had been more instinctual than anything. Thankfully, Narcissa knew how Bellatrix worked, and knew her sister was <em>flattered</em> by Cassandra’s jealousy, because she always got off on people blatantly wanting her, even if it was in a violently possessive manner.</p>
<p>Oh, who was she kidding? <em>Especially</em> if it was in a violently possessive manner.</p>
<p>Still, despite no one really being able to <em>see</em> what Cassandra did or even know why she did it, Bellatrix hissing had caught the attention of a few people, Peter unfortunately being one of them. “I told you to stop picking up knives by the sharp end, Bella— honestly, it’s like talking to a four-year-old sometimes,” Narcissa quickly chastised her, saying the first thing she had thought of. Bellatrix shot her a furious look at <em>that</em> being her sister’s first instinct, as it was no doubt embarrassing for her to be treated like a child, but Narcissa shot her a pointed look, as Peter could <em>not </em>suspect that she and Cassandra had something going on. Bellatrix’s expression set, and from beneath the table she used her wand to slice open her finger to sell Narcissa’s story.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Cissy; wasn’t paying attention,” she muttered before she looked down at her bloody finger, a wicked smirk gracing her face as suddenly, from across the table, Peter was choking on one of his dinner rolls. Bellatrix’s smirk widened as she brought her finger up to suck the blood from it, and while Cassandra looked <em>alarmed,</em> it didn’t last long as Alecto slapped Peter so hard on the back that the half-eaten bread popped out to land in the middle of the table, causing Bellatrix’s expression to sour substantially.</p>
<p>All in all, this dinner was going <em>fantastically.</em></p>
<p>“Learn to chew your food, you fat fuck,” Alecto grumbled before rolling her eyes and turning back to her brother, who was recounting <em>Rodolphus</em> with a gory tale now. Narcissa pushed her plate away from her; she honestly hadn’t been hungry before, but even if she had been, she certainly wouldn’t be now. This whole night was a disaster, and all Narcissa wanted was for her and her sister to curl up in bed with Cassandra and protect her from the world.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the rest of dinner was rather uneventful. People <em>lingered</em> afterwards though, apparently deciding this was a bloody party as they continued to drink and chat while the Dark Lord did absolutely nothing to encourage them all to leave, despite the fact that <em>he </em>had retired to the study, the Carrow Twins in tow as he had something he apparently wished to discuss with them. Narcissa, who had been holding Cassandra’s hand so tightly she was sure she was cutting off the woman’s blood flow, looked back at Peter, who had been <em>hovering;</em> no doubt looking for his opening to get his wife alone.</p>
<p>“Bella,” Narcissa implored softly to her sister, who had been lingering nearby but not directly <em>with</em> them, as she no doubt was afraid she’d instinctively treat Cassandra like, <em>well,</em> like exactly what she was to her. Still, now that Severus was away from the Dark Lord, Narcissa did not want to miss her chance to confront him— after hearing about what had happened to Draco, she was <em>furious</em> that she did not even get the decency of an owl from the man. Bellatrix glanced over at her, and Narcissa encouraged her over with a short head nod.</p>
<p>“Stay with her for a minute,” she requested. “I need to speak to Severus about my son.”</p>
<p>“<em>Why?”</em> Bellatrix asked, as she didn’t know what had happened and clearly didn’t understand what could be so bloody important that she felt comfortable leaving Cassandra when Peter was practically stalking her. Draco <em>was</em> important though, and it wasn’t like Cassandra wasn’t in better care in <em>Bellatrix’s</em> hands than her own in this regard. Bellatrix was absolutely feral, whereas if Narcissa was alone with Cassandra <em>without</em> her sister around, Peter would have had no problem confronting them.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain later,” Narcissa assured her, assured them <em>both,</em> as Cassandra’s brow had crinkled in concern. Narcissa leaned in though, placing a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek before making eye contact with Peter, a dangerous look in her eyes. But before she could step away, Bellatrix snatched her wrist in her hand, halting her retreat.</p>
<p>“What the fuck am I supposed to <em>do?”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa looked at her like she had four heads. “I’m sorry, was it the simplicity of my request that confused you?”</p>
<p>“Shut up, you know what I fucking mean,” Bellatrix hissed beneath her breath, which Narcissa did <em>not</em> until she stared at her sister long enough and realized. She looked at Bellatrix like she had to be kidding her with this.</p>
<p>“Figure out how to have a normal conversation with a woman without looking like you want to fuck her?” Narcissa suggested sardonically, keeping her voice low so that no one could overhear them. “Jesus Bella, just don’t <em>touch</em> her if you’re so afraid you’re going to come off as desperate for her cunt; you’re being dramatic.”</p>
<p>“Leave her alone,” Cassandra quietly chastised the blonde. “She’s just not a very subtle person; just ‘cause things come easy for <em>you</em> don’t mean that they’ll come easy for her.” Narcissa rolled her eyes, as she felt like Cassandra was just making excuses for Bellatrix, and of course her <em>sister,</em> who was pleased she was being stuck up for, moved toward Cassandra for half a second until she realized she was about to do something <em>stupid</em> and stopped, looking utterly frustrated.</p>
<p>“S’okay; I appreciate you tryin’,” Cassandra told her, giving the older woman a soft smile. “An’ as much as I appreciate the both of you actin’ like my body guards, I can’t hide from him forever. I… I think I just need to get this over with.”</p>
<p>“Not at a <em>dinner</em> <em>party,” </em>Narcissa stressed; especially one with the Dark Lord as a host, despite him having disappeared after dinner.</p>
<p>“Maybe he’ll act, I dunno, <em>calmer</em> if there’s other people ‘round?” Cassandra responded, although anxiety still swirled in her eyes. “Been thinkin’ ‘bout it all through dinner, an’ I really do think it’d be worse if I let him go off on me in private, so.” She pursed her lips, looking over at her husband for the first time this evening. Peter made eye contact with her from across the room, and Cassandra swallowed. “Just… give me a bit, yeah? Hopefully this won’t take long, but if he starts to make a scene…” She looked at Bellatrix then, who nodded. Cassandra exhaled, steeling her resolve before she gave the sisters one last glance, and headed towards the man she had been avoiding for months now.</p>
<p>Narcissa shot her sister a wary glance. “Watch her,” she requested, as she still needed to talk to Severus before the man <em>left</em> or something. She was definitely going to make it quick now though.</p>
<p>Bellatrix clicked her tongue, folding her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall, her eyes never leaving Cassandra’s retreating form. “Obviously.”</p>
<p>Narcissa chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced back at Cassandra and Peter, not liking at <em>all</em> how aggressive the man’s body language had become just from his wife coming within meters of him, but knowing that she could trust Bellatrix to keep Cassandra safe at the very least. Besides, maybe Cassandra was right— maybe Peter would have enough sense to keep his head while in a public space, and so Narcissa trusted that as she left to speak with Severus, needing to give the man a piece of her mind, as she had her son’s wellbeing to think of as well.</p>
<p>She found Severus in the adjoining room and Narcissa approached him with purpose, her expression set. “May I have a word?” she tersely requested, causing the man to turn toward her on the balls of his feet. He gently inclined his head in recognition.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Narcissa glanced around at the other guests who, to be fair, didn’t seem to be very interested in <em>them,</em> and yet her desire for privacy won out as she nodded her head towards the man, encouraging Severus to follow her into the hall. At the very least, no one would be able to recognize her aggressive body language and get curious about what they were discussing.</p>
<p>She stood toe to toe with Severus when they stopped, a dangerous look in her eye. “Why the <em>hell</em> was I not notified when my son was brutally mutilated by that Potter child?! I am his <em>mother</em>—”</p>
<p>Severus, to his credit, stayed calm. “I understand how this could be distressing to you, but it was your <em>son</em> who requested you not be contacted, and as his Head of House, I was able to grant that request.”</p>
<p>“What <em>right</em> did you have to listen to him?” Narcissa seethed beneath her breath. “He is a boy, Severus! He cannot dictate what I am and am not notified about—”</p>
<p>“Narcissa, I understand you’re upset, but it was <em>you</em> who asked me to look out for Draco,” Severus reminded her, keeping his voice low so they wouldn’t be overheard. “He already had so much weighing on him, and he was concerned for <em>you</em> to the point of tears. He did not wish you to worry any more than he knew you already were. Perhaps I had made an error in judgment by not reporting it to you, but at the time I thought it best to comply with his request, as I did not want his concern for your well-being to hinder him. He was not <em>well</em> by the end of the year, Narcissa. He was frantic, he was scared. I did not wish to make it worse.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, guilt swirling in the pit of her stomach. She had known Draco worried for her, as he had made that perfectly clear over Christmas break, but for him to be afraid to tell his mother when he got hurt just because he was afraid that it would make things worse for <em>her?</em> That was awful, and Narcissa suddenly felt as though she had failed in yet another regard when it came to her son. Why did she keep doing everything wrong? She loved Draco so much and yet it seemed like she could never do anything right when it came to him, and Narcissa hated herself for that.</p>
<p>Narcissa looked past Severus when she heard her name though, her brow crinkling when she saw her sister behind him. “Alecto says the Dark Lord wants a word with me, so I have to— you need to watch her,” Bellatrix explained apologetically on the way to the study, as of <em>course</em> Voldemort was more bloody important than Cassandra’s well being.</p>
<p>No, perhaps that wasn’t fair; it wasn’t as though Bellatrix could just ignore her summons, but still, it came at a <em>very</em> bad time, and Narcissa swore. She barely had five minutes to speak with Severus, but maybe nothing more needed to be said anyway— Narcissa was already well-aware that she was a shit mother, and apparently there were more reasons for that than she originally thought. Narcissa apologetically excused herself from Severus before crossing paths with her sister, who nodded her head toward the direction Cassandra was in before promising that she would be right back.</p>
<p>When Narcissa entered the parlor however, Cassandra and Peter were nowhere to be seen. Foolishly, Narcissa hoped that perhaps they had just finished their conversation and went their separate ways, but she knew deep down that the was not the case; no doubt Peter noticed that his wife’s bodyguard had been called away, and took advantage of the situation by steering her somewhere more private. Anxiety twisted and pulled in Narcissa’s gut as she began searching the manor, but it didn’t seem like they were in any of the adjoining rooms either. On a whim, Narcissa checked the back door as perhaps if they wanted real privacy they would go <em>outside,</em> and it was there that she finally saw them. They were a ways from the door though, residing in the garden as it was a fair distance from the house and they no doubt believed they wouldn’t be overheard. Now that she had opened the back door though Narcissa <em>could</em> hear them<em>,</em> and as they were so caught up in one another, neither of the Goyles noticed that they were no longer alone.</p>
<p>“You think I wouldn’t fucking notice? <em>Huh?”</em> Peter raged at his wife, gesturing furiously at Cassandra’s left hand. “Look at you; decked out in bloody diamonds and sapphires— you’re a goddamn embarrassment… getting <em>paid</em> to lick that bitch’s cunt—”</p>
<p>“Don’t fuckin’ call me that; Narcissa loves me, an’ you damn well know it!” Cassandra shouted in return, at least not rolling over and getting stomped on; with how afraid she seemed to be of Peter, Narcissa was concerned she wouldn’t be able to stand up for herself. “This isn’t how I wanted things to go, an’ I’m <em>sorry,</em> okay? But I can’t help how I bloody feel—!”</p>
<p>“Maybe not, but you could have given me the courtesy of a heads up that you were a fucking dyke before I <em>married</em> you!” Peter shouted, the base of his neck turning red. “I gave you <em>everything,</em> you selfish bitch— you were nothing until you married me; I gave you a surname that wasn’t spat on, I repaired your reputation from common room <em>whore</em> to a respectable fucking woman; I gave you a fortune, I gave you <em>security—”</em></p>
<p>“I had my own damn money, Peter; an’ you practically stole it from me!”</p>
<p>Peter outright laughed at that. “What, the measly dowry your mother gave me to marry your worthless arse? How much did she tell you it was, huh? ‘Cause it wasn’t shit; she was living on borrowed cash— why do you think she lost the fucking house? You stupid woman, what delusional world do you <em>live</em> in? The <em>only</em> thing you had going for you was your beauty and the fact that you could suck a good cock—”</p>
<p>“No, don’t you <em>dare!”</em> Cassandra seethed, angry tears springing to her eyes. Narcissa’s heart clenched in her chest but she did not make her presence known; this was between them, and so long as Peter didn’t try to hurt her or something, then Narcissa had no right to intervene. Instead, she slipped deeper into the shadows that fell across the porch, knowing it was probably better if she wasn’t seen. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> pretend that that was the only reason you married me— you <em>loved</em> me, I loved <em>you;</em> I will not have you reduce the majority of our marriage to shit just because the end fell the fuck apart!”</p>
<p>“The <em>end?”</em> Peter scoffed, exhaling an exaggerated laugh at his wife’s expense. “You really are fucking delusional— you actually think I’m going to let you go? I put in over twenty bloody years to this shit; you are <em>my</em> property, Cassandra, despite what that Malfoy cunt will have you believe, and I will own you until the day you sodding die. Now you’ve had your <em>fun,</em> but this ends now; I am <em>through</em> with you embarrassing me, and believe me, you’ll be making up for this goddamn transgression for a <em>long</em> time.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked absolutely devastated by the things the man she used to love was saying to her. It wasn’t fair, honestly, that Peter wasn’t even <em>acknowledging</em> the feelings he used to have for her. Maybe it was just his way of dealing with things— pretending he wasn’t hurt, that it didn’t <em>matter</em> because he had convinced himself that he had always regarded Cassandra as little more than a whore… but whatever his motivations, they didn’t make him any less of a dick, and Narcissa was horrified at some of the things he was saying.</p>
<p>Cassandra’s eyes had filled with tears, yet to her credit she still stood tall and shouted at him, “I don’t need your permission for a divorce, Peter! An’ that’s what I want, okay? I want a bloody divorce; this isn’t workin’ anymore!”</p>
<p>If at all possible, Peter’s neck got even redder as his fury and denial overtook him. “No, some filthy <em>mutt</em> is not going to divorce <em>me</em>—”</p>
<p>All of the blood drained from Cassandra’s face so fast it would have looked almost comical if not for the fact that the sheer <em>terror</em> that the woman felt was etched in every line of her expression, and the reaction Narcissa felt was almost visceral as every organ inside of her twisted and pulled in empathetic agony. Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to her what Peter had said— it hadn’t clicked, hadn’t bloody registered; all Narcissa could focus on was how scared the woman she loved looked, and it seemed to shut off her brain momentarily as her own emotions took over.</p>
<p>“Be quiet!” Cassandra cried desperately, reaching for her husband as she pleaded with him. “Please— don’t say that kind of shit out loud, <em>please—”</em></p>
<p>“Get the fuck off of me,” Peter growled, practically pushing Cassandra’s hands off of her. “I don’t owe you any fucking favors; I should have tossed you out the second you admitted you lied to me about who you really were—” Cassandra looked nauseous, and suddenly not only Peter, but <em>Narcissa</em> understood what exactly was going on. He smiled viciously, knowing he had won. “…You never told her, did you? Oh, that’s fucking <em>priceless.</em> The woman you claim to love doesn’t even fucking know that you’re not pure—”</p>
<p>“Stop, <em>stop!”</em> Cassandra begged, frantically looking back toward the manor to see if they were still alone. She did not see Narcissa who had melded into the shadows, her eyes wide and her mind racing as she processed exactly what Peter was saying. At first, the word ‘mutt’ hadn’t registered with Narcissa, but now it was obvious what the man meant as Narcissa watched her girlfriend fall completely apart while her husband dangled a devastating secret above her head.</p>
<p>Cassandra wasn’t pureblood at all— she was <em>half.</em></p>
<p>Narcissa hated herself because her first instinct was to recoil in horror; in the end though, how she was raised was so deeply ingrained into her that it was hard to separate her old values from the woman she had become— the woman who <em>loved</em> Cassandra so very deeply, and logically understood that her being halfblood didn’t innately change who she was as a person. Perhaps the fact that she had <em>lied</em> about it for over twenty-five years did, but Cassandra also understood what kind of family the Blacks were, and knew that should that secret have come out when they were kids, or hell, even when they were in their <em>twenties,</em> that Narcissa would not have accepted her.</p>
<p>Pureblood was <em>rare</em> nowadays anyway— most of the families had impurities somewhere in their family tree, and the eagerness to get their bloodlines back to the right and proper had encouraged some halfbloods to join Lord Voldemort’s cause themselves. Not that Cassandra was here for <em>Voldemort,</em> but still— she had pureblooded values, she still valued blood purity so much that she had hid her greatest shame: that she herself was tainted. <em>God,</em> Narcissa remembered when they had seen Andromeda in Diagon Alley, and how <em>easily</em> Cassandra tossed out the word ‘mutt’, when as it turned out, she too could be considered the very same thing. The amount of self-hatred the woman must have devastated Narcissa, and yet she could not blame her for hiding it— if the positions were reversed, she would have too.</p>
<p>“I bet she’d be horrified to know she <em>touched</em> someone like you,” Peter told her cruelly, and Cassandra openly wept as she kept incoherently begging him to stop. “The Blacks are one of the oldest, purest families— she’d toss you out in a second; wouldn’t even give you the courtesy of a second glance. And oh, the <em>protection</em> that bitch’s absolute cunt of a bodyguard seems to be giving you lately? You can kiss that goodbye. Bellatrix might be pussy-whipped for her sister so much that she seems to be extending her bullshit to you— unless…” Peter stopped himself mid-sentence though, unfortunately jumping to the very <em>right</em> conclusion as he no doubt just meant to paint her out as more of a slag, not really expecting to hit the mark that well. “You fucking <em>slut—</em> that’s why Bellatrix hasn’t sliced your throat for touching what’s hers, isn’t it? Because it didn’t make sense; her just <em>accepting</em> you. That incestuous cunt is <em>vicious,</em> but of course she’d let you hang around Narcissa if your mouth is attached to <em>her</em> fanny as well—”</p>
<p>“I’m not, I’m <em>not— </em>stop, Peter… please,” Cassandra lied and sobbed and <em>begged.</em> Narcissa wanted to move, wanted to <em>stop</em> this but the shock of such a large revelation seemed to hit her hard, and truthfully, she didn’t really know what to think. She <em>loved</em> Cassandra, she loved her no matter what, but the fact of the matter was that she had lied to her— Narcissa didn’t know what exactly that said about their relationship, that Cassandra did not trust her with that kind of secret, and that… it devastated her, honestly. Before, yes… <em>before</em> Narcissa could understand why Cassandra had lied, but things were different now, <em>Narcissa</em> was different, and Cassandra bloody <em>knew</em> that…!</p>
<p>“God, I would fucking <em>love</em> to be the one to tell them— Bellatrix in particular would probably skin you alive for touching her with your filthy, <em>tainted</em> fucking hands…” Cassandra looked even more devastated by that as she sobbed, and Narcissa’s heart broke. The problem was, Peter wasn’t entirely incorrect— Bellatrix probably wouldn’t go so far as to do <em>that,</em> but she… she would<em> not</em> take it well.</p>
<p>To her, blood status was sacred. Blood status was <em>everything.</em></p>
<p>“But I’m also not that much of an idiot that I’d throw away an opportunity like this,” Peter told her, although sounded a little disappointed about that, as the spiteful part of him seemed to <em>really</em> want to hurt Cassandra for breaking his heart. “You don’t want them to know? Then I won’t be the one to tell them— <em>if</em> this bullshit stops. You’re going to come home, Cassandra; you’re going to come back to your family, and you are going to spend a <em>long</em> fucking time making this shit up to me— preferably with that dyke mouth of yours around my cock. I am going to make you <em>choke</em> on your mistakes, you bloody slag, because you were right, you know— I did love you; I loved you so fucking much that now I <em>hate</em> you for ever making me that weak, that bloody <em>stupid. </em>My father was right— I never should have treated someone that low class as an equal, but <em>believe</em> me… I will not be making that mistake again.”</p>
<p>No. <em>No!</em></p>
<p>Finally, Narcissa moved— it didn’t matter then, the secret Cassandra held; it didn’t matter that Narcissa still wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it, or what she wanted to do. All that mattered in that moment was that she loved Cassandra, and she was <em>not</em> going to let Peter blackmail her. “Get the <em>fuck</em> off of my property!” Narcissa bellowed, pointing her wand threateningly at Peter Goyle, who looked startled to be so suddenly interrupted.</p>
<p>Cassandra took one look at her and fell completely apart; sobbing as she fell to her haunches, practically crumpling up into a ball as all of her emotions hit her at once. Narcissa couldn’t look at her though— all she could do was stare menacingly at Peter, her hand shaking with rage as she had to coax herself not to do what she wanted to, as the Dark Lord was right inside— but <em>oh,</em> she was going to have a hand in killing him one day, and after the bloody <em>show</em> he put on tonight, Narcissa wasn’t going to have a single regret about doing it. It did not matter if he was hurt, or if Cassandra broke his heart— he was <em>vicious,</em> he was abusive, and he was goddamn <em>calculated</em> about it.</p>
<p>Peter laughed, no doubt thinking that Narcissa only came in at the last part of their conversation, and thus did not know who she was defending. “I suppose you <em>leaving</em> her will make her run back to me all the same,” he realized, shrugging as he believed he had another option. “I’d put that wand down if I were you, Malfoy— you have no <em>bloody</em> idea who you’re really defending.”</p>
<p>“I know <em>exactly</em> who Cassandra is,” Narcissa seethed, her arm refusing to budge. “And something as insignificant as her blood status does not change how I feel about her.” Cassandra was so overcome with emotion that she nearly choked on the force of her relieved sobs, but Narcissa couldn’t look at her, too caught up in trying to protect her as she stood toe to toe with a man who was easily three times the size of her. She didn’t know where the word <em>insignificant</em> came from, as it had <em>always</em> been rather significant to her, but perhaps… perhaps with Cassandra, Narcissa’s priorities had shifted. “You don’t have the upper-hand here, Peter— you don’t have <em>shit</em> other than divorce papers coming your way; now get the <em>fuck</em> off of my property before I let Bellatrix loose on you, because <em>believe</em> me, you might think you know her, but as it turns out, you don’t have the first clue about <em>any</em> of us, and she will set you on fucking <em>fire</em> for having the audacity to ever think that you did.”</p>
<p>It was a lie, but it was an effective one, as suddenly Peter didn’t look so sure of himself.</p>
<p>“Was I fucking unclear?!” Narcissa practically shrieked, looking crazed. She so <em>badly</em> wanted to hurt him, but knew she could not on her own property. “Get <em>out!”</em></p>
<p>And Peter, who did not want to face Bellatrix’s wrath, chose to do the smart thing and disapparated, no doubt choosing instead to fight another day, as Narcissa knew that this was <em>far</em> from over. The blonde exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, all the tension leaving her body as she dropped her arm, her chest heaving with emotion. It took a long moment until Narcissa could catch her brain up to the situation, the adrenaline she felt in that moment masking any logical thought. Cassandra was still crying and when Narcissa finally looked down at her, when everything finally <em>hit</em> her, she immediately reached for the woman she loved, pulling Cassandra to her feet and wrapping her in her arms.</p>
<p>“I love you, I love you, stop crying, I <em>love</em> you,” Narcissa assured her, her voice quaking with emotion as she realized it truly did not matter that Cassandra was not pureblood. And while Narcissa was <em>endlessly</em> thankful that Cassandra was at least half, as loving a <em>mudblood</em> would have absolutely fucked her up, Narcissa realized that even if the woman was one, she would still love her the same. She would no doubt have gone running to Andromeda for advice on how to deal with <em>that</em> unexpected slap in the face, but she wouldn’t leave Cassandra, as objectively she had always known that blood status didn’t change who someone was underneath. Blood purity was like money; it separated them based on class, but it wasn’t a sodding personality trait like her mother used to make it seem.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Narcissa didn’t think Bellatrix was of the same mindset as her.</p>
<p>“Stop, stop— please,” Narcissa begged her, encouraging the other woman to look up at her as she cradled Cassandra’s face in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe away her tears. “Listen to me— I <em>love </em>you, but I can’t guarantee how Bella will feel if she knows the truth. Cassandra—” The poor woman looked <em>devastated,</em> as perhaps she had a glimmer of hope that if <em>Narcissa</em> accepted her then Bellatrix would too, and Narcissa felt awful for having to be the one to tell her that that might not be the case, and that it’d be better if they never found out if it was or not. “She can <em>not</em> find out. I’m sorry— I don’t want to have to stuff you back in a closet, so to speak, when you’ve finally found an out, but I don’t know how she’ll react and I will <em>not</em> have her throw her relationship with you away over something this fucking stupid. She is so much bloody <em>happier</em> right now, and quite frankly, what Bellatrix doesn’t know won’t hurt her, okay? Look at me—”</p>
<p>Cassandra sniffled, another fat tear rolling down her cheek that Narcissa kissed away. “Breathe,” she coaxed her. “Bellatrix got called away by the Dark Lord for a meeting, but she might be back any minute— I won’t have you try to explain what happened between you and Peter, okay? I can do it for you, but try to pull yourself together. She cannot come back to believing something life-shattering happened, because I<em> don’t</em> know how to explain that.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nodded wordlessly, her cheeks blotchy and her eyes red as she tried to calm down, inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. “M’sorry,” she breathed finally, her voice cracking under the emotional strain. “M’sorry I lied to you—”</p>
<p>“Shh, we’ll talk about it later, okay? When Bella’s away or something, and we know it’ll just be the two of us for a while. Just… breathe, yeah? Just breathe. Nothing’s changed, Cass; I promise.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nodded again, her breathing uneven at the amount of emotional adrenaline that coursed through her as her interactions with both Peter and Narcissa hit her at once, no doubt giving her whiplash. Narcissa knew this was a lot for Cassandra, it was a lot for <em>herself,</em> truthfully, but they would have time to talk about and deal with it later. For now, they still had a party to attend, and a lover that they needed to brief on what had happened, as Bellatrix would no doubt wish to know how Cassandra’s conversation with Peter had gone in her absence.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Cassandra breathed as she leaned her cheek against Narcissa’s as she fit into the woman’s arms. Her face was hot, flushed from emotion, her skin sticking to Narcissa’s from her tears. Narcissa held her to her, her fingers fisting in a mess of auburn at the base of the younger woman’s neck. “You are… <em>everythin’…”</em> she exhaled, her voice wavering as Cassandra allowed her emotions to take over once more, and Narcissa felt another tear hit her cheek.</p>
<p>“Shh, stop,” Narcissa whispered, her heart clenching in her chest as she gently turned her face to place her lips upon the other woman’s cheek as she held Cassandra to her. “I’m not,” she reminded her softly, knowing that was true, and needing to remind <em>Cassandra</em> that things had changed, as they needed to be bloody careful about this information going any further. “Not anymore, and that is <em>exactly</em> why we are going to keep this between the two of us, okay? Bella is… I love her, but she’s bloody <em>stupid</em> about some things, and will throw away something great just because its not perfect, and I’m not going to let her do that, okay? This is the best <em>bloody</em> thing to happen to the three of us, and I have no problem lying to her to prevent her ridiculous pride from ruining it, alright? Tell me you understand— This is <em>our</em> secret now, Cass, and if you really fear Peter outing you to Bellatrix, then that will be dealt with, I sodding <em>promise </em>you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nodded as she sniffled and pulled away, wiping at the tears beneath her eyes as she tried to calm down. Narcissa took a deep breath and looked at her, knowing she would set fire to the whole bloody <em>world</em> for her, should that be what it took to keep Cassandra safe. Peter? He was barely a blip on the radar because of that, and already Narcissa had resolved to help Bellatrix do whatever she needed to in order to set the woman they both cared for free.</p>
<p>“Jesus <em>fucking</em> Christ, there you guys are—”</p>
<p>Both Narcissa and Cassandra looked over toward the back door, watching Bellatrix push her way out of the house with a relieved expression on her face when she saw that that the two of them were okay. Cassandra quickly wiped one last time underneath her eyes and forced a small smile at the other woman, while Narcissa instinctively grasped for her girlfriend’s hand.</p>
<p>“You’re alright? Jesus, I have to— He wants me to… What the fuck happened?” Bellatrix questioned as she approached the two women, apparently unsure of what direction she wanted to take the conversation in, yet finally settling on Cassandra’s wellbeing first.</p>
<p>Narcissa, however, knowing she would much rather prefer to have some <em>time</em> before dealing with this, asked her sister, “The Dark Lord wants you to do something?” as that was what Bellatrix’s half-completed sentences made it sound like.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I gotta— I have to fucking <em>go</em> in a second<em>,</em> but…” Bellatrix’s brow creased as she slid her palm across Cassandra’s cheek, cupping the woman’s face in her hand as the younger woman’s eyes closed, devastation etching in the middle of her brow as she no doubt reminded herself that Bellatrix wouldn’t touch her like this if she knew the truth. Narcissa’s heart ached. “Where is he? What the fuck happened? I’ll fucking tear that prick’s <em>cock</em> off; you’re crying—”</p>
<p>“She’s fine,” Narcissa assured her sister, placing her hand on Bellatrix’s arm and getting the other woman’s attention as she looked at her. “Peter left; I told him to get the fuck off my property— just… go do what you have to do, alright? I’ll explain everything when you get back. I have her okay? Cass will be fine.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix pursed her lips, obviously not wishing to leave Cassandra while she was clearly upset, but <em>also</em> knowing that she had a job to do, and one she could not just fuck off for the sake of one of her lovers, as the Dark Lord would no doubt take it <em>out </em>on her said lover for shifting the woman’s priorities— and that was something neither she nor Narcissa wanted. “Yeah, just… be in my room tonight, yeah? Both of you. I’ll be back as fast as I can— two hours, tops.”</p>
<p>Both Narcissa and Cassandra nodded, and Bellatrix left them each with a kiss in turn, looking so utterly <em>frustrated</em> with the fact that she needed to prioritize. Narcissa didn’t blame her though, and truthfully was thankful <em>because</em> of it— her and Cassandra needed to talk first and then… and <em>then</em> they would bring Bellatrix into this, after deciding together just exactly how much the other woman needed to know in order to make certain that nothing changed between the three of them.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. LII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>LII.</strong>
</p>
<p>After the party finally died down, Narcissa and Cassandra retired to Narcissa’s (and Bellatrix’s, and probably just <em>Cassandra’s</em> too, because who were they really kidding at this point?) bedroom, closing and silencing the door behind them, as this was <em>certainly</em> not something they wished to have overheard. Bellatrix had left to do whatever the Dark Lord had instructed her to do almost a half hour ago, and as she was making a point to have it done <em>quickly,</em> the two women knew they did not have much time in order to discuss this privately, and therefore jumped right into it despite Cassandra, in particular, not looking like she was quite emotionally ready for such a large conversation.</p>
<p>“Was my dad,” Cassandra explained in a soft voice after she had sat on the edge of the bed, unable to look Narcissa in the eyes. She looked ashamed of herself, but whether it was because she lied or simply because of who she <em>was,</em> Narcissa did not know. “Didn’t know till I was twelve though— Mum always told me I was pureblood growin’ up, an’ ‘cause it was just me an’ her I had <em>her</em> surname, a <em>pureblood </em>surname, so that’s what I was raised to think I was. Didn’t know my dad, obviously, so I had no reason not to think I was anythin’ but what she said I was.”</p>
<p>“She lied to you?” Narcissa asked softly as she sat beside her girlfriend on her bed, the crease between her brow deepening. While she understood the benefits of being accepted into pureblood society, Cassandra’s mother must have known what kind of risk she was undertaking— Pureblood linage was something their community took very seriously.</p>
<p>“—Wait,” Narcissa realized before Cassandra could answer, as she realized she <em>had</em> a family tree of all the remaining purebloods in the country; that was how she was able to connect herself to Cassandra’s linage and find out they were third cousins all those years ago. All of the predominant families had an updated one, as it was imperative they recognized and respected one another for who they were. The Rowles were the family who kept it updated for the last fifty-odd years, but it wasn’t specifically one family’s duty. It was that very tree that Cantankerus Nott used to create the Pureblood Directory in 1930, thus dubbing the only truly pure-blooded families left in Britain the Sacred Twenty-Eight. To them, that book had become almost gospel.</p>
<p>“Your father is <em>on</em> the pureblood tree; wasn’t he a Bulstrode?” Narcissa asked, wracking her brain as she tried to remember the specifics. “I’m confused— I know that family has been tainted <em>now</em> with the birth of that mutt-girl Millicent, but back then they shouldn’t have been—” Narcissa eyes widened, realizing a little bit too late what she had just said. Mutt wasn’t exactly a <em>slur —</em> not like mudblood was, at any rate — but it certainly wasn’t a nice way to refer to someone halfblood. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”</p>
<p>“Why?” Cassandra asked, giving a small, sad little laugh. “S’what we are, yeah? There are purebreds in this world, an’ then there’s people like me an’ that Millicent girl. You’re not sayin’ anything that’s not the truth. ‘Sides, I still use the bloody word myself; be a bit ridiculous if I got all bent outta shape about it when it comes outta my mouth just as easily as yours.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, still feeling badly for her slip. Cassandra sighed though, moving on from that as she continued her story. “That Bulstrode bloke was who my Mum was s’posed to marry,” she revealed to the woman beside her. “He fucked off though— ran off with this big-breasted bitch from Romania right before the weddin’. Piece of shit, really; but it was an arranged marriage, so. Ya know they can sometimes go shitty if people actually grow the stones to say to hell with tradition an’ shit. I dunno, I say he’s a piece of shit but I think my Mum was a little relieved; I know she wanted the status that would have come along with that marriage, but she didn’t love him or nothin’.”</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Cassandra continued, her thumbnail absentmindedly being pressed into her palm as she spoke. She still would not look at Narcissa. “Mum found out she was pregnant right after he fucked off, an’ everyone just <em>assumed</em> that that bloke was my dad, an’ my Mum found it better not to correct them ‘cause she knew I’d have a better life if people thought I was pure. She knew I wasn’t though; her and that bloke never even shared a bed before, and she had another lover who I found out later was halfblood. <em>That’s</em> who my real dad was, though I never met him. Mum said he died not long after I was born, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if <em>that</em> was a lie too so that I’d never go lookin’.”</p>
<p>Truthfully, Narcissa didn’t blame Cassandra for not trusting her mother in that regard; she couldn’t imagine growing up thinking you were one thing, only to find out twelve years later that you weren’t. “How did you find out the truth?” Narcissa asked gently, her fingers tracing soft patterns on the younger woman’s thigh.</p>
<p>“I mean, Mum was always <em>super</em> weird ‘bout me bein’ ‘pureblood’. Always tellin’ me to remember that I’m better than others ‘cause of it, that I will always have a place in this world ‘cause my blood deems it so— all that rubbish I’m sure your Mum shoved down your throat as well,” Cassandra began, settling in for yet another long answer, and it struck Narcissa then how very <em>little</em> she actually knew about the woman she loved, and she hated herself a little bit for that. “She was almost… <em>frantic</em> about it, would probably be a good word. I didn’t realize how weird that was until I was like seven, an’ realized that even though we’re pureblood, that there were people like <em>us</em> and then there were people like <em>you,</em> an’ my Mum was tryin’ to get me to act like someone I wasn’t born to be. Didn’t find out till later that our low status wasn’t just ‘cause my Mum was an unmarried mother, but ‘cause my grandparents publicly denounced Christianity an’ worshipped the old Gods instead. I dunno if you knew, but my Mum’s birth name was Mórrígan; she hated it though, hated any connection to the old Gods, which was why she went by Móra instead. Growin’ up with my grandparents was hell for her though; she hated them for ruining the status the family had, an’ for giving her a shit upbringin’ because of it. She wanted better for me.”</p>
<p>“…And yet she was an unwed mother,” Narcissa responded, not wanting to sound like a <em>dick</em> about it, but that definitely did not help. “Sorry, just…”</p>
<p>“No, I know,” Cassandra acknowledged, looking sad, perhaps on her mother’s behalf. Despite the woman’s flaws, Cassandra seemed to love her very much. “She didn’t<em> want</em> that though— she had her whole life set up for somethin’ better despite the terrible reputation my grandparents had put on the Burke name<em>,</em> only to realize that somethin’ ‘better’ might not be what her heart wanted at all; why she got reckless with my Dad, an’ ended up knocked up. She loved him though— Mum told me he was everythin’ to her, but that <em>that</em> was the problem. She said her choices ruined my life, an’ that that was her biggest regret. She said she had been selfish, an’ didn’t think about how the consequences of her actions would affect me. When I was older, I told her that was a load of bollocks ‘cause she didn’t even know there was gonna <em>be</em> a me when she did it, but…”</p>
<p>Cassandra trailed off, shaking her head. “Sorry, gettin’ off track. I found out ‘cause I came home one day durin’ the summer an’ told her I was in love with some boy I knew from down the road— just some stupid, silly little preteen crush or whatever. His parents had sent him to Durmstrang, so I never saw him in school, but we played together down by the river when we were young, ‘cause he was the only one ‘round that didn’t find me weird or nothin’. But then when we got a little older I realized he was <em>cute</em> an’… well ya know how that goes. He was my first kiss. Truthfully I didn’t even think ‘bout the fact that he was halfblood. Mum pushed the idea that I needed to marry someone pureblood, with a more respected surname than ours, but I was<em> twelve—</em> the last sodding thing on my mind was marryin’ the bloke, but Mum… she flipped out.”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a small, sad laugh. “I wish she told me from the beginnin’— I know she was just tryin’ to save me from feelin’ badly about myself when everyone around me was shitty about blood purity; she even made sure never to say anythin’ real derogatory about halfbloods herself, yet her pushin’ the pureblood rhetoric on me so I could fit in an’ seem like everyone else fucked me up regardless. She didn’t even mean to tell me the truth, really— but that was ‘round the time that spell backfired on her an’ she started losin’ her marbles, so she wasn’t able to control her emotions real well anymore. Why she quit most magic all together, actually— save Divination, though all that rubbish really is just intuitive guess work; she shoulda stuck to somethin’ useful, like Potions or some other shit that didn’t include spell work. Think she woulda been happier; less obsessive, at any rate. Tryin’ to constantly read the future tends to fuck a person up; think it made her psychosis worse, in the end. She was just so afraid she fucked my life up though, so she… I guess she just wanted to make sure she hadn’t. I dunno.”</p>
<p> While Narcissa could easily see how something like that could turn into an obsession— considering if <em>she</em> was any good at Divination she probably would have been glued to crystal balls herself trying to make certain Draco was alright, but something Cassandra had said stuck out to Narcissa and her brow wrinkled, as it didn’t fit the image she had of her.</p>
<p>“But you got an O in Divination,” Narcissa responded, looking confused. She might not have paid attention to much in Cassandra’s life before they started fucking, like the absolute selfish trash bag of a human being that she was, but she did at least know <em>that.</em> “You must have been good at it, yet you still think it’s rubbish?”</p>
<p>“I only knew shit ‘cause of my Mum, really— planetary alignments an’ what they can do with the development of your personality. There’s an actual basis in that, somewhat, even though too many people use it as bloody gospel,” Cassandra explained, although looked exasperated by the very thought of it. Narcissa knew some people like that though, to be fair. “Most of the shit is just readin’ people right though, an’ tellin’ them what you think they wanna hear; or takin’ somethin’ likely to happen and goin’ with the odds— I passed my OWL by sayin’ the bloke was gonna trip when he left; the idiot’s shoes were untied.”</p>
<p>Well, at least she was observant— the only bloody thing <em>Narcissa</em> paid attention to most days was herself, which was why she was both terrible in school and a terrible girlfriend, apparently, as there was still <em>so</em> much she didn’t know about Cassandra, and it had been twenty-five <em>bloody</em> years…</p>
<p>“I wish you would have told me,” Narcissa whispered, putting this on <em>her</em> even though she knew she was partly to blame herself. Still, Narcissa may not have ever asked about her childhood much, but Cassandra had consciously chosen not to <em>tell</em> her either— about quite a lot of things, frankly. “I know I was… well, I <em>know</em> how I was, but did you really think that would matter to me <em>now?</em> Did you really think I would leave you over something so— so bloody <em>stupid?</em> That ring I gave you wasn’t just for show, Cassandra; it <em>meant</em> something to me. <em>You</em> mean something to me.”</p>
<p>“I know— I know I do, but you gotta understand something: I’ve spent my fuckin’ <em>life</em> pretendin’ to be pureblood that, honestly, sometimes I forget that I’m not,” Cassandra explained to her, although for some reason looked a little <em>guilty</em> about that. “I know it sounds— but I can’t<em> think</em> about not bein’ pure, ‘cause all it does is remind me of what happened after I found out I wasn’t, an’ I don’t wanna go back to that place.”</p>
<p>“What happened?” Narcissa asked softly, concern coloring her voice at just the <em>look</em> on Cassandra’s. The younger woman wouldn’t look at her though and she pursed her lips, staring out the far window for a long moment before she aggressively shrugged.</p>
<p>“I mean, I already told ya what I did when I was twelve, yeah? Got back to school, feelin’ like a worthless fraud, an’ I desperately wanted to feel like I <em>mattered</em> an’ so I…” Cassandra trailed off, but it didn’t matter that she wouldn’t voice it, as Narcissa already knew. That was when she let boys that were almost fucking <em>men</em> take advantage of her. “I equate sex with my self-worth a lot ‘cause of that shit,” Cassandra admitted softly. “An’ I hate it. It still fucks me up. I went from thinkin’ that, okay, maybe I wasn’t an <em>elite</em> pureblood like you an’ Bellatrix, but that I was <em>somethin’. </em>That ‘cause of my blood, I innately had value, but as it turned out… I didn’t. That fucked me up in ways I can’t even bloody <em>describe</em> to you, Cissa.”</p>
<p>“That’s bollocks though, of course you have <em>value,”</em> Narcissa practically spat, offended on Cassandra’s behalf even though it was <em>her</em> who thought that. “You have value to me, you have value to—!”</p>
<p>“Who, Bellatrix?” Cassandra interrupted with a sad laugh, her eyes glistening over with tears. “Ya said yourself we can’t tell her. It may seem like I have value, but it’s really the façade I wear that’s got value to her, Cissa— not me.”</p>
<p>“You’re more than your <em>blood,</em> Cassandra,” Narcissa aggressively reminded her, even though it was <em>strange</em> to hear those words come out of her mouth, truthfully. “Bellatrix values you as a <em>person;</em> she’s just— she can get hung up on stupid things, and frankly I’m just not going to let her this time. It doesn’t cheapen your relationship with my sister if you’re simply omitting things to save it.”</p>
<p>“That what you used to tell yourself when ya lied to her?” Cassandra asked flatly, <em>miserably,</em> which was why Narcissa tried not to get mad at her for that comment. At least, until the woman continued on with, “To me? To Lucius?”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s expression set. “That’s not <em>fair—”</em></p>
<p>“Forget it,” Cassandra muttered, looking a bit like she was spiraling all of a sudden, her anxious tick of digging her thumbnail into her palm getting worse until Narcissa reached out, grasping onto Cassandra’s hand and pulling it into her own lap instead. “I’m doin’ that self-sabotage bullshit; tryin’ to get ya pissed at me. Dunno why. I feel a bit like I’m drownin’ all of a sudden; like, I thought I could trust Peter with this secret, but he always held it over my head every time we argued, an’ now he’s dangling it above me once more tryin’ to use it to make me come back to ‘im— an’ not even ‘cause he <em>wants</em> me, but just ‘cause he wants to punish me. What if <em>you…?”</em></p>
<p>“I would never,” Narcissa was quick to assure her, as she didn’t want Cassandra thinking she could seek to ruin her life like that. Even if she was angry with her, even if she had her heart broken, she wouldn’t <em>do</em> something like that to her. “Cass, look at me.” Cassandra exhaled a defeated sigh but did at least meet the blonde’s gaze. “I would <em>never,”</em> Narcissa repeated, needing her to be assured of that. “No matter <em>what</em> happens, I would never.”</p>
<p>“…Okay,” Cassandra responded softly, choosing to believe her. She tightened her grip on Narcissa’s hand as they sat side by side on the bed, and while Narcissa had thought she was comforting Cassandra, all of a sudden the younger woman sniffled while a tear rolled down her cheek.</p>
<p>“I feel bad just <em>talkin’</em> about it,” she admitted in a whisper. “Like it paints my Mum in a bad light or somethin’. She really was just tryin’ to do the best she could by me, an’ I know that. She loved me more than… <em>anythin’. </em>For a long time, she was my only bloody friend in this world. Everyone thought I was weird ‘cause I talked too bloody much, didn’t have any social boundaries or whatever— maybe in the end that was why I latched on to that boy so quickly too; he was the only one who didn’t really judge me for tellin’ him I could see rainbows ‘round people.”</p>
<p>“Rainbows?” Narcissa asked, confused. She was fairly certain Cassandra had never mentioned<em> that </em>before.</p>
<p>“People’s auras, probably?” Cassandra responded, although sounded as uncertain as Narcissa did. “I haven’t seen them since I was a kid though— trauma tends to rip the most beautiful things from people, I think. That was mine.” Cassandra smiled sadly, and Narcissa’s heart broke. “Another reason Mum used to tell me I was a fairy; ‘cause I had magic others didn’t, or couldn’t tap into as easily. When I grew up though an’ lost it she was devastated— seemed to think I was s’posed to be someone special, but in the end I just ended up bein’… <em>this.</em> I feel like I disappointed her.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you disappointed her,” Narcissa softly assured her, running her thumb over the back of her girlfriend’s hand. “And you <em>are</em> someone special; maybe you can’t see auras anymore, and maybe you no longer feel like a fairy, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t the most special fucking person I’ve ever met.” Cassandra sniffled again, but she looked appreciative of Narcissa’s words as she glanced over at her.</p>
<p>Narcissa’s chest felt heavy though, her brow crinkling as she looked at the woman next to her sadly. “You know, it’s been twenty-five years, and sometimes I feel like… I feel like I don’t even <em>know</em> you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for never fucking asking anything about your life, I’m sorry I never learned how to claw my way out of my own bloody bubble. Is it too late for me to ask you to tell me your life story?”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a small, disbelieving laugh. “Well, it’d be <em>long</em> now, so,” she responded before exhaling a drawn-out breath and looking back out the window at the night sky. “S’not just you, truthfully; a big part of the reason I loved bein’ with ya was ‘cause it was always about you. Yeah, sometimes it made me feel like my own past and my own pain was invalidated in the wake of yours, but at the end of the day… I didn’t wanna talk about it. I hated talking about myself, because I… because I…” But something <em>hit</em> Cassandra then, and she pulled away from Narcissa as she began crying harder. Narcissa’s heart broke, her own eyes welling up with tears as she assumed the rest of that sentence.</p>
<p>“Please don’t— please don’t say it’s ‘cause you hate <em>yourself,</em> Cass, please…” Narcissa begged, reaching out to grasp onto the woman’s hands again, not letting her get away from her that easily. Cassandra just shook her head though, although whether that meant that <em>wasn’t</em> what it was, or that she didn’t wish to talk about it, Narcissa was unsure until it took a few moments of Cassandra trying to calm down in order to speak.</p>
<p>“No, not— not <em>now,</em> not<em> really,”</em> she told her through tears, her breathing uneven and voice raw. “But for a long time… yeah. Yeah, I fuckin’ did. I dunno; just… see, <em>this</em> is why I don’t like talkin’ about myself, Cissa; it just takes me right back there, an’ I can’t— God, not today, not after <em>Peter…”</em></p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” Narcissa gently shushed her before wrapping the younger woman up in her arms, holding her close. “Shh, hey. We don’t have to talk anymore if you don’t want to. If you— if you want to just <em>rest</em>, you can. It’s late, and it’s been a long day…”</p>
<p>Cassandra exhaled a shuddered breath, pressing the back of her hand beneath her eyes. She honestly did look so very, very tied. “But Bellatrix…”</p>
<p>“I’ll talk to Bella, okay? I know today has been a lot for you; let me do this, okay? I’ll let you know how I decided to spin it afterward, I promise,” Narcissa softly assured her, not wanting Cassandra to have to worry about how to lie, or at least <em>omit</em> stuff from Bellatrix, on top of everything else tonight. Cassandra looked at her for a long time, her lips pursed into a thin line as her cheeks glistened with fresh tears. Finally she nodded, allowing Narcissa to lay her down on the bed and help her get undressed.</p>
<p>When Cassandra was comfortable, Narcissa laid beside her for a moment, gently brushing the hair out of the younger woman’s eyes. “Are things okay with you and your son at least?” Narcissa gently asked, a little afraid that she would make things <em>worse</em> if they were not, but also needing to know if Cassandra had at least managed to repair a little bit of her relationship with her family while the rest of it practically crumbled away to dust.</p>
<p>Cassandra nodded, her brow softening as she felt a lot better speaking about something that actually made her <em>feel</em> good. “Me an’ Greg have always been closer than Peter an’ him… Gregory still doesn’t get what I’m doin’ or <em>why</em> I’m doin’ it, but… but he is startin’ to get <em>real</em> mad ‘bout Peter talkin’ shit about me to him all the time. I know that’s a crap way to get my son to come back to me, but at least it’s somethin’. It’s a step in the right direction, at the very least. Right now, Greg just says he’s countin’ the minutes till he graduates an’ can use his inheritance to buy a house of his own. He’s not happy that he’s gotta stay there over the summer, but he also knows it’s a better option than <em>here</em>.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes widened at the mention of <em>inheritance</em> though, and Cassandra’s brow knit. “What?”</p>
<p>“You have Gregory’s kick in once he’s graduated from Hogwarts?”</p>
<p>“Yeah… course. I know they’re technically <em>adults</em> when they turn seventeen, but until Greg’s out of school, he’s still a child in my eyes. Why, when does Draco’s?”</p>
<p>Narcissa held her breath. “…In three days; his seventeenth birthday. <em>Shit,</em>” Narcissa swore, knowing her son would have more of an opportunity to practically <em>flee</em> from her should he have access to quite a lot of money. “I need to keep him here, but I don’t even know if he’ll ever be able to go back to school; he’s wanted— <em>oh.</em>” Narcissa stopped then, allowing her brain to catch up to the situation. “He’s still limited in what he can do, isn’t he? So long as he’s still a person of interest in Dumbledore’s murder.”</p>
<p>“For now,” Cassandra gently reminded her, not wishing to give Narcissa false hope. “But the Dark Lord is going to completely take over the Ministry sooner rather than later— him, Bellatrix, <em>all</em> of them will no doubt be able to come and go as they please by the end of the summer. Although, if that happens, then Draco will at least be able to return to school, so…”</p>
<p>Right. Narcissa pursed her lips before shaking her head, realizing this was not Cassandra’s problem, nor was it something they needed to discuss now. Worst came to worst, Narcissa would just bribe Draco with Bellatrix’s house so that he did not have to purchase one himself, thus giving him a greater fortune. It wasn't like Bellatrix even wanted to live there anymore and frankly, Rodolphus' complaints wouldn't be her problem. The deed had been transferred to Narcissa after Bellatrix and her husband were arrested per the paper that they <em>both</em> bloody signed, and if Rodolphus didn’t want to lose his house then maybe he shouldn't have gotten thrown into fucking prison. Whatever. Keeping Draco in her life was far more important than Rodolphus' sodding ire, that was for damn sure.</p>
<p>“Sorry— I shouldn't have gotten into this now. Rest,” Narcissa encouraged her girlfriend, pushing the hair back from Cassandra’s face before she rested her palm against the back of the woman’s head, looking at Cassandra with a soft crinkle at the edge of her eyes. “I'll deal with Bella when she comes back.”</p>
<p>Cassandra looked as though she felt guilty for putting this on Narcissa, but at the end of the day, Narcissa knew she would do anything for her, and that perhaps it was time that she start pulling her emotional weight in her respective relationships. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Cassandra to fall asleep, the day's events having exhausted her into a deep slumber. Narcissa laid with her for a long time, her body nestled into the taller woman's with her head tucked beneath her chin, feeling Cassandra’s heartbeat gently pound against her pulse. Narcissa almost fell asleep herself, but of course her sister was like a bull in a bloody apothecary and barreled in the door so quickly it was like she body slammed the damn thing in order to get it open.</p>
<p>God, if she was drunk Narcissa was going to <em>kill</em> her.</p>
<p>“Shh!” Narcissa frantically hushed her, looking at Bellatrix like she must have lost her damn mind coming into a room like that at nearly one o'clock in the morning. Bellatrix scrunched up her nose as she noticed the sleeping form of Cassandra, which was as close to an apology as she was probably going to get. Thankfully their girlfriend was a rather heavy sleeper and wasn't roused by Bellatrix's less-than-delicate entrance, and Narcissa climbed out of bed before motioning with her sister to follow her with a brief nod of her head, a dangerous look in her eye as she assessed Bellatrix’s demeanor.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Bellatrix just seemed to be clumsy, or bloody oblivious to how aggressive she really was even when doing something as simple as opening the door, and that saved Narcissa from yelling at her as she realized Bellatrix hadn’t gone off and done something selfish while their girlfriend was at home falling apart. Truthfully, that no longer seemed to be the type of person Bellatrix was, but when the Dark Lord and his followers were concerned, sometimes Narcissa wasn’t sure; in the end, she would always have PTSD with her sister’s heart coming second to her loyalties to Voldemort. </p>
<p>Narcissa brought Bellatrix into Cassandra’s room in order to get some privacy without accidentally rousing the younger woman. After closing the door behind them, Narcissa leaned against it with her hands pressed into the small of her back, her gaze taking in all of their girlfriend's stuff before she had a thought and asked her sister, “Is it stupid for her to have her own room at this point? It's not like we're really separating our respective relationships anymore.”</p>
<p>“If you’re asking if I want both of you in my bed every night, the answer is obviously yes,” Bellatrix responded, her expression set as though Narcissa should have known better than to even<em> ask </em>that question. Her gaze flickered past Narcissa then, almost as though she was trying to see Cassandra through the wall. Her body was stiff, posed for a fight as Bellatrix no doubt remembered the woman crying after her confrontation with Peter.</p>
<p>“She’s alright?” Narcissa nodded silently, and Bellatrix followed that up with, “What the fuck happened earlier?” Because in the end, her sister never was one to beat around the bush, and at this point just seemed to be looking for <em>more</em> reasons to justify her desire to kill Peter and quite frankly… Narcissa was perfectly content on giving her more.</p>
<p>The blonde’s expression masked in distress as she remembered how much pain Cassandra had put herself through in her attempt to be brave and finally stand up for herself and what she wanted out of her life. "He is… <em>awful, </em>Bella," Narcissa whispered, her stomach twisting in sickness and rage. "She stood up to him, she told Peter she wanted a divorce and I was… I was <em>so</em> fucking proud of her for that, but he treats Cassandra like she’s his <em>property</em> now; like what she wants doesn’t even matter because now that he no longer loves her, it’s like she’s lost her entire value as a person and it’s <em>disgusting. </em>The things he says to her… Cassandra already has such terrible self-esteem, and he purposely hits her where he knows it’ll hurt.”</p>
<p>“He's <em>angry, </em>Bella,” Narcissa revealed, her voice quaking with emotion as she practically begged her sister with eyes to do something, to <em>fix</em> this. “He wants to hurt her. He told Cass he was going to make her choke on her mistakes, choke on his <em>dick</em> as he forced her to make this embarrassment up to him. I don’t— God, I don't want her <em>near</em> him; he was trying to <em>threaten </em>her into coming back home to him just so he could fucking abuse her, and—"</p>
<p>"Threaten her how?" Bellatrix asked, interrupting, but Narcissa just snapped back with, “Does it <em>matter?”</em> and Bellatrix looked a little taken aback from the force of that reaction, considering the blonde’s eyes were starting to fill with tears.</p>
<p>“He’s threatening to poison Gregory against her, okay?” Narcissa answered, knowing avoiding it would only make Bellatrix more curious, and that wasn’t something either she or Cassandra wanted, as the <em>real</em> answer was that Peter was threatening to tell Bellatrix that she was halfblood. “Cass <em>loves</em> her son, and she’s already terrified she’s lost him over her decision to date the <em>both</em> of us— we can’t let him do this, Bella, we can’t let him—!”</p>
<p>“Alright, alright—” Bellatrix hushed her, crossing the distance between her and Narcissa as she gently placed her hands on the blonde’s forearms. “We <em>aren’t</em> going to fucking let him, okay? I already bloody told you. Narcissa— look at me.” The younger woman swallowed, her gaze catching her sister’s. “I am going to <em>fix</em> this,” Bellatrix assured her, her eyes searing into Narcissa’s. “The only thing I need to know now is whether or not you’re helping me do it, because that’ll probably change how I fucking go about it, truthfully.”</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a long breath, her heart beating heavily in her chest. Despite having already decided to do this, it was still nerve-wracking to admit to wanting to participate in premeditated murder, even if it was just to one of the most violent women in England. “Yeah,” Narcissa finally breathed, making sure to keep her voice low. “Yeah, I’ll help you.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened substantially at those words, excitement beginning to map in the lines of her expression as her breathing quickened. “Yeah?” she coaxed as she took another step toward her, her body language leaving little for interpretation. “You wanna murder someone with me, Cissy?” And although the question was framed in such a way that it sounded as though Bellatrix was merely double-checking to make sure that Narcissa did not have any reservations, Narcissa <em>knew</em> her sister, and was well-aware that that wasn’t the reason Bellatrix was asking at all.</p>
<p>Narcissa exhaled a frustrated breath. “I’m not doing this for <em>you,</em> Bella; I’m doing it for <em>her—</em> so she’ll be safe, so she won’t have to <em>worry</em> anymore. I want Cassandra to be free to make her own choices, because she deserves that. I know this is your idea of some warped fucking sex game, but—”</p>
<p>“I’m obviously not just fucking doing it because it makes me <em>horny,</em> for fuck’s sake,” Bellatrix snapped, but her breathing was still a little labored, as despite her words, she still was <em>very</em> turned on by the prospect of the woman she loved joining her during one of her favorite extracurricular activities. “I’m trying to bloody <em>save</em> her, but I’m not going to fucking pretend that you wanting to tear straight into someone until the light fades from their eyes isn’t the goddamn <em>sexiest</em> thing I’ve ever seen on you. Cissy—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix grasped for her then, pressing her up against the door and causing the blonde’s breath to instinctively leave her as, in the end, she would always be weak for her sister’s rough demeanor. Narcissa looked down at her, her own chest heaving with emotion as she allowed the reality of this to overtake her. Once they did this, there truly was no coming back for her morally. Narcissa’s hands might already be bloodstained, but Margret was an accident, and while Narcissa could justify murdering Peter with about fifty-four different reasons, at the end of the day, it would still taint her soul with a stain that could not be washed away, and that was a <em>scary</em> thing to think about.</p>
<p>In the end though, her sister knew her better than anyone, and Bellatrix cupped the back of the blonde’s neck possessively as she reminded her, “If we’re going to <em>do</em> this… then at least let us have fun doing it, because I fucking <em>know</em> you, and I know if I don’t hold your hand through this every step of the way then this is going to shatter you inside, whether or not you believe that fucker deserved what he got. Let me distract you with something <em>better</em> while you fulfill a very specific subset of my violence kink, yeah? <em>Believe</em> me, love, in the end you’ll thank me for it…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s lips covered hers, but she was still rather gentle and Narcissa’s eyes fell closed, trying to block out the world as she allowed her sister to guide her through the unknown. Problem was, both of them knew that Bellatrix was neither calculated nor subtle, and that this needed to be different than what she was normally used to doing, as if the Dark Lord realized that Bellatrix robbed him of a soldier, he would no doubt do something terrible in retaliation. So when the two sisters broke the kiss, Narcissa held on to Bellatrix as she pressed her forehead against hers, her voice barley more than a whisper as she told her, “<em>No</em> one can know it was us.” Narcissa took a moment, trying to ignore how hard her heart was beating as she resigned herself to the reality she had chosen for herself. “Bella— we have to be smart about this. We either need to make his death look like an accident, or like he was killed by the Order.”</p>
<p>“I’ll play this however you want, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her softly, her own breathing labored but for an entirely different reason than <em>nerves</em> and <em>anxiety</em> as she began getting one of her greatest fantasies fulfilled as Bellatrix listened to the woman she loved plot a murder. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you <em>would</em> like that— Jesus, Bella…” Narcissa began to chastise, except the last part came out more of a breathy moan as suddenly her sister’s mouth was wrapped around the base of her ear, her hands already pushing off her robes. Narcissa exhaled an uneven breath, her nails digging into her sister’s forearms as she held on to the only sanity she had in that moment, which did <em>not</em> say much about what the hell they were trying to do. Still, Narcissa fell into it all the same, as it was easier than fighting against it when she already knew how this was going to end. “The boys are staying with him— if we stage an accident, then it’s best to lure them out of the house and do it there. If… <em>shit—”</em></p>
<p>Bellatrix’s hands had hiked up Narcissa’s robes enough to allow her fingers to slip beneath them, her digits finding their way inside of the blonde’s knickers. “Keep talking,” Bellatrix husked in her ear and, Jesus, this was such a fucking mess, but of <em>course</em> this would be the next logical step in their sexual relationship, as it wasn’t like they hadn’t already ticked every other bloody box. Why <em>not</em> find a fetish in planning a murder; what else was <em>left?</em></p>
<p><em>“You</em> talk, I’m not the only one planning this, you know,” Narcissa breathlessly reminded her, widening her stance so that her sister had easier access. A slow smirk curled at Bellatrix’s lips and the blonde softly chastised her with, “Shut up— I want to know what you think is more feasible. If you can’t figure out how to do two things at once then I’m going to make you stop touching me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah right,” Bellatrix chuckled beneath her breath, gently pressing against the blonde’s clit and causing Narcissa to inhale a sharp breath. The younger woman narrowed her eyes at her, and Bellatrix’s smirk only widened in response. She eventually did as she was requested though and told Narcissa, “Trying to make it look like some Order wank offed him will be harder than it seems— those arseholes don’t hunt us down or kill for sport like <em>we</em> do, so the only option we have— <em>I’ll</em> have, is trying to murder him during the next confrontation we have with them, but we wouldn’t be alone and if someone fucking saw me do it, it isn’t like I can just play off having shit aim— everyone knows I’m way too good to screw up that badly.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Narcissa acknowledged, trying to think even though her sister had apparently decided that fucking her beneath her clothes was <em>annoying,</em> and had slipped her fingers out of her knickers in order to actively undress her. Narcissa let her though, feeling the fabric being pushed off her skin after Bellatrix had unbuttoned her dress in order to free her from it. The cool air of the room hit Narcissa’s nipples, tightening them beneath Bellatrix’s hungry gaze as the brunette dragged her tongue across the swell of it before allowing her mouth to cover Narcissa’s entire areola. The blonde inhaled a sharp breath, her hand coming to the back of her sister’s head as she fisted her fingers in a mess of curls. “So we lure the boys out of the house, and make Peter’s death look like an accident. Perhaps he… he fell down some stairs, or the fat fuck choked on some food—”</p>
<p>Narcissa interrupted herself with a short hiss as Bellatrix bit into her nipple before falling to her knees before her, the woman’s nails raking along the outside of the blonde’s thighs. Narcissa shivered, her breathing coming out in uneven bursts. “Agreed?” she prompted, knowing Bellatrix was getting off on <em>her</em> being the one to plan this, but she also needed the woman’s input and agreement because, in the end, they both knew Bellatrix was <em>far</em> better at executing murder than she was.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s nose wrinkled in distaste as she began sliding her sister’s knickers down her legs, at least uncovering a prize that she found much more appealing than this <em>tame</em> murder plan. “Sounds far too fucking boring and not at <em>all </em>like the brutal death that wank deserves, but—”</p>
<p>“We have to be <em>subtle,</em> Bella; your way of doing things is like a bloody calling card— everyone will know it was you! You’ve always been far too sodding—” Narcissa protested, before exhaling another sharp hiss as her sister sunk her teeth into the inside of her thigh. The blonde grabbed Bellatrix’s hair, nearly wrenching the other woman’s head back to look up at her. “That one <em>hurt,</em> you arsehole.<em>”</em></p>
<p>“Oh please, <em>discipline</em> me,” Bellatrix goaded, enjoying being in her sister’s hold as the older woman’s desire to be dominated seemed to return to her, although no doubt primarily because she wanted Narcissa to be in <em>charge</em> of this elaborate murder scenario, as her taking the lead in this regard made Bellatrix exponentially wetter.</p>
<p>Narcissa gently bit into her bottom lip as she looked down into her sister’s dark and excited gaze, remembering how bloody <em>long</em> it had been since Bellatrix had been comfortable trying to experiment with submission. She had gotten into it a little bit when Narcissa was ordering her to fuck Cassandra that first time, but as Narcissa was still trying to focus on Lucius, that was as far as they had gotten. It had been nearly a year since Bellatrix had tentatively first broached the subject, but then everything had fallen apart between them and the trust Bellatrix had in her needed to be rebuilt. This arrangement, it seemed, went <em>quite</em> a long way in helping that, as finally Narcissa was acknowledging and giving Bellatrix what she wanted, the freedom that she had <em>always</em> wanted, and yet had to watch Narcissa get while being left with nothing in return. It hadn’t been fair to her, and Narcissa knew that she owed Bellatrix quite a lot because of that, and while <em>this</em> wasn’t going to make up for it, it was certainly a step in the right direction as Narcissa gave her sister everything she wanted and wrenched the woman’s head back further as she crouched in front of her, keeping Bellatrix’s neck cocked back at an uncomfortable angle.</p>
<p>Hell, at the very least, it would give Narcissa some sense of <em>control</em> in a situation where she felt so bloody out of it.</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> interrupt me when I am speaking again, is that clear?” Narcissa told her, voice deadly serious as she watched her sister’s breathing pick up at the tone. “And you will keep your teeth to yourself unless instructed otherwise. Look at me—” Narcissa pulled Bellatrix’s head back so that their gaze would meet, yet still held the woman by her hair as she continued, “I understand you are not fond of the way we need to go about this, but you will express your displeasure in another way. However, before I allow you to do so, I need you to exercises some self-control over that mouth of yours.”</p>
<p>Narcissa let her go then, although only briefly as she rose to her full height once more, allowing her back to lean against the door as she reached out with her leg, placing her heel on her sister’s shoulder as she roughly encouraged her toward the apex of her thighs. Bellatrix made a small sound as the spike of Narcissa’s heel dug uncomfortably into her shoulder, but by the look on the older woman’s face she was <em>into</em> it, so Narcissa did not concern herself with the notion that she might have hurt her. “You will <em>earn</em> the right to speak back, using only your mouth. When I come, only <em>then</em> may you have an opinion. Until then, you will listen to the plan that <em>I</em> have, which we will take as bloody gospel until you have sufficiently proven to me that you deserve the right to have a voice. Nod if you understand.”</p>
<p>Narcissa could see the urge to be defiant in her sister’s eyes, as that was just baseline who she <em>was,</em> but Bellatrix seemed to coax herself into trusting Narcissa and letting go as she ended up nodding in respectful silence, knowing she was going to enjoy this a hell of a lot more if she just allowed Narcissa to trample all over her not just with their murder plot, but sexually, as for Bellatrix that went hand-in-hand. She <em>wanted</em> to look at Narcissa like she was the one in control, because maybe then they could share something she had never experienced with another, and they could become closer because of it. </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck me up, Cissy.</em>
</p>
<p>Narcissa scoffed, exasperated by her sister’s response as the woman used wandless magic to get inside of her head. And while that was <em>impressive </em>from a purely skillful viewpoint, it was also not something Narcissa enjoyed and she dug her heel harder into her sister’s shoulder, making Bellatrix hiss. “None of that,” she scolded. “While your bratty point has been taken because I <em>know</em> you just wanted to prove you could get off on a technicality, you are well-aware that is not something I am okay with. Now get to work earning back your privileges; I don’t have all night.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s smirk lingered on the edge of her lips, but she did as instructed and leaned in, tracing a long line up the younger woman’s slit with her tongue. Narcissa exhaled a shuddered breath as she allowed her weight to rest against the door behind her, closing her eyes as she allowed herself a moment to enjoy the feeling of her sister pleasuring her. Her foot was still propped up on Bellatrix but she made certain to level her weight so that her heel wasn’t digging into her shoulder blade anymore. The angle gave Bellatrix more room to work though, and she made a bloody <em>elaborate</em> showing of slowly dragging her tongue against the surface area of Narcissa’s labia, being careful not to stimulate her clitoris too much yet.</p>
<p>“Jesus, yeah— keep it slow,” Narcissa breathlessly encouraged, wanting to savor this for a moment before she had to start mixing a terrible reality into the pleasure she was receiving for her <em>sister’s</em> benefit, as talking about murder — even in a fashion that was decidedly more <em>boring</em> than Bellatrix would go about it — would get Bellatrix wetter than anything else. The woman beneath her touched her thighs then, but before she could do anything, Narcissa opened her eyes told her, “—No. I said only your mouth and I meant it. Clasp your hands behind your back and keep them there until you’ve finished your task.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix quirked a silent brow at her, but did as she was told before she locked eyes with her sister, flicking her tongue out to have the tip briefly tease the blonde’s clit. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip, reaching out to push the hair away from her sister’s eyes. “There’s a good girl,” she breathed before she used the same hand to rest against her own pubic bone, parting her fingers in a V so she could spread herself for Bellatrix’s hungry gaze. “Fucking <em>worship</em> my cunt, my love, and I’ll tell you a story in return.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s gaze darkened and her mouth wrapped around the apex of her sister’s thighs, gently teasing and sucking on her tender flesh as she got to work doing exactly what Narcissa wished of her. “Christ, you really are good at that,” Narcissa praised as she felt her cheeks flush and her nipples tighten in response. She allowed herself one more long moment to feel it, before Narcissa tried to organize her thoughts which, granted, was <em>much</em> more difficult with her sister’s mouth on her, before she told Bellatrix the outer-lying structure of her plan, as she knew the details would probably have to be filled in by the woman who was currently making love to her with her mouth.</p>
<p>“If framing the Order is out, then our only option is making it look like an accident,” Narcissa reiterated breathlessly, feeling her body begin to heat up from what her sister was doing to her. “Unfortunately, that means we have to get the boys out of the house, and Draco is… not liable to listen to me any time soon,” Narcissa admitted, her voice catching in her throat a little. Bellatrix did not say anything, as instructed, but she did pause what she was doing enough to leave a gentle kiss upon her sister’s mound, her silent way of apologizing to Narcissa for her part in all of that. Narcissa appreciated the gesture and she looked down at her, giving her sister a small smile before she inhaled a deep breath, forcing herself to move on.</p>
<p>“Draco’s birthday is in three days though, and I have… an <em>idea</em> for a present that you may not entirely like, but it at least has the ability to get him out of the house for a night because he would no doubt want to check it out for himself,” Narcissa began, feeling her sister hesitate in her deep kissing of her cunt at the implication that she may not like the solution she had come up with. Narcissa did not specify at first though, choosing instead to mention, “I am fairly certain that it would not take much effort to convince Gregory that he wants to tag along, as I’m sure both of them want their freedom. According to Cassandra, Gregory hasn’t been very happy with his father as of late.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s brow rose in a silent question, although to her credit she was still lazily swirling her tongue around her sister’s clit. Narcissa bit down on her bottom lip. “I have decided to give your manor to my son for his seventeenth birthday.”</p>
<p>Okay, <em>that</em> ended up breaking Bellatrix’s submissive resolve as she pulled back, a disbelieving, “—<em>What?”</em> falling from her lips. The jerking movement caused Narcissa’s foot to fall from her shoulder and the blonde tsked her, staying in her role because, one, she knew Bellatrix would be okay with the plan once she laid it all out for, and two, her sister would <em>definitely</em> regret stopping this little role play prematurely.</p>
<p>“Ah, ah—” Narcissa chided, grasping onto her sister’s hair once more so she couldn’t pull away very far. Bellatrix actually <em>growled</em> at her, but Narcissa kept her tone soft to calm her as she spoke. “Don’t be cross, my love. I know this isn’t <em>ideal,</em> but let’s be honest; you do not have an emotional attachment to that house— merely the memories you made inside of it, most of which were with me. I’m not trying to make you disregard those, but rather hope you find solace in the fact that if you no longer have a house to go back to, then <em>this</em> would be your home. Not just when the Dark Lord resides here, but… permanently.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix noticeably relaxed then, but her lips were pursed and she still looked as though she wished to say something. Surprisingly, despite the unexpected news, it seemed Bellatrix was still attempting to adhere to the rules of their little game. “I want to ask Cassandra to live here too,” Narcissa admitted in a whisper. “But… with Peter gone, she’ll have the option to go home. I—” She stopped, knowing she was getting too far ahead of herself. Besides, Cassandra and Bellatrix’s relationship was still new; yes they lived together now, but it was an arrangement of convenience. They might find later that they need some space in order to function as a couple, and Narcissa didn’t want to force them into a dynamic that may not work for them, just because it worked for <em>her</em> respective relationships.</p>
<p>“I know Lucius will be angry, but this is my home,” Narcissa admitted, although at least had the decency to feel a little guilty about that. “It’s my choice.” Besides, she doubted Lucius would complain about the huge advantage in life that not having to purchase a house of his own would give his son. If the downside was that Bellatrix would have to live with them permanently, well… it wasn’t like Lucius hadn’t expected something like this eventually. Now that the two sisters were ‘out’, separating them was going to be next to impossible, and it seemed Lucius had resigned himself to the inevitable the moment Bellatrix escaped from prison.</p>
<p>Narcissa took a deep breath, resolving to push that aside for now, as it was tomorrow’s problem. “Do you consent?” she asked her sister instead. “I don’t know what we’ll do with Rodolphus yet, but I’m sure we’ll figure out something that does <em>not</em> involve him living here. I just… I don’t want you to go home, Bella. I want you here, with me, forever, and this… will work to our advantage in regards to our plan, so I feel as though it would be foolish to pass it by just because it’s a rather significant decision.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix caught her gaze from her knelt position on the floor, allowing Narcissa to do what she wished as she consented with a head nod. Narcissa exhaled the breath that had been trapped in her chest, and as she did Bellatrix leaned in again, continuing with her sister’s pleasure once they had come to a reasonable accord. “Shit— yeah, there,” Narcissa encouraged as she raised her leg again, however this time merely draping it across Bellatrix’s shoulder as she pulled the woman she loved closer to the apex of her thighs. Bellatrix having teased her for so long had left her sensitive and Narcissa hissed, lovingly weaving her hand in her sister’s hair as she held the woman’s mouth to her.</p>
<p>“So we get the boys to leave by promising Draco a bloody house,” Narcissa continued, her chest heaving as Bellatrix sucked and pulled on her sensitive flesh. “And then you fucking <em>torture</em> the bastard.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix growled in approval, going at Narcissa with renewed vigor. Narcissa knew what reaction that would elicit in her lover and she moaned, her chest flushing a deep rose as she helplessly banged the back of her head against the door. Still, she had <em>amendments</em> to that as she struggled to say, “But… no <em>marks, </em>Bella— listen to me: the Cruciatus Curse <em>only…</em> fuck— Jesus hell!” Because Bellatrix was on a <em>mission </em>now, and she always knew how to play Narcissa far better than anyone else.</p>
<p>No longer was Bellatrix taking it slow. Instead, she was coming at Narcissa like a woman starved for every drop the younger woman could give her, knowing full-well that her continued assault on Narcissa’s clitoris was going to have her sister begging and screaming and <em>coming. </em>“Bella, Bella… oh my God—!” Narcissa cried, her knuckles flashing white as she struggled to hold on to her sister and keep herself upright. “Fuck, you <em>bitch,</em> I’m gonna—”</p>
<p>Because Narcissa didn’t want to come this soon, but Bellatrix wasn’t giving her much of a choice in that regard as suddenly her cunt was pulsing and her knees were giving out. Bellatrix, having finished doing what she was instructed to do, thankfully now had use of her hands and steadied Narcissa against the door as she continued slowly dragging her tongue across her sister’s swollen clit, a wicked gleam in her eyes as she watched Narcissa’s chest heave as the blonde tried to catch her breath.</p>
<p>“Well done,” Narcissa conceded, as while she did not wish to come that quickly, she still had to respect her sister’s ability make her fall completely apart. Bellatrix’s smirk widened as she placed a gentle kiss upon her sister’s thigh, looking up at the woman who was still half-above her, as in her orgasmic haze Narcissa had slid down the wall a little.</p>
<p>“With all due respect, I know what the fuck I’m doing when a cunt’s in my face,<em> Ma’am.”</em></p>
<p>Narcissa snorted, amused by Bellatrix inability to submit completely. “Oh, I know you do, my love,” she breathed, a lingering smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she brushed the hair from her sister’s eyes. “And you have earned the right to have your voice heard. Is there anything you wish to say to me, or about the plan thus far?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked at her for a long moment, savoring the feeling of her sister’s palm against her cheek. “All I’ve ever fucking wanted was to grow old with you, Cissy,” she finally told her, and the sincerity in Bellatrix’s voice made Narcissa’s heart clench in her chest. She fell to her haunches so she could be eye level with her sister then, grasping the older woman’s hands in her own as Bellatrix continued, “I want to stay with you. I want to live with you. I don’t give a fuck about my house next to that. I don’t give a fuck about <em>anything</em> next to that. You’ve always been my whole bloody world, Narcissa, and you’re right; I don’t want to live on the outside of that anymore.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears and she leaned in, pressing a desperate kiss against her sister’s lips as she grasped for her, holding Bellatrix by the back of her neck as she tried to pour all the love she had for the woman in front of her into the gesture. When they broke Narcissa kept her hand on the back of her sister’s neck, their uneven breathing tickling each other’s lips. “I love you,” she whispered, and she could feel Bellatrix smile.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Cissy. Fucking <em>forever</em>.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix said that like she was trying to convince Narcissa of something, but the blonde was already more than aware that she had her sister’s heart. Yes, perhaps Bellatrix had now sectioned off a part of it for Cassandra just as Narcissa had, but at the end of the day, her and Bellatrix weren’t just soulmates, but shared a soul that was one in the same. “I know, my love,” Narcissa assured her with another smile, leaning in to kiss the corner of her sister’s mouth. “And since you were such a good girl tonight, I would like to show you just how much, but you’d have to trust me. Can you do that?”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s brow furrowed. “You already know I fucking trust you, Cissy.” A beat, then a revision, albeit with a bit of an eye roll. “<em>Ma’am.”</em></p>
<p>“You don’t have to call me that if you don’t want to, you know,” Narcissa reminded her, as she didn’t want to force Bellatrix into a specific dynamic that may not compliment her personality. “I can control you without needing the title.”</p>
<p>“No, the title’s fucking hot— just… I dunno, doesn’t naturally come out of my mouth yet; give me a bit to get used to it,” Bellatrix requested, and Narcissa obliged her with a nod as, at the end of the day, even though <em>she</em> was supposed to be the one who was in control, this show was for Bellatrix’s benefit more than her own. Her sister had been <em>aching</em> to let go for some time now, and their relationship was finally in a good enough place that Narcissa was able to oblige her.</p>
<p>“Stand,” Narcissa instructed, and when Bellatrix did the blonde held out her hand, encouraging Bellatrix to help her to her feet, as she was still naked in nothing but her heels and was in an odd position that would have probably made her topple over if she had tried to get up on her own, and that would have been <em>very </em>undignified, and not at all like the role she meant to have slipped into. When she got to her feet though Narcissa kicked off her heels, finding them to be useless now. “Don’t move.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix did as instructed as Narcissa circled her, her eyes raking down her sister’s form as though she was appraising her before she moved forward, beginning to disrobe her. She undressed Bellatrix slowly, her fingers taking a moment here and there to press into the curves of her sister’s body as she appreciated her form. “My warrior,” Narcissa breathed, pressing her lips to the back of Bellatrix’s shoulder after the woman had been rid of everything but her undergarments. While Narcissa knew now was <em>probably</em> not the time to say something like this, the words fell from her lips without thought. “I have not been as appreciative as I should about what you’ve sacrificed for me, and I’m sorry.” Bellatrix stiffened a little in response, and Narcissa leaned her chin against her sister’s shoulder while she gently touched the small of her back. “Thank you for protecting me, and thank you for wanting to protect her now.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix wet her lips, staring at their reflection in Cassandra’s vanity. “—A little bit fucking heavier than I was expecting there, Cissy.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Narcissa breathed apologetically, placing another kiss at the base of Bellatrix’s neck. “I just… wanted you to know, before we went any further, that I appreciate what you’re willing to do for us. If you get caught, it is no small sacrifice. I will make sure Cassandra knows that when the time comes; I will not let her blame you for something you’re doing out of love.”</p>
<p>“I <em>don’t</em> love her,” Bellatrix stressed, the words coming out as almost a warning. Narcissa caught Bellatrix’s reflection in the mirror, the edges of her lips pulling into a smile.</p>
<p>“I know,” she responded, and suddenly all the tension was released from her sister’s body. Narcissa looked at her profile, gently tucking a few curls behind Bellatrix’s ear. “But when the dust settles, when Cassandra is through mourning the memory of the man she used to love and is able to look at what you did for her objectively, when she <em>feels</em> that freedom she’s wanted for so long, she’s going to be one step closer to loving <em>you</em> for being the one who gave her it.” Narcissa’s gaze snapped back toward the mirror then to meet her sister’s once more, her fingers fisting in the nape of Bellatrix’s neck in warning. “<em>Don’t</em> fuck it up; her heart is as precious to me as yours is. If you break it, I will go bloody feral, so be <em>very</em> aware of the magnitude of what you are doing for her right now, Bellatrix.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix exhaled a hard breath, apparently not expecting the force of Narcissa’s reaction. She respected it though, keeping her sister’s gaze as she answered with the title she had not yet been able to say seriously, until now. “Yes, Ma’am.”</p>
<p>Narcissa’s fingers relaxed, letting her go. The blonde smiled, relieved that Bellatrix was taking this seriously, and didn’t just want to kill Peter for the sake of <em>killing</em> someone. This was a <em>big</em> deal; not just to Cassandra, who was going to lose someone she once loved, or to Narcissa, who was in the midst of her first premeditated murder and was struggling with the morality of it, but to <em>Bellatrix</em> as well, as doing this would make a larger statement than she ever had to Cassandra before, considering the risks she was undertaking in order to set the woman they both cared for free. This <em>said</em> something, and Narcissa wanted to make sure that was something Bellatrix <em>wanted</em> to say before they did it.</p>
<p>“I get it, Cissy,” Bellatrix assured her softly. “I know what I’m doing. I know what the fuck I’m <em>saying</em> here. I’d just rather we not fucking analyze it right now, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Narcissa acknowledged, dropping the subject per her sister’s request, as what Bellatrix had said made her feel better about it. With one smooth motion, Narcissa unclasped her sister’s bra, allowing it to fall to the floor and leaving Bellatrix in just her knickers. “<em>Now</em>, I have a surprise for you, but this is also where the trust factor comes in, because I <em>know</em> your first instinct is going to be to balk about it.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed, but she said nothing as she watched Narcissa step away from her, going into Cassandra’s bottom drawer, where she knew the other woman kept her sex toys. What’s theirs was <em>hers</em> now anyway, so Narcissa assumed the opposite was true in that regard, but before she grabbed what she was looking for, something else caught her eye and Narcissa smirked, looping a collar labeled ‘KITTEN’ around her forefinger as she held it up to her sister’s gaze. “…Of course you did.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix looked a little flustered at the expression on Narcissa’s face. “Shut up— she fucking likes it, okay?”</p>
<p>“Oh I’m sure she does,” Narcissa responded, still sounding amused as she put the collar back where she found it. “Believe me, I wasn’t implying she didn’t. I’m sure she gets wet as hell the second she puts it on.” Bellatrix had a little prideful smirk in response to <em>that,</em> proving Narcissa’s theory correct. The blonde shook her head, still finding the whole thing to be a little ridiculous and yet also a bit endearing now as a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. They were a bit over the top about some things, but they were cute.</p>
<p>Finding what it was that she was looking for, Narcissa wrapped her hand around the large black phallus, pulling it from the drawer. The straps dangled from the harness as the blonde held it up to her sister’s gaze, who snorted. “You’re funny,” Bellatrix deadpanned, yet despite herself still eyed the toy with interest.</p>
<p>“I won’t use it if you’re that against it, but you forget I’ve <em>done</em> this to you before, Bella,” Narcissa reminded her as she rose to her feet. Bellatrix scrunched up her nose, yet said nothing. “I <em>know</em> you enjoy it— I know you enjoy it a <em>lot</em> but feel as though you shouldn’t for whatever reason. Maybe a lot of it’s to do with trust, as I’m sure it’s a lot for you to feel that sexually vulnerable for someone. That’s why I asked if you trusted me, but… it’s understandable if you <em>don’t,</em> because I know I did quite a lot to violate your trust over the past year, and I’m sorry. I want to rebuild it, but I can take it slow. We don’t— God, maybe this was stupid; I’m basing our trust on a stupid sex game, we don’t have to…”</p>
<p>Bellatrix snatched her sister’s wrist in her hand before she could put the strap on away though, stilling Narcissa’s movements. The blonde looked back at her, but Bellatrix didn’t say anything for a long time. “You did fuck up the trust I had in you,” she finally said, and Narcissa swallowed hard, the pit of her stomach twisting in her gut. “But you’ve been making up for it lately, so I don’t hold that over our relationship anymore. If I <em>did,</em> wouldn’t have allowed you to top me tonight. I trust you, Narcissa, but you’re fucking right, okay? I feel like I shouldn’t… like I <em>shouldn’t</em> like that. I don’t know why.”</p>
<p>Narcissa pursed her lips, her eyes searching her sister’s. “Does it make you feel like less of a lesbian?” she guessed, and Bellatrix just rolled her eyes. “No, listen— I know there’s a <em>woman</em> attached to the other end of it, but taking a dick, no matter what form it’s in, makes people feel vulnerable— especially if they’re bottoming. And… and I know you <em>struggled</em> briefly with your identity as a lesbian when you began to have feelings for the Dark Lord—”</p>
<p>Bellatrix let go of her as though she had been burned. “Alright, sharing time is over.”</p>
<p>“Bella, please. I’m not <em>judging</em> you— look at me,” Narcissa requested, grasping for her sister’s hand again. “You have <em>always</em> known you were,” she told her seriously. “Ever since you were young, you knew exactly who you wanted to be when you grew up, you knew exactly who you would<em> love;</em> you never struggled with any part of your identity before, you never questioned who you were. I think bottoming for someone who’s wearing a dick, even if that person is a woman, makes you question if you really <em>are</em> a lesbian if you like that, because I like it, <em>Cass </em>likes it, and we’re both bisexual. Am I close?”</p>
<p>“Why are we doing analytical <em>bullshit</em> when I asked for you to specifically <em>not</em> do that?” Bellatrix snapped, very defensive. She wouldn’t look at Narcissa though, which meant she was close, if not directly on the mark.</p>
<p>“Bella, me fucking you while <em>wearing</em> this is objectively the same as me putting my fingers inside you, except it’s a bit bigger and then my hands are free to do <em>other</em> things. It does <em>not</em> make you any less of a lesbian, because you know what the biggest part of sexual identity is? How you view <em>yourself,”</em> Narcissa reminded her seriously. “You are the only one who knows who you truly are, Bella, and no one can ever bloody tell you differently.”</p>
<p>Bellatrix didn’t say anything for a long moment, her lips pursed as she stared at the phallus in her sister’s hands. Narcissa took that as a sign that she might actually want it and now just didn’t know how to ask since she had pushed it away so fast, so the blonde tried to make Bellatrix more comfortable with, “I won’t tell Cass that you like it, I promise.” Because in the end, she knew Bellatrix didn’t trust Cassandra like that yet. “And I <em>swear,</em> if you feel comfortable to let me do this, I will give you the best fucking orgasm of your <em>life.”</em></p>
<p> Bellatrix exhaled, looking a little grumpy as acting <em>annoyed</em> with Narcissa no doubt made her feel more comfortable with the entire situation as she relented, “—Fine.”</p>
<p>Narcissa smiled, glad that she trusted her enough to do this. “There’s a good girl,” she breathed, leaning in to kiss her sister gently on the cheek. “Don’t move.”</p>
<p>Narcissa stepped around her, stepping into the harness while behind Bellatrix, wanting to build up the suspense as she strapped herself in, tightening it around her waist. Problem was, when she righted herself she remembered Bellatrix was facing a large vanity, and thus could see everything she was doing in the mirror. Bellatrix watched her with interest but she did not move, and Narcissa’s gaze caught hers in the reflection before she pressed herself along the length of her sister’s back, allowing the phallus to fit right against Bellatrix’s arse as she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, leaning down as she kissed her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Trust me,” she requested in a breathy whisper, which was followed by her sister’s quiet response of, “I do,” before Narcissa smiled, wrapped her hand in Bellatrix’s hair, and <em>pulled. </em>Bellatrix exhaled a sharp breath, allowing Narcissa to pin her body against hers.</p>
<p>“I won’t make you beg,” Narcissa promised her as she carefully guided Bellatrix toward the vanity, still keeping the woman tight in her hold. “But that doesn’t mean you won’t do it of your own accord by the time I’m through with you.” Bellatrix snorted at that, but Narcissa just bent her over the vanity, forcing the older woman to lean against it with her palms. “Laugh all you want; it doesn’t change what’s going to happen,” Narcissa promised her, finally letting go of Bellatrix in order to drop her hand between their bodies, pushing her sister’s knickers down her thighs before running her fingers across the woman’s sensitive flesh.</p>
<p>Despite there being somewhat of a lull during their sex, Bellatrix was still very wet, which at least proved she was getting off on this at the very least, and wasn’t just trying to see this submissive thing through without it actually doing much for her. “Because I <em>know</em> you, my love,” Narcissa assured her in a husky voice, gently spreading Bellatrix with her fingers before she slipped one, and then another inside of her, wanting to make sure she was loose enough to take what was strapped to her groin first before she just barreled right in. “And I know how to make you <em>gush</em> without even fucking touching you.”</p>
<p>Narcissa removed her hand then, giving Bellatrix just a bit of a tease before she allowed her anger, her <em>hatred</em> to overtake her as she grabbed her sister’s hair in her fist again, forcing Bellatrix to meet her gaze in the mirror. “Look at me— I want you to make him <em>scream, </em>Bella,” she seethed, knowing she had to focus on how deeply <em>enraged</em> she was by Peter not only to get through the act itself, but to give Bellatrix exactly what she had <em>wanted</em> from this encounter.</p>
<p>Bellatrix’s eyes darkened and her lips parted, beginning to hang on her sister’s every word as Narcissa told her, “I want him crying, I want him <em>writhing—</em> I want Peter to know how badly he <em>fucked</em> up by threatening the woman I love, the woman that we <em>both</em> care about. I want you to make him beg for you to stop until his voice is so fucking raw that he can’t use it anymore, but I want you to keep going, because he deserves it, he <em>deserves</em> it!” Her hand slapped Bellatrix’s arse then, her grip so tight her nails dug in and the older woman groaned, spreading her legs for her in invitation. But Narcissa didn’t touch her yet, instead she allowed the rage she felt to overtake her as she attempted to channel it into something sexual, as perhaps then she might be able to handle what the actual fuck they were going to <em>do</em> in a couple days<em>.</em></p>
<p>“Fuck, Cissy, <em>yes…” </em>Bellatrix encouraged, her own breathing labored as she got immensely turned on from Narcissa’s fury. “Get <em>angry,</em> lover— you’re so fucking hot when you’re violent…”</p>
<p>“I want you to tear him <em>apart,</em> Bella— I want you to make him regret that he <em>ever</em> thought he could just shove his dick inside of her just because they’re married, and in his eyes that meant he no longer needed consent. God, I <em>wish,</em> I fucking <em>wish</em> that we didn’t have to be clean about this— I wish you could tear his cock from his body, I wish you could make him fucking <em>swallow</em> it, I wish it was bloody, I wish—”</p>
<p>Truthfully, she did <em>not</em> wish any of those things as Narcissa knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it, but her words had the desired effect on Bellatrix, who groaned desperately as she reached down, trying to take care of herself as Narcissa was too caught up in her own anger to comply with her needs. “Don’t you fucking dare,” Narcissa panted, grabbing her sister’s hand in her own. “<em>I’m</em> fucking you tonight, Bella.”</p>
<p>“Fucking… <em>Jesus,</em> Cissy, just—” Bellatrix tried, sounding frustrated. Her fingers curled into a fist, causing her knuckles to flash white as she tried to get a hold of herself. She squirmed in her sister’s hold, but true to her word, Narcissa did not make her beg as she pressed the cock against Bellatrix’s entrance, already able to feel how much bloody <em>wetter</em> her sister had gotten just from that little tirade. “<em>Christ…”</em> Bellatrix panted as Narcissa slid inside of her, her breathing coming out in hard bursts as Narcissa momentarily stilled inside of her.</p>
<p>“You alright?” she asked, needing to make sure she wasn’t hurting her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, just— it’s fucking big; or big<em>ger</em> than the two or three fingers I’m used to. Just give me a second,” Bellatrix requested, and Narcissa obliged her, gently rubbing the small of the older woman’s back before Bellatrix murmured beneath her breath and began to move of her own accord. Narcissa let the other woman set the pace at first, not wanting to go fast for her prematurely. “Shit,” Bellatrix swore, beginning to very much enjoy the feeling. “Keep fucking talking to me… tell me how we’re going to kill him, tell me what you <em>want</em> and I’ll give you every bloody thing you ask for, lover, just— <em>fuck,</em> just keep fucking doing this…”</p>
<p>Narcissa pushed inside of her, allowing her sister to take the cock all the way to its hilt. Bellatrix groaned, her cheeks flushing pink as her lips parted, her gaze meeting Narcissa’s in the mirror. “You are going to break his neck, my love,” the blonde told her, and the <em>calmness</em> in her tone seemed to get Bellatrix off further, as Narcissa seemed much more calculated about it. “And we are going to make it seem like his fat arse took a tumble down his stairs. It’s not the death he <em>deserves,</em> but it’s the one we will have to give him anyway— that’s why I <em>promise</em> I will allow you some fun first, as I want him to <em>beg</em> for death by the time you’re through with him, Bellatrix. Do you hear me? Promise me; fucking <em>promise</em> me that you’ll hurt him, promise me that you’ll break him just like he tried to break Cassandra, promise me—!”</p>
<p>Each declaration accented another firm, yet decidedly <em>slow</em> thrust of the blonde’s hips and Bellatrix, who was not only getting off on the feeling, but on her sister’s words, couldn’t take not getting bloody <em>ravaged</em> anymore, as she was, quite literally, dripping down her bloody thighs at this point. “Fuck, Cissy— I’ll fucking promise you anything, just fuck me harder! Fuck me— Jesus <em>fucking</em> hell, just <em>fuck </em>me!” she begged, practically slamming her hips back into the phallus strapped to her sister’s groin. “Fuck me <em>up,</em> please— you fucking bitch, if you need me to beg, just…!”</p>
<p>“Seems a bit rude that you would call me a <em>bitch</em> when all I’ve ever done is try to take care of you, my love,” Narcissa chided, causing Bellatrix to growl deep in her throat before Narcissa smirked, dropping the game. She didn’t want to push it. “Don’t worry, Bella; I’ll take care of you. I will <em>always</em> take care of you…”</p>
<p>Narcissa slid her hand across the smooth surface of her sister’s back, encouraging her to bend over further before she pinned her there, and began to go to <em>town</em> on Bellatrix’s cunt. Narcissa slammed into her with much more force than she ever would have exerted with Cassandra, as she knew Bellatrix would enjoy a little pain with her pleasure as she nearly hit her cervix with each thrust. Bellatrix swore, her eyes falling closed as the muscles in her back tensed and rippled, her cheeks flushing red while her nipples scraped against the surface of the vanity as Narcissa practically slammed her into it over and over.</p>
<p>“Jesus— <em>fuck,</em> Cissy— don’t stop; fuck, fuck… Jesus fucking Christ…!” Bellatrix shouted as Narcissa’s body began to shine with sweat. She was exerting practically all of the energy she had in her to do this, but Bellatrix was <em>loving</em> it and Narcissa felt almost high from it, realizing there was nothing more beautiful than seeing her sister come completely unraveled as she practically begged for release. Narcissa slapped her arse with her free hand before she grasped onto her sister’s hips, using the leverage to get her sister to take the cock as deep inside of her as it could go. The sounds of Bellatrix’s soaked cunt slapping against her was drowned out by the woman’s screams, and it didn’t take long until it all became overwhelming for Bellatrix and she tensed, her clit hitting the edge of the vanity with each thrust giving her the extra push she needed to fall over the edge.</p>
<p>Bellatrix came so violently she slammed her hand against the surface of the vanity, making Narcissa endlessly thankful that she had had the self-awareness to at least not hit the mirror itself, as she no doubt would have shattered it. Bellatrix trembled with the aftershocks of her pleasure, practically crumpling into a ball as she rested her head on her forearms and struggled to breathe. Narcissa just lay atop her, feeling rather worn out herself as she pressed her ear to her sister’s back, hearing the woman’s erratic heartbeat as she realized that maybe bringing Cassandra into their relationship had, in some backwards way, managed to make the two of them closer.</p>
<p>“Bella?” she asked softly, still very much inside of her sister yet not willing to move as she wrapped her arms around her sister’s torso. Her voice was small as she asked, “Killing him… it doesn’t make me a bad person, does it?”</p>
<p>Narcissa knew she sounded stupid, but her desire to save Cassandra did conflict quite heavily with her morality, even though she knew she was, objectively, a pretty <em>shit</em> person for other reasons. Still, killing was… it was big. It was <em>different.</em></p>
<p>“<em>You’re</em> not going to kill him, Cissy,” Bellatrix told her, thankfully not moving either, as Narcissa didn’t want to let her go just yet. “I am. All you’re doing is trying to protect someone you love, and you have bloody <em>nothing</em> to feel guilty about because of that, okay?”</p>
<p>Narcissa swallowed hard but nodded, accepting her sister’s words because, in the end, she knew it would be the only way she could ever justify what she was about to do in her mind. She just hoped this decision did not come back to haunt her, as Narcissa wasn’t sure what she would do if she was faced with something like that.</p>
<p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>“Kitten” Part 6, which is set between chapters 52 and 53, will be posted Saturday, February 27th.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. LIII.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>LIII.</strong>
</p><p>“…Are you angry?”</p><p>“Narcissa, I don’t…” Lucius began with an exaggerated sigh, looking at his wife like he wasn’t even sure why she was having this conversation with him. Narcissa had tried to float the plan of giving Bellatrix’s manor to their son for his seventeenth birthday, but apparently the consequences of that decision (<em>Bellatrix’s </em>living situation, in particular) weren’t even Lucius’ problem with the suggestion— because it wasn’t, at the end of the day, a <em>suggestion</em> at all, and Lucius knew that.</p><p> “I don’t<em> fucking</em> care, truthfully,” he told her, sounding so very defeated. “And quite frankly you framing this as yet another one of your bullshit considerations as you <em>tell,</em> not <em>ask,</em> is starting to make me feel like you no longer hold me in any real regard. At this point, I’d appreciate it if you just dropped the pretenses; I’m already well-aware of who holds priority in your life, and I do <em>not</em> need the constant reminder— especially right now.”</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach tightened in her gut, her expression crumpling as she tried to cross the space between them. “Lucius…” she tried, but Lucius stepped away from her, warding her away with an irritated wave of his hand as he continued doing whatever he had been doing for the last ten bloody minutes as he violently opened one of the drawers in their bureau, evidently looking for something and getting increasingly frustrated the longer he could not find it.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa tried, as she knew she had gotten very wrapped up in her relationships with Cassandra and Bellatrix, and hardly had time for him anymore. “I’m not trying to disregard you, but I’m also trying to do what’s best for <em>our</em> son, Lucius—”</p><p>Lucius snorted, not even bothering to look back at her. “Are you under the impression I don’t <em>know</em> you? Whatever the reason you’re doing it — whether it’s to bribe Draco back into your life, or because it’s yet another one of your over-dramatic declarations in order to prove your <em>devotion </em>to one of your multitude of lovers as you invite her to live permanently in the bloody home that <em>we</em> share — the fact remains that your reasons are not unselfishly motivated, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t give me what I’m sure would have been a well-rehearsed speech about how Draco needs this house for <em>his</em> benefit, because I am already aware that it is bullshit.”</p><p>Narcissa sucked in a sharp breath at that, unable to utter a word. She was upset; she was offended and <em>angry</em> even though Lucius was absolutely right, and that was why Narcissa did not speak, as she knew she did not have a leg to stand on. He was right— she <em>was</em> giving Draco her sister’s house due to selfish motivations that yes, included both of the reasons Lucius had said, but also because she needed to lure her son out of the house he was staying in currently so that she and Bellatrix could <em>murder</em> one of Lucius’ childhood friends.</p><p>Honestly, Narcissa felt a bit like she was just going through the motions; something about being resolved to kill someone seemed to break something inside of her, and now Narcissa wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t just in a very vivid dream. It was better this way though, as she was certain that if she had to face the reality of what she was doing, it would fuck her up mentally. Maybe this was just a coping mechanism, but it was <em>working</em> as Narcissa shut down her feelings about it, and focused on her end goal. That was the only thing that mattered right then.</p><p>“Just give him the damn house,” Lucius continued as he violently shut one drawer and opened another, the force of the motion shaking the bureau and making one of the pictures of their family wobble, nearly toppling over until Narcissa instinctively grabbed for it, not wanting the glass to break. “I accepted a long time ago that that psycho is never leaving—”</p><p>“Can’t you be more <em>gentle?!”</em> Narcissa furiously exclaimed as she righted the picture. “What the <em>bloody</em> hell are you looking for anyway? Just Accio it with your wand, Lucius, for God’s—”</p><p>“What <em>fucking</em> wand, Narcissa?!” Lucius shouted furiously as he slammed his open palm into the edge of the bureau, and this time, there was no saving the things that came crashing down. Narcissa faintly heard the tinkling of broken glass as a few of the photographs in their frames fell to the ground, but she could barely even register that as an intense wave of <em>horror</em> had washed over her, because she had forgotten.</p><p>She had been so fucking wrapped up in Cassandra’s drama that she hadn’t had a chance to stop and think about what else had gone on that day. Narcissa had completely forgotten that the Dark Lord had stripped Lucius of his wand, and his humiliation and defeat was evident as it translated to anger, and Narcissa’s heart weighed heavy in her chest as she watched her husband break down.</p><p>“Huh?!” he raged, his face red as he slammed his palm into the dresser again, causing his wife’s eyes to well up with devastated tears on his behalf. “What <em>fucking</em> wand…?!”</p><p>“Lucius— <em>Lucius,”</em> Narcissa tried, grasping onto the man’s arm as she tried to calm him down. “Please— I’m sorry, you can just… you can use mine…”</p><p>“Just leave me the hell alone!” Lucius snapped, wrenching his arm out of her grip as he stepped away, his breathing heavy and uneven as he pushed the hair back from his face. “The last thing I want right now is your pity<em>— </em>just get the fuck out, Narcissa; get the fuck—!”</p><p>“No, Lucius— stop it, please… <em>I’m not going to leave you when you’re like this!”</em> Narcissa protested, despair settling in the center of her chest as she grabbed for him again, trying to step in front of his line of vision so he could <em>see</em> her, so he <em>knew</em> she was there for him. Problem was, Lucius was <em>not</em> joking, and his reaction to being grabbed was to immediately push Narcissa off of him again, forcing the woman to take two very large steps back until her arse hit the dresser in the corner of the room so hard she exhaled a small gasp. Lucius’ hand was pressed on her chest, pinning her there, his gaze wild yet so utterly helpless that it broke Narcissa’s heart as her chest heaved with emotion, staring up at him.</p><p>“What the hell did I just say?” Lucius growled in warning, but Narcissa wasn’t leaving. She might be a terrible wife, but that didn’t mean she had to <em>continue</em> to be one. Lucius was obviously going through something traumatic right then, as taking a wizard’s wand was akin to taking his manhood. Wands were a <em>part</em> of them, and to be without one was, especially in <em>their</em> society, to be likened to a disgusting and helpless Muggle. Lucius no doubt felt useless, like half a sodding man right then, and so Narcissa did the only goddamn thing she was any <em>good</em> at and tried to fix it in the only way she knew how.</p><p>“Show me who the goddamn boss is then, Lucius, if you’d like for me to obey you,” Narcissa challenged in a husked tone, wrapping one of her legs around his thighs as she leaned back into the dresser, pressing her tongue against her incisors. Truthfully, Narcissa wished she could help in another way, as solving everyone’s problems by just giving them her body didn’t really make her feel like she was any good at being a romantic partner, but now wasn’t the time for her to angst over why she couldn’t ever seem to satisfy anyone emotionally. Lucius was upset; he <em>needed</em> to feel like he had control over at least one thing in his life, he needed to feel like he was still a man even without his wand, and so Narcissa immediately pushed <em>that</em> shitty and unexpected bout of self-hatred to the side as she looked up at her husband, begging him with her eyes to just take what was his.</p><p>Lucius’ eyes searched hers and for a moment, a <em>moment,</em> Narcissa truly believed he would just do it. He needed it, she knew that he did, but things had changed, and all of the anger seemed to drain from Lucius’ body rather unexpectedly as he stepped away in defeat, realizing he had actually lost far more than his wand. “You have other people to obey now, if that’s what you want,” he reminded her, sounding so terribly miserable all of a sudden. “I think…” Lucius exhaled a long breath, looking very regretful and tired; he clearly did not want to voice what he was thinking, but a part of him knew he couldn’t keep ignoring it as he finally told her, “I think we might be done, Narcissa.”</p><p>The world stopped turning, and Narcissa’s stomach dropped to the floor.</p><p>“…What?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. For some reason, Narcissa hadn’t expected that, even though perhaps she should have; it wasn’t like she was making much time for Lucius any more, as her other two lovers were taking up so much of her time that she hadn’t even bloody registered or acknowledged the pain her husband was going through. Perhaps it was harder, in the end, for Lucius to have her, as he was well aware that despite her being present, he didn’t really have Narcissa at all.</p><p>“I was stupid to think I would leave prison and things would be as they were when I left,” Lucius admitted, sounding so terribly resigned to the reality before him. “I don’t blame you for it; you did what you always do so you won’t be alone, and covered the bases I had left open when I was arrested—”</p><p>“Lucius— Lucius, <em>stop,</em> you’re upset,” Narcissa reminded him, crossing the distance between them to grasp her husband’s hands in her own. “<em>Yes,</em> things have changed; it would be ridiculous of me to pretend that they haven’t, but I am <em>not</em> going to leave you alone right now, do you hear me?” The woman’s voice was firm, unwavering as she caught her husband’s miserable gaze. She reached up then, the warmth of her palm covering his cheek as she reminded him, “I am your <em>wife,</em> Lucius. And I know, I <em>know</em> I have not been a good one; I suppose I owe you an explanation for why I completely checked out after last night and didn’t even bother looking in on you, but I… I can’t.”</p><p>Narcissa’s words were regretful and Lucius exhaled an exasperated breath, looking at her like she had to be kidding him with that, as her saying nothing at bloody all probably would have been better than her trying to placate him with the assurance that she <em>did</em> have a good reason for ignoring him, however she just couldn’t tell him about it yet. “Please, I’ll explain one day, I <em>promise</em> you, but—”</p><p>“Narcissa— God, just <em>stop,”</em> Lucius stressed, looking at his wife like he couldn’t believe she was still fighting so adamantly for something that had clearly been passed by a long time ago. “You didn’t ‘check out’; you completely bloody <em>forgot</em> what the Dark Lord did to me— do you think I didn’t see the look on your face when I finally reminded you? I was humiliated— emasculated and practically spat on, and while I understand that you had to care for Cassandra last night as she seemed very upset over her confrontation with Goyle, I thought that maybe, <em>maybe</em> you would try to look in on me this morning, perhaps try to make sure I wasn’t fucking feeling like half a goddamn <em>person</em> without the one thing I’ve had on me since I was eleven bloody years old<em>, </em>but you didn’t even fucking <em>acknowledge</em> it! Your primary fucking concern, like bloody <em>always,</em> was Bellatrix— finding some goddamn way you could keep her with you forever whilst simultaneously trying to bribe Draco back into your good graces— no, don’t <em>lie</em> to me!” Lucius bellowed, cutting Narcissa off before she could even properly defend herself. “I am <em>not</em> a priority anymore for you, Narcissa, just fucking <em>say</em> it.”</p><p>But Narcissa wouldn’t. She swallowed an uncomfortable lump in her throat as she stared at the man in front of her, eyes welling up with tears because she already knew where this was going, and she knew she could not stop it.</p><p>“I miss how things used to be,” Lucius admitted, his own chest heaving with upset as he stared at the woman he used to know better than anyone. “And I don’t even mean when we were lovers— I miss being your <em>friend, </em>Narcissa, but it seems you don't have enough time for even that nowadays. Caring about two people simultaneously seems to be your max, and I was unfortunately pushed out of the equation because Bellatrix gets what Bellatrix wants, and what Bellatrix wanted was <em>her.”</em></p><p>Narcissa’s lips pursed into a thin line as a singular tear made its way down her cheek. She sniffled, and when she opened her mouth to speak all that came out was, “…I’m sorry,” because what else was she supposed to <em>say? </em></p><p>He was right— at the end of the day, Bellatrix was and would always be her main priority, even over Cassandra— although Narcissa knew better than to <em>ever</em> voice such a thing out loud, especially with the younger woman’s self-esteem issues and terrible feelings of inadequacy. Now though, with Bellatrix caring for Cassandra as well, Narcissa didn’t <em>have</em> to choose, as the three of them could just go on as a unit, and there no longer had to be a blatant hierarchy, which <em>worked</em> for them. This was strangely the most beautiful, functional goddamn relationship Narcissa had ever had in her life, and it was all because<em> Bellatrix </em>was willing to play nice with Cassandra.</p><p>Cassandra and Lucius could have gotten on— the three of <em>them</em> could have been a unit instead of the two of them and Bellatrix, and Lucius knew that; he <em>knew</em> Narcissa had another option should she have wanted it, but at the end of the day, they both knew that Bellatrix was her number one, and there was no way she could ever cut her sister out of the equation. Maybe before, when things were bad between them, Narcissa might have thought about finding unity and a balance with her multiple lovers problem in another way, but things were <em>good</em> now— things were bloody fucking amazing and for that reason, Narcissa knew she had made the right decision, and she did not regret it.</p><p>Even though it clearly hurt Lucius, a man that she loved very deeply, the fairytale prince she had always wanted ever since she was a little girl, Narcissa did not regret it, and that made her feel like a <em>terrible</em> person.</p><p>“I still love you,” was all Narcissa could say, her voice raw and choked up as the words stuck in the back of her throat, and Lucius smiled at her with the most broken-hearted look on his face, because he knew that, but he also knew it was not enough to change anything.</p><p>“I still love you too,” he acknowledged, and Narcissa practically hiccupped as her tears began to fall a little harder. “But I deserve to be a priority in someone’s life. I feel like <em>shit,</em> Narcissa— my whole fucking life right now is <em>shit,</em> and you aren’t making it any better. In fact, you’re making it worse as you make me feel utterly cast aside, so I’m taking control of the little bit I fucking <em>can,</em> and I’m getting away from at least one negative thing in my life. If you don’t like it, then maybe you should work a little harder to be a bloody positive, because until then, I need space. I’d rather work through the fucking <em>hellscape</em> that is my life right now alone, rather than keep hoping I’ll have someone to hold my hand through it, only to realize there’s nobody bloody there.”</p><p>Narcissa’s chest felt heavy, but at the end of the day, she <em>knew</em> this was fair. So all she could do was silently nod her understanding, inwardly resolving to make it up to Lucius when she was able. She did, she <em>did</em> love him, but he was right; she had not been a very good friend lately, let alone a good wife. He deserved better, and at the moment she simply could not give it to him. Narcissa had a lot on her plate right now with the bloody <em>murder</em> she and her sister were planning to commit in a day or two’s time, and therefore she wasn’t even going to try to justify herself to Lucius, nor pretend that she could do better. She couldn’t, not right now.</p><p>Narcissa did not immediately find her two lovers. Instead, she barricaded herself in Cassandra’s room, huddling in a ball on the bed as she wept, silently mourning the loss of a relationship that she hadn’t realized she had so carelessly mishandled. It was Cassandra who found her no more than an hour later, and when she sat next to her on the bed, she placed a gentle hand on her thigh and said nothing. She could see on Narcissa’s reddened, puffy face that she was upset, but Cassandra waited for the explanation as Narcissa inhaled a shaky breath.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” the blonde whispered, not wanting Cassandra to worry about <em>her</em> right then; not when she was going through her own stuff. “Where’s Bella?”</p><p>“Napping,” Cassandra answered, and Narcissa realized she probably should have inferred that; she had kept Bellatrix up very late last night, and unlike herself, her sister could not function well on little sleep. Narcissa appreciated that Bellatrix at least tried to stay up with Cassandra for a little while, but the younger woman probably saw how tired she was and insisted she finally lay down. “An’ it will always matter. Please tell me.”</p><p>Narcissa sniffled, wiping beneath her nose before she buried herself deeper in her blankets. “I reaped what I sowed,” she told her softly, as she was not going to pretend otherwise; she was not going to make excuses for her actions or divert the blame. She had done this, and these were the consequences. “I’m not sad because I lost him; I’m sad because I had tossed him aside, and I hadn’t even realized until it was too late. I love him, Cass, and yet I treated him as though I did not. He deserves better, and I know it. I need to <em>do</em> better, but I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to even try, and that makes me feel like an <em>awful </em>person.”</p><p>Cassandra exhaled a small, understanding breath as she looked down at the woman who was finally having some actual shred of self-realization. “I think the fact that you’re bein’ honest with yourself with what you can an’ cannot do right now is a good thing. Just… maybe take a mo’, yeah?” Cassandra gently encouraged, as she had always been so supportive of her relationship with Lucius. Narcissa’s eyes welled up with tears again at her empathy, and she nodded her understanding. “If you wanna do better for him, then you cannot do some half-arsed attempt at repairing your relationship; you gotta be all in, an’ if you can’t do that now, then it’s the right thing to take a step back. You’re doin’ what’s best for both of ya, not what’s just best for <em>you,</em> an’ I’m real proud of you for that.”</p><p>Narcissa exhaled another small sob, but it was more because she was grateful for Cassandra’s words. She had been trying, she had been really <em>trying</em> to do things better now; trying to look outside of herself and her own desires, and see what <em>others</em> might need. It was hard, and sometimes she fucked up so bloody royally, but just the fact that Cassandra was telling her that she <em>saw</em> what she was trying to do meant so much to Narcissa, as it meant something for her efforts to be acknowledged— <em>especially</em> when it hurt like this.</p><p>Cassandra sat with her for a long while, her hand covering Narcissa’s as the woman tried to get a hold of her emotions. When the older woman finally seemed to accept what had happened and worked through the emotional consequences, she looked up at the woman sitting next to her, turning her hand around so she could lace their fingers together.</p><p>“I don’t want to be apart from you anymore,” Narcissa breathed, needing Cassandra to <em>know</em> that this was her all-in. She wasn’t going to try to pretend it was anything but the three of them now, and if this was what Narcissa wanted for herself, then she needed to <em>commit</em> to it, and pray that both Cassandra and Bellatrix wished to commit to it the same. “This room is for guests— I don’t <em>want</em> you to be a guest here anymore, and neither does my sister. If I asked you to stay… would you?”</p><p>Cassandra smiled softly down at her, her free hand reaching to push the hair from her girlfriend’s eyes. “You askin’ me to move into your bedroom?” she asked, although seemed to already know Narcissa meant more when she requested more blatant clarification. “Or move into your <em>house,</em> with you both, permanently?”</p><p>Narcissa sat up, looking at the other woman imploringly. “Listen, I <em>know</em> this place is bloody circus, and I know you’re going to get your house and your freedom back once you finally divorce Peter, but I… I <em>can’t</em> be without you. <em>You</em> are the choice I made— you and Bellatrix together. I want to commit to that, I want to commit to you both. And I <em>know</em> I pretty much have already; her with the scar and you with the ring, but—”</p><p>Cassandra didn’t let her continue babbling though as she cupped the back of the blonde’s neck, bringing her in for a lingering kiss that allowed the rest of Narcissa’s words to die on her tongue. “Shh,” Cassandra softly hushed her, the younger woman’s words tickling Narcissa’s lips. “You know I’d always choose you over <em>anythin’,</em> ya hopeless knob— what do ya think? You’re my fuckin’ forever, Narcissa, an’ if ya need me to say it, then I would <em>love</em> to be you an’ your sister’s live-in mistress.” She smirked and Narcissa exhaled an exasperated breath, side-eying her in light amusement.</p><p>“Bellatrix’s marriage exists in title only, and mine… well, I think we both know I’ve destroyed any chance of having a legitimate one again,<em> so.</em> ‘Mistress’ might be a stretch.”</p><p>“Ya didn’t destroy it, Cissa,” Cassandra softly assured her, gently tangling their fingers together. “I know this hurts, but I know you an’ Lucius, an’ this separation won’t be forever. Just take some time an’ focus on yourself, yeah? You’ve been doin’ <em>so</em> well lately, but you’re still a work in progress just like the rest of us, an’ I think you’ve been expectin’ too much of yourself. One thing at a time, yeah? You’ll find a way to make it work one day, I promise.”</p><p>“’One thing at a time’,” Narcissa repeated, lightly snorting in defeated exasperation— mostly at herself. “Not for me— it’s always been <em>two</em> things at a time, hasn’t it? And I thought… I thought maybe I <em>could</em> do three, but I think Lucius was right: two might be all I’m capable of juggling, and… and I don’t know what that means for my relationship with him, because I am not willing to let either of you go.”</p><p>Cassandra did not say anything to that, and that was perhaps the worst part, as maybe she understood she might have been too optimistic on Narcissa’s behalf. She just smiled down at her though as she squeezed the blonde’s hand in her own, and Narcissa exhaled a long, drawn out breath as she realized she might have hit a wall.</p><p>“You’re right though,” Narcissa softly conceded as she looked up at the other woman, appreciating that she was there for her; that she <em>supported</em> her through this. As much as Narcissa loved her sister, Bellatrix was not someone she could come to when she had problems with Lucius. She <em>needed</em> this, and she loved Cassandra for knowing that. “I need to focus on one thing at a time and… and unfortunately, Lucius cannot be that one thing right now.”</p><p>Cassandra, of course, had no <em>idea</em> what her ‘one thing’ had to be, and it wasn’t until the next day when she was alone with Bellatrix that she could talk about what had been plaguing her mind for the better part of the last two days.</p><p>Well, that had been the <em>plan</em> anyway. Cassandra was busy packing up her stuff in her room that she had only <em>just</em> unpacked recently in order to move in across the hall to the bedroom that the three of them would share from now on, and Narcissa had taken the opportunity to have a moment alone with her sister. However, before Narcissa could open her mouth and tell Bellatrix that it was probably in their best interest to get this done <em>quickly,</em> after they had shut the door for a little privacy, her sister had already begun the conversation with, “Did you know she’s a bloody <em>psychic?” </em></p><p>Bellatrix’s hand was pressed against the door as she leaned on it and stared intently at Narcissa. She was not blinking, her expression serious. “What?” Narcissa asked, looking at Bellatrix like she had to have lost her mind. “Cassandra? No she’s not.”</p><p>“She’s <em>broken,</em> but yes, she very much is,” Bellatrix told her, still so incredibly serious that it was <em>jarring,</em> as it seemed like the assumption was coming out of nowhere. Yes, Cassandra had been good at Divination in school, but being <em>psychic</em> was like… something else entirely. Something rare, something <em>gifted, </em>and as much as Narcissa believed her girlfriend to be a rare gift of a human being, she was fairly certain she had never heard the woman predict a single thing in her goddamn life.</p><p>“What the hell are you on about?” Narcissa asked, before upset colored her expression and she chastised, “And don’t call her <em>broken,</em> Bella, for God’s sake—”</p><p>“I’m not saying it to be a cunt, I’m saying it because it’s fucking factual,” Bellatrix responded without an ounce of apology in her voice. “What has she told you about her childhood? Like…” Bellatrix’s expression changed, and she looked as though she were chewing on glass as she struggled to control her emotional reaction while she continued, “how she lost her virginity?”</p><p>Narcissa’s stomach dropped in her stomach, and the look on her face said it all.</p><p>“…You knew then.”</p><p>“Of course I <em>knew—</em> I mean, not until recently; she never… Cassandra doesn’t talk about her past much, and I was too much of a self-involved arsehole when I was younger to ever ask,” Narcissa admitted, and Bellatrix had this <em>look</em> on her face that pretty much said, ‘Of course you were’, but Narcissa disregarded that because she was already well-aware of her faults and all she could do now was try to do better in the future. “She was not specific, but she claims it was ‘consensual’, despite the very unbalanced power dynamics brought out by the age difference between her and that boy. I’m still liable to believe it wasn’t though, despite what she wants to believe; it sounded as though he manipulated her by promising her popularity and because she was lonely she accepted his offer, not really knowing what it was that she was actually agreeing to.”</p><p>Bellatrix’s jaw twitched at the ‘age difference’ part. “She mentioned us, you know,” she told her with a tense voice. “When I told her that he took advantage of a child, she was <em>real </em>quick to point out that there is also four years between us, and that she doubted we waited to sleep together until we were adults.” A very pregnant pause followed that reveal, and Narcissa swallowed hard as she looked at her sister. “You didn’t tell her.”</p><p>“No,” Narcissa responded softly. “I’ve never told anyone. Not the specifics anyway. Lucius knows the age, but that’s it, and I’ve regretted revealing that ever since as he paints it far more negatively than I do.” Bellatrix looked as though she were going to speak, but Narcissa stopped her. “We’ve discussed this, Bella. I’ve acknowledged it, I’ve moved past it. I have not, and <em>will</em> not ever tell Cassandra how our sexual relationship started, and that is <em>my</em> choice.” Narcissa exhaled a slow breath, calming herself down as she had begun to get riled up over that again. “You are, of course, free to make your own decision in that regard, as she is your girlfriend now as well. However, I’d strongly advise against it.”</p><p>Bellatrix bit down on her tongue, a stormy expression passing over her face before she waved the entire conversation off. “I was just— telling you. Warning you, that she may ask. That wasn’t my point; I was just trying to point out that she had a shit ton of sexual trauma in her childhood, and stuff like that can put blocks in one’s mind in order to keep the bad fucking memories from resurfacing or whatever. In doing that though, it can also inadvertently block <em>other</em> shit— like one’s natural-born psychic abilities. That shit’s so goddamn fragile, because <em>children</em> are bloody fragile, and all their open, trusting, loving and free bullshit is so easily fucking stomped on, which a gift like that needs to thrive. She used to see people’s <em>auras,</em> Cissy, as a kid, without any fucking training— do you… do you even bloody <em>understand</em> how rare that is?”</p><p>Narcissa blinked. “No,” she admitted, because she <em>didn’t.</em> When Cassandra had mentioned it, she was aware it wasn’t common, but she hadn’t found it to be <em>that</em> big of a deal. Perhaps she just wasn’t well-educated on the matter though, which Narcissa would not be surprised about; she wasn’t well-educated in <em>most</em> areas of magic, to be fair. “Why are you getting all… <em>manic</em> over this? I don’t particularly enjoy this color on you; it makes me not trust your intentions.”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up— how can you not <em>care?</em> Do you realize what she could probably do if I’m right, and this is just a gift that’s been suppressed inside of her?”</p><p>“<em>If</em> you’re right,” Narcissa repeated, finding that to be an interesting admission; Bellatrix was usually very adamant that she was correct about most things. “So you don’t even know if Cassandra’s what you claim she is. You’re just guessing.”</p><p>“It’s a <em>guess</em> based on my extensive knowledge and education, but sure, Princess, diminish that if the minimal possibility of me being wrong gets your rocks off,” Bellatrix shot back, causing Narcissa to wrinkle her nose at her tone. She was just <em>verifying.</em> It wasn’t her fault that sometimes she couldn’t stop her judgmental expression; sometimes her face just got stuck like that. “Look, I understand that I am getting unreasonably fucking excited over this and this is <em>jarring</em> to you, but shit like <em>this</em> is what gets me off— I’ve never met a natural-born psychic before, and if I can help her get those abilities <em>back,</em> help her improve them… do you know how fucking <em>valuable</em> she’ll be?”</p><p>Narcissa took one very large step back from her sister, holding up her hand as her expression set in fury, realizing what her sister meant to do. “<em>No.”</em></p><p>Bellatrix scoffed. “No?”</p><p>“No, you are not going to train Cassandra to be the Dark Lord’s personal fucking <em>Seer!” </em>Narcissa hissed furiously, unable to believe Bellatrix’s fucking <em>audacity</em>. “You will <em>not</em> get her involved in this war, Bellatrix, do you hear me? You will <em>not!”</em></p><p>“Shh— shut the fuck up, Christ; that wasn’t what I was talking about!”</p><p>Narcissa scoffed, her chest tightening in anger. “Oh, <em>bullshit.”</em></p><p>“Do you really think I’d give her to <em>Him?”</em> Bellatrix hissed back, her expression filled with equal fury as she grew offended by Narcissa’s assumptions. “Knowing full fucking well what He is capable of when He is displeased? If she predicted something and was incorrect, or was even off by enough for it to fuck something up, He’d punish her and I would never, <em>ever</em> fucking let that happen, so shut the <em>fuck</em> up,” Bellatrix snapped, causing Narcissa to fall silent, her chest heaving in upset. “The Dark Lord’s cause is worthy, it’s noble and admirable and worth every fucking <em>ounce</em> of blood I have shed for it, but it is <em>not</em> for the faint of heart— Cassandra would never be able to stomach it, same as you. I stand in front of you both for a fucking <em>reason,</em> Cissy, so maybe stop painting me out to be such a self-serving arsehole when you know <em>damn</em> well I’m not like that when it comes to the very minimal amount of people I actually give a shit about.”</p><p>Narcissa pursed her lips, realizing she was wrong. Yes, Bellatrix was fanatical about Voldemort, but she also was very adamant about protecting those she cared about from harm— especially after what had happened to Gwendolyn. She actively lied and went behind the Dark Lord’s back multiple times for Narcissa, and while Bellatrix may not love Cassandra like she did her sister, she was starting to care for her very deeply, if the strength of her reaction was something to go by.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Narcissa apologized, knowing she owed her sister that much. “Please explain what you meant then.”</p><p>Bellatrix moistened her lips, suddenly looking a little defensive as she rolled her eyes. “Just… <em>if</em> I’m right, the fact that she was still able to be good at Divination despite her mental blocks means she’s actually far more bloody powerful than she even realizes. That shit’s just <em>leaking</em> out of her, but because her self-esteem is actual fucking garbage, she’s convinced herself that she gets lucky guesses because she’s ‘observant’ or whatever— I don’t know, I need to do some research and then work with her on it a bit just to see where exactly she is, or if I’m just getting all hyped up over bloody nothing, but like… I just meant— I dunno, <em>value</em> as in… I mean, she might be fucking <em>powerful</em> and she doesn’t even see…” But Bellatrix trailed off, looking frustrated as she was unable to express what she meant, but Narcissa understood.</p><p>“You want her to see value in herself,” she finished for her sister, who looked <em>embarrassed </em>and <em>irritated</em> because Narcissa was <em>right,</em> and it was such a soft answer for such a hardened person. “Also you find power to be immeasurably sexy, thus this is like porn to you,” she added, as Narcissa knew<em> that </em>reason at least wouldn’t embarrass Bellatrix who threw out her hands, looking relieved that Narcissa understood.</p><p>“<em>Thank</em> you, yes— helping her become powerful would absolutely be my version of porn.”</p><p>Narcissa resisted the urge to roll her eyes, although only because she was really touched that Bellatrix wished to help Cassandra find value in herself. She did not linger on that emotion though as her gaze shifted toward the closed door, knowing they had little time left alone, and as endearing as Bellatrix’s intense excitement over Cassandra’s untapped potential was, they had more pressing matters to discuss.</p><p>Narcissa’s hand clasped over her sister’s wrist, her expression turning serious. “We can discuss Cassandra’s gifts later— I need to know when we plan to do this. Draco’s birthday is <em>tomorrow,</em> Bella— if we’re going to use your house as a way to lure him and Gregory away, we should do it soon.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know— just let me get my shit out of it first, damn,” Bellatrix responded a little impatiently. “I need some books in there to distract Cassandra while we’re gone <em>anyway.</em> I mean, I think she’d fucking notice if the both of us up and left for a few hours,” and, well, she wasn’t <em>wrong.</em> Narcissa hadn’t even thought about that. “Me, not so much— I’m always fucking gone, but you don’t have a life outside of this bloody house.”</p><p>“Yes, <em>thank you,”</em> Narcissa stressed, as she wished Bellatrix didn’t have to put it quite like that. “I’ll just… if she ends up noticing my absence while you’ve got her caught up in studying, I’ll just tell her I was trying to work things out with Lucius; unlike <em>some</em> people, she actually supports my marriage, so—”</p><p>Bellatrix’s brow knit. “What do you mean, ‘work out’ shit? The fuck happened?”</p><p>Narcissa’s expression set. “Please don’t insult my intelligence by acting as though you <em>care.</em> Just be happy I no longer am forced to come to you when I ‘angst’ over Lucius and leave it alone— you and I both know it’s better that way.”</p><p>Bellatrix rolled her eyes, but did not dispute the matter as, at the end of the day, she truly did <em>not</em> care. Narcissa’s relationship with Lucius was and always would be the last goddamn thing she ever wanted to hear, and they both knew it. “Fine, whatever; so long as it doesn’t affect me—”</p><p>“It doesn’t,” Narcissa assured her, as this was most certainly an issue between her and Lucius, and them alone.</p><p>“Then I don’t care,” Bellatrix reaffirmed, leaving the subject be. “I’ll go to my manor tonight and grab the shit I need for Cassandra; since we have the Aurors’ office under our control now we should be fine, but if you’re going to be needlessly <em>paranoid</em> over it—”</p><p>“Of course I will be; you keep Polyjuice potion stocked still, I presume? Wear my face,” Narcissa instructed, and Bellatrix made yet another dramatic showing of rolling her eyes, despite clearly being prepared for how her sister was going to react. Honestly, sometimes Narcissa didn’t even know why she bothered; Bellatrix was obviously well-aware of the way this conversation was going to go, so shouldn’t she just oblige her automatically instead of pretending she had a choice in the matter? Frankly, it would make things go a lot smoother.</p><p>“Fine, whatever— but we do this tomorrow,” Bellatrix warned her, as she wanted Narcissa to emotionally prepare herself for the reality of what they were going to do. Truthfully, Narcissa hadn’t dealt with it though; she had just chosen to disconnect from it until it was all over, and only <em>then</em> would she choose to deal with the emotional repercussions. It just seemed easier that way. “You can tell your brat—”</p><p>Narcissa’s gaze darkened. “Do <em>not</em> call him that.”</p><p>Bellatrix ignored her of course, as she had a very particular view of Draco, and it seemed it would not be changing any time soon. “—that you have a present for him after the sun sets; have him go look at it and bring his fat friend along—”</p><p>“<em>Bellatrix,”</em> Narcissa hissed, needing to correct this kind of behavior before she said stupid shit like that in front of Cassandra and upset her. “Get in the habit of being a bit bloody nicer when you speak— that is your girlfriend’s <em>son</em> you’re talking about.”</p><p>“And?” Bellatrix asked, looking at Narcissa like she was the one who was fucked off in the head for even being concerned about it. “Doesn’t change the fact that he’s fat which is, objectively, a whole lot nicer than how I speak about the woman I <em>love’s</em> son, so she’ll get over it. Whatever— this isn’t the point. Get them out of house, basically— that’s your only bloody job. After that, I can do the rest.”</p><p>“I am <em>not</em> leaving you alone with him,” Narcissa warned her, as quite honestly she did not trust Bellatrix not to go overboard if she wasn’t there to reign her in. At the end of the day, they still needed to be discreet about this, and that was <em>not</em> something Bellatrix was any good at.</p><p>“I didn’t say you had to <em>leave,</em> I’m just bloody telling you that the horrific torture and ultimate murder are my jobs, not yours.”</p><p>Narcissa swallowed. God, they were really going to do this, weren’t they?</p><p>She exhaled slowly though, willing herself to stay calm. She had already made her decision and, at this point, there was no stopping Bellatrix. The best thing Narcissa could do for all of them now was to make sure her sister did not go overboard, and to have them get away with it— not just with Cassandra, but with the Dark Lord, who’s ire would be, arguably, <em>much</em> worse than their girlfriend’s should he find out that they slaughtered one of his devoted followers for their own personal gain.</p><p>“Okay,” Narcissa resolved, meeting her sister’s gaze as she stood tall, reminding herself that she could <em>do</em> this. “Tomorrow… tomorrow he dies.”</p><p>
  <strong>TBC…</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m sure some of you were confused why this was updated on a Wednesday instead of its normal Saturday, so let me just preface this by saying that “Kitten” Part 7, which is set during the next chapter (54), will be unfortunately not be posted until <span class="u">Wednesday, April 7th.</span> (I know I usually do the chapter of Kitten after the chapter it’s actually set in, but truthfully it reads much better this way solely do to the straight fucking drama at the end of 54, lmao, so we’re gonna do things backwards this time.)</p><p>Anyway, the reason for the four week long wait is that updates will be monthly following this chapter, because I have unfortunately sat down, looked at a calendar, and counted how many weeks I have until my daughter is born, and realized I do not have enough time to finish both of my fics. Therefore, in the interest of getting them both done eventually, I have prioritized getting "Diel Fin'al Thalas" done first because a) it's shorter and b) I would absolutely, 100% abandon it if I stop now, and I really don't want another unfinished fic in my portfolio. The Toujours Pur series on the other hand, has something I have come back to time and time again over the course of a <i>decade</i>, and will continue to do so. This is my fucking legacy, lol. A questionable one, maybe, but my legacy regardless. Also, this way, if I continue to write a chapter here and there, I can maybe give myself a good enough buffer that it will run through a good portion of my child's infancy, and technically you guys still get regular updates. That is the hope, in any case.</p><p>Anyway, I'd appreciate if I didn't get yelled at this for decision as I assure you, my wife has already done that enough for everyone. Thank you, lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. TBD</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was going to wait to post this, but considering I have already gotten messages on my main account's fics that have had to be deleted because I very much do NOT to draw attention to this, lol... as I am sure some of you have noticed, my pen name has changed. I decided to separate my more “problematic” fics from my other ones, as apparently cancel culture is really alive and kicking lately. I removed all links from my old account to this one, which is why so many comments are now deleted. I would appreciate it if you no longer referenced that username in regards to this stuff anymore. To that end, I made a new <a href="https://deadddoves.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/deadddoves">twitter</a> for you guys to follow if you’d like, so please send any questions or comments there from now on! Thanks so much guys. Sorry people suck and this had to happen. No one hates me more than me. It took me about 15 hours to purge all of this from my main accounts and I am tired. This is what you get when you make incest a primary part of your life for over 10 years, lmao.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE WILL BE POSTED WITH THE NEXT PART OF KITTEN AS WELL, WHICH WILL BE UP ON APRIL 7TH. FOLLOWING THAT, IT WILL STAY ON THIS FIC UNTIL I UPLOAD CHAPTER 54. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271607">Daddy</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713/pseuds/BellaRei713">BellaRei713</a>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26389180">Perdition</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatshepsutAgrippina/pseuds/HatshepsutAgrippina">HatshepsutAgrippina</a>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193955">Family Matters</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpercy/pseuds/immortalpercy">immortalpercy</a>
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